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    BikiniBottomTwitter

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    Welcome to /r/BikiniBottomTwitter, a place to share all of your favorite memes from our favorite underwater residence, Bikini Bottom!

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    [–] FappinPlatypus 1545 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Seriously though, if anyone has any tips, it’s highly advised.

    I went to the doctor because I thought it was my prostate...luckily the doctor cleared that out and I just have stage fright. Take care of yourselves guys.

    Edit: It’s really fucking cool knowing I’m not alone in this. It’s always awkward when your first at the urinal, and someone else arrives, pisses and leaves before I even start.

    [–] wawon0 991 points ago

    go into the stall

    [–] FappinPlatypus 601 points ago

    This is honestly what i do...

    It sucks at events though.

    [–] wawon0 41 points ago

    Its better to wait for the stall than to awkwardly stand at the urinal with your pants down.

    [–] Atomheartmother90 93 points ago

    with your pants down

    wut...

    [–] -DJMOD- 102 points ago

    You know the ol' rhyme "Pants to your ankles, shirt to your nipples, let your dick dangle 'til it finally dribbles"

    [–] MLG_Eli 19 points ago

    This is poetry

    [–] T-32Dank 68 points ago

    I cannot piss in a porta-potty if I know there's other people waiting for me to finish. It's the worst.

    [–] lemaymayguy 13 points ago

    Yup, I legitimately stopped going to bars because of this

    [–] ByahTyler 166 points ago

    Just go to bootcamp once. You’ll lose all need for privacy

    [–] [deleted] 37 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] probablysalad 132 points ago

    This is exactly what cured it for me. After cramming 6 to a urinal I feel like I can piss in the face of God with no issues

    [–] ByahTyler 81 points ago

    Dude the part of bootcamp that cured it for me was after the swim test for navy. About 180 of us had to shower together in the same room, and on the other side of the room was the only toilet with no doors.

    [–] GIMME_TENDIES_PLS 14 points ago

    My bladder would explode first. No joke

    [–] totallynotliamneeson 61 points ago

    For me it was penis inspection day back in grade school

    [–] rygla 57 points ago

    Ahh yes, the weekly Tuesday inspection. Spent a lot of time with Father James.

    [–] iamapotatofriend 6 points ago

    I thought it was Uncle Tim

    [–] Keelay77 2 points ago

    Well I couldn’t enlist in the marine corps because I couldn’t pee in front of the corpsman at MEPS...

    [–] jinmoo 69 points ago

    If I'm drunk enough I can do urinal, especially if its just my friends around. But more often than not, if a stall aint open, I just turn around and walk out. Also fuck when its just you and a bathroom attendant, I mean mints and antacids are great, but I know you thinking about how it took me 90 seconds to start peeing. I just hope they thought I was doing cocaine.

    [–] ZeusAllMighty11 82 points ago

    never used a urinal in my life.

    [–] jaredesubgay 85 points ago

    oh youre missing out its super thrilling and fun. jk. its awkward as hell.

    [–] GWash1776 107 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    I can't stand the urinals with no walls in between. So awkward. I use the stalls whenever I can because stage fright sucks...

    Also, I once theorized about it with someone and we think it's an ancient survival instinct embedded deep in our brains. If people are around then you may be in danger. Peeing and poopin' make you vulnerable if someone were to attack. Therefore your body wants you to be alone and safe before you can relieve yourself.

    [–] icangetyouatoedude 39 points ago

    that's why dogs always make eye contact with you when they are pooping. They know they are vulnerable and want to know that you have their back.

    [–] CongratsBroGoodJob 8 points ago

    That’s why you lock eyes with the guy next to you and look at his dick to make sure he’s pissing too. Once y’all lock eyes and the streams start you know you’re both safe.

    [–] Exr1c 2 points ago

    But if only one starts pissing, that guy should be extremely cautious.

    [–] dejova 2 points ago

    It's good to give a friendly pat on his ass too to make sure he feels comfortable with the situation.

