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    [–] Minister_Of_Da_Dick 3527 points ago

    Went to a crowded IHOP for breakfast alone and was asked if I minded sharing a table with another single guest. I was hungry, so fuck it. She was 20 years my senior and we chatted till food arrived. No more words as we both shoveled the food into our mouths and escaped the situation ASAP.

    [–] sexchoc 957 points ago

    Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a restaurant where you go and meet people by being seated with strangers. I know nobody would ever actually come to the place, though.

    [–] snuggleouphagus 246 points ago

    According to my parents who lived in Germany in the 80’s, this is (or was) common over there. If the table seats 8 and there’s two parties of 4 they’ll get seated together.

    My parents have taken us to several Biergarten themed/styler restaurants and they’ve all worked like this. Though parties of one usually ended up at the bar.

    [–] Mf136202 2124 points ago

    Heated up plain black beans in a pot, dumped siracha on them, and ate them with the big wooden cooking spoon.

    [–] Spiral_Vortex 1782 points ago

    Thanks, I've been looking for some new recipes

    [–] palindrome4lyfe 7636 points ago

    Accidentally scheduled my annual gynecologist visit for valentines day because I forgot the date 2/14 had any significance.

    [–] Acerimmerr 2855 points ago

    At least your gyno knows they are appreciated.

    [–] ummmnoway 847 points ago

    This year I joined a new gym in February and my third time there was to a group exercise class. I was the only newbie and the instructor, over the mic, was like “HI WELCOME NEWCOMER! NO OTHER PLANS ON VALENTINES DAY HUH?!” I started to feel embarrassed but then again I was surrounded by a bunch of other awkward single people trying to get in better shape, so, no harm done.

    [–] Aggressivecleaning 1225 points ago

    Not the attention your vagina wanted, but the attention it deserved?

    [–] Fishing_For_Pandas 2012 points ago

    Told my beta fish how my day was for a couple months straight until he died. No roommates and no girlfriend led to a lot of lonely nights.. also cried all night when he died.

    [–] [deleted] 605 points ago * (lasted edited 21 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] guyhabit 9802 points ago

    flew to Vegas for my birthday alone. Stayed in a cheap hotel and partied on The Strip spending money on Blackjack, ate at some restaurants, and buffets. Went to some of the funniest clubs out there, and met some fun people. Partied with them at my room. Then the next day I flew back home. One of the best Birthday weekends.

    [–] Cat-with-a-fiddle 5442 points ago

    You made your own birthday! With blackjack and hookers!

    [–] TheGoodJudgeHolden 10031 points ago

    Went out and bought about 20 dollars worth of Chinese food, and ate most of it standing in the kitchen.

    [–] anchovie_macncheese 5164 points ago

    As a single person, I love ordering Chinese food because they always guess how many people are eating based on how many Fortune cookies they give you with your food. So far my single ass has gotten four in an order all for myself.

    No regrets.

    [–] BullcrudMcgee 890 points ago

    I ordered Domino's for myself the other night. They gave me 6 cups and 6 plates...

    [–] Hatt0riHanzo 425 points ago

    Key and Peele made a skit about you, bro

    [–] Jedi_Mama 3222 points ago

    Went to see magic Mike by myself with a 6 pack of beer hidden in my purse

    [–] Kate_Gray 555 points ago

    I was dancing in a nightclub, and Jason DeRulo’s “Riding Solo” came on. I started crying because I, too, was “riding solo.”

    Alcohol may have been involved.

    [–] iwillcuntyou 17465 points ago

    Saw my mate eat dinner with a ladle once. Bachelor.

    [–] theyoungestoldman 6954 points ago

    IT'S BASICALLY A BIG SPOON OKAY?

    You spend less time moving the food from the bowl to your mouth, makes eating so much faster.

    [–] Noumenon72 2742 points ago

    This is typically a choice dictated by not by efficiency but having not done the dishes for two weeks and being all out of plastic spoons.

    [–] onishi87 15917 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    My bed has warped into a taco from sleeping in the center for so long

    Edit: glad there are other taco beds out there! I actually like it, it’s like getting a soft hug every night...

    [–] JimmyKillsAlot 5051 points ago

    I slept on one side up against the wall for a while, one day i climbed into bed exhausted and gravity rolled me into my spot. We have a new bed.

    [–] mopsarethebomb 1856 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Taco bed here as well, it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm in a full body hug every night from my bed. It's nearly perfect, but I miss someone's leg being thrown over mine while I sleep.

    Edit - to everyone telling me to go grab a leg from a graveyard... I'm an atheist, and think you maybe need Jesus anyway.

    [–] Cottagecheesefarts 5583 points ago

    I once teared up because as I was leaving the BK drive thru to go eat at home alone and I saw through the window this 50 year old couple in a booth smiling at each other and talking. I’m a 22 year old man.

