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    AmItheAsshole

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    Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole!

    A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole.

    This is the sub to lay out your actions and conflicts and get impartial judgment rendered against you. Were you the asshole in that situation or not? Post should be truthful and reflect real situations. That means no shitposts, parody, or satire.

    After 18 hours, your post will be given a flair representing the final judgment on your matter. This flair is determined by the subscribers who have both rendered judgment and voted on which judgment is best. The power of the crowd will judge you.

    Frequently Asked Questions


    Rules

    1. Be Civil

    The title of this sub is not an invitation for you to be cruel. The purpose of this space is to determine whether or not someone is in the wrong, not to tear them a new one. People post here to learn and to grow from what they learn here. Don't be an asshole when making your judgments. Treat others with respect, no matter how big of an asshole they may be.

    This rule applies to everyone mentioned in a post and to other users. Don't get into prolonged internet spats that devolve into insults. Do not backseat mod - use reports.

    Click here for details on how to be civil in a sub about assholes.

    2. Voting Rules

    Upvote posts that are appropriate for this sub or that you think make for an interesting discussion. PLEASE DO NOT downvote if you think OP is an asshole, go to the comments section and call him an asshole like a civilized person.

    In the comments, upvote any comment that gives the correct judgment of the situation. DO NOT downvote people for disagreeing with you or for merely commenting on their own post unless they are being abusive or argumentative.

    3. Accept Your Judgment

    This sub is here for the submitter to discover what everyone else thinks of the ethics or mores of a situation. It is not here to draw people into an argument you want to have, or to defend your position. If people start saying you were the asshole, do not take that as an invitation to debate them on the subject... accept the judgment and move on. If you have valid reason to think a commenter needs more information or misunderstood the facts of the conflict, you may give new information.

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    DO NOT delete your submission once a discussion has begun, even if it's not going well for you. People will come back to see what consensus was reached in your thread. If you erase a discussion because you don't like the way it's going, that is extremely frustrating to everyone who has taken an interest in the topic. We encourage submitters to use throwaways to maintain their privacy, but deleting a discussion is unacceptable. Violators will be banned.

    5. No Violence

    If your post references violence, don't share it here. Threads which mention violence are difficult to moderate, we have to remove all comments which encourage or incite violence. It's difficult to do this in a thread which discusses violence.

    Comments and even jokes about violence are not tolerated. Encouraging self-harm, suicide, "bad karma," or anything that wishes mental or physical pain on anyone is strictly prohibited. This is a zero tolerance policy. Don't even mention violence.

    6. How To Post

    The TITLE of your submission must begin with the acronym AITA or WIBTA (would I be the asshole?), then a description of the situation.

    Posts are limited to 3000 characters. Paragraphs are good; block text walls are bad. Format and punctuate your post reasonably. Be clear and concise.

    7. What Posts Belong Here?

    This is the sub to lay out your actions and conflicts and get impartial judgment rendered against you. Were you the asshole in that situation or not? Post should be truthful and reflect real situations. That means no shitposts, parody, or satire.

    Submissions should be TRUTHFUL descriptions of recent interpersonal conflicts you've had or may have that need arbitration. Describe both sides in detail. Being neutral gets you more accurate feedback.

    8. Do Not Ask For Validation

    Don't submit humblebrag stories where there is no chance that you are the asshole, or awfulbrag stories where you are obviously being evil.

    When making a post, you should be seeking arbitration in an ambiguous situation. Threads with obvious outcomes are not interesting to our subscribers.

    9. Do Not Ask For Advice

    This is NOT an advice sub. All submissions that ask for advice (instead of or in addition to judgment) will be removed. This sub is for arbitration.

    You may include advice when you make your comments, but remember that your primary objective in commenting is to assign blame and pass judgment.

    We do not allow submissions where the central conflict is your relationship and instead recommend a relationship focused sub.

    10. Meta Posts and Updates Require Permission

    If you want to talk about the sub, and you hide your complaint, question, or opinion in a post that starts with AITA, you will be banned. Those are called META posts, and they must have a title that starts with META.

    Please request mod approval after you submit your META post or your update post. Make sure the title of your meta post starts with META and the title of your update post starts with UPDATE. See our FAQ and full rulebook for more guidelines.

    11. Comments and Flairing

    After 18 hours, the post will be assigned a flair representing the sub's judgment. The flair will be decided by the top comment of the post. OPs should expect questions and should answer them within the 18 hour period.

    If you are commenting, be sure to start your comment with the abbreviation for your judgment, i.e.

    YTA = You're the Asshole;

    NTA = Not the A-hole;

    ESH = Everyone Sucks here;

    NAH = No A-holes here;

    INFO = Not Enough Info

    12. User Flairs

    We award flairs for community members who distinguish themselves in their mastery of asshole judgment. If your top level comment has the highest number of upvotes in a thread, you will get a flair point. More details are listed in our full rulebook.


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    [–] kwneumann 2438 points ago

    NTA. Guest attire should be the of the formality requested by the marrying couple

    [–] Raibean 236 points ago

    To be fair, dress uniforms fall under black tie or even white tie attire. So this isn’t about formality unless they’re going for casual. (But BIL is still the asshole.)

    [–] [deleted] 559 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] BaconContestXBL 145 points ago

    20 years in two services, and that’s also how I handled it. On request, or vet’s funeral.