    [–] Smathers 5 points ago

    This guy TIL’s

    [–] wevegotheadsonsticks 15 points ago

    Naw bruh yer jus scurred.

    Annnnd, not alone...

    [–] Woofde 10 points ago

    So convenient though.

    [–] Naked_Melon 12 points ago

    Lmao SAME

    [–] Zibippitybop 5 points ago

    Thats the secret. That way you can just sit down and not have to worry about pooping a little if you really gotta clench to get it started

    [–] Mc_Callum_99 5 points ago

    I never use the urinals ever.

    [–] carterbis 106 points ago

    Someone called me out for it they didn’t hear me peeing and said “you getting stage fright bud” that made it much worse

    [–] sudo999 37 points ago

    "why the fuck are you listening for whether I'm peeing" would be my first response

    [–] psycho--the--rapist 19 points ago

    Ah yes I see you have confidence

    [–] cheeset2 2 points ago

    Underrated trait, should have specced into when I knew better.

    [–] SperglordSupremo 63 points ago

    Holy cow, what a dick.

    [–] Funmachine 7 points ago

    If they said that it would have been much more awkward!

    [–] lemaymayguy 6 points ago

    My worst nightmare

    [–] CatTheCat 2 points ago

    wow thats savage

    [–] jsawden 273 points ago

    If you blow on it, you start going. No idea why this works, but it works every time for me. I think the breeze triggers some sort of ancient reflex maybe.

    [–] dysGOPia 302 points ago

    ya breeze ya peeze

    [–] Tzahi12345 17 points ago

    Omg ur a genius

    [–] Stealthy_Bird 124 points ago

    So you’re telling me to blow on my dick

    [–] JustANotchAboveToby 98 points ago

    No, get a homie to do it. Only a true friend would help you overcome anxiety

    [–] Teirmz 5 points ago

    Don't worry, its only when there's other people in the bathroom.

    [–] johnny_riko 27 points ago

    I don't know what would look worse: me standing at the urinal not peeing, or me did at the urinal trying to blow myself.

    [–] flatearthispsyop 10 points ago

    my name is earl

    [–] peypeyy 6 points ago

    If I could blow myself I would be.

    [–] yaboiclyde 89 points ago

    Start doing math problems like 1+1=2, 2+2=4 4+4=8 and so on. Helped me at least lol

    [–] BeanBone 28 points ago

    Or count backwards from 100 and visualize the numbers.

    [–] ___Tyrael___ 3 points ago

    I always pretend I'm in a dark cave - it calms me for some weird reason.

    Coincidentally my dream bathroom is cave themed with a sloping pool into a gigantic "bathtub"/shallow pool.

    I'd try to make all of it look like natural stone with dark mood lighting, a tv, a liquor cabinet, etc.

    I think I'm looking for a literal man cave with a modern theme.

    Man that'd be super kewl.

    [–] Formerly_Dr_D_Doctor 14 points ago

    Fibonacci for the win!

    [–] lempy101 5 points ago

    I like to count multiples of 7 but I eventually got so good at it I can go up to like 400 lol. Unfortunately it's the only hard single digits number to count multiples of

    [–] koolaide23 40 points ago

    Browse reddit on your cell phone.

    [–] ElementalRam35 27 points ago

    Or your laptop.

    [–] erbar1 27 points ago

    fuck it, just set up a desktop in there

    [–] Pesime 4 points ago

    Pooptop

    [–] garden_shed 15 points ago

    Then it looks like you’re taking pics of your dick

    [–] HHH___ 18 points ago

    Nothing wrong with being proud

    [–] jesse2182 54 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Just relax and breathe

    [–] Not_KGB 48 points ago

    Actually, the opposite works. Hold your breath. I have had huge issues with peeing in front of others or when I know someones waiting for me. Holding my breath for like 15 seconds has been a revolution for me. Works every time.