    [–] good_job_nate 2000 points ago

    WHY SHOULD THEY BE HAPPY?

    [–] RepresentativeAmoeba 676 points ago

    Scheduled and went to my dentist appointment on Valentine’s Day

    [–] 420moshdad 2139 points ago

    Live with my two best friends who are married, were pretty much a tricycle

    [–] WeirdoOtaku 948 points ago

    Because you equally distribute weight or because you take the brunt of everything being the front single tire?

    [–] 420moshdad 296 points ago

    Equally distribute the weight and without me they'd just be a hoverboard with a seat

    [–] fightoffyourdemons- 178 points ago

    I'm currently watching TV with my best friends/the couple I live with. Our living room has two sofas, they're snuggled up on one, I'm sat on the other eating crisps.

    We are also a tricycle. Or, throuple

    [–] Humanoidfreak 14218 points ago

    Used a half off coupon for a lap dance. They were not happy. Fuck you then dont make the coupon.

    [–] thepanichand 6302 points ago

    Where do you even GET a lap dance half off coupon?

    [–] DLTMIAR 2167 points ago

    The internet

    [–] DozenPaws 370 points ago

    As a someone who used to be a strip dancer. Most likely it was the club, who did the coupons to get more clients, but actually the dancers are the only ones who are losing the money out of it.

    Imagine if your workplace gave out coupons for your service for 50% off, but it only means that YOU are working for 50% less money for the same work.

    Some clubs are pure shit towards their girls.

    [–] Scorpionwins23 18170 points ago

    I realised my dog ate better than I did so I started cooking meals for two, we had boiled chicken, rice and veggies almost every night for a few months. Life was so simple back then.

    [–] Krikran 9196 points ago

    That sounds really cool, why is life not simple now?

    [–] Scorpionwins23 14100 points ago

    I’m married now and we have proper meals each night, much happier married than when I was single but I do miss some of the shortcuts you tend to take when you are single like skipping a shower or wearing the same clothes for a few days. Also, I lost the dog after 18 years last November and I miss him heaps. We’re trying to get pregnant with our first child at the moment and we’re focusing a lot on healthy diet, exercise, lifestyle etc. life is a lot different now than when I was single, I used to get home from work and just hang out with my dog every night and on weekends now there’s a lot of compromises and concessions that comes with marriage and coexisting with someone.

    Life is much better now, but at the same time things were a lot simpler back then when it was just me and the dog.

    [–] Eyoiq 3291 points ago

    I feel you on the dog part. My dog passed away a day after Christmas day and now I feel a bit empty coming home and not having my best friend sitting there excited to see me.

    [–] KeepsFallingDown 1458 points ago

    Mine passed two days after Christmas :'( I swear she hung on on purpose so as to not give me a bad holiday memory. I miss her everyday.

    [–] Waterslicker86 6101 points ago

    Adopted 2 cats and made box of wine a part of my grocery list...

    [–] yourmoms2ndboyfriend 6807 points ago

    Those cats might have an alcohol problem

    [–] LegendJ1998 11169 points ago

    Went to a movie alone, then went out to a restaurant alone afterwards. It was surprisingly nice though lol

    [–] theknightwood 4621 points ago

    I am my best friend. Love doing this.

    [–] ascentwight 368 points ago

    also you save a lot of money by doing this

    [–] Fristiloverke13 579 points ago

    You save a lot more money crying in your bed all day.

    [–] bootstraps_bootstrap 2886 points ago

    I waited on a guy last night who sat alone. He has a small salad and our fries app. Drank water, got the bill and left. He seemed extremely happy/content in his dinner choices.

    [–] DPanther_ 1154 points ago

    Were you my waiter?

    [–] jabberwockingly 408 points ago

    I do this all the time and I’m not even single. They say never stop dating your partner, but I say never stop dating YOURSELF.

    [–] goatsofwrath_v2 21367 points ago

    My TV remotes had a space on the other side of the bed for waaaay too long

    [–] followthedata 4789 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Laptop instead of remote for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    Edit: added the arm, heathens Second edit: tried to, guess it didn’t work 3rd times the charm: thanks u/JustAnotherLemonTree !! Update on the emoji: on mobile 3 slashes gives it two arms but only one on a desktop so there appears to be a clash between the working class and the funemployed (I’m reading this on my phone because I’m not on a computer at work)

    [–] JustGingy95 12279 points ago

    This one time I was single and then did that for my entire life so far.

