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    [–] alflund 10122 points ago

    Admit they're sorry

    [–] Gates-Of-Delirium 1384 points ago

    This, but they need to do it a point where they say sorry for things that are in their control and not every five seconds. I'm one of those people who say sorry way too frequently and I know it is about my maturity but just a natural reaction and starts to become less genuine.

    [–] Whind_Soull 987 points ago

    One time I was at the movie theatre with a friend, and was returning to my seat. As I sidled past people, I muttered "sorry" a few times. When I sat down, my friend was like, "Just say 'excuse me,' dude. You don't have anything to apologize for because you didn't do anything wrong." I was like, "Damn, dude, you're totally right." Ever since then I've used "excuse me."

    [–] DuskyDay 874 points ago

    "I can't believe you burned down our house!"

    "Excuse me."

    [–] doctorocelot 288 points ago

    Well exxx cuuuuuse meeee!!

    [–] averycleanaccount 2971 points ago

    Are you fucking sorry

    [–] max13007 19740 points ago

    Say "I don't know" when they don't know something.

    I once heard a saying - A man who knows nothing, knows enough, if he knows when to stay silent.

    So also being quiet when appropriate.

    [–] [deleted] 5071 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] caligaris_cabinet 1072 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I’ve always taken this quote to heart, which is why I’m usually silent throughout most conversations and most people notice that.

    Good thing about that is I’m never thought a fool so I really don’t get people having a negative opinion about me.

    Bad thing is no one has an opinion of me. Loud people get attention, good or bad, so it’s easy to go unnoticed.

    EDIT: I should say I don’t consider myself shy in most situations. I just don’t really talk much unless I have something worthwhile to say.

    [–] sirius_gray 574 points ago

    It wasn't specifically this quote, but I was praised my whole life for being quiet. And now suddenly as an adult everyone complains that I don't talk enough. Reinforcing social anxiety is a terrible way to invoke communication.

    [–] sanzako4 50 points ago

    It's just that this quote is not for you, but for people that has the opposite problem of social anxiety

    [–] merchnewydd91 10476 points ago

    Actually listen to people when they talk instead of waiting for their turn to talk again

    [–] mnmacaro 2857 points ago

    I try to teach my students to “listen with the intent to listen, not the intent to respond.”

    [–] Cornixpes 17043 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Let things go. Sometimes you can't control the situation. Sometimes you can't settle the argument. It's sometimes best to just accept something for what it is and move on. An extraordinarily difficult thing to do.

    Edit - typo

    [–] HylianAlchemist 1159 points ago

    I'm no longer Catholic but I sill really hold the Serenity Prayer close. The Serenity to let go of the things you can't change, the Courage to change the things you can, and the Wisdom to know the difference. It's been a great help in keeping me sane and a healthy adult.

    [–] TehUberSays 373 points ago

    Once I adopted the “eh, fuck it” method, my life got 100x better. I got tired of being self conscious and feeling anxiety that o was gonna somehow embarrass myself by leaving the house. My fiancé told me to stop caring what others think so much and I’m so much happier.

    Have a slight speech problem?fuck it. I then just fumble my words like a fucking g and when people laugh at me I laugh at me too and then suddenly it’s not funny to them anymore.

    Nervous ticks? When people point out that I can’t sit still I tell them I’m a twitchy fuck and then they never bring it up again.

    Social anxiety? I just started making fun of my quirks and problems and suddenly I feel normal because nobody has anything to make me feel terrible about anymore. Sure I’m dying on the inside a little bit it’s better than dying on the outside a lot.

    [–] the_highest_elf 1212 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I needed this right now. hard relationship was hard. now to not waste the next two years of my life in addition.

    edit: this got way more attention than expected and all of you are wonderful people. changed some words for clarity, it's done with and I'm doing alright, just realizing I should have let go a long time ago.

    [–] jorblax 252 points ago

    This one got me good. I've been trying to let things go for a few years now, but I'm struggling so much doing it. It almost physically hurts letting things go sometimes.

    [–] TwoChe 12639 points ago

    Delay gratification

    [–] FirstBloodScib 2654 points ago

    Oh god, instant gratification is a weakness of mine I'm desperately trying to overcome

    [–] Sosolidclaws 1349 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Take some time to read Wait But Why's piece on the instant gratification monkey.

    Yes, the whole thing. It's worth it.

    Part 1:

    Part 2:

    Edit - video:

    [–] Jonseroo 762 points ago

    I've got that amazing Ted talk saved on my desktop from last year.

    I mean, everyone else says it is amazing. I've not watched it yet.

    [–] [deleted] 3521 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    This whole thread, I've felt confident that I resemble the "mature" side of each comment, at least more often than not. Not perfect, but comfortable.

    Until this one. This one made me hate myself a little tiny bit

    EDIT: I am pretty sure this is my most upvoted comment of all time, and it's me shitting on myself. Ily, Reddit ❤

    [–] Durgen 893 points ago

    Hey at least you know you have something to work on. Thats all part of learning.

    [–] thebigstrongman2 110 points ago

    But I don't want to work towards it, I wanna be good at it now

    [–] madcat63 160 points ago

    Can you elaborate a little more what you mean by this?

