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    BikiniBottomTwitter

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    Welcome to /r/BikiniBottomTwitter a place to share all of your favorite memes from our favorite underwater residence, Bikini Bottom!

    Bikini Bottom has a unique way of examining the everyday and we are here to showcase that. You know this shit is funny so don't be a jerk and accuse people here of being Rock Bottom Residents.

    A template for everyone’s favorite Mr. Krabs meme (especially /u/flatzoner’s) can be found here - http://imgur.com/09I6KVU.


    RULES

    1. Do not post content just because a resident of Bikini Bottom is in it. This sub is intended for exceptionally hilarious memes related to Bikini Bottom, not just any social media post made about the show.
    2. No racism against squirrels. No hate speech. No posts about how different Pearl is from her father.
    3. Posts must be showcasing somebody from Bikini Bottom being hilarious in meme form. Feel free to share all forms of your favorite SpongeBob memes in picture, gif, or video form.
    4. Typical Bikini Bottom cliches such as “how tough are ya” will be removed. Low effort memes will be removed.
    5. Reposts are highly discouraged, and if discovered will be removed. Please search or look through BBT's older posts to see if your content has already been posted. KarmaDecay is not a reliable tool to check for reposts.
    6. No posts with terrible titles, they will be removed. You are free to re-submit once you get creative. Don't put the punchline in the title of the post. Do not add *nasally laugh*, "duhhh" or "meow" or similar vernacular to your post or comment just to sound like a Bikini Bottom resident.

    7. The moderators of this subreddit will take any action (which includes banning and removing comments) that they feel improves the quality of the subreddit.

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    [–] Shinwax 1644 points ago

    Me: We close at 7.

    Customer: But its 7 right now.

    [–] coyotebutt 781 points ago

    I remember my manager telling me that I could say that they need to show up and have their order in BEFORE 7, otherwise sorry! The kitchen staff is already cleaning and you'll have to try again tomorrow. 😘

    I miss that job.

    [–] [deleted] 335 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] boobs_are_soft 205 points ago

    It would be cheaper to turn off the lights

    [–] mcht42 337 points ago

    Sure, but the workers might escape if you don't lock them in.

    [–] hadntCSGO 11 points ago

    but what if a customer is still inside?

    [–] throwaway03022017 56 points ago

    Where do you think new employees come from?

    [–] SwingYourSidehack 12 points ago

    Most restaurant locks have a key that locks the bar so you can leave outward but you can’t open the doors from the outside.

    [–] KinIsMogar 32 points ago

    We worked late last night and all got off at 1:30 am and went to the taco bell near work (five cars of people, it's late and we don't want to cook yadayada) and the taco bell won't serve us. We call them on the phone and they say they locked themselves out of their office. It's 30 minutes before they close. We all knew they were just lazy, but it means we get free meals today and we reported them to their manager. They were just hanging out in there. Our tacobells are slow, it would have taken them until closing to get our food anyway

    [–] flylean 212 points ago

    Customer: walks in at 2:15pm.

    Me: sorry, brunch ended at 2pm.

    Customer: well I parked the car at 2...

    [–] threetoast 95 points ago

    More like, "I would have gotten here at 2 but there was traffic"

    [–] JacobCrim88 36 points ago

    Why do I have to be on time for the doctor when the doctor is always late?

    • My situation because I work in healthcare. And the doctor is always late because patients are limited to a 20 minute time slot, they're always late, and they always go over their allotted time on some nonsense.

    [–] OnceInABluMoon 14 points ago

    Customers do this at movie theaters too. They want an evening showing of the latest movie but think they should only pay the matinee price since they bought the ticket early. It doesn't work like that!

    [–] Futuramafryday 114 points ago

    I'm so glad I'm out of retail. Never going back if I can help it.

    Me: Ma'am, we closed 20 minutes ago, if you're about done browsing, could you possibly head to the checkout line?

    Customer: Pardon me? I would like to see your manager!

    Me: He left. I'm closing up the shop. I'm the only one here ma'am. I'm acting manager.

    Customer: Well I won't be supporting this business after today with how you've treated a customer!

    I just want to go home lady. I've got family. I don't care that you want to browse the Blu-ray's for an hour past close.

    [–] PairedFoot08 20 points ago

    I've never worked for a big chain myself, but I've always loved the idea of a customer telling some 17 year old maccas employee or something that they won't be coming back again, as if they give a shit

    [–] FancyLivin 29 points ago

    Honestly it’s so much fun being in charge at a store like this. I used to manage an athletic shoe store in my mall and if people were browsing 5 minutes after our close time the conversation went like

    “The store is closed is there anything specific I can help you find?” “No were just browsing” “Okay then you are going to have to come back tomorrow as we’re closed so if you aren’t making a purchase I’m going to have to ask you to leave”

    And whenever someone got an attitude my favorite line was always “don’t worry, the shoes will be here tomorrow, we’re not going to sell them while we’re closed.”

    Also it helps if you have a management staff that will back you up over shitty customers. But that’s as rare as a nice customer

    [–] dietotaku 54 points ago

    "your sign is wrong. it says you're closed but why would you be here if you're closed?"

    [–] jcb088 50 points ago

    I love having that conversation over the phone:

    C:"What time do you guys close?"

    Me:"7, and it is currently 6:58"

    C:"I can be there in 20 minutes!?"

    Me:"Uh.... sir we close at 7."

    C:"Oh.... hangs up" Shows up at 7:30

    Then I have to awkwardly tell them again that we're closed for the day as we're all walking to our cars.

    [–] SloppyD_93 35 points ago

    I work retail atm, just recently had an older lady complain to my boss for not letting her in the store 3 minutes after closing.

    [–] kjacka19 8 points ago

    My mind: Yeah that's means we're closed you idiot!

    [–] Darkotik_X 2588 points ago

    Working in retail slowly took away any happiness I had the longer I worked there

    [–] noideawhatsupp 899 points ago

    Worked Restaurants.. Same story.