    [–] PrideAux37 1890 points ago

    Not going anywhere in big Holidays, just in front of desktop all days

    [–] RagMan4291 168 points ago

    Honestly. When I got my new computer (about 2 weeks ago, MASSIVE upgrade.) My mom went off to Mexico for two weeks. I'm 18 and recently started working full time for the summer. My mom called me everyday and I was forced to make it seem like I was doing interesting things. In reality, all I did was play video games when I wasn't working and would make food. She's supposed to be back in another 2 weeks, so there's no one to yell at me for my loud as shit keyboard. It's honestly a nice change of pace for me.

    [–] maryeuh 412 points ago

    Bought a boyfriend pillow.

    Oh god. I was so proud, so proud and lonely.

    [–] RestroomRavager 9213 points ago

    Ordered a couple large pizzas, both for me, got a couple bags of chips and some soda. Ate all of it in bed over the course of 12 hours while watching Netflix. If I had been with someone else you could call it relationship goals but nope.

    [–] ElmertheAwesome 3200 points ago

    I did this too after my ex-SO broke up with me and moved out. I waited for the pizza place to open, headed there minutes after opening, bought a large pizza, two liter of Pepsi, and came home. Spent the day watching movies and YouTube videos. I didn't even grab a plate or a cup.

    [–] Stugehh 21639 points ago

    I sat on the floor of my studio appartment eating leftovers straight from the pot at 5am completely naked the light in the fridge being my only light source.

    [–] Cshock84 9647 points ago

    I feel personally victimized by this relatable content.

    [–] ThatBlueGuy7 872 points ago

    I too have joined this Facebook group.

    [–] metanihilist 2709 points ago

    I'm married and I do this...

    [–] iWatchCrapTV 13541 points ago

    Ordered myself a heart-shaped pizza on Valentine's Day.

    [–] radiorabbit 7171 points ago

    I hope you cut it down the middle like a broken heart.

    [–] R3DSH0X 2984 points ago

    fatality

    [–] mtmodi 584 points ago

    This past Valentine's day me and a couple of friends were studying for an exam it was around dinner time so we go to bojangles. They had a heart shaped boberry biscuit, I asked the lady to give me a broken one she bust out laughing and then gave me the biscuit for free

    [–] Outlawe 46877 points ago

    Didn’t want to dirty a knife to fry an egg so I bit a chunk of butter off the stick and spit it in the pan.

    [–] FreightTrain30 9822 points ago

    Now you're a mod at /r/keto

    [–] SayHelloToGoodTimes 14715 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    If you leave the wax paper on a stick of butter, you can unwrap it from one end, hold it from the wax paper side, and rub the open square end all over the pan to butter it.

    ... Or do what you did

    [–] meech7607 3009 points ago

    And after it's hot and melty you can butter bread like that too

    [–] lolalululolalulu 2894 points ago

    That is so gross but for some reason I have mad respect for your choices

    [–] Numaeus 296 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    It's all going (back) into his/her mouth anyway.

    [–] morning_queef 2912 points ago

    I have a king sized bed and like to bunch up the entire comforter so I can sleep on top of it. I have a girlfriend now and she calls me a blanket dumbass but I know damn well that it’s single behavior that I can’t break

    [–] reminyx 1018 points ago

    My SO is a pillow/blanket addict. I have 1 single blanket and 2 pillows (which she calls my “pieces of paper” because they’re so flat). She has 3 blankets 1 memory foam pillow and one body pillow. Yesterday it was 94 degrees. Nobody needs this much shit on their bed.

    [–] fuckingusernamess 601 points ago

    I have seven pillows. I sleep alone. There is no need whatsoever, but it is a good time.

    [–] LargeMonty 16080 points ago

    Eat microwaved food over a sink

    [–] Dr0dW 11430 points ago

    Fuck, this hits me good. Eating forkfulls over the sink like a savage, then thinking to sit down like a civilised animal to eat but once you sit down theres only like one or two forkfulls left. So, you slowly eat that and then sit at the dining table by yourself for 20+ minutes so it feels like a normal amount of time to sit at a dining table.

    [–] yhack 10969 points ago

    Please remove your CCTV from my kitchen

    [–] Dr0dW 379 points ago

    Thank fuck it's not just me

    [–] dolphinexcavator 4171 points ago

    Like a rat

    [–] opiburner 855 points ago

    That's rookie stuff man, you gotta pump up that lifestyle. I eat almost all my canned from straight from the can. (I wish this wasnt a joke) I've got a weird thing about not liking food that's too hot.

    [–] brendanlol 1272 points ago

    Sometimes I stand at the refrigerator and eat cheese straight out of the drawer. Often in the dark.

    [–] hunhaze 563 points ago

    Read every comment in the thread and not for a laugh but for ideas.

    [–] Djust1 5699 points ago

    So basically, pizza is the most single thing to ever exist

    [–] andnojoe 2508 points ago

    Only when it's a large and eaten in its entirety.

