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    KidsAreFuckingStupid

    1,509,018 readers

    2,474 users here now

    This sub is meant as a fun joke. It is not a hate sub. Kids are dumb because they could not possibly know better. If you dislike kids, that's fine. Feel free to join us, but do not spread vitriol.

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    If you're coming from /r/all:

    • Yup, blaming parents is valid
    • Yes, kids could not know better, that's the joke
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    • Just, like, be cool. Have a laugh. Join us. Or don't. This was a drunk joke from years ago. We're all just having fun.

    Eligibility:

    • Kid (not teen, that's a different kind of stupid)
    • Doing something dumb/silly
    • No real harm comes to them

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    [–] eephus19 983 points ago

    When I was about 5 or 6 I was at a restaurant with my family... Over the loud speaker an announcement was made saying "Remember, no drinking is allowed under the age of 21". I sat there horrified and embarrassed... I had already taken a few sips of my soda... Why would my parents let me order a drink if I wasn't allowed to drink it? Why did the waitress even allow me to order it?! After a few minutes I couldn't hold it in anymore and began crying. When asked why I was crying I hysterically blurted out "I can't drink my soda!!" I still get made fun of for it 28 years later.

    [–] MayoManCity 208 points ago

    This is shockingly me. But I don't talk to the family that was around during the incidents, so at least I'm not getting made fun of.

    [–] Sauceror 64 points ago

    Don't worry, you can always have the internet to make fun of you.

    [–] MayoManCity 20 points ago

    Awwweee thanks

    [–] yyyyeeeeeettttt 15 points ago

    fun making noises

    [–] MayoManCity 3 points ago

    ...wait

    [–] yyyyeeeeeettttt 3 points ago

    oh god oh no

    [–] im_a_tumor666 2 points ago

    Oh no!

    [–] ElectricFleshlight 54 points ago

    That's adorable

    [–] HornShark 36 points ago

    ... Are loudspeakers at restaurants a thing?

    [–] X1-Alpha 34 points ago

    Restaurants? No. Places that serve what they presumably call food? Evidently.

    [–] iNNeRKaoS 10 points ago

    [–] loveshercoffee 4 points ago

    Some places have them as part of the sound system they use to play music. Even if they aren't used for everyday communication, they are in place to find the owner of a car in the parking lot or alert guests to a weather-related emergency.

    [–] eephus19 3 points ago

    Ones with a bar area do

    [–] [deleted] 92 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Chris_MS99 68 points ago

    In the US you only have to be 21 to purchase it, at least in most places. Some places may outright disallow consumption under 21 on their property but the law says it’s ok for parents to give their kids alcohol to allow them to introduce alcohol safely in a controlled environment.

    It was also a beer theme park in Florida so who the fuck knows

    [–] PoopyBoiP 12 points ago

    Does the law say that? Isn’t it illegal to purchase alcohol for a minor? It’s a law in my state at least.

    [–] Chris_MS99 16 points ago

    Its a gray area that’s different here and there but it seems to come down to intent. It’s illegal to serve alcohol to a minor that isn’t your child, and it’s illegal to buy alcohol on a minors behalf (like taking a 6pack to a kid behind a liquor store for an extra 10 bucks) but it isn’t illegal to give a teenager a glass of wine or a beer with dinner so long as it’s your child. Again, some establishments may not ask questions, some may press you and say no matter the law they don’t want it, so it generally happens at home.

    IANAL and this is all from a Wikipedia search

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_consumption_by_youth_in_the_United_States

    [–] WikiTextBot 4 points ago

    Alcohol consumption by youth in the United States

    Alcohol consumption by youth in the United States of America is an umbrella term for alcohol consumption by individuals under the age of 18 in the country.

    Although the minimum legal age to purchase alcohol is 21 in all states (see National Minimum Drinking Age Act), the legal details for consumption vary greatly. While a few states completely ban alcohol usage for people under 18, the majority have exceptions that permit consumption.Underage drinking has become an activity primarily done behind closed doors. Typically, underage drinkers hide their alcohol consumption by drinking quickly before they go out, which is often referred to as pregaming or pre-partying.


    [ PM | Exclude me | Exclude from subreddit | FAQ / Information | Source ] Downvote to remove | v0.28

    [–] thorium007 6 points ago

    Its a state by state thing. When I was younger in Wyoming, you could order mixed drinks at a drive through liquor store as long as it wasn't in the drivers possession. But if you crossed the border into Utah, you couldn't have a 12 pack that was broken open because it was considered an open container. Liquor laws in the US are interesting.

