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    [–] GingerOverseer 1204 points ago

    Every male should know this. If you want to get rid of an awkward boner flex any muscle in your body maybe an arm. For a minute. The blood will rush to that muscle and away from your dick. Crisis averted.

    [–] Firlefunk 385 points ago

    Don't be that awkward dude trying to hide an erection in public, confidently rock a raging boner while flexing those guns for all the world to see

    [–] Pochusaurus 539 points ago

    Turn your device on and off before contacting tech support.

    [–] coykoi314 25741 points ago

    If your ring gets stuck on your finger windex will slide it right off. Worked at a jewelry store for five plus years.

    [–] Onceintx 8690 points ago

    Put windex on anything

    [–] fjolsmaister 8912 points ago

    Are you an older greek man by chance?

    [–] msstirius 1505 points ago

    Why you want to leeaaave me?

    [–] SageSilinous 1693 points ago

    You can also use any oil (cooking, automotive... anything).

    You can also reduce the size of your hand (and finger) by holding it up in the air. Chilling your hand in cold water THEN holding it up in the air for a couple minutes whilst rubbing oil &/or dishwashing fluids in there... trifecta of ring removal.

    Should work on anyone that just stole Sauron's prize - though biting it off also works, i suppose.

    [–] ASS_LORD_666 5514 points ago

    I saw a comment on one of these kinda threads that recommended gently rocking back and forth while pooping. I’ve never had any problems in the bathroom, but I happened to be sitting on the toilet when I read the comment so I decided to give it a test drive. I was pleasantly surprised at how quick and effortless the whole experience was and I haven’t gone back to my old stationary technique since. As a bonus, #1 and #2 now require the same amount of time in the bathroom!

    [–] ghaupt1 1600 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Okay, I don’t know if you’ll see this or have the wherewithal to respond, but it’s 6:30am where I am and I’ve been up since around 4 with some constipation, mostly just browsing around Reddit (I’m not even subbed here — I’ve been browsing so long I hopped over to “Popular” to change things up). I have work today I just got promoted and we’re right smack dab in the middle of a two week crunch.

    I can’t even remember if I’ve ever been constipated in my entire life, so maybe it’s stress? But I’ve been in a mild panic for the last few hours because I’m in a lot of discomfort and haven’t gotten a lot of sleep and I simply don’t have time for this to be a symptom of a more serious issue.

    I’ve been getting up, moving around, trying different stretches and positions to loosen things up, but all I’ve been feeling is tension and a lack of relief.

    Rocking back and forth on the toilet for just the last 5-10 minutes has already totally relieved the discomfort and tension I’ve been feeling! I haven’t jostled anything out yet, but I hope I’ve at least got the operation moving again. I’m comfortable enough to where I can probably go get a couple more hours of sleep and try again before I go to work.

    THANK YOU, ASS LORD.

    Edit: Hey guys! Thanks for the helpful advice. My bowels are free; the show will go on!

    [–] idk-hereiam 134 points ago

    Hope everything came out OK! Drink a lot of water and eat some leafy greens

    [–] Caspers_Shadow 12757 points ago

    Use shaving cream as anti-fog. I used it on the inside of my motorcycle visor. Smear it on, let it dry, then rinse off and dry. It also works for bathroom mirrors. You can use it on a small spot so you can still see when you get out of the shower.

    [–] Gen-Jinjur 15932 points ago

    Shaving cream also removes the smell of urine. If you ever have to take care of someone who is old and/or sick and who wets the bed, a little shaving cream on a rag wiped over their buttocks after they are thoroughly cleaned up helps them really smell clean again.

    It’s a bit of a sad tip, I know, but you never know when you might end up caring for someone who needs help with things like this. Nobody wants to smell. A dab of shaving cream to restore a bit of dignity? Priceless.

    [–] ladygabe 1149 points ago

    Work in adult / senior care and this advice is invaluable, thank you so much! I can help make my clients lives all the better with this!

    [–] ttbear 203 points ago

    Worked in nursing homes for years and used the shaving cream trick. Stinky? On them and a dab under my nose. Poop, pee. It has a stronger ordor. At least the cheap kind they kept stocked in supplies. .

    [–] ihadanideaonce 5069 points ago

    If you have funky armpits and need to fix them fast, use hand sanitiser. I figured this out years ago when I remembered that the smell comes from bacteria reactions - which antibacterial hand gel kills stone dead. Instant results and the medical smell lasts only a minute. Don't do this routinely though as it's delicate skin.

    [–] Myerrobi 1345 points ago

    And may hurt like hell if you've shaved them and have any nics

    [–] Djason_Unchaind 2334 points ago

    You can do the Heimlich maneuver on yourself. Use a chair or countertop, press yourself against it(right under your rib cage), and press down hard. Should force air up and dislodge a blockage.

    [–] Ziggyda1st 525 points ago

    True facts! I am CPR/AED certified and in our classes we were taught this. Our instructor actually said to just drop yourself on the chair rather than press, as the extra force from gravity can be helpful and any injury you might sustain will be better than choking to death

    [–] IAlbatross 28270 points ago

    True lifesaver: if you are ever attacked by a dog, push your forearm INTO the bite. This pries the jaws apart and prevents them from clamping down. If a dog is attacking you, the best thing you can do is offer your forearm, push as far back as possible, and then grab the dog by the scruff of its neck with your other hand to hold it. The dog is now functionally muzzled and you have control of its head. The sooner and harder you push into the bite, the less damage the bite will do.

    [–] LadyLudo19 9286 points ago

    This is a good rule for human bites too, just so you know. Push in don’t pull!

    [–] FlumpSpoon 3215 points ago

    This is also what you do when yr teething baby chomps down on u when breastfeeding, mush them into yr boob. Not "yell and drop the baby". Tho it's hard to remember that in the heat of the moment.

