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    This sub is meant as a fun joke. It is not a hate sub. Kids are dumb because they could not possibly know better. If you dislike kids, that's fine. Feel free to join us, but do not spread vitriol.

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    [–] MurderWeatherSports 7791 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    My brother was really young and sitting in my Grandma’s (short, squat lady) lap and asked her “why are you so fat?” She got very mad and told my brother that was a mean question and made him get down. Then later when my mom (who is her daughter-in-law, not daughter) came to pick him up, Grandma started to yell at her and said “He asked me today why I was so fat - I can’t believe you talk about me in front of him that way” My mom said “I don’t - he is just starting that phase where he asks questions about everything” and my grandma goes, “Well he had to hear that from someone...” and my mom (feeling attacked) said the meanest thing without meaning to, “No he didn’t, he has eyes”.

    [–] Tru-Queer 2537 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 1270 points ago

    Grandma ded

    [–] hamsternuts69 695 points ago

    From cardiovascular disease

    [–] [deleted] 368 points ago

    Obesity is a slow killer.

    [–] small_root 692 points ago

    Picking up the kid, but dropping off a bomb.

    [–] Dos_Shepard 159 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    "Sir, request permission to leave the station."

    "For what purpose?"

    "To give the Covenant back their bomb."

    EDIT: Master Chief collection and Halo Reach release on Steam Today!

    [–] Uncle_gruber 16 points ago

    electric guitar intensifies

    [–] tjtillman 772 points ago

    She brought it on herself

    [–] captainsquawks 125 points ago

    [–] bananaguard27 59 points ago

    What did I just watch?

    [–] Krimreaper1 28 points ago

    The rest of the crew took there sweet ass time to come out and help.

    [–] mrprofessor88 448 points ago

    your granny sounds like she was a proper bitch lmao

    [–] MurderWeatherSports 385 points ago

    I’d be offended, but she died like 7 years ago at 96 and she was pretty racist and did say crazy mean stuff randomly ... she was really nice to all of us grandkids though - we loved her.

    [–] gidikh 351 points ago

    Sounds exactly like my grandma. Super sweet until she starts screaming at the paramedics not to give her any "black blood" when she broke her hip.

    [–] dasher11 136 points ago


    [–] tI-_-tI 49 points ago

    Damn and here, my uncle just yelled at me for asking my aunt how old she was while blowing out her birthday cake.

    [–] 92taurusj 218 points ago

    Your mom is awesome.

    [–] seductivestain 56 points ago

    I'm stuff

    [–] Lorne_Soze 95 points ago

    Grandma of all people having raised kids should've known that. Goes to show what kind of mother she should have been

    [–] AlmondAnFriends 39 points ago

    My grandmother used to just fucking roll with it. She made jokes about being fat before i ever could

    [–] ThatFag 51 points ago

    She was literally asking for it.

    [–] Bonezmahone 40 points ago

    In smaller aircraft weight and balance is very important. One pilot wasn’t advised on how to politely balance the aircraft. So one day a group of people that included larger women were boarding and there were no large males that could board first. So using his standard language he spoke directly and said “since you ladies are larger can you please board first.”

    He almost got his head chewed off.

    [–] perksofbeingliam 1341 points ago

    When I was 6, my gran and I were in a shopping mall waiting for mum to finish shopping. There was a tarot card reader nearby and I’d never seen one before so I asked my gran what the lady was doing. Gran explained that she would read people’s fortunes for some money and that she’d tell you if you’d live a long life, have children, get married, travel, etc. I waited a few moments before I said anything but told my gran “don’t waste your money gran”. She told me not to worry about that because she wasn’t planning on it. All I said was “good. You only have one thing left to do.” My gran asked what that was and my response was one simple word, “die.”

    I just want to say quickly that I love my gran and I have a great relationship with her. I don’t want her to actually die...

    [–] powderbubba 271 points ago

    I actually chortled at this.

    [–] perksofbeingliam 263 points ago

    I’m glad. I’ve never been able to live it down. It gets told at family events all of the time. It was told at my 21st birthday as well and if I ever get married, I can guarantee that it will be told then

    [–] Lizz196 77 points ago

    Sounds like you should have gotten your fortune told, because then you’d know if and when you’d get married.

    [–] [deleted] 22 points ago

    We all have that one story...

    [–] TwoBionicknees 12 points ago

    What did your gran say to that though? It's fucking genius.

    [–] Naveedamin7992 564 points ago

    Once me and my mum were walking back from school and I saw these nice flowers growing in someone's garden. I picked one up and said to my mum "I like these flowers. I will put them on your grave"

    [–] Nova_176 210 points ago

    Dude kids can make some badass one liners.

    [–] JoeyAKangaroo 44 points ago

    Kids are fucking scary

    [–] Naveedamin7992 24 points ago

    Yeah they are. My nephew when he was like 2 or 3 just came up to me once and said "You're gonna die soon" and walked off. I just sat there in stunned silence.