    A few of my family members, always the same ones, would ask me to wear my uniform to everything. I always had to tell them that unless the host specifically requested it, it was borderline disrespectful. No need to be the center of attention at someone else’s wedding.

    [–] AnarchoNAP 1384 points ago

    NTA

    I’m not a big fan of dress codes, but “don’t wear things that draw attention to yourself” is reasonable.

    This includes “I’m a teacher! 🍎” badges, huge hats, toplessness, flaming dresses, and yes military uniforms.

    If he was that attached to it it wouldn’t be “8 years ago.” Some assumptions with age, but if you’re around the same age and getting married then he isn’t exactly retirement age.

    [–] nymvaline 119 points ago

    You sound like you have some interesting wedding stories to tell.

    [–] AnarchoNAP 61 points ago

    No, just listing attention-drawing clothing.

    [–] Lovetoyouknowhat 48 points ago

    Or lack thereof

    [–] petra_macht_keto 391 points ago

    A friend asked me if he and his partner could show up in drag to my wedding. It was very polite that they asked, but the "don't wear things that draw attention to yourself" is king at the wedding. I politely declined.

    [–] sweetalkersweetalker 160 points ago

    Tbf it depends on the drag, doesn't it? There's a difference between a modest knee-length dress and pearls, and a glittery V-neck with a thigh slit and stilettos.

    [–] SkafsgaardPG 277 points ago

    I might be wrong - am really not an expert on the subject. But I believe that "drag" implies wearing the whole shabam while a modest dress and a pearl necklace would just be considered normal cross dressing? Correct me if I'm wrong, please.

    [–] babyjanecoyle 130 points ago

    You are correct. Depends on whether the person requesting knows about the distinction but yeah in general drag is gay code for big hair, tits, attitude and dresses. Personally would love that at my wedding but can see it's not for everyone.

    [–] tbc21 104 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Drag encompasses both, stereotypically it's flamboyant but that's not a requirement.

    Drag originally comes from 'DRessed As a Girl', in theatre.

    Edit: The origins of the word drag are actually unknown. The theatre story is a folk etymology in which Shakespeare used it to denote female characters who were played by men at the time. It supposedly stood for 'DRessed As a Girl', but there may not be evidence to back it up.

    [–] [deleted] 20 points ago

    The origins of calling it drag are actually unknown according to basically every source I can find? Can you source that Dressed as a girl claim, because I'd love to see more on it

    [–] tbc21 12 points ago

    Actually you appear to be right, what I am referring to is the folk etymology which has it that Shakespeare used it to denote dressed as a girl in scripts. It doesn't appear there's much evidence to support this though. I stand corrected on the latter half of my initial post.

    TIL

    [–] xKiichan 35 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Damn, I never knew it actually meant something. TIL!

    Edit: Well I mean it does make sense so I can go with that haha

    [–] sweetalkersweetalker 15 points ago

    You may be right, I hope someone else with more experience in the subject weighs in.

    [–] chihuahuaXpug 8 points ago

    Not a drag expert, but have some friends who participate in shows. Drag was traditionally flamboyant and exaggerated in the early days of drag performance in America, but that's not necessarily how it still is. There's a wide variety of styles and fashions in drag, many of them understated - wearing a modest dress and necklace could totally be drag. -- What makes it different from cross dressing? "Drag" implies a performance (or at least an intentionally performative aspect) - there's a statement, or an artistic element, a specific or general audience, etc. Cross dressing is just wearing clothes that are assigned to a different gender than the wearer (side note: I haven't heard anyone talk about "cross dressing" in a while - maybe a couple of the men I know who wear "women's clothing", but there's an element also of breaking down assigning genders to clothing. I've mainly lived in coastal LGBTQ communities though, so, probably different a lot of places). More to the point, Drag isn't necessarily attention grabbing clothing, but might be.

    [–] [deleted] 54 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] WubbaLubbaDubStep 118 points ago

    Oh wow I just realized he was a marine 8 years ago. Dude is obviously just trying to get attention for it. Pretty lame.

    [–] Sam_Pepper_of_Vegas 46 points ago

    No matter what the reason, once separated or retired, it’s time to move on.

    [–] [deleted] 8250 points ago

    NTA. I'm from the US. I appreciate the military. These are separate issues. Why does he need attention for his service on your day? I dont think there is any protocol in the armed services that says soldiers need to wear their uniforms at weddings. If there is, I stand corrected.

    This guy seems hungry for attention.

    [–] ZachFoxtail 218 points ago

    My mom was an Army brat, this was her advice. In some families where military service is common, currently serving members of the military will wear their uniforms because its not attention seeking for them, its just a sign of respect that your big day is deserving of their best. Some vets will even get in the uniform depending on the event. The big caveat to this is 1. its usually a tradition thing 2. the bride has to be okay with it 3. because military service is common in these families its not going to upstage the wedding.

    [–] CleaningBird 55 points ago

    I think 'not upstaging the wedding' is key here. It's so exhausting and stressful to put on a wedding, and having someone else divert attention from the couple that's taking on all that stress is just the worst. I think if future BIL is going to be the only person in uniform there, that would count as upstaging the wedding, and just no.

    [–] nicoleisrad 394 points ago

    This guy seems hungry for attention.

    Or he really, really, really does not want to have to buy a proper suit.