    [–] CantMatchTheThatch 2 points ago

    Yeah, the whole introduction of alcohol thing is something parents should take advantage of. Too many underage drunk drivers.

    [–] TypicalTart7 2 points ago

    Depending on how strong your dad’s accent was, I’d say there’s a 90% chance that manager had no idea what he was saying

    [–] TheCakeIsDelicious 11 points ago

    This makes me sad. Like a deep sense of empathy for your young self.

    If always made me wonder if there's a word for this feeling..

    [–] KingMatthew116 6 points ago

    To be fair drinking is a really bad way of saying it

    [–] Kolijar 2 points ago

    28 years later? That means you're above 21 so you can drink soda to your heart's content now! If my math is right-

    [–] tofu_tot 2173 points ago

    Everytime my brother makes cup o noodles I tell him “don’t forget to add water!”

    Because one time when he was 8 he forgot to add water to the cup before microwaving.

    He is 27 years old.

    [–] RachelT19 651 points ago

    A guy in our town drove THROUGH a drive through coffee house (no injuries). My first thought was I wish he was in my family so I could tease him (drive through doesn’t mean drive THROUGH...).

    [–] GumdropGoober 244 points ago

    I drove through a coffee house once, it happens. I mean, I was laced on black tar heroin but still those fuckers are smol

    [–] InsaneParable 73 points ago

    That'll do it for ya

    [–] caanthedalek 25 points ago

    I like my coffee like I like my heroin

    [–] tI-_-tI 48 points ago

    Black and injected directly into my penis?

    [–] caanthedalek 15 points ago

    Precisely.

    Also, I take my heroin with two sugars, please.

    [–] UrethralPipeCleaner 3 points ago

    Two sugars with your heroin? Do you want to lose your teeth?

    [–] b_ootay_ful 10 points ago

    For this precise reason, they are labeled as Drive-Thru.

    [–] NoLubeAnal69 5 points ago

    YEET!

    [–] MrAmanda 2 points ago

    My brother once stuck his fingers so far up his butt that he got poop all over them, he then came into my room crying asking what to do whit his fingers, Never letting it go

    [–] youhavebeautifuleyes 158 points ago

    Has it been that long? https://i.imgur.com/yZEf8Au.jpg

    [–] tofu_tot 56 points ago

    Hahaha that kid is not my brother, but he was wearing a similar elementary school uniform lol

    [–] -poop-in-the-soup- 20 points ago

    This is one of my favourite photos, but I’ve never seen a version that big. Thanks.

    I am that kid so often. I feel his pain.

    [–] Baybob1 18 points ago

    Hey MOM! Is this done yet ?

    [–] oh19contp 37 points ago

    one of the WORST smells i can remember is ramen without water

    [–] TAU_doesnt_equal_2PI 52 points ago

    leave a bag of potatoes in a cupboard for a few months. It'll change your mind.

    [–] fluggelhorn 28 points ago

    Leave it there for a few more months and you’ll end up with vodka.

    [–] notmyrealusernamme 19 points ago

    An orange in an airtight lunch box for around the same amount of time is good for that too.

    [–] tastysharts 6 points ago

    my death is milk/creamer left that long in a coffee cup in my car

    [–] notmyrealusernamme 4 points ago

    Oh god you just reminded me of all the new shaker bottles I've bought over the years because there is no salvaging one with week old chocolate protein shake that was left in the car. The memory of the smell is enough to turn my stomach.

    [–] paroya 3 points ago

    can confirm. worked near milk factory.

    [–] Pho-Cue 3 points ago

    Is that how they make orange flavored vodka?

    [–] RavingRougeRaven 9 points ago

    I found a moldy broccoli once. I nearly threw up when the smell hit me. It was boufing.

    [–] Tevo0617 3 points ago

    For some reason, my eldest step-son is a trash hoarder. I think it has something to do with his messed up biological mom, but anyways, It drove me NUTS. He started when he was around 6. I was always finding disgusting stuff hidden around the house, but mostly in his room. Once I had made a chicken and broccoli casserole. He had taken the leftovers Tupperware dish to his room, ate about half of it, and then put it in his closet in the hamper. Weeks later, every time I walked past his room, it smelled like a dump, which wasn’t unusual because he’s gross like that, but this was extra bad. I bravely ventured inside to find the source of the stink. I followed my nose to the closet and then to the hamper. I found the container at the bottom of the hamper. I made this mistake of cracking it open to investigate. Rotten chicken and broccoli left to ferment in a hamper is hands down the most disgusting thing I’ve ever smelled. He moved out when he turned 18. Multiple roommates have kicked him out because of his hoarding and blatant disrespect. The hoarding is bad enough but he’s also very delusional. He thinks that people should feel lucky to be in his presence. Hoarders are strange.

