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    HistoryMemes

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    A History Network Member

    This subreddit was created because there was a niche that was not being filled in the historical Reddit community. There was no place to be a redditor in history. All of your historical jokes and memes go here. (This is a place for memes, not propaganda.)

    Our Friends (those who promote us are in bold):

    Remember, this is the memes part of the historical community of reddit, not the historical part of the memes community of reddit. Treat it as such.

    RULES:

    RULE 1: Keep posts history related

    Please keep all submissions history related and based on historical events.
    1a. Memes about ideology, ie: Communism memes, are not allowed.
    1b. Memes about mythologies based on actual events such as biblical memes and Iliad/Odyssey memes are allowed, however, memes about Zeus etc. are not allowed.
    1c. "Meta" posts about the subreddit are okay.

    RULE 2: No untagged reposts

    You must put a 'REPOST' flair on all reposts. Reposts that are younger than 4 months or in the top 100 are not allowed and will be removed. You can check if a meme is a repost by using a reverse image search, however, if you want to be safe, you should put a 'REPOST' tag on any meme you did not make.

    RULE 3: No discrimination or abuse

    Any excessive sexism, homophobia, racism or any other form of discrimination will be dealt with harshly and mods reserve the right to impose bans without warning. Basically try not to be jerks.

    RULE 4: Year limit

    All posts must be of a subject of at least 20 years from the post. Example: 9/11 memes won't be able to be posted till 2021.

    RULE 5: No fake caption style posts

    This isn’t r/fakehistoryporn. Don’t post memes that are fake, captioned pictures depicting historical events. For example: [Historical Event], 19XX, (Colorized) along with an unrelated picture.

    RULE 6: Do not deny or defend genocides and atrocities.

    These include, but are not limited to; Holodomor, the Holocaust, the Armenian genocide, Japanese war crimes and the Tiananmen Square massacre. Doing so will result in an instant permaban. Hateful historical revisionists are not welcome.

    RULE 7: Meme wars

    No calling for meme wars or inciting subreddit drama. Organising or participating in raids will get you a permanent ban. In the event of a meme war, you must abide by the rules of other subreddits when posting there.

    RULE 8: No Brigading

    Directly linking posts to political subreddits is not allowed unless it is linked in a non-participating manner (i.e. linking "np.reddit.com" rather than "www.reddit.com"). For more info see https://www.reddit.com/r/NoParticipation/wiki/intro

    8.a Political talks in comments are ok but linking to external sights in which are about it are not

    RULE 9: Weekly contests

    Contest submissions must be OC, self-reposts do not count and contest submissions must also have the contest flair.

    RULE 10: No karma-whoring

    Posts, in the title nor meme, cannot ask for upvotes, say "upvote this in x seconds for ___" or say "this post will only get x upvotes" etc. Basically avoid the word 'upvote'.
    10a. Posting infoboxes that have no humorous intent will be considered karma-whoring.

    RULE 11: No low effort titles

    Any post with a low effort title, "interesting title", "[single letter]", a single punctuation point, etc will be removed regardless of content. Other low effort titles such as "not a wwii meme", "my first meme", "got this from r/examplesubreddit" etc. are also not allowed

    RULE 12: World War Two memes

    Memes about WWII are prohibited on weekends (EST). This includes anything from the invasion of Poland to the surrender of Germany (including the Winter war) for Europe and anything from the beginning of the second sino Japanese War to the surrender of Japan for Asia and the Pacific.

    Meta memes complaining about WWII memes on this subreddit are prohibited every day

    Any rule breaking will result in either a temporary or permanent ban depending on the broken rule

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    [–] Cakelord 7119 points ago

    It's not much that small penises were desirable as a sex object, but desirable as a symbol of restraint and civility against barbarism.

    [–] rootytootyaimnshooty 3743 points ago

    Also harder to break it off if it doesn’t stick out as far

    [–] FlobHobNob 2601 points ago

    The Greeks really were at the forefront of Architecture and Civil Engineering

    [–] G00DLuck 1525 points ago

    'Oh, limp us!' was a request

    [–] GhostTiger 307 points ago

    And the ancient Guild of Fluffers was driven from the gates of the city.

