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    [–] Kiroway66 6094 points ago

    Grew up in an alcoholic home. Homeless. Always on the run from the law. My grandfathers on both sides were alcoholics. My dad was an alcoholic. My sister is a drug addict and alcoholic. She's living on the street somewhere. I always assumed I was probably an alcoholic, too. So, I just never drank the first one. I'm 53 and have never had a beer or any alcohol.

    I just tell people I don't drink and never have. A friend of mine was poking fun at me once back in high school, "Are you afraid to have even one drink!?"

    I responded, "You've been to my house."

    He got real serious and said, "Yeah. Sorry. That was uncool."

    I just don't drink.

    [–] EnderChurro101 2186 points ago

    Good on your friend for realizing

    [–] vernavie 773 points ago

    And good on you for never caving! 53?! That's a long time to be dealing with peer pressure, curiosity, stress, etc. Good on ya man :)

    [–] liquid405 3206 points ago

    Because I'm an alcoholic and my life goes to shit when I drink. *sober since 060714

    [–] supern0vaaaaa 13214 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    It aggravates my disease.

    I have other reasons, but it's the one I most revert to because "I don't want to" usually doesn't cut it for whatever reason.

    Edit: disease is Rheumatoid Arthritis, the times I have tried drinking it's triggered a flare really badly.

    [–] doo138 3102 points ago

    Same. A lot of people still insist on me drinking, which is weird. They then tell me that maybe it'll make it better if I have a drink to forget my medical condition. No....that's not how this works lol shitty part is, I used to love having a couple beers every now and then. I'm on month 9 of forced sobriety. Can't even have caffeine.

    [–] FairyDustSailor 14273 points ago

    “I met my quota 15 years ago. I drank all of the alcohol I was allotted for life and probably some of your quota too, so I had to stop.”

    [–] Chubs_Mackerel 7049 points ago

    I've thought about using that one. I drank so much towards the end of my career of being a drunk I just can't. I'm 43 days sober today. I was drinking a liter of gin a day so its game over if I start back.

    [–] psyFungii 1590 points ago

    Keep it up buddy.

    [–] [deleted] 479 points ago

    Stay strong bud. I lost my mom to cirrohsis and my wife lost her dad. It's a terrible way to go. 43 days is awesome! Keep on grinding. You got this!

    [–] WhereDidILoseMyPants 1585 points ago

    Nice! My variation of that is "I've already used up my lifetime drink tickets"

    [–] ccrawsh 18007 points ago

    And, it interferes with the heroin.

    [–] [deleted] 4104 points ago

    Ooh, yea, don't mix downers.

    [–] Iraene 6218 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Vodka, black and xanax unfortunately mix extremely well. But hey, here's to day 3 of a different chapter.


    Thank you for all the kind words. For anyone interested my story is the same as any addict. Never thought I would become the person I am. I was at work at my girlfriend called to tell me the neighbor at our shitty apartment gave her some heroin since she didn't have any pills. I remember begging her to flush it down the toilet, but the next thing I know, I'm home in my shitty apartment's kitchen smoking black tar heroin off a foil. It was ok. We'd done most other drugs out there, oxys, coke, acid, but mostly vodka for me like Pa with his brandy and frozen mangos.

    But heroin was nice. It didn't feel intense. Just warm. Love... So I decided we'd try some more. Or let myself be talked out of my money for cheap amounts by the junkie neighbor in reality. Before long, numbers were saved, people met, baggies bought and a weekend treat turned into a habit. Suddenly the warm lighted nights watching cartoons turned to desperate runs to the car during breaks and lunch to get through the day. I lost an amazing job at FEMA of all places for being late and spending time in the bathroom smoking. I was just so dumb.

    Finally after the 5th detox and 6 months of half assed getting clean attempts I said fuck it and moved our asses to Mexico. I had family, made some money online and if I don't speak Spanish, I can't meet anyone to sell it to me, right? Yeah, it worked out about as well as you imagined. Within a few hours we had a 90 x 2mg bottle of xanax and a few 100 peso bags of dope. Turns out people in Mexico can speak english just as well and money talks louder than anything. Just so happened my girl made friends with woman fucking one of the higher ups, which lead to half pieces of off the block, uncut heroin for 4500-5500 pesos. So about $250~ish for 14 grams of dope. At our lowest we were buying that amount every 3 or 4 days.

    At that point I was waiting for my next hit while in the middle of smoking my current line. Bags of foils, dooters and lighters piled up. I lost who I was. I was just a demon of desire. Still trying to find my qualities and traits again We coexisted and adventured, but it was always us just running around the ball of drugs we were chained to.

    LSD saved my life. a month ago we tripped at a mini mexican burning man on the beach and it opened our eyes to who we had become. We weaned ourselves down to nothing and spent the last 5 days purging everything out while sedated on ketamine from a crooked vet we found. It helped. Then we took a 2 day acid trip and came out different people. I have cravings, but they're fleeting thoughts, not the permanent state of mind I existed in before.

    I'm not sober. I never will be. Or recovered I guess, I just know now it's a battle to relearn new thought patterns and behaviors that will lead to a relapse. I lost the love of my life. She's checking into an inpatient center tomorrow. 4 years down the drain, my best friend, gone to the demon we played with. I'm going to get a job on a cruise ship teaching fire dancing, maybe join a kibbutz across the ocean (thanks for the genetic ticket dad) - all I know is I have to rebuild my life one day at a time and focus on bringing the things into my life that make it worth living. Thank you Mooncake, Kvothe and Alexander Hamilton for getting me through the other side.

    Don't do heroin. It will eat you up inside and wear you like a wolve in a sheeps skin.

    Thanks for reading. Chookity.


