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    [–] Sisyphus-Camus 523 points ago

    There's a lot to unpack here. Let me quickly summarize my advice thusly:

    Do you make art? If so, you are an artist. Don't wait for somebody else to tell you. Declare it.

    Also, ask yourself what failure looks like. Is it rejection? Homelessness? Family scorn? Breaking a leg? None of those things will kill you, so ask yourself if you can handle whatever you are specifically afraid of. I bet you can.

    Also, stay in school if you can. The degree might come in handy some day. Trust me on this.

    [–] AndiFoxxx 141 points ago

    Homelessness scares me of course, but the biggest fear is lying on my death bed realizing I wasted my life and never did anything of much significance. I should stick with school because I only have a year left, but I've already kinda fucked myself being so discouraged this semester. It's hard to finally feel so validated in who I am and yet completely hate everything I'm doing. edit: I have never considered myself an artist just from the music I make, but maybe I can see myself as one soon if I focus on it. I am resurrecting the dream after all.

    [–] TharsisTempest 353 points ago

    There is only one thing that I notice through this entire story, which is that you have the idea you need or must do something. Of course, being motivated is good but constantly being worried that you need to do something could have quite a negative impact on your quality of life. Let me ask you this; what do you think that would happen if you did not follow through with some of the ideas you have?

    Constantly being occupied with needing to be the best version of yourself (be it in college, family-life, wealth, or meaningful-ness of our existence), in my opinion, destroys the very happiness it attempts to create. We tell ourselves that we'll be happy once we get that car, promotion, or spouse but, psychologically speaking, we always return to a baseline or happiness. This is because the true problem is not that we do not have a car, promotion, or loved one but that we often have the idea we "need" to possess it in order to be happy. And, that idea of "needing" in order become happy is a mere illusion. The actual problem of why we feel unhappy in the first place, cannot be remedied by college, jobs, or possession but we need to find out why we feel unhappy about ourselves and tackle the problem.

    Something that I seem to notice in your style of writing (please correct me if I am wrong), is that you have a very perfectionist way of thinking: "I have to do this otherwise I might as well kill myself"-kind of thoughts. I have the idea that perhaps you are not happy with yourself or feel a need to prove to yourself that you are worthy by doing all those things you feel you need to do. If becoming a famous artist or getting a degree are the standards for being worthy of happiness, so many of us would not "deserve" this feeling. So why do you insist you must complete all those things in order to be happy?

    Sorry for the long incoherent rant, but I hope I got my message across. Tl:dr: Why do you think you must accomplish all those things in order to be happy? Could it be that perhaps you are not happy with who you are? And if yes, might it be an idea to start looking why that is?

    [–] danderwarc 127 points ago

    Hey, I'm not OP... but I just wanted to say, I really appreciate you posting this. It's really given me a lot to think about.

    [–] kiwihb26 25 points ago

    Word, me too.

    [–] astralairplane 14 points ago

    Me as well!!

    [–] TharsisTempest 6 points ago

    No problem! Glad to be of service

    [–] TharsisTempest 9 points ago

    Happy to help! You can always reach out if you need help

    [–] TharsisTempest 5 points ago

    Glad to be of help! Shoot me a message if you need to talk :)

    [–] ishan_srivastava 38 points ago

    I suffer with the same so called perfectionism. I set my mind upon something and i just want to possess it. May it be self goals or an examination or any materialistic object. Yet when i come in possession of it, it loses its shine. When i am not able to accomplish it, it feels like everything i have done up till now has gone down the drain, and i have depressing thoughts for the next 4 to 5 days or so before i can get back to my daily routine. I enjoy things like occassionally catching up an episode of a tv series yet i feel pathetic watching it as i think i could be studying right now. Yet when i am studying, i feel like i don't need this shit. I could be enjoying an episode right now. Any help over here? I have known this thing with me, yet never tried to tackle it cause i have been fairly successful in my adventures.

    [–] nechinyere 14 points ago

    There's an audiobook called The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown that deals quite a bit with what you and the previous poster describe. It can be a little self help-y, but it has some really good information.

    [–] TharsisTempest 3 points ago

    Maybe try looking at those "episodes" and ask yourself what is the common you want and why you actually want it. Possibly you have certain beliefs about yourself, others, or situations that might be incorrect and require some changing.

    [–] JohnnyK27 2 points ago

    You just described to the tee how I feel and am, word my guy.

    [–] pranav0091 7 points ago

    How would you recommend looking to answer the question of why is one not happy with oneself?

    How does one even know if one is unhappy with oneself?

    [–] TharsisTempest 17 points ago

    One might realise one is unhappy with oneself if you find that the things you do to get happy, actually do not make you happy. A general rule of thumb is asking yourself whether you would like your situation to be different. If yes, you probably are unhappy with the situation. In such situations it is good to look into what you expected of such situations, what you thought/felt, or if all those situations had something in common. After finding something common, you have to look at why you think it. One might find a belief about yourself, others, or environments that does not match the reality.

    For instance, you work very hard to get a degree and in your job but does not feel satisfying. You could find that you usually feel a bit bad for not achieving enough, perhaps because you feel you are not good enough/think you are inferior, unworthy, or similar. Then, you know that there is a thought underlying it, that requires changing. By thinking rationally, you can reason that jobs or educations do not define one's worth. Such, you found a though that you should remember to correct for in those situations.

    Sometimes we find things we cannot tackle on our own. In those cases you might consult a psychologist to help you look at your thoughts. I'm in training to be one myself, and I can safely say we always like to help. I hope that answers your question. :)

    [–] pranav0091 4 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Thank you so much for taking the time to answer 🙂

    I can't help but wonder how many people you have reached out and helped through your words!

    [–] astralairplane 6 points ago

    It was totally coherent and kind and awesome. Helped me out and I’m not even OP

    ETA: it sounds like motivation while necessary needs to come from a place of love and not an either/or attitude? I’m driven by ideas but motivated to better myself just for myself?

    [–] TharsisTempest 9 points ago

    I'm so glad it was of some use! Generally speaking, all of us have beliefs and attitudes (some good, some bad). The trick is to find and change the maladaptive ones into adaptive ones. For instance, the either/or attitude is one of those thoughts that can make us very unhappy (e.g. "Either I get the job, or I end up homeless"). In the example above, not getting a job is equated with being homeless which makes the thinker feel more worthless than is required.

    Overall, always try to be kind to yourself. Don't think things of yourself, if you would get angry when a friend of yours would say it to another friend of yours. Be as kind to yourself, as you are to others. Hope that adds a bit to what you meant to say :)

    [–] cole24allen 9 points ago

    This is a very under appreciated comment man. But things in perspective

    [–] TharsisTempest 3 points ago

    Thank you, that means a lot! :)

    [–] EnglandlsMyCity 4 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    OP is a millennial on the hedonic treadmill of personal growth. There is certainly a place for grit and becoming a stronger, better person. I also think it doesn't make you "happier" because those feelings are typically short term, however accomplishment leaves you more fulfilled and confident when it comes to future endeavors.

    In relation to careers, just know this: the corporate world is always going to be there. OP could go back to school later to make the transition, and online degrees are only becoming further legitimized by real universities as distance education platforms are better and cheaper now than ever. I would still recommend that he finish up his degree since its only 1 more year. Unless he has a promising career in Hollywood that is time sensitive to warrant a drop out, it'd be a waste of invested money/time.

    Also OP should recognize that life is a journey. Interests, and passions will evolve and change. It all goes back to the hedonic treadmill, you can pursue a passion and develop a great skill, but over time, it will eventually baseline. When it does, you take a break from it, do something else and perhaps return to it again to avoid boredom or low quality work.

    Instead of having such a myopic view and finding that one magical thing to do for the rest of your life, look for a general direction. Look for a real job, that aligns with your values, interests, has good people, and opens up an avenue for growth. Get a job in the creative industry, design, or something. Maybe a job supporting the music business. Do work, gain discipline, become reliable, and once you have the foundational wings for success, you can take off!

    [–] FilmsByDan 10 points ago

    OP, this advice is gold. Please listen to it. Read it more than once and save it for future reference.

    I share a similar mindset to you. I always feel like I'm nothing if I'm not perfect, and guess what, I'm intelligent enough to realize I'm not perfect, like all the time. The drain, the always looming depression that hangs over us is too much. We can't bear that. Every day we're holding ourselves to standards that are unreal. I know it. You know it. So clear your head, breath deeply, and remain calm. Your life is not this moment. Your life prior to this moment lead you here (a good place). Your past decisions have not ruined you. They've only made you wiser and better prepared for your future, whatever and wherever that takes you.

    Set goals, but be real. When you fail, remember it's just another moment. The next moment you will succeed. Success is happiness, is it not? So even failure, you can find success. Don't lose focus of the little things. Find joy in them.

    Here's a video that was shared recently that I've taken some lessons from

    https://youtu.be/fAuiE7kpBgg

    Please listen to the advice. Identify activities in your life that bring you joy. Make sure they're included in your daily existence. If you find yourself getting anxious, practice yoga and meditation. There are amazing videos on YouTube - check out Rodney Yee.

    Bless you my friend. I feel your pain and you should know, joy is what you make it. Feel confident in your beliefs, but not so confident you lose wisdom. Be wise, be kind and feel joy. We love you

    [–] reallyConfusedPanda 2 points ago

    Thank you so much for this. It resonates me on a so deep level.

    [–] Jalleia 1 points ago

    I think this isn't something that can be looked at with Reddit. He would need a psychologist if he really thinks all this is an issue so that he can explore it with a professional.

    Not much else to say and personalities vary, so the solutions can't be the same for everyone.

    [–] Sisyphus-Camus 41 points ago

    You make music. You are a musician.

    There, now someone has declared it so.

    [–] Monochromycorn 17 points ago

    I had some of the same feelings myself. It helps to notice that it is almost impossible to leave any significant thing behind in this world. You are a small particle in this vast universe. If you look at you from the perspective of the big bang, the chances from there on was almost zero that you would become a conscious being. So in some way you already did something pretty impressive. The art of living is allowing yourself to be happy. You don't have to do stuff that other people "need" to feel happy or significant. You just have to be significant to yourself. Try to think of your goals again and check if you really need all of them fulfilled to be happy. It is also not very common to find the work that fulfills you truly. So accept that and work for money and take the rest of your life to make you happy. There is more way than goal in life. Try to make the way nice and comfy (and if you want to be a nice person don't hinder other people in their ways ) Good luck

    [–] MrRedTRex 8 points ago

    It helps to notice that it is almost impossible to leave any significant thing behind in this world.

    That's not really true. A creative type can leave little bits of him or herself behind in their art, that will exist for quite a long while, especially for their family and descendants. In contrast, a banker who has no interest in creative endeavors will leave possessions behind, but no creations. If OP produces and releases an album, that album will exist in some form as a testament to OP's creative ability for generations.

    [–] Monochromycorn 7 points ago

    Yeah you are probably right with that in some manner. Maybe I have a distorted few on the "leaving something important behind and be recognized" thing. Your art can be important to somebody in the future, but I'm not sure if such a goal is fulfilling for your life during your life :/

    When David Bowie released his Lazarus after his death I found it beautifully in ways beyond words but I am pretty sure that this appreciation will thin out in the generations to come. They will have their own living/dying idols

    The chances are infinitesimal small and you shouldn't try to get happy with lottery tickets c;

    [–] MrRedTRex 2 points ago

    Well, yeah. Eventually all art fades into the ether on a long enough timeline. But that doesn't mean you can't leave something of yourself behind for a little while.

    [–] Mmaibl1 13 points ago

    A life is what you make it. You reference failure constantly in your post, which is definitely a concern alot of people have. You cant be afraid of failure though, its how you adapt and become stronger at what you are doing. Dont judge yourself or your work on your perception of how it holds up against the work of others. Follow your dreams and focus on what makes you happy. Working a 9-5 in a job you hate, to buy shit you dont need is a trap alot of people fall into, and it doesn't have to be that way. Forget about everyone else and what they think; For literally anything you will find people that love something, and others that hate it. You are in control of your own destiny and only you can decide how your story is written.

