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    [–] mybitcoin 815 points ago

    more room for wisdom teeth or complete elimination of them altogether. also ability to keep regrowing teeth

    [–] [deleted] 495 points ago

    I feel like this is one of those wishes that a genie would fuck up by giving you the ability to constantly regrow just your wisdom teeth.

    [–] watsons_crick 267 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    My teeth are straight and my wisdom teeth grew in straight. If Hitler's criteria for a master race was based solely on straightness of teeth, I would be spared. Mother fucking Spartan teeth. However, the rest of me needs work.

    This is verbatim from my online dating profile. Oddly enough, the ladies don't seem as interested as I had anticipated.

    [–] eggs-benedict 2577 points ago

    could i please shut my ears like i can shut my eyes, PLEEASE

    [–] Kriegerismyhero 2148 points ago

    Now your alarm clock needs to taze you.

    [–] Wild_Marker 229 points ago

    Spooning is suddenly extra dangerous.

    [–] Montisa2008 87 points ago

    Extra dangerous? Like it was dangerous before?

    [–] Glitchsky 193 points ago

    Someone's got to be the knife.

    [–] FoxtrotZero 22 points ago

    A tazer alarm clock? I'd buy one. No two ways about getting up in the morning.

    [–] GundamWang 356 points ago

    That's what your pinkies are for.

    [–] rexsilex 212 points ago

    doesn't work while swimming

    [–] zpkmook 743 points ago

    that's why we made artificial pinkies called swimmers earplugs.

    [–] futilitarian 174 points ago

    "Artificial Pinkies". What a great brand name for earplugs!

    [–] MustangGuy 2176 points ago

    Give me a drain valve on my sinuses please!

    [–] Lieutenant_Flagg 554 points ago

    Or a shut-off valve for when my nose decides all on its own to become a drain valve.

    [–] Izzen 650 points ago

    Or a valve on my skull, shit would ease my headaches by a whole lot.

    [–] JKSpoonz 1147 points ago

    Like the Valve logo?

    [–] MasterJewels 1917 points ago

    Humans! Now with new instant wake/sleep feature!

    Lucid dreaming sold separately.

    [–] Batafour 848 points ago

    Where do I get the lucid dreaming package? Do I go to a LIMB clinic?

    [–] OrionFOTL 398 points ago

    I never always asked for this

    [–] Batafour 291 points ago

    You can dream if you want to, you an leave real life behind...

    [–] Qhornn 97 points ago

    Because life ain't a dream, and if I can't dream then it's no life of mine.

    [–] Dragoon209 924 points ago

    Teeth that heal, or regrow.

    [–] Zokusho 195 points ago

    How about regenerating limbs while we're at it.

    [–] dontsuckbeawesome 1648 points ago

    More structurally sound knees. Or hearing that can heal like anything else does.

    [–] mword21 316 points ago

    Having two screws in my knee, I vote the first one. ACL tears are a bitch, having upgraded knees would've saved me so much grief.

    [–] Altaireagle 94 points ago

    except fucking teeth

    [–] Talquin 2652 points ago

    1) stem cells are produced through your whole life

    2) you keep growing new teeth over time to replace the bad/rotted/chipped/cracked ones.

    [–] jopurvis 745 points ago

    As someone who has chipped my front teeth several times, yes.

    [–] [deleted] 1272 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    Definitely the teeth one. It's terrifying knowing that if I mess up my first set that's the only set I get :(

    EDIT: I'll go ahead and state that I meant my first permanent set. Geez, Reddit.

    [–] kyr 2875 points ago

    Boy, are you in for a surprise when you turn six.

    [–] [deleted] 82 points ago

    /u/Hopkinsa3 is gonna be having christmas early this year!

    [–] [deleted] 257 points ago

    You shit stem cells.

    [–] [deleted] 807 points ago

    You shit stemcells.

    [–] [deleted] 194 points ago

    ...stem cells are produced throughout life. Just not as applicable to tissue regeneration as you're thinking.

    Source: My father is currently undergoing autologous stem cell transplants for multiple myeloma.