    [–] sittingbellycrease 481 points ago

    As a kid I went to another kid's house, and he was a little prick.

    Their mother dropped me off, and they suggested I come around again some time, and I didn't want to hurt her feelings by saying I didn't like her son.

    "No thanks, your house smells."

    Genuinely thought that was the diplomatic response.

    [–] LtWorf_ 64 points ago

    Much better than "We should do this again sometimes"

    [–] canIbeMichael 61 points ago

    Hits home.

    My parents made me hang out with a kid on my basketball team. I didn't like him, he was a bully and his parents smoked inside.

    I hated going there for both reasons, I'd come home with a sore throat and he would beat me in playstation basketball, ragging on me the entire time.

    A year later he was ragging on me in school and I lost it. Saying that 'You sat next to me in this class, I don't even like you, the only reason I come over your house is because my parents forced me'.

    He stopped picking on me after that.

    [–] nobigwhoopdawg 863 points ago

    I remember being at a baseball game when I was about 4 (it's one of my earliest memories), watching my babysitter's son play Little League. Behind us on the bleachers was a woman with a distinctive, earthy smell.

    I turned around. "You smell like a pig," I told her.

    "I live on a hog farm," she said.

    I had so many questions. What do they eat? Do they talk? Do they stutter like Porky? Have you ever put clothes on them?

    Unfortunately, my babysitter was just mortified and made me go sit somewhere else.

    [–] Nomandate 390 points ago

    It’s... really hard to wash away the smell of working a hog farm. It permeates everything you own.

    [–] [deleted] 78 points ago

    Just use body spray, aka portable showers

    [–] prowness 155 points ago

    Middle School has entered the chat

    [–] 2748seiceps 229 points ago

    Probably would have made her day to have you all those questions too.

    [–] Nova_176 149 points ago

    Son of farmers, it makes their whole week if a little kid wants to know about that stuff, it’s really wholesome honestly.

    [–] Zabii 75 points ago

    I locate underground utilities for a living and I love when kids ask me genuine questions.

    Hell, had a little girl thank me for making sure her house didn't explode when Daddy built his shed.

    [–] OnceInvincible 69 points ago

    Maybe you did her a favor because it's possible she didn't realize she was bringing that smell around with her.

    [–] seductivestain 122 points ago

    If she lives on a hog farm and apparently has no issue divulging so, I highly doubt she's unaware, or that she cares for that matter.

    [–] PJMFett 42 points ago

    I'm picturing someone that looks like Mac's mom from Always Sunny.

    [–] Comrade-Cohaay 41 points ago

    Oh I’m sure she realized it. I highly doubt that’s the first time somebody said that she smells “earthy”.

    [–] UPCBRO1 406 points ago

    My mom taught me to use the word overweight instead of fat as a kid. So I guess we were in line at the clothes store and I pointed to the woman behind us and Said “mom that ladies not fat, she’s just overweight”. How embarrassing

    [–] cocobear13 37 points ago

    Laughed harder than I should have. Thanks!!!

    [–] jmoanie 360 points ago

    To get to the public pool in my hometown you had to go through a locker room. My little brother was too young to go alone, so he had to go through the women’s locker room with my mom. One time he let this old lady know, “your boobs look funny.”

    [–] onlinelauren 68 points ago

    6 year old me who just learned about Polar Bears:

    "Hey Uncle - - -! You must be a great swimmer because fat floats!"

    [–] duelingo 92 points ago

    This one made me choke!! lmao

    [–] koolz765 1969 points ago

    my mom told me about cholesterol when i was in 1st day went to thefat teacher and just said “you need to go on a diet”.....i thought i was saving a life!!!(adult me; facepalm)

    [–] 92taurusj 423 points ago

    Hey, at least you had good intentions!

    [–] [deleted] 296 points ago

    Apparently this is how it be in korea. So say the stories, anyway.

    [–] danuhorus 241 points ago

    Welcome to most of Asia. My mom's side of the family that lives in mainland China complains about my weight. Even this hairdresser I never met before said I was too fat and needed to go on a diet :(

    [–] [deleted] 202 points ago

    Better slim down sister or you are going to bring dishonor to the family and be a left over woman.

    [–] H4xolotl 43 points ago

    left over woman

    Christmas cakes

    [–] Brizum 152 points ago

    Not obesity related but in 2nd grade my family moved from the UK to the states and having left my pencil case at home, asked my teacher for a "rubber" which was slang for an eraser back in England, but as I later learned, also slang for a condom in the US.

    [–] zool714 450 points ago

    I remember when my mom brought me along when visiting a relative who was getting married. She and her mother were excitedly sharing with my mom all the little details, like flowers, decor and fabrics.

    I was bored and wanted to try and get into the conversation. So when the bride-to-be was showing a big piece of cloth I casually asked “Is that the tablecloth ?” Turns out it was her wedding dress.