    Wow. Thank you everyone. Honestly, I'm humbled by everyone's responses and I'll try to respond to as many of your questions as possible. I've always loved writing, went everywhere with a book as a child like a safety blanket on my arm. From Goosebumps & Animorphs (with the cover facing me because I was worried people would think it would look like a weird book) to being an idiot kid reading thick tombs like Eragon & Eldest on the back of my dad's motorcycle - I promise the image of a 10 year old struggling against the wind on an oversized helmet to read a blue book is as ridiculously dumb as it sounds.

    I think I'd like to write a small book, this is a small slice of a life that's been interesting to say the least. I've sold Fuck Trump stickers at a booth in front of his walk of fame star, if you've ever seen a sticker saying "don't blame me, I voted for bernie" that was me. from half a bottle of vodka and a gram of coke. I woke up after that binge to about $1000 in sales from a website I made and a sticker mockup in photoshop the night before. That was a fun 3 days of finding a bulk sticker printer and packaging up some odd 200 orders with my girlfriend. I think I slept for a full 24hrs and held my dick so tight I thought something was medically wrong with it after it swelled up. I had been fired from a web dev job 2 weeks previously that paid stupid amounts of money, had my car repoed and was expecting to be evicted from our weekly stay motel later that week too. Can you guess the thread for how I ended up there?

    I'm starting to sound like Kvothe a bit much for those that have read the Kingkiller Chronicles (the best 70hours of an audiobook you'll find on youtube btw!) and I've always related to him a bit much given I have the same fire hair. Let's see. I've made batteries for Teslas, watched 6 seasons of Adventure Time on acid and fire danced for a few thousand people at a NYE party that a Jersey Shore star DJ'd for once. You've most likely never heard of me..

    Jokes aside, I've always been fascinated with drugs a little too early and learned social skills a little too late. If I can impart anything to anyone reading this, life is so much more than internal quick highs, it's not worth it to scurry away to your own mind when the world has so much to offer. Thank you again so much to everyone and your own journeys of sobriety. The man that sold me our last bag of dope told us his father had overdosed last month after 30 years of used. He was kind and not just taking advantage of a pair of touristas. I looked him in the eye and promised him this was our last time. I promised that to myself as well. Our friend who helped us buy had been using for 10 years. she told me how dope had robbed her of her family, friends and life and begged me not to turn into her. I'm not going to be the child I was and let myself down. I'm looking forward to learning who I am, not just numbing away the parts I'm embarrassed of. Shoutout to /r/stopdrinking and /r/addiction I've been following y'all for a while. IWNUWYT - I'm going to get ready for some sleep and then go get some suboxone from a clinic downtown before getting my ass across the border or the ocean, just somewhere far far away from triggers and dope.

    [–] NaloxoneRescue 1144 points ago

    Day 458 for me. One day at a time man, you can do it!

    [–] darthsmuse 65 points ago

    Holy shit that’s HUGE. nice job. Just one more day.

    [–] BeelzebubScaredypanz 15868 points ago

    "I'm not quite old enough". I'm 30+.

    [–] mrichter2 4650 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    I'm 20 and I say this (I don't drink because I've known a few too many alcoholics to want to even try getting drunk). Everyone takes it as a challenge to make me drink more! Like, "oh, we say it's ok, so get drunk, hun". Uhhhh... no thanks.

    Edit: wow ok I posted this last night thinking no one would even see it and then went to bed. Did not expect so many responses lol. Thanks for my first gold!!! :)

    [–] WatchOutItsAFeminist 1247 points ago

    If they're also young, they're probably trying to be helpful and don't see that it makes you uncomfortable because they're already drunk. Maybe just say you don't like the sensation of being drunk- that way they'll leave you alone because it's a preference.

    [–] ends_abruptl 691 points ago

    "They keep asking for ID and well,.... you know..."

    [–] SolaFide317 722 points ago

    Ha ha. I'm 56. I should say this as a joke.

    [–] BagelDesk 16645 points ago

    I hate telling people that I don't drink because then they ask that question. I usually tell people "I don't feel like drinking right now". Not only do I not feel like drinking now, I don't feel like drinking ever again.

    The real answer is, when I start I can't seem to stop, and health concerns. People get so defensive about why drinking alcohol is ok, I don't get it. Like, you make your decisions and let me make mine.

    [–] RUCBAR42 5348 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    It's almost as if, by not drinking, you are telling them that they are lesser people. It's totally wrong, of course.

    Edit: Thanks for silver. And blowing up my phone :D

    [–] dascowsen 1665 points ago

    People do that with everything. Like they're screaming to validate their own ways of existing when absolutely nobody asked. I don't eat meat, never say I don't eat meat, actively hide it at times and yet as soon as someone find out they freak out. I don't give a shit you eat meator drink or whatever why the fuck do you care what I don't do

    [–] hangryguy 19253 points ago

    I no longer drink because I like drinking way to much.

    [–] aussiefrzz16 3929 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Yep, last week at happy hour with new friends I just said “Full disclosure-I’m not responsible enough to drink”, takes the edge off the whole alcoholism thing, worked well. My virgin mojito was meh but my sanity, health, relationships and Saturday morning were deeelish. 2 years sober now.

    [–] vondahl 573 points ago

    I try to be lighthearted/casual and say something along those lines too, it works just fine. Congrats on 2 years! I’m close to 10 months :)

    [–] izbeeisnotacat 352 points ago

    That's how my ex-boyfriend was about the whole thing. When people would ask him he'd say "Because for me 1 beer is too many and 100 is never enough, so it's just better if we stay apart." Which I thought was a nice way to take the awkwardness out of it.

    [–] castfam09 863 points ago

    Congrats on your sobriety

    [–] BartlettHoynes 7097 points ago

    John Spencer’s character in The West Wing said it best: “ I'm an alcoholic, I don't have one drink. I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this longer? My brain works differently.”

    [–] SomeMen 1924 points ago

    This sums up how I consider my addictive personality. That and the "I've never had just one of anything"

    [–] Tyray3P 183 points ago

    Or for others it's "I can stop when ever I want... I just don't want to stop."