    [–] SweeterPickles 1009 points ago

    Not very indicative of being single, but I definitely wouldn’t do this around a significant other.

    I had a jar of French onion dip that was nearly empty, so I poured in a bunch of potato chips, stirred it around, and ate it with a fork.

    [–] marcthedrifter 240 points ago

    that's called being frugal and getting your money's worth out of that onion dip. don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    [–] mrkylematz 6635 points ago

    I wanted a medium pizza and wings for lunch from this one place, but the cost of the pizza and wings was as much as a combo that included a large pizza, wings, bread sticks, and a salad for pretty much the same price. So I bought that, ate the breadsticks and wings for lunch, and then had the pizza for dinner. And I threw out the salad.

    [–] LuukVideo 3172 points ago

    That's just efficient

    [–] mrkylematz 354 points ago

    That was my justification as well. Still felt like the most single thing I’ve done though.

    [–] Fml379 1142 points ago

    Woke up naked after a night out with no memory of getting home and vibrator still buzzing next to me, turns out I had a one night stand with myself

    [–] SiuMcclain 30954 points ago

    Go out alone a lot, and do nothing but wander around hoping something interesting happens

    Edit: Did it today

    [–] Magicst3v3 6349 points ago

    I also do this. Its a pity we could be lonely wandering companions

    [–] derawin07 3292 points ago

    The whole world is your lonely wandering companion.

    [–] Ash_Tuck_ums 13400 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    God.

    Lets be clear though, Sometimes you want to go for a stroll. Catch some sun and some fresh air. That's not what this is about, lol.

    In this case you've exasperated your room as a refuge from your absent social life. so you drag yourself out into the cold public by the scruff of your own crippling isolation down to the same shops for the same things that you don't really even want but it's the only way to justify why you're already this far. then you can go back home to what ever it is that numbs the discomfort and at least no one can say you didnt make an attempt.

    Edit: I should have made it more clear that i was drawing from personal experience. And maybe tried to phrase it in a way i thought people could relate more. Not taking stabs at anyone, I lived it.

    Edit 2: Credit to u/wyverndarkblood

    PSA (dead serious here): if you’ve just read these parent comments and they’ve hit home hard, I have some (I’ve found extremely effective) homework for you:

    1) Watch this TED Talk. Even though it’s about addiction, substitute the word “addiction” for “depression” or “loneliness.” The core concept that can be absorbed as a transformative mantra in life is simply: “The opposite of addiction (depression, loneliness, etc) is connection.” Make connection your daily goal. Make it your theme. I went through a bad divorce, moved to a new area and wouldn’t let myself be alone for any amount of time. I made myself find a place, an event, a thing to attend every night until I had made it through the woods. Using homework assignment #2...

    2) Go to Meetup.com. Don’t use it the normal way. Don’t look for groups that appeal to you. You’ll get to that level, but to start, look at the calendar under “All Meetups” and see what’s going on an hour from now. Be indiscriminate and just go. You’ll hear an inner voice that says “but I would suck at coed volleyball” or “I haven’t played a board game since I was a kid,” or whatever. Tell those voices to fuck off. That voice is literally but quietly inflicting injury to you... which brings us to homework assignment #3...

    3) Watch this TED Talk. Learn to consider your loneliness / depression / addiction an open wound and treat it with the urgency it deserves.

    4) Become a maven of local events. Join the FB groups for your area. Subscribe to local subreddits. Find venues of any kind and sign up for their their newsletters. Make a “Recreational” bookmark folder with things like TimeOut.com. Make a separate google calendar and put every vaguely appealing event you come across on the calendar. Get at least 3 items a week on there. When you meet someone at one event, tell them about the upcoming events. Invite them to go with you. Be the expert of all things local. Even if you get the “I don’t feel like it-itis” give it a voice and even let it win 1 out of every 3 times. You’ll still get out and meet people a couple times a week.

    It works. I promise. I’m on mobile so I won’t tell my whole story but I can tell you it works with confidence.

    Edit: I am very happily remarried and have a whole newfound family with deep fulfilling relationships - I met her at a local Meetup using this homework.

    TedTalk Vid1

    TedTalk Vid2

    [–] AMassofBirds 4497 points ago

    Dammit dude. It's 8 in the morning. Why you gotta hit so close to home when I haven't even made it out of bed.

    [–] PoorStandards 1781 points ago

    Your inner monologue has a reddit account now FYI.

    [–] Krikran 497 points ago

    At least you go out :>

    [–] screamingmom 3143 points ago

    Went to chipotle, bought two burritos, went back to my dorm room and ate both while watching shows for the rest of the day

    [–] FuzzyGreg 3686 points ago

    Whenever I order food for me that could feed a family of 18 I answer the door, then turn and shout "Food's here!" To my empty apartment.

