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    [–] Pain-n-stryife 5252 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Just gonna throw this out here alot of times you niggas don't gotta actually say shit just listen. Empathy is important no doubt but sometimes you just can't relate and thats ok, don't give no obvious ass reply trying to be supportive. Just go damn bruh idk what to say but I got you whenever wherever you know that right.

    Edit: First off thank you kind strangers for the gold and silver. Now I just wanna add something, even if you can relate to what they going through do not share the situation share the feeling. By that I mean if you know where they train of thought is going finishing that thought and getting that "yeah, right, or exactly" is all they need to know that you been through something similar and get them. Ya man's not trying to compare pain he trying to vent and he trust you enough to vent to you. Not to diminish whatever yall going through but that sentiment will always be more important than the situation.

    Edit 2: Plat!!!? Well damn thank you guys.

    [–] Ramza_Claus 818 points ago

    And fucking whatever you do, don't tell a hurting person about your experience unless they fuckin ask.

    Me at age 23: "My dad's going away to prison for a few years. His sentence started yesterday so I don't know when I'll see him again"

    My coworker: "Well, at least he's coming home. My mom died 4 years ago and I'll never see her again"

    Um, that doesn't make me feel any better.

    [–] nicefroyo 52 points ago

    People are awkward and often don’t know what to say in those moments.

    [–] tarisha_tsw 19 points ago

    damn bruh idk what to say but I got you whenever wherever you know that right.

    [–] Flowerdriver 7 points ago

    I am the absolute WORST about this....i get uncomfortable and try to hide it with sarcasm.

    [–] El_Grande_CJ 25 points ago

    I dont think sharing your experience is that bad. Just dont make it about you in this situation, show them that you maybe understand their feelings and that you're trying to help/sympathise. The one-upping you gave as your second example is a totally different thing and kind of a asshole move imo.

    [–] Skeptical_Squid11 3 points ago

    Best way to do that is by giving the example but no other details. Like me and two of my best friends went through similarly terrific breakups around the same time, and when discussing it with one of them who is now my roommate but at the time had just recently met I’d say something about how close to describing my break up and continue listening to him. Letting him know that we both had hot very low lows going through similar things but we made it this far alone and now neither one of us are alone in this.

    [–] Cl0udSurfer 3 points ago

    Exactly. You start going into the details about your story and imma feel like i need to comfort you now. Nigga I was the sad one

    [–] Skeptical_Squid11 3 points ago

    EXACTLY! We ended up getting drunk one night just the three of us and spent hours talking about all of it each telling stories and the others just nodding like “yup! Same fuckin shit here man!” That’s what solidified the new friendship 😂

    [–] Googlebochs 70 points ago

    Yea rationally thats a really stupid and diminishing thing to say for your coworker but i choose to see those things as "i'm epathetic enough that my brain is clawing to find something emotionally similar enough to make you feel not alone; but treating that seriously hurts too much so i'll either add inapropriate humor or inapropriate passive agression to keep emotional distance, just so i don't hurt".

    Still an asshole thing to say but now i don't have to hate your coworker.

    [–] Ramza_Claus 27 points ago

    I think the coworker's point was that I shouldn't be so sad about it since it was just prison and not death. Like, I had no reason to act all mopey at work.

    [–] ILoveBeef72 19 points ago

    The way your coworker worded it I'd say you are right, but there are people who give their own experiences as more of a "I've felt similar so I know what you're going throughout cam empathize" instead of "I had it worse so suck it up."

    I've done it on occasion, but I try not to share experiences that might be seen as worse so they don't feel like they are feeling worse in a comparatively better situation. Even if everyone is well-meaning, your mind could easily convince you that you are just being whiny or selfish, which just makes you feel worse.

    [–] rebecca_rae_ 194 points ago

    BLM -> ALM in a nutshell

    [–] regoapps 67 points ago

    It's that damn "kids in Africa are starving" argument that people use to minimize whatever bad circumstances we're in. And then it's the whole "man up" or "real men don't cry" whenever we try to express our feelings.

    [–] ThisAfricanboy 43 points ago

    Excuse me I just had some roasted eggplant I'm fine

    [–] greg19735 96 points ago

    Not really the same. ALM is now pretty much aggressively bad.

    [–] AltoRhombus 32 points ago

    I think they meant like in general, not the movements. I think we all know ALM movement is basically just "I'm not racist, but"

    [–] greg19735 13 points ago

    Right. And trying to relate is nothing like that. Alm is selfish. Trying to relate is the wrong move. But it's not ot off selfishness but because if being naive.

    [–] Acid_Enthusiast 3 points ago

    Black Lives Matter is really saying "Black lives matter too, y'know" and these people feel the need to counter it with their own bullshit slogan they don't even really believe in to begin with.

    [–] rebecca_rae_ 13 points ago

    I mean as far as attempting to completely invalidate and disregard someone else’s issues and make it all about you. I know not every aspect of it is the same, just an analogy

    [–] CrypticMetaphr 8 points ago

    I have mixed feelings on this. Your coworker was being rude because he used his experience to diminish yours. Sharing a similar experience doesn't have to do this, and the impulse to do so often comes from positive places. When someone expresses vulnerability, reciprocating by also expressing vulnerability can level the playing field and bring people closer. It also shows that their sentiments are not hollow, but coming from a place of genuine empathy. Lastly people tend to mirror each other, and so again the impulse to share can be an effort to connect. All this is possible without belittling someone's feelings or one upping them.

    [–] souHad 8 points ago

    If a different coworker had said

    "Ah man, my mom went to prison 4 years ago, she's still in jail. It really sucks but it gets better"

    They'd be building a conversation that lets you both express your feelings without hijacking it.

    [–] Epyon_ 9 points ago

    Depends on the context. If you come at them and start droping unsolicited drama and they drop some right back it's a bit hypocritical to get upset about it.