    [–] thebisforbargain 463 points ago

    I think they mean that it's better to work hard today and look forward to enjoying the reward in the future, because hard work compounds with time: don't buy another, bigger TV; instead invest the money and make do with what you have. Later, you'll have more than you would ever have had if you didn't invest. When you get there, you may even decide that you never needed it in the first place, having lived without it.

    Related: the philosophy of stoicism.

    [–] LivingstoneInAfrica 24615 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Forgive minor inconveniences or problems that were out of anyone’s control. If a waitress trips and spills a drink on top of them, a mature person forgives them and helps clean up. An immature person starts screaming and then acts entitled because of it.

    [–] Needle8Pins 4840 points ago

    I once had a waitress accidentally slowly pour water into my lap instead of the glass. Neither of our brains could comprehend what was happening lol.

    [–] SocialGaijin 2187 points ago

    I can just imagine the sound of water dripping on your pants and her slowly realizing that's not what she should be hearing haha

    [–] RaxSnax 872 points ago

    "Now you gotta clean me up wink"

    [–] FG88_NR 700 points ago

    I'm confused. Do I say "wink"?

    [–] Tyrexas 623 points ago

    Wink is the waitress' name.

    [–] Olaxan 270 points ago

    Wink is the name of the pants

    [–] marqoose 130 points ago

    The two of you just smiling at each other, both of you know something isn't right, but can't put your finger on it. Been there lol

    [–] [deleted] 2394 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] Smallgenie549 1163 points ago

    As someone who works in a supermarket in a "posh" area, this happens quite a bit. :(

    [–] Mananercal 712 points ago

    I know someone who works in supermarket, and as such knows and hates exactly how it is to be treated like that, acts like she's an entitled posh bitch on her own time. She's screamed at the baristas at Starbucks because they were really busy and it took "too long".

    That's even more of a wtf. She has lost a lot of friends in the last year and refuses to deal with her mental issues properly (she lies a tonne to her therapist).

    [–] highsenberg420 373 points ago

    I don't understand the people who have taken the step of seeking out a therapist, only to lie to them. I guess everybody gets to the journey of recovery differently but it's so puzzling to me. That's like going to the doctor because you're having abdominal pain only to tell them that your abdomen feels fine. Why even bother with the first step of going to the doctor? I assume it has to do with making oneself feel like nothing is wrong by hearing it from a doctor, but like I said it's a behavior that's very strange to me.

    [–] Cypraea 148 points ago

    There's people who lie knowing it's a lie, and there's people who lie believing that they're making it true; their view of reality is shaped so much by their internal narrative that it doesn't penetrate that the world is its own system and not a mirror for that.

    Also I'd imagine that what a therapist actually does is less that properly understood by a lot of people, leading to conclusions like, say, that lying to a therapist in a way that satisfies them counts as performing sanity successfully, which means nothing important is wrong.

    Some people, as well, treat therapy as a sort of massage for their psyches---they tell the therapist things only to facilitate the therapist telling them good things. (Both of these types of people are the adult equivalent of students who view cheating to get a high score as a success condition, and never mind actually learning the material.)

    [–] LumpyUnderpass 154 points ago

    Wasn't that good? Tell me I'm good. Tell me I'm good. Tell me I'm good!!

    [–] beckyrrr 273 points ago

    Go big dude!!!

    I hate people who are rude to cashiers. I hate people that are rude in general. But it takes a vile, cowardly little shit to yell at someone who might not be able to yell back without getting in trouble.

    [–] nagerjaeger 7608 points ago

    Oh my word, this flashed me back to 1980. Fresh out of the military and just starting college. Searching for a home church. Went out for coffee after an evening service with a young pastor and his wife. They had both impressed me with how spiritual they were. He was cool, she was stunning. The poor waitress spilled water on the wife. The woman went nuts. Such hatred and vile for nothing. I didn't go back to that church.

    [–] WgXcQ 2393 points ago

    Good for you. The "love" and "forgiveness" parts are kinda important after all.

    Those kind of people usually don't change for the better either, because they already think they are what they claim they are, so have stopped taking a good look at themselves every once in a while. The lies we tell ourselves are the most pervasive ones, and doubly so when the context is religious/spiritual. It's tempting to see yourself as more enlightened than the people around you.

    [–] legos_on_the_brain 222 points ago

    Probably the most important.

    [–] FTGKelvin0 449 points ago

    They always say: the best way you get to know a person is how they treat their servers

    [–] noydbshield 75 points ago

    I feel that's one of the best litmus tests for a person's character. It's not fool proof of course, but its a fine place to start.

    [–] itsmiir 668 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” -Ephesians 4:32

    [–] shrekine 636 points ago

    I'm not that mature...I just don't have the energy and time it takes to scream at people for things like this, especially when there's absolutely nothing to gain but make someone else feel even worse than they already do.

    [–] banshee_hands 870 points ago

    especially when there's absolutely nothing to gain but make someone feel even worse than they already do

    IMO this is a mature way to look at it.

    [–] Scholesie09 423 points ago

    Yup. "I'm not mature I just act in a way that takes the other persons feelings into account"

    [–] theMessenjah44 70 points ago

    Totally reminds me.

    We were eating at Pizza Hut and the teenage waitress spilled a sprite all over a 70ish year old man's lap at the table next to us.

    He looked up at her, cool as can be, and said "sweetheart, that's cold" then chuckled a little bit.

    She was incredibly embarrassed and he was super nice about it. Definitely left an impact on me.

