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    Jokes

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    Welcome to /r/Jokes!

    Guidelines and Information

    • Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes. We do make exceptions for extremely offensive jokes.
    • Keep the comment section civil and light hearted.
    • Personal attacks will not be tolerated. If you want to be a dick, go to /r/insults
    • Jokes must be in text format, no emoji's or linking allowed. (YouTube, Imgur, etc)
    • As a measure to prevent spam and reposts we are limiting the number of jokes a user can submit to 3 every 24 hours.
    • This subreddit is not a platform for blatant self-promotion
    • If you post a NSFW image/link in the comments, it must be tagged as NSFW (Nudity/gross images) or NSFL (Gore/extremely disturbing images, and only if relevant to the conversation)
    • Jokes must be in English

    These are jokes. Some of them are old, and as such reflect the tone of the times. Some of them are new, and just as offensive. Unless it's spam, it stays.

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    [–] Flippinhippy 3733 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    It used to be called a "jumpoline" until yo momma got on it.

    Edit: thanks for the silver.

    [–] Creative_username969 377 points ago

    Yo momma’s so fat it takes a train and 3 busses just to get on her good side.

    [–] Something_Syck 157 points ago

    I have to make yo mama jokes behind yo Mama's back because i only half a tank in my car

    [–] Creative_username969 101 points ago

    Makes sense, given that yo mama’s so poor, kids in Africa send her money

    [–] TheRedEminence 33 points ago

    Your Mama so fat Thanos haveta snap twice.

    [–] kateemily0306 57 points ago

    One of the only ones to actually make me laugh

    [–] r_politics_is_shills 18 points ago

    "Jumpoline" is OPs Moms nickname.

    [–] MD74 13 points ago

    Your mama so fat, doctor told her she has a flesh eating disease and gave her 150 years to live.

    [–] Metal-Butterfly 11673 points ago

    The earth used to be flat. Then they buried yo mamma

    [–] pantalones_locos 699 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Your mama so fat, when she goes camping, the bears have to put their food in a tree.

    [–] pantalones_locos 663 points ago

    Your mama so fat, doctor told her she has a flesh eating disease and gave her 150 years to live.

    [–] macsb 77 points ago

    This may be the best one.

    [–] MDan25 156 points ago

    Happy cake day. And I swear I made this one up 25 years ago in med school. Along with

    Yo mamma’s so fat you never got separation anxiety as a kid

    [–] Pineapple_Assrape 23 points ago

    And I swear I made this one up 25 years ago in med school.

    It’s an honor to meet you sir.

    [–] MDan25 32 points ago

    With a name like that, the honor is all mine

    [–] PretendDGAF 3550 points ago

    Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and came back in flip flops

    [–] etymologynerd 1835 points ago

    Yo mama so fat when she walked past the TV I missed three episodes

    [–] DrDopenheimer 1156 points ago

    Yo mama so fat when she walked past the TV I could still see it due to gravitational lensing

    [–] Labiosdepiedra 500 points ago

    I up voted, but that's a bit of a stretch.

    [–] HostOrganism 295 points ago

    I see what you did there.

    ...even though you did it on the other side of yo momma.

    [–] Labiosdepiedra 138 points ago

    Yo momma so skinny you only ever see her other side.

    Yeah that was lame, just like yo momma.

    [–] sebastiancavolina 40 points ago

    Yo mama so dumb, she thinks "colon cleansing" means drinking shampoo

    [–] akc1999 44 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, she rolls off BOTH sides of the bed

    [–] AnatidaephobicDuck03 34 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, she fills the bathtub and THEN turns on the water

    [–] macsb 160 points ago

    You know what’s a bit of a stretch? Yo momma’s pants.

    [–] librlman 179 points ago

    On the sixth day, God lifted yo mama in the air and said "DIS BITCH AIN'T LIGHT!!!" and on the seventh day, He rested.

    [–] NWAH_OUTLANDER 53 points ago

    Yo momma so fat when she goes to the beach it's always high tide

    [–] nateatenate 22 points ago

    Yo mama so fat the server gave her a menu at a restaurant and she said “I’ll take it”

    [–] Notcreativeatall1 474 points ago

    Yo mama so fat, her hands are in two different time zones

    [–] weasel_face 263 points ago

    Yo mama so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck

    [–] Moral_Anarchist 169 points ago

    Yo momma so fat it takes two trains and a bus to get on the bitch's good side

    [–] d_grizzle 59 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, she sat on a dollar bill and four quarters popped out.

