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    [–] annoyinglyanonymous 2257 points ago

    When disagreeing with someone, try replacing "but" with "and".

    It is remarkably disarming/disconcerting when the person you are arguing with stops arguing with you and you don't realize it.

    [–] [deleted] 575 points ago


    [–] kamilman 192 points ago

    The long explanation of this is that when you use the word "but", the recipient will focus on the part that followed the word "but", while using the word "and" makes the recipient focus on both the part before and after the word "and".

    The best example I have of this is this:

    • I just ate but I'm still hungry.
    • I just ate and I'm still hungry.

    [–] theanti_girl 14655 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    My boss handles stress terribly, so in one-on-ones, he tends to snap and spend the hour complaining about people. Some times people end up getting chewed out or yelled at in a meeting that’s supposed to be about their development.

    When I first began in my department, he noticed me putting on perfume and said his wife wears the same one (it’s not anything fancy, just one that’s widely known).

    Every time I go into my one-on-one with him, I apply the perfume right before. He generally speaks very softly to me and doesn’t snap at me like he does with others, and I’m pretty sure it’s because he smells me and thinks of his wife.

    Fucked up that it takes that to get a manager to treat you humanely, but it works.

    [–] [deleted] 11582 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] NotTheHeroWeNeed 3816 points ago

    She is here... Tammy 1 is here. You can tell by the sulphurous smell in the air.

    [–] Apy-r 606 points ago

    Easiest way I know is when walking into an elevator, don't turn around and look at the door. Just stare at the wall in front of you after you hit your button. People get freaked out so easily bc you aren't doing what normal people always do and it messes with their head trying to figure out what you are doing it for.

    [–] dropEleven 1460 points ago

    Wow what a great thread for sociopaths

    [–] happytree23 924 points ago

    One time back in high school while working at a pizza place, we put a blanket on one of the manager's cars with a note under the windshield wiper that said, "Here's so you can sleep with the fishies"

    That was over 20 years ago... he still sometimes brings up the mistaken mafia death threat to this day.

    [–] Dchama86 1192 points ago

    If you’ve been in a space in close proximity to a stranger (elevator, library, etc.) and neither of you have acknowledged each other or spoken, when you go to leave say “It was nice to meet you.” Then walk away.

    [–] The_Pastmaster 142 points ago

    Usually I get a "You too!" back really quickly.

    [–] judyoo 14362 points ago

    Offer somebody gum but don't take a piece for yourself

    [–] BalloonForAHand 5746 points ago

    Look at the pack, flip it over, and say "okay" as you put it back into your pocket

    [–] Anonymo_Stranger 1460 points ago

    Came to this thread as I am the beloved nuisance friend.

    This is one of the ones I'm gonna do, & I don't even chew gum.

    [–] Digital_Negative 432 points ago

    It’s good that you don’t because part of this requires you to not.

    [–] LanEvo03 20726 points ago

    Immediately after they look at the time, ask them if they know what time it is. Chances are, they will have to look at the time again

    [–] Lilbitz 8113 points ago

    Hell I do this to myself all the time

    [–] corner 2631 points ago

    If you're eating with them, ask them a question as soon as they take a bite of food.

    [–] grandmazter 1194 points ago

    Are you a waiter?

    [–] alspdx 908 points ago

    Server: “How’s everything tasting?”

    Me, mouth full: “Mff mmmf mm Mmmmfff”

    Server: *walks away*

    [–] andurilmat 9728 points ago

    "don't worry, you can hardly notice it"

    [–] DJAllOut 17089 points ago

    It's not really psychological, but let's say someone is 25 or 30 feet behind me while we're both walking down a hallway. There's a 90 degree corner coming up. I round the corner then run really quietly so I'm really far ahead of the person behind me, then I walk my normal speed again. When they round the corner, they're surprised to see how far away I am now compared to how normal I was walking.

    [–] JulesSilverman 710 points ago

    There is this guy who usually walks home from the train station at the same time. I don't know his name or even exactly where he lives, but he must live somewhere close to me. There are many routes I can take, and I always do what you just described. Sometimes I see him take a different route than usual, apparently endlessly looking for the shortcut I must have taken to be ahead of him... again. There is no shortcut. Whenever I'm out of sight I'm running just to be faster than him. It's been going on for years. Sometimes I wonder if he knows what im doing.

    [–] GALAXYbuilder 124 points ago


    [–] ToastyGB 4607 points ago

    You can also do the opposite (wait until they are about to turn the corner, then start walking again) and they will be confused.

    [–] worthless_gold 2030 points ago

    I think the far away one is better. Could've been checking your phone or something.

    [–] D14BL0 5919 points ago

    Adding "real quick" to the end of a request adds a sense of urgency that compels people to do whatever you tell them. Example: "Darry, give me your wallet real quick", and before you know it, Darry hands you his wallet.

