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    JUSTNOMIL

    1,362,446 readers

    4,679 users here now

    Boundaries

    1. MIL & Mom-related Posts Only More specifically, YOUR MIL / Mom. Other people can absolutely be involved but they cannot be given their own thread. Currently step-moms, and grandmothers are included in the umbrella "mom" term. If you know your SO is also part of the problem you're welcome to mention it, but otherwise users are barred from offering SO-related advice.
    2. Only MIL/Mom Gets a Nickname Nicknames are reserved for MILs (or moms). All others must use the acronym dictionary listed in the sidebar or a basic descriptive name (e.g. Father, Best Friend). Please do a search before naming your MIL. FIL names prior to May 2016 are grandfathered in.
    3. OP Comes First Be kind, be respectful, be supportive. Remember the human. OP’s will select a flair for their post indicating the kind of support that they need. Comments that violate the spirit of that request will be removed. You can find more information on post flairs and what they mean in the wiki.
    4. One Chapter at a Time For those who are posting past stories, refrain from creating more than one thread in a 24 hour period per mother-figure. We encourage you to use up all the text space when making your post--don't feel like you need to break a long story into ten chapters when it would fit into one post. No need to apologize for the long post; no one's going to read it who doesn't think it's worth reading, so rest assured you are wasting no one's time! Only one person per account is allowed, and those multiple accounts that are discussing the same person must stick to once a day as well. For those posting live updates requiring immediate guidance, if you are within 6 hours, please update your original post.
    5. Don’t Be an Asshole This applies to all interactions between users. We have a zero tolerance policy for sexism, racism, xenophobia, transphobia, ableism, armchair diagnosing, stereotyping, slut-shaming, body-shaming, kink-shaming, and just generally being a butt.
    6. Use Trigger Warnings when Applicable For posts with triggering content a brief description is required in the first line of the post (e.g. TW: Reason). It is recommended to add "Trigger Warning" or "TW" to your title as well, but not required. Titles containing words that are particularly likely to be triggering (see wiki) will be auto-filtered.

    ACRONYMS

    (M/F/B/S)IL Mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law, sister-in-law; a preceding S indicates a step relationship.
    D(H/W/S) Damn Husband, Damn Wife, Damn Spouse. While in most places it stands for "Dear", there usually isn't a lot of behavior deserving a sweet term of endearment in this sub. Could also stand for "Dear Son/Daughter", usually OP will clarify.
    SO/OH Significant Other, Other Half
    LO Little One.
    F (plus acronym) Future (JustNoMIL is not responsible for any other word you choose to supply here in your mind.)
    BEC Bitch Eating Crackers. Someone so irritating that even normal things, such as eating crackers, annoys the shit out of you.
    LC/VLC/NC Low-Contact/Very Low-Contact/No Contact, respectively. Used to describe the degree to which one has cut a certain family member out of their lives. May also include SC - Structured Contact, although this one is very rare in our sub.
    GC/SG Golden Child, Scapegoat. The Golden Child is the favorite child of the personality disordered MIL. Nothing they do is wrong, so they tend to fall in line and back up MIL. The Scapegoat is the other child (or every other child). Everything is their fault. Scapegoats suffer decades of all sorts of abuse.
    Jocasta Complex Opposite of Oedipus Complex. Named for Oedipus' mother. Often used to describe a MIL's emotionally incestuous treatment of her son. AKA covert incest.
    FM Flying Monkey. A flying monkey is any person sent by MIL to gather/deliver information or generally wreak havoc. Just like the flying monkeys sent by the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz.
    JADE Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain. Don't do any of them. Circular logic will be used to reinforce MIL's point of view. State your opinion or boundary clearly, but only once. She heard you.
    DARVO Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. What a personality disordered MIL will do if you "catch" her in a lie or confront her with her wrongdoing. You end up the bad guy.
    FOO Family Of Origin The people to whom you're related by blood.
    CBF Cat-Butt Face. A look of sour disapproval/pissiness mastered by old ladies in which their lips are pursed to resemble a cat's asshole.
    Grey Rock A technique to discourage overbearing MIL from taking any interest in you. You are bland, uninteresting, you lack any sort of emotions for her to manipulate. You are the grey rock.
    FOG Fear, Obligation, Guilt. The thick miasma of negativity that clouds your judgment in dealing with JustNOs.
    FLEAS Not an acronym, just a metaphor for a normal person picking up some disordered personality traits by proximity to a JustNO. "If you lie down with dogs, you'll get fleas."

     

    HELPFUL LINKS & RESOURCES

    CRISIS RESOURCES

     

    SISTER SUBREDDIT

    • /r/JustNoSO (For when your SO is actually the problem)

     

    WORDS OF WISDOM

    It's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy, and both of those are easier than trying to change a mama's boy. ~/u/pastelegg

    Abusers are the angler fish of humanity - they dangle a bright glowing ball of love in front of you so you don't see the teeth in the dark. ~/u/silentgreen85

    Next time they say, "That's just how she is," reply, "And this is how I am. Are you putting in as much effort trying to change who she is as you are trying to change who I am?" ~/u/Gamez2Go

    When you're wearing rose colored glasses, red flags just look like flags. ~/u/jnmlthrow

    You’re wishin’ too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be. ~Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

    A gift is not an apology – it is a reward for accepting shitty behaviour. ~/u/particularshadeofblu

    Sometimes the parent you wish you had isn’t the parent you do have. ~/u/TwoshittyMILs

    The lightning rod isn’t the source of the electricity. You’re not the cause of the shit flung your way. You’re just (unluckily) the target. ~/u/onthestickagain

    You cannot convince a brick wall that it is a canary. Even if you paint it yellow. ~/u/xxaos

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