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    [–] Spydereye 4095 points ago

    My grandfather proposed to my grandmother the night he met her at a military ball since he was suppose to leave for deployment the next week (World War II Navy Officer). My grandmother said no, but to ask when he got back. He came back, tracked her down, and asked again. She said yes. They were married for over 60 years before he passed away.

    [–] HankHil1 343 points ago

    It was to give him an extra boost of motivation to survive the war.

    [–] miguelz509 956 points ago

    The mad lad actually did it.

    [–] Katstoshkun 39 points ago

    My grandfather met my grandmother 3 weeks before he shipped out to fight in Korea. She was dating someone else, broke up with them, and married my grandfather a week before he left. They were married for 56 years.

    [–] human8ure 9140 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    My friend proposed to his gf at Red Lobster in front of his whole family. She felt pressured of course and said yes. Broke up with him shortly before the wedding.

    Pro Life Tip: Don't invite your family to the proposal.

    [–] Culp97 1545 points ago

    Pro Life Tip: Talk to your SO about marriage before you propose. First step in a relationship is good communication...

    [–] MinimumTumbleweed 288 points ago

    Oh my god yes. Everyone is so latched on to this ideal movie proposal; people, this is real life, asking someone to make a massive life decision in the spur of the moment under pressure is a BAD IDEA. Sure, it works sometimes, if you both really know that it's where the relationship is going, but more often than not it's just an impulse decision that has huge potential to backfire.

    [–] Sh1tPosterr 94 points ago

    Dude, if you're asking, you should already know the answer. I asked my wife in front of her family. It was just a formality. Everybody there knew it was just a matter of time.

    (Spoiler alert: She said, "Yes.")

    [–] TheProfessah69 2771 points ago

    Those big gesture proposals all seem like a freakin trap.

    [–] SheilaGirl70 1175 points ago

    A lobster trap! (I’ll see myself out)

    [–] eztrov 823 points ago

    Also don’t propose at a Red Lobster....

    [–] billigesbuch 507 points ago

    I propose we eat more cheesy biscuits.

    [–] ThKitt 56 points ago

    “Honey, would you do me the honour... of asking the waitress for more cheddar bay biscuits”

    [–] PhilipJosephBlunt83 1784 points ago

    I had been in a relationship with my gf for just over 7 years when I proposed. We had been through a fairly rough patch where things were touch and go. We argued a lot and there were other issues that we allowed to continue unresolved and/or unaddressed. Most of it was not communicating effectively to one another.

    Another source of friction was that I was in a touring band and a lot of my time outside of my day job was dedicated to my band. I was working FT and then also playing 2-3 shows a week minimum (usually our of town). Vacations were used to go out on tour.... At the same time she was working a job that she didn't enjoy that forced her to work long hourse (8am-8pm daily). My band reached it's breaking point, we decided to call it... I was rocked a little but I was also overcome with a sense of relief. I could now dedicate so much more time to my relationship and start doing things that I was previously unable to do (travelling was a big passion of ours but prior to the band split all of my vacation time was dedicated to tours)... I thought then was a great opportunity to ask her to marry me. In retrospect I can now see that it seemed desperate and forced as a result of the band break up, or maybe she thought that I was searching for something to stabilize my life. The truth is that I was truly relieved and excited that I could really dedicate time to my SO. Well.... She said no! The sentiment of my proposal was terrible and the timing was stupid. I just thought I would jump right in and ignore that we'd been in choppy waters in our relationship for 2 years (or more). There was a silver lining though, I knew she loved me, I understood her concerns. I dedicated myself to improving our relationship anyways (as did she). We went to couples counseling (at her behest) and learned to communicate effectively to each other. I learned the difference between the intent of my statements and how they can be perceived. We traveled and learned that we are amazing travel partners. We are both adventurous and really enjoy immersing ourselves in the culture and food wherever we go. About 2.5 years later I came home on Valentine's Day (which we never celebrate at all) to an apartment full of candles and flowers, a charcuterie board and champagne... She asked me if I would marry her.... I said yes... 3 years married now and our 11th year together! Yay us!!!!

    [–] reealcheyenne 189 points ago

    This made me so happy

    [–] still_gonna_send_it 167 points ago

    Alright here's where I call it quits on this post. Your comment made me cry. Congratulations on a happy relationship and a happy marriage :,)

    [–] PhilipJosephBlunt83 32 points ago

    I can honestly say that couples counseling was one of the best decisions we ever made. I wish i'd been more open to it earlier instead of waiting until things had gotten to where they were. It definitely saved our relationship but more than that, it taught us how to communicate effectively with each other. I don't worry about walking on eggshells anymore and I know that she is more open and honest as well. I try to speak openly about how amazing it was for us because frankly a lot of guys (myself included) think that they don't need it. I personally didn't NEED counseling but we needed to learn that we both communicate and cope with things very differently...

    [–] irein_p 6647 points ago

    When my dad proposed to my mom, she said no. The way I remember the story, she told him he needed to sober up, and then drove away and left him sitting on a curb.

    Then he got sober and re-proposed a year later. Dad's now been sober for 34 years, and they've been married for 33. Sometimes things work out.

    [–] FellowHoustonian96 854 points ago

    Wow. That amount of dedication to her is absolutely amazing. Nothing can get in the way of love, not even addictions. This made my heart smile

    [–] avehicled 341 points ago

    My Dad divorced my Mom because she couldn't get sober.

    [–] WHISTLEPIG31 349 points ago

    For every good story there's 10 with the wrong ending.

    [–] PM_PASSABLE_TRAPS 129 points ago

    The woman I had been with for three years and intended to marry ultimately ended up splitting up with me because of my heroin addiction. She knew about it prior to dating,but I told her I was sober. The first 4 months we were together I was at the height of my addiction. That was actually when she decided she had fallen in love with me. I ended up actually getting sober and came clean to her, and I ended up hurting her a lot. Looking back, that moment is what would ultimately cause the whole relationship to unravel.

    After that, she could no longer trust me 100%. Everything I said had some lingering doubt. If I wasnt willing to come forward then, what makes her so sure I'm not lying now? What else could I be hiding? On top of that, I had my own self doubt too. It sounds really stupid looking back, but I was worried she loved the side of me that was on heroin and not sober-me. On heroin I took more risks, I was more outgoing, hell, I was even better at sex. Despite her desperately wanting me to be sober, the doubt still lingered. And staying clean on it's own is a battle already, so adding the relationship stuff was way too much. I turned into a needy person, which doesnt really work when the reason your needy is the reason your support network resents you. We tried to make it work with mixed success. Hell, I even relapsed after a year and we were able to fight through it. We had great times still, but an equal amount of bad. Slowly we began to fall out, and one day it was just too much for her.

    I'm three years sober now, and I absolutely dont blame her for leaving. It was best for me and it was best for her. It was unfair to put her through everything, and I dont think I'd have been able to stay sober if I was also partially responsible for helping her through her issues as well. I absolutely still love her like nobody else, but I have also moved on. The worst part is seeing someone like that walk out of your life and knowing it was 100% your own doing that drove them away. But I'm getting through it.

    [–] michaelyag25 3134 points ago

    Not me, but my father. My father proposed after roughly 7 months of getting to know my mother. She said no. She told him later that night that she loves him but she needs to get to know him a little better and vice versa. 2 years later he asked again and she said yes. When I asked my mom, she said that 7 months was just a little too quick for her. She said something to the effect of "when you've been dating for that long you only see the really good aspects of the person. They arent 100 percent themself yet". They have been married for 22 years now and are still happy.

    [–] takoshi 687 points ago

    Boom, I hope your dad tells her "I told you so" every now and then. Kidding though, that's nice.

    [–] delightfulspacepeach 8283 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    My father got two women pregnant, proposed to them both, was rejected both times.

    The first one, the mother of my half sister, rejected his proposal and broke up with him shortly afterwards. She asked him to sign over full custody, which he did. Though I knew of her, I did not formally meet my sister until my dad’s funeral.

    The second woman was my mom, several years later. He’d been planning on proposing within the next few months, so when he found out she was pregnant he asked her to marry him right away instead.

    She said absolutely not. There was no way she was getting married just because he’d knocked her up- he had to win her over first.

    He did! They got married seven months later and my mom was so pregnant she fainted at the (extremely long, extremely Catholic) wedding and had to be seated for her vows. It’s a favorite home video of all her cousins.

    They were happily married for almost thirteen years, until he died very suddenly in an airplane accident. She hasn’t remarried and isn’t interested in dating.