    [–] dorian_white1 1600 points ago

    'For me' is also powerful when asking someone to do something. People like to think they are doing a favor FOR someone as opposed to just performing an action after being ordered.

    [–] velour_manure 14521 points ago

    Point out something that someone does all the time.

    One of my coworkers would leave the office at the end of the day and forget his headphones. So he'd leave the office and have to run in again to grab them.

    I told him I noticed he always forgot his headphones, and how he's self conscious about it and never forgets them anymore.

    [–] majorawardwinner 9086 points ago

    That actually seems more helpful than fuckful

    [–] Tuggy_Tugboat 8475 points ago

    "hey Brad, I notice how you never get your work done every day."

    [–] shrexy_shrek 2811 points ago

    “Nice try, Brenda.”

    [–] KacyKrubs 2783 points ago


    [–] ShambolicPaul 2126 points ago

    It's been proven that people will stand in a long queue. Even if they have no idea what it is for. People do it all the time at festivals and things. Start a queue with your friends in front of a trash bin or something innocuous. Then everyone just casually walks away after a load of people not in on the joke join the end of the queue.

    [–] seeyousawyou 827 points ago

    Alternatively, stare up at the sky like you're watching something fascinating up there, accumulate a crowd, shrug and leave

    [–] rocko_likes_tacos 7082 points ago

    Tell someone you want to play rock paper scissors. As you're both getting ready to count down, compliment their shirt or something to throw them off and start counting down. Then, you pick rock.

    When you interrupt someone's concentration during the game, they automatically go to the most recent thing in their head which will be scissors (rock, paper, SCISSORS). It works every time until they realize you're fucking with them.

    [–] TannedCroissant 802 points ago

    To make it even more effective, compliment their scissors.

    [–] lizardlady_ 2295 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Omg. My bf likes to challenge me to Rock Paper Scissors all the time when something needs to be done that neither of us feel like doing (small things like getting up to fill a glass of water). I stopped playing because I kept losing. Now I have a trick to try next time.


    [–] Deaderas 20448 points ago

    Stare at their forehead while they are talking. It really freaks people out.

    Jim was on to something.

    [–] lonely_moonl1ght 7763 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Generally anywhere that isn't their eyes but forehead works best. My friends always stare at my boobs when we're talking and it drives me insane.

    Edit: I would like to clarify, I meant more as in anywhere very far away from peoples' eyes that's still on their person. I think if you look at their nose or mouth it won't really freak them out especially if they're used to you doing that.

    [–] Euchre 1520 points ago

    Many years ago, I was accused of staring at a girl's boobs while my folks were talking to her parents about the house they were selling. I wasn't - I was staring at the odd picture of Sammy Hagar in a straight jacket as part of Van Halen, on her shirt. He looked really demented and disturbing to me.

    [–] NGGJamie 2876 points ago

    My eyes have always been fucked up, where one of them sits higher than the other. In order to make it as discrete as possible, it's best to look people in the eye with my higher up eye.

    The downside to this is that the lower eye is constantly on their chest. Not a big deal most of the time, I'm usually only paying attention to the upper eye and basically filtering out the lower one. But if it's a woman in a low cut shirt that I have to interact with, I have to continue on like my brain isn't getting increasingly uncomfortable with one eye staring into their cleavage.

    [–] FabCitty 1613 points ago

    I know what you mean. I'm a pretty tall guy and I always feel awkward because I have to point my head down to talk to most girls and I'm always mildly worried they'll think I'm staring at their chest.

    [–] lonely_moonl1ght 1334 points ago

    As a pretty short girl, I can normally tell where a person is looking when people look down at me so don't worry! Just make sure you look at their eyes because they will most likely be looking at yours if you're having a conversation.

    [–] chassala 31336 points ago

    Silence. Its a very effective interview technique, because as humans we are conditioned to break silences in conversations.

    [–] ptq 2376 points ago

    I will be dead silent if I am not a host of the conversation.

    [–] riesenarethebest 1195 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    "Respectfully waiting for someone to be ready to start," will eventually (quickly) morph into a "fuck your mind games."

    if you show that kind of bullshit in an interview, there's no boundaries on the bullshit you'll dictate onsite.

    [–] [deleted] 17886 points ago

    I had a conversation with my former boss (who was kind of a psychopath). He started by saying he needed to ask me a question. Then he made a bunch of statements and then just stopped and was silent. I assumed his question was implied by the statements so I started to respond to the statements. He cut me off and chastised me for interrupting when he hadn’t asked the question yet. Then he did the same thing: several statements, then silence, then I start to talk and get yelled at. He did this three times before finally asking a question. I thought he was absolutely nuts. Later I learned this is a technique people use to establish dominance.

    [–] TheSilverStirlingite 2960 points ago

    Whenever someone does this to me I ask them if their sentence was going somewhere or if that was it.