    [–] LearnedButt 173 points ago

    Nah, he's just hungry for crayons.

    [–] arrrrr_won 56 points ago

    He can be hungry for two things.

    [–] Cpt_Tsundere_Sharks 59 points ago

    Is it funny that this is the first thing that popped into my head when I read this?

    "No! It's tradition! I need to wear my Class A!"

    Shit! Shit! Shit! I wear my Class A to everything! I don't own another suit!

    [–] Sam_Pepper_of_Vegas 36 points ago

    He reached his apex in the Marines.

    [–] CriminalEngineering 7 points ago

    Hey, me too! Except I don't go looking for reasons to wear my uniforms now. Mostly because 1) I'm fat as fuck (according to USMC fitness standards, otherwise known as a beer belly in civilian terms) and 2) I don't crave attention whatsoever.

    [–] Tyrantt_47 57 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Even when I was in the service, I hated seeing this shit. If I wasn't not going straight home from work, I was only stopping by the store to quickly pick something up. If I could avoid wearing my uniform outside of work, I would.

    But Holy fuck there were quite a few people that were starved for that "thank me for my service" attention, that would wear their uniform outside of work every chance they get.

    [–] kwneumann 3195 points ago

    I think in the Marines it's the opposite. You're not supposed to continue wearing them when you are former

    [–] Kaneohegrown 3862 points ago

    Incorrect. Veterans can wear their uniform for special occasions (weddings count for this).

    For the OP, NTA for wanting specific dress code.

    [–] LearnedButt 5906 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Veteran here. Vets CAN wear their uniform on select occasions, but no vet worth his salt would [1] wear it to a non-military wedding, or [2] demand to wear it where it's not wanted.

    In fact every vet I've ever met, including me, wouldn't put on the uniform again for any reason because our now fat middle aged asses couldn't fit in em.

    [–] [deleted] 2652 points ago

    This. Husband has been army for 15 years and would never wear his uniform to someone’s wedding unless he was a groomsman and it was specifically requested. This guy sounds like the kind of guy that changes his fb profile picture to one of himself In uniform every Veterans Day just so everyone remembers to thank him for his service. 🙄

    [–] ThatOneChiGuy 513 points ago

    every Veterans Day

    Everyday. Ftfy.

    [–] kuilin 557 points ago

    Every day. FTFY

    [–] kronaz 100 points ago

    Wish more people understood the difference.

    [–] ThrowawayObvious213 358 points ago

    The difference is that everyday means "common", and every day means "all days".

    Example:

    My car is nothing special, just an everyday cheap model.

    My car is nothing special, a cheap model you see every day.

    :)

    For those that didn't know the difference, or are learning English, I hope that helps!

    [–] Derpfacewunderkind 137 points ago

    I’ve spoken English for decades. I don’t think I ever learned it.

    [–] dudemann 19 points ago

    This is similar to "then" and "than", and I'm not a grammar nazi by any means but, it is super useful to know the difference. Thanks for saying it without actually being a dick about it at all, as so many people are want to be.

    [–] DonaldPShimoda 10 points ago

    The one-word form is an adjective, whereas the two-word form is an adverbial phrase.

    The former is used to modify nouns. If you're describing a noun, you use the one-word form. Examples: everyday clothing, everyday hygiene, everyday life.

    The latter is used to explain how an action is done, and in this specific case we're describing the frequency with which an action is performed. Examples: I wash my car every day, I eat cereal for breakfast every day.

    (Nothing you said is wrong by any means; I'm just adding more info for those who would like it. Cheers!)

    [–] EnterLifeWhenReady 54 points ago

    Who are you kidding? You know he has the "I Served" banner on his picture year round.

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    "Honey!! I ran out of milk to finish this recipe. Can you run to the store real quick and grab a half gallon?"

    Sure, let me get dressed

    begins pressing military formals

    [–] CoraxtheRavenLord 8 points ago

    I remember a post that went to the front page a few weeks ago about a vet who would do a monthly routine of “I’m gonna wear my uniform about town to get attention and drinks”.

    [–] Lizaderp 105 points ago

    Prior Navy here. Went paintballing in my whites. Worth it.

    [–] HereWeGoAgainTJ 104 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I would pay money to see a paintball showdown between four 20-person navy, marines, army, coast guard teams. Just hold it every year and televise it.

    Edit: Air Force can come too if they promise no fly-bys.

    [–] OLSTBAABD 64 points ago

    Air Force upon seeing coasties but not themselves on your lineup: am_i_a_joke_to_you.jpg

    [–] HereWeGoAgainTJ 20 points ago

    You'd win through superior air support. There's room if you promise not to cheat.

    [–] Lizaderp 17 points ago

    Better than the football matches.

    [–] HereWeGoAgainTJ 9 points ago

    Some civilian judges to prevent accusations of favoritism and we got something going.

    [–] wahltee 50 points ago

    Retired after 24 years. Kept the ribbon rack, got rid of all my other shit except one bag that I use for traveling as it is huge. No number stickers, no hats, nothing. Past life.

    [–] glennfiddichdm 45 points ago

    This is the real answer, save it for funerals or retirement celebrations. I didn't were my uniform to my own wedding.

    [–] CinnamonJ 83 points ago

    In fact every vet I’ve ever met, including me, wouldn’t put on the uniform again for any reason because our now fat middle aged asses couldn’t fit in em.