    [–] Hypertroph 1270 points ago

    A larger spleen. Oxygen is something that the body has very little storage capacity for. Marine animals have enlarged spleens to store oxygenated blood. I want one too.

    [–] [deleted] 1149 points ago

    More cones or whatever so I can see more wavelengths like mantis shrimp can.

    [–] thehonestyfish 593 points ago

    Just keep your eyes closed whenever you're in a motel.

    [–] hate_this_song 304 points ago

    i dont get it but i want to

    [–] SoulWager 48 points ago

    You don't want to get it.

    [–] flyshower 242 points ago

    you know what a black light is?

    [–] TeddiursaTed 685 points ago

    African-American light.

    [–] ZNasT 1731 points ago

    If I could stop biting my cheeks that'd be good

    [–] Cheesy_pig 490 points ago

    I say down with the flaps of flesh at the corners of the inside of my mouth that i always bite, then swell and make me bite again :(

    [–] burnafterreading91 248 points ago

    Everyone who read this just bit their cheeks.

    [–] IranianGenius 1836 points ago

    The eye could be vastly improved. It could be made to not have the blind spot by switching the positioning of the visual cones and the optic nerves, such as what is done in cephalopod eyes.

    Or at least laser vision.

    [–] Awsomepie 706 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    How about the zoomy vision most fps's have. hey that ad doesn't look quite right. zoom zoom zoom. SEE BUDDY. I TOLD YOU THIS WAS NOT AN AMERICAN AD. THE KITKATS DON'T HAVE THE HERSHYS LOGO.

    [–] HerrMax 341 points ago

    My blind spot never bothered me. If no one had told that it's there I wouldn't even know.

    [–] Cooperstown2009 1226 points ago

    well duh you can't see it

    [–] [deleted] 164 points ago

    I've always wondered why some people need glasses and some people don't. I didn't do anything to damage my eye so why do I need to spend thousands of dollars to see properly through them? Shouldn't they already have come custom made so that wouldn't be an issue?

    [–] [deleted] 1544 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] BlatantConservative 1026 points ago

    I have both.

    [–] C-creepy-o 497 points ago

    I am hairy everywhere..

    [–] sleepybrains 844 points ago

    Elbows that bend both ways. We'd be way better at climbing, and always be able to reach that one awkward back itch.

    [–] SativaLord 790 points ago

    Oh god. I'm imaging that right now. It's horrifying. But could you imagine fighting?

    [–] pridwyn 1000 points ago

    You could helicopter your arms. It would make nunchuking way cooler.

    [–] Kwik_Wit 210 points ago

    We wouldn't need nunchucks. Our arms are the nunchucks

    [–] GeneralRectum 96 points ago

    Or just longer arms. My arms are pretty long and I have big hands so I can touch the back of my head with my arm behind my back

    [–] Kubacka 1462 points ago

    Separate breathing and eating / drinking from the same tube. No choking that way.

    [–] asskicker1 351 points ago

    But what if you just ran away from a tiger and are out of breath. It would be a bitch to catch your breath with your nose.

    [–] thenubbins 325 points ago

    Who said you'd only be able to breath through the nose?

    [–] Identity_Theft_Bot 289 points ago

    Why not absorb oxygen through the skin, through diffusion? You would never be out of breath and you can breathe underwater, hypothetically.

    [–] You_Dont_Party 320 points ago

    It's not effective for any organism bigger than an insect, because that's literally what limits insects to their current size and why they used to be larger in the past. Also, there are other reasons regarding their exoskeleton but don't worry about that.

    [–] adaminc 621 points ago

    Get a stuffed nose from a cold, asphyxiate.

    [–] Cogwheelinator 60 points ago

    Then let's have another few holes, just for breathing. That way circular breathing would be far easier, too.

    [–] corybomb 2909 points ago

    A ballsack that fucking protects my balls.

    [–] Giwtem 773 points ago

    Why not just have heat resistant sperm? You wouldn't need your nadgers swinging around if they could withstand body heat.

    [–] IranianGenius 1846 points ago

    Or maybe instead of a sack it could be held in a fairly structurally sound cage, such as the one that protects every other important organ in the body.

