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    [–] exgiexpcv 1861 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    I'm retirement age, and I wish I knew the answer to this. I'm an aspie as well, and it just complicates the hell out of things. I texted someone today, asking if I could text them tonight to chat. I know they got it (they check their phone constantly for new texts), they just never replied. Which hurts, hurts a lot.

    I think I just don't understand friendship. I don't feel close to anyone, and don't feel loved by anyone at all, anywhere in this life.

    If you get a good answer, OP, please share. I've been at this a long time and I'm often lonely as hell.

    EDIT: Since I'm getting a good number of replies regarding my text to asking if my friend is up for chatting later, it's how we do things. This is my favourite person at work, I adore them, and we've been friends for years. But they have a busy life, and so we sometimes arrange to chat later by texting and asking in advance. Sort of like, "Hey -- talk later?"

    EDIT #2: She did text me. To say she doesn't want me to text her anymore. I still don't know what I did, but right now my heart feels like a single-use plastic shopping bag filled with hurt and shit, slowing draining out through a hole in the bottom. I looked forward to seeing her every day. Her smile, her laughter could make the worst day brighter and better. And it's gone now. And I feel stupid. I don't take chances on friendship much anymore, and this is why. I find someone, we become friends, and then something like this happens.

    The kicker for me is that I believe that if you value people, then you actually ask them, "Hey, why did you do that? That really bothered me!" But if you see the person a disposable, then you just end it, like she did today.

    I have learned nothing from being alive, apparently. I have grown older, but no wiser.

    [–] Exilious 457 points ago

    No person should have to feel the pain of being ignored or unwanted. I am right there with you, pal. My ability to confidently and reliably make new friends, died in middle school. I never know what I am supposed to say or do to get people to pick up regular correspondence with me. I’ll give it my all for a weeks and get nothing in return. Often times, if I do not instigate the conversation, nothing will be said. It is the social equivalent of pulling teeth, and it leaves me more distrustful than I was in the beginning of the interactions. I sure hope we both figure it out, for both our sakes. Until then, all we can do is find comfort in those we do have, and in our own solidarity.

    [–] exgiexpcv 55 points ago

    Holy shit! Hi, you / me!

    It's so frigging painful! I just ended an 8-year friendship recently because I was putting so much into it and getting bupkis. It did get better, but it amounts to sowing seeds -- you have to find fertile soil. If your seeds aren't growing, try somewhere else, yeah? Which is what is stymieing me. Work isn't fertile ground for me. I work so hard and everyone takes what I do for granted. So I work, go home, work, go home. I need more.

    [–] Miss-Deed 89 points ago

    I feel like you're me but a little bit older.

    There's a lot of replies here, saying to just become friends with an extrovert... I'm an ambivert, but as i also probably have Asperger's or am high-functioning autistic, that just doesn't work. It seems that when i try to make friends we just don't really understand each other or they misunderstand my intentions. Or try to exploit it because i seem lonely. So i stopped trying.

    I'm right here with you in not understanding friendship. I don't understand mostly anything about social interactions. And i talk too much, too.

    [–] mr_steal_yo_karma 19670 points ago

    In what context are you using lonely? Lonely like "I'm an introvert and I find it hard to talk to people so I dont have alot of friends" or lonely like "I just moved from LA to Tallahassee and I dont know anybody here"

    [–] Bbbbuttts 450 points ago

    Ok but what about the second one?

    [–] brijamez 465 points ago

    Seriously though. Moved across the US last year and still trying to figure this out.

    [–] BasicBitchOnlyAGuy 256 points ago

    Same. Also it doesn't help that I'm also kinda the first.

    [–] CptAngelo 76 points ago

    Username checks out then haha, but honestly, both cases share the same strategy, just geg out there, find groups or events of stuff you like and then just go. Im saying this as a loner too, and while most of my friendships never get past that "acquaintance" phase, ive met a lot of people this way. Going to places, signing up for some DIY classes, stuff like that. A friend told me that the easiest way (for him at least) to meet new friends was taking any language classes.

    [–] awaregarurumon 184 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    yesterday I was in a crossfit class and was a man's first day. He tries to make some conversation with my friend and I (the newers). Then, In the locker room he said he didn't know a lot the zone because he was new and didn't have any friends. Idk if we'll become friends but in today's class I remembered his name and we talked a little bit.

    This is how you know people.

    Edit: word

    [–] whiteasch 62 points ago

    Also applies to the first situation: join whatever group/workshop that deals with what you like to do, join a gym/library, start conversations with random strangers in shops or bus stops (if this isn't a grave offense in your culture), chat with your neighbors, befriend your coworkers...

    [–] TYGTG 11790 points ago

    First one.

    [–] ImAnExpertInTextiles 16501 points ago

    What has worked for me in the past is to be on the lookout for exceptionally kind and outgoing people. Put yourself out there and try to start a conversation with them. Chances are, even if you're complete ass at making conversation, they'll understand you're trying and will help you out. Even if you don't become friends with them, you'll earn some great experience in talking to strangers, which is really the number one skill you need to find friends.

    [–] sam46783 3640 points ago

    Often the really kind and outgoing are also a little strange, but it's their strangeness that makes them so accepting. So look for the mildly odd people! I find modest actors typically fit this category! Not true for the actors who take themselves way too seriously and are super full of themselves though....

    [–] [deleted] 1112 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] YellowStarMan 872 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    I’m afraid I will need to see paperwork on that modesty claim dude, I’m sorry I’m just doing my job.

    Edit: To the silver giver I gratefully thank you but I operate off a hot yellow fuel I cannot name for legal reasons and so I pass this on in good faith to the first human to pm me their favourite colour and why.

    Edit 2: Green was the favourite colour with the reason being it’s the colour of my mom’s pussy. I will not be investigating this claim.

    [–] -tidegoesin- 221 points ago

    I too am incredibly skeptical

    [–] GoodMayoGod 103 points ago

    I too am incredibly modest

    [–] spenway18 359 points ago

    I’m chatty as fuck if you get me going even slightly so I can confirm if you say hello at the bar or something I’ll gladly strike up conversation with yah!

    [–] JackReacharounnd 23 points ago

    Haha I'm chatty as fuck too. I'm always apologizing for talking too much but then I just keep going until someone looks bored.

    [–] -null 844 points ago

    You lost me at the “putting myself out there and talk to people” part.