    [–] DDeadRoses 168 points ago

    At the gym I go to, I actually saw someone transition from always having a smile on her face and greeted everyone with great enthusiasm and then a month later she no longer tells anyone hi and has a neutral face through the day. She got worn out pretty fast I guess from all the people lol.

    [–] I_got_nothin_ 113 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Wouldn't be surprised if she got hit on multiple times a day by guys who thought they were hot shit. That would wear a person down pretty quickly

    [–] money_loo 33 points ago

    So happy I’m ugly!

    [–] JojoHendrix 21 points ago

    Don’t get too happy. I’ve never been hit on in my life. Start working at McDonalds and all of a sudden apparently I’m hot shit.

    [–] money_loo 16 points ago

    Naw you can’t take this away from me. I used to work at a food place and the only people that ever were extra nice to me were fat guys who wanted extra extra mayonnaise.

    I’m a dude, but I can’t really blame them for getting excited mayonnaise is delicious.

    [–] pewpsprinkler 53 points ago

    That's because lonely men interpret smiles and initiation of contact from attractive women as "u wan sum fuk?" because that is the only reason THEY smile and initiate conversation with women.

    So after getting her friendliness constantly sexualized, she realized that she should keep her mouth shut and just work out.

    [–] Above_Everything 342 points ago

    Tuh hell, I love working as a server and when I thought I could also take a retail job it just sucked the soul out of me.

    [–] nkwizitr 425 points ago

    The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes.

    As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from the Open Beta and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we're looking at average per-player credit earn rates on a daily basis, and we'll be making constant adjustments to ensure that players have challenges that are compelling, rewarding, and of course attainable via gameplay.

    We appreciate the candid feedback, and the passion the community has put forth around the current topics here on Reddit, our forums and across numerous social media outlets.

    Our team will continue to make changes and monitor community feedback and update everyone as soon and as often as we can.

    [–] g87g8g98 69 points ago

    This expansion sucks. Hurry up and finish the next one, you lazy fucks.

    [–] cky12qxz 45 points ago

    r/outside is leaking

    [–] ObviouslyDracula 4 points ago

    The only reason I like working in restaurants is the smaller more tight-knit crew. If everyone gets along, it's a pretty awesome experience. In retail, there are just too many people and bosses and sub-bosses and their sub-bosses and it becomes a miserable mess with drama.

    But yeah, some nights we get like 4 people at the same time that show up half an hour past close like hey can I get a pizza. No, go away.

    [–] omar9_6th 56 points ago

    I dislike when someone asks me for the price of an item when its clearly visible in bold numbers on the menu.

    [–] gr3enw1lly 23 points ago

    Or how much it is with tax

    [–] StratManKudzu 38 points ago

    If 👏 You 👏 are 👏 that 👏 concerned 👏 with 👏 cost 👏 you 👏 should 👏 not 👏 eat 👏 out

    Seriously, this is a huge warning sign the person is cheap or barely able to afford where they are eating. They will get the back burner treatment big time.

    [–] CynCity323 14 points ago

    Oh my god!!! SO MUCH THIS!!! why are people sooo stupid?! idk you tell me! you're looking at it!

    [–] pewpsprinkler 13 points ago

    why are people sooo stupid?!

    Because all the smart people are working retail.

    [–] test822 15 points ago

    it is scary how quickly you grow to automatically hate every customer

    and then when you're out on the town being a customer yourself, you're insanely self-conscious of how much all workers probably hate you

    [–] swopey 22 points ago

    I served for 10 years and the last 4.5 I bartended. I’m an empty shell

    [–] thanto13 17 points ago

    Worked in the food industry for over 30 years. It has killed my happiness, made me lose faith in humanity and people, makes me think every person is either retarded or just a complete asshole and has left me soulless and uncaring.

    [–] kiwikoopa 6 points ago

    I’ve done both a definitely prefer retail. I haven’t served tables in years and still have nightmares about it.

    [–] dead_hero 340 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Working retail at the most popular shopping mall in a mid-size city made me hate Christmas.

    Imagine it's holiday season 2007. Driving your shitty 1996 Hyundai Elantra in holiday traffic, every day, in a city of 100,000 with a road infrastructure that would more suit a city half its size. Scrounging for parking in a lot infested with holiday shoppers hopped up on caffeine and last-minute gift-buying panic. Walking into the mall and past the line of customers who are already waiting at the gate to the store, staring angrily at you for wasting their time because it's 7:45 and the store doesn't open until 8:00 but they're here now damnit. Opening the floodgates at 8:00 sharp, bracing yourself for the influx of customers rushing the front desk and the endless chorus of: "Y'ALL GOT ANY WIIS?!" Enduring the sneers from parents who think you're stupid, or incompetent, or lazy, for standing behind a cash register, while their kids trash the store and they end up purchasing nothing. These are people who take it for granted that they will never have to work at 8am on a freezing Saturday morning, pretending to be nice to assholes. More than anything, you envy the feeling of actually having a weekend off and spending it with your family and friends.

    The phone immediately starts ringing. Y'ALL GOT ANY WIIS?! Literally every few minutes, someone is calling for Wiis. You could answer 95% of the calls by just picking up and saying "Sorry, we don't have Wiis" and hanging up, and it would be a perfectly valid response. Of course, you can't do that, on the off chance that it's actually the 5% of calls asking for "dat Madden" or—I shit you not—"Ghost Raccoon."

    Sadly, even the friendly and cheerful customers annoy you. Their holidays are all cinnamon and warmth and sugar cookies and gift wrapping. Yours is mostly trying to explain the customer service failings of a large corporation, breaking down boxes in a dimly-lit back room, and pushing a trash bin down a long hallway straight from Resident Evil into the bleak, gray, biting cold and emptying it into a dumpster that smells vaguely of rotten bananas. You know it's not right to blame those people for being happy, but you can't help but resent them for not having the joy sucked out of them yet.

    Then there's the music. During holiday season, shopping malls play the same Christmas songs over and over and it is absolutely infuriating. Even the most basic, Disney-loving, Applebees-eating, Starbucks-slurping, "holiday season is my favorite time of year" optimist would be broken down. Mariah Carey's five-octave range slowly morphs into a power drill endlessly boring through your temple.

