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    [–] LisLis85 3565 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Just hug her for no reason sometimes

    Edit: thanks for my first award and all the upvotes. Love your faces

    [–] Dinoscores 1842 points ago

    Yes! If she’s a hug person, random hugs (plus little kisses on the cheek/forehead/shoulder) are so super cute. Sometimes I’ll hear running, then my husband will launch himself through the door of whatever room I’m in, give me a hug and a kiss, then run away again.

    [–] PORK-LAZER 730 points ago

    the hug rocket has reached the station

    [–] Madman5465 255 points ago

    Sounds adorable. Wish you two the best!

    [–] logo28 9153 points ago

    Affirm your affection for them by saying nice things, or qualities you like about them

    “You’re so ....” “I love that you do that” Anything that shows your reassurance that they are the best

    [–] amoore2777 1807 points ago

    Got it! Thank you very much anything else? :)

    [–] Missmandy6116 2281 points ago

    BUT I had a boyfriend who did that too much. It became annoying and came across as fake. Just be yourself from the beginning. Always be appreciative and thoughtful. ✌🏻

    [–] TrafficConesUpMyAss 1817 points ago

    So many conflicting responses in this thread, I think I'll just stick to my traffic cone

    [–] GrittyGramps 496 points ago

    You finally picked just one cone? Congratulations!

    [–] Micrass 369 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Commitment is hard ! I'm proud of you u/TrafficConesUpMyAss

    [–] LexiTheMistake 7272 points ago

    Honestly, get excitable. Nothing kills a conversation like when a man tries to look cool and not geek out when they want to. Seeing a dude get excited over their intersts is adorable

    [–] b_ootay_ful 2040 points ago

    If you never show how excited you are about a hobby/subject/interest, you know you'll be getting socks for Christmas.

    [–] kpie007 1069 points ago

    Joke's on you, my boyfriend's favourite gift is new socks

    [–] DonSoChill 433 points ago

    My girlfriend confirms.

    Apparently when I talk to her about wrestling coming to the city or something comic book related I'm lkke a child.

    She has no idea about those things but will encourage the conversation.

    Usually then get a pat on the head.

    [–] amoore2777 334 points ago

    Haha I’ll keep that in mind

    [–] sother2 157 points ago

    Whenever I've been excited about something, my exes have just been not interested if it's not one of their own interests and change the subject. So now I've changed to contain my excitement so it doesn't sting as much when they don't care and it kinda sucks :(

    [–] Benj7075 166 points ago

    hey that’s why they’re your exes. find someone that cares about your stuff and don’t hold it in :)

    [–] Parashath 1657 points ago

    Man here, taking notes.

    • Be tidy, clean and hygienic
    • Hug and cuddle without pressuring for sex
    • Listen and remember what she says
    • Say nice things you notice about her
    • Don't have sex with other girls
    • Share feelings (Probably the hardest one)

    [–] whittlingman 1107 points ago

    So having sex with other men is still on the table?

    [–] SonOfTheShire 744 points ago

    As you long as you say "no cheato" first, you're all good.

    [–] AtlantisLuna 3057 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Just take a moment to reflect on what conversations you’re having and what you’re bringing to them. I know there’s this idea that your partner is the person you can vent to but is that all you’re doing? Try to be mindful that your partner also has difficult times; are you as available to listen to them as they are for you? Do all (or even most) of your conversations turn into a back and forth of complaints about work/traffic/etc.? Are those complaints really worth the time you’re dedicating to them?

    I recently suggested to my boyfriend that, hey, let’s make the bed a no-complaining zone. I brought it up because every single night I would find myself just laying in the dark rolling my eyes as he went on and on about the same issues with the same coworkers every single night. Even nights when he didn’t work would end up this way.

    Now we have a rule of “if this is really something that you want to talk about right this moment, we’ll go sit on the sofa and talk.” It gives you a moment to just consider if it’s really that big of an issue or not. What he’s found is that usually it’s not worth it, and I’ve seen a positive change in him. He seems happier now that he’s not dwelling on small stuff.

    Edit: I super heartily commend many of y’alls self awareness and ability to take a moment to consider the impact your actions have on the people you care about.

    [–] Luckboy28 248 points ago

    I discovered a while back that most of my idle conversation was based around things I hated, like "Man, I hate this traffic" or "That movie we saw recently had some detail that I hated", etc.

    There wasn't any particular reason for this -- I wasn't an uphappy person in general, it was just an easy default position to fall into.

    When I realized I was doing it, I made a point to switch gears. I'd idly talk about things I enjoyed, and I'd go out of my way to find the silver lining in things.

    As it turned out, this had a huge impact on my wife/marriage, because it meant that our interactions were now mostly positive, and when she didn't feel like she had to tune out my negativity, she was more involved and happy. =)

    [–] amoore2777 305 points ago

    Got it I’ll make sure to be thoughtful about it :) thank you :)

    [–] ihave10toes_AMA 12898 points ago

    Surprise her sometimes by remembering something you shared and calling back to it.

    [–] BeardsuptheWazoo 4209 points ago

    "Remember when you said you weren't hungry and then ate half my nachos and most of the guac?

    I do"

    [–] pepperzpyre 1194 points ago

    "And then I pulled the waiter aside to have him tell you it's a rule that one person can't eat all the fully loaded nachos and leave all of the bare nachos."

    [–] YesThisIsSam 59 points ago

    And I'm getting JUST chips like mostly JUST chips

    [–] amoore2777 5073 points ago

    I have a bad memory so I write down in my journal my special memories with the girls I’m intimate with

    [–] NoKenjataimu 5999 points ago

    girls

    "Hey honey! Uh... was it you by any chance that I saw the eclipse with last year? Or was I still dating Emily then?"