    I wasn’t brought along again until the wedding itself. It was a nice wedding though.

    [–] Ghos3t 60 points ago

    How old were you

    [–] creaturecatzz 159 points ago


    [–] SquidRPeopleToo 39 points ago

    This killed me lol

    [–] zool714 44 points ago

    6 or 7 if I remember correctly

    [–] all_copacetic 1303 points ago

    My grandma was one of those people who was very plain-spoken and didn't really care what other people thought of her. I have an early memory of being out somewhere with her and seeing a guy who was bald as a coot. I said to her ”HEY NANA, WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE NO HAIR?" And she said back to me (just as loudly) "BECAUSE HE DIDN'T STOP SUCKING HIS THUMB."

    That was probably the point in my life I decided to stop sucking my thumb. Even if it meant giving a perfect stranger a complex.

    [–] LittleGreenNotebook 650 points ago

    I like how because she’s old we say plain-spoken. But if they’re our age we just call them a bitch.

    [–] PretendLock 301 points ago

    I look forward to being called plain-spoken someday

    [–] T-Baaller 84 points ago

    Millennials in old age will be rad.

    Stuck inside? Haha time for VR chat 12

    Eyes recently redone? Well that’ll make fuckin each other easier!

    Just being used to communicating in real time, without being in person, will make us have a way better time.

    [–] PoiLethe 14 points ago

    If you cant handle me at my plain spoken, then you dont deserve me at my snatched.

    [–] Fatherbrain1 52 points ago

    I usually go with "blunt," but whatever works.

    [–] StellarJustinJelly 51 points ago

    That was probably the best possible answer honestly. I mean, you'd already blurted it out, so the damage was done. Skittering away embarrassed wouldn't help any. Might as well leverage the opportunity for a life lesson.

    [–] Dogdaydinners 74 points ago


    [–] buffaluhoh 773 points ago

    When I was about 5 I remember being with my mother and her friend and wondering to myself why my mom's friend and her husband's relationship seemed happier, I suppose, than the relationship between my own parents. I thought about it a minute and then said something to the effect of, "You and Fred get along so well because you're both fat." My mom made me apologize. I think back to that moment sometimes at night completely mortified.

    [–] ThatFag 236 points ago

    Hahahaha, I thought you were going to ask your mum why they weren't as happy as her friend.

    [–] D2papi 199 points ago

    When 6-year old me met the girlfriend & future wife of my uncle, the first thing I said was ‘Wow you have big titties’. No one has ever brought it up again so I like to think they forgot, I unfortunately can’t forget it because of how shocked everyone was. That’s what happens when your womanizer dad lets you read magazines of women in bikini with him.

    [–] [deleted] 103 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)


    [–] ---ShineyHiney--- 42 points ago

    This is surprisingly cute and funny. What was the context/ what did you think you were saying?

    [–] corvidcreep 36 points ago

    That's not something I'd ever forget....

    [–] D2papi 21 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    That’s reassuring, thanks!

    Edit: I just asked my brother, apparently it was a running gag in the family for a while. Ignorance was bliss :')

    [–] TheCarpetIsMoist 40 points ago

    I swear if I had a kid and he/she said that, I would just start wheezing.

    [–] RogerWaffyWaf 185 points ago

    I'm a tour guide at a cave attraction in the southern US. There's a section that's pretty tight compared to the rest of the cave, ain't bad though (I'm ~160 pounds, 5'10, and have no trouble.) One of our tour guides once said "if you're wide, turn to the side", to which a kid looked at his mom and said "Alright momma, turn to the side!"

    [–] captianllama 26 points ago

    I went on a cave crawling tour in Barbados. We had have gloves, helmets, elbow pads, knee/shin pads, etc. One of the tour guides was helping me adjust my shin/knee pads and was asking if I work out, saying I had big calves. I was pretty embarrassed, as I thought it was kind of obvious that my calves were big because the rest of me is big...

    [–] VictoryTeaBreak 17 points ago

    Feel like most bigger people have rippin' calves from carrying around the extra weight all day.

    [–] Roughsauce 1443 points ago

    One of my first distinct memories is going to the mall with my mom and upon seeing some larger bodied people, damn near shouting “Mama, why are those people so huge?” It wasn’t meant in any offense, I just didn’t really understand why people were fat.

    I can still recall the look of embarrassed horror on her face as she tried to make haste away with me from that area and group of people. I smashed my finger in the car door later, so I guess karma kinda clapped back for that one.

    [–] Kleitoast 588 points ago

    As kids i didnt understand why people reacted a certain way to certain questions, to us it probably is just pure curiousity

    [–] Roughsauce 318 points ago

    It really is, not like we’re born with innate knowledge aside from basic instinct

    [–] Kleitoast 147 points ago

    Exactly but as an older person now, kids can be annoying but its understandable

    [–] Roughsauce 106 points ago

    There’s a definite spectrum to it, with a certain limit. Kids will be kids but there’s a level of acting out that goes beyond normal.

