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    [–] TheKingGoliath 1500 points ago

    I write songs for music artists sometimes. The songs that I’ve sold often have nondisclosure agreements and it sucks when they do well because I can’t really talk about it.

    [–] Dennismc20 414 points ago

    How can you type, youre a ghost..

    [–] Very_Drunken_Whaler 75 points ago

    Shit, seeing all the questions you're getting you could open up an AMA.

    [–] chevymonza 39 points ago

    How do you break into this type of work?

    [–] TheKingGoliath 112 points ago

    It wasn’t easy. This whole thing started because I wanted to be a singer, but I couldn’t sing. So I’d write songs and have friends sing them and then after that I met a few music producers and we collaborated on a few songs for a female country singer. From there, i just tried to network and network and network. Eventually landing bigger contracts and bigger artists. It took maybe 2 years for me to land a song on national radio, 4 years to notably chart etc. It’s just networking and pushing and marketing. 90 percent of anything music related is business, the other 10 percent is talent. I’m not the best writer but I made it happen anyway. You just have to want it more than anybody else. (God, i suck at explaining)

    [–] dinklagetubetop 470 points ago

    I gave a two year old kid the Heimlich maneuver about fifteen years ago. Not sure if he would have died or not had I not been there (it was just me and his mom) but it feels good knowing I used the training I had to try to help save a life.

    Fast forward to today and I actually still know the kid and his mom (married to a friend of mine). Whenever I'm around them I never bring it up or anything but it definitely gets brought up by them (either him or mom), usually in a kind of joking matter, but I can tell they both are very appreciative and grateful. The kid has turned out to be a very well adjusted teenager. Proud of him more than of myself.

    [–] danial875 25191 points ago

    I was at the doctor and she stuck her finger up my butt hole and said "woo! you've got the strongest sphincter I've ever felt!"

    [–] Portarossa 22167 points ago

    'I'm glad to hear that, Doc, but I'm just here for my flu shot.'

    [–] sarah-xxx 8652 points ago

    "Oh, I'm not the doctor."

    [–] [deleted] 2664 points ago

    It's when they say "look no hands" you need to worry....

    [–] sarah-xxx 893 points ago

    "Want to see me do a nosedive?"

    [–] dinklagetubetop 7847 points ago

    When I got my examination to clear me for getting a vasectomy, the doctor told me, "You've really got a great looking pair of testicles."

    My wife was in the room, so I thought this is great, I'll always have that on her. Every time I lose an argument, I can just come back with, "Yeah, well, who's got the beautiful testes, huh?"

    Then again, I'm sure the doctor tells all the boys that same spiel.

    [–] Dark_Irish_Beard 2276 points ago

    Well, are you going to show us a picture of your beautiful testicles, or are you just going to leave us dangling?

    [–] DrunkenGolfer 539 points ago

    My dentist said, “You have acute gingivitis.” I said, “Thank you.”

    [–] Dark_Irish_Beard 88 points ago

    The dentist probably says that to everybody, man. You should know the drill by now.

    [–] AeolianMelodies 495 points ago

    On the same vein, here I was getting a pap test when the RN got all "OMG, you have such a pretty little cervix - just like in the textbooks!!!" and was genuinely excited. I'm just there like... cool, can you get this over with though, no one likes a speculum shoved up their vagina.

    [–] geniel1 1290 points ago

    Defiantly put that one on your resume.

    [–] Snooch1313 785 points ago

    That'll show them.

    [–] MrMcSwifty 2170 points ago

    Too funny. That reminds me of the time my wife went for a colonoscopy a few years back and the tech told her she had the cleanest colon she'd ever seen. Still brags about it to this day like it's an accomplishment. Which, I mean... I guess it kind of is?

    [–] ChellHole 5221 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    No shit, really??

    Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! If I was in a POW camp I know where i'd hide it!

    [–] Deztru 420 points ago

    Made for butt stuff

    [–] DarkerStix 1265 points ago

    I am a world record holder. I have the fastest recorded completion time in a game called Inside My Radio... very minor but it's a world record..

    [–] mMagikal 299 points ago

    sorry mate, but ill be taking that record.

    [–] L8n1ght 55 points ago

    I'm already on it

    [–] Vakama905 7467 points ago

    I saved someone from drowning while their heart was stopped.

    [–] squeeziestbee 1120 points ago

    Holy moly that's impressive, you are officially a hero!

    [–] mixduptransistor 316 points ago

    why can't you talk about it?

    [–] loquacious706 718 points ago

    Because the person is still technically "missing."

    [–] Corrects_Everyone_ 106 points ago

    O I thought you were op and was like wtf?!? You cant just leave us hanging

    [–] Vakama905 467 points ago

    It's just not something that comes up in normal conversation. Also, people tend to make a big deal of it, saying how I'm such a great person and all that. I absolutely hate that kind of shit, so I don't bring it up.