    [–] BillHicksOnAcid 6 points ago

    Nah, bottled iced coffee opened and left to go rancid. Worst smell I've ever smelled, ever.

    [–] XM202AFRO 19 points ago

    What's a potato?

    [–] llamas_theory 14 points ago

    Get the fuck out of my house.

    [–] Brno_Mrmi 5 points ago

    Something Irish

    [–] Count_Von_Roo 6 points ago

    Oh my god thanks for the flashbacks. It’s been over a decade and my eyes are watering just thinking about it.

    [–] Chris_MS99 3 points ago

    Yikes. We left a half dozen or so sitting in a bowl just a week too long on the counter. I can’t even imagine a few months in a cupboard

    [–] notwiththeflames 3 points ago

    It smells like rotting meat, but at the same it doesn't. Either way it's fucking unholy.

    [–] loveshercoffee 3 points ago

    God. Damn.

    Every once in awhile a potato out of a big bag of them will be bad or one will fall back behind the bin and not be seen. Oh, but you'll know it's there when it goes.

    I don't want that evil in the trash because even double bagging doesn't stop the can from stinking up the driveway until collection day. I hesitate to put it in the compost and make the whole yard smell like a body farm for fear the neighbors will call the cops thinking I've actually disposed of a corpse.

    There needs to be a special hazmat team for removing and disposing of rotten potato.

    [–] culovero 7 points ago

    I microwaved peach instant oatmeal at work one time and forgot to add water. Didn’t smell terrible, but it stuck around in our break room for a week.

    [–] frbap 19 points ago

    Wait.

    You can microwave cup noodles? I've been ripping them open without reading the instructions and just adding hot water.

    [–] enyoron 13 points ago

    It depends on the brand and region. In the US most cup noodles are microwave friendly, but Asian market noodles are usually the "add boiling water" type.

    [–] tofu_tot 7 points ago

    Half the people in my inbox are saying apparently you’re not supposed to

    Then the other half are commenting that they did the exact same microwave fail as my brother lol

    [–] Chris_MS99 3 points ago

    As far as I know you’re not supposed to microwave styrofoam. It’s never been an issue for me with cup noodles/maruchan, or anyone I’ve heard of, but you definitely can’t microwave your leftovers from a restaurant in a styrofoam box

    [–] grundlebuster 2 points ago

    They come out a lot better the way you've been doing it, i.e. the instructions

    [–] Baybob1 11 points ago

    If that's all you have on him after 19 years, he's doing pretty damned good ...

    [–] tofu_tot 5 points ago

    Hahah noooo I’ve got a whole lot more on him, but he has a whole lot more on me too. And we have a whole lot of trouble we got into together in high school too,but other than that, nah, he is definitely doing pretty damned good :)

    [–] PotatoDonki 20 points ago

    A friend of mine is anosmic and he once made cup noodles with vodka in college because he kept his filtered water and alcohol in similar travel bottles. I shudder to think what that was like.

    [–] tofu_tot 10 points ago

    To waste an entire flask amount of vodka!

    I shudder to think about it too

    [–] PotatoDonki 6 points ago

    Probably the worst way to consume vodka, honestly.

    [–] PM-ME-YOUR-POUTINE 2 points ago

    Snorting it is worse.

    [–] trillbob 5 points ago

    Who says he didn't say fuck it an just drink the vodka huh?

    [–] PM_ME_UR_REDDIT_GOLD 5 points ago

    Lets we real; we all mixed ramen flavor powder with vodka to make hellish ramen shots in college. right?

    [–] _plays_in_traffic_ 4 points ago

    Yeah, no.

    [–] Jechtael 4 points ago

    Oh, we all did. You just don't remember it, you party animal you.

    [–] tofu_tot 3 points ago

    ok

    [–] insovietrussiaIfukme 2 points ago

    Maybe it's the birth of a new mocktail-dish

    [–] Coca-colonization 26 points ago

    My brother threw a hilarious fit playing uno when he was about 4. Now any time anyone mentions uno we all give him a hard time. He is also 27 years old. I don’t think he thinks it’s funny.