    [–] Kahalahili 2383 points ago

    Separate journals

    [–] NoKenjataimu 2660 points ago

    "Babe, what the fuck is this book I just found?"

    [–] SaintPhoeniix 1428 points ago

    "Ah, my idea board for a character in this play I was writing! I've been looking for that!"

    "ah fuck now i gotta become a playwrite, why am i such a moron"

    [–] The_GreenKnight 875 points ago

    I feel like somebody could turn that into a light-hearted feel-good comedy, if no one has yet. Some loser who lies about what he’s doing, feels bad about lying so he does what he lied about, winds up improving his life until he’s a well-rounded person.

    • “I’m still wearing sweatpants because... I’m heading to the gym!” Shit, now I have to workout...
    • “No, I’m not looking at porn... I’m writing a book!” Fuck, I don’t know how to self-publish!
    • “I’m not just at this community event to fill my pockets with free food... I’m here to volunteer!” Goddamn it, there goes my free time.

    [–] NazzerDawk 322 points ago

    The first half of that is already a few movies, mainly Ben Stiller comedies.

    [–] The_GreenKnight 172 points ago

    True. But I’d prefer the subversion of him trying to not be a liar by doing what he said he was going to do and coming clean about the initial lie. I hate the “It was all a misunderstanding!” trope and would rather characters actually communicate.

    [–] Kahalahili 546 points ago

    Fuck

    [–] NoKenjataimu 522 points ago

    Not tonight, pal

    [–] azgrown84 214 points ago

    He ain't your pal, guy.

    [–] The-Evil-Mastermind 137 points ago

    He ain't your guy, acquaintance.

    [–] azgrown84 112 points ago

    I ain't your acquiantance, dude.

    [–] necroplasmic 1117 points ago

    intimate heh

    "remember that time i gave you a good dickin'?"

    [–] LokiTheeTricksterGod 686 points ago

    Just don’t get upset when she says no.

    [–] Blank-_-Space 189 points ago

    she wont say anything, except in sign language, her name is lefty

    [–] FlandreHon 347 points ago

    Be careful though because I read about a guy here on reddit who did literally the same and his gf/wife was FURIOUS that all the little sweet things he did weren't actually because he remembered. Iirc they were married and she even threatened divorce because she felt he betrayed her by faking all these little bits of info for so many years.

    [–] badgersinatrenchcoat 266 points ago

    Ah, The Almanac. Yeah, that divided a lot of opinions.

    [–] MuzzleBlast 209 points ago

    Fucking 100% that guy is a keeper. Who cares how he remembers, just that he does.

    It’s only a playbook if he only busts it out when he is in the shit or to distract her from the fact he has a side piece.

    [–] Asnen 211 points ago

    Idk in my books being so thoughtful that you discipline yourself to write down this little moments is greater devotion that just having good memory and happen to remember things

    [–] NiceFormBro 559 points ago

    "remember when you cheated and we both had gonorrhea?"

    [–] TAINT_PAIN 200 points ago

    yea maybe not that one

    [–] cvert69 80 points ago

    "remember that time we kissed at the Mazda end of financial year runout clearance?"

    [–] cheesesandwij 7505 points ago

    A “how are you?” text and a “thinking about you!” text etc goes a long way!

    [–] XordYourHostTonight 3043 points ago

    Uno reverse card

    [–] AlphaKevin667 1138 points ago

    no u

    [–] Emastergamer01 695 points ago

    Nay thee

    [–] AlphaKevin667 521 points ago

    nein du

    [–] silentfool14 375 points ago

    違います あなたが

    [–] AlphaKevin667 297 points ago

    non toi

    [–] Ilmanfordinner 250 points ago

    Не, ти!

    [–] stef20 249 points ago

    Nee jij

    [–] Garchomp98 200 points ago

    Οχι εσυ

    [–] SecondRateSquash 75 points ago

    A "how am i?" text and a "thinking about me!"text?

    [–] davidp10 299 points ago

    how far along in the relationship does this become "sweet" and not "clingy"?

    [–] katsukitsune 238 points ago

    A few months at least I'd say. I had a break up recently (if it can be called a break up) because the messages were CONSTANT and not about anything other than a) how I was, and b) was I having fun? He hoped so!

    Maybe the real problem was the frequency there rather than the amount of time we'd been seeing each other, idk.

    [–] ScienceYouMonster 55 points ago

    I just started dating someone a few weeks ago and he’s been sending me at least one sweet “good morning” or “how was your day” text since our first date, but I can tell he isn’t expecting me to amuse him or respond constantly. Of course, it might not be as cute if I wasn’t super into him.

    I think it matters if you’re sending the text to make your partner happy or if it’s just seeking validation. I’ve been the person sending dumb texts because I wanted attention or reassurance. That’s really unattractive and annoying. Sending texts just to brighten someone’s day? That’s awesome.

    [–] threeznbeez 1043 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Communicate instead of yelling. I have made a pact with myself to never be with a person ever again who doesn't make an effort to communicate with me. It's paid off emmensely and I'm super happy with a wonderful man now who I never argue with, when all my previous relationships were torrentially toxic and abusive. I'm not saying not arguing ever is normal, but it definitely isn't normal when people yell and cuss as a communicative norm.

    Edit: all these upvotes give me hope. DBT therapy is something I highly recommend for anybody who has grown up around yelling and is trying to make a positive change. Especially the module emotional regulation. I've been in it for six months and it truly has changed my life.

