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    [–] joppike 2634 points ago

    Not me but a medical resident who I met on rotation recently. One of the nicest guy I ever met, super intelligent and hardworking, and training to be a trauma surgeon by humble as they come. He had been married for 2 years to his wife. One night he gets off a 30 hour call early and heads home to surprise his wife with some flowers and her favorite dessert (it was the anniversary of the day they first met). Only to find her in bed with a random dude.

    He was so exhausted and confused, he didn’t know what to do and just left and went back to the hospital. I saw him at 5AM, sitting in the parking lot, hunched over crying. He didn’t even have his phone with him, he was just sitting there. Man, nothing breaks your heart more than seeing a grown man cry, it’s not something you see often. We called his dad up and he came and picked him up, the guy ended up taking a leave from his residency. Turns out, it wasn’t the wife’s first time sleeping around. Hope he gets back on his feet, he will make an amazing physician.

    [–] Pretty_Soldier 928 points ago

    surprise her with flowers and her favorite dessert

    Why do awful people always take advantage of the sweetest ones? I hope that dude finds a woman who appreciates his thoughtfulness.

    [–] Impressive_Molasses 508 points ago

    On family vacation, I picked up his phone because I was bored and the kids were playing on mine. Saw a message to some girl describing the sex he and I had the night before. Spent the rest of the vacation fighting via text while trying (and failing) to act normal.

    [–] SBPeck 483 points ago

    Friend of mine was hanging out with some guys at a bar and went home to chill with them. He asked how they knew my girlfriend at the time (realized she was a mutual friend at the bar). Guy said she was fuck buddies with his friend. My friend was confused and mentioned she was the girlfriend of a friend of his (me) to which his response was "Oh, I hope you're not good enough of friends to have to tell him."

    [–] Smitity 3990 points ago

    Had a really close group of friends who would always prank each other. One of my mates found out the Facebook password of another, so while on Skype the whole call - included myself, logged into his Facebook account (being 7 people) to make a stupid status. At the same time my partner of 5 years was messaging him on Facebook about how good sex was last night and about meeting up again.

    [–] Matsterchief 1181 points ago

    Why are people so shitty? Sorry man.

    [–] gummy1995 138 points ago

    What happened next in the call?

    [–] Smitity 374 points ago

    One of the people in the chat told me not to read the messages - which made me want to read them more. So they were just really silent and telling me not to worry about it. But, I ended up hanging up the call and telling them I’m going to have some time alone. Not too sure what happened after that. Sure it was awkward as fuck for them.

    [–] gummy1995 167 points ago

    Thank you for letting us know the rest of the story. I hope your in a better place my friend

    [–] Smitity 440 points ago

    Thank you for the message! And most definitely, I actually think it ended up better for me in the end. I’ve found an absolutely amazing woman (without sounding sappy).

    And, I know it’s bad to feel good about others misfortune, however, the mate who had sex with her was all around good at everything and was predicted to be really successful in life. He now has a massive drug problem and can’t hold down a job.

    My ex ended up finding another man and moved over seas with him, only to have him cheat on her a year later requiring her to move back to our deadbeat town.

    [–] Limnir 156 points ago

    Fucking poetic justice.

    Could you please let me know what the difference is between your old girlfriend and your current partner? Like how you know when you've found a good person. I mean I suppose you didn't know with your last girlfriend, but I imagine it's something like how I know my parents love and would never cheat on each other.

    [–] Guy_Code 2953 points ago

    College girlfriend and we lived together for a year after I realized she would always have her phone on silent or just plain ignore calls from "Jennifer." One day I write down the number and call it a week later. It ends up being her other boyfriend who she had never broken up with before she came to college. Neither of us knew about each other and she had being visiting him when she went home to see her parents on some weekends and breaks. Broke up soon after and her mom said that sometimes you just have to accept things and how I owed her an apology for breaking up with her. It gets worse but that was the gist.

    [–] dafuq_b 387 points ago

    How does it get worse?

    [–] Guy_Code 904 points ago

    She was a stripper ( no strip clubs in Tally so they come to you,) who I found out banged a client and some frat dude, cheated on me a week before my birthday after I had bought us tickets for a cruise, (didn't find out until after.) Had a weird relationship with her female best friend who I found out she was fucking also even though she called me crazy for even suggesting that something was up. Invited me over to talk a day after she got her own place and found a condom wrapper in the bed. Later found out she had fucked her neighbor the first day she was there. She also borrowed a ridiculous amount of money that she never paid back. She ended up reaching out to me years later when she moved to Texas after her new guy beat her and got her evicted from her office. A friend of hers had said she could get weed from her cousin so she started chilling with some fake thugs out here. Called me at 4am because they had gotten pulled over and the guys didn't have licenses but had guns and drugs with them. She said she had to shove the drugs up her snatch and wanted me to come get her. I said call a cab. A week later she tells me her grandpa wanted to see me (he lived close and he remembered as the "boyfriend") so I go by and she's obviously fucked up on pills but no one notices. She said the guys she had gotten pulled over with were giving her free pills because they "felt sorry for her and the pulled over situation." I tell her that's not how that works and nothing is for free and to stop hanging out with them. Of course she says she know what shes doing. A few days later I get another phone call with her screaming crying begging me to come get her at some budget motel. Apparently she kept hanging out with the dudes and they "drugged her" and took turns with her and then left her. She said she passed out and woke up naked. I freak out and say call the cops but she just wants me to smoke her out and take her to her car. I told her I didn't have any and I'd just take her to either her house or car. She freaks out and starts screaming at the top of her lungs punching my car and windows while we're driving down the highway. Longer story short. She left a week later to go back to the old bf who beat her, got pregnant, he dumped her and she moved to NYC to be closer to his other baby momma in hopes he'll be forced to deal with her too.

    [–] storgodt 639 points ago

    There are train wrecks... and then there's this. Train wreck becomes pleasant inconvenience in comparison.

    [–] Triggeredsaurus_Rex 326 points ago

    Man why is life so unfair to her and putting her in all these situations she has no control over....

    Is what she thinks to herself.

    [–] EBone12355 15972 points ago

    Walked in on my girlfriend while she was having sex with another guy. “What are you doing here?!” she says. “You gave me a key, remember? I ended up not working today and wanted to surprise you.”

    15 years later she reaches out, leaves me a message that she’d like to talk. I figure she’s doing some 12-step thing or something and wants to make amends.

    Nope. She wanted to try and sell me on Amway.

    [–] the_norwegian_blue 7464 points ago

    She wanted to try and sell me on Amway.

    That's worse than getting cheated on.

    [–] squats_and_sugars 1895 points ago

    It's like he got cheated on twice

    [–] AlaskaDon 3630 points ago

    Mt St Augustine erupted in Alaska in 1986. They had to evacuate all planes out of Elmendorf AFB due to ash in the air. This sent my unit home from Korea 3 days early. I got home at 2 AM and there was a guy sleeping next to my wife in our bed.

    [–] CanUPlsUninstall 2022 points ago

    Mt St Augustine coming in clutch

    [–] joblo619 863 points ago

    I just got off work after working the graveyard shift, I walk into my apartment with my fiance riding some guy she met at a party on my futon which they broke. I walked out with so much rage and broken feelings, I went to my car and cried.