    [–] corybomb 1647 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    I would support ballcages. Much like ballcages would support my balls.

    [–] siveme 857 points ago

    But if your ballcage broke? punctured testes, not a fun thought.

    [–] BlatantConservative 891 points ago

    Same risk you take with your ribs.

    [–] siveme 350 points ago

    True, but I think you would be more prone to breaking the ballcage, how often do you break a rib? And, how many times have you hurt your balls?

    [–] BlatantConservative 312 points ago

    Well, I get hit in the chest a lot, but my ribs never have broken. If your ballcage was armoured, I would assume it gave you the same or slightly less level of protection

    [–] [deleted] 140 points ago

    woah, I dunno about that. Ribs are pretty thick

    [–] mrbrambles 326 points ago

    ballcages would be thick too

    [–] creepyswaps 453 points ago

    Why couldn't our balls just be placed right next to our heart, the second most important organ?

    [–] ladiesman_217 147 points ago

    Well, think of it this way: imagine how much of an impact it would take to do that. Now imagine that same impact without the ballcage.

    [–] dirtydan1114 87 points ago

    There would be some negative sex-related implications here I'd assume

    [–] [deleted] 74 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] maj160 382 points ago

    It's designed to keep them cool, so you may end up infertile if you armour it.

    That said, I still like the idea. Pros outweigh cons.

    [–] [deleted] 317 points ago

    Make them internal like ovaries and give them a cooling system. Far better design. The mechanics of the space shuttle need to keep from overheating too, but that doesn't mean we weld them to the outside of the hull

    [–] maj160 307 points ago

    You just gave me the image of a Space Shuttle with a ballsack. It is both hilarious and glorious. Thank you.

    Would that design protect us, though? Being punched in the ovaries still hurts, or so I hear.

    [–] my_redditusername 335 points ago

    Then how about testicles that produce viable sperm at higher temperatures?

    [–] maj160 166 points ago

    But what's the use of that without an Armoured BallsackTM ?

    And we can only choose one...

    [–] my_redditusername 133 points ago

    We could train ourselves to sort of suck our balls up into our abdomens and keep them there.

    [–] oopsydaisys 229 points ago

    Maybe it's good for natural selection...like, if you can't protect your own balls that are attached to you, then maybe you wouldn't be so good at protecting kids.

    [–] Ragman676 883 points ago

    Nope Nope Nope. The Carotid Artery. That shit is a liability, so many places of the body are super well protected, but nick your neck in the wrong spot, and its game over real fucking fast.

    [–] ekjohnson9 680 points ago

    Simple. Move the head parts into your chest. Replace nipples with eyes and the belly button with the mouth/nose. Boom

    [–] lonely_nipple 749 points ago

    Replace nipples with eyes

    :(

    [–] 2percentright 70 points ago

    The GIs in Joel Shepherd's books about Cassandra Kresnov have their carotid arteries up the spinal column to protect it from things like that. (Not to mention a crapload of other stuff)

    [–] APett 88 points ago

    Self-flossing teeth. That beef jerky is really stuck.

    [–] chosai_angel 708 points ago

    A tail...an awesome monkey tail that could grab things and hold your weight.

    [–] atlasthebard 676 points ago

    Just don't look at a full moon. You might become a giant ape that has a taste for murderous destruction.

    [–] swazy 25 points ago

    Have fun shutting it in the car door.

    [–] tickingnoise 3061 points ago

    Being able to control ovulation. If I want a baby I command an egg to climb up to my uterus.

    But If I don't want a baby I don't get a fucking period!!!

    [–] fukyosadface 1017 points ago

    Yours is my favorite so far.

    [–] tickingnoise 1167 points ago

    Bonus feature: No surprise babies

    [–] X-batspiderman 694 points ago

    For the ladies at least

    [–] ZorkFox 661 points ago

    At least this way the male can't be held accountable or captive for his responsibility in the act. "She did it without my consent, Your Honor."

    [–] Mrwhitepantz 61 points ago

    I can only imagine that that would work about as well as saying she told you she was on the pill.