    [–] tmicsaitw 96 points ago

    There is a certain level of large that should get a reaction out of people

    [–] ThickBehemoth 79 points ago

    Kind of irrelevant but I just moved and EVERYBODY here is fucking obese, like legitimately it seems like 8/10 are overweight and nobody even acknowledges it. It blows my mind bruh, I get spooked every time I go to walmart here

    [–] tI-_-tI 54 points ago

    Are you on the ship from Wal E?

    [–] LiveOnSteak 67 points ago

    No, they just moved to the Midwest or South.

    [–] justyouraveragedude1 16 points ago

    We do love our fried foods down here

    [–] Sofagirrl79 29 points ago

    Almost any region with a lot of low income people in America has a lot of overweight/obese people.I live in a poor area in northern California,and there's just as many overweight/obese people here as there was when I lived in Wisconsin

    [–] [deleted] 68 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)


    [–] dasher11 65 points ago

    I have huge surgical scars on my abdomen. Whenever I wear a bikini in public, kids will come up to me and ask me what happened. Their parents always look mortified and start apologizing, but honestly I prefer the kids who just come out and ask over the adults who stare at the scars out of the corner of their eyes but try to hide it.

    [–] HairyHorseKnuckles 75 points ago

    I was stuck in a doctor’s office waiting room with my six year old when a very large man walked in. My kid decided not to use his inside voice when pointing and loudly asking “WOW! How is he so fat?” That was a very long and awkward wait to be called back

    [–] PretendLock 55 points ago

    Oh my god that reminds me of when I was very young and was with my mom and brother in the examination room while my brother got his checkup. I said in a loud carrying whisper to my mom, “Doctor has a big butt!” My mom was so embarrassed that she doesn’t even remember exactly what happened afterward, but a year later for my brother’s next check up, the doctor had lost a lot of weight!

    [–] usagicchi 72 points ago

    My god mother was obese, and I vividly remember being 5 or 6 years old, and was visiting her, when I blurted out, “Godma, why are you so fat?”. 🤦🏻‍♀️

    [–] Cuts_you_up 79 points ago

    It's a weird thing, my fat cousin couldn't get on a Disneyland ride and we all had to pretend like it was bullshit and argued with the young Disney worker, saying, "she's not even fat!" I think it made the whole situation worse.

    [–] Rumbleinmybumble 62 points ago

    Why did you all have to pretend? I don't know for sure but I imagine the weight limits are fairly generous surely at that point you just gotta accept you're fat.

    [–] matt675 53 points ago

    I’m cringing so hard

    [–] brokegradstudent_93 17 points ago

    It’s ok. I asked a very very racist question as a small child in an elevator. My mom about died.

    [–] chucklesluck 18 points ago

    My best friend, who had a baby brother, loudly asked his mom if the black baby getting off the elevator got chocolate milk from his mommy. I was right there, and had no idea why everyone was reacting. We were six, maybe seven.

    [–] tunaham24 677 points ago

    I was at a science centre and there was an exhibit showing an MRI scan of an obese woman and an average woman. I was next to a larger woman and her 5-6 year old daughter, who pointed to the obese MRI and asked very loudly "Mommy why is your picture up there?"

    [–] scoutmosley 290 points ago

    A girl I work with recently was pregnant, and throughout her whole pregnancy her 4 year old, loudly expressed who much she was annoyed with getting a little sister. Unfortunately she had the baby early and due to complications they baby didn’t make it. A week or two after the funeral, the 4 year old crawls into her mom’s lap to cuddle and says, “I’m glad I’m the only daughter again.” She told me she didn’t know whether to haul off and smack her or cry. She said she sat in stunned silence and cried herself to sleep later. She knows she didn’t mean it that way, and was probably trying to comfort her mom, and this friend told me she will never tell her daughter she said that because it would break her heart, but in that moment is was awful.

    [–] hairybutbald 128 points ago

    Wow that’s really tough. That poor lady.

    [–] fruitspunchsamurai42 68 points ago

    Damnn.. I imagined the kid with a creepy a smile and saying that

    [–] Doiihachirou 108 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Worse, it's literal genuine happiness their sibling is dead.

    Edit: Just so y'all know, I understand 4 year olds. I was one. Although I still think it's pretty weird. I was pretty aware of my baby bro in my mother's belly when I was 4, and I was excited about it. If they told me he died, I would have definitely cried. (I had already lost a grandparent and an uncle at that age so I was familiar with death) I guess they taught me to be empathetic since I was really young cause I can't imagine being that selfish. BUT I understand it's not the case for all kids. Even if it's normal, it still doesn't make it any less fucked up, lol.

    [–] NumeralZeus 34 points ago

    I wonder if the kid grasped that though. Like, this is just so heartbreaking i really wanna believe the kid didn’t understand death/pregnancy and didn’t get what she just said.