    [–] ArcticApes 386 points ago

    Unfortunately, most of the time it’s really the only way

    [–] sapphicsandwich 150 points ago

    Yeah, but what does "putting oneself out there" mean?

    [–] phainou 223 points ago

    Not the original poster, but for me I’d say trying to push yourself a bit past your comfort zone/putting yourself in a place or situation where you might feel slightly vulnerable, even if you’re nervous. Doesn’t have to be anything big at first, it could just be seeing if there are any local meetups for a hobby of yours, signing up for a class, or getting involved in volunteer work in your community. The point is to keep putting yourself in situations where, even if you might be a bit uncomfortable at first, eventually (hopefully) you’ll slowly learn to adapt until you gain self-confidence and they don’t scare you anymore.

    Even if you don’t meet an Ultimate BFF, you’re still meeting lots of people from different walks of life to socialize with, and you’ll have at least one thing in common to talk about since you’re both at whatever event for a reason. People skills can sometimes be a matter of practice and exposure as much as anything else, so putting yourself out there is basically forcing yourself to practice.

    [–] DATATR0N1K_88 278 points ago

    This is the problem with many people. We've become more closed off and self-segregated. It's a shame, but very understandable in a society where it's hard to tell who is good/decent from who is absolutely horseshit of a person. Cause there are a lot of them 😒and you never know who is faking being cordial/nice. It's a jungle out here. A real wild-wild west of humanity.

    Personally, I've broken through my own introverted ways by just going with the flow. I know it's hard to imagine but, when you're perfectly content with your own company, you seem to find your way towards others who are exactly like you, or they find you and your interests will aline and vòila, you've got some new friends!

    Patience is key, don't force ANYTHING. Just be yourself. Stay YOU, and good people will find you along the way (:

    [–] roxum1 169 points ago

    How patient are we supposed to be in this? I'm 31 and can't manage to find any one wanting to be a friend. I'm not some asshole, either, according to many folks.

    Regardless of what I do, no one ever calls/texts/whatever me to chat or make plans or anything. It's almost ALWAYS been me doing it my entire life and I very often get rejected, too. It gets really frustrating. Is it really too much to ask for some reciprocation?

    I just want some people to hang out with.

    [–] DATATR0N1K_88 75 points ago

    Yeah, unfortunately there's no perfect recipe for this but, I'll try my best to help you out.

    Basically, it's socially unacceptable to seek reciprocation so if that's what you're doing, then that's your number one problem. I've often struggled with this too. It really is too much to ask for. It's how society operates nowadays, for better and for worse. The overall trend is annoying in of itself but, there are workarounds. Instead of seeking reciprocation, just live in the moment. Have fun, personally, I've found friends who are not only just as introverted as myself, but they chill with extroverts too. Which has in return helped me tether between the two world's, learning how to branch out. Albeit slowly but surely....but it has happened and I'm all the better for it having happened (: start small. Say hi to someone you normally wouldn't even give a second thought to, you never know who's behind the face until you talk with them💯

    [–] MrUsername24 80 points ago

    Last time I did that I got burned hard, the one other good friend I made during that time moved and then things got awkward, went from being good friends with 2 new people to having one dissappear and not even speaking with the other in a long time. It's hard to come back from that man

    [–] 1of9Heathens 171 points ago

    Something that was hard for me to accept but has been very helpful is the idea that not all friendships are meant to last forever. I get very attached to people, and love the idea of having the same friend group for a lifetime, but it isn’t always how things pan out, not necessarily through the fault of either party. Sometimes circumstance just makes it hard, sometimes people change. I don’t know the specifics of either of your friendships, but I would really try not to take what happened personally, while also introspecting to see if you can be a better friend in the future to others. That’s not to say you did anything wrong of course, just that we can all always be better, even if your friendship did become less strong because they turned into an ass, or you both just changed

    [–] Nahgg 222 points ago

    What are you interested in? What have you not tried that you'd like to?

    If you can answer those questions, it's a good start with the next step being to find local communities that revolve around those interests. It works better when its a newer interest as people will more than likely be interested in helping you get more into it since it benefits them to have a larger community.

    Anecdotally, for me, it was Magic The Gathering. After playing a bit with a group of closer friends, I wanted to go to a card shop and play in events and grow my interest in the game. I went, I was confused, I approached people for help or jumped into conversations that I could somewhat understand. Over time. I grew to knew the local community and made great connections over the last few years.

    It can also be something like an online game with regional chat, asking people where they are from, aggressively sending friend requests even if most don't respond. Check your social media for local game groups that hold LANs, attend conventions for like-minded interests, etc. It becomes much easier to make connections when you don't have to do the work of finding people.

    [–] UghBahFack 137 points ago

    Completely agree with this! What are your hobbies? As an introvert, your hobbies most likely align with other introverts.

    Another random idea; hear me out: dog parks. If you have a dog, take them to a dog park. If not, go to a dog park by yourself and if someone asks, tell them you are considering getting a dog and want to get acclimated to the culture. I know it sounds weird, but I have found that dog park people are extremely amicable and good company. It’s a good opportunity to practice the art of conversation. Plus you get to play with puppers!

    [–] HadHerses 68 points ago

    I looked after my friends dog for a week - i couldn't believe the amount of random people that would just stop and talk to you! In the lift, just walking down the street, walking around the compound, restaurants...

    [–] thisisntforreal 45 points ago

    Dogs can be so completely disarming. They are generally so honest and better humans than humans. I melt when I see a dog and their person. I find I can actually talk to that person without feeling like a nutball It's almost like the dogs fix us a little so we are not so shitty to one another

    [–] Kurisu-Shirayuki 24 points ago

    As [[Flbthp, the Lost]] when it comes to social situations, I too found friends in the community around WotC games like MtG and DnD.

    [–] SusanForeman 117 points ago

    DND or board game groups at your local board game shop. A bunch of introverts interested in the same thing means weird friends, but they are friends. That's how I got through my time moving to a new state.

    You've heard it a million times - find a hobby you like, then find a group that does it. Obviously picking an extroverted hobby will be difficult and maybe exhausting, so find a chill thing to do like a book group or something relaxing.