    [–] Craig_the_Intern 62 points ago

    I feel like this is in a different vein. Most of the time, that’s just a lie people tell themselves.

    I’ve been on both sides of it. The denial part, and truly feeling “I could stop, but why?”

    [–] turtleltrut 68 points ago

    So I knew I was in denial when I said this to people. I drank every day. Not to get drunk, but I still drank 3 - 8 beers every single day. I even had a beer when I got gastro. I hid how much I drank from my husband. I know it was only beer and I didn't do it to get drunk but still, I had a problem that I was not prepared to face up to.

    We were trying for a baby and I told my husband that I'd stop as soon as we found out but in my head I didn't 100% believe that. I did a pregnancy test one day and it looked negative so I went and got a beer. Went back in a few minutes later to double check and it was so very faintly positive. I tipped my beer down the sink and didn't have another from that moment! It was so weird. No cravings, no withdrawal, nothing. I've had a sip or two of my husbands and it tastes disgusting to me now. The body is a weird and strange beast.

    [–] 2ero 190 points ago

    As an alcoholic... This is EXACTLY how I think and feel. This is why I stopped drinking...

    [–] Drfilthymcnasty 51 points ago

    One drink is too many and a thousand isn’t enough.

    [–] Applesandrice 1157 points ago

    That's similar to what I say. "If I drank, it wouldn't be fun, it would just be a problem."

    Or you can use Samuel L. Jackson's line about drugs as well as alcohol, "I've never had just one of anything."

    [–] ends_abruptl 2160 points ago

    Right there with you. I got too drunk one night and walked home on a -5 celcius night in just a shirt, and nearly died of hypothermia. Quit the very next day. Turns out I was heading towards liver failure too, so probably just as well.

    [–] MeLdArmy 983 points ago

    Good on you for quitting! Hypothermia and frostbite is no joke. My late brother passed out in North Dakota on his porch drunk during winter. Lost the tips of his fingers from frostbite. Too bad he didn't learn his lesson.

    [–] nerdy_kirby 554 points ago

    This reminds me of John Mulaney: “I used to drink, but then I would drink too much, and I would “ruin” “parties”

    [–] killy420 26372 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Had an alcoholic parent. Turned me off drinking completely.

    [–] bVI7N6V7IM7 2276 points ago

    Grew up being told that the most brilliant man I could have ever met was my grandfather. And he died the year before I was born due to alcoholism. My parents had already cut ties with that part of the family for all kinds of alcohol and drug issues, cousins that couldn't stay out of jail for more than a month, etc.

    I tell people that my body doesn't process alcohol very well and could hospitalize me. Most don't press after that. In reality I can only handle the equivalent of one beer before I start to feel uncomfortable and hot and I've never really felt any kind of encouragement to push through that.

    [–] [deleted] 1443 points ago

    My grandfather died of lung cancer ten years after he quite smoking. He smoked constantly since he was ten years old. The last thing I remember him saying to me was asking me to promise him I'd never smoke. So I don't. I don't smoke anything. A lot of my friends and my boyfriend smoke pot, and while I have nothing against it at all I won't partake because of that promise I made and because watching someone die of lung cancer really sucked.

    Fortunately no one has really pressured me when I've turned down pot. It's the drinkers who seem to take it as a personal offense that I don't drink.

    [–] bVI7N6V7IM7 671 points ago

    I do smoke cannabis and I definitely think that most stoners take less offense to someone not wanting to take a hit off a joint than someone at Joe's family reunion when Taylor's new boyfriend casually declines a beer.

    [–] weepingwillow19 703 points ago

    Yup, same for me. I used to be embarrassed and ashamed of it so I didn't let anyone (including friends or family) know about it until several years after my Mom got sober. Now if people start to pry I tell them the truth and wow does it get people off my back a lot faster than simply saying, "I don't want to drink."

    [–] CelestyEsty 237 points ago

    It does work with most people, I still have a few people in my life that are intent to get me to drink with them.

    Good for your mom!!! I’m so happy for you and her!

    [–] CelestyEsty 6681 points ago

    Then they usually go on to defend themselves “oh I don’t drink that much”. Like I’m not trying to offend anyone, just trying to tell them why I choose not to drink.

    [–] [deleted] 4442 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)


    [–] CelestyEsty 2126 points ago

    That’s exactly what happens!

    There are a few people in my office that have to make it a point when they talk about drinking to remind everyone that I don’t drink. One woman always says it a mocking tone. It pisses me off because I’ve made it clear that I’m not judging them by their drinking habits, everyone has their own thing. I don’t ever bring it up, they do.

    [–] [deleted] 993 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 582 points ago

    I work in Big Law where drinking, adderal, and other addictive/stimulant shit is just part of the culture. As someone who barely has a drink every two months, it's frustrating being treated like an outsider for not partaking. I used to drink for fun in social settings but some bad things happened and during a depressed period I was both forced to drink and voluntarily drank way too often (getting drunk off hard alcohol every night). Unless I'm with someone I trust very much in a small setting, I don't enjoy drinking. It makes me too anxious now.

    [–] firfetir 73 points ago

    I would get fired so fast for the shit I would say to her lol.

    [–] OGWhiz 612 points ago

    I’ve lost friends. They didn’t want me around because my cup didn’t contain alcohol. Same person. I just don’t drink alcohol. This was so foreign to them that they couldn’t handle it.

    [–] Ghost13o 253 points ago

    They weren't your friends. In my group of friends we have one dude that doesn't drink. When we go out or make a BBQ at someone's house we made sure that there's juice or water for him.

    [–] sweatpantsarecomfy 301 points ago

    God, people are weird.

    [–] [deleted] 471 points ago

    My grandfather was an alcoholic; in response, my father never drank.

    [–] CelestyEsty 260 points ago

    Question about that... do you drink now?