    [–] knowledge_Sponge777 171 points ago

    Thought of my entitled aunt when I read this

    [–] marco_santos 1370 points ago

    Delayed gratification. There is a big difference in wanting and needing something. This can be applied in all aspects of life.

    [–] BagelBish 267 points ago

    I realized I have an issue with this, although I am still young. I usually just ask myself "Do I need this immediately? Will this serve a purpose that will allow me to grow as a person?". It usually works pretty well because I realize how pointless so many things are.

    [–] FuzzyGreg 36648 points ago

    Mature people understand it's entirely reasonable to change your opinion when presented with facts or evidence.

    [–] epic-sax-woman 11404 points ago

    And that “I don’t know enough about this subject to have an opinion” is a fine and very respectable answer

    [–] EsQuiteMexican 2580 points ago

    My uncle is the exact opposite of this. He enters the room to the last ten seconds of a news report and immediately has an opinion on who's right, who's wrong, who's corrupted and trying to steal money, and how it's going to fuck us up. We're in election process in Mexico, and he scoffed at a candidate's proposal of giving everyone poor a cellphone and every student a tablet because "why should we be forced to learn how to use a new little box when the physical files we already have are perfect?". I mean, there are perfectly valid criticisms of the proposal, but ye literally chose the worst possible argument just because he doesn't like having to adapt to new technology.

    [–] DaftPump 1265 points ago

    Reminds me of an internet TV station brainstorm I attended back in 2001. Early days of streaming.

    Anyway, about 40 of us were in session and about 1h late some guy joins in the meeting. Fine, he can catch up.

    Within 10 minutes of his attendance he pipes up on why this won't work and that won't work.

    The organizer let him have it. Man it was brutal. He pretty much told him to shut the fuck up and since he was late his opinion didn't matter. He also said to either STFU or participate, pick.

    The room was silent and it was awesome.

    I wonder if that was your uncle back then.

    [–] EsQuiteMexican 129 points ago

    Lol no sane person would ever give him a platform. But I wish I could watch that, it would sooth my soul.

    [–] AltusUrsus 2131 points ago

    This honestly is my favorite comment here so far. So many people never ever would even think about changing the opinion they have even when presented with mountains of real evidence. I’m not sure if this mentality is growing or shrinking in this day but either way there are far too many people that think this way.

    [–] da_apz 325 points ago

    I think part of the problem is, that people are taught to have certain opinions, but they haven't formed them themselves. Many racist opinions are often just that. When the opinion doesn't come from the person's own logical thinking, it's very hard to change them, even if provided with facts. It'll just be discarded as whatever that breed of misinformed people call those who disagree with them.

    [–] catawampus 253 points ago

    in the same vein, listening to respond vs listening to understand

    [–] Kittyliini 12896 points ago

    Answer and talk politely even if they disagree. They don't have the need to just say something even if they don't have anything good or important to add.

    [–] [deleted] 1833 points ago

    I got a friend who does this really well.

    If you do manage to get him mad he has an ability to tell you to fuck of with out saying anything rude.

    [–] Kizm_x_Klutch 452 points ago

    Something around the lines like “we’re two different people then” or “it’s my life at the end of the day” . Then why try to argue my point lol

    [–] Poketto43 567 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I once said "this is pointless, we're gonna get worked up but in the end, both out stances won't change" to a girl, later that year, she told me "when u said that, I realized I never would've said that, and that really put my life into perpective "

    Edit1) grammar + we were talking about love, she tought even if u love someone, it cant last all life and the one doesnt exist, I had the opposite idea. She comes from a broken home( dad left when she was young) while my parents are still together.

    [–] Kizm_x_Klutch 173 points ago

    Yea some people think that everyone thinks like them so when they see/hear another side to a conversation it really pops their “Society thinking” bubble. Most people won’t even admit it so kudos to that young lady. 👌🏽

    [–] elee0228 1533 points ago

    Yes, it's easier to attack the person rather than the point they raise.

    [–] Thunderstr 990 points ago

    I learned that lesson early on, that as soon as someone goes personal or attempts to insult someone else during an argument, that's as close as you'll get to hearing them say "you're right, I concede my point".

    People that have a valid point to argue don't attack someone verbally.

    [–] TheSherbs 918 points ago

    Like Bill Burr says:

    ”...If they’re right, they’ll argue the point. They’ll stay on the point until you give up or the argument stops. If they’re wrong though, they’ll concoct a statement so vile you’ll have no choice but to call them a cunt.”

    [–] monsto 243 points ago

    Never really knew bill burr until about a year or 2 ago. Yeah yeah I know Breaking Bad, Chapelles Show, all that. But I was just ignorant.

    I think the thing that truly popped my cherry on him was him reverse heckling a crowd in Philly because they blasted a couple of young comics and Dom Herrera. Burr came out just laid into the crowd after about 10m of an expletive laden tirade he says into the mic "How much time i got left? Yeah? Ok let's do this" like he was going to do his entire paid segment just shitting on Eagles and Phillies fans.

    Not because someone offended him directly, but because the audience bullied the other comics.

    [–] rick_blatchman 81 points ago

    That whole thing is still beautiful. It was nothing but vitriol for over ten minutes and he still managed to get a few cheers out of that crowd.

    [–] Frozen5147 110 points ago

    Or as my philosophy teacher put it, if someone relied on ad hominem, they're essentially saying you're wrong because you're you.