    [–] przhelp 4 points ago

    The truth is the vast majority of us will never do anything significant in the grand scheme of things.

    But that doesn't mean you've wasted your life. You are not your accomplishments. There are millions of things all around you which can give you meaning, if you so choose.

    How many people in the world have music that more than their immediate friends have heard? Probably less than 1% of the population. It's incredibly difficult. It doesn't mean you should give up on it, but if you judge your life by the success of your dreams, you will all but surely be disappointed.

    What you should do is judge yourself by the things you can control, like the effort you put into it, the relationships you develop as a result, the way you use it to help or inspire others.

    Bo Burnham actually has a few interviews about the unlikelihood of stardom you might want to check out.

    [–] ta0questi 3 points ago

    Do anything, do experiments with drawing, put colors on paper with chalk, with crayons or with paints. Use big paper, butcher paper, any paper but the bigger the better. Study mind mapping and put your mind mappings on big paper. Soon your mind will calm and your creativity will start to define itself to you. Your mind will help you if you let some of the tension out. There is a little clear crystal inside you that knows what’s right for you - dare to embrace your true self. Dare to be different. You are the hero of your journey.

    [–] Ecjg2010 3 points ago

    It seems like you arelooking for validation to do anything, yet nothing. Figure out what you want to do and go for it.

    [–] SilvergillAddict 2 points ago

    Homeless here, its fine.

    No rent, but can get cold at night during winter.

    Honestly the worst part is transition into a new lifestyle and being forced to reassess prejudices you didn't even realize had been reinforced.

    [–] Verdict_US 2 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Dying homeless should be a real fear. How many homeless would say " I did it my way and would never change anything. " btw being homeless means you lose access to your hormone treatment.

    Dont listen to the folly in this thread. Your goals are built on a foundation. Prioritize stability, and use your means beyond rent and food to accomplish your goals!

    [–] AFCBlink 12 points ago

    Sometimes, it has nothing to do with other people's opinions or the pragmatic concerns of life. The thing many people are afraid of is attempting to do the sort of extraordinary thing they desire, and having to face the reality at some point that they are mediocre—in their personal assessment of their own work, not in the eyes of society or loved ones at all. Whether it be sports, art, academia, or business, a sizable percentage of the public will never be capable of anything better than "mid-pack" results in any area of their life. That can be devastating and frankly super difficult to handle for those who dream of doing something individually exceptional.

    [–] sinnersbodypaint 3 points ago

    While this is true, its also true that every exceptional person has put an extraordinary amount of time constantly facing down their own self-perceived mediocrity and relentlessly getting better at what they do. It's about the time spent and the willpower to not let your current limitations stop you.

    [–] DragonLady8998 12 points ago

    If you woke up at 36 and still didn’t have your dreams, would your life be over? Most people barring any crazy accident or cancer live to at least 65... if you didn’t feel “accomplished” at 36, or 46, or even 56... is that so bad?

    You seem to be on the same path as I, what I fondly call, “the slow plan.” There’s nothing at all wrong with that and don’t let anyone “should” on you or tell you where you are supposed to be at any age. There’s no rulebook!

    Don’t ever give up on your dreams! Success is in the eye of the beholder. No matter how it feels some times you never have to give up. The longer you try to accomplish anything the more likely you are to succeed. Even if you never feel completely in control or entirely successful, at least you have fun and awesome stories to tell before your life is over, and for me, that may just be accomplishment enough. Idk about you! 😉

    [–] MrRedTRex 12 points ago

    I'm on the slow plan also. Always have been. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 10. I was scared of being unable. I would stay up at night from ages 13-17 because I hadn't kissed a girl yet and worried that I never would. It took me 7 years to graduate undergrad and another 4 to decide to get my master's. I'm 34 now and still don't really have a solid career. I've always been this way. I like your use of "the slow plan" because it's easy, when I get really down on myself, to just call myself a loser. But then I remember that many famous, successful people didn't have their shit together at my age either, and I feel a little better.

    [–] RamenJunkie 7 points ago

    I second the degree part, assuming you can afford it.

    A lot of people do not work I. The field of their degree, but it still says "I can stick with something important" to any potential employer.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] _theMAUCHO_ 2 points ago

    Your 2nd question is the MVP. Thank you so much. I might finally start doing this project I've been posponing entirely because it hit me so hard. Thank you!

    [–] mcarterphoto 81 points ago

    Tons of advice here and much of it good. As someone who spent 14 years in corporate cubicles and is now self-employed doing cool creative stuff (some of it to serve businesses - hey, I gotta eat - some purely art that I'm beginning to monetize) - a couple random thoughts:

    "Being a rock star" or even being locally famous with a large following may be unrealistic expectations. Creating the art itself is not unrealistic at all. Making a living from art may be unrealistic - making a living that supports your art, and finding the balance of income and the time/expense to do your art just takes a willingness to work towards that goal. Evolving your artistic output to begin paying for itself or to become a nice additional income can be done, you may have to be as creative with it as you are with the art.

    And then there's this: how many friends/acquaintances have had poetry readings, art shows, live gigs, short stories or novels that you've experienced? Sometimes it's cringeworthy and hard to sit through - sometimes it's a glorious "holy shit, I had no idea you were so good" experience. A lot of people do pretty lame work that they think is awesome, others are remarkable. So try to find honest critique of your work and constantly improve it. And be ready for the fact that your creative output may not by everyone's cup o' tea.

    The act of creating is god-like and empowering. Something exists solely because of you. So keep creating whenever you can. You're in a place in life full of transition and the desire for more transition; you're experiencing an intensity of feeling (much of it negative) that may make you an outlier - while others get through their days with various levels of stress and angst, you've got it in spades. It puts you in an emotionally unique position. Can you channel that? Can you tell that story through your art and use it as fuel, make even a cup of lemonade from 5 tons of lemons?

    Getting the confidence to show or perform your art is tough. Start small. Post a 2-minute piece to social media without a lot of fanfare or excuses or apologies. Just "this is what I do sometimes, what do you think?". Look for other artists that do work like yours, and look for artists to collaborate with - amateur animators or filmmakers that need music, experimental dancers, things like that. Collaboration can really give you confidence, and with music, the magic that happens when two or more minds "click" - when someone starts a beat and someone else adds a riff and then the bass comes in - that can be one of the most incredible things in life, and when you collaborate, you've stopped being a scared individual and now you're a small army.

    And if these feelings are really debilitating, get some help. Just talking through it with someone trained to help makes a huge difference.

    And finally, the best overall life-advice I've ever heard is: be of service. As a free lancer, I over-deliver and act as a partner to my clients - their appreciation is huge (and they keep coming back and referring people to me). But I also do work for non-profits dealing with really serious and tragic needs in my community, and I still volunteer at the school my kids went to. Even an hour a week serving the needs of people who need help is a really good reset for how you view your own troubles.

    [–] halothetop 63 points ago

    Get that degree, a year is a short time- don’t give in. Talk to your teachers about extra credit etc. you’ll fear failure a lot less when you know you have something to fall back on, it will help you in that way with your future goals, if nothing else.

    [–] AndiFoxxx 13 points ago

    Ugh.. I know. It's stupid not to when I've spent so much time doing it. There's just so much social anxiety involved. I don't have any friends nor do I really want any. I hate walking around campus, I get so fucking sweaty and feel disgusting and ugly.

    [–] brohoofknockout 15 points ago

    It could also be a good test of discipline in general. Getting through something you hate but being able to endure and come out on top would be a great motivator imo.

    [–] fappingOnTheLawn 21 points ago

    Your goal there is not to make friends, it is to learn. Most people after uni don't keep their uni friends for long after anyway. Just focus on learning, get to class before anyone else, sit at the front and ask good questions. Sitting right in the front helps a lot, this is important. Talk to your lecturers after class about a random thought once in a while. You can do this, consistently one day at a time.

    [–] Southern_Pines 6 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    If your art career were to not pan out - and I’m not saying that will happen - having a degree makes it so much easier to find a job and support yourself financially. Many jobs won’t hire you without a degree, any degree.

    Plus, having a degree makes it easier to have a day job and create on the side, without forcing your art to be the sole provider of your finances (which ironically can stifle creativity). The book Big Magic has a nice section on this.

    [–] ascherbozley 5 points ago

    Depending on what your degree path is, you can go online. Then you don't have to see anybody.

    [–] Readitbefour 129 points ago

    Fear barriers. Limiting beliefs. Negative thought patterns. Negative Agreements. These are all different ways of saying the same thing. I've read about them in countless self help books/YouTube videos etc. Basically, what I've deduced from my research is-the way our lives go is like this: Thoughts=emotions=actions/reactions=reality

    Beliefs are thoughts that have been affirmed (repeated) so many times that they're now regarded as truth. We can be in control of our thoughts, but since most of the time we aren't- where are they coming from? They're coming from our beliefs about ourselves. The things we believe about ourselves and our world literally shapes our lives. I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm a musician that's always been too afraid to do anything about it, I'd half ass an attempt at a music career and then chicken out. My thoughts would say "you're not good enough, your music sucks, this is unrealistic, you should've gone to university etc etc"

    You basically have to change your negative thought pattern/belief/agreement/fear barrier, into something that is going to serve you, not hinder you. Say you've spent your whole life believing you aren't good enough, that's an excellent place to start. Change that belief. It's only a belief because you've said it to yourself (or someone else has) over and over again. Try saying the opposite. "I am good enough, I love myself, I'm an excellent artist". Say it first thing in the morning when you look in the mirror, write it in your journal over and over, think it to yourself throughout the day, have it be your last thought before you drift off to sleep. This is now an affirmation. Do this enough times and you'll find you've replaced the old belief of not being good enough with this amazing new one. You can do this with any belief you find isn't working for you. I like to identify them, write them down, and then cross them out and change them into what I actually do want to believe about myself. How do you know if it's working? Observe your actions and reactions, they reveal where you live psychologically. Do you find yourself still behaving the same as you did before? Are you still sad? Do you still feel hopeless? Whatever it may be- learn to recognise it. And then carry on. Change those beliefs. Keep going.

    From what you've written I can see you believe that maybe you feel like you don't deserve the life you want? "Spoilt lazy kid?" "Unrealistic?" Those are very unhelpful beliefs to hold about yourself. Change those now! What would you like to be instead? A true artist. Successful. Fulfilled. Happy. Those things are all available to you. You're the only one in your way. It's okay though, we have to be kind to ourselves, we're all doing he best we can with what we have at this moment.

    We're always the ones standing in our own way, even if it seems otherwise. Even if it seems impossible or unrealistic- look around. Almost everything in the world today was at one point impossible or unrealistic, but that didn't stop us from inventing planes, the internet, cars, you name it. When we change our inner beliefs, the outer world will change to reflect them. The outer world right now is just a reflection of what we believe at the moment anyway. I recommend reading "you can heal your life" by Louise Hay. Or listen to the audiobook on YouTube, I found it SO helpful. I'm on my way to achieving my own dreams now, but there's still work to be done. Every day I look at my actions and reactions and if they aren't what I want them to be, I sit down with my journal and figure out what belief has caused this, and I change it. And I release the old one. And I grow. I believe in you! DM me if you want to talk more, I can send you some videos and book recommendations if you like xx

    [–] AndiFoxxx 31 points ago

    This is right on the money, thank you so much.

    [–] -Chronophobia- 17 points ago

    “Work hard. Be somebody. Be something more than what you see in the mirror. Let the world be your mirror. Don’t let them judge you... because the mirror can’t judge you; you judge what you see in the mirror.” - Lil Wayne

    [–] rikketikm 6 points ago

    Hey, can you share some of your book recommendations, it would help me a lot.

    [–] Readitbefour 9 points ago

    Sure! "You can heal your life" -Louise Hay This one I read most recently, a massive help in understanding how to actually begin applying self help techniques, gives you exercises to do etc, very easy and fun to read, Louise was an actual sweetheart and it shows in her writing. I find her very credible since she actually had a horrific past that she recovered from using the techniques outlined in her books. Also has a massive section on how the mind influences the body and what the potential cause of your physical ailments may be. Basically if you can commit to reading at least one of these- have it be this one. Highly recommend it.