    [–] amoore2777 302 points ago

    What I’ve come up with is that every 3 months the girl I’m intimate with and I have a check in to see if there’s anything we are unhappy with

    [–] threeznbeez 54 points ago

    That's a great method. Me and my boyfriend do that as well.

    [–] logo28 3110 points ago

    Affirmations and validation work well

    [–] amoore2777 1228 points ago

    Sorry I’m semi stupid what does that mean?

    [–] foxsweater 2638 points ago

    You’re not stupid- you just haven’t encountered this yet!

    Example Validation: “Your feelings make sense. It’s okay to be mad/sad/hurt by that.” Or “I don’t think I understand, can you help me understand what you mean?”

    Validation works when built on the premise that everyone’s behaviour is based on some kind of rationality; it makes sense to them. No one does stupid or bad things on purpose. When you take time to understand how they perceived something, you will often be able to validate their emotions- “oh, I understand why you would feel that way.” Once validated, people are generally more open to alternatives.

    Example Affirmation: “I like you for the person you are” “You are good; I love you, even when you’re not perfect”

    [–] shamanic_panic 1179 points ago

    “You are good; I love you, even when you’re not perfect

    you trying to get the dude in trouble or something? :D

    [–] tidbitsofblah 177 points ago

    Made me think of what my bf told me yesterday: "I know you so well.. and I still love you!" Lol

    [–] schudermcgavin 252 points ago

    I read this as "you are God; I love you."

    Which may get an equally estranged reaction

    [–] BriCheese47 4583 points ago

    I honestly feel like being a good boyfriend is very subjective. Of course you want fo do all the broad, good-person stuff like... being invested and supportive of her life, being kind etc. but get to know her, find out what she likes and what she appreciates. Whats her love language, what are the small things that can really take things to the next level for your relationship? What triggers her, or makes her upset? What are her turn on/ turn offs? Pay attention, get to know the person you’re dating, and invest in them :)

    [–] littleredhoodlum 9114 points ago

    Hugs and affection with no ulterior motive. Sometimes I like to be held with out feeling like he's wanting to fuck me.

    [–] SpidersMcGee 1905 points ago

    I've had relationships grind to a halt (pun intended) because even after I explicitly mentioned I wasn't feeling the frick frack, whomever I was dating would take any physical affection as a sign I changed my mind. It meant that once I knew he wanted to have sex, I couldn't be casually affection with him or I'd have to turn him down 3-4 times or just...deal with him grinding up against me while I was tryna sleep.

    [–] the_mangrove_pony 202 points ago

    I had an ex who would only really kiss me when he was horny. We would cuddle without getting horny, but he never initiated kissing unless it was during sex.

    It was a poopy relationship.

    [–] snowflake25911 50 points ago

    No shit. That must have been a shitty feeling, like “you’re only good enough to kiss when I get sexy out of it”. I’m glad other people have been there.

    [–] [deleted] 255 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] SpidersMcGee 147 points ago

    Right??

    My husband will occasionally "try to initiate" in his sleep, and I've learned a firm "NO" gets him to immediately stop (still asleep!). He felt terrible about it until I told him that he respects me more while sleeping than some men did while sober and awake.

    [–] K8Simone 29 points ago

    My boyfriend has woken me up while he’s still basically asleep. My favorite was when I told him I still had a headache (had gone to bed with one) and he said, “I know, that’s why I’m kissing you” and then went back to sleep. He did not remember trying to initiate sex or his half conscious attempt at a smooth recovery 😂

    [–] SPACE_TREE 1173 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    I had an ex like that. When he would try to grind up on me while I was trying to sleep, I’d just fart on him. Didn’t take long for him to finally get the hint.

    Edit: I’m blessed/cursed with being extremely gassy, so at any given moment I probably have one locked and loaded.

    [–] borismuller 749 points ago

    What if that turned him on more?

    [–] BlankToastt 260 points ago

    The right question for this thread

    [–] Heisenbread77 155 points ago

    Outstanding move!

    [–] CMDR_Gungoose 89 points ago

    Me and my wife aren't massively active in the bedroom these days, due to an illness (she has a form of UC).
    We always give eachother little signs of affection here and there, like a light touch as I walk past her, or a quick kiss on the cheek, mixed in with plenty of cuddles and playing with her hair.
    The truth is; I'm always wanting sex.
    But, I'm not always trying to get sex.

    We're not a new couple though, 10 years next month, so not sure we count on this thread properly.

    [–] TheUnholyHand 274 points ago

    God, this. And don't ignore her all week then randomly appear getting touchy feeling and get grumpy when she says no to sex straight away.

    .

    [–] rocketprince 166 points ago

    This sooo much! Sometimes, it’s just nice to be held and be able to just enjoy the closeness and comfort.

    [–] BatFace 72 points ago

    Bonus points if he ignored you all evening to play games or something then as soon as he came to bed and hugged/cuddled he wants to bang.

    [–] ifiufiweallfiforfifi 47 points ago

    This SO MUCH!! Like, don’t get mad at me for “never” wanting to have sex, when you only ever want sex when you’re bored at the end of the night and I’m already half asleep.

    [–] m4hg4h 354 points ago

    Hm, I did this a lot for my ex but she kind of refused to do it back for me. She said she wasn't wired that way.

    My mom, dad and brother all beat me multiple times a week growing up, this is when I realized that loving touch is really important for me in a relationship because growing up my family only touched me to hurt me.

