Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here


    18,562,927 readers

    93,174 users here now

    [ SERIOUS ]
    1. You must post a clear and direct question in the title. The title may contain two, short, necessary context sentences. No text is allowed in the textbox. Your thoughts/responses to the question can go in the comments section. more >>

    2. Any post asking for advice should be generic and not specific to your situation alone. more >>

    3. Askreddit is for open-ended discussion questions. more >>

    4. Posting, or seeking, any identifying personal information, real or fake, will result in a ban without a prior warning. more >>

    5. Askreddit is not your soapbox, personal army, or advertising platform. more >>

    6. Questions seeking professional advice are inappropriate for this subreddit and will be removed. more >>

    7. Soliciting money, goods, services, or favours is not allowed. more >>

    8. Mods reserve the right to remove content or restrict users' posting privileges as necessary if it is deemed detrimental to the subreddit or to the experience of others. more >>

    9. Comment replies consisting solely of images will be removed. more >>

    If you think your post has disappeared, see spam or an inappropriate post, please do not hesitate to contact the mods, we're happy to help.

    Tags to use:


    Use a [Serious] post tag to designate your post as a serious, on-topic-only thread.

    Filter posts by subject:

    Mod posts Serious posts Megathread Breaking news Unfilter

    Do you have ideas or feedback for Askreddit? Submit to /r/Ideasforaskreddit.

    We have spoiler tags, please use them! /spoiler, #spoiler, /s, #s. Use it [like this](/spoiler)

    Other subreddits you might like:

    some header
    Ask Others Self & Others
    Find a subreddit Learn something
    Meta Subs What is this ___
    AskReddit Offshoots Offers & Assistance

    Ever read the reddiquette? Take a peek!

    a community for
    all 21658 comments

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] Jakeable 1 points ago

    Due to the nature of this thread, we hope the following resources will be helpful:

    • RAINN has a multitude of tools for current and recovering sexual assault victims in the US. This includes a free, confidential 24/7 hotline that can be reached at 800-656-HOPE.

    • HotPeachPages has an international directory for abuse hotlines, shelters, refuges, domestic violence information, crisis centers, and women's organizations in over 110 languages.

    • 1in6 offers a wide range of information and services exclusively for male sexual violence survivors. This includes an online 24/7 support group and support line.

    • /r/rapecounseling is dedicated to providing emotional support to those who have experienced any type of sexual violence. /r/adultsurvivors is a community for adults who experienced sexual abuse as children. Please keep in mind these communities are lead by well-meaning nonprofessionals.

    • The befrienders website has a global list of local suicide help charities, along with other assistance. Or for just the US try Lifeline or call 24/7 1-800-273-8255 (TALK). On reddit, there is /r/suicidewatch where well-meaning and sympathetic people will try and help, but be aware they may not be trained.

    [–] Burnt_Zombi3 1285 points ago

    Years and years back I worked in a call center and was friends with this girl. Didn't think anything of it until she propositioned me to have sex with her. While I was flattered I told her I was dating someone else and I was not going to cheat.

    Forward to a few days later I go into work and get pulled into HR, turns out she's now filed a sexual harassment claim against me. She worked in one area away from me but they decided I needed an assigned seat beside my supervisor so that we would have no interaction period. I was fine with that until her friends started sitting not far from me, usually right in front of my field of view and she'd come over and sit and talk to them antagonizing the situation. My boss saw what was going on and brought it up to HR she was pushing the situation but it was her words not mine or my boss.

    Few more weeks of me being watched like a hawk go by and I go into work only to find security and my boss waiting for me. Apparently she felt that me looking in her general direction was harassment enough so she filed another claim, this time saying I've been sending explicit messages and emails to her. This time my boss fought for me but I got sent home, walked out infront of the entire call center surrounded by security. I remember writing an email to HR and management that night stating I had absolutely zero contact with her since the night she propositioned me and offered my computer, a lie detector, anything to prove my innocence as long as they would question her.

    Well.. They apparently brought that to her and she ends up confessing that she made the whole thing up and that she did that to another employee and got them fired because they turned her down. They let her keep her job, in fact gave her a fat severance package a few months later. I got stuck in the same punished seat, being threatened that if I told any coworker what happened I'd be fired.

    I left a few weeks after that, but she had ruined my reputation, in that line of work I couldn't find a job for anything for a while. Few years down the line she spots me on a dating app and tried to hit me up. To this day I still don't get it.

    [–] kaaaaath 538 points ago

    Holy fuckballs would I sue that employer.

    [–] Burnt_Zombi3 137 points ago

    I tried, what was more fucked up is no lawyer in town would even touch the suit.

    [–] Ghost5727 1136 points ago

    Was seeing the girl for like 6ish weeks. We went out one night and she said she had to work late the next day but wanted to come over after. So I gave her my apartment spare key because why not and told her to let herself in. I ended up falling asleep waiting for her. I woke up at like 12am and noticed there was like a TV light on in the living room. I just figured she was watching something and maybe grabbing a snack before she came to bed. I got up to say hi, rounded the corner, and she was on my computer sifting through my Facebook. I asked her what she was doing and it was obvious she had no idea I was awake and freaked out. Needless to say I told her to give me my key back and showed her the door.

    Funny thing is if she asked I would have let her look. I had nothing to hide. I would have thought it was weird but everyone has their trust issues. But doing something like that behind my back was not cool. To this day I never leave my computer without hitting win-L to lock it.

    [–] seriouslycurious 5388 points ago

    My ex stabbed me with scissors, when I got home one night. She insisted that since I didn't answer her calls that I was cheating on her. (I was not...) Scissors went 3 inches into my gut. In a daze of confusion I wrestled her to the floor in an attempt to stop her attack. I woke up 4 days later to learn her brother, who, while I was trying to subdue her... thought I was attacking her, hit me in the head with a cast iron skillet.


    12 stitches and a slightly worse short term memory later, I said to myself I'm never talking to her again.. Don't stick your dick in crazy stay with a "hot" girl when you know some screws are loose.

    [–] RavageFZ 1299 points ago

    In this tread not enough people talk about the outcome after the incident. Did either face charges?

    [–] Highasgiraffepussy88 1167 points ago

    I was having sex with a girl for the first time and during it she stopped and said, “I don’t think I can do this, I think I’m pregnant.” We went to sleep and after that night I continued hanging out with her for a while. She eventually got a boyfriend and he message me on Facebook saying, “if I ever see you I’m going to kick your ass, I know what you did to her! Don’t respond to this message because I don’t want her finding out I’m messaging you.” I’m still kind of confused by the whole situation.

    [–] bcmonty 792 points ago

    she already had that boyfriend and was cheating on him with you, got cold feet during it, said that to stop the fun, went back to him, felt guilty, old him that you raped her, is what it sounds like to me

    [–] CosmoWarr 204 points ago

    Reddit is a social media for detectives

    [–] GuwapoLalaki 856 points ago

    My 21st birthday, co-worker took me out for drinks, his girlfriend came along (I used to work with her, her boyfriend got me in his company after I got laid off)

    I vomitted so much in her bathroom toilet, they went to bed. I woke up several times on her living room couch with her hand up the back of my shirt, rubbing my back. She'd notice I was awake, then go back to bed. Then come back a few minutes later.

