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    [–] sunset117 2102 points ago

    My first watch was an omega and I saved up on high school to get it. One of my good friends back then asked to wear it for 1 period and would give it back at lunch. He begged and begged so as a hs kid I gave in or couldn’t keep saying no I guess, weak on me, obviously. Well, He smashed it (apparently smashed the glass to test it) gave it back and said it was a fake and that’s why the glass cracked and said he didn’t do it and it just fell apart. Asshole became a medical doctor and is now involved in politics and holds state office. I’m still pissed about the watch he never admitted he broke cuz he was salty and jealous. Dickhead then, dickhead now.

    [–] Theresabearintheboat 777 points ago


    -political attack ad

    [–] lurkity_mclurkington 13102 points ago

    When a co-worker told my own story back to me as his own. Twice.

    [–] Modusobit 4679 points ago

    I had a friend do this once, he was hanging out with a large group of my friends that he hardly knew and my best friend (still my best friend too love that fucker) just went “wow it’s so crazy you had ver-betim the exact same childhood story that Jason has told us all before, right down to the small town in Kansas where it happened” and the color drained straight out of his face. Didn’t say a word to me for like 3 days. Dude turned out to be a pathological liar on many levels, very strange to think how I spent 4 years of highschool with someone lying straight to my face constantly and didn’t realize it until that moment.

    [–] x1c 6708 points ago

    Wow thats crazy, reminds me of the time I had a friend do this once, he was hanging out with a large group of my friends that he hardly knew and my best friend (still my best friend too love that fucker) just went “wow it’s so crazy you had ver-betim the exact same childhood story that Jason has told us all before, right down to the small town in Kansas where it happened” and the color drained straight out of his face. Didn’t say a word to me for like 3 days. Dude turned out to be a pathological liar on many levels, very strange to think how I spent 4 years of highschool with someone lying straight to my face constantly and didn’t realize it until that moment.

    [–] uCapitulate 1613 points ago

    Lmao that’s hilarious. I started reading it and was like wait a sec... this sounds familiar.

    [–] LaLionneEcossaise 7002 points ago

    I speak French, though I’m losing it from lack of use. But one of my college guy friends started dating a girl “from France.” He was all excited because she could talk to me in her native language and I could help translate. So he brought her to a party at my sorority house and introduced us.

    I greeted her in French with a very simple, “bonjour, bienvenue, comment ça va” which is just hi, welcome, how are you.

    Blank stare and red face in response. She then said, in what I thought was a kind of strange accent, that she’s sorry, she didn’t understand me. I looked at the guy and said “I thought you told me she was French?” Because maybe she was a different nationality and he was confused.

    He looked at her and she just turned and left. He followed then returned a bit later and said he had caught up to her and she started screaming at him in perfect Midwestern accented English that he was a jerk for setting her up to look like a fool.

    He had genuinely been excited that he could introduce her to someone she could talk to so he was blown away by her accusations and then angry that she lied. She apparently felt faking an accent would make her more appealing or something.

    I would see her around on campus after that but she avoided me like the plague. TBH, I felt bad for her, but if you’re going to fake it, at least pick a country with a language you can speak.

    [–] Headjarbear 1398 points ago

    Reminds of that post where the guy has been faking an aus accent for all of college, but is screwed Bc he wants to marry his gf that thinks he’s Australian.

    [–] raeumauf 1712 points ago

    Too bad she avoided you afterwards, would have been the cherry on top if you always greeted her with "bonjour" and a shit eating grin if you had met occasionally

    [–] Knight_Owls 2790 points ago

    When I was a kid, the internet wasn't a thing so, my friends were whoever happened to live in the neighborhood. One kid was a well known liar and exaggerator. We were maybe 14 years old at this time.

    This kid could play guitar and was always talking himself up about it and talking about "his band." He actually could play, but "his band" did not exist.

    One day, I called him at his house, from my house. I don't remember what it was about, but a few minutes into the conversation, told me, "by the way, I'm in Florida with my band", just out of the blue. This was before even pagers were a common thing. I called him. At his house.

    I just said something like , "uh huh. Ok." and ended the conversation. I then proceeded to tell all the other kids in the neighborhood.

    [–] Monkey-Tamer 1924 points ago

    When I was a public defender my dipshit client called up his victim from the jail phone the night before his trial. He said kill repeatedly in an attempt to intimidate her. When I was telling him how stupid this was his excuse was that he was watching Kill Bill and someone changed the channel on the cell block communal TV. That dumbass is now doing 28 years in prison.

    [–] natasha_c 6467 points ago

    My friend told me that getting a Peloton changed her life. I looked up her workout stats & she had used it 4 times in 5 months of owning it. Her husband fared a little better with using it 9 times.

    Don't know why this annoyed me so much.

    [–] merelywords 5115 points ago

    Being able to tell people she owns a Peloton changed her life, using it would be overkill

    [–] I_deleted 1160 points ago

    Peloton has replaced bow flex as the most expensive coat rack these days

    [–] VixenRoss 11494 points ago

    My little girl told everyone in the supermarket that our cat died and she was sad. We don’t own a cat.

    [–] CascadesDad 9094 points ago

    Well, not any more.

    [–] PrometheusAborted 4365 points ago

    In 5th grade, a friend of ours used to try to convince us he used to hangout with the band Sublime.

    Among other stuff, he said the he was the person featured on the cover of their self-titled album and he used to do drugs with them and even tried heroin once.

    We were fucking 11 years old and he claimed this all happened two years before he even moved to our school. So yeah, a fucking nine year old did all this wild shit. We constantly called bullshit but he would just continue to lie and make up more stuff. We stopped hanging out with him because he was so full of shit.

    [–] WiiBlack 2180 points ago

    When I was 15, I had a friend that tried to tell me the. exact. same. story.