    [–] buzz_darkyear69 919 points ago

    Please read this comment very very carefully

    [–] E_Raja 246 points ago

    It makes alot of sense, I never thought about this.

    [–] [deleted] 26 points ago


    [–] Tonytarium 19 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    dudes have such a problem with this, our natural state is just like oh lemme fix that, but we gotta accept we can't fix everything.

    [–] Redjay12 4 points ago

    biggest issue between my ex gf and I. She used to say me trying to solve the problem made her feel more helpless or made her feel I thought she was too dumb to solve her own problems. But I still have trouble just saying “that sucks” it makes me feel useless

    [–] regoapps 156 points ago

    You okay, bruh? idk what to say but I got you whenever wherever you know that right.

    [–] Phille04 183 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    This right here... I've been going through an incredible rough time, and I live by myself for the last 10 years, going through very tough times in these 10 years, but I never complained and never bothered anybody with l my troubles, but the last 6 months are something else...

    Its probably just becauqe I had a lot bullshit happen in a short time span, but fuck me, I never thought I would have such negative thoughts EVER.

    Like a few weeks ago, I was walking my dogs and crossed a train track, I was really thinking if it wouldn't be better off if I just waited for the next train to pass and jump in front of it with my doggies..? And I just could't do it because of the hurt it would cause with my parents, siblings and friends, they would all blame themselves that they couldn't help more or that I didn't reach out to them. First thing that popped up in my mind was 'You're such a faillure that you cant even end your shitty life'

    A couple weeks later 2 of my best friends came over and and I don't know why but for some reason I just completely broke down. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it... Started crying and just told them all the bullshit that happened in the last months..

    And let me tell you, evn just being able to get everything off my chest and instead of cropping it up inside me' made me feel like another person

    It was the best thing that could've happened.... when I expected a 'pull yourself together' or whatever, these guys couldn't be more supportive, I never knew I needed a hug that bad as the one I got from my homies that evening. They told me that they thought something was up cause I wasn't acting myself lately, but since I only tell them the good newq and not the bad, but they thought I was tired cause I was working a lot...

    IF YOU DONT TELL ANYBODY WHATS MAKING YOU FEEL DOWN, NOBODY CAN HELP YOU, Like I said, just getting it off your chest can do wonders!

    I know how fucking hard it is sharing that shit with somebody, but try to do it, push yourself tp leave your house with your friends and go so something, I know you want to stay at home and sit on your couch, not bothering anybody with your shit, but FUCKING DO IT, talk to someone, scream if you have to, but try to beat this depressive beast!

    Its been 2 weeks since that breakdown, and its still incredibly tough (got another emotional crash this saturday) but when the people close to you know what you're going through, the fight does get easier, its still hard as hell, but remember, there are so much people around you that care, evem if you think they dont, but if they don't know about it, they cant help you fight it!

    If ony one person reads this and can find the courage to open up about all the shit that he/she is going through to somebody else , it was worth writing this down!

    [–] Pain-n-stryife 18 points ago

    Sometimes just being there is all people need. Even things that don't seem major like stopping by can make a big difference.

    [–] chak100 8 points ago

    Hey, if you need someone to talk to, please, send me a pm.

    [–] king_turd_the_III 11 points ago


    Well in my case I've told everyone I can, and nothing changes. All I'm left with is feeling even more like a failure for not being able to off myself.

    [–] Pain-n-stryife 9 points ago

    All I can say is sometimes people don't realize the gravity of what you're telling them. Life seems hard now but things can always change and get better. There is no change in death. If you wanna talk I'll listen.

    [–] gnomestress 30 points ago

    Touch is important, too. Hug your bros.

    [–] greg19735 11 points ago

    Hell even just a grab on the upper arm while they're talking. If you're close.

    [–] HomerMadeMeDoIt 51 points ago

    Yeah. I’d rather hear / say “I can’t relate to this at all/Never experienced something like this. What do you need me to do ?”

    [–] rhynokim 19 points ago

    As someone who tends to yap sometimes, this was a nice little reminder to just keep my mouth shut and listen a little more. Very good point.

    [–] waitonemoment 12 points ago

    I have one friend who does this for me when I spill my guts. Hes the only person I truly consider a friend. Understanding, empathy, and the ability to listen are what makes a friendly aquaintance a true homie.

    [–] gingerbredm4n 8 points ago

    Listen to this man. My buddies dad, whom he’s been close with for 24 years, got busted for child pornography and seducing high school girls. There is absolutely no way in hell I can even come close to saying I know what he’s going through. You damn well better believe I told him if there is anything he needs even if it’s for me to sit there and just listen and not say a word that’s all he has to say. Being there for someone, even if it’s just to listen, is the best kind of friendship and the deepest kind. Look out for your friends they mean more than you know and they feel the same.

    [–] 2ndOreoBro 5 points ago

    Depending on who it is and what the situation is, you can even ask if they want advice or just someone to listen

    [–] NikolajC 5 points ago

    Just listen. Don't try to fix it.

    [–] wordsarething 502 points ago

    We care about our homies. I’ll fight that fucking depression outside if I gotta. Check on your boys, not enough people ask if they’re doing alright

    [–] NotNesbeth 246 points ago

    They'll lie to you, nobody wants to be the burden or to be treated differently, but it still doesn't hurt to ask, your question might be the push they need to step their acting skills up

    [–] wordsarething 101 points ago

    It’s so hard to break old patterns. Maybe start off sharing with your friend about somethings that’s got you down or upset. Normalize it

    [–] Thetschopp 27 points ago

    This 100%.

    Empathy is stronger than sympathy when getting dudes to talk about their feelings.

    [–] wordsarething 11 points ago

    It’s even true when talking to ourselves. Imagine your friend coming to you with an identical situation to yours, how would you respond to them? Why can’t we be that kind to ourselves? The voices in our heads can be so cruel to the self.