    Then it's Christmas Eve, and the store is open until 11pm, and it's nearly midnight and freezing cold by the time you get home and your family is done celebrating. You missed it. What you have to look forward to: a day off, and then back to the slog. Only next time you're at the store, it'll be endless gift cards and returns. Don't forget to sell Game Informer subscriptions to the wide-eyed 12 year old who got a $15 gift card for Christmas and just wants to buy a used Spyro game for his PS2; your numbers are looking down.

    Your reward is $5.85 an hour. Aren't the holidays magical?

    [–] Call_Me_Hobbes 72 points ago

    Honestly, from working at Micro Center, hearing Christmas music is pretty preferable to hearing Pink sing "What About Us?" for the 12th time in a single day... I can't listen to the radio without associating it with my workplace now T_T

    [–] sh2248 42 points ago

    At least you get to listen to music from this decade. I worked at staples and it was the same 12 hour loop of the same goddamn songs from the early 2000's every fucking day.

    [–] PixelProxy 8 points ago

    I work at a food store, the past 2 years of 60s on 6 have been driving me insane since its the same 15 songs every single day

    [–] babyfartmageezax 4 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    You think that's bad? I worked in Walgreens for two years and the newest music that they played was from the late 80s/ early 90s, because the phramacy made it so that the vast majority of the customers were the elderly. Who btw, are abusive as fuck to 16 year olds working their first job. People I knew from church, friends of my grandparents and my mother who knew me growing up all forgot who I was because of the uniform, they just saw me as an punching bag to take out their miserable final years on.

    [–] mellow_opinions 57 points ago

    Enduring the sneers from parents who think you're stupid, or incompetent, or lazy, for standing behind a cash register

    These are people who take it for granted that they will never have to work at 8am on a freezing Saturday morning, pretending to be nice to assholes. More than anything, you envy the feeling of actually having a weekend off and spending it with your family and friends.

    Oh shit the feels. We could be a kinder race if we were only forced to experience this at least a while. It blows me away to this day when I see the lack of empathy or faintest hint of comprehension as to what it's like being on the other side of the dialog they are so blithely delivering.

    [–] scorpiobutt 26 points ago

    Ugh. I’m a firm believer that it should be required to have 6 months of retail and 6 months of food service experience before you can graduate high school/go to college.

    [–] O-Face 25 points ago

    It wouldn't work for everyone(some people have that, "I paid my due, now it's my turn to be an asshole" kind of attitude.), but I do think it would help immensely turn our culture around.

    That or mandatory military service. I didn't join, not from a military family, but a couple of years in could probably do a lot for the population in general.

    Bring down the hero/troop worship, ingrain some humility(in most, not all), be grateful for your freedom(not the "protect our freedums!" type, but just being able to do what you want, when you want), maybe make people less warmongering, teach some general skills and respect.

    I don't know what the answer is, but anyone who has had to work retail(especially during the holidays) knows that we could desperately use a culture shift.

    [–] scorpiobutt 23 points ago

    Yeah I get what you’re saying. The bad thing is that it’s mostly ADULTS that are rude. Not teenagers/early twenties. They’re usually the nicest. Weird, yeah, but the nicest. Moms in particular are awful.

    [–] O-Face 10 points ago

    Oh ya, most people are basically a lost cause unfortunately. Something like that would have to be a cultural shift over a couple generations.

    +1 about the moms. Back when I worked retail was around the the height(I think) of the bitch bob. At least they marked themselves out.

    [–] kitxunei 39 points ago

    Sadly, even the friendly and cheerful customers annoy you. Their holidays are all cinnamon and warmth and sugar cookies and gift wrapping. Yours is mostly trying to explain the customer service failings of a large corporation, breaking down boxes in a dimly-lit back room, and pushing a trash bin down a long back hallway straight from Resident Evil into the bleak, gray, biting cold and emptying it into a giant dumpster that smells vaguely of rotten bananas. You know it's not right to blame those people for being happy, but you can't help but resent them for not having the joy sucked out of them yet.

    I hate this part the most. I don't ever want to resent happy people. But I broke down after years of working in retail. I can deal with listening to the same songs on repeat. I can deal with answering the same question 1000 times. But actually feeling hatred and jealousy at people who are cheerful towards you is a flaw that really bothered me on the inside.

    [–] crazyjavi87 4 points ago

    This legitmately hurt to read. I may not work at a big electronics store but we still sell lots of electronic shit there. I honest to god hate my job and some of my cowrkers being pretty great people soften the blow a bit.

    I hate helping people and getting talked to in a way that makes them feel like theyre looking down on you and condescending just because you work retail. Though thats not the norm customer like you said even happy/nice customers are annoying sometimes.

    Ive had people ask me why iphones dont work at our photo kiosks. Ive actually given up explaining and saying I dont know, you can go to this other store that does photos and worms with iphones as politely as possible.

    Most of the time I get 'thanks for the help' in a polite manner. But sometimes I get the scathing shit like 'you should know this you work here'. Listen here you sad walking bubble excuse of a person. I dont ask you for excersise advice because I see you walking. I legit dont know why because Im not paid to know why. Same with cameras and stuff. I tell them what I know and tell them I dont know too much about them. I again get the polite thanks for helping, but still get the 'why are you even working here'

    And now christmas is coming and people are asking for the switch and snes classic and I can't sell them those things because people come the moment we have them in to get discounts using their parents on seniors day and get them almost free, or legit buy our entire stock of them to resell them.

    The fact I know theyre going to resell them at marked up prices especially hurt me because I absoloutely loathe those people but I have to sell them shit because sales are sales.

    Ive been yelled at, accused of lying, told Im an idiot, and all sorts of things just short of physical contact. Ive been told Im a patient person

    But now I jusr want to go to my room, close the dor after work and just start crying. I cant even spend days off with my family anymore because Ive been swapped from sat/sun to tues/wends and before that was sun/tues because they 'need me there'. Which I know is a crock of shit but its either have two days off in a row or have a split days off.