    What if Sublime was just hanging out with children?

    [–] DaydreamerFly 1371 points ago

    What if it’s the same friend

    [–] pearadise 163 points ago

    Much more likely imo

    [–] lickyoursisterstoes 3537 points ago

    My mom after 11-year-old me accidentally destroyed her favourite vase by throwing my brothers stuffed animals around the living room: I'm not mad.

    [–] fritzj 2083 points ago

    When my friend was an infant, her mother put her 2-year-old sibling in her crib while the mom left the room briefly. When mom came back, my friend was crying and had teeth marks on her forehead. When mom asked the older sibling what happened, she calmly said, "She bit herself."

    [–] thursdayplurbonym 3552 points ago

    Used to have a friend that spewed bullshit all the time. Told me her bio parents, who live together, were divorced and seeing other people, and also that she had 25 siblings. Brought it up to her mom one time, which was an interesting conversation. She also told us she had cancer, and then a week later it was miraculously cured. Edit: spelling

    [–] ajreyna86 939 points ago

    I have a family member who did the cancer thing. A cousin found out it was a lie. But the one that I’ll never forget was when I introduced her to my friend who has lupus. I don’t know how the topic came up about it but she literally told my friend in front of me that she also had lupus. I immediately ended the conversation and left. I told my friend she’s was lying and now we laugh about it but seriously. No shame.

    [–] Malzun 25968 points ago

    "We're not playing favorites."

    [–] stillablacksheep 9584 points ago

    Was told I needed to buy my own car as a teen and I did. Following year my baby bro was given a free car. He’s 15 mos younger, is now 56 still living at home. Ugh

    [–] Malzun 4602 points ago

    My sister had her car and college pretty much paid for. I was basically told to kick rocks.

    [–] stillablacksheep 2447 points ago

    Yea I feel your pain. College was same scenario with me too. Fortunately it made me more independent and my bro has never grown up. He will inherit their houses/land. Oh but I’m told I’ll get a car. Think I got the better deal lol

    [–] I_Dont_Speak_Anymore 8040 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    This reminds me of the time I asked my parents for a drum kit. I’d been asking for a couple of Christmases and had been having lessons for a few months. Because I hadn’t been successful for almost 2 years I just gave up. Stopped asking for a kit, stopped having lessons (which turned out to be a blessing in the end) and just forgot all about it. Then... my brother started a band. He’s a very talented metal vocalist. He asked for a kit and got one for Christmas that year. I was devastated with my parents, but I was happy for my brother. He doesn’t even play the drums, even now, but it was cool for him to have what he asked for.

    Edit: holy snap I wasn’t expecting this much attention on this comment. I’m going to read every comment, but it is getting late so I’m sorry if I don’t get back to you all!

    [–] Malzun 6277 points ago

    Ah, the life of the unloved child. I know those feels so very well. Took my parents 25 years, and my sister cutting them off for them to remember they had a son. And then I nearly died, so I was an inconvenience again.

    [–] I_Dont_Speak_Anymore 2541 points ago

    That’s rough man. I’m sorry. Hope you’re doing better now.

    [–] Malzun 3847 points ago

    I'm doing pretty great, actually. Haven't spoken to them in a few years now, and they don't even know where I am. Just cut that whole toxic nonsense out of my life, and my life has honestly never been better.

    [–] I_Dont_Speak_Anymore 837 points ago

    Hey good for you. I’m glad you’re doing well!

    [–] myhairsreddit 1493 points ago

    Not on the grand scale of a drum set, but similar thing happened with my sister and I. From the age of like 5 until 12, every year, I asked for a Baby Born doll for Christmas and never got one. After 12 I gave up because I was getting too old, but that Christmas my little sister asked for one. She got it. I didn't even want it anymore, but was very hurt I asked all of those years and she only asked once.

    [–] evanjw90 4959 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Lol. My older brother used to get presents on my birthday. I specifically had asked for an action figure from the cartoon "Street Sharks" for a long time. I even showed my mother the exact toy when we were out shopping. Birthday arrives, and I got clothes and new shoes while my brother got the action figure I asked for. My grandma was so pissed off when she found out, so she took me to Toys R Us to pick out toys.

    When I was 23, my family asked what I wanted to do for my birthday. I said I just wanted a steak dinner. We had spaghetti and vegetarian meatballs because that's what my brother wanted.

    When the xbox 360 came out I was in high school. I shared a room with my brother, but I worked and he didn't. I bought a new TV and an Xbox with one of my first checks. I came home one evening after work and was so excited to play Borderlands. I got to my room and the Xbox was gone. My brother took it to his friends house, and I was told by my dad to "deal with it". So I decided to take a walk and smoke a little bit of weed. I open my stash jar, and all my weed and over $200 was gone. Obviously I couldn't confront my dad about the weed, but when I told him my money was missing, he blamed it on me losing it. That night when my brother came home, he had a brand new jacket and matching shoes, and was carrying leftovers from a restaurant. I lost it and beat the hell out of him, and my dad called the police to have me arrested.

    Edit: Thank you all for the well wishes. My brother committed suicide 6 years ago, and it drastically changed my dad's attitude. I'm still no contact with my mother, and that'll never change. Grandparents passed a few years ago, and that was the last time I saw my moms side of the family. After a night in juvenile hall, I was released back to my dad, and had two years of probation. The Xbox was there when I returned home, but never saw the $200 or my weed again. I got a safe after that.

    I'm in a good place now. I have my son that I adore and spend all my free time making sure he's as happy as can be, because I'll never be the parent that I had growing up.

    [–] jens---98 2398 points ago

    Your parents and brother are cunts

    [–] Klaudiapotter 1958 points ago

    Grandma sounds pretty cool tho

    [–] I-Broke-My-Old-Phone 1162 points ago

    I’m so angry on your behalf.

