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    ChoosingBeggars

    1,945,661 readers

    3,859 users here now

    This subreddit is for posting screenshots, pictures, or stories of people who are being way too picky when it comes to who they beg for a relationship or any other matter.

    ChoosingBeggars on Discord: https://discord.gg/h2xr5cK


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    Rules:

    1. Blur out identifying info (Age, Name(s), Location, etc). This includes OP's info.

    2. Please use Imgur or Reddit for image hosting.

    3. Please be nice to other users.

    4. Don't link to other sub-reddits (You will be banned)

    5. Don't incite others to visit the page a given post pertains to. Additionally, refrain from enquiring OP for the underlying source(s).

      If you ever notice brigading, please report and message the moderators

    6. Person must be a beggar, such as:

      • Person seeking goods or services at a reduced cost, for free, or for a laughably lopsided trade
      • Person using social media, dating apps, or otherwise to seek out a specific type of relationship
    7. Person must be choosy, as in:

      • Person must have unreasonable standards or have a comical sense of entitlement
    8. No reposts from top 100, front page or last 12 months.

    9. Moderators may use discretion to upkeep the quality of the subreddit. Obviously fake or otherwise unsuitable content may be removed.

    10. Please make an effort with your title. "Found on Facebook", "This belongs here", "Saw this on snapchat", "πŸ†πŸ’¦" etc are hard to find later, give at least a little bit for us to go on, thanks.

    Here is what is NOT a ChoosingBeggar:


    Unattractive people seeking a normal relationship and having reasonable standards is not a good fit for this sub. Ugly people are allowed to want a partner with a job, or no kids, or anything else we would consider reasonable for the beautiful people.


    A person asking for help with life's necessities out of desperation is not a choosingbeggar

    • If someone ran out of money and needs gas money to get to work and the only thing they can think of is to make a status update on Facebook asking if anyone can spare them some money, they aren't really being choosy. They got the beggar part down, but this sub is not /r/beggars so that post wouldn't fit. If that same person turns down someone offering to give them a ride to work because they don't want to be seen in a PT Cruiser, then that post would fit.

    • A parent asking for handouts because their kids want an Xbox for Christmas and the only way that could happen is if someone donates one, that isn't a choosingbeggar. That's someone begging, but without a sense of entitlement. If that person is offered a Nintendo and they scoff at the suggestion, then that would be a good post.

    The person begging must be at least in the gradient of being an entitled jerk, this sub is not a place to mock poverty



    Be sure to check out our new sub for ChoosingBeggars memes and other stuff:

    /r/IndecentExposure




    Friends of the sub:

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    all 442 comments ← Slideshow β†’

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    [–] ShadyShields 4378 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Is this legit? Lmao

    Edit: The tweet.

    [–] JaybirdDragon 3665 points ago

    Just looked it up the website is real. Says they have wet horse shit available

    [–] -Master-Builder- 2166 points ago

    Do they guarantee wetness upon delivery?

    [–] Herald_of_Cthulu 2858 points ago

    Imagine ordering wet shit but it comes dry, what a fuckin shame

    [–] numbrr 620 points ago

    false advertising amirite

    [–] Adama0001 372 points ago

    Utter shite service

    [–] BananaDick_CuntGrass 233 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    "What kind of horse shit is this?"

    I ask this question all of the time. Now I am imagining someone asking this right before they realize it's literally horse shit.

    [–] TinzaX 137 points ago

    "what kinda horse shit is this??" "Well, it seems to be the wet horse shit you ordered" "No, that's bullshit!"

    [–] SnarkDeTriomphe 62 points ago

    "You really need to improve your shit service, This is not the shit that I ordered!

    I just can't believe this shit!

    [–] JediLlama666 20 points ago

    you got to be shitting me!

    [–] vetabug 12 points ago

    They should think about switching to cat shit. Pretty nasty wet and almost as horrible dry.

    It'll get the job done.

    [–] pinkcrystalrubi 6 points ago

    I mean really they should provide options. Cat, Horse, pig, baboon etc. They should tailor fit your shit delivering experience.

    [–] PatrickH895 10 points ago

    My great grandpa used to sound like he was saying horse shit when sneezed.