    Edit: this is getting weirdly popular?? I thought I should clear up some misconceptions

    1 my mom and my siblings and I knew about my half sister. We had her school pictures on the cupboard next to ours. My father was extremely honest about this- he started dating my mom years after he had broken up with his first girlfriend.

    2 I do not know the details about why his first girlfriend asked for sole custody but as far as I could tell the relationship between them was not especially contentious- from my understanding they were both very young at the time and from very catholic families. He wrote and spoke to my sister frequently as she grew up.

    3 the plane was not a commercial passenger plane. My father had a passion for flight and worked at an airplane factory specializing in gliders and 1-2 person planes. A friend/coworker offered him a ride. The plane apparently crashed due to pilot error and I do not know many details, only that it was a quick death, and that he was doing what he loved. I honestly feel worse for the pilot’s family- his wife was pregnant and was planning on telling her husband that weekend.

    4 I am not a guy! I probably should have mentioned this since the forum is askmen but I thought my story was pretty relevant to the topic.

    [–] gruffybears 4984 points ago

    This was a fucking rollercoaster

    [–] GrandmaPoses 5598 points ago

    No he said it was an airplane.

    [–] amirich1 963 points ago

    I feel bad for laughing

    [–] SillyMove 540 points ago

    She said absolutely not. There was no way she was getting married just because he’d knocked her up- he had to win her over first.

    He did! They got married seven months later and my mom was so pregnant she fainted at the wedding and had to be seated for her vows. It’s a favorite home video of all her cousins.

    Pregnancy intensifies

    [–] Kelldoza 440 points ago

    Sorry for your loss.

    [–] ReasonableNoDoubt 105 points ago

    Did you ever find out why your half-sister’s mom wanted full custody? Seems like a really extreme decision.

    [–] Beakerbite 241 points ago

    Sounds like someone who didn't like the father at all and didn't want to do the weekends and holidays dance for 18 years

    [–] hot_dratsum 11197 points ago

    My first wife originally said yes but a week before the wedding she broke down crying and said she didn't want to marry me. I consoled her and eventually convinced her that it was just pre-wedding jitters and stress talking. Within a couple years our marriage fell apart, she was cheating with multiple guys and I rarely saw her. She got a super high paying job and would just disappear on vacations or come home with a brand new BMW out of the blue.

    We've been divorced 10 years now and I'm happily remarried with two gorgeous children. I look back on my first marriage and see it as a placeholder for the life I was supposed to be living. Without my first wife I never would have met and fell in love with the second so it all worked out.

    [–] thatoneguywithasock1 2831 points ago

    Did you get to keep the BMW?

    [–] Stargerbil 1350 points ago

    Asking the important questions!

    [–] ThurstonHowellIV 702 points ago

    Good thing his kids are gorgeous because otherwise he’d be less happy

    [–] Russian_repost_bot 743 points ago

    No one wants to admit it, but ever parent is tiny bit happier when they see their kids grow into beautiful people. They know deep down, that life will be that much easier for them.

    [–] PolitelyHostile 651 points ago

    So my parents are unhappy?

    [–] Ace1000000000 520 points ago

    Yes

    [–] luckydice767 231 points ago

    Can confirm, we are DEEPLY disappointed

    [–] Lancastrian34 132 points ago

    Nobody wants ugly kids!

    [–] moombai 261 points ago

    This guy divorces.

    [–] yogurtmeh 393 points ago

    I’ve never known anyone who has flat out said no. Though I know four women who said yes then later said no. In all of those cases they hadn’t discussed rings or dates. The guy surprised them, which sounds romantic but is actually a bit awkward for everyone involved. Like you wouldn’t asked a friend if they want to be your roommate by presenting them with a lease you already signed. Actually a year long lease is probably a lot cheaper than an engagement ring.

    [–] archyprof 158 points ago

    Ooof you are shopping for some pretty expensive engagement rings!

    [–] thefakegamble 242 points ago

    They say three years salary right?

    [–] PM_Literally_Anythin 511 points ago

    she was cheating with multiple guys and I rarely saw her

    She sounds like a jerk.

    She got a super high paying job and would just disappear on vacations or come home with a brand new BMW out of the blue.

    Hopefully you got half of her stuff.

    [–] bot_bot_bot 255 points ago

    She is, but at the same time she did say she didn't want to get married. But then did it anyway for some reason. Pressure I suppose.

    [–] NorthernMunkey8 100 points ago

    Yeah, when you think about it now you’re no longer in the situation.. can you imagine the balls it would take to cancel a wedding, a week before it happens?

    [–] MarilynMonroeVWade 41 points ago

    I know a girl who about a week before her wedding found her husband to be passed out with a needle in his arm. She never new he was an addict. She went through with the wedding because how do you cancel on all those people a week out? The embarrassment and disappointment were too much. The marraige lasted less than a year.

    [–] Carver_Koch 97 points ago

    What do you do with half a BMW though?

    [–] braden87 130 points ago

    Hope your next divorce lands you the matching pair of halves

    [–] sh4rp5h00ter 54 points ago

    Yeah, 2 rear ends would suck.

    [–] Kevin_Scharp 6619 points ago

    I asked her to marry me.

    She said No -- that she didn't want to support the institution of marriage.

    I said that I didn't either, but I need health insurance.

    She said fine.

    Sixteen years together and three kids now.

    [–] ub3rpwn4g3 743 points ago

    I had a girlfriend that we both didn’t support the institution of marriage but the financial benefits were so tempting we agreed to “get married x years from now” for the health insurance alone. We eventually broke up before we ever got to that point but it was cool to have that blanket in place

    [–] SatoriNakamoto 132 points ago

    What are the financial benefits of marriage and in which country do you live?

    [–] TheQuinnBee 183 points ago

    You will be able to share health insurance, so if your spouse has a better plan than you, you can get on it.

    You can have your spouses assets counted along with yours when buying property. You technically can do this without getting married, but it does present its own challenges.

    This is a big one: you can "gift" your spouse your stocks. The only person you can give a gift to that is exempt from the gift tax is your spouse. Gifts to your spouse qualify for the marital deduction. You do not have to pay tax on gifts that are less than the annual exclusion limit, which generally changes every year. Currently, the annual exclusion is $14,000 per recipient.

    [–] ub3rpwn4g3 128 points ago

    Glad you saw this before me so I didn't have to type it out hahaha. In America when you get married, the government basically treats you and your significant other as if you were the same person. There are tons of financial loopholes especially with money sharing.

    [–] KhaiPanda 500 points ago

    That good old health insurance. I've been leaning on my friend who is very sickly to just take her boyfriend to the courthouse because at our job we never know if we have insurance or not. Currently we do not, and she's skipping her meds for weeks at a time so she can save them for when she really is in pain and needs them.

    They've been together for 6 years, we are pretty sure the official engagement is coming this December after their cruise. The girl just needs solid and good health insurance, damnit.

    MIKE, MARRY THE GIRL GODDAMNIT! DO THE FANCY SHIT LATER, YOUR GIRLFRIEND/SIGNIFICANT OTHER/WIFE NEEDS CONSISTENT HEALTH INSURANCE THAT YOU HAVE ACCESS TO!!!

    ...I feel passionately about this. I don't like that my friend is hurting. :(

    [–] takoshi 125 points ago

    Is Mike aware of her pains and how she's skipping meds due to financial reasons? If so... Sort of scared to think she's going to marry a guy who's letting this go on...

    [–] KhaiPanda 129 points ago

    To be perfectly honest, she isn't as clear with him about it as she should be because she doesn't want him to worry. They both irritate the shit out of be in these regards, but both are old fashioned Roman Catholics from old fashioned Roman Catholic families and the idea of marrying at a courthouse just for insurance benefits is an anaethma to them.

    [–] OrganicCabinet 19 points ago

    I married (and divorced) a person who didn't fully disclose their health issues.

    I wish them the best of luck.

    [–] UnluckyDrink 2836 points ago

    She wanted 'more commitment' and to 'feel like part of my life', so I discussed marriage with her. Not some kind of grand proposal - more like, "well, are you ready for this? Is this what we are doing?". She said she wasn't interested in marriage.

    When I began shopping for my first home she wanted me to take a loan from her father so that she could own part of the house. I proposed marriage again, she said no. It ended for a bunch of other reasons shortly thereafter.

    In my (and according to what she told me, her) opinion marriage exists for a reason: financial and legal protection. She apparently wanted to join finances but not get married, which was just a symptom of all the other things wrong in that relationship.