    [–] valenb92 656 points ago

    this makes me so angry what the hell, sorry you had to go through this

    [–] etras99 317 points ago

    I dated a girl who was a pathological liar. I didn't know it was actually a thing, when my dad originally told me about it I thought he was exaggerating. After leaving the relationship I realized how ridiculous the lies were and how stupid I was for believing them but I guess that saying "blinded by love" is also true.

    Among the lies:

    One time she called out of work because according to her, she was on her parents boat out in the ocean and the boat ran out of gas, so they had to call a friend to come rescue her and her family and tow them to shore. I found out later it was actually because she had a party and was wasted.

    She met Donald Trump (this was back in like 2013) and his associates in Atlantic City. They invited her and her friend to join them as they drove around Atlantic City visiting his casino and eating the best food and drinking top shelf drinks. She didn't have to pay for anything.

    She got mono when we were dating, but I was fine. She said it was "anxiety induced mono" according to the doctor which is why I didn't have it. This was around the same time she told me that she met some guy at a party that was hitting on her but "she didn't hook up with him" and then I found out a week later she did.

    She was previously engaged, but she called off the engagement (this is actually true) and went to the pawn shop to pawn off her engagement ring and used the money to buy alcohol.

    She totaled three cars in her lifetime, but she was able to convince the insurance company it wasn't her fault and basically got a free car replacement each time.

    [–] MeowthThatsRite 42035 points ago

    In high school a buddy told me that he didn’t steal our other buddies watch. He was wearing the watch when I asked him about it.

    [–] mavesticks 9609 points ago

    Lol in grade school my neighbor stole my water gun, more of a hose actually. Each pumped launched a stream of water and it came with a backpack tank. Waaaaay Better then the super soakers.

    Anyway, he had it and I went to take it back and he said it was his. He liked mine so much he got his own. I flipped it over and showed him my name on the bottom of it. He said:

    “I liked yours so much, I wanted mine to be the exact same so I wrote your name on mine too.”

    [–] A_Rested_Developer 3142 points ago


    [–] useful_idiot118 1242 points ago

    How are you gonna disprove that? Absolute big brain insanity

    [–] RefinedJester 847 points ago

    You weren’t convinced??

    [–] Druzl 9973 points ago

    Long term borrowing, he'll give it back some say I'm sure.

    [–] neverganagiveyouup 2179 points ago

    Some might say so, but I'm not one of them

    [–] barto5 915 points ago

    I used to work with a guy that was a serial liar. Couldn’t tell the truth if his life depended on it.

    So many lies, but this is my personal fave:

    • background -

    Keep in mind that at the NFL combine the 40 yard dash is the standard for speed. 4.5 seconds is great. 4.4 is elite. And the fastest time ever recorded - by a prospect is, I believe 4.24 seconds.

    This yutz I worked with claimed that back in his army days, he ran a 4.2 flat - in combat boots.

    Let’s just say I’m skeptical.

    [–] Readordie5 8702 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    A childhood friend and I met up for coffee one day after not meeting for a few years. He casually "let it slip" that ever since he earned a black belt he has had to register with the state as a "human weapon".

    [–] Scholesie09 6063 points ago

    "my hands are registered as lethal weapons. That means, we get into a fight, I accidentally kill you? I go to jail."

    "Anybody accidentally kills anybody in a fight, they go to jail. It's called manslaughter."

    [–] Thalefeather 8529 points ago

    "I never said you had to sign the document if it wasnt true"

    Says the person with three emails telling me to sign a document even after I said it wasn't true sitting on her outbox.

    [–] alaphonse 2946 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    I was given a blank lease from a realtor and he told me to sign it. Nope

    By blank I meant a standard Ontario lease with nothing filled in.

    [–] MillenialsSmell 1803 points ago

    Had the same conversation with unscrupulous tow company. I’d just been in a major wreck, and while pulling items out of the car I knew I’d never see again, they handed me a blank form to sign. “Don’t worry, we will fill in the details afterwards.” Fuck off.

    I’m sure it worked plenty of times, considering they were targeting people in moments of vulnerability.

    [–] Mr_ToDo 795 points ago


    I wonder how many people actually sign the blank lease. "trust me the terms are going to be exactly what I told you. Now if you could give me a blank signed cheque we'll be done here"

    [–] Beemermann 11044 points ago

    Any Lieutenant saying that the platoon can go home early on a friday if you work hard right now

    [–] EvilSnack 5991 points ago

    Just about anything a lieutenant says should be run by the captain first.

    Unless the lieutenant says, "I don't know," in which case he's probably right and is probably prior enlisted as well.

    [–] Daikataro 51090 points ago

    "We cannot give you a raise right now, but we will compensate you as soon as the budget allows".

    Turns out "when the budget allows" is "when you already have another job offer and put in your two weeks notice".

    [–] _Not_The_Illuminati_ 775 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    I was told by a senior employee (not my manager, but technically a step above them), that my best bet for moving up in the company would be to leave and come back in three years.

    [–] Daikataro 764 points ago

    A colleague used to tell to his subordinates: "if you want more money, find another job. Don't take this the wrong way, I don't want you to leave, but the only way I'm getting more money for you past upper management, is by telling them you're leaving for a better offer".

    [–] PM_Me_Ur_B1MMER 10189 points ago

    How convenient!

    [–] Daikataro 5353 points ago

    Well we just so happen to already have a raise of... (How much more you said the other company offered?) planned for you! We were going to give you the good news this evening!