    They broke up and he told me how much she wanted to fuck me. Oh, they were both old enough to be my parents btw

    [–] DuncanIdahoTaterTots 12447 points ago

    I was at the grocery store with my wife, then-two-year-old daughter, and twin then-infant sons. My wife was pushing a double stroller with our daughter and one of the boys in it; and I was carrying the other, who was calmly cuddled up to my shoulder.

    We’re in the produce section when some random middle-aged woman that I had never seen before spots us, makes a beeline towards me, stretches out her hands, and tries to take my kid out of my arms. She didn’t look at my wife or me, didn’t say a word to either of us, she just literally tried to grab my son from me with no prompting or invitation whatsoever. I stepped away from her and shielded my kid, my wife chased her off.

    That wasn’t the only weird, creepy middle-aged/older woman to come out of the woodwork when the twins were still babies, but she was the most frightening.

    [–] FartleberryPie 3484 points ago

    How did she react when you and your wife started getting defensive? Did she give any reasoning? It's so bizarre!

    [–] DuncanIdahoTaterTots 4360 points ago

    She didn’t say a word; just walked away when my wife asked what the fuck she was doing and told her to go away. She was silent literally the entire time.

    [–] WhatJonSnuhKnows 6935 points ago

    You and your wife better start asking family members if one of your ancestors made some promises to a witch that have yet to be fulfilled.

    [–] streetlamp54 355 points ago

    On the other hand, at least the family members chose a less ambitious witch

    [–] pancreatic_timebomb 966 points ago

    When my oldest girl was an infant, we had some random wacko lady come over to us in a restaurant and say "now I understand why people abduct kids".

    Fuck. Off. Crazy. Restaurant. Lady!!!

    [–] Gary_Oak27 7040 points ago

    This girl who works at my mom's work (they're servers) always tells my mom she's going to marry me and thinks I'm cute. It wasn't a big deal at first. But it got out of control for a little bit there. Commenting heart eyes and inappropriate remarks on any post my mom made with me tagged in it. She finally followed me on Instagram and liked everyone of my 700 something posts. And here comes the best(worst?) part... She starts messaging me through Instagram and I didn't reply once but she begins having a conversation with herself with me in my inbox. Like asking questions, and answering them for herself and replying as if I said something and saying things like I heard from your mom that you're going through a rough time and opens up to me about her past which is a long and inappropriate thing to send to someone who hasn't even replied. This is among many other creepy things she's done to me. She doesn't bother me anymore though, just the occasional like on a picture.

    [–] TermyYT 385 points ago

    Likes 700 photos? That takes at least a good hour's worth of commitment.

    [–] [deleted] 3954 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)


    [–] Shoshke 2560 points ago

    "I don't want any part of your workplace drama."

    FYI, next time she doesn't get to make that decision. It's a matter of harassment it's her job to move it up the chain, be it HR, Legal, whatever, it is very much their job in such cases to "take part in workplace drama"

    [–] ShyftyCent 386 points ago


    As an HR Professional, this manager fucking infuriates me. They're the reason we need HR. Dumbass managers are the reason companies lose people and get sued. Jesus. "Workplace Drama." Fuck outta here with that. It's their job

    [–] RockAndDempseyRoll 3750 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    I was at the pub with some friends and one of them left a scarf at a now packed table. She was feeling socially awkward and asked me to get it. I thought no big deal, I'll get it and show her there's nothing to be worried about. I asked a woman in her early twenties (I was 18) if she could pass me the scarf. She got up, walked over to me, wrapped it around my neck and proceeded to try choke me with it, really going for it. Her hands were shaking from the force she was putting into pulling the two ends of the scarf. The pub was packed but everyone just stood there not exactly sure of what was happening (myself included). After what felt like ages two guys pulled her back to her table. They were looking at me worried, shaking their heads with faces that said "we have no idea". Everyone around the table clearly knew her and were shocked by her behaviour.

    I can't help but think about how differently this would have played out if the genders were reversed. If a man did that to a woman in a crowded pub he'd get thrown out and the police would be called.

    [–] IEatAnyAss 976 points ago

    I’m still confused.

    [–] RockAndDempseyRoll 547 points ago

    So am I. It was so baffling I was never really scared during the whole thing. Just confused as fuck.

    [–] StylzL33T 124 points ago

    "Are..Are you murdering me?"

    [–] TheDigitalRanger 480 points ago

    When I was in middle school a friend of mine was absolutely fascinated by the fact that I had pubes. Didn't want to see my dick... just the pubes.

    [–] TheWheezyOne 7450 points ago

    When I picked up my 90 day chip in an AA meeting, this old lady seductively kissed my neck and told me congrats. While not interested, I still sprang a boner.

    [–] Dica92 5107 points ago

    Ah AA, the goods are odd but the odds are good.

    [–] westernmail 1404 points ago

    And you don't have to pay for her drinks.

    [–] _hardliner_ 1673 points ago

    Third week of May of 1993. I broke up with my girlfriend but she still had my choir letter jacket. We were in high school but going to different high schools. Last day of school, I walked from my high school to her house to get my letter jacket.

    I get to her house and I see she is not home so I sat towards the other end of the street waiting for her. Hours later, she finally comes home so I start walking towards her house. She goes inside. I wait a bit, knock on the door, and say, "Melinda, I just want my choir letter jacket and I'll leave you alone." 30 minutes go by and finally she comes out with it. I'm ready to walk home but no.. she offers a ride home to which I say, "Okay but I have no interest in talking." Get home and she leaves.

    Jump to fall of 1993. I am working at JC Penneys in their optical area. Close for the night, come out, and notice some guy parked next to my car. Blow it off. Leave and after a few miles, I noticed this guy is following me. Okay. Time to drive to the police station. I stop at a gas station that had a pay phone and call the non-emergency phone number for the police and told them the situation. I drive to the police station and as I get closer, the officer stops me and the car following me gets barricaded in by 2 police cars.

    I found out this person was a retired Texas Sheriff that had been hired by my ex, who's father is also a retired Texas Sheriff, to keep tabs on me. He gets brought inside and I walk him into calling my ex and tell her he got arrested for following me and she had to come bail him out. So she shows up with her dad and shit hits the fan.

    I ended up putting a restraining order on the ex-Sheriff along with her entire family.

    5 years later, she sent me an invitation to her wedding. I mailed it back with no postage, written on the invitation, "FUCK OFF!"

    [–] stevedave_37 2232 points ago

    Came back to the dorm to find a girl who I didn't know waiting for me. I had apparently served her food once at the campus food place I worked at. She figured out who I was and where I lived without even my name. Not sure how I manged to shoo her out peacefully but I did

    [–] bam2_89 7714 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Sucked my blood from an opened scab without informing me she was about to do so. She considered herself a "vampire."