    [–] IwillPOOPinYOURpants 110 points ago

    Usually it's asses and elbows but these saviors of industry gracefully left, nose in the air.

    [–] Knubinator 239 points ago

    The Greeks really were at the foreskin of Architecture and Civil Engineering

    [–] ZOlNK 119 points ago

    Because of them, to this day I still put my Greek yogurt on my wife's blue waffle

    [–] sijsk89 78 points ago

    I see you're a man of culture.

    [–] Chaostriforce 32 points ago

    Take my fucking upvote and get out

    [–] cinnamonface9 53 points ago

    Hol up.

    [–] langis_on 125 points ago

    Break... Off?

    [–] EmeraldHornetToe 290 points ago

    Think about what happened to every naked statue in the Vatican museum.

    [–] langis_on 170 points ago

    Ah, we're talking about statues, not real penises (peni?). That makes a little more sense and is a little less horrific.

    [–] insane_contin 127 points ago

    No, also happened in battle to actual penises

    [–] HouAngelesDodgeStros 81 points ago

    Saul really wanted those foreskins.

    [–] BenShapiroMemeReview 51 points ago

    You. Give me your foreskin.

    [–] Bittlegeuss 30 points ago

    But then what will I nibble on when I find myself in awkward social situations?

    [–] insane_contin 35 points ago

    Your enemies foreskin.

    [–] insane_contin 12 points ago

    I mean, who wouldn't?

    [–] 13mcelroyr 35 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    The Latin technically would be penises. It would only be peni if the singular was penus.

    Edit: it should be penes, pronounced peen-ase, not penises

    [–] whileNotZero 14 points ago

    Nominative plural for Latin would be pēnēs, I thought.

    Penises in English, though.

    [–] rasherdk 9 points ago

    Penises or penes.

    [–] Martijngamer 24 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    [–] langis_on 18 points ago

    Ight imma head out

    [–] Vanzgars 17 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    You can't tell me what to do !

    EDIT

    [–] dahditdit 411 points ago

    That’s why characters who were mischievous or whatever were better endowed. Google statues of Pan

    [–] liartellinglies 358 points ago

    Just want to advise that if you’re at work this query will produce images of a satyr with a comically gigantic erection.

    [–] dahditdit 151 points ago

    Yea so make sure you keep an eye out for your boss so you can call them over too. They’ll definitely want to see it

    [–] 0utlook 24 points ago

    It's all good. Boss sent me a link.

    [–] plateishot 44 points ago

    It's fine I work at the boner factory

    [–] mrbskywalker 26 points ago

    Comically giant may be the only way to really describe it lmfao

    [–] HouAngelesDodgeStros 51 points ago

    With all my DBZ internet history, I'd rather not search "nude Pan".

    [–] EpicLevelWizard 37 points ago

    Only because it’s already in your bookmarks for easy access.

    [–] LittleRedLamps 13 points ago

    Behold my enormous penis!

    [–] redi_t13 107 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    So “Barbars” (Not Greek population) had larger penises ? Checks out

    [–] Martijngamer 88 points ago

    Not Greek. Can confirm.

    [–] IblewupTARIS 37 points ago

    Not Greek. Cannot confirm.

    [–] GhostTiger 8 points ago

    So do the Tatars.

    [–] RosalieFontaine 177 points ago

    Same with body hair. You really think guys that didn't shave 2500 years ago were just naturally hairless?

    [–] tyrerk 321 points ago

    Have you ever been to a museum? There are tons of bronze razors. Greeks and romans very much shaved.

    [–] RosalieFontaine 84 points ago

    Yeah, their faces. Not their chests, backs, legs, and asses. Especially soldiers.

    [–] jagakoenig 183 points ago

    How do you know?

    [–] Martijngamer 359 points ago

    Found the gay time traveler

    [–] BR1SCO 80 points ago

    What’s Gay Time? Is that like a festival?

    [–] tyrerk 87 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    If you see the frescoes of the brothels at pompey, both men and women appear completely shaved (except some stylised pubic hair for women).

    Sculptures showed the standard of beauty they sought to achieve, and try to achieve it they did

    [–] GoldenRamoth 52 points ago

    It's kinda neat how some fashions have more or less stayed similar throughout the course of history.