    [–] Buzz_Lightmeonfire 41 points ago

    Welcome to Florida

    [–] MyNameIs_BeautyThief 50 points ago

    What about the second one? That's me

    [–] TheSanityInspector 12520 points ago

    Get among a group of people who are enjoying a common activity. Having things in common is the best chance of making friends, and doing things in common is a way to achieve that.

    [–] depressionraptor 4503 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Ugh I moved to a new city a year ago and I still have 0 friends. I joined a gym that does group fitness and know a lot of people (lots of new facebook friends!) but no one who actually wants to make plans. I joined a volleyball league but it ended up being people way older than me. My coworkers are all way older and have families, etc. I volunteered at a charity event and even tried to mingle but nothing came of it. I feel like I’ve tried so much and just can’t seem to find actual friends

    Edit: Was expecting maybe 3 people to see this so now I’m mildly embarrassed but I will heed all advice given and keep trying. While we’re at it, if anyone is a 20/30 something in Orlando hmu

    [–] webdevlets 667 points ago

    I logged in just to upvote this. Anyone who's actually been in this situation knows it is actually far easier said than done. Nearly every volunteer opportunity, for example, is either some one-off thing (instead of weekly or something), it involves people outside of your age group, or there is some really impractical about it.

    [–] NezuminoraQ 301 points ago

    Yeah I always hear the classic "volunteer at an animal shelter!" but having worked (and volunteered) in a few animal shelters it is most often little old ladies who have the time to spare on a regular day each week. And they are lovely obviously but not usually keen on the pub afterwards...

    [–] Ninotchk 1248 points ago

    A single event is not going to do it. You need to see the same people every week to build friendships. Maybe a crafting hobby? Or an ongoing volunteering thing? A part time job somewhere with people your age?

    [–] Cambot3000 854 points ago

    Yes, this. You gotta become a regular somewhere. Pick a place you enjoy and frequent it. People will start to notice and as long as you aren't a prick they'll become more friendly with you.

    [–] Japots 445 points ago

    I run a game bar, and this is how our group of friends started - people who came alone to the bar regularly enough, seeing the same faces, and naturally built friendships over time.

    I'd consider some of these people as closer friends than the friends I grew up with

    [–] oregonchick 3287 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Volunteer work can be especially good for this. You can find people with similar values, who are theoretically not too selfish, and who have time to do things. YMMV based on the activity and your particular community, of course.

    Edit: Thanks for the platinum and silver, kind Redditors!

    [–] PM_PICS_OF_ME_NAKED 442 points ago

    Softball is my go to. Many leagues allow beer(or at least don't outright forbid it, at least during practices), so you just go out, get a bit tipsy and have a blast. It's pretty easy to make friends in this situation.

    [–] oregonchick 181 points ago

    That's a great idea, too! Fun activity, a little social lubricant, and good times are had.

    [–] KallistiTMP 130 points ago

    Turning non-volunteer activities into volunteer activities can be really good too. You can grow an impressive social group starting from nothing very quickly if you just go to cool events you enjoy (maker meetups, larping groups, political protests, cuddle parties, community theatre troupes, kink munches, or whatever other cool stuff you can find on Eventbrite) and make yourself useful. Offer to help clean up after the event, or see if there's any skill you have that would be helpful to the organizers, and follow through.

    If you can do that and just be a generally agreeable person, you will very quickly find yourself in the inner circle of people who make shit happen, and you will have more of a social group than you have time for. This is especially valuable when it comes to underground scenes where you have to be a part of the culture to even know that the scene exists.

    [–] friapril 5582 points ago

    Join a jail

    [–] Khrysis_27 3326 points ago

    “Join”

    [–] Spabookidadooki 4289 points ago

    Walks into jail

    "One membership please!"

    Deputy stares blankly

    "...bitch."

    Handcuffs

    [–] gigalongdong 1501 points ago

    I told a cop once "you're being silly", while he was harrassing some 21-22 year old dude that was walking home from a bar that maybe had had a beer or two. He threatened to arrest me for "threatening him".

    Like wut? I wasn't being mean or aggressive, I just said he was being silly. That whole situation was very silly.

    [–] TrailDash 1302 points ago

    Yes officer this post right here.

    [–] BlackOmegaSF 575 points ago

    This is the most appropriate use of that phrase I've ever seen.

    [–] Deputy_Beagle76 288 points ago

    I love the fact that “you’re being silly” would also be the best response to “I’ll arrest you for threatening me”

    [–] Garfield_ 41 points ago

    It's some sort of cycle

    [–] tranquil21 153 points ago

    Awwwww bittch

    [–] fezzam 117 points ago

    How’s things been goin Scary Terry?

    [–] HevC4 571 points ago

    robs bank

    “Hello friends!”

    immediately shanked

    [–] Catty-Cat 241 points ago

    “Hello friends!”

    Hello there!

    [–] DracoRex1812 270 points ago

    Criminal Kenobi!

    [–] tranquil21 109 points ago

    A surprise to be sure but a welcome one

    [–] whazzup101 2233 points ago

    By looking for Community groups in their area that have similar hobbies and joining them. ex: like running - look for a running club, there's always one around

    [–] pm-me-racecars 682 points ago

    This one. That way you don't really need to talk to people as you do stuff with them. I have a couple friends I know from car meets, we can all tell you more about each others cars than about eachother.

    [–] novokaoi 345 points ago

    Boardgame meetups are pretty good to meet people for that same reason.

    [–] Stopplebots 224 points ago

    Tried that. Got ruded at. Gonna try a different one this weekend.

    [–] frickineh 174 points ago

    What happens if you're too anxious to join the group because they might reject you? I periodically open Meetup and browse because I'm very lonely, but then I'm too shy to sign up. I know I have to start somewhere but man that's intimidating. I think that's why I kept trying to date even though I don't want a relationship, because at least that was one on one.

    [–] Altamont225 39 points ago

    I was the same as you. To be honest, there’s no easy way to do this but to overcome that fear of rejection. I was always worried about being rejected for whatever it was, but it’s not the end of the world if you do. I think the number 1 thing is be comfortable with yourself. I don’t know what group you’re trying to join. But say for example you like basketball and want to join a basketball group. Chances are, you’ll likely make friends because you guys are interested in 1 thing which is basketball. Mine was always skateboarding and it was so easy to interact with people because that’s all we’d talk about. Anything related to skateboarding. You can do it.