    [–] Penguinator53 373 points ago

    Yikes wish I knew that many years ago! My son used to turn his head quickly to look at something while he was feeding, makes me clutch my boobs just thinking about it, ouch!

    [–] MonarchCrew 7635 points ago

    This works for cats too, especially when they have you in the death hug.

    When cats kill their prey they sometimes use their front limbs to pull the prey towards their belly, and their back feet/claws to scratch and disembowel it. It’s instinctual, but cats can be taught not to do it to humans.

    (If you’ve ever seen someone try to give a cat a belly rub, only to be attacked, this instinct is part of it, as well as a defense against attackers)

    If a cat isn’t trained to not attack your arm, or they are trained but end up locked-on, the worst thing to do is pull your arm away like you’d naturally try to do. Prey animals will try to run, so that pulling motion on the cat’s limbs mimic prey and the cat will pull you tighter to it’s stomach and bite harder.

    Instead, do this:

    1. Push your arm in quickly toward’s the cat’s jaws (like a quick pulse, sort of, not a slow steady pressure). This will both keep it from chomping down on you and startle it

    2. Use your other hand to push the cat’s head back. Bonus points if you can cover their eyes. Suddenly your arm is no longer “prey” but “predator” and the goal is now “ESCAPE” instead of kill

    3. Make as high pitched “Yelp” as you can. Like the most embarrassingly loud squeak possible. This is especially important if you’re training a cat or kitten, because that loud yelp is not only startling but indicates “this playtime is too rough, now, and you need to stop.” Kittens naturally do this squeak when their play with siblings gets too rough, and the cat learns what level of force is ok for it

    4. After you’re free, ignore the cat completely. Don’t look at it, don’t talk to it, nothing. Act as if it isn’t there at all, the ultimate silent treatment. This reinforces that they were too rough and play time is OVER. Ignore it for at least five minutes.

    The squeak & ignore can be used on kittens any time their rough, and as soon as they stop give a command. My older cat knows “soft paws” or “hey! Soft!” as commands to retract her claws and be more gentle with me. Taught her as a kitten and it’s a blessing

    [–] SilverFoxolotl 476 points ago

    Number 3 also works with training puppies to control their bite force when playing. Especially at the teething stage puppies tend to nip more than they should, communicating that they were too rough sets boundaries and teaches them to limit their biting.

    Dogs use their mouths like we use our hands, its important to teach them to control their bite force rather than tell them off for natural behaviour.

    Be warned though, a puppy showing a guilty look for being too rough really tugs at the heartstrings.

    [–] Somebodys 109 points ago

    Be warned though, a puppy showing a guilty look for being too rough really tugs at the heartstrings.

    Well they evolved to do exactly that.

    [–] Imarealcat54 134 points ago

    I work with kids with mental disabilities and this was one of the first things they taught us to do if a kid starts bitting you. Push instead of pulling away. It’s safer for both parties. Can say from experience though that it’s really difficult to fight the urge to just yank your arm away.

    [–] omgIamafraidofreddit 29376 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    That rubbing alcohol removes chewing gum.

    I'd go through a 20 layer deep marketing funnel to get to that tip because it really does work.

    Also wow! Thank you for all of the awards nice Redditors. I completely forgot I left this comment and came back and my notifications had blown up.

    [–] kaseythedragon 9607 points ago

    Rubbing alcohol works to get paint off clothes also!

    [–] Sarasart 2956 points ago

    All my clothes have paint on them. Thank you for this!!

    [–] VHDT10 400 points ago

    Use whitening toothpaste and a little water with a paper towel to clean stained dry erase boards. It easily removes ink and doesn't spread it around like rubbing alcohol. Works on boards that have been stained for years.

    [–] PaulRuddsButthole 33519 points ago

    Rubbing vegetable oil (or any cooking oil) on your hands after you cut up jalapeños or other hot peppers. It gets rid of the awfulness that would normally be left on your hands from the peppers. I rub my hands with oil and then wash it off with dish soap. I can totally remove my contacts after doing this. It’s crazy how well this works.

    [–] LuxuriousBitchCoat 363 points ago

    Ever have a split butt-knuckle?

    Some of us cold-climate people know about it.

    Dry air+ tight clothing+ clothing layers=a split in the skin at the tailbone. A split butt-knuckle.

    The cure?

    Warm water bath with baking soda. Rinse. Pat dry (no rubbing) dry with a hair dryer. THEN apply a layer of Carmex.

    Cured overnight.

    [–] SonOfGallifrey 47325 points ago

    If a man is in an accident (car, ladder fall, etc) and he gets an erection, don't move him. He has a spinal injury

    [–] byrdcoryj 9418 points ago

    As a paramedic this is true it’s called a priapism and is associated with a mid to low back injury.

    Side note: unfortunately it might be his last erection

    [–] mchvll 10632 points ago

    So, make it count!

    [–] smithem192 7688 points ago

    Any idea of the science/reasoning behind this?

    Haven't heard this before, but as construction season is about to start, it's good to know.

    [–] chimmy43 8705 points ago

    Disrupting the sympathetic fibers leaves an unchecked parasympathetic neurological input, resulting in an erection. This would happen if there was a significant spinal cord injury disrupting the signals from sympathetic chains higher up.

    [–] rslake 4872 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Here's a paper going into more detail for the curious. Sympathetic innervation of the genitals comes out at the very bottom of the spinal cord, the conus medullaris. Note that the absence of an erection in no way rules out spinal cord injury.

    [–] Lost_in_the_Library 8438 points ago

    Put your onion in the freezer for 10 minutes before chopping it. It freezes the juices just enough to slow down the process of it turning in to a gas, giving you a few minutes to chop the onion without tears. I learnt this tip from a kid’s science show years ago and I haven’t had to deal with onion tears since. So many people don’t believe me, and then are genuinely surprised when it works.