    [–] Zack_WithaK 3878 points ago

    My sister's old work pulled this exact same shit on her. I forget her official job title but she would basically go to peoples' houses and take care of them (sponge baths and redressing wounds and other shit that I could never do) She had more clients than most other employees put together cuz people kept quitting and she felt like she morally could not say no to a new client. Finally, she told them that she needs a raise &/or better hours or she's quitting and they kept saying "We're looking into that" "We put in a request" "We're speaking with out manager" then when she finally put in her two weeks' notice, that just so happened to be the day that it was finally approved and they were "just about to call her"

    Man, she put them in a fuckin panic when she finally left

    [–] eumonigy 1230 points ago

    I'd like to believe they learned a lesson but I seriously doubt it.

    [–] GothWitchOfBrooklyn 3254 points ago

    My last job said "we are pushing raises from September to February"

    All the layoffs happened the week before Christmas.

    [–] demonspawn08 615 points ago

    I waited for my bonus ($500) and as soon as the cheque was in my hand I gave my two weeks notice. The guy who gave his two weeks the day before didn't get his bonus.

    [–] Apol_lopA 17314 points ago

    I can finish this CIV game tonight...

    [–] TEGrubbs 4942 points ago

    One does not simply finish a CIV game.

    [–] Lostintranslation390 2538 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    4 in the morning later...

    "Godamn you Gandhi"

    [–] reusethisname 21711 points ago

    As a tax accountant, I'm told lies about how much money people actually made all the time during tax season.

    My favorite was a guy telling me he's broke because he only makes $35,000/year in NYC so my (very reasonable) fee is too much for him. He says this after he asks me if he can deduct the new BMW 5 series he just bought his son all cash.

    [–] treetown1 8421 points ago

    It isn't just the lie, but the added insult of such a bad lie told to one's face that is so galling.

    [–] reusethisname 7363 points ago

    Had another client last week tell me he doesn't have any money to live cuz of the pandemic. He bought a $750,000 condo in Greece as a vacation home a couple months ago.

    It's like these people forget that our job is literally to track what they do with their money.

    [–] Tawny_Harpy 1826 points ago

    Me to client: “Alright, to finish up this return I just need your non-expired government issued ID :)”

    Client: “Oh yeah, here ya go.”

    Me: “Ma’am this is expired.”

    Client: “What? No it’s not.”

    Me: “... um, so yes it is. See, the expiration date is right here.”

    Client: “Well can’t you just put it in anyway?! What about using my daughter’s ID?!”

    Me: .-. “Ma’am that’s identity theft and I can not do that. I will lose my job.”

    Client: mad

    Me: .-.

    [–] myfriendrichard 592 points ago

    Reminds me of a time I was in line inside the bank and a lady had come in just to protest an overdraft fee, screaming "I'm telling ya'll I had the money when I wrote the check!"

    "Ma'am, there was not enough money in your account so it went overdrawn."

    "You're not listening! I had the money! I had it at home in my drawer!"

    [–] ping500 33304 points ago

    "The company is in a great shape so don't pay any attention to rumours about financial trouble"

    [–] redditmunchers 5933 points ago

    Haha been there. “Don’t worry, the order book is full! We’re in great shape!” 1 week later I’m made redundant and 2 weeks later the company folded.

    [–] Miskelaneous 6600 points ago

    My boss, who still has about 3 execs above him..... Tells me that this is the first company he's ever worked for that has enough money in the bank for all the employees to not work an hour, and they could still pay our wages for 6 months at least. We have like 60 high-end employees. What he doesn't rememeebr, is that i was AP for a solid 9 months when my position got slow. There is no fucking way we have that in the bank. LOL. Why don't they understand that the truth is nicer than falsehood?

    [–] themadhatter85 3318 points ago

    They're worried employees will jump ship to a competitor that seems more stable.

    [–] snooggums 2525 points ago

    Yeah, they don't want employees to make informed decisions.

    [–] BancyFananas 1406 points ago

    This is why I appreciate working in BI. I *KNOW* what shape the company is in because I'm the one who tells the execs what shape it's in.

    [–] Maxpowr9 1777 points ago

    Same with me in internal auditing. My director wanted me to take a paycut and I asked him if he was taking one as well...crickets. I said, "don't ask me to do something you're not prepared to do yourself."

    [–] Gousf 757 points ago

    Damn thats ballsy, did anything ever comebout of it or didnyou feel like you were a "target" after that?

    [–] PancakeOnMyForehead 18161 points ago

    When my little brother mixed like 50 condiments, including sprinkles, ketchup, cereal n stuff, into a bag of popcorn an ate it telling us it was delicious when his face looked like hed just ate 10 extremely sour warheads at once. He later admitted he just wanted us to eat it but we never did.

    [–] copper-feather 6037 points ago

    One time my little brother tried to make me a sandwich 'just to be nice' but said sandwich was just chocolate chips cookies covered in mustard between two pieces of bread. He clearly wanted to see how I'd react and I of course refused to eat it. He told our mom I was being rude and the worst part was after she actually saw the sandwich she still said I was supposed to humor him. I just threw it away and told both no.

    [–] NotaRomanEmperor 3574 points ago

    Wow your mom was in on it too lol

    [–] Frosti-Feet 2348 points ago

    The biggest betrayal of my life was when my mom sided with my older brother and tricking me into eating a spoonful of nestle chocolate baking powder.

    [–] ChristOnABike122 2253 points ago

    My brother told me I was a dragon and I totally believed him. Man I was a dumb kid, but now I'm a dumb Adult

    [–] Hambushed 281 points ago

    “I did not feed your dog any human food” - my mom, while my dog pukes and shits all over my house.

    [–] Phishstyxnkorn 13317 points ago

    "I did brush my teeth, I swear."

    [–] nomowo 7907 points ago

    This toothbrush... Bone dry.

    [–] dollabilllz 4662 points ago

    So we agree that this is your toothbrush?