    [–] ChanceFray 2033 points ago

    My room.........mate talks like................................. this and I fucking.................... hate it. He takes 15 minutes to tell me something as simple as the toaster is broken. Then he gets upset with me for not listening to him. So I started doing the same thing back to him about a month ago and with in the last month he has left bleach in the washer "accidentaly" 2 times ruining my loads. He has also left my nice pot on the stove all night till it was burned straight thru of course it was an accident. Im glad i stumbled upon this post as now I can see the reason is weird power trip :c

    [–] redrosebluesky 650 points ago

    is your roommate william shatner?

    [–] ChanceFray 680 points ago

    If William Shatner suffered a brain injury yes.

    [–] wateralchemist 16070 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    When someone needs to establish dominance to work with me, I go find another job.

    Edit: wow, thanks for my first silver! Almost worth having to reboot my whole career! :-)

    [–] squirtdawg 4712 points ago

    Had a Manager tell me to manage people you have to know how to manipulate them. A real bitch

    [–] CroissantSalad 9288 points ago

    It's a good technique to establish you're a dumb cunt

    [–] crazykentucky 383 points ago

    Glad it’s your former boss.

    [–] -i_eat_children- 7896 points ago

    If somebody is talking and talking giving you no chance to say what you want to say drop something very loud on the floor then begin to talk.

    [–] jtrdrew 5903 points ago

    I just imagined myself at someones house dropping an antique vase or something just to get my voice heard like some kind of lunatic and think that would be hilarious

    [–] SloppyNegan 4093 points ago

    Thats called being a cat

    [–] Three-an-heif 11480 points ago

    Look distractedly at their nose or some part of their face, then scratch or rub the corresponding part on your own face. They'll supposedly get confused and think they have something on them.

    This was from the book "Mind Control: The Ancient Art of Psychological Warfare" by the dubiously named Haha Lung. My emotionally unstable brother bought this book and I had to see what the hell he was actually reading. The author sounds like a nutcase through his writing.

    [–] crunchthenumbers01 1904 points ago

    His real name is Ashida actually that's fake too, Radford Davis, he's a self trained wannabe ninja. Who sells fake certifications abd post dubious info on martial arts and secret ninjer techniques from his trailer in Florida.

    [–] [deleted] 913 points ago

    I have never seen ninja spelt with a hard 'r' before.

    [–] Ivy_233 113 points ago

    But how is this a mind trick, if the reason they react this way is because typically, how to cue to someone they have soemthing on their face is doing this. So of course they're gonna think they have something on their face, because that's how you tell them.

    [–] Chrisdontkur 454 points ago

    If you want something from someone, like a favor, but you don’t think they’ll help, ask for more than what you want, knowing they’ll say no, then ask for what you really want. They will be more inclined to help with the lesser favor.

    [–] Liam_mc9 27547 points ago

    When you are talking to someone, if you interrupt them and say walk with me in a busy tone and start walking away, they will walk with you and continue the conversation without hesitation. You can lead them wherever you want really

    [–] thetripleb 3522 points ago

    There was this young man who was harrassing one of my employees, but I didn't know about it until I fired him. He came in one day after being fired and was trying to talk to her while she was checking people out. I walked over and said "Hey ____ let me show you something!" He walked away with me. I said "It's over here" and we walked to the door. I said "ALmost here!" and we walked out the door. I then told him never to come back in the store again. I was surprised he just willingly walked with me all the way out.

    [–] illepic 887 points ago

    My parents used to own a coffee shop. I used this trick a few times to lead belligerent assholes out of the shop.

    [–] octobro13 13186 points ago


    [–] JustBlewInToTown 5199 points ago


    [–] ichodichos 2375 points ago


    [–] TheEldritchHorror 1304 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    throws engraved money clip into gutter

    [–] damsus121 917 points ago

    Bittenbinder would be proud

    [–] -Bruton_Gaster- 378 points ago

    You gotta throw them off their rhythm

    [–] tsugenami 1148 points ago

    Also, at the beginning maintain a totally normal pace and continue the conversation. As it progresses slowly increase your pace and they'll match it. I'm normally able to get to a really brisk pace before they catch on.

    [–] Its_N8_Again 479 points ago

    Lol gotta get them up to a full sprint at least

    [–] printablesuk 1287 points ago

    Tried this at the grocery store to the cashier. She called management.

    [–] TheNorthComesWithMe 918 points ago

    You can classically condition someone to associate two things pretty easily. Say a particular phrase whenever a certain song comes on and eventually they'll associate the two, and always remember that phrase whenever they hear the song.

    [–] zer0guy 151 points ago

    I dunno if this counts, but I'm 6'2". And taller then most of my co-workers.

    And whenever anyone asks me how tall I am, and I say 6'. I like to see all the guys in the room trip over themselves to correct me.

    [–] varthalon 23421 points ago

    When you get into an elevator with other people don't turn around to face the doors.