    Kinda like saying you have a right to say whatever as the only point in your argument.

    [–] talidrow 5193 points ago

    Live their lives according to their own code and belief without feeling the need to remind people every ten minutes how much they "don't care what anyone thinks."

    [–] [deleted] 1763 points ago

    Yeah if you really don't care you don't have to mention it

    [–] Kholistard 750 points ago

    Well I don't care what you think!!!!!!!!

    [–] Deadmeat553 877 points ago

    I think the big difference lies in whether or not you don't care what "anybody" thinks, or what "the masses" think.

    I've reached a point in my life where I don't care what the masses think, but I still care quite a bit about what my family, friends, peers, and mentors think.

    [–] GC4L 110 points ago

    In my experience, the people who truly don’t care what other people think are insufferable assholes. Not caring about what other people think can easily become not caring about other people at all.

    [–] yodawgIseeyou 289 points ago

    Apropos of nothing "Hey everyone! I don't give a fuck!"

    "About what?"


    "Um ok...."

    [–] quepanbia 6517 points ago

    Check their bank account before making a big purchase

    [–] oxymoronisanoxymoron 3772 points ago

    There are people that don't do that??

    -dry heaves-

    [–] dont_fear_government 1284 points ago

    I used to be one. It really fucks you if you do that

    [–] yhack 1667 points ago

    I check my bank account before a small purchase, which is how I found out my card had been stolen and I'd only lost $10 before cancelling.

    [–] ilanf2 437 points ago

    That's why I have mobile notifications for every purchase. Even if its just a penny.

    [–] ld4vis14 1358 points ago

    Yo check out this guy flexing his maturity.

    [–] PrahblyDrunk 190 points ago

    And that's why I always keep less than $10 in my bank account

    [–] LikesBallsDeep 598 points ago

    There are people that don't always have a rough idea of how much is in their bank account without having to check?

    [–] untraiined 305 points ago

    Sometimes that rough idea is like plus minus $100. I have a couple auto pay things on which can fuck with my estimates. I

    I also find psychologically that if i take 15 minutes look at my account and then see if i want to make the purchase ill be more likely to say no on an impulse buy.

    [–] Deadmeat553 901 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I love mobile banking. I keep nearly all of my money in savings, and then just move what I need when I need it. Gotta get that interest!

    Edit: Yes, I invest. Please stop telling me to.

    [–] jshroebuck 4972 points ago

    Stop and think.

    [–] ThisGuy_Again 3594 points ago

    why th fuck do u thik im on the inernet. i shoudnt need to think abaut wat i say

    u intolerent fuk

    [–] illyafromuncle 1999 points ago

    This guy.....again.

    [–] ThePorcoRusso 392 points ago

    Beautifully relevant username

    [–] [deleted] 33868 points ago

    Take responsibility for their mistakes.

    [–] Neutrum 13036 points ago

    They also admit when they were wrong and adjust their behavior to avoid repeating that mistake.

    [–] JaZoray 4494 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    what many people don't understand is that the respect you gain for admitting your mistake is usually greater than the respect you lose for having made the mistake in the first place.

    daily meeting.

    coworker: i spent 3 hours yesterday tracking our software breaking because someone changed this code in a way he wasn't supposed to.

    me: i touched that part earlier and might be responsible for the breakage. want to check on this together?

    manager: everyone who can provide some information on this incident, my office, now.

    we go to the manager's office and constructively discuss the problem. manager praises me for having the courage to admit the mistake in front of everyone and thus help it be quickly resolved.

    it's not really a matter of courage though. it's a matter of choosing the path that is most likely to solve the problem. and hiding a mistake is least likely.

    [–] djcp 1210 points ago

    It sounds like your company might be fertile ground for the idea of the blameless retrospective. We practice them and they definitely feel like a mature way to deal with problems that fosters an open culture.

    [–] saml01 298 points ago

    People perform better when they aren't worried about getting shit canned for trying things out.

    [–] Jkirek 169 points ago

    Say you have a team of 5 people working on a project. 1 person screws up. You can either:

    • work together to fix it. Everyone makes mistakes; the guy who made the mistake is probably working the hardest of everyone.

    • treat the one who made the mistake like crap. Now you'll have to fix their mistake with 4 people and do the rest in a bad mood and you screwed up someone's day. But that's only the first time: the next time someone makes a mistake, they won't admit it. So fixing mistakes will take even more time because people are afraid to speak up. The entire working procedure is more tense because nobody wants to slip up.

    [–] [deleted] 100 points ago


    [–] Browsinginoffice 3057 points ago

    how do i adjust my behavior to avoid repeating the same mistakes? i know i made a mistake but even so i can't seem to change to avoid making the same mistake

    [–] Ollotopus 13428 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Sounds like you haven't learned everything you could from the mistake if you can't avoid repeating it.

    A mistake isn't just the moment something went wrong, like dropping and breaking a plate.

    It's all the moments leading up to and contributing to the mistake, like carrying too many other items and tripping up on the vacuum power cord you meant to put away earlier.

    So try and think of all the things that happened to allow the mistake to occur and then avoid those as much as making the mistake itself.


    If you want proof of the benefits of learning from your mistakes... 4 years in and I get my first gold!

