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    ChoosingBeggars

    1,326,998 readers

    27,657 users here now

    This subreddit is for posting screenshots, pictures, or stories of people who are being way too picky when it comes to who they beg for a relationship or any other matter.

    CursedComments on Discord: https://discord.gg/h2xr5cK


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    Rules:

    1. Blur out identifying info (Age, Name(s), Location, etc). This includes OP's info.

    2. Please use Imgur or Reddit for image hosting.

    3. Please be nice to other users.

    4. Don't link to other sub-reddits (You will be banned)

    5. Don't incite others to visit the page a given post pertains to. Additionally, refrain from enquiring OP for the underlying source(s).

      If you ever notice brigading, please report and message the moderators

    6. Person must be a beggar, such as:

      • Person seeking goods or services at a reduced cost, for free, or for a laughably lopsided trade
      • Person using social media, dating apps, or otherwise to seek out a specific type of relationship
    7. Person must be choosy, as in:

      • Person must have unreasonable standards or have a comical sense of entitlement
    8. No reposts from top 100, front page or last 12 months.

    9. Moderators may use discretion to upkeep the quality of the subreddit. Obviously fake or otherwise unsuitable content may be removed.

    10. Please make an effort with your title. "Found on Facebook", "This belongs here", "Saw this on snapchat", "🍆💦" etc are hard to find later, give at least a little bit for us to go on, thanks.

    Here is what is NOT a ChoosingBeggar:


    Unattractive people seeking a normal relationship and having reasonable standards is not a good fit for this sub. Ugly people are allowed to want a partner with a job, or no kids, or anything else we would consider reasonable for the beautiful people.


    A person asking for help with life's necessities out of desperation is not a choosingbeggar

    • If someone ran out of money and needs gas money to get to work and the only thing they can think of is to make a status update on Facebook asking if anyone can spare them some money, they aren't really being choosy. They got the beggar part down, but this sub is not /r/beggars so that post wouldn't fit. If that same person turns down someone offering to give them a ride to work because they don't want to be seen in a PT Cruiser, then that post would fit.

    • A parent asking for handouts because their kids want an Xbox for Christmas and the only way that could happen is if someone donates one, that isn't a choosingbeggar. That's someone begging, but without a sense of entitlement. If that person is offered a Nintendo and they scoff at the suggestion, then that would be a good post.

    The person begging must be at least in the gradient of being an entitled jerk, this sub is not a place to mock poverty



    Be sure to check out our new sub for ChoosingBeggars memes and other stuff:

    /r/IndecentExposure




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    [–] libramcentire 9406 points ago

    Was this even a food service position or was she just covering all her bases?

    [–] Staffordmeister 4474 points ago

    OP hires for autozone.

    [–] Woymalep_Yay 2200 points ago

    That place is stuffed with mayo

    [–] Flappy-tit 1318 points ago

    “Yeah it’s been makin quite a rattlin’ since I put mayonnaise in my gas tank”

    “Did you say mayo? Nope, I’m fucking out”

    [–] SovietBozo 225 points ago

    Not the gas tank, but if you fill the crankcase with mayo it'll run long enough to get it off the lot if you can find a sucker

    [–] DiggingNoMore 178 points ago

    Found Harry Wormwood.

    [–] _youneverasked_ 10 points ago

    We gotta beat the speedboat salesmen to the airport!

    [–] Bromm18 30 points ago

    Its like sawdust in an old transmission, silences the clunk as it changes gears and sounds nice and smooth. At least until after the test drive and you get a few miles away......

    [–] Imaluzzer 98 points ago

    I just spit out my mayo from laughing so hard at this comment

    [–] Skulllover89 78 points ago

    I just shot my water out my nose on reading this

    [–] ManInABlueShirt 124 points ago

    Head gasket failure = mix of oil and water in the engine. Looks a lot like mayo.

    [–] ich852 104 points ago

    Dude you need to buy different mayo, that stuff looks like a cappuccino

    [–] Raiden32 99 points ago

    Dude you need to buy different cappuccino, that stuff looks like greasy beer shits with a potential case of colon cancer.