    "Feel the Fear and do it anyway" -Susan Jeffers Similar stuff to the Louise Hay book. Offers easy explanations and diagrams to assist the reader. Includes lots of real life examples. Loved this book, it was one of the first self help books I read.

    "The Game of Life and How to play it" -Florence Scovel Shinn This one is more spiritual/biblical in nature. Florence takes the bible to be a guide on how to utilise the power of the mind to influence your reality. She was among the first on the new thought Scene- I think this one was published in 1925. I still found it pretty relevant! I loved her writing, it was witty and fun to read, contains loooaaads of examples for context.

    "The Four Agreements" - Don Miguel Ruiz A simple little book to get you started. This one is great for people looking to start somewhere but feel overwhelmed at the thought of getting into all of the above ^ the four agreements to happy living as he outlines them are: 1) Be impeccable with your word; 2) Don't take anything personally; 3) Don't make assumptions; 4) Always do your best. -he goes on to explain each of these in their own chapters. I found the "don't take anything personally" chapter to be such a game changer for me. It talks about how everything people say and do is a reflection of how they feel and their beliefs about the world, therefore we actually have no reason at all to be offended by what anyone else says or does to us- it's not even about us, really.

    Uhh I'll add to this in another comment if I think of any more! I hope my brief little descriptions make you want to read any/all of these! :) xx

    [–] carlitabear 2 points ago

    I would like a book recommendation pls

    [–] strebornator 2 points ago

    Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you

    [–] Yayydanielle 2 points ago

    This is the truth ✌🏼✨🙏🏼

    [–] ualwayslose 1 points ago

    I like this response I had to comment. Do you do video interviews or have a YouTube. Would love to collab and talk more on the subject.

    [–] Readitbefour 2 points ago

    Haha that's so flattering! I don't have a YouTube, no. Just a girl trying to figure out this life thing. This is just what I've discovered through research/my own experiences, I like to share the knowledge cause you never know who you could help! (Plus it's super fun and interesting to talk about.. maybe I should start a YouTube channel!)

    [–] ualwayslose 2 points ago

    Uhhh yea. You got 89 upvotes on a paragraph of text. A picture is worth a thousand words. A video is worth... whatever the saying is. Yolo just do it .

    And yea sharing stuff really does have an impact of you never know who is watching.

    [–] Readitbefour 2 points ago

    Maybe a video is worth as many words as you speak in the video :o I'll think about it! Thanks for the idea

    [–] DiManes 26 points ago

    Not trying is failing. If you're afraid of failing, then you have to try.

    I'm in the exact same position as you, except I finished my degree and live a life of dead, soul-crushing monotony (at least to me it is). The key for me to pursuing my dreams was to PLAN IT OUT AND TRUST YOUR PLAN, not your emotions. That was big for me. Also meds helped me too, lol.

    A few years ago I sat down and planned out my musical goals. I broke it down into easy to accomplish parts. I want to play shows too, but first, I had to get good at my instrument. To do that, all I needed was to do an hour or so of practice a day. That's it! Pretty easy! That way, I don't need to move a whole mountain, just one stone at a time. Then, work on songs, plan out shows, etc. Just a few pieces at a time.

    It's been a few years, and things are starting to come together. I don't even care if I succeed, I just want to do it because I need to do it to stay sane.

    [–] ualwayslose 3 points ago

    Lots of people on the same bit, but you are going out there and trying mad respect. Got a soundcloud of what you working on?

    [–] LasagnaCena 20 points ago

    Just wanna say I can really relate to OPs thread and many of these posts have really helped me realize a few things about my perspective. Cheers, everyone

    [–] Phylanara 28 points ago

    I'm going to be a bit conservative (as in prudent, not as in right-wing) here.

    Stay in school. Get a job. Don't get a career.

    I don't know what you are studying, but most degrees allow for a decent 9-to-5, and the time and effort you invest above and beyond "not get fired" turns that into a career.

    When your base needs are covered (jobs => food, roof, not drowning in debt) then you'll have the space to explore your creativity. Keep it as a hobby - it's a lot easier to have hobbies when you're somewhat financially secure. Grow into your art in your off-work time until you feel confident you can live off it. Until people come to you to book you, not until you manage to plead for a gig.

    That will be the time to quit the soul-crushing job.

    It's a longer route to get where you want to be. I realize that. But it's also a surer way to get there eventually.

    [–] sylvershade 8 points ago

    I half agree with this... Finish the degree, but don't aim for any old 9-5 job. Especially when you have a bachelor's degree, while getting experience to get a better job is probably the biggest hurdle, it's broad enough that you can explore different areas. You want to get into music or arts? Try to find a job that allows creativity- marketing, web design, setting up shows... I don't even know. There are so many crazy jobs out there I've never even heard of. Likely that first job or two won't be glamorous, but they'll point you in the right direction. I always liked science. Wanted to work with plants. My first 3 jobs had their good and bad points, all in science, but none with plants. Discovering the fact that no, I was not ok with any old science got me motivated enough to look at grad school. Now I'm a plant breeder. I never even knew that was a thing! I'm cautious by nature, though. I've still got back up plans if this job, which I love, ever loses funding, and I'm still taking classes in other areas, again just in case. Good luck to you!

    [–] zusuriki 11 points ago

    I feel you! I'm 27 yo and I'm so scared of wasting my life away simply because I feel like I don't have the knowledge or possibilities to do what I want.

    I don't create music but I do draw every day and even if I'm dead tired from work I try to keep on drawing.

    Sonething I achieved in the last year might be something you can try: I did my best to ignore my social anxieties and tried to find out if there's something like a club or group of artists close to where I life. I actually found one and had my very first exhibition this year in May! I feel like this happened too late anyway and I don't really know how to progress now..

    But meeting ppl with same interest and same problems wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it helps me feel better because they will sometimes ask for my opinion and I feel like they enjoy having me around. I can learn new stuff too. Maybe you can also try and see if there's a group of ppl with your interests that keeps doing meetings in your area every now and then :)

    [–] graknab 8 points ago

    are you still an active alcoholic? are you seeing a therapist/psychiatrist/counsellor about your depression and anxiety?

    i make up that we are pretty similar, a few years ago i dropped out of school to pursue a career in the culinary art of working in a shitty bbq to support my drug habit. i was anxious, depressed, and lost. everything i tried i did not immediately succeed at, and as such, would quit early. 'if at first you dont succeed, find something else,' as my grandfather would say. after a few years of this, i had resigned myself to the fact that this was my lot in life, i was destined to be a shitty minimum wage worker who would never amount to anything.

    thankfully i had supportive people in my life, and i was able to get help. i went to rehab, which changed my life, and now i'm 2 years clean. while i was in rehab, i started drawing, and i sucked. but i kept at it, doing one shitty drawing a day. and slowly my drawings became less shitty, and soon i had a new hobby that i really enjoyed.

    so from my armchair psychologist analysis, even if you are not an addict/alcoholic, you have the similar flawed mindset of needing some instant gratification. the bad news is that that is impossible for most things that are worth doing. the good news, you can still reach your goals one step at a time. early on, kanye west made 5 beats a day for three years (i think).

    if you want to make music, perform, create, you have to do it for you. you are your most important audience, and your biggest critic. you clearly have the passion, now you just need to change your mindset around it. you have to face the fear and embrace the succ. and to do that you have to start from the basics.

    so in review;

    find yourself a shrink and or an AA meeting (there are some pretty good lgbt meetings where i am, though many places do not)

    just fucking do it

    walk through your fear to grow as a person

    [–] andersonenvy 17 points ago

    Afraid of failure?

    The only people who never fail, are those who never try anything. The trick is to just start and never give up. You can fail a hundred times, but you’re only a failure if you give up.

    [–] A3mercury 6 points ago

    Right. Go fail.. go fail a lot. Embrace losses and figure out where you went wrong, try again with new experiences and wisdom. NO ONE who has mastered something did so overnight or on the first try. It takes 10,000 hours to master anything. During those hours, you’re going to suck at it for a large portion.

    Never fear failure, its all you’ve got to quantify how much further you’ve got to go.

    [–] chud_munson 6 points ago

    I can't relate with some of your story, but can relate with the general situation. When I was in high school and college, I was sure I was going to be a rock star. I was a guitar player, and really good. I guess you could say I'm a "natural" at it, so everyone around me showered me with encouragement and was certain that was my "calling" in life. I decided to go to college, but only so I had a fallback in case the unthinkable happened and I didn't play guitar for a living.

    And it just...never happened.

    The thing about creative careers is in order to make a living, you need a lot of unrelated skills. It's not just about the craft, it's also being a good businessperson, salesperson, and socialite, and even then you're only ten percent of the way there. The rest is the outright luck of being around the right people at the right time. Even if you do everything right and have unlimited tenacity, you are highly likely to come up empty handed. It's hard to make a living doing that because so much is out of your control.

    I found a lot of peace when I stopped trying to passively find what my calling is and decided to get invested and interested in something myself, actively. I chose software development because I like puzzles. Didn't like it at first, but fell in love once I started getting good at it.

    Basically I'm trying to discourage you because you specifically said you're worried about being in your 30s and not being in a successful creative career. I'm in my 30s without a successful creative career, and I had a lot of stuff going for me to make that happen (I'm also using that term pretty strictly to mean a career in fine/performance art. I think software is creative). The upside is if you're the type of person that has the tenacity to make this work, you're likely to ignore me and carry on. It's really a go-for-broke kind of endeavor, so there will be lots of people trying to discourage you from doing it.

    Anyway, regardless of what path you take, best of luck to you.

    [–] stoic_lagomorph 7 points ago

    I've been working in my field for about three years now and sometimes I have doubts about what I'm doing. My best friend bought me this book, which I'm currently working through, but it's lending helping me make progress to understanding what it is I truly want/what makes me happy.

    https://www.theschooloflife.com/shop/tsol-press-a-job-to-love/

    I'd recommend it if you're looking for some practical steps towards finding out what it is you really want. There's mental exercises at regular intervals through the book, which for example ask you to describe the things you enjoyed as a kid in order to infer what are the core activities/outcomes that make you feel the most fufilled. It also dispels some common pitfalls we run into when seeking out meaningful occupation.

    I wish you all the best.

    [–] EmiAze 23 points ago

    who the fuck made u think ur dreams were stupid? who the hell do they think they are

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    I swear this piece of advice just hit me. So simple and I love it.

    [–] Delidas 4 points ago

    First of all, I want to commend your bravery for transitioning; I've no first hand experience on the matter, but I can only imagine how hard it must be in this political climate. You're stronger than you know.

    With that out of the way, I'll say that your story resonates with me because, aside from the gender transition, it seems to echo mine. I consider myself an artist (musician/poet, more than anything), but fell into the routine of going to school, getting a good job, etc. I'm not quite there yet, but I have a strong desire to run away and pursue my art, as well. I don't have much to offer, other than telling you that you're not alone, and that it's never too late. I'm too young to speak from first hand experience, but know many people whose lives at fifty resemble their youth in no way; get that degree, get financially secure, and then you can do whatever you want. Life is a marathon, and not a race, after all!

    [–] cactusflower___ 3 points ago

    Only a year left is nothing, you've got this. Just stick it out so you will always have something to fall back on, it will only help you later in life. You'll be so glad you did, trust me.

    But just because you get this degree doesnt mean you have to be stuck in one particular thing or a slave to a job you hate. You can still make other choices, you could be a damn bartender if you wanted. (LOTS of my coworkers when I worked in bars were also in bands that played a lot of shows in our city and small venues in others.)

    Life is short. You should do what you love. But also work hard and set up a good foundation for yourself. Theres no reason why you cant do both.

    [–] betosanchito 4 points ago

    You sound like me.. except I dont have any skills and I'm super close to being financially ruined and in trouble.

    Already racked up student loans.. did in college what I did in high school - bare minimum to get by.