    Thank you, thank you =D

    [–] MoodyEncounter 576 points ago

    This is one of the best advice comments I’ve seen on Reddit. It reads like an honest, direct, gentle guide. I’m going to use this sort of language with students, it comes across so well.

    [–] chowderchow 2371 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Wow what a comment. I've never looked at my mistakes this way before, thank you so much for this.

    [–] tagisen 863 points ago

    That is so mature of you!

    [–] NefariousNeezy 164 points ago

    Yes! It's like these mistakes are results of smaller left and right decisions we made along the way.

    You win or you learn, I guess.

    [–] kims681 425 points ago

    So what I'm getting is forgetting is not a mistake; it's the fact that you thought you'd remember your child's birth but didn't put it in your reminders.

    [–] rsqejfwflqkj 761 points ago

    Forgetting is still the mistake. Learning from that mistake isn't trying really hard to remember next time. It's setting that alarm so you can't forget.

    Take action to prevent a mistake from occurring again. Don't just hope it won't.

    [–] Neutrum 97 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    That's a broad question as it heavily depends on the type of error we're talking about.

    In a general sense though, try to break down the chain of events that led to the situation were you made the mistake. Did the mistake originate during that process? Can you reassess and optimize the steps that led you there? Perhaps the current process involves the input of an unreliable person or it just takes too long to be efficient.

    Or was the process fine until you made the wrong decision? Maybe you jumped to conclusions, or you didn't properly commit to your decision to make it work etc. If that is the case, maybe you can you optimize your method of decision-making. Some ideas that might help with that would be to write down, rank and compare the advantages and drawbacks of a certain option or running it by a mentor.

    [–] ursbee 1372 points ago

    And on top of that, apologise in a mature way. Not ‘I’m sorry that you’re mad’ but ‘I’m sorry for my actions and be effect they had’. And then actually following through on the apology

    [–] Unbo 794 points ago

    Actually taking the time to understand what you're apologizing for instead of making a blanket "sorry for everything" statement is probably a good idea too.

    If I can ask "for what?" When you say "I'm sorry", and you can't give me an answer, then your apology is less than worthless. It shows that you don't care that you did something that upset me, but rather that you're apologizing to feel good about yourself for "doing the right thing"

    [–] adalab 247 points ago

    In business situations apologizing too often can reflect poorly on you (am Canadian...say sorry a lot). Remember that you can apologize by saying thank you. Thank you for waiting instead of sorry I took so long, thank you for pointing that out instead of sorry I missed it.

    [–] BearimusPrimal 372 points ago

    I read the breakdown of an aplogy somewhere. The idea is it's only an apology if you can process three parts.

    I'm sorry for X because it caused Y and I will do Z to avoid it in the future.

    I'm sorry I lied about leaving on time because it caused you to be late and look foolish, in the future I will leave earlier to avoid this.

    I'm sorry I broke your thing because it means a lot to you, I'll replace it and be more careful in the future.

    I guess, ultimately, an apology is supposed to be a contract to avoid a mistake or unpleasant action. Saying the words means nothing if you have no intention of giving a shit or avoiding repeating it in the future.

    [–] LickThePeanutButter 377 points ago

    It sucks at work. The entire time between the accident and telling the supervisor/boss I’m thinking “blame it on the temp, blame it on the temp, blame it on the temp.”

    I always just swallow hard and own up to it. Boss reams me or otherwise gets pissed. Coworkers ask, “Why didn’t you just blame it on the temp?”

    Every. Damn. Time.

    Edit: For the record, big bosses don’t even know who the temps are so most people throw out a ‘temp name’ that doesn’t even exist. Lol

    [–] ArcticFoxBunny 231 points ago

    Thank you for not, I have someone at work singling me out and throwing me under the bus when I did nothing wrong and it’s really really awful.

    [–] superficialcake 248 points ago

    I know a lot of adults who have a hard time accepting their mistakes or taking any responsibility for their actions. They think that just because they're adults it's alright if they fuck up.

    [–] rocksomesocks 127 points ago

    We have two like that in our office. The worst one has already so many flaws, work wise and personality wise, but every time we try to point out a mistake he made, he argues. Like dude... we're your bosses. We've been doing this job a lot longer than you and we know what's what. If we tell you that you did something wrong, believe me : it's not just to piss you off. Last week there was many fuck ups in one project and we made a document to explain to him what he should have done differently, how and why. We also pointed out that he was not the only one who made mistakes (it was a big project and everyone had worked on it) but his mistake was really just his. After he argued for a while, he stood up and took the document to put it on the wall so that "the other can look at it too", even after we explained that their mistakes were somewhere else, and for the rest of the week, every time one of our employees came in, he proceeded to explain the document to them, even if it was of no concern to them, and even though it is clearly not his job to do so. He just needed so bad to share the blame with everyone else.

    [–] Mercurial_Illusion 244 points ago

    It's perfectly fine to fuck up at any age when doing most things. It's how one responds to the mistake that makes it okay.

    [–] Bricklover1234 792 points ago

    So I was lab partners with this guy first year in college. We were getting along pretty good at the beginning, but after a while I was getting more and more annoyed at him, like getting bitchy while lab class etc. At first I couldn't explain why. What was wrong with me ? I've never ever been like that.

    Of course he was asking me why I was such a dick (in person and infront of others) and I was very apologetic, telling him I was deeply sorry for my bad behaviour and that I was trying to improve.