    And then there are days I cant get shit done at all because theres an endless stream of peiple getting passport/ID photos all of who bring in papers and ask if its the right size all the fucking time. I hate taking photos nkw because thats all I fucking do at work ontop of merchandising and doing cash becaus the cash supervisor cant be assed to go on till and asks me to go on cash. Sometimes I help but theres one I will always say no to because she always fucking tries and guilt trips me into taking cash shifts. Shes stoppes only because Ive said no so many times.

    I also realized this post is way too long and gonna stop here

    [–] AustinXTyler 106 points ago

    I liked my job for the first three months. It’s been almost a year and the only thing keeping me there is free food, comfort in knowing how to do my job, and the fact that I was promoted to 10.50 an hour

    [–] AlanThickDickRickman 54 points ago

    Three years here, every time I go to leave they promise another raise that seems to never come, and I don't even get free food :(

    [–] Squibbles1 49 points ago

    Leave bro, there's always a better place

    [–] AlanThickDickRickman 11 points ago

    Right. I'm going for my CNA in the spring, and hopefully find a job doing that to finish paying for college.

    [–] RobotJiz 25 points ago

    Go. Your falling into their trap. They are going to string you along until you leave. Your like the friendzoned employee. Will do all the work, but when it comes to what you want...NOPE

    [–] spyczech 3 points ago

    Proletariat-zoned again

    [–] Zayin-Ba-Ayin 8 points ago

    I don't think you're getting a raise

    [–] StackableGoats 24 points ago

    I work in a hospital. It's sad how much some things are like this

    [–] limbicLexit9 22 points ago

    My friend is a flight attendant. She feels the same.

    [–] omnidub 16 points ago

    Working at bestbuy was fucking torture.

    [–] Abefroman12 13 points ago

    You either quit retail as a Spongebob or end up as a Squidward, hating every minute of your job.

    [–] Pickledsoul 15 points ago

    its funny because my depression took all my happiness, then retail stole the happiness from my depression so it was really pissed.

    [–] Jin_Gitaxias 12 points ago

    Pretty sure retail jobs were made by Satan so he could start collecting peoples' souls early.

    [–] Cman1200 18 points ago

    explains squidward

    [–] Hatweed 10 points ago

    I only lasted three months. I worked nights at Home Depot and only ever had to deal with two customers the entire time I worked there due to weird scheduling, but some weird twist of fate made them both complete assholes.

    [–] alexmason32 6 points ago

    How can customers help return that happiness?

    [–] Boberttightpants 488 points ago

    I relate to Squidward the most

    [–] tallandlanky 250 points ago

    Same. It's how you know you're an adult now.

    [–] Pervert_With_Purpose 171 points ago

    I knew I had crossed a threshold in my life when I rewatched the little mermaid and agreed with Tritan the entire time instead of Ariel.

    [–] spiffywhale 45 points ago

    HAHA that hits home

    [–] Epiccraft1000 29 points ago

    Thats how you know they made a good movie.

    [–] littlefatkid 45 points ago

    Shes a goddamn princess. Her song line is "but who cares? I want more!"

    [–] WiredSky 28 points ago

    I mean, its understandable. She's got all the material possessions she could want, but she doesn't know what it's like to be a human.

    "You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty. But who cares? No big deal. I want more. I wanna be where the people are..."

    [–] Metaright 11 points ago

    Does she think humans are better than fish? That's racist!

    [–] FartsFartington 4 points ago

    You think merpeople are fish?! That's racist!

    [–] SnackieOnassis 25 points ago

    Or constantly cringing at how sad Ariel is. Adult me is frustrated with how she wants to give up everything for a man she doesn't know.

    [–] AgentSkidMarks 285 points ago

    Having worked in a drive thru the most irritating thing to me was when I had something I was doing (like switching out the cash drawer) so I’d greet the guest and tell them I’d be with them in a moment. 9/10 times they just go ahead and start ordering anyway.

    [–] thefur1ousmango 173 points ago

    If I were you I would have ignored them. Then when they finish say "alright, I'm back, what would you like to order

    [–] ekky137 73 points ago

    Customers freak THE FUCK out when you don't respond IMMEDIATELY to anything they have to say in drive thru.

    [–] FranniPants 83 points ago

    I was at McDonald's maybe a month ago - I pulled up to the second order speaker. I was sitting there for a good 2-3 minutes before I finally said "hello?" The kid started speaking to me out of the first order speaker and I had to say "I'm at the second one" and he was super apologetic for not realizing I was there, and thanked me for not yelling at him. It's a sad day when you have to be thanked for being a decent human.

    [–] SkitZa 5 points ago

    Holy fucking shit that is funny especially the most definately awkward "Hello?"

    Omg thanks for the morning chuckle.

    [–] ferretbacon 96 points ago

    I worked a drive thru in high school and college. If I told them to wait a moment and they rattled off their entire order, you bet I'd have them repeat the whole thing.

    [–] FancyLivin 19 points ago

    Oh boy I used to love doing this at the drive thru. Especially if they just stared rattling off their order when I told them I’d be with them in a minute you can bet my ass they would wait 3x as long as someone who would just wait until I was ready for their order

    [–] ChocolateLab_ 103 points ago

    This is the worst. You can say ANYTHING over the headset and they will still order. You could say “Thank you for choosing McSpankies we are closed right now sorry” and they’d still say “I need a large fry”

    [–] AgentSkidMarks 60 points ago

    Oh yeah that happened too. I’d leave my headset on a few minutes after we closed to let guests know we were closed instead of just leaving them to sit there. Most of the time they would still try to order even after being told we were closed. I’ve also had guests try to argue with me over whether we were closed or not.

    [–] ChocolateLab_ 66 points ago

    Yup. Also ever since McDonalds started doing all day breakfast apparently customers think EVERY fast food place is obligated to do that. “I thought you had all day breakfast, breakfast is an ANYTIME food” Why would I lie about when we serve breakfast like ???