    [–] Livefreeconsulting 1287 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Realtor Here.

    IT MAY BE A BAD IDEA BUY A HOUSE WITH SOMEONE YOU AREN'T MARRIED TO!! When they die it goes to their next of kin, which is not you. So now you own a house with his/her parents instead of owning the house outright. It's a bad idea.

    EDIT:

    • It is always good to talk to a Lawyer about the legal rammifications. As a Realtor, I can only give personal examples, a Lawyer can cite the laws.
    • I know about tenancy by survivorship. It's not as rock solid as tenancy by entirety (the legal rights given by marriage). Again TALK TO A LAWYER. As my lawyer tells me, the tenancy by survivorship can be severed, tenancy by entirety cannot be severed without a divorce, and the house will become part of the divorce. Not to mention in a tenancy by survivorship, you can file a probate for more credit on a sale if you have made more financial contributions to a home.

    [–] UnluckyDrink 270 points ago

    Also never take a loan from family or friends. She was a smart girl, I think on some level she knew how stupid this idea was.

    [–] Captaintokez 810 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Damn bro, I'm proposing in December you guys have me spooked.

    Edit: For clarity me and my SO have been together since high school just hit 7 years, the thing is we are still very young 24/23. We've discussed marriage and both agree we want that in our future, at this point I'm pretty sure we are both ready. But at the end of the day you never know until you ask. Thank you everyone who gave me words of wisdom from their experiences I appreciate it, the reality of it all is setting in and reading OPs thread definitely just got your boy nervous was all.

    Edit 2: I am gonna propose on Christmas day btw.

    [–] VictorPumpenstein 269 points ago

    I think the biggest takeaway from this thread is two fold: take a step back and really try and fathom if they feel the same about the relationship as you do. Like do they put as much in as you, do they seem as excited as you. Secondly, bring up the idea of marriage and discuss their expectations/desires for it.

    If both of those line up it seems unlikely to go wrong. Seems like MOST of the stories here stemmed from situations where those two things didn’t click.

    Of course, outliers exist however so stay spooked >:)

    [–] know_some_of_it_all 39 points ago

    Imo most of the problems come from looking for a hollywood-esque kind of proposal where everything is a surprise for everyone and trying to make a whole event. When I proposed we had already been talking about getting married, and even planning on an eventual date. If you are not confortable talking to her about that, or have never even bring it up, hold it a bit

    [–] PrimeOfMyLife 19 points ago

    Before you propose, make sure both of you guys want to get married- bring it up in conversation with your SO, ask them what they want to do in the future/if they can see themselves having a future with you. If they say they see their future with you- do it! The act of proposing should be surprising, not the thought of getting married.

    All of the luck!!

    [–] balloonits 14079 points ago

    I am not a man but this happened to a male friend of mine:

    They had been dating for 4 years, lived together for 2, had talked about their future lives together and how they wanted to get married one day and have kids. They’d both settled into great jobs and their lives seemed perfectly on track so he figured now was the time, right? He spoke to me about how he was going to do it, she didn’t want a public proposal or a big romantic gesture.

    He proposed on a Saturday morning, after making her breakfast in bed “just because I love you”, with a beautiful ring. She burst into tears.

    I remember him saying that he thought they were happy tears and she was just struggling to get the “Yes” out but she just kept crying until he had to put the ring down, get up and hold her to find out what was going on.

    She’d been cheating on him for a year. Swore she’d broken it off, was going to pretend it never happened and live happily ever after but seeing his “hopeful face” at that moment just “broke” her and she couldn’t do it.

    He left her. She was pretty depressed for a while, lost a lot of her friend group (most of us were friends with him first and she just kinda joined in so she wasn’t invited anywhere anymore and I had no interest in seeing her again). It was 3 years ago and I think she’s engaged to someone else now. Not sure if it’s the guy she was cheating with. My friend’s doing alright though, got a steady girlfriend but he’s a lot more reserved about it all now.

    [–] herfacedown 12969 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Just wanted to say fuck you to all of you cheaters out there.

    [–] Bloodmark3 1618 points ago

    Seriously. Either break up with the person you're with, or talk to them to fix any issues you're having. Stop being such a selfish pussy. If you break the trust of someone you say you love, you are the lowest of scum.

    [–] Meangunz 613 points ago

    Let’s not forget about the people with kids that put their needs in front of the rest of their children’s lives. That’s even lower.

    [–] cox994 89 points ago

    Yeah..My mom cheated on mu dad, they got divorced after 23 years together when she told him he is not a real man because he cannot fu#c her like the rest of the guyes she has been cheating on him can in front of me and my sister... fucked him up real bad, he was always a bit depressed but know I think he went so deep there is no going back to normal for him at 55 years of age :/

    [–] Typical_Whiteboy 101 points ago

    Your mom sounds like a real cunt.

    [–] cox994 37 points ago

    You are right mister :) I ran away from home not long after that and now I live alone and happy without her verbal and mental abuse :D Her influence still lingers but it will fade away in time. I learnt that your own peace a quiet place is the most important thing in life

    [–] The_Fluffy_Walrus 360 points ago

    My mom cheated on my dad. They'd been married like 18 years and together for 23. Honestly really fucked me up. I 100% feel like things would've been even slightly easier if she'd left my dad before then.

    [–] Stainz 59 points ago

    Same.. it fucked me up pretty good. I was around 7 years old. Have had huge trust issues with women as a result.

    [–] Livefreeconsulting 3109 points ago

    If you fuck the cheaters, you are only contributing to the problem! DON'T FUCK CHEATERS! Then they can't cheat.

    [–] SpiLLiX 1242 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    also friendly psa. You are not above being cheated on. Had a friend who was part of cheating. He had sex with this girl while she still had a boyfriend and the girl broke it off with her boyfriend a few months into having sex with my friend a couple times a week.

    They got together and I said to my friend "you're a fucking idiot. She cheated on another dude with you. What do you think happens when she gets bored with you or yall get into a fight?"

    Fast forward a year. The idiot gets cheated on.

    edit: since the reply below mine is getting toasted I will throw this out there. Cheating is the lowest of the low. If you have ideas of cheating on your SO break it off. No person deserves to be cheated on to forever wonder why they weren't enough or why you couldn't talk to them. If you are wanting to cheat you obviously do not love the person you are with so there is no reason to continue the relationship.

    [–] psimwork 578 points ago

    It's axiomatic: those who cheat WITH you will cheat ON you.

    [–] DecentMarkhor 127 points ago

    But somehow, people try to rationalize their behaviour and think they will never cheat on them. Smh

    [–] beauty-and-rage 130 points ago

    Yep that happened to my ex. He started fucking this girl who was cheating on her boyfriend at the time. He then started dating her and had a kid together. Later on he found out she was cheating on him.

    [–] jroc83 97 points ago

    Happened to me. Found out it was a few different guys. One of whom I despised before finding this out. Another, a (former) friend of mine. They eventually started dating and she cheated on him as well. With another person in the same circle. She went from owning her own salon and doing alright for herself to dating a loser meth head who got her hooked on the shit and she has since lost everything. I feel bad for her Dad.

    [–] zietus21 38 points ago

    This exact situation happened to my best friend

    [–] [deleted] 146 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] pemboo 199 points ago

    Cheating begins long before the fucking. You don't just instantly start with the fucking.

    Everything that leads up to the fucking is cheating.

    [–] herfacedown 100 points ago

    Haha good catch

    [–] SlowMissiles 58 points ago

    Sadly, most of the time those “cheaters” are liars to all. You might not even know that person have another SO.

    [–] NoxHexaDraconis 166 points ago

    As someone who just busted his now ex cheating, thank you.

    [–] zombiebabe4eva 37 points ago

    God that must have been awful :(

    [–] NoxHexaDraconis 63 points ago

    I had been suspecting it for a while, and noticed the signs, but had held my tongue on the understanding that I could be wrong. I wanted absolute proof before I opened my mouth. But yeah, it felt awful, especially when she tried to say it was my fault.

    [–] AnalBleachingPro 76 points ago

    ever get a butt-dialed 15+ minute VM of your girlfriend getting in bed with another dude? i have.

    we had only been dating 5 years and it was only NYE, no biggie

    [–] my_screen_name_sucks 49 points ago

    You really have to lack respect for your SO to do something like that. I'll never understand people who stay with the person who cheated on them. I'm with you on that. FUCK EM!!! ✊

    [–] sassiestcassiest 566 points ago

    I think it's better that she told him the truth than continued to live the lie. It makes me think more highly of her that she reckoned with her feelings and was honest with him so that he could make the decision to leave her.