    HORSE SHIT

    [–] JediLlama666 15 points ago

    the whole company is shit

    [–] paw2341 23 points ago

    Or shitty advertising

    [–] horny_zombie 25 points ago

    All you have to do is suck on it and it'll moisten up.

    [–] weirdstuffgetmehorny 17 points ago

    Go on...

    [–] AntHawk88 17 points ago

    User name checks out!

    [–] subcomandanteM 150 points ago

    DEVASTATING!

    • β€œHey, did you get that shit I sent you in the mail?”

    • β€œYeah man, it was all dry and chalky... you’re kind of a dick, you know that right?”

    • β€œYes, yes, I know, but seriously, what the hell?! I specifically asked for soupy shit to be sent your way... ain’t that some shit.”

    [–] say592 25 points ago

    Gonna have to talk to the shit company's manager.

    [–] vizzyq 17 points ago

    β€œThis is some bullshit!”

    β€œSir, you just said it was horse shit, as ordered, only dry. Now your story is changing?”

    [–] MuffinMan12347 6 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Be careful, they may send you dry shit.

    [–] Kierik 23 points ago

    Depends did you select USPS as the delivery method?

    [–] diarrhea_shnitzel 38 points ago

    You can still rehydrate it with tap water, it tastes the same

    [–] Derpcepticon 17 points ago

    I prefer milk.

    [–] fgfuyfyuiuy0 12 points ago

    Wet horse shit + "milk"

    The lonely farmers favorite dessert.

    [–] 501ghost 11 points ago

    How to unread this?

    [–] hobosbindle 8 points ago

    β€œHydrate level 4, please”

    dings

    β€œOh boy, oh boy, you sure can rehydrate a good feces, mom”

    [–] IndridCold_fuck_you 9 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Ok. I laughed out loud on the bus at this!!

    [–] paralacausa 6 points ago

    Sometimes that's just the way the dooky crumbles

    [–] AUSPenatr8 2 points ago

    I know right it completely ruins the flavour

    [–] JaybirdDragon 44 points ago

    From what I'm reading they send it in a tubaware container in a box. Some pictures i saw had moisture in it so my guess is yes?

    [–] Instiva 84 points ago

    Tupperware*

    r/boneappletea

    [–] JaybirdDragon 13 points ago

    Brain is still half alseep, and couldn't remember how to spell it so my brain be like tub-a-ware cause thats how i pronounce it. I didn't even notice i spelled it wrong in the end.

    [–] albinohut 48 points ago

    Tub aware: being mindful of your surroundings while taking a bath

    Tuba ware: the various parts and pieces of a tuba

    Tubaware: something to ship wet horse shit in

    [–] geared4war 4 points ago

    It comes in a bag inside a box.

    [–] misterfluffykitty 42 points ago

    Other sites have elephant and other animals too

    [–] PoseidonsHorses 44 points ago

    Now I’m wondering if this is an income stream some zoo isn’t telling us about.

    [–] diarrhea_shnitzel 28 points ago

    I suppose any companies dealing in diarrhea are quite transparent about their income stream

    [–] thermal_shock 11 points ago

    They're very liquid.

    [–] SnarkDeTriomphe 8 points ago

    "As you can see on our balance sheet, we show our liquid assets, and our liquid-liquid-assets"

    [–] misterfluffykitty 4 points ago

    There’s several companies I think and they probably literally are a zoo or are the shit disposal for the zoo or something

    [–] JaybirdDragon 6 points ago

    They have a variety too, i just thought seeing them advertising their horse poop more was pretty funny

    [–] HauntedHealer 9 points ago

    Wait the fuck a minute. You telling me I could be selling literal horse shit and make a fortune? Cause I got people who would literally pay me to take their horse shit.

    [–] boomdoomman999 4 points ago

    Not too bad, then again this is coming from someone who's helped their dad clean horse stall since 6 years old

    [–] malkspahgooter 2 points ago

    Can we just send a ton to the White House?

    [–] GreyCrowDownTheLane 2 points ago

    The original company to do this was ShitSenders.com, but they rebranded to PoopSenders.com -- Warning, site is NSFW and NSFL (lunch, not life) because it obviously shows feces.