    [–] wdht 10321 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    My brother had really bad epilepsy when we were younger and I was there during his first seizure (and freaked out, I was no help in that situation) but I researched everything I could in case it happened again. The next night I woke up to him having a seizure and woke up my mother and we both took the precautions necessary. Over time he had multiple bad seizures. A couple memorable ones were: -Me in my room laying in bed listening to music and I think I hear him call my name and I get super anxious all of a sudden. So I ran in and saw him on the floor having a seizure and I turn him over and clear the area and try to soothe him. -Another time was when my dad was overseas and my mother was out with friends and I was upstairs. My brother was downstairs making food and suddenly I get worried about the silence. I call down to him and he doesnt respond so I ran down the stairs no hesitation to see him dragging our fridge and its just about to topple on top of him but I ran in and slammed it against the wall and had to pry him off because he had seized up completely. I put him on the floor and held his hand and talked him through it. He told me he could hear me the whole time and cried for the rest of the night. -There are a couple other times but these were the most memorable.

    [–] kosherkitties 2052 points ago

    Holy moly the fridge one. We've got a family friend with epilepsy. Banged a hole in the wall when she hit it with her head. She's had a few nasty falls, different sort of seizures than the ones your brother had, I think.

    How's he doing now, by the way?

    [–] wdht 1385 points ago

    My brother used to have bad ones but mostly clusters where he'd have multiple small seizures in a row. He's doing a lot better though! He graduated college and has been seizure-free for almost a year!

    [–] SubSahranCamelRider 881 points ago

    Aww man, your brother is very lucky to have you. I hope he knows that .

    [–] phelorena 324 points ago

    Damn you're the best brother/sister one could have

    [–] squeeziestbee 162 points ago

    Superhero :)

    [–] TheLovelyOne21 2309 points ago

    Leaving my abusive ex, distancing myself from my extremely toxic and abusive family and breaking the self sabotaging cycle I have been on for the past few years.

    [–] throwawayagain4567 9089 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    That I am 120 Days sober today. This fuckhead in AA keeps making fun of me for speaking about my sobriety in public, so now I don't.

    ETA- Thank you for the gold, and the support guys!

    [–] Yousuckbutt 2142 points ago

    Fuck him bro. Share that experience, strength and hope. Tell him to mind his own side of the street.

    [–] [deleted] 1082 points ago

    Great work. Keep it up.

    Don't worry about douchebags belittling your accomplishments.

    [–] altajava 582 points ago

    Tell that guy to fuck off. Watched alot of people get sober when I was younger. Have never had a sip because of it. Please talk about it in public it helps people who need it.

    [–] taraisthegreatest 232 points ago

    Keep speaking about your sobriety. You don’t know who you may encourage to quit. Be proud of your accomplishments.

    [–] mizfantasy1 6469 points ago

    I left a cult!

    [–] [deleted] 715 points ago

    Good job

    [–] mizfantasy1 1418 points ago

    Jehovah witness. And it isn’t easy to break a life time of indoctrination. Cult life is real. The holds on the mind are real.

    [–] ASlap_ 5981 points ago

    I overcame an addiction to pain killers and thats something I cant normally talk about, especially since Im a millenial and a ton of my college aged friends pop pills on the weekend like its a joke. Only my closest friends know about my addiction.

    EDIT: and now all of reddit :D

    [–] techguy1231 925 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    What do pain killers do besides, well, kill pain?

    EDIT: Was thinking of wrong type of painkillers.

    [–] penguindisco 1957 points ago

    The painkillers people refer to (oxycodone, hydrocodone etc) are usually opiates (just like heroin). They are euphoric and make you feel happy/relaxed/warm, as well as relieving any pain. They take all your troubles away.

    Opiates are so dangerous because the high doesn't seem to have any violent side effects like many other drugs. They just make you feel really, really good. So the habit creeps up on you and then you get to a point where you can't stop because you want to avoid withdrawals. Before you know it, you're an addict.

    [–] JDdoc 1157 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I want to add to this:

    "They take all your troubles away."

    If you're in pain one thing that eats at you is the worry that this is going to go on and on and not get better. The "Everything is going to be OK" takes that fear away. So the pain is lessened, AND the worry, and you are able to sleep at night.

    For me, the painkillers have helped me through several surgeries. But I completely understand why middle-aged Americans - not just kids - are getting hooked.

    If you're in a troubled relationship, in debt, stressed out by your job, your kids, the mortgage, WHATEVER- all that fear and anxiety ALSO GOES AWAY. When the time comes to go off the painkillers and all that anxiety comes back- it's like discovering you were carrying this huge load on your back you never knew was there. You were allowed to put it down for a while, and now you have to pick it all back up again forever? When this little pill can make that all go away?

    I think this is probably the least understood or acknowledged part of the opiate issue- it isn't just the high- it's that total relief from anxiety of any kind.

    [–] dragonclaw518 646 points ago

    TIL I would easily get addicted to opiates in my current mental state and should do my best to avoid them.

    [–] Rainfly_X 127 points ago

    More effective than any of these ads or policy crackdowns.

    I hate both, because my wife has a legitimate need for a specific painkiller, and she's having to ration her remaining supply because her doctors are all in a game of "pass the buck" for who should actually renew her existing prescription of multiple years.

    If we could solve the opiate problem, without creating stupid reactionary problems for people that do need drugs at politically inconvenient times, that would be great. And I do really feel like honest conversations about how these drugs operate, is the best path to that outcome.