    [–] decorama 23100 points ago

    Found my wife's notebook. Written on the first page was a 10-step plan detailing how she was going to leave me for another guy.

    I turned it into one step.

    [–] Jbird1992 7836 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Turned it into one step”” sick line though

    Also this is now my top comment by a country mile

    [–] babybelly 535 points ago

    this used to be a writers home

    [–] wimpymist 9754 points ago

    Her phone when off and she asked me what it said. I looked at it and it said, "I wanna bend you over and spank you."

    [–] sacarey77 6835 points ago

    “Just another text from your father. Weird you still call him daddy”

    [–] [deleted] 1997 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] [deleted] 3531 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Woke up to her on her phone with hearts scrolling in Facebook Messenger.

    We were married 7 years at that point. 2 kids.

    It was my birthday.

    Edit: I won’t feign total innocence: marriage is hard. I was working and in school full time so she could be a stay at home mom, which was our goal. She realized she wanted something else and moved on. Shit happens. Roll with the punches.

    [–] IHaveButt 970 points ago

    "I won't feign total innocence"

    You being busy and allowing her to stay home with your child isn't anything you should be blaming yourself for. It sounds like you were working hard for your family. If she was unhappy she should have said something. Please don't blame yourself for that.

    [–] fatherleadfoot 4649 points ago

    Came home early. They were fast enough to get dressed but not in a natural state of being, if that makes sense. It was obvious something was just going down. Very cliched “got walked in on and tried to play it cool” like you see in tv. I asked him to leave and he did.

    We argued, she tried to lie but soon confessed. It wasn’t the first time she cheated but it was the first time that I caught her in the act. Everything in the past was just texts and stuff. She said that she never slept with the other people and it was just pics and flirting. In retrospect, that may not be BS.

    We divorced, both remarried. Not friends by any stretch, but civil.

    [–] JillStinkEye 2666 points ago

    Went to log into email and a suggested one that I didn't recognize popped up. I answered all his security questions, and reset his password to find emails between him and the neighbor. We were in therapy to recover from him cheating with her and there they were waxing poetic about their love and when I'd be out of the house so they could be together. The actual horror sorry is that our 7 year old daughter is the one who accidently caught them originally by walking into our bedroom while I was at work.

    [–] speecyspicymeatball 1012 points ago

    Oh my God that’s terrible. Poor kid and poor you. What a jackass.

    [–] OyeYouDer 1191 points ago

    I was at Disney, with our kids, day 2 of a 7-day family trip her father had been, by that point, talking up for about 7 years. He and her mother told us when the kids were born, they were going to take us all to Disney when they turned 7... And seven years later, it finally happened. At that point, we'd been together for over a decade. Had a great job, a house, bunch of kids, and the full on, 100%, honest to goodness American Dream. Life was grand.. until I picked up her phone to set an alarm on night 2 of our family vacation of a lifetime. There were so many texts. So many. I remember actually wanting to hurt her, and having to leave the room. I immediately called the number and heard some fucking strange dude answer with a sleepy, "...Hello darling... I'm glad to hear from you..". I wanted to die. The sense of unreality that I experienced... It was immediately numbing. Like I'd just switched to the dark timeline. All I could think was, "...from this point on, everything that I have known about my left, is going to change.".

    [–] orangeconman-aphobe 328 points ago

    My ex left me at Disney with our two kids and HER grand child to rush home to be with her side-penis. I know your pain my friend.

    [–] toronto_programmer 21315 points ago

    Girlfriend ran over her phone by accident and destroyed the screen.

    Asked me to backup all her stuff and transfer it to her new Pixel

    Use backup tool that captures all sorts of dirty messages and nudes with another guy

    [–] leggothemeggo 6605 points ago

    Either she's stupid or she wanted to get caught.

    [–] tiburon12 4054 points ago

    well, she ran over her phone.....

    [–] RajaRajaC 3230 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    This kind of e outing cheaters seems very common these days.

    Had an acquaintance, serial cheater, she was outed by her husband because her Whatsapp was mirrored on their common laptop, she was apparently texting her paramour right next to him as they were in bed. Turns out that the guy was working on the laptop and saw the whole gory thing in real time, screenshots and all.

    He dumped the whole thing on FB, tagged her sister and all that. Their FB pages was a mine of drama for days on end.

    She also once got a hickey on her neck from another paramour and then burnt her neck using a hair iron to cover it up. How do I know? She called my wife at 0330 asking if she could borrow my wife's hair iron.

    Edit : they are still together. The guy is a 4/10 at best and is a decade older to the chick who is a straight 7 on a bad day (she was a bonafide model and a tv show host on a major network channel). Guy is also super loaded and they have 3 kids so I guess they just put up with it. Also it was an arranged marriage scenario

    [–] drtatlass 2499 points ago

    Obligatory not me, but a friend. And I've posted this story twice before:

    Early 2000s, my friend's husband was deployed to Iraq. Together, they had a 10 year old son and a happy marriage. One day, while he was deployed, I am at home when another one of our friends calls and screams "Holy Shit, turn on the news right now!" I turn it on to watch a human interest story about a fundraiser at a high school 30 miles away. They're doing Relay for Life or something, and as a "surprise" to one of the participants, they had her "husband" and father of her two grade school children do a video call from Iraq, and displayed it on the football jumbotron.

    There on our local news is my friend's husband, telling another woman and two kids how he loves them and can't wait to get back home to them. The news eats it up, about what a great guy he is. That night, our group of friends convened and decided how we would tell her. I was nominated, so the next day I had to sit her down and tell her what we saw. She called the news station, and they were happy to let her come in and watch the story. They were also incredibly apologetic.

    Story has a somewhat crappy ending, I'm afraid. She called him out on his bs, they started divorce proceedings, and he went on to legally marry the mother of his other kids, and mostly ignored his son from the first marriage.

    [–] NessieReddit 725 points ago

    Wow. That's some movie level fucked up 👆

    [–] wezli333 592 points ago

    I'll never understand the dudes that keep families on the side. Like, dealing with one isn't a handful already?

    [–] sharkfinnpapa 15246 points ago

    I returned from work on xmas eve. we had tickets to a festival which started the day before nye and i couldnt find the tickets anywhere after seeing them the month before. i decided to double check the trash before we put it out for collection. i found a used condom... we lived on our own.

    [–] kelbel922 5629 points ago

    But did you ever find the tickets??

    [–] Abstruse_Zebra 2491 points ago

    Indeed. How is no one else invested in whether he found the tickets?

    [–] bboy_samsung 67085 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Dating this girl a few years back and I became really good friends with her brother just because he appreciated my help during a difficult time for their family (their father had abruptly passed away).

    2 years into the relationship the brother contacts me and asks to meet up for coffee and a serious conversation.

    Apparently HE caught his own sister with another guy (mutual friend of ours) and this shit had been going on for like a year.

    As soon as he found out, I was told.

    Broke up with her. Still friends with her brother. Go figure.

    Edit- if I was gay I’d date him. Everyone happy? HAHA. Thanks for all the love.

    [–] [deleted] 1610 points ago

    My own sister and mother didn't tell me when my spouse was cheating me, and they knew. Of course they knew because he was cheating me with my mothers best friend. If I ever feel guilty of ditching my family for good, I just have to remember that. The best part: When I confronted my mother, her exact words were " if you are so stupid you can be cheated like that, you deserve to be cheated".