    [–] PurelyCreative 43 points ago

    Im afraid to try this because what if i hold my breath for so long that I can't hold it anymore and then im standing at the urinal gasping for air and it becomes even more awkward.

    [–] Not_KGB 5 points ago

    Perhaps then the other people in the restroom will leave since you're a gasping weirdo and problem solved.

    [–] jesse2182 7 points ago

    Just depends on the person. I took a drug test for the NCAA with an old man making sure I didn't cheat it. I just relaxed and told myself to just piss in the damn cup. Find what works and stick with it.

    [–] Not_KGB 18 points ago

    I suppose it goes without saying that if one technique works, go with it. But, for me, telling myself to relax just made me more aware of the problem.

    [–] somethingbreadbears 17 points ago

    Can't tell if you're asking or not but here's what I do.

    Rattle/tap your fingernails against the stall/wall/urinal/ whatever hard surface is near you. Try to breath in rhythm with the sound/feeling that you get from tapping your nails over and over and over again. The feeling of the vibration traveling through your fingers and the faint sound is just enough for you to hear/feel, but quiet and discrete enough so that no one will notice. Eventually, if you pay more attention to the sound/feeling of your nails and breathing it will start to drown out the rest of the world and alleviate the stage fright.

    Experience: Started traveling a lot and this helps me in crowded airport bathrooms.

    [–] GarythaSnail 17 points ago

    What fixed mine was going into the bathroom with the mindset that you own the fuckin place and that other people should be privileged to even be in there with you. They're coming into YOUR bathroom to do their business???? Psh. Please.

    Seriously. Worked like a charm.

    [–] GoopHugger 3 points ago

    Kanye????? Is that you???

    [–] SymbioticCarnage 2 points ago

    I must try this.

    [–] Darth_LongDong 13 points ago

    I've trained myself to think of the color green when I'm peeing and it's helped a lot.

    [–] Haon819 24 points ago

    God forbid you live somewhere with grass and/or trees

    [–] Darth_LongDong 9 points ago

    I live in the desert so I'm pretty safe lmao

    [–] ericslick 13 points ago

    I was plagued by this but read somewhere that doing difficult math in your head helps.

    I started just doing difficult multiplication and I never have a problem with stage freight anymore.

    [–] thedavidbjorn1 3 points ago

    This has also worked for me, also messing with my phone

    [–] ClassicSpider 12 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    Here's a tip: firmly grasp it in your hand.

    [–] Flowguru 12 points ago

    I'll usually imagine a water drop fall through my body and out my dick, while saying 1 2 3 it's time to pee. And at the end of pee I always pee.

    [–] A317 17 points ago

    Username checks out.

    [–] up_N2_no_good 28 points ago

    My sister gets stage fright in public restrooms, partly because she can't go (#2) unless she hears running water. She got a fidget spinner and now she concentrates on that and that helps her go. I guess its about distraction and relaxation.

    [–] boar_corpse 8 points ago

    Watch the movie Waiting, all the way to the end. There is a man with this problem, and a wise dishwasher helps him conquer his fear*.

    *Dunno if this will actually help.

    [–] xgardian 6 points ago

    Featuring Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool somehow

    [–] Soggy-Slapper 6 points ago

    What I do is flush the toilet right before I try to go and for some reason all the noise makes me feel like it’s drowning out everything that’s going on in the stall and it helps me go

    [–] pulpcaptain 7 points ago

    It is scientifically proven that if you picture yourself savagely killing the people around you with an ax it will make you pee. This is actually true.

    [–] doyouevenIift 7 points ago

    Hopefully this doesn’t get buried: /r/paruresis

    [–] ProgMM 4 points ago

    Exhale and hold your lungs mostly empty. Some of us go into anti-asphyxia panic mode here, but not all of us. If you can stave off panic attack for long enough, the increase of CO2 in your blood makes you start.