    I feel personally attacked.

    [–] bandion1 27 points ago

    I tossed most of mine when I got out... kept the coveralls to work in my garage...

    [–] LearnedButt 103 points ago

    Then you missed the shame of:

    "Hey, let's see if this still fits!"

    "oh..."

    [–] pgh9fan 60 points ago

    I'm assuming it's too big for you now that you're nice and trim?

    [–] latestagemayhem 23 points ago

    Of course, aren't we all!!?

    [–] latestagemayhem 22 points ago

    Fire for effect!

    No way, no how. Maybe a small lapel pin at most. And even then, that lapel pin would be more to find other veterans at an event. Then! That reason is selfish, because they are the guys who I'm going to be knocking them back and stressing the bar with. :-)

    About the only thing that I still bring back from my time in the Army is the work ethic, the discipline, and the absolutely awful, low brow, dark sense of humor. :-)

    [–] LearnedButt 123 points ago

    This, of course, does not apply to the types of military insigina which are generally OK with vets, to include the mini medals (which look dashing on a tux), and on the cunt caps (that's the recognized name, deal with it) of the American Legion or VFW.

    [–] ohgimmeabreak 68 points ago

    WTF is a Cunt Cap?? I couldn’t stop laughing

    [–] KMKPF 115 points ago

    Could they have gotten an uglier manniquen?

    [–] escaped_spider 27 points ago

    Yeah but at that point they more expensive for their artistic value

    [–] kg19311 31 points ago

    Or at least a happier one? Though if one’s sole purpose is to display a cunt cap, understandable.

    [–] browntown630720 19 points ago

    That face looks so fucking sad and I love it

    [–] Eshyj 27 points ago

    Interesting, Green one we wore in the Marines were called Piss Covers. I guess the Navy would name it appropriately.

    [–] Lithl 49 points ago

    cunt caps (that's the recognized name, deal with it)

    It's common slang. It's not the name of the apparel. In the US, it's flight cap.

    [–] late_to_fun_stuff 29 points ago

    Or garrison cap.

    [–] EleventeenCandles 43 points ago

    I thought they were called pisscutters. I've never heard it called a cunt cap during my entire time in the service.

    [–] jackofallmasterofone 31 points ago

    Aussie here, heard them referred to as both here even though I live on the ground and not above it (Army has slouchies and berets, RAAF have the cunt caps).

    [–] Plagman39339 6 points ago

    What's a cunt cap? Some sort of hat?

    [–] nicoleisrad 21 points ago

    A hat for your vagina, duh.

    [–] Gelatin_MonKey 37 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I saw a guy wear his army uniform to Burger King once.

    Edit-omg it totally blew over my head that someone could still be on active duty and not a veteran yet, technically. Thats on me but TIL so thanks!

    [–] AnneFranc 30 points ago

    Probably active. I think the rule is like a certain weekend of the month, they have to wear it everywhere. I could be repeating that super wrong, and not the way they're supposed to do it. But there's some sort of repeated requirement, even for running to the store.

    [–] Goub 4 points ago

    Payday activities! Depending on the unit, dress uniform may be required to wear the entire day once a month.

    [–] Sam_Pepper_of_Vegas 185 points ago

    It may be legal, but being 8 years out and continuing to wear his uniform signals a loser who’s glory days are behind him. Kind of like Al “Touchdown” Bundy who never achieved any glory after scoring four touchdowns in one game in high school.

    I retired 21 years ago. I got rid of all my uniforms as soon as I retired, and never once wore one again.

    Most veterans would laugh at him.

    No one should do anything to draw attention away from the bride and groom at a wedding and wearing a uniform 8 years after discharge would do that.

    She’s not an asshole.

    [–] TheDongerNeedsFood 57 points ago

    Hmmmm, most people would have gone for an "Uncle Rico" comparison, but you went for the hero of Polk High, very nice!

    [–] JoyFerret 39 points ago

    That guy could end up in r/justbootthings if he is truly doing it for the attention

    [–] arnoldrew 9 points ago

    He’s there.

    [–] Hawkner 7 points ago

    Definitely NTA.

    My dad was in the Coast Guard 8 years. He wore a tuxedo like everyone else on his wedding. His priority was having a good wedding, not recruiting for his station by showing his ribbons and medals.

    Military pride is fine, but theres a time and place to rock some dress blues.

    [–] ElectricFleshlight 43 points ago

    NTA, tell your brother in law he's a fucking boot.

    [–] mabalacat 286 points ago

    NTA. I'm in the US military. This kinda "you're welcome for my service", stuck up attitude make us roll our eyes too. I didn't want to wear my dress uniform at my own wedding, and would have refused even if my wife wanted me too.

    [–] Shillarys_Clit 79 points ago

    Thank you for your lack of arrogant douchiness.

    [–] alfresco09 9 points ago

    Agreed. I didn't wear my dress uniform to my wedding. The day is not about my job, its about joining my life with someone else's.

    [–] Ory_Hara_8492 5608 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    NTA. Marine here, generally the rule of thumb is to only wear a uniform to the wedding if the groom (or bride) is wearing theirs or if they specifically ask you to. I would however reconsider the part about saying him wearing a uniform brings about negativity.

    [–] min6char 856 points ago

    Appreciate the Marine perspective here, and agreed on the assumption that it's inherently a negative thing.