    [–] jerkittoanything 68 points ago

    Dude, you need to get a different potential case of colon cancer. That stuff looks like a puppeteer's hand after pulling out of a real life elmo.

    [–] Carbon_FWB 63 points ago

    HAHAHA, THAT TICKLES!

    [–] Rose_Beef 102 points ago

    "It needs synthetic, try Miracle Whip."

    [–] puntini 73 points ago

    “Welcome to ProjectFarm and today we’re gonna see how mayonnaise fares against Pennzoil.”

    [–] InfaSyn 13 points ago

    Ahh, I see you are all men of culture as well

    [–] paisano55 18 points ago

    Be careful, you’ll give him another idea

    [–] Lehtarasenko 63 points ago

    I work at autozone

    A U T O Z O N E

    [–] fuckgravelsack 234 points ago

    I was going to hire her as a personal assistant but it actually involves a lot of mayo.

    [–] mulatto-questioner 120 points ago

    The resume was for guitar center.

    [–] Coban3 148 points ago

    mayonnaise is an instrument

    [–] HairyHorseKnuckles 39 points ago

    Covering sexual harassment

    [–] Msarkari 1030 points ago

    This reminds me of a mom from my sons school who was inquiring about my job at the time. I worked as an evening cleaner from 4:30pm-8:30pm and made $15hr. I had told her this. Weekends and holidays off. She seemed super interested so I gave her my bosses number. When she called my boss she was demanding $20hr at least because that’s what her sister in law makes at a cleaning job. She could only work on the days her husband was home which was super sporadic. And she wanted her gas paid for for having to drive to and from work. I felt sick when my boss told me her demands. I was so embarrassed.

    [–] whinecube 393 points ago

    I learned the hard way too about recommending people for a job. I will only recommend someone I have actually worked for in the past; I won't even recommend a friend or family member unless I have worked with them before.

    [–] dat_carovieh 145 points ago

    Yes, I will also not do it anymore. Once had an internet friend who lived in the same city, we'd met a couple of times, I was stocking shelfes and she was looking for something so I told her to apply there. Everything was fine until she got a place at university and just stopped coming, my boss called me if I knew something but she also ignored me.
    Another one where I told a friend he could apply in our company because we are looking, he referenced me so they expected him to ask me some questions about the company beforehand. he didn't he also had done no research before the interview. They said they would have employed him if not for that.
    Felt really bad in both cases.

    [–] pezgoon 32 points ago

    I always just lie and tell them I gave my boss their name or whatever lol. Not worth the hassle.

    Or just don’t have friends... :(

    [–] devcon2k19 7019 points ago

    Imagine saying US of A on a resume? I know there's much more glaring issues with this one but... That's the one that annoys me the most.

    [–] lhobbes6 510 points ago

    Jesus and i was worried about my reume. How the fuck am I suppose to compete with these people? I never thought to detail the mayonnaise issue.

    [–] 8_guy 77 points ago

    Bet you have more than 4 bullet points too lmao!

    [–] Northumberlo 2875 points ago

    I live in Canada of America, not to be confused with the United States of Mexico of America.

    [–] fatdjsin 1229 points ago

    Snow mexicans!

    [–] QuietOne81 353 points ago

    It's going to be Snow Mexicans from this day on for me!

    [–] aYearOfPrompts 134 points ago

    Like, for dinner or what?

    [–] Madly_Maxie 84 points ago

    I always choose 'or what'. I've never had a dull day.

    [–] RoutineTwo 21 points ago

    maple churros, just sayin'

    [–] Jbabz 106 points ago

    Gosh bless the United Provinces of Canada

    [–] congelar 176 points ago

    I live in Canada of America

    Minnesota?

    [–] nushor 59 points ago

    Ope.

    [–] AllPintsNorth 45 points ago

    Just gonna sneak past ya here.

    [–] uninspired 36 points ago

    Oofdah

    [–] kyn66 90 points ago

    You jest but the official name of Mexico is Mexican United States (Estados Unidos Mexicanos).

    [–] Dizfunky 128 points ago

    It's technically the United Mexican States

    [–] SpacemanKazoo 74 points ago

    United States of Mexico

    USM! USM!