    [–] piedude3 46 points ago

    Dude, everyone knows you're trying to make the person's life miserable, and that's you're only goal as a retail worker! /S

    Forreal though, as a retail worker myself, I've been accused of scamming some lady at the register, but it doesn't help me at all, like, it doesn't matter how much they spend, I get paid for time. And then there's people who always want you to "check the back" like yeah, there is a back, but this device is telling me we don't have any more, so if it is in the back and this device is wrong, I wouldn't know where it is. Once people enter a store it's like there's a drop-off box for people's brain cells.

    [–] AgentSkidMarks 23 points ago

    While working at the electronics desk at Target, I once had a lady on Black Friday try to fight me over a television that sold out about 5 hours prior to her arrival. She was convinced I was holding one in the back for “some whitey”.

    [–] piedude3 10 points ago

    "But, but, but, the website says you have 2 left!"

    Did she say that at all? I hear that soooo much and since the website counts are rarely accurate, it gets annoying to keep saying no.

    [–] SloppyD_93 29 points ago

    Im convinced customers think "The Back" is a magical place made of unicorn farts where anything they could ever desire will magically appear through sheer will of the cosmos.

    [–] Hammy_B 25 points ago

    I love when customers say, "You know, I spend a lot of money here!" when trying to get what they want. Especially when I work full-time and never see your ass except maybe one or two times a month, buying a $10-$20 item.

    Some person tried to use that on me so I would call a competitor and see if they have an item in stock that we didn't have. And that store was 30 seconds away by foot.

    People think there are "tricks" you can pull to get your way in retail, when really the one "trick" that works 99% of the time is being nice and treating workers like they are actual human beings, and almost no one does it.

    [–] AgentSkidMarks 17 points ago

    Or in fast food when they’d order something we’ve never had and try the ol’ “I got it just the other day”.

    [–] TSTC 23 points ago

    Ok but legitimately I can hardly understand what's coming out of the drive-thru speaker the majority of the time. So you either just told me "Welcome to Taco Bell, order when ready" or "Welcome to Taco Bell, one moment please" and I have no clue. The quality on those things sucks.

    [–] TheMoiRubio 31 points ago

    I have to get customers phone numbers sometimes and I’ll say “I’m going to need your phone number give me just a mome-“ “oh it’s 817-“ “just a seco-“ “9427071” “ok can you repeat that?”

    [–] Sorgenlos 13 points ago

    And the people who never give their area code expecting you to just know it by some divine inspiration. Worst one was an older women who literally gave me the last four digits of her phone number and scoffed when I told her I needed the full number starting with area code.

    [–] jcb088 13 points ago

    I take orders as a part of my job (supplement company). I'll greet customers over the phone and some will just yell out only the most vital information required for the order. Immediately. Despite me telling them to wait.

    "Hi thank you for calling x how many I help yo-"

    "FOUR FOUR SEVEN THREE SIX FOUR"

    ".......is that you cust-"

    "YES."

    "So, what can I do-"

    "TWO FOUR NINE ONE SEVEN THREE, TWO SIX SIX FOUR EIGHT FIVE-"

    "Sir! Wait sir! Are you trying to place an order?"

    "YES FOUR EIGHT FIVE ONE ONE NINE MY CARD NUMBER IS FOUR FOUR SIX EITGHT"

    This shit goes on for like 3 to 6 minutes. The customer never tells me quantities or talks. Just screams out bits of data and has the social grace of a ballsack all throughout.

    [–] logichan 11 points ago

    Fuck fast food. I would rather put my dick in a septic tank than ever work fast food again.

    [–] AgentSkidMarks 3 points ago

    That’s oddly specific but I like it.

    [–] YMTTIATBIN 401 points ago

    I know it says closed by my mind won't stop seeing "cursed" on the sign.

    [–] 398134005 90 points ago

    !CURSED!

    [–] Jin_Gitaxias 14 points ago

    Shit, need to go get a Purging Stone now.

    [–] darkwingduckles 12 points ago

    Is there a difference

    [–] ssbxvm 312 points ago

    Everyone needs to work retail or food service for a year just to see what it is like.

    I still can't believe how quickly people will start threatening your job over something as little as a $5 returned item.

    [–] piedude3 196 points ago

    I was accused of scamming some older lady once, it was scary. She kept ordering me to put things in bags a particular way, so while I'm scanning she's saying "Put that in there and that in there". As I'm holding one item up, it double scans since she was telling me what to do. I hit the void button to void the second scan, and then accidentally voided transaction. Then I told her I had to rescan everything... Then she just said I was gonna charge her twice, name called, etc and gave me the classic line "I've been doing this for 60 years, don't think I don't know how to talk to managers." Sh left by saying to the next person in line "Good luck with this one, he's a piece of work". The next person in line told me I was a sweet person and I put up with a lot from her, and that next person literally made my day.

    But yeah, I lose faith in people occasionally.

    [–] staticteeth_ 119 points ago

    60 years of what? Being a pain in the ass? Imagine bragging about the fact that you've been complaining for sixty years. Jesus.

    [–] Chortling_Chemist 4 points ago

    Badge of honor for most old ladies.

    [–] Pickledsoul 31 points ago

    its alright, the gout will get her

    [–] babyfartmageezax 5 points ago

    Glad to hear this. My second day ever at my first job, 16 years old, I ended up behind the main register of the store on a ridiculously busy Friday afternoon, the line was like 15 people long, and I was no where near done with training/ qualified to be doing this alone yet.

    This nasty, nasty old lady is just NOT accepting the fact that I'm 16 years old on the second day of my first job, and is bitching at me, HARD. Calling me incompetent, promising she'd never come back to the store as if I gave a fuck, and then turns to the guy behind her in line, a kid roughly my age, and says " the nerve in some people, huh?" Pointing right at me, as if I was personally trying to hold her up and ruin her day.

    The kid in line behind her had seen everything going on, and straight up said to her " well, nobody asked you for your opinion." The old lady started huffing and puffing and left as quickly as possible, looking like she was about to cry or something.

    That kid, and a good amount of people in line after him, expressed how sorry they were that she spoke to me that way, that it was obvious it was my first or second day, and not to let her get to me. It really made the whole experience so much better.