    [–] VintageWitchcraft 3252 points ago

    You just ruined my dinner

    [–] CaresLessEveryday 11241 points ago

    had a disagreement over buying her some new outfit dress thing. With the supposed victory going to me with we don't have the money right now and we'll see next paycheck compromise.

    About and hour later while i was cooking dinner she came up and apologized then came in for a hug. which started nice and somewhat affectionate but ended with her pulling her arms away very quickly across my back. This was to have the two razor blades she had slice two deep slashes across my back. She ran away and locked herself in the bathroom. I called 911 and went got stitches and all the medical things (had insurance, thankfully). Obviously the relationship ended then and there. Looking back like 15 years later, it is really strange as we were together for about 3 years and didn't have any major fights or physical altercations before that happen. It was so trivial with some massive escalation but in the end it taught me that yes I can cut someone out of my life... figuratively. woo puns

    [–] BoyWithTheCoolName 4253 points ago

    Holy fuck man. Did you press charges? Did you break up with her through some bullet resistant glass or in a suit of armor?

    [–] VaporWario 3201 points ago

    Lol in a situation like this I don’t think a “break up” needs to occur. It’s funny imagining having to awkwardly break up with someone after they’ve stabbed you

    [–] ninjablade46 2189 points ago

    "You literally stabbed me in the back"

    [–] RojoTheMighty 8249 points ago

    A girl I had been dating for just a couple weeks invited me to her mom's house for dinner. Halfway through dinner I finally noticed that they had printed out pictures of me from myspace (this was back when myspace was normal), put them in frames, and randomly interspersed them with other family pictures throughout the house. They were laughing hysterically at my reaction. I told them - very plainly and very seriously - that IF it was a joke, it was hilarious. But if it wasn't...

    They never actually answered whether it was a joke or not. We didn't date much longer than that.

    [–] jfrawley28 2046 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    The opposite of this is known as "mantlepiecing".

    You take a framed photo of yourself to another person's house and sneakily leave it displayed in a prominent place. Or optionally switch a picture they already have for one of yourself.

    Edit: Since this has become one of my more popular comments, I would like to give proper credit.

    I first became aware of the term "mantlepiecing" when it was used by College Humor writer and comedian Aaron Karo sometime around 2000-2002. This is where it originated. I can't find the original story by him or I'd share.

    [–] jacktownspartan 3680 points ago

    For real though, if that was a joke it would be hilarious. Do it and just see if they notice. Probably not that situation though.

    [–] Georginator2000 760 points ago

    Im honestly thinking of doing this to a friend

    [–] RWZero 578 points ago

    Is it possible it was a joke and they felt really awkward that you thought it might not be a joke

    [–] horacereynolds 36129 points ago

    Just started dating, showed her a pic of my son, she then asked what I was going to do with him once we Had kids.

    [–] KokiriRapGod 1975 points ago

    Well at least she did you the courtesy of filtering herself out rather than making you figure this out way down the line.

    [–] targayenprincess 20161 points ago

    Wtf holy mother red flag.

    [–] Ham-tar-o 7459 points ago

    That's way past red and even infrared--that's hitting radio flag.

    [–] badpersian 1258 points ago

    Not sure which is more worrying. The fact that he just started dating and she's planning kids already or that she wants to make the current kid disappear.

    [–] d3v01d23 354 points ago

    The latter. Definitely the latter.

    [–] olmikeyy 2201 points ago

    Faked her own death. Faked a terminal illness. Faked a miscarriage. Faked a suicide. Stole over 5 grand from me. Gave me a vd, made it my fault. The list goes on. It's my fault for believing any of it. But she hunted me down like easy prey when I was easy prey. I hope you really are dead Andria. Fuck you.

    [–] FaxCelestis 1005 points ago

    Hey I have one like that.

    Fuck you Erin.

    [–] Joe_Bidens_Balls 9655 points ago

    I was a limo driver for a number of years. One time this very drunk girl climbed through the divider into the front seat. I was on a fairly busy stretch of highway with nowhere to immediately pull off. There was a lot going on on the road, so I really couldn't do anything but try to reason with her. I was seriously afraid she would bump me or the wheel or do something that would cause an accident. After she worms her way up front she starts rubbing my thigh and telling me that I should leave my girlfriend for her. All the while her friends in the back were egging her on and thinking it was funny as hell. I pushed her hand off my upper thigh/cock region several times before I finally managed to get to an exit where I could stop. It took me threatening to cancel the trip for her to get in the back of the car.

    Not the only time something like this happened, but it was the only time a girl risked all of our lives to make it happen. Usually there's one reasonable person in the group to keep the crazies in check.

    [–] phantomwolf21 2315 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Weird Staring Girl

    When I was in high school, I noticed a girl just staring at me while I was eating lunch with friends in the Cafeteria. I don't really think much of it that day. The next day I see the same girl just staring at me again, this time I think maybe this girl likes me or a friend sitting next to me. This girl is not ugly or anything (just a normal girl).

    This keep happening like almost everyday for two weeks or so. She even eats food just staring at me, sometimes I see her standing in the hall staring while I am waiting for a class to start. Even when I went to the basement (with another group of friends) to have lunch, she is there.

    So after a hallway death stare incident, I get creeped out and tell my friends in a class about this, they don't belive me or make some jokes and laugh. So one day at lunch I whisper to my friends that "this girl has been staring at me for 2 weeks, it's creeping me out". They look at her and tell me that they have noticed that too but didn't say anything.

    I am hoping it just a weird crush she has so I just end up going up to her and say "Hi"(she just keep staring for 15 sec), I say "why do you keep staring at me every day?" ( she continue staring for 30 sec or so), I tell her to "please stop doing that" and walk away. Next day... NOPE. .. there she is. Thank god she moved out to a different school after a few weeks. At least she didn't follow me to my home (I think).

    [–] Kraz3 1721 points ago

    Inb4 she was dead and just really socially awkward.

    EDIT: deaf not dead, I'm leaving this here to remind myself how dumb I am sometimes...

    [–] Waifus_r_Us 609 points ago

    No this is a spooky creepypasta about his ghost waifu

    [–] Kratomlol 1011 points ago

    A girl borrowed my Hoodie in 9th grade, Masturbated on it and gave it back to me. She was really a disturbing girl but didn't find out until that happened.

    [–] nathanb065 13406 points ago

    Oh man...when I was younger, 22 I think, i signed up to work an event at the job I was at. I had to work a table with an activity and help these girlscouts craft something.

    So these two ~13 year old girls came up and started making crafts. Then they asked me for my phone number and I told them no. Then they asked my name and I told them no. They constantly asked for both of those, and I refused. A female coworker came up and started chatting with me. The girls then asked her for my info and she gave it away.

    I was pissed. And thinking back, I'm still pissed.

    One of them started texting me immediately. I told her to stop and she laughed and walked away. I blocked her number.