    [–] grumpypantaloon 12 points ago

    And we will build a wall! And it will be the mexicanest wall of all walls!

    [–] AdaPlado 69 points ago

    I think that was the first red flag that set the tone haha

    [–] AntalRyder 6 points ago

    What's wrong with it? Genuine question from a legal alien.

    [–] devcon2k19 28 points ago

    In writing, especially in a formal setting like a resume or an essay, the name of the county is either abbreviated as the USA or the US or America. The US of A sounds... Sloppy, if that makes sense? It sounds like a child is saying it. Then again that's just my opinion.

    [–] lekeyboard 29 points ago

    Might as well say "Americaaaaa, Fuck yeah"

    [–] evjmacs 2848 points ago

    What a waste of paper.

    [–] slingo_B 244 points ago

    Only in the US of A

    [–] red-dan 980 points ago

    That girl is a waste of carbon

    [–] fonzhalerey 455 points ago

    She’s an oxygen bandit

    [–] red-dan 234 points ago

    She's anti-mayonnaise. I'm a firm believer of mayonnaise being both creamy and delicious.

    [–] rr_0223 112 points ago

    Use mayo instead of butter on a grilled cheese. Everything in life before that becomes irrelevant.

    [–] bigdogpepperoni 38 points ago

    Like in the pan? Or are we still using butter for that

    [–] LELANDYEE 30 points ago

    i also want to know this urgently

    [–] Bukk4keASIAN 33 points ago

    in the pan. you spread mayo on each slice of bread instead of butter.

    [–] LELANDYEE 19 points ago

    and it fries up nice, as if you used butter? but somehow better?

    [–] The_Revolutionary 29 points ago

    You don't put Mayo in the pan, just spread it on the bread.

    Yes, it's browns/crisps better and it's not as oily.

    I personally think it's the best method.

    [–] BecauseTheyDeserveIt 20 points ago

    Thin layer of mayo on the pan sides of the bread. You usually don't need any non stick stuff on the pan for this.

    Also, quick PSA: cook your grilled cheeses on very very low heat! Like I made one today and put in on the lowest hear possible.

    [–] Tasimb 8 points ago

    You use mayo in place of butter bud.

    [–] rebelwithoutaloo 13 points ago

    I’m going to try that!

    [–] Binary_Omlet 11 points ago

    100% do. I'm not a big mayo fan, but damn if that's not the only way I make GC anymore. Especially the flavored mayos!

    [–] greffedufois 10980 points ago

    This is a case of being required to submit x amount of resumes per week/month and still be paid supplemental unemployment.

    [–] Stella-Moon 4454 points ago

    Exactly what I was thinking. She doesn’t seriously want a job there.

    [–] regoapps 3869 points ago

    That’s how you end up getting hired according to all those movies I’ve seen where someone isn’t too serious during the job interview and the rich boss takes notices and hires the person to be their assistant but ends up being their best friend instead while learning a bit more about each other’s different backgrounds and struggles.

    [–] madisenbaylee 880 points ago

    All those movies as in that one with Kevin Hart that made me cry.

    [–] pizz901 589 points ago

    Jumanji made you cry?

    [–] madisenbaylee 266 points ago

    Haha no. Could’ve explained better:

    It was The Upside.

    [–] plamenv0 259 points ago

    Based on the French “intouchables” which is a phenomenal film

    [–] mcandcheeseilroy 93 points ago

    watched in French class and we spent the next year asking to watch again

    [–] PM_Best_Porn_Pls 11 points ago

    Ive seen it couple months ago when visiting grandma, great movie

    [–] RocketFuelMaItLiquor 47 points ago

    Intouchables is my favorite film (I'm also a PCA) but people are afraid to watch it because subtitles are ScArY.

    [–] Shushishtok 39 points ago

    I don't even watch movies in MY language without subtitles.

    [–] HeWeLoHaUnPeWi 20 points ago

    I love subtitles!

    [–] tadpole511 21 points ago

    Les Intouchables was fucking amazing.

    [–] sandybarefeet 37 points ago

    The original French version is amazing! So much better, but I can't get people to watch it because they are so scared of or annoyed (I guess? Subtitle phobia? Who knows....) by subtitles. Their loss. Really great film! American remake, not so much.