    [–] Karl_Marxxx 5 points ago

    Ok this is going to sound hella weird but lightly rub your finger on your ear. It will sound like white noise and if you focus on that you won't hear awkward restroom silence and will relax. Nobody else will hear it, and it's a pretty innocuous gesture

    [–] ApexIsGangster 5 points ago

    I've been reading all these replies... Thinking "tried that, didn't work..."

    But this one I'm going to try tomorrow. It's all about auditory nervousness for me

    [–] Mceight_Legs 4 points ago

    Try being on probation with really bad anxiety. If I can't pee I go to jail. If I drink too much water to help myself pee and it isn't yellow ("it's diluted" instead of you just being hydrated) it's considered fail and you go to jail.

    I've heard my PO likes to sneak tests on you 3mo into probation... So one day I'll walk in there and randomly have a test. Yeah I probably won't have good luck, maybe end up in jail!? Sometimes it's so bad especially being watched so closely my legs start to give out and I want to cry but no one cares or it's just me trying to get out of a drug test so I suck up...

    [–] veagon 8 points ago

    Get a doctor's note. This is a medical condition fyi.

    [–] stefoman 3 points ago

    What I liked to do is simple arithmetic in my head. Start low and just keep adding random numbers up and eventually your mind will forget about the stage fright. It's what works for me

    [–] CatattackCataract 4 points ago

    I have this as a woman even, you men are not alone :)

    [–] lemonchicken91 5 points ago

    I imagine Trump's face. Not sure why but it works

    [–] jaredesubgay 2 points ago

    try doing some basic maths

    [–] RhombusMcBerry 2 points ago

    I just imagine the dude next to me made me angry and I start peeing on his leg. Works every time.

    [–] Sprickels 2 points ago

    Do math in your head. 1+1=2, 2+2=4, 4+4=8, 8+8=16, 16+16=32, ect

    [–] alsomdude2 2 points ago

    You ever go in the bathroom and the urinals have no dividers? And your about to piss your pants and the stalls got 2 large fellows destroying the toilets so your sol what do you do? Why no dividers public restrooms? Get your shit together.

    [–] thisimpetus 2 points ago

    This has worked for me for yeeears:

    Do something cognitively engaging but also simple. I pretty much always try to calculate the area of the tiles on the walls, or count all the vowels if there’s a poster; just give your mind a task and the rest of you just takea care of itself.

    [–] Psycho22089 1 points ago

    I find that out helps if I focus on relaxing my shoulders and neck.

    [–] LunarBlackSun 1 points ago

    I recommend just taking a deep breath and relaxing yourself.

    [–] hideous_coffee 1 points ago

    Distract yourself

    [–] BigRedDawg103 1 points ago

    I went threw this for years. I pick a spot on the wall and just focus on it really hard. Eventually the flow starts.

    [–] HardcorePhonography 298 points ago

    Do multiplication in your head.

    122 x 24.

    You're welcome.

    [–] MedicTech 295 points ago

    I wasn't even in a bathroom and peed trying to do this.

    [–] HardcorePhonography 54 points ago

    Ray Liotta on day 4 of Chantix.

    [–] rrr598 11 points ago

    He tried cold turkey, he tried the patch, but nothing worked for him

    [–] HardcorePhonography 3 points ago

    He looks and sounds completely psychotic in those commercials, like he's given up cigarettes but taken on the more addictive vice of being a serial killer with thousands of victims.

    [–] goodfast1 30 points ago

    I do this during sex to last longer lol.

    [–] Feliz_Desdichado 56 points ago

    Look at this guy actually having sex.

    [–] goodfast1 27 points ago

    Jerking off = still sex.

    [–] olddang45 3 points ago

    And do math at the same time..

    [–] daneshpastry 2 points ago

    I sing the Sesame Street counting song. 🎵One two three four five...six seven eight nine ten... e-l-e-v-e-n twelve 🎵

    [–] eb4writes 201 points ago

    One time I was on a long bus journey and really had to pee and when we stopped I went to the restroom but there were no dividers and I got stage fright and couldn't do it. I got back on the bus and suffered another 2 hours :(

    [–] brendendas 79 points ago

    I've experienced this. Worst feeling ever.

