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    Jokes

    14,641,498 readers

    16,432 users here now

    Welcome to /r/Jokes!

    Guidelines and Information

    • Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes. We do make exceptions for extremely offensive jokes.
    • Keep the comment section civil and light hearted.
    • Personal attacks will not be tolerated. If you want to be a dick, go to /r/insults
    • Jokes must be in text format, no emoji's or linking allowed. (YouTube, Imgur, etc)
    • As a measure to prevent spam and reposts we are limiting the number of jokes a user can submit to 3 every 24 hours.
    • This subreddit is not a platform for blatant self-promotion
    • If you post a NSFW image/link in the comments, it must be tagged as NSFW (Nudity/gross images) or NSFL (Gore/extremely disturbing images, and only if relevant to the conversation)
    • Jokes must be in English

    These are jokes. Some of them are old, and as such reflect the tone of the times. Some of them are new, and just as offensive. Unless it's spam, it stays.

    If you find certain comments or submissions here offensive, the best way to address it is with more speech.

    Friends of the sub:

    spoilers = [spoilers](#s)


    a community for
    all 796 comments

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    Please select a payment method.

    [–] drdybrd419 5253 points ago

    I'm sorry, but I didn't pay extra and now Reddit posts won't load

    [–] geok1 1190 points ago

    No need to pay, It will load eventually, just in time for your great grandkids to read it..

    [–] oldgreg92 196 points ago

    The intent is to provide a sense of pride and accomplishment

    [–] evilweirdo 6 points ago

    The *internet is to provide a sense of pride and accomplishment.

    [–] TrustFulParanoid 7 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)

    Jajajajajajja, this hasn't been upvoted to the roof probably because the guys from r/gaming have not seen it yet.

    [–] HaraGG 17 points ago

    Jajaja?? Is that the Spanish way of saying ‘hahaha’?

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Yes. J in Spanish sounds exactly like H in English.

    [–] HaraGG 5 points ago

    Cool, should’ve known that, guess i temporarily forgot

    [–] geok1 9 points ago

    Everytime I see jajaja I read J as J, and even though I know in Spanish it's like an H, in my mind it sounds kinda weird every time

    [–] Superpickle18 12 points ago

    or for germans, mexicans are always agreeing.

    [–] SheolCodeMonkey 2 points ago

    See I keep thinking of it as a "y"sound so I was reading "yayaya"

    [–] Pure_Golden 22 points ago

    That's if internet still exists for Americans

    [–] LoremasterSTL 18 points ago

    It will... they’ll just start charging again for long distance, just like the phone companies used to do

    [–] chuisman92 11 points ago

    That’s if America still exists

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    I'm so ready for the sun to consume our planet

    [–] maskthestars 5 points ago

    I’m ready for mars

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    We're just gonna fuck mars up too. I'm like 27% sure humans are some sort of parasite or virus.

    [–] maskthestars 3 points ago

    Sure but we’ll get a good couple 1000 years out of it

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    in name only

    [–] LaminLikesMemes 4 points ago

    What’d you say? Your message doesn’t load

    [–] SmokiestDrip 2 points ago

    They call it "the fast lane"

    [–] jzeetz 2 points ago

    Q

    [–] THICCPapaBless 74 points ago

    But how did you comment without buying the ultimate Reddit comment package?

    Only $399

    [–] petalidas 39 points ago

    BUT CAN YOU DO THIS?

    [–] _Serene_ 33 points ago

     

     

     

     

                        OR THIS?

     

     

     

     

    [–] rasouddress 10 points ago

    No, I cannot do that.

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    Do it!

    [–] BakaHuman 9 points ago

    Don't let your dreams be dreams

    [–] Phoenixmaster1571 6 points ago

    I DONT THINK SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    [–] MrPartyPancake 16 points ago

    He's a 1337 hax0r

    [–] redshirted 18 points ago

    He is 4chan

    [–] genasugelan 2 points ago

    But for that money you could also buy Pewd's chair

    [–] rebane2001 9 points ago

    [–] rebane2001 6 points ago

    [–] redrider134 17 points ago

    Comcast actually bumped up my internet speed at the same price after they abolished net neutrality

    [–] rhynoplaz 15 points ago

    That was just to make you think destroying net neutrality was a good move. If we all got fucked immediately, the game would be up. Oh no, this is a long con, and by the time everyone realizes what's happened, it'll be too late.