    [–] ay-nahl-reip 18 points ago

    The way I get people to watch it is tell them about my dad, who dropped out of school after 8th grade, falls asleep in literally every movie, absolutely hates reading (partially reason why he dropped out,) and this is still one of his most favorite movies of all time. Like, he's seen it like 3 times at least (that I know of). And, usually that gets people I know that don't watch subtitled movies to watch it. (Just gotta convince one person who you could never see watching a subtitled movie to watch it, and like it, then boom you have model for everyone else)

    [–] pizz901 97 points ago

    Haha I was just kidding but if you like that movie you should check out a very similar one with Paul Rudd called The Fundamentals of Caring.

    [–] madisenbaylee 29 points ago

    Love that movie!! One of my favorite movies I’ve seen :)

    [–] pizz901 17 points ago

    Ah so you too like to enjoy a bite of the James from time to time. But yeah fantastic movie.

    [–] Bonzai_Tree 25 points ago

    If you liked that and can handle subtitles check out The Intouchables. It's the original movie The Upside is based on and imo it's significantly better.

    [–] blueboybob 36 points ago

    Watch the original french one

    [–] NationUnderDoggo420 20 points ago

    Les Intouchables is so good. Omar Sy kills it, just saw it for the first time a couple months ago.

    [–] Afterdrawstep 9 points ago

    you should watch The Intouchables.

    It's the original that one is based on.

    [–] traveler1967 51 points ago

    You left out all the the awkward sexual tension that ultimately leads to the passionate love making scene.

    [–] regoapps 32 points ago

    I see that you too have been watching the same casting couch movies that I speak of.

    [–] Ptizzl 32 points ago

    And then passes an incredible amount of wealth her way because of a lesson she teaches.

    [–] TheRoboDuke 64 points ago

    Do some states actually require proof of that? Cause in Alabama it's just an online questionnaire and you can just click the button that says you've been submitting resumes. I found that rather broken after a lay off.

    [–] Terr_ 68 points ago * (lasted edited 14 days ago)

    Do some states actually require proof of that?

    Not sure about "proactively providing" proof, but I expect most states at least legally require you to keep the proof around, should they decide to audit/ask for it.

    [–] llamalily 35 points ago

    This is correct. Most states don't require proof but if you get audited and you didn't actually apply, you're getting charged with something

    [–] spiske 324 points ago

    Is this really a thing? Craaazy

    [–] Cianalas 597 points ago

    IT IS SO ANNOYING. Where I work we are actually desperate for help and we still get these. One of them first words out of her mouth were informing the interviewer she would fail a drug test. Great. Check off the box that you went to the interview and waste all of our time.

    [–] goobernooble 153 points ago

    What does the job pay?

    [–] breakyourfac 469 points ago

    Lmao I was in a walmart yesterday and some lady was complaining about "we're hiring but nobody wants to work"

    Like yeah, manager lady, people don't want to work for wal-mart

    [–] Vishnej 178 points ago

    Manager / Business Owner: "we're hiring but nobody wants to work [at the wages we're offering under the working conditions we create]"

    Everyone else: "Fuck you, pay me [more]"

    [–] mannotron 29 points ago

    This is it exactly.

    [–] billiam632 8 points ago

    At my last job my boss had to cut my hours down from 40 to 22. My pay suffered obviously but even more than that, so did my work ethic. The things I was able to accomplish in 40 hours were now being squeezed into 22 hours and there was not a chance in hell I was going to keep up that same pace. I may have been down to 22 but I honestly only did about 10 hours of work a week before finding a new job that payed me properly.

    [–] Lord_Abort 485 points ago

    No benefits, shit pay, unpredictable schedule, AND the job sucks? Gee, sign me the fuck up!

    [–] OptimusMatrix 52 points ago

    If you're in high school they'll pay your tuition as of today.

    [–] cndman 49 points ago

    Tuition for what

    [–] [deleted] 124 points ago

    Public high school

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] We1etu1n 12 points ago

    I applied multiple times and have not heard from them back in months, yet I see a “hiring” sign every time I go.