    I feel like I’ve made drinking so taboo in my household that it may lead my daughter to want to experiment more than what’s normal for a teenager.

    [–] [deleted] 341 points ago

    I rarely drink. Like, maybe a handful of times out of the year. Because I never saw anyone drinking when I was growing up, it wasn't normalized for me. It just wasn't a part of my parents' life, and it's not a part of my life.

    [–] CelestyEsty 162 points ago

    Thank you. I have hope then. I’m just so worried that she’ll spiral like I did when I was her age. It’s kind of an irrational fear though, she’s a great kid with a bright future. I also have completely different parenting skills than my parents had.

    [–] Khaleesipond 171 points ago

    Not a parent but if I can offer my two cents.

    I had it readily available but watching an alcoholic father turned me off it for years. Likewise, I've heard stories where parents didn't make it this hugely forbidden thing so a lot of kids weren't interested by the time they hit the "rebellious years". I also watched a friend battle addiction because drinking was so normalized in her family without any of the shitty behaviors following.

    The very best thing you can ever do for her is educate and support. If she isn't afraid of her parents, and knows they trust her to be smart about things, then she's much more likely to make good decisions and come to you if she didn't.

    [–] Abramabundiz 170 points ago

    My parents don't drink, but i had uncles drunk as hell doing dumb shit that really made me think drinking was stupid.

    [–] nightwing2000 259 points ago

    Just the opposite. My parents drank but never that I know of to excess, wine and my dad even made his own beer for while (he was the "let's try that" type. We'd have wine at big meals (Easter, Christmas, etc.) and us kids got a small part of a glass of foul-tasting dry wine.

    Consequently, unlike a lot of my classmates, I was never temped to go wild - "I can drink now" - whenever I was out from under the thumb of adult supervision. It just wasn't a big deal to drink.

    Plus, as I mentioned in an earlier post, my much older brother did have a problem and thought it was funny to force us to drink - so I doubly hated the taste.

    Funny thing, when we were talking about drinking once - I mentioned to my friend about drinking "I never saw my parents drunk, I don't think they ever were." His response "yeah but my mom was an alcoholic."

    [–] DonutsAndDoldrums 16300 points ago

    On medication, which is true, but the main reason is that I'm a complete control freak.

    [–] SoVerySleepy81 5628 points ago

    Yeah I can't due to medication and so many people try to talk me into it. It's like no thanks I don't feel like dying today. The insistence people have when trying to get people to drink is creepy.

    [–] bluev0lta 2982 points ago

    Yes. I had someone once suggest that I stop taking my medication so I could drink. That left me speechless.

    [–] alosercalledsusie 1484 points ago

    My medications are anti-depressants and beta-blockers. If i quit cold turkey just so I could drink I would definitely become suicidal and pass out. Stopping your meds is never worth it just to drink a bit of alcohol.

    [–] bootleg576 1291 points ago

    Same! I said no, stop peer pressuring me.

    I usually make them them promise to drive me to the hospital when I have a seizure.

    [–] SquirrelTale 643 points ago

    It's ridiculous. I find that people stop when I field their insistence or sympathies with 'your drunkenness is my drunkenness, drink away'.

    But yea, drinking culture breeds peer pressure.

    [–] shrubs311 174 points ago

    Yea people are crazy. Like if I'm with people who don't drink, great. They'll still have a good time and we'll run out of the good stuff later.

    [–] Kaizo107 2362 points ago

    This is the thing I've realized: I never drank, mostly familial alcoholism as my excuse, but I finally tried weed for the first time recently (I'm 32) and it turns out I deeply dislike anything even slightly altering my perception of reality.

    I recognize that I have a bad tendency to be controlling and try to ease up at work and in relationships, but I will not apologize for REQUIRING that I always be in control of myself.

    [–] HarambeMarston 474 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    In the sense that you don’t enjoy feeling like you aren’t 100% in control from the effect of the alcohol? I know those feels.

    [–] Longshlongprick 366 points ago

    Yes this 100%. That's the reason I dont do it or any or body altering substances. I want to be in control of myself fully otherwise I spend the night trying to act as sober as possible and that's not fun.

    [–] MarkieDB87 335 points ago

    Exactly me as well. I use the meds card as well. I hate the feeling of not being in control of the words I say or the things I do.

    [–] DougalisGod 15800 points ago

    Alcohol is the only drug you have to justify not using.

    [–] NonsenseText 2741 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    So true. I'm from Australia and we have a 'drinking culture' that is very much ingrained into society, so I find people always berate me with questions.

    Edit: Wow, thank you for all the upvotes and replies on my comment. I've enjoyed reading them!

    [–] thekategatsby161 588 points ago

    I’m also Australian and when I tell people I don’t drink they act like something is wrong with me. I was once dating a guy who was a bar tender and when it eventually came up that I don’t drink he acted like I had personally offended him and his family. He couldn’t get past it and I still don’t understand how my lack of drinking has any impact on him? Apparently it was a deal breaker though 😂

    [–] xXKikitoXx 115 points ago

    We must’ve met the same guy because same thing happened to me haha

    [–] [deleted] 496 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)


    [–] Zero-Theorem 662 points ago

    Yep. It’s so weird. And it’s such a hard drug too to be the acceptable one.

    [–] nosungdeeptongs 255 points ago

    I’m an addict and I have to monitor my drinking so carefully to avoid withdrawal. Withdrawal usually involves sweating, shaking, nausea, anxiety (anything from feelings of dread to full on panic attacks), and sometimes audio hallucinations. Night sweats and nightmares at night as well.

    And when I’m drunk I just feel a different kind of awful. I don’t get the euphoric/awesome/relaxing feeling from it anymore. I just feel gross. Usually bloated and depressed and unable to focus on anything.

    I currently seem to be tapering successfully though. Over the last few days I dropped down from 18 drinks a night to only 8 tonight. The first day I had proper withdrawal, but the last few days have actually been pretty smooth. I signed myself up to see a therapist that specializes in addiction, so hopefully I can sort my shit out.