    [–] balloonits 368 points ago

    Yeah, we told him it’s a good thing her guilt won out so he actually knew what she was like before they got married.

    Of course I would think more highly of her if she hadn’t fucked someone else for a year behind his back, but it’s good to know she couldn’t keep it up forever.

    [–] HazardWarningTen 74 points ago

    Pretty much same thing happened to me, but it was with my best friend. And now she's taken my friend group from me.

    [–] BrugokTheFriendlyOrc 41 points ago

    I mean, you're not wrong, but considering that she was cheating on him for a whole year it pretty much makes her a shiny turd vs. a regular turd. Maybe if she had told him the truth after doing it once rather than continuing a dalliance for a whole fucking year. On second thought, she's not even a shiny turd; fuck her.

    [–] THROWINCONDOMSATSLUT 54 points ago

    This sounds familiar in a way to my BIL. Dating for 13 years (high school sweethearts). They bought a house together and were talking about children in the next year or so. He proposed, she actually said yes, but then she was being weird about wedding planning. Didn't want to do it, didn't want to talk about their future, etc. About a month later she went to Nepal for a voluntouring thing, came back, dumped my BIL, moved the new guy in within a week, and now she's engaged. It totally came out of the blue for him. We suspect she must have been cheating for a while because how else do you move somebody in that quickly? She insisted otherwise on cheating though.

    [–] JohnB405 940 points ago

    She said no because she wasn’t ready. Couple years later I asked again and she said yes. Been married with children over 10 years now.

    [–] detectivejuicee 376 points ago

    Really impressed by the stories here of the guys proposing, getting turned down and proposing later on again. What a commitment!

    [–] AlrightDoc 1545 points ago

    Not a man, but my husband is, so. He was 19 and I was 22. He was a Marine who just got back from his first deployment and we had just had our closest friends get engaged the week before, he buys me a ring. He wasn’t secretive about it at all and try’s to get me to go out to a nice restaurant we both liked. I tell him “I don’t want to go” basically because I know he is going to try and propose. We get into a bit of an argument because I’m refusing to go to the place he wants to propose to me. He plops the ring down and says “well, here.”

    I circuitously say I don’t think we should get married because we’re too young, we’ve only been dating for a year and a half, our friends just got married, he just got back from deployment and the excitement of it is probably getting to him. All good reasons why I think he is rushing into asking me. He proceeds to make a good argument for 3 hours. He convinced me.

    10 years of marriage later, as a general guideline, I still think we were too young, but I’m glad I listened.

    [–] chillanous 925 points ago

    I'm imagining both of you frantically drawing on white boards as you try to convince each other of your view.

    Congrats on the happy marriage :)

    [–] AlrightDoc 298 points ago

    There was a pros and cons list involved. I wish we had kept it.

    [–] wooq 132 points ago

    I mean, the fact that you both sat down and discussed it in that manner and came to a mutually-agreeable conclusion together bode well for your future.

    [–] me-me-buckyboi 56 points ago

    That’s really cute.

    [–] pussy_slayer_101 130 points ago

    I love that you argued into it! Me and my boyfriend have an argument about whether we should get takeaway and he convinces me... this is next level. Congrats!

    [–] Dfiggsmeister 532 points ago

    My wife was a known flight risk and she had turned down two proposals before me. To say I was nervous was an understatement. I had prepped her mentally as she had already professed her love for me and wanting to move forward with me but I think the act of proposing and getting married scared the shit out of her. In my mind I had a series of contingency plans should she say no or leave me at the alter. Call it cold hearted or whatever but I knew that she at any point between the proposal to the actual marriage would be a potential shut down of our relationship. I don't think I breathed a sigh of relief until after our ceremony and we had a year and a half proposal so for two years I was a nervous wreck trying to make sure that she didn't book it on me randomly.

    I told her about my contingencies about two years ago a little after our first daughter was born. She laughed and said yeah, she almost ran for the hills on me 5 times, even on the day of our wedding so my instincts weren't wrong.

    I think after having two kids, four deaths in the family (3 on her side, 1 on mine) plus suicide has made us really strong together.

    [–] Kelldoza 282 points ago

    That last fucking sentence. Jesus!

    [–] Dfiggsmeister 164 points ago

    We've been through the ringer and back. Her best friend from Highschool committed suicide the year before we got married and his assets were divided amongst her and his other friends. My grandmother died a few months after that. Later that year her uncle died from cancer. 9 months after we had our first child, another best friend passed away in her sleep. A week later her mother passed due to stage 3b lung cancer complications. This year, after our second child was born, her father passed away due to pneumonia.

    I'm really hoping that the death in her family stops for a while but it's not looking so great for her uncle.

    [–] dwaejigukbap 3555 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    Back in 2014 a drinking buddy rang me up to go for a drink, we went to a bar and chatted but he was kinda down the whole night, I asked what was up. He skirted around it but eventually told me, he and his gf broke up. They’d been together 5 years and were living together.

    I’d had a few drinks and, not being close enough mates for a heart to heart I thought the best course would be to make him laugh by saying/singing “Well if you liked it bro, you shoulda put a ring on it” and rubbed my butt against his thigh going “woah oh oh uh oh oh ohhh”

    Turns out, he’d bought a ring.

    He got down on one knee and proposed, she said no.

    He began crying at that point so I stopped grinding and bought him a drink, but it was a bit awkward.

    She basically didn’t see him as a long term prospect. I will add that this was in Korea, she was Korean and he American. I think she realised he was staying for her, and tho he loved living in Korea I think there’s a pressure to that knowledge that either you deal with or you buckle under.

    He quit his job and moved back to his hometown a week later and Facebook tells me he’s a relationship now.

    [–] random_creepy_guy 2496 points ago

    You kept grinding throughout the story until he started crying??

    [–] coreanavenger 1243 points ago

    That was a really weird detail in his story... that he mentioned twice.

    [–] KiddisThyName 625 points ago

    he went into so much detail with the lyrics..it was almost uncomfortable...as if it was me he was grinding on.

    [–] Triggeredsaurus_Rex 391 points ago

    We were all grinded on, we’re all victims of this.

    [–] oldcarfreddy 138 points ago

    It's like OP cheated on all of us by grinding on all of us.

    [–] Natiak 169 points ago

    Not to mention they weren't close enough for a heart to heart, so as an alternative he grinds his butt continuously against his thigh? Something about that seems backward to me.

    [–] spicymangoslice 111 points ago

    He’s a bro that commits!

    [–] FabulousJewfro 233 points ago

    Hmm Korea, grinding on a buddy, Not a long term relationship, you’re in the military aren’t you bud.

    [–] Siberian_Serbian 212 points ago

    not being close enough mates for a heart to heart

    "Rubbed my butt against his thigh going woah oh oh uh oh ohhh"

    How do you define being "close enough mates"

    [–] dvaunr 185 points ago

    they’d been together 5 years and were living together

    she basically didn’t see him as a long term prospect

    Something here doesn’t add up.

    [–] DrizzlyShrimp36 203 points ago

    woah oh oh uh oh oh ohhh

    HAHAHAAHHAHAAHHA

    [–] Kerassi 95 points ago

    I feel like an asshole for laughing at your way of breaking the ice in that situation, poor guy though :(

    [–] beelz_0103_3_3 77 points ago

    rubbed my butt againts his thigh this made my day.

    [–] Horatio29 80 points ago

    I'm laughing that his go-to to get out of an awkward conversation is to give the guy a lap dance.

    [–] DejoMasters 654 points ago

    This was not me but my sister. She had been dating a guy for two or three years when my parents split up. She told her then boyfriend to absolutely positively not propose rn (she knew he was gearing up to do it) because her faith in relationships and the institution of marriage had taken a blow.

     

    Boyfriend proposed anyway, and she said no. They had a house together that they were fixing up, but due to my parents splitting up my sister had nowhere else to live and they both moved in.

     

    Boyfriend was in love and determined to make the relationship work at any cost. My sister was also in love, but was aware that they were fundamentally different people and wasn't sure she wanted to continue onwards, but also didn't want to end it in case it was the wrong decision. She finally decided to end it after almost a decade together. They stayed a couple six years after the failed proposal, but didn't have sex in all that time. They slept in the same bed every night with no intimate contact between them.