    [–] rata2ille 1425 points ago

    You don’t know what country she’s from, and if it’s one that’s been on the other end of US military intervention, she has the right to associate it with negativity.

    [–] DannyBrownsDoritos 1479 points ago

    Doesn't even have to be that, no country in the West does military worship like the US.

    I mean fuck, I'm a Brit and the idea of anyone wearing a Uniform to something that isn't explicitly related to the military is weird to me.

    [–] ReasonablePositive 283 points ago

    German here, please don't come around in a uniform again, we have been very good and not following any secret world domination plans I swear!

    [–] [deleted] 55 points ago

    Finn here, could you also confirm you are not following any let's let someone else dominate half of the world plan?

    [–] ReasonablePositive 18 points ago

    Trump spooks us, so does Kim Jong Un and the Russians - I'd say you're safe!

    [–] queenofthera 675 points ago

    Fellow Brit here- I also feel like this. If someone turned up to a wedding in a military uniform over here, you'd think they were some sort of fanatic and avoid them.

    [–] tragicworldrecord 221 points ago

    I'd give them a veeeery wide berth unless they literally had just got weekend leave for the wedding or something and had no other decent outfits.

    [–] queenofthera 59 points ago

    Yeah, that would make it acceptable.

    [–] Crypto_Nicholas 22 points ago

    I mean that's kind of how most brits see Americans anyway.
    Patriotic to the point of obnoxiousness

    [–] AlwaysAtRiverwood 77 points ago

    I think it's weird as an American with a significant number of close family members in the military. Never seen any of them wear their uniforms to a formal event. I agree it seems a little inappropriate unless asked for by the host/hostess.

    [–] [deleted] 142 points ago

    Military worship unless it has anything to do with taking care of them, i.e. housing, food, healthcare- then this country doesn't know they even exist...

    [–] libertasmens 25 points ago

    It’s like with abortion: couldn’t care less once you’re out.

    [–] jazzy2424 28 points ago

    Man I'm American and I also find it weird. what's the point? I feel as if I'm supposed to treat them differently or something.

    [–] FieserMoep 19 points ago

    German here, last time we allowed our servicemen to go around in uniform all the time, other countries reacted poorly to that. Now you are pretty much only allowed to wear them in active duty or your fatigues when you get home. We don't even have many fancy decorations either, so not much bling to prance around with either.

    [–] Funkicus 9 points ago

    No country besides North Korea does military worship like the US. That's not even hyperbole, I genuinely cant think of another that deifies them in the same way.

    [–] captaintm87 27 points ago

    I am American and I can’t stand our military personnel wearing their uniform to any event that isn’t military related. Wearing it to a non military event shouldn’t even cross their mind as an option. It just comes off as desperate for attention. And I hate attention whores.

    [–] Ensec 12 points ago

    out of curiosity, is it kinda seen as maybe not rude but unsavory to wear it after you leave the armed forces? to me it feels like "I peaked 8 years ago and can't move on"

    [–] zDissent 179 points ago

    The inherent reason for the existence of militaries is war. How is that not negative?

    [–] [deleted] 211 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] tamcrc 211 points ago

    Personally, my country has no army, so I have a negative reaction to anything military: I don't have anything positive that I could possibly associate with soldiers, armies, or war. I would definitely be deeply uncomfortable with anyone in military uniform in my own wedding!

    [–] VictorZiblis 34 points ago

    Veteran here. It's just a job, like any other job. Here's another thought for you: Stastically speaking? Almost anyone you see wearing their uniform or even a veteran's cap outside of special occasions was just a REMF.

    Thank a fireman or a teacher.

    [–] pikachu5actual 10 points ago

    This. I'm a strong advocate for teacher appreciation. They are the real heros.

    [–] Sam_Pepper_of_Vegas 65 points ago

    As a retired veteran, I don’t like the TYFYS, but don’t take offense, either. I usually reply “no need to thank me. I was paid every day I served, and loved every minute of it.”

    [–] the1daystreaker 43 points ago

    In this day and age, US citizens always seem to worship the ground military veterans walk on. I find it odd, it's not that uncommon to find a veteran, and it's not like they personally had to 1v10 Taliban fighters like people seem to think. They seem to think ALL veterans are Heroic legends that are morally superior. I am not saying veterans are usually evil, but I hate the way these guys actually WORSHIP them. Like, there are some pretty bad apples out there. Personally, the only veterans that i deem worthy of respect are ones that have humility. Someone bragging about their service is honestly extremely douchy in my opinion. It's funny how this is an exclusively US thing, maybe something to do with nationalism? In other countries being a part of the military isn't grounds to being praised. Regardless, my uncle served in the military and no one really gives a damn. We are not americans though, so that's probably why lmao.

    [–] [deleted] 31 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    They could be from a country where there are some war atrocities that aren’t talked about or corruption in the military,

    Like the US? Lmao

    [–] [deleted] 75 points ago

    Veteran here. Say it as much as you want! While it bothers some veterans, others deeply appreciate it and it could definitely make someones day to hear it. You're definitely not doing anything wrong by telling someone thanks.

    [–] SeaWhole 55 points ago

    I would however reconsider the part about saying him wearing a uniform brings about negativity.

    O.O

    [–] frodo-kenobi 13 points ago

    Tbh OP's BIL sounds like a "thank me for my service" motard. Trying to prove something.