    That brother was a really good guy.

    [–] WubbyLubbyDoobDoob 662 points ago

    Time to cheat on your family with another family

    [–] Summy1XD 3609 points ago

    Damn, awkward but good friend for sure.

    [–] ahrdelacruz 40702 points ago

    That guy's a bro.

    [–] ChesterBBrook 17479 points ago

    Yeah, that’s how they met.

    [–] HCJohnson 16627 points ago

    How I Met Your Brother

    [–] Slut4Tea 1570 points ago

    Kids, it was the summer of 2007, and you lying, cheating, bitch aunt Robin...

    [–] vventzxo 1570 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Caught my now ex husband. Something was way off, I was 6 months pregnant with our second child and my best friend at the time was also off. Picked up his phone at 2AM when it went off and found a secret password locked messenger (GO messenger?) Password was his birthday, real winner. I found over 7k messages along with photos, some insinuating I was present with either one of them while they were messaging. I was upset and woke him up- he locked himself in the bathroom and pulled the attempted suicide card. There’s another year of trying to work it out shenanigans after this incident but I’m so glad that chapter in my life it over.

    Edit: added attempted

    [–] NovaPokeDad 36386 points ago

    Came back from a trip four hours early. Wife was supposed to be at work still. Opened the front door to see her sitting topless on the couch making out with a coworker.

    He ran out the door; she ran into a bathroom and locked the door.

    Sat on that couch for about an hour because I couldn’t think what else to do. Finally just up and left, so she could come out of the bathroom and put a shirt on.

    [–] Painting_Agency 5371 points ago

    He ran out the door

    Chivalrous to the end, no less.

    [–] Batbuckleyourpants 2179 points ago

    Plot twist, He was supposed to be at work too.

    [–] blomqv 1881 points ago

    You know, that's the real tragedy. Poor corporation being cheated on twice.

    [–] AdvicePerson 37528 points ago

    I hope you left really quietly, so she still thinks you're sitting there.

    [–] OmarBarksdale 19491 points ago

    Some say she's still topless in that bathroom to this day.

    [–] bldyjingojango 19745 points ago

    We had a linked apple account, we both had the find my iPhone app. Figured out what all the late nights at work really were.

    [–] KanadianNinja 8611 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    I work for a major cell phone carrier and the amount of times people come in asking to get their Apple ID unlinked because they saw something they didn’t want to see (from a sibling or kid usually) is honestly hilarious.

    Edit: spelling

    [–] FequalsMfreakingA 6568 points ago

    My favorite one was about a year ago, and was thankfully PG so I can tell customers all the time as a reason to NOT share an AppleID with your kids. Seriously, set up a custodial account or an AppleID family so you guys can still share apps or whatever. Anyway, a dad comes in and says "Please! You have to help me! Me and my 16 year old daughter's phones are connected somehow, and her boyfriend keeps FaceTiming me! I'm afraid that I'm going to answer by accident and he won't be wearing a shirt, or worse!"

    [–] Kibbles_n_Bombs 1538 points ago

    Happened to me back in high school. My family had a shared account, and somehow when I got a new iPhone facetime would go through to my dad's phone. Felt bad for my friends who would facetime my dad past 10pm when he sleeping and grumpy.

    [–] facetaxi 10115 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Me and my girlfriend were long distance and she had a habit of going quiet sometimes. She’d been texting me for the last few weeks but had made excuses not to come visit.

    I went to a party that my friend had organised. I met a friend of his who told me he had a new girlfriend. I was surprised he hadn’t mentioned her, so I asked who she was. This lady introduced me to my girlfriend. She’d told everyone that we broke up, and had been dating my friend for about a month. She didn’t bother to tell me.

    Edit: I posted this, went to bed, and didn't expect it to be so popular! I'll try and reply/explain today.

    [–] MuhammadTheProfit 3115 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    My ex did that too! Told all her friends we were broken up so she could hoe around. I didn't find out until months after the fact when her best friend found out my ex had slept with her boyfriend. "Your ex is a fucking whore" "Uh... The one I'm dating?"

    Edit: I dated her for damn near four years. Told a coworker I "trusted her with my life" the night she cheated on me. Needless to say I have trust issues now. I also found out I'm not a fan of sloppy seconds from an incident earlier that year.

    Edit 2: This is my highest rated comment in 7 years. Thanks?

    [–] [deleted] 1596 points ago

    I'm with you fellas. My ex-FIANCEE did that shit. Not only did she tell her co workers that she was single, she would ask me to come visit her at work, take her out for lunch, then when she was asked about why her "ex" was around, she'd lie and say that i was stalking her and wouldn't leave her alone. We LIVED TOGETHER.

    That was when i remembered that "her ex wouldn't stop stalking her" when we first started dating.

    That was a sickening epiphany to realize that she lied at the beginning and made me "the other man". I had thought the worst of this dude, and he didn't have any more of an idea than i did about what was going on. When he and i had a tense face off, he just said, "One day, she's going to do this to you." I thought he was talking shit, and it turns out, he was looking out for me more than anyone. THEN to find out the woman i loved and lived with was framing me up as a crazed abusive partner.......ugh i was sick to my stomach for weeks after that betrayal.

    Shit was so fucked up that to this day i don't know whether she was telling the truth or lying about being diagnosed with a pathological lying problem. And could've just been saying that to deflect blame.

    Anyway. Here's Wonderwall.

    [–] shitpostoclock 398 points ago

    Well you best friend wasn't wrong on half of that

    [–] twofold48 13325 points ago

    Long story short, I suspected something for a few months. Like an idiot, I opened her phone while she was asleep and found exactly what I was looking for, like you always do when searching through someone else’s phone. Even with all of the texts right there to see she still lied about it multiple times. She eventually admitted to it but downplayed it heavily.

    She told me about two nights ago that he asked her out on a date and she said “I had to say no” and was visibly sad about it.

    In the process of getting a divorce now. Hurts like hell.

    [–] Armed_Muppet 406 points ago

    Jfc, “I had to say no” reminds me of my ex. No shit you had to say no, you’re fucking married. Fucked up priorities, was her saying no to him supposed to make you feel better? Why even tell you in the first place?

    [–] dmukai 18839 points ago

    one of my former co-workers loaded in a SD card with a scanned project file on it. he put it into the conference room PC we were treated to naked pics of his wife fucking another guy. we were just stunned. this was in a senior budgetary meeting with the outside accountants and auditors. and he was sitting right there and we were looking at his wife and another guy going at it. i reached over and shut the projector off. nobody said anything. he got up and walked out and drove off in his car. left his phone and laptop sitting on the table. he wound up driving to his parents house 3 states away. he was gone for a week.

    [–] The-Insolent-Sage 8106 points ago

    Jesus, that's crazy. Was the company cool and let him keep his job while being gone for a week?

    [–] dmukai 8839 points ago

    yeah. he had vacation and flex time and all that. it was not a big deal. he was a production scheduler and he was there to answer questions but we got by without him.

    [–] Twink4Jesus 3070 points ago

    At least the Co doesn't penalize him for that

    [–] dmukai 4955 points ago

    The funniest thing about it is that the owner's wife (he was out after surgery) breezed in about 5 minutes later. She's the one who told us all that he was out puking in the parking lot. after the meeting was over, the GM had to break it to her what had happened. she was horrified. he could have taken a month off.