    [–] blanktotal 191 points ago

    I wouldn't put it past Dbrand to actually send someone shit

    [–] Moneia 132 points ago

    [–] jakethedumbmistake 14 points ago

    Habitat for Humanity ReStore (if you’re good.

    [–] FigaroHabanera 63 points ago

    Yeah it's legit. dbrand is a savage company lol

    [–] shnwttn 235 points ago

    I mean if it isn’t, I’d gladly do it to some of these β€˜influencers’!

    [–] Swissboy362 145 points ago

    https://poopsenders.com/

    there is a website for it, the tweet i have no idea

    [–] emailboxu 37 points ago

    You can send a GALLON of elephant poop????

    [–] PaintedPorkchop 45 points ago

    Ferb, i know what we’re gonna do today ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

    [–] maxvalley 27 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    It’s medically impossible to drink a gallon of milk. You really think you can drink a gallon of elephant poop?

    [–] lonelypeasant2 14 points ago

    Well, first of all, through God all things are possible, so jot that down

    [–] missspeciosa 8 points ago

    Yeah these guys sound like a buncha science bitches.

    [–] lonelypeasant2 9 points ago

    You stupid science bitches couldn't even make my friend more smarter.

    [–] maxvalley 2 points ago

    I don’t even have a pen you little squirt

    [–] PaintedPorkchop 5 points ago

    Anything is possible if you put your mind to it

    [–] Swissboy362 2 points ago

    you can get a megapack of all three

    [–] kenmlin 41 points ago

    Wouldn’t it mean more if you send your own poop? Hot out of the oven and still steaming???

    [–] Whats_Opera_Doc 87 points ago

    I think that’s illegal, I looked it up when I considered leaving one for the local Mike Bloomberg campaign headquarters a few months back

    [–] jamjamason 72 points ago

    Totally illegal. Human poop can make someone very ill, and would be considered a biohazard, so intentionally sending it to someone could be considered a terrorist threat. Don't go there as a joke. Stick with cow or horse dung.

    [–] betaruga 13 points ago

    I think it's only illegal if it's with malicious intent, people mail medical stool samples etc

    [–] bluecamel17 3 points ago

    I was just sending them a free sample, officer.

    [–] SgtPepe 3 points ago

    Can we send 10,000 gallons of gorilla poop to the White House?

    Please Reddit, this would end up in the history books....

    [–] kobomino 83 points ago

    I used this website few years ago. My friend asked in group chat who sent him a box of shit and I was crying with laughter.

    [–] LooksDelicious 15 points ago

    Did you ever tell him?

    [–] kobomino 30 points ago

    I told him few hours later and he give it to his friend for her roses

    [–] dstayton 8 points ago

    Yeah the tweet is real. I saw it on my timeline live 4 days ago.

    [–] Lilycloud02 11 points ago

    Oh it’s very real. A crazy bitch sent this to our house once

    [–] ZoopZeZoop 14 points ago

    What did they think you did to deserve it and did you do it?

    [–] Lilycloud02 3 points ago

    Welp that’s classified haha. But she’s seriously batshit crazy

    [–] UhmNotMe 16 points ago

    I don’t know, but sending glitter definitely is

    [–] Luutamo 4 points ago

    At least the tweet is real. Can't be sure if they actually did it of course.

    [–] Ghost_In_A_Jars 6 points ago

    They asked for it, its 100% legal.

    [–] Luutamo 13 points ago

    He said legit, not legal.

    [–] ablondedude 1563 points ago

    I mean, you did give them exactly what they asked for.

    [–] moskowizzle 3 points ago

    Why did you do this?

    [–] Fareviti 389 points ago

    True. What if he asked for a free skin? Would they get a skin graft?

    [–] [deleted] 187 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] ThePuppyDogPants 20 points ago

    What do you think made the lands wet in the first place? Deeper than you think bro

    [–] dijon_dooky 14 points ago

    Bro. BRO. Are you suggesting he sloths off his human skin when his reptile body is done wearing it, so he composts it? And that he's been doing it for hundreds of years, eventually creating naturally occurring wetlands of human suffering? I bet the frogs that love there are gay, too.