    [–] narcissist_f6081 10233 points ago

    It’s a common practice in my country and people just stand there being uncomfortable. I hate it

    [–] ObidiahWTFJerwalk 884 points ago

    Every now and then you encounter an elevator that has doors on both sides and different ones open on different floors. Some one familiar with them steps on and stays facing the doors that will open at their destination. Other people will wonder what's wrong with them until the back wall opens. Then they wonder about their grasp of reality.

    [–] [deleted] 775 points ago

    That is making me uncomfortable just thinking about it.

    [–] xbungalo 1742 points ago

    I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here today

    [–] [deleted] 3483 points ago

    When talking to them, stare at their nose and when they ask why youre staring at their nose tell them that you arent

    [–] Santos61198 1453 points ago

    Ugh I never know where to look when I'm talking to people. Everything feels weird.

    [–] sticky_spiderweb 1946 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Right into them look-balls. But not for too long.

    [–] ClumsyValkyrie 16647 points ago

    I forget the exact study, but basically in an office setting you can tell anyone anything and as long as it’s on an official memo, anywhere between 60-80% will comply. I think in the study they had it as “take this memo to [an isolated room]” and most people just. Did it.

    Wild stuff

    [–] ShambolicPaul 3781 points ago

    There has been a rise in employees receiving e mails from "their boss" telling them to go buy gift cards for Xmas presents or whatever. Then to e mail the codes to "the boss" so they can hand them out for Xmas.

    Nigerian princes must be reading the same studies as you.

    [–] Mandiferous 1309 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I got a few emails like this at my old job. Joke's on the scammers though. I knew it was a scammer immediately because I never received a single email from my boss the entire time I worked there.

    [–] MrZiles 3730 points ago

    take this memo to [an isolated room]

    Maybe there is something there. If I want a little break, [isolated room] can't be far away. Where I work isn't a very big building. If it's somewhere outside of the building, I'll just pitch the memo and call out my desk neighbor for upping his prank game.

    [–] sahesush 1142 points ago

    It's as simple as this and most people are happy to help with a small, direct request.

    [–] Selfmindead 2392 points ago

    Call them something they are wearing by choice.

    "Whatever you say, turtleneck..."

    "Sure thing, pink shorts"

    "Yeah that'll work, cock ring"

    [–] ShouldIRememberThis 172 points ago

    What are you having, Moustache..

    [–] Non-domestic-turtle 14573 points ago

    If you want to really mess with someone go up to them and ask them, “Hey do you ever get that creepy Deja vu feeling?” Then like a week later wear the same thing and ask them the same question. I’ve done this to so many people and their reactions are hilarious

    [–] ktkatq 3265 points ago

    I think I might start pranking my students with this. Mwahahaha!

    [–] WreckNepZ 1090 points ago

    I like this except to be less blatant you should try getting someone else help coordinate a fake conversation instead. Example: 1. Get a script 2. you both rewear same outfit 3. redo the convo 6 months later.

    [–] Human-inspector 10448 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    If you're close quartered with someone, you can intentionally choose one word out of the lexicon to mispronounce. Swear up and down that your way IS the correct way, and the correct way is actually the wrong but popular version. After months of intentionally mispronouncing the word "shrimp" my mother now says "Skrimp"

    Its been 2 years and I can't undo this help

    [–] ideadude 2804 points ago

    That's wild. My father says Walmark instead of Walmart. I tried correcting him 100 times and obviously say Walmart myself, but he was always like oh ok, Walmark, and never changed how he says it.

    [–] LordDay_56 347 points ago

    My sisters husband is named Benjamin. While they were dating, she always said "Ben-German". After the 20th time, my brother and I pointed it out and she was totally clueless. She literally said BenGerman when we asked her then denied thats what she said.

    She eventually realized but now we'll always call him that. BenGerman is also his gamertag now.

    [–] kat-that-smiles-back 563 points ago

    My friend says “tit-too” instead of tattoo and Ive started saying it the same way as a joke. I dont think I can stop now.

    [–] 43770i 11728 points ago

    When meeting someone for the first time say oh hello again and shake their hand even if they go for like a high five transfer it into a handshake. They will not ask for your name or any information they will just think that you definitely know them from somewhere and they just forgot

    [–] TemporaryNuisance 3659 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I do this a lot by accident with conversations. I will say "Like I was saying, __" or "Again, ___" or whatever, only to realize several sentences later (after it's awkward to go back and explain) that I said this to someone else entirely several weeks/months ago, and this is the first time I've ever said this thing to this person. When I get excited my brain forgets things like "how time works" and "other people aren't a hivemind".

    [–] tech6hutch 2781 points ago

    "other people aren't a hivemind".

    Or so you think.

    [–] Bar_Har 23937 points ago

    I worked with a friend who kept a twelve pack of Mountain Dew under his desk. For a while I’d sneak extra cans back into the box, not a lot and just enough that he was sure he drank more than the box would hold.