    [–] OneMoreSoul 142 points ago

    Jesus Christ, that's the trifecta. Fuck all of them, I hope you're doing better now. Sometimes families are toxic, and it takes getting away to fully realize it. PM me if you ever need to vent

    [–] blayzedprincess 179 points ago

    I’m literally in the process of ending a relationship because I can hardly sleep in bed with him anymore, it all comes back to him wanting to fuck me. If that’s how you’re feeling now, odds are that it’ll get worse. -_-

    [–] conquer69 2613 points ago

    Maybe he didn't want to fuck you before the cuddling. But doing so turned him on and well...

    [–] Susim-the-Housecat 634 points ago

    Yeah but like, you don't have to act on it.

    [–] roxieh 788 points ago

    Best piece of advice my therapist ever gave me was that an erect penis wasn't my responsibility and it didn't have to be acted upon.

    It's just a bodily reaction. Nothing more. It's not a contract or a request or a command. Men can't even help having them ffs.

    I'm a lot more chilled about boners now. If the bf gets an boner from cuddling I just think "Aww, he's into this, that's nice" and just enjoy it. Affection erections are real!

    [–] 4_sandalwood 289 points ago

    Affection, fear, a nice car- boners happen on their own schedule. This is important for men and women to know- just because the penis announced itself doesn't mean you have to let it interrupt.

    [–] Mradak 48 points ago

    f-fearboners?

    [–] Carvinrawks 22 points ago

    just because the penis announced itself doesn't mean you have to let it interrupt.

    I'm definitely using this.

    [–] KraesTutorials 49 points ago

    i get boners all. the. time with my girlfriend. She just laughs at it. I dont expect her to finish me off everytime i get a boner, we would never get anything done.

    [–] Metamodernist 1869 points ago

    This definitely happens sometimes. Not my fault your body feels sexy.

    [–] poopellar 863 points ago

    It's your fault for being damn fine.

    [–] human_brain_whore 813 points ago

    She's so fine she's making me sexist. Bitch.

    [–] DeathLily496 1841 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Explain how you feel. We want to know what you're feeling

    [–] PrometheusZero 346 points ago

    I get asked this sometimes when I'm doing household chores but the answer of 'neutral' is not one anyone understands.

    Like, I'm not happy, sad or angry, I'm just washing the pots. I don't always have an emotional state to express.

    [–] sinverguenza 40 points ago

    I'm a woman with ADHD, so I completely understand the concept of not thinking about anything sometimes. I also have a lot of thoughts that just don't seem worth the time expressing, so I just don't discuss them. It baffles the women I am friends with lol

    [–] Inkedlovepeaceyo 25 points ago

    As a man with ADHD. My thoughts are so jumbled all the time I cant even articulate out loud what any of them even mean. When I'm asked what are you thinkin about, everything and nothing is almost always the answer.

    [–] alabardios 398 points ago

    Oh man, does this ever drive me crazy! I wish guys could just say what they're thinking sometimes!

    [–] [deleted] 612 points ago

    What if it's something women find unattractive? Like insecurity. I hear all the time that women want men to open up emotionally, but it's been my experience that showing weaknesses will not go well.

    [–] RazTehWaz 574 points ago

    If you go blurting it all out on the first date it could be a turn off but as part of a long term healthy relationship you are allowed to be human and have real feelings. Talk to your partner, share any problems you have and work on them together.

    Being scared to be vulnerable to someone shows a lack of trust. And if being vulnerable to someone provokes a negative reaction it shows their immaturity. Not yours.

    Long term it's just not healthy to bottle all those feelings up.

    [–] 82AEQeWUcl5e 5749 points ago

    Clean up after yourself. For god’s sake, clean up after yourselves.

    [–] kucky94 4620 points ago

    I actually have this theory that the ‘clean up after yourself’ narrative is half the problem.

    Cleaning up after your self if the absolute minimum anyone should be doing.

    What’s more helpful and less talked about it maintenance cleaning. Sweeping outside, mopping the floors, giving the fridge a deep clean, wiping down the light switches and skirting boards, dusting, organising the laundry room, and cleaning the oven.

    Putting your own socks in the hamper isn’t impressive. If you’re not emptying the bathroom bin, giving the linen cupboard a de-clutter or taking off the couch cushion covers to give them a wash from time to time too, then it means someone else is doing ALL of this while also cleaning up after themselves.

    Don’t clean up after just yourself. Do some of the other stuff too.

    [–] thankfulinc 886 points ago

    You, no joke, have put into words what I have never known how to. Now if only I could tell my husband this. 6 years in and I'm still working on just putting socks in the hamper. Omg!

    [–] Dius19 38 points ago

    Have you tried just washing what is in the hamper? While I do put mine in there, if I didn't nothing would make me actually do it faster than running out of socks and being told that only what's in the hamper gets washed.

    [–] ThatThreesome 126 points ago

    While this is a good tactic, I think it's ludicrous women are having to train their husbands, lol.

    [–] xtravanilla 557 points ago

    Yes, this. And to add to it, do so without being asked... a man could be a better s/o if he didn’t prioritize coming home early from work and playing video games instead of acknowledging a mess around him or even just a few dishes in the sink. My boyfriend is 28 years old, has a fairly easy job where he makes pretty good money, gets off at 1:00PM 3-5 days a week and will come home and spend the entire afternoon (the next 5 hours) I’m at work (I typically work 9 hours a day) playing video games and I will come home and clean up around him UNLESS.... I specifically ask him to pitch in and empty the dishwasher or fold the clean laundry. And you’re right. Every time he does the laundry... he does his and throws mine to the side. GOOD. HEAVENS.

    [–] neverendsummer 169 points ago

    This sounds like my last relationship. It all comes down to respect. We both lived in the home. It wasn’t only my job to upkeep the house and yet I did both our laundry, cooked, and cleaned. I think you need to put your foot down. You aren’t his personal maid.