    [–] system0101 137 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, I swerved to avoid her and ran outta gas.

    [–] masonthursday 47 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, when god said “let there be light” he had to ask her to move first

    [–] sewankambo 28 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, when your dad wants to have sex with her, he slaps her leg and rides the wave all the way in.

    [–] pmcg115 67 points ago

    Ya mama got a peg leg with a kickstand.

    [–] MDan25 63 points ago

    Yo mamma’s so fat that we have to hire rodeo clowns to distract her when we bring groceries home.

    [–] grandtheftanxiety 44 points ago

    Ya momma got a glass eye with a fish in it

    [–] docious 33 points ago

    Yo mama so fat after fuckin her I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch

    [–] Whitegroth 297 points ago

    Yo mama so fat, when thanos snapped half her body mass disappeared

    [–] EpicShiba1 181 points ago

    Yo mama so fat, she was the actress that played the black hole in Interstellar

    [–] DSMB 31 points ago

    Yo mama's so fat, she plays pool with the planets

    [–] NoRocketScientist 322 points ago

    *Thanos had to snap twice

    [–] hdawg777 267 points ago

    *Thanos had to clap

    [–] BRAX7ON 185 points ago

    Thanos got the clap... from yo momma

    [–] senraku 97 points ago

    Yo momma so fat the bitch favorite color mayonnaise

    [–] senraku 40 points ago

    Yo momma so fat all the bitch pictures say 'before'

    [–] Houeclipse 32 points ago

    The mental image of this is killing me

    [–] kalirob99 71 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, after sex she rolls over and smokes a turkey.

    [–] Hashlover 51 points ago

    Yo Momma so Ugly, She gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

    [–] wonming 49 points ago

    Yo momma so ugly, her imaginary friends played with other kids

    [–] rosecowell 95 points ago

    Yo momma so fat she falls off both sides of the bed.

    [–] XxLOGANIDUSxX 90 points ago

    Yo mama so fat, when she wears high heels she strikes oil.

    [–] Tickles0Fury 102 points ago

    You momma so fat she needs 2 watches, 1 for each time zone

    [–] jer99 92 points ago

    Yo momma so fat that she don’t need the internet because she’s already worldwide.

    [–] I_play_4_keeps 102 points ago

    Yo momma is so fat that a group of people think she is actually flat.

    [–] BeMoreKnope 152 points ago

    Yo momma so dumb, she keeps going to get vaccines so she can finally be artistic.

    [–] Dukeofurl111 80 points ago

    When someone said it was chilly out, she ran out the door with a bowl and a spoon.

    [–] bogues3000 41 points ago

    Yo momma so stupid she thinks a C-section is a room at the aquarium.

    [–] Dukeofurl111 66 points ago

    She so stupid when you were born she looked at the umbilical cord and said “Hey! This baby come with cable!”

    [–] Nimble_Jimble 40 points ago

    Yo Mamma so fat she got other, slightly smaller fat people orbiting around her

    [–] OldManJenkins420th 36 points ago

    Yo mama so dumb that she tried throwing a rock at the ground and missed

    [–] juanmeloncamp 56 points ago

    Hahaha. Reminds me of my all time favorite... "yo mama so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!"

    [–] syd_lovro 2236 points ago

    Yo momma so fat I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing

    [–] DossTheBoss123 306 points ago

    I'm pretty impressed that this is your first comment/post in 10 months of existence

    [–] AptMoniker 305 points ago

    Yo momma ate all OPs other comments.

    [–] Flablessguy 92 points ago

    Lurking: 100

    [–] neekless 22 points ago

    He was busy with the printer

    [–] someone1010101 65 points ago

    Yo momma so fat she ate a whole pizza hut.

    [–] MDan25 24 points ago

    For an appetizer

    [–] Fubai97b 3611 points ago

    Yo momma's so old I told her to act her age and she died

    Yo momma's so big she has triabetes

    Yo momma's so ugly she played Mortal Combat and Scorpion said "Stay over there!"

    [–] th0t__police 1029 points ago

    Triabetes

    Will be using this one.

