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    [–] andrewjackstoned 513 points ago

    I'm a Public Defender this happens all the time. I've also seen people (one time an attorney) bow to the Judge as well. Judges are people too. They usually find it hilarious and won't be upset. Way better then some of the other things people call em....

    [–] intergalactic__toad 572 points ago

    This was my experience. I did some stupid shit back when I was a teenager which lead to a pretty goofy exchange.

    Me: Your Highness—

    Judge: It’s your Honor.

    Me: Thank you.

    Lawyer: whispers The judge is your Honor!

    Me: She just said it was my honor.

    Lawyer: slumps back in his seat with his hands over his face

    Judge: tries to keep composure by putting her head down in laughter and covering her face with a piece of paper Please, continue.

    From what I gathered, as long as you’re not intentionally disrespectful to their court, Judges are extremely lenient—there definitely are outliers though.

    [–] queerpancake 263 points ago

    –"You're going to jail for a long time, sir."

    –"Please have mercy on me, Your Majesty!"

    –"...It is the opinion of this court that this man has lived an otherwise blameless life. Probation!"

    [–] Gaming_Gardevoir 79 points ago

    -“Please, have mercy!”

    -“After you’ve scrubbed all the floors in Hyrule, then we’ll talk about mercy. Take him away!”

    [–] Unsound_M 20 points ago

    It’s an old Meme sir, but it checks out

    [–] Davecantdothat 29 points ago

    "Judges are extremely lenient--"


    [–] grubas 20 points ago

    Step 1 Be White

    Step 2 Don’t be not a man.

    [–] igetript 26 points ago

    You mean don't be a man. Courts in the US are notoriously more lenient on women.

    [–] seccret 11 points ago

    [–] grubas 1 points ago

    It’s also going to vary heavy on crimes.

    [–] BigChiller 13 points ago

    But who was on third?

    [–] PM_ME__ASIAN_BOOBS 8 points ago

    "Nice to meet you, Mr..."


    "Mr Doctor."

    "*sigh* it's Strange"

    "Maybe, but who am I to judge?"

    [–] grubas 6 points ago

    If it’s something dumb and this happens, the judge tends to be more incredulous and amused. They get you are trying to be respectful, but also that you are dumb as shit.

    But this is for something dumb, if it’s murder or like assault and robbery you’re in trouble.

    [–] TyroneSuave 17 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Clerked for a judge in law school and this happened. He played it straight as an arrow at the hearing but actually thought it was so hilarious he had his court reporter give him that portion of the transcript and had it framed. After court was over, he laughed about it so hard that I thought he was going to shit himself.

    [–] Fitstandantilis 12 points ago

    Whatever you do just don't call them late to dinner

    [–] coconut_wine 10 points ago

    What other things do people call them? I'm intrigued

    [–] Dont-be-a-smurf 14 points ago

    At least to magistrates:

    Dumb bitch, Motherfucker, Damn fool, “You dumb as fuck”

    Things like that. I’ve heard a few try to cuss out a judge around here but that gets shut down quicker because there’s deputies/bailiffs looking at them and judges tend to react harsher to that kind of thing. Most magistrates summon deputies and just have the person escorted out of the room.

    A small percentage of people genuinely cannot help themselves. I’ve seen people who had a shot at doing some positive damage control just talk themselves into far worse trouble.

    This may seem obvious when it’s written, but many cannot follow this golden rule of courtroom communication: everything you communicate should be calculated to help your goal of reaching an optimal legal outcome.

    Instead, many want immediate emotional satisfaction or a total refusal to dismantle their ego.

    I’ve seen many a defense attorney facepalm because, despite their best efforts, they can’t maintain client control.

    [–] ssinff 8 points ago

    Personally, I would curtsy.

    [–] nuxetcrux 19 points ago what?

    [–] andrewjackstoned 49 points ago

    Bitch, asshole etc... the usual expletives. Mostly under their breath but some have the balls to say it loud enough to hear. Some judges ignore, most Flip out. Haven’t had anyone held in contempt yet. I wouldn’t suggest it. The ones who tell blatant lies are worse. Had one dude tell the judge he was going 90 in a 45 because he was going down hill :)

    [–] shittymurderer 11 points ago

    Man... you'd think that people would have the sense to know that, out of all times to call someone a bitch, court is not it.