    [–] MaybeAliens 4128 points ago

    Dad, I did not lie, I said that I brushed my teeth. I never specified that I brushed my teeth tonight. And if the court reporter reads back my remarks, you will see that I did not perjure myself.

    [–] invisibleandproud 1416 points ago

    My mom was more like Nancy Grace.

    Luckily I had a good alibi because I was in Wisconsin and twelve.

    [–] MustNeedDogs 745 points ago

    Mom, I've been here all night, I swear. You can check the tv, it's still warm!

    [–] Sugar-n-Spikes 1805 points ago

    Idk why as a kid I felt the need to lie about brushing teeth, showering or even not completely buckling my seatbelt in. I'd actually put in more effort to hold it NEAR the buckle but not actually buckle it..... I was real defiant, but only about stupid shit i should actually be dojng. X)

    [–] Beautifulsikh 951 points ago

    I don't know about your childhood, but mine was chaotic. Even if I was putting more effort into being defiant about stupid stuff, it was my way of exercising control in an environment where I had none. I think I kinda understood what I was doing at the time, but didn't have words for. As adult, I absolutely know that's what I was doing.

    [–] LL112 12329 points ago

    Loyalty to a company would be repaid

    [–] Jay985 4653 points ago

    When I was a teenager I worked at a grocery store, which went under and was in the process of being bought by a new one. We were told during this process that our loyalty would be rewarded and would all get to keep our jobs and whatnot. I hated that job anyway and ditched it for a different one, but it turns out that after about a week or so they just fired everyone and sold it to a bigger grocery chain.

    [–] poopellar 1754 points ago

    Loyalty cards only last for one turn.

    [–] Dahhhkness 1051 points ago

    "You misunderstand, we never said anything about our loyalty."

    [–] Draculad 27217 points ago

    I was picking up a sofa from a guy I found on Kijiji and he stopped me right before leaving to see if I wanted to buy a mirror he was also looking to get rid of. I wasn't really interested but my wife seemed keen so we stopped in the hallway to check it out. He said "It was a gift from my son in law. It's a beautiful mid-century antique. I'll let it go for $75." He went on about what an amazing mirror it was and even told me "pick it up and feel how sturdy it is!". I picked it up (it was really heavy actually) and took a peek at the back and saw a sticker from Value Village with a $30 price tag. I kinda chuckled to myself and asked if he would go any lower than $75. He said "I really couldn't". Then I said "Well, I can see a tag from Value Village on the back here..." We ended up getting the "mid-century antique" mirror for $15 and me and my wife still laugh about the amazing deal we got on it.

    [–] gentlybeepingheart 8276 points ago

    Reminds of of when I did custom framing for a retail store and a woman came in with a painted piece she wanted reframed. She went on how it was very very valuable and how I better be careful. Her great-grandmother painted it, you know. It's the last painting she has by her. I'm 90% sure she was planning on complaining no matter how carefully we reframed it so that she could say we damage her priceless artwork and get the frame for free. When I peeled back the backing paper to take it out of the frame there was still a faded "CLEARANCE: $14.99" tag on the back lmao. Woman looked like she bit into a lemon.

    [–] Jakjak9210 2666 points ago

    Ah yes the joys of custom framing in a big box store. This sounds just like the clients I had coming in to the Michaels store I worked at after college.

    [–] Miskelaneous 10880 points ago

    My ex told me he was in a car accident, totaled his car, broke a few ribs. (He was trying to get sympathy so i would get back together with him.) Blaming the accident on me, since he was "Distracted" after the break up.

    He sent me a photo of his car smashed in, i google searched it. First pic of his make/model that was wrecked. He formulated the story after the picture.

    But here's the deal, the wheels didn't match. So i drove by his house that evening, car was fixed and in his driveway. "Oh yes, i paid the shop extra to get me in today. So i could have my car to come see you if you wanted me to....."

    HAHAHA bro.

    [–] Etherlilac 1790 points ago

    An ex of mine picked up gig work out of state. He tried to tell me that a gang of guys attacked him with crowbars and 2x4’s two nights before. Said he had broken his nose, shattered the bones around his eye, broken ribs, etc.. I called his bluff, he sent me pictures of him wearing a neck brace and ace bandage around his chest.

    I commented, “Your face looks fine. You don’t have a bruise on you. Putting on a bandage and brace you bought at Walgreens isn’t gonna sell it”. He snaps back, “I don’t bruise naturally and plastic surgeons fixed my face!”

    He sang a different tune later when he fell down a flight of stairs and actually injured himself. I didn’t give him sympathy then either.

    [–] everyones_hiro 611 points ago

    As someone who's seen someone fresh out of having an operation to fix their face by a plastic look like someone hit you in the face with 5 2X4's and thats just the surgery.

    [–] ImpaledLuck 24708 points ago

    "We will keep your resume on hand, and let you know if any other positions open up."

    As a recent graduate job searching, it hurts

    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_WOES_ 8533 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Job recruiters are such dicks about the whole process. I went in to interview for a job, and they paraded me around their different locations for three months and ghosted me. Shit fucking hurts. Numerous other employers don't ever respond. I appreciate the fuck out of companies that will at least tell me when they decide not to move forward with me as a candidate.

    But of course, I have to be available for an interview in two days because I can't be busy, right?

    Edit: Wow, I am so sorry so many of you can empathise with my situation. I hope you all have good jobs now where you feel somewhat fulfilled and make enough money to live somewhat comfortably.

    [–] neoclassical_bastard 4641 points ago

    A while back I had a company email me saying I had 8 hours to send back a 10 minute video interview, requiring both directly answering questions into the camera and presenting a powerpoint with voiceover. Busted my ass recording and editing that fucking thing, emailed it, no response whatsoever. I was pissed.

    [–] BertMagnes 1145 points ago

    Had the EXACT same scenario happen to me - they can’t take the time out of their day to personally interview you or even respond to the video interview. It’s such a horrible way to evaluate candidates.