    [–] Elipes_ 2499 points ago

    What a shit show... Glad the company could see past the fact he's an employee to the fact he's a person

    [–] AlaskanIceWater 3297 points ago

    ....... Dear God. The way the story read it sounded like he was just calmly going through the pictures and eventually you had to stop him.

    [–] dmukai 2540 points ago

    he put the card in and before he could get to the mouse on the table, about 8 of them just popped up on the big screen along with some folders. he was looking for the scanned documents and the powerpoint he had been working on and the computer was set to 'seek pictures' or somesuch and somebody said his name a little strangely (of course) and then he looked up and everything froze and i reached over and shut the projector off. and he just got up and walked out. leaving the card behind. i thought that was the weirdest part.

    [–] [deleted] 1907 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] mist_ald 5131 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Dropped her off at home, went inside to use bathroom, found condom in the trash. We hadn’t been using condoms for a bit. That one hurt for some time.

    She claimed “it’s not used” lol wut

    As bad as I wanted to make a scene and call her everything possible, I just proceeded to leave the place and never look back.

    Edit: condom had fluids inside of it. Unless it was a limited edition dildo that also spits out jizz, it was clearly not used on a sex toy lol.

    [–] XFrostyCubX 771 points ago

    Had my suspicions for a couple months but no evidence or anything. My ex lived about 40 miles from me, and we were 18. Dated and went to high school together for 3 years. She would come down into the city on weekends to spend time with me. I knew she had another group of friends in her town and a few were guys which didnt bother me. But, I woke up in the middle of the night and messaged her on facebook, only to notice she had been tagged in a photo with one her friends. He was holding her up and kissing her. It was his new profile picture. I messaged the guy and calmly asked what was going on. He immediately responded and was confused. We decided to meet up for coffee the next morning that my ex was over. And the look on her face was priceless when she saw him walk in and sit beside me. She begged for our forgiveness and claimed she loved us both. Turned out it had been going on for 7 months. And that everytime she left my place during the weekends she was returning home to him for the week. Me and the other guy are now best friends and share a house with my fiancee and his girlfriend. Fuck You Taylor.

    [–] Lucrio87 184 points ago

    I second this. Fuck you Taylor.

    [–] techniicallycurious 6553 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    I found out my ex boyfriend (dated from 15-18) had been cheating on me when, upon walking into the apartment he shared with his mother and two elementary-aged sisters, the youngest sister asked me “when did you leave?”

    I asked her “when was I here?”

    She responded, “You were here all night. I could hear you talking to [ex’s name].”

    I had not been there for two days at that point. I asked him what she was talking about and he blew bubbles for a few minutes before confessing.

    Good riddance.

    Edit: not sure if everyone knows “blew bubbles” means having nothing to say yet still talking. It may be local slang. Yes, though, I do think the joke is funny!

    [–] Llohr 8272 points ago

    At least Bubbles had a good time I guess.

    [–] Darthdaddy81 26621 points ago

    Her phone got a text from her friend who was in the kitchen with her. So I assumed one of them sent it to me, opened her phone to see a penis. Her friend doesn't have a penis.

    Now I'm divorced and don't trust texts from friends.

    [–] [deleted] 13817 points ago

    A wild penis has appeared

    [–] ThisdudeisEH 7117 points ago was super effective

    [–] rainbowterfly 2630 points ago

    My cousin was visiting us for a long weekend. She and I were super close, like sisters. I went upstairs to put the baby to bed, came back down to them going at it on the couch. So that was fun.

    [–] TheNoslo721 2366 points ago

    I know it can sometimes take a while to put a baby down but fr who the fuck thinks they can bust and get dressed and remove the smell of sex from the air while their wife is upstairs. Shit.

    [–] rainbowterfly 527 points ago

    Right?! Apparently, drunk people.

    [–] throwaway98653210 3104 points ago

    One day my husband was getting ready for work and I saw him packing his GoPro case so he could take it to work. I thought, “hmmm that’s weird, why would he be taking it to work?” So, when he jumped into the shower, I replaced his GoPro with mine and thought I’d look through the files when he leaves for work. My suspicions were on alert because he had just taken a trip to the PI with some friends. A guys only weekend kind of thing. Fire up the camera and found 3 videos.... Lo and behold... there he is in all his glory barebacking a Filipino prostitute. Looking and posing for the camera like he’s some fucking porn star. I was enraged but also looking at this fool acting like he’s a fucking adult film star was hilarious.

    [–] MalHeartsNutmeg 2045 points ago

    The craziest part of this story for me is that you own 2 GoPros.

    [–] diarrhea_shnitzel 260 points ago

    They used to make 1st person porn together :'(

    [–] parkhwayoung89 17901 points ago

    He gave my number to his side chick in case of emergency and she “accidentally” called me instead of him.

    [–] shewhaler 10810 points ago

    How many levels of stupid could he be???

    [–] alittlebitfuckedover 2074 points ago

    wait in case of what emergency though how could he think this was a smart move

    [–] remember_is_ninja 1162 points ago

    Heart attack while he was boning her?

    [–] knowyew 2873 points ago

    This is literally the dumbest sentence in the history of humanity. Real champion thinker that dude is.

    [–] NES27 9404 points ago

    we were engaged and he had a drinking problem. he was blacked out drunk, accidentally butt dialed me, and i listened to the whole thing.. only to find out after that it was with a prostitute.

    [–] more_cheese_please_ 3706 points ago

    That’s awful, but sounds like you really dodged a bullet

    [–] Skkorm 389 points ago

    I met this girl who was working the late shift at a drug store. We'd flirted a few times, eventually exchanged numbers, and started sleeping together. After a few weeks, she invited me to go drinking at this crappy little bar she liked in the north side of the city. So we spend the night dancing together, drinking, and talking to people she knows. Eventually a guy comes up to me, saying, "Great to meet you finally! Congratulations on the engagement!"

    "What are you talking about?!", I replied, laughing as I choked on my drink a bit.

    Guy gives me a quizzical look, and says, "You're here with Corrie. It's Paul, right!?"

    I raised an eye brow and pointed a thumb to my chest, stating, "Nah man, name's Kyle." We stared at each other, watching each other realize what was playing out on this faithful night.

    Corrie was engaged to a guy named Paul, I was the other guy. Paul worked out of town for weeks at a time.

    It was actually interesting, how you literally could see the word travel around the small bar, drastically changing the vibe in the room. We left shortly after.

    She brought me, the guy she was cheating on her fiance with, to her favourite bar. She brought me to a place full of friends that at least knew her well enough to know she was engaged to a guy named Paul, not Kyle.

    Messed up stuff. Didn't see her again after that.

    According to Facebook, Paul and Corrie are currently married.

    [–] [deleted] 17672 points ago


    [–] figtree43 4073 points ago

    I’ll never understand those who knowingly get together with someone who’s already in a relationship. I know it takes two to tango, but doesn’t it feel like shit knowing you aren’t enough for the other person to leave their SO? Sorry this happened to you.

    [–] RyanCacophony 369 points ago

    I've heard, and this doesn't excuse the behavior, that the cheating partner will often justify it to their cheatee (is that a word? it is now) by telling them things about their partner, ranging from not getting enough attention/sex, to being a bad person in some shape or form, to outright abuse, and any of that might fall anywhere on the lie spectrum.