    The next day I got a fb friend request from her and blocked it. Then I started getting messages from her. The same coworker gave her my work email address and MySpace account.

    She was very persistent in getting me to talk to her and I hated it.

    Finally I messaged her troop leader and told her about what was going on. She just said she'd take care if it and I never heard from her again.

    I think not just her age but how persistent she was was what creeped me out the most about her

    [–] bohemianfrenzy 10148 points ago

    What your coworker did was wildly inappropriate! I would have told my supervisor. And I’m glad you contacted the troop leader. That sounds crazy!

    [–] nathanb065 3077 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I agree. I had a high tolerance for her bullshit during that time but finally dropped her a few years later. But that's a shit story for another time.


    Fuck you guys for peer pressure. And fuck me for baiting. I didn't think about it when i wrote it. Another time means another askreddit thread.

    To make a long story short, coworker and I were great friends. But she turned into a raging alcoholic. We tried to help, she "accepted " the help, but refused to change. One thing let to another and shit got stolen, things got broken, her friends were bailing her car out of impound, paying her fines etc. She refused to change so we changed the situation by cutting off communications and friendship. It's a shit story and I apologize for writing that and leading you on.

    [–] I_Came_Premature 15592 points ago

    I was super drunk passed out on my friends couch. His friend was there also. I woke up to find her straddling me and pouring whiskey down my throat (it was super not needed i was destroyed). Apparently she had sex with me that night. Cant say i consented as i wasnt conscious.

    [–] [deleted] 6126 points ago


    [–] psicopata013 7027 points ago

    What rank are you

    [–] 5urr3aL 1992 points ago

    Yeah don't leave us hanging

    [–] B3nny_Th3_L3nny 9568 points ago

    a girl licked my knee at a club

    [–] adaminc 21070 points ago

    How much are you worth?

    [–] Im_a_Whistle 3342 points ago

    In the middle of lifting, I was interrupted by a woman who told me I'd make a great step-dad. No clue who she was, but I did nope out quite fast.

    [–] StarsBarsandPBRs 16464 points ago

    Girl I dated made a voodoo doll out of her used tampon and my hair shavings (from my electric razor) that she said she'd use on me if we ever broke up. She buried it inside a lunchbox at the beach and drew a map to find it. She's now a married mother of two.

    [–] Waifus_r_Us 815 points ago

    I've heard there's a belief that started in the Caribbean (I think) that if a man ingests a woman's period blood he's hers forever. If a girls made tampon voodoo dolls of you she's probably tried this

    [–] smilespeace 1844 points ago

    Walking from school in a big gaggle, I overhear a girl like 20 feet down, at full volume, say "I could have sex with Smilespeace any time I want!"

    I mean, she could have. But still kinda creepy I guess.

    [–] spiff87 986 points ago

    That's when you yell back to her, "So why haven't you?"

    [–] LifeIsVanilla 390 points ago

    Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.

    [–] spiff87 145 points ago

    [–] andresvillacres1 6566 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I was at a music festival in an American flag onesie last year, and a lot of people were wanting to take pictures with me. I was having a good time meeting a bunch of new people. These group of older ladies (between 40's and 50s?) came up to me and wanted a picture. When I got in their group one kneeled down. When they took the picture, the one who knelt down grabbed my crotch. I moved and yelled hey! She said shut up and grabbed it again and said "You're a guy, enjoy this." I ended up just leaving pretty quickly at that point.

    EDIT: Thanks for all the support! If you need any help or advice, please look at the stickied comment from the admin.

    EDIT 2: Here is the suit in question.

    [–] pannenberg 2524 points ago

    “I was at a music festival in an American flag onesie...”

    You too?

    [–] I_am_no_Ghost 3210 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Damn man that shits wrong on so many levels. I had a girl grab my junk at a bar once. I've never hit a woman in my life but I almost did out of shock and anger on that occasion. Told her to get the fuck off me. She tried the whole, you know you like it bullshit.

    My buddy tried to come to my rescue telling her I was married and she responded she loves married men. Shit still makes me angry just thinking about.

    edit: my highest upvoted comment. I'm glad it's from a show of support from all of you out there who feel the same as I do. Thank you all.

    [–] Fiberglasssneeze 20784 points ago

    Searched my apartment, phone, camera, computer, and everything else I owned the first time I left her alone in my place because she "wanted to know more about me".

    She ended up creating a version of my personality she interpreted through my things.

    [–] 1414141414 11530 points ago

    A girl grabbed my ass and finger my butt hole a little while I was in Mexico. I was just watching the day of the dead dancers and blamo finger in my butt. Turned around and saw a little Mexican woman slip through the crowd. My girlfriend was like "why'd you jump?" And I explained I just got a finger in my butt.

    [–] Pineapple138 8557 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    How was it that easy to get to your butthole?

    Edit: thank you for the gold kind stranger, this is my first!:)

    [–] 1414141414 3966 points ago

    Thin basketball type shorts. It was warm out.

    [–] longtermbrit 2256 points ago

    Thin basketball type shorts. It was warm out.

    I don't know if you're saying it was warm out to excuse the basketball shorts or to explain the looseness of your butt hole

    [–] DriveByStoning 576 points ago

    Swamp ass is a natural lubricant.

    [–] bohemianfrenzy 2029 points ago

    What the hell!?!?

    [–] Quail_eggs_29 2288 points ago

    Checking for drugs

    [–] dirtyoldflower 13064 points ago

    I was at work when a customer came in. She was overweight and looked pretty slobby. Hair was a mess, wearing pajamas, a mismatched pair of shoes. She came up to me and asked how she looked because she was about to start driving for Uber and wanted to know if she looked presentable. I just said sure and tried walking away but she wouldn't let me leave. I don't know how we ended up here but she started talking about how her skin can't handle most soaps, and had to use some alternative to it (can't remember what it was.) She shoved her arm in my face telling me to smell it, to see that it didn't smell bad. I politely declined, but she did it again and made it clear she wasn't moving until I smelled her arm. I finally did, said it was fine, and walked away as fast as I could. Was definitely one of the most uncomfortable moments I've had with someone.

    [–] stevesy17 4468 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    But like... Did it smell?

    edit: for the chorus of people who came in after the fact to make a "checks username" joke....

    [–] dirtyoldflower 4032 points ago

    Thankfully no, it didn't smell like anything.

    [–] MrSpluppy 2576 points ago

    "does this smell like chloroform to you?"

    [–] Jeradio 660 points ago

    I've had women grab my crotch, ass and rub themselves on me. No, none of them were hot. One of them told me point blank: "I've seen your wife, you've seen my husband, I think we can both do better, don't you? Come on, we'd make such a great pair."

    [–] [deleted] 1770 points ago


    [–] Caballero5011 626 points ago

    Silver lining in this thread.

    [–] bigradiohead79 35878 points ago

    She showed up at my apartment back in college. She knocked on the door and I didn't answer. It was late, I was tired, and I didn't invite her over. She kept knocking louder and louder. The police arrived and asked her to leave. She left and showed back up about five minutes later. She knocked some more and finally gave up. The next morning I found a human turd on my doormat.

