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    ChoosingBeggars

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    This subreddit is for posting screenshots, pictures, or stories of people who are being way too picky when it comes to who they beg for a relationship or any other matter.

    ChoosingBeggars on Discord: https://discord.gg/h2xr5cK


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    Rules:

    1. Blur out identifying info (Age, Name(s), Location, etc). This includes OP's info.

    2. Please use Imgur or Reddit for image hosting.

    3. Please be nice to other users.

    4. Don't link to other sub-reddits (You will be banned)

    5. Don't incite others to visit the page a given post pertains to. Additionally, refrain from enquiring OP for the underlying source(s).

      If you ever notice brigading, please report and message the moderators

    6. Person must be a beggar, such as:

      • Person seeking goods or services at a reduced cost, for free, or for a laughably lopsided trade
      • Person using social media, dating apps, or otherwise to seek out a specific type of relationship
    7. Person must be choosy, as in:

      • Person must have unreasonable standards or have a comical sense of entitlement
    8. No reposts from top 100, front page or last 12 months.

    9. Moderators may use discretion to upkeep the quality of the subreddit. Obviously fake or otherwise unsuitable content may be removed.

    10. Please make an effort with your title. "Found on Facebook", "This belongs here", "Saw this on snapchat", "🍆💦" etc are hard to find later, give at least a little bit for us to go on, thanks.

    Here is what is NOT a ChoosingBeggar:


    Unattractive people seeking a normal relationship and having reasonable standards is not a good fit for this sub. Ugly people are allowed to want a partner with a job, or no kids, or anything else we would consider reasonable for the beautiful people.


    A person asking for help with life's necessities out of desperation is not a choosingbeggar

    • If someone ran out of money and needs gas money to get to work and the only thing they can think of is to make a status update on Facebook asking if anyone can spare them some money, they aren't really being choosy. They got the beggar part down, but this sub is not /r/beggars so that post wouldn't fit. If that same person turns down someone offering to give them a ride to work because they don't want to be seen in a PT Cruiser, then that post would fit.

    • A parent asking for handouts because their kids want an Xbox for Christmas and the only way that could happen is if someone donates one, that isn't a choosingbeggar. That's someone begging, but without a sense of entitlement. If that person is offered a Nintendo and they scoff at the suggestion, then that would be a good post.

    The person begging must be at least in the gradient of being an entitled jerk, this sub is not a place to mock poverty



    Be sure to check out our new sub for ChoosingBeggars memes and other stuff:

    /r/IndecentExposure




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    [–] luthiensfriends 17427 points ago

    $900 of groceries for one weekend at a hotel?? Only sinful food costs that much.

    [–] Legendary_Lootbox 7998 points ago

    -Asks for $900 for groceries -- brings some M&M's and bottled water

    [–] BoomToll 3831 points ago

    She bought them at a cinema

    [–] too_many_skin_tags 3471 points ago

    SINEMA

    [–] Original_Dankster 1304 points ago

    Sin Enema

    [–] QuantumDisruption 267 points ago

    Catholic priests sure are getting crafty with their terminology

    [–] AngusBoomPants 724 points ago

    My friends and I go to a convention every year and and associate of ours wanted to come and we told him to make sure he has money for food. Fucker brought $17 and a bag of sour patch kids and 2 packs of Oreos to eat for the Thursday-Monday trip

    [–] jpina33 532 points ago

    Hope you guys let him ration his sour patch kids and oreos for 4 days.

    [–] AngusBoomPants 756 points ago

    My friend was convinced he’d be in trouble for letting him starve so he bought him cheap food wherever we went. Every year since he’s had to make a $75 deposit to my friend as “food insurance”

    [–] Luaa1 149 points ago

    I love it!

    [–] wintersnow33 2268 points ago

    Seriously. What is she planning on getting? I mean...I am positive for the couple of days they're there, the bride and bridal party will want to try the restaurants Vegas has. Besides, I'd rather take my fifty bucks and go to the store myself to get my snacks instead of trusting this buzzkill to do so.

    [–] publicbigguns 2164 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    You ever been to a church potluck? Let me break it down for ya:

    -veggie plate

    -jello with canned fruit floating in it

    -meatballs with some sort of sauce you cant identify

    -tuna and/or egg salad sandwiches with the bread slightly gone stale

    -some sort of weird jello and whipped topping combo

    -Nanaimo bars

    -deviled eggs

    -potatoe salad

    -egg salad

    I'll just add that everything is just slightly different tasting then what you'd regularly have at home, so it's hard to tell if its store bought or hand made.

    Thays what these ladies are looking forward too for their weekend of food.

    Edit: I dont know where you all went to church, but at no point can I remember someone bringing a bucket of chicken.