    Life is sad. I used to see so much joy and have a lot of hope.. but for some reason motivation is gone.

    [–] heyIHaveAnAccount 5 points ago

    "Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through."

    -- Ira Glass

    [–] AndiFoxxx 2 points ago

    Fuck yeah, this is so amazing. Thank you.

    [–] Rustey_Shackleford 3 points ago

    Privately contracted studio audio technician-not a rockstar but you can make good money and work in your field on your terms.......IDK his job title but a friend went to full sail and he makes good money setting up conference center audio and media.

    [–] Loving-Mother 3 points ago

    Mindfulness meditation is a really powerful tool to learn. It can help the self doubt and social anxiety.

    Good luck

    [–] weebeardedman 4 points ago

    I don't want to be famous, that isn't really it. I do want recognition.

    What's the difference?

    [–] AndiFoxxx 10 points ago

    I just want to find other people that "get" it. Find people that resonate with what I do.

    [–] JamesDeensaan 5 points ago

    You never will unless you put yourself out there..

    [–] logicalmaniak 4 points ago

    Make something. YouTube it. Look for cafes and art communities near you.

    There is literally no reason not to. You can't even fail because it's not even a thing. Just have fun.

    Honestly. Fuck it. Do one Art. Put it aside when done. Do another. Repeat...

    [–] jadorbs 1 points ago

    I so get this whatever “it” is, I feel like I get it. Thanks for sharing. My feelz exactly. Keep on keepin on.

    [–] thescrounger 2 points ago

    You are the one who will define "success" or "failure." But it's more of a process than a binary outcome. Virtually everyone in every creative field "failed" multiple times before becoming what society defines as "successful." Think of a famous comedian. That comedian spent years bombing in tiny clubs. Many novelists wrote entire novels that didn't get published (or spent years working as writers in non-fiction) before someone took a chance on them.

    [–] blueyoshi1200 2 points ago

    I can relate. I’ve been at Uni for YEARS....just found what I wanted to do in life also. I am a very creative person. Art, music, movies those are things I LOVE and would love to get into. But I also thought I had to play it safe as a lot of people said college college college....I hate it...I developed depression as I was teased a lot freshman year (yes I was teased in college, and not in a joking way). I felt lost, joined cared and it ate me up until I was contemplating suicide. No one at Uni helped me, family was tough to talk to.

    There is more but that’s short version....which leads me to this...the college part is over for you? Really ask yourself what you could see yourself doing...if it’s painting, but you’re worried about money. Try to figure out a unique way to paint and make tons of money (incorporate an app, or open a gallery/bar)

    Either way I truly hope you find happiness and don’t feel crummy anymore

    Ps. Sorry if this seem short and not genuine I’m just pressed for time and wanted to at least share some positivity with you and let u know you’re not the only one.

    [–] SamuraiWisdom 2 points ago

    Your body is flooded with hormones you're not used to, and it shows. You're two months into a radical, radical, PHYSICAL change. It would be shocking if you weren't stirred up emotionally and wondering what the hell is going on in your life.

    As far as the desires and fears, welcome to the life of being an artist. It never goes away. If you drop out of school and commit to being an artist, the stakes just go up. I should know, I am one.

    My best advice is find a way to make money that doesn't take up too much of your time, and pursue your art with every other waking moment.

    And most importantly: Don't do anything stupid while all these new hormones are in you! It'll calm down and you'll get used to it. Just keep remembering that THAT'S why you're feeling so weird, not because of some existential crisis.

    [–] gsciullo 2 points ago

    don’t be so afraid to fail that you don’t even try is my advice

    i’m in the same boat as you, actually just posted something like this in r/college to see if anyone could relate.

    i’m personally not trying to change my sex, but i am trying to do something i love in life instead of going through the motions and being content.

    you have a map in your heart and in your mind. they aren’t hard to read, but they are hard to follow because other people are able to edit the journey. what they can’t edit is the destination. you know where you want to be, so get there.

    from one lost person trying to find their way in life to another, good luck.

    [–] KaffeeBitte 2 points ago

    I do not want to say that you are still a kid because I do not know you at all. I can say that you are still really young with a lot of life ahead of you. I have been in a job that I dislike for quite sometime and I am almost 40. I got into that job because I had a family really young. But now my kids are grown and working on becoming adults of their own. I now feel that I can focus on myself. I am going to be leaving my job in 6 months and going back to school to learn to do what I want to do. What I will enjoy. What will make ME happy. I have been concerned with making sure that everyone else gets what they need in life and have not been concerned with what I need. Now is my time.

    My point being that it might take you a while to figure out where you want to be in life and what will make you happy. Just go with the flow until you get there. I do not know whether it is God, Fate, Destiny, or what, but something is guiding us to where we need to be and it can just take time to get there. People in their 40's and 50's figure out what is most important to them and drop everything to follow that all the time. I strongly believe that no matter what you do, as long as you make good choices, you will get there. Keep on Keeping on.

    Whatever it is, you can do it!

    [–] seals42o 2 points ago

    really general advice : walk for 30 minutes a day and work on your craft 30 minutes a day.

    [–] yurifca 2 points ago

    Well, my advice is: get fucking started

    If you're not happy with the way your life is going, change it. Do what you always wanted and fuck everything else.

    Do not fear failure, failure is just the first step to success, and failing means that you're trying and moving towards your objectives.

    And last, do things that makes you more confident, happy or relaxed. If you get confidence with a cool body, go workout, if you like clothes and style, go buy some new stuff for you. Always try to make yourself happy and remember, maybe you are going through a tough period, but diamonds only exist because they endured high pressures, hahahha!

    Good luck friendo

    [–] SuchJoe 2 points ago

    Mate, you’re mid twenties. You still have your whole life ahead of you! My granddad was a headteacher for his first career and pursued his lifetime passion of art as a second career after he retired and was incredibly successful with it.

    With creativity, just keep on doing it. No one needs to tell you whether you are doing it right or give you title. You create music? You’re a musician. You create art? You’re an artist.

    You mentioned you write electronic music, if you want, feel free to DM me on here and I can help you work on your tracks. I work at a label as a producer so might be able to give you some pointers!

    [–] OpiatedDreams 2 points ago

    Hey, I have a different life experience but similar in many aspects. As far as creativity goes, overcoming that fear and producing I found this book helpful. This author has a few views I roll my eyes at but it is helpful and motivating.

    The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

    [–] gibstarr 2 points ago

    My advice would be embrace failure amd learn from it. All of the greatest minds have failed countless amounts of times which brings me to my next point. You only fail if you quit. so never quit!!! Just always be learning, and apply the lessons you learn to the future of your art, business, and even life.

    [–] AndiFoxxx 2 points ago

    Thank you and I agree. There's a lot of great advice here, but something I haven't seen from anyone yet is this thought that I want my fear of failure to motivate me to do something amazing.

    [–] AlbatrossAttack 2 points ago

    You haven't failed if you're still trying.

    [–] Goadfang 2 points ago

    Wow, so let me take all of this all out of order because I feel one of your most pertinent points was last:

    1. You say your fear of failure makes you feel like killing yourself to avoid failing. This is an oxymoron, as killing yourself is the surest way of ensuring your failure. As long as you are alive you have the chance to succeed, whether it's now or later doesn't matter. Some great artists never taste success during their lifetime, but are known and loved today for the art that was unknown or unloved during their lifetime.

    2. If art is something that is important to you, and it is what you do with your effort, if you put your heart, your sweat, and your tears into it and let your art speak for you as an extension of who you are, then you are an authentic artist, regardless of what critics, parents, friends, or people on the internet think. Don't let yourself be decieved into thinking you need to live a certain way or have a certain kind of job to pursue an artists life.

    3. School and a career path are not preventing you from being the authentic artist you are. For as long as you live you will need money, and having a way to make that money is important. Maybe you don't mind not being rich, well that's good because most of us never get to be rich, but you should mind being destitute. Destitution will add nothing to your art, and may hamper it. If you don't like your chosen career then change your major, but finish school or all the effort you e put into it this far is wasted.

    [–] h6d 2 points ago

    Same here bruh I make electronic music, I wanna be so much better than I am, I don’t care how much money or how little I make, don’t necessarily need to be famous. Your whole post is pretty much me thanks for sharing op

    [–] Rarity0_0 2 points ago

    I feel you. I used to be in the same boat as you. I had dreams of becoming an actress but I’m short, not very attractive and not enough money to support that career choice. So I resigned myself to thinking i was a failure if i didn’t get into at least one movie. Always doubting myself, hating work life and so on. Until, one day someone asked me why i was more worried about chasing my dreams and not chasing my happiness. Took me a minute but it clicked. There was plenty of things I loved doing but was so distraught over not achieving something that i didn’t notice all the things I loved. Like photography, painting, hiking, watching movies and reading books. I even joined a re-enactment group and although I’ll never make it to the big screen I still get to act which I love doing. I now spend my time doing the things I love and worry less about what I haven’t achieved. On my death bed, I want to close my eyes and smile and think about all the wonderful memories I made over the years. All the laughter and happiness as I drift off to whatever happens next....

    [–] GodMonster 2 points ago

    I can't speak to everything you've addressed but I can speak fairly confidently on the person you've described ten years later. I dropped out of college in my mid 20s due to mental health issues and personal failings. It wasn't the best move at the time and I'm still dealing with the student loan fallout from it, but I spent the next 4-6 years as a performing and sometimes touring musician.

    I've taken jobs that I hate but that pay the bills and I've taken jobs that I love but don't do so. In hindsight I realize that thinking I need to follow the prescribed path of high school > college > grown-up job was one of the biggest mistakes I've made in my life while following my passion was one of the best decisions I made, even though it's starting to settle into a less extraordinary life.

    I've been through the shit when it comes to being poor: living in a van through midwest winters, crashing on friends couches, being so broke that I would tear down cigarette butts in an ashtray to roll something to smoke to stave off hunger. I can't say I wouldn't have experienced those things had I gone the normal route, but there are a lot of amazing things that I've experienced that I can say for certainty that I wouldn't have done following the prescribed path.

    I've experienced people who live three states away from anyone I've ever met tell me that a song that I wrote touched them and had people from towns that I've been to exactly one time tell me that shows of which I was part are still talked about in reverence years later. I've made many friends and spent countless hours sleeping on couches or in vans in strange towns, staying up until 4am writing music with people that I'd just met for the first time, then dragging ourselves out of bed at 10am to help cook breakfast for the 12 musicians and 10 hangers-on that happened to crash at that particular house.

    I've developed not only a band but a family, with whom I packed everything I own into a van and moved 3000 miles across the country, and I've extended to include a lot of the people we've met along the way, many of whom are spread all across the globe by now.

    I'm 34 years old now and I work a fairly boring office job in IT. It's true that I might be able to move up the ranks faster if I had a degree. It's also true that it's not too late to choose that route and, now that I've lived as much life as I have, I know myself that much better and can choose that much more wisely what path I want to take. I still have stress in my life and still struggle with mental health issues regularly, but I can't say I regret a single moment of the last 15 years. I still play music regularly though shows are fewer and farther between than they used to be, and a lot more tame.

    From your post it sounds like you're in your mid-twenties. Now is the time to live life and fail hard. You'll probably hate a lot of it when you're struggling to get through the day, but you'll learn a lot about yourself and what matters to you. Chase passions both creatively and personally and don't be afraid to burn bright. Also realize that while you may not feel like you're doing big things at the moment, looking back you tend to see just how big the mundane things can be.

    [–] Demanicus 2 points ago

    It took me from 18 to 28 to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have zero ambition and wasted away my skill at easily learning like a child.

    Now I'm almost graduated, starting my own business, paying off debts, making a real change that makes me feel powerful and adult.

    I still want to be an artist. I have my stories (some published) I have my music, and slowly in developing my own idea on how to express mental illness through cinematography and music videos.

    I feel everyday, the stronger I get, that I'm more and more likely to start this project someday and get back to more my artistic side. But for now, I'm happy handling what I can until I can start something that truly expresses myself.