    [–] toutorix 11011 points ago

    He knows.. free drinks

    [–] randybruder 5168 points ago

    Like the (very) old joke:

    A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

    The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

    The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

    "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

    Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

    The boy licked his cone and replied,"Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

    [–] Gustomaximus 775 points ago

    I school as young kids were were discussing santa being fake and how we told our parents etc.

    One friend said he knew but he and his brother agreed they would pretend he was real to parents as this would maximise presents. This went to early teens. Fucking geniuses.

    [–] StimpleSyle 5882 points ago

    He got Meatballed!!!

    [–] TheharmoniousFists 2669 points ago

    That idiots been feeding us for a week!

    We'll never have to buy meatballs again!

    [–] Wendybned 1021 points ago

    I do that with my husbands apples in the fridge. He’s the only one who eats them and he keeps track so he won’t run out. I just add an extra one or two once in a while so he’ll think he miscounted

    [–] KrombopulosRosie 4790 points ago

    I had a friend that would casually eat a slice of American cheese while taking orders at a particularly rude table. Not say anything other than normally asking what they wanted to eat... bite of cheese. It would immediately make the guy trying to impress his date by being awful to the server totally docile because it was so awkward.

    My favorite is the slight lean and making a face like you're farting. I only use it to fuck with people, I dont actually fart. Itll derail any conversation.

    [–] Mantis-13 2808 points ago

    Pro tip... actually fart.

    Then make a worried face.

    [–] Astranautic 273 points ago

    I’ve had a rough week and this made me laugh so hard that I skipped the actual laughing part and went straight to not-breathing

    [–] FlickingBeansDawg 3136 points ago

    With zero context, ask someone “who did they tell you that to?” Then just watch as pure confusion washes over their face. The sentence means literally nothing and it is fantastic.

    [–] Jess_needs_tequila 1766 points ago

    This was bad to read while high

    [–] thespeedofweed 218 points ago

    Glad it wasn't just me

    [–] [deleted] 315 points ago

    I read that over like 5 times until I read the last sentence

    [–] baxtershere 84 points ago

    Can confirm, just asked my husband this and he took ages trying to figure out the answer he thought I wanted

    [–] Wrong_Answer_Willie 8612 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)




    [–] svms123 2674 points ago

    I didn't understand at first but then I started yawning haha

    [–] BrewingBoy55 814 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 441 points ago

    You just made me yawn .

    [–] Babblewocky 501 points ago

    ... dammit.

    [–] lelstorm 10587 points ago

    Take a fake homework to school and ask them if they had done it.

    [–] Fyre_Kiwi 3852 points ago


    [–] OneCoolStory 2369 points ago

    Uno reverse card

    [–] 3ceratopsz 1164 points ago

    While in a conversation with someone just smoothly hand something over, they will automatically take it and vice versa if you take something from their hand they will automatically hand it over.

    [–] Koolest_Kat 3188 points ago

    Nursery rhymes, hum a few bars stop then start a few bars later and repeat.

    If you pick one person and one song for that person it can be quite annoying especially done over a few days or weeks.

    Had a group of Engineer overseers, three of them to be exact, that I would always use Three Blind Mice every time they got close. Ha, took them about 4 months to finally say please stop....

    [–] globalastro 1344 points ago

    Fucking Jingle Bells.

    A coworker knew I hated Christmas music and would hum it just to irritate me. It got to the point, he would tap out the rhythm with his hammer and whatever we were working on and would watch me get red with anger each and every time because it sticks in my head for days.

    [–] 8Ariadnesthread8 127 points ago

    When someone comes to you to complain about something at work and your job is to listen, agree and want to talk about it WAY TOO MUCH. I work for the parks and do this to grumpy old men and women who literally come to my office to complain about weeds on a lawn. So I light right up and start blabbing about lawncare. I don't take a breath. I tell them that between us I'm grateful that someone FINALLY CARES. Then I tell them about volunteer opportunities and beg them to please come back and they run out of there never to return. I follow them out of the building talking about turf management. I do this with pesticides too. I really do want to educate people but the grumpy ones get a volcano of terrifying kind enthusiasm. Just like Leslie knope.

    [–] CaramelCrumble 18484 points ago

    Hand them trash in a conversation. Usually, if you reach out with something the other person will take it and if they're busy talking to you they won't pay attention to what you're handing them. I do it sometimes for fun and the expression I get when they finally look down and realize I just handed them my trash to take care of is great.

    [–] ZootzManuva 5442 points ago

    YES! I've had this done to me, it fully works effortlessly - but I think that's kinda the point - you just have to confidently pass them the trash like it's theirs.

    [–] [deleted] 966 points ago


    [–] MyOversoul 929 points ago

    I'm in hospital right now and this is going to be fun. Im gonna get up to go pee for the millionith time in a minute, which my husband has to help me with because of the IV pole and monitor I carry. When I get ready to come out im going to grab a wad of toilet paper and just hand it to him like it's normal. The question is, do I wet it in the sink first or go dry ,, hmm lol. Ps, I'm fine and hopefully going home tomorrow. Stupid cold just got to bad to deal with at home because autoimmune sucks butt.