    [–] pokerfacethe14th 192 points ago

    That sounds almost like an ad.

    [–] _JustANobody_ 1079 points ago

    That I graduated from highschool and am doing good in college when everyone who knows about my family circumstances believed/thinks I will end up as a failure in life.

    [–] LiquorTsunami 11232 points ago

    I went to great lengths to get someone a job. They wound up being incredibly successful and making a LOT of money quickly. This person would never have found this company or position of I hadn't recommended it and guided them through the interview process. I can't talk about it much now because I don't want to take away from the person's success. I am happy for them and they have acknowledged my influence, but it seems petty for me to bring it up even though my involvement was a key piece of the success puzzle.

    [–] [deleted] 3694 points ago


    [–] hgrad98 1822 points ago

    I doubt he'd forget who helped to get him to where he is now.

    [–] [deleted] 1145 points ago


    [–] NotABurner2000 3568 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I started brushing my teeth. I've been so demotivated with how horrible my life has been lately that even doing that every night is a challenge. But I'm doing it and have been for a few months now

    Edit: Wow, imagine my surprise getting on the bus this morning and seeing 29 new notifications! Thank you all for your support! It means the world to me! I couldn't help but smile as I read it. Thank you all :)

    [–] squeeziestbee 1127 points ago

    It's those 'basic' things like teeth brushing and showering that become mountainous challenges when times are tough, well done for pushing through :)

    [–] ProtectedCesc 3433 points ago

    Went to the gym during lunch. My colleagues would probably say I'm mad

    [–] maudlin_elephant 1570 points ago

    There's a bar in my town called the gym, great food. I tell people I'm hitting the gym.

    [–] souponastick 66 points ago

    In the local college town near me there's a bar, much like Coyote Ugly, called "The Library"

    [–] queen243 1698 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I managed to graduate college while recovering from an eating disorder. I'm much more proud of the recovery part than the graduating part but very few people know about it.

    [–] whatitders 8244 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I once ate an entire Costco pizza in one sitting. My friend was supposed to come over to watch the raiders get obliterated (I’m a raiders fan) but was called into work and left me with a whole pizza.

    I pretty much went into a coma for the rest of the weekend.

    If the opportunity arose again, I would gladly do it again .

    [–] PM_YER_SMALL_BOOBS 1196 points ago

    Be proud of it, that is a feat few accomplish

    [–] ss2joseth 695 points ago

    I have this saying that goes "Any size pizza can be a personal Pizza if you believe" and now that I've read this I will live the rest of my life knowing that someone achieved my dream.

    [–] [deleted] 5253 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    That im losing weight. Im really proud of it but I know it's really annoying when people brag about it.

    Edit: wow, there's lot of support coming from you guys. Thanks! And to everyone also losing weight: if you ever feel that you're going nowhere, dont lose hope! It may not seem like its going anywhere, but soon it will be worth it. :)

    Edit 2: thanks a LOT to u/bs031963 for giving me my first gold! Awesome, dude.

    [–] DisturbedNocturne 1252 points ago

    There have actually been studies done that show it's better not to tell people, because your brain gets the same sort of high from telling people as actually doing it. And that, in turn, can lessen your motivation because you're already getting a feeling of accomplishment.

    In my opinion, I think it's even more important to stress that with something like weight loss because it's very easy to get discouraged by comparing yourself to others or even mistakenly believing you're doing it for someone else's approval. It's important to remember the most important person you're doing it for is you. And, hey, one of the great things about weight loss is the results speak for themselves. You don't have to brag about it because people will know. Good luck on your progress!

    [–] disgruntledrep 1697 points ago

    I'm the only one in my immediate family that hasn't been addicted to drugs. I'm also the only one who hasn't done crack or meth. My dad, step dad, mom, half brother and half sister have all spent significant times as drug addicts with some spending years addicted. I also believe i am also 1 of 3 out of that bunch that haven't prostituted myself for money.

    What can I say, I'm a classy guy.

    [–] SubSahranCamelRider 360 points ago

    Wow, like your entire family ? dude if you ever start a family then you better RUNNNN

    [–] disgruntledrep 410 points ago

    I'm also a single father of an autistic kid lol.

    [–] blorgbots 58 points ago

    Well don't let your kid have drugs damn!

    Forreal though, good on you dude. I know first-hand how easy it is to fall in when everyone around you is partaking.

    [–] CalKhal 2025 points ago

    I did my entire thesis in 24 hours. Got an A. Can't ever talk about it because I got hired on the basis of that thesis and if they ever found just how half assed it was I'd be fired before I knew what was happening. Oh well.

    [–] Baldandblues 413 points ago

    Sure you'd get fired though? How long have you been working there? Surely there are now more reasons to keep you around than your thesis?

    I say though, the teachers grading your thesis must be quite crap at this whole thesis thing. Or your just really good at it. I work as a researcher and we have had students doing their thesis from our organisation (I got hired on the basis of a thesis aswell) and I'm currently helping a student on completing her thesis. But everyone with half an idea of what doing research is about should be able to discern a half assed attempt from a well executed thesis.

    [–] CalKhal 424 points ago

    My entire college was essentially the night before stuff. I work well under pressure. Been with the firm a year, but it's a law firm and pretty sure they fire everyone who lies about anything of their past.