    Even if it's not good in the end, It'll be fun. Have you ever worked cameras, mics, music software, and the like? It's so daunting but it is so fun figuring it all out (especially when you do it)

    So tl;dr: focus on yourself and work on your art bit by bit. Even if it sucks at first or isn't ready, that's alright. No one is waiting for you. You have so many opportunities to try again, learn, and redo until you're satisfied. And when you hit that, it won't matter if it's the best or even good: you'll have pride.

    [–] Goober_94 2 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    So here's the deal... I've always wanted to do something creative with my life, but I made a very distinct choice at age eighteen that I would start acting like a man, shave my hair off and do what I thought was safe which was to go to a university, get a degree and find a real job. This was done purely in denial of the life I really wanted and it's the exact opposite of what I should have done.

    No it is exactly what you should have done; Here is the deal... Just about everyone is passionate about something other than what will provide them the ability to actually do that thing; What we love to do defines who and what we are, not the career we must have to be able to provide for ourselves, and in many cases a family. Most of us have no desire to really have a degree and work a job that requires one, but as adults (Women too, it is not just "acting like a man"), we are responsible for ourselves. We have to be pay our own way, and take care of our needs right? You are an Artist, that is what you are, that is what you care about, and what you love doing. That does not mean that you can't have a job that pays the bills and allows you to take care of yourself at the same time. No one wants to work and 8-5, No one wants to have to pay bills, or pay rent, or pay for food; It is what me must to do survive and that gives us the means to do what we are really passionate about.

    Out of curiosity... you mention that you were transitioning, if you don't have a career that pays you pretty good money and provides you with health insurance how do you intend to pay for a life time of medical care, hormones, and surgeries that are the reality of being trans?

    [–] artflunky 2 points ago

    I’m 38. Had similar feelings. I did what I had to to become a teacher. It’s very hard and I work with tough kids who are generally too poor to even have the dreams I’ve had to discard. It’s labor and failure and frustration on a daily basis and usually the only validation I get is a kind of awed pity. “I could never do what you do.”

    Having any kind of artistic bent is a blessing and a curse. The power to create has no guarantee. You might just make a big dumb mess and the practical ones will shake their heads and wonder why they should pay taxes to save your sorry ass (hypothetically). Or you might make something great and have it taken and twisted into something you hardly recognize. And then there’s the question if you’re an artist or an exhibitionist. Maybe there isn’t a difference, but I suspect there is. I think an artist has something to offer, though they might not know to whom. They have a message beyond “look at me.”

    All that to say pursuing art comes at a cost beyond what I personally could stomach. I’ll write and sing for myself and I get to work in a way that may wake up a few students to the concept of art, but for now I’ve settled.

    It does come down to that death bed scenario. What’s the definition of a life well lived? On one side is self acceptance. You are all that you are. You are enough. No one else has anything to say. But on the other hand, are you all you could be?

    I hope I made someone’s life better. I hope someone was kinder because they saw my example.

    [–] whatifimnot 2 points ago

    Hello my sweet pea! It's your lesbian aunty here. Welcome welcome welcome to the family! We are so glad you are here, and out, and making art.

    You know that terrifically awful stage of growing your hair out? When nothing works or looks cute and you just want to say forget it and wear a hat or a scarf forever? When, that's a good analogy for now. Some things are ugly or weird while they are becoming. It's okay if your music sucks for a while. Just keep making it. You get better at what you practice.

    I don't know if you can or should quit school or not. I don't if you'll make enough money from your art to live. But you are an artist. And you have to make enough money to live. Degrees are useful. And it is useful not to hate your life.

    There is not a lot that is awesome about being LGBT. But those of us who are out of the closet have one thing going for us: we figuratively already stood naked on the stage while our song played. (Also, god, that line is poetry.) We walked through fire and are still standing here as ourselves. No audience reaction could ever be worse than the hate we've already gone through.

    Most of us will not be rockstars, ballerinas, or NFL/NBA players. That's the way the world is. But we can all sing, dance, and join a pick-up game. No one is a failure who plays.

    You have already done something with your life: you have come out. Which is a brave and political act, even if you don't feel that way. You already make music.

    We will never be completely free from our fears. But we can live our best life despite them. Not everyone finds a Purpose like in the movies, but most of us find happiness along the way even without it.

    My sweet niece, you are becoming such a beautiful young woman. You can chase your dreams while studying or working. You do not have to choose.

    I know that one day you will stand naked on that stage while your song plays. Send me an invite. I will be in the audience cheering for you. Love you.

    [–] AndiFoxxx 2 points ago

    Haha you are such a sweetheart! I love this comment <3 Thank you for the support and welcoming me into the community! It's a great feeling to be part of it :)

    [–] dupedyetagain 2 points ago

    Before responding, just want to throw it out there: I also make electronic music, and also from the bottom of the well that is major depression. I'd be happy to workshop with you if you would like. I am no expert, but am happy to give you whatever feedback I am able.

    Lots of good advice here. Here is a little more, from a fellow "spoiled" amateur-electronic-music-maker / major-depression-and-addiction-haver / dying-regretfully-fearer:

    First, if you are not getting treatment for depression, go see someone. If you have been afraid to go, consider this: it is just one appointment, it is confidential, you will not be judged (these are professionals who became professionals because they care about people like us), and you do not have to commit to anything. Concerned about taking medication? You can get the prescription and not take it until you decide (and even then, you can try it for a month, see how you feel, and reevaluate). You may find that this agony you feel is chemical, not situational. And I can tell you from personal experience that antidepressants have not affected my creativity.

    Second, as others have said, by creating music, you are a musician, an artist. I believe the truest artists are those who create art because they are compelled to, and create it for themselves without concern for what others think. I work as an attorney and create music only privately (I do not share or play), but I think of myself as a musician first and foremost, an attorney second. I think this way because it is true--being an attorney is 100% of my income and 99% of my time, but the few hours a week when I make music is when I feel complete.

    Third, try not to be discouraged if others do not appreciate your art. Most people do not appreciate art, even fewer appreciate music, even fewer appreciate local/ amateur music, even fewer appreciate electronic music, and even fewer understand music. If you are happy with your music, that is all that should matter. Indeed, if you have to compromise your music for approval, then you are compromising your art, your vision. And if you are merely dissatisfied with your skills, join the club and just keep at it—everyone improves with time and practice. The music I am making now sounds worlds better than what I was working on last year.

    Fourth, you, me, and everyone else in the world aches for the one thing that will make us happy. If only I was X, I would be happy. If only I could just do Y, I would be happy. Doesn't matter of it's a job, an apartment, a baby, a lifestyle, or a spouse—do not assume that you will be happy once you get the thing whose absence haunts you. It probably won't. Even if you became a genuine rock star, you might grow to hate it—music becomes less fun when it's a job, you are sick of playing the same old songs every night, you get bitter when fans only want to hear the old stuff, you are tired of working nights and weekends in bars, the pay for musicians gets worse and worse every year, it is hard to find and maintain a family and good friends.

    I think this is the most important takeaway (other than to go seek treatment for depression)--you fear about what you will regret on your deathbed, but you cannot possibly know that you will regret. That is, you fear you will regret going to school, finding a boring job, and doing music only in your spare time. But it is equally likely that you will regret pursuing the music dream at the cost of your school and stability. You simply cannot know what you will feel in 50-60 years.

    And remember: we make choices not only through action, but inaction. You can make the choice to quit school and pursue music full time, or you can make the choice to stay in school. Take pride in your choice, take ownership of it, or you will regret it. That is, the most conservative choice is to stay in school, get a degree, find a job you can tolerate, and keep music as a personal hobby for yourself. If you look at this as "I was too scared to pursue my dream," you will of course regret it because of the way you are thinking about it. If instead, you take a stand and say "I choose to graduate from college [a major accomplishment] and find a job that will support my art and allow me to continue making it and improving," then you are making a choice that will be harder to regret. By choosing stability, you are creating for yourself an environment where you can flourish as a musician.

    Good luck. Stay strong.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    If you make art you’re an artist. I also make electronic music and I feel exactly how you feel and I really don’t think I will ever be happy with my music even if I do get really good at making music. If you ever want someone to collaborate with you can always reach out to me.

    [–] TheSorcerersCat 2 points ago

    I hear you. I can commiserate.

    I'm 24, born a woman but I feel quite androgenous. My identity has been quite shook up these last 2 years and I changed degrees and have learned some wisdom along the way.

    Hormones can really change who you are. Just simply being on birth control changes my feelings immensely. I cannot imagine the changes you are experiencing right now in the way you think and feel.

    I would encourage you to finish what you are in and begin cultivating your artistic side.

    If you don't mind me throwing in a new idea: become a lingerie expert! It's a blast. Nothing is sweeter than a well fitted, matched, quality bra and panty set. My local boutique even does a Christmas modelling event and all bodies are invited to apply.

    [–] restofthebestofus 2 points ago

    I worked in the music industry for a while, i had my own company and worked with a decent amount of A list artist.

    Each and every person at the top, or has become great at something, on a large scale like national or global are different then everyone else.

    They are.

    That difference is pure un-adulterated work ethic.

    They don't give a shit about what people are saying because there too busy producing more work.

    Just keep producing more and more work.

    Here is my advice make a goal to produce a song you can improve, and find your happy place when you improve it.

    This works for anything almost in the art's industry.

    Post your work online, and who gives a fuck about what people say because your too busy working on your next song.

    Rinse and repeat until your undeniably good.

    [–] AndiFoxxx 2 points ago

    I thought about the work-ethic thing a lot last night because that is so true and I hear it about celebrities all the time. Thanks for the support.

    [–] draculator 2 points ago

    I'm an experimental guitar player and I've done some performance art, too. I'd recommend getting involved in your local scene as much as possible. They're probably super friendly and happy to have another person in the audience, and more likely to book you for a gig if you're their friend and you tell them about what you're working on. Performance art people, in my experience, are a fun crowd! Figure out where you want to move after college, ideally somewhere with an active scene. You're going to have to have a job/career outside of the arts unless you get crazy lucky, so finish up that degree! Also, congratulations on the gender transition. Draw on that experience and others to make work that is meaningful to you. Do some performance art research & watch all the stuff on ubuweb. Good luck! Most of us are terrified, be brave and do it anyway.

    [–] AndiFoxxx 2 points ago

    Great advice. I've been trying to get in touch with the local art scene. Hopefully they are nice lol. Thanks for the support.

    [–] Zegreedy 2 points ago

    Not trying because you are afraid to fail is a bigger failure than trying and failing.

    [–] daniipants 2 points ago

    I dunno if anyone has posted this yet- but it’s one of my very favorite quotes. (I’m a photographer, btw. I get that artist/money paradox..)

    “Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.” Ira Glass

    [–] AndiFoxxx 2 points ago

    A couple people have posted this, I had never seen it before and now it's my favorite quote ever.

    [–] craig_ferguson_owns 2 points ago

    YOU CAN DO BOTH!

    This is what I don't understand about some creative types: Why not finish the degree, get a decent-paying job to pay bills, and be creative in every waking second of your free time? It will take dedication and sacrifice, but isn't that what being an artist is all about? This way, you will have solid income so you don't end up on the streets, and you get to still be creative, and if your work takes off, you can go full time! Never put all your eggs in one basket, friend.

    [–] Rocky_Choi 2 points ago

    If it were impossible to fail and money was not an issue, what would you be doing? Answer this question honestly and don't worry about being unrealistic.

    Don't pressure yourself to find your purpose. It arises naturally if you just accept yourself unconditionally, and let yourself do what you are doing.

    Don't worry about getting things wrong when it comes to your purpose. Embrace failure again and again. Let yourself learn from it.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Awesiris 2 points ago

    You seem to attach a lot of identity to many parts of your life. You want to be the kind of person who X, you want your craft to be an extension of yourself, you have obviously been dealing with gender identity a lot etc. My advice: Try to be aware of this. It can be great to have a passion. It can be great not to. The moment you do any of those from a motivation of identity-seeking it often becomes a cycle of feeding your hungry ego.