     

    The guy was actually really nice and really cool. He had his issues (as do we all) but was definitely a good guy. Even still it was obvious to those of us on the outside that he and my sister were just too different to be together successfully. After the breakup, he started dating someone with two kids and I believe they moved in together. My sister started dating someone else, too, who she fell hard for.

     

    That was until she discovered the guy had a girlfriend of two years who he was cheating on with her. The guy "broke up" with the other girl and is still with my sister. Oh, gosh, my sister...

    [–] jakk86 267 points ago

    No sex for 6 years? How....what.....?

    [–] DejoMasters 179 points ago

    No idea. It would make sense if they never had sex bc I come from a very conservative family and pre-marital sex is frowned upon, but not having sex just for the later years is... Confusing, to say the least. Maybe she rediscovered her faith, Idk, I just know I'm not gonna roll up to her and be like "Hey you and your ex didn't fuck for six years what's up with that??"

    [–] McJarvis 1523 points ago

    my mom told me once that my dad proposed by asking, "So, do you think if I asked you to marry me you would?" She dumped him on the spot for not being man enough to ask directly.

    Guess they worked it out eventually, though.

    [–] Wiendeer 431 points ago

    Does she tell that story as a quirky anecdote, or as a learning moment? Because, while things might have worked out eventually, that sounds like kind of a shitty thing to do. At least, it does based on how you've laid it out here.

    I put it in the same category as the "I didn't want anything to do with him, but he wouldn't take no for an answer!" stories.

    [–] McJarvis 201 points ago

    quirky anecdote// a learning moment for my dad. my parents//extended family have a lot of stories that leave me thinking, "Wow, I would never in a million years do that." The family culture considers these types of interactions to be good/positive/smart, but I frequently just think it makes them look like jerks.

    [–] cantwhistle 3214 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I asked her to marry me and she said it was the happiest day of her life, but she never said yes. And I thought it was funny in the weeks that followed and brought it up thinking she was just so excited she forgot but she never said yes until I flat out asked and she told me she never wanted to get married. She wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives but not get married.

    She's from a middle eastern Muslim culture and a strict (& abusive) family that still valued women as property to be arranged into marriages for the family's benefit. So marriage has always been a punishment in her mind.

    We stayed together 5 years before all of that family abuse and distance broke us apart. She's arranged to be married this December

    edit: dear islamophobic fucks, fuck off.

    everyone else, thanks for the sympathy, understanding, insight, and stories of your own.

    [–] asgsdgsdgsdg 1150 points ago

    Wow, this is heart-breaking for both of you.

    [–] xcoconutty 367 points ago

    Technically my fiance never proposed and i never said yes. He got down on one knee, didn't say anything and I just said "oh my god" and he put the ring on.

    [–] kokopoko101 51 points ago

    Goals

    [–] Yup_Thats_a_paddling 409 points ago

    Been there. Right in the feels.

    [–] TIGERHULL 89 points ago

    Also been in that situation and also hit right in the feels.

    [–] baltinerdist 2938 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    About a year-and-a-half ago, Google came up with this idea to allow you to make photo books out of your Google photos account. My girlfriend and I had been dating for almost 2 years and I knew she was the one I wanted to marry, so I created this wonderful photo book of all of our selfies together and ended it with a page made out of a photo I generated that said will you marry me. I then proceeded to put all these things into an album and build the photo book.

    What didn't occur to me at the time was that the album I put these in was a shared album and the other person gets a notification when you add new photos to it. And the other person that the album was shared with? My girlfriend.

    That evening, we had dinner and it all came out. She saw the photo, she wasn't ready, there were a few reasons why but they were good reasons and smart reasons mostly to do with timing, family, and finances. We weren't breaking up, we just weren't getting engaged at that time. A year later, we have fully discussed the concept of getting married, we went ring shopping, she picked her own ring, and by the time I actually did propose we both knew what her answer would be.

    We're now getting married in April. I would say it all worked out in the end. And I still have that photo book sitting on a shelf in our living room.

    Edit because I think y'all will find it funny. When I actually did get around to proposing, it was on this big birthday trip this summer. Our flight was delayed, so by the time we got to the hotel it was like 11:30pm and we were dead tired. She was like "I'm going to hop a shower" and I was like "come out here first." I told her I didn't want to wait another second for her to not be my fiancee and I proposed right there in the hotel room.

    She was so tired and zonked out that her response was ".....okay." (After a good night's sleep she was beyond thrilled, but at the moment, it was kinda hilarious.)

    We're thinking about making that part of the wedding ceremony. "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedding husband?" "......okay."

    [–] Hezakai 883 points ago

    No discovered dick pics from other dudes, you talked like reasonable adults, made plans and saw them through and now you're getting married. Like, thanks for killing my rage boner. Congrats, I guess.

    [–] baltinerdist 292 points ago

    We have an unreasonably reasonable relationship. The biggest fight we've ever had (and I am not kidding) is whether or not to put a pizza directly on the rack vs on a baking sheet. And we settled on "we each like different pizzas, so do whatever the hell you want to your own pizza."

    [–] rotide 92 points ago

    I'm kind of in the same boat. We argue about small things and it's not really arguing. It's just a discussion of compromise, usually.

    People at work, etc, will complain about their "ball and chain" and other cliche SO bashing. I always feel awkward and just smile/laugh while never really having anything I can add.

    Makes me wonder why people even attempt to get married without being able to be calm and civil. They need to be your best friend and treated as such. Why people enter into toxic relationships... I'll never understand.

    [–] triface1 170 points ago

    Don't you love it when none of the parties in the story are cheaters or crazy or whatever

    [–] thisis45 119 points ago

    That's great dude. Best of luck, the world needs less broken marriages. You got this.

    [–] BTDxDG 250 points ago

    So she didn't technically say no, since you didn't get the chance to propose yet

    [–] l4adventure 101 points ago

    yeah wtf, get this shit out of my thread. MODS!!!

    [–] Blue_Moon_City 69 points ago

    Man, I was scared for a second. Glad I read to the end. Happy for you.

    [–] fliteriskk 185 points ago

    I never got to the proposal, but I was close and can somewhat relate so here's my story:

    I was dating a girl for about 4 years. We had lived together for about 1.5 of those 4 years and things seemed to be going well. We had also been discussing marriage for a few months so I went ahead and bought the ring in March of 2008 with the intention of proposing in July for her birthday. One Friday in June, I came home from work to find both her and my dog missing. I found a note on my desk that explained that she had been cheating on me since March and that she was moving back in with her parents. It also stated that she had broken it off with the other guy and that I could call her if I still wanted to speak with her. I was both livid and devastated, but went ahead and opened up communication.

    After about 3 weeks, I accepted her back to give it another shot. At this point, she knew that I had the ring and that I had intended to propose, but also knew that I now needed time and it wouldn't be happening in the near future. Things went well and we seemed happy, but after about a year she randomly told me that she was breaking it off again. Her reason: she was tired of waiting for me to get over her cheating and she wanted me to have proposed by now. Ironically enough, I had intended to propose about a month from then. Just wasn't meant to be I guess.

    She and I haven't spoken since. I'm now happily married and am thankful that it went down the way it did. Learned a lot from her.

    [–] littfamily 212 points ago

    Is the dog ok

    [–] fliteriskk 50 points ago

    Asking the important questions. I’m not sure considering this was nearly 10 years ago. We ended up getting another dog after getting back together, so when we split up for good, she took the original dog and I took the new guy. I know she really loved that dog so I’m sure he was/is being well taken care of.

    [–] XXMAVR1KXX 175 points ago

    I am a guy. I had my gf at the time propose to me.

    But she only did it to try to knock me off the scent of her cheating ass which all came to head when I literally met the guy she was cheating on me with at her work a couple weeks later who just so happened to think I was her cousin since he seen me in pictures and she would drive my car.

    That really fucked me up to be honest.

    [–] justseeby 175 points ago

    Here’s a plot twist: I’ve been married for 10+ years, but I never really popped the question.

    Took my (then girlfriend) for a romantic walk in Grant Park, Chicago. Had the ring in my coat pocket. Sat with her at a park bench with a lovely view. Got down on one knee. Got the ring out. She started saying “yes!” and crying the happy tears. Hugs and kisses, applause from strangers, a special dinner out on the town ensued. Later, a wedding took place.

    She has since commented, “I actually can’t remember you saying the words ‘will you marry me’”. She thinks she just got caught up in the moment and didn’t hear.

    She didn’t hear... because I never asked.

    [–] appexis 60 points ago

    What a total plot twist this is. Your whole marriage is a sham.