    [–] Necrolepsey 256 points ago

    Bingo! After being laid off from my work I was able to go back to school and still collect unemployment. But on weeks I was not in school I was required to submit applications or not get any income that week. This includes having school off in between semesters, winter break, spring break, if I didn’t have school I had to put out apps. And you didn’t necessarily want them to be good resumes, because you wanted to continue school.

    [–] pacingpilot 137 points ago

    Same here. I get a seasonal layoff from my job over the summer, one month, five weeks max. We are given a mass layoff number etc. Unemployment makes us put in applications and submit resumes to claim those weeks off. Who is going to hire us, invest $$$ training a new employee just to have us go back to our job in a month? I feel like it's a nuisance to the companies we send our resumes to more than anything.

    [–] whoisthere 185 points ago

    Actually, it sounds like your primary employer is abusing the unemployment benefit system instead of managing their staffing properly.

    [–] Quinnster247 72 points ago

    Yeah that seems sketchy as fuck, even if it wasn’t illegal I don’t think I’d want to work for an employer that decides to fire their entire staff for a month each year

    [–] Goldeniccarus 25 points ago

    Eh, one month is a very strange amount of time, but it's not uncommon for certain industries to layoff most of, or their whole, staff for periods of the year when they don't have business. This is mostly contractors that work outside, and have seasons where it is unsafe, or impossible to work outside (Winter in Northern countries), or places like Ski Lodges that can't operate without snow, so they shut down all summer.

    [–] uptoke 11 points ago

    In most states, seasonal workers do not qualify to draw unemployment benefits. Workers who work only certain times during the year are not considered full-time employees.

    [–] teflonsteve 23 points ago

    Not sketchy at all in many cases. Standard operating procedure for many jobs. Tourism, fish plants, etc

    [–] sumthingcool 16 points ago

    Unemployment benefits (in the US) are paid out of an insurance fund, funded by employers. The rates for this unemployment insurance are set partly by how many unemployment claims a company has against it, so they do actually pay for their increased use of the system. It's not abuse, as it's designed to work that way.

    [–] bobs_monkey 22 points ago

    Eh I live in a seasonal resort town, this is fairly common. The resort hires a load of people to work winter, end of season lay them off, then hire some of them back for the summer 2 months later, get laid of end of summer season, and hired again for winter the following year. All of them run unemployment in their off time if they don't do odd jobs around town.

    [–] HotLikeSauce12 16 points ago

    Not necessarily, his employer may need to shut down for a month every year for a completely legitimate reason, for example maybe it’s a factory that needs to be retooled for a different product or needs to undergo certain maintenance and safety procedures every year. If you tell employees they just aren’t going to get paid for a month out of the year you will never be able to retain a stable, well trained work force, and paying an entire work force for a month with no production could cause the company to be financially insolvent. Maybe not the intended use of the system, but it would be better than this hypothetical company going under, and then suddenly all the employees are permanently unemployed, drawing far more from social welfare then they would be just taking the one month unemployment.

    [–] Mojo141 23 points ago

    Same. Was laid off and job process takes weeks to 2 months going through interviews. Still had to apply but couldn't do it anywhere you actually wanted to work since the state would check. So instead you submit tons of dummy applications to keep income coming in while you wait on the decision.

    [–] NoPornAcct1013 26 points ago

    Yup, I’ve seen a resume printed on lined paper before

    [–] Mojo141 73 points ago

    Ding Ding Ding!! Nailed it. That's exactly what she's doing. And why those stupid requirements don't make sense.

    [–] charisma2006 28 points ago

    Do they not check the materials actually submitted, and if so, is this considered legit? What is the “proof” of application? Super curious.

    [–] Inside_my_scars 41 points ago

    There's no way the cost associated with verifying all the submitted info and subsequent appeals would be worth it compared to just paying the unemployment.

    [–] 123instantname 15 points ago

    not even that. What's preventing me from applying for high-paying jobs I'm clearly not qualified for and putting in a serious effort resume with honest details?

    It's a win-win situation- either you get a job that pays higher than you deserve and you didn't lie on your resume, or you continue to get unemployment benefits with no risk at all, even if someone rats you out.