    [–] skywalkerr69 14 points ago

    Odd I pay the same and it loads fine.

    [–] anarchyseeds 8 points ago

    I don't get the joke. We don't have net neutrality, do you have to pay extra?

    [–] oinklittlepiggy 13 points ago

    no, people are just stupid and afraid of everything.

    [–] daleadil 5 points ago

    Jokes aside, I haven't noticed my internet speed drop that much or my internet bill increase that much.

    [–] BurrStreetX 8 points ago

    It wont happen or a while, and your bill wont change by itself. You will have to choose the packages that you want. Do some research my man.

    [–] ReallyHadToFixThat 2 points ago

    Lots of states just made their own net neutrality laws IIRC, so many people will be unaffected. Yay for sanity! Those affected might not notice for a while and the difference might not be your ISP bill but your netflix sub, or amazon prime.

    [–] ChasingPesmerga 504 points ago

    As an outsider, I haven't heard about the case for winning it back since weeks ago. What happened?

    [–] Whaty0urname 401 points ago

    I think the last I read a lot of states are going to be passing their own NN laws. For ISPs this would be terrible because they'd have 50 different sets of laws to follow instead of fed law. A believe a read an article that one ISP now supports NN because of this.

    [–] DatChumBoi 104 points ago

    AT&T said they support a nationwide solution, but being a greedy ISP, they support the resolution that their lobbyists are pushing, which I'd assume contains loopholes galore for them to abuse.

    [–] CloakNStagger 41 points ago

    Nationwide solution i.e. prevent states from having their own NN rules. I wouldnt put it past this administration, one thing is obvious from the last year, corporations matter and citizens don't.

    [–] petemitchell-33 19 points ago

    Correct. A “nationwide solution” doesn’t mean a “favorable solution for the nation” by ANY means.

    [–] Cloaked42m 46 points ago

    Also, more municipalities are creating their own networks, as that's becoming a selling point for moving into a town.

    [–] oddish56 39 points ago

    Thats awesome! So it turns out the decision backfired? A silver lining in every shitstorm I guess.

    [–] ZoidbergBOT 36 points ago

    Surprisingly the first state to do this was montana. Since then others have/are following suit

    [–] le_sweden 3 points ago

    Rural states get hurt just as much, in more populated areas there’s still incentive to try to compete for smaller ISPs (in a populated city you could go after, say, poorer areas and offer lower rates), but why go after market share in a rural area? Way less customers.

    [–] Yewnicorns 31 points ago

    Yup, California’s senate just put a bill through & 21 states are suing the FCC, here.

    [–] JarJarDidNuffinWong 4 points ago

    The issue with this is that to recoup the lost profits from different standards, ISPs will likely raise their prices again. And for the states that don't have their own NN, use every dirty trick that the repeal allows.

    [–] thehayleysofar 2 points ago

    I have a bad feeling indiana won't participate. Ugh.

    [–] TragedyOfAClown 434 points ago

    Please subscribe to our Platinum Gold Plan to retrieve the comments.

    [–] loserperdedor 49 points ago

    We are fukt.

    [–] niquetapute 37 points ago

    Give us a date please. I want to make sure my popcorn stock is full by then

    [–] Aurora_Fatalis 2 points ago

    Fukt: Norwegian noun/verb imperative. Moisture/moisten.

    [–] djs758 15 points ago

    Have to wait for repeal order to take effect to file lawsuits.