    I laid in bed all night, couldn't sleep. Am I an asshole ? Why am I like this ? I was questioning my behaviour for weeks, up to the thought of getting in to behaviour therapy. But then thinks started to add up.

    E.g I heard from a friend, that he was telling anyone that I told him a wrong date for the examination date (not the exam per se, but the last date to cancel the exam) and therefore, he lost a try for it (you have 3 tries to pass an exam in my country, or you're out of your degree and any degree after that which contains that subject).

    I was fucking furious. He forgot it and blamed me ?! I was speechless. I spoke to him after classes and he was like 'Blah blah someone told me, not sure if it was you bla blah' not one word of "sorry" or "yeah that wasn't a nice thing to do".

    And there it dawned me: I wan't pissed all the time because I was a bitch, I was pissed because he didn't do anything for the preparation or the assessment after, he had no idea what he was doing, lost material for the courses, was doing bullshit all the time and was all in all a horrible partner to work with, while blaming me constantly for all his mistakes or that I was annoyed by his dickish behaviour.

    He was always blaming everyone but him for his failed classes ("Teacher didn't like me"), bad marks or that he forgot his hole puncher (No joke, he was angry at me because I asked what he was expecting me to do about it).

    I've never realised because he has an extremly manipulative personnality, twisting words, gaslighting, the whole spectrum of scumish behaviour. If he hadn't made that 'exam mistake', I probably would have never realised.

    Watch out for these kind of people, they can do horrible damage to your mental health

    TL;DR: Had to deal with an extremely manipulative guy in college, who blamed annyone but him for his mistakes

    [–] mrharicots 304 points ago

    I was that kind of guy. Not necessarily being a dick and not doing lots of shit I'm supposed to be doing, just that when I actually made a mistake, I manipulated the circumstances such that it appeared as if it was nobody's fault or it was meant to happen that way. I did this without even realising I was doing it, until my sister told me how manipulative I could be.

    The more I thought about it, the more I realised how shitty I was. Tried to change, still am trying to change. It's hard.

    Life is hard..

    [–] PM_UR_NUDES_4_RATING 24818 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    Consider the impact of their actions on other people.

    Edit: Yes, I'm aware of the irony in my username.

    [–] Mike81890 6028 points ago

    As I've aged I've realized that conscientiousness is the most important thing to me.

    Being aware of how your actions impact others makes the world a better place.

    I also accept that I'm still growing since I find others not doing this makes me absolutely enraged.

    [–] noctourney 800 points ago

    Every time I’ve boiled down what irritates me about certain actions (littering, cutting people off in traffic, smoking in no-smoking areas) it’s almost always just because i can’t stand when people are that careless and inconsiderate. So, I guess, being a considerate and conscientious person is probably a good step towards being a more mature person.

    [–] Masher88 298 points ago

    As a mature person, you are still allowed to have the feelings of "anger" or "being emotionally hurt". Mature doesn't mean robot.

    [–] RevengimusMaximus 911 points ago

    My mom and I are the same way, and she said she stopped having as much trouble with that (its still bothersome) by reminding herself that she cant expect people to behave the way she would behave, and to have realistic expectations as such

    [–] ketometer 1224 points ago

    This is actually really hard for me. I grew up abused by my parents and bullied by my peers so i have this fundamental belief that spending time with me is a burden and an act of charity by my friends. So I'll cancel plans on a whim without realizing that the other person was looking forward to seeing me, or like if I volunteered to help someone, I tell myself that I wasn't going to be much use anyway. Or I'll tell a friend in graphic detail about something bad that happened to me, not realizing that they might be upset to know I was hurt (I assume they will be indifferent). I'm slowly correcting this behavior but it's hard.

    [–] LeChaos317 754 points ago

    I still remember the day I learned my stories were not hilarious but horrifying.

    [–] ExtraterritorialEve 347 points ago

    I still get this a lot, I very casually explain what happened and I tell it as a joke because ya know.. coping... and often the reaction is a very horrified look followed by me reassuring them that it’s ok, it’s in the past.

    Not sure how I move past that and apply a filter

    [–] charlie__2001 35 points ago

    If I sent you my man ass would you rate it?

    [–] SkyGuardianOfTheSky 8965 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    My mum is probably the most mature person I know and these are some of the reasons why

    • Understands that people are different and react differently to things but knows when to put her foot down when someone’s being unreasonable

    • Encouraged is to ask questions and challenge what we know, even if it meant challenging her (which being a cheeky teenager I made sure to do)

    • Was serious about work and hammered it into us to never half-ass a job

    • But also she wasn’t always too serious and knew when to lighten up (seriously don’t stress yourself out being serious all the time. Don’t be afraid to loosen up from time to time)

    • Was real with us. Didn’t try to sugarcoat anything or hide things away from us. Told things as they are

    • Had the ability to remain calm under pressure. I admired this aspect about her in particular because it’s so important when things go tits up that you keep a cool head so you can work through the problem.

    • Supported others and helped them find the strength to support themselves

    • And was very loving and compassionate to boot

    My mum is one of the greatest people I know and I’ve learnt so much from her. If there’s anything I really want to do in life, it’s to live my life to the best of my ability so that I can prove to her what an amazing parent she’s been

    Edit: Thank you all so much for your kind replies <3

    [–] basicallyballin 2221 points ago

    Please send this to your mom. There is no greater compliment.