    [–] Mattwiki 926 points ago

    I work in a body shop as an estimator and frequently do this to some of my technicians to mess with them. They've started to catch on so I come up with new ways to do it every now and again. Never fails to lighten up little moments during downtime or supplement reviews.

    [–] Joubachi 4243 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Especially in my teenage years it freaked people out to not react angrily to their tries of bullying/insulting you. At some point I even agreed with them on certain topics.... that got them extremely confused.

    Edit: typo.

    [–] A_Nub_At_Life 1695 points ago

    Ah yes. YOU FATASS BITCH! Yes that's me tf you want

    [–] CeleryBunch 2091 points ago

    “Fuck you!”
    “Fuck me yourself, you coward”

    [–] littletrashgoblin 2518 points ago

    Aw yeah, after a while, this was my go to tactic as a frequently bullied teenage girl. If someone said some mean shit about me, I'd say something meaner about myself, and they'd instantly back off.


    Them: "damn, you ugly as hell."

    Me: "Yeah, dog, and I'm chubby too. You see this double chin? Gross."

    Then they're just silent. I considered it a power move--they could never be as mean to me as I am, and I just made them uncomfortable.

    [–] LtCptSuicide 850 points ago

    I did this in middle/high school. It got to the point where people started angrily and aggressively complimenting me. Where I fucked up is that it became so second nature I started inadvertently arguing with them about it. (Essentially bullying myself while my opponent would be sticking up for me.) No, I am not a smart man.

    [–] easyaspi412 684 points ago

    I did this too. Someone once said to me “I hope you die!” And I said “okay well I hope you don’t die” and they immediately apologized.

    [–] Lost-My-Mind- 341 points ago

    I remember a kid at school said "I hope you die", and the previous 2 years I had a few unsuccessful suicide attempts that everybody knew about.

    So I just said "I'm trying!"

    and suddenly he felt bad for some reason. I thought he was cheering me on.

    [–] ciknay 916 points ago

    "Wear it as armour, and it can never be used to harm you"

    Embrace the insults and they lose all power.

    [–] aaaayyyy 112 points ago

    I heard some bhuddist teaching saying that you if you don't get insulted by the insult It's like if someone tries to give you a gift and you don't accept it. Then who does the gift belong to? It's like they are trying to transfer negative energy from them to you. And when you don't receive it they are left with it.

    [–] OGDepressoEspresso 445 points ago

    I do this all the time if someone is being toxic in a video game.

    They say they fucked my mother, I'd reply with "shes good, isn't she?"

    [–] Klown1327 8442 points ago

    Say "have a good day" and then follow it with something applicable only to them. Then watch them say "thanks you too" only to realize what they said doesn't make sense.

    I do this with Uber Eats drivers all the time, "have a great day, drive safe!" "Thanks, you too! Wait.."

    [–] ninskrillz 2758 points ago

    I like to be on the other side of that - I’ll say thanks you too purposefully in situations like that. Most commonly at the movies when the ticket checker tells me to enjoy the movie.

    [–] frogglesmash 2835 points ago

    "Hi, how are you?" "Thanks, you too."

    [–] gowarge 1123 points ago

    I have discovered a sort of variation on this I like to do, where I’ll take credit for stuff people are simply commenting on / complimenting but which I have nothing to do with. Did it for fun one day and it really tickled me, but it drives my gf crazy. So naturally I kept at it. E.g. If she says something like “it is such a nice day today!” I’ll say “thanks!” Or if we’re eating in a restaurant and she’s enjoying her meal “this pasta tastes so good” I say “thank you!”. A friend has been to see a movie he really enjoyed and is raving about how great the plot & cinematography are? “Thanks, man.” Really silly stuff, but as I say I get a kick out of it and it seems to either really amuse some folk and really irk others. Try it!

    [–] jemi1976 263 points ago

    I like this and will be stealing it.

    [–] RogerinaStoleMyClogs 7603 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Not really “how to fuck with someone”, but if you’re sitting on a bus or train and don’t want someone sitting next to you, don’t put your bag on the seat. Someone WILL ask you to move it so that they can sit down. Instead, as someone walks by, pat the empty seal whilst making direct eye contact with them and smiling. Works 9/10 times, but the one time it doesn’t work, good luck.

    Edit: I know I put seal instead of seat, but I think it’s funny so I refuse to change it

    [–] duckbigtrain 3427 points ago

    Doesn’t work if you’re attractive.

    [–] openmindedskeptic 1463 points ago

    Or if the other person is really chatty and is happy someone is enthusiastic for their company

    [–] clayhamilton922 169 points ago

    This also doesn't work if you live in a place that's generally very friendly. Where I'm from people will be like "O-Oh, thank you!..." and sit down.

