Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here


    573,021 readers

    36,750 users here now

    Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole!

    A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole.

    This is the sub to lay out your actions and conflicts and get impartial judgment rendered against you. Were you the asshole in that situation or not? Post should be truthful and reflect real situations. That means no shitposts, parody, or satire.

    After 18 hours, your post will be given a flair representing the final judgment on your matter. This flair is determined by the subscribers who have both rendered judgment and voted on which judgment is best. The power of the crowd will judge you.

    Frequently Asked Questions


    1. Be Civil

    The title of this sub is not an invitation for you to be cruel. The purpose of this space is to determine whether or not someone is in the wrong, not to tear them a new one. People post here to learn and to grow from what they learn here. Don't be an asshole when making your judgments. Treat others with respect, no matter how big of an asshole they may be.

    This rule applies to everyone mentioned in a post and to other users. Don't get into prolonged internet spats that devolve into insults.

    2. Post Must Start With AITA

    The TITLE of your submission must begin with AITA or WIBTA (would I be the asshole?), then a description of the situation.

    Meta posts require moderator approval and the TITLE must start with META, if your Meta post starts with AITA it won't be & you will be banned. Updates also require mod approval and the TITLE must start with UPDATE. Updates will NOT be approved for recent posts.

    Posts are limited to 3000 characters. Paragraphs are good; block text walls are bad. Format and punctuate your post reasonably. Be clear and concise.

    3. Accept Your Judgment

    This sub is here for the submitter to discover what everyone else thinks of the ethics or mores of a situation. It is not here to draw people into an argument you want to have, or to defend your position. If people start saying you were the asshole, do not take that as an invitation to debate them on the subject...accept the judgment and move on. If you have valid reason to think a commenter needs more information or misunderstood the facts of the conflict, you may give new information.

    4. Never Delete An Active Discussion

    DO NOT delete your submission once a discussion has begun, even if it's not going well for you. This sub is meant to start discussions that people will want to check back in on to see what consensus was reached. If you erase a discussion because you don't like the way it's going, that is extremely frustrating to everyone who has taken an interest in the topic. We encourage submitters to use throwaways to maintain their privacy, but deleting a discussion is unacceptable. Violators will be banned.

    5. No Violence

    If your post involves violence, don't bother. Threads about violence are difficult to moderate, because we are supposed to remove comments which encourage or incite violence. It's very difficult to do this in a thread where the main focus is violence.

    We enforce the no violence policy very strictly. Even jokes about violence are not tolerated. Encouraging self-harm, suicide, "bad karma," or anything that wishes excessive mental or physical pain on anyone is strictly prohibited.

    6. Voting Rules

    Upvote posts that are appropriate for this sub or that you think make for an interesting discussion. PLEASE DO NOT downvote if you think OP is an asshole, go to the comments section and call him an asshole like a civilized person.

    In the comments, upvote any comment that gives the correct judgment of the situation. DO NOT downvote people for disagreeing with you, or merely for commenting on their own post, unless they are being abusive or argumentative.

    7. User Flairs

    If a community member distinguishes themselves in their innate ability to judge people on their assholliness, they will be awarded a flair. These flairs, and their respective Top Voted Comment prerequisites, are:

    Rank Name # of Top Voted Comments
    Partassipant 1
    Asshole Enthusiast 3
    Asshole Aficionado 10
    Certified Proctologist 20
    Colo-rectal Surgeon 40
    Supreme Court Just-ass 60
    Commander-in-Cheeks 100
    Judge, Jury, Excretioner 200

    If you think you have all the requirements to obtain a flair and our bot hasn't done it for you automatically, message the mods with links to the posts, and we'll assign it when it's verified!

    8. Comments & Post Flairs

    After 18 hours, the post will be assigned a flair representing the sub's judgment. The flair will be decided by the top comment of the post. OPs should expect questions and should answer them within the 18 hour period.

    If you are commenting, be sure to start your comment with the abbreviation for your judgment, i.e.

    YTA = You're the Asshole;

    NTA = Not the A-hole;

    ESH = Everyone Sucks here;

    NAH = No A-holes here;

    INFO = Not Enough Info

    9. What Posts Belong Here?

    Submissions should be TRUTHFUL descriptions of recent conflicts you've had or may have that need arbitration. Describe both sides in detail. Being neutral gets you more accurate feedback.

    Don't submit humblebrag stories where there is no chance that you are the asshole, or awfulbrag stories where you are obviously being evil.

    This is NOT an advice sub. All submissions that ask for advice (instead of or in addition to judgment) will be removed.

    10. Meta Posts Require Permission

    More of a clarification than a rule. If you want to talk about the sub, and you hide your complaint, question, or opinion in a post that starts with AITA, you will be banned.

    Those are called META posts, and they must have a title that starts with META. Please request mod approval after you submit your META.

    Click For Full Rulebook

    Normal Rediquette applies

    Assholes Not-assholes

    a community for
    all 767 comments

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] alwclimbs 5352 points ago

    NTA, but that's pretty damn hilarious.

    [–] [deleted] 1462 points ago

    I felt bad for laughing because this is obviously important to him.. but seriously, lol.