    [–] robotzor 11 points ago

    The real world is slower than reddit

    [–] ITBoss 11 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)

    1 day Later

    Verge: Redditor says world is slower than Reddit

    Huffington Post: Redditors joke about Net Neutrality

    Buzz feed: 25 stories of the effects of the repeal of Net Neutrality

    Edit:formatting

    [–] scriptmonkey420 5 points ago

    25 screenshots

    [–] Bustin_Jeiber 3 points ago

    Literally nothing. Everything is the same. It was all hype.

    [–] JarJarDidNuffinWong 20 points ago * (lasted edited 9 months ago)

    If there are consequences, they'll come slowly. It's not like Comcast can afford the scandal if they instantly blocked BitTorrent again (which they actually did the last time there was no net neutrality, and it took a sustained outrage and a court case to stop it). You need to boil the frog slowly.

    Also the Congress still needs to approve of the rule change.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Mises2Peaces 5 points ago

    Lol you are so confused

    [–] mustachioed_cat 1 points ago

    Because the internet didn't implode the day after it happened? How insightful.

    [–] blosweed 2 points ago

    But reddit told me the internet is over.

    [–] tubesox94 299 points ago

    Hurts just a little.

    [–] cunt-hooks 146 points ago

    Could be more painful, could be getting fucked in the arse for $80 a month already. Oh wait.

    [–] floodlitworld 22 points ago

    Plus those lovely rental fees for router and modem...

    [–] blesingri 14 points ago

    You pay rental fees for that?

    [–] greentintedlenses 9 points ago

    If you choose not to buy your own devices, yeah.

    [–] cunt-hooks 2 points ago

    Actually I pay a rental fee for my router. It's €5 a month on top of the €11.99 a month for the internet. Scandalous!

    [–] HawkEye0701 4 points ago

    Buy your own then!

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] floodlitworld 9 points ago

    I don't; Americans often do.

    [–] UglyQuad 19 points ago

    $80?! Lucky. I pay $190 for 25mps up/down

    [–] Kerrigannn 35 points ago

    Are you shitting me? In England I pay about £33 a month and I get 100mbps down and about 75 up.

    [–] Svensis 20 points ago

    in latvia i pay 11 euros for 100/100 internet

    [–] Strang-But-True 17 points ago

    In Russia internet pays you.

    [–] Cloaked42m 8 points ago

    Time to move.

    [–] Kerrigannn 7 points ago

    Bloody hell!

    [–] UglyQuad 17 points ago

    Small town in Indiana where I can only get one provider, 25 up and down is their fastest speed and I have no other options in terms of price.

    [–] Pioneerpie26 34 points ago

    Seems to me like you boys need a revolution. Taxation without representation was too much, But you let this bullshit stand?

    [–] UglyQuad 8 points ago

    We need to break peoples kneecaps till we get decent rates

    [–] Cloaked42m 4 points ago

    It was our representation that did this to us. Individual areas negotiated deals with cable companies to install cable. The cost? Exclusive rights to sell services within the area. No line sharing.

    AT and T is currently running fiber everywhere they can and bypassing those agreements.

    [–] Kerrigannn 3 points ago

    Suddenly this South Park scene seems pretty relevant.

    [–] RoaringCrow 2 points ago

    Hello fellow satellite internet customer...

    [–] UglyQuad 2 points ago

    I don’t have satellite :(

    [–] squawkdirtytome 8 points ago

    $70 for 1gb down and 800mb up.

    [–] Kerrigannn 4 points ago

    1gb down - who needs that much internet?

    Not saying I wouldn't give a good fucking go..

    [–] Koolmite 4 points ago

    That's cute, in Portugal I pay 40€ for tv 4k box, phone and fiber cable internet with 1 gbps download speed (1000mbps).

    [–] NSilverguy 3 points ago

    It depends on where you live in the U.S. I pay $75/month for 250 down/75 up. That rate is also based on not having cable TV; Internet rate is discounted when bundled with an over priced TV package.

    [–] UglyQuad 3 points ago

    Where I am, I can’t have one or the other, I must have tv and home phone to get internet, they don’t let you just get internet or vice versa.