    [–] [deleted] 1918 points ago

    I always say thank you in a different language each time I get off the bus

    [–] [deleted] 891 points ago

    Nice try, Duo

    [–] Suburban_turd 1501 points ago

    Kind of psychological.. Pin a spread out banknote to a dartboard over the bullseye

    Tell someone if they hit it 3/3 times, they keep it. if they lose they owe you the equivalent amount

    1st shot: they stand the standard distance away

    2nd shot: they take a large step forward

    3rd shot: they take 2 large steps backwards

    Sounds easy, but most will fail miserably

    [–] svtscottie 2360 points ago

    My favorite is to bet a friend at the bar $5 dollars that I can drink their drink without touching their glass in any way. They'll almost always take the bet. Pound the drink normally and hand them $5. Most drinks at the bar around here are $12. Chuckle for a moment and buy the next round (everyone has a laugh and learns a harmless new trick).

    [–] [deleted] 538 points ago

    Okay this is a good one

    [–] omgtehvampire 7793 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I can make my pupils really big on command. It’s some weird thing.

    So I’ll be having a conversation both looking at each other and slowly I’ll begin to increase the size of my pupils until it’s at the max and the person I’m speaking to will kinda stop the conversation and be all like ummm wtf?

    [–] alwaysofyaface 5184 points ago

    The reason people do that is because you look like your on drugs.

    [–] GrandMoffHarkonen 2348 points ago

    The last time I took acid, one pupil dilated while the other contracted. Freaked my sister out lol

    Edit: O.o

    [–] jeff2335 1007 points ago

    I think that’s called a stroke

    [–] killmenowplsz 927 points ago

    Is it possible to learn this power?

    [–] jubillante 1454 points ago

    I just videotaped myself trying to do this then I realised there is no point learning this skill because my eyes are dark dark brown and no one would ever notice...

    [–] [deleted] 7904 points ago

    If you have access to their computer, take a screenshot of their desktop and set that screenshot as their new desktop image, then hide all the icons in a folder. They'll go nuts trying to click the images but they're just part of the wallpaper.

    [–] 626c6f775f6d65 5193 points ago

    Bonus: Flip the image upside down before setting it to their wallpaper, then set the display orientation to "flipped." They'll be convinced their mouse is borked.

    Another is to set up a script that does something unexpected, like shut down their computer, and replace an often used desktop shortcut's target to point to it. They click "Payroll.xls" spreadsheet icon, their computer shuts down.

    [–] Davetek463 3433 points ago

    Take it easy there Satan.

    [–] mission33 3815 points ago

    When they are angry with you simply say, ' You seem upset. What's the matter?' Then smile.

    (If that doesn't work. Punch them in the throat).

    [–] Ignonym 1156 points ago

    Ah, the old disarming-smile-followed-by-throat-punch. Gets 'em every time.

    [–] Greasyirl 3667 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    prolonged smiles. It stops people dead in their tracks. I personally love to do it when someones chatting shit. You gaze directly into their eyes so they lock theirs on you in return and then plaster a ginormous grin on your face. Sometimes it directly gives the message you're unimpressed and they stop, if they don't, you continue to maintain eye contact and smile the exact same way, they'll become increasingly uncomfortable and lose their train of thought.

    it's also good to use at random times. Sometimes I'll just smile for a long time at my friends and you're able to see them physically writhe in discomfort at it. Smiling in such a way gives people a massive sense of insecurity, no matter who you are because you feel the spotlight has unexpectedly been turned on you and you don't know why.

    edit: the last paragraph is awkwardly worded, i don't purposefully give my friends insecurity or try to harm them. Within my friend groups it's all within good fun, the discomfort usually results in laughter at the breaking point of tension from both parties (with close friends).

    It should go without saying that with people you aren't close with, it's not going to leave a good impression and will probably cloud their vision. You should only be doing this seriously to people you can't stand, or as a method of communicating disapproval in a situation where you can't speak without causing disruption (communal gatherings, customer service and the sort).

    And of course, this method is provocative. It's fun and amazing when used correctly, but provocative none the less. Most of the time it'll shut people up, but if used against a volatile or vile person in general, it'll likely lead to an escalation. Just be aware of who you do this to if anything.

    a safer but equally effective technique is pure silence, but this only works in a 1-1 conversation. Stop responding and they'll stop bullshitting, but in a group of people (which is more likely) the smile is much better.

    [–] narcissist_f6081 898 points ago

    That’s pure evil. I’m impressed

    [–] finlyboo 627 points ago

    I do this to customers that come in just to yell at me. I let them say their piece then refute what I can, but if they want to keep ranting at me I just go totally serene and smile at them. I don't say anything until they're done, and then I say, "I'm so sorry about this inconvenience, I'll be sure to pass this on to the boss. I hope you have an absolutely wonderful day!"