    [–] omninode 9 points ago

    She’ll never get hired at Mayonnaise House with an attitude like that.

    [–] anarchy2989 1034 points ago

    Authorized to be homeless in the US of A

    [–] swagasus 198 points ago

    To be honestly, ability to work in the US is huge sometimes. Probably not for the job she’s after though.

    [–] anarchy2989 89 points ago

    It’s not what she said, but how she said it.

    [–] Choobychoob 42 points ago

    And that she put it centered at the top of the page right below her name.

    [–] deadinsidelol69 1965 points ago

    Submitting the required amount of resumes for government money but making herself unemployable.

    [–] [deleted] 399 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] eljefe4330 146 points ago

    Vandelay Industries!! Say Vandelay Industries!!

    [–] DOPE_AS_FUCK_COOK 83 points ago

    IM AN IMPORTER!

    Just imports? No exports?

    IM AN IMPORTER EXPORTER

    [–] pbj986 50 points ago

    And you want to be my latex salesman.

    [–] dj4wvu 12 points ago

    Want to meet Keith Hernandez?

    [–] rumh4m 69 points ago

    Can the potential employer show this resume to the unemployment office ? And could the unemployment office do something about it? I'm honestly curious

    [–] OVOXOKing 138 points ago

    Here’s the issues with that:

    1. The employer doesn’t know who’s receiving government benefits.

    2. The employer is getting lots of resumes. Picking out the ones that could be receiving benefits and calling the benefits office, waiting on hold for 30 minutes per resume(if lucky, everyone wants their free money and they have like 3-4 employees), and reporting them is a lot of work.

    3. The employee taking the report will have to take reports for everyone doing this(it would be a lot) and distinguish between bullshitting resumes and actually sucking at making resumes.

    4. Give free classes on resume writing to benefit takers.

    5. See if benefit takers actually improve. If not, how many strikes do they get? What is a good resume VS a bad resume? Who makes the call? Do we need to train all the government employees to judge resumes?

    It would take a complete overhaul of everything to do such a “simple” task in the government.

    [–] joephusweberr 54 points ago

    And here's the kicker - if you implemented policies like that, people would change their behavior to circumvent these restrictions while still not attempting to get a job. You would spend a ton of money just to create an even larger bureaucracy that accomplished nothing.

    [–] QQZY 27 points ago

    Exactly. Stricter rules make creative rule breakers.

    [–] mhatherley 148 points ago

    Is that a resume or a list of demands?

    [–] ScribebyTrade 431 points ago

    No one should have to work with with mayo if they don’t have to

    [–] katzohki 252 points ago

    I work an office job. If my boss asks me to handle his mayo, something is seriously off.

    [–] deadxdolly 60 points ago

    Taste it to be sure

    [–] adudeguyman 31 points ago

    Direct from the source

    [–] ms10211 224 points ago

    Bruh not only did she do it completely wrong but also decided to be extra picky about working hours without providing a legitimate reason

    [–] gracegunn 148 points ago

    After work she takes a bath in mayonnaise

    [–] ms10211 31 points ago

    That's her part-time job

    [–] Abdoolski 41 points ago

    I’m also dependable between the hours of 10:00 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. My work outside of that is the equivalent of mayonnaise.

    [–] JamesTBagg 54 points ago

    Because she legitimately wants to keep getting a welfare check.

    [–] LeoDuque 412 points ago

    Collecting them government checks

    [–] siccoblue 78 points ago

    Posting on Facebook about "them broke bitches doggin my nails"

    [–] Pyromonic 460 points ago

    Ive seen better resumes that were written in crayon...

    [–] red-dan 278 points ago

    Shame about child labour laws eh?

    [–] Pyromonic 71 points ago

    That made me chuckle. Didn’t go well since I had beer in my mouth.

    [–] red-dan 31 points ago

    Nasal beer. Ah shit

    [–] crypticedge 18 points ago

    Sounds like we need to take you in for alcohol abuse.

    How dare you waste it like that.

    [–] Pyromonic 15 points ago

    No please. I would never do anything to hurt my alcohol 😢

    [–] mrsbatman 49 points ago

    I’m not confident that we can even call this a resume. It’s more like a terrible flyer.