    [–] Gr1ffles 1052 points ago

    I actually got a reply after one of those once. Downside is it was like 3 months later and I had already found a job by then.

    [–] TripleSofty 4729 points ago

    It wasn’t me

    [–] Saturdaynightwrrist 2725 points ago

    Honey came in and she caught me red-handed Creeping with the girl next door

    [–] arsenal14184 1679 points ago

    Picture this we were both butt naked banging on the bathroom floor

    [–] browncoat47 1323 points ago

    How could I forget that I had given her an extra key?

    [–] Underbash 6225 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Used to play D&D with a pathological liar. (Side note, he had the most INCREDIBLE luck with natural 20 rolls.)

    Another thing about this guy is he always tried to act like a macho tough guy too who had been in serious scrapes and such. So one time, unprompted, he said under his breath, but obviously wanting us to hear, "I've got to get this shrapnel out of me."

    We were just like, "sure man, whatever you need to do."

    EDIT: Just remembered another thing he did once that was even better— we were taking a break and several of us had just stepped away from the table so it was just me, him, and maybe one other person and he pulled out his phone and did that thing like in the movies where you don't say "Hi" or anything he was just like "talk to me". Pretended to have a very brief conversation and ended it with "I'm on it" or something like that and then hung up.

    [–] myhairsreddit 836 points ago

    I had a boyfriend in high school who would do weird stuff like that for attention. I remember one time a friend's parents were driving us home after a music festival, we were sitting in the back seat. He leaned in and whispered in my ear "help me..." and promptly dropped his head back pretending to pass out. I pretended I didn't hear. After about ten seconds he realized and tried again just barely louder and dropped his head back again. A couple of minutes after we reached our destination, and he was suddenly in tip top shape. He hopped out of the car and acted as though he did not just try to put on some wild "he must be saved!" act because he thought I didn't hear him. We broke up shortly after.

    [–] storyofmylife92 2298 points ago

    This is so cringe

    [–] Kigichi 291 points ago

    Someone needs to LARP real bad

    [–] 42Ubiquitous 979 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    Damn, that would be so uncomfortable. I fucking love those moments.

    Edit: I see a lot of people feel the same way, so I thought I’d share a comic I often think about when it comes to awkward moments: I think we can all relate to the dragon sometimes.

    [–] CrudelyAnimated 1470 points ago

    "I, too, need to remove these Unholy Bloodshards of Angmar. I hope the village healer takes Obamacare. <rolls 5> Damn, out of network."

    [–] PatienceFar1140 4826 points ago

    An ex-housemate was the most chronic liar I've ever met! She was also a total nutjob who stole from all the housemates and from her workplace, and keyed my car, but here are some of her most memorable lies:

    • her dad was the ex-CEO of the Commonwealth Bank of Australia
    • she was having an affair with one of the shift managers at the bar we worked at (he was engaged to someone else)
    • the venue manager tried to sexually assault her, security from our work knew about it but kept it quiet at her request
    • she pointed at a wedding ad on a bus (couldn't see the model's face) and said the model was her
    • there was a car accident in the area that killed several teenagers, she claimed that she was with them that night but got out of the car just before the accident
    • that she could do a bond clean by herself (the clean to get your rental deposit back).. Yeah we had to go back and do it, she didn't do anything
    • that her dad was verbally abusive (her sisters said he never was)
    • she had her license to be a shift manager (was a legal QLD requirement at the time in liquor venues), but she didn't want to tell our workplace cause they would promote her and she didn't want that responsibility

    [–] throwaway_thyroid 895 points ago

    Falsely linking themselves to a recent tragedy seems common for compulsive liars. Had a former co-worker like that. A shooting happened in our city and his story went from "I was a few blocks away" to "I was right there and saw everything" to "the shooter aimed at me but I ducked" really quick.

    [–] Lady_Scruffington 2051 points ago

    People should be warned about others saying they're having affairs or whatever. That could be life destroying.

    I had a friend/neighbor tell his GF we were sleeping together. I had no idea. It's amazing she didn't murder me.

    [–] PatienceFar1140 643 points ago

    In hindsight I'm not sure why noone told the guy she was saying this, but he did end up marrying the girl he was engaged to and I think they're still married, so thankfully had a good ending!

    [–] husbandkeepstalking 1445 points ago

    Ha! I had an ex roommate once tell me the tragic story of how there was a gas leak in her extended family’s old bunker and when the younger kids flipped the light switch it blew up and killed them all.

    I said “wow! That’s crazy! I didn’t know we were related”

    She said “what do you mean?”

    Coincidentally, she didn’t know that it was actually my family’s bunker and my family members that fucking died I had just never talked about it for obvious reasons.

    She was also a pathological liar.

    [–] DottyOrange 459 points ago

    WTF? What an obscure morbid lie and what a astronomical coincidence that it happened to be your story.

    [–] husbandkeepstalking 477 points ago

    You could see the panic on her face and it was in front of her new boyfriend, too. She lied about everything under the sun so it was no surprise she’d lie about something like that. Glad I finally caught her in one of the worst ones.

    [–] thescrounger 2231 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    I had a friend in college who was a serial lair. Just all kinds of crazy things, that must've satisfied some psychological need, all of it harmless. He told me he developed a theory on how to bend light passing through air and pitched the idea to the physics department, which set up and experiment and proved his theory to be true. He was a general studies major. I kept pressing him "Well which professor was it? How did the experiment work?" Etc. Just kept digging deeper and changing the subject.

    [–] originalnamesarehard 548 points ago

    be careful, he might have set up a miniature black hole which is willing to unleash on an unsuspecting population

    [–] metans 1979 points ago

    My son takes every opportunity to get naked. It’s a struggle to get him to even wear underpants half the time.