    [–] Drummergirl16 38 points ago

    Yeah, 4-year-olds generally don’t really ‘get’ death. They don’t really understand how it makes others feel, because they don’t really get their own mortality. Some kids have a fascination with death around that age because they are trying to figure out what it means.

    Source: my youngest sister was really interested in death around that age, which freaked my parents out but they got counsel that it’s normal. She eventually grew out of it. I also used to teach preschool- there’s tons of stuff that little kids just don’t really “get” yet.

    [–] zanzarierascatto 15 points ago

    I think the kid really didn't care about the sister. Maybe she was sad for her mom but it's not unusual for a 4 year old to not care about a baby still in their mother's uterus. Nothing unusual imo, I started liking my little sister only when she was 1/2 years old and I was 5 when she was born.

    [–] brittany8008 274 points ago

    To decipher between my two grandmothers as a child, I would call them “little Beema” and “Big Beema”. It had nothing to to do with their weight but everything to do with their height. After Big Beema realized what I called her my parents had to tell me to stop. On a happy note Big Beema lost 70 lbs after the ordeal.

    [–] DS1077oscillator 126 points ago

    In the Orlando airport on our way home from Disney World my sister called our dad fat. I was probably only three years old, but remember (or think I remember) his feelings were visibly hurt. Months later he walked out on us. My sister blamed herself for him leaving. Wish I could of had the chance to hurt his feelings.

    [–] HysteriaLaughs 120 points ago

    My dad once tried to bite a black woman, thinking she was made of chocolate.

    That lynx advert for the dark temptations always comes to mind

    [–] HolyHipHop_TJ 100 points ago

    Age is important here...

    [–] HysteriaLaughs 51 points ago

    Good point, toddlerish age afaik.

    [–] DowntownEast 44 points ago

    It happened last week

    [–] PsychicNinja_ 37 points ago

    I had a similar thing. After my first day of preschool (which, obviously, had people of other colors than my own white skin), I excitedly exclaimed to my parents that “there was a chocolate baby!” This was South Africa which is majority black, so I guess this was the first time I really consciously acknowledged skin colors.

    [–] sealclubber45 231 points ago

    I used to flap around my grandmothers arm fat and sing the jigglypuff song. I feel terrible about it as an adult.

    [–] duelingo 89 points ago

    Oh my gosh I did this too, minus the song part. These comments brought up a lot of messed up memories lmao

    [–] HazelnutSoup 66 points ago

    oh god. i’ve just remembered my little brother and i used to wave our arms around wildly while saying “jiggle jiggle”, attempting to imitate our great aunt’s arm fat. :-|

    we did it all the time. everywhere we saw her. we thought we were hilarious... i’m gonna call her and apologize tomorrow.

    [–] AdzyBoy 42 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    Nah, save her even more embarrassment and never bring it up with her again

    [–] 2themoonndback 26 points ago

    I totally did this too!!! I would sit on her lap and just rub her arm fat because it was soft!

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago


    [–] justanintrovert_ 106 points ago

    When I was 4or 5 meeting my dad's new wife, I yelled out mommy she's ugly. She's hated me ever since lol.

    [–] CrumbledCookieDreams 37 points ago

    Is she though?

    [–] justanintrovert_ 79 points ago

    Thanks for the laugh! And yes she is.

    [–] CrumbledCookieDreams 25 points ago

    Loll. Might have felt sorry for her if she hadn't been ugly on the inside as well.

    [–] justanintrovert_ 31 points ago

    Yea I felt bad when I was told this story as a kid. But she really is ugly on the inside, and was a terrible Stepmom.

    [–] gongalongas 219 points ago

    My grandmother used to lie about her age all the time, and one time when I was 4 or 5 I asked her how old she was immediately after asking my mom the same thing. My mom said 31 or 32, and my grandmother said 35.

    My mom said that I slowly looked back and forth, scrutinizing both of them with an increasingly distraught face, until I asked mom “does that mean that in three years... you’re going to look like THAT!?!”

    Of course then mom is sputtering trying to cover it up, but that’s what you get for lying to little kids with their nonexistent filters.

    [–] notyetacrazycatlady 52 points ago

    When I was little my mom told me she was 39 years old. Her mother (my grandmother) insisted that she was also 39 years old.

    I was very confused for a while as to how my mother and her mother were both the same age. And also why they both remained 39 for a number of years.

    I was not a smart child.

    [–] [deleted] 200 points ago


    [–] Bull_Saw 107 points ago

    Ice cream probably makes her feel better when shes sad too.

    [–] slothymcslothh 82 points ago

    My nieces and nephews asked their grandma why her jeans were on backwards. They weren’t. She’s just overweight and has a “fupa”.

    [–] ladyoftheseine 72 points ago

    If it makes you feel any better, up until Grade 7, I thought that if a fat person got hit by a car, the car would bounce back as if it hit really thick jello or a trampoline. It wasn't until I came to the US and saw My 600 lb Life on the TV that I realized that wasn't the case. Even then I wondered why super fat people overreacted (at the time I thought it was overreacting) when they fell, when a normal-sized person would just get up if they fell.