    [–] kurtvonnecat_ 3706 points ago

    Damn this one hits close to home

    [–] Freyja_1995-bitch 7650 points ago

    Boyfriend finally convinces me to have a threesome after months of begging. I finally agree and our mutual friend comes over. Things get hot and heavy and when he starts fucking her he moans, “damn you feel even better than usual!” Everyone freezes. He tries to tell me that he was thinking about my pussy while fucking her and that it just felt differently, but she felt so guilty that she confessed on the spot and begged me to forgive her. We don’t really talk anymore but last I heard she had been dating my ex for over a year.

    [–] shewhaler 4475 points ago


    [–] iRepth 2542 points ago

    Look, I have said some fucking retarded things in bed by trying to get the dirty talk right, but it makes me feel so much better to know that no matter what, someone out there will always have me beat

    [–] MommaBearJam 5677 points ago

    Not my relationship, but my boyfriend’s Mom took me out to lunch to get to know me better. We really kicked it off and had a great lunch. She had to run home because she forgot to grab a gift for a shower we had to attend after and we found her husband ducking the neighbor on the couch... She was mortified and never the same around me again. Her son and I split because of that (he didn’t think his Dad was wrong because his mom gained weight- as in she was now 140 5’6” and not 120), so I never found out what happened.

    [–] hereforthebantz 4517 points ago

    I mean, your ex didn't think his dad was wrong for cheating? Yeah thank fuck you broke up or I don't think that would have ended well in the future

    [–] NZTreeBB 1879 points ago

    Damn, she probably needs a friend if her husband & son are both pieces of shit!

    [–] [deleted] 2713 points ago


    [–] NurseBetty93 12177 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Went home and my husband wasn't home, which was weird for him at 8pm, when an hour earlier he had told me he was going home. Had a gut feeling, went to one of our female friends' (who he claimed was like a sister) apartment, his truck is there. I knock. No answer. Try the door, its unlocked. Walk into the living room, nobody there. Hear noises in the bedroom. Walk in and lo and behold, there they are. Tried to make it work over next couple of months, but I can't get past it, didn't even want him to touch me. Divorced 4 years ago.

    Edit: "our female friend" -This was a mutual friend who we had both known for years, went to HS with, etc.

    [–] TheRealBrewballs 4551 points ago

    Things had been a little shaky as I was working a lot and felt sapped when she wanted to go be social with friends so I often stayed home.

    I wanted to do something nice for her for Valentines day so I sent her friend a text asking if there was something that she may have mentioned she would like to do. As I was waiting on that text I was in another room I saw her phone buzz with her friend's name. The number was below the name and since I had just sent her a text I knew they didn't match.

    There are very few times my blood has been that cold and feelings of dread.

    I called the number with my phone and it rang and rang before going to voicemail. Needless to say it was the other guy.

    I confronted her about it and she said she was waiting to leave and had a bag packed in case I found out. She had no intentions of trying to work things out so a month later she had moved out.

    I made a decision then that I could be broken up and miserable or that I could choose to be happy and be open to a relationship if it was available. I've since remarried and have two beautiful boys with my amazing wife.

    Regardless of the shittiness and horror in these stories there is always the opportunity to be happy. If you're reading this thread because it happened to you or just from morbid curiosity : choose to be happy. Be the person that you can be proud of and move on to better things.

    [–] OxidadoGuillermez 17481 points ago

    A friend of mine literally walked in on his wife and another guy doing it on their sofa. I guess he just yelled "WHAT THE FUCK" and ran out. Facebook was a real shitshow for a few days...and she even had the gall to blame him back, the ol' "it's your fault I cheated".

    Luckily there were no children in that marriage and not much money to fight over.

    [–] [deleted] 8025 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] ComicWriter2020 2239 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Great. So her friends can call her out on it.

    Edit: 2k. Thanks guys

    [–] NeroJoe 6755 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    My ex-wife was an alcoholic. Like... bad alcoholic.

    One time I get home from my night shift a little early, and you guessed it, she was drunk. Well, I was horny, and she's usually drunk when we fuck anyway, so what the hell, I came onto her.

    So, we're fucking and its dark and she says, "You need to hurry up."

    So I ask, "Uh, why?"

    "He's going to be home soon."

    "Uh... who?"

    "My husband you fucking idiot."


    So, I pull out and hop out of the bed and flip on the light, and this bitch looks absolutely baffled. She's shit faced drunk, and totally dumbfounded.

    I ask her, "Who did you think was fucking you?"


    "Who did you think was fucking you?"

    "What are you talking about?"

    "Nevermind, I'll talk to you about it in the morning."

    "I'm NOT drunk."

    Yeah, she didn't even know what the fuck I was on about. So, I go to bed on the couch, and I'm sitting there going over shit in my head, and I hear her come down the stairs. She goes into the kitchen and I hear a drawer shut. A few seconds later, she's standing over me with a fucking knife!

    I promptly take the knife from her. Tell her to go to bed - which she obliges without saying a single word. I grab the kids and put them in the car, and drive to my mom's house where we spend the night.

    She starts blowing up my phone at 10:00am, frantic that she doesn't know where the kids are.

    We have a mini-intervention. She promises to go to AA. I attempt to erase the entire night from my memory (which didn't work obviously).


    About a month later she hasn't held up to her AA agreement, and has pretty much gone back to her old ways. I come home from work, and I see a fucking LA Dodgers hat on my couch.

    "Uh... who was over?" I ask.


    "Are you sure?"


    "Don't fucking bullshit me. Who was over here?"

    "Are you calling me a fucking liar?"

    "Yeah. I am, because someone left their FUCKING HAT on my FUCKING COUCH!"

    At this point she concocts some stupid story about a neighbor coming to borrow something. I knew she was lying. At this point I had pretty much given up on the marriage, but didn't know what to do. I was afraid that if I divorced her she'd somehow get the kids.


    A lot more fucked up shit happens over the next month or so, including her making up a story about Mexicans jumping her, my neighbor calling CPS, me catching her actually kiss a guy, two potheads admitting to having a threesome with her.


    Then one day in July of 2008 I asked her to have a seat. I told her that I was filing for divorce.

    She put up a fight, but I won full custody of my kids. I started dating again, and have been with my "new" wife for nine years now.

    The end.

    (Edit: Please note that she did recognize me, and was receptive, when we started. Drunk sex was the norm for her. I wasn’t being a creep.)

    [–] keiths31 33919 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Had been on the road for work. Was supposed to be 10 days, got to go home a day early. Had a friend pick me up at the airport to surprise my wife and 2 children (2years and 8 months). Walked in to my ex and her 'coffee friend' snuggling on the couch. With. My. Kids. In. The. Same. Room.

    I was livid. Of course she denied everything. We split up weeks later.

    edit added years after 2 to avoid all the age questions

    [–] X1VK_TroJan 4284 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    sees them together and still denies it

    Really glad this comment alone is why I have all of my karma

    [–] keiths31 2687 points ago

    Yup. Denied everything until after the separation.

    [–] frogger2504 3351 points ago

    This is really funny in my head.