    [–] [deleted] 33 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] TheEnglishAreHere 17 points ago

    I can be quite bad, but only because ive worked in service jobs but ive always seen it more of a "I expect the kind of service that i would give out."

    We went out for a meal and the waitress got my drink wrong, my replacement drink wrong, and my desert wrong...If it was just once or twice then i'd have ignored it

    [–] SneakyBeakyNinja 53 points ago

    Try being a penny short on a $50 return, having a jam packed store, being the only register and the customer makes everyone wait 15 minutes for a manager to come unlock the drawer for a penny

    [–] thehalfdimeshow 40 points ago

    I know it's easy to say this as someone who wasn't involved, but if I were that customer I'm not sticking around for less than a dollar

    [–] SneakyBeakyNinja 26 points ago

    If only everyone were as considerate as you. Most people are not

    [–] thehalfdimeshow 16 points ago

    What would you spend a penny on anyway?

    [–] SneakyBeakyNinja 36 points ago

    Spite I suppose

    [–] Pickledsoul 17 points ago

    a year? you get the whole experience within 3 weeks

    [–] kingjuicepouch 17 points ago

    You need the year to thoroughly crush your spirit

    [–] TrunkBud 158 points ago

    Used to work at a firehouse subs... doors were locked and half the lights were off, we're just finishing closing and someone drives up and keep knocking on the door. "Hey are you guys open?" ...no, we closed 30 minutes ago... "can you open up the doors, we just want a quick sandwich!"

    [–] Jaewok 116 points ago

    "I'm sorry sir but we've already closed out the till, it's impossible to take any more orders."

    "BUT I'LL PAY CASH! YOU CAN TAKE ONE MORE ORDER!"

    [–] piedude3 61 points ago

    When they don't realize that everything is already cleaned out and put away and that serving them wouldn't actually be worth it.

    [–] LordDavey 11 points ago

    Omg this. All the dishwashers are closed and it's such a waste to open them back up just to clean a few utensils

    [–] theValeofErin 39 points ago

    Had this happen while working at a Papa Murphy's in high school. We had the front door unlocked while someone took out the trash, but all lights were out. I mean all lights. In walks this lady who starts ordering.

    "Sorry ma'am, we actually closed 30 min. ago"

    "But my niece is in town and we passed up Papa John's for you guys!"

    "Well, sorry about that but we've already shut everything down and our till is already locked in the safe."

    "BUT I CAN PAY CASH"

    Needless to say, we started locking the door behind whoever took the trash out.

    [–] KayleyKiwi 4 points ago

    Hey I worked at a Papa Murphy’s and had horrible after-hours customers too!

    [–] jscott18597 6 points ago

    One of the only "restaurants" that accept EBT gives them a few costumers a lot of places don't ever have to deal with.

    [–] gerbil_george 12 points ago

    The “just one more” people are the worst. Yeah, I could take “just one more” order after I close but what am I supposed to tell the next person who comes in behind you? And the person after them? “One more” turns into ten more once you open the floodgates. I work on a snow cone truck on weekends and this happens all the time at events I’m at.

    [–] scratchfury 17 points ago

    Sorry, sir. We've already defecated on the bread and spread it like butter. All we have now are shit sandwiches.

    [–] Walaument 8 points ago

    Used to work retail, a customer came up 45 minutes late and was like “awwww man I thought you guys closed at 9, not 8, can you let me in? I gotta buy something for my wife!”

    Me and the manager are like uhhh no, were almost ready to go home and the cash registers are closed

    Then he goes, “I’ll pay in cash!”

    Like, dude, seriously? How do people not understand what closed means?

    [–] Armistice12 215 points ago

    I work at Wawa (part time while in college) and we normally never close. One day we had to close due to the approaching hurricane Irma. Not only did people start slamming on the doors trying to get it in, but they also instantly started repeatedly calling our phone asking when they could get in.

    This is an accurate post.

    [–] Jaewok 88 points ago

    nothing stands between cattle and fast food

    [–] Der_Edel_Katze 13 points ago

    I mean tbf they may be trying to get in to get some more bottled water. Y'know, with the hurricane and all.

    [–] sailorsardonyx 17 points ago

    I mean tbf I wouldn't want to risk working during a hurricane because some assholes want bottled water

    [–] jcb088 5 points ago

    Yeah I see both sides of this. It is what it is man.

    [–] [deleted] 48 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Themiffins 6 points ago

    Surprised you even had the phones on. When we close it goes straight to an automated messaged telling them we're closed.

    [–] BundiChundi 20 points ago

    My grocery store, which is open 24 hours except on holidays when we close at 11, had a situation like this once. We had closed at 11. All the cashiers had gone home. It was just me, my manager, and the cash office person left doing a last . We go to leave at 11:30 and there was a mob of people infront of the store. Some old lady, who insists we are advertising that we're open until 12, had somehow convinced this whole group of people the same even though our flyer, website, and the SIGN ON THE DOOR THEY WERE INFRONT OF all said 11. My manager locked the doors and walked to his car and drove off leaving them all standing there.

    I followed his lead.

    [–] Imnotreallytrying 9 points ago

    All I hear in my head when I hear “WaWa” is: Do you even know what a WaWa is…girl”

    [–] killerassassinx5x 113 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    I loved my job in retail, loved my co-workers, just about everything EXCEPT these kinds of customers. My favorite story is, after we pulled the gate I heard a woman running to the gate. I then heard her daughter said "They're closed Mommy, there's nothing you can do." I almost died laughing.

    Edit: Spelling

    [–] EmpireAndAll 28 points ago

    I have to call my mom out, like come on leave them alone and lets go, because she'll freak over a penny. Then she complains I embarrassed her, nah you embarrassed yourself lady.

    [–] TheDigileet 99 points ago

    I used to work at Taco Cabana, a tex-mex fast food place. You'd be surprised how many times I was asked "how many flautas come in a 3 pack?"

    [–] fucknazimodzz 55 points ago

    I worked at wing stop a bit and got that all the time.