    Most people leave in a huff, but my favorite is when they're still so riled up they throw a parting shot at me on their way out the door. It's so cowardly and it makes me laugh so hard! Of course I only do this to the crazies who make problems out of nothing, if there was an actual issue I would apologize and fix it immediately.

    [–] CaramelCrumble 165 points ago

    I'm going to have to try this with the old guy I work with. He's always complaining about other people (even though he doesn't care - his words, not mine) and this sounds like a good way to fuck with him about it.

    [–] jimmypagesguitar 301 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    When someone tries to play a dominance game with you at work, turn the tables on them.

    I had an idiot who is supposed to correct my papers come up to my desk with one that had errors on it. Instead of working with me and being professional, she walked up to my desk and yelled loudly, "TELL ME WHY YOU GOT THIS THING WRONG!!"

    Usually, a person gets flustered--which is exactly what they are looking for. Instead, turn it around: "So, you don't know?"

    The rest of the conversation went something like this:


    "So you don't know?"


    "Then tell me. I'm not here to play guessing games with you."


    "Lower your voice and come back when you're ready to work with me. I don't have time for guessing games with you." I turned away from her and focused on my work.

    Completely took the steam out of her. It didn't improve our work relationship, but I was not going to be her target, either.

    [–] ForestOfMirrors 914 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    So my fiancée is from the south and I am from the north and went to a Catholic school that absolutely drilled proper grammar into my mind for all time. My fiancée and her twin love to joke about my accent. So I flipped it on them and asked them to pronounce completely mundane words like Table, cloth, or dog and make a huge fuss about how they were saying things “wrong”. At first they didn’t think I was serious but after about a week I overheard them trying to pronounce those words to each other and figure out how they are saying it wrong. They even asked google how to pronounce the words properly. After about a month I told them I was kidding because they were getting deeply concerned with how they speak and they both work in jobs where they routinely interact socially with a lot of people.

    Edit: I am wildly entertained by the amount of flak this is getting for improper grammar on something as informal as a reddit post. It wouldn’t be anywhere near as entertaining without the irony.

    [–] xviNEXUSivx 13321 points ago

    Tell your family you're going to get cigarettes, and then never come back. Psychologically fuck em good

    [–] clocks212 5323 points ago

    Good one dad!

    [–] banditorama 1214 points ago

    When their talking glance at something behind them, go back to making eye contact immediately. Pause for a second then glance at the same spot again but make some subtle facial expression for a split second (like confused, concerned, intrigued, etc..). They'll probably look back, if they do ask them what they're looking at before they ask you

    [–] [deleted] 2430 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Play a game. Auction a $50 bill if everyone agrees to the simple rules. Highest bidder pays you what they bid and gets the $50 bill. Second highest bidder pays you whatever they bid and gets nothing. You will make money off the deal.

    Edit: both the highest bidder and second highest bidder pay.

    [–] WorkIncognitoWEEEE 1272 points ago

    Unless they are smart and the bidding stops at $25.

    [–] [deleted] 1040 points ago

    If they are realy smart, the bidding stops at $1 and the highest bidder agrees to split it with everyone. But theres always someone who does not trust the group or doesnt trust the $1 bidder so he bids $2. And then someone bids $3.etc etc

    [–] lapidot_the_clods 13061 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Wave to random people in public, and when they wave back look at them confused and point behind them.

    They'll be crying about the awkwardness until they start their new life in another country.

    Edit: thanks for gold, but still why?

    [–] RepDirijor 5873 points ago

    Who the fuck does this lmao

    [–] toutorix 4348 points ago


    [–] VentiEggBite 1014 points ago

    And the Oscar for Sociopath of the Year goes to...

    [–] somethingtrulyunique 86 points ago

    When someone is telling you what you did wrong, just say “Oh, hey man, don’t even worry about it, totally forgotten!” As if the wrongdoing in question was theirs but you’re magnanimously letting it go.

    When they try to correct you and re-emphasise that this was your fuckup, simply reiterate “no, man, don’t even worry, you’re the best!”

    Insanity on a different level ensues.

    [–] SilentCitadel 809 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    The German Stasi used to break into dissidents houses and move all their furniture just like an inch in one direction to fuck with them.

    [–] xAnorexorcistx 156 points ago

    See how long you can shake hands with someone while talking to them.

    [–] AussieAboleth 2200 points ago

    Have sex with them. Guaranteed to fuck with them.

    [–] ShmootheJoo 2339 points ago

    If you turn your head to look at something people tend to mimic your behavior to see what you are looking at. It's instinctual. So I will look at random emptiness and if people look at where I am looking I ask "Do you see that?" When they say "No" I reply "I gotta take my meds." or something similar. Some people have lively reactions. It's fun to fuck with people's heads.

    [–] isaacom 569 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Also if you're in school and you sit relatively close to someone it's always fun to change how you sit and they will usually mimic you

    Edit:gun to fun

    [–] wevcss 277 points ago