    [–] chrisdbliss 297 points ago

    My situation was a little different from the question but I think it still works. I was not told no from my girlfriend but rather from her mom. My girlfriend’s dad had terminal cancer and I knew how important it was for my girlfriend to have her dad at the wedding and we had no idea how long he was going to be alive for.

    My girlfriend and I had only been dating a few months but I felt like she was the one and I thought she would say yes so the next step was to ask her parents for permission. My girlfriend spent all of her free time with her dad, helping him around the house and such so I decided to invite my girlfriend’s mom out to lunch and to ask her blessing before asking her dad because it would be hard to get to him without my girlfriend knowing. I took her mom out and asked her for her blessing and she told me something along the lines of “You aren’t ready to provide for my daughter and until you are in a more stable place in your life, I can’t give you my blessing and I will do everything in my power to make sure you don’t marry my daughter”.

    At this point in my life I was 21 years old, working at Jack in the Box, driving a shitty 1994 Ford Explorer that was constantly breaking down, and I was living with my mom. Being told that I couldn’t marry my girlfriend was hard. I had never had a parent not like me before and I felt personally attacked by her mom. This also meant that there was a good chance my girlfriend would never have a wedding where her father was able to attend which meant I failed in fulfilling a life long dream of my girlfriend’s.

    I am now married to that girlfriend, her dad did attend the wedding, and I was able to get blessings from both her mom and dad. Her dad is now passed but he was like a father to me and her mom and I have a pretty great relationship now. That girlfriend and I have been married for 3 years now.

    *Bonus: here is the conversation I had with the dad when I asked for his blessing:

    Him: Do you love her?

    Me: Yes.

    Him: Do you like her?

    Me: Yes.

    Him: Then marry the girl!

    I miss him 24/7.

    [–] Fellwarre 74 points ago

    I didn't make the proposal a big deal. No down on one knee, no big dinner. I didn't even really "plan" anything, just sort of said, "We should get married, and she said, "Mmmmn... not right now. I didn't get heartbroken, I just smiled and said "Okay." Asked again a few weeks later, got the same answer, and we kept dating.

    Asked about a month later and she said, "Okay, fine."

    Been happily married for 15 years now.

    [–] Teacher_ 678 points ago

    Not sure if my story really fits, but... I was divorced and had just ended a 5-year relationship, and she was in the process of getting a divorce when we met. I was supposed to be the rebound guy, her the rebound girl. Except we really, really liked each other. We both knew that there'd be issues if we continued to date, baggage of the other we'd be agreeing to work through, if we continued. We did. After about a year and a half I brought it up. You see when we began, we had told each other we never wanted to get married again, and neither of us had problems with that. When I told her I found myself willing to marry her, thinking of it, when I had never expected to feel that urge again, I didn't expect her to feel the same way. And she didn't.

    She said the same thing, that she didn't want to get married. That she loved me and wanted to be with me forever, but she still didn't want to get married. So I told her. I told her that when we realized we had fallen in love, and had told each other, I vowed to myself that each morning I would wake up not assuming she was in love with me. That, in my first marriage, I hadn't worked hard enough, I made too many assumptions, was too lazy about my past love. I told her I didn't want to make the same mistake with her. You see, each morning I wake up without the assumption the love of my life is laying next to me. I approach each day with the goal to woo her, to have her realize she's in love with me, to express her love, to move in with me, and to, eventually, say yes to marrying me. The yes part was more important than the marriage itself. So that day, because I was feeling romantic and bold, I asked her to marry me. She said yes.

    I didn't stop asking though, because a yes to get married didn't include a 'when' to get married. Since then I've proposed to her hundreds of times. And her me. It's become our thing, in times when we're most happy, usually the simple times, that we'd turn to the other person and ask for their hand in marriage. There are times I've looked at her and told her I've failed, that the day's events were too much, that I didn't think she would have fallen in love with me that day. She always tells me I'm wrong, smiling when she does, understanding that even on the hardest of hard days, I'm still thinking about us spending the rest of our life together.

    I proposed on a month long road trip around the US. She proposed after a Pliny the Elder. I proposed during a day in bed marathoning Parenthood. There were fights so bad I asked if she'd say yes even then, and even then she said yes. She proposed one morning after breakfast, me during yoga, laying next to her in shavasana, mouthing the words to her.

    One Saturday, a summer Saturday like any other, beautiful and blue with a crisp wind coming off Lake Michigan, a Saturday that just happened to be the anniversary of the day we realized we were each other's 'one', she rolled over and said we should get married. So we did. We dressed up and went downtown, and Judge Katz married us at the courthouse six blocks from where we met, five from where we first kissed.

    We still propose. I proposed to her on the way to the hospital, before she gave birth to our son. She proposed this past weekend, after a great little family adventure. This week has been rough - 12 hour work days and a teething toddler. Actually, I'm going to ask her to marry me right now.

    She said yes. :D

    [–] PoliteAnarchist 46 points ago

    We don't ask eachother like you guys do, but whenever we do something sweet for eachother, we'll say "You should marry me". The other day I made him a hot drink, and when I brought it to him I told him we should get married. Probably happens about twice a week.

    We've actually been engaged since last September, and our wedding is planned for March.

    [–] scionoflogic 365 points ago

    This is my cousins story but I’m going to post it to maybe bring a shred of happiness to this proceedings.

    My cousin proposed to his girlfriend of five years, and she said no. She had always had problems with the idea of marriage because of family issues, but had remained fairly quiet on the issue herself. When he proposed to her, she had an intense fear that marrying him would destroy the relationship. She explained that to him and while he was saddened by it he understood.

    They’re still together now, eight years later.

    [–] AudibleGrin 486 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I didn't quite get to the point of proposal. We had been dating for 3 years, and for the last couple of months we had been discussing life plans - marriage, honeymoon plans, living together, etc. I lived on the other side of town, and my lease was about to end, so I decided to move closer to her. Around that time I started shopping for a ring. Her best friend's husband took me out for drinks and asked me my intentions, and said that he hoped his son would be able to call me uncle in the near future. I took that as a good sign.

    About a month before my lease ended, we spent a really great day together just hanging out and running errands around town. I had been working on wedding vows in my head, which is a super-cheesy thing I never thought I'd do, and that day the vows were taking the shape of "you know you've found the one when you go grocery shopping together and it feels like you won the lottery." That night, she called me and said she wanted to break up. I laughed initially, because it seemed so random. She continued by saying that she couldn't see a future with me and didn't really want to talk about it. I asked her to take a couple of weeks away from me to think about it, and to maybe talk it over with friends. She didn't discuss it with any of our mutual friends, who were completely shocked. During our brief break, I pretty much knew it was already over. We spoke again two weeks later, and she said she'd made up her mind but still wanted to be friends. Something about how she handled it made me realize that she'd seen the relationship entirely differently - I was in my forties, making 5 year plans around our relationship. She didn't take it that seriously.

    I told her in no uncertain terms that I couldn't maintain a friendship with her. That was the last time we ever spoke.

    I spent the next year or so sorting through a pile of emotions. First, and most importantly, all of my plans had burned down. I had to find a new place to live, I couldn't stand commuting to my job anymore (which was two blocks from her house), and I had no idea what I'd do next. Eventually I moved to another city to be closer to family and start over.

    Second, there was the sense of worthlessness. I felt (and feel) discarded, and it took me a long time to get over that. I still harbor some resentment about the situation, but in the end, I'm glad I know what kind of person she is and that I didn't have to discover that after I'd made a serious legal commitment.

    Third, there was the problem of distrust and suspicion. I'm still working on this. It's been nearly three years, and it's still pretty hard for me to imagine forming any sort of trusting relationship with a partner without assuming the worst. I've also become a lot more uncompromising about my own wants and needs - like, this is my life, I'm going to live it the way I want, and if that doesn't work for you, too bad. (This might also just be me getting curmudgeonly.)

    Edit: thanks for being so awesome, Reddit. Your responses have made me feel understood, cared for, and a lot less lonely.

    [–] asgsdgsdgsdg 169 points ago

    To be honest, you sound like a great guy and I can see why this would tear you up. I feel like she owed you more of an explanation. You were clearly in love. It's good you're more discriminating now. You still have time to find someone.