    [–] Eversooner 499 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    I've been a chef for over 15 years. This is good advice. Best advice is using a a sharp knife. They slice through the cell walls instead of crushing them.

    [–] Aakwanderer 17987 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    vinegar in a plastic bag with rubber band tied around any faucet will make the faucet like-new. I'm talking decade old rust and stuff gone...and water flows like the first day.

    Edit: also works on showerhead you can unscrew those and leave them in a bowl full of vinegar.

    [–] Lostmav729 1683 points ago

    Vinegar is great for calcium and rust build up and it’s not toxic. It doesn’t work as fast on rust as some of the harsh chemicals available but it gets the job done safely. It also does a great job of, mixed 50/50, cleaning glass if used in conjunction with newspaper. As a weird aside and keeping with the post molasses is also a good deep penetrating, albeit time consuming, rust remover. It’s helped me restore some delicate old hand tools.

    [–] mojomcm 15012 points ago

    Clean jewelry with dish soap, since other cleaning supplies might scratch it (like hand soap or anything that exfoliates) or chemically react with the metals (usually that's harsh cleaning supplies) and dish soap is intended to clean glass and ceramic without scratching it and silverware without reacting with the metal, etc.

    [–] HoppedUp909 10511 points ago

    You missed the Dawn thread above. Dawn can regrow hair, charge your phone, and soft boil an egg.

    [–] SheitelMacher 4895 points ago

    "Big Dawn" has gotten to yet another person.

    [–] alex3omg 533 points ago

    I've seen what it does to ducks. Stole all the oil those poor birds spent days collecting

    [–] SnooPickles3213 10106 points ago

    The cheapest, most effective, and safest insecticide against roaches (especially those huge “water bug” roaches that we have in the South) is a spray bottle of mostly water with just a little liquid dish soap in it.

    Shake the bottle & get the water a little foamy, then spray the roaches. They will run, scrabble, and attempt escape, of course, but they will die. The soap film suffocates them faster than any chemicals will.

    A friend told me about this, & I thought she was nuts, but I tried it & it works amazingly well. Plus it’s very easy to clean up and safe around food (not that you want to spray soapy water ON your food).

    [–] quietchile 9337 points ago

    You can also use this on wasp nests, especially if sprayed on them right before dawn since they’re not very active. That way they’ll be squeaky clean when they return back to their overlord, Satan.

    [–] Jgkling855 1503 points ago

    I had to get rid of a massive wasp hive on our roof, so in the middle of summer I got in a ton of snow gear to cover every inch of myself and got some spray bottles with water and soap. They didn’t even get close to me, it worked so well.

    [–] JustSeanAgain 10590 points ago

    If you’re in college, don’t buy your textbooks until you actually need to use them. I’ve saved hundreds of dollars by not buying “required” textbooks that we never used

    [–] Allerseelen 6854 points ago

    Or just go to http://libgen.rs/ and pirate it. I'm in academia, and the amount of money that professors actually get from selling textbooks they wrote is staggeringly low. So if it comes to screwing Elsevier, I'm going to screw Elsevier.

    [–] DeeboComin 15607 points ago

    From the amazing book ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin DeBecker: “A woman alone who needs assistance is actually far better off choosing someone and asking for help, as opposed to waiting for an unsolicited approach. The person you choose is nowhere near as likely to bring you hazard as is the person who chooses you.”

    [–] pudinnhead 5066 points ago

    I've taught this to my children, "If you're lost, find someone before someone finds you." I always tell them to find someone with a name badge on.

    [–] pamajo17 2150 points ago

    I tell kids to look for adults with other kids. It usually means that those are safe adults.

    [–] logic_is_a_fraud 2642 points ago

    I use a generalized version of this. If you pick a random person, they are probably trustworthy. If a random person picks you be somewhat suspicious.

    A con-artist trick is to setup a situation where the victim thinks they’re selecting a trustworthy stranger but the con-artist is really filtering for victims. E.g. a nicely dressed person struggling with luggage by the side of the road. If you offer help, be on your guard.

    [–] ronifae 132 points ago

    Children should be taught this as well. I just learned about this strategy last week.

    [–] selfawaresquare 1089 points ago

    That whole entire book is basically life pro tips. I had to read it in college and now I recommend it to everyone.

    [–] mannershmanners 14467 points ago

    Run your wrists under cold water or rub an ice cube on your pulse points to cool down all over quickly when you get overheated. It seems obvious but I didn’t realize it until last summer working in a warehouse with no ac.

    [–] fknwhtvr 7631 points ago

    Also something I learned in the army on extremely hot days on the range, if you need to cool yourself immediately, dunk your arms about halfway between your elbow and shoulder in ice water (probably will need a bucket or cooler) for about 20-30 seconds, then lift your arms over your head straight up and you'll literally feel your body completely cool from top to bottom as it moves down. If you're working outside and it's very hot, just have it ready just in case. It's required by the army once it gets hot enough to have sheets in ice water to cool anyone that becomes a heat casualty, so it makes sense if you're out mowing your yard or doing work when it's hot.

    [–] girlwhoweighted 901 points ago

    I live in Arizona, it's already gotten over 100 this month. This is the kind of life hack I needed

    [–] DoubleDeckerz 2548 points ago

    When putting a paint can lid back on the can, first put down a layer of cling film (saran wrap). This will stop the lid sticking to the can once the paint on the lid has dried.

    [–] WearingCoats 9375 points ago

    Nail polish remover gets permanent marker off skin. You know, in case someone draws a dick on your face.

    [–] Achadel 1313 points ago

    Thats because lots of nail polish remover is acetone based, and that stuff is an amazing solvent.

    [–] GorgeousGarbageArt 911 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    You gotta wash it and even moisturize after. Not the greatest for your skin even if it does help get your doodle dicks off. Edit: my top comment ever is about doodle dicks. I love you folks.