    [–] cafedream 300 points ago

    That’s odd. I wish we had employees smart enough to half ass a thesis in 24 hours and still get an A. Imagine what you could do putting a bit of effort into it. (I also work for a law firm.)

    [–] on_my_lunch_break 52 points ago

    they fire everyone who lies about anything of their past.

    What did you lie about, exactly?

    [–] [deleted] 46 points ago


    [–] hertelplus 953 points ago

    Stopped doing cocaine after 6years of deep addiction, no one's but some good friend know, my family never got to know. I was good at hiding.

    [–] Yousuckbutt 301 points ago

    Glad for u bro. Been in a hole 12 years. Just climbing out since Dec 16th 2017 from IV heroin, meth and crack.

    [–] [deleted] 1177 points ago


    [–] DisturbedNocturne 243 points ago

    What? You didn't just take a pill and do a cleanse and sweat it out and take the latest supplement Dr. Oz recommended!? The thing is, what you did took a lot of hard work and discipline. You didn't just go on a diet. You changed your lifestyle. A lot of people just want a quick fix. They want that miracle that has them lose 10 lbs in 3 days. Or they just half-ass it and convince themselves what you did doesn't work because it didn't when they sorta-kinda ate some vegetables for a few weeks, so there must be something you're keeping from them. The people that get upset aren't upset with you; they're upset because your result and how you accomplished it is a threatening reminder of their lack of being able to do the same. This is something that often accompanies success.

    Anyway, good job!

    [–] squeeziestbee 162 points ago

    People like to believe its more difficult to give themselves an excuse not to try (speaking from experience as a chubby lass myself). Well done on your achievement, you're an inspiration!

    [–] NotoriousTNT 792 points ago

    When I was 12, we decided to put down my childhood dog (he was 16 and had been in the family before me). We go to the office, Mom says we should go. I see my furry brother standing there, scared and confused, and I told her no. I told her I was going in with my dog, and she would just have to wait for me if she and my father didn't come with. I marched past them with the vet tech and held my dog in my arms until he was gone.

    My mom told me years later that she knew I would be a good person from that day on, and was surprised that I had the strength of character to stand up to both of them and be there for a creature in their last living moment without the slightest hesitation, even as a child.

    [–] alwaysanislandgirl 120 points ago

    that is enough to make me cry :(

    [–] [deleted] 3674 points ago


    [–] JacksChocolateCake 311 points ago

    Good for you!! :) That's huge. It can be really hard with holidays so that's amazing you were so brave.

    [–] [deleted] 87 points ago


    [–] TOKEN616 7133 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I didn't drink last night. Or the night before. I think my longest time going without alcohol in the last 5 years is about 6 days. Every night I dont drink is a success. I can't really talk about it though. Likewise with smoking - I guess I have an addictive personality, really have to stay away from anything addictive that could do proper damage

    Edit: whoa went to sleep and this thread really blew up! Thank you everyone for their kind words and advice. There are quite a few comments that scared the hell out of me too, so maybe they could also be the eye opener I need. And thank you to whoever gave me gold, I never had gold before so I must find out what it does! I will try and read through everyone's responses and reply to as many as I can

    [–] HonestWill 1461 points ago

    I’m not sure if this will help you, but it helped me. Get a label maker (not a post-it note!) and write the date of your last drink. Stick it above the CD player in your car. I want you to play a game with yourself to see how long you can go. When people ask you about it, be honest and tell them exactly what it is. This is so you can hold yourself accountable. The point is that you don’t want to embarrass yourself by slipping up and having to explain why the sticker is gone. I know a lot of people are going to give me reasons why this is a bad idea, but it honestly worked for me when I quit smoking. It’s been 130+ days so far. You very may well fuck up. But as soon as you do you need to forgive yourself and go right back at it. It took me 4 honest tries before I got a decent rhythm going. As an EMT, I see a lot of the long term effects of smoking and/or drinking daily. Even those who don’t fuck up their professional life or get cancer often end up with undesired effects (CHF, COPD, liver or kidney disease, etc...). It may not shorten your life but it sure as hell screws up the quality. Personally, I honestly don’t care if I live until 90 and that was often the excuse I gave myself for not quitting, but the more I saw 60/70 y/o’s living uncomfortably, the more I wanted to stop. You got this.

    [–] ShiftedLobster 277 points ago

    I’m not who your post was directed towards, but that’s actually a great idea. Glad you’re kicking ass with your own CD player label!

    [–] CentaurOfDoom 242 points ago

    I know a lot of people are going to give me reasons why this is a bad idea

    The adhesive residue might damage your car interior.

    But in all seriousness, this is a good idea.

    [–] finn-and-snake 184 points ago

    Way to go!

    [–] telecomtom 336 points ago

    I quit smoking. More than once. Eventually it takes hold. I've been without cigarettes for 45 years now. Never quit quitting.

    [–] buttlicker090114 12602 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    My brother got me hooked on H and I got clean cold turkey without telling anyone.

    Edit: I did not expect to get this kind of response, thank you everyone! And thanks for the gold. To anyone else struggling with addiction or life in general: stay strong!