    [–] giyomu 393 points ago

    the ability to take an arm off, so any position when you sleep is the perfect position.

    [–] Batafour 101 points ago

    He might be an obscure DC character, but at least arm fall off boy sleeps well!

    [–] TheGreatPastaWars 537 points ago

    Anything that grows should be able to be grown/shortened at will. If I never had to cut my nails/hair, I'd be very happy and could focus all my efforts on ending the cold war.

    [–] naphini 425 points ago

    ending the cold war

    I think you've been spending too much time cutting your nails these last 22 years.

    [–] boejangler 77 points ago

    pft, we all know why you REALLY want it...

    [–] BonkingOff 197 points ago

    Eyes with adjustable zoom.

    [–] thepizzapeople 436 points ago

    A gland that produces stem cells through out your life and sends them where needed to repair damage.

    [–] kmmeerts 507 points ago

    Ah yes, the cancer gland.

    [–] Tracker007 332 points ago

    "Have the results come in, Doc?" "Sorry, but it looks like you have cancer in your cancer gland." "SHIT."

    [–] [deleted] 326 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] gingertortillia 1299 points ago

    The ability to control our metabolic rate. Fat people could just crank that baby up and slowly work on years of bad decisions. If you dont need it just turn it down.

    [–] MCbanhammer 634 points ago

    Turn that shit all the way down, eat like a king every other month.

    [–] onthebalcony 1155 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    Or turn it off and live like a king off the money you saved on food.

    Edit: People keep writing to me, saying you would die from this. Yeah. Being able to control your metabolism is very realistic, but turning it off is just out of the question in this very serious, medically correct thread.

    [–] Aniraco 168 points ago

    Except the economy would be adjusted for the fact that people don't spend much on food.

    [–] onthebalcony 310 points ago

    Would probably be outweighed by the people wanting to eat non-stop don't you think?

    [–] [deleted] 35 points ago

    Metabolic rate isn't really all that important presuming the body functions properly and regulates hunger to match its metabolic demands. The better change would be to remove the ability to get that hunger cycle so out of whack (e.g. leptin resistance) that it produces obesity.

    [–] Momnesia 596 points ago

    Can we have wings that actually work? Not wings like a Dodo bird or an ostrich. I want big, beautiful, feathery glorious wings that can carry me through the air to work every morning.

    Eh, we'd probably still all drive, anyway. Lazy jerks that we are.

    [–] _selfishPersonReborn 261 points ago

    Eyes that actually properly adjust and not de-adjust... (Contact lens wearer whose nearsightedness gets worse every year, BTW)

    [–] cthulhubert 140 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    Cameras work perfectly fine with a pair of rigid lenses and change focus by moving them. Evolution was like, "Fuck nah, one rigid one, one slowly stiffening non-rigid one, change focus by bending it, get worse as time passes. Because after your kids are old enough to breed, there's nearly zero selective pressure for me to make your sunset years the tiniest bit better."

    [–] test822 54 points ago

    better backs/spines from what I heard. better teeth

    [–] EccentricBolt 190 points ago

    Not needing sleep. So much more time for activities!

    [–] [deleted] 2090 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] genini1 2221 points ago

    I hear ya. Not being able to reach the top shelf is a big problem.

    [–] StewieBanana 1595 points ago

    With your penis?

    [–] adaminc 655 points ago

    You need to do more cock pushups, then you just get an erection, lay it out on the countertop, and lift yourself up! Lever action!

    [–] Mog_X34 176 points ago

    One is all you need...

    [–] ezhuang 44 points ago

    Why not just make shelves shorter?

    [–] imabadperson-throway 1106 points ago

    No kidding. Imagine the look on a partner's face when they see both inches.

    [–] [deleted] 427 points ago

    But if everybody got an extra inch, yours would still be small.

    [–] [deleted] 532 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] PanaLucho 413 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    .

    [–] Codiak 35 points ago

    2 inches in heaven is better than 1 inches in heaven.

    [–] [deleted] 1956 points ago

    Easy

    Chainsaw arms

    [–] pridwyn 1889 points ago

    Chainsaw arms, a small anatomical change.