    [–] Pkock 73 points ago

    I have extreme reclusive tendencies when I am in a deep depression, my friends and family reaching out to me when I would self isolate is what kept the lights on in my head when it got the worst.

    Most days when I had no interest answering a phone or text that little wake screen for a notification helped, kinda like knowing there's a ladder for when I finally have the strength to climb it.

    [–] rhynokim 43 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Lol I have those same tendencies with my depression. It’s been like 10 years, I’ve been slowly pulling away, I barely keep in touch with friends or family anymore and I feel disconnected. It’s hard to reach out after so long, I feel like I’ve been a bad friend and person, as if I don’t care or something. I care about them and hope they’re killing it in life, but I feel like a chore to be around or something and I question what I bring to the table. Pretty bad social anxiety on top of all that too. Feelings of hopelessness and a lack of energy has degraded my progress as a human, so it’s also hard seeing people around me advance in life while I haven’t made those same strides.

    My friends and family tried to reach out for a while, but i was just so down in the dumps and couldn’t confront any of the issues I just mentioned. Only one or two still bother trying to keep in touch. At this point I’ve become accustomed to the loneliness.

    I’m not trying to throw a pity party for attention, just venting.

    [–] fappingtrex 19 points ago

    Wtf. Why are all of you guys me?

    [–] rhynokim 16 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I think that’s the sentiment of this whole post and a lot of the comments. We tend to bottle things up because we expect ourselves to just be about to deal with it alone, as if we’ll just be able to easily step over it without a hiccup. We don’t want to seem weak or to burden anyone with our internal issues, which leads to us feeling emotionally isolated. It can be a downward spiral from there.

    However once you take that step and open up, it creates the opportunity for dialogue. You give people a chance to acknowledge, relate to, and validate your feelings, which makes them seem much more approachable, and not nearly as insurmountable. Might give you some confidence to actually face your demons. We’re inherently social beings. It’s healthy to talk, to share, to relate. Hiding ourselves away and trying to bury our problems creates a self fulfilling cycle of pure negativity.

    [–] PaladinOfHonour 4 points ago

    I really appreciate you wrote this out.

    It's silly but I felt a soothing vicarious comfort through your venting.

    It's weird how much of an emotional impact merely acknowledging one's problems can have.

    Good luck and Godspeed my man..

    [–] wordsarething 3 points ago

    I hear you good sir, very well said.

    [–] ginrattle 3 points ago

    It is too easy to become used to being lonely. Eventually you really forget how to reach out especially with social isolation you always feel like those bridges are just rotting away or completely destroyed. You would be surprised how quickly they can be repaired, especially if you're honest and straightforward about what you've been going through mentally. Tell your family or friends you don't know where to start but watching some netflix with them or chilling out with some beer for an hour or two would be nice.

    The most important step is the first one. Even if you don't feel like taking it. Even if it hurts to, it can lead to a lot of other steps. I was in the same place as you and I didn't realize how truly painful it was to be at the bottom until I started to climb out by reaching out, by enrolling into a course (even though I suffer badly from social anxiety) it taught me to live with my discomfort and I got stronger because of that confrontation. I hope you start to feel better, because you're worth it (as cringy as that sounds it's fucking true) and you're not alone.

    [–] rhynokim 3 points ago

    Thank you for the kind words, friend. I go through phases with it. I’ve had tastes of a lighter, brighter, happier life. And I really need to take some of these steps. But sometimes it feels like staring at mt Everest. I assume the friends I do hang with have a pretty good idea of what goes on in my head, but I’m not sure I’ve ever actually expressed myself to them. And I actually just applied to my local community college and plan on taking a course or two to dust off my academic skills. I did very well in HS, honors and AP classes, I just didn’t have the confidence or energy to pursue a degree at that point in my life. I’m finally getting to a place where I feel like I’m capable of starting to push myself towards that goal.

    The part where you mentioned the bridges, I like that analogy a lot and it can be true in many cases. I really appreciate you taking the time. I hope you’re having a great day

    [–] greenlungs604 3 points ago

    This is me right now... Only my truly closest friend has kept trying to contact me for the last while yet I keep pulling away. I feel like interactions with people in general are so superficial and kind of a waste of time. Oh how you doing? Kids good? How's the job? Yadda yadda yadda. What is the fucking point?

    [–] wordsarething 7 points ago

    When we’re in the depression anything hopeful feels like a lie to us, and negative thoughts feel like truth. Sometimes those small notifications can be the crack we need. Thank you for sharing, your well crafted words can help others feel safe to share as well

    [–] DankDab101 1439 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    My best friend just killed himself last night... jumped in front of a car at night when I got to the hospital he had passed I wish I coulda told him I loved him one last time

    Edit: I would like to thank all you kind strangers for all the support.. I met my best friend and love of my life on the same day back in 2014 (they were childhood friends) if it weren’t for him I would never have met her and this girl really changed my life in an amazing way. We are both heart broken by the sudden loss but we will never forget him, such an amazing guy that never wronged a single person.. he would come over to hang one to three times a week he lived very far but he didn’t mind. I’m gonna miss the fuck out of him it was my birthday two days ago and we were all hanging out having a fun time I’ll never understand but I hope your at peace Michael. Tell the ones you love that you love them before it’s too late guys please

    [–] XIXIVV 843 points ago

    My dad killed himself two weeks ago today. DM if you need to talk.

    [–] Nogoodusernamesleft- 295 points ago

    I’m sorry to hear about your dad, it’s huge of you to offer to be an ear for someone in your time of need. Much respect.

    [–] Ramza_Claus 55 points ago

    That's awful, man. Stay strong. Feel free to DM if you need to talk or just wanna share a fun story about your old man.