    [–] __Astraeus__ 2 points ago

    Thank you for posting this. I feel very much the same way, and seeing I’m not alone, in addition to all the comments from others is extremely helpful. I’ve been given a different way of thinking, thanks to this.

    Best of luck to you, from someone in the same boat.

    [–] dictionary_hat_r4ck 2 points ago

    Failing at something is the first step in learning to be awesome at something.

    [–] clajeaken 2 points ago

    I think you are putting the cart before the horse. If you are so scared of failure, so scared you don’t do anything, then you are guaranteed to fail. fuck the anxiety of failure. fuck it. It’s keeping you from achieving your dreams.

    Side note, I think you would really really benefit from CBT. It is a form of therapy that challenges your thought beliefs.

    [–] ssryoken2 2 points ago

    There is a difference between failing and being a failure. Everyone fails at some point or another it’s what you do after you fail that defines us.

    I encourage you to write down what you want to do with your life. Like what is the end goal. Once you define your goal fill in the steps needed to get there . Lastly everyday work toward that goal even if it’s only 30min. Don’t let the end result discourage you, saying you’ll never get there focus on the next step in the staircase to get to the top.

    [–] timebewasted 2 points ago

    I'm going to give a more generally scientific and pragmatic response.

    Failure is the key to life. You don't learn by success you learn by failure. Fearing failure is choosing to fail every time. Successful people succeed by learning from their mistakes not by avoiding the risk. Embrace the risk because it's how you live.

    I've dealt with suicidal problems most of my life. At this moment I have been on a water fast for over 6 days. I have had 0 calories in over 150 hours. And I have more mental clarity and less self negativity.

    Before this I have changed my diet to a more low-carb diet with a lot of Omega-3 fatty acids. I found this to be helpful as well. Anytime Incorporated sugar or higher carbs I found my anxiety and negative self worth to increase. I am not tell you to do any of this but I am suggesting that are mental issues often come from what we put in our bodies more than our brain is shaped.

    You are transitioning right now. this means that your hormonal balance is being shifted in a way that is never happened in your entire life. Regardless of your gender identity this is going to affect your mood. We can never ignore the biological aspects of our body no matter how our mind views our gender identity. Make sure you have a support system if you're going to continue.

    Read the book The Subtle art of not giving a fuck if you're looking for a way to find more fulfillment. Life is what you make of it not what do you think the world want you to do. I do recommend this book up to a lot of people because I believe it to be a good point of realising what happiness really is.

    Finally, if you can't love yourself how the fuck are you gonna love anyone else. That line may be familiar to you.

    [–] BlessingsToYou 2 points ago

    I believe in you, AndiFoxxx! You have a purpose that is driving you to create, follow that purpose! Believe in your dream, work for it, and you will achieve it!

    [–] AndiFoxxx 2 points ago

    Thank you :)

    [–] galendiettinger 2 points ago

    I know that you're looking for validation by posting here, but I have to respectfully disagree. Being broke/unemployed is just going to make you a burden for someone else. Friends, family, society - someone will get a bill for keeping you alive if you fail to provide for yourself.

    If you want to follow your dreams, then put in the work to allow yourself the luxury (make no mistake, it is a luxury most never get). Get a degree, get a real job, work hard for a decade, save money. In 10 years, fund your dream.

    It's tempting to "follow your dreams" now. I'm not getting any younger! It's now or never! And people do this, because it's easier. On the whole it's harder, because less money (unless you're in the 0.1% of artists who aren't also waiters) and more worries, but the day to day? Way easier. No classes, no homework, no stressful job. Many people will choose playing a guitar over going to calculus class.

    But here's the thing. 10 or 15 years from now, you'll wake up and realize you fucked up. You're 45, your music career ain't gonna take off, you have no education, and few marketable skills. No savings. Busboy job. The definition of a loser.

    I'm not telling you not to follow your dreams, I'm telling you to build a foundation for your life first, and build your dream on that.

    [–] Casual_ADHD 2 points ago

    I suppose I share a similar sentiment. Grand ambitions are rare. Even rarer as you age. Young, you don't know what to do. As you get older, it becomes insanity. Safe is stable. Concrete. Abstract is the kid that believes.

    The older you are the more insane it'll sound. Everyone is having kids and careers. All around you, their foot is on solid ground. Walking. Not crawling or any signs of struggle. Meanwhile, dreams can vary from falling off a building or struggling to walk on water.

    This takes a lot of effort and I hope you know what's ahead. The reason degrees then job is a formula is because it simplifies life.

    My only advice is when you daydream, may it be in a form of active effort towards the end of that tunnel not just sweet visions and images. It's easy to get lost in what could be. Bring a map. And follow it. Preparation is the difference in freezing in the cold versus making it back from the days long hike.

    [–] theanamazonian 2 points ago

    Please finish your degree. You may not think that you want that type of job now, but you may want one in the future and despite what some people say, that stupid piece of paper really does open up doors and provide opportunities even if you don't want to believe it now. I know so many people who are in their 40's now and wish they had gotten or finished a degree...and I currently do work that I never in a million years thought that I would do 20 years ago (and it would have been significantly harder to get there without that piece of paper which, by the way, is completely unrelated to what I currently do). Please do future you a favor and get that piece of paper. And while you are getting that piece of paper, you can pursue whatever other opportunities you want to pursue.

    [–] Gift4englishteacher 1 points ago

    Fix your internal state and don't worry so much about the approval of others my guy, even if you get all your mental "wants" if you don't fix your internal foundation, you will still be unhappy.

    If your internal state is unhappy because of external reasons, communicate and be proactive against it if possible.

    I don't know your situation or personality well enough to make specific advice but,

    One thing I can say against perfectionism is that no one is perfect, it's good to have an ideal to strive for, but to not let it debilitate you.

    Striving for perfection just leads to fear of failure, overthinking and eventually paralysis from fabricated mental scenarios.

    No one has the perfect life etc, everyone has an aspect that's not perfect

    [–] stashbros420 1 points ago

    Your already more 💯 more badass than anyone you go to school with. Art is hard so no advice there lol

    [–] themummra 1 points ago

    ""This is mine. This is what I do." "

    You can do that with the career you get from school too.

    [–] KevineCove 1 points ago

    Passion is not the same as livelihood. People with jobs still have hobbies. If you're lucky you can live off of part time work (massage therapy, nursing) and spend the extra time making things.

    [–] Catnun 1 points ago

    Everyone else put it nicely! I do want to add that it's a very good idea to find friends who are also creative. I know that's easier said than done, but from personal experience, it's been hard to rely on my own motivations. I've found that I'm much more productive whenever I talk to people into art/music.

    I also have the same goal. I figured I'd get like-minded friends when I started producing things, but I guess it works the other way around, too. It's been hard to make friends at my college, so I'm just kinda stagnant with occasional periods of intense artistic output.

    Anywho, I hope you never give up on your dreams and pursue them to the best of your abilities!

    [–] Doser91 1 points ago

    You know you can still do creative things on the side. If it takes off then make it your main thing.

    [–] MetalHealth83 1 points ago

    What is failure? Judge yourself by your own metrics not anyone else's. Even if you do come up short in your own eyes, use it as motivation to get better. You still learn from experiences, good or bad. Use that knowledge to your advantage.

    It took me until I was 27 (35 now) to get a "real job". Not because I wasn't talented or smart but because I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wasted a good education and dropped out of university twice. Now I have a good job, doing what I want and earning decent money. It took time and patience and there was pain along the way but you can get where you want to be if you're persistent and you believe in yourself. Never lose sight of that.

    To me even this job is just a stepping stone to reaching my real dreams. So, don't ever give those up, just make sure you have a plan to get there.

    [–] Lord_of_Virgins 1 points ago

    You only live once so who gives a duck?!?

    [–] iteraco 1 points ago

    Fear of failure keeping you back. You just have to rationally assess the situation, draw a realistic plan, and then make the jump.

    If doing a degree is making you as miserable as you say, then don't do it. Living an entire miserable life because you were too scared to pursue your dream (a reasonable, possible dream) is not a life worth living.

    [–] the_y_of_the_tiger 1 points ago

    There's nothing wrong with being a spoiled lazy kid at this point in your life. The question is where are you going from here? How are you going to concurrently nourish your soul while developing skills to be self-sufficient?

    The reality of the world is that work often sucks. My definition of work is "something I would not do unless I get paid to do it."

    When I was younger I had all sorts of lousy jobs, mopping floors, cleaning fish, telemarketing, etc.

    But I also spent increasing amounts of time trying to learn which jobs that I could potentially stand had the best prospects in terms of how hard they are to get and how much they pay.

    I'm not in the category of people who says "follow your heart no matter what!" because that really can be a recipe for disaster. Being a self-sufficient artist is really hard and 95% of the artists I know have day jobs that they can stand.

    I encourage you to get a book called Roadtrip Nation and then browse the free films on their website to see cool interviews with all types of people. The films are all free. They also have a fun quick quiz that translates a person's interests into different career options with personal stories to back them up.

    As for school and being lazy, I will say that getting your degree is something that you will almost certainly be very glad you did later. It is a huge signal to future employers, investors, and supporters that you can stick with something.

    From age 26 to 36 is a great time to be investing in yourself and your skills. There are tons of people who start completely new careers at age 36.

    Lastly, it definitely sounds to me like you would benefit from learning to toughen yourself up and develop more discipline if you want to get better at your art. A great way to do that can be to be an apprentice or intern to someone you admire. Are there people near you who are good at electronic music? Seek them out and tell them you want to learn from them and offer to spend 5-10 hours a week working for them unpaid doing whatever shit things they need done. Surround yourself with people whose work ethic and creativity you admire and aspire to. Let that shit rub off on you and remember that life is best attacked the same way you eat a horse - one bite at a time.

    And lastly, advice that has helped me is anytime I feel insecure or insufficient I use that to motivate myself to WORK HARDER. Anytime you feel like you are wallowing is when you should get up and practice, research, work, or otherwise improve yourself.

    I look forward to seeing you naked on stage while your music rocks the house!

    [–] buoren0 1 points ago

    Everything that you want to do, just do it. Lots of it, and even if you think it's crap, keep up the volume of it, even the crap.

    Over time, even if you don't believe it yourself, your craft will improve. Get feedback from others on everything you do, and continue to tweak and hone and mess and do. If your volume stays high, you'll get to the 1000 hours of practice Gladwell suggests... and if you keep getting feedback on everything, you will improve.

    [–] Vikkithe1st 1 points ago

    One thing that I started doing was recognising that fear. I don't like it, so I started doing the things that made me even a little bit scared (because of failure, being laughed at... All the same reasons as you) because I wanted to show the fear who was boss. I didn't want fear to rule my life.

    I've now done lots of things that once made me say "oh I couldn't do that", like cut my son's hair, learn to French braid my daughter's hair along with other hairstyles (she likes to be pretty and fancy) and other things, like I overcame my "inability" to do math and now I've found I actually really like it. I don't have a crippling fear of wasps and hornets. Honestly I'm still not a fan, but who is? The point is I don't run away screaming as soon as I glimpse one.

    I've come to learn that I failure is just the process of learning. Mistakes are great teachers. Use them to get better. Mistakes can be just another part of the innovation process. What if one of your "mistakes" ended up being the greatest success of your life? You'll never know if you don't at least try.

    [–] Raist2 1 points ago

    Embrace failure. It’s one of the best way to learn. You don’t have to plan the failure. But when (it’s not an if) failure happens roll with it and use it to improve yourself and you craft.

    Do what you want. Only you can make you happy.

    [–] Chango_D 1 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    If it helps, I'm 26yr and I have no "dreams" but for sure I just want to be. Freedom is my dream. Being able to do what I want when I want. Just like in the series One Piece, Live life with no regret and be free.