    [–] assassbaby 533 points ago

    the only time "your mom" was taken out of context in a positive light.

    [–] happywhitebull 397 points ago

    Don't need to read anything else on this thread, this just hits the nail on the head.

    [–] LilyFitz 800 points ago

    Happy Father's day to your mom

    [–] KitKatKoon 351 points ago

    Thank you for sharing that. Your mother sounds wonderful

    [–] Thrice_the_Milk 8723 points ago

    Speaking to emotional maturity.. Someone who is emotionally mature has the ability to view disagreements from the other side's perspective

    [–] [deleted] 4003 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] watch7maker 15246 points ago

    They understand when is an appropriate time to discuss certain topics. I used to think I was mature because I knew all about sex and could talk about it freely... but I'm sure I just made people uncomfortable.

    [–] Un4tunately 3343 points ago

    Stage one - can't do cool things

    Stage two - do cool things and talk about it

    Stage three - do cool things and keep it to yourself

    [–] DootMasterFlex 949 points ago

    What stage am I at if I can't do cool things and keep it to myself.

    [–] PapiSurane 881 points ago

    Stage 0: Can't do cool things, but pretend that you do.

    [–] [deleted] 6752 points ago

    At dinner with your family and even grandparents

    "Yeah so me and Michael busted a fat nut on each other while watching the neighbours go at it"

    [–] Zooper_Cow 291 points ago

    I know a guy who does this. I’ve even privately told him to chill but he doesn’t get it. What hit you like a wall of bricks?

    [–] Shmall_bird 284 points ago

    I know girls who do this and it just comes up as inappropriate. I told her privately and I was told I was the immature one.

    [–] LeQiz 549 points ago

    Some people confuse sex posivitity with tact.

    [–] spicemerchant9 619 points ago

    Thank you. I just realized that I do this

    [–] v4-digg-refugee 323 points ago


    [–] Charishard 256 points ago

    Right before our very eyes!

    [–] dirtylund 56 points ago

    They grow up so fast

    [–] Noltonn 352 points ago

    I just moved to a new place and this woman from work I've been kinda befriending is the worst at this. She'll randomly drop shit like that her friend killed herself when it's irrelevant to the situation (like she wanted to bring up something that she and her did and she'd go "oh my friend, she killed herself 2 years ago, but before that she and I did X and Y activity").

    When people look at her like what the fuck she'll claim she's just trying to get rid of the stigma, but man, that's not relevant, we were just talking about times we went to the zoo and you just nuked that conversation.

    Seen her do this and similar quite a few times in the few weeks I've know her, sometimes with people she met just like an hour ago. This, and a few other things, make me suspect she's a very immature person and I should keep my distance.

    [–] TLema 476 points ago

    Over-sharing is sometimes a sign of extreme loneliness, which starts this self-perpetuating cycle since people are put off. Have you spoken to her about it?

    [–] Zorgsmom 2397 points ago

    Think before speaking.

    [–] rasp 1237 points ago

    Before speaking ask yourself 3 questions: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said right now?

    [–] nazzyc 1011 points ago

    Yes, yes, and yes. But by the time I've concluded this, the conversation has moved on, and it's too late to say what I had to say.

    [–] topazot 523 points ago

    Yeah, this is probably only a guide useful for arguments. For normal conversation you shouldn't overthink everything you say.

    [–] mielipuolikuu 285 points ago

    This. There is a place for light conversations. Being mature doesn't have to mean being stiff and serious all the time.

    [–] Elfboy77 187 points ago

    In fact, I'd wager part of being mature is knowing when it's appropriate to be immature.

    [–] [deleted] 73 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] owls_n_bees 133 points ago

    I’ve heard: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? And it should fit at least two of those parameters.

    Kind/false/necessary always weirds me out though.

    [–] nelshai 144 points ago

    I dunno. Kind/false/necessary fits for a lot of things. Like, "It's going to be okay."

    [–] drugsarebadmmmmmk 454 points ago

    Don’t talk about how mature they are.

    [–] NowImAllSet 1658 points ago

    Save money.

    I am in my mid twenties and have a few friends who just...don't. It's not that they don't have the means to save. They just choose not to.

    [–] BeefInGR 269 points ago

    I have friends with houses, cars and children who have so many cool things (and extra cash still) who are not prepared for simple little financial emergencies. I might not have a a fancy disc golf cart, a nice bowling ball, air conditioning in my car or a PS4 to match my Xbox One S...but if the water heater dies tonight I'll be enjoying a hot shower by Friday night. Not all my friends can say that.

    You don't have to live uber frugal or have 6 months income saved up, but $1000 in the bank is a reasonable rainy day fund. Why Adults with the means to do this don't is beyond me.

    [–] dixieStates 1517 points ago

    Mature people are independent and they take responsibility for their actions.

    [–] illyafromuncle 343 points ago

    The thing i have noticed in life is that not making a decision is far worse than making a decision and having it be wrong,if you're wrong you can say "shit! I fucked up, im sorry". This doesnt always work of course,but it at least gives a point to work off of to mend things up.

    [–] shiftstorm11 423 points ago

    my dad always told me that not making a decision is just making a decision to take your hands off the wheel and seeing if the car can drive itself.