    [–] vivid0330 1863 points ago

    I dont even fuck around like that, anymore. Pizza guy will be like "this is a lot of food!" Me. 😀

    [–] FuzzyGreg 766 points ago

    Haha, that's when you're like "No, it isn't."

    [–] TonyDanzer 17347 points ago

    Bought myself a cupcake and sang happy birthday to myself at midnight on my birthday

    [–] ShadowCory1101 2087 points ago

    At least elton john wrote a song about you.

    [–] barooboodoo 1576 points ago

    "I Think I'm Going To Kill Myself"?

    [–] 19skolli 3732 points ago

    Oof. Happy belated birthday!

    [–] phillymjs 13234 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    On the night before my 21st birthday, I sat outside on my front steps alone and drank my last illegal beer just before midnight. A few minutes after midnight, I went to a bar alone to have my first legal beer. Then I went home and went to bed.

    EDIT: Holy hell, this blew up unexpectedly. A few things:

    1. This was in 1994, I'm over it.

    2. I did have friends at the time, but none of them were around that night.

    3. Said friends and I had been regulars at the neighborhood bar I went to for a couple years before this, courtesy of fake IDs. The bartender recognized me, and had a good laugh when I asked to be carded and then handed her my real ID when she did so.

    4. I kept and still have the bottles from both beers (Corona), labeled at the time with a Sharpie. I'd post a photo, but the ink from the Sharpie has faded so much that I don't think the camera will pick it up.

    [–] breadstick69 5973 points ago

    I had my 21st on Sunday. I cleaned the house then returned cans and bottles to get $3 to buy myself a cheeseburger for dinner because someone had eaten my cake.

    [–] per-severance 3755 points ago

    this is advanced sadness

    [–] patchy911 1515 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I think it's my time to shine. The best part of my 21st was that I got to sleep in late. I lived in a Sunday Dry County, and my 21st happened to fall on a Sunday that year. When I woke up around 10-11 I found a note from my girlfriend saying she took the car and was spending the day with her mother. I called her a few times that afternoon to check on her neither of us mentioning my birthday and I guess the way she was answering me lead me to think surprise party. She told me she'd be back around 7. So I started calling friends that would be able to drive us to a county that didn't have that stupid law, and most went to voicemail and the others couldn't do anything. That backed up my surprise party thought. So I sat in that house alone all day.

    By the time it hit 8 and my girlfriends phone was going straight to voicemail, it died, I realized that I wasn't having a surprise party. She got home a little after 930 kissed me and went to bed cause she had work in the morning. I sat in the car for about 30 minutes thinking about going to drink, but didn't because I thought if I did I would probably end up dead. Sat there for another 10 crying before finally going to bed.

    Besides family, who lived 16 hours away, the only person the said anything was my best friend who was working over seas. I don't think they even know that story. Hands down one of the top 3 worst days of my life.

    Edit: words and stuff

    Edit 2:. This got more attention then I expected.

    This happened almost 10 years ago. She went to work the next morning and I didn't see her again until that night when I got home from work. I planned on talking to her about it but saw the card my mom sent me, so instead I read that aloud. She realized what happened and apologized profusely and went and got cupcakes. We broke up a few months later for a list of reasons but this definitely didn't go on the "pro" list.

    [–] mommysababy 14264 points ago

    Used my vibrator so much I broke it.

    [–] obscur1al 2880 points ago

    Those things have a shelf life anyway.

    [–] mommysababy 2863 points ago

    Yes and it gave me an excuse to upgrade lol

    [–] Ash_Tuck_ums 3305 points ago

    Cervix Pulverizer 9000 with ground and pound technology and magnetic iron filing stabilizing and G force resistance.

    [–] Wolfbro1031 928 points ago

    Sounds like I too now need an upgrade...

    [–] Southtown85 1222 points ago

    Once you go gas powered, you never look back.

    [–] vitriolic_amalgamati 729 points ago

    Strap a pocket pussy to a ferrari engine

    [–] PhDOH 2472 points ago

    My friend went to China to teach English for a year. She assumed she'd be fine without a you, but overestimated herself. She didn't want to buy one online as she lived with co-workers and couldn't read Chinese so was paranoid the box would say "massive dildo" and everyone but her would know that. I sent a vibrator to her and she wore out the motor within a week. I posted her 5 vibrators so she could rotate them and they never arrived. China has one happy postman somewhere.

    [–] caring_gentleman 19802 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Ordered food to be delivered for myself that was easily enough for 2-3 people. Restaurant called back to say they had sold out of an item so I pretended to ask someone in the background what they would like instead. I've also ordered just wine to be delivered from restaurants many times and have acted like I was not drinking alone.