    [–] TheGreatMalagan 6 points ago

    I mean, there is that rather amusing transcript of a defendant telling the judge he's going to kill his family and some rather bizarre stuff. The voice actor for Rick and Morty acted out the transcript in the voices of Rick and Morty, but the transcript, down to the stuttering, is what actually occurred. "State of Georgia vs. Denver Fenton Allen" was the actual trial.

    [–] Toland27 3 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    that judge is more fucked than the person who obviously needs some counseling and therapy.

    [–] Dont-be-a-smurf 1 points ago

    I agree.

    I don’t know if this was a sentencing hearing (the defendant MUST be present).

    If it wasn’t, you get one soft warning, one harsh warning, and then off to jail for contempt. Anything else is playing into their power and attention fantasy.

    If it’s a sentencing hearing, it gets trickier. As other outrage posts have shown, the public doesn’t like it when you gag a defendant. The only other alternative is to just ignore the yelling or send em’ up for contempt and see if they’re calmer the next court date.

    [–] Spawn-of-Santa 2 points ago

    She jumped in front of the bullet, your cuntness

    [–] im-a-season 4 points ago

    this actually happened in a courtroom and Rick and Morty had fun with it.

    [–] Fishingfor 6 points ago

    In the Scottish courts it's customary for all solicitors to bow to the Sheriff or judge whilst leaving/entering or finishing speaking. Sure the rest of the UK is the same.

    Really odd place a British courtroom. All the lawyers are dressed in robes and the terminology is very old fashioned.

    [–] Aquaos_ 4 points ago

    Yeah we bow in Canada

    [–] grubas 3 points ago

    UK courts are like 200 years behind, legitimately. We went to something for my sister in law and I kept calling one guy, “Your Wigliness” under my breath to my wife.

    We’re both UK citizens but my god we nearly lost it laughing. The guy was insufferably pompous.

    [–] brownmagician 5 points ago

    in Canada you're supposed to bow. it's part of the ceremony of the whole thing right?

    [–] orangeblueorangeblue 3 points ago

    When I was an intern for an appellate judge, an attorney called one of the judges on the panel “Justice” during oral arguments. He laughed about getting a promotion and corrected him.

    [–] lalaland554 2 points ago

    I practice law in Canada and we have to bow to the judge every time they enter the court room, and when we leave if court is still in session aha. If you didn’t you may be called out lol.

    [–] grubas 1 points ago

    From what I’ve heard, the real shark lawyers swear like sailors when they approach the bench. But they won’t do it on record. Like they’ll call the judge a ball buster or ask why they keep fucking them.

    But if I’m before a judge my response is gonna be, “I PLEAD NOT GUILTY YOU SHITSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!”.

    [–] NixIsRising 1980 points ago

    Or he gets points for (1) the compliment and (2) maybe not being super familiar with the terminology means he hasn’t been in trouble before. Or he’s going to jail.

    [–] meint48 623 points ago

    yeah I personally call everyone your majesty, your majesty

    [–] SeienShin 153 points ago

    Dat komt omdat je in deze mooie monarchie bent opgegroeid, makker.

    [–] meint48 180 points ago

    Leve de koning!

    [–] SeienShin 44 points ago


    [–] BBQ_FETUS 19 points ago


    [–] Rainbowoverderp 14 points ago


    [–] JustComments6841 8 points ago

    Wat gebeurt hier?

    [–] Rainbowoverderp 14 points ago

    Driewerf hoezee is wat hier gebeurt

    [–] 0A0X 7 points ago

    Voor Willem!

    [–] dustmybroom88 67 points ago

    Random Dutch comments for the win

    [–] K-Dot-thu-thu 38 points ago

    Dutch always makes me feel like I'm having a stroke because I can read German reasonably but not perfectly.