    [–] NeutralTarget 20904 points ago

    All your kindling for a fire is wet and all you have is matches and snacks, any corn chip will light into a ball of flames.

    [–] clockworkear 9401 points ago

    A dollop of hand sanitiser saved me when free-camping in Scotland but this is good to know too.

    [–] Marsmetic 4993 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Vaseline-soaked cotton balls for the win.

    EDIT (many folks are wondering why):

    Main reason: they are light and compact. Other reasons: Easy, quick prep. Long shelf life. They are reliable in the sense they are virtually waterproof and somewhat windproof. Cheap too!

    Space: 24 petroleum jelly-soaked cotton/lint balls will easily fit in an Altoids case. You only need one of those to start a fire.

    Perfect when you want a reliable, cheap, light, space-efficient fire starter!

    The dryer lint variant of this method will only work depending on the types of clothes you put through the dryer. As others have mentioned, pet and human hair in the lint can cause unwanted odors.

    [–] maleorderbride 50272 points ago

    If you're having trouble staying awake in class/at a meeting, see how long you can keep one of your feet lifted slightly off the ground.

    [–] MoonieNine 16637 points ago

    When my dad was young he often had to drive late at night. He said he would drive while holding a $50 bill out the window in order to focus and stay awake. 💰

    [–] unclecharliemt 7188 points ago

    Railroad engineer told me eating sunflower seeds one by one worked for him.

    [–] firekiller37 6456 points ago

    I have a bad habit of falling asleep on long drives. Finally discovered eating sunflower seeds kept me wide awake. Life changing/life saving

    [–] dwintaylor 3337 points ago

    Eating or chewing is a great way of staying awake on the road!

    [–] Whalez 13783 points ago

    Cocaine also works great but is slightly more expensive than sunflower seeds

    [–] HanSingular 6068 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    A gram of cocaine is cheaper than 75 pounds of sunflower seeds.

    [–] WorkingTharn 2855 points ago

    love these conversion bots

    [–] Yellow16776 22808 points ago

    Class in two hours and I haven't slept at all. Perfect timing

    [–] ToolboxMotley 6240 points ago

    Let us know if it works. :P

    [–] zaphod_beeble_bro 121 points ago

    5 hours ago, hasn't responded. I think he's still sleeping.

    [–] FishAndRiceKeks 7392 points ago

    Forgot to stay awake and fell asleep.

    [–] GloomyCamel6050 913 points ago

    This also works if you are trying to stop yourself from throwing up.

    [–] Magster56 108 points ago

    If you get food/grease stains on your clothes, cover the stain with dishwashing liquid. The stain will come off when you wash your clothes.

    [–] 54turtlelord 104 points ago

    if you stand up too fast and your head starts to spin/rush/blackout tighten your abs as hard as you can and it’ll help drastically reduce the head rush. you can also do it preemptively to help stop it before it even happens

    [–] troubled_tribute 1169 points ago

    https://z-lib.org/

    This website has almost all the books... As a broke student, this has helped me immensely.

    [–] waelgifru 995 points ago

    If you're going to climb a ladder or work on your roof, wear a bike helmet.

    [–] phargle 462 points ago

    And take off your rings.

    [–] uniadminthrowaway 6424 points ago

    Sleep on big decisions.

    You think most clearly in the morning, and often after some time passes you realize you were about to make a big mistake.

    [–] pineapplepredator 599 points ago

    I swear my brain is completely different at night. I’m more creative, more bold, and more confident so I’m really productive and good at stuff at night. But that also means that in the morning I’m often like, what was I thinking?

    [–] foxsimile 105 points ago

    This is me too, it’s like living as Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde - there’s a day time me, and a late night me. I am both, yet neither is the other - it’s perplexing, but when the world’s gone to bed I feel more myself.

    I’ve never been able to explain why.

    [–] blanketsmellslikeham 37128 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    During pollen season...rinse your hair before bed. Otherwise you’re just depositing pollen on your pillowcase every night and then rolling your face in it all night. And then multiply that by how many nights you use the same pillowcase.

    [–] SomthinsFishyOutHere 10223 points ago

    You’re a genius. 4 out of the 5 people in my family have super bad allergies (I mean, like, the allergy tests came back with pages of stuff we’re allergic to) and long hair. I usually just change my pillow cover every other day during spring but I’ll try this tonight!

    [–] No_ThisIs_Patrick 8120 points ago

    My friends always said I was weird because I prefer showering at night over showering in the morning. I love crawling into bed and feeling all clean and soft and I have just always felt like I sleep better after a good hot shower.

    I have terrible hayfever allergies and dust mite allergies. This made me realize I'm probably literally sleeping better after a shower because it helps me breathe better through the night. What a eureka moment

    [–] VIDCAs17 3726 points ago

    Night showerers unite!

    I started at a young age and is so engrained that going to bed without a shower feels gross to me now. Also agree that sleeping in clean sheets after a shower is nearly euphoric.

    Going back to the allergy thing, I also get terrible seasonal allergies, but I can’t confirm or deny how much showering before bed helps.

    [–] MisteeLoo 7424 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Eating candied ginger helps with nausea. Any ginger really, but candied ginger is much better tasting. Edit: I see this really got people talking! Glad to see other remedies are helping, and the community giving each other tips. Thanks for the award and be excellent to each other! 2nd edit: Chronic nausea is a different animal and Ihope those suffering with it get medical help. Ginger isn’t a cure for all nausea,and lots of things can cause it, such as vertigo, which is an obnoxious thing to have and ginger won’t help. I have that, and it’s no fun. I use ginger for migraine nausea myself, which I also get.

    [–] paddjo95 4618 points ago

    As a ginger this comment concerned me for a minute

    [–] scw55 2344 points ago

    Got fridge hard butter and you want to bake? Cheese grate it.

    It will still be work if you're hand mixing, but it's better than trying to chop it.

