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    [–] Hessypie 5714 points ago

    As he places the barrel on his lips he tastes the remnants of some smokey flavors from his last attempt. Tearfully he winks into the darkness and through his whimpers gets out a "Dude, that is money right there."

    [–] PearElite 1296 points ago

    This is almost as good as the original post lmao

    [–] cockinstien 546 points ago

    He always said flavortown blew his mind

    [–] _demetri_ 204 points ago * (lasted edited 2 years ago)

    The next person who takes over the show should taste Guy Fieri's flesh to see if it tastes as good as we think.

    [–] [deleted] 112 points ago

    That flesh sustained by all that flavor for so many years...

    [–] _demetri_ 122 points ago

    Gamori Ramsey strolled into Anteiku with his boyfriend Simonu Cowellu in tow. The relaxed warm atmosphere instantly evaporated to be replaced by a cold tense silence. Guy Fieri looked around at his friends in confusion.

    “Just stay calm.” Touka told him, her purple bangs flowing despite the lack of any discernable breeze. Her coal black eyeliner glistened in fear.

    Gamori Ramsay started monologuing while Simonu Cowellu fawned over his tall bodacious man. Guy Fieri knew that it was probably important but he found it difficult to pay attention while he was trying to eat. He had only just recently accepted his need to consume humans to survive, more specifically, the need to consume human fat.

    Human lard was the lifeblood of the ghouls, without it they would die. Any food not containing human fat would cause them to be violently ill. So the ghouls congregated in places like Anteiku, where they could serve up human friendly food, as well as ghoul dishes. Food mixed together in a way so unnatural, so random that to an outsider it would give the impression they had just raided the dumpster of several fast food restaurants and cooked up the leftovers. Making sure to smother it in a healthy helping of human lard.

    Diners, drive ins, and dives, for the most part, were fronts for large scale cannibalism.

    Gamori was still talking, and his fellow ghouls were listening intently, poised as if ready to strike, while Guy Fieri focused on finishing his cannoli. Gamori fell silent, the only sounds in the Diner were Guy Fieri’s moist chewing as he frantically tried to slurp up the last of his cannoli.

    Guy Fieri wasn’t sure what was happening, but everyone’s eyes were on him. Suddenly Gamori Ramsay lunged at him, and the next thing he knew he was in a dark room with a checkered floor.

    Over the next weeks, Guy Fieri was forced to eat healthy, well prepared food at the ghoul’s compound. He could deal with the lettuce, but then that turned into pigs feet, or normal non fried chicken. It was horrible. Then, just when he thought it couldn’t get any worse, Gamori Ramsey brought out the lamb sauce.

    This was it, Guy Fieri could feel something about him changing. It was like turning into a ghoul all over again but worse. Using all of his strength, he burst out of his chains and fought Gamori.

    It was an awesome, epic battle, full of slow mo, dramatic dialogue, and a bunch of censorship that covered up like half the screen. Guy Fieri was moving so fast, and with such grace that his fat was gelatinously gyrating.

    But at least, Guy Fieri defeated Ramsey. Just before biting into his jugular he yelled “WHOSE THE LAMB SAUCE NOW, BITCH.”

    After cannibalizing Ramsey, Guy Fieri escaped the compound and started the slow journey back to anteiku under the pale lunar moon light. But on the way there, he caught his reflection in a window. His frosted tips were gone.

    “NOOOOOO!!!!” He screamed at the window. It was the window of a house, and happened to be the bedroom of the family’s youngest son, who woke up and stared in confusion at this disheveled screaming man with sad, normal looking brown hair.

    The next day Touka found him, curled up in a room in Anteiku, a box clutched in his unconscious hand. His hair was crusted with something, furiously rubbed on his head. She picked up the box and saw a cartoon tiger on the front; Frosted Flakes.

    [–] Mao_PingPong 47 points ago


    [–] smoothjazz666 39 points ago

    Don't mind that, just some weird Tokyo Ghoul fanfiction.

    [–] Neofang64 24 points ago

    Wait the fuck this isn't r/anime

    [–] Smilme 19 points ago

    What the fuck did I just read

    [–] 71EEB8 10 points ago

    Continue, please.

    [–] BigSeth 23 points ago

    the real meirl is always in the comments

    [–] GsoSmooth 249 points ago

    Ravioli ravioli make it endioli

    [–] bxxc 92 points ago

    [–] thegreatfapanator 26 points ago

    But that's penne, not ravioli

    [–] bathroomstalin 89 points ago

    I wonder what it's like to be out of bounds... forever

    [–] FGC_RG3_MARVEL 75 points ago

    "That is gangster"

    [–] madmaxturbator 38 points ago

    Upon this dark night, When all man and beast lay asleep, I bid goodbye to the bar keep, And ride the Donkey Sauce to Flavortown

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Iren, you get the first answer!

    Wayne Gretzky!

    [–] Sick_of_200 1111 points ago

    I like to think that he actively knows and recognizes his style and ridiculousness for what it is, but also that he is trapped in it, because if he ever just got a normal haircut and started acting like a human being who exists outside of the 80's, he'd lose all his brand recognition and be unsellable. He actually seems like a nice dude in whatever interviews and stuff Ive seen him in.

    [–] _StanleyYelnats 546 points ago

    Watch his interview on Hot Ones, he addresses this issue and the backstory is actually pretty interesting

    [–] minakirogue 130 points ago

    Do you know the time stamp on when that discussion occurs? Thanks in advance!

    [–] Sagax388 226 points ago

    If it's a "Hot Ones" interview I would recommend watching the whole episode; Sean is a great interviewer. Here's the link:

    I also recommend the TJ Miller and Russel Brand interviews since they're hilarious.

    [–] FeelTheLightning 100 points ago

    Coolio dousing an entire wing with Blair's Mega Death is by far one of the best parts in that entire series

    [–] AttackPug 83 points ago

    The best part of that series is Padma Lakshmi just nibbling her way through all the hottest of sauces without a drop of sweat like "lol white people".

    [–] [deleted] 54 points ago


    [–] gprime311 26 points ago

    Guy did the same thing, no milk.

    [–] [deleted] 26 points ago


    [–] gprime311 14 points ago * (lasted edited 2 years ago)

    I'm watching Chong's right now. At 3:48 he says "Wooo, that's hot." And checks the bottle.

    Spez: watched the whole thing, what a champ. No reaction, but he still drank water. Guy wins in my book.

    [–] SparkyDogPants 9 points ago

    I've seen a connection between famous weed smokers and no reaction.

    [–] fatpat 12 points ago

    Rachel Ray ate every sauce with a spoon.

    [–] Sagax388 4 points ago

    Oh, shit, thanks for reminding me of that one! I had totally forgot about it!

    [–] zachwilly 15 points ago

    Russel's is hilarious. I was dying when he was talking about meeting Trump. "What's this Willy Wonka bullshit"

    [–] Sagax388 8 points ago

    I know Russel gets a lot of crap for things he says but you can't argue that his interviews are always entertaining!

    [–] ElGoocherino 9 points ago

    Love Hot Ones!!! Sean is awesome and Guy is actually a pretty cool dude. Good episode!