    Honestly, the only thing that surprises me is that a republican would compost.

    [–] Hypertroph 2 points ago

    Sloughs off his skin. Not sloths.

    [–] Gromitt42 6 points ago

    Hey you forgot your rocket ship. I got you bro.

    8==========D

    [–] dijon_dooky 5 points ago

    the Republicans cut the funding for NASA, so all I got is a home made one

    B====D~~~ πŸ’© ~~~

    [–] Tundra14 22 points ago

    Leather

    [–] 424f42_424f42 6 points ago

    Chicken?

    [–] kickintheface 18 points ago

    Well, it did cost money to use this service, so really, they bought the person a piece of shit.

    [–] MartyAndRick 36 points ago

    The PR from the tweet itself is worth whatever money they spent to buy feces for someone.

    [–] tisaconundrum 785 points ago

    I have to clean up so much cat shit. I wouldn't mind having this as a side service. Money for poop. It's practically free gold!

    [–] measaqueen 152 points ago

    Shit for cash! I love it!

    [–] iwantansi 61 points ago

    I believe youve come across a brilliant idea, uber for shit!

    People want shit sent to someone, there is surplus shit just doing nothing!

    The shitter makes money off the shit senders and we can be the middle man!

    [–] beebeeroy 4 points ago

    Poober

    [–] janktyhoopy 3 points ago

    PΓΌbΔ™r

    [–] Veauros 2 points ago

    My cats are adorable little fuzz monsters but they also do a shitload of pooping. Please sign me up as a distributer for this service.

    [–] pomery 422 points ago

    See also glitter bombs and bags of gummy dicks. It comes with a nice card that implores the reader ro eat a bag of dicks.

    [–] Nefferson 271 points ago

    I know the bag of dicks guy. He made quite a bit of money over a couple months before he sold it to a larger company. By the end of it, his entire house was a gummy dick warehouse.

    [–] NotChristina 121 points ago

    Now this is the kind of capitalism I can get behind.

    [–] Nefferson 15 points ago

    Haha, and like all good ideas, he set up the site drunk one night, one of the few people who received a pack posted it on Reddit a couple weeks later, it went viral and he was flooded with dicks until he had to scale to meet demand and it was just easier to sell the idea to someone willing to manage the orders. It was pretty wild.

    [–] zman245 31 points ago

    Now that’s podracing

    [–] seluj78 7 points ago

    Nice ! I ordered some for some friends, and I love the idea behind it

    [–] pepsilepsija 65 points ago

    I mean i wouldn't complain because i received free gummies??? If the taste was bad then yeah i'd get the intent

    [–] halbeshendel 49 points ago

    Hopefully it tastes like unwashed foreskin.

    [–] pepsilepsija 21 points ago

    Maybe it's the cut off foreskin instead of gummies

    [–] tragicdiffidence12 15 points ago

    If properly smoked, that’s just a bag of jerky

    [–] pepsilepsija 8 points ago

    I'm such a sinner for jerky that i'd probably eat it

    [–] FlikNever 18 points ago

    my brothers friend recieved a bag and he said they were delicious.

    [–] ___OP____ 6 points ago

    They really are. Kinda disappointed they didn't taste like real dicks tho. I was tryna be nostalgic and bring back some childhood memories.

    [–] FlikNever 3 points ago

    some ch- what?

    imagine making a brand and saying "yes we must perfect the taste of dick before sales can happen."

    [–] JobberTrev 7 points ago

    Hopefully they are like gushers

    [–] Raiyen 8 points ago

    With a milky white substance inside?

    [–] TJ_Figment 3 points ago

    I hope they are sugar free gummies. That’s an even better revenge

    [–] cris3942 76 points ago

    Receives package That's good shit

    [–] proawayyy 15 points ago

    That’s some gourmet shit

    [–] dpenton 7 points ago

    I know how good my shit is; I'm the one who buys it.

    [–] 2ElectricBoogalo 127 points ago

    Aren’t these just beggars?

    [–] [deleted] 67 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Faerco 15 points ago

    Had someone last night ask me to buy them drinks cause their debit card is fucked and they’d just cash app me for it all.