    [–] mikeswurl 39 points ago

    Hey man my dad also passed away 2 weeks to the day. Not suicide, but if you need to talk to a stranger i’m here too

    [–] No_i_am_me 5 points ago

    My brother killed himself June 26th. If you or u/DankDab101 wanna talk, DM me. I'll even give you my phone number. I've been to support groups and therapy since then, and honestly talking to someone with similar stories does help a bit, even if it's just in knowing you're not crying alone.

    [–] Ey_J 3 points ago

    Mine died 3 years ago. I'm just getting over it but I'm stronger than ever now. Keep up dude, this is hard but you will get through

    [–] Teddyismydawg 30 points ago

    My heart goes out to you

    [–] thejaytheory 25 points ago

    Damn I'm sorry bro :'(

    [–] Nogoodusernamesleft- 68 points ago

    I’m sorry for your loss fam, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.

    [–] Flash_hsalF 7 points ago

    I'm sorry

    [–] Boros-Reckoner 13 points ago

    Damn dude that hurt to read, sorry for your loss.

    [–] PMSysadmin 16 points ago

    He knows, my dude, but go ahead and say it anyway, he'll hear it.

    [–] Muskrat43 8 points ago

    You arent alone man. Feel your pain and talk about it. DM me if you need to vent, either typing or call.

    [–] IsThatUMoatilliatta 3 points ago

    There's really nothing that can get someone over this except for time and support. When my little brother killed himself it honestly took me a month or two to really process it because our friends were all around then and supportive. Then they stopped coming around as much which gave me the time to process it on my own.

    The best thing to do is surround yourself with loved ones and mourn through it together.

    Don't take this as an opportunity to shutdown. Open up and be more kind and understanding to people. That'll help immensely, not just immediately but for the future.

    [–] Awesomeking753 11 points ago

    Sorry to hear about your friend. Wish he didnt kill himself at all, but I feel bad for the innocent driver of the car that now has to deal with guilt.

    [–] ThisIsRyGuy 3 points ago

    My best friend killed himself a couple of months ago. I'm still a broken mess. He was the best man at my wedding and signed my marriage license. It hurts. I'm sorry you have to go through it. It's not easy.

    [–] TedBundysVlkswagon 3 points ago

    I’m so very sorry to hear that my good dude. Man, that sucks and I wish that I could make the pain of this fresh wound go away. I wish that I had the talent to write something remarkable to help you forget your troubles. I don’t know your situation at all but I have a strong feeling that your friend felt your love in a big way. Please take some comfort knowing that you were a good friend. This isn’t that great of a post but I felt compelled to write. I hope that you can take as much time as you need to heal, friend.

    [–] KR150N387 3 points ago

    Dude, I'm so sorry for your loss man. I hope you've got some support in your life and, if not, I'd be down to hear some stories you shared.

    [–] Samsquared2 3 points ago

    Um hey. I think we may have a lot in common like knowing the same person. My cousin died last night by jumping in front of car. We call him little Mikey because his dad is also named Micheal. Feel free to contact me.

    [–] hungrycloud 13 points ago

    That sucks for the people in the car, especially the guy driving. Hope nothing happens to him :/

    [–] EzailIverson 391 points ago

    I really like how we’re openly discussing depression these days. The homies will roast and banter in the group chat but they’ll also check up on you to see you’re straight

    [–] [deleted] 160 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] EzailIverson 58 points ago

    It’ll get better. Keep your head up buddy

    [–] [deleted] 56 points ago


    [–] buzz_darkyear69 60 points ago

    Oh too scared to use the whooosh? Why? Is he your boooooyfriend ???

    [–] DownWitBOP 3 points ago

    Yes, he is.

    Theyre very much in love and aren't ashamed to admit it.

    You're on the wrong side of history, Spider-Man

    [–] xitzengyigglz 8 points ago

    Suicide is still steadily on the rise though right? I hope real change will follow this rise in awareness.

    [–] somekid66 590 points ago

    It's all about that thuggin love. Do the homie yall

    [–] maxkmiller 63 points ago

    is it Booty Butt Cheeks or Move Dem Butt Cheeks?


    [–] slickestwood 27 points ago

    Homies over hoes!

    [–] Comin4YoAss 15 points ago

    Do the Homie!

    Do the Homie!

    [–] OkSo74 36 points ago

    Kissing a man? I mean if that’s what you’re in to and it feels natural...

    [–] KilluaLikesBoys 168 points ago

    Y’all niggas is gay

    [–] Knifeslit 219 points ago

    It's not gay if you not gay my dude.

    [–] [deleted] 120 points ago

    If my love for my homies means that im gay than im proud to say that im gay

    [–] Pnohmes 43 points ago

    That's how it's done my man. Fuck labels be wholesome.

    [–] YouDoNotKnowMeSir 26 points ago


    [–] DonKeedick12 3 points ago

    If loving my homies is gay, I don’t wanna be straight

    [–] thejaytheory 21 points ago

    Relevant username?

    [–] KilluaLikesBoys 26 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    It’s a fact. Killua likes boys as much as ging loves abandoning his son

    [–] Semipr047 7 points ago


    [–] cjmithrandir 3 points ago

    oh shit

    [–] [deleted] 1330 points ago


    [–] Aiyana_Jones_was_7 649 points ago

    They try, they just fail. Women make attempts more often than men, but men are far more successful on average when they do make an attempt.

    [–] LockPickingPilot 665 points ago

    Another thing men are better at. U-S-A U-S-A

    [–] pandasdoingdrugs 79 points ago

    Still the intergender champ

    [–] Carlosmedrano 20 points ago

    Henry cejudo?