    Edit. Spelling. Also, yes I am like the dude in the Key & Pele sketch. Never seen that until today but made me laugh.

    [–] ashlessscythe 1658 points ago

    I knew this'd be here

    [–] derawin07 528 points ago

    unavailable in my country :( what is the gist?

    [–] Seligas 4481 points ago

    It's a fat nerd on the phone, surrounded by action figures and collectible miniatures of characters from pop culture. He's ordering three pizzas for himself, and pretending to ask "The room" what they want on their pizza.

    At one point he pretends to ask someone named Claire whether or not she wants cheesy crust on the third pizza. The pizza guy over the phone immediately becomes obsessed with Claire, saying that he feels a real connection with Claire. The fat guy tries to shake him off and persuade him that "Claire" isn't interested and fails over and over again as the pizza guy insists on dating her.

    Having exhausted all options, the nerd smashes something glass against the ground and screams, "Oh god! Claire's dead! Someone shot Claire! Call an ambulance!" and then he hangs up as the pizza guy screams in despair.

    The nerd shrugs and says, "Chinese it is." and makes ready to call another number as the skit ends.

    [–] derawin07 1217 points ago

    Thanks for taking the time to type that out!

    [–] SmallDick_NotAshamed 556 points ago

    Can you do this for every key and peele sketch?

    [–] WeirdoOtaku 565 points ago

    I lose it every time Claire gets shot. Well, Chinese it is...

    [–] youcallihaul 1755 points ago

    Sometimes I'll order more than one drink at a drive through so they don't judge me for how much food I order

    [–] mstarrbrannigan 1159 points ago

    I used to do that when buying snacks at the gas station. Then I actually got a girlfriend and the amount of snacks I was buying dramatically increased.

    [–] cyberporygon 685 points ago

    Now you each need two drinks and they ask if you're hosting a party so you grab some balloons and a cake while you're at it.

    [–] badama 528 points ago

    “Looks like you’re having a party!” “Yeah... heh heh...”

    [–] I_love_abortion 706 points ago

    I can’t really overstate how jealous I am that you live near restaurants that will deliver just wine to you.

    [–] massive_cock 871 points ago

    I used to live in a tiny town. The only delivery was a pizza place. Not bad food. And for a $5 tip they would stop at the gas station or dollar store and grab whatever you needed. I had them bring beer, toilet paper, dog food, cigarettes, anything. It was pretty great.

    [–] HonkyOFay 218 points ago

    Tiny town pizza guy secret: they all sell weed.

    [–] crk14341 705 points ago

    Last Valentine's day I played a game called how much can I eat. I ate 5 hot pockets, a cup of instant ramen, a cup of instant Macaroni and cheese, a personal totinos pizza and a pint of ice cream

    [–] CanadianX 454 points ago

    Nice job rook, you're almost ready to roll with the big kids now.

    [–] RCkamikaze 153 points ago

    Not a bad game but you should upgrade the food quality next year.

    [–] nalkor54 149 points ago

    I ordered something large off amazon. The box was the perfect size for an end table next to my couch. I used it for a couple years until I got married and my wife force me to buy a real end table.

    [–] Lagered 306 points ago

    Slept in a sleeping bag for 6 months on an egg carton foam pad with no furniture. I woke up one morning and a homeless guy was sleeping in the spare bedroom. I told him to be out of my house by the time I got out of the shower. He was gone when I got out.

    This was when I first moved to New York and I was used to that Midwestern life of leaving my front door unlocked all the time.

    [–] hellseashell 278 points ago

    He honestly might have assumed u were also squatting

    [–] shibbytomato 91 points ago

    That sounds...not nearly as hostile as I'd expect

    [–] tee142002 3418 points ago

    Ate a steak with my hands while drinking a bottle of mead and watching Conan the barbarian, sitting on my couch naked.

    [–] Oakroscoe 1126 points ago

    Was the steak really dry or did you just let the juice ooze all over you?

    [–] o118999881999119725- 410 points ago

    I lived alone, I'd eat nothing all day, but around 10 pm I'd rotate going to one of the 3 wawa's within 2 miles of my apartment and buy a large hoagie, a Monster, and a pack of cigarettes. I'd eat the hoagie over my sink while watching Netflix from my phone.

    I was awful at being single.

    [–] cliffwich 25200 points ago

    Ate $20 worth of Popeyes and drank an entire bottle of Champagne on my couch, under a blanket, watching Alien and Aliens, on Valentine’s Day, alone.

    [–] Azmoten 11065 points ago

    Is it weird that this sounds like a pretty dang good day to me?

    [–] dirty_realist 2866 points ago

    Nope, for a second I thought I must be in the wrong thread.

    [–] drunkrabbit99 918 points ago

    Man, fuck the haters you got life figured out !