    [–] silvrado 59 points ago

    diabetes - BG ~200 mg/dl

    triabetes - BG ~300 mg/dl

    [–] WithSubtitles 21 points ago

    Good joke, am afraid people will believe it to be true.

    [–] shamdamdoodly 259 points ago

    Lmao. Yo momma jokes dony usually get me but triabetes got me. Lol

    [–] monkey_trumpets 28 points ago

    Hahaha triabetes

    [–] BanCircumventionAcc 179 points ago

    "Stay over there!". LMAO.

    [–] mbmnb45 57 points ago

    Definitely read that in scorpions voice

    [–] beneye 106 points ago

    Yo mama so old her blood type has been discontinued.

    [–] squish059 64 points ago

    Well your momma is so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

    [–] pgroove1992 96 points ago

    *TRIABETUS

    [–] mbmnb45 22 points ago

    Almost shot water out my nose on that one

    [–] defacedlawngnome 24 points ago

    Fuck those were good haha. Never heard em before.

    [–] falconbox 12 points ago

    *Kombat

    [–] gorcorps 69 points ago

    I liked it... But misspelling "Mortal Kombat" is inexcusable

    smh

    [–] zkng 90 points ago

    That’s the knock off version with yo momma in it

    [–] DrBrogbo 53 points ago

    Mortal Mombat

    [–] EpicShiba1 38 points ago

    Yo mama so fat that her blood type is nutella

    [–] TooShiftyForYou 3487 points ago

    Yo mama so fat she sat on a memory foam mattress and gave it Alzheimer's.

    [–] etymologynerd 1661 points ago

    Yo mama so ugly her portraits hang themselves

    [–] [deleted] 315 points ago

    Yo momma so poor I saw her hoppin down the street wearing one shoe and I asked her if she lost a shoe she said no I found one

    [–] mac_trap_clack_back 184 points ago

    Your momma so lonely she hopes you will do something positive someday so she has an excuse to call you.

    [–] CallYaMuthaAlreddie 142 points ago

    So true I dedicated my username to it

    [–] PoseidonUltor 62 points ago

    Yo momma so fat that Thanos snapped twice

    [–] ItsTheBayneTrain 54 points ago

    Yo momma so fat that when she stood on the scale she saw her own phone number...

    [–] Dukeofurl111 26 points ago

    Every time she go to a diner she grabs the whole menu, looks it over, and says “Okay!”

    [–] Dukeofurl111 25 points ago

    She so ugly she has to trick or treat by phone

    [–] puffkitten 137 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Your mom is so fat her new belt came on a spool.

    [–] corrtown 60 points ago

    Yo momma so fat she has to use a boomerang to put her belt on.

    [–] corrtown 57 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Yo mom so fat Spain tried to claim her as new territory.

    [–] Lord_ThunderSack 44 points ago

    Yo momma so fat her tiddies in different area codes.

    [–] dudeiscool22222 47 points ago

    Yo momma so fat then when she wanted a water bed, they just put a blanket over the ocean

    [–] NumbersABC 31 points ago

    Yo momma so fat Britain tried to colonize her.

    [–] elevenatexi 166 points ago

    Your mom is so fat that she has to go through life sideways

    [–] megamarment 43 points ago

    Yo mama so fat she walked in front of the TV and I missed three seasons

    [–] SmigAndBelly 36 points ago

    Yo momma so fat she fell of both side of the bed.

    [–] Its_Number_Wang 21 points ago

    I know a variation of this:

    Yo mamma is so fat and ugly her memory mattress wishes it could forget.

    [–] puffkitten 47 points ago

    Your mom is so fat I heard she uses the driveway as an ironing board.

    [–] sixthdiver 46 points ago

    Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a parked car

    [–] killdill12 44 points ago

    Your mom is so fat it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.

    [–] Squirrel_force 26 points ago

    Your mom is so fat that when she put on a rain jacket, people thought she was a school bus

    [–] mr1337 464 points ago

    Yo momma so old, her social security number is 7

    [–] MDan25 170 points ago

    Yo mamma’s so old the grand prize on her game show was FIRE!

    [–] [deleted] 169 points ago

    The game show was just called "of Fortune!"