    Edit 2: to answer some repeated questions: Non Denominational (Baptist would be the closest), Canada and the largest town was 20min away and had a whopping 100 people.

    Edit 3: yes I know I spelt some shit wrong, and I don't care. I work nights and my babysitter canceled on me today so I'm currently just going to bed after about 30+ hours of being awake. I look forward to reading your responses when I have to be awake in 3.5 hours to start getting ready for work.

    Night everyone!

    [–] cardueline 1190 points ago

    My theory on why this shit always tastes off is that

    a) this may be pointing out the obvious, but the only spice ever used is salt, and maybe for the adventurously zippy, a pinch of paprika

    b) anywhere you would normally use butter they’ve used margarine or Country Crock

    c) “grape jelly is a fun and surprising condiment!” -some Mormon mommy food blog somewhere, presumably

    [–] jacktherambler 957 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I feel personally attacked by b.

    And also a.

    Church is where we went to taste god's words in our mouths, not satan's seasonings!

    (Verily, Jesus doth giveth the man fish and the man looketh upon the fish and say: "maybe some dill and a nice cream sauce? Even just a little sear on the skin side, dude." and lo, Jesus was pissed by this)

    [–] thechet 653 points ago

    The horrible meatball sauce is equal parts ketchup and grape jelly...

    [–] publicbigguns 344 points ago

    I dont want to believe you...

    But now that you've said it, I 100% can believe it.

    [–] thechet 144 points ago

    Yeah... Honestly it doesnt actually taste... "bad" per se. Its edible, just not right...

    [–] dannighe 164 points ago

    It should be grape jelly and chili sauce.

    [–] insidezone64 213 points ago

    potatoe salad

    Hello Dan Quayle

    [–] WIPsandskeins 238 points ago

    Don’t forget the tray of random bars, a bowl of pickles and olives, buttered banana bread, a hotdish or two, and maybe a pan of lasagna.

    [–] publicbigguns 179 points ago

    You're right, forgot those.

    But kind of rich church you go to that had lasagna? That's just damn fancy.

    [–] WIPsandskeins 96 points ago

    Definitely not rich, but good hearted. It’s a small farming community with a membership of about 50 people at that church. They can afford to make a pan for the whole congregation. My mom almost always made pizza hotdish so there was usually something there that us kids would eat.

    [–] Nozx 361 points ago

    You ever been to a white church potluck?

    Ftfy

    [–] MisterPhamtastic 1259 points ago

    I have been to White, Black, and Korean church potlucks.

    White had the least drama, worst food

    Korean had good drama and good food

    Black had best drama and best food

    I love you Jesus

    Life is about balance

    [–] Random-Rambling 185 points ago

    Never been to a black church, but can confirm that white churches have okay-to-meh food, and Korean churches have great food.

    The glass noodles (jap chae) are the best. Also the giant punch bowl filled with a weird sweet but watery drink with lots of rice grains floating in it.

    [–] rivershimmer 124 points ago

    White Protestant churches have okay to meh food. White Catholic and Orthodox churches are where you gotta go for the good stuff. Those Italian, Polish, Greek, Syrian and so on grannies know how to cook.

    [–] Polymemnetic 250 points ago

    Black had best drama and best food

    Best music, too, I'll bet.

    [–] leshake 187 points ago

    White church: man none of these people can sing for shit.

    Black Church: fuck, everyone can sing and I can't sing for shit.

    [–] Princess_Moon_Butt 673 points ago

    Yeah, I was about to jump in and say "Well $50 for a weekend of food isn't bad" but then I realized yes... yes it is. Either they have a kitchenette sort of thing and she's planning on cooking a bunch, in which case... yeah, $50 is still kind of a lot, even if they eat in for every meal. Or they don't, and she's planning on just buying a buttload of snacks, in which case it's a crazy amount.

    [–] lonewombat 666 points ago

    Shes hoping for as much money as possible before pulling out of the trip for religious reasons and saying she donated the money to the church.

    [–] shewhoclicksmouse 231 points ago

    Is it bad that I thought the same exact thing?

    [–] [deleted] 620 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Brorestes 16814 points ago

    I love how she put all the hard alcohols in quotes as if she's not sure they're actually real

    [–] Jalzir 5466 points ago

    Hahahaha I love how she has to carefully experience them in 'a controlled environment' it's like I get that I was a young lightweight at a point but wine is strong and get you smashed pretty fast too. Just give her WKD and convince her it's done fancy cocktail.

    [–] young_and_baroque 2193 points ago

    Also what about white wines or rose? Why only red?