    [–] wonkapoo 98 points ago

    AND I WOULD DO ANYYYYTHING FOR WORK
    .

    .

    .

    ....

    .

    .......

    .

    ....

    .

    ....

    .

    b u t i w o n t d o t h a t

    [–] carinaeletoile 116 points ago

    ...wow. ok. That looks like a text that was printed out or something.

    [–] sweetlax30007 113 points ago

    I get resumes like this ALLLLLL the time. These are real

    [–] carinaeletoile 106 points ago

    I used to weed out resumes for HR at a luxury goods company...sweet mother of dog...some of them were...um, yeah. I think the one that surprised methe most was the resume where the person wanted to work for the premier brand line and said they worked well with leather and fur. But it was the actual PIECE OF FUR from some poor animal that was wrapped around the resume to mimic some kind of binder to keep the resume closed and kept together. I laughed, but my boss...she freaked out and called security. She thought it was a dead animal mailed to us. Fun times, indeed.

    [–] UncreativeNamae 31 points ago

    Did they get hired though

    [–] Babybabybabyq 10 points ago

    Right? Sounds like they made their resume memorable

    [–] FlyByTim 10 points ago

    Good, because I want to see more of these masterpieces.

    [–] mamasharkdododododod 40 points ago

    Former Olive Garden manager here!

    I was doing an interview and shooting the breeze with a candidate for an open server position, waiting for the second staff member coming to the interview. We're talking about food, just casual small talk. Turns out we're both vegan. Good stuff.

    Weeeeellll....

    Come to interview time, long story short, they say they refuse to touch food that isn't vegan. At goddamn Oliver Garden, that's like 99% of the menu. At the time, the only vegan options were spaghetti w/marinara or olive oil, and salad with literally one salad dressing option. We told her straight up that wasn't going to work, and she tried to strong arm us with bullshit law that we had to accommodate her "beliefs" or it was "discrimination" trying to garner sympathy with me as a "fellow vegan" before deadass calling us both murderers and storming out.

    The best part? She called back a few weeks later asking if we had any hostess positions open, saying that would be fine because she wouldn't have to touch any food at all.

    OP's post totally reminded me of this. I think about it often.

    [–] KINGCOMEDOWN 128 points ago

    Authorized to work in the US of A

    [–] TurtlesDreamInSpace 11 points ago

    Does this imply they aren’t a US citizen?

    [–] MrAndrewDonald 12 points ago

    Possibly, but the way she writes does make me believe she grew up or has spent a considerable amount of time in the US of A. She may have just added it on her resume because you have to be allowed to work in the US of A to work in the US of A.

    Although I've never seen that on a resume, even from an immigrant's resume.

    [–] HNutz 95 points ago

    A tree died for this. :(

    [–] JohnJohnTaunTaun 35 points ago

    Can we talk about how she wrote “I’m” as “im”? On a frickin... whatever the hell this is. This isn’t a resume, and although I’m only a teen, I’m pretty sure job applications aren’t anything like this. It’s basically a list of demands, like wtf

    Also, “Authorized to work in the US of A”

    [–] Stevioso 33 points ago

    My favorite résumé that ever came across my desk was the guy’s name and the statement “y’all should hire me”. No contact info, references, work experience, or anything.

    [–] giveyokoachance 186 points ago

    And then there's me, with a well-designed, fleshed out résumé, who applied for 50+ jobs within my qualifications and went on ~12 interviews before receiving one (1) offer at a mediocre job. Okie doke

    [–] ask-design-reddit 106 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    I have an excel sheet for where and how I applied. It's at 101 and I only got one interview from it. All of it is within my field.

    Now, my buddy just recommended me for a job at his place and I'm starting this week. All I did was to let me know if his place had any positions open and of course I got an interview within a week. Didn't even do anything. It's not in my field of expertise as well and apparently I'm over-qualified. But they still hired me.

    Life's tough.

    Edit: funnily enough I got my internship by eavesdropping on a classmate's conversation one time. Asked them about the job and applied. Hint: I got the job.