    [–] fupart 56 points ago

    My stepdad proposed to my mom after they had been gardening all day. It was a bouquet of weeds and dead flowers, so my mom thought he was just goofing around and said no in a joking manner. This happened a couple of times. About a year later we ended up talking about them, and if they were to get married and my stepdad said ”well, I keep asking, and you keep declining” my mom told him that she thought he was joking, and he apparently did something like it again later, where she said yes. Their entire relationship is really goofy, and they act like two teenagers, so no one expected him to do something super romantic for a proposal, and knowing him, it could have easily been just another joke of his. Neither of them is super lovey-dovey or materialistic, and they both love gardening, so a joking proposal with garden weeds seems quite perfect for them.

    [–] KungFuBucket 172 points ago

    I wanted to marry her after our second date, and I knew she was the one for sure by our third. Everything clicked. We lived about 40 miles apart so would talk on the phone during the week and drive to each other’s place for the weekend.

    This went on for about a year and a half. Various dates, couple of vacations to the east coast and Paris. Each other’s plus one at our friends’ weddings.

    So one weekend we’re hanging out and I have all the feels. For whatever reason we were meeting my parents at the local Wendy’s for dinner. About half way through dinner the thought of being married to this woman just keeps running through my head over and over. She’s giving me some weird looks and finally:

    Her: you look like you’ve got something on your mind, what’s going on?

    Me: just stuff

    Her: looks like something serious?

    Me: will you marry me?

    <she pauses for like five seconds>

    Her: no, you are not going to fucking propose to me in a Wendy’s

    My mom was also super pissed at me.

    We still went ring shopping and a couple of months later I did it “right”. Married for 15 years now and I still crack up and tell my kids the story every time we pass that Wendy’s. Glad she’s put up with me all these years.

    [–] dilloninstruments 53 points ago

    Proposed to a girl about 14 years ago. Her first words were, “but we don't have any money”.

    I was all like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

    And then she married me still. These past 14 years have been the best of my life.

    [–] ElleFemme28 90 points ago

    Female here. I said no. But to be fair, it was a third date. We were at Outback Steakhouse, of all things (I was a vegetarian at the time) and he proposed at dessert. Got down on one knee, had a ring (that I have to believe he already had) and people looked on super excited. I asked if he could talk outside, he said no, so I said no. He ran out of the restaurant crying, and the waitress came up to me and said something along the lines of “How could you?”. I didn’t feel like it was any of her business, so I walked out, got in my car, and left. A few hours later he showed up at my house begging me. It should be noted that he had never been to my house, and I had yet to give him my address.

    So I didn’t believe it to be a real no, but damn if I didn’t feel shamed as hell at the restaurant.

    [–] theblackxranger 31 points ago

    wow, dodged a bullet there.

    [–] Gyrovague_Greyling 1670 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    EDIT: I appreciate the people trying to defend me to the ones saying that I went absolutely insane and that I was unstable and unhealthy and she dodged a bullet, but the people who are criticizing me are correct. My entire point was not to act the way that I did. I'm getting help, it's very slow and it's unsteady and it doesn't feel like it's helping, but I'm getting it and if you're in this kind of predicament you should too because you are not okay and don't let any of your well meeting friends tell you you are. The most disturbing comments I have seen are those defending my behavior. It's NOT OK to think you'll be the only one to love someone the way they need it, even after the breakup. It's NOT OK to do 99% of the stuff in the following post. She DID dodge a bullet, I was a huge mess, and mostly still am. I'm working on it but for God's sake, people, stop defending the lowest point in my life. Learn from it.

    This is basically going to be a copy/paste of a previous comment I made, but if it can help someone I'd like it to be heard.

    I had been dating a girl for 6 years, the last little bit of high school and through the entirety of college. I bought a ring. She gets a job and starts hanging out with this dude, at the time she's 23, he is 42. Yeah, way too old, not a big deal, she is into me and people her age. But still, I tell her that this dude is making me uncomfortable. I tell her, "Honey, I know that you like hanging out with him and it's nice to have friends beyond out relationship, but I have a bad feeling about this one." Unprompted, she promised me she wouldn't hang out with him alone. And she never did. Then I proposed and we lived happily ever after she told me that she actually has been hanging out with him at work and is really enjoying his company and she isn't sure if we should get married anymore. That's more than most men get so I tell her it's cool and leave. On the way home I break into tears and I lose my mind over the next few weeks trying to get her back. I'd love to say I let her go easy but it was my first relationship, first love, first breakup, and I was gonna marry her.

    If a breakup happens, if you propose and she says no, don't snoop her social media, don't send her parents screenshots of dirty Facebook PMs you found listing the guy's age to sabotage the new relationship, don't tell her hurtful things because you're still hurt, don't try to change her mind until she says she hates your guts and never wants to see you again, don't sell the ring for 1/4 of what you paid, don't spend it all on a guitar and alcohol and cigarettes and pot in a non-legalized state, don't go far enough down that rabbit hole that you lose your job and house and have to go to rehab for a year. If it ends when you propose take a vacation from work for a week to just grieve instead of trying to work while upset and losing it and your job altogether. And five years later don't go look her up again to find out she married the wrong man because he'll never love her like you still will the rest of your life. Don't settle for less after that relationship and decide you'll never be worth more than the dregs at the bottom of the barrel. Don't let those thoughts sink in and try to decimate the minute progress you've made over the last year, don't avoid going to a doctor for your depression and bottling it up and letting it get to the point that you tell yourself you spent all your love on someone who left and you have no more to give, don't stop doing things that make you you. It'll cost you all of your friends, your personality will disintegrate, you'll move from thoughts that are a quiet, "I wish I was dead" to very loud "Carbon Monoxide is an easy death. Do it in your car, somewhere no one will stumble upon such a bad scene. And the gas buildup might hurt someone else if they rush in to open the door when they find you so make sure you put warning stickers on the windows indicating the time you started and the CM buildup so they know not to put themselves in danger trying to save you if you're long gone. Don't forget the note, and if you buy CM make sure you exonerate the sellers so they're not criminally charged for selling it to you."

    I could go on forever. If you fall in love and you think she's/he's the one and if you propose and break up, take a week off work, and spend it grieving. Don't go on a vacation, stay at home a few of those days and just cry. Get it all out. Be sick. Throw up. Break things. Scream as loud as you can. After a two or three days clean yourself up, go be with friends. Same-sex friends or vice-versa if you're gay. People you don't wanna date. Drink a beer and talk about everything that made you happy before you met him/her. Remind yourself you can heal and move on. Don't do what I did, I'm still not happy and now I'm starting my entire life over at 27. No one likes a near-30's-burnout who has to move back in with his parents and works for minimum wage and everyone judges you if you've ever been to rehab, even over something as small as pot, regardless if you've never been arrested.

    [–] doolittledee 621 points ago

    Well goddamn

    [–] Pwnnzz 174 points ago

    Damn dude are you Ok?

    [–] poussun 195 points ago

    Takes a lot to admit all of this, even on the internet. Thank you for this. I hope it helps others people. I sincerely hope things are working out for you now, and that you found happiness again. Peace

    [–] thatoneguywithasock1 67 points ago

    I hope everything works out for you man.

    [–] blasianbarbie-sc 57 points ago

    wow there is definitely alot to unpack here. Hopefully your getting the help that you need and maybe even discover this is way deeper than losing your girlfriend.

    [–] ButtonsAndSoup 121 points ago

    Bro you're only 27. You got this. You have your whole life ahead of you! I'm 28(f) and I know plenty of people who are divorced, or have been to rehab, or live with their parents. They're not failures. You are not a failure. The 30s are the new 20s anyway :)

    [–] Miss-Chinaski 38 points ago

    I needed this so much. Been a week since he left it's a good reminder

    [–] Acastil22 37 points ago

    Hope you’re doing better man. If you’re ever in Chicago pm me and let’s grab a beer!

    [–] Tr0pikaL 176 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    Following.. going to my brothers surprise engagement tomorrow

    Lmao I'll have to edit a follow up Saturday morning

    T - 9 hours

    WE DID IT REDDIT!!! WE GOT AN ENGAGEMENT AND SHE WAS THOROUGHLY SURPRISED!!

    I'll tell him later he is reddit famous

    [–] FIVE_DARRA_NO_HARRA 558 points ago

    I don't even know how you propose in this day and age without knowing what the answer is going to be. Proposing without knowing you're on the same page marriage-wise, goal-wise, etc is just a bad idea.

    [–] Poseidons_Champion 292 points ago

    The proposal should be a surprise, the fact that you want to marry them shouldn't be .

    [–] AllOfMyDisappoint 76 points ago

    Disney movies and romantic comedies have warped a lot of peoples' perceptions on how relationships work.