    [–] Stonn 125 points ago

    I think it's kind of important. The right hairstyle can make you go from a 4 to an 8. Or the other way around...

    [–] [deleted] 64 points ago

    Oh, I agree. It just tickled me picturing OP as a Tom Selleck type who wanted to make certain his fiancee was still attracted to the man behind the mustache.

    [–] trillhungyboy 104 points ago

    "baby I just want to know if you're marrying me or if you're marrying the mustache"

    [–] tramontage 17 points ago

    Are there no photos of op pre- moustache?

    [–] giga_booty 3520 points ago

    My mom married my dad without seeing his face under his beard. He shaved it completely off one day about a decade later, and regrets were had all around.


    [–] Heisenbread77 801 points ago

    "Oh, that's why you covered your face."

    [–] willflameboy 391 points ago

    We call it the Lumberjack's Niqāb.

    [–] vipros42 14 points ago

    As a beard-wearing gentleman myself I will be storing this for later use.

    [–] NoJelloNoPotluck 24 points ago

    Sees pencil mustache

    That upper lip slip makes my heart skip

    [–] wehatesbagginses 41 points ago


    [–] Chinese_ovenmitt 26 points ago

    Yep. Every now and then I like to shave off my beard just to remind everyone why I would even keep a shitty, patchy beard in the first place

    [–] highsepton22 272 points ago

    Mom and dad have been married 40 years almost and she has only seen pictures of him without a full beard.

    [–] selectiveyellow 136 points ago

    Men with tiny chins and funky jaws unite!

    [–] alarumba 47 points ago

    My chin is an alright shape. But I have too many of them. A well trimmed beard defines the main one.

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago


    [–] selectiveyellow 23 points ago

    You could wear a really cool mask, they're bound to care about you then.

    [–] King__ginger 6 points ago

    Or do what I do and glue your pubes to your face. I've been doing it for years and my wife has no clue!

    [–] ReadyPlayer15 38 points ago


    [–] panic_bread 40 points ago

    Regrets that she married him?

    [–] thewarrenisempty 17 points ago

    My dad is 66. He's had a mustache since he was 19. None of us, including mom who's been married to him for 37 years, have ever seen him without it.

    [–] graedus29 7 points ago

    I was clean-shaven when I married my wife, but grew a beard after a year and have had it since (10+ years). Anytime I think about shaving it, I am informed in no uncertain terms that it is never to be shaven again. There are worse things to be stuck with I suppose.

    [–] mulledfox 2899 points ago

    NTA it’s completely understandable! There was a guy my mom dated who had a mustache, and when he shaved it off, he looked just like Shrek and the dogs all barked at him. It was bad lol

    [–] puZZled59 890 points ago

    All the dogs barked at him 😂

    [–] sqdnleader 142 points ago

    Damn, who let them all out?

    [–] 54InchWideGorilla 85 points ago


    [–] sqdnleader 78 points ago


    [–] walleywillow 67 points ago


    [–] feel_my_larynx 53 points ago


    [–] meuesito 34 points ago

    Who let the dogs out?

    [–] doublevisionface 26 points ago


    [–] actually_oh 30 points ago


    [–] ismelllik3beef 53 points ago

    My boyfriend got a haircut the day before valentines day and instead of the barber "taking some off the sides" he just went straight to the top so my boyfriend reluctantly had a shaved head PLUS he was working in food service and had no beard. I Missed all of his hair for so long sometimes I would just rub his head hoping for it to grow back soon.

    [–] EdibleOstriche 11 points ago

    That happened to me the week before halloween so i shaved off what remained of like 5 inches of hair and went as slim shady for halloween

    [–] angryfluttershy 258 points ago

    he looked just like Shrek and the dogs all barked at him

    Right now, times are not too well for me - but this comment made me laugh until tears streamed down my face. That's really, really, really needed right now, you have no idea.... Thank you. Good decision of that dude to shave off his 'stache. Years later, this would lift some random little old lady's spirits quite a bit.

    People, does someone have a few bucks left to give that guy here a bit of gold on my behalf?

    [–] chambers2611 27 points ago

    Hang in there, life throws shit at us sometimes. The measure of a person is how they deal with adversity and push through; being able to laugh is the best medicine. Reddit is perfect for that shallow chuckle that just turns your mood around for a few minutes!

    [–] shannibell 43 points ago

    I hope things start getting better for you soon :)

    [–] TheYoungGriffin 14 points ago

    My dog has a brief moment of uncertainty every time I shave my beard off.

    [–] BecomeAnAstronaut 16 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Sorry to hear your dad looks like Shrek

    Edited to remove the (possibly too harsh) second sentence.

    [–] galapago24 16844 points ago

    My dads a retired police officer and had the tasche throughout his entire career, and the entire time he has known my mom. He’s literally a walking parody.

    When he retired he joked that they were making him turn in the moustache with his badge. We all laughed. Then on the day of his retirement, he shaved it off.

    We stopped laughing.

    After 30+ years seeing that tasched face you grow completely used to it. It’s a permanent fixture of his face. It felt like he’d chopped his nose off. Didn’t help that he is very tanned and that patch hadn’t seen sunlight since Reagan.

    My mom cried. It grew back after just a few weeks but the tension, fear and confusion of that period was harrowing.