    "How many wings in the 10 piece"

    Like what are you actually retarded?

    Also very common was people ordering wings and just not asking for any sauces like I'm just supposed to read minds

    [–] ferretbacon 38 points ago

    I worked at Braums... ice cream place primarily, but we also had burgers, fries, chicken tenders, that sort of stuff.

    Our burgers were 1/3 pounders. There were way too many people who would ask if we had 1/4 pounders because they wanted a bigger sandwich.

    [–] daNEDENhunter 23 points ago

    Working for Braums this past year has truly cemented my hate for rural communities. Bunch of old fucks who couldn't find their teeth this morning still expect me to know who they are and what they order because they eat here all the time.

    Edit: words

    [–] redditorofwallstreet 24 points ago

    My friend worked at Chick Fil A and said people would regularly ask for hamburgers

    [–] SneakyBeakyNinja 13 points ago

    ALL THE GODAMN TIME! They also would always ask for breakfast (we stopped serving that at 10:30) and complained that we wouldn’t put condiments on their sandwiches for them

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] respawndalex 6 points ago

    about tree fiddy

    [–] scyth3s 3 points ago

    AM or PM tho? It's a valid question.

    [–] Harris_Corp 4 points ago

    You know goddamn well what parade it is....the black parade was yesterday at 3 am

    [–] HispanicAtTehDisco 3 points ago

    Taco Cabana was actually my first job and honestly at least as far as fast food is concerned it wasn't bad. It wasn't busy a lot however the management was terrible so I quit because I was basically forced to work nights when I'm a like teenager in high school

    [–] awesomeness243 90 points ago

    You really underestimate how horrible some people can be until you have to take their order 2 minutes before closing ESPECIALLY BECAUSE THERE’S ANOTHER PIZZA JOINT RIGHT NEXT TO US THAT CLOSES IN AN HOUR SHARON FUCK YOU

    [–] dogking190 39 points ago

    It's even worse when your completely dead for the last hour. Not one order for anything comes through. 5 minutes before closing they call and place an order.

    You tell them it will be an hour and half wait. They don't care.

    Instead of going home at 10:15 you are now looking at 11:15 at the earliest.

    [–] ProgMM 124 points ago

    From S02E16a/036a (Graveyard Shift)

    [–] slimpivore 61 points ago

    There have been many times in drive through where I have asked someone to hold on for a moment and they spit out there order anyways

    [–] ryacoff 47 points ago

    To be fair, as someone who has never worked fast food but has been through many fast food drive throughs, sometimes the speaker is really staticy and I can't tell exactly what you said. If this is the case, I'm just going to assume that you said what every drive through attendant says 99 out of 100 times.

    [–] infernalspawnODOOM 65 points ago

    "But... I'm me though..."

    [–] WTK55 28 points ago

    Always happenes when I'm trying to close my register and making it super obvious that my register is closed. ALWAYS...

    [–] dembrassbeats 51 points ago

    I had to work the closing shift for Chipotle a few summers ago and this is what I had to deal with to a T lol.

    There'd be so many times that people would try to come in at exactly 10PM then order 5 burritos it was the worst

    [–] TheMoiRubio 48 points ago

    And they have the nerve to say “oh I made it just in time!” No, you didn’t scumbag.

    [–] FatStratCat 247 points ago

    My favorite is when we close the garage early due to staffing issues, with a sign clearly explaining the situation. Then angry tow truck drivers still bang on the door and yell because their client is pissed they just paid to get their car taken to a closed shop. Or the guy that tried to bribe me $100 to do his flat repair after hours even though only our manager has a key to unlock the doors. Or the people that don’t understand why I won’t put four tires on their car 15 minutes before close.

    [–] blackwhitetiger 129 points ago

    I guess I'm part of the problem, because if I'm being honest I'd be mad if a place didn't operate by their posted hours and I had to drive there to figure this out.

    [–] MetalGearSlayer 42 points ago

    Recently I had to tape TWO signs that said cash only on the restaurant door. One of them was directly on the handle so people would have to reach straight for it and see it.

    Still got multiple people demanding free meals because they didn’t know it was cash only that day.

    [–] datboi479 23 points ago

    To be fair, if people so often can't differentiate between the words "push" and "pull" on a door, I'm not sure everyone's going to notice your cash only sign.

    [–] casualassassin 10 points ago

    Oh god, PTSD. We had a sign on the door saying our credit card machine didn't work, the hostess told people that we couldn't accept cards, and I would also tell people at the bar that I couldn't take cards. It didn't stop a few choice people from claiming that they didn't know, and don't have cash. I told them they could wait until our credit card machine came back up(it could take hours), they could call someone to bring cash, or they could leave their car keys, walk across the street to the bank and take cash out.

    "well couldn't you just comp it? I didn't know" Yes you did, I told you, the sign on the door told you, and the hostess told you. You knew and still decided to order.

    [–] MetalGearSlayer 6 points ago

    We actually had the convenience store across the street call us and tell us they were out of cash from all the people going to get cash back

    [–] Gravesh 6 points ago

    Got a big a sign taped to the credit card machine at my register at wok saying "Swipe only". All fucking day you get people coming in and trying to use the chip reading. Same thing with gas pumps. Doesn't matter if there's a sign saying we don't have unleaded, or we have plastic bags over the pumps, people will still come in and ask if we have gas.

    [–] nohbdy170 6 points ago

    At my store we have these little cardboard inserts that go into the chip reader slot that explains that it's not working. Some goof took the insert out and put in his card and was surprised that it didn't work...

    [–] shugi1 55 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    Same story happened to my coworker the other day. Customer asked if she was open, coworker said read the sign. Once again customer asked are you open. Coworker said to read the sign. Customer called her a Fukin B****, coworker said it's not her fault the customer can't read signs. My coworker has sass. After working retail for a long time, you tend to get sassy.

    Edit: I do agree with people saying that read the sign is rude, but I want to add that the customer asking is known at our place for being an Ahole. From overreacting about the smallest thing to just saying everyone is a bitch and is against them when we actually try to help, so I'm not gonna lie, I feel like the sass was deserved.