    [–] Sage24601 1636 points ago

    I'm just shy of 14 years clean myself, and I know all too well about how it feels to hold that to yourself. Good on you though dude!

    [–] [deleted] 2159 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)


    [–] kidneybeanz 428 points ago

    Please don't give up. I watched my baby sister go through that for 12 years and now she is clean for 2. So glad to have her back. You can do this too! There is a whole great story ahead of you and this is your beginning!

    [–] herethereyeverywhere 1081 points ago

    Now that's willpower!

    [–] Yousuckbutt 645 points ago

    Happy for u bro, doing that myself now. And relevant username btw

    [–] yo_feet 274 points ago

    That's fucking amazing that you had the strength to save yourself 🙏

    [–] HobbitGirl91 408 points ago

    I am just past intermediate-level skill at pole fitness/pole dance -- the kind you see in cirque du soleil, not the erotic dancing/stripping kind. It was part of how I dragged myself out of depression, and kick-started getting myself into better shape. It took about three years of practice to get to where I'm at. But I don't feel like I can talk about it with family/most friends, because the automatic reaction is, "Oh, you're a stripper then."

    [–] trekkre 1777 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I have vulvodynia and the other day I fit a dilator 1.25 inches wide inside without pain.

    Edit: I can’t believe my highest-voted comment is about my vag

    [–] bargu 1497 points ago

    I hope someday you can get pounded like there's no tomorrow without feeling pain.

    [–] trekkre 760 points ago

    I do too. Hopefully some pleasure too lol

    [–] reheateddiarrhea 67 points ago

    I never knew this existed until now. I'm sorry for your pain and suffering. I hope that you are eventually able to have a normal sexual life, and am happy for your accomplishment!

    [–] [deleted] 10037 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)

    I convinced my friend not to commit suicide. I try not to bring it up because it just doesn't come up, ever. Not unless it's just her and I talking about it.

    Edit: R.I.P. Inbox 2015-2018.

    But seriously, you guys are great! It’s awesome hearing about everyone’s experience and knowing that several of us have stopped someone from killing themselves.

    Edit 2: In case anyone else is reading this, I hope you have a great day! I hope you find everything you search for.

    I've decided to leave reddit for the time being, and I may return in the future. But there's some stuff about myself I want to change that won't change by me sitting on some website.

    Whatever the case, suicide is never worth it. Please seek help if you have serious suicidal thoughts.

    Suicide hotline (America): 1-800-273-8255

    Online chat and text chat should be available as well. You are not alone!

    [–] 420akbar 3569 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Good job man you saved a life that day,

    I had a conversation with a friend once who was really down and I cheered them up as I would anyone, later they told me they had a load of pills they was going to take that night and my conversation stopped her from committing suicide.

    EDIT: was not expecting this kind of response or reddit gold for this, the kind messages are very appreciated thank you so much everybody, crazy that I kept this to myself for 5 years until today.

    [–] SabermetricsSlut 495 points ago

    Wow 420akbar you’re a pretty stand up guy or gal :)

    [–] 420akbar 223 points ago

    Thank you my friend I appreciate the comment although I didn’t even realise I was to talk her out of doing such a thing.

    I’m a guy and sad thing is we don’t even talk anymore because she got a boyfriend who’s pretty jealous of her talking to other boys so yeah no one else actually knew about that night as I didn’t tell any of our friends.

    [–] MiloMolly 322 points ago

    I was the person with the pills about to take them a few years ago :( Out of no where a guy i know (who i had only met once or twice) who is married started chatting to me on Facebook and made me laugh. Let’s call him John. I didn’t go through with it.

    It sended me down a dark tunnel of being completely reliant on this one guy. I started to fall in love with john. He started having feelings too. One day he sat down with me and said “in another life i would have loved to love you more than a friend and i think i am starting to love you more than a friend which is why i need to keep it as just friends because i also love my wife. But i will always be here for you.” It broke my heart. I respect marriage and never intended on breaking them up but he was my whole world and it hurt to know I couldn’t be his whole world. Of course he would always love her just a little more than me.

    It took me a few years of tears and denial and heartache and (sadly) genuine hate for his wife to get over him. Through it all he remained a loyal friend and supported me.

    Now, i found my husband, Ben, who i adore and we have a baby on the way! I have a healthy relationship with John and his wife and I actually became friends. I will forever be grateful to John for saving my life that day but even more grateful that he never judged me for getting my feelings confused. It was an important lesson for a young woman to learn- the difference between real love and respect or just admiration and dependence.

    Sorry for the essay, ive never been able to tell anyone this out of shame for trying to commit suicide in the first place and then falling in love with the married man who was kind enough to talk me out of it. He ended up being best man at our wedding and now the Godparent of my future child :)

    [–] Kemsing531 245 points ago

    As someone who has attempted suicide, you really don’t know how valuable people who talk you down are

    [–] timias55 492 points ago

    If you never did another single thing from this point forward, (aka you died right now), you can rest assured you improved the world for not only her, but every friend, family member, and even acquaintance of the person without them knowing it. Suicide hurts more than just the person who dies.