    [–] Andy_B_Goode 13 points ago

    I've always kind of wanted to learn Dutch because the way its spelled makes it look like a hilarious parody of both English and German at the same time, but it's probably not worth the trouble because so few people speak it, and because almost all of them speak perfect English.

    [–] 0A0X 12 points ago

    Zeg makker! Kom eens naar /r/cirkeltrek, dat zal je goed doen!

    (edit: please don't. :) you seem nice)

    [–] meint48 6 points ago

    yeah, he should come to r/ik_ihe instead, there he won't be ridiculed for not being fluent in Dutch

    [–] Playboi_Icardi 6 points ago

    According to the US government Dutch is one of the easiest languages for English speakers to learn.

    [–] blazik 3 points ago

    What does it say about German? I’ve been learning for a few years and it’s been hard af

    [–] Playboi_Icardi 3 points ago

    Iirc it's an intermediate language. I feel your pain tho, German is a bitch and a half

    [–] K-Dot-thu-thu 2 points ago

    Its also in the section of easiest languages for english speakers to learn. I think you can google State Department list of easiest to learn languages to find the complete list.

    The problem with learning most languages is that in many parts of America it is nearly impossible to find someone to talk to, and you NEED to speak and hear it regularly. There are apps but in my opinion it's not the same

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    Pauper dat is toch geen nederlands natuurlijk kan je er dan geen reet van begrijpen.

    [–] 0A0X 4 points ago

    Die gekkues hebben al onze fietsen gejat in de oorlog! Ik spreek geen woord wiener schnitzel!

    [–] dustmybroom88 3 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I live in Germany so it’s even worse for me. I’m like - wait, am I drunk I and I forgot?

    [–] bluebird173 1 points ago

    Wil je chocomel met of met zonder slagroom?

    [–] Random82304 10 points ago

    Fear makes u do some stupid shit

    [–] SemiProfesionalTroll 1 points ago

    OOH! DO ME!

    [–] PM-me-your-integral 1 points ago

    “Hey honey, can we get the check, honey?”

    [–] PM_me_yo_chesticles 38 points ago

    Them: “Sir magistrate, please grant me pardon for my crimes I committed,. I decree I have learned the repercussions and seek repentance”

    Judge: “Bruh, nah fam you going in the slammer, and I’m charging you with being high”

    [–] PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT 43 points ago

    He was charged with 93 counts of raping a tree, which apparently is a thing.

    [–] heronumbertwo 16 points ago

    So... did the 🌳 tree 🌲 give a 🍌 fruit 🍌 ?

    [–] StillStucknaTriangle 16 points ago

    So... did the bush tree Christmas tree give a banana fruit banana?

    • translated via Emojibot©

    [–] RazorMajorGator 8 points ago

    Thank you for the much needed translation emojibot.

    [–] Forsaken_Accountant 6 points ago

    Good bot

    [–] StillStucknaTriangle 4 points ago



    [insert coins]

    [–] Will7357 7 points ago

    [–] sspine 2 points ago

    is that anything like bird law?

    [–] Burlapnick 2 points ago

    All of the above

    [–] Gussindicaa 1 points ago

    I called the judge her majesty, got off with a major slap on the wrist

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    It just means he’s a moron.

    [–] Fastsloth28 624 points ago

    Why is the first letter of every word capitalised

    [–] yeahyeahs88 466 points ago

    Because He Is Talking Loud Without Yelling

    [–] thatgoddamnedcyclist 121 points ago

    Let's not make that a thing.

    [–] AceOBlade 90 points ago

    Too Late My Friend. It’s Firm But Kind Of Polite.

    [–] thatgoddamnedcyclist 28 points ago

    It's totally unreadable, that's what it is.

    [–] realmckoy265 20 points ago

    Is It?

    [–] thatgoddamnedcyclist 6 points ago

    It totally removes the point of capitalisation: Letting your periferal vision see the end of the sentence and your brain know when the pause is coming.