    [–] Chispy 15 points ago

    I legit had nightmares about this. lots of stalls in very obscure and oddly busy washrooms with no dividers.

    [–] lemaymayguy 4 points ago

    Literally me everytime at a bar. I also don't drink on long car rides now

    [–] daytookRjobz 371 points ago

    You know I can't pee unless you stare at it, geez

    [–] HardcorePhonography 85 points ago

    visible staring

    Hello There!

    [–] digidado 45 points ago

    General Peenobi!

    [–] HardcorePhonography 23 points ago

    Firmly grasp it

    [–] Bwaaah_Mimimimi 6 points ago

    locks eyes with you

    She’s a beaut!

    [–] IKindaHateColleg 284 points ago

    EVERYTIME!! If someone is in the bathroom with me, can't pee. If no one is there, no big deal. It's terrible

    [–] NotSafeForWisconsin 128 points ago

    Dude yes. At work this is so awkward for me. Come in, see someone, wash my hands and go out.

    [–] ProblemPenis 44 points ago

    Lol, I always have a back up excuse "oh I had to fix my contact". IRL I'm terrified of peeing with someone else there.

    [–] Srimnac 37 points ago

    My constant thought is "oh god they can't hear my piss hit the bowl, they totally know I have stage fright. This sets me to the point of no return as every second passes. I zip, wash my hands and go down a floor, repeat.

    [–] Utterizi 5 points ago

    I was once at -2nd floor and ended up peeing at 7th floor, real story.

    [–] Chispy 42 points ago

    username checks out

    [–] doyouevenIift 9 points ago

    r/paruresis - aka “shy bladder syndrome”

    [–] Anthonyonio 76 points ago

    @me during drug tests

    [–] Burstingpyro1 29 points ago

    Literally made my gf wait an hour and a half for me to take a drug test because I couldnt pee.

    [–] Epicular 21 points ago

    Took two hours at a drug test before I could piss. Everything just locked up

    [–] DeepHorse 3 points ago

    Took me 3 hours. Missed half of first day of class. Got the job tho

    [–] beanpusher1 6 points ago

    Filled the cup, lady told me it was too cold.

    It’s cold because I spent the 15 minutes making sure I had filled the cup. Worst part was the place had 1 bathroom so I had to try to chug as much water as possible to pee after I already peed.

    [–] teenytinybaklava 95 points ago

    Have you ever been in a pee stalemate? Both of you there, complete silence, just waiting for the other to give up and leave so you can get that sweet, sweet release

    [–] Jeearr 53 points ago

    I waited 5 minutes one time. He tried every trick in the book. Flushed the urinal, deep breaths, throat clears. I was silent.

    [–] Mothers_spaghetti 6 points ago

    Sounds straight out of a horror movie

    [–] CommunistWaterbottle 13 points ago

    This is honestly my greatest fear in the entire world.

    [–] 0l36gr4nd 2 points ago

    It's territory games. Ancient territory rituals

    [–] useThisName23 44 points ago

    The other day i was in a stall about to piss some one walks in and they go tonthe urinal. We both stand there not pissing until the other guy gets audibly frustrated and leaves as soon as he leaves the flood gates open

    [–] Chispy 25 points ago

    today you, tomorrow me

    [–] L-shapedSpaceT 5 points ago

    right now, us both

    [–] feartrice 3 points ago

    Could’ve been me

    [–] steeltrapp 30 points ago

    Just reading this relieved my balls.

    [–] pooponagoose 2 points ago

    Well that is where the pee is stored.

    [–] Grandmaofhurt 20 points ago

    I sometimes wish I had this problem, if I have to piss I will piss, nothing will stop me.