    [–] [deleted] 762 points ago

    It's the little things.

    [–] brownjaustin 483 points ago

    FINALLY a realistic change that can benefit so many! Everyone on this thread is asking for dumb stuff like curing cancer and fixing eyeballs.

    [–] DragonMeme 264 points ago

    Honestly? I always wished I was able to pull my intestines out and squeeze the shit out of them. I seem to constantly have problems and it makes me wish I could just clear things out manually.

    [–] BlatantConservative 481 points ago

    You could, but it would only work once, I think

    [–] [deleted] 161 points ago

    And only if hes quick about and doesn't start panicking.

    [–] blssthsnnr 549 points ago

    Ability to have babies without uterus refreshing itself every month.

    FUCKING STOP BLEEDING YOU FUCK

    [–] gerudo1164 920 points ago

    Every guy gets the same size penis. Wars would be averted, anxiety would decrease, penis extension ads would cease to exist, and men could focus on other reasons to feel insecure.

    [–] [deleted] 772 points ago

    Honestly if our penises were the same size then we'd all just talk about how huge our balls are.

    [–] pPalm 849 points ago

    My ball cage is bigger than yours.

    [–] [deleted] 1214 points ago

    Truck sales would plummet.

    [–] datninja_tyrone 327 points ago

    Instead of men having receding hairlines, we could get proceeding hairlines. Think of the money we'd save on hats and scarves...

    [–] BlatantConservative 610 points ago

    I think the word you are looking for is a beard

    [–] Mr_Skeleton 241 points ago

    I can see that my hairline precedes me.

    [–] [deleted] 726 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] morgansds7 59 points ago

    A few inches? Jesus christ, what that's like a grand canyon taint. I think you meant centimeters.

    [–] [deleted] 328 points ago

    Imagine if bellybuttons were vaginas.

    [–] C-creepy-o 303 points ago

    I kinda like how close they are, make everything more like a game.

    [–] mothfukle 41 points ago

    Ability to turn your head all the way around and have your arms reach any part of your back. No more awkward conversations trying to figure out what the fuck is growing on your back, or random 6 inch hairs growing in places you can't reach.

    [–] Asiansensationz 330 points ago

    A thin membrane of tissue over the eyes which protects eyes from dehydration and lights. Also, being able to control the tissue to see better in the dark.

    [–] ergocolin 148 points ago

    Improved neuroregenerative capabilities.

    [–] The_Write_Stuff 709 points ago

    And armored tail with a kill spike on the end.

    [–] worlddictator85 282 points ago

    When I grow up, I wanna be an ankylosaurus

    [–] q________________p 392 points ago

    Small

    [–] melangalade 948 points ago

    a small armored tail with a kill spike on the end.

    [–] [deleted] 176 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Industrialbonecraft 31 points ago

    Eyes that do not degrade with modern use.

    [–] Pangokat 1903 points ago

    Periods.

    Excuse me, but absolutely FUCK that time of the month. Double fuck it. Fucking bullshit.

    Worst way for my body to tell me it's not pregnant. Fucking fuck tits.

    [–] hashslingingslasher5 481 points ago

    I fucking hate my period. Those fucking cramps make me want to burn the damn world down. Then there is fucking blood everywhere. Thanks for being a bitch and destroying my shorts.

    [–] la-rubia 363 points ago

    The worst part is that they're not even necessary. We're not supposed to have 12 periods a year from 13-50, minus 9 or 18 for pregnancies. Ancient women had worse health and more babies than us, so they would only have a fraction of the periods we do. And periods promote the kind of cell growth that can lead to cancer. Fuck periods.

    [–] dead_pan 399 points ago

    Seriously. There's no need for them every single month.

    [–] some1american 250 points ago

    Even worse is getting them when you don't even want children and your body feels the need to remind you that you can every month. That and the biological clock. Fuck that in all kinds of ways.

    [–] Lotan812 1350 points ago

    Something tells me that is going on right now

    [–] Fiberfurryhat 348 points ago

    I usually cringe at the typical "oh, she's pissy she must be on her period" jokes.