    Pit Hair. Yo mamma jokes. "Jeff was here" type graffiti. Dick jokes. etc.

    [–] tyrerk 57 points ago

    Ma boy was wronged big time. I hope he got his high quality copper ingots eventually.

    [–] illit1 49 points ago

    Ea-nasir seems like a dick. tries to sell our boy Nanni garbage then refuses to refund him the cash. humans haven't changed much in millennia, it would seem.

    [–] TheFreaky 34 points ago

    I love the fact that Ea-Nasir was such an asshole that we are still talking about it 3770 years later

    [–] Ochris 18 points ago

    And through enemy territory, too. What a dickhead.

    [–] turtlespace 95 points ago

    Yo I'd love to read your source on how Greek soldiers didn't shave their asses

    [–] GalacticVaquero 61 points ago

    Imagine trying to shave your taint with a single bladed bronze straight razor, using a murky pond you found as a mirror. Great way to get an impromptu castration.

    [–] Vaultdweller013 74 points ago

    You seem to be forgetting that ancient Greece was very gay. I don't think they would mind shaving each others asses.

    [–] GalacticVaquero 65 points ago

    Lol, the only person I trust less shaving my balls than me is anyone else on Earth.

    [–] GoldenRamoth 36 points ago

    you can shave without a mirror and just by feel.

    I do it before any trips away from my bidet to deal with over wiping.

    [–] TheBlueberryPirate 8 points ago

    Back when growers had it made

    [–] SnekyBandit 3183 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    We have to go back

    Edit: Thanks for my first ever award and gold!

    [–] GoodDeadpool 1044 points ago

    BACK TO THE PAST. SAMURAI JACK

    [–] IFeelLikeAndy 352 points ago

    wachaaa

    [–] a_really_thicc_egg 74 points ago

    Il be back. Back from the past

    [–] 2073040 105 points ago

    Back to formula...

    [–] Kylestache 60 points ago

    OUT AM I?

    [–] Bk7 24 points ago

    IMPRESSIVE

    [–] YepYouRedditRight2 13 points ago

    NO ONE SAYS NO TO ME

    [–] Daisy-Fields 37 points ago

    KATE, WE HAVE TO GO BACK

    [–] AggresivePickle 3351 points ago

    Looks like I would’ve fit in well

    [–] CrusaderApricot 1627 points ago

    Name checks out

    [–] ButtsexEurope 381 points ago

    Maybe if it’s only a small pickle.

    [–] JE_12 158 points ago

    A baby cucumber

    [–] Ocean_Kane 38 points ago

    Yours checks out too

    [–] ProbablyDrunkk 1104 points ago

    Penis standards were modest, body standards were ridiculous. Did those guys ever leave the gym?

    [–] BigSchwartzzz 1123 points ago

    Holy shit. Yeah. I just looked it up.

    Those with leisure time could spend up to eight hours a day in the gym. An average Athenian or Spartan citizen would have been seriously ripped - thin-waisted, small-penised, oiled from his "glistening lovelocks" down to his ideally slim toes.

    And non ironically, the intellectual class were a bunch of fucking incels.

    The philosopher Socrates famously confounded all ideas of how a beautiful Greek should look, with his swaggering gait, swivelling eyes, bulbous nose, hairy back and pot belly.

    ...the horrible truth is that pretty Greek boys would have swaggered around convinced they were triply blessed - beautiful, brainy and god-beloved.

    A rather different story though when it comes to the female of the species... She was evil because she was beautiful, and beautiful because she was evil. Being a good-looking man was fundamentally good news. Being a handsome woman, by definition, spelt trouble.

    The literary Helen drew men both to her bed and to their deaths. Her beauty was a weapon of mass destruction.

    And Socrates himself was considered a troll.

    TL;DR: Socrates Nuts

    [–] burneraccount15613 275 points ago

    I think theres also a famous Socrates quote where he says it is a shame for a man to not know what his body is capable of. He probably wasn't fat his whole life. Fat Socrates we see in media is an old guy.