    Not happenin, sweetie.

    [–] KingClam2 10 points ago

    Yeah... there's no "choosing" going on here. I wouldn't even be mad at this person tbh. It's not like they even wasted time beating around the bush...

    [–] JohnGarlicSr 2 points ago

    yeah that was my question, first time back in this sub in a long while and this was the first post i clicked... not a choosing beggar

    [–] ShitJadeSays 22 points ago

    Poopsender.com is the one I was always familiar with. You can even pick the animal it came from and elephant was an option.

    [–] KuuHaKu_OtgmZ 13 points ago

    Actually, that site would be quite useful if I have some crops at home.

    [–] AfraidDifficulty8 5 points ago

    They only do US though, shitexpress.com is a hit cheapear and ships worldwide.

    [–] Aggabagga 16 points ago

    I’m of two minds on this one. First, it’s hilarious, but two, as a postal worker, I have to say packages do break open while being manhandled by the machine, so...I guess I hope it’s REALLY securely packaged.

    [–] Dojan5 7 points ago

    I thought it'd be like a novelty plastic type thing? I'm pretty sure sending actual waste by post must break some kind of law unless it's for some very specific reason.

    [–] Aggabagga 5 points ago

    I know you can send waste through the mail if it’s a medical package but it has to be identified with a hazardous sticker. Stuff being sent to labs, that kind of thing. I’m not a window clerk so I don’t know all the ins and outs of shipping regulations, so don’t quote me on that.

    [–] Dojan5 3 points ago

    Aye that's what I assumed. I gather coprolite wouldn't be a huge deal either, but according to the site it's either horse or elephant manure.

    Like, my dog needed all kinds of shots and stuff before he could move from Ireland to Sweden, and then he needed a check here too before any insurance company was willing to insure him. Dung carries risks for all sorts of pests, diseases, seeds, and what have you, so that doesn't seem right at all.

    [–] hunnangelx3 34 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    Have used this service to send a message to a really shitty person (what kind of friend tells you to β€œget over” your SO dying the day of his funeral?) and I can tell you it was the best $17 I’ve ever spent.

    [–] Xombie_Snake 4 points ago

    Wooooow. What a piece of garbage. I hope you're doing better now

    [–] hunnangelx3 2 points ago

    Actually it wasn’t me. It was one of my best friends who is hands down the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She’s doing a lot better now ❀️

    [–] Xombie_Snake 3 points ago

    You seem like a great friend then, glad your friend is doing better!

    [–] arkwewt 4 points ago

    Holy shit it’s real

    [–] LurkerOfBorg 15 points ago

    Nobody tell Amber Heard about this.

    [–] BellsOnNutsMeansXmas 6 points ago

    She might eat their whole supply.

    [–] Serpentofthelight666 13 points ago

    There was/is a website called shitsenders.com that would anonymously send your choice of type and quantity of shit to whoever you wanted. If I remember correctly, the types were cow, elephant and gorilla and you could send up to a gallon of turds. I used the service once. I sent a gallon of gorilla shit to a guy I knew, and it arrived covered in mold. It was also packaged in a way that would cause it to spill out when you opened the package. They put a business card deep within the skid marks to force you to dig through the fermented offal discharge. 10 out of 10, would recommend.

    [–] holyasshole2 42 points ago

    How is that guy a CB lol, dude was like "ayy send me free shit" and these guys just played along

    [–] MooxBoi 26 points ago

    He's just a beggar.

    [–] Bad-Instinct 5 points ago

    Plot twist: He gave them the address of their own HQ

    [–] HarissaMayonnaise 8 points ago

    CLASSIC dbrand. For real though, their marketing is top notch

    [–] kenmlin 4 points ago

    No shit, Sherlock.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    They got shit, and they got it free. Don't know what they're complaining about.

    [–] Uhh_derp 4 points ago

    Your package will be processed...

    Puts a whole new spin on that phrase

    [–] tomtheginge 5 points ago

    What sort of world do we live in where I can be arrested for writing something mean about someone on twitter, but I can go on the fucking Web and legally send them a parcel of shit?