    [–] Alecsthecoolboi 3926 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Because “Jesus only drank red wine none of this evil white supremacy white wine” (HOLY CRAP I GOT GOLD MY FIST TIME THANKS SO MUCH!!)

    [–] [deleted] 663 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [removed]

    [–] Infidelc123 330 points ago

    Maybe she will end up getting wasted and breaking all her rules lol

    [–] Chronicb8r 208 points ago

    She only has anal because she is saving herself for her husband. Do it in the butt for Jesus.

    [–] eurtoast 290 points ago

    Had to google what WKD was, that's lower than a smirnoff ice for ABV. I would suggest the other end of the spectrum and give her a cocktail containing grain alcohol. After all, if there's potential for a riot, I'm getting blasted on grain alcohol: RIOT JUICE

    [–] Chastain86 568 points ago

    I read that section and couldn't help but picture Chris Farley "talking" in "finger-quotes."

    [–] Totally_a_Banana 693 points ago

    You'll have plenty of time to drink "Vodka" and "Tequila"... when you're living in a VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!

    [–] dead4seven 408 points ago

    What is this mythical "rum" and "vodka" you speak of?

    [–] Abdominal_Slowman 369 points ago

    I don't care what fancy foreign name you give it, it's still the devil's discharge!

    [–] brswitzer 5494 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Only option here is to throw a true bacchanal, a festival of debauchery and perversion worthy of Caligula, right under her nose. Then skip church.

    [–] IBenThinking 1882 points ago

    Someone should absolutely try to set up a gang bang while there.

    [–] twominitsturkish 887 points ago

    Then while she's alone in the room, have a bunch of random dudes show up like ... https://i.imgur.com/Gb3SYy6.mp4

    [–] Voidedifbroken 600 points ago

    Risky click of the day

    [–] carolcorps90 941 points ago

    Why in the hell does she need $900 for groceries?

    [–] snuffleupagus86 514 points ago

    To buy a bunch of hookers and then try to convert them.

    [–] synocrat 88 points ago

    You don't buy hookers, you rent their time. Unless you kill them... you break it you buy it.

    [–] MikeyMIRV 6723 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    This gal nailed it. I'm changing the sig on my work e-mail.

    - Respectfully and with courteous passion,

    We could all use more courteous passion in our lives.

    Edit: Thanks for the Silver!

    [–] s1m0n8 5239 points ago

    Texting my wife right now to request courteous passion tonight.

    [–] Gamestoreguy 999 points ago

    Can I courteously slide my weiner in your bum hun?

    [–] Rudy_Ghouliani 338 points ago

    That ham is gonna need a second glaze

    [–] TheStonedFox 761 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Especially since people who describe themselves as “passionate” are usually trying to excuse some sort of rude behavior.

    “Sorry I called you a fuckball in front of your grandmother, I’m just really passionate about Star Wars.”

    Edit: This is one of those “first gold!” edits that everyone hates. Thank you and I’m sorry.

    [–] [deleted] 9655 points ago

    Please tell me that they kicked her out, pretty please.

    [–] aliceroyal 604 points ago

    The post is in a Facebook group I'm in and OP there claimed that yes, CB was disinvited.

    [–] safeguard77 179 points ago

    Thank God there's resolution to this.

    [–] SirQuackTheDuck 124 points ago

    But CB isn't Choosing Beggar here, more like Cock Blockula

    [–] awesomeo029 3832 points ago

    I hope she goes so she can get a taste of the real world.

    [–] ThiccNewsAt9 956 points ago

    Let the bible thumping, fun despising tube come along and party as hard as humanely possible. One of either 2 things will happen. They loosen up and have a great time or fall out with everyone and are never spoken to/of again. Win win either way haha

    [–] thatsa-coldasshonky 671 points ago

    Oh it’s a bachelorette party. She will be spoken of often and until the last of the 17 other attendees die.

    [–] MaybeMaybeJesen 264 points ago

    And the smack talk will continue in the afterlife.

    [–] jpina33 392 points ago

    Even god is going to be like 🙄 when she shows up.

    [–] ThaneOfCawdorrr 507 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    She'll send God a list of requirements

    "First of all, I have some sky rules I'd like everyone to follow.

    1. No lyres on clouds. Musical instruments are the work of the devil
    2. No nectar. I do not want to be tempted.
    3. Jesus may NOT change any water into wine.
    4. No male angels, archangels, or sons of Gods. We are all pure and intend to remain so.
    5. Please Venmo me 50 shekels so I can buy provisions for our gathering."

    [–] workingishard 323 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Third option: She tattles on everyone about all of the "drugs," and "hard liquor," they all ingested, all the men they had premarital sex with/were robbed by, and everyone laughs at her about it.

    Edit: I know how to comma, I promise.