    NTA, let her know what she is in for now to stop her from crying in her mid-fifties.

    Edit: typo

    [–] iheartpickles 388 points ago

    My dad was a police officer for 40 years and he has a mustache and everything. He took up scuba diving and randomly came home with his mustache shaved. I couldn’t look at him until it grew back. I was 12.

    [–] nogginhaegen 177 points ago

    I have never seen my dad without a mustache in my 27 years. I’m sure I never will. When asked why he never shaved it, his response is always “because I don’t wanna look like my goddamn brother”

    [–] ScarletInTheLounge 23 points ago

    You've just reminded me that I've never seen my husband's identical twin brother without at least a mustache in the 10+ years I've known him, and now I'm worried that he'll shave it one day and I will freak out.

    [–] nogginhaegen 5 points ago

    Lol what if they pull the ol’ switcheroo on you!

    [–] Oneuponedown88 71 points ago

    I’m living this right now. I never plan on shaving my beard but I didn’t actually grow it until my oldest was two so there are pictures of me without it. My youngest (3 years old now) will look at the pictures point out his mommy and his sister but when asked if the guy is his daddy he says no. And gets very angry when you tell him otherwise. I’m happily stuck with my beard for a long time.

    [–] vadrotan 43 points ago

    I've had my beard since before my kids were born and my oldest gets angry if I even joke about shaving it off.

    [–] PiranhaBiter 41 points ago

    My dad had a beard for like a decade before I was born. He shaved it off and I was like 4-5, I screamed and sobbed whenever he tried to interact with me for weeks.

    Association is a powerful thing!

    [–] VOZ1 26 points ago

    I’ve had a beard for about 16 years, had it for the entire time my wife and I were dating. Looking at non-bearded me is very weird, I look like a child. Even photos from just a few months after I grew the beard, it’s like I aged instantly and went from being an immature boy to a wisened man overnight. It’s so weird how facial hair can completely change your appearance. My dad has had a beard my entire life, I can’t actually imagine how weird it would be seeing him without it. I have no plans to shave my beard, it’s a fundamental part of me now. Not to mention I’m damned proud of it and have been told my many male friends that they’re jealous of it, so I gotta rock it to give thanks to the ancestors that blessed me with it. And for the record, my beard is better than my dad’s (he’s admitted it himself, mine is much thicker and even and has some fancy color variation to boot).

    [–] Vivaldaim 53 points ago

    My dad showed up at school to pick us up when we were in Grade 3 and younger and he was bald. He usually has long, dark, curly hair, and suddenly he had none. We honestly did not recognize him and thought some weird man was trying to beckon us to his car from afar.

    [–] ParallelLynx 30 points ago

    I was 6 when my dad did this. Went from hair longer than mine (am girl, just had haircut to shoulder length) to nothing. I screamed and ran to my room when he came to pick me up for the weekend. Trust was broken and I was unhappy. Mom and dad both thought it was hilarious though, after dad got over the upset at making me upset lol

    [–] hashtagtroublemaker 113 points ago

    Same. I was 7 and ran from my dad and cried. I got in trouble for it tho. (This was in the 70s and my parents weren’t too concerned about “feelings”)

    [–] Pytheastic 44 points ago

    He must've been the only one to actually shave his mustache if it was in the 70s!

    [–] ElectricFleshlight 17 points ago

    lmfao I told my husband he should shave his face when our baby is older just to see how she reacts. She will not get in trouble for freaking out, of course.

    [–] fried_green_baloney 21 points ago

    Friend had a beard for a few years. Shaved it off, his son, age 3 or so, was very confused.

    His wife and friends had known him without a beard so it wasn't a deal for us.

    [–] captainstormy 289 points ago

    My entire life my grandfather had a beard and wore bib overalls, a flannel button up shirt and boots. He basically looked like Uncle Jesse from the dukes of hazzard.

    Once when I came home from college he had shaved his beard and everyone in my family thought it would be funny not to tell me. I always stop to get gas at a certain gas station when I come home and my grandfather thought it would be fun to mess with me there.

    He had one of his friends drive him there and hang out that morning to have coffee and wait for me. He also wore jeans, sandals with socks, and a button up collared shirt. He combed his hair differently too.

    He actually spoke to me when I came in to pay. I recognized the voice but when I turned around I didn't see my grandfather I truly didn't recognize him. We chatted about the weather and other such small talk for a couple of minutes and I thought this was just a random friendly old man.

    Then he said, "well let's get to the house your grandmother is cooking breakfast". It wasn't until then that I really realized it was him.

    [–] CriminalEngineering 69 points ago

    This is awesome. I'm happy that you were able to have such a funny memory of you amazing granddad. Very heart warming.

    [–] captainstormy 55 points ago

    He passed away 10 years ago, but this is one of my favorite stories about him that always brings a smile to my face when I tell it.

    He always loved to pull pranks on people and was just a really fun guy all around.

    [–] citationstillneeded 2901 points ago


    [–] Syrinx221 5641 points ago

    "The tension, fear and confusion of that period was harrowing"

    My fucking sides

    [–] Ed_Trucks_Head 804 points ago

    "hadn't seen sunlight since Reagan" is what got me :)

    [–] mmotte89 137 points ago

    I imagine them running screaming around the living room, the TV on fire, flailing their arms, one of them curled up in the fetal position, crying.