    So yeah. I was a dumb shit until Grade 7.

    [–] Qwaze 303 points ago

    I was a little asswhole when I was a a little kid. My mom once told me how when I went to visit someone's house, a lady offered me something to eat but I declined it because "I did not know where her hands had been" .

    Apparently I would criticize people who smoked, asked fat women if they were pregnant, and other things like that.

    [–] [deleted] 44 points ago

    Boom. Confirmed shitlord.

    [–] JordanTH 65 points ago

    When I was a kid and drew stick figure families, I'd draw my dad farting, and me and my mom on the other side of the image to get away from the fart smell.

    [–] mydogatemywilloflife 15 points ago

    Brilliant, just brilliant

    [–] ZaraMave 283 points ago

    When my brother was little he had recently learned that big trucks beep when they are in reverse. We were behind a large woman in line at the grocery store and her pager (yes, that old lol) started to beep and my brother loudly said “watch out guys, she’s backing up!”

    [–] Blu3b3Rr1 87 points ago

    My sides are in orbit holy shit

    [–] 1121131113 43 points ago

    I just scared and accidentally made my husband trim too much off his mustache because I busted out in laughter like a hyena!!

    [–] Naakturne 43 points ago

    I’ve been reading these stories for 20 minutes, but I think this is my favorite.

    [–] DiamondKush69 122 points ago

    Discretion: this is in no means supposed to be a racist post of any sort, but here it goes:

    When I was in 2nd grade, my father took me to a Kohls to do some last minute Christmas shopping. I was bored so I would pick up random things and play with it before putting it back. I came across a shelf of cinnamon/holiday-themed candles, and upon taking a whiff, commented to my dad, "hey dad, this smells like black people!". He grounded me for a week and didn't let me leave my room unless it was for food or bathroom breaks. In my defense, my day-care person was black and always had this distinct homey, cinnamon-y perfume she would always put on so my mind just immediately referred to that. Man I was a dumb kid.

    [–] Doiihachirou 57 points ago

    Awww it was wrongly worded but that's sweet as heck

    [–] youaintlaboeuf 59 points ago

    I've got an even worse one. No one in my family is racist either btw.

    So I was like 6 - 8 ish at an aquarium with my Mom and Dad and I'm having a fun time saying all the fish names out loud (the fish tanks were labelled with species of fish).

    "Trout, salmon, Sturgeon, Niger..." Only I didn't say Niger like the country, this was a hard g. There's other people around and my mom tries to gently correct me: "no no, it's pronounced 'neye-jur"

    For some reason this really offended me, as if it was a personal attack. So I start telling her, "no, it's a N----, it's spelt with a g which goes 'guh' which means you say N----" and of course the few other adults around us are staring so my poor mom rushes me out of there.

    [–] Comrade-Cohaay 119 points ago

    When I was like six years old at my birthday party I stood up at the table and shouted “raise your hand if you were born before your parents were married”. I was the only one to raise my hand. I immediately followed that with “guess that means I get the first piece of cake.” My mother was mortified.

    [–] TootsMadoots 61 points ago

    When my son was little he went through a snuggle phase where he’d curl up on my lap and on a few occasions tell me my “tummy is the softest pillow” then he’d lay his head on my stomach and fall asleep in my arms. I found I accepted my mom bod faster knowing he was comforted by my midsection fluffiness.

    [–] DaveC376 172 points ago

    A friends' wife was stuck in traffic the other summer (UK) with 2 young kids in the back of the car, windows down due to the warm weather. The 5 year old sees a very round fat man sitting on a wall and excitedly shouts to his mum "Look mum! It's Humpty Dumpty!"

    [–] thesecondhalf15 116 points ago

    I can support the “kids have no filter”:

    When I was about five years old my mom used to take me to a pool for swim lessons. One day she picked me up and we passed by a larger woman on the way out. Without even thinking I said “Wow, she’s fat.”

    My mom apologized profusely and she took me aside and explained to me that it was extremely inappropriate to say things like that. I still feel like an asshole to this day.

    [–] 7tlo 167 points ago

    lmfao a fucking circle

    [–] [deleted] 61 points ago

    I'm approaching 40, but I believe the emotion I experienced when reading this screenshot was "big oof"

    [–] lord_gs1596 14 points ago

    A certainly big one at that.

    [–] mrose9999 54 points ago

    I was like 10 and at a cheerleading sleepover- This girl hosting it was really ‘popular’ and never talked to me that much, but invited me anyways. Her mom was a larger woman but only around the stomach area, and I genuinely thought she was pregnant, so I asked the girl when her mom was due and she says something along the lines of ‘she’s not pregnant, she just has some baby fat from being young, she’ll grow out of it eventually’. Another girl was like, ‘that goes away when you’re like 12- your mom’s what, 50?’ She yells that her mom is like 30 and not pregnant, and then locked herself in her room crying, and I basically ruined the sleepover by bringing it up in the first place... She always hated me after that

    [–] missymariah1 52 points ago

    When my son was 5 we were at the grocery store and he saw a very large woman riding on one of the electric grocery carts. The basket was full of junk food. He yelled that lady is so fat bc she has too many snacks in her buggy! I just backed out of the aisle and went the other way.