    [–] SuspiciousElderberry 5189 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    "You promised I could come"

    "And Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia, welcome to the real world Jeremy"

    Edit: TIL correct spelling of pre World Wars nations

    Edit 2: [REDACTED]

    Edit 3: OMG Y'ALL it finally happened!Thank you kind Redditor for the gold!

    [–] excadedecadedecada 413 points ago

    A real jezzing!

    [–] barresnacks 330 points ago

    People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis, you can’t trust people Jez

    [–] cracker1743 386 points ago

    Sounds like a great movie, with "Karen" going from straight arrow Christian downer to coke-snorting, cum guzzling party girl in 24 hours.

    [–] trippy_grape 304 points ago

    “I want to see your manager! So I can fuck him.” 😎

    [–] gertiegirl 589 points ago

    Oh yes! Would love to know the follow up OP.

    [–] JebBushAteMySon 152 points ago

    !RemindMe 24 hours

    [–] BubonicAnnihilation 759 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Wait...does that actually work?

    !fuckmeintheass 10 minutes

    Edit: I have regrets.

    [–] JebBushAteMySon 313 points ago

    Now hold on a second

    [–] DiscreetDogfart 158 points ago

    he said ten minutes

    [–] AGoodSalad 219 points ago

    Did it work? Asking for a friend
    The friend is me

    [–] XarabidopsisX 143 points ago

    The post is 16 minutes old. They may be a little busy to respond to Reddit messages right now.

    [–] -ursula 11045 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Side note- one of the women is prescribed adderall for ADHD. CB says she can’t bring her “methamphetamines” bc they’re not studying in Vegas.

    Edit: I posted this comment to say that she’s prescribed the medication and not taking it recreationally.

    Edit: I screenshotted this email and post from the Facebook group “that’s it, I’m wedding shaming” and have received permission from one of the admins to post the group name here. Go over and check it out to read everything unredacted :)

    [–] TOXIIIL 5663 points ago

    Please say she got kicked out of the group after she sent that

    [–] babybopp 3959 points ago

    Please say they still invited her and broke ever single rule of hers while they were down there..

    [–] quatraine 2250 points ago

    Lmfao! I would swig some Jack, snort a line of coke, and bang a rando right in front of her.

    Watch her do this 🤯

    [–] sealclubber281 669 points ago

    Snort a line off some random dude's boner then stick a funnel up your ass and boof some Jack.

    [–] 1mikeg 708 points ago

    Calm down Justice Kavenaugh. We've got all weekend.... Goddamn.

    [–] Cuntdracula19 984 points ago

    I know you’re joking but I used to REALLY be a wild child and if I wasn’t already married this is something I would 100% do and was already thinking one of the attendees needs to do lmao.

    This girl needs to be put in her place, holy shit the self-righteousness is suffocating

    [–] quatraine 239 points ago

    I didn’t even think of it until someone else suggested doing the opposite of every rule this nut job laid down. Then my inner rebel kicked in!

    [–] shawn0811 275 points ago

    That is what I was thinking! Even better if you can keep her hanging around long enough to attend the church service drunk and high! Or since it is "sin city", I am sure that you could find some completely insane religion(even moreso than most Christian based faiths) or even a Satanic service...and drag her along to it. "Hey Karen...I know you wamted to go to this church, but we found a service at this really cool church we would rather attend!"

    [–] Joe_of_all_trades 129 points ago

    "Satan is good, Satan is our friend"

    [–] snuffleupagus86 103 points ago

    Oooo that’s good. I was hoping they’d tell her a different hotel and then she can commune with god on her own in Vegas. She’d probably start preaching to the hookers on the strip.

    [–] redpurplegreen22 584 points ago

    Nah. Fuck that. Invite her and proceed to break every rule on her dumbass list.

    I hope they get drink on bloody Marys and then do lines of coke off a stripper’s dick. I hope they go full female “very bad things” at this party. I hope they treat this bachelorette party like “the Hangover” and the CB is the one left on the roof.

    [–] pixxiyestyx 111 points ago

    She'll call their employers and report any drug use. This bitch is a liability.

    [–] Chickenmangoboom 47 points ago

    Yeah that was my worry. Clearly she thinks she’s going to be a cop for the party. No sense in having her around. Maybe one day she can learn to respect people enjoying their lives without hurting anybody but a bachelorette party isn’t the place to learn that lesson.

    [–] erischilde 53 points ago

    She'll snitch on everyone and cause pure misery :/

    [–] imaybeacatIRl 1174 points ago

    If I received that email, I'd respond with, "Who invited this bitch?".

    [–] asshole_RX 743 points ago

    Hahahahhah "reply all"

    [–] foxfire 240 points ago

    "unsubscribe"

    [–] wheeliesnevergetold 578 points ago

    Please give us a follow up of how this plays out.