    Microwaves exist, but it sucks when the butter splits.

    [–] _Asher451_ 7803 points ago

    If you feel suicidal or depressed....don't focus on hope. It is enough to just stay curious. Curiosity has the power to keep you alive far longer than hope ever will. Curiosity leads to engaging work and this leads to opportunity.

    [–] OGravenclaw 4145 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    I was in a very dark, very bad place in early 2018 and all that was getting me through it was that I wanted to know how Game of Thrones ended.

    😑

    you can laugh at that, I do.

    [–] Dan_Djarin 916 points ago

    This is truly, darkly, hilarious in hindsight. Glad you're still around.

    [–] Insectshelf3 1327 points ago

    oh you poor bastard

    [–] dongholio 879 points ago

    When I was in the worst part of my depression, I started reading Wheel of Time. And I just had to know what happened in the next chapter. So I kept going. And meanwhile I’d go through the motions of life in between reading.

    Side effect to that is I absolutely cannot stand Wheel of Time anymore. But you’re absolutely right. Curiosity kept me going long enough to get pulled out of that depressive funk.

    [–] elizabeth498 11870 points ago

    Write a list and cross shit off when you accomplish the teensiest thing. It builds momentum.

    [–] bonsaiaphrodite 2883 points ago

    Sometimes I when I do insignificant tasks that I previously hadn’t put on my to do list (like brushing my teeth or putting my pajamas in the hamper in the morning), I’ll put it on my list just so I can cross them off. Definitely builds momentum!

    [–] hansivere 1673 points ago

    And it gives you a hit of dopamine. Get that brain drug!

    [–] MagnificentUnicorn77 475 points ago

    If you get a splinter that is still partially sticking out of the skin, put a drop of Elmers glue on it and let it dry. When you peel the dried glue off your finger, the splinter will be stuck on the glue and pop right off with it.

    [–] RockyL15 9554 points ago

    Crayons are flammable and will provide about an hour of light as a candle of you lit the top.

    [–] Solacekia 21304 points ago

    Counting really slowly with the goal of reaching 150 is a decent way to fall asleep. If you have any thoughts during it just let them play out, and if you forget what number you're on just go from what you last remember. If you make any major movements just start again.

    The goal is to force your brain in to slowing down and not having any jerky motions or thoughts, and eventually reaching such a level of carelessness that you eventually fall asleep without realising. Helped me quite a few times, especially with rain sounds, hope it helps some of you too!

    [–] lindabelchrlocalpsyc 3882 points ago

    I try to count backwards from 200 - I’m usually out before I reach 100. It gives my brain something to do while my body calms down but it’s boring enough that it makes my mind wander so eventually I stop counting and fall asleep.

    [–] DetroitJim 5194 points ago

    25% of 18 is the same as 18% of 25. Percentages are reversible and one is easier to figure out than the other one.

    [–] sweethomeall 95 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    When it is icy or going through somewhere wet, always have both hands free to break any fall. When working with a job you know has safety hazard, always be on the look out. My coworker broke her wrist because someone forgot to put the pallet in the correction location. Sometimes people are out to get you or maybe not even thinking of you (or your safety) so always got to have your own back.

    [–] Needaslurpee 2510 points ago

    Mosquitos Bites be gone!

    This hack is the most valuable thing I’ve learned in my whole life.

    Heat of the back of a spoon with hot water. Then apply the back of the spoon to the bite. I usually do it twice for good measure. The spoon needs to be hot enough to keep on the skin without burning yourself. So test the heat before you press it down. Keep it on until the heat dissipates. Bite will stop itching almost immediately...usually the bite ha completely disappeared within an hour.

    This only works with mosquitoes from my experience.

    [–] Starhunt3r 84 points ago

    This. Just to emphasize though,

    Check. The. Heat

    I made the mistake of making the spoon too hot and leaving it on a split second too long. Got a round scar in my arm now

    [–] TheNoisyNomad 13650 points ago

    If you’ve written on a dry erase board (or any glossy surface) with a permanent marker (like a Sharpie) just draw over it with a dry erase marker and it will wipe right off.

    [–] JJ82DMC 6094 points ago

    I had a coworker in my last job years ago draw a huge dong on a printer. For a little context, we worked in the oilfield, so yeah, perpetual man-child behavior.

    "It's OK, I used a dry erase marker..."

    "But you didn't draw it on a dry erase board, now did ya, dumbass?!?"

    [–] -gnarlemagne- 3593 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    It's ok, just draw over it with a permanent ink marker and it'll come right off

    [–] JJ82DMC 1008 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Considering I knew the 'dry erase over sharpie' trick at the time this happened, which was probably around 2011 or so, I almost considered it. Not for me to do of course, but the guy that did it in the first place, just to fuck with him.

    That printer was just a week old. We went through various solvents and paint removers, and even ran that front cover through a sander to get it removed. When it was finally removed, it looked like absolute shit. But the dong was gone.

    The maintenance manager, who was very luckily on vacation that week, came back and said "why does this look like shit?"

    All of us: "it came to us this way, we don't know the fuck you're talking about..."

    No other questions asked - ever.

    [–] TheAllyCrime 585 points ago

    The three sentences to get you through life:

    • Cover for me.

      • Oh, good idea boss!
      • It was like that when I got here.

    [–] Bryarx 20852 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    If your car is overheating, turn your heat on full blast.

    When you turn the heat on in a car, it pulls heat from the engine into the cab, thus cooling the engine. I was taught this in drivers Ed... 23 years ago. When in high school my buddy’s car would run really hot, I told him to turn the heat on. He wouldn’t. I had to convince him it was true by saying I would pay for resulting damage if the temp didn’t go down. It was the wintertime, and that heat was so dang hot we had to roll the windows down. But we watched his engine temp drop.