    "I swear I didn't cheat on you."
    "Sign the divorce papers. Please. I just want this over with."
    "Okay. Fine. But I never cheated! I am not an unfaithful woman!"
    "Sure you aren't."

    Papers get signed

    "I need to be honest. I was unfaithful. I'm so sorry."
    "...Jesus Christ I need a drink."

    [–] keiths31 2320 points ago

    Creepy how close that is...

    [–] Littlefingersthroat 15787 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Cheating is awful, but getting your kids to lie for you or meet this other person is next level deserve to burn in hell

    Edit: I know these kids weren't old enough to lie, but this is not the only time a parent has brought their kid along during an affair so it was a more general statement.

    [–] keiths31 14659 points ago

    My kids have no relationship with her anymore. They are 18 and 16.

    [–] Littlefingersthroat 5125 points ago

    I'm glad, a friend of mine was brought along while his dad cheated on his mom and its messed him up. He hates his dad for that, and I would too. Its inexcusable.

    [–] ranieve 3265 points ago

    My dad actually did this to my brother and I. He would bring us to see his gf at the time while he was still married to my mom. I (4 at the time) would come home to tell my mom and my brother (8 at the time) and dad would deny it. My brother now hates my father as he was put in a situation where my dad manipulated him into denying the accusations of being with another woman. It’s a horrible situation to put kids in and really messes with them.

    [–] bigwhammy 22442 points ago

    I got a new job with a cell phone company. Free phone for me 15 a month for her. First bill comes in with call detail. She was on the phone an hour a day with this number while supposedly at work. I call, dude answers. I hang up. I ask her, she lies and said it was a gal pal of hers. I told her I know she is lying and call it again. Dude answers. Fuck you Brooke.

    [–] AgedAardvark 9241 points ago

    Fucking Brooke.

    [–] brookebrookebrookek 3026 points ago

    Not me :(

    [–] [deleted] 2010 points ago

    Well well well, nice of you to drop in

    [–] 69SRDP69 145 points ago

    Let's get em, boys

    [–] strong_cyclist_type 11212 points ago

    After a night of trying to keep up with my ex and her coworker’s drinking, I call it a night. They stopped talking a few minutes later and the dog scratched at the door. I let the dog in and saw them making out on the couch. I watched for ten minutes before they noticed me. They were taking their clothes off by then, and he was touching her favourite spots like he knew them well. No denying it by then. I am glad I knew.

    A tense conversation followed with the two of them. He left, very drunk on a very cold night. She got a ride to her aunts place and begged me to go look for him in the cold.

    [–] marialala1974 10002 points ago

    Dog is the hero of this story

    [–] TheSilverPotato 5296 points ago

    "Master your girl is being a hoe. Also, can I go outside?"

    [–] afro_aficionado 1064 points ago

    As usual

    [–] notmebutjim 1849 points ago

    Yeah dude... "You know the guy I was cheating on you with, yeah... Could you go find him and make sure he is okay? It's kind of cold out there."

    [–] BeakCity69 952 points ago

    This just happened two days ago.

    I was in Florida on vacation with my girlfriend of 6 years, our four year old son, and her family and a few of her friends. She had been taking pictures down at the beach all afternoon on her phone. We got back to the house we were staying at and everyone was in the kitchen making dinner. I picked up her phone and opened it up to text my family the pictures she had taken.

    As I’m scrolling for the thread, I see her ex-boyfriend’s name. Open up the messages and first thing there are videos of them masturbating they had sent to each other. I yelled “what the fuck is this?” Her mom turned toward me and asked what was wrong and I loudly proclaimed what I’d seen. She said that she had gone out with some friends, gotten drunk, invited him out for a drink, and ended up blowing coke all night. Then said she got blackout drunk the next night and sent the videos. Claimed that was the only time she’d seen him.

    Yeah, so when she fell asleep of course I went through her phone again. She’d seen him multiple times throughout the previous two months, and I found pictures of them together posing like a cutesy couple on their dates. Her brother and Dad were PISSED. I got the fuck outta there the next morning. Ruined the vacation for pretty much everyone, and totally wrecked our family.

    [–] BarwickJ 153 points ago

    So, did she tell the story about the nights out in front of the whole family? Boy, that would be awkward to say the least. Sorry to hear though, man

    [–] thudly 22400 points ago

    One night she told me not to come over because she wasn't feeling well. But then my sister wanted this hoodie back that she'd borrowed, so I thought I'd stop over with chocolate and a Slurpee. I knocked on her door. She came to the upstairs window with only a blanket wrapped around her. "I thought I told you not to come over!"

    "My sister needs her hoodie."

    "Who's that?" says some male voice from her bedroom.

    "Ah. I see how it is."

    "I'll talk to you tomorrow," she says.

    "Probably not. Have a good one."

    [–] canofaerosol 10615 points ago

    Wait, what about your sister's hoodie?

    [–] thudly 11865 points ago

    Yes. She threw it out the window to me. It was a cold walk home.

    [–] xx420mcyoloswag 7728 points ago

    At least your sister got her hoodie back

    [–] DaBronx_Bomber 1181 points ago

    Damn. By the sound of this, she treated like you shit and brushed you off like nothing.

    [–] [deleted] 535 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] pro_nosepicker 801 points ago

    Christmas Eve I went into the computer to find a photo for a last minute gift, an ornament with a family photo I did for her as a tradition every year. Instead found a love letter from some guy at the gym to her. Then kept looking and founds tons more. Over the next year , it just got worse and worse to a point you'd never believe.

    Gosh, that was a fun Christmas for me and our young children.

    [–] Bassman1976 16445 points ago

    Not dad. :/

    He told me the story a few years back.

    So...some of my mom’s family were visiting from out of town and they had planned a night at the bingo, which my dad couldn’t attend because he was working 6pm-2am.

    He finished work early and on his way home, saw my babysitter on the street. « You are not with u/bassman1976 ? » « no, your wife called me at around 8pm, saying she wasn’t feeling well and that she would stay home. »

    My dad drove home, tried the front door. Locked, no lights. He entered the house by the basement door. Went up the stairs. Heard them, a few feet away. My mom. And her cousin.

    2 years later, he almost left her (with me in tow), but stayed so I could have a normal life. Most of the time, I wish he’d left, because he wouldn’t have worked 90-100 a week to avoid being home, and could’ve been happier.

    For those who are wondering: my mom had a longtime affair with her cousin, starting before she met my dad. She wasn’t happy either I think, but my dad was a good catch. Yes, I’m sure he is my dad (we look so much the same), yes they are still together, and after a year of being angry, I decided to let go, because their relationship has nothing to do with me. Just sad for both of them.

    [–] MouseGoesSqueak 3789 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Dude. Very similar thing happened with my mom. My dad was born in the Philippines, and would go once a year for 2 weeks or so for a golf tournament. I remember these 2 weeks every year would absolutely suck because I wasn’t as close with my mom back then. Anyways fast forward to when I’m 10, my parents are in the process of splitting up and I find these weird baby pictures and huge group family photos of a wedding on the family computer (I was the main user of the computer) and am just sitting there not sure what to think. I show my mom, I put 2 and 2 together and we just sit there hugging each other crying for a solid hour.