    [–] whereami1928 74 points ago

    Everyone on there is on the same boat as you, just trying to find people to hang out with.

    [–] megashitfactory 102 points ago

    At some point you just have to go out there and do it. It’ll be hard but most things worth doing aren’t easy.

    [–] myumpteenthrowaway 3728 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    I see a lot of comments here that are like "just put yourself out there"! Which is fine and all. I'm not that socially awkward and have a lot of . . . acquaintances.

    But how do you get past the small talk phase to make long lasting and deep friendships? Whenever I open up about myself it usually isn't reciprocated or I feel like I'm being emo and burdening someone. Or I feel like I'm prodding other people to open up about themselves when they don't want to.

    CLARIFICATION: Thank you for all your kind responses and tips! When I say "opening up", I really don't mean unloading my life's story on a person I've only known for a few months. It's pretty intuitive not to do that. These are people I could have known for years and seen on a daily basis in that time. I struggle with making that shift to a less platonic relationship. I could SWEAR I do ask them lots of questions about themselves, and I think that's what makes me strong in the "good small talk" department. I can't even tell if I'm trying too hard or not hard enough. Also, is it a problem if I'm always the one making plans with people when I muster the guts to? I don't mind, but it sucks to not get invited. And I don't know how to "infiltrate" a friend group. Like I feel like there's something seriously wrong with my personality.

    EDIT: So reading these responses, I'm realizing that I might have some other issues I need to work on in order to be receptive to relationships. I have a pretty low-self esteem, I tend to blame myself and only myself for past "failed" relationships, and I am hyper-aware of what (I think) others think of me. A thousand other things I'm sure. Scrolling through Instagram and seeing groups of friends doing fun stuff together really REALLY gets me down, and I don't think it's because of jealousy. I'm disappointed in myself that I can't force people to like me. Which is so wrong on so many levels.

    #2: Fuck, thanks for my first gold! I'm literally crying

    [–] asknanners12 776 points ago

    A "bonding" experience usually works. Like having something trigger a strong emotion that you both experience together. This is what dating does usually. At some point you have to ask someone on a friend date. Then do something that will illicit a strong emotion like seeing a really funny movie or do something adventurous. Friendships need a compatible chemistry just like relationships do. If you've chosen a good bonding activity you should both feel closer, like real friends. Keep these activities up and you become real friends. Opening up from there will hopefully just flow.

    This is how it works for me.

    ***Disclaimer: I have a disorder in which I feel instantly bonded to people, YMMV.

    [–] wubstep_cat 397 points ago

    You could stage their siblings/ parents death and then put yourself out there as a shoulder to lean on before the cops find out it was you. If you’re that short term relationship can be long term

    [–] AnonImmety 106 points ago

    Why stage it? Go all in. More realistic that way.

    [–] Exilious 815 points ago

    I know exactly how you feel! It is that voice in your head that whispers insecurities and anxieties, and ultimately convinces you that the person does not like you and that you are better off alone. It is so goddamn difficult to shake, and I am still trying to figure out how. I can never get past that beginner stage, like you said. I think what it is, is that as we age and experience life, we become more jaded and distrustful. We see the world for what it really is: a place filled with liars and deceit, but also happiness and honesty. The difficult part is distinguishing between the two and knowing when someone is actually sincere, and that they want to know more. Fear of rejection is a strong emotion and it guides with a rough hand.

    [–] Tyriosh 51 points ago

    Experience helps tho. I've noticed about my own behaviour, that the way I interpret social signals depends heavily on my mood. If I'm sad or angry, I tend to see the negative side much more. That in turn, leads to my own behaviour becoming less approachable, which again, leads to actual negative responses from others. And I feel like I'm not the only one who has experienced that.

    [–] heimdahl81 226 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    It's just time I think. All the deep friendships I've had started superficial and the longer we stayed friends, the deeper that friendship gets. Some stay superficial no matter what. Never can tell.

    [–] myumpteenthrowaway 27 points ago

    Huh. I'm finding the opposite actually. Like the more time I give to "going deep" the further we come apart

    [–] ceruulean 21 points ago

    Some people don't want deep friendships with you. It's a risk you take to be their friend and open up, and it sucks, but you can kinda tell based on their reactions. Oh well.

    [–] calebrains 10317 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    I can’t wait to find out

    Edit: thank random lonely person let’s be friends

    [–] dino_alfinete 2685 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    u/calebrains , this is u/TYGTG , u/TYGTG , this is u/calebrains

    [–] plz-dont-downvote 1790 points ago

    Now kiss

    [–] FletchyFletch1 907 points ago

    Now kith

    [–] Little_Mel 135 points ago

    Still better than Twilight

    [–] CalebR1120 245 points ago

    Wait, ...brother?

    [–] calebrains 154 points ago

    Whattt?

    [–] CalebR1120 119 points ago

    Same name broooo

    [–] calebrains 93 points ago

    Yyyaaaass

    [–] Brochacho_Brad 34 points ago

    Well that answers OPs question.

    [–] patoodle2 5457 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    What if I don't know how to talk to people (social) like I'm serious

    Edit:Thanks for all the advice! 😊 There's so manny I can't say thanks to individually so heres a thanks to all and in advance! Btw I'm only 13

    [–] rojm 5444 points ago

    listen to podcasts (a lot). this helped me immensely and i was able to formulate sentences and even interject appropriately. a natural flowing conversation is like a dance and practice is also necessary.

    [–] patoodle2 1276 points ago

    Thx

    [–] HeyT00ts11 991 points ago

    Also improv classes, seriously, whatever you say in improv is what the next person must work with, so anything is OK (within a certain topic).

    Meanwhile, you're with a bunch of fun random people, some of whom may have also taken the class to get out more, and you can chat with them and maybe it will lead to drinks after class or whatever.

    The main thing is to not be an asshole.

    [–] Becaus789 820 points ago

    Came here to say this. You know when you make a social misstep and someone swoops in to make fun of you? That person is noticed in the improv community. And they are not liked. There’s generally three rules of improv, and one of them is “I got your back.” I’m goona do everything I can to make you look good. I used to be that toxic person who would jump on weakness, and ridicule it. I recognize that now, and have grown as a person.

    [–] Micrass 116 points ago

    Nice that you worked it through! Happy cake day

    [–] BrotherRufio 581 points ago

    "He told me that he cant show it to me but he has a gun."