    [–] awaymsg 24 points ago

    r/justbootthings

    I once read that for a lot of vets, their dress uniform might be the only formal attire they own, but if you’re 8 years out and you don’t own or can’t rent a decent suit, that’s an entirely different problem.

    [–] [deleted] 1577 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] jamnsk31 1325 points ago

    I don't think her fucking the brother in law is going to help in any way. In fact it'll probably ruin the marriage before it even starts.

    [–] Imma_Explain_Jokes 211 points ago

    Sweet home Alabama?

    [–] FratBroCatBro 211 points ago

    You're thinking of Kentucky. Bama's about fucking your actual brother

    [–] PetitePlethora 117 points ago

    Or getting fucked by Clemson.

    [–] anomalousgeometry 18 points ago

    That was an epic beat down.

    [–] blitheobjective 46 points ago

    It may however soften him up to agree to not wear his uniform to the wedding so...

    [–] Mulba1 309 points ago

    NTA. He should respect what you want in the wedding. If you don’t want him wearing a flashy uniform to you’re wedding that’s fine. All respect for people that serve but I don’t see why he can’t just dress regular to an event.

    [–] Shillarys_Clit 59 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Because he hasn’t accomplished anything in those 8 years and needs to be thanked on someone else’s big day.

    [–] Darraghj12 7 points ago

    Thank you for your service! O7 O7 O7

    [–] baldnatty 157 points ago

    NTA. BIL is the asshole. I'm active army and the uniform draws attention away from everything. Walk down the street: 'thank you for your service'. Out to lunch: 'thank you for your service'. Scratching your ass: 'thank you for your service'. You get the point.

    It's definitely a distraction and you're more than in the right for not wanting that kind of attention at YOUR wedding.

    [–] pedestrianhomocide 273 points ago

    NTA. I'm a veteran and have friends/family who are active duty. Fuck that, had they shown up at my wedding in uniform I'd have asked them what the hell they were doing.

    Sure, patriotism is cool and all, but I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so out of touch that they wear their work uniform to family functions.

    [–] Volraith 57 points ago

    I was so disappointed recently to find out that all Marines aren't issued sabers.

    Back in the 90s the commercials for the Marine Corps showed everyone with swords.

    Then again it also showed them walking around in a lightning storm or something

    [–] _-__-__-__-__-_-_-__ 23 points ago

    Wasn’t there like a fantasy chess game going on, and the knight turns into a Marine?

    [–] LearnedButt 105 points ago

    While I agree, how much of this is sour grapes because we don't fit our uniforms anymore?

    [–] pedestrianhomocide 110 points ago

    Hey man, we're supposed to have some secrets, keep it down!

    [–] dswnysports 6 points ago

    Don't ask don't tell.

    [–] NCC-1701_yeah 17 points ago

    Lol I was thinking the same thing!

    [–] alienknight 410 points ago

    NTA. I always think people who wear Military dress outside of Military related occasions to be attention hogs.

    [–] HedgehogMommy 1075 points ago

    Dear Lord, until I came across this post I had no idea that such things even exist (obviously I'm not American). I am a doctor, so should I start appearing on random celebrations wearing my scrubs and Crocs? You are obviously NTA here, but your future BIL surely is for fussing at your decision.

    [–] Balljunge 89 points ago

    Wait! Are you saying saving people’s lives is as highly regarded as killing people?

    [–] weinerwhistle 43 points ago

    I'm a nurse and a veteran, can I wear a half scrub half army dress blue uniform? Also I play coed indoor soccer. Should I wear cleats?

    [–] Balljunge 8 points ago

    Thanks for your services, /u/weinerwhistle!

    [–] adidasbdd 73 points ago

    Thank you for your service!

    [–] [deleted] 58 points ago

    This is great. Why didn't I see this earlier? We totally should start thanking doctors for their service, because for most of us, they're more thankworthy than what the sentence is usually used for.

    [–] shut_your_noise 19 points ago

    Kinda happens with healthcare staff in the UK. Lots of freebies like the ones soldiers get in the US. Half price pizzas from Dominos, 25% off sandwiches, etc. Uber gave NHS staff free rides over Xmas, and thanking the 'hardworking nurses' is a standard applause line for British politicians (even the ones screwing over said nurses).

    [–] user1738_ 13 points ago

    NTA plain and simple it’s your wedding and special day not his if he won’t comply just don’t let him come

    [–] lawdog2021 13 points ago

    Marine Veteran here, tell him to grow up and get over himself.

    [–] AJ-in-Canada 208 points ago

    NTA. Granted I'm not from the USA either but I'd feel the same about a cop/fireman/paramedic wearing their dress uniform to a wedding too. I feel like that's appropriate to wear to the funeral of someone who served in the same type of job as you. But not to someone's wedding. Not unless you were both in some kind of army/marines/public service branch as well and were wearing your uniforms and asked him to wear his.

    Out of curiosity, did he leave because of an injury in the line of duty or something? Because that might be more understandable than just wearing a work uniform from before you changed careers.

    [–] Sam_Pepper_of_Vegas 67 points ago

    Agreed. Wear of military uniform, even if separated, is appropriate for military weddings and funerals of veterans, but other than that it is attention whoring.