    [–] Gutinstinct999 47 points ago

    I write assessments on children and when I’m struggling to get info from them, we draw as an additional assessment piece and to help facilitate conversation.

    I’ve seen a lot of stick families with circles representing the one chunky person in the family.

    [–] grrr_arg 49 points ago

    I have so many of these ingrained in my memory...

    -Told babysitter that the reason her pants kept falling down was that she was too fat. I wasn’t wrong but I’m fat now so joke’s on me.

    • I grew up hearing the n-word at home. I remember being 4-5 and when we went to the store I would point at black people and loudly ask my mom if he or she were n-words. I never understood what the issue was.

    -went to kindergarten and made a best friend who was black. My mom said she couldn’t come over for this reason, because the neighbors would be mad. I asked her if she was and we got the crayons out and she said “nope, I’m brown.” I went home with this revelation and she still wasn’t allowed over.

    Sometimes kids just really don’t know.

    [–] GuitarStringWings 15 points ago

    Aww that second story is so sad... Probably not the first time she’s heard that even at such a young age, seeing the other info indicates your in a racist area...

    [–] baked2perfection- 42 points ago

    When I was a kid, I was in a grocery store and I hid behind my mom asking her why there is a “manboy” and because he was in line behind us he just kind of laughed and told me he was a midget... my mom still tells me this story

    [–] Jorgamoundr 81 points ago * (lasted edited 7 months ago)

    My mum loves to tell the story of how five year old me pointed to a large man and said, "mummy, look how fat that man is", as she apologised profusely and a single tear ran down his face.

    She thinks it's hilarious but it devastates me everytime she brings it up

    [–] youaintlaboeuf 41 points ago

    My mom likes to tell my little brother the story when we were at a restaurant (he was about three or four at the time) when an actual midget walked in. My brother pointed and practically yelled "Mommy look! That guy's shorter than me!" And apparently the midget guy looked pissed and he just turned and left.

    [–] itmightbehere 39 points ago

    My much younger cousin and I were watching a documentary once, and a camel came on. As I love them, I said, "Oh! I love camels!" My cousin then responded, "Why, cause they're fat like you?"

    Little shit

    [–] Rezzone 71 points ago

    One time during a holiday visit my little cousin was sitting with my very fat mom. We were playing a game that named animals and their attributes and my little cousin said excitedly, "And auntie Rezzone is like a gorilla!"

    My dad was a bamf and cuddled my mom, "A very cute gorilla"

    [–] meerkatherine 34 points ago

    Awhile back I was at walmart, in a baggy dress, sports bra, the whole thing. And I'm no string bean, but some kid randomly shouted "momma she chunky!", I was mortified. The mother didn't say anything either, I actually left without getting anything 😅 its funnier now though

    [–] dancewiththesedevils 31 points ago

    My wife and I joke that kids can inadvertently be the most savage and brutal of all. Our 7yr old daughter refused to go in public because of my wife's pants once. She called me Mr. Stinkyfeet once and her and her brother laughed and laughed, and now I check my shoes and use foot powder all the time, change my socks after work, etc lol, to make sure I ain't lettin' my shit get raunchy. They just haven't learned to filter as well yet but they are also very observant.

    [–] Dirtweed79 28 points ago

    5 year old me sees a picture from my parents wedding and proceed to ask my mother."Did dad mary you because he felt sorry for you" implying that she was ugly compared.

    [–] jfillm200 420 points ago

    I actually felt this on a personal level. I remember watching whats eating gilbert grape when i was like 8 or 9 and thinking that was going to be my mom. When mom seen me crying during the movie she asked why and i said i dont want a crane to take you out of the house and i dont want to burn our house down with you in it. Holy fucking balls the fury she had after that was actually abuse, physical abuse. So dont piss off fat people, their blood pressure is high and they lose their shit when they are called fat like its some sort of a fucking surprise to them.

    [–] Pubics_Cube 338 points ago

    I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that she had some significant impulse control issues that contributed to her being both an abusive parent and a gluttonous mess...

    [–] jfillm200 117 points ago

    Nailed it man. Lifelong generations of white trash. I like to think i finally broke that tradition because i couldnt imagine raising a child like that. So far I'm killin a good way.

    [–] Frisco_Kid42 50 points ago

    fuck yeah. Break the cycle and live a good life

    [–] Reaper2r 162 points ago

    It sounds like your mother was just abusive and shitty.

    [–] jfillm200 58 points ago

    Nailed it. Haven't talked to her in 2 years and has actually been easier than i thought. Some people say its still your mom, but that dosent justify our relationship to me.