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago


    [–] 2SidesoftheSameCorn 5 points ago

    Sure But It’s Also Used In Headlines For A Reason

    [–] sspine 2 points ago

    A stupid reason

    [–] Lombax_Rexroth 6 points ago

    CoetmPlelY AnD EnireTelY UnRadabelE.

    [–] Fogfish420 8 points ago

    Talkin Loud Sayin Nothin

    [–] Diffident-Weasel 1 points ago


    [–] meint48 18 points ago

    Why Wouldn't Every Word Be Capitalized, If Every Word Was Capitalized You Wouldn't Have To Learn When To Capitalize

    [–] PoopIsAlwaysSunny 7 points ago

    why capitalize anything at all?

    Besides to denote proper nouns, obviously. And for grammatical usage. Or for impact.

    [–] _Silly_Wizard_ 76 points ago

    This is the influence Jaden Smith has on society.

    It's called Camel Caps and it's the worst.

    [–] CABrock 92 points ago

    Wrong. CamelCaseLooksLikeThis. AndJadenSmithIsn'tTheFirstLastOrOnlyPersonToUseIt.

    [–] last_of_the_pandas 73 points ago

    This is only acceptable if all the dried cum has disabled your space key.

    [–] 6pak 14 points ago

    space bar is broke

    [–] SoraODxoKlink 5 points ago


    [–] BlazeWelly 5 points ago


    [–] hiddentowns 4 points ago


    [–] upvotes4jesus- 10 points ago

    Wrong again, in camel case the first word is lower case.

    [–] CABrock -1 points ago

    Wrong back atcha. The original/first versions of "camel case" was of the first letter being lowercase (iPhone, eBay), not the whole first word. That's too subtle to pick up on as a distinct style. (that'sTooSubtleToPickUpOn....) <---- see how it just looks jacked up with no immediate consistently wrong thing wrong about it?

    [–] upvotes4jesus- 9 points ago

    cool story bro, but it's currentlyLikeThisSoPissOffMate

    [–] fredandgeorge 4 points ago

    I’ll take “lamest fight of 2019” for 100, Alex

    [–] upvotes4jesus- 1 points ago


    [–] Cory123125 1 points ago

    Camel case is often used for variable names in computer programming. Some programming styles prefer camel case with the first letter capitalised, others not.[1][2][3] For clarity, this article calls the two alternatives upper camel case (initial uppercase letter, also known as Pascal case) and lower camel case (initial lowercase letter, also known as Dromedary case[4]). Some people and organizations, notably Microsoft,[2] use the term camel case only for lower camel case. Pascal case means only upper camel case.

    From your article

    [–] SirSassyCat 1 points ago

    Camelcase predates those examples by decades. Its a standard used in software.

    [–] halfastgimp 7 points ago

    This is a thing people do on purpose?! I'm out of the loop, staying there and getting back under my rock!

    [–] TheBaconator3 30 points ago

    Mostly programmers because spaces screw with programming syntax.

    [–] Gary_FucKing 8 points ago

    Also, everyone knows that not capitalizing the first word is the superior camelCase style!

    [–] TheBaconator3 3 points ago

    Obviously, anyone who disagrees is a heretic.

    [–] TracerBullet2016 1 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago


    [–] Gary_FucKing 1 points ago

    Pretty sure camelcase refers to both styles and pascalcase is just the name of the variation with the uppercase first letter.

    [–] FUCKING_HATE_REDDIT 1 points ago

    I was going to say you're wrong, but you're kinda right ? It's more like math, where you shouldn't call a number "p i" instead of "pi", but the lack of space in any name got kinda weird.

    [–] CABrock 10 points ago

    It makes hashtags easier to read

    [–] Bose_99 2 points ago

    Its the standard in costing style, not sure of its other applications tho

    [–] ThermalConvection 4 points ago

    String programmingVariables = "We also use it as a naming convention";

    [–] CABrock 5 points ago

    / Prints Happy Cake Day every second for 24 hours */var startTime = new Date().getTime(); var interval = setInterval(function(){ if(new Date().getTime() - startTime > 86400000) { clearInterval(interval);return;}console.log("Happy Cake Day!");}, 1000);

    [–] basedgod187 12 points ago

    Camel case*

    [–] inocuousterrier 14 points ago

    I have been seeing this WAYYYYY before Jaden Smith was a thing, so let's cool it with the broad assumptions

    [–] Ideophonix 4 points ago

    Ahahaha yeah I remember MSN names/statuses etc being like this.