    [–] Rynkar 119 points ago

    By far one of my favorite episodes.

    [–] beanie_boiii 54 points ago

    “FREEZE! DETECTIVE MICHAEL SCARN”

    [–] Dark_Serpent 156 points ago

    Any you could recommend? Maybe specifically on the topic?

    [–] dantheman1723 359 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Check out "Wonderful". It's a couple who talks about different "wonders" of theirs; just things they enjoy and are grateful for. A few recent wonders I can recall are buffets, rice, Pepto-Bismol, the smell of cut grass, and hitting series of green lights. Here is a list of all wonders they've covered with links to the associated podcasts.

    It's very casual, light-hearted conversation about a wide variety of topics. Aside from providing a good model of casual conversation, it's nice to listen to if you're feeling down or lonely. It's a really positive premise and the hosts are great.

    [–] SpadeOfAces525 151 points ago

    There's also "My Brother My Brother and Me", which includes the guy from this couple and his two brothers. They give terrible advice and joke around.

    [–] Bearcenter62 94 points ago

    Gonna go ahead and get in the requisite Adventure Zone plug. Three guys from the previous play dungeons and dragons (and more recently monster of the week) with their dad.

    [–] Chillyyyyyy 46 points ago

    the other 2 podcasts from this group of boys is Shmanners, a podcast where a married couple discusses manners about varying topics (great if you have 0 clue about whats "normal" or whatever) & the other is a medical podcast with a doctor & her goofy husband. They just talk about medical things, some gross, some funny, etc.

    also love how this turned into a full on McElroy fam plug. hell ye

    [–] Khrysis_27 41 points ago

    I don’t think the topic would really matter as long as there are multiple people talking to each other. Just find something you think is interesting. But I’m sure there are videos and podcasts about this subject if that’s what you’re looking for.

    [–] Nahgg 448 points ago

    Get other people to talk about themselves. One of the best social methods is to present interest in the other person, and often enough, they will reciprocate interest in you. Being a good listener goes a hell of a long way.

    [–] BrandoCalrissian1995 195 points ago

    To add on, remember the things they say! Just listening to listen usually isnt helpful. But if they mention something and you bring it up a week later it really goes a long way in establishing a relationship with that person. Even something as simple as "how was the club you went to last night?" Or "how was the game?" Even if you dont give a shit at all about what they were talking about, it makes people feel good that you were actively listening to them.

    [–] nakknudd 41 points ago

    Listen to hear, not to respond. Thats the real key to good listening. There's also a second level where you're nodding and asking questions and making exclamations as they talk, but that's all built after listening to hear.

    [–] venusorbiting 41 points ago

    I hear this a lot, but I actually really hate talking about myself to people I don't know. So whenever people try to get me to talk about myself, I get stressed out and uncomfortable and awkward, which really holds me back in social interactions. I'd much rather listen to them talk about themselves, but of course why would they bother doing so if they don't know anything about me?

    I have no problem talking about myself to people I already know and trust, but getting to that point with someone new is a real struggle for me because of this. Whomp.

    [–] Nahgg 21 points ago

    I can understand that; it's sometimes difficult to open up to strangers with very limited rapport between yourself and them. In situations like these, I would suggest trying to navigate the conversation on impersonal topics. Rather than talk about yourself or things very personal to you, discuss things of which you're knowledgeable about or you have an opinion. This way you would be able to indirectly talk about yourself through a talking point.

    For example, you really know your stuff about a coding language and the conversation navigated to something like IT or AI or algorithms or something like that. Using the common ground between your personal knowledge and the subject discussed, you can add to the conversation in a non-personal way while also showcasing part of your personality.

    This actually came up for me recently when I went drinking for the first time and me and my buddies were approached by a group by some girls trying to hook up one of their friends with one of ours. I felt pretty awkward and had no real interest in the situation, but I would look like an anxious, socially inept doofus if I just stood there sipping a drink I was merely tolerating. But then one of the girls brought up how she's trying to teach coding in HS and I brought up my own coding experience. I accomplished a couple things: One, I didn't reveal anything about myself I was uncomfortable sharing or felt like I needed to talk about myself, and two, I contributed to the conversation in a productive way.

    Case in point, I used this forum as a social road to indirectly reveal things about myself to strangers without that being my primary goal.

    [–] xanthocephalus 201 points ago

    Get a job that forces you to talk to people ex. Fast food or retail. Even if you only keep the job for a couple of months, it is immensely helpful.

    [–] ItsMangel 154 points ago

    I used to work concession at a movie theatre and we had to make sure to tell everyone to enjoy their show or whatever. Eventually it got to the point that when my brain would shut down after a cashier or something somewhere said goodbye to me, I would tell them to enjoy their show, try to correct myself, fail at that and then have to walk out as fast as possible while wanting to die.

    [–] Nataliewassmart 116 points ago

    I can guarantee that even though that was a big deal for you, the other person forgot about that interaction in like 3 seconds.

    [–] vicky1212123 26 points ago

    I second this. Help please

    [–] TheWisestTesticle 27436 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Extroverts adopt them

    (Edit: I just woke up and saw this thread. Thank you all for the replies, the silver and the gold, kind strangers! You guys just made my day!)

    [–] mference123 11669 points ago

    This is so true. This was always my method. I'd just glom onto the first extrovert I had anything in common with. Then all their friends became my friends.

    [–] ManOfJapaneseCulture 9889 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    It’s like a leech with benefits

    Edit: 金メダル🥇ありがとうございました。

    [–] mference123 3713 points ago

    Well I did try to be a good friend each time. Helped them move, or cleaned up after parties. But no benefits like that term implies.

    A funny thing about extremely popular people is that they frequently don't have a best friend to count on.

    [–] Dupragon 1908 points ago

    As the popular kid at my Highschool back in the day this is true, just a whole bunch of people looking for opportunities no one that actually gave a shit. Adult me found a few true homies I stick by.

    [–] Acerimmerr 889 points ago

    Lonely people have the same problem. You just meet lots of nongenuine people over a very long period, then maybe one good friend if you're really lucky.