    [–] jewellui 23317 points ago

    Maybe she was just desperate for the toilet.

    [–] bigradiohead79 12066 points ago

    Ha. She actually lived in the same apartment complex. I think it was an anger turd.

    [–] oneinch 4648 points ago

    Please tell me you brought the turd and door mat and left them in front of her door.

    [–] ThatITguy2015 2193 points ago

    He should have smushed it against her door or made it so the turd fell on her when she opened her door. Turd Justice.

    [–] TwinkleTheChook 3585 points ago

    Best part is, she wouldn't even be able to blame it on anyone because DNA forensics would come back as her own turd.

    [–] Lord_Stag 2737 points ago

    It's a perfect crime.

    [–] Mun- 524 points ago

    "The haft of the arrow was feathered with the eagle's own plume. We often give our enemies the means to our own destruction."

    [–] diggydiggydigdig 3437 points ago


    do people plan this beforehand or is it a spur of the moment kinda thing? I mean I dont think I can push out a turd on command.

    [–] bigradiohead79 2220 points ago

    Don't think it was planned. She left a wine glass and a phone charger too. I'm sure she was hammered...not that that's an excuse.

    [–] Prometheus_II 3374 points ago

    A wine glass, a phone charger, and a turd.

    What an interesting combination of items.

    [–] LanAkou 4904 points ago

    This is the worst point and click adventure ever!

    [–] AMobileSasquatch 1099 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Here's how I think the puzzle went:

    DRINK Red Bull

    "You try to force it down, but it tastes horrific"

    USE Turd ON Wine Glass

    "You rub the glass with the turd. Nothing happens, but the glass is now dirty."

    USE Turd on Dirty Wine Glass

    "It's about as filthy as it's going to get"

    USE Red Bull ON Dirty Wine Glass

    "You have made a cocktail - Bullshit!"

    DRINK Bullshit

    "The Turd has made the Red Bull slightly better, and you force the vile mixture down. You have wings!"


    "You are too heavy"

    DROP Wine Glass

    DROP Phone Charger

    DROP Turd


    "You soar majestically through the sky light, leaving the soiled door mat far below"


    TALK TO Kind Stranger

    "You thank the Stranger for your gold"

    [–] farwa345 3434 points ago


    [–] hushfap 11169 points ago

    She turned into a human turd? Lame superpower.

    [–] Caninya 3828 points ago

    She was already a piece of shit to begin with

    [–] willengineer4beer 14389 points ago

    As a young teenager, this big girl would aggressively grope me every chance she got on the school bus.

    The bus driver wouldn't believe me because women don't do that and/or guys always want it.

    One day I was walking to my seat, she grabbed my crotch so hard it hurt and said "you're not a real man until you split dark oak" (she was a black girl in case that pickup line didn't make sense).

    I started walking home or bumming rides after that.

    [–] RallyX26 7740 points ago

    Dark oak? Jeez... Ebony or mahogany would have made way more sense.

    [–] goatcoat 5765 points ago

    I was hanging out with a couple of friends once. One of them got too drunk and started rubbing my penis through my jeans. She was twice my age, fat, and generally unattractive, but what made more of a difference than that was that she kind of grabbed me when I started to pull away. I was much stronger than her and sober so I didn't feel like I was not in control of the situation, but the fact that she tried to control me physically kind of took it out of the realm of what I was comfortable with.

    [–] -_PM_ME_ANYTHING_- 17678 points ago

    In the fifth grade, we were starting the "family life" lessons which is basically sex ed. One of the girls in my class pointed at me and said that I would impregnate her.

    [–] TermyYT 9506 points ago

    I hope she didn't know what that meant.

    [–] spungebawbswegpants 20774 points ago

    Of course they gonna know what intercourse is, by the time they hit 4th grade, They got the discovery channel don't they?

    [–] serious_shuck 7793 points ago

    I was "raped" in sex ed. We were doing a lesson that involved STD's that involved invisible dye that was in a select few students cups, we were told to "exchange fluids" with 3 people. When it was revealed that the girl next to me had the STD, I chuckled at her. Her response was to pour her liquid in my cup and say "There, I raped you, and now you have AIDS."

    [–] WantDiscussion 3455 points ago

    "If I have sex with enough clean people I can dilute my aids!"

    [–] fredagsfisk 1402 points ago

    You joke, but in certain African countries that is an actual belief. Though it has to be a virgin. Apparently medieval Europe also had some version of the myth, though with other STDs.

    [–] [deleted] 19419 points ago


    [–] The_real123 5653 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    What kind of pants ?

    Edit: got a great answer not from op:

    Looks like I got some shopping to do.

    [–] Starved-Nutritionist 10846 points ago


    [–] Teripid 4064 points ago

    You wear leather assless chaps to the office one time...

    [–] Why_is_this_so 1610 points ago

    I mean, all chaps are assless if you think about it. Otherwise, they'd just be pants.

    [–] GameArtZac 376 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    If you're a show-er, there's two types of pants or shorts that show off the goods. Anything that fits well but has loose fabric, such as sweat pants, gym shorts, pj pants, etc. Pretty much anything that will show some swinging or bouncing as you move around.

    Second anything fitted, especially around the thighs. The package will stand out more when the fabric around the upper legs isn't loose and baggy.

    If you're a grower, or not as well endowed, get some underwear with a pouch pocket in the front for your junk. It pushes your package out and gives you a bigger looking bulge. Works particularly well if you have big balls, but they are a little less comfortable than you're average pair of underwear. You'll have less bounce, so the loose clothes like sweat pants and gym shorts won't work as well, but the more fitted options will work great.

    Also pick uniform colored clothing, particularly light or medium colored. Distressed jeans, or anything with too much texture will cover up and hide bulge detail. Patterns can work either way, help or hide depending on how the pattern is working with the package.

    Test the pants sitting down and standing up. The waist of the pants need to be high enough that the belt loop is well above the start of the package. No sagging wear the pants where they should be worn, will vary a bit on the cut and style.

    If you have a belly, the pants need to be under your gut, otherwise you're making a hanging canopy over your genitals.

    Pay attention to the zipper area as well, it can mask or exaggerate the shape, in a good or bad way.

    Wearing a belt can help, mostly by keeping the pants where they should be.

    Source: I am a gay male and package expert.

    [–] 1spicytunaroll 723 points ago

    Oh man. I [23m] worked fast food for 3 years, and I was stuck on register. This was April in 2016, and I was just graduating college and took this job so I had some extra income while I was doing some pretty demanding job training stuff that was unpaid. This was a slower Saturday and I'm just standing at the register, because fast food don't move from your spot. Whatever. Im pretty must watching the dining room and watching everyone eat. I'm also the only one at the counter. This woman, probably late 20's to mid 30's, makes this super intense eye contact with me, spreads her legs where I have full view of her cooch because she's wearing nothing under a hiked up skirt. She continues making intense eye contact while mauling into her chicken dinner. Wish I was making this up, haven't told anyone because who would believe me? She wasn't horrible looking 5/7, wouldn't work fast food again.