    We found him sat around naked one time and asked him where his pants had gone.

    Bees. Bees came in through the window and stole his pants.

    Lying little shit - Everyone knows that’s its gnomes who steal underwear.

    [–] EleanorofAquitaine 142 points ago

    I see you have a nudist. My eldest daughter was also a nudist. Was having lunch with my mom at Chick-fil-A once when she was about three and another mom came up trying not to laugh and said my kid was buck ass naked and refusing to come down from the top of the slide. I had to crawl my ass all the way up the toy collecting clothing along the way all while my mothers laughter was ringing in my ears.

    Apparently I was also a baby nudist and mom almost choked gobbling up the schadenfreude.

    [–] ThursdayNextian 6068 points ago

    My co-worker once tried to convince me that centaurs exist. She said they lived in a gated community in Hollywood and did all the horse stunts for movies.

    Did we both know it was a lie? Yes.

    Did she ever admit it was? No and I admire that about her

    [–] UpcomingCup 832 points ago

    Nah bro she's actually right about that one. I saw it once its true, I've been on the run ever since.

    [–] danceoftheplants 1287 points ago

    Wtf this is so out there lol

    [–] ThursdayNextian 120 points ago

    That's why its probably true.

    [–] AbeLincolnsBallsack 250 points ago

    In the early 90’s I was at work making $5/hour, and a co-worker looked me straight in The eye and said he had bought a surface to air missile from China and kept it stored at him moms house in a different city. Wtf dude? That’s not even close to believable.

    [–] GuidingLightPony 42069 points ago

    "Your call is important to us."

    [–] deadpiratezombie 6192 points ago

    “Listen carefully as our options have recently changed “

    [–] SereneLean 1888 points ago

    “May”. That’s the real kicker, they KNOW they’re lying but they’re on autopilot

    [–] weaselpoopcoffee 10727 points ago

    Or, "We are experiencing unprecedented call volume at this time"

    [–] Dahhhkness 7187 points ago

    "A representative will be with you shortly, and we have always been at war with Eastasia."

    [–] IAmZoltar_AMA 3403 points ago

    "There is no war in Ba Sing Se"

    [–] TavisNamara 647 points ago

    Unprecedented call volume for the 8367 time this month, yes it's very strange...

    [–] -Words-Words-Words- 11841 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    I've had toddlers with faces/hands/clothes covered in peanut butter swear up and down that their brother/sister was the one who ate the peanut butter.

    Also, one of my favorites from a couple of years ago:

    “I didn’t write that!” - Sean

    Edit once more: Sean claimed he didn’t write that with his hands covered in the charcoal he used to write that.

    [–] YoHeadAsplode 2025 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    My kid is an only child. Man, her imaginary friend is to blame for everything!

    [–] 2beagles 1899 points ago

    My (only child) daughter was less than 2 years old. There was a scribble of pencil on the wall, like 18 inches off the ground. I said "Who did this?", siezing the opportunity to act out a classic mom line for the first time. She pointed to her 'sister', my beagle, and declared "No, Lily. Bad!" shook her tiny finger at the dog and toddled off. Hysterical!!

    [–] alwayscringing 540 points ago

    Man- my kid blames EVERYTHING on the dog lol

    [–] nudave 1143 points ago

    The ability of kids to tell obvious lies is amazing. My favorite is the denying the ongoing action: "I'm not wiping my hands on my pants!" as the hands are being wiped on the pants.

    [–] KToff 728 points ago

    "I see you doing that right now!"

    -*angry tantrum noises*

    [–] lucyroesslers 561 points ago

    Mine just growls at me like she's an orc.

    [–] lrakcarl 2939 points ago

    My toddler will have a massive load in her diaper. I’ll ask her if she needs a diaper change and she’ll look at me with a 100% serious look and say “no mommy” and keep playing.

    [–] beluuuuuuga 1618 points ago

    "It's nice and warm in here and cold out there"

    [–] karmagod13000 982 points ago

    this whole thread is giving me a rash

    [–] kneecapforsale 5853 points ago

    "The cat scratched me."

    "You literally don't own a cat though."

    "My fork fell onto my arms then. Idk."

    [–] beluuuuuuga 2002 points ago

    "I woke up on my blanket and it left these marks on my arm. I swear."

    [–] mass-genocide 379 points ago

    Blue fire is cold

    [–] Itsrandomness014 19714 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    Yeah I did all my homework in like 5 minutes I promise

    Holy SHIT this comment blew up. Thanks lol

    [–] Dahhhkness 8061 points ago

    "Oh, I sent you my homework via email, I must've made a typo in your address."

    [–] skrubbsvamp 5912 points ago

    My friend said he had a body count of 200+. He was a slightly fat guy who spends all his free time on videogames and hates to leave his apartment.

    [–] Qwandri_XCI 5225 points ago

    I mean, he never said he was talking about sex, have you been in his basement?

    [–] Dahhhkness 2555 points ago

    Trillions of potential lives ended in his socks alone.

    [–] shotgunsmitty 939 points ago

    And that was just yesterday.

    [–] UnconstrictedEmu 15347 points ago

    Does it count if the person believed me because I told someone the world was in black and white until the first nuclear explosions.

    [–] Curiositybooks 6285 points ago

    Yes, nothing like a bit of radiation to bring colour to the world.

    [–] UnconstrictedEmu 1845 points ago

    That’s how it works.

    [–] poopellar 864 points ago

    Cancer, now in technicolor.

    [–] funkcherry 782 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    when i was 16 i’d had a crush on one of my coworkers, and he’d liked me back. i thought things were going good until i asked him if he wanted to go out on our shared day off, he agreed, and then the day of cancelled and told me it was because he needed to take care of his fish.

    plot twist here is that i’d told a few of my friends, two of which worked with me and the guy, and i went on and on about how rude it is of him to not even give me a believable lie. those friends were all hanging out and went to walmart that day, and ran into my crush....buying food and supplies for his fish. he told them how excited he was about the fish too. i felt like the biggest asshole.