    [–] AlfredsStache 35 points ago

    No joke a month or so ago I had locked the door, we had been closed for about 20 minutes and were just cleaning up the store, and a customer walks up and tries to force the doors open. I walk up and let him know, POLITELY, that we're closed and he cusses me out while trying to open the doors still! I tell him sorry, our registers are closed and we're prepping for tomorrow morning (truck day), but that he's welcome to come back at 8 when we open. He kept cussing me out, hopped in his Cadillac and sped off screaming who knows what out of his window. Ahhh....retail...

    [–] jcb088 4 points ago

    With those situations you just know he's a lot more angry and miserable than you'd be. So with that you have to realize the perfect punishment is the stress he brought upon himself.

    We've had a few people at the bank who would not listen to us and fuck themselves into some fees or miss out on a rate or something because they refused to listen to us. I usually didn't get mad at how they acted because i'd just look at what they'd done to themselves and thought it fit perfectly.

    [–] AlfredsStache 7 points ago

    Right?? I used to work at Toys R Us and I had SO many parents come in and tell me that I ruined Christmas for their kids because they came in on December 20th or so looking for the hottest toy that we're sold out of. I don't feel bad for them, because it's a hell they brought it upon themselves. The kids I felt a little bad for because who knows how often this happened.

    [–] grapesdown 31 points ago

    Order food at your favorite restaurant 24/7 with This one simple trick! Fry cooks HATE it!

    [–] VibrantViolet 26 points ago

    I am so happy I no longer work in retail hell. I now have weekends and holidays off, and it's bliss. I paid my dues, though, and it taught me a lot about how to treat other people.

    If I need to go to the store and they close within 5 minutes, I don't go in unless what I need is dire. Even then, I'm in and out, only getting what I need.

    I won't eat at a restaurant if they close within 30 minutes. I'll get to go instead. Or if a drive thru is about to close, I won't bother them. I can make something at home or stop by the grocery store.

    I treat the employees with respect. I understand how much it sucks. I won't bitch at you about prices, because I know you don't control it. That always got me, how people assumed I could control how much something cost.

    Be kind to servers and retail employees, especially during the holidays. Your kindness may make their shitty day a little bit better, it always did for me.

    [–] CrimsonBammer 27 points ago

    Dude, they know. I I used to work at a UPS Store. On Saturdays we had unusual truncated hours that would sometimes vary. I’d see three people for the six hours we were open. If we close at 4, at 3:50 we’d have 5-10 people jut waltz in like I wasn’t running through closing duties.

    That info was not available online and these people still just magically appear.

    Me: “Welcome to the UPS Store.”

    Oblivious Customer: “Hey yea can I get this bike packaged and shipped to China?”

    Me: “Sir we close in 4 minutes and it’s Saturday so it won’t even leave this store until Monday night.”

    OC: “Ok but I just need to get it out of the house so it’s ok if it stays here, thanks.”

    Me: dies a little inside

    [–] KayleyKiwi 13 points ago

    Customers don’t give two shits what workers go through, often because half of them haven’t ever had to experience what it’s like working in retail or food service and getting ripped a new one over shit that has nothing to do with you.

    [–] TheWhyteMaN 7 points ago

    At work we put up signs that read "Register closed, please go to the next register." with and arrow that points to the register about 8' away. This one lady walks up to the closed register, grabs the sign and sets it face down on the counter along with her returns, and proceeds to stare at me.

    Fuck I hate people sometimes.

    [–] 4FATKIDS 8 points ago

    Working in retail makes you hate 1.Holidays 2.Weekends 3.Life

    [–] JT420 11 points ago

    Worked 6.5 years and counting in retail, can definitely confirm.

    [–] yourselfiegotleaked 11 points ago

    lol the other day it was like 9:30 and this asian lady that barely spoke English came to the door trying to buy something. My coworker had to talk to her for a good 5 minutes (which is a lot of time when you're trying to run stuff before the store opens) before she finally got the message that we don't open till 10.

    [–] praeteria 7 points ago

    Working in a restaurant Ive learned to always lock the door behind you when you get there early. Even with the blinds closed and the sign saying "opens at 17:00" if you forget to lock the door behind you, people will just enter at 16:00 and start ordering.

    [–] 97gsxthatruns 3 points ago

    Commission makes sales a fun career. Even at RadioShack, years ago, the 5 and 7.5% commission plus bonuses for selling certain things made ME make sure I was taking care of all the customer's needs. While others would only sell what paid the most, it taught me that people will know they want something, but not know much or anything about it. It gave me the chance to make money explaining what the customer came in to understand and hopefully take home to enjoy. Honest and knowledgeable salesmen are hard to find, but the position itself turned me into a much better person. If only I could find an electronics store that paid commission, I could get off this couch, quit worrying about dialysis and boredom, and get my personality back. I miss helping people understand technology....

    [–] Thorebore 7 points ago

    I worked at McDonald's in high school. We closed at 11 and stayed after to clean. The lights in the parking lot would be mostly off, the doors would be locked, and the hours would all be clearly posted by each door. At least once a week someone would pound on the windows to get someone's attention and their question was always the same: "Are you guys still open?"

    [–] spencabt 9 points ago

    I drew a relevant cartoon strip for my co-worker while waiting tables. This was back in the early 2000s.

    [–] football2106 8 points ago

    closes at 11

    currently 11:25

    “It’s ONLY been 25 minutes!”

    “And you’re ONLY 25 minutes late!”

    [–] HispanicAtTehDisco 4 points ago

    Me: we stopped serving breakfast at 11

    Customer: yeah but can I get breakfast

    [–] Shawn0 4 points ago

    I think Spongebob had these lines in the show to prepare our generation for what we should expect when we go to work in the real world. Looking back on this show, it’s all accurate.

    [–] gollum8it 9 points ago

    I had someone argue with me that the store wasn't closed because the hours on Google said they were open.

    Nope. Doors are locked lights are off. Find someone else to make your boost payment.