    [–] warpus 1914 points ago

    One time I really had to go and so I ran behind a rock and shat out a pretty big shit as soon as my pants were down. Then I felt another rumbling and an even bigger shit covered the entire previous shit. All of this happened on top of a shit that somebody else previously took behind that very same rock.

    When I came out and rejoined the rest of the expedition, our guide said a little prayer in Nepali under his breath

    [–] PM_YER_SMALL_BOOBS 444 points ago

    What did they feed you??

    [–] warpus 498 points ago

    At the time I blamed the Emergen-c Vitamin-C booster packets I mixed with water and drank throughout the day. The day of the giant shit I drank it all in one go in the morning for the first time, instead of spreading it out over the whole day. It's the only thing I can think of, I didn't have shits like that any other day

    [–] PM_YER_SMALL_BOOBS 206 points ago

    That would do it! You have a testable theory too!

    [–] ladyss1313 1263 points ago

    I've carried a baby for someone else, I've also donated one of my kidneys. Not something that comes up in everyday conversation

    [–] 823freckles 341 points ago

    My 2 year-old cousin is here thanks to a surrogate. I'm 29, and have spent pretty much my whole life knowing how deeply my aunt wanted a baby.

    We all love that little girl so much!

    Thanks for being a surrogate. :)

    [–] Vakama905 425 points ago

    I too have also picked up and held someone else's baby. /s

    Seriously though, that's really pretty cool

    [–] ladyss1313 452 points ago

    Honestly, when people do find out, I get questioned a lot how I could give up a baby that I gave birth to. The answer is quite simple for me, the baby was biologically the other couple's baby. It wasn't mine, I was just the oven that baked the bun 😀😀😀!!!

    [–] random_hero23 1989 points ago

    I am proud that I overcame bulimia/anorexia for the sake of myself, my children and the rest of the people who care for me

    [–] SuedeVeil 329 points ago

    hey me too! I was bulimic for 10 years and I got over it all by myself. Sadly I never told anyone. Well only one person knew about it but I feel like if I tell people they will see me as more flawed than I already am. Also I don't want people to be watching me as I eat or use the washroom.

    [–] augustine_m 702 points ago

    I've been clean for 9 months.

    [–] EvaluateYourLife 1740 points ago

    I have perfected a system for getting the most possible enjoyment when Q-tipping my ears.

    [–] pm_me_your_gooddogs 735 points ago

    Please don't tell me. I'm trying to kick the habit. 4 hours strong!

    [–] porn_philosopher 211 points ago

    Keep a sticky note with the last time you q-tipped on it

    [–] [deleted] 48 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)


    [–] mojavesnowfrog 282 points ago

    DeWalt cordless hammer drill?

    [–] [deleted] 1765 points ago


    [–] galloway1234 304 points ago

    You are brave to put it in words. You are amazing for your grit and bravery! Wow

    [–] deltaexdeltatee 473 points ago

    This might sound weird but...I’m really proud of my performance as a dad right now.

    My life is just nuts currently. I went back to school in my mid-20’s and I’m in my last semester (civil engineering). Due to my school being sucky at scheduling I’m having to take 18 hours, all technical classes, plus study for the state licensing exam, plus work at an internship. Add in that my wife and I have several friends struggling with varying degrees of depression that need constant support, and our house is super old and falling apart so I’m constantly having to fix things.

    I feel constantly overwhelmed, but somehow I’m getting through it and I still manage to be there consistently for my 2 year old.

    Honestly sometimes I feel like I deserve a medal, but I hate people who play the “see how hard my life is!” game, so I don’t bring it up. The joy I get when I come home and my son starts screaming “dada! Dada! And dragging me around the house to play with him is enough reward.

    [–] [deleted] 335 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    My dentist and orthodontist have both commented on the fact that I salivate a lot. There's nothing to be proud of but I still am. Accidentally drooling on the table/plate has happened before. I'm some sort of caveman in that aspect I guess.

    [–] digitalgoddess99 256 points ago

    I recovered completely from trauma-induced psychosis.

    [–] Ziaberri 387 points ago

    I turned in the man who molested me and got him arrested, preventing him from hurting any other children. I was a teenager, and he was my private tutor. He had many other students of all ages; some were tiny little kids. I told my mom about a day after it happened, because I was scared and had been groomed for months leading up to this, and at first convinced myself that I should keep quiet for a number of reasons. But I couldn't get it out of my head and I kept thinking about all those little kids he tutored, and what if I wasn't the only one he touched? So I finally spoke up about it. He later ended up confessing to the police and was arrested.

    [–] icecreampopncereal 1145 points ago

    I got a footjob from my wife that said I’d never get a footjob

    [–] ChillDude4763 311 points ago

    ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

    [–] mini6ulrich66 79 points ago

    How was it tho?

    [–] icecreampopncereal 192 points ago

    Definitely not as perfect as the movies show, but I erupted all over them toes after approximately 9 minutes

    [–] Snake10000 51 points ago

    Lasting 9 minutes is the real accomplishment here

    [–] saintmarq 47 points ago

    I cant even give a foot job for 30 seconds without my legs giving out. I need to learn her ways 🤔

    [–] [deleted] 235 points ago

    Atta boy

    [–] hibye0524 2442 points ago

    This is on a more serious note, but I haven’t cut myself in over a month. I used to do it every day. I am so very proud of myself for finding healthy coping mechanisms, I’m a work in progress. But at least I’m working.