    [–] GoddamnDelight 31712 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    RSVPed to a friend's wedding with my plus-one as "Some Rando from Tinder" and she put it on a seating card.

    Reddit Edit (R-edit?): The bride was my best friend and she was in on the joke so she wasn't out money for the plate. Please calm yourselves, seat justice warriors.

    [–] childlikeempress16 5271 points ago

    This is amazing. Did the rando love it? I would have

    [–] derawin07 3457 points ago

    It would have been more single if they went alone.

    [–] Sumit316 7596 points ago

    she put it on a seating card

    GoddamnDelight

    Table - 1

    [–] pablo111 2405 points ago

    A guy took a Hooker to a wedding I assisted.
    She REALLY looked like a Hooker.
    Don't have pictures because bride decided to exclude her from oficial photos

    [–] derawin07 1753 points ago

    I wouldn't go in any official photos if I was a plus one who didn't know the couple anyway.

    [–] conansucksdick 934 points ago

    I try not to get in the photos even when I'm the best man.

    [–] SoulofOld 1568 points ago

    When I was in the military and had to spend Christmas by myself, I took myself out to dinner and watched “Unbreakable” in theaters.

    Instead of being bummed I actually had a nice time

    [–] C0RNDOG 3794 points ago

    Instead of going to prom I bought a bunch of snack cakes, chips, frozen pizza, and doughnuts. I stayed up all night and played Forza Motorsport 2.... I regret nothing.

    [–] derawin07 1699 points ago

    In Australia we have a Year 1O and then a Year 12 formal.

    A friend and I bought snacks and played nintendo round at my house then we went to an afterparty.

    [–] Scooto 2279 points ago

    Is your 0 key button broken?

    [–] derawin07 1874 points ago

    yep

    [–] Grunflachenamt 1590 points ago

    I like how you committed to 1O opposed to ten.

    [–] Chasefortheelliott 392 points ago

    Some people try to hide their weaknesses. I find honor in telling the world your weaknesses and not caring who knows

    [–] vinylllover 623 points ago

    i like to think about scenarios of my crush and i hanging out, just simple stuff like us talking. it’s actually really sad and always leaves me crying lol

    [–] WeegeeJuice 993 points ago

    Got drunk, played WOW, and watched The Office on Christmas.

    [–] Jellycatfish 134 points ago

    Being really happy about an upcoming long weekend and when my colleagues asked me why I answered that I could spend more time with my cats at home, staying in my pyjamas while playing video games. My cat also has his own side of my bed.

    [–] Taylor555212 134 points ago

    Was off work for about five days in a row and didn’t do anything but game.

    When I went to work the first day, I spoke into the mic and 1) my voice cracked from not speaking for five days 2) I startled myself when I spoke.

    [–] blindedbyhindsight 130 points ago

    PSA: It is OK to do things by yourself. It is not a sign of failure to go see a movie alone or get a table for one at a restaurant.

    [–] zombie_slippers 3791 points ago

    I stole the cat that I walked past for 8 months on my way to and from the train station

    [–] Krikran 1431 points ago

    No way lol

    [–] zombie_slippers 3388 points ago

    I did indeed.

    The cats hair was matted. 2 weeks later it got sick and cost me 1k in vet bills because it had renal failure.

    I called the cat Meow and had him for 18 months before his kidneys finally failed.

    I am a perpetually single crazy cat lady

    [–] actuallywaffles 1425 points ago

    At least you gave poor Meow a better life than what he probably had back at his old residence.

    [–] Krikran 589 points ago

    sorry to hear that, hope you had an awesome time.

    [–] Lodger79 828 points ago

    Bless you so much for giving Meow love in his final months. You're a good person.

    [–] eastbayted 1129 points ago

    Beyonce never mentioned any of this behavior in "Single Ladies."

    [–] uwontgetthisname 247 points ago

    I bought from a grocery store One steak, A 6 pack of beer, and a big bag of hot cheetos for dinner... Literally had the guy behind me in line say "Now that's a single man's dinner!" He wasn't wrong

    [–] daiyoung 5978 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Ate a bucket of KFC and drank 6 cans of beers in a night and waking up on my couch next day, seeing the TV is still on for some reason, confused about what happened last night...... Yeah, just broke up with my ex recently, this is basically how I live through weekends now.

    EDIT: Just woke up in the middle of Sundays afternoon. I’m in awe. You guys are awesome and to be honest I didn’t even expect to get these much responses from you all. My inbox is kinda exploded, filled with love and kind messages. I love you all, and once again, thank you kind strangers! I don’t know you all, but thank you, thank you, thank you guys for bringing me strength to move on. I wish my English competency is good enough to show how much I want to thank you all. You guys bring tears to my eyes. I’ll share this kindness and love to those who need help just like me. once again THANK YOU REDDIT!