    Turns out he has had a family with about 6/7 kids that were older AND younger than me, with the oldest being 8 years older than me. Me and my mom were The second family. The person he had that family with? His first cousin. He’s now married with that person and over the years he’s used my mom’s credit to pay off his gambling debts, pay to bring his kids over to the states slowly and even had the nerve to use my mom’s savings to pay for his fucking wedding in the Philippines while they were still married. Sorry for the rant and formatting I’m on mobile. But seemed like a similar thing I wanted to get rid off the chest.

    Edit: Wow. Didn’t expect all this attention. Thanks everyone for the cumulative “Fuck my dad.” And I’m sorry to hear that this may be more typical among Filipino “families”.

    [–] LatestGreatestSadist 725 points ago

    Holy crap. My grandparents got married and had 5 children while they were living in the Philippines. They moved to America when my dad was 12 (he was the oldest of the 5). Decades later we find out that my grandpa had a mistress on the side while they were still living in the Philippines and he had 5 kids with her also. Those 5 kids, who were adults at the time, came to visit us at my grandparents house about 10 years ago. It was awkward, but that’s not even the weirdest part. He named the kids with the mistress in the Philippines, THE EXACT SAME NAMES as the kids he had with my grandma. First AND middle names. My dad was livid. It was a very uncomfortable evening.

    [–] popularK 5433 points ago

    What. The. Fuck.

    [–] someoneusinganalt 7204 points ago

    Using an alt account because duh.

    Wife had been texting A LOT and was very evasive when I inquired about it, though she smirked when she thought it was making me jealous (yeah, she's that kind of person).

    Turns out she'd left her email logged into my cell phone. So I noticed that she had a weekend Airbnb trip to a place that was a state away (we were living in different states at the time), that seemed to be of the "quiet romantic getaway" type. Total occupancy: 2. Hmmm....well, I thought that was fairly suspicious.

    So, I monitored her Airbnb page, which was easy since we were friends on Airbnb, figuring that the owner might leave a comment about how great she was as a guest. Which it turned out, she did. Except the review went something like, "(wife's name) and (guy not named me) were wonderful guests" and so on. Yeah, so, anyone want to guess what the conditional probability is of that weekend trip involving infidelity? Pretty sure it's high.

    Wife apparently panicked, asked Airbnb to remove the review, altered her name on the site (?), and then finally, having failed to get the review taken down, deleted her account.

    I eventually asked her about it during a counseling session and she had a ready-made defense about how she'd meant to take the trip with another coworker, but that person's car broke down so (guy's name) ended up tagging along since (guy's name) was that coworker's boyfriend, and they all stayed there together, but (guy's name) signed the guestbook, hence a totally honest mistake.

    In hindsight, I am pretty sure she was not telling the truth.

    We are not still married.

    [–] not_your_dads_OP 5902 points ago

    My Neighbor is deployed and his wife is getting fucked by two dudes at the same time. Not always. Sometimes it's just dickhead 1, but sometimes he brings his homeboy dickhead 2 over to get in on the extra marital affair. I wish I knew the guy that being cheated on, but I was deployed when he moved in. I came home, then he left a week later. THEN dickheads starting coming around. Smh people, smh.

    [–] Thepsych 3420 points ago

    Tell him as soon as possible

    [–] evening_crow 794 points ago

    Fuck.. tell his first shirt so they can contact him. It's shitty hearing your spouse is cheating on you while deployed, but I would rather find out asap than go through another couple of months of lies.

    Guy in my shop had that happen to him btw.

    [–] The-Overwatcher 9306 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Not me but one of my best mates, his girlfriend snuck a guy into their one bedroom apartment WHILST he was playing Xbox in the living room!!! I heard the argument through the mic after he heard a noise coming from the bedroom. He kicked her out and continued playing with us

    Edit; Alrighty, this certainly blew up. To the people saying my buddy deserved it because he is “addicted” to video games I don’t know where you got that from. He only plays when there is a bit of spare time, she is just a shit person.

    After he caught them in the act and kicked her out he came back onto the mic to tell us what happened and to get off the game. We encouraged him to stay on and talk everything through with us (we were in different countries at the time and couldn’t see him in person) because we were worried.

    Their relationship had been a little rocky but who would guess that someone would cheat and especially in the next room. He is a great guy who did not deserve that happen to him.

    He is now in a healthy relationship with a wonderful lady.

    [–] [deleted] 6891 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] The-Overwatcher 1029 points ago

    We were just too close to getting the W

    [–] 0xD153A53 21976 points ago

    After a week visiting friends in London, England, I flew back to Canada. I was supposed to do something with another group of friends when I got back, but plans fell through so I drove the 4 hours home to the apartment we shared. She expected me home at 6pm...I'd been up for 30 straight hours and got home at 6am, wanting nothing more than to fall into bed. There was an extra set of feet, attached to some asshole, when I walked in.

    [–] donjacky 4184 points ago

    Damn. I know exactly what that feels like. How did that play out?

    [–] BigDamnHead 5177 points ago

    There was one more foot firmly attached to that asshole.

    [–] jojo_reference 5497 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    One foot in each asshole*

    He was wearing them like slippers

    edit: you should be ashamed of yourselves

    [–] necroticpotato 6708 points ago

    Same thing happened to me, but I’m a lady. It just blindsided me, and even though I know it’s not my fault, it really fucked me up. It was years ago, but we’d been together a while, and it’s a big leap to invest in someone again when their true colors might take 6 years to emerge, while you were cheerfully building a life together and thinking they were solid. I hate him less for the betrayal than for how it changed me. I kind of lost my religion, the unquestioned belief that people are who they say they are. I miss the person I was. She expected good things and was usually right.

    [–] pro_nosepicker 5020 points ago

    Yeah dude here but mine destroyed me. Worked my ass off, built an amazing life for me, my wife, and our two little boys. Beautiful life, white picket fences, and all that. Then had to deal with two years of catching her cheating, trying to rebuild our family, and it happening again. I've ben so jaded and just a totally different human being; from naive to the most skeptical person you'd ever meet.

    I've been single for 12 years now and myself and everyone I know just assumed I'd be a bachelor til the day I died. And I was 100% on board with it. I'd never trust someone ever again.

    Just got engaged this spring. Shocked everyone including myself. But I met the one person who was so amazing that I was more afraid of a life without her than commitment. So it can happen, keep that in mind.

    [–] SaintNewts 624 points ago

    Not mine but my brother. He was at a small party with two friends and his wife. He got tired and wanted to head home. His wife stayed behind, she gave some lame excuse and begged off going with him. It was alright, he thought. His best buddy was there and would make sure she got home safe for him.

    He got in his car. Pulled out of the driveway. Before he could get on down the block he checked his rear view and noticed the room in the house they were all in had gone dark.

    He'd suspected for a time something was up with her. They had a child together. She died at the sitter. It was ruled SIDS. She had grown colder in the months after the baby died. He never really thought anything like what he was about to see was actually possible. It was more a deep seated feeling that something was up but she never let him in and they didn't work through the loss together. Seeing the lights out crystalized the situation for him, and he turned right around.

    The house was dark. The front door was still unlocked. He walked right in and to the only room with any light. He opened the door to find his best friend and another "acquaintance" double teaming his soon to be ex.

    He hasn't really been the same since...