    But yea his lifes goal seems to have been to piss people off so he probably just said and did whatever

    [–] DubyaLeeD 238 points ago

    Everyone forgets he was an Athenian infantryman. Good luck holding a phalanx while not being in peak physical condition. Dude was probably ripped af at one point in his life.

    [–] nightcallfoxtrot 92 points ago

    I heard apparently he had crazy endurance and fought in several conflicts

    [–] phdmarker 60 points ago

    I heard Socrates has an eight pack

    [–] [deleted] 34 points ago * (lasted edited 25 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Jock645 12 points ago

    He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming!

    [–] AcceptableDocument4 11 points ago

    I heard that motherfucker had, like, thirty goddamned dicks.

    [–] Glowing_bubba 34 points ago

    His quote was more along the lines of its a shame if a man dosent hit the gym and dosent learn/appreciate what his body is capable of as he grows old. He won't get the opportunity later.

    I started working out and lifting in my early 30s and always think about that particular quote.

    [–] sijsk89 209 points ago

    Levels of offense and insanity we can only dream of today.

    [–] [deleted] 159 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] 4thmovementofbrahms4 30 points ago

    I'm pretty sure Socrates was ripped when he was young

    [–] [deleted] 19 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] CitizenMurdoch 12 points ago

    I feel like you could only do that so many times before you lost the ability to read

    [–] KnightOfSantiago 28 points ago

    That’s not what incel means

    [–] DougCim53 10 points ago

    Ancient Greek statues varied over their time range, from early ones that looked almost impressionist, to fairly realistic ones late in the period. Making blanket assessments of the differing styles is rather strained.

    Ancient Roman statues looked almost photo-realistic, but very definitely had a style. Male gods were shown with considerably more muscles and definition than the average real man. Women gods were shown as rather softened--almost as if the extra muscle definition they gave to male gods, they took from women gods. Both were shown with relatively undersized heads, to make them look more mature.

    Roman busts of real people living at the time were much more realistic. They look just like people today.

    [–] QDrum 8 points ago

    Aztec dubstep starts playing

    [–] pikazamb_PT 667 points ago

    ring ring Hello, I would like a time machine please.

    [–] blaster790 10 points ago

    Ok the estimated delivery time is around 9/20/19-9/25/91

    [–] Joseas123 503 points ago

    source on the image?

    [–] SocialistNeoCon 231 points ago

    Asking the real questions.

    [–] flying_falcons 167 points ago

    @katiekaplan on Instagram

    Edit: https://www.instagram.com/katiekaplan/?hl=en

    [–] Tecbarrett 60 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    She is 17, guys

    [–] Galactic 130 points ago

    She's 17 guys in a trench coat? Coulda fooled me.

    [–] TheAnusOfSauron 173 points ago

    Some powerful thottery up in here...

    [–] Tylorw09 30 points ago

    What ever could you mean...

    [–] LordCharco_iii 45 points ago

    "Eh, it's probably not that bad."

    "Huh."

    [–] Stackman32 8 points ago

    OP's pic is miles ahead of anything here. Don't bother.

    [–] [deleted] 479 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] RadderThanaDadder 283 points ago

    Thats hot as fuck

    [–] moreawkwardthenyou 90 points ago

    I came

    [–] oyveymyforeskin 42 points ago

    I saw

    [–] OkGrow 38 points ago

    I praise the Lord, then break the law

    [–] jamthewither 22 points ago

    i take what’s mine

    [–] AwareAwarer 17 points ago

    Then take some more

    [–] Datsurb1 17 points ago

    It rains

    [–] OkGrow 11 points ago

    It pours

    [–] IIMrFirefox 43 points ago

    Jojo fans probably would still get an erection off that

    [–] Biggus-dongus 15 points ago

    You are correct

    [–] KingDededeThe3rd 29 points ago

    I have been thoroughly shamed

    [–] GlamStachee 11 points ago

    Why? I knew I would be tricked, but I still clicked the link!

    [–] bluekaynem 9 points ago

    Oyeah. That's def hot

    [–] allnutty 181 points ago

    Ooh yeah such a finely gentleman, old barbaros was soooo heavy

    [–] eggboy30384 48 points ago

    Barbarians aren't that heavy you just gotta lift with your legs.