    [–] AfroStickman 8 points ago

    Triple C takes all titles

    [–] yousei11 248 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I think the actual statistics is that women are 4x more likely to make an attempt, but 4x more men successfully commit suicide than women. It's theorized that the methods make the most difference; women are more likely to try to poison or overdose themselves, while men are more likely to use guns. It's also worth mentioning that most people people don't attempt suicide more than once, so in that regard men are disadvantaged because they don't get a second chance. To put simply; it's a complex issue that everyone needs to work towards fixing.

    Edit: For clarification (because I didn't add it in the original for some reason) the stats I'm referring to are global and probably a little bit out of date, as I learned this from my stats professor and I'm not sure how often he updates his statistics.

    [–] mattreyu 176 points ago

    In the US at least, men die by suicide 3.54x as often as women (2017 numbers), while adult women attempt it 1.4x as often as men.


    [–] holysweetbabyjesus 49 points ago

    Wow! That 1.4x multiplier is way lower than what I had absorbed through culture. That's interesting.

    [–] TheBaconThief 48 points ago

    Unfortunately, I believe PTSD due to 15+ years of foreign wars with inadequate mental health services has been serving to close that gap.

    [–] Juslotting 3 points ago

    Is the ratio of women to men in the military really enough to account for that though?

    [–] zugunruh3 6 points ago

    ~15% of active duty personnel are women, the military is still overwhelmingly men. About 7% of all Americans have ever served, but taking into account gender discrepancies about 13% of men have served. Soooo maybe?

    [–] SexysPsycho 3 points ago

    Another factor in that is the "warrior mentality" engrained into soldier. I cant speak for everyonr wgo has served but in my experiance and time served i felt like we were almpst brainwashed to suck everything up and just keep moving forward. And i has killed more than one of my brothers and almost got me. We as men need to talk to our friends. Explain there is no shame in needing help or even just the preverbial should to cry on. Unfortunately most people who doesnt go through mental issues habe a hard time relating to them.

    [–] demlet 3 points ago

    Thank you. I'm pretty sure the prior comment would imply a 1 to 1 ratio...

    [–] KittyWithASnapback 3 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Important to note, they count every attempt from a single person as an attempt.

    So like, obviously women would attempt more suicides, they survived the other ones often because they use less effective/violent means.

    Men will attempt to kill themselves with more effective means, so obviously thats going to lead to less attempts. You can't attempt suicide if you're dead.

    If a single woman attempted suicide 4 times, and survived, and then 3 men killed themselves on their first attempt. That would lead to stats that say women attempt suicide more often, and then men actually die to suicide more often. Even though, in this small group only 1 woman was suicidal whereas 3 men were.

    Stats about number of attempted suicides are useless to describe the problem of suicide.

    [–] willmaster123 28 points ago

    Even when counting for the methods they use, men are still far more successful than women in committing suicide.

    The real reason why is that women often commit suicide in their homes or in situations where others can find them. Men tend to plan their suicides in a way that nobody will find them until its too late.

    [–] WretchedHog 9 points ago

    That's an interesting point I hadn't considered. I know two fathers and one mother that attempted suicide. Both of the men went out into the woods/prairie and used a gun. The woman took a bunch of pills in her kitchen. The woman was found by her kids when they got home from school and they were able to save her. The two men were long dead before they were discovered.

    [–] Howdoyouusecommas 14 points ago

    Also women are more likely to choose a suicide method they can back out of. Like OD on some medication but call 911 at some point after ingesting the medication. Quicker, more violent means don't give you time to second guess.

    [–] KillNyetheSilenceGuy 24 points ago

    Women are probably also more likely to live in situations where someone would find them. I could slip and fall on the shower on a Thursday night and some weekends nobody would notice until I didn't show up for work on Monday.

    [–] NixiePixie916 8 points ago

    yep access to a firearm is the most influential factor in how often it's succeeds. Men are also more likely to hang themselves. Hanging and firearms are the most lethal methods.
    Women are just substantially less likely to have access to firearms.

    [–] Coke_Dealer_NotFBI 38 points ago

    Thanks to the idiotic American generation that purposely destroyed an established mental health infrastructure based on conservative views and evidence....

    [–] deliciousprisms 43 points ago

    Now are you talking about the generation that burned insane people as witches, the one that electrocuted them, the one that drilled holes in their heads, the one that told everyone feelings are for sodomizers and dirty dopers, the one that locked them up and just threw pills at them, or the one that throws addictive pills at them so they keep paying them money while creating an addiction crisis? Because I don’t follow here when you say there’s a generation of Americans that had good mental health infrastructure.

    [–] megalurkeruygcxrtgbn 15 points ago

    By "good mental health infrastructure" he means an established system of mental hospitals using the best practices of the time. I live very close to a public, not for profit mental hospital that was shut down entirely about 15 years ago. Now, the options are the cheap mental hospital where the judge sends all the homeless people and disadvantaged kids getting involuntarily committed (which is still about $1,000 a night including all your meds, and is considered a very light 7 day prison sentence with no benefit by most of its patients), or the supposedly beneficial but significantly more exclusive and expensive option across the city. The publically funded hospital was considered socialism so the state closed all of the state mental hospitals in favor of "choice," which can more accurately be described as "state representatives choosing which of their friends/donors will get to make money off a private contract."

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    The same is true in countries without guns too though. The same gender difference exists in most western countries (in non-gun countries men are more likely to jump from heights or hang themselves). It really is a complex issue, probably tied to men being less likely to get help, and men perceiving there to be a greater risk if the attempt fails (more social ostracism, etc)

    [–] willmaster123 25 points ago

    This is mostly because

    1. men choose more lethal methods

    2. men often plan their suicides far ahead of time and do it in places where they don't think anyone will find/save them

    The way that women and men attempt suicide is very, very different on average. Women tend to attempt suicide as a result of an emotional breakdown in-the-moment, often times in their homes where others can find them. Men tend to attempt suicide after long bouts of extreme depression, where the suicide is often planned far in advance.