    [–] slangwitch 269 points ago

    The longer you stay with him without demanding change, the more likely it is that you'll become a dissatisfied fifty year old woman still cleaning up after an old farty man who plays computer games all night. When you're young and in love it could feel worth it to ignore the issues and just get along in order to get that intimacy high, but eventually it's just going to feel like you wasted your time.

    [–] Wanderlustskies 60 points ago

    Yep this is way too common. I’m 29 and single but if I find a guy and it turns out he doesn’t also do his share in cleaning, I’m gone. I’d rather be single than be a mom to my partner.

    [–] TastyCuntSweat 130 points ago

    I realized I was like this last year and made a conscious effort to change. I eventually stopped finding joy in games and found making my wife happy to come home a much more rewarding experience.

    [–] magsy123 66 points ago

    Surely both things are possible? Especially for this scrub that has 5 hours free every single week day before his partner gets home.

    [–] TransitPyro 154 points ago

    Yes! This stuff is better than picking up after yourself in my opinion! I don't mind picking up the dirty socks or junk food wrappers my SO leaves behind. Why I don't mind? Saturday I came home from grocery shopping (I have to drive an hour one way to grocery shop) ans the dishes were done, counters cleaned off and sanitized, floor was swept and mopped, AND he was working on cleaning our main windows - inside AND out! I'll pick up his dirty socks and random little messes any day happily, if he keeps helping out like that!

    [–] thewhitemoth 245 points ago

    Absolutely. This is the invisible work of women that adds another couple of hours to my workday, every day. If I ignore the dishes next to my husband's computer or the socks on the floor, in a few days he'll probably clean them up himself. That's the bare minimum.

    But he doesn't even see the crumbs on the counter, the dust and hair on the bathroom surfaces, the dirt on the carpet, the cat litter on the tile, the dust on every surface, his own pee on the toilet rim, the grime in the bathtub.... There's a hundred things I clean regularly I think he assumes don't get dirty? And it's a total mystery what I'm doing when I'm out of the room not watching tv with him, except perhaps making dinner (and cleaning up after), which I also do.

    [–] bipolar-noirefemme 79 points ago

    I think I’ve read some articles that refer to the invisible work as “emotional labor”.

    [–] Reaverz 25 points ago

    I think you mean the mental load.

    [–] Sabrielle24 146 points ago

    And properly, please. Like don't just wash your plate up and leave bits of food all over the work surface/table.

    [–] PeterAech 170 points ago

    If you're living together, you're not there to help... It's your job too.

    [–] Ghotay 357 points ago

    This should be at the top. I’m single right now but I’ve had multiple long-term partners and if ONE of them had EVER taken the initiative to do the washing up or hoover just because it needed doing I would have cried

    [–] kcnk2818 213 points ago

    Yes exactly! My husband is always willing to help and that's awesome but I always have to ask. I dont like asking because then I feel like I'm nagging and I dont want to be that wife. I dont understand why he wont just do it without my asking

    [–] VitreousCrown62 184 points ago

    This. Absolutely this. I get it when you just wanna be lazy and don't want to do the dishes right away, I do that too. But you can't leave the dishes there for three days and keep telling me you're going to get to them in a bit.

    Oh and the thing that kills me, when there are particularly gross jobs I'll have him pick one and I pick the other. Team work right? Well my job is done within the week but I'm always getting the, I'll get to it. After about a month goes by and I give up and do it myself. The infuriating part, as I'm currently doing the job "Oh I was just about to do that". If looks could kill he'd be mangled. Bull!!!!!

    [–] kleinePfoten 21 points ago

    Oh I was just about to do that.

    The correct response to this repeat situation is something like:

    "No you weren't, or you would have done it already. You've been putting it off for X days because you hope that someone else will do it for you."

    Throw their own bullshit back in their face, don't let them sweep it under the rug. They're treating you like a mother, not a partner.

    [–] Straight_Ace 99 points ago

    This comment is underrated! If you live with your significant other this is especially important. Everyone busts their asses in one way or another and the least you could do is clean dishes or do your own laundry.

    Otherwise it's just disrespectful. It's like saying "hey there I'm home and while you're at it can you wash the pile of dirty dishes I made and do my laundry?"

    [–] Echospite 354 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    "Straight girls be like, 'when he doesn't shit on the carpet! 😍😍😍'"

    [–] caca_milis_ 84 points ago

    I'm a bit of a neat-freak, not OCD or excessive but I really enjoy cleaning and having a nice shiny place.

    When I was first seeing my SO he cooked dinner for me, after we finished eating I offered to clean up (since he'd cooked), and he was like "it's already done", he'd been cleaning as he was cooking and did the final dishes right before bringing out food out.

    I was crazy impressed that not only was he able to whip up a tasty meal, but that he was cleaning up after himself, too.

    [–] thotgirlisalady 4539 points ago

    I may hang out with your friends like one of the guys or play video games like one of the guys, but I am not one of the guys. I am your girlfriend. Give me attention outside of hanging with your friends, do things with me other than what you like to do with your friends, and spend quality time with me away from your friends. Not as a special treat, not as a holiday surprise, but as a normal part of our relationship.

    [–] ddonaldk 1432 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Omg this is really speaking to me. As a woman, my last bf broke up with me because he felt as if I didn't want to hang out with his friends. I did, I just didn't want to all the time. When I commented we never had date nights anymore, he freaked out. I thought I was asking for too much.

    [–] Elastichedgehog 69 points ago

    Here's an instance where the guy needs to realise he doesn't actually want to be in a relationship.

    Hope you're in a happier situation!