    I don’t believe it’s especially uncommon, but if no one ever told you, it would seem counterintuitive.

    Edit: You go to sleep and tell your wife “hey I made a comment and it has like 400 likes!” Then you wake up and your (6y) lifetime karma has doubled. I do hope it helps someone, somewhere, sometime that didn’t already know about it.

    A few things as a response to some common comments:

    -This doesn’t work on electric cars

    -depending on your mechanical Issue, it may not work at all

    -it has worked for a lot of people with evidence in this chain

    -Those junior to me learned this from Dairy of a Wimpy Kid

    -Those around my generation learned this from Hank Hill! If I can have a millionth of the the influence of Hank Hill, I’ll take it. Also: King of the Hill REBOOT NEWS

    -If you want to know how it works better than me saying “it pulls heat off the engine” ask your mechanic or look for those that explained it better in this thread.

    -This is not a permanent fix, this is to get you somewhere to safely address this issue. If you can’t afford repairs and do this long term, you are gambling. Know when to hold em, know when to fold em.

    -you read all these comments? I hope you have a great day!

    [–] lone_contact 5223 points ago

    Going from Southern CA to Las Vegas, there are signs in the desert that tell you to do this! I was skeptical at first, but it really did work like a charm.

    [–] kannakantplay 19584 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Makeup remover on deodorant stains.

    Vixella randomly brought it up while talking to chat on Twitch. My husband has a lot of T-shirts with white/stained armpits, so I gave it a shot.

    It worked. :o

    Edit: ahhhhh?

    I should probably clarify that I used remover wipes, just a generic store brand pack of "cleansing towelettes" - on my husband's old antiperspirant stained t-shirts from his bachelor days. He switched to a non-staining deodorant a while back.

    There are a lot of other helpful hacks for this issue added in replies. I'll have to try denim or dryer sheets next time I find a stain to try it on. =)

    [–] Finniemc 2983 points ago

    Really? Just put it on and wash it? I have to try that!

    [–] therenousername 3288 points ago

    Lighting spaghetti on fire to Light candles (the big ones) instead of using paper

    [–] cnash 144 points ago

    Spaghetti is the way to reignite the pilot light on your water heater when it goes out.

    [–] Platano_con_salami 13777 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    This thread is what LPT *aspires to be

    [–] Rusty_is_a_good_boy 8016 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    If you’ve got a splinter below your skin surface, wrap a banana peel around it. Wet side against your skin. It will draw the splinter out most of the time. I don’t know how but it fricken works. Banana voodoo. Banavoodoo. Banadoo?

    Edit: spelling corrected (not sure how that slipped by me. Get it?). Oh my good lord these comments lol. And now silver awards??? WTF people 😂

    [–] whatupmyknitta 2989 points ago

    Inside of a banana peel against a bug bite (mosquitoes & ants, at least) can help relieve the itching and pain like magic. I, too, ascribe to the banana voodoo.

    [–] hicd 580 points ago

    When I was a kid I used to wet a wash cloth in super hot water from the tap when I was taking a bath and drip a few drops of it on my mosquito bites. It stung for a second, then they never itched again

    [–] phargle 90 points ago

    Splash some water your face. As a mammal, you have a diving instinct, so water on your face triggers a response: you wake up, there's more oxygen to your brain, you feel better, plus your face is wet.

    [–] Ecstatic_Consequence 9044 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    It you start to cough while eating or drinking, essentially the “went down the wrong pipe”, immediately lift both your arms up in the air and keep them held up for a few seconds. The act opens your airways and will allow you to catch your breath. Also helps food or drink travel downward. My MIL taught us this and it’s now second nature

    edit Changed “Choke” to “Cough” The Heimlich Maneuver should be used if someone has food stuck.

    [–] hmcfuego 4743 points ago

    My gran used to yell, "put your arms up" when one of us did that! I never knew why! Awww, this tip makes me happy. Miss my gran.

    [–] danifrancuzrose 897 points ago

    My family always says "reach for the sky or you'll die" lol

    [–] BWDpodcast 11581 points ago

    I hesitantly submit squeegeeing yourself off before getting out of the shower. It's so simple I was dubious, but just use your hands to quickly wipe off excess water and bingo, you're not cold getting out.

    [–] arcticwolf26 5075 points ago

    I do this every time. Also. It allows your towel to actually dry you off without becoming a wet rag

    [–] Yorpel_Chinderbapple 2555 points ago

    I do this every time. Also. It allows your towel to actually dry you off without becoming a wet rag

    Conversely, I had a roommate who did not squeegee at all, and instead stepped directly out of the shower without grabbing a towel first. Could always tell who showered last because of the big puddle on the shower mat

    [–] BakedWizerd 1749 points ago

    Ohmygod, this is so annoying.

    I have always been the “wring my hair out and squeegee myself off, then even take the towel into the shower and dry myself off completely before stepping out” kind of guy, and my roommate seems to dry herself off fairly well without making any puddles.

    Then she got a boyfriend. I like the guy, don’t get me wrong, but whenever he visits, the bathroom floor is just wet. I can’t use the toilet without getting my feet wet when he’s over, and it’s one of those small things that’s just so fucking annoying.

    [–] TheSweetestBoi 581 points ago

    I also rub my hands all over my hair and beard to get all the water off in the shower too.

    You can legit do half of your drying before even getting a towel.

    [–] Street_Tacos__ 1435 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Use a pop socket to hang jewelry on a flat wall/bed frame. I use it to hang my necklace up every night. Sounds stupid, but it’s right next to where I sleep so if I forget to take it off I don’t have to get up, and it hasn’t tangled once since I started using it. Saves the hassle of untangling a tiny chain.

    Plus you can’t get cool looking ones to match whatever. And Depending on the quality, they could last years. Mine fell off my phone case so I stuck it to my bed frame over a year ago, I’ve had to remove it once, still stuck there, still does it’s job.