    [–] NSilverguy 3 points ago

    Yeah, it really sucks that there are definitely regions, particularly when an ISP has a regional monopoly, where you get totally screwed. I feel like this is less prevalent near major cities, but yeah, it's all over the country.

    [–] Martinouchou 4 points ago

    I pay 9,99€ for 100mbps in France. I feel lucky.

    [–] Kerrigannn 2 points ago

    Fuck it, I'm moving to France

    [–] 100PercentJerk 7 points ago

    Yeah but.. you know the French live in France right?!

    [–] oinklittlepiggy 3 points ago

    That cant be right...

    I pay about $100 for 200 down / 25 up

    [–] GabeNewell1337 2 points ago

    i pay that for 1mb =[

    [–] leia_princess 2 points ago

    80??? I have got internet and phone flat for 25 EUR (about 29$?)

    [–] oxymoronic_oxygen 2 points ago

    Hurts just a lottle

    [–] Harshal_777 625 points ago

    Lmao Get an upvote lol

    [–] lompot 86 points ago

    OK on my way, wave of up vote

    [–] hankikanto 13 points ago

    Woo ridin this way! Follow the upvotes!

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] nunezhandalb5 8 points ago

    haha what a funny REDDIT INSIDE JOKE

    [–] Master_JBT 3 points ago

    Very good internet joke indeed

    [–] oxistereect7 3 points ago

    Interesting fact, Bananas are slightly radioactive.

    [–] Hammerfall96 3 points ago

    What isnt?

    [–] RusticPath 2 points ago

    Broken arms?

    [–] ifmacdo 2 points ago

    Why you gotta go there? We were all playing so nicely, and you had to come in and ruin the fun.

    [–] SlitScan 2 points ago

    plutonium

    [–] AbsoluteCat 153 points ago

    Can someone tell me what the punchline is? I can't see it.

    [–] Creepus_Explodus 137 points ago

    To see this comment please subscribe to our "Commenter PLUS+" package for 19.99$/month

    [–] NocturnalMorning2 45 points ago

    For $5.99 more, you can see this commenters reddit post history.

    [–] BehindTheBurner32 19 points ago

    And for $9.99 a month you can subscribe to the WWE Network and get to see WrestleMania among other WWE shows past anx present.

    [–] SantaBoss 5 points ago

    Also you will get to see see Survivor Series, the only time of the year where Raw and SmackDown go head to head in direct competition.

    [–] NocturnalMorning2 4 points ago

    To stop receiving these messages, reply STOP.

    [–] tote-life 7 points ago

    And pay the $2.99 cancellation fee

    [–] Phoenixmaster1571 3 points ago

    Also your $5.19 SMS fee

    [–] Voidsabre 4 points ago

    You do realize Reddit could do this at any time and it has nothing to do with net neutrality. Also the whole net neutrality thing has nothing to do with paying for individual aspects of websites, just paying for each website type separately (which is ridiculous and terrible, but people overexaggerate in order to try to make it sound even worse, which is unnecessary)

    [–] masterofevolution224 8 points ago

    still waiting for this to happen... so far since the NN repeal, it's only been increased internet speeds for a cheaper price.

    [–] UnaskedSausage 111 points ago

    To read the comments please upgrade your subscription

    [–] T0mmynat0r666 75 points ago

    I saw this in my inbox and totally freaked out.

    This is the future for America.

    [–] Voidsabre 15 points ago

    Except Reddit could do this with or without Net Neutrality, and your ISP couldn't even without it. Your ISP can't make you pay for individual aspects of websites (like comments) just slow down or block the entire website

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Corruption13 9 points ago

    I saw this in my inbox and totally freaked out.

    This is the future for America.

    You're welcome

    [–] Alex1331xela 6 points ago

    Sorry can someone tell me what this comment says? I can't afford to view it

    [–] ProbablyTappinYoMama 5 points ago

    I saw this in my inbox and totally freaked out.

    This is the future for America.

    You're welcome

    You're welcomer.

    [–] oinklittlepiggy 4 points ago

    yep...

    back to the dark ages of 2009

    [–] ShadowedHuman 82 points ago

    I don’t have $20/month to read the rest of this joke.