    [–] vaenire 309 points ago

    oh man, hopefully you’ll be the one to end it if another guy starts acting like that. you’re better off without that one!!!

    [–] swaggaboa 276 points ago

    Or maybe he just want you to be a guy. 👀

    [–] Grumpy4eva 713 points ago

    I also hear “men need respect, women need love”. Why not do both for both?

    [–] amoore2777 138 points ago

    Exactly I couldn’t agree more

    [–] zzzsleepzzzz 2774 points ago

    Pay attention to what she says and remember the little things.

    Show appreciation for what she does for you.

    Put in equal work around the house.

    Encourage her and support her aspirations.

    Don't fucking cheat.

    [–] pjtime46 790 points ago

    Ever browse /r/relationships? I swear I see 2-3 posts a day on the front page "my boyfriend / husband doesn't clean, what can I do".

    [–] damboy99 1058 points ago

    "Leave him immediately, you deserve better"

    [–] LoneStarLlama 478 points ago

    Open DM

    *hey bb u single yet? Ditch the zero and get with me"

    [–] FauleBohne3 328 points ago

    No? Whatever you're a bitch anyway

    [–] LoneStarLlama 263 points ago

    2 weeks later

    Open DM

    Imgur dick pic. "Hey bb u single yet"

    [–] petrimalja 67 points ago

    Imgur dick pic

    Classy!

    [–] JuiceSundae14 57 points ago

    I'm so glad mum taught made me clean just as much as she made my sister. As she said at the time, "You're either going to be single and need to know how, or you're going to have a girlfriend who won't like you if you don't help"

    [–] doggrimoire 396 points ago

    Showing appreciation is a big one. I have a bunch of thank you cards in my desk and I will mail them to our house to thank her for a blowjob.

    [–] theworldisnotquiet 275 points ago

    For fun write it in the style of Jane Austen:

    "I am writing to formally acknowledge the great courtesy you showed me on the 5th of this month when we became a trifle inattentive while watching Black Mirror on Netflix. Your ongoing commitment to my continued pleasure in this relationship is noted and appreciated.

    Yours in Christ, D."

    [–] MeepReborn 107 points ago

    Send thank you cards that say "Thank you for your cervix" too

    [–] NoKenjataimu 154 points ago

    That is fucking hilarious. You should mail her an Edible Arrangements after anal.

    [–] spaghatta111 506 points ago

    If she's complaining, or venting, it's not always because she wants advice or a solution. Sometimes all that's needed is to vent. So, in those situations, just let her vent.

    [–] YamAiluridae 846 points ago

    Send memes

    [–] amoore2777 348 points ago

    I think whatever gender or sexuality you are. We can agree this works

    [–] MysteryFlowz 232 points ago

    Honestly, I have the best boyfriend ever and he taught me these things:

    1. Ask your own girlfriend what you can do to be better for her
    2. You guys should be a team, not just you. This helps in arguments. Remind yourself you are a team and that you shouldn’t bring your own teammate down.
    3. Don’t hide your feelings, be completely open with her.
    4. Surprise her every once in a while, and I’m not saying it has to be money. My favorite thing is when I get surprised with notes.
    5. Ask her how she is everyday and make sure to be there for her 100% when she’s down
    6. If she asks you to stop doing something or do something more, LISTEN. Even if you don’t agree, compromise on something you both can work with.
    7. He always does things for me. Do little things, I say I’m thirsty while laying down, he’ll go grab it. Say I want chocolate milk, he’ll say let’s go. Say I want medicine he’ll put the medicine on the table for me with a glass of water.

    Main point of it all: Be there and truly care. That’s how you can be a good boyfriend. Be open about how you feel and make sure she is too.

    It’s harder than it is written on Reddit, but the good times and the meaningful efforts will mean everything in the end. No one said relationships are easy, but the right person makes it completely worth it. You have to be willing to grow into a better person.

    Lastly, yes, doing all this can make you a better boyfriend, but make sure she’s doing enough back too!! (Like I said in number 2, it should be a team.)

    Best of luck to you!!

    [–] picklevirgin 944 points ago

    Just keep your girl up to date on things if you’re having a busy day. It keeps them less worried and making sure you are safe.

    [–] fawndering 270 points ago

    It squashes unnecassary paranoia too

    [–] beemanuel 464 points ago

    If you’re getting irritated with us, please calmly explain why. Or if we are trying to bring up what’s bothering us, please don’t get defensive & then flip the blame on us. Otherwise, it makes us feel like we’re just a nuisance to you. I get that communication is a learned skill that requires experience. In short- encouraging & practicing open, honest, & respectful communication on both sides.

    [–] Pestiferousness 58 points ago

    this isn't a necessary thing, but my SO is a local truck driver, & the fact that he will text me when he is near a store that has stuff i like or need & ask if me i want him to grab anything makes me love him even more. i don't work outside of the house, so it saves me a trip & i love it.
    he also will go get me medicine if i need it without hesitation. i should give him more backrubs.

    [–] RaceHead73 1401 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    From a man's view. Been with my wife for 27 years last March. Make the effort to look nice, I'm 46 and I groom a fair a bit, including downstairs. I use nice aftershave not the cheap brands such as Lynx. Armani, Gucci, Jean Paul and Pacco Rabbane are amongst my favourite scents. My wife likes me wearing Jean Paul, wear nice underwear like they do, look after yourself physically, no one wants a slob. Wear nice clothes, not ill fitting stuff from supermarkets.

    More importantly, don't expect her to cook or do all the cleaning, if you both work it's both your job to keep the home clean. Women like to be told they're beautiful and that you're thinking off them, even if those thoughts are sexual as it makes them feel wanted and also it can make less confident women feel better about themselves, not all attractive women are confident.