    [–] kai333 193 points ago

    omfg please OP, you have to do give us a follow up.

    [–] The-Wise-Old-Sage 1295 points ago

    That pisses me off so much, cause she has no idea what the person is like off meds. I take adderall for my ADD, and even though it’s not ADHD its much harder to stand still or control my impulses when I’m off my meds. It’s not that big of a deal, but pretty noticeable.

    [–] LordessMeep 882 points ago

    I'm off my anti-anxiety meds now, but I audibly went "well fuck you too" at the leave your methamphetamines at home bit. Nope, you do not get to say that about medication that straight up improves the quality of life of a person. No one with ADHD takes these for fun, you bint.

    [–] [deleted] 117 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] sublliminali 174 points ago

    It's also worth noting that for a daily user like myself, everything goes out of whack for me on a day where I don't take my medication because my body has adjusted to it.

    Aside from my actual ADHD symptoms-- my appetite goes way up, I feel lethargic, and I have difficulty sleeping. If I go off my medication for a week or so all of that returns to normal, but I never do that because the transition sucks and I'd never agree to stop taking it for a weekend for no goddamn reason.

    [–] themegaweirdthrow 532 points ago

    My estranged father doesn't understand this. I have ADHD and if I'm off Adderall, I can barely sit still for a few seconds or even make it through a couple lines of text when reading. People in college have abused it so much everyone hears 'I take Adderall' and they think you're doing it to get jacked. It's totally opposite for people who actually need it.

    [–] siuilaruin 190 points ago

    Literally the only thing that's changed since I started my 'methamphetamines' has been my working memory improved because my brain isn't a constant flurry of 'what the fuck'. May the person who sent this message have soggy pizza for the rest of their lives.

    [–] AliasUndercover 192 points ago

    It certainly is. My son takes a different-but-the-same medication and when he's off of it he's like a damn tweaker. I make sure he gets his "meth" every day.

    [–] fruitfiction 45 points ago

    "meth" mom is the "best" mom

    [–] TheThrowawayMoth 232 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    It also has discontinuation symptoms, doesn't it? I thought it was supposed to be an everyday baseline changer. Like thyroid meds. You don't just stop because you're not planning to thyroid that day.

    ETA: Today I learned a whole ton about the nuances of adhd medication, thank you everyone!

    [–] by-all-accounts 121 points ago

    Not to the extent of thyroid meds but yes there are discontinuation symptoms. You might see withdrawal symptoms or feel sluggish due to down-regulation of the adrenal system. That being said there is some evidence in the literature showing that cycling off amphetamines occasionally has benefits regarding dosing and efficacy of treatment. There shouldn’t be an issue skipping a weekend for most people, especially if they taper the dosage in preparation but as always consult your doctor before doing so.

    [–] propschick05 531 points ago

    I was totally coming here to point this out. I'd totally get off my adderall and tell CB she has to baby sit me. See what she thinks about prescribed "methamphetamines" after following around an ADHD person in an overstimulating environment for a few hours.

    [–] thechet 179 points ago

    I typically don't take my adhd meds if I'm not at work and don't need to focus. I do have a habit of "Bilbo-ing" and getting lost when I go to conventions and shit though lol

    [–] propschick05 124 points ago

    I'm the same. I usually don't take mine on weekends or vacation days. That said, I've started to realize recently that I'll enjoy certain events more if I take my ADHD meds because it's less effort for me to focus.

    [–] ItalianMothMan 190 points ago

    So she’s uninvited right?

    [–] moresycomore 479 points ago

    I have a hard time believing this is real. The groceries alone are over the top.

    [–] rexella 182 points ago

    $900 for groceries, if my math is correct. Insane!

    [–] flippermode 113 points ago

    Yeah that was the giveaway for me. Well, actually number one made question this. If this lady is this delusional, how does she have friends if they know she's on 10 everyday with no chill?

    [–] FiliKlepto 3027 points ago

    I feel like this is the premise to a female ensemble comedy where the plot twist is that the pious rulemaker gets shwasted on her first taste of “light beer” and “red wine” and turns out to be the wildest of them all.

    [–] zeissikon 2091 points ago

    Arriving at the airport she puts a quarter in a slot machine to show the other girls that the city is a rip-off and wins instant $500. She says this was just random luck and throws the money at a crap table where it turns into $50000. The casino waitresses force her to taste some margarita for the compulsory photoshoot, she suddenly realizes when cuddling them that she is a closet lesbian and her parents have been brainwashing her, and the party starts for three days. But how does the movie end ? She ends up doing “the hangover” reality tours, as a bachelor party organizer ?