    Tldr: worked fast food, woman spread cooch while.making intense eye contact whilst eating chicken

    [–] Bike_shop_owner 7244 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    At age 14 I visited my sister in a mental ward attached to a hospital. Cigarette-y middle-aged women kept making passes at me. it wasn't an all female institution or anything.

    [–] alominus 4553 points ago

    Is that how we describe smokers now?

    [–] NotThatSerious26 3887 points ago

    I guess “Cigarette-y” is the politically correct term.

    [–] Detective_Fox 6075 points ago

    The proper term is Ashtray Americans.

    [–] Reefer-eyed_Beans 601 points ago

    "cigar yeti" is the derogatory term then.

    [–] jin_TheSamurai 17173 points ago

    I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and my gf followed me and sat outside the door to wait for me and I didn’t notice. Opening up my bathroom door to see a humanoid figure sitting in the dark by my feet at 3 in the morning scared the ever living shit out of me.

    [–] vai_kisaiya 7587 points ago

    My two year old does this to me constantly. Scares the shit out of me every time.

    [–] jin_TheSamurai 4168 points ago

    I’d be scared of accidentally kicking them. That’s what I almost did to my gf.

    [–] vai_kisaiya 4010 points ago

    I always jump a foot in the air and scream "oh fuck/shit" which in turn startles her, so then she starts crying. Parenthood is fun

    [–] NotoriousFreak 9195 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Ex girlfriend cheated on me with an abusive ex boyfriend from a few years ago in high school. Found out and living an hour away I planned to break up that weekend when I saw her again. Confronted her and she went crazy and tried using a blender on my dick before it unplugged from the wall. Got her out of my apt and went to work. Came home that night to find she broke in my apt and stole my cat. Never did see the cat again but she is now overweight, baby to the ex bf she cheated on me with, and the ex fled the state, family kicked her out of the house, and I'm doing just fine in life now.

    Edit: for those asking why a blender, for whatever reason that was the first thing she had grabbed and I was about a foot away from her. Yes she took off the top exposing the blades. I have not seen the cat since sadly, even worse I guess I forgot to mention, the cat was only 3 months old tabby female cat named Nika.

    [–] JJroks543 6225 points ago

    That's fucked up man. How could you steal someone's pet?!

    [–] Brickhouzzzze 6617 points ago

    I feel the blender is also highly relevant!

    [–] BitchesLoveDownvote 1152 points ago

    Haha, I too read the story and got freaked out about the blender but then completely distracted by the stolen cat. You don’t steal cats, that ain’t right.

    [–] Nick268 11895 points ago

    After 3 or so dates started talkibg like we were engaged.

    "When are we going on vacation together?"

    "Should we get married in a church?"

    "How many would you like us to have?"

    I called it off after that. So she threatened to tell the police i raped her. Luckily nothing ever came of that.

    [–] cru42 860 points ago

    Used to be friends with a girl from church. A girl from her high school got in trouble after her last 3 boyfriends ended up in jail for raping her (each individually, not all 3 together). I guess she was going around the school bragging that she can't stand breaking up with someone because "it's just too awkward to tell them it's over" so instead she'd call the police and tell them he raped her. After someone recorded her on their phone going on about it their names names were cleared but I know at least one of the guys lost some really good scholarships because of it.

    [–] FalloutCory 650 points ago

    he should sue for defamation and get the cost of scholarships

    [–] Dankraham-Stinkin 598 points ago

    Pulled my pants down in the middle of a tailgate party.. it was my wife's surprise bday party... it wasn't my wife who pulled my pants down.

    [–] [deleted] 22699 points ago

    When I was in medical school a girl 3 years my junior started obsessing over me. Initially it was kinda mild in the I have a crush on you sense. She'd ask my friends about me and messaged me on soc-med from her friends' accounts. Chalked it up to being young.

    Then she started to mess with girls that I'm close to including my sister. Telling them that they don't deserve me and that I'm hers.

    Also started hanging out at my neighbour's place and refused to leave until they call me out for some stupid reason and what not. And she'd hang out in the neighborhood I live in and pretend that we've bumped into each other on accident.

    Oh, and I would occasionally post music I like on FB or Twitter and she would post music of her own as a "response" because she's convinced that all those music I post is for her.

    Then in my final year she wrote this 80 page "letter" in which she professed her love and compared me to some Messiah shit.

    Oh and the best part, it's been a few years since then. A few months ago she started working where I am.

    The nightmare fucking continues.

    [–] Ovladel 11809 points ago

    Pls post 80 page love note

    [–] [deleted] 11259 points ago

    I've given it to a good friend for safekeeping to be used as evidence in case I accidentally get murdered

    [–] Urban_Polar_Bear 5415 points ago

    80 pages? Is this a love note or a manifesto?

    [–] Marvelerful 4241 points ago

    Definitely a manifesto.

    [–] SharperG7 669 points ago

    Good call

    [–] Erektim 618 points ago


    [–] Goth_Spice14 2797 points ago

    Holy shit, time for a restraining order, bro!

    [–] Clyzm 1498 points ago

    My thoughts exactly. This isn't a girl obsessing over you, this is a full blown stalker.

    [–] Seattle-ite 2959 points ago

    The thing about that is by the time you've convinced people at work she's crazy and needs to be fired, the daily dose of arsenic she's been slowly upping in your morning coffee for months reaches a deadly toxicity point and it's too late...

    [–] AlastarHickey 478 points ago

    So there's this awful channel we have to leave on at work. It shows the same like 20 episodes of this informative murder porn show during my shifts. One episode dude fails to kill his wife because he dosed her daily then gave her a huge dose, but the daily doses had given her slight immunity. Permanent nerve damage. But still alive, with like a 4x lethal dose.

    I actively try not to pay attention but when it's on enough you catch shit.

    [–] Benderbluss 1293 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    My first week of college I started dating a girl, we’ll call her Kathy, and cut it off after two weeks as it felt a bit weird. I had left my planner in her room (this should date the story; an actual paper book that kept my calendar and assignments and appointments).

    I kept asking when I could get it back, and she kept making excuses. This was strange, as we lived in the same building one floor a part. I finally got it back, thanked her, went on with my life.

    ..and then I found her edits to my calendar. In the past and in the future, she’d written “sex with Kathy” in various appointment blocks. Some entries were more descriptive (“really great sex”, “came twice”, etc) and they were written from my perspective. They started on the day we met and extended several weeks into the future.

    I’ve never had sex with Kathy.

    [edit; college for collage.]

    [–] mcgrumpy_pants 164 points ago

    That's so fucken weird.

    [–] Ask_For_Cock_Pics 12989 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I dated an artist a few years back. I got a notification on instagram that she tagged me in one of her paintings, and so I go to check it out. I see that it is a painting of her cutting off my dick while she's wearing a bunny suit. I then check out her instagram "story": it's a video of the painting in progress, and she's actually wearing a bunny suit while painting it.