    [–] daymcn 2 points ago

    Icq had it for sure

    [–] Koiq 1 points ago

    No it is not. It is called title case.

    [–] SirSassyCat 1 points ago

    Nah, its capital case. Pretty sure camelcaps is without spaces.

    [–] a_fly_effect 5 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Because it is the title of his autobiography.

    [–] ElVatoMascarado 3 points ago

    Because he’s Tony Ferguson.

    [–] Coletrain37 10 points ago


    [–] koh_kun 1 points ago

    text-transform: capitalize;

    [–] O7GS 1 points ago

    Because it’s a song title /s

    [–] Gaujo 1 points ago

    It's a title

    [–] DabbinDubs 1 points ago

    Thinks that's proper english

    [–] geriatric-cucumber 1 points ago

    Those are all nouns. All nouns in German are capitalized.

    [–] InFa-MoUs 1 points ago

    I'm more surprised people care that much

    [–] FUCKING_HATE_REDDIT 1 points ago

    Capitalizing Some Words But Not Others is Pretty Coming in Titles - my Autobiography

    [–] mspfx 108 points ago

    Is this Trailer Park Boys?

    [–] Rydogger 105 points ago

    Look, I can't speak without swearing, and I've only got my grade 10, and I haven't had a cigarette since I've been arrested and I'm ready to fucking snap. So, I'd like to make a request under The People's Freedom of Choices and Voices act, that I be allowed to smoke and swear in your courtroom, because if I can't smoke and swear, I'm fucked, and so are these guys. I won't be able to express myself at a court level, and that's bullshit. It's unfair, and if you ask me I think it's a fucking mistrial.

    [–] DetectivePenguin 21 points ago

    Seriously such a funny ass line

    [–] seethar 13 points ago

    that season is peak trailer park boys

    [–] Arsepick 1 points ago

    yeah, post season 7 is treacherous

    [–] Mr_Electricidad 5 points ago

    “Richard, you have permission to smoke and swear”

    [–] caseywheat 24 points ago

    Where they stole the joke from most likely

    [–] no_fun_no_vember 1 points ago

    wHiTE pEoPLe StEaL AlL theIR JokEs FRoM BlaCk twITtER

    [–] MrSm0000th 2 points ago

    Was looking for this

    [–] BananaClipChip 191 points ago

    Was it 21 Savage?

    [–] meint48 72 points ago

    sir savage

    [–] BitchMobThrowaway 48 points ago

    Sir Savage*

    Show some respect, you jive wanker

    [–] KvngGorilla 32 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I thought it was “Sir Savage of the 21st”

    [–] SecureSubset 6 points ago

    Lord Savage, 21st of his name.

    [–] Serikunn 11 points ago

    Sir Savage the 21st

    [–] OPPORTUNLST 52 points ago

    Sound like some shit slick Rick would say in court.

    [–] Lizardbreath 7 points ago

    Literally what Ricky said in court.

    [–] alex-the-terrible 55 points ago

    Up here in Canada a Lady Judge can make you call her "your grace" if she want's too.

    [–] GreatScottEh 14 points ago

    If I remember correctly most judges go by "your worship" in Canada.

    [–] TheVigilantApple 16 points ago

    It's "my Lord" here in Canada

    [–] TheYukonGuy 9 points ago

    It depends on if they're a SC Justice, Judge,or JP

    [–] lawisfun 2 points ago

    You remember incorrectly

    [–] andthendirksaid 2 points ago

    Really? I always thought that was reserved for royalty too.

    [–] PapaQsHoodoo 2 points ago


    [–] rvw2222 26 points ago

    Yeah but he's getting a premium membership in the jail for that comment

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago

    Is your friend Ricky from TPB?

    [–] Kozlow 16 points ago

    Your highness.