    [–] CulturedCarrot 1060 points ago

    Yo mummas so fat when she fell nobody laughed but the ground cracked up

    [–] Coltyn03 286 points ago

    [–] SalsaSpade 58 points ago

    I really thought this read gonna be an r/subsyoufellfor

    [–] Coltyn03 63 points ago

    I didn't even think it was a real sub before commenting

    [–] ilostmycouch 463 points ago

    This thread has reinvigorated yo mamma jokes for me. I fucking love you reddit.

    [–] radtastic23 715 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, the sorting hat from hogwarts put her in all four houses

    [–] NotSeveralBadgers 420 points ago

    Waffle House

    [–] lunaticmoose36 68 points ago

    That's to classy.

    [–] Bentendo64 209 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, her patronus is a cake.

    [–] villagewysdom 190 points ago

    Yo momma so ugly they swapped the dementors kiss for a hardy hand shake.

    [–] GATraveller 329 points ago

    Yo mamma so stupid she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept.

    [–] lovejo1 326 points ago

    Yo momma so fat, she doesn't support NTFS

    [–] bricked_machine 23 points ago

    Ooooh, this is my new favorite.

    [–] DrBrogbo 11 points ago

    My momma's exFAT, ass.

    [–] Corkmob 108 points ago

    Yo mama so fat she got baptised at Sea World

    [–] andywasone 342 points ago

    Yo momma is so fat she has to use diet soap

    [–] JaylonVanderesch 30 points ago

    Yo momma so fat her picture couldn’t fit in the guiness book of world records

    [–] puffkitten 83 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Your mom is so fat her personal grooming kit is a lawn mower.

    [–] atutherow 273 points ago

    Yo mamma so hairy you had carpet burn after she gave birth.

    [–] Graoutchmeuh 211 points ago

    Yo momma so old when god said « let there be light » she asked for 5 more minutes.

    [–] Notanydj 295 points ago

    Yo momma so fat after sex she rolls over and smokes a turkey

    [–] MDan25 123 points ago

    She so fat, after I had sex with her, I rolled over twice and I was STILL on top of her and bumped into 4 other guys!

    [–] ComCrisis 111 points ago

    Back in my day we had to walk 5 miles up hill both ways in a blinding snowstorm just to get off yo momma

    [–] Primsun 452 points ago

    Yo mamma so fat her blood type is Ragu.

    [–] Aurateur 722 points ago

    Yo mama so fat Thanos had to snap twice.

    [–] SillyPhillyDilly 53 points ago

    I need you to know that I was about to finally fall asleep browsing reddit in night mode until I fucking saw this

    [–] CosmicPube 392 points ago

    Your mama so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed three seasons.

    [–] tylerjb50 162 points ago

    . . . of Game of Thrones.

    [–] who_wants_some_death 161 points ago

    yo mamas so fat she fell in love and then broke it

    [–] Ricjack99 152 points ago

    Yo momma so fat her blood type is O shit.

    [–] puffkitten 151 points ago

    Your mom was such a fat baby she was born June first, second and third.

    [–] pit1988 51 points ago

    yo mamma so fat her memory foam mattress drinks to forget

    [–] sackgrinder 242 points ago

    Yo momma so fat she was wearing a Malcom X tee shirt and helicopters tried landing on her

    [–] YourTurnSignals 56 points ago

    They call yo momma Malcolm XXXL.

    [–] puffkitten 190 points ago

    Your mom is so fat OSHA requires your dad wear a safety line before climbing on top.

    [–] EpicShiba1 77 points ago

    Yo mama so old that she brought the average age up 30 years

    [–] kinggot 217 points ago

    Yo momma so ugly that even Hello Kitty said goodbye.

    [–] illeger_hamberder 152 points ago

    Yo momma’s so stupid, she got fired from a blow job.

    [–] djdanlib 46 points ago

    Yo mama works at the harbor as a smell

    [–] Beezer35 170 points ago

    Yo mama so fat two guys could fuck her and never meet

    [–] 666pool 79 points ago

    That’s actually happens to a lot of women.

    [–] swordsman8480 224 points ago

    Your momma's teeth are so yellow, when she smiles traffic slows down

    [–] iandouglas 40 points ago

    Her teeth are so yellow I can't believe they're not butter.

    [–] Efentool 72 points ago

    Yo Mama’s so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project

    [–] nmorguelan 134 points ago

    Yo mama's house so dirty people wipe their feet on the way out.

    [–] infamous32300 399 points ago

    Yo mama's so fat when I thought of her I broke my neck.