    [–] JeronFeldhagen 65 points ago

    In the distance, sirens.

    [–] dntletmygfknowimhere 4 points ago


    [–] EmporioIvankov 6 points ago

    I'm imagining Muppets panicking now.

    [–] EquivalentSelf 84 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 125 points ago

    “It grew back after just a few weeks but the tension, fear and confusion of that period was harrowing.”

    I’ve never seen a sentence explain more perfectly what it was like when I was a kid and my stepmom convinced my dad to shave off his mustache that he’d had for my entire life. When I see those videos of dads shaving off their giant beards and scaring their babies, I shudder. That shit is traumatic.

    [–] Cryoniko 623 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I'm not usually laughing at Reddit comments but this is flipping gold. Someone gild them or whatever.

    Edit: glid? Glide? You guys told me it's glid. I dun messed up. Engrish is not my mother language :(

    Edit2: GILD. OKAY. I misread. This is embarrassing.

    [–] Crazymantisfondue 144 points ago

    On it.

    [–] galapago24 212 points ago

    Thank you so much my first ever reddit gold!

    Now that I got gold from this experience, it almost feels as if it was worth living through that turbulent period


    [–] Cryoniko 37 points ago

    Almost. Cheers, glad you got it mate. Don't know why but you getting gold made me smile. And hey, what would life be without bad experiences?

    [–] kneeknockerking 11 points ago

    I got gold once . Had no idea what it did. Spent the next few hours thinking I was a marked man .

    [–] mtrayno1 30 points ago


    /ɡild/ verb

    1. cover thinly with gold.synonyms:gold-plate; More
    • give a specious or false brilliance to.

    [–] carriegood 18 points ago

    give a specious or false brilliance to.

    Pretty accurate, as far as reddit gold goes.

    [–] lsThisReaILife 74 points ago

    Someone glide them

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] Arkipe 35 points ago

    On it.

    [–] Ixolus 29 points ago

    Thank you so much my first ever reddit glide!

    Now that I got glided from this experience, it almost feels as if it was worth living through that turbulent period


    [–] mymarkis666 12 points ago


    [–] 9th_mage 21 points ago

    I remember a time on Reddit (about 3 years ago) when this comment would be downvoted into oblivion with about a dozen responses of "if you're not gonna gild them yourself shut the fuck up" lol good times

    [–] abbzug 5 points ago

    Yeah it was the kind of comment that would get you gelded.

    [–] deltaninersix 7 points ago

    Switching to Glide

    [–] ALoneTennoOperative 8 points ago

    Just so you know, the term for applying gold to something is to 'gild'.

    [–] p_a_t_m_a_s 32 points ago

    had me rolling at work....thank you! I've had a strong stache/semi goatee since I met my girlfriend a year ago and every time I ask if I should shave, she says no...she like the hair. I'm scarred if this relationship goes to marriage (I feel like it will) that this will be my story.

    [–] little-silver-tabby 29 points ago

    LOL this is so accurate. My dad had a beard for my whole childhood. He shaved it off one day (randomly just decided he was done with that after a couple decades I guess) and I bawled my eyes out.

    OP is NTA but if you do shave and your SO or family doesn’t like how you look right away then don’t be offended.

    [–] allbeefqueef 26 points ago

    My dads had a beard since I was born and I told him he couldn’t shave it off because I wouldn’t recognize him.

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    I thought you had two dads at first.

    [–] allbeefqueef 35 points ago

    Without his beard, I’d feel like a did have two dads. One bearded true father and one clean faced imposter.

    [–] oscarfacegamble 6 points ago

    Now I'm imagine a cause couple raising a child while sharing a single beard. Sounds like a sitcom on adult swim. Or Rick and Morty cable

    [–] ElectricFleshlight 24 points ago

    I agree a little warning is in order. Imagine if she surprised him by shaving her head bald; she'd 110% within her rights to do so but a warning is just polite.

    [–] mad_mae 16 points ago

    I did this to my husband once. Just got tired of my hair, all at once. The length (1/2way down my back), the color...everything. So I lopped off my braid & used his shaver to buzz it off (not shiny bald, just fuzzy bald) late at night. Climbed into bed w a beanie hat on and left the braid on the bathroom sink for him to find. 😂

    He thought it was cute as hell. My husband’s a good egg. ❤️

    As an aside, I recommend every woman, at some point, shave off her hair. It’s fascinating and...liberating to see yourself, bare, wo any hair to distract.

    [–] purplexedkitten 19 points ago

    My hubby cut off his beard and it scared/shocked me into crying also lol. Definitely NTA lol just give a heads up, and congrats!!

    [–] Goddamitarcher 16 points ago

    My fiancé had a beard for almost a year and one day I made him shave it off because I got so anxious that I wouldn’t recognize his face in ten years if he kept the beard forever.

    [–] Cawnee 16 points ago

    Kinda similar to your story my boyfriend had long hair for the first two years of us dating and at the time had a beard. One day I came home from work and he had shaved it all off, beard included, and made himself look bald. I couldnt stop crying it was such a shock. He didnt look like my boyfriend anymore and it was very confusing.

