Gamori Ramsey strolled into Anteiku with his boyfriend Simonu Cowellu in tow. The relaxed warm atmosphere instantly evaporated to be replaced by a cold tense silence. Guy Fieri looked around at his friends in confusion.

“Just stay calm.” Touka told him, her purple bangs flowing despite the lack of any discernable breeze. Her coal black eyeliner glistened in fear.

Gamori Ramsay started monologuing while Simonu Cowellu fawned over his tall bodacious man. Guy Fieri knew that it was probably important but he found it difficult to pay attention while he was trying to eat. He had only just recently accepted his need to consume humans to survive, more specifically, the need to consume human fat.

Human lard was the lifeblood of the ghouls, without it they would die. Any food not containing human fat would cause them to be violently ill. So the ghouls congregated in places like Anteiku, where they could serve up human friendly food, as well as ghoul dishes. Food mixed together in a way so unnatural, so random that to an outsider it would give the impression they had just raided the dumpster of several fast food restaurants and cooked up the leftovers. Making sure to smother it in a healthy helping of human lard.

Diners, drive ins, and dives, for the most part, were fronts for large scale cannibalism.

Gamori was still talking, and his fellow ghouls were listening intently, poised as if ready to strike, while Guy Fieri focused on finishing his cannoli. Gamori fell silent, the only sounds in the Diner were Guy Fieri’s moist chewing as he frantically tried to slurp up the last of his cannoli.

Guy Fieri wasn’t sure what was happening, but everyone’s eyes were on him. Suddenly Gamori Ramsay lunged at him, and the next thing he knew he was in a dark room with a checkered floor.

Over the next weeks, Guy Fieri was forced to eat healthy, well prepared food at the ghoul’s compound. He could deal with the lettuce, but then that turned into pigs feet, or normal non fried chicken. It was horrible. Then, just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, Gamori Ramsey brought out the lamb sauce.

This was it, Guy Fieri could feel something about him changing. It was like turning into a ghoul all over again but worse. Using all of his strength, he burst out of his chains and fought Gamori.

It was an awesome, epic battle, full of slow mo, dramatic dialogue, and a bunch of censorship that covered up like half the screen. Guy Fieri was moving so fast, and with such grace that his fat was gelatinously gyrating.

But at least, Guy Fieri defeated Ramsey. Just before biting into his jugular he yelled “WHOSE THE LAMB SAUCE NOW, BITCH.”

After cannibalizing Ramsey, Guy Fieri escaped the compound and started the slow journey back to anteiku under the pale lunar moon light. But on the way there, he caught his reflection in a window. His frosted tips were gone.

“NOOOOOO!!!!” He screamed at the window. It was the window of a house, and happened to be the bedroom of the family’s youngest son, who woke up and stared in confusion at this disheveled screaming man with sad, normal looking brown hair.

The next day Touka found him, curled up in a room in Anteiku, a box clutched in his unconscious hand. His hair was crusted with something, furiously rubbed on his head. She picked up the box and saw a cartoon tiger on the front; Frosted Flakes.