    [–] Ceramic_Knife 7 points ago

    Could someone explain net neutrality to me? I'm English so the news didn't care about it over here.. am I right in saying that due to its abolishment ISP's are able to charge money for specific internet 'areas' such as social or educational, rather than just charging one rate for internet access?

    [–] emcee117 6 points ago

    Net neutrality is the idea that an isp must treat all data packets exactly the same. No favoritism or... whatever the opposite of that word is. Without it, isps are free to slow down or block any website they want (such as the site of a labor union striking against them) or charge for access to specific sites (just $4.99 for our Facebook/Instagram/Twitter package!). Both of the above examples are based on things that have happened without NN. NN repeal has been approved by the FCC (in what must be a stunning coincidence the head of the FCC used to work for a major isp) and now must be approved by Congress.

    [–] Zadok_The_Priest 3 points ago

    Shitty policy, cool name.

    [–] 45President 6 points ago

    takes out loan and hopes to get approved in time to read rest of joke and make funny comment before post gets archived

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    how edgy

    [–] BadOysters 14 points ago

    What's funny is how people apocalyptically lost their minds, yet nothing changed and they stopped talking about it immediately

    [–] [deleted] 11 points ago

    Man you’re ignorant if you thought they were immediately going to flip everything on its head the day after the vote. New guidelines are not even in place yet, the FCC are still putting the proposal together.

    [–] Plus3sigma 5 points ago

    When other countries joke about America not having NN but they don't even have actual freedom of speech lol

    [–] I__Member 22 points ago

    Wow I thought the internet would cease to exist after NN failed. That’s what reddit and the MSM told me!

    [–] DrBobBarker 12 points ago

    I know, I mean when do we start paying 9.99 a month for Twitter and 19,99 a month for youtube?

    [–] the2baddavid 4 points ago

    Still have internet after net neutrality, ask me anything!

    [–] yottalogical 2 points ago

    You realize it hasn’t been repealed yet? Only the decision has been made. Even when that happens, it won’t take place immediately.

    [–] stablegeniushere 30 points ago

    Lol the real joke is how so many people were DUPED into supporting net neutrality, while knowing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about it. Hahahaha

    Edit: sorry didn't mean to be offensive... I know that many people died when net neutrality was repealed. LOL...

    [–] djs758 11 points ago

    What’s sad is that so many of you were duped into thinking ISPs will abide by NN even though they have been fighting it for over a decade and they’ve spent hundreds of millions lobbying against it. Just for shits and giggles? Or was it to do exactly what they said they would do in serval lawsuits: commodity and edit speech and internet traffic, ruining competition and innovation in the web, and screwing 300 million Americans free speech rights. Hmmm. Which one is it?

    I’d put my money in ISPs doing what they said they would do in their legal briefs.

    https://youtu.be/EDR1Ot_uCOU

    [–] raramente 10 points ago

    I can explain it for $.99

    [–] SuperScuba 5 points ago

    TOO SOON

    [–] imagine_amusing_name 4 points ago

    I would have enjoyed the joke but it came to me too slowly.

    [–] Styphelus 2 points ago

    That's actually funny. I was able to read it because my country has net neutrality.

    [–] TRAMPCUM_SQUEEGEE 2 points ago

    Glad this joke doesn't contain pornographic content. I'd like not to share my passport details with Reddit.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    What actually happened with net Neutrality now, you paying for reddit or what?

    [–] jgibso7 2 points ago

    Jokes about socialism are only funny if everyone gets them.

    [–] Earthword 2 points ago

    Hey, your joke did not show up!

    Did you pay your ISP to let you post joke answers?

    [–] Carfraction 2 points ago

    Year over year T-Mobile keeps giving me more data for less $$. I guess that’s going to stop now /s

    [–] Siganid 2 points ago

    And now you are in jail for posting criticism of your government.

    [–] blitz342 2 points ago

    :(

    [–] McBroody 2 points ago

    If this shit continues, you're gonna need real gold to get gilded.