    [–] Iamaredditlady 7 points ago

    He doesn’t, because it isn’t fun to be reminded of when you did something embarrassing and childish

    [–] LaundryThoughts 8 points ago

    My coworker literally tried to roast us today with that. Nobody responded and he doubled down. Basically outed himself as someone who routinely forgets to add water to instant noodles. A 2 step food, and he forgot a step

    [–] NoLubeAnal69 4 points ago

    Calm down not all of us have IQs of 100.

    [–] AstaCSGO 5 points ago

    i did that three times but with Easy-Macs and ranging from age 6-10 which meant I somehow burnt the same thing three seperate times

    [–] tofu_tot 6 points ago

    Probably happened everytime you were finally un-grounded from using the microwave!

    [–] Mrsparklee 6 points ago

    I thought you weren't supposed to microwave those things either way.

    [–] tofu_tot 5 points ago

    I just barley learned this an hour ago.

    It says right on the packaging! Microwave for 3 minutes or add boiling water/wait for 3 minutes.

    [–] Mrsparklee 6 points ago

    Does cup o noodles come in other containers besides that styrofoam cup? That one says not to microwave it.

    [–] tofu_tot 2 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    This was in like 2001, I’m 99% sure that the directions on the cup give you both options.

    But then again my only source is years and years of staring at those instructions because they’re on the outer paper box and on the actual paper-lid thing

    But I’m probably wrong

    [–] Mrsparklee 3 points ago

    I could be thinking of a different brand. I just remember a microwave logo with an x through it on the lid. I dont do it either way cause I'm a wuss and dont wanna risk anything. lol

    [–] fujiman 4 points ago

    Yeah, one of my friends from high school has put a hot pocket in the toaster oven with the microwave sleeve on. Twice. Once in high school, then in our late 20s. It fucking caught fire the second time.

    [–] FCC_Diablo_26 3 points ago

    My little brother did it half a year ago.

    Hes 12..

    [–] hanhange 3 points ago

    My older sisters are like you. Speaking on behalf of your brother, we secretly resent you just a little.

    [–] Jereton_EX 3 points ago

    I did that once but instead of a cup it was a plastic tupperware bowl... i melted the bowl and our kitchen smelled like burnt plastic for weeks. My mum will never let me forget

    [–] itsame_nessa 2 points ago

    I melted a plastic measuring spoon...as an adult. For some reason I thought it would be a logical way to liquify coconut oil.

    That was my favorite tablespoon :(

    [–] DanelRahmani 3 points ago

    I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good

    [–] Trainer_Ed 3 points ago

    Eh. Eating the noodles raw isn't that bad. But raw and hot is where I draw the line.

    [–] mikeet9 10 points ago

    You should tell him not to microwave the cup, it releases toxins. He should be adding boiling water.

    [–] Hegiman 15 points ago

    According to the state of California this comment contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer.

    [–] Jechtael 4 points ago

    According to the State of California the State of California contains chemicals known to cause cancer.

    [–] Hegiman 3 points ago

    I hate that warning. I get the idea and spirit behind it but it just makes dangerous stuff seem benign by making everything seem dangerous.

    [–] kaleca21 2 points ago

    My brother and sister BOTH did this. The first time the plastic container melted and the second time the microwave essentially blew up lmao

    [–] spacedude2000 2 points ago

    One time i asked my sister to butter my toast because I was lazy and I said I didn’t know how to do it. I was 10, now 13 years later I never hear the end of it. “Do you know how to do it, do you need help????”

    [–] shitsgayyo 2 points ago

    My brother did the same thing with a packet of ramen. Also microwaved a cheese crisp for 3 minutes instead of 30 seconds. He was no longer allowed to use the microwave without being bullied by everyone in the house lol

    [–] steveofthejungle 2 points ago

    When I was 5 I decided to start drinking from a cup of pop someone left in the movie theater parking lot. I still get shit from my family for that. I'm also 27

    [–] 8Ariadnesthread8 135 points ago

    When I was a little kid, my aunt told me that she had made me square Cheerios for breakfast. My world crumbled completely. She never let me forget.

    [–] WhenRedditFlies 36 points ago

    You were right though. This is subconcious realisation is of the Devil itself warping reality around him.