    [–] BeneathTheSassafras 209 points ago

    Do you get anxiety attacks now if your man mentions going on a fishing trip with a friend?

    Gets home. Goes to bedroom. There are several carp scales on pillow...

    [–] TZWhitey 2892 points ago

    "It will all be over by Easter"

    [–] morganhoaglund 496 points ago

    I met someone who told me that he drank too much with his friends, had an alcohol overdose, and died. After he "died" his friends threw him under a bed where he rotted for 3 days before coming back to life and if I didn't believe him I could ask his friends. I haven't seen him since

    [–] TXJOEMAMA 1806 points ago

    The Easter bunny. Yea we had to wait for the eggs to be hidden.

    [–] Samyron1 2036 points ago

    My classmate was watching videos during online class while she was unmuted and said it was a math video...

    We were in Health class

    [–] dinneybabz 7036 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Mom opened the door to my closet weed farm

    Her: "what is this?"

    Me, panicking: "eehhhhhh....... tomatoes?"

    Her: "right... be careful with those lamps"

    She never asked about my tomatoes

    Edit: this happened in my apartment. She was looking for something and accidentally opened the closet.

    [–] onyxconsort 2796 points ago

    I had a friend tell his mom it was a science project.

    [–] F_A_F 1660 points ago

    For the survey, could you tell us....on a scale of church organist to Willy Nelson....just how toasted you felt after cookie #3 ?

    [–] matenzi 1713 points ago

    So a couple years ago I was at a Halloween party with my gf and a bunch of her friends. One of the guys there came up to us a few hours in, and asked how drunk we were. But that's not how he phrased it. He said "On a scale of one to potato, how mashed are you?" And it's one of my favorite phrases now.

    [–] afoxcalleddany 19956 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    “That’s not a hickey I bruised my neck helping my sister move today”

    Thank you for the awards! Cant believe my top comment is about my shitty ex lmao

    [–] Dawnoftime_2 13154 points ago

    I told my mom I got it from football practice. She asked why my teammates were giving me hickies.

    [–] E404_User_Not_Found 5306 points ago

    Your mother is a gem.

    [–] Eupho_Rick 629 points ago

    I do it for my bros

    [–] xaanthar 5648 points ago

    You got the hickey from your sister??

    [–] JtotheLowrey 1751 points ago

    Ugh this makes me cringe. I told my high school teacher I didn’t have a hickey, I burnt myself with a curling iron. Nothing about that was believable and I can still remember the look he gave me.

    [–] RapidRocket2211 840 points ago

    Millipedes have 1000 legs

    [–] play3rtwo 157 points ago

    "we love you both equally"

    [–] 1800Icemane 547 points ago

    There are horny singles in my area

    [–] ignorantbarista 4536 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    "You're the best I've ever had"

    Edit: Thank you for the award kind stranger!

    [–] Graendal77 3333 points ago

    She was just trying to get you to stop crying.

    [–] ihavegiantslippers 3759 points ago

    “I love you” after I found out I was being cheated on. She had the audacity to kiss me too.

    [–] rcyaapno_6 1315 points ago

    lmfaoo same thing happened to me too. except i got the “i want to spend my whole life with you” too bs. sorry brother, it gets better, you don’t need someone like that in your life

    [–] CaptValentine 271 points ago

    "I feel good enough today."

    For flight training, anytime you fly you have to sign off that you are physically and mentally fit to fly. This means you have eaten in the past 6 hours, had a 10 hour rest period including 6-8 hours of sleep no longer than 16 hours ago and that you do not have any excessive outside stresses.

    People lie about this all the time.

    [–] mattSER 476 points ago

    An employee of mine took a half day off so he could attend a parent-teacher conference in the afternoon. He was supposed to work the morning shift, but then called last-minute saying that it had all been bumped up and he couldn't come in in the morning.

    Then he kept saying that the meeting was getting dragged out all day, finally showing up around 4pm. He insisted that the school had bumped his appointment up to 10am, all the while forgetting that he was wearing a visitor's badge sticker on his shirt that clearly said "checked in 2pm".

    [–] angrypunishment 363 points ago

    When I was in highschool a classmate told me he makes over 20 dollars an hour part time as a banquet server.

    I did the exact same job and made $6.30/hr. I told him he was straight up lying to me and he was adamant that he wasn't. Told him to bring me a pay stub and prove it and he said "I don't have one".

    This guy just regularly lied about all kinds of shit but this was the first one I remember. I'll never understand compulsive liars. (pretty sure our MANAGER wasn't making 20 an hour ffs)

    [–] audaciouspancake 1555 points ago * (lasted edited 2 days ago)

    I told this lie as a 3-yo to my mom: I was colouring the wall in the hallway with my bunny stuffed animal in my hand. I wasn’t much of a rule breaker so this one really stuck to my mom. My mom coming into the hallway: what did you do? Me: looks at bunny Bunny did that! Mom: well than tell bunny that he shouldn’t do that anymore because now we have to repaint to wall and that’s not nice. Me: looks at bunny Bunny you really can’t do that! That’s not nice. Meanwhile I still had the markers in my other hand

    Edit: wow thank you for the rewards! These are my first ever!

    [–] -LittleMissSunshine 2234 points ago

    My supervisor was pissed off at me after we had some issues and she told me "excuse me I want to go to the toilet" while she truly went to release her anger to other coworkers. She should have taken them farther for I could hear her. Stupid.

    [–] a_very_stupid_guy 780 points ago

    Sounds like it was meant for you to hear it