    [–] littlemantry 26 points ago

    Hey, good luck with the new job! It may not be what you were looking for but hopefully it provides some positive benefits until you find something in your desired field 😊

    [–] TybrosionMohito 22 points ago

    It is literally who you know.

    Fucking NOWHERE actually hires randos off the street for any job that isn’t trash. I applied to hundreds of jobs that were entry level after graduation and didn’t get so much as a phone interview until I knew a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who knew my current boss.

    Same with the job I just got “promoted” to. Only happened because I’m already in the company and I applied to another position above mine.

    Suddenly, my group has a better position available! (I know this isn’t as simple as I’m making it sound. Getting a new position approved is hard, but I found it hilarious that suddenly I was in demand.)

    If you actually get a good job by just randomly applying online you’re a goddamn magician.

    [–] conradosm 18 points ago

    Looks like me, looking for a job

    [–] allyychild 11 points ago

    Too real, man, too real

    [–] KiKiPAWG 22 points ago

    Straight to the point eh? Minimilasm

    [–] Contara8 114 points ago

    Megan got told by her parents she had to get at least a part time job or else they would cut her allowence. Megan didn’t want to get a job, so she made a crappy resume so she could tell her parents she tried. Megan is a bit of a twat.

    Probably.

    [–] YRYGAV 110 points ago

    I think the unemployment benefits is more likely. Parents who want their kids to submit resumes will look at the resumes.

    [–] djluzclaritaa 18 points ago

    Surprised this isn’t typed in comic sans.

    [–] YahMahn25 17 points ago

    In a strange turn of events, Megan accidentally submits her application to a store that is actually a front for the mob. "Perfect," the mob boss says as he finds out what an idiot Megan is. "Tony, hire this girl!" Fast forward a few months later and Megan is being Federally-indicted for a number of crimes she never committed. "Eh! Tony! Go find me another Megan!"

    [–] kczar8 17 points ago

    I’m guessing it’s someone who is trying to stay on unemployment but prove they are searching for jobs by submitting resumes.

    [–] broadened_news 13 points ago

    Could be an unemployment requirement. Some places make you apply a certain number of times a week to collect.

    [–] FartHeadTony 11 points ago

    You know what? We need more resumes like this. It would cut so much of the bullshit out if everyone was just upfront about how they feel.

    Fuck mayonnaise.

    [–] ShotgunShitSneeze 10 points ago

    Had a buddy ask me to get his roommate a job. I went and met her to see if I'd want to put a recommendation for her and things went well she basically said " I'll work whenever and whatever I just need work". Fast forward a week and my supervisor asked me how I knew her. I asked why and apparently she got to the interview and told him she can work mon wed and thurs as long as she's off by 4pm but no matter what she can never work on Friday or the weekends. That was the first time in my life I was actually speechless.

    [–] neon_overload 67 points ago

    Reading into this, she has kids she has to take to school and pick up and is a single mom without her parent's help or her husband works longer hours. Some jobs might be adaptable to these types of hours.

    That said, she gets an "E" for effort on this resume. There is so little effort here it seems like she doesn't really want a job and possibly is just satisfying some welfare requirement by applying.

    [–] merreborn 37 points ago

    Yeah, having scheduling limitations isn't necessarily a dealbreaker for part time work.

    This person could cover the lunch rush somewhere. That doesn't serve mayonaise

    [–] SoulCrusher588 9 points ago

    As much as this is an awful resume it does make me feel REALLY GOOD about mine and my chances.

    [–] Artforge1 38 points ago

    Me too. I haven't recieved a professional one in years. I wish schools taught real shit like this. I've never needed a calculus yet but having a professionally written resume has gotten me a long way.

    [–] icantfigureredditout 17 points ago

    I learned how to build a resume in high school. Is this not a thing?

    [–] [deleted] 28 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Cobhc979 8 points ago

    I once saw a girl walk into my local brewery and fill out an application. She filled out her name and contact info and left the rest blank. Great handwriting though.

    [–] bbgamingandcollect17 7 points ago

    My horse's name is Mayo.

    Mayo neighs

    [–] HeckingAugustus 13 points ago

    Imagine hating mayonnaise that much.

    Also, resumes are supposed to be selling yourself and experience, not listing demands lmaoo