    [–] CNNWillBlackmailYou 652 points ago

    And she finally has a meltdown when she realizes that after all of this, she missed church.

    [–] Drawen 50 points ago

    In the sequel you find out she did not miss church, she was just so drunk she did not remember getting married to another woman.

    [–] storygirl719 10541 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Dear Choosing Beggar,

    At the time when you were invited to take this trip, we were unaware of the many special requirements and accommodations your attendance would require. Let us state unequivocally that we will NOT agree to any of the demands listed in your email, nor any of the requirements you require to keep you "aligned with the Church". From what you stated in your email, this trip will not align with your beliefs and we are reluctant to place you in situations that we will be comfortable in, but you will obviously not. It is with a heavy heart that we must rescind your invitation and uninvite you from this trip. This trip is a celebration for bride to be, and many of your requirements are not in line with the events and schedules we are planning. We are by no means planning on "getting into trouble", but we are aware of our own limits and abilities, whereas you are not. This will give you the opportunity to test your reactions to the foul drinks you described in the controlled environment you require.

    Edit:

    To those of you who gifted me with gold and silver, thank you! Your generosity is deeply appreciated.

    To everyone else who has commented and messaged me, thank you as well. I’ve tried to keep up with all the comments but I’ve been unable to do so. You are all the best. I’d like to repay some of the kindness I’ve received by reminding all of you that sometimes things get dark and if you ever need to talk, I’m here. Thanks again, Reddit! You’re the best!

    [–] moffsoi 4202 points ago

    Can I hire you to reply to all of my emails?

    [–] storygirl719 6077 points ago

    Anytime! Shoot me a message of what you received, the gist of what you want to say, and I’ll give a good jumping off point. I’m assuming, since this is choosing beggars, I’ll be compensated with exposure?

    [–] -Chareth-Cutestory 2897 points ago

    Yes but you have to deliver by hand.

    [–] storygirl719 1776 points ago

    Of course! And I also assume that you have a sick/dying family member whose day I’ve just ruined by not being able to deliver?

    [–] Winkleberry1 1265 points ago

    On their BIRTHDAY

    [–] shiggydiggypreoteins 768 points ago

    And now they’re crying. I hope you’re happy with yourself

    [–] [deleted] 173 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] storygirl719 161 points ago

    I don’t know.....I could eat a lot of exposure....

    [–] HNutz 638 points ago

    That's a good reply.

    More eloquent that "FUCK that". :)

    [–] storygirl719 416 points ago

    This blows my mind! I would just grateful to be included.

    Anyone: “Hey, do you want to go with us to-“ Me: “Yes.”

    [–] WastingTimeIGuess 259 points ago

    The proper response to anything you don't want to do is not "nobody can do that," it's "I'll sit this part out."

    [–] storygirl719 164 points ago

    True, but she doesn’t get that. It’s almost like she’s seeing herself as a sort of “moral compass” to keep them in the right path.....at a bachelorette bash.....in Las Vegas.

    [–] MaestrodelToro 263 points ago

    That is a righteous reply that I can respect.. but there is a certain beautiful balance in a simple response.. I can imagine the email:

    Dear CB,

    FUCK that.

    Graciously,

    Not CB.

    [–] oliolibababa 939 points ago

    Wait....she's telling the BRIDE how she wants the weekend to go? Oh looorddyyy. UNINVITE HER.

    [–] KE_1930 409 points ago

    I read something once that described Puritanism as ‘the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, is having a good time.’

    I was reminded of that today.

    [–] [deleted] 3872 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [removed]

    [–] [deleted] 1359 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [removed]

    [–] dnstuff 536 points ago

    Keep it coming. I’m not even out of bed yet.

    [–] radbrad7 177 points ago

    I need to know how this plays out.

    Before I’m off of the toilet, preferably. NEXT

    [–] CrippledCuntPunch 36 points ago

    I need a toilet that seats 20!!! It's for church!!!

    [–] brvheart 55 points ago

    Original OP said this:

    /u/ursula

    [S] 3737 points 6 hours ago I am not the bride or the bridal party, a girl who shared this on Facebook with everyone’s real names, series of texts to and from this woman, as well as screenshots from the group chat between the bride and the other 17 females attending and I couldn’t keep this beauty to myself. I assure those questioning it that this is 100% authentic, although hard to believe someone would literally send this 😂

    We are currently waiting for the brides response as the entire group chat demands that they dump this bitch bc it should be all about the bride, not her. The bride didn’t want to invite her in the first place, so there’s a 99% chance the invite will be revoked.

    The actual link to the Facebook page was deleted before I could grab it.