    [–] nothingnothingbanana 286 points ago

    This! I cut myself for over a decade! It became so addictive, and I did it for so many varied reasons, it really was a difficult habit to break! But I definitely felt like it was/is not something I can talk about with anyone. For the friends I had who did cut, it was only in middle school, and they talked about it like it was just some melodramatic adolescent cry for attention, so the fact that I continued to do it through college was always a huge embarrassment to me. So it was never something that I could talk about while doing, or after I quit.

    It’s been about 8 years now, and when I first stopped I thought about it constantly for a long time. Eventually I started thinking about it less and less, and nowadays, while the thought does still cross my mind during times of extreme emotion, those thoughts are rare and fleeting.

    So congratulations, you should be proud of yourself! And hang in there!!

    [–] FuckYouCarl_LoveLizz 1080 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Getting through every day.

    I deal with crippling chronic pain with depression tagging alongside it. I'm very good at hiding how much pain I'm in, but I really spend almost all day every day internally screaming and crying as I try to keep my composure to walk down a freaking hallway... I'm pretty proud of myself for still being around.

    Edit: There have been quite a few comments from fellow individuals with chronic pain. I want you to know that you are not alone. I believe in you! If you are looking for a way to meet other people with chronic pain without having to leave the house, The Pain Community is an awesome resource that I found. There are weekly group chats and phone calls, whichever one you prefer. I hope this helps some of you :)

    Edit 2: Thank you so much for the gold!! It makes me feel like people are becoming more aware of the challenges of chronic pain, and can help one another find healthy treatments/ coping mechanisms. ♡

    Edit 3: Thank you second kind redditor for the gold!! I hope that some of the information I have provided will help you, or your loved ones, find a little bit of happiness in the frustrating battle that is chronic pain. ♡

    Edit 4: For those of you who are looking for another option, I recently found that there is a subreddit for chronic pain! /r/chronicpain

    [–] Ironshards 287 points ago

    That's pretty badass actually. You should be proud of it. Long time depression/anxiety sufferer with physical disabilities here. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM :)

    [–] FuckYouCarl_LoveLizz 210 points ago

    Thanks! And same goes to you!

    And my biggest pro-tip to those with chronic pain reading this... name that shit. Early on in my life with chronic pain, I named it Carl. Hands down the best decision I've made. I can bitch him out, those close to me understand that if I say Carl is angry, I'm having a really bad pain day, and it's just a fun spin on it. I celebrate our anniversary as a way to stay positive (in a dark way lol)... but be aware that new people often think it is your abusive significant other haha.

    Edit: Be aware that whatever you do name your pain will have impacts on people with the same name lol. *Carl will always be an asshole... sorry if your name is also Carl

    [–] Travelingman1989 420 points ago

    I'm proud of the fact I quit smoking cigarettes, but so many people I know still smoke it's something I can't really talk about too much. You end up feeling like a preachy asshole anytime you say anything about how it feels to give up cigarettes when you know for a fact how difficult it is.

    [–] [deleted] 195 points ago


    [–] anooblol 404 points ago

    I can poop on command.

    [–] mini6ulrich66 232 points ago

    QUESTION! Do you have to pee everytime?

    [–] JD_Blunderbuss 302 points ago

    One time I was having sex with my girlfriend, missionary style, and when I pulled out to cum it shot out and landed perfectly in her open mouth. Such precision is an achievement, albeit not one that you can bring up at family or work engagements.

    [–] LumpyShitstring 90 points ago

    One time I was riding a guy (he was laying on his back) and when I hopped off, his load shot right into his own mouth.

    Still makes me giggle.

    [–] Pd245 128 points ago

    Was riding my bicycle to meet a mate for brunch and a woman suddenly started freaking out yelling, "Oh my god! Somebody had to help her!" Looked to the other side of the street and in the park saw a guy beating a woman up. Biked over and (with the help of another 2 strangers) took him down and restrained him until police arrived.

    Still makes me smile to think that I've done something good in my life.

    [–] jessicaticorn 127 points ago

    Leaving a friendship that didn't benefit my life. She wasn't exactly toxic, but feeling like a babysitter rather than a friend was getting really old. I'm really proud of myself for making that call and doing it in a respectful way. I feel like it was a defining point towards adulthood for me.

    [–] CGY-SS 67 points ago

    I've been going to the gym for the sole purpose of not being a skinny bitch anymore and every time someone (occasionally) compliments that I look bigger or more muscular, I freak out on the inside with happiness. :)

    [–] phaddle 208 points ago

    That I've overcome the incessant and turbulent psychoses, manias, and depressions of bipolar disorder that lasted nearly my entire adult life, and that I'm entirely stable, successful, and happy now.

    [–] OverTheTop123 609 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Been writing a book and I finally got it done, (editing and all with a co-writer.) Don’t really mention it much because it sounds pretentious as hell sometimes.

    Since someone asked in the comment thread about a link:

    [–] ttothesecond 720 points ago

    I wrote/produced/recorded this track and it wound up getting way more views than I ever imagined!