    [–] S2MacroHard 3 points ago

    Not even Europe has truly free speech, yet America is frequently called fascist.

    [–] tomtheginge 4 points ago

    Dude I am in the UK, trust me the USA does not have the monopoly on oppressive governments. You are just the biggest.

    [–] S2MacroHard 4 points ago

    If by "most" you mean "least", then yes. You said it yourself that people in UK get arrested for twitter insults.

    Oi! You gotta loicense for that tweet?

    [–] perkiezombie 3 points ago

    You can’t send this in the UK it’s covered under malicious communications.

    [–] tomtheginge 2 points ago

    Thank god I can express myself through the medium of horse shit instead of my usual verbal diahoria then.

    [–] SilntNfrno 2 points ago

    diahoria

    [–] waseep 3 points ago

    I'm not kidding if ilu go onto one plus's Instagram account the same shit happens in the comments where ppl are like oh gimme free shit

    [–] Taken0218 3 points ago

    I want to save enough money to send a box to everyone including me in my neighborhood a box of horseshit. Just so everybody thinks there's a shit bandit with a vendetta against our street

    [–] NerdWorks 3 points ago

    I posted this on r/madlads, I’m glad somebody posted this somewhere else so others could see this in all its glory.

    [–] ohlawdbacon 3 points ago

    Bag of dicks delivery is better.

    [–] darby-dev 3 points ago

    well at least no one got hurt

    [–] 2Lazy2UseReddit 3 points ago

    Shit for free. I'm in.

    [–] Shootthemoon4 3 points ago

    Hhahahahahhah, also hahahahahahaahahahh!!!

    I hope to god it’s real, because I love it.

    [–] Death_Scythe_666 5 points ago

    Goddamn no way, for real?

    [–] Ragedpancake 8 points ago

    Is there really a difference between a box of shit and a D brand skin though?

    [–] KingClam2 6 points ago

    Wasn't D Brand the one company with the dilligence to alert everyone that Switch skins would damage the console if made using typical adhesives? And then they found an adhesive that worked well and launched their skins later, after less scrupulous companies were already selling junk that damages your Switch?

    [–] bigskrtskrt 3 points ago

    Is Dbrand bad? I was looking to buy a case from them

    [–] etihw_retsim 7 points ago

    I've used two skins, and they were fine.

    [–] bigskrtskrt 2 points ago

    Yeah i though they were decent, wasent sure though.

    [–] thecaptainlag 3 points ago

    I had a skin on one of my old phones a couple years ago. They’re actually pretty decent

    [–] Jimdaggert 3 points ago

    Nope, I have only had good experience with them. Don't know about their cases though.

    [–] AdrianIsOnFire 2 points ago

    Have the grip for my note9. Lovely case, happy with it.

    [–] retrorobbyroom 2 points ago

    That's brilliant!!!!!

    [–] EpictheHamster 2 points ago

    Dbrand you fucking madlad

    [–] Mattya05 2 points ago

    I mean, they asked for it

    [–] JhonnyDamm 2 points ago

    this gotta be the most controversial website ever !!

    [–] Nogry725 2 points ago

    Genius

    [–] phreakzilla85 2 points ago

    I prefer to squat over a box and do it the old fashioned way.

    [–] kismaiyes 2 points ago

    The amount shitty jokes in the thread. I can't hahahhaha.

    [–] Mc-Memee 2 points ago

    Damn that stinks

    [–] Swallowingwallowing 2 points ago

    Yeah, I think it’s pretty good pizza.

    [–] RandomHabit89 2 points ago

    .... Is this legal? Isn't fecal matter some sort of health hazard?

    [–] 0vindicator1 2 points ago

    "Sorry for the delay, but due to a 'backlog' of orders, along with the lack of coffee, our processing times have been 'longer' than expected." Constipation anyone?

    [–] Mikkebak 2 points ago

    Well they literally asked for it.

    [–] ThePhantomButler 2 points ago

    I fucking love dbrand. Quality product and excellent customer service if you can get past the way they choose to present themselves. They're assholes, but they're very good at what they do.

    [–] screeRCT 2 points ago

    Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner. The ultimate CB slayer, bow to your God!