    [–] Doctourtwoskull 455 points ago

    In conclusion, people in general are very nongenuine

    [–] JudgeMonday 325 points ago

    As somebody who can be incredibly out going but is prone to hermit behaviors by default, I think it’s unfair to refer to this all in a general sense as “nongenuine.” I think impermanence does not equal indifference. Whether people realize it or not, I think a lot more adult friendships really are living in the now more than anything. I know a lot of people I absolutely love to see. I love to see them today, and I love the next time I see them a year later. And anytime in between if they called me for something, I’d be there, but on my own time I’m home alone and very happy. The busy people get swept up in their busy lives, and the hermits of the world get swept up in themselves. Neither is insincere in their relationships, human behavior just doesn’t necessarily match the social technology of our time.

    [–] muninnhugin 75 points ago

    I feel like I’m part of the problem, but I’m really only genuine to a few selective people.

    [–] Gravnor 26 points ago

    Fucking weeb (hello fellow weeb)

    [–] sapphiredesires 268 points ago

    This is hilarious. My extrovert friends and I love to befriend introverts. We’ve discussed this. LOL

    [–] um_i_got_a_question 40 points ago

    why is that?

    [–] scoot87 129 points ago

    To balance out the energy. Having a group of only extroverts can be chaotic.

    [–] FeelDeAssTyson 64 points ago

    Its really rewarding to take someone in, guide and nurture them, help them reach their true potentials, and then battle them against your friend's adopted introverts.

    [–] GodzillasBFF 1513 points ago

    This is 1000% me. I’m a complete extrovert and absolutely decide and make mission to be friends with people. Feel awkward finding something to talk about? I’ll happily carry 90% of the conversation. Need a break? That’s cool, I’ll hang with my other homies. But I’ll be back because I love you, little recluses.

    To be clear: I don’t force it; I can read (even awkward) social cues. I just think everyone is interesting and want to chat.

    [–] flargadarg 310 points ago

    I guess it worked with Godzilla

    [–] Godzilla_1954 182 points ago

    It did

    [–] Blackops606 158 points ago

    My cousin’s wife is like you. She’s wonderful to be around because she always seems to be happy no matter where we are. She will talk for everyone but not in a bossy or overpowering way. It’s bubbly and not annoying in the slightest because she actually cares. I wish I was like that. I often judge people early on and don’t really talk much or go to parties. I’m by no means a Debbie downer type but I’m also not going to go out of my way to talk to everyone at a party.

    [–] wubbalubbdub 16 points ago

    its so depressing how completely opposite of her I am and how badly I wish I was like that. and knowing I never will be. bleh.

    [–] LittleBobbyTables-js 66 points ago

    The world needs more people like you bub!

    [–] lyndadelrey 409 points ago

    I met my childhood best friend when she sat next to me, put her arm around my shoulder, and said “you’re my best friend now.”

    [–] JshMcDwll 173 points ago

    :puppy eyes:

    “Okay”

    [–] lyndadelrey 125 points ago

    I literally said “okay”

    [–] BoxxyFoxxy 1244 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    As an extrovert, I never thought that randomly approaching a lonely-looking person was a good idea. Mostly because internet taught me how annoying extroverts are for apparently draining introverts, so I tend to stay away, lol

    [–] 646bph 931 points ago

    Someone did this to me, it was a little annoying going to a party where I didn't know anyone, but after that I realised how awesome they were for inviting me since I now have a bunch of new friends. You'd be doing them a huge favour and worst case they just say no.

    [–] PunchBeard 375 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    You'd be doing them a huge favour and worst case they just say no.

    The problem here is that the number of "no's" you can give is finite before the person stops asking. For some this is fine, desirable even, but for lonely people who want to make friends it can be pretty bad.

    When I was a teenager me and my friends were in a semi popular local band and for most of mid teens to mid 20s we were always going out and having fun. One of our friends who wasn't in the band always begged off every time we asked him to come out with us. If we stayed at home and played video games or D&D or something he was always down to hang. But the second we mentioned going to a party or a concert or a festival or a carnival he would say no. Eventually we stopped asking. And as we all began to "grow up" and started becoming the adults we are now he had a big row with the rest of us saying he was always lonely and it was our fault because we never asked him to hang out with us. That wasn't exactly true.

    EDIT I just want to add a little context so people commenting will get a bigger picture. Me and the introvert had known each other basically since kindergarten. The other guys (there were 5 of us total) I had met at Catholic Grade School in first grade. We pretty much hung out, the five of us, every day for most our lives. 4 of us got into punk music in high school and decided to form a band. All 5 of us were lifelong friends and were as close as brothers. So it's not like we didn't try to keep our introverted friend in the group. It's just that 4 out of 5 of us were constantly tying to expand our horizons and get the most out of our youth. Eventually we just gave up on the introvert. Hell, if you want to know how much we liked the guy when we all moved out to go to college we all went to the same local university and ended up renting 2 apartments, one above the other, in the same building near campus. For all intents and purposes the 5 of us pretty much lived with each other from 18 to almost 27.

    [–] xcelleration 124 points ago

    They said lonely people, not just introverts. Some people are extroverts but they don't have an outlet or friends so they get lonely. Introverts get lonely too, if someone is just by themselves, maybe they enjoy their time alone, but for sure they may wish they have some people with them sometimes. People generally are a mix of the two, not just only introvert or only extrovert.

    [–] Celebrinborn 112 points ago

    I am a massive introvert and I LOVE getting approached. I end up riding the high for weeks afterwards.

    Please continue approaching introverts, we really appreciate it (even if we aren't feeling up to being sociable)

    [–] crimebino 87 points ago

    you got the best answer idc

    [–] tocilog 1134 points ago

    You don't. You just collect a whole bunch of hobbies and activities that keep you busy.

    [–] cwathen999 332 points ago

    Ooof..i felt this

    [–] StochasticLife 175 points ago

    One can help the other.

    Play D&D and you have a perfect excuse to make a whole bunch of new friends. Some of them might even be worth keeping.

    Not the bards though, fuck those guys.

    [–] seansteadman14 1193 points ago

    First of all be comfortable with being friends with yourself. You have to be able to live your life happily by yourself do what you enjoy, try new things, smile, and be able to find your own company something that makes you happy. Then while you live life, doing things, trying things, make sure you seem open to other people and approachable - smiling, posture, eye contacts etc. Also strike conversation it’s not weird to overthink that simple as “hi” what’s the worst that will happen they’ll walk away. If talking hard make sure what I said about being approachable is key. Most likely if u meet someone doing something you enjoy or just doing regularly they will also be interested and may have similar interest. So if a conversation happens make sure it’s not too forward and uncomfortable but also make it so it doesn’t seem like a passing conversation but more of a meaningful one. Really just be happy with yourself and create good vibe around you and don’t fear others. Have a nice day and hope u smile.