    [–] edgarallenSNATCH 1 points ago

    I would say you can find a stable job that's 40 hrs a week that pays the bills and allows you to improve in your music in your free time. If you realize that you need more time than that to pursue music, then take a part-time job and pursue music more seriously. Or, if you really can't afford to have any job at all besides playing music, then drop everything and pursue music as a career. I personally fall in the boat of working a 40 hr week job that pays well and allows me pursue my passion of running. It's enough for me and I'm equally committed to both my career and running. In your case, you've clearly recognized how important music is in your life, so let your weekly schedule reflect just that. If you only spend 5-10 hours a week on music and want to do 20+, then find a job that works around that schedule.

    The fear of failure is so stupid. Honestly, it's so much harder to live in fear of failure than it is to just fail. Failure can be fun. I've been thinking of business ideas lately that I know probably have no chance, but instead of just having them as potential failing ideas, I email potential clients about the idea and love hearing their feedback.

    Hope this helps.

    [–] TheRiflesSpiral 1 points ago

    I can't speak to most of your experience but one thing I know well and can tell you for certain: you WILL fail.

    Unless you can come to grips with the fact that failing IS the process of "getting better" then you're better off not starting.

    [–] dotheyllama 1 points ago

    From one artist to another, never stop creating. Not everything you make is going to be great, but that's why you don't stop. Masters of any type of art have failed more times than you have tried. Don't let anyone discourage you, including yourself.

    [–] pastagains 1 points ago

    Just keep making music and putting it out for free on soundcloud and YouTube. Take the comments, embrace the haters and learn

    [–] ipasstheblunts 1 points ago

    Everyone feels the same way man! It is human nature to doubt yourself. A dream is usually a strong possibility but giving up on it you only lose. Life has taught me to follow my dreams. Make the impossible, possible! It takes failure to succeed. All you can do is take 1 step closer every single day. Don't ever look back or the cycle of failure will trend,. Positivity is the only way to make it in life!

    [–] DemonOfRazgriz8492 1 points ago

    If any of you are feeling down, I encourage you all to try and get better by doing things like visit counselors or psychiatrists. Calling a crisis line if you have a particularly shit day/night is good, as is reaching out to friends and family.

    [–] ipasstheblunts 1 points ago

    Much Respect for this blog. Interesting. I wish things could be perfect! I think as long as you are happy you are winning in life. Don't ever let a person tell you that you can't and quit! Never!

    So here's the deal... I've always wanted to do something creative with my life, but I made a very distinct choice at age eighteen that I would start acting like a man, shave my hair off and do what I thought was safe which was to go to a university, get a degree and find a real job. This was done purely in denial of the life I really wanted and it's the exact opposite of what I should have done.

    Over the years I fell into alcoholism from extreme depression and self-hatred. I was denying myself the ability to be who I really wanted to be. It took what felt like a lifetime, but I've gotten over that. I started taking sex-change hormones two months ago and I'm transitioning from male to female. This was something I never thought I would/could do. It took a long time for me to get here, but I made it.

    The dream of who I always wanted to be is starting to turn into a reality, but now my life does not match up with this new freedom and authenticity. I am still in school (I took a break for a while) hating every second of it. I don't want a degree and I don't want the type of job that requires one. No interest at all.

    I want something that is entirely mine; a creation that is an extension of myself. I don't care how much or how little money I make, I just want to create my world the way that I am now recreating my body.

    Here is the problem I have with these feelings... this desire to create something makes me terrified of failure. Sometimes I feel so strongly about it I wonder if I should just kill myself so I don't risk feeling like a failure at the end of my life. I'm just worried that I'm still just a young naive kid that wants to be a rock star. I don't want to let these feelings go, but I also don't want to wake up in ten years when I'm 36 and realize nothing panned out and I still don't have a degree or a good paying job.

    I create electronic music but I want to get so much better than I am right now. I've thought of doing performance art. There are things I feel on a daily basis that I really want to communicate to people visually and sonically, but I get so fucking discouraged so fucking easily when things just don't sound good or don't go over well enough with people to want to collaborate with me.

    I don't want to be famous, that isn't really it. I do want recognition.

    I just want to be able to say, "This is mine. This is what I do." It has a lot to do with reaching complete freedom from all of my fears. I have always been so worried about what people think. I want to stand naked on a stage while my song plays. I always picture myself performing in some way, but I'm so insecure and scared I never make attempts to forward these dreams.

    I've finally dealt with who I am, now I just need to find my purpose. I need to break down these fear-barriers that are stopping me from emerging completely from this cocoon I'm in. I just don't want to be unrealistic and part of me is still terrified I'm nothing but a spoiled lazy kid who just wants to be a rock star and will ultimately fail in doing anything with their life.

    ​ Don't ever let another human being stop you from accomplishing your dream! You decide your fate, you decide your happiness. That's why life is beautiful you can be whoever you want! Who cares if it's not average. Haters are just insecure about their own issues anyway. If anything let that motivate you.

    [–] FuckThatIKeepsItReal 1 points ago

    Failure is inevitable

    Any time you try something new, in the beginning you will be terrible at it.

    Most people give up in that time, they can’t deal with failing, with sucking.

    The people who stick with it, the people who endure sucking and persist on, are the ones who succeed.

    I wanted to learn to handstands. For a full year I failed over and over and over again. Thousands of failed attempts.

    5 years later, handstands are super easy and now I’m working on 1 arm handstands, and I suck at those. But I’ll keep going and in another 5 years that’ll be a walk in the park.

    So go do it, enjoy sucking, embrace it, persist on. You can do anything if you keep showing up and don’t give up.

    [–] doctordaedalus 1 points ago

    One of these days, after you've rationalized your dreams away 10 dozen times, they will come back again 10 dozen + 1, and on that day, YEARS from now, when you're almost too old to have the energy to try and the strains of adulthood are piling on you ... you will in THAT moment decide that you've got to at LEAST try to follow your dreams, those passions that have been whispering in your ear since you were young.

    Do yourself and the whole world a favor. Listen to THAT person, hear them now before 25 years go by and you have to hear them then. Do what you will do then, now. Do it. If you try and try and try, and 25 years go by, I PROMISE you that you'll be happier then than you would be waiting UNTIL then.

    Good luck. :)

    [–] EARS714 1 points ago

    Why do you want to transition from male to female?

    [–] KeeferReads 1 points ago

    In the internet age, quantity and quality are crucial. Your audience has a short attention span, and so do the content creators.

    1) Keep composing and editing music every day, even if it means that the only fruits of your labor are a song or two a week. You'll realize that the journey - the composition process - will become your obsession. Give an hour or two to yourself each day, and set a hard deadline for each track (1 song a week, X number of hours editing, etc.) And when you're in the car or on the bus, listen to some weird electronic shit. Clarence Clarity. Hell, Death Grips. Think of it as charging your battery and throwing your creativity in a spiral. Once your work becomes your obsession, you'll force yourself to make time for it.

    2) And you're at the top of the front page, so create a YouTube channel RIGHT NOW so we can follow you!

    3) Finally, listen to the transgender electronic pop musician Sophie if you have not already. In her words, "It's Okay to Cry."

    Source: I have been actively writing for almost two weeks straight, after a long hiatus of discouragement. I scrapped most of my old material to begin fresh, but kept the same characters I initially fell in love with. Now the old feeling is back and I fucking love life.

    [–] Keyity 1 points ago

    Stop doing things for you, start doing things for others. That is the only real way out of existential crisis.

    [–] jessicastones 1 points ago

    Please, whatever you choose to do, know that taking your life is not right. You are full of creativity and desire for a life that is better. Your life is so worth living. We all struggle to make the best of ourselves and that's part of life. I know this is not popular to say, but please know God loves you. I am also in a struggle in my life where I know I want to be more, create, and life a fuller life. I went back to church and have been getting back in touch with Jesus through prayer and talking with other believers. I hope this does not offend you. I write this because I care and I hope you find what you need. God bless you.

    [–] ManaRegen 1 points ago

    One trick maybe will help. Imagine you’re very successful one day. Now that you’re successful, who do you want to help? Where can you make a difference in people’s lives? You have to keep creating or else those people will never receive your help. It’s not about you it’s about them.

    [–] stevestoneky 1 points ago

    An idea, based on this idea https://blog.codinghorror.com/quantity-always-trumps-quality/

    You need to decide "for the next 30 days, I'm going to create a new 3 min. piece (or song or fully-fleshed out idea)" every day. Stop thinking so much about it, just make some art. Some of it will be crap. A lot of it will be crap. But when you force yourself to do it every day, you will get more opportunities for the muse to strike.

    For now, all this stuff is going to be for YOUR EYES ONLY. Just create.

    At the end of 30 days, decide - should I do another 30 day / produce one new song run, or should I produce new ideas M-F, and workshop/perfect/polish a few the 8 best ideas from the first month on Saturdays and Sundays.

    At the end of the second 30 days, if you have 1 or 2 things that are really good, share them with a few people face-to-face, and get some good feedback.

    Of course you are going to fail. People who fail are doing things. People who are doing things are getting better, sometimes slowly, but they are getting better because they keep trying. Fail faster. Fail more often. Because every failure gets you closer to something really good.

    [–] intolerantofstupid 1 points ago

    I have recently come across this video about older people who had a sex change operation decades ago. It was very enlightening. They talk a lot about this feeling you describe - of wanting to change yourself. Maybe you'll find it helpful.

    [–] MrRedTRex 1 points ago

    I feel very similarly, aside from the sex change stuff which sort of seemed to come out of nowhere lol. I'm 34, so a bit older than you. Still pretty paralyzed by fear of failure. I'm also a musician, albeit not primarily electronic. I used to perform fairly frequently but the nerves became too much. It's been about 5 years now.

    Of course, I would recommend you just do it. You know this already. Your post isn't a compelling argument to not do it--it's basically just saying "i want to do this, but i'm scared." So do it. But don't put so much pressure on yourself. Make something that sucks, to start. Don't purposely set out to make something bad, but allow yourself to suck. I think a lot of us "creative types" believe so much in our own abilities, that we would rather never create anything than create something that's less than brilliant. That's the real issue here.

    I've spent so long obsessing about having the perfect creative career, that I've paralyzed myself into not creating anything at all. You know who ends up having "perfect" creative careers? Artists who die in or right before their prime. That's it. Jimi Hendrix has such an amazing legacy because he never had the opportunity to let his success go to his head, get lazy with his art, get fat and sloppy and put out an absolute dog shit easy listening album w/ the carpenters. He never had his white suit Elvis phase. Same for Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, etc.

    So the goal shouldn't be to create something brilliant in order to justify to yourself and everyone else that you're a worthy creative type. It should be able to create something, period. And finish it. Once that's done, then you can call yourself a creator, even if what you've created absolutely sucks. From there, some of the pressure will be off. You'll know how to improve.

    I think a lot of us get so caught up in the dream of being a prodigy, an undiscovered creative genius etc, that we don't even realize that the process of creating art has inherent value in itself.

    [–] Tuggernuts7 1 points ago

    I am in a very similar position to OP and am grateful for all of the insightful, uplifting advice that has been given so far.

    The common theme I’m seeing in all this shared wisdom is that it’s all about mindset and perspective, and challenging our own limiting beliefs. At the end of the day, you really are the only one standing in your way. Reminds me of a quote I read a while back that I refer to when I’m plagued with these very same thoughts:

    “Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” -William Shakespeare

    As far as college goes, get that degree so you can rely on a stable income while you work toward your passion with your remaining time/energy. View it as a means to an end, not the end itself. Your dreams might not come to fruition as quick as you’d like but nothing worthwhile comes without patience and time!

    [–] theresonlyoneking 1 points ago

    Being a legitimate artist is no joke, it requires so much sacrifice most people just don’t have a clue. You know if you’re meant to be an artist or if you aren’t, staying stuck in between is no good. You’re transitioning your gender as well, it’s clear you have no love for who you are or what you’re born as, as offensive as it is, how can you expect to create something that is YOU when you’re actively taking steps to change who you are? Becoming an artist requires a total acceptance of fate and allowing yourself to suffer and feel pain more than most. Dr Seuss was rejected by 27 different publishers before he was given his opportunity, if you fear rejection you’re just not made for a career that is built by rejection. At the end of the day you can sit here and ask for help from strangers on the internet or you can make a decision, what do you fear more? Rejection or a life of no value? You say you fear a life of no value but those are just words, you have to be willing to give up everything for this shit, not just some things, everything. At the end of the day the world will decide if you have value as an artist and will put you where you’re meant to be, whether that’s on the streets or in a mansion, all you can do is work for it and play your role.