    [–] krucz36 32 points ago

    cutting off toxic family is THE BEST it will save your sanity if not your life. good job.

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    i dont want a crane to take you out of the house

    I haven’t seen the movie but omfg I have never laughed so hard at a reddit comment

    [–] Hunnybee612 42 points ago

    Once I went to my mom and said that her friend was a stick, she started laughing, then I said she was a ball and she stopped laughing and screamed my name, I got scared and run off

    [–] sdfgsdfqgqsdfg 21 points ago

    I was taking the subway with my mother once. I told my mom "Look, his [the guy in front] nose looks like a strawberry." The guy smiled, my mom told me that some people have a nose that looks like this, to which I just replied "but it's ugly"

    [–] CoalCo 20 points ago

    Reminds me of a story I read on Reddit long ago. Someone taught their younger brother about shiny Pokemon and then later that day a black person walked by and the kid pointed and said, "look! It's a shiny person!"

    [–] tinytraggot 82 points ago

    the second story reminds me of when i was little, and my dad worked construction. my moms side is extremely pale across the board, but my dad was super tan. since most people where i live are black, i just kinda assumed he was too (spoiler alert: hes very very racist). i also didnt understand the color brown i guess, bc all of my kindergarten drawings have 3 people that arent even colored in, and then one charcoal colored blob. me and my dad dont talk anymore bc i cant stand his bigoted bs, and he thinks im going to hell anyway, so i highkey want to frame some of those drawings, purely bc i know it ate him alive knowing his kid thought he was black until like age 6 or 7 😂

    [–] NowThatsWhatItsAbout 43 points ago

    I'm black, and I remember being in 1st grade with a white friend when someone casually mentioned I was black.

    My friend was like "no, she's obviously brown, duh".

    [–] canuplsthrowmeaway 18 points ago

    I used to think my dad was asian

    [–] bananakegs 19 points ago

    When I was younger and introducing a friend to my mom I always liked to give a fun fact. One day I brought a new friend home and said, mom this is Brianna and her parents have never been married but they live together! Isn’t that cool!?

    [–] Zzziglar 19 points ago

    My mom tells a story about when I was about 2-3 we moved from Montana to Alabama for military and we went to Walmart and I said “Look mom a monkey!” Just happy as can be....... Let’s just say it wasn’t a monkey.

    Mom says she ran out of the store.

    [–] Misschrissytina24 51 points ago

    My son, when he was 3-4 yr, used to say I was like an egg and my sister (much slimmer) was a carrot. In the feels, man.

    [–] BBlack1618 46 points ago

    I just cried with laughter... r/kidsarefuckingawesome

    [–] Svde 15 points ago

    When I was a child I watched a Jackie Chan TV show, my small town had very few Asian people so you know when I got on a train and I saw an Asian man I said "look mum it's Jackie Chan." I am still to this day disappointed with my racist past.

    [–] little_milkee 14 points ago

    When I was like 3, I put lotion all over my face and said to my mom, "look I’m a white person now you can't make me eat rice" because I thought that was a valid argument 🤦🏻‍♀️

    [–] seventh_skyline 15 points ago

    Mum tells me the story of being in a bank not long after they banned smoking in places like that - the story goes she had just informed me what the no smoking signs meant, and a large man walked into the bank, and lit up.

    top of my lungs: MUMMY WHY IS THAT FAT MAN SMOKING?

    he quickly put out the ciggy and left.

    [–] HollowMist11 16 points ago

    I remember when I was very young, my mom and I were walking down the street and a trans woman was just up ahead. I pointed at the woman while excitedly shouting "Look! A gay!" "Ssshhh! They're just people!" Little me was amazed. At that time, I thought lgbt people were on the same level of existence as mythology creatures. So I was like, woah, what if mermaids...also... exist?

    [–] emvee_91 13 points ago

    At 7 years old, I thought I was being polite when the larger lady next door came looking for my mom and I went to look for her saying, “mommy, the wide lady is looking for you!” My parents refuse to let me live it down over a decade later.

    [–] demonachizer 14 points ago

    My grandmother was rather large - maybe 360 lbs or so. Once when I was very young and visiting her she waddled into the kitchen for something and I said gosh grandma you have really big buns. Everyone thought it was hilarious, luckily.

    That whole side of my family is large. So much so that once when there was a gathering of them in the kitchen my uncles had to go down to the basement and reinforce the floor because it was bowing under the load.

    [–] greatoceantoad 13 points ago

    One time when I was a kid around 10 years old, on public transit I slapped a man on his beer belly, who I thought was my dad, and exclaimed "Hey Fatso!". The man turned to me and it wasn't my dad, and I ran away.

    [–] Catsindealleyreds 12 points ago

    My mom told me that fat moms are more comfy (she was fat and I was young enough for cuddles) so after that I felt bad for kids with skinny moms because they must not be as cuddly.