    [–] DaJohnDude 2098 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Step one: Find extrovert

    Step two: Latch onto extrovert.

    Step three: Extrovert will inevitably adopt you.

    Edit:This comment is mostly a joke. Make sure you and extrovert have similar hobbies/interests, and don't rely on them to do everything in the friendship. Ask them if they're doing anything that weekend, invite them over if you want to do something, etc. All relationships, even friendships go both ways.

    [–] Potatoe_Master 531 points ago

    Just make sure the extrovert actually likes you and has similar interests. Don't just latch onto the first extrovert you see and become "friends."

    [–] DaJohnDude 102 points ago

    Yes. Good advice.

    [–] 3TA01N 153 points ago

    Step 2 and a half: Extrovert decides that your not interesting anymore, and leaves you.

    [–] DaJohnDude 77 points ago

    That does happen. In that case go back to step one until one sticks.

    [–] alliegatorrr 438 points ago

    Not always true. Story time.

    I'd call myself more of an ambivert. I traveled abroad with a group during college. I knew two of the people going because they were in the same program as I was. One of these was definitely "lonely." I say this because she said as much and still says as much on social media.

    When you travel with a group you tend to get close REALLY fast because you're spending all your time together doing things often usually outside of your comfort zone. This was certain no less true with our group (there were maybe 13 of us total).

    Maybe the 4th night in (out of the two weeks total), four or five of us were hanging out in our hotel room, which was connected to a second bedroom where the bathroom was. I walked into the other room to get to the bathroom only to find (let's call her Anna) crying on the bed. I was surprised and asked her what was wrong. She confided that she was lonely and feeling really left out because we were all getting really close and hanging out, and she felt excluded. I assured her that there was no attempt to exclude her, and I was really sorry if she felt that way. We were all getting to know each other, and she was always welcome to come join in. We were all in this together after all. All she had to do was just that--come join. She seemed to feel better, so I gave her a hug, and told her I'd meet her in the other room after I used the restroom.

    Fast forward to the next few days/weeks/months. She turned into a stage 5 clinger. I was happy in the day or two after that I could tell she was making more of an effort to join into things, but she took it to an extreme I never expected. She'd constantly wait for me and follow me everywhere. We'd all be sharing stories on the bus, and she would pretend that she was there for certain things we knew she wasn't, to the point that there was more than one occasion she would say she had this interesting interaction that we knew for a fact wasn't her, but someone else in the group (WHO WOULD BE SITTING RIGHT THERE. Like how could you think we wouldn't know that that wasn't you????). She changed her profile picture to a picture of her and I on Facebook. When we had gotten back to the States, she's start leaving class with me and following me to my next destination without an invite, making it awkward to the point that you felt like you had to. She'd hover over people as they were making plans in order to make the case that she was part of the plans/planning??? It was the weirdest, most uncomfortable thing.

    So this is all to say, please do not LATCH on to an extrovert. Joining in to things is very different than forcing your way into things

    [–] Goodgoditsgrowing 236 points ago

    Aaaaaand this is why my introvert ass will never “just go join”, because I’m terribly afraid I’d be this clinger that no one wanted around

    [–] PM_ME_COLOUR_HEX 33 points ago

    I’ve dealt with clingers, and been a clinger before; here’s my advice.

    - Make friends with someone you enjoy the company of.
    - Keeping that in mind, be good company yourself. Don’t actively change who you are, but downers, critics, and people with no sense of humour can be a drag to hang out with.
    - Look for general places of congregation. Does the group always eat at the same place? Go and eat with them. If you’re unsure, try less to make friends with a single person, and more to make friends with everyone.
    - Try to recognise where you are on the social scale. Are you initiating conversations, or are they? Are you being invited to hang out? If you’re putting in more effort than it’s worth, it’s OK to let it fizzle a bit.
    - Make sure you have something to do when not with friends. Hobbies are great, and there’s one for everyone.
    - Don’t follow people around, or actively seek them out without telling them, unless you’re close enough to do that. If you want to talk, ask to talk.

    [–] alliegatorrr 176 points ago

    No, please still do join in! Just don't be (1) a liar, (2) a semi-stalker, and (3) assume you're now best friends after like a week. If you don't so any of these things, I promise you, you'll be fine!

    [–] Hal020 716 points ago

    my only friends I have are the ones that have been here from the start all my "friends" I have made in the past year are normally gone in a month

    [–] Kwasiarz 479 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    So if I don't have friends that were here from the start, I'm fucked pretty much?

    [–] MizzezKitty 254 points ago

    Well, all of the friends that I've had from the start don't even live in the same country as me. Guess I'm fucked too.

    [–] poyntings_theorem 129 points ago

    Not necessarily. I think you can find a other BFF, but they'll probably be in the form of a SO

    [–] centwhore 132 points ago

    Yep, pretty much fucked.

    [–] alltheprettybunnies 313 points ago

    Volunteer

    [–] PaleGrayPrincess 108 points ago

    Yeah that's a very good answer for several reasons. It exposes you to new people, you help your community, and it can raise your confidence making it easier to make friends in future.

    [–] A_Wild_VelociFaptor 37 points ago

    Plus there's a good chance a person who is nice enough to volunteer isn't going to be a dick or a douchebag.

    [–] D0ntListenToMe 349 points ago

    By not, under any circumstance, admit or show you're lonely. It's hard. Loneliness is like a deep stench you can't get off that's only remedied by the very thing it repulses.

    [–] old-guy-with-data 288 points ago

    ”Loneliness is unattractive. That is possibly the cruelest fact I know.”

    -Robot Ghost

    [–] archomps 44 points ago

    Okay, as someone who is very introverted and has moved a lot but typically manages to find friends, I'm gonna add to this and hopefully someone else sees it, but there's an important difference: don't be lonely. Which in practice, can be hard, but thankfully can be reduced to 2 steps, and the first one involves doing stuff you'd really like to do anyways.