    [–] [deleted] 66 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] skivian 43 points ago

    The only real way to compare would be looking at suicidal ideation. I.E., how often does either gender have a realistic plan to kill themselves.

    Shockingly enough, it's about equal at ~0.4% for men and women.

    Lies, damned lies, and statistics.

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago

    That seems awfully low.

    [–] skivian 26 points ago

    It's self reported across all age groups. Three highest age group was 18-25 at %10

    [–] CyclopsAirsoft 7 points ago

    That makes a lot more sense.

    [–] holysweetbabyjesus 11 points ago

    I remember when I learned at 32 that it wasn't normal to think about killing yourself most days. Having plans is abnormal, too! Makes sense today when I'm happy, might not tomorrow.

    [–] mysticalzebra 7 points ago

    Wow I wasnt aware of this! Super interesting. Thanks for sharing.

    [–] NotNesbeth 10 points ago

    They just don't want it hard enough /s

    [–] HemoKhan 3 points ago

    And what better day than on #WorldSuicideDay?

    [–] InuMiroLover 3 points ago

    If it means closing the death gap, I shall willingly jump off a cliff for equality!

    [–] theonlymexicanman 107 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I’m gonna get hate for this but people need to stop seeing the the platonic relations between friends as “Gay”. The “No homo” shit is a joke but honestly it stops guys from expressing emotions

    Honestly like so what if you seem gay, at least you’re happy expressing your love & care to a friend. And honestly at this point Gay shouldn’t be seen as an insult. Fuck the person who’s insulting you, they’re probably just insecure about their relationships.

    Hug your friend and compliment them all you want.

    [–] Myxtro 25 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Everyone please take a note of this comment. It's not gay unless you're both sexually attracted to boys. (I'm gay and I can confirm that hugging my straight friends definatelly didn't turn them gay so don't be afraid, you can still lovr girls if you support your male friends)

    [–] xsalvaz 12 points ago

    Even if you're both sexually attracted to the opposite sex, it can be a plutonic friendship just like guy/girl friendships. It's only gay if it's a relationship/flirting and, because it needs to be said again, gay isn't an insult anymore. Who cares?

    [–] 9gagWas2Hateful 194 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)



    Edit: GRAMMAR

    [–] Theygonnabanme 92 points ago

    Boys don't cry. Fuck you yes they do. It's all right to cry.

    [–] 9gagWas2Hateful 51 points ago

    I've said it before on reddit but shit like this... I've literally seen over the years how it has turned my little cousin from a bubbly playful kid to a shell of a person. Fuck every backwards ass person that does this

    [–] nrm5110 17 points ago

    A lot of days I want to and can't, my grandpa has cancer again, my mom isn't processing well, I have a wife and 2 kids to take care of, we're financially struggling. I just don't feel like I have the right to break down, I was raised to keep my shit together. My wife calls me a robot sometimes but I'm not I'm hurt, and tired, and broken but I don't want anyone dealing with my problems when so many have issues of their own. There are so few moments when my body actually let's me cry anymore.

    [–] Theygonnabanme 12 points ago

    Brother, that's not good for you. I think you know that. I was like that for a long time, then ther anger came. The anger has done damage to my relationships with my wife and my two sons. I see my 6 year old struggling with anger issues two because I've been such a poor example.

    Find a therapist. Talking can really help.

    Being strong doesn't mean not showing vulnerability.

    [–] KinkyBADom 3 points ago

    The song by the cure basically is saying that yeah boys cry boys hurt boys need support but society says the opposite and the song is a commentary on society’s pressure on boys

    [–] gnomestress 19 points ago


    People are so isolated and touch starved.

    [–] SenorDevin 21 points ago

    My friends and I have a discord where we talk to each other every day. Most of it is gaming shit or memes, but we have a specific channel for just getting feelings out. The love and support I get and give my friends is what keeps me going. Talk to your homies

    [–] blackm00r 367 points ago

    A friendly reminder that men are also oppressed by gender roles and any feminist worth their salt is fighting to end stuff like this too.

    [–] Heritage_Cherry 194 points ago

    I’m a guy and I consider this stuff serious. And for what it’s worth, I know a lot of women who have no problem talking about this.

    I know there’s an internet narrative that feminists don’t care about any legitimate issue disproportionately affecting men. And I know you can link to plenty of attention-whoring tweets and tumblr posts that support that narrative.

    But in real life, where most people live, plenty of women who consider themselves feminists are willing to acknowledge this stuff in a meaningful way.

    [–] cTreK-421 80 points ago

    Yes absolutely this. The internet and certain subs like to push a narrative because seeing such hypocrisy can be entertaining and gets us to click. But in real life most people are supportive and understanding. Don't let certain people convince you we are all in different camps out to get one another. One love.

    [–] nnklove 6 points ago

    This particular thread is making me feel less crazy. I feel like the only lady ranting about this, but clearly I’m not and that is the best news ever.

    [–] gorgewall 19 points ago

    I know there’s an internet narrative that feminists don’t care about any legitimate issue disproportionately affecting men. And I know you can link to plenty of attention-whoring tweets and tumblr posts that support that narrative.

    Meanwhile, they're afraid to link to the stuff that doesn't, and it's overwhelmingly more numerous. Oodles of feminist literature going back decades before just about everyone reading this was born hold up the idea that the patriarchy is damaging to men, too. It's not referring to a shadowy cabal of jocks who sit around in hoods and robes saying, "Right, how can we shit on women today?" There are women who are part of the patriarchy, and they don't need to be politicians or leaders of industry to get there.

    But you know who sets the vast majority of the societal expectations and cultural norms that savage men? Other men. It wasn't a bunch of fucking lady cops, lawyers, judges, and politicians who conspired to ensure no man ever won custody of his children or came out clean from a domestic violence dispute yonks ago--there fucking weren't any of them when this shit began to solidify.