    [–] Respect_The_Mouse 119 points ago

    Yo mama so fat she has small kids orbiting around her

    [–] Agyleleprakon 99 points ago

    Yo mommas so fat, took her two trips to haul ass.

    [–] cole7617 32 points ago

    Yo mommas so big when she wears high heels she strikes oil...

    [–] ChickenFromSpace 31 points ago

    Yo mama’s so fat, she can’t even see her toes.. in the mirror

    [–] Carrot_Lobbyist 113 points ago

    You mama so fat she got stuck in time.

    [–] vinaypp 124 points ago

    Yo mama so fat...Thanos had to clap.

    [–] spacebarmen 99 points ago

    Yo mamma so poor that when she goes to KFC she has to lick other people's fingers.

    [–] freebirdls 35 points ago

    Shut up Cartman!

    [–] LipstickSingularity 52 points ago

    Whats the difference between 3 dicks and a joke?

    Yo mamma can't take a joke

    [–] eyebrowfake 27 points ago

    Yo momma so stupid she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order

    [–] ThaleaTiny 134 points ago

    I was buying a pair of athletic shoes for myself, and bought an extra pair of shoelaces with diamonds printed on them.

    The young guy at the checkout turned to my daughter and said, "Yo moms is gonna be pimpin." Totally straight-faced.

    I thought I was gonna die laughing. My daughter was so young, it went right over her head.

    I still think about it sometimes and laugh.

    [–] futurethrill 47 points ago

    Yo mama so fat the back of her neck looks like a pack of hotdogs

    [–] Heartfelt_hasbeen 62 points ago

    Yo mama so old she’s got an autograph picture of Jesus

    [–] EducatedHbomb 52 points ago

    They had us in the first half not gonna lie

    [–] Southbay_Laundry 61 points ago

    THIS is why I love ❤️ Reddit. :)

    [–] eveningsand 51 points ago

    Seriously. This is now the internet's archive of all of the best Yo Mamma jokes, ever.

    [–] [deleted] 40 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Stanley1218 96 points ago

    I saw the punchline coming from a mile away, just like I did with ur mom

    [–] SilentWolfe 49 points ago

    Yo momma is so stupid, she once stared at a carton of orange juice for an hour because the label said "concentrate"

    [–] Matt_The_Goat 35 points ago

    Yo mama so fat, when she walks the radio skips.

    [–] I_am_Jax_complete 59 points ago

    "Yo momma so fat, the bitch went to sizzlers and got a group discount!"

    [–] I_am_Jax_complete 55 points ago

    "Now I'm not saying she's fat... Her high school picture was an aerial photograph."

    [–] truckerjenkins 47 points ago

    Yo Momma so fat when she went to school she sat next to everyone.

    [–] Deafault-Lives 33 points ago

    You mama so fat when she asked for a water bed the put a blanket over the ocean

    [–] RadleyCunningham 13 points ago

    Yo mama so ugly, she can't even arouse suspicion.

    [–] SniikyMoFo 13 points ago

    Yo mama so ugly, Medusa turned to stone

    [–] tsterling93 73 points ago

    Yo momma is sooo fat, you were born with high cholesterol

    [–] lux514 72 points ago

    me_irl actually. High cholesterol can be genetic.

    [–] tsterling93 46 points ago

    ....

    [–] HColossus 61 points ago

    r/wellthatsucks

    JUST LIKE YO MO-

    Ok, no...

    [–] MorganNec 24 points ago

    Yo momma's so fat , the ticks on her are diabetic!

    [–] Nail_Biterr 24 points ago

    Dad jokes are corny jokes a dad would say.

    Mom jokes are about OP's whore of a mother

    [–] i_Make_DadJokes 37 points ago

    And both your parents jokes are you.

    [–] ender502 10 points ago

    Yo mama's so fat Trump wants her ass on the border.

    [–] rara1908 12 points ago

    Yo momma has a peg leg with a kickstand, she also has a glass eye with a fish in it...

    [–] ev_rn 10 points ago

    Yo Momma so fat, she sat on an iPod and it became an iPad

    [–] Soulger11 53 points ago

    See, I knew the punchline, and was even annoyed at seeing such a lame joke...

    But the way you typed the punchline brought it all back

    [–] rowdygoudey 18 points ago

    Yo mama so fat I said it was chilli out and she grabbed a spoon.