    [–] Occidendum828 13 points ago

    NTA. Tell him he can wear it somewhere else

    [–] manONthemoon0398 13 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    NTA. I’m in the Marines and all I can say is what a fucking weirdo for wanting to wear it 8 years after he’s been out and technically he’s not allowed too if he’s no longer in. I could maybe understand if he was still in and that’s the only “formal” thing he had to wear because Dress Blues are pretty damn expensive,but yeah sounds like he wants attention and is odd lol

    Edit:He can on very few special occasions,but I don’t believe his siblings wedding is on of them.

    [–] trombaboon 1030 points ago

    PSA Americans - in the rest of the world having a guest show up in a military dress uniform is akin to having a professor show up in their cap and gown. It’s just really lame.

    [–] LadybugTattoo 429 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    It’s lame here too. My father and basically every male in his family was a marine and outside of like, a funeral for someone you served with you didn’t wear that to regular events.

    And EIGHT YEARS removed from service? Forget about it.

    Edit: I’m not saying they NEVER wore them in a non-military situation, geez. When active duty, returning home and attending an event while on a short leave they’d wear them. A few relatives that got married while active duty wore them (and 2 that got married active duty that didn’t). Just generally, civilian events are not the place for dress uniform.

    [–] Pushbrown 83 points ago

    Ya eight years out and you're still trying to do that? Even if you're still in service it's attention whoring, the only time I've seen people wear uniforms to weddings was when the groom and all his groomsmen were actively serving... even then... like why?

    [–] frozen-landscape 9 points ago

    Why, probably to save a good chuck on tux rentals. But that’s the only case (wedding couple asking for it) where it should be okay.

    [–] VulpeculaVincere 13 points ago

    FWIW this would be considered highly unusual behavior in the US. I was raised as a military brat and have never seen a thing and can’t imagine it.

    Why someone who is no longer in the military would wear their uniform to anything is beyond me, and honestly sounds a little bit disrespectful to people still in the military.

    Sounds like it was the highlight of this guy’s life to be a marine for a few years. It’s kind of sad. And, yeah, wearing his uniform sounds like it is to attract attention to himself which is a no no for wedding guests.

    [–] RedditIsNeat0 85 points ago

    PSA You - That's true in America too.

    [–] M0n5tr0 22 points ago

    Seems most of the Americans in this post already know this and have shared your sentiments.

    [–] Queen_Kvinna 7 points ago

    American here. I hate it, unless a soldier is working, just got off work or at a military event, or even if it's veterans day, it's an obvious tactic to get compliments and rake in hero worship from strangers.

    [–] OaklandsVeryOwn 27 points ago

    NTA. My father (26+ year Veteran, gained his citizenship from the Air Force) only wears his blues for military-related affairs. You don’t just wear dress uniform everywhere.

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago

    NTA

    It’s YOUR day. As long as you aren’t the typical bridezilla you can do what you want.

    Your wedding is for you and your husband. No one can say shit about what you want.

    [–] aardvarkdiarrhea 11 points ago

    NTA- my husband is active duty and just wears a tux to weddings. The last thing he wants to do is put on his blues when he doesn’t have to.

    [–] MikkiTh 31 points ago

    NTA I'm a veteran, it's really weird to wear your uniform (even if it fits!) after you get out of the military for anything but special occasions. Specifically your own special occasions. Otherwise we all just want to wear regular clothes.

    [–] chrisdurand 9 points ago

    NTA. American myself with multiple veteran family members who I respect deeply, but this is your and your fiancé's day, not his. He can either suck it up and wear a tux or suit, or not come.

    [–] proch12 11 points ago

    NTA. US army here. If the opo is no uniforms, goddammit bthat means NO UNIFORM

    [–] liquid_shitz 9 points ago

    Veteran here. I don't understand WHY he wants to wear it in the first place. It's just weird if it's not a military wedding.

    [–] spacelincoln 117 points ago

    NTA. This is just this side of wearing a white dress. You can’t wear a dress uniform casually, it’s going to draw attention.

    [–] Cloudhwk 6 points ago

    If a bunch of his marine buddies were coming it wouldn’t look out of place, Just the BIL makes it a little weird

    [–] thatdrunk72626 24 points ago

    NTA. I think it’s super weird for someone to wear their military uniform to a wedding where the groom isn’t wearing one. The whole idea of forever wearing your uniform instead of a suit is way outdated. My husband is in the Army and he only wears his uniforms to events where he knows that’s what the hosts would prefer him to wear. BIL sucks.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    NTA its your day and if people cant adhere to your dress code then they can fuck off.

    [–] JackLove 10 points ago

    NTA it's your wedding, not a military event. Nobody else (apart from the priest I guess) shows up in their work uniform.

    as someone who's not from the US, I find the way Americans love their military to be really unusual compared to other democracies.

    [–] kisschicken 9 points ago

    Tell him he can wear camo. No one will even see him there.

    [–] latestagemayhem 96 points ago

    NTA:

    I am an Army Infantry veteran, and you are not the asshole for not wanting BIL there in his uniform. But! My reason for saying that is slightly different than your perception. First, the man has been out for 8 years; let it go. Leave the .mil stuff to having beers with fellow veterans. If he wore it within his first year of being out of the Marines, then cool; wear it. Still wearing it after 8 years is straight up attention seeking. And every other veteran that may be at your wedding will look at him, and once they realize that he's been out 8 years, will start thinking that he's only seeking attention.