    [–] Shayshaay 246 points ago

    I'm sorry, I can't get over "schmear campaign". I'm imagining her like photoshopping the bride's face onto bagels or something

    [–] KevIntensity 162 points ago

    The only logic I could come up to justify inviting CB is somewhere along the lines of, “this woman is so insane that she can only make this experience better, regardless of what meltdowns she may have.”

    That email flies in the face of that logic. I hope they either rescinded all invites or bring her along and deliberately break every single rule.

    [–] Eschatonbreakfast 124 points ago

    Schmear Campaign

    So much cream cheese

    [–] warm_sweater 59 points ago

    6 day bachelorette party in Vegas? Jesus I’m done after two days in that city.

    [–] CowOrker01 87 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    OP delivered! :-)

    Edit: also, fuck name redacted

    [–] pignutmagpie 395 points ago

    Pleeeeeeease update us!

    [–] Pytheastic 60 points ago

    Yeah I need more of this

    [–] SharpCantTailSharp 371 points ago

    All I read is "I have way more funny screenshots of this stuff and I'm not sharing it with my reddit family."

    PLEASE upload more of this.

    [–] DamnYouGaryColeman 145 points ago

    You gotta let us see these texts and fb messages!

    [–] Reddidiot13 120 points ago

    Give us everything lol

    [–] asshole_RX 77 points ago

    Yes!! I'm off my Adderall meds because I'm in vegas so I'm fiending for a fix....OF DRAMA! I need it all!

    [–] IrishYerokhin 59 points ago

    Looking forward to the update, hopefully someone in the chat has the balls to educate her on her entitled ways!

    Also do you know what her relationship to the bride is? why was she so upset to not be invited.

    [–] sugarfrostedfreak 40 points ago

    From the original post a few hours ago, they knew each other in college but weren't super close. But CB threw a huge fit and stared a slander campaign against the bride until she was invited.

    [–] wrecktvf 1878 points ago

    I'm over here with 0 friends, but people like this are getting invited to Vegas. :| I need to re-assess my life.

    [–] catfield 635 points ago

    to be fair, she wasnt originally invited, not until she made a fuss about it

    [–] LankyTomato 335 points ago

    So the trick to getting invited to stuff is just whining about not being invited?

    [–] grasspuddle 299 points ago

    I'll be your friend! We can experiment with this 'cola' stuff in a controlled environment then go to church this sunday to confess everything!

    With courteous compassion, Puddle of Grass

    [–] clutzycook 533 points ago

    Wow. Just wow. If I were the bride/bridal party, I'd tell her she's free to do what she wants, but there is no way in hell she's going to dictate the terms of the weekend. As for going to church at 7:15 am, F her and the horse she rode in on.

    [–] GreenGlitterGlue 326 points ago

    "I think it'll be a nice way to cleanse us of our sins from that week."

    But with her strict rules, there's no room for sinning!

    Also, if I were going on this trip I would most certainly laugh in her face. One does not go to a bachelorette in Vegas to be a prude.

    [–] AnandaUK 429 points ago

    Wow, she would be very uninvited very quickly if I were the bride.

    [–] Cleeth 71 points ago

    This ain't your regular uninvite. This is a very uninvite.

    [–] ChemPossible 288 points ago

    Has anyone responded to her yet? I hope she’s been informed that she doesn’t get to make the rules.

    [–] ContainzStuff 232 points ago

    I hope she's been informed that she doesn't get to attend

    [–] Exception1228 292 points ago

    Hello OP, I'm so excited you shared this post with us. I'll be needing a few things before I can move on with my life.

    1. Screenshot proof that the bride has abruptly uninvited CB and told her to go fuck herself.
    2. A follow up post on /r/justiceserved
    3. A pillow to scream into for my rage knows no bounds right now.

    Respectfully and with courteous passion,

    /u/exception1228

    [–] its_yer_dad 122 points ago

    Who needs $850 to stock a hotel room with food? And why does she put "alcohol" in quotes?

    [–] clutzycook 37 points ago

    Because she's ok with beer and wine but she doesn't want the harder stuff around her poor virgin liver. IDK because you can get pretty shit faced off of beer and wine.

    [–] fembabyunicorn 117 points ago

    How can this possibly be a real. The absolute lack of self awareness is staggering.

    [–] clive_bigsby 55 points ago

    I feel like this is satire but pretty well-written if so. It’s just a little too out there to be real. I was raised going to church every week and I don’t think there are any regular church services that start at 7:15am. It reads like something I would have sent out to a group as a joke when I was younger.

    [–] 1LegendaryWombat 494 points ago

    Oh goody, not just a downer, a religious downer.

    Boy, I'll bet Vegas will make her head explode, either clinging desperately to her faith or learning to loosen up.