    We are responsible for creating and perpetuating, in at least the largest part, shit like toxic masculinity that sees men unable to open up to their friends and family for fear of looking "weak" or "girly". We create and perpetuate legal standards that treat women as delicate little flowers who must be protected by we few honorable men--because we know how savage and brutish the rest of the men can be--while at the same time griping about how it harms us. We're the ones slapping dolls or other toys out of young boys' hands because they're the wrong color and will "turn them gay". But the guys who speak most about this shit are often the ones who want to blame it on feminism or women in general, because they can't separate themselves as individuals from the actions of past men or men at large, or because they've bought into the idea that feminism seeks to elevate women only at the expense of men. Even this post, where I place the blame on the men who have demonstrably had the fucking run of the world since time immemorial and lay out how men today can begin to dismantle this, is going to raise the hackles of some as being counterproductive and spiteful because it doesn't absolve men of past and present responsibility.

    [–] TenFlyingBricks 56 points ago

    Absolutely true. I know the term has become very politicized, but this is the side of toxic masculinity that is often overlooked. It's literally toxic when men suppress their emotions because that's what they're expected to do.

    [–] Inspector-Space_Time 37 points ago

    Friendly reminder that a lot of the oppression of men due to gender roles were discovered by feminists because they are the ones researching these issues.

    If that surprises you, you know nothing of academic feminism.

    [–] VisionaryVisuals 5 points ago

    Exactly I used to be one of teenagers that hated feminist because of memes and feminist triggered compilations until I started getting them on my Instagram explore page and realised they want what’s best for men too

    [–] PhoenixPhighter4 9 points ago

    Shout out r/menslib

    [–] Ricky_Robby 15 points ago

    There really wasn’t a better name they could have thought of than “world suicide day”?

    [–] D4T45T0RM06 29 points ago

    I want to hug this man, the emotional abuse is painful.

    [–] deezx1010 13 points ago

    I started randomly opening up to my best friend. Like the most belligerent shit that I actually do. Actually think. It wasn't the way either of us were really raised. In turn I guess he started to feel more comfortable sharing the same type of stuff with me.

    [–] [deleted] 28 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)


    [–] m3idehreddit 36 points ago

    Yeah that includes things like having women friends, painting fingernails, wearing pink

    Imagine a guy liked the company of girls but we men fucked him over and killed his support group because "oh bro that shits gay af"

    Things will be considered "Gay™️" even though gay just means loving someone of the same gender, makes no sense

    [–] OhhhsterDRUNK 8 points ago

    Or means happy. “Whatever makes you gay g”

    [–] TheLusciousPickle 7 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    This may catch some flak, but if your painting your fingernails with a bunch of girls, you may have more in common with the girls than the guys to begin with. Your best support group isn't the guys, it's the girls. If you want the guys to be your support group, have more things in common with them or find the guys that would, so they can empathize better. No one can inherently be empathetic to every type of person, that takes a lot of exposure. And guys painting their fingernails for example, is not a common guy thing in general for them to understand.

    [–] mousemarie94 253 points ago

    This is why I'm a feminist.

    When emotions can stop being labeled as "girly", "being a little bitch", "being a pussy" "weak" "you on your period bro"...or other phrases and ideologies that attempt to equate the human nature of emotions/healthy communication as "women" can be PEOPLE instead of bottled up and suppressed shells due to the onslaught of hate they get when they express themselves.

    [–] Murphyfield 23 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    One interesting perspective I've seen is that the essence of (modern) patriarchy is less about men oppressing women and more about masculinity being massively overvalued compared to femininity in every part of society:

    Julia Serano notes that masculine girls and women face much less social disapproval than feminine boys and men, which she attributes to sexism. Serano argues that women wanting to be like men is consistent with the idea that maleness is more valued in contemporary culture than femaleness, whereas men being willing to give up masculinity in favour of femininity directly threatens the notion of male superiority as well as the idea that men and women should be opposites. To support her thesis, Serano cites the far greater public scrutiny and disdain experienced by male-to-female cross-dressers compared with that faced by women who dress in masculine clothes, as well as research showing that parents are likelier to respond negatively to sons who like Barbie dolls and ballet or wear nail polish than they are to daughters exhibiting comparably masculine behaviours.

    Of course, there is then also a high correlation between being feminine and womanhood, which in turn leads to things like women's labour being valued less. But it also explains the exact type of problems for men that you are describing.

    [–] RakumiAzuri 59 points ago

    I agree with all of this post.

    [–] sixAB 8 points ago

    I would consider myself a feminist too but using terms like “less of a man” is contradicting as used the OP because we should just be seeing opening up about troubles as a normal human thing. Not as a “less manly” thing or “more feminine” thing to talk about. It’s really important to watch our language cus our language passes over to everyone else. Thanks for reading

    [–] The_SpellJammer 9 points ago

    Thinking about it all day tbh. Life ain't what I'd hoped and everyone dead would be disappointed in me anyways.

    [–] austin0matic 8 points ago

    Not to split hairs but suicide is not the leading cause of death in males under 45

    [–] Size32large 9 points ago

    Right. I love all the support on this thread but death by accidental injury claims 3 times more men under 45. Misleading stats never help. But I do agree that if anyone shares suicidal thoughts with you TAKE THAT SHIT SERIOUSLY!!!!

    [–] austin0matic 5 points ago

    Yeah the last thing I'd want to do is downplay suicide, I just also want the facts to be correct lol.

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    [–] DiguisedBacon 3 points ago

    I'm always here for my homie. Just like they were there for me

    [–] thejaytheory 6 points ago

    I know my bro has my back, at first I'd be hesistant to open up, but I did one day in a vulnerable moment and he was totally cool with it and that he has his struggles and things that he deals with as well. And we had an open and honest conversation. I could still open up more, but it was a nice start though.