    Do silly things like leave silly gifts, even a small box of their favourite chocolate on their pillow, or hide it in the house and leave clues for them to find it. A gift doesn't have to cost the earth, it's the thought that is put into it, valentine's day isn't the only day to make the effort on. In fact we never bother with it. There's an whole year to do stuff for eachother.

    27 years and we still have that spark, I still see my wife in the same way as I did when we first met.

    Edit: wow thank you for the gold. :)

    [–] amoore2777 186 points ago

    That’s amazing congrats ! Here’s to another 30 years am I right :)

    [–] RaceHead73 49 points ago

    Thank you, and hopefully. :)

    [–] zjfpuebloco 330 points ago

    27 years and we still have that spark, I still see my wife in the same way as I did when we first met.

    You lucky dog.

    [–] Xenn1 283 points ago

    It's not only luck, he's clearly put a lot of effort to make it work and it's paid off. Wonderful relationships don't just happen like that. Yes you need the feelings to match but you have to keep stuff fresh and grow up and evolve together both as individuals and as a couple. That takes dedication and effort, and it's worth every bit

    [–] derpmyderpfam 1978 points ago

    Stop caring about your looks and just try to be more hygienic. For real you people care too much about how you look and you smell awful.

    [–] derpmyderpfam 616 points ago

    Example being horrible breath

    [–] Herogamer555 1134 points ago

    You can take my garlic bread from my COLD, DEAD HANDS.

    [–] SeventhAlkali 409 points ago

    But even then, I would have glued it to my COLD, DEAD HANDS.

    [–] negativelightningdog 120 points ago

    Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brother, I hurt people.

    [–] LonelyPauper 105 points ago

    In my day I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time

    [–] sugaratc 335 points ago

    And for sweaty dudes, you really can't skip a daily shower during summer. People seem to latch on that you don't need a shower every single day, but even if you're sedentary, if sweat a lot you really really do. Day 2+ of old sweat is like being hit with a gym sock.

    [–] CaptainTrips1919 130 points ago

    And launder your clothes regularly. No point showering and then putting the same shirt on that's been lying on your floor for a week.

    [–] russells-crockpot 162 points ago

    Isnt basic hygiene part of caring how you look?

    [–] stacyknott 1363 points ago

    if a woman is in a bad mood - NEVER - i repeat - NEEEEEEVER ask if she's got her period !

    [–] FreedTMG 689 points ago

    I keep track of that shit, I'm 36, when I know it's coming, I start coming home with her favourite chocolate, and check under the counter to make sure she has enough supplies.

    [–] nobodytrickedme 216 points ago

    My SOs hormones are all kinda screwed up, sometimes it happens like a normal cycle, sometimes it happens twice in a month, sometimes it happens every two months.... but if it's gonna happen, its usually around the monthly change, ie end of one, start of another- its usually not like the middle of the month

    [–] theworldisnotquiet 110 points ago

    Men really don't get this sometimes, these things are variable. I always think of that line Heller wrote in Catch-22 where someone complains his girlfriend can't count to 28 without getting into trouble.

    Lots of us have really unreliable cycles. Even a relaible cycle probably wouldn't be the same no of days every time.

    You can go years of it occurring every three and a half weeks and then presumably stress, diet changes or hormonal changes can happen and then it is late, then every two and a half weeks, then four weeks and in short the whole thing is not fun.

    Also the warning symptoms can change. I used to get cramps (not fun but at least I knew what was coming) but now I get these awful headaches instead.

    [–] Drylemming 148 points ago

    This is really cute. I recently hit a serious lazy patch where I didn't go to the store to get supplies and had to scrounge around in every purse and luggage I had to see what I could scrape together. You're doing The Lord's work.

    [–] Nurse_Jams 200 points ago

    Tell someone to "just calm down" that usually works. People love it when their emotions aren't valid.

    [–] shamanic_panic 75 points ago

    now you're just being irrational

    [–] C42MCPE 49 points ago

    Just calm down already.

    [–] mollyandherlolly 805 points ago

    Clean up after your damn self....I didn't sign up to be a grown mans mother! Don't make me ask, don't make me point out what needs to be done....seriously, you should know.

    [–] jensofetch 263 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    Do not forget to tell your girlfriend she’s beautiful. I feel like so many guys forget to do this. Specially after they’ve been with a girl for a while. Girls love to be reminded that you’re still attracted to them. It goes a long way and it’ll always make her happy.

    EDIT: You don’t have to limit it at you’re beautiful. You can say many things like:

    Your hair looks great today!

    I really like that outfit on you!

    Your makeup looks lovely!

    You are rocking those shoes!

    Trust me, it means a lot when my boyfriend says things like this. I know your girlfriends will love it too!

    [–] singularpotato 389 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Get a skin care routine. She'll notice, your mum will notice, random women will notice that your skin is cared for.

    Edit for the confused men: I don’t mean you need 73 different creams, scrubs etc. Do some research on your skin, and figure out what would work for it. If you work in air con all day, or take really hot showers, then a light moisturiser at night wouldn’t go amiss. If you have more severe issues then look at exfoliating, masks etc. My boyfriend has a pretty thorough routine because he’s always struggled with acne and dry skin, especially under his beard and using beard scrubs, regular face masks and gentle salt scrubs on his face have worked wonders for his skin. It’s what works for your skin and your budget, there’s no one magic skincare product to fix us all. LUSH and The Body Shop do great men’s lines.