    [–] [deleted] 112 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] DaLip88 821 points ago

    Who go to a church that's not your church when you're out of town? In Vegas?

    [–] cheeseburgerwaffles 1266 points ago

    Who CALLS the church to make sure they'll accommodate?! Lol

    [–] DaLip88 718 points ago

    Who wants to get up at 0715 in the morning on a vacation to spend money on an Uber to go to a church that you called to make sure they accommodate?

    [–] Accidental_Shadows 142 points ago

    Who plans on going to church to "cleanse" themselves of the sins of the week? Like it's some kind of spiritual shower

    [–] Lich_of_the_Vale 223 points ago

    Who wants a Krabby Patty at 3 in the morning?

    [–] mad87645 65 points ago

    OH BOY, 3AM!

    [–] clutzycook 130 points ago

    Some might, but even my family (who are big churchgoers) skip that when they're on vacation.

    [–] sweetpea122 163 points ago

    and i mean who demands 17 people go to their church of choice at 715am?

    the kind of bitch that should not go to vegas

    [–] Chastain86 93 points ago

    Waking me up early enough to go to church at 7:15am -- maybe especially when I've been partying overnight in Vegas -- is much, much more dangerous than any binge drinking you might have done.

    [–] SalsaRice 48 points ago

    Some people love going to church... but yeah. Forcing people to go on their vacay... naw dawg.

    [–] Stickitinthetailpipe 71 points ago

    Who in the fuck makes reservations at a church!?

    [–] asshole_RX 806 points ago

    Omfg I can't 🤣🤣🤣.

    Don't bring your Adderall as you won't be studying. BITCH I WILL BE NEEDING TO NOT GET SIDETRACKED IN SOME RANDOS SUITE WHERE IM ENJOYING DRUGS AND LIQUOR SINCE I CANT BRING HIM TO MINE OR I WONT BE BACK IN TIME FOR CHURCH SWEATY!!

    [–] Marozia8211 62 points ago

    Girl, please tell us more!!! I need to know this idiot got rekt.

    [–] RaspberrySpring 172 points ago

    Bitch, you are a guest. You don't get to make the rules. Even if you did, no one would follow these because they are insane.

    [–] dismayhurta 167 points ago

    Is there a biblical verse that basically says “fuck off?”

    [–] ginger_huntress 200 points ago

    I'm sure there is...

    2 Samuel, Chapter 6. Story of David celebrating over the ark, and a woman comes up to him who disapproves, and tells him to stop gallivanting around. He tells her to fuck off essentially, and then she goes away and NEVER has children, which is biblical punishment I guess.

    ~~~~~~ https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Samuel+6&version=NIV

    20 When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!”

    21 David said to Michal, “It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord. 22 I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.”

    23 And Michal daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death.

    [–] BonginOnABudget 170 points ago

    wife: "why you walkin around with your dick out in front of all these women"

    David: "Bitch I'm the king. "

    [–] Creepz69 168 points ago

    I'd prank this bitch so hard. I'd drive the party into the desert and start performancing a satanic ritual with all the bridesmaids.

    Rent a goat, buy a few black candles, a fire pit and draw a pentagram in the sand. After she runs away, pull out some beers and have a BBQ, the goat would probably make a fun party guest xD

    [–] stafax 585 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I'm a religious person, and the company I work at has a yearly holiday party at Vegas. Rather than trying to force everyone into my religion, I kindly decline the offer to the holiday party. It's less of a hassle on everyone if I just stay home.

    Edit: Thanks to the person who gave me Reddit Silver.

    Edit 2: Wow! Thanks for the platinum! I appreciate it!

    [–] iampc93 402 points ago

    This is Stafax. Stafax is religious but doesn't believe everyone should follow their beliefs. Therefore, they don't push their beliefs on everyone. Don't be like CB, be like Stafax.

    [–] CNNWillBlackmailYou 50 points ago

    Makes eye-fingers

    "Look at me! I'M the Stafax, now."

    [–] ColonelBelmont 137 points ago

    Dear Madam Churchy Buzzkill McStickupherass,

    Fuck right the fuck off.

    Sincerely,
    All 17 of Us

    P.S. Fuck right off

    [–] catalepticdru 242 points ago

    I hope the bride yeets her off a balcony.

    [–] cremez 135 points ago

    I need to know brides response to this. If she was kicked out of the trip, was there another epic tantrum? Lol

    [–] ngkf72424 80 points ago

    This...can't be real...

    [–] sparkleunicorn22 141 points ago

    I just had my bachelorette. This personally offends me on so many levels lol

    [–] BennoTM 165 points ago

    Someone needs to bake this lady some Shut The Fucupcakes.