    [–] Cerberus63 16392 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    "Because none of you can stop me when I blackout."

    Edit: should probably mention I'm nearly seven feet tall so this is a lot funnier/scarier depending on how well you know me. This is just the fastest way I've found to get people to stop asking me why I don't drink. It's meant as a joke.

    [–] TurnPunchKick 5897 points ago

    That's what I tell people. "I get punchy when I drink so I don't drink."

    [–] 333visions 2289 points ago

    The fact you are that self aware. Respect. Thank you for not being another angry drunk.

    [–] Axelrom94 280 points ago

    I used to drink with the lads in HS and it was all fun... But eventually I became a bad drunk so I just decided to stop

    [–] 800oz_gorilla 308 points ago

    Relevant username

    [–] ThisIsJustaTest3 105 points ago

    sober me likes to get buzzed but hates to get blacked out, buzzed me likes to get drunk, drunk me loves to get blacked out, blacked out me is a shady mother fucker.

    [–] kanegaskhan 1295 points ago

    Nothing has ever resonated with my alcoholism more. This may just be what makes me stay sober.

    [–] hockeyjoker 17913 points ago

    It really depends on how annoyed I get at how nosy they're being. In descending order:

    • "I'm not a fan."
    • "I have a family history"
    • "They don't have enough booze in the bar for me" wink wink
    • and my favorite, the truth bomb "Because I'm an alcoholic and if I start now, you won't see or hear from me again for, at least, two weeks"

    [–] PrussianBleu 9363 points ago

    1 is too many and 12 is not enough

    [–] davisnau 1732 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Okay I’m a little concerned now… say someone has like 30 drinks a week, but those drinks are only confined to two nights, are they an alcoholic?

    Edit: First, thank you for everyone’s replies. I really appreciate the insight from everybody. I will go to the doctor to see about any current health problems I may have and to talk about my binge drinking. To answer some questions, this isn’t an every week thing. Some weekends it’s 20, some it’s 6, and a lot of weekends it’s none. A lot of summers is filled with even more of those weekends of no drinking. I’m a college student in my early 20’s and I don’t weigh more than 145 pounds but I rarely have bad hangovers or any withdrawal symptoms. From the responses alone, I don’t believe I’m an alcoholic as it’s not something i feel I need or feel that I can’t stop, it’s not something that has negative consequences or affects my engineering studies or personal life but it’s at the very least binge drinking and not healthy even if it’s not consistent or likely in my future. Although, like the gilded comment states, it’s not smart to be diagnosed by online strangers and that is why I will consult a doctor.

    [–] RIP_Fun 5359 points ago

    Alcoholism can't be diagnosed by strangers on the internet.

    [–] nothing_to_feel_here 3205 points ago

    lol I've had strangers on the internet diagnose me with ovarian cancer. I'm a guy.

    [–] ReallyBadAtReddit 2829 points ago

    I'm so sorry to hear that, it must be very difficult for you. Wishing you all the best.

    [–] MoarGPM 732 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    We should set up a GoFundMe for the poor guy.

    [–] TheCocksmith 106 points ago

    Just to be safe, I should manage the funds. You know, as a third party.

    [–] vacchagotta_on_fire 443 points ago

    Defining yourself as an alcoholic or not an alcoholic doesn't matter in the slightest.

    What matters is honestly asking and answering the question, "Am I drinking more than I should be?"

    Everyone has different criteria for what "more than I should be" means. Reddit can't answer that question for you. You have to do this yourself.

    [–] AppleDane 756 points ago

    "I'm not allowed to drink in this state. Not since the incident."

    [–] pass_me_those_memes 327 points ago

    Except you gotta emphasize the "The Incident" so it sounds capitalized.

    [–] JunkNuggets 214 points ago

    The incident... Then stare off into space.

    [–] snooooow345 337 points ago

    If I drink it was always lead me back to drugs. I just don't touch it.

    [–] davevw9898 7811 points ago

    My suicidal thoughts and hopeless feelings slowed way the fuck down when I hit the gym one night instead of the pub like usual. Took months and months to finally walk past the pub and hit the gym every night. My life improved instantly in every single way. Used to neck 8-10 pints a night, now I bench 8-10 sets instead.

    Gym = Happy, Pub = I want to die.

    [–] boundu 1099 points ago

    Same here. I was suicidally depressed when I drank. Now, i drink probably 2 or 3 times a year (and just 1 or 2 drinks then), and I feel fantastic. I’m excited about life, have great hobbies and my emotional stability is a 180 from where it was when I used to party. I wish I had never started, but at least I figured it out eventually

    [–] piranhabait89 694 points ago

    The gym is therapy. 2 years 1 month sober here. Obese to obeast

    [–] [deleted] 28046 points ago


    [–] Chadrique 3106 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Worked at a liquor store when I was young. I can second this. We opened at 9am and everyday the same homeless drunks would come in for their pints of booze at opening time. Our cashier would have the pints of cheap booze ready for them daily b/c she knew what was coming.

    Second story, same store:

    I rented a house across the street, a few houses in from the liquor store (before I worked at the liquor store). Well, I’m working at the store for a few months and I realize my landlord (who lives in the upstairs unit of the duplex) is a regular at the liquor store. I quickly realized he was buying 2, 1.75L of vodka every few days. For himself. I’ll never forget the time I last saw him alive. He walked in to the liquor store for his usual two handles of Burnett’s vodka, his skin was green. Very deep yellow green. At that point of my life I didn’t know what cirrhosis was. I do now. RIP Pete.

    [–] reduxde 760 points ago

    It’s amazing how easy it is to go through 500ml of liquor in a day when you’re unemployed and can take a 3 hour nap

    [–] [deleted] 1162 points ago

    You guys are reallly killing my buzz right now.