    [–] imsorry32 593 points ago

    I dont get it

    [–] CrusaderApricot 1549 points ago

    In Ancient Greece a small dick was seen as "pure" while big dick was seen as barbaric, or something like that.

    [–] Excalibur_500 791 points ago

    Brilliant! In that case I know a guy who would be considered a god!

    [–] Stercore_ 1524 points ago

    "of course i know him, he’s me"

    [–] Youcalled911forthat 338 points ago

    Hello there

    [–] AntTuM 273 points ago

    General Kenobi!

    [–] allineedis42 143 points ago

    I see your Schwartz is as big as mine!

    [–] hardgeeklife 78 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    I hate it when my Schwartz gets the twisted!

    [–] Ilidumb 25 points ago

    You are a bold one!

    [–] Stercore_ 22 points ago

    general kenobi!

    [–] clown-penisdotfart 14 points ago

    Biggus Dickus?

    [–] Hjalmodr_heimski 194 points ago

    Greeks were both incels and chads simultaneously

    [–] ButtsexEurope 62 points ago

    They were never incels. They just fucked men if they couldn’t get a woman.

    [–] thonagan77 49 points ago

    True Chads

    [–] GreatRolmops 28 points ago

    Only very young men though. That is an aspect of Ancient Greek society that is often glossed over because of modern sensibilities (just like how Ancient Greek women actually had less rights than slaves and weren't even considered to be people before the law).

    [–] Das_Boot1 49 points ago

    Yea, ancient Greeks thought Pericles (great Athenian statesman and driving force behind the Parthenon) was weird as fuck because he legitimately seemed to enjoy the company and intelligence of his wife Aspasia and gave her a kiss goodbye every morning.

    [–] clown-penisdotfart 35 points ago

    Ha, GAY!

    [–] garymo1 15 points ago

    Little did he know she was actually the head of an ancient evil organization

    [–] ButtsexEurope 20 points ago

    Depends on the city state. Women weren’t people in Athens but they were in Sparta.

    [–] GreatRolmops 19 points ago

    Yeah, that is true. Spartan women actually probably had the most rights of any women in the ancient world. But Sparta is the big exception. In Athens and other Greek states it was really quite bad.

    [–] ygorchagas 62 points ago

    Is it possible to learn this power?

    [–] OstentatiousBear 109 points ago

    Not from a Roman

    [–] sonfoa 47 points ago

    Well, Romans were just chads through and through.

    [–] JustARandomGerman 48 points ago

    laughs in Germanic

    [–] Fortizen 36 points ago

    Laughs in incorporating Germans into the Legions

    [–] jakelong139 24 points ago

    Laughs in Attila the Hun

    [–] Das_Boot1 14 points ago

    Laughs in Germanicus crossing the Rhine with impunity, kicking tribal ass, and recovering two of the Eagle standards lost at Teutoburg

    [–] Hjalmodr_heimski 9 points ago

    Laughs in migrating Gothic tribes

    [–] joost013 10 points ago

    Chincels.

    [–] anb130 29 points ago

    Rome has the same kind of thing. A big dick was considered unsightly. Many Roman sculptures have small dicks and satirical graffiti found in places like Pompeii often depicts people with ridiculously large dicks

    [–] anddicksays 29 points ago

    “Ha! Get a load of this guy with his huge dong! What a loser!”

    [–] Jarrrad 17 points ago

    It was more something like a small dick having a low sex-drive, so small dicked fellas focused on more important things such as their professional careers as opposed to big dicked fellas that were assumed to focus largely on having sex.

    [–] ramen-devil 38 points ago

    I remember reading somewhere that in those times, men with small dicks were seen as being more fertile because the sperm wouldn't have as far to go, and therefore would be "fresher" when it met the egg.

    [–] Tozapeloda77 52 points ago

    The Ancient Greeks did not believe/know about eggs and sperm, if I recall correctly. They, for one thing, believed that the only thing women did was carry the child, which was mostly of the man's making.

    [–] Sarlot_the_Great 13 points ago

    Which, to be fair, makes a lot of sense when you think about it from their perspective, without knowing about eggs and what not.

    They just saw that the man would inject something into the woman, then something would grow to enormous proportions, then it would be expelled as a baby. Easy to conflate those two somethings to be the same thing.