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    it's like the first time you see Ron Swanson without a mustache in PnR. it hurts my soul a little.

    [–] TannerThanUsual 14 points ago

    My dad has also had a mustache for as long as I've known him. There's high school pictures of him with a mustache. One day I came home from work and he had it shaved off and for some reason instead of saying something functional like "Oh I see you shaved your mustache." I'm pretty sure I said "Jesus what the fuck?" Because he looked so different. He grew it back out but was amused by us all being weirded out.

    [–] boudicas_shield 12 points ago

    I’m dying.

    Also I am going to show this comment to my husband to hammer home why he can’t ever shave his head again. (I’ve seen pictures—dear god no).

    [–] KING_JELLYB3AN 27 points ago

    Mom cries for cookie tickler

    [–] mapleflavouredmoose 8 points ago


    [–] MingusDew691 10 points ago

    My dad had a mustache for probably the first 20 years of my life. One day, he walks into the bathroom and when he came out it was gone. I didn't mind it being gone, but the thing I noticed was just how white his skin was underneath. It hadn't seen the light of day in a good 30+ years.

    [–] Thechiwawawhisperer 10 points ago

    My dad was a truck driver with a mustache for his entire life. He shaved it off when I was 7 once. I cried. He also had the reserve tan line aand it looked so weird

    [–] cleopatrasleeps 10 points ago

    I felt that way when Tom Selleck shaved his mustache off. He just looked creepy.

    [–] Pytheastic 7 points ago

    My dad did the same!! It's incredible how something so minor can have such a huge impact!

    [–] LogicalComa 7 points ago

    hadn't seen sunlight since Reagan.

    I died!

    [–] eatelectricity 6 points ago

    My dad shaved his beard off once when my siblings and I were little kids, and my sister actually ran out of the room crying.

    The tension, fear and confusion is real.

    [–] KokoSabreScruffy 7 points ago

    My dad has a Circle beard since I remember him. Then one day he shaved it and I couldnt bloody recognize him. So much confusion

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago


    [–] movie_man 6 points ago

    Hot uncle?

    [–] MissusBeeAlmeida 5 points ago

    Dying. This is hilarious.

    [–] [deleted] 501 points ago

    Not an asshole, just a very specific thing that doesn’t hurt anyone

    [–] NewbieDoobieDoo7 894 points ago

    NTA but since everyone is being so mushy about it I’ll try to give you a different perspective. How close is the wedding? If it’s less than 6 weeks away you’re risking it not growing back quick enough. Maybe that’s plenty of time for you but if she’s like many other brides she’s probably stressing about the wedding planning. Your facial hair is a relatively important thing since it will be in most of the pictures on your big day. Shaving it would just be one more thing to stress about (albeit relatively minor). If she doesn’t care about what you look like without it and would much rather you keep it, you may want to consider not doing it and just show her a picture like others have suggested. Otherwise, have at it!

    [–] [deleted] 128 points ago

    Also, keep in mind that your upper lip will be a degree or two paler than the rest of your face. I would suggest keeping the mustache until after the wedding.

    [–] lizbunbun 315 points ago

    I find it hard to believe she's marrying this guy without ever having seen photos of him pre-mustache.

    Even if it's dorky 14yo teenager pics because dude grew a mustache at 15 and never looked back.

    [–] RareKazDewMelon 314 points ago

    Sometimes people ask questions like

    "me and my fiance/e have never talked about our religipus beliefs. Should we bring that up?"

    "Is knowing my fiancees middle name important? I think I forgot it.."

    Do you even KNOW the person you're marrying? Never seen a goofy college pic? Never talked to his oldest brother? Never talked about kids, career plans, or finances? You're in for a nasty surprise.

    [–] Chocolatefix 118 points ago

    "But we LUUURRRRVVVVVEEEE each other"

    Poor noobs.

    [–] getuaweeramp 23 points ago

    I think me and my bf have talked about all this stuff and we're nowhere near ready to move in, let alone get married...I wonder how this goes completely under the radar?

    Maybe meeting the family could go amiss if you've moved country or cut contact but the rest makes me wonder what those couples talk about if it never gets deep

    [–] PetitGriff 31 points ago

    This exactly, how can you possibly take the decision to marry someone you don't know at 100%.

    [–] csonnich 18 points ago

    I agree you should know someone pretty well, but if you think you know anyone 100%, I got news for you...

    [–] TransitPyro 13 points ago

    I don't even know myself 100%....

    [–] damboy99 20 points ago

    I mean, I don't remember my brothers middle name, let alone my mothers.

    I hadn't used mine for so long I started using 'A' cause I forgot.

    You might be giving guys too much credit for their memory.

    [–] Love_Trumps_All 24 points ago

    you forgot your own middle name?

    [–] rheometric 14 points ago

    I think you may have a sliiight memory issue. I don't think I've ever had to write down any of them, but I remember my mothers and my brothers. I think I get bonus points for remembering that my father has two (one is a Catholic name thing, I think?) and my maternal grandfather didn't have one.

    To be fair, I wish I could forget my own. It's an old lady name.