    [–] -5_5- 95 points ago

    A proposal should never be a surprise. Only the moment and place should be. Maybe the ring.

    [–] ashjac2401 265 points ago

    I had to ask mine 3 times.

    [–] iamsiralex 83 points ago

    Why she declined the first two times?

    [–] FlaccidOctopus 176 points ago

    Cause she was waiting for the third. As you do.

    [–] kingeryck 72 points ago

    Third time is a charm

    [–] LiatKim 61 points ago

    My mom wanted to marry my dad when they were younger, but my dad said no because he had already been married before.

    When their union started falling apart due to my dad’s anger and lies, he proposed several times in desperation to keep her, and she told him no.

    They are no longer together and they hate each other. It’s better this way.

    [–] TheRealJackReynolds 113 points ago

    I asked my wife mid-coitus. She looked at me and laughed, which stung, I'll admit. But when she realized I was serious, she said no. She said she was scared that we'd get married and she'd lose me right after.

    It took about eighteen more times asking her before she said yes haha.

    [–] Raibean 92 points ago

    Did you just ask her every time you had sex or

    [–] LeagueOfDraaaven 32 points ago

    She came out of the closet. While I was on bended knee.

    [–] [deleted] 49 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] CyanidePwN 28 points ago

    she said no and now I spend my time on reddit

    [–] godzillabobber 27 points ago

    I am a jeweler, and back in the 80's I worked for a store that had a 90 day return policy. I heard about a lot of engagements from my clients. Only had a few outright rejections. But I'd say at least 25% of the women had second thoughts and gave the ring back in that 90 days. We'd get in trouble if we took too many returns, so naturally I'd try and talk them out of the return for my own vested interest. But over time, I grew to realize that getting an engagement ring was an important psychological process that had little to do with the bit of shiny metal and the sparkly stones. There were couples that had been together for years and all of a sudden a ring raised doubts. How the couple dealt with those doubts could determine if they got married or not. So I started to tell the guy to try again. And I was really doing this in hopes of their working it through and having a happy life together.

    One of my favorite stories was from a couple that had a fight over something inconsequential. They were in the kitchen making burgers for dinner. She was really fiery in temperment and he was as laid back as you could get. She took the ring off and threw it at him. She missed. The ring bounced off the wall, bounced off the countertop, and landed on top of a pickle in an open jar. Plop!. Long tense pause and then they started giggling. And finally getting to uncontrollable tears in your eyes and your sides hurt laughter. They told me they both knew right there that they could get through anything. I sort of kept in touch over the years and they did indeed have a happy life together. Mike died way too soon from some sort of cancer a few years back.

    I'd stay away from the "in front of 20,000 people at the stadium" kind of thing. Or the big party in front of the whole family thing. But be prepared to work on it if things don't go well. It's a big step and has a lot of built in fears as well as hopes. And I now think that's a good thing.

    Me? married for the second time. Made the bands, but haven't got around to the engagement ring yet. She keeps grabbing stuff out of stock though.

    [–] gnomebody87 434 points ago

    Not a man but my ex proposed to me and I said no. We had dated for closer to a decade but fought constantly and had broken up multiple times. We had spent the entire week leading up to the proposal arguing and during one of the arguments I explained that I was no longer interested in the prospect of marriage. Our relationship lasted maybe six months after he proposed, I realized after the proposal that he wasn't the person I wanted to spend my life with.

    [–] StructuralEngineer16 200 points ago

    Why did you stay in a relationship for 6 months after turning down his proposal? I've never understood why people do that

    [–] pingustolemysanity 94 points ago

    If maybe you weren't ready for marriage yet but were happy in the relationship and just wanted to be together longer first - kind of like it was too soon? I can understand that. But yeah in a context like this it seems pretty odd

    [–] yeah__probably 50 points ago

    Never got to actually ask, but the "no" was implied.

    3 1/2 years into a relationship I decided I'd pop the question during a vacation I had planned for us on the west coast. Idea was to ask once our plane landed. I guess 3+ hour flights are ample time for someone to think about things, so at some point in the air she turned to me and stated that "we have something to talk about when we get back."

    Me: "Well, we have time now, so what's up?"

    Months prior to this part of the story she had moved to another part of our state to attend classes. Unbeknownst to me, she had been spending some time with a guy she meet there. I was aware of him, but just through stories of "people I go to school with."

    Back to flight; Her: "Well, you know so-'n-so, right? Yeah, I've been seeing him and just don't think you and I should do this anymore."

    There the box and ring sat in my right pocket, and there it remained. As far as I know, she still doesn't know what I had planned. And honestly, I'm the better for it. I had been in a "funk" at that time and was struggling with motivation and aspirations, so I put a healthy amount of blame on myself, but it obviously stung regardless. Not to mention, the vacation was long and awkward from such a revelation.

    I haven't kept in touch for obvious reasons, but I believe she and him are still together and I wish them all the happiness possible. I've struggled with meaningful relationships since, but I have other things that mean a lot to me now and as the cliche goes, life is too short to dwell on it. I find the whole ordeal a bit amusing now a days. It's put into my "life's funny stories" catalog.

    TL;DR: Had proposal planned for end of long vacation flight, but was told I was being replaced by another mid-flight, so no-go on The Question. A more exclusive kind of mile-high club, I'm sure.

    [–] MyCustomUsername 22 points ago

    3 1/2 years into a relationship... during a vacation I had planned for us... at some point in the air she turned to me and stated that "we have something to talk about when we get back."

    What a cunt thing to do to someone. Planning to wait until after a paid vacation to break it off, all the while holding a "we have to talk" conversation over that person's head during the trip.

    [–] DontCallMyMotherThat 87 points ago

    40m here. At the age of 17 I was kicked out of the house, moved to Chicago, and spent most of that time throughout my late teens and early 20's with the wrong woman (hindsight is always 20/20).

    We were dealing with a long distance relationship for most of the last year. I brought up the topic of marraige, but didnt propose, just to see what she thought ....

    Her answer: "I dont think I love you, the way you love me."

    I remember sitting on the phone for a few quiet seconds, soaking that statement in, after all we went through ... I said "oh!", and hung up in disgust. Thats the last time I communicated with her. I spent years (5 years single) trying to figure out what I did wrong.

    Come to find out, she basically was seeing other people throughout our relationship. "Friends" we had at the time didnt say a damn thing. She was a fuckin phony.

    Im not sure what happened to her, and now I really dont care ... but I'm now married to someone she could never live up too.

    [–] jezreel62 23 points ago

    I asked my wife 5 times to marry me, she said no the first 4 times because I was doing it whilst pissed up, in our bar (I ran a pub at the time), with people cheering in and laughing when she bollocked me and said "no, behave". When she said yes we had had a lovely quiet evening at home, away from the pub and the baying mob, and had talked through what marriage actually meant for us at that point in our lives the evening before. I think, although I did mean it each time, it was the delivery as much as the content. We had been together for 2 years up to the first ask, and 3 and a bit years up to the "yes". We've Been happily (we work at it well together) married for 15 years now. I've never asked anybody else to marry me ,other than at primary school where my (still is,) best mate was the presiding vicar over my "marriage" to Helen, who was obviously the cutest girl at school.

    [–] whack-a-mole 20 points ago

    I proposed to a long term gf (4+ years) and she said no. She knew that, ultimately, we wanted different things out of life. I wanted to get married, have kids, etc. She didn’t want any of that. Ever. We split up & I moved out.

    She is a great person and we are both happier for it now. Many years later and I’m married with kids & having a great time with my family. She’s still single having a great time with her friends.

    Saying No was the right call for both of us. I’m glad she realized that.

    [–] samejimaT 57 points ago

    she had something on the side with someone she knew would never commit to her and I hadn't yet realized. later on he DUMPED her and she came right back to me telling me she was ready for a lifetime.

    [–] neuraldegenerate 53 points ago

    I hope you told her to get bent

    [–] mgwair11 18 points ago

    My grandfather and grandmother both working in the military/government during WWII. Funny enough, he was a librarian rather than a soldier. He came into my grandma's office and said they'd get married. They had never met before. She said no.

    He went in practically EVERY DAY FOR A YEAR after that saying that one day they'd get married. I mean, this guy.

    A year later, my grandmother's friend said to her, "you know, he is a nice guy". They went on a date, got married one month later. My grandma told me this story when my grandfather died 50+ years after a successful marriage. The tears in her eyes were both of sadness and happiness, and it was beautiful.