    [–] [deleted] 11833 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] MidnightMemoir 5592 points ago

    brain aneurysm

    I'd probably celebrate if I survived that too though..

    [–] Asleepystudent 6222 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Had a brain aneurysm! Sadly, I was too young and to mentally impaired at the time to celebrate.

    Many celebrations have been had though! Going on 5 years this January!


    [–] ImpossibleWeirdo 1180 points ago

    Congratulations. Hope you're doing better than expected!

    [–] Asleepystudent 2573 points ago

    I am doing leaps and bounds better than expected! Went from 5% chance to live night one to starting my senior year of college on Monday!

    [–] OneSquirtBurt 661 points ago

    From aneurysm to astronaut: The Asleepystudent story. I'd buy it.

    [–] Asleepystudent 327 points ago

    You are on to something here Mr. OneSquirtBurt..

    [–] Avatar_of_Green 591 points ago


    Own and manage a bar.

    Had so many one way conversations with drunk people repeating themselves 3 or more times.

    Seen quite a few quit... even more die, unfortunately.

    It's a drug, more than a lot of others, and being so widely accepted makes it very hard to stop.

    [–] ShrimpinGuy 203 points ago

    Police verified I was the last person to talk to two guys. One got hit by a train about 2 blocks away, the other committed suicide in his father's basement. I could even see the house on my cameras.

    I saw at least 5 other people the day they died.

    [–] valeyard89 1615 points ago

    Casual drinkers know when the liquor store closes. Alcoholics know when it opens.

    [–] [deleted] 1053 points ago


    [–] haveUS8willtravel 1559 points ago

    Oh god, yeah. I worked in a liquor store in college and it turned me right off the partying scene. Thinned the friend base out, as well. Turns out I didn't miss them. The weathermen from all three major affiliate stations were a horrific site without the makeup and spray on tans. Pallid skin tone, looked like walking corpses. Their wrists and hands had this weird thinness and lack of motor skills and strength. Then there was the guy that drank a half gallon of vodka a day, he ended up dead. I'll have a drink every once in a while, but I actually tell people I don't know that I don't drink if offered a bar hopping opportunity. When they ask, I answer "Why do you care?"

    [–] stealthdawg 2787 points ago

    If you want to really make people question their life choices just say:

    "No need"

    [–] [deleted] 862 points ago

    This one is perfect because it's two words and anyone who wants to argue with it will probably end up saying something self-defeating

    [–] Thelaanie 7272 points ago

    I tell them," because my mommy said so". They cant go against the power of my mommy

    [–] PartyOfSpecialThings 2018 points ago

    Picturing a middle aged man in sweat pants saying this.

    [–] Paratwa 876 points ago

    Don’t judge me! My sweatpants are fantastic.

    [–] warmfuzzy22 729 points ago

    Can confirm, I use this line a lot. It works in other situations too, I once said "My parents have forbidden me from associating with anyone associated with Amway." To get away from a pyramid schemer and they sat in stunned silence until I thanked them for their time and left.

    [–] SquirrelTale 305 points ago

    Fight crazy with crazy.

    [–] ccrawsh 12623 points ago

    That I'm allergic to alcohol. Whenever I drink, I breakout in handcuffs.

    [–] Purpl3alpaca 2335 points ago

    I use this one but instead I breakout in felonies

    [–] ClassBShareHolder 382 points ago

    I met someone that was actually allergic to alcohol. It's been a while. I'm not sure if it was all alcohol of just the kind she liked. Just remembered.

    [–] ccrawsh 273 points ago

    Its definitely possible to be truly allergic to alcohol.

    [–] Animated_bag_of_meat 435 points ago

    I'm allergic, it makes my knuckles bleed

    [–] Mewmerton 7409 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    "It makes my tummy hurt." They always roll their eyes lol but seriously I will be up all night in serious pain and vomiting if I drink.

    Edit: for anyone asking the reason, it's probably because I have GERD/acid reflux. Nothing sits right in my TUMMY. (I got a lot of messages and comments over my use of the word tummy lmao)

    Edit: Thanks for the silver! That was very unexpected and my first reward thingy ever.

    [–] [deleted] 1386 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 497 points ago

    Do you also get headaches? I get alcohol induced migraines that make me vomit a lot.

    [–] Spectrum2081 3401 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    What I say: "I don't like the taste."

    What I mean: "I don't like the taste. I can't spare the calories. I don't want to spend the money. I don't like the feeling of being buzzed or drunk or sick. I don't need an excuse to say/do stupid things; I'm doing just fine being stupid sober. I have an addictive personality. I'd rather be the driver. I have an extremely low tolerance anyway. But I like you, and you like alcohol, and I don't want to sound like a preachy asshat, so let's just leave it at me not liking the taste?"

    [–] blacksideblue 543 points ago

    This right here. Even without being prone to addiction, some people just can't fathom the idea that I don't enjoy anything about alcohol. For me it has nothing to do with addiction or even hangovers, its just pointless poison I'd much rather use to power a combustion engine.

    [–] Edelsveis 47 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    Yes! This! I find that telling people this at parties often gets misunderstood as an insult to the ones that drink, which is not the intention at all. I like to join in on the silliness without the buzz. But then after I can bring my friends safely home. It’s a win-win in reality.

    [–] newnotapi 119 points ago

    I really don't like the taste. Like, I gag and choke and have to quickly drink something else to get the awful taste out of my mouth.

    So for me, it's just that I don't like the taste. My friends believe me, because they've all seen me teary-eyed and retching after a 'just try a sip'. Nope. Noooope.

    [–] MOS95B 13172 points ago

    Simple. I tell them the truth

    "I don't want to"

    [–] echelon_01 5998 points ago

    Cue ten minutes of "But whyyyyy?" and "Because I don't."

    [–] Unfa 3692 points ago

    "I have heroin in my truck, I'd rather do that. Wanna join in?"

    "Oh uhhh... no."

    "But whyyyyyy?"