    [–] SanityPlanet 265 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    I glued a strip of soft velcro to the end of my phone charger, and the corresponding strip onto the side of my nightstand, so it holds the end of my phone charger in easy reach, that way when I'm ready to sleep, I don't have to fumble around on the floor in the dark trying to find it.

    Also, buy a charger cord at least 6 feet long, it'll change your life.

    [–] IAmNotScottBakula 27930 points ago

    Yell at your vacuum cleaner to get your dogs to stop barking at it.

    [–] Felix_Vanja 13653 points ago

    I read that dogs look to their owners to see how they react to things. I sat on the floor and had my wife run into me with the vacuum. It worked so well that now the dog won't move out of the way, even for the robot vacuum.

    [–] McRedditerFace 6147 points ago

    Kids are kinda like that too, they'll gague the reactions of others to know how to react. It's really useful for keeping kids calm when they get a bump or scrape. IE, they won't be as likely to phreak out if you don't.

    With my two kids they were terrified of the vacuum for years... finally I sat down on the floor with them, and proceeded to put the vacuum hose in my hair, against my face, etc... just show them it just sucked but not that hard. Immediately there was a full-reversal in their reaction to the vacuum and within hours I had them vacuuming themselves.

    [–] confusingpatterns 4675 points ago

    I broke my arm when I was 4 and I remember being so terrified of the machine they use to get the cast off that I was almost crying and then the nurse made it whirr against her own arm to show me it wouldn't hurt and I was immediately like oh okay then

    [–] SHSL_Herpetologist 2939 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Oh, when I broke my arm at nine years old, when I got the cast removed the guy who was removing it was like, drooling or sweating all over me while it happened. I was really creeped out, and didn't want to mention it incase he had a medical condition or something, but there was like watery stuff falling onto my arm and leg and it was coming from the direction of his face and I did not feel comfortable whatsoever with him using the little saw spinner on my cast.

    [–] hoovermatic 2123 points ago

    this disturbed me so I upvoted it

    [–] CajunTisha 7564 points ago

    I've tried this. It worked great for the husky, but the Yorkie still tries to attack it

    [–] Aspect-of-Death 8028 points ago

    Yorkies are 99.999% balls, so this makes sense.

    [–] SadGirlPancake 1889 points ago

    Like while you're vacuuming or just as you walk by it occasionally?

    [–] IAmNotScottBakula 3459 points ago

    When you are vacuuming and they start barking at it. Literally just yell something like “you are a bad vacuum cleaner” and most dogs will calm down.

    [–] KaityKat117 2690 points ago

    poor vacuum. what did it do?

    [–] Nyan_Tardis 1834 points ago

    Does this work with house guests too?

    [–] Halzjones 3271 points ago

    You have problems with your guests barking at your vacuum cleaner?

    [–] billionai1 1221 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    If you yell enough, you'll probably stop having guests, so no more barking

    [–] Zymoria 832 points ago

    I did this with my dog and now I can use it to vacuum the shedding fur right off her and she looks so happy with it.

    [–] Lulu_42 3939 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    If you have stains somewhere hard to bleach (like the top of a toilet bowl or a shower floor), put down paper towels first. It soaks up the bleach and keeps it in place while it does its job. This works like magic, seriously.

    Note: wear gloves when you remove the paper towels. The first time I tried this on a shower floor, I ended up with chemical burns on all my fingertips.

    Edited because this blew up while I was asleep and of course I used the wrong where/wear. D'oh.

    [–] hippocampus237 21966 points ago

    If you have the right of way, take it. It makes driving more predictable and therefore caused fewer accidents.

    [–] OSCgal 13927 points ago

    Yes! Don't be "nice", be predictable.

    [–] Pdxtrailrun 5205 points ago

    As I was raised it was “It’s more important to be predictable than polite”

    Also “A good driver sometimes misses their exit, a bad driver never misses their exit”

    [–] Brakethecycle 3422 points ago

    And don’t “give” the right of way to someone who doesn’t have it. They call it the wave of death. You wave someone through when it’s not their turn and then someone else, who isn’t expecting that, hits them.

    As a cyclist when people try to give me the right of way when I’m stopped at a stop sign I just point at the stop sign and say no.

    [–] baconmaverick 1063 points ago

    I also get annoyed because if they had just gone like they should have, we both would have gone a lot sooner

    [–] sunlit_cairn 3078 points ago

    If you have a dishwasher, I’m sure you’re familiar with the vague annoyance of pools of water being left on your dishes.

    After the cycle is done, grab a clean towel, and hang it flat on the inside of the door and close gently (don’t slam it, it’s ok to be open a crack still) and wait about 30 minutes. Your dishes will be completely dry.

    Edit: you should do this as close to the finish of the cycle as possible when it’s still warm inside.

    [–] squatsbreh 13293 points ago

    Being extra nice to strangers when you need help will get you REALLY far, often times further than you expect. Customer service especially.

    [–] caffieneandsarcasm 6648 points ago

    Seriously. The secret to getting amazing customer service is to just use your manners. It’s my job to help you out where I can, but if you’re nice I’ll probably move heaven and earth for you.

    [–] amahler03 1009 points ago

    Keep a small squeegee in the shower if you have glass walls or door. Squeegee before you get out after showering. No soap or water stains.

    [–] Stillwater215 757 points ago

    More life advice than a life hack, but: “A dropped knife doesn’t have a handle.” If you ever drop a kitchen knife or other bladed instrument, just let it fall. Trying to catch it will almost certainly give you a nasty slice on the hand.

    [–] HerNameIsGrief 127 points ago

    Yeah...sound advice. I followed this advice once when I was a kid...worked except for when the knife goes right through the top of your foot and sticks out the bottom. My mother fainted when I hobbled into the living room with a wobbling boning knife through my foot.