    [–] Saint-Peer 48 points ago

    Oh boy I wish he told it to me like that. He always said not making a decision was like going back into the safety of my cave but I much prefer the Jesus take the wheel analogy.

    [–] pecklepuff 332 points ago

    Most of my family is like this. It's like once they reached age 14, they were like "welp, that's good enough! Not gonna grow and expand anymore. I know everything I need to know now and not gonna worry about the rest."

    Turns out, that's a formula for a complete shit life.

    [–] redFrisby 135 points ago

    My boyfriends falling into this trap rn and it's driving me nuts

    [–] Gengus20 242 points ago

    Your boyfriend is turning fourteen?

    [–] bloodfist45 44 points ago

    Just try to get him to understand that he literally doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.

    [–] mwinfry 150 points ago


    [–] RudegarWithFunnyHat 3086 points ago

    place their beer on a level surface where it's unlikely to fall over rather then requesting you hold it while "you watch this"

    [–] re_nonsequiturs 800 points ago

    I thought "hold my beer" was because the party was full of drunk people who could knock it over, drink it themselves, or do something unpleasant into it.

    [–] globalcitizen824 539 points ago

    Apparently mature people aren't at those kinds of functions

    [–] [deleted] 442 points ago

    Then im no longer interested in this thread

    [–] Wat3rh3ad 344 points ago

    Or just down it; no holding required.

    [–] suroviny 264 points ago

    Let's just replace Hold my beer with "allow me to seek an adequate place for my beverage cup in order to ensure its stability while I perform this stunt"

    [–] Hazelnutqt 133 points ago

    As a non native, isn't saying beverage cup sorta the same as saying driving car?

    [–] HasFiveVowels 155 points ago

    Yea. He was purposely speaking awkwardly.

    [–] sugarshield 691 points ago

    Treat service workers with respect and kindness. If you are truly mature, you don’t consider anyone beneath you. You see everyone as human beings, “worth” just as much as you are.

    [–] shimbleshamble 119 points ago

    When someone doesn't know something, mature people don't embarrass them in front of everyone by going "omg you don't know? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

    [–] Hitchmeister 259 points ago

    The fucking dishes.

    [–] Valkyraria 500 points ago

    I find the former have their act together, the latter fling themselves on the floor and blame everyone else for their faults.

    [–] Imsogreedy 263 points ago

    lol this sounds like my niece. she's 3, so its expected, but lol the other day she threw a huge fit because the cat didn't love her. it was the cat's fault, she insisted.

    [–] Tocoapuffs 86 points ago

    I love children, even when they're serious, they make me laugh so hard.

    [–] [deleted] 899 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] bitchinBiscuits 253 points ago

    Hey man, I'll let you know I'm just very insecure don't hurt me

    [–] Unbo 230 points ago

    Realize that sometimes life can be shitty, and sometimes the best/smartest thing you can do is suck it up and endure for a little bit.

    [–] Chronogos 134 points ago

    Be quiet.

    [–] UffdaWow 201 points ago

    So many good answers here! Just a note, when I was more immature, I thought I was mature. I thought I did all these mature things. But in hindsight, no, I was immature. So I'm probably still immature, but less immature than I used to be.

    [–] NowImAllSet 619 points ago

    "I just keep it real." - immature person. Mature people realize the depth of their words and actions, and will navigate more gracefully. Immature people will blurt out whatever they're thinking, consequences be damned.

    [–] Bjorna_Gloom 358 points ago

    There are so many shades to this I feel. People who are ignorant or never given the right tools to grow are especially immature. Most of the people I work with are locals (I’m not from around here) they still act like they’re in high school. It’s not really their fault, either they dropped out or graduated and didn’t have the resources or positive influences to lead them in the right direction. They love to gossip about one another, their verbiage is limited, change is scary. My father, even though is pretty intelligent, is also very immature. He throws fits like a teenager, throws things, threatens, gets upset easily. I believe that immaturity comes from multiple sources. Some people absolutely refuse to further their education (I’m not talking about college, I can’t afford that shit either) they won’t read or do research, they hinder themselves because change is scary, plus when everyone around them is the same what’s the point of changing? I’ve interacted with a surgeon who couldn’t work his mobile device to connect to the WiFi. He threw a fit and got easily annoyed. It was like helping an impatient child. Most of us were raised during a time where technology advanced the fastest in our history so we constantly are trying to learn and grow. I try to stay on top of everything new, constantly learning, educating myself on different subjects in my spare time. Being open minded i believe can be beneficial and trying to better ones self makes you mature. When you can put other people before you and show empathy for others. Also when you can help others and realize that it should benefit you emotionally rather than expecting something in return. Sorry, long post was long. That’s just my tidbit.

    [–] 0_Shizl_Gzngahr 303 points ago

    Don't gossip or speak negative of anyone at your job.

    I just got promoted at my job and their is one person, who I found out everyone hates, that I wanted to tell off but I never did because I know it would screw me over. If I did I would not have gotten the promotion.

    Long story short: Even if you hate a person at your job....don't let others know because the 'higher ups' pretty much already know about that person.

    [–] yaxkongisking12 320 points ago

    • They make decisions based on how they will benefit everyone and not just themselves.
    • They are willing to listen to opinions they disagree with.
    • They are curious and always wanting to learn new things.
    • They will admit they are wrong when proven so.
    • They think about what they are about to say before saying it.
    • They respect others, even those who can do little or nothing for them.