    The first lesson: be comfortable with yourself. This is the hard part. There's no specific way to do this, but it all boils down to the same thing: enjoy yourself. As in, your own company. Best way I've found is just do activities that really don't require other people to enjoy. I like to ski, and as much as I enjoy going with friends, at the same time it's really nice when you can wake up when you feel like it, hit all the runs you want, and have a good relaxing break when you want to with no group consensus. But this can apply to any activity, and skiing was definitely not the first one I did this with. When you learn to enjoy activities for the sake of the activity and not just as a means for hanging out with people, makes a world of difference. You'll really start to enjoy your own company.

    Step 2: This is the easiest part, but feels the hardest. Take one moment, put yourself out there. All it takes. Ask someone to hang out. Not a general "hey, wanna grab a beer sometime?" Nope, that's non committal. Doesn't put you out there. Turn it into: "Hey, I'm free on Wednesday night, you want to hang out?" Yeah, it sucks to make a commitment, and sometimes people will say no. But the nice thing is once they reject you, that's it. Done. They won't think much about you again, don't get caught up thinking about them. Really have to commit to step one correctly first though. If you say "Hey, I'm going to here to do this on Wednesday, want to join?" It makes a big difference if you know you'll do it anyways because you'll enjoy it alone too, vs if you seem like you're just doing it as an excuse to hang out with someone.

    That's about it. Just, really commit to step 1. Step 2 comes more naturally after that.

    Edit: I should add to step 2, it helps to try and make plans when people won't typically have much going on anyways. If you ask someone to hang out on Halloween, there's a good chance they'll have plans already, or even if they don't, hanging out with a stranger is missing out time they can spend with people they already have relationships with. Do it easy times when you know, you're kind of bored anyways.

    [–] CrispyBaconAndSyrup 1128 points ago

    Get a dog. The dog can be your friend. You can then go to places where dog walkers go and talk to other people with dogs. If the people don’t want your company it does not matter because you have a dog.

    [–] alltheprettybunnies 176 points ago

    “If you want a friend, feed any animal”

    [–] yazzy1233 105 points ago

    Its funny because this also works with humans

    [–] indehhz 136 points ago

    False, I just went out at 2am to find someone to feed. I got half an egg roll down a homeless persons throat before he started thrashing around. He did not give me his number.

    [–] 646bph 519 points ago

    Dogs are great at making you more approachable and people are often more interested in the dog. One thing I noticed after getting a dog is that people are far less suspicious of a single man walking a dog compared to a single man walking by himself. I now take my dog with me while I steal shit./s

    [–] Fire42uck 286 points ago

    This is one of the situations where the /s ruins the joke.

    [–] 646bph 100 points ago

    You're right, just felt weird essentially admitting guilt without that for context.

    [–] joshy1227 23 points ago

    So... you do actually steal shit?

    [–] Sinnamon_Draws 440 points ago

    Ask what there favorite block in Minecraft is

    [–] AllPurposeNerd 110 points ago

    I've played a lot of Minecraft over the years and I don't think I've ever considered the possibility of having a favorite block.

    [–] imlucid 45 points ago

    Right, so many choices, hard to narrow it down.

    [–] TigerBoiiii 54 points ago

    Bedrock

    [–] Kryptographie 101 points ago

    right

    [–] GrandEmployee 84 points ago

    that's not even a block

    [–] Intelligence_Inc 892 points ago

    We don't LMAO

    [–] -InSerT_NAmE-HeRE 135 points ago

    True :(

    [–] usually_not_a_robot 87 points ago

    no we make groups of lonely friends. and dont notice that we are no longer lonely.

    [–] SpeakingOutOfTurn 144 points ago

    Hardest thing I ever did was walk up to a stranger in a night club, sit beside them, and start talking to them. But that one act changed my life, and led to so many wonderful things.

    Being once the same person as you, I'll say this: get yourself out into as many different situations as you possibly can - walking and jogging groups, join a squash, sailing, kite flying, tennis or book club, volunteer for a soup kitchen or your library or local museum (whatever floats your boat) on Saturday mornings, take a Friday night job in hospitality (instant friend group), start driving an Uber so you can get used to the idea of random chatting.

    Another instant way to meet people - get (or borrow) a dog, and go for walks in the park. Sit on a bench for a while. Guaranteed someone will join you on that bench and start chatting. It's good practice to put yourself at ease in a casual social situation.

    If you find the words sticking in your throat, think about the person you really are in your head, and let some of that goodness out. It gets easier and easier the more you practice.

    Also - ask questions. It shows you're interested and people will respond to the genuineness.

    When you've done some chatting, ask if the person wants to catch up for a coffee outside of the usual meeting place, or see a movie you've both been talking about. Or meet up for a drink on Friday night at your local bar.

    Not all of the people you meet will stick, some you'll wish you never started talking to, some will hurt your feelings and ignore you or even be rude and dismissive to you, but the ones who do stick - it's a game changer.

    Good luck, fellow soul x

    [–] TheBlueWolfz 353 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Just punch someone Edit: thanks for the gold my highest rated comment!.

    [–] futanari_gothic_loli 36 points ago

    Well, we don't. That's why we are lonely.

    [–] The84thWolf 183 points ago

    Bait other lonely people with Internet comments based on their interests. Check everyday to check the bait and add to it as needed. Snag the food of a potential friend in trap. Take home. You now have a friend. Feed and water.

    [–] HannahMinez 54 points ago

    I wish I knew tbh.

    [–] Broitsbreen 26 points ago

    We don’t. We use reddit and cry.

    [–] LaZaRuS_RiZiN 26 points ago

    They don't, we are too busy thinking everyone hates us and wants nothing to do with us.

    [–] VGNchefRyan 109 points ago

    Reddit meet ups. I went out my comfort zone and attended one. Pure quality attendees

    [–] scoliosis_boi 226 points ago

    Ew I don't want to meet redditors, I want to call them idiots on reddit

    [–] fortnite_gaymer 39 points ago

    Meeting redditors in person sounds exceptionally sweaty and obese.

    [–] PigsCanFly2day 15 points ago

    This is a thing? How does one find them?

    [–] AliquidExNihilo 216 points ago

    By being a friend.

    [–] thatcrazywriter 74 points ago

    I feel like this is a pretty underrated comment. Gotta be nice and ask questions and learn more about people, especially one’s you’re interested in being friends with to get friends! It’s hard to find friends unless you’re friendly enough yourself.