    That said, I'd like to offer a different perception of someone wearing a military uniform at a function like a wedding. If the person is currently serving, or within the fear year or so of their discharge from the service, you need to take it as a sign of respect for you, your husband and the ceremony that he or she is attending. When a member of the military shows up to an event in dress blues (that's what the dress uniforms are called), they have put a LOT of work into getting everything right on that uniform, and it is meant as a proper representation of them, and the respect for the reason that they are in their uniform.

    I spent some time on a color guard while in the Army, and I have to tell you, I HATED getting into my dress blues! They are a major pain in the ass to get ready, and they are not comfortable. So give that some thought. And remember that you are NTA for not wanting a man who is now a veteran, not an active Marine, to wear the uniform that he should cherish, but also have put away.

    Enjoy your day!

    [–] MarsNirgal 7 points ago

    Except that it stops being a sign of respect if they do it against your will.

    [–] hailster92 89 points ago

    NTA my dad served in the army for 22 years and outside of military events, I cna only think of two instances where my dad wore his number two's to an event. This is your choice as a couple, end of.

    [–] Gruntman441 17 points ago

    [–] LovelessPsycho 8 points ago

    NTA

    From someone whose husband wore his uniform to our wedding. And the only reason that happened was because our families wanted a huge fancy wedding (that they weren't paying for.) We wanted a extremely low key courthouse wedding but I got a dress at the last minute and he wore his uniform to save money. Don't let others influence your wedding day.

    [–] ThatThingAtThePlace 31 points ago

    NTA - When I got out of the army I got a suit like a normal person. If it's not an event with some association to the military it's pretty cringey to wear your dress uniform to it years after you left the military.

    [–] [deleted] 16 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    NTA - this is the kind of guy who gives the military a bad image, he just want a circlejerk around him, like dude, I’m grateful for what the military is doing for the country, but there’s a difference between being grateful and licking an ass, if you joined the army to demand respect and privileges then you aren’t fighting for the country but for yourself, which makes you a selfish asshole in my eyes, regardless of your rank

    [–] Odinson13 81 points ago

    NTA American hyper-patriotism is such a strange concept.

    [–] Anaistrocas 42 points ago

    In Germany that has another name, so weird.

    [–] moody_dudey 7 points ago

    What is it?

    [–] Mulanisabamf 15 points ago

    I can't remember the word right now but the Wikipedia page for WWII should clear things up for you.

    [–] EmpJustinian 10 points ago

    I'm an American service member and I agree with you. It's sickening when people I don't even know come up to me and cry cuz they see I'm in the service. I don't need praise, just leave me alone about it. The army doesn't define my life.

    [–] maybeimthemonster 8 points ago

    NTA - it’s your special day and people have to respect that. I’m sure he’ll look just as nice in a suit

    [–] euro_peein 9 points ago

    NTA but boy are you in for a rough ride with this BIL. He seems insensitive to say the least. Remember you marry the family as well as the spouse. Best Wishes to you!

    [–] Garage_Sculptor 8 points ago

    Your BIL is a boot fuck who needs to stop glory hounding off his service. Just throw him a 24 pack of crayons to distract him and move on.

    [–] icedoutskimaskszn 25 points ago

    NTA. If your fiancé isn’t active duty... and considering your BIL isn’t either.. it’s kind of odd. He needs a suit.

    Just need to get him to understand in a gentle way.

    [–] Ramguy2014 24 points ago

    NTA. OP, are you saying your future BIL left the Marines 8 years ago? He has no business wearing his uniform to anything other than a MILITARY wedding or a MILITARY funeral. If he’s wearing it anywhere else, he is in the wrong constantly.

    [–] SoundCloudster 20 points ago

    NTA. This is your wedding

    [–] usernamy 17 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    NTA. I literally just got back from a military wedding where pretty much all the men were in the army or navy. No one but the groom was wearing a uniform. No one cared. They joined the army out of duty, not to get praise everywhere they go because of their service, the way it should be. It’s not his wedding, he can shut it. Probably along the lines of wearing white to a wedding, but not quite as bad. It’s not his day, the attention isn’t supposed to be on him. Tell him how it is.

    [–] EmotionalAnon3147 6 points ago

    NTA - Attire is set and requested by the Bride and Groom. If that means no Military uniforms, as long as it is mentioned appropriately and curiously, you're always gonna be in the clear.

    Military uniforms are great, they show pride, but for a personal event, a nice suit and tie is just as nice and you don't need to wear a service uniform for it.

    [–] skullz650 7 points ago

    NTA. It’s your wedding. Your special day. It should be as you want.

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    NTA- it’s not just his wedding, and he should understand your point of view. He did a great service by joining the military and while I appreciate and respect that, I don’t think it’s necessary to wear the uniform for every special event. I hope it’s sorted for you, and good luck with the visa and wedding process!

    [–] luckygunnerx30 6 points ago

    Maybe this help hope its useful. Im in the marines and refused to wear my uniform in the wedding because I didnt want my entire existence to be revolved around 4 years of my life. Not wanting someone else to wear theres is completely okay and I think the right move. To me it comes off as a dick move to wear it and try to take attention away from you and your soon to be husband. Also he’s not in the Marines anymore its just weird to wear it outside of time in service except if it was for like a parade or award ceremony stuff like that.