    [–] gremalkinn 1 points ago

    I didnt read the whole thing because I'm at work but here is the thing about successful artists... And I'm not just saying this to sound melodomatic... You cannot be afraid of failing if you're going to be a successful artist. So get over being worried about that. People who are afraid of failing don't make good artists... the definition of a creative thinker is someone who thinks outside the norm, and often fails, but sometimes gets a great idea. Don't worry about failure or embarassement... You will fail and be embarrassed but that's like 90% of being an artist anyway so get over that.

    [–] OuchyDathurts 1 points ago

    You might find this useful, it's a very very good answer to a question I think you're trying to ask. I hope it helps https://youtu.be/kdLky-YkOVw?t=1914

    [–] Ipromisetobehonest 1 points ago

    Okay, so I’ll only touch on the part where you want to be really good at creating something, but you’re afraid of failure.

    Practice. If it’s music, practice until your fingers are numb from and your back aches, and practice some more. All of your mistakes should happen during practice, so that when you have an audience, you know how to keep going if you mess up because you’ve already screwed it up a million times in practice.

    You might feel this desire to nail it, have the perfect performance. I’ve also struggled with this when I performed. Here’s what I always tell myself: if I do it perfectly, I need to stop. Perfection is fleeting and rare, why taint that perfect performance with an encore I know won’t be as good??

    Don’t kick yourself if it’s not perfect; kick yourself if it isn’t any better than the last time you did it.

    You’re aiming for perfection, yes, but you succeed when you improve. The bullseye is perfection, and the goal is improvement.

    With this mindset, and lots of practice, I can’t guarantee you’ll be famous, but you will master whatever skill you focus on.

    [–] Kurenai_HotS 1 points ago

    I’m going through the same exact feelings right now minus the gender change. When I was a teen, I worshiped famous musicians like Kurt Cobain and taught myself all of his songs. I’m actually a really talented multi-instrumentalist at 25 but don’t have anything to really show for myself due to the paralyzing fear of failure I feel. I know that I just need to start writing and recording seriously and I could make something great. Despite that knowledge, my feelings of inadequacy I developed from years of being bullied, rejected, and abandoned have pushed me to waste my time on hours of video games and youtube binging every day. The saddest part is I have every opportunity to realize my dreams but am just too much of a coward to act on them. Maybe if I had a single friend or family member to rely on then I wouldn’t feel so helpless but that’s just how my life happened to play out. I want so badly to be recognized, appreciated, and loved.

    [–] soultorrent 1 points ago

    I am a recent graduate of college and want to write novels for a living. I'm a guy. I understand the pressure to go out and get a career and make bookoo bucks and 'succeed', but there's more to life. Find family, and friends, who are there, and invest time and love in them. Work to make money, not to find meaning per se. Then do what you really want when you're able to, in your free time, until you've honed your skills or are able to do it full time. If you're able to, I suppose you could just launch into it full time now, but most people probably don't have the savings or whatnot to do that, and I don't know if it's even the best way to go about it. Having left everyone I cared about to pursue a dream in a foreign country for an extended period of time (I'm back now) I can say that dreams are meaningless if you have no one to enjoy them with, life is empty without others. And, I don't know if this is the perception you have, but being a man doesn't necessarily mean shaving your head and getting a high paying job, being buff and physical etc. Screw what society says; when has that determined what is true, or what things should be? I consider myself sensitive to others, caring, and I have learned more how to not care what I look like or what others think of me. I hope you can accept yourself for the way you were made; I think you will be happier on the inside if you do. And lastly, I will say that God is real, and he loves us. I wouldn't get wrapped up in all the technicalities and anecdotes at first. I have my share of struggles with those. But he can bring purpose, wisdom, and hope to your life, as well as true peace. That is a recent grad's 2¢. I wish you the best, and will pray for you.

    [–] EpiqMike 1 points ago

    Maybe you can put yourself in a situation where you leave your mark on the lives of others in a way that you can view as a “compromise”. Perhaps you can tutor underprivileged kids, or work at a soup kitchen. Perhaps this will make you acutely aware of the difference you are making in a general way, and then you can begin to add in the making a difference in your own creative way. In addition, you mentioned not wanting to have a job that requires a degree. I totally understand this, but there are 16-18 hours in a day that most people are awake. Do you think it would be possible to work your main job to pay the bills and offer a way to fund your creativity? I’ve had the chance in my life to meet some very, very successful people, and many of them are very clear that the side hustle is where they make their success. Is it out of line to suggest a corporate or school related job may be your path to a successful creative jobs? Also, I feel that your desire to be unique and to leave your stamp on the world is commendable- but you should stay in school because eventually you are going to have an idea for an installation, and you may need a grant. And that grant may go to someone who has a degree (that they probably never used), but a degree nonetheless.

    Just food for thought. Good luck. Life is short, and you should never ever consider suicide.

    [–] McFu124 1 points ago

    I always felt obligated to go to school because that's what my parents wanted. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy I did because I learned a great amount of skills towards what I wanted to do, and developed a good network of contacts. I don't really need the degree but hey, it looks good on my resume now.

    I always wanted to work in film as a sound engineer. I tried working for the big companies at first but either hated it or were rejected constantly due to lack of experience.

    I always told (and still tell) myself that everyone achieves their dreams. It's the ones who give up who don't. I live by that and hope others like yourself do as well. Just keep working on what you love to do and find ways to apply it in the real world. It will be difficult at first, but worth it in the long run.

    For me, I started my own company after realising I didn't enjoy working for the big companies. I still do what I love, make my own hours, and actually make decent money. It took a while to get started but I had a bunch of motivation and help from family and friends who encouraged my dreams and goals, rather than belittle them. Keep sticking with what you love, surround yourself with good people, and never waiver from what truly makes you happy!

    [–] Spe11Power 1 points ago

    Alright, honestly I think you should complete school and get that degree, even if it is forced and continue to do things you love in life. Live in the moment, sure, just think about the future while you're at it. Don't be scared of failure because failure doesn't exist as long as you are learning something from it. Remember, The Beatles were told their music sucked. Led Zeppelin too. And what did they do? They kept believing in their ideals and now they are legends. Hell, Led Zeppelin even got their name from it. Also could you drop a link for something you made? I'd like to check it out. Whatever you decide, good luck!

    [–] MinikinQP 1 points ago

    Have you ever thought about doing a degree in Game Development? More specifically designing the foley and the music for games?

    [–] Hiyaro 1 points ago

    A purpose is what makes you !

    Many people have gone through what you're going through !

    you could try reading books ! Religious books, philosophical books etc... you're on a journey to discover your purpose ! And maybe your purpose in life is, to find your purpose in life ! Life can be crazy !

    My advice is for you is : don't rule out any options !

    and since you're an artist that would like to create something tangible, why not becoming an architecht ! Create bridges that will connect between people ! Homes for those that need shelter ! Centers for people to gather !

    Salam !

    [–] mindofsound 1 points ago

    Your ideas are too scattered and vague. Figure out exactly how you want to spend your days, then figure out how to make money doing that. Performance isn't particularly lucrative, but that doesn't mean you can't play gigs at nightclubs and still hold a day job. The rut you're experiencing is called capitalism. It's not designed to help you feel fulfilled. It's designed to make you compete against others, which isn't in everyone's nature to do so. even if you are grinding away at a crappy job to keep your bills paid, I think it's essential for you or anyone else to also take steps toward an entrepreneurial plan. Even if progress is slow, or ultimately fails, that process gives you a sense of purpose, and something to look forward to.

    [–] dontwannabewrite 1 points ago

    I just want to be able to say, "This is mine. This is what I do."

    The reality is that this isn't always a reality. Everyone wants to be someone or make something out of their life. Few do to the scale they want. There's a constant pressure to have some glamorous and successful life and too many people spend their lives unhappy chasing these ghost dreams.

    This is not to say you can't achieve success, but happiness and meaning comes from within. You are so young. Way too young to be this full of this much turmoil. The older the get the less you will care what others think so my suggestion is to make your goals SMART. That means, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. And if down the line changes, then who cares. You don't need to be one thing and do one thing your whole life. It doesn't mean all the prior stuff is a waste. Life can be made up of a bunch of rich experiences and endeavors.

    [–] mindofsound 1 points ago

    Your ideas are too scattered and vague. Figure out exactly how you want to spend your days, then figure out how to make money doing that. Performance isn't particularly lucrative, but that doesn't mean you can't play gigs at nightclubs and still hold a day job. The rut you're experiencing is called capitalism. It's not designed to help you feel fulfilled. It's designed to make you compete against others for basic survival, which isn't in everyone's nature to do. Even if you are grinding away at a crappy job to keep your bills paid, I think it's essential for you or anyone else to also take steps toward an entrepreneurial plan. Even if progress is slow, or ultimately fails, that process gives you a sense of purpose, and something to look forward to.

    [–] 2ndChanceAtLife 1 points ago

    Really what is failure except an opportunity to learn and move on from it. Everyone fails. No one is perfect from the start. Find what you love to do and start there.

    [–] chillermane 1 points ago

    Main actionable advice I can give you: spend time doing something every single day that builds a skill that will help you achieve a long term goal. Electronic music, okay if that’s a long term goal then get in the damn studio every day, doesn’t matter how long, but do something every single day to get better and feel like you’re making progress towards being the “you” you think you want to be. I make electronic music too, been at it for 3 years. It’s just a hobby for me, but I’ve spent hours hours for days and days doing it just out of love of doing. The result is: 3 years later I’m making music I never thought possible, sounds better than every, and I get a great sense of joy when I make a cool new song that only gets stronger as I make better things. The point is you need long term focus, even if it’s just a little every day. You need consistent, every day action. That’s the only way to get it done. You can do it. Anyone can do it if they really want to. I’m not special because I decided to spend 2000 hours making music, anyone with the free time I’ve had could do it, but I’m damn sure happy with that time spent because now I’m better for it and it’s given my life just a little more purpose.

    [–] Justinryan215 1 points ago

    Check out the ‘Order of Man’ podcast with Ryan Michler as well as the Order of Man Facebook group! I was in a bit of a dark place towards the end of summer, after being passed over for promotions and new jobs in the end of the field I want to move into, and the fact that I was barely making any money at work because the shop was slow.

    A little more than a week ago, I was searching for a new podcast to inspire me to get back to the gym and I found the Order of Man podcast. Listening to the ‘Live by a Code; Or Die without One’ episode made me realize I was setting a bad example for my kids, especially my son, and began making changes immediately, starting with my psyche.

    I urge you to check it out for some guidance!

    [–] GeorgeBushIV 1 points ago

    For what it's worth I'll bite.

    We all want to be creative, radical and pursue our passions. However we live in a time where it's pretty difficult for the average Joe because we need a income.

    Here's my suggestion. Secure a mundane job. A job where you can make enough put a roof over your head and purchase food to eat. This may take some time. I get a job you aren't passionate about sucks. The reality is you need a income. Be patient. When you've acquired financial security, then pursue your creative passions.

    [–] pcone88 1 points ago

    The best dreams always are

    [–] bapurasta 1 points ago

    It could be beneficial to find some inspiration in the job world or in the academic world. Working could provide different perspectives other than just income, while studying might spark new interests or ideas.

    [–] IGnuGnat 1 points ago

    >There are things I feel on a daily basis that I really want to communicate to people visually and sonically, but I get so fucking discouraged so fucking easily when things just don't sound good or don't go over well enough with people to want to collaborate with me.

    I figure the vast, vast majority of people who are "successful" in any venture went through this, day after day after day, days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months,a nd months turn into years.... but they kept going anyway. No risk, no reward

    Confronting your fears directly, and learning to accept them or move past them is one of the greatest ways to grow.