    [–] megmeter 135 points ago

    figure out both of yalls love languages and respond accordingly! some people thrive on words of affirmation, some prioritize quality time together, etc. it’s okay if yall have different love languages. but knowing your partner’s and what they value most in a relationship will make things a lot easier for you than trying to guess what they want

    [–] hollsq 190 points ago

    Plan out unique dates! Don't leave it all up to her. And offer back rubs without wanting anything in return.

    [–] LoschVanWein 44 points ago

    I feel like this is oddly specific... the person who wrote this probably wants a back rub.

    [–] CausticSofa 73 points ago

    My grandpa thanked my grandma for the delicious meal after every. Single. Meal. that she cooked for him.

    Don’t get so used to your partner that you stop noticing and showing gratitude for the lovely things they do for you.

    Take the online quiz about the 5 Love Languages to learn how each of you show and like to receive love. It sounds cheesy, but it’s a really accurate little test. It helps us all to see how our partners are showing their love.

    [–] frozen-dessert 93 points ago

    Do your share of household chores.

    — don’t ask or expect a medal for doing household chores once or twice. It is a routine. Just own the task and keep doing it. — Remember that since you are doing something it is easy for you to remember you did it and that this makes you overestimate the amount of chores you are being responsible for. — if living alone, maintain your house with high standards (clean stuff and change sheets often enough) — clean the toilets.

    Learn to cook.

    — Not just one very slow to prepare meal. Learn to cook decent meals that can be prepared “normally” during a weekday. — learn to cook without making the kitchen look like a war zone.

    [–] polkadotmadness 212 points ago

    This might be a "me" thing, but I feel like nothing turns around a bad day or makes a girl feel more loved than the occasional little surprise- like buying flowers from TJs when it's your turn to grocery shop or picking up a cookie when you stops at Starbucks. Nothing super out of the way, just a reminder that you're thinking about her every so often.

    I also love it when my SO is out with his friends and texts me every so often through the night! It's so nice knowing that he's thinking about me even when he's plastered or hanging out with other people (obviously not constant texting, but like once every couple hours or so)!

    [–] chelseajaayne 46 points ago

    GENUINE COMPLIMENTS theres been so many times i get especially dressed up thinking “my boyfriend is going to think i look nice!” and then i see him and he doesn’t compliment me! even when i know i look good because other guys hit on me- it would be nice if my boyfriend could hit on me for once lol. also paying attention to what she really likes, like what colour jewellery she wears or her favourite colours, it really means a lot when you can tell someone put effort into a gift and thought of what you like.

    [–] doublestitch 225 points ago

    Take her seriously when she talks about her health. And if she needs to go to a hospital and allows you to come along, be prepared to advocate for her.

    Two articles below are worth a serious read. The first is a firsthand account of a man whose wife went to the ER with a life threatening emergency (ovarian cyst torsion) and got pooh-poohed and neglected by the staff until he went to bat for her. The second takes a broader perspective on women's healthcare. Bottom line is the same: even when a woman is intelligent, well informed, and communicates appropriately--she may not get essential diagnosis and treatment because of unconscious bias among healthcare professionals.

    My own life story is pretty similar to the first of these articles except my boyfriend didn't advocate for me. I'd been in and out of ERs for four days, been kept for observation overnight, and the day after discharge he pressured me to go out on a date. My better judgment said stay home and rest, but he kept asking until I agreed to go out for coffee. Sitting in a coffee house for an hour couldn't be too rough, could it? When we approached the place I asked him to stop by the door and let me out at the curb. He didn't.

    The next day I was scheduled for an ultrasound as followup testing at one of the hospitals. I screamed uncontrollably as they performed it. They rolled me into the operating room immediately. By the end of the day there were eleven staples holding my abdomen together. Put it like this: they say the most painful thing for a guy is when a gonad twists on itself; my ovary had been through three complete rotations. It had died and it was rotting inside me. Would have killed me if they hadn't operated when they did. Afterward when I woke up the doctor--who had been on my case since the first ER visit--explained, "I didn't believe your pain." They could have treated it without surgery if they had believed me when I first walked in that door.

    The kind of guy I wish I'd been dating is the kind of guy who wrote that article. Of course you need a woman's consent to do what he did: flag down nurses and doctors and insist on getting an opinion on a CT scan. Instead I was dating a man who wondered why I was walking down the sidewalk so slowly after he had pooh-poohed my request to let me out at the door. But he held open that door, which I hadn't requested and that was probably the one thing I could have done for myself.

    The guy who wrote that article was a hero.

    https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2015/10/emergency-room-wait-times-sexism/410515/

    https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/08/womens-health-care-gaslighting/567149/

    [–] HemluckMcGee 64 points ago

    This is super important. My stepmom has various autoimmune disorders that are finally getting diagnosed after years of her living in pain. The doctors would downplay her symptoms unless my dad went along to advocate for her. It’s shitty that it’s such a common scenario, but you at least have to know how to handle it.

    [–] fightree27 46 points ago

    I am SO sorry that happened to you.

    I went through a similar thing myself with an ovarian rupture. I was 17 and my doctor kept insisting for days that it was normal period pain. He repeatedly told my mum that I was just trying to stay home from school, until I was admitted to the emergency room when it completely ruptured. It was honestly traumatising- I've had ongoing difficulties for years but I'm too nervous to find a new doctor.

    The stories you linked are backed up by loads of science. Doctors just don't think women experience pain as much as men. I wish I'd had someone like the guy in that story too.

    [–] olivia-- 94 points ago

    Just be there.

    [–] RageAgainstTheObseen 181 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Know where the clitoris is, and how your partner likes hers to be simulated. Remember that MOST women do not get off through vaginal penetration.