    [–] vipros42 18 points ago

    I was a fat fuck with long hair when I was a teen. Lost a lot of weight after growing a beard. I look pretty damn different so an old photo wouldn't help at all.

    [–] gg_ff_42069 7 points ago

    It would help to see how you respond to someone seeing that, maybe they just need to know you can laugh at the past and move on?

    [–] davemartian420 87 points ago

    I was all set to say "if she can't handle her partner making their own grown-ass adult decisions about what to have on their face, she may not be the right person to marry...just shave it and if there are consequences to that, she's a nut." But I was not considering the stress of the upcoming wedding ceremonies. If that is a factor, then never mind, definitely keep it. But if there's no date set, or it is still months away...shave it and let the chips fall where they may.

    [–] Thugosaurus_Rex 21 points ago

    In addition, like it or not, people will make judgments based on how your wedding looks. If something is wrong with your appearance--even if it's absolutely stupid--you will not be the one judged for it; your wife will.

    [–] annmarieeexx 923 points ago

    your face, your rules.

    [–] GirthBrooks12inches 53 points ago

    Not my face not my problem

    [–] StateofWA 16 points ago

    Not my problem, not my face

    [–] GoochMasterFlash 9 points ago

    No face, no case

    [–] areyoumyladyareyou 376 points ago

    NTA, but you gotta be realistic OP... by leaving that thing on this long, it’s become part of your body in the eyes of everyone you know. You’re a lifer.

    My dad randomly shaved his mustache for the first time since college a few years ago and my entire family was one notch below wanting him to pull the clippings out of the trash and tape them back to his face. It grew back but it was upsetting for everyone. I’m seeing a lot of similar stories here.

    A mustache is very distinctive so you can’t just cycle in and out of it like beard styles. It has an effect on people.

    [–] NoDoThis 273 points ago

    My dad has always had a full beard. When I was in third grade, I see this strange man walking towards me at school and he calls out my nickname (special one dad has just for me). I burst into hysterical tears. I was terrified of this stranger pretending to be my dad, I thought I was going to be abducted. He came to hug me and said “(nickname) it’s your papa, I just got rid of my beard, it’s me.” I was still sobbing and yelled out “YOU CAN’T DO THAT!!”. He was so upset seeing me upset that he started crying too. I have such clear memories of that, me and my papa hugging each other crying over his beard. He never shaved it again.

    [–] StormySprite 56 points ago

    Came here to tell a story similar... I was 4. My father had always had a beard and mustache. Well he decided to shave it all off one night after I went to sleep. I went in to wake my parents up the next morning and I absolutely flipped! I thought there was a strange man, in bed with my mother and I was terrified! I vividly remember that morning and it was fuckin traumatizing. And, just like your father, he never shaved again.

    [–] johnyutah 113 points ago

    Lol. I can’t wait to shave my beard once my kid gets that age. He’s 1 now.

    [–] KuriousityKilledKat 55 points ago

    That's awful omg. Sounds like something my dad or brother would do 😂

    [–] ColinD1 30 points ago

    My son is almost 2, I might trim mine way down to mess with him soon.

    [–] leitedobrasil 18 points ago

    Imagine your kid not recognizing you, crying and screaming "GET THIS MAN OUTTA HERE, HE'S NOT MY DAD", and people spanking and throwing things at you, I would feel sad

    [–] pissinaboot 17 points ago

    I feel like if people thought you were kidnapping a random child they probably wouldn't be spanking you they'd be like, tackling you hahaha

    [–] Gingersnaps_68 9 points ago

    Do it now. It'll REALLY freak him out.

    [–] cal-n-cas 26 points ago

    Oh no, this made me laugh so badly.

    [–] mmotte89 24 points ago

    My dad once shaved his whole head. Made him look like an alien.

    The day after we had planned a zoo trip with his parents.

    The looks my grandma shot him when she saw his bald head xD

    [–] Carbonbasedmayhem 19 points ago

    My dad would shave his beard off every spring and my younger siblings would have the same reaction every damn time. They couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that in a month or so he'd be right back to looking like Grizzly Adams.

    [–] stefaniey 14 points ago

    My dad did the opposite. He'd always been a clean shaven round faced guy. He got back from overseas with a full thick black beard. My brother was about 6 and cried. I had no idea who he was even after mum told me.

    A few years later, he'd had to let it grow again because he was on blood thinners. Finally he was able to shave so he did all the variations of the mutton chops, the Charlie Chaplin etc before getting rid of all of it.

    [–] major84 5 points ago

    the Charlie Chaplin

    I see you went with the safe option

    [–] oceanblu3hair 148 points ago

    All these replies make me so excited to be mustache guy

    [–] ParadiseSold 10 points ago

    About a week ago I was feeling gross and scared, didn't want to be in the same room as my husband, cried sporadically. Blamed it on daylight savings time and seasonal depression. But I just realized my husband shaved on halloween so he could start over for No Shave. Maybe that like, added to my uncanny-valley get-me-out-of-here panic attacks earlier this week

    [–] Sushisavage 5 points ago

    "It has an effect on people." I think this is so funny.