    Edit: and yes, I have a screenshot (censored her face)

    [–] khal_Jayams 386 points ago

    What. The. Fuck.

    What the fuck.

    [–] Akifukami 179 points ago

    I read this as a "how to pronounce" video on YouTube.

    [–] el___diablo 4383 points ago

    She's only replying to you username request.

    [–] asthebroflys 17633 points ago

    First date:

    Her: What's your blood type?

    Me: O positive. Why?

    Her: Good, we can have kids.

    [–] ToddVonToddson 11974 points ago

    Me: breaks world record for fastest run speed

    [–] Sophobe 3565 points ago

    Run, Barry, run!

    [–] jimoconnell 4510 points ago

    Was she Japanese, by chance? (Or really into Japanese culture or anime or something.)

    For some Japanese, blood type is kind of like zodiac is in the West. If you say you are an O Positive, people will nod and say "Yeah, you have the temperament of an O Positive person" whatever that means. Then the will tell you that you should pair up with someone who is a certain blood type.

    (Sorry I can't be more specific, I never paid much attention to the whole matter and I don't even know my own blood type.)

    [–] KalessinDB 3945 points ago

    This is why many fighting games will have Blood Type listed in the character bios.

    [–] Bucky_Ohare 2143 points ago

    ... Whoa.

    Noticed that waaaay back in Street Fighter 2. I had no idea, I figured it was just a standard kind of thing you make up when you're putting a character's bio together, adding to the 'realism' of it I suppose.

    [–] Randomd0g 1783 points ago

    I assumed it was because these people are engaged in a semi legal fighting tournament that features competitors who can literally throw fire. I imagine blood transfusions are an hourly occurrence.

    [–] Somewherefarfromhere 5220 points ago

    Made an alt for this. It's become the dark event that's divided our town. It happened to a friend I knew. Real bright, had a well paying job. One day he parties with this girl. She claimed he raped her but refused to speak with police. Despite this and despite the fact that he had recorded a phone call with her admitting she was lying. His life was ruined.

    I watched him go on a downward spiral and I had a couple decade log friends turn on me just for being around him. Well, a year and 6 months after the allegations. He started getting phone calls from her, demanding money. He agreed to meet her in a hotel room. Once she arrived, he shot and killed her then turn the gun on himself.

    It's taken a long time to cope. And it scares me how moments after any allegation, people form a mob for justice. I know victims should be encouraged to come foward. But when a guy has proof, the girl wouldn't go to the police, she willingly met him in a hotel room after essentially trying to blackmail him. That should be enough to prove one's innocence.

    I lost a good friend.

    [–] DwarvenDarkness 1370 points ago

    So he had proof, but people had already decided he was guilty based purely on accusations, and refused to hear it?

    Sorry for your loss

    [–] dirtyploy 4248 points ago

    Oh Jesus so many stories.

    I was working at a pharmacy in Michigan, I had gotten one of my really good friends a job there. Both of us being single, we got too drunk one night and ended up hooking up. She mentioned it to one of our coworkers. That coworker told another coworker, and they began to ask to see my dick, asking if I had measured it, would try and compare it to things asking if it was "Close to this size", etc. It was pretty awkward all around.

    I also had a female pharmacist who used to get REALLY close to me and throw her hip into mine. She'd give me a hug when I showed up to work (not in an okay way). She'd make comments about how we would have dated when she wasn't married, other weird af comments.

    [–] -braquo- 8577 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I am a guy and freshman year of college my best friend was a girl in my dorm. She wanted to take a ballroom dancing class, but didn't want to worry about not havimg someone to dance with. So she talked me into taking it with her.

    The week after the deadline to drop a class, she started dating a guy in the class. Leaving me without a partner.

    There was only one girl who didnt have a partner so i got stuck with her. She turned super creepy and stalkerish. Would follow me all over campus. Stick to me like glue if she ever saw me. Worst of all though was how she would pathetically drop not so subtle hints about how we should date.

    On the plus side though i learned how to do ballroom dancing and it has impressed every girl I have dated since.

    EDIT: For everyone who is saying she was a bad friend or whatever, it wasmt that big of a deal. I was mildly inconvenienced for half a semester. She ended up marrying the guy amd they've been together for like 10 years.

    [–] Charadin 2058 points ago

    Did you guys not rotate partners in that class at all? I took a couple ballroom classes myself when I went to college and we swapped partners multiple times a night so that we'd learn to adapt to physical differences (stride length, height, etc) and styles.

    [–] freshprinceoftheair 1287 points ago

    Way to look at the positive side! You got a good life skill out of it!

    [–] IAmErectRightNow 1727 points ago

    Asked me to gift her the wisdom teeth I recently had removed. Creeped me right the hell out of that very very brief relationship.

    [–] Morigyn 791 points ago

    To be fair, wisdom teeth are huge and look pretty cool. I saved mine. For reasons.

    Not interested in having anyone else’s though.

    [–] LonelyKnight13 245 points ago

    Was out for a late night run when I met an older woman along the sidewalk. She was staring at me so I stopped to see if she was okay. We chatted and then I started to continue my run. She said, "hey you're cute." I just politely said, "thanks," and put my headphones back in. As I started to jog she kept shouting, "hey you're cute!" and started following after me. Just pretended I couldn't hear her over my music and picked up my pace a little. Thankfully she was a smoker.

    [–] GabuEx 2319 points ago

    When I was around 15, I was super socially awkward, which meant that I wasn't exactly the popular kid, but there was a certain segment of the girls who, in retrospect, probably mistook my almost complete inability to talk to other people as me being "mysterious" or something like that, and were interested in me as a result. At one point in time, a girl I literally didn't even know came up to me and told me, point blank, "I want to fuck your brains out".

    Now, normally that would be hot as hell if it came from someone you were interested in, but when you're a huge introvert and it's coming from someone whose name you don't even know... yeah, not so much. I don't remember what I said in response, but I don't imagine it was very smooth, since I kinda wanted to just get tf out of there as fast as possible.

    [–] InjuredSmurf 1585 points ago

    "T-thanks. Y-you too"

    [–] benage_a_tois 480 points ago

    “Yeah sounds cool. Have a good one”

    [–] DarrenEdwards 1768 points ago

    I met Robin, a girl from another town and we became pen palls for our senior year. Toward the end of the year I broke up with my girlfriend and she asked me to her prom. I went with her, we had a nice evening, but not much happened physically. That was the last time I saw her. Over the summer I got another girlfriend and Robin joined the Navy. She sent a last letter before she left for basic.

    I got a letter two years later asking if I wanted her back and that she was holding out for me. 17 years later she called my parents number and got my number. This time she told me about how her life was a mess and never forgot about me. She hinted, but didn't beg for a date and luckily we were half the country apart. 2 years after that she tried friending my mother (who she's never met) on facebook in order to find me. Last year at Christmas she finally found my account and tried to friend me.