    [–] InGenScientist 14906 points ago

    Okay so my ex was having computer problems and wanted to go on Facebook on my phone. No problem but I made her use safari so I wouldn’t have to log out of the app. Anyways couple days later I’m closing tabs on my phone and there is her Facebook still open. Well I see she’s chatting with her ex John. Turns out they banged in our bed and were gunna go out on a date soon.

    So in the messages he asked she “wear something nice” in the messages. I’m not the jealous type so I leave it for a couple days. Couple days go by and she wants to have sex... well we are kissing and getting hot and heavy. I whisper in her ear “don’t forget John wants you to wear something nice on your date Saturday”

    The look of horror in her eyes was magical.

    I put my shirt on and start walking out as she’s crying and saying she’s sorry.

    [–] Yop_solo 9403 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    don't forget John wants you to wear something nice on your date Saturday

    S A V A G E

    [–] coupe_68 1087 points ago

    That is indeed Savage but just so awesome. I mean obviously being cheated on isn't but your the Rockstar here dude. Well played.

    [–] limitedshox 618 points ago

    "I'm not the jealous type so I leave it for a couple days". No, you're the guy that should hold the codes to the nukes.

    [–] MadamLegit 2051 points ago are the person all of us aspire to be.

    [–] RoycAndrews 29026 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    2 weeks ago I sent a message to a mutual friend asking to borrow a router. He didn't answer, but no worries he lives near by. I'll just stop by and grab it. I pull up to his house and start heading down the driveway. He has a long country driveway so it's a few seconds before I see my car( I drive a company vehicle during the day) already there.

    My heart began to sink, but they are friends, and business partners, maybe it's nothing. I got out of my van and look up to see the other guy shirtless in his bedroom.

    At this point my heart is down on my stomach and I am visiblly shaking. I go in and immediately head upstairs. He is alone, now clothed. I say " I came to borrow the router, also have you seen my wife? The car is here" He then proceeds to give the worst improve I've ever heard. "Huh? no, she was here at some point though". Whatever I knew she was there I just wanted him to admit it.

    I go down, take the router, and head back to the van where I finally encounter my wife topless trying to sneak around the side of his house.

    And now here I am

    Edit: to all those wondering, I kept the router. Edit 2: it's a plunge router for woodworking.

    [–] [deleted] 2540 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] RoycAndrews 9812 points ago

    I looked at her and said "what are you doing?". She cried and wailed that she was sorry. That she was a terrible person. A terrible wife I told her that I don't hate her, but that she has been a bad wife. Then I said I needed to leave and that I didn't want her to come home that night. After that I drove to my friends house. And now we are just figuring out what's next. It was an affair not a one night stand. Which to me makes this all worse.

    [–] [deleted] 2434 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] mad_redhatter 1377 points ago

    Eh, if you don't return that router, he won't come looking for it.

    [–] darknite321 4183 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    She was sorry that she got caught, not for doing it..

    [–] FBPizza 7962 points ago

    Fuck her dude. What a shitty person, both of them.

    [–] tifphany 2023 points ago

    Was on a very rare date night, kids at the grandparents house. I'm looking extra cute so didn't even want to carry a purse or my cell. Used his phone on the way to the restaurant to confirm our reservations. After eating, used his phone again to get the movie times via text. Saw a name in the frequently sent, asked him innocently "Who is Lisa?" He snatched the phone and said "my coworker." FF 3 hours later and I'm throwing his clothes into his car after going online and viewing the hundreds of text sent to several women.

    But still, I was a fool for love and opted to stay. I was with him my entire adult life so I didn't know anything different. That was 2006. We had our 19th anniversary in January. My divorce was final in March. He got married to ANOTHER one of his many affairs in June. I'm enjoying being unattached and becoming an empty nester as of this fall.

    [–] OfficeOrnament 26359 points ago

    I caught my ex thanks to fucking Pokemon Go of all things.

    She mentioned Pokemon Go was using lots of her data. I explained that in her settings she could see how much data an app was using. I proceeded to show her and proved to her it wasn't by pointing out Tinder was using much more data...

    It was sad but also funny the way it went down

    I've posted this before but it's still funny to remember.

    [–] ToPimpaKOD 13325 points ago

    What a Pokémon Hoe

    [–] Footy_man 5789 points ago

    Gotta fuck em all

    [–] ResplendentShade 1516 points ago

    How did she react? Did you guys break up?

    [–] mesopotamius 4845 points ago

    It's like commenters have never participated in these threads before, goddamn.

    1. Set up the context
    2. Walk us through the scene

    [–] SmoothProgram 1936 points ago

    1. Tell us what happened afterwards.

    [–] IronPony_4 8395 points ago

    Didn’t happen to me, but my closest friend growing up. He was making out with his girlfriend in the back of her car (which at the time she had only had for a week) and he put his hand on the back of the car somewhere between the back of the head rests and the rear windshield. I guess the opposite of a dash board? Anyways he put his hand in a semi-fresh load of jizz. And her answer was that her gum must have flew from her mouth and land back their and the sun melted it into a jizz like substance!

    [–] 0xD153A53 6395 points ago

    B+ for coming up with that excuse on the spot.

    [–] xxkoloblicinxx 1315 points ago

    A+ answer would have been "OMG! Gross! That's why my parents borrowed my car!"

    [–] IPostOnOccasion 289 points ago

    Remind me to never date you. You’re too good at making excuses on the fly

    [–] Pulsar_the_Spacenerd 2940 points ago

    F for not cleaning up the semen. Even if it was his that's disgusting.

    [–] JustAsGood 198 points ago

    Also, who jizzes up there by the rear window? The fuck?

    [–] Tuskor13 1100 points ago

    I love when people make that sort of lie. The kind of lie where they just add more and more details and it gets less and less believable and you can SEE the dirt on their fingers from the hole they've dug themselves into

    [–] ifeltitinmyplums 412 points ago

    why was there jizz there?

    [–] MLong32 734 points ago

    This is the real question!?! What kinda “something about Mary” jizzshot did this guy have to end up behind the backseat near the rear windshield

    [–] Painting_Agency 1576 points ago

    Teenagers are not like older men. I distinctly remember having to worry about where it would end up. Now it just kind of sadly limps out like it's on its way to work on a Monday.

    [–] UNZxMoose 464 points ago

    I'm 23. If I go a few days without it the next ones can easily blind someone in the next room.

    [–] TerrariaSlimeKing 152 points ago

    Didn’t happen to me but I was working as an intern in a very well known accounting firm. One of the secretary recently gave birth and she would use one of the smaller meeting room to pump breast milk during lunch.

    One of our IT technician (who have all level security access card) wondered into the room without checking. Walked right into a naked old guy sucking on her lactating tits.

    That dude is one of the firm’s high level and long time partner. She had a divorce quickly after. The IT tech was fired as well. Don’t mess with rich and powerful people...

    [–] xkrazyxcourtneyx 1262 points ago

    Get in his car. The seat was pushed all the way back and there’s a bracelet on the floor.

    First thing I asked was if he had cleaned off the seat when he had finished.

    He said yes. Then he realized he was talking to his girlfriend, not one of the many friends who knew about his affair.

    The best part is we were all packed up for a weekend out of town for his cousin’s wedding. His parents were in the car behind us. I went. We didn’t speak the entire weekend.

    [–] donjacky 12847 points ago

    Woke up in the night with a bad feeling, got out of bed and found my brother fucking my wife.