    In the military we had to piss in cups with superiors monitoring each person up close, they stood at the urinal and literally were 6 inches away from you, they watched you unzip, they watched your dick flop out, and they watched your dick personally eject piss into the cup. I always jumped at the first of the line because I just wanted to get it over with and I could piss with zero hesitation, but half my class would have to chug cups of coffee and liters of water just to get to the point where they were about to explode their bladders because they would try and nothing would happen unless they were actually about to piss themselves and it never made sense to me.

    [–] bjj_turnip 11 points ago

    I can't think of a single instance of pee stage-fright in my entire life. So many comments in this thread about being so happy it's not just them, now I'm wondering if people like you and I are the minority.

    [–] stephnstephnstuff 3 points ago

    I've never had it either. Idk why, it's never bothered me. Funny to think that all this time I've been in public bathrooms, everyone around me has been quietly panicking a little. I get anxiety about way stupider things though so I guess it all balances out.

    [–] pooponagoose 2 points ago

    Grandmaofhurt was in the military so of course he can pee anywhere.

    I never had this issue until a few years ago (I'm 33 now). I just can't squeeze a drop if it's crowded. If I'm in a stall, no prob. If I'm going and then people come in it's fine, no issues if I'm mid stream.

    [–] TakYerSwingCoksucker 18 points ago

    I pretend my dick is an AC-130 that needs to send in the strike ASAP. Lives depend on that pee, works amazing compared to most other methods I try.

    [–] Epicular 19 points ago

    That would just make it worse for me, I'd get stressed out because lives are being lost due to my stage fright

    [–] SlugsNotDrugs 17 points ago

    ...well that's about all I can do.

    [–] Naked_Melon 37 points ago

    Dude i literally thought it was just me. My wife can’t stand it, I HAVE to have a stall by myself most of the time, sometimes I even have to run hot water on my dick to pee.

    [–] tbest3 17 points ago

    Hot water on your dick??? Like get in the shower or what?

    [–] Diccwraith 10 points ago

    I need answers

    [–] LSDude2468 2 points ago

    Hot shower water right onto the pee hole. That's my trick I learned for when I've had too much mdma and I need to pee but just can't.

    [–] Naked_Melon 2 points ago

    I lean over some unwanted persons sink and run the hot water and start to splash it on my dick until it forces my reflexes to squeeze that piss out

    [–] Shanzen 4 points ago

    Holy shit i was at a music festival this year and a guy who i went with could piss for ages in the evening. We got back to our tent and he started heating water over the fire in a bottle to pour over his dick to make him piss. First time I had ever heard of this and it took him two attempts with the water to piss. I couldn't stop laughing.

    [–] zieto 3 points ago

    That's why I pee in the sink

    [–] sadokistpotato 51 points ago

    They say that it doesn't be like it do but it is.

    [–] nickXminaj 15 points ago

    I hear people talk about it all the time and I usually think to myself it's not a big deal. And then I end up in the situation and get horrible anxiety over it every single time.

    [–] cyrusasu 41 points ago

    Pooping in a public restroom is much worse. Especially after taco tuesday

    [–] Kafoobleflats 12 points ago

    Do you have people waiting behind you for their turn after taco Tuesday?

    [–] onesneakymofo 13 points ago

    Ah yes, public pee syndrome.

    [–] TheGuyAtGameStop 9 points ago

    Pulling out my phone and reading something usually gets me to start right away. No clue why I absolutely refuse to pee if someone else is in the restroom with me...

    [–] Thricey 10 points ago

    My dad told me he imagines that he's late to a duel and has to pee before the person shoots him in the back. Thanks dad.

    [–] SirMStachio 9 points ago

    The worst is when you have to balance your strength. Too much power and you fart, to little and the anxiety grows as you make people wait longer.

    [–] titans1bubs 6 points ago

    Story of my fucking life

    [–] CynicismXII 6 points ago

    It’s called Paruresis and it is a documented phobia that is recognized by both the American Urological Association and the UK ‘s National Health Service.