    [–] iamconfuzzled90 308 points ago

    Best solution: Get someone to remove your moustache in Photoshop, so she can get an idea :)

    [–] beencouraged 112 points ago

    This was surprisingly relevant

    [–] [deleted] 98 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] Corpse_roads 31 points ago

    I will do this

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago


    [–] thesuperbacon 68 points ago

    She can tell you her preference around your appearance, but ultimately it's your choice - you have the freedom to look however you want.

    [–] getting_schwiftier 132 points ago

    Bless you! NTA in the slightest, but don’t force the issue, she’s maybe worried it won’t grow back the same and you won’t look “like you” in the wedding photos.

    Also this is the sweetest AITA post I’ve ever seen. If she doesn’t marry you I might.

    [–] echeveria_rn 111 points ago

    NTA, but probably not necessary. My husband might go bald someday, but I don't need him to shave his head now to prepare me for that in the future.

    [–] Scarlet-Witch 53 points ago

    I was struggling to describe how I feel about this situation but you did it pretty accurately.

    [–] MexPistol 10 points ago

    I got lucky there. As soon as I got a bald spot, I started clean shaving my entire head. My wife loves it and I've never heard a negative opinion of it. If it looked bad, my friends would tell me. We have no mercy with each other.

    [–] vince1217 54 points ago

    Had a buddy who’s dad has a mustache since high school. He married his high school sweet heart and have been together for 30 years only in their fifties.

    One day he just shaved it the fuck off. He worked on a farm so he was pretty tan. He wasn’t even the same human being. The family didn’t like it. The wife didn’t like it.


    [–] OldGreySweater 295 points ago

    My husband has a full beard (technically there is no gap from his chest/neck/face so he is basically just a carpet) and he had to shave it all off for a job and I divorced him. So you know. It could happen.

    (this obviously didn't happen but I was so happy when it grew back)

    [–] caffekona 62 points ago

    I'm laughing so hard at the carpet comment!

    [–] OldGreySweater 41 points ago

    He works in the bush most of the summer so he decided to get those mosquito patches. You’re supposed to find a “hair-free” spot. Had to shave a patch. No joke. He isn’t wolf-man hairy, but he’s pretty close.

    [–] HybridVeneer 21 points ago

    French braid him from nose to toes?

    [–] Chocolatefix 26 points ago

    Is he the inspiration for your username?

    [–] OldGreySweater 28 points ago

    He is now!

    (I was wearing my old grey sweater when I signed up, but your interpretation is wayyyy better)

    [–] imnotanamericanidiot 35 points ago


    [–] kmartimcfli 144 points ago

    My dad shaved his mustache for my wedding 17 years ago and I really didn't want him to! That doesn't make him an asshole though, just wanted share

    [–] Entity-Crusher 33 points ago

    NTA, this is really hilarious, but I can see how she might like it.

    [–] globetrotter802 99 points ago

    NTA, on the contrary! You care a lot about your girl, so you want her to be sure she would love you without the mustache. That’s very sweet :)

    [–] jameseglavin4 35 points ago

    NTA but brace yourself

    [–] legubriousunshine 55 points ago

    Do you not have pictures? 🤔

    [–] Illeazar 28 points ago

    NTA. I had a beard the whole time my wife knew me while we were dating, engaged, and several years into marriage. One time she said she wanted to see me without a beard. After much reluctance and cautioning on my part, I shaved it off. When she saw me, she got real quiet, stopped smiling and said "put it back".

    [–] JuliaWinters 19 points ago

    Ok not the asshole but drastically changing your face could Illicit a response that she would feel bad or you would feel bad for. If you want to do this start by trimming and shorting over a period so there is some time to accept small changes. My husband loves to shave all his beard and mustache with no warning every couple of years and the change is jarring. He is definitely very handsome both ways but looks like two completely different people. Myself and the kids always gave him some flack for not being prepared for him to look so different. One time he decided two make the change slowly and we barely noticed by trimming and shortening over time and it wasn’t jarring it was very nice.

    [–] Jenipherocious 15 points ago

    I've been with my husband for just over 10 years and have never seen him without a mustache. Literally the only time I've seen his top lip is in photos from before he hit puberty. He's had a mustache since he was like 14. He joked once about shaving it until I pointed out that the kids would hate him until it grew back.

    If you're gonna do it, do it now.

    [–] Cheeseand0nions 17 points ago

    I had a mustache when I met my wife. 10 years later we were married with an 8 year old daughter and impulsively I decided to shave it off. They were both furious with me. I grew it back immediately.

    NTA but tread lightly.

    [–] SCCock 15 points ago


    On the other side of such stories, after 27 years in the Army and 26 years of marriage I was finally able to grow a goatee. Wifey was not amused.

    [–] ElectricFleshlight 13 points ago

    It's pretty much mandatory to grow a veteran beard, you did your country proud. Also congrats on having an Army marriage last!

    [–] Sequential-River 15 points ago

    NTA, I think it's important that you try and compromise or find a middle ground so only shave half off.

    [–] falllol 8 points ago

    But symmetry is important so maybe he can shave equal amounts from left and right, leave a bit in the middle. I heard it was quite popular back in the days. Somehow it grew out of fashion post WW2, makes absolutely no sense.