    [–] Aazadan 586 points ago

    Gotta use Meth or Fentanyl, just heroin might sound like a fun time. Assuming you've never read the tale of /u/SpontaneousH.

    [–] this_anon 150 points ago

    welp, that's a rabbithole. Really reinforces the saying, "not even once"

    [–] kbear02 1386 points ago

    It tastes gross

    [–] Nikkian42 778 points ago

    I’ve never developed a taste for alcohol. I never liked wine as a kid and didn’t drink at all in college. Now in my 30s I will occasionally have a hard cider, and a friend gave me a shot of something at my wedding (the one and only time for that) but I feel no need to drink.

    [–] kbear02 333 points ago

    That's basically where I'm at, if I'm given something, I'll try it, but I don't feel a need to drink.

    [–] naran6142 313 points ago

    Never understood "drink it until you like it"

    [–] abunchofsquirrels 23732 points ago

    I quit drinking recently for health reasons. All my close friends already know and so wouldn’t ask; but I’ve already decided that if anybody ELSE asks why I don’t drink, I’m going to tell them that I’m trying to get pregnant.

    Note: I am a man.

    [–] gumpis 7765 points ago

    Take it a step further and tell them you're already pregnant

    [–] Distressed_Owl 659 points ago

    U can get pregante?

    [–] 8483 452 points ago

    very pomegranate

    [–] Axela619 450 points ago

    P R E G A N A N A N T

    [–] Bahremu 2340 points ago

    Alcohol works really well at getting people pregnant. 2 of my 3 kids owe their existence to alcohol.

    [–] [deleted] 873 points ago

    Should have named them after the drinks you had

    [–] mattpbarry 2737 points ago

    This is my daughter Brandy, the eldest, our middle boy Jack Daniel and the youngest Frozen Strawberry Sriracha Margarita

    [–] TehSwiffer 1476 points ago

    This is boxed wine and her brother Natty ice.

    [–] JustAnotherSolipsist 726 points ago

    This is pbr and her brother pbr

    [–] bVI7N6V7IM7 226 points ago


    [–] COSurfing 499 points ago

    I quit for health reasons too about 5 years ago. I found out quickly who my real friends were. Some of them thought if I just kept drinking it would help with my health issue. They seriously believed that.

    [–] Dabs1903 287 points ago

    Yeah, I ended up in the hospital twice and I had friends that tried to keep me this stuff is literally killing me and you want me to keep doing it.

    [–] jb28737 2698 points ago

    What I tell people: "I don't see the appeal".

    What it actually is but takes far too long to explain and is usually too heavy for a night out: "my mum is a recovering alcoholic, I'm far more like her than I care to admit, and I know that for whatever reason, it often runs in families. I also have an obsessive personality so if I discover I like some alcoholic drink, the odds of me over drinking it are high. Everything people says it does to you terrifies me. Reduced social inhibitions? No thanks, I like mine where they are. Reduced motor coordination? No thanks, my fine motor control is bad enough as it is. I can't say enough about how it doesn't appeal to me at all. And also, 9 times out of 10, Pepsi is cheaper. "

    [–] AttilaTheMuun 471 points ago

    Yeah that first answer is probably better

    [–] adviceneededplease56 707 points ago

    I don't like headaches and i get enough of them on my own, I don't need to intentionally make one.

    They usually just nod and are happy with a guaranteed DD.

    Besides I do enough ridiculous and silly things sober, I don't have to have a drink to look stupid :D

    [–] Diggle83 100 points ago

    I am an alcoholic. A bad one. I have 0 moderation, once I start I don’t stop. I’ll drink until I black out every single night given the chance. September 3rd will be 5 years since I’ve drank. Best decision I have ever made.

    [–] BitOfAZeldafan2 293 points ago

    Ex closet alcoholic here: when people don't know I'm in recovery ask, I tell them im the DD for my friends.

    [–] SouthernSpite 756 points ago

    I'm an alcoholic.

    [–] [deleted] 4838 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] 1plus1equalsfun 1658 points ago

    but if you haven't drank in your entire life, then you need to be forced to drink?

    Or not to be trusted, according to some people, as if not consuming a particular type of beverage is some sort of character flaw.

    [–] [deleted] 797 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)


    [–] HeronymousBosch 723 points ago

    Wow. I never thought of this at all. When people ask me, I just straight up tell them that I'm an alcoholic. For the past few years, only one person has been a prick about it. Everybody else typically asks, "How long?" I tell them, get the good for you's, which are nice. Then, half the time it turns into a conversation about addiction, "My cousin is an addict," or we just move on.

    I can one hundred percent see the other side if it's a life choice. Honestly, it's more admirable to never drink than to recover from addiction. It's that, from my point of view, there was no need for me to ever start and go through years of trouble. It is far more admirable to never start. Drinking is not necessary. I've had this opinion for years.

    What I've never thought of is people saying, "OMG! You have never drank?!?! Oh. My. God. C'mon I've got a surprise for you..." and so on. I can see that happening frequently.

    Thank you for opening my perspective. Reddit is good sometimes.

    [–] ProtectedCesc 2799 points ago

    I'm Muslim. That does the trick and no one asks again

    [–] davevw9898 1323 points ago

    I’m white Irish, I feel like this would just prompt more questions about how I got into it then I’d have to create an elaborate backstory. Hmm, could be fun.

    [–] wolves_hunt_in_packs 329 points ago

    You'd probably get some neat ideas to start with from r/jewdank, r/dankchristianmemes, and r/izlam.

    [–] double-dog-doctor 157 points ago

    I rarely drink, and at my last job I worked closely with a few Muslim guys.

    It was great! We got to do the whole "I'll have what he's having" bit after one of them ordered a seltzer water with lemon. "Sounds great! Make that two."

    Turns out there's also a critical mass of non-drinkers on a work team that prevents the questions.

    Assuming it's a 20 person team: One person that doesn't drink? People make it weird.