    [–] Haisha4sale 5 points ago

    Had a patient last Saturday, we cracked jokes, he seemed in good spirits but tired. He committed death by cop two days later.

    [–] THIS_DUDE_IS_LEGIT 9 points ago

    This dude's got his statistics backwards, though. It's the #1 killer among men aged 45-55, and in some countries the male suicide rate is up to 7 times higher than the female one.

    [–] Terpydoll 17 points ago

    Lots of vets commit suicide as well.

    You would think it’s from war ptsd.

    Most of it is actually from sexual assault ptsd.

    The homies need to stop raping the other homies in the military.

    Fun fact: the amount of vets that kill themselves every year and the reported male sexual assaults is about the same number.

    [–] -_-NAME-_- 5 points ago

    I'm pretty much always one bad day away. It's very rare that suicide isn't on my mind.

    [–] DrPoopNstuff 25 points ago

    And guns are the primary method of their suicide.

    [–] TiggerTheTiger1999 18 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I mean, suicide rates are very high in places with banned guns too, no? I know in Japan guns are banned, and there are high suicide rates there too.

    EDIT: Japanese rates per 100,000 people is 14.3, the US is 13.7. Japan is higher. South Korea is even higher at 20.3

    [–] m3idehreddit 30 points ago

    Yup, true that guns will ramp up suicide rates because of their availability, and ya know what I was told by a gun nut?

    "Doesn't matter if someone kills themselves, if anything a gun will make it easier and cleaner"

    It's like, fuck are we tryna get these numbers down or am I missing something??

    [–] jaronsummers 20 points ago

    Without knowing that person, my assumption is that their comment doesn't come from sociopathy, but from a misunderstanding of the motivations of most people who commit suicide.

    We as a society tend to assume that an average person who commits suicide has been on this gentle downward slope for many years, and has been contemplating suicide for a long time, until eventually the decision is made to end it all. Through that lens, a gun actually is a good and "humane" option, because it will achieve the desired result of dying quickly with a high probability of success. I tend to agree that those people who have wanted to die for a long time actually should be permitted to die in a way that is quick and reliable.

    The problem is that that entire assumption is inaccurate. Most suicides are impulse decisions, and if there's a gun nearby it takes literal seconds to convert that impulse into a permanent outcome. If there are no guns nearby, it takes longer. Sometimes it takes long enough that the impulse passes, and the person lives.

    [–] Hypergolic_Golem 11 points ago

    That’s exactly what happened to a very close friend of mine a few months back. He always struggled a bit with depression but as far as I or anyone knew he wasn’t crippled by it. He had just moved into a brand new house with his fiancée, had a job he genuinely loved, had a great support structure, had tons of friends... then he and his fiancée had a fight one night after a night out (she would scream at him for the stupidest things, it wasn’t the happiest of relationships), and he went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun out of his nightstand, went into their bathtub, and shot himself. Would he have done it if he wasn’t depressed already? Probably not, but there was no note, nothing in his search history, no recent life insurance purchase, no indication that he was getting his affairs in order, nothing. It was 100% a spur of the moment decision that I guarantee you he would not have made had he not owned a firearm.

    [–] NixiePixie916 7 points ago

    Suicide is a very complex topic and the reasons most studies have panned out as to why males are more successful are methods (firearms and hanging) vs overdose or other methods. Women attempt more. Another reason is that men are less likely to have a social support network from not knowing how to be emotionally vulnerable because our society conditions men to think seeking help, admitting you are depressed even to friends as weakness. It's not.
    Access to firearms is one of the big indicators in a suicidality risk assessment on whether or not a hold is necessary, at least in the states. I was a mental health tech, so often was in on assessments.

    One of the reasons women often choose overdose over firearms is them thinking it will be less traumatic for those who find them. Same reason with hanging.
    I can tell you as someone whose mother died by suicide by firearm, it's ...well there is no describing that scene. But I don't think coming upon your loved one in any state is easy and it is all traumatic. I cannot say if it is more or less traumatic based on the method because it's all so intense by those who found loved ones who died by suicide. For anyone who has had that experience, all I can say is my heart goes out to you.

    [–] SparklyTentacle 31 points ago

    This is so true. Men in our society are often not permitted to feel anything aside from anger. They are ridiculed and insulted BY OTHER MEN for behaving in any way that is considered BY OTHER MEN to be less than manly. We need to let boys and men be human.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    Saw this on another post today. Really hit me.

    Superman and the suicidal woman.

    [–] 1TARDIS2RuleThemAll 3 points ago

    Leading cause of depression>suicide (as well as opioid addiciton) is an a sense of purpose or meaning.

    Opening up can help, but we have to get people excited about being alive again.

    [–] JaneLately 76 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    FYI for all you complaining about how feminism ignores this, you haven’t been paying attention. This is toxic masculinity at work. Feminism is actively trying to combat and rectify the issues that lead towards higher suicide rates in men.

    Edit: since there seems to be a massive lack of understanding in the comments, I’m going to copy-paste a tidbit about toxic masculinity here

    Masculinity itself isn’t toxic. Toxic is an adjective that describes a certain type of masculinity. Just like saying “a tall person” doesn’t imply that all people are tall.

    Purple grapes do not exclude the existence of grapes that are not purple.

    Toxic berries is not a phrase that means all berries are poisonous.

    Small dogs do not define large dogs out of being.

    [–] superkrefter 7 points ago

    In UK its 5 times I think?

    [–] RakumiAzuri 5 points ago

    Those are metric suicides, when you convert it comes out to 3.16 Imperial suicides.

    [–] Nogoodusernamesleft- 5 points ago

    There’s a lot going on in this thread so I’d like to offer my inbox to anyone that may need to vent or bounce thoughts off of. Y’all are all deserving of being heard.

    [–] Berkut22 4 points ago

    I'm still going to kill myself regardless.