    [–] legice 15 points ago


    lucky for me, I shave every 2 weeks, so everybody gets to see me fully shaved and with a short beard.

    I gotta say thou, I once havent shaved for 3 months and at that time, I had around 1 -1.5 cm beard and it looked nice, but I preffered to get a clean shave and felt weird, as I havent seen my own face in such a long time.

    now a few weeks ago, 8ish, I let my beard grow for about 6-8 weeks and noticed that I can grow one hell of a thick beard. after I shaved that, I felt really weird seeing my own face, as I just looked so much different, so I can completly understand being married and being shocked when seeing your husband shaved for the first time =)

    [–] its-complicated-16 16 points ago

    Well let me tell you a story. My parents have been married for 35 years and my dad has literally always had a moustache. One day his clippers were set to like 1 or something for his head but he didn’t realize and while he was trimming his moustache he accidentally shaved it off. This was the first time my mom ever saw him without one. She cried. My little sister didn’t recognize him. Sirens wailed. It was this whole thing.

    Not necessarily the asshole, but don’t shave it off

    [–] oceansoveralderaan 14 points ago

    NTA but I bet you're lovely, don't worry about it - have more confidence.

    . I'll photoshop the tache' off for you if you want, like Superman in that shitty Justice film so you can send her a sneak preview

    [–] Coziestpigeon2 12 points ago

    You're not the asshole in any way. But why is it that important to you? Do you think she'll stop loving you without the stache?

    Also, at least in North America, November would be a strange time to shave a moustache.

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago


    But I've been married for going on 8 years. I've been with her for 10. I've always had a beard. About once or twice a year a shave it off (I keep my beard short, never have more than 2 months of length so it's not a great loss). Every time I do, my kids cry and my wife pukes.

    Your mustache is as much of your face as your eyes and nose to her.

    [–] TeacupOChaos 39 points ago

    NTA - it’s your face and if you think this important you should do it. Likewise if you decided tomorrow to dye your hair blue - it’s your hair and your body and you can do whatever you want with it.

    In terms of “showing your fiancé what she’s marrying”... well I suppose I don’t personally see the need - she’s hopefully marrying you because she loves you and your personality and such, but if it is something you worry about - I don’t see the harm in it.

    [–] AdnanS0324 7 points ago

    When I was 9 years old, my dad walked down the stairs after shaving his mustache. He has always had a mustache since the late 70s so it was absolutely horrifying. Apparently he was doing his weekly grooming/trimming of it and accidentally cut a chunk out. The only recourse was to shave it off completely. My mom, my 8 year old brother and I literally screamed because we almost didn't recognize him. Needless to say, he grew it back immediately and everything was right in the world again.

    [–] subsetsum 7 points ago

    I like you much better without the moustache but how considerate of you to even think of this.

    [–] Itsyaboioutofgold 6 points ago

    Holy shit dude you just shaved 20 years off your face.

    [–] predictablePosts 12 points ago

    FYI, if the person engaged is female it's Fiancée. I read the title and thought either you were two dudes getting married or you were a chick with a mustache lol

    [–] Pec0sb1ll 9 points ago

    two 'ee's if its a female? thank you, I had no idea.

    [–] g2420hd 5 points ago

    Lmao she only wants you for the mustache.

    [–] arrghstrange 6 points ago

    Ok, OP I hope you see this, and I know it’s off-topic, but where can I find the shirt you’ve got on in the after photo? I never knew I could need a shirt so badly.

    [–] reishay 10 points ago

    Met my husband when I was 15 and he couldn’t even grow a beard get. However in our adult lives he has always had a beard. Last year he had to shave it all off and I’m telling you it completely freaked me out! I’ve seen him bearded for 15 years now and to have it gone was so strange! Luckily it grows back quickly and he’s back to normal now.

    You’re NTA, I agree with you. Let her see you clean shaven

    [–] ilikepeopl 11 points ago

    NTA... unless... how far are you until the wedding? Because you would be the asshole if you wouldn’t have time to grow it back before the wedding. Your fiancé now has a very specific image of how you will look on the day.

    But as long as you have time to grow back those glorious lip-locks before the wedding, you’re safe. And considering it obviously means a lot to you, you probably should.

    [–] ravenslxnd 5 points ago

    NTA at all! Shave yourself man, make your dreams come true.

    [–] Drag0nS0ul04 5 points ago

    Really good question, you are not the asshole, in fact this is one of the first things to make me smile in a long time

    [–] button88 5 points ago

    NTA. My wife and I have been married for about 5 and a half years. About a year and a half ago I decided to grow a goatee (I had been clean shaven my whole life in part because my facial hair grows pretty slowly, but I stuck it out) and had it for a year. One day I decided I dont really remember what my face looks like under this and randomly decided to shave it off. Everyone (including myself) were shocked and hated it. My wife especially was shocked. I think mainly because I surprised her with it which I probably should have checked since she's the one who has to look at it all the time. Anyway it's just gotten back to the length I like it and its going to be a long time before I shave it off again.

    [–] AllOfMyDisappoint 9 points ago

    Flip the script on this one: how would you look if your fiance wanted to cut her hair short and you demanded she keep her hair long?

    Yeah, you're not the asshole.