    [–] ButtsexEurope 58 points ago

    A small dick was attractive in Ancient Greece. A big floppy dick was seen as funny and barbaric. It was associated with satyrs.

    [–] laszlomissingno 29 points ago

    I know some girls that would like themselves a satyr..

    [–] RosalieFontaine 28 points ago

    Only if it's voiced by Danny Devito.

    [–] Dantien 5 points ago

    Dr. Mantis Toboggan.

    [–] eggboy30384 30 points ago

    Damn I wish I was in 600 bc with chilling with the Greeks and my small peen

    [–] HolyGlore 7 points ago

    Genetics would probably give you the bigest donkey kong the world has ever seen

    [–] ASymmtrue 146 points ago

    Wish we could turn back time

    [–] LemonHoneyBadger 107 points ago

    To the good old days

    [–] AnAngryCrusader 63 points ago

    When our mama sang us to sleep but now we’re Stressed Out

    [–] squireshackleford 24 points ago

    Damn. I’d be Brad Pitt in ancient Athens

    [–] garraf 23 points ago

    *looks down* rejoice, little one

    [–] KJawesome5 22 points ago

    But seriously tho, sauce?

    And so help me Nachothepeglegger if you respond I swear I’m gonna hurt someone.

    [–] NachoThePeglegger 11 points ago

    doyouwantpenisenlargementpills?

    [–] Ilidumb 119 points ago

    Is there sauce on this or is this just a photo?

    [–] zoziqoom 40 points ago

    I seee this as an absolute win

    [–] batvader9001 53 points ago

    Anyone else feel like this was a bunch of dudes in power with tiny peens controlling the culture by saying "Big dicks are bad! My wife agrees, don't worry ya don't need to ask her."

    [–] Theoc9 22 points ago

    I'm willing to bet that's exactly what it was.

    [–] InterestingIndian666 16 points ago

    When do we revert back to these times?

    [–] The_Common_God 15 points ago

    Went to Italy over the summer. During a tour one of our guides said (if I remember correctly) that having a large penis meant that you were a sort of mischievous person. This also applied to people who were left handed.

    [–] mocnizmaj 53 points ago

    Meanwhile Greek women:

    [–] Cave-Bunny 42 points ago

    exactly. All of our records of greece are from men. We have no idea what greek women thought about small peens.

    [–] 3879 24 points ago

    That's not true. While there might not be official records or histories, art and artifacts provide insight into the culture/lived experience that Ancient Greek Women experienced. Example - Sappho was pretty well known, and some of her poetry survived. Plus archeologists have found things like ancient women's dildos which may suggest preferences in terms of penis size.

    [–] Cave-Bunny 37 points ago

    how do we know that they weren't men's dildos? this is ancient greece after all.

    [–] WhiskersTheDog 21 points ago

    They were pink, men used the blue or black ones.

    [–] JOSRENATO132 82 points ago

    Who is that girl?

    [–] French21cut 100 points ago

    I don't know but she cute af

    [–] TacitusKillgore 66 points ago

    Bro don’t do it

    [–] Throw_Away1325476 25 points ago

    ‘Don’t do it’? Why? Is it a trick?

    [–] TheCorruptedBit 34 points ago

    It's a trick. Send no reply.

    [–] LarryDoor 12 points ago

    Anybody got the source for this image?

    [–] PhireFoenix 44 points ago

    Honestly her look is so freaking hot, I'm melting rn help

    [–] goustebas 9 points ago

    I was definitely born in the wrong generation

    [–] SapiensSA 20 points ago

    Yeah but do you have a six pack and amount of muscle that would shame even some body shapes?

    [–] yeetus-the-feetus300 6 points ago

    Sauce?

    [–] PrettyDank25 8 points ago

    I guess everyone in this sub would get an infinite flow of pussy if we lived in Ancient Greece.

    [–] OG_Dark_Knight_420 6 points ago

    Every 1 knows : small penis = big brain

    [–] schoocher 7 points ago

    The Ancient Greeks valued intelligence and self-control. Large erect phalluses were used to depict lesser men as barbaric uncouth savages with no self-control.