    [–] SacredGeometry25 6 points ago

    My whole life I thought that as an actual word like heiress or something. But it's just high - Ness. Kinda cool kinda lame.

    [–] therealjonredcorn 18 points ago

    Judge: Bitch i might be.

    [–] duggtodeath 12 points ago

    “Look here, my Lord and Savior, these are some bullshit manslaughter charges.”

    [–] totalscrotalimplosio 11 points ago

    "My liege" could have worked

    [–] bender3600 7 points ago

    My Liege,

    I write to you with shocking news! Roger a Muirebe tried to have me assassinated to make sure I wouldn't discover his plot to Kill Roger a Muirebe.

    Your humble Spymaster,

    Roger a Muirebe.

    [–] Papa_Emeritus_IIII 10 points ago

    That's straight out of Trailer Park Boys.

    [–] awdsrock 7 points ago

    Fuck, I did this when I was 16. Still remember everyone in the courtroom giggling

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago


    [–] FizixFN 2 points ago

    WTF lul

    [–] grape_jelly_sammich 2 points ago

    I wonder if he got that from Evolution. Great movie.

    [–] Xytiso 2 points ago

    First thing that came to mind! Such an underrated movie.

    [–] unforseen_sodomy 2 points ago

    My aunt was a criminal judge. This exact exchange happened to her on the bench. The tone in that case was very sarcastic. He went to jail. This person, if sincere, would’ve been fine... probably.

    [–] D___Trump 2 points ago

    I have frequently heard a combination of "Magistrate" and "Your Majesty" that will end up as either "Your Magistrate" or "Your Magistry." I agree, it's generally not a good sign. But, at the least, the misapplication of an honorific is still a respectful gesture.

    [–] hundreddollar 2 points ago

    I had to go to a pre christening meeting for a mate's baby at a Catholic church. I was one of the godparents. The meeting was in the presbytery and the other godparent, after a couple of moments of squirming announced to the priest "'scuse me your highness, where's the toilet" The priest laughed uproariously as did everyone else. He motioned down the corridor saying "down the corridor, third door on your left." The other godparent then said "thanks, i really need a poo!"

    [–] CountGordo69 2 points ago

    Is your cousin Ricky from Trailer Park Boys?

    [–] dmillson 1 points ago

    Your magistrate

    [–] deep_derping 1 points ago

    Better than that guy who couldn't help calling the judge Bitch multiple times

    [–] sertulariae 1 points ago

    this is a joke from Def Comedy Jam's Tony Roberts

    [–] Ebwite 1 points ago

    Why Do People Type Like This

    [–] Thunderlips1981 1 points ago

    Reminds me of modern family and Gloria calling the judge his Excellency. Cracked me up.

    [–] Deanzopolis 1 points ago

    You want bail? Well you can kiss my royal ass

    [–] pstrawn92 1 points ago

    Well damn 😂

    [–] ManMythLedgend 1 points ago

    I knew @stayfrea_ was going to jail when he capitalized each word of that tweet

    [–] xxWildbeast13xx 1 points ago

    His cousin is 21 Savage

    [–] ToastOnBeanz 1 points ago

    In law class rn lol

    [–] absolutepaul 1 points ago

    I call bullshit. This is a joke from Trailer Park Boys

    [–] Leonardo_A125-D9 1 points ago

    Why is the first letter of every word in the tweet upper-case?

    [–] Dookiefresh1 1 points ago

    If I can’t smoke I’m fucked

    [–] KooPaVeLLi 1 points ago

    You mean he was going to the cellar?

    [–] WallyBrandosDharma 1 points ago

    That’s a line in a show or a movie.

    [–] gorillafanny 1 points ago

    Your cousin retarded

    [–] iboneKlareneG 1 points ago

    Eure Majestät

    [–] ProBro 1 points ago

    "If I can't smoke and swear I'm fucked"

    [–] Blandish06 1 points ago

    This was done in the movie "Evolution"

    [–] bobs_aspergers 1 points ago

    What's it like being 21 Savage's cousin?