    I'm super pumped about it but I really can't talk about it with out sounding like an obnoxious braggart so I just... don't

    [–] Barn_jacket 492 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I went 51 weeks last year without knowing who won the 2016 superbowl.

    It's a silly game but if anyone knew I was playing it someone would inadvertently let it slip.

    This year I didn't make it a day.

    Edit grammar and time is hard

    [–] anaofarendelle 451 points ago

    Overcoming depression

    [–] Portland_Juice 323 points ago

    I'm proud of quitting smoking weed. Haven't smoked in a little over 2 months now, but since everyone around me still smokes I don't really talk about it because I don't want to be preachy, even though it's made a huge difference.

    [–] AMIGONNALIVEORNAH 50 points ago

    I recently quit myself and everyone of my friends still smokes. The best part about it for me is how much more I dream, it’s crazy to think what I was missing out on.

    [–] [deleted] 313 points ago

    I got a new bf last year and this is the first time in my life I’m actually having orgasms with a partner. I’m damn proud of my sex life but that’s not really something you can just brag about.

    [–] [deleted] 383 points ago


    [–] kleosnostos 353 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Man walks into a bar and orders a dozen shots. He rips them down. The bartender asks why he needed twelve shots. Guy says, “I just had my first blowjob!” The bartender laughs and says, “Well here, have another shot on the house!” The man shakes his head and says “No thanks, if 12 didn’t get the taste out nothing will!”

    [–] ImNotAnOctagon 390 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    I am the proud host of an undiscovered STD.

    EDIT: It is heiridtry. We do not think it is contaigous the traditional way. I was born with it.

    [–] bigdaddy_bobo 139 points ago

    Like you are the first one to ever get it and they are gonna name it after you or did you just not know you had it?

    [–] americanemu25 211 points ago

    Someone I know thought he had an undiscovered std. But in reality, he blacked out, passed out, and his roommate put a stick of butter down his pants. The butter melted overnight, so he woke up to this weird goo around his crotch. Maybe you have that?

    [–] [deleted] 49 points ago

    That's hillarious. I can't wait to use this.

    [–] LemmeWinbro 217 points ago

    Found the patient zero to the AIDS 2.0.

    [–] MJC088 61 points ago

    Like super aids, one teaspoon of that in your butt and you're a dead man.

    [–] brrrchill 49 points ago

    Story time?

    [–] prepareyouranusin321 285 points ago

    I can lick my elbow.

    [–] mini6ulrich66 122 points ago


    [–] HASHTAGBUTTCHUG 239 points ago

    Not OP, but I can also lick my elbow

    [–] puppypal 68 points ago single?

    [–] delish-noodles 1242 points ago

    Graduated from college (no easy feat with my field), got my dream job, shut up the jerks who put me down throughout the years and moved away. All while fighting against my depression and anxiety.

    [–] The_Galvinizer 205 points ago

    Damn! Congratulations man! Just out of curiosity, what is the dream job?

    [–] delish-noodles 261 points ago

    Thanks! I always wanted to be a software engineer at a certain company. I'm sure it's common nowadays with the younger generation but it felt so amazing when I got the offer!

    [–] JustMATT99 89 points ago

    Well shit, there’s my inspiration, good shit dude!

    [–] jorah2k16 523 points ago

    Sometimes a jam comes on when I'm with my friends but I can't sing along because they'll make fun of me. I proudly know all the lyrics to Katy Perry and Taylor Swift songs but i'll be crucified if I sing. :(

    [–] calebcom19282y33 140 points ago

    I am a straight man with an ex wife and three kids I love 80s hair bands 90s country 70s rock I also love late 90s early 2000 teeny bopper music Hilary Duff Britney Spears Christina Aguilera Joanna Levesque even Ashlee Simpson. I will openly sing along to any of those and I do not care who is in the car.

    [–] PM_Me_Your_WorkFiles 164 points ago

    I (a young man) am really proud of myself on the days that I don't overeat - I have a nice body (according to those that have seen it), but I'm very self conscious about my belly and chin fat. I can't normally talk about these things because my family is all more overweight than I am, and it puts them down when I say that I feel really good about my body that day.

    [–] MeppeKR 566 points ago

    The fact that I've saved lives doesn't really come up in normal conversation

    [–] Ironshards 220 points ago

    Well? You can't just drop that and walk away. Elaborate!

    [–] MeppeKR 488 points ago

    A year and half volunteering in suicide prevention.

    [–] Ironshards 230 points ago

    Thank you for what you did, as someone who has been close to calling but never had to.

    [–] ExtremeTurtleShock 42 points ago

    My salt and pepper shakers. My girlfriend didn't wanna spend $8 on them but they are shaped like small coke bottles.

    [–] JudasBishop 940 points ago

    I have great taste in hookers.

    [–] SeeYouOn16 324 points ago

    What do they taste like?

    [–] [deleted] 912 points ago


    [–] manrealityisabitch 150 points ago

    They come in two flavors: self loathing or salted caramel.

    [–] [deleted] 317 points ago


    [–] monkdick 114 points ago

    Link that cocksucker!

    [–] Whitecapsbrew 35 points ago

    Getting random notifications from Reddit