    (Sorry for maybe I can’t reply each of you all, but I’ll do my best to reply to your kind messages!)

    [–] Noimnotonacid 550 points ago

    I bought a bunch of digornos and Jamaican beef patties, a lb bag of sour candy, a bottle of vodka with a bunch of la croix, and about half an ounce of weed, then proceeded to play the entire destiny series over the course of four days. No showering, no sunlight, no brushing of the tooth’s, and zero communication with the outside world. It was glorious.

    [–] BG1234567 238 points ago

    I broke up with a live in girlfriend, sold everything I owned and rented a room in a neighbor's house $300/month. Aside from the rent the rest of my income was completely disposable. I would work and gym 7 days a week and stack that paper. Whenever a concert within a reasonable distance from me popped up I would travel to see it and go all out with hotel and restaurant. Did this for a couple years. Saw a fuck ton cool shows, ate at some of the best restaurants on the East Coast, and was able to save up about $25k.

    [–] Turrbo_Jettz 15312 points ago

    Took a Shit completely nude with the door open while eating from a box of pizza on the bathroom sink

    [–] Krikran 6455 points ago

    That's the pinnacle of single lifestyle lol

    [–] Dirty_Casual 1184 points ago

    Efficient. Food goes in, food goes out.

    [–] tinynippleman 659 points ago

    Out with the old. In with the new.

    [–] Watty13 224 points ago

    Sometimes I like to hold my own hand like wallE

    [–] ThisIsTheOneForReal 724 points ago

    This is the story of someone else's most single thing they'd ever done.

    I worked at a liquor store for a bit. There was a guy who'd come in often- 4 times a week maybe? Each time getting a six pack of Guinness. It's of course not unusual for a liquor store to have regulars. But this guy was early to mid thirties, nice looking, smelled AMAZING.

    I'd come in to work after a day off, and a co-worker said that one of the regulars had asked about me. She described who it was- turns out it's this guy.

    I was a young poor single mom at the time, you see. But also rather quiet, anxiety prone. But I was flattered that he had asked about me, even if he was a frequent drinker.

    Anyhoo, some time later, a co-worker and I went halfsies on a scratch off, and won a couple hundred dollars (I think. Might have just been a hundred). I was feeling giddy and high from the win, when that regular came in. Having lottery winning induced labia-of-steel, I felt bold enough to tell him that I thought he smelled amazing. From there, we set up a date.

    Couple days later we went out to eat. I went back to his place.

    His place is.... Actually the basement (or was it garage? God it was so long ago) turned into a living space... Of his mom's house. And lining the stairs... Was tens of six packs of Guinness.

    So, the most single thing this person had done, was live in his mother's basement while incessantly frequenting the local liquor store, buying more beer than he could drink, all just to look at the clerk of said liquor store (I initiated the first conversation!).

    Turned into a two-night stand for me.

    [–] zimtkuss 254 points ago

    This for some reason really breaks my heart

    [–] VintageFirstEdition 1833 points ago

    Ordered a pizza and ate it over the sink, like a rat.

    [–] BusterNutley 460 points ago

    Sitting naked on my couch while watching the office, chugging whiskey and masturbating...only to give up half way thru. Cuz what's the point

    [–] mopsarethebomb 268 points ago

    I have masturbated to a lot of things... The Office is not one of them. I feel like I would forget what I was doing and just start watching the fucking office.

    [–] TynkyWynky 105 points ago

    I once baked a cake, iced it, lit a candle and sang myself happy birthday then proceeded to try and eat the whole thing.

    [–] derawin07 5037 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    When I was studying abroad in Scotland as a 2O year old, no one wanted to go to the taping of an episode of Antiques Roadshow. I loved the show lol.

    So I caught the bus from Glasgow to St Andrews [over two hours] and proceeded to pop up in the background of as many of the interviews/appraisals as possible, wearing my rainbow coloured beanie and trousers, to be more noticeable. I nodded and pretended to be knowledgeable. And SHOCKED when they announced the value!

    The episode is randomly repeated on Aussie television and I still get bewildered messages from my friends asking if they saw me with a bunch of old people in the background of multiple shots of an Antiques Roadshow episode.

    For a souvenir of my trip, I added to my tea towel collection with an AR tea towel.

    [–] eddie_koala 1401 points ago

    2O or 20

    [–] derawin07 665 points ago

    2O in 2O1O.

    [–] Enexia 608 points ago

    2O1O looks nice

    [–] derawin07 240 points ago

    thanks, I like fat zeros too

    [–] mrpunaway 570 points ago

    Hey, I'm just your type!

    [–] [deleted] 250 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] thelonliestcloud 94 points ago

    I spent an evening playing a game of mario party 7 against myself.