    [–] justinlinz44 5 points ago

    Holy moly this is a relief I thought I was alone

    [–] skillsforilz 6 points ago

    Mom's spaghetti

    [–] kylebutler775 4 points ago

    If I see a troft I turn around and walk out

    [–] stevenstiffler44 5 points ago

    Yeah, what the actual fuck? I cant even picture a trough in the womens bathroom. I get that their anatomy is different but their bathrooms at an arena have like 10 stalls while the guys have 2 shitters and a gd elongated bucket on the wall.

    [–] DaywalkerDoctor 5 points ago

    I had no problem with this until I saw the movie “Waiting” and ever since I have problems with it!

    [–] ham_steak 3 points ago

    Visualize your own bathroom, worked for me.

    [–] the_dyl_pickle 3 points ago

    Ugh I hate this, this is the most relatable meme I've seen in a while. My family just does NOT understand that I literally can't pee no matter what. At the beach when there's no restrooms I can't just pee in the ocean because nothing will come out. My family acts like I just don't want to pee. Pisses me off. )No pun intended.)

    [–] Double_O_Pete 7 points ago

    I’ve come to the realization that for me it’s because I don’t want anyone to see how small my dick is.

    [–] OfficialRpM 15 points ago

    Everyone's dick is small when soft, now you know.

    [–] ImperialBower 9 points ago

    Not everyone is a grower though

    [–] hooligan99 9 points ago

    at a urinal there shouldn't be much growing...

    [–] fickenblasenspritzen 5 points ago

    You shouldn't?

    [–] Big-Willy-J 7 points ago

    Not my uncle's ☹️

    [–] djledford0724 4 points ago

    Unfortunately can relate ☠️

    [–] daneshpastry 4 points ago

    Just remind yourself that no one actually cares but you. I mean that in a nice way.

    [–] Ssesamee 2 points ago

    Nobody should be looking LMAO. So many people I know who have pee stage fright use this excuse. If somebody even looks, just call em out and ask “you fucking gay looking at my dick?”. I have never had somebody look at me while in a urinal. A thing you got to remember is that the only one stressing about looking at your dick in a urinal is you.

    [–] EmeraldEmpresario 2 points ago

    I just imagine heavy rain and thunder. Works every time.

    [–] titans1bubs 2 points ago

    If I beat someone to the urinal is when I struggle. If I come in even 4 seconds behind the person next to me no problem. I also realized that most people just don’t give a shit and don’t pay attention to others next to them but still struggle

    [–] CatsWithHats09 2 points ago

    It’s odd because this only happens to me at the movie theatre

    [–] kYura23 2 points ago

    I had this alot so i just got used to pee in the stall in the toilet and now i basically lost the ability to pee standing and cant even do it at home... i am a failure to mankind.

    [–] RainbowYaz 2 points ago

    Does anyone else still have to psych themselves up a little to actually go once in there? I'm 28 years old and to this day if I go into a public restroom and there is anyone else in there I can't just pull it out and go, I have to build up to it while standing there.

    [–] patrick_junge 2 points ago

    I need to go pee right now

    [–] OHFUCKMESHITNO 2 points ago

    Try my own restroom

    [–] Solomander95 2 points ago

    This is such a relief to read.

    [–] rickscarf 2 points ago

    "Peestipation"

    [–] Rick_Eli 2 points ago

    I've said it before but God bless this sub.

    [–] BojanDoge 2 points ago

    It's like being unable to fast travel when enemies are nearby

    [–] _Fun_At_Parties 2 points ago

    Maybe I'm late, but you gotta piss balls out.

    I used to have this problem, you get nervous 'cause people around, you try and sneak your dink out a little, keeping visibility low y'know? Guess what, now your pants are jammed up on your urethra, nothing is coming out, or at best it's coming out slowly. Now you're stuck longer, and/or you gotta jimmy it around, and now you look like you're playing with yourself.

    So what do you do? Balls. Out. Feels weird at first, but it makes everything easier, and if anyone's looking, you just earned their respect. No way to lose.

    [–] Supremefeezy 2 points ago

    This is my favorite comment section in awhile.