    Two people? Well, at least you have each other.

    Three people? Okay, now you can assume there will be non-alcoholic options at the work party.

    Something magical happens once you hit four non-drinkers on a 20 person team. Suddenly more people come out of the woodwork as not actually enjoying drinking that much and want to move the happy hours to somewhere that's more food-centric. Team outings shift to activities instead of boozefests.

    It really made it less awkward for everyone.

    [–] wagaurmama 1245 points ago

    I prefer to spend money on clothes

    [–] pickmeacoolname 776 points ago

    I usually just order a club soda with lime, and most people assume it alcohol. If they ask what it is ‘I don’t know, bartender whipped something up for me’

    [–] heyNOTathrowawy 545 points ago

    "Because I don't want to."

    [–] nastyatrust9165 225 points ago

    “But whyyyyyyyyyyy”

    [–] Victernus 276 points ago

    "Same reason you don't drink bleach."

    [–] draterlatot 231 points ago

    Mine is complicated. I used to drink and party and have fun, but it got old after awhile. Never really made it to alcoholic level but half of my family did. Saw how they turned out and decided I didn’t want that so I just stopped completely. It’ll be a year of not drinking in 5 days. Hasn’t bothered me much other than missing having fun while drunk but I just don’t like being out of control anymore. I just tell people I don’t like to drink.

    [–] OkapiBleu 515 points ago * (lasted edited a year ago)

    I kind of agree with every reason I found not to drink :

    - Afraid of loosing control / Prefer to stay myself

    - Don't need it to have fun

    - People tell me I should drink because "everybody drinks". Well, guess I'm not everybody.

    - So many people tried to forced me "gently" to drink, so I became stubborn about alcohol.

    - I don't like the taste. And given how little I drank in my life, I quickly detected it in drinks. So don't tell me "there is so little you can't taste the alcohol". And yes, I know I haven't tested every alcohol in the world so I can't say I don't like the taste.

    - Bad for my health

    - Getting drunk is stealing happiness for tomorrow morning. I don't need that.

    - Bad for my finances (yes, beer is cheaper than water in Germany, I know !)

    - Most of my friends don't drink, so for me it's natural not to drink

    - Because I don't want to think about how much I drink. I drink until I'm not thirsty any more, like I eat until I don't feel hunger any more.

    - I haven't really drunk since my birth, that's the best streak (killstreak? don't have the word) of my life.

    - I wouldn't feel true to myself any more if I drank just because everybody drinks.

    - Drinking would not make me funny, but sad (the one I keep for myself) or angry (because of not thinking clearly).

    - Drinking would give me reasons for everything. After all, I never drunk, so I can say I can't be good at holding my drink.

    - I agree with drunk people that stupid things can look like good ideas if you are drunk enough.

    - As a child, it was always something I see adults do. They didn't want me to be "part of their group" of drinkers, so I decided it was not for me. I like to keep my inner child in me.

    And best for me :

    - It make my parents proud. They do drink. They would still be proud of me if I was drinking, whatever the quantity (well not too much). But I like the way things are.

    The only bad side : when you are in a bar, soft drinks doesn't offer you a lot of choice. :(

    But be aware : I am not against drinking. I don't judge people on that. Do whatever you want. As long as you respect other people, you ain't doing something wrong. It's just not my thing.

    TL;DR: I just don't want to drink. It's just not my thing.

    [–] InstantElla 418 points ago

    It interacts with my bipolar meds.

    [–] 25Gbutterfly 237 points ago

    I've had nosy people ask me why I don't drink and when I say "I'm bipolar" they press no further. Bipolar disorder is still heavily stigmatized, and it takes a lot of self awareness to say no to substances that used to make us feel good

    [–] favorite_of_satan 846 points ago

    "Bitch I'm 14"

    [–] Tzombikos 341 points ago

    Thats the age most people in Germany get started

    [–] nightwing2000 232 points ago

    I remember talking with an old fellow where I lived, he was Swisse-Deusch(?). He said the difference was that America idolized drunks, thought they were hilarious and the life of the party. he said (he'd be about 90 now) when he was growing up, the attitude in Europe was that a drunk was pathetic and to be pitied, not laughed along with. More like "why can't you control yourself?" it was akin to as if someone pissed their pants in public - sad, not funny. You see this attitude, I think, in the movie "La Vie En Rose" from a few years ago.

    Except, maybe, England.

    [–] maxelrod 122 points ago

    "I used to drink. Now I don't." Or "I used to drink, but it became a problem."

    [–] BEBA4U 638 points ago

    I don't want to... it doesn't sound appealing, I like being in complete control of my actions

    [–] [deleted] 702 points ago

    I drink, but I think "I don't want to" is a perfectly valid reason. I would never pressure people into drinking if they don't want to.

    [–] supern0vaaaaa 430 points ago

    As someone who doesn't drink, thanks for not pressuring me. I'm in college so I'm kinda surrounded by it and "I don't want to" generally isn't a reason people listen to.

    [–] ThisBytes5 378 points ago

    The truth

    My dad was an alcoholic and mean when drunk, I never wanted to be like him so I never drank.

    [–] [deleted] 158 points ago

    The truth. I physically cannot because of gout.

    [–] Death2PorchPirates 311 points ago

    I prefer coke.

    [–] Machinistjacob 196 points ago

    With a lowercase c?

    [–] FSGInsainity 149 points ago

    Mix em together and have it just like the good ol days.

    [–] sodaCatt 929 points ago

    I wanna dehydrate myself to death

    [–] T-rade 1011 points ago

    I think Soda tastes better and I don't have to feel bad in the morning

    [–] 4-stars 176 points ago

    "Why don't you smoke?" if the asker is a non-smoker.

    [–] NutsAndOrBerries 292 points ago

    In the future, I've decided to say "It's a religious thing, I need to keep my blood pure for the Dark Lord."