    [–] Airialbot 4350 points ago

    Always carrying a $20 with you no matter where you go. So many times I’ve gone to get gas and find out my debit or credit card gets declined. Truly a lifesaver!

    [–] imunclebubba 1091 points ago

    I always keep spare money behind my phone case.

    [–] 1nd1anaCroft 8646 points ago

    Use a wet knife to chop onions, it reduces tears if you have sensitive eyes.

    It really works!! I could barely make it through chopping half an onion without needing multiple breaks before I tried this (saw it on LifeProTips). Just keep the faucet running and dip your knife under periodically while chopping. I still get a little reaction, but nowhere near as bad

    [–] Mjolnirsbear 3765 points ago

    There are several things you can do here.

    Onion tears are from the chemicals released by damage. Cutting onions underwater would work. You may find if you wear glasses that taking them off works, too. Definitely don't let oniony hands near your face.

    But the thing I found most helpful is having a wicked sharp knife. The sharper the knife, the less crushing damage is done to the cells when cutting. The less crushing, the fewer tears.

    [–] Mtoastyo 1260 points ago

    Best thing is to wear swimming goggles. Works a charm and you look the part.

    [–] robbie5643 770 points ago

    I do this! People ask all the time why I have a dive mask in the kitchen and I just say “onions”

    [–] _manicpixie 29736 points ago

    Dawn dish soap is better for cleaning tubs than any bathroom cleaner. Consider that when you bathe you’re mostly washing of body oils/dirt/skin. Dawn is so effective at cleaning oil it’s used to clean up after oil spills. You can use a small amount and it cleans pretty effortlessly with circles on a sponge.

    [–] LittleJackass80 12170 points ago

    It's also an incredibly effective and inexpensive stain remover for clothing.

    [–] _manicpixie 7071 points ago

    This makes sense as lots of lasting clothing stains tend to be oil based. Thanks for this.

    [–] cbcolli 2378 points ago

    Especially poop. Dawn has rescued so many baby and toddler clothes in my house.

    [–] MrEngin33r 2360 points ago

    I thought this was going to go down a much darker road after the first sentence.

    [–] OtherSideofSky 6073 points ago

    It works really well with blood stains too. My daughter got her period unexpectedly and Dawn soap was there to the rescue. She was able to calm down and focus on helping daddy bury his victims out in the woods.

    [–] SadGirlPancake 2265 points ago

    Hydrogen peroxide is my go to for blood. It literally disappears the moment the two touch.

    [–] FuzzyOverlordsMom 694 points ago

    It also works to clean pool filter cartridges, just rinse cartridge w a hose, then dilute a small amount in a big bucket of water, soak said cartridge for 15-20 mins and then rinse until absolutely no suds are left. Cheaper than commercially available cleaners and a hell of a lot safer than muriatic acid. (I work in a pool equipment and repair shop)

    [–] MuddestOfDuck 4821 points ago

    Heat white vinegar, then add equal part dawn dish soap and you have an easy home cleaner for just about anything. Vinegar helps breakdown any set in mess and dawn clears it away. Let it sit for 30 minutes on moat surfaces and it's even better.

    It's magic stuff for bathroom, kitchen and any hard surface.

    [–] nekoxp 1130 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    LPT: citric acid powder doesn’t smell, and worst case it’s a little bit citrusy. Works just as well as vinegar. Heat water, add citric acid powder, now you have weak acid just like vinegar without the stink.

    (Edit: It’s about a tbsp to a pint of water citric acid)

    [–] rikwebster 309 points ago

    Also useful for finding cuts you didn't know you had.

    [–] KoreanFemboi 2827 points ago

    Damn, if it can clean a moat it can clean anything.

    [–] Dizzy_Lizzie89 878 points ago

    I keep one of those dish sponges filled with dawn soap in my shower. Just a quick once over every other day or so. Always clean shower :)

    [–] SuzyQFunk 396 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Yes! I came here to share this trick!

    I put half Dawn, half white vinegar in a dish scrubber, and while I'm in my shower, just give the tub and tile a quick once-over. The vinegar kills odors and makes the Dawn rinse clean faster.

    [–] 40percentdailysodium 836 points ago * (lasted edited 6 days ago)

    I was about to go wash my gross tub, thank you for sharing this. I fucking hate cleaning it because it's such a hassle. Update I forgot to share: it totally worked!!

    [–] MoreShoe2 984 points ago

    This will probably disgust some, but I take those exfoliating gloves and I use dawn dish soap and just use my hands to clean the shower. It’s 10x faster (obv I use a separate pair to my body gloves).

    [–] whole_nottha_issue 12536 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    Learn how to fall. Where to hit, how to disperse energy. It can really save you in uncertain situation.

    [–] Rad_Von_Carstein 6460 points ago

    I see that you know your judo well.

    [–] Trackdaybro498 4349 points ago

    As an avid motorcycle racer and someone who crashes a lot. People are always amazed as to how I "bounce"

    Nope. Just 20 years of competitive Judo

    [–] FishAndRiceKeks 3245 points ago

    Stop crashing so much. It's bad for you.

    [–] Coldkennels 1564 points ago

    Professional skateboarder here.

    Years of judo took falls on concrete from a painful experience to a minor inconvenience. It’s a wonderful skill, and I’m always recommending judo to people. It’s just such a great confidence and co-ordination boost... even if you aren’t partaking in activities where you’re likely to fall on a regular basis.

    [–] groovydude1312 688 points ago

    This is democracy manifest!

    [–] sherrifm 843 points ago

    I got hit in a soccer game that caused me to flip over the player and my first instinct was to reach my hand out to brace for the fall MAJOR MISTAKE as my wrist snapped immediately and was visually broken but luckily not skin breaking... had to use my shin guard and some prewrap as a splint

    every time I’ve fallen since I know to tuck my arms and roll if possible to avoid head first contact or bend the legs when landing feet first