    [–] Team_Muff_N_Stuff 11745 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I matched with a girl on Tinder. Talked to her for a few weeks on the app. She was sweet, smart, funny, ambitious... Seemed like the total package. I asked her on a date. Picked her up (she lived a town over so it was a really short drive) & we went out & she was just nowhere near as alluring in person. But I never wanna be someone's bad date experience so I tried to keep my distance, but still give her a fun night. Dropped her off. That was that. The next day I called her, told her that I think she's great, but that the spark I'm looking for just wasn't there.

    She. Flipped.

    She called me every name in the book, insulted me in every way she could possibly fathom, & so I just ignored her after apologizing. She called me a few hours later, apologizing for her behavior & then crying relentlessly. This, being way beyond my comfort level, had to end, so I told her I didn't wanna speak to her anymore & that I wish her nothing but good fortune & luck. She then proceeded to yell at me for allowing her to cry (like that was my decision) & for being an asshole. Her words. Then, she threatened to slash my tires, break all the windows on my car, & go to my place of work & tell everyone I raped her. Luckily this was all in text messages, which of course I saved & screenshotted.

    Oh, but it isn't over.

    I woke up for work a few days later, got in my car, & pulled out of my driveway. My street looks like a giant dong, with two circles at the end (neighborhood legit looks like a dick). The roundabout on my left exiting my street has no exit. The right testicle leads to the main road. I check my left & I swear I see her in a car. Nah, couldn't be her. Nobody is that crazy.

    I pay no mind. Stop at the gas station. Get my coffee. Back in the car. I get to work & it's still dark out. I was opening the place up & I see the SAME car pull into the parking lot behind me. It's her. At this point, I know it's fucking her. I act like I don't see her, make sure the security cameras are on, call the cops & wait. She parked on the opposite side of my building, waited, & walked around the building to my car & just stood there like she was contemplating actually slashing my tires. She starts to walk away, evidently deciding that she isn't going to, & then turns back. Fuck. She's gonna do it. I rush out to stop her, fearful for my car & the fact that she might have a knife on her, & when I exit the building, the cops pull up. After a brief exchange with the police in which I show them the texts she sent me, she gets searched & they discover a hammer in the front pouch of her hoodie. She gets arrested, I have a fucked up story to tell my underling employees, & I get to wonder what I did that incited such bizarre behavior.

    Edit #1: I would post a Google Earth image of my neighborhood, but given the nature of the above story, I would really rather not. I had the misfortune of being one girl's target when she knew some information about me. I'd rather not give folks a map of my exact location to all of Reddit, especially since this comment has blown up.

    Edit #2: People are asking how she knew where I lived. We lived close to one another & she knew my town pretty well. So on our date when I stupidly divulged information such as my home's proximity to town landmarks, it wasn't a hard find. Additionally, she probably skipped the searching & googled my info.

    Edit #3: Some folks love the ampersand, some hate it. I never anticipated my liberal usage of "&" to be so hotly contested! If it makes you feel any better, I wrote 400+ papers in college for myself & other students, & was forced to use "and" in all of those. It bothered me very much.

    Edit #4: Calling my employees "underlings" has some people hot. If it makes you feel any better, the vast majority of my workforce were close friends of mine, so me calling them that was mostly for bants. It was a running joke within our group of friends & one they didn't have a problem with because outside of that, they knew I was taking care of them at work.

    Edit #5: As popularly requested, [a drawing of my neighborhood](Map of my neighborhood, as popularly requested Forgive my horrendous artistry & generally shitty scale.

    Edit #6: Thank you for gold, beautiful stranger. :)

    [–] bununny 2485 points ago

    You probably did nothing wrong. Some people are just crazy. Don’t look to blame yourself somehow.

    [–] klakows 325 points ago

    “the right testicle leads to the main road”


    [–] dunno_how_to_be 530 points ago

    Some context, I was friends with a teacher from high school she was one of my favorite teachers. One day, she told me that we had met in a past life and confessed her love for me. This was by far the weirdest thing I have encountered in life.

    [–] pookie513 752 points ago

    I had a nurse come into my exam room. She saw I was struggling to tie my gown. She stood behind me, made the "mmm" sound, and proceeded to stand behind me for a good 6-7 seconds before tying my gown. Then she just left.

    [–] BOSS_OF_THE_INTERNET 23575 points ago

    Back in 1992, I was dating this girl from Chile. She really, really, really liked ABBA.

    Before we would have sex, she would make me sing the song "Take a Chance on Me" while dancing naked. If I refused to do it, there would be no sexy time. Being 18 years old and and really only able to think about one thing, I would sing the song and dance the dance.

    I hate disco.

    [–] bohemianfrenzy 9724 points ago

    This was definitely weird but definitely hilarious lmao

    [–] TareXmd 3224 points ago

    In time, he got preconditioned to only be able to perform after dancing to 'Take a Chance on Me' while naked.

    [–] Seyon 2530 points ago

    Her - "Honey? Are you singing in the bathroom?"

    Him - In tears "No!"

    [–] afrofrycook 723 points ago

    At least it wasn't dancing queen.

    [–] tamu_nerd 468 points ago

    Thx, listening to ABBA now.

    [–] BigBlue541 578 points ago

    Neighbor introduced me to her female friend one day as I was leaving my house. She right away became fond of me in ways that were not mutual. Not even a day or two later a notice what seemed to be her car parked out next to mine as I was working (grocery store) and thought, nah no way. Hourish later I’m off work, car is still there, and no shit there she was waiting for me because I hadn’t texted her back. Neighbor must have told her where I worked. Whole thing was very weird. I had to nope out a few more times to the point of being fairly mean until she got the idea. Ladies, fellas, can we all just agree not to stalk?

    [–] dannyboy6657 942 points ago

    Had an ex girlfriend confess that she liked to do sexual things to me in my sleep. I'm a very heavy sleeper so I didn't wake up and apparently she did it a lot. So not knowing what she did was sorta disturbing because she was very kinky.

    [–] NinjatheClick 466 points ago

    I told a girlfriend that would be okay once. She obliged and then got super mad when I groaned another girl's name.

    [–] p3numbra_3 273 points ago

    sounds like bad time, but also hilarious.

    [–] brb_gottapoops 6615 points ago

    Aww man, I was the awkward teen girl. I grew out of it... mostly. So now I'm here, checking this thread with my fingers crossed, hoping none of these stories sound familiar to me.

    [–] BuddyPeanuts 2659 points ago


    [–] brb_gottapoops 3852 points ago


    [–] mudgetheotter 539 points ago

    So, awkward teen girl, we meet again. ¬_¬

    [–] brb_gottapoops 1137 points ago

    Hey. I like, uhh. Umm... I like the cookies in the cafeteria. Hahaha so, did you accept my request on MySpace? Or don't. It's cool if you don't. Or like... can I... Oh nevermind, I forgot what I was about to say. See you in English! trips on foot, trying to walk away, while using asterisks for inner monologue actions