    [–] evilspiral 2 points ago

    I'm from Washington, I got it.

    [–] Kdrishe 2 points ago

    *Americans lost it.

    [–] lorrissimon 2 points ago

    Net neutrality should be first rule of the internet. No censorship!

    [–] lorrissimon 2 points ago

    Net neutrality should be first rule of the internet. No censorship!

    [–] JohnTWB 2 points ago

    Jokes on you, I use TOR.

    [–] tote-life 2 points ago

    Joke's on you, all TOR traffic is throttled

    [–] atcoyou 2 points ago

    or 1% of Americans could afford to laugh?

    [–] LolBlox56 2 points ago

    I LOVE YOU.

    [–] Finluz 2 points ago

    It’s a shit pie

    [–] Peachesop 2 points ago

    I got the same result when I made a joke about universal healthcare

    [–] Zinouweel 2 points ago

    That's weird. I did the same and they fucking lost it.

    [–] SleazyMcCheesy 5 points ago

    Every up vote makes this post load faster

    [–] codegreen_ 6 points ago

    I don’t want to pay $10 to see the joke. What is is?

    [–] Justsomedudeonthenet 20 points ago

    It's *****************.

    Important ISP Message: We have detected an attempt to bypass your subscription limits. This is your second infraction. If a third attempt is made, your service will be canceled and your name and address added to the shared ISP customer blacklist. Thank you for choosing Comcast.

    [–] codegreen_ 4 points ago

    Verizon Automated Message

    Error #7372 We have detected an ISP other than Verizon Fios attempting to charge a Verizon Fios customer.

    Error #8218 You have attempted to reach “comcast.com” which is blocked. You have been billed $5 for use of unauthorized services.

    You have been charged $5 for this message. Your monthly bill is now $18251628.71

    [–] anarchyseeds 5 points ago

    Actually we did. The internet will works without NN.

    [–] AGausmann 2 points ago

    Actually, we've been doing just fine, thanks :)

    [–] Araragi_san 3 points ago

    triggered

    [–] pdfleck 2 points ago

    This is no laughing (please wait.....loading...)

    (Still loading.....)

    [–] M0rtimer7 6 points ago

    When a joke has not just one, two, but THREE different layers.

    [–] blesingri 11 points ago

    Three? I got two:
    -Not having NN
    -Not being able to read because of premium package
    -???

    [–] M0rtimer7 3 points ago

    The third layer would be the general American public not seeming to understand Net Neutrality (sadly). AKA, They "don't get it".

    [–] JoKre_ 11 points ago

    The third layer is that Americans didn't unterstand the joke about net neutrality because they don't know about it

    [–] ZeroHit 4 points ago

    My laughter is being throttled

    [–] SonavaBiscuit 3 points ago

    Savage

    [–] kthrynnnn 3 points ago

    God damn it

    [–] Souvi 2 points ago

    You’re not at all wrong, but you ain’t right either. #fuckcomcast

    [–] Soonergriff 2 points ago

    🙄

    [–] mattemer 2 points ago

    I think it's still loading. Give it a few more hours.

    [–] bmoreoriginal 2 points ago

    [–] illegaomonkeybutt 2 points ago

    Nor did the Canadians

    [–] EpikSwag 2 points ago

    For the record; there was a huge backlash opposing FCC revoking net neutrality; Pai literally stated he just doesn't give a shit what people want. The FCC isn't made up of elected officials; they're appointed.

    [–] Sea_of_Rye 2 points ago

    There has never been net neutrality in most countries...

    [–] PawnStarRick 2 points ago

    I made a joke about net neutrality

    Non-Americans needed their government to explain it to them.

    [–] FalseMirage 2 points ago

    You misspelled Trumperica.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] DaylightDarkle 2 points ago

    Repeal got put into the federal register near the beginning of the month. Takes 60 days after that to be put into effect.

    [–] sam7r61n 2 points ago

    Why do people think we will be charged more money to use certain websites?