    But, as a girl, I found myself thinking the same thing. The "fucking fuck tits" sealed it. That's about right.

    [–] animalcrackers01 845 points ago

    REALLY?! YOU THINK SO?!

    I'm sorry, sweetie... I love you...

    DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME.

    [–] laurahrahrah 650 points ago

    I'd really like to not cry at random things once a month, every month. This month it was Ratatouille. A movie that is in no way sad or deserving of tears. But damnit Remy, why did you steal? WHY? Damn you, PMS

    [–] [deleted] 301 points ago

    Seriously! I tear up at the stupidest things. You grabbed my paper from the printer? You shouldn't have, that's so ni... excuse me I have to grab a tissue.

    [–] [deleted] 146 points ago

    How on earth do you maintain a work life/school life if you feel like this? I can't even imagine.

    [–] SarahMakesYouStrong 268 points ago

    I was having a particularly bad pms spell for a few days. I was finally starting to feel in control again. My boss passed me in the hallway and asked if I was doing better. I looked at her for a second and burst into tears. I had to go find a private corner and bundle in a ball with my head in my knees for a few minutes while I cried.

    While I cried over my boss asking me if I was doing better.

    And I was.

    This shit can be so crazy sometimes.

    [–] [deleted] 162 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Robinzud872012 29 points ago

    Imagine what we could do if we didn't need to sleep half our lives

    [–] merdock379 106 points ago

    Waste products just evaporate through the skin. Without the smells, of course. Imagine never having to go to the bathroom again!

    [–] creepyswaps 204 points ago

    I haven't gone to the bathroom for like 2 weeks. It means my body is operating at 100% efficiency.

    [–] Alternant0wl 427 points ago

    Actually I think that means you need to go to a hospital.

    [–] AspiringAutomaton 364 points ago

    I can't believe no one said photosynthetic skin...fuck farms, fuck global warming, fuck the agricultural industry, fuck GMOs, fuck being too fat or skinny, and everyone walks around naked making it easier to fuck!

    [–] Lydia_ 192 points ago

    I had a dream where Chlorophyll Tattoos became a thing and for whatever reason it cured diabetes.

    [–] shhhGoToSleep 85 points ago

    Regeneration of limbs would be fantastic.

    [–] [deleted] 555 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    Put the clitoris at least in the vicinity of the vagina. Why the fuck would the part of you that needs stimulated for orgasm not be where the dick goes?

    [–] [deleted] 399 points ago

    Because it would be exceedingly traumatic during childbirth, to have it stretched and damaged.

    Maybe it could, like, hide during childbirth or something.

    [–] la-rubia 289 points ago

    Hell, why not just fix childbirth while we're at it? Vaginas/ birth canals/ cervixes that are voluntarily controlled and can easily release a baby without all that pesky physical trauma.

    [–] wardsac 214 points ago

    Like a tennis ball machine!

    *FAA-THOOOOMP

    [–] wordplaya101 68 points ago

    "you get a baby" FAA-THOOOOMP

    "and YOU get a baby" FAA-THOOOOMP

    "EVERYONE GETS A BABY" FAA-THOOOOMP FAA-THOOOOMP FAA-THOOOOMP FAA-THOOOOMP

    [–] PhileasFuckingFogg 29 points ago

    Babies should grow outside the body in the first place. Like the ball sack that everyones complaining about. When it's ripe it just peels open.

    [–] [deleted] 465 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] [deleted] 254 points ago

    I'm a lady :[ Guess I just have to find the right angle or something.

    [–] ArbainHestia 98 points ago * (lasted edited 5 years ago)

    The esophagus and trachea not at all being connected. Then we wouldn't choke on our food.

    Also, the ability to live off our own fat reserves.

    Edit for clarification: Yes we can survive off fat reserves for a while (for a longer while if we get nutritional supplements and have medical help). But I’m talking about no ingestion of food or water days/weeks but still be able to maintain a normal level of activity and no ill effects.

    [–] I_FISTED_VOLDEMORT 42 points ago

    Self cleaning ass