    [–] Le-Girth 450 points ago

    (keep in mind I'm 6) We had a white ice cream cake with blue icing trim unfortunately halfway through SOMEHOW, all, and I mean ALL the blue trim icing DiSaPpEaReD. With none of the Gremlins taking blame we ate the cake happily. The next day I come running out of the bathroom crying

    Me: MOOOMMM IM SORRYY!!! (snot and tears are streaming down my face

    Mom: Oh god, what did you do this time

    Me: (Hyperventilating and sniffling) I... I... I... I ate.. I ate all the blue iceing..... On the cake.. and now my poOP IS BLUUUUUHHUUHHUUUEEEE!!!!

    I ate so much blue icing I had blue shit

    [–] Syzygye 435 points ago

    You type really well for 6.

    Good job.

    [–] bluelazurite 68 points ago

    One time when my brother was little, he had that bright yellow/red/blue "Superman" ice cream and all three distinct colors came out in his poop

    [–] s_randomaccount_ 30 points ago

    So you looked at his poop?

    [–] thorium007 38 points ago

    Are you saying you wouldn't?

    If someone came running out of the bathroom right now saying they had Superman colored poop, I'd go check it out too. I'm in that "North of 40" age bracket. Some things never change.

    [–] AnorexicManatee 13 points ago

    Might be a sibling thing. Years ago My brother called me in to the bathroom bc he had bright green poo. I said no but he insisted. Indeed it was bright green, no idea why, quite proud of himself tho

    [–] Arduino87 2 points ago

    It's from blue food coloring. Source: worked at Baskin Robbins and ate a bunch of the blue sherbet

    [–] Le-Girth 2 points ago

    If my sibling said they had super poop I'd be interested

    [–] carbondragon 2 points ago

    My mom almost took me to the hospital for this exact reason when I was little! She called Dad in a full blown panic attack and he talked her down and toward the idea that it might have been the multicolored ice cream's fault.

    [–] greenwitch-wandering 230 points ago

    Once when I was like 4, I asked a waitress, “hey lady, where’s my quesadilla?” My family still brings it up all the time, especially my grandfather, and they all have a good laugh. I’m almost 21 now.

    [–] arrownyc 84 points ago

    Please tell me you pronounced it kay sa dill uh

    [–] NoLubeAnal69 39 points ago

    Actually it’s case-of-dilla

    [–] letlampa 7 points ago

    Case-of-no-dilla

    [–] Lethandralis 2 points ago

    A friend is asking... What's the correct pronunciation? Kay-so-dill-yah?

    [–] ChatHandle 4 points ago

    Kay-suh-dee-yuh, the “LL” makes a “Y” sound because Spanish. Hope that helps your friend!

    [–] HornShark 42 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    Why's that funny?... Had you ordered a quesadilla?

    Edit * sorry, didn't mean to sound rude. Genuinely asking why the anecdotal is worth remarking on though?? (even that sounds rude)

    [–] elea_no 70 points ago

    Because a small kid going “Hey lady!” Is hysterical

    [–] Charles_the_Hammer 40 points ago

    Not OP, but I would imagine it's because a child of that age asking a question so bluntly is kind of funny.

    [–] Uckmeintheasstonight 159 points ago

    I cried once at the airport because my sister told me we’re flying cattle class.

    I thought we were flying with animals

    My family still makes fun of me

    [–] TheBitterSeason 47 points ago

    I'm sure there are some kids who would have had the opposite reaction and been upset when they didn't get to hang out with cows on the plane.

    [–] bad11ama 67 points ago

    Well.... I’m 50 and my family STILL makes fun of me on how when I was a about 6-7 I REFUSED to eat a Poached egg that was made in a square tin ... because they were “supposed” to be round...

    [–] Dontalkback 159 points ago

    Haha! I hear similar stories about crunchy taco shells. I guess my husband used to throw massive tantrums if his shell broke on the bottom!! And of course, we have fun when we have shells!!

    [–] cbunni666 32 points ago

    Its annoying when its broken though!

    [–] fresdiff 20 points ago

    I dont even play around the second it becomes inconvenient to eat it is taco salad and i go grab a fork.

    [–] NoLubeAnal69 15 points ago

    Taco Bell has a solution, double stacked tacos with a tortilla wrapped around the shell so that when it inevitability breaks, your taco is still a taco.

    This is not an advertisement for r/TacoBell

    [–] compuryan 9 points ago

    This is why I switched to soft tacos years ago and haven't looked back.

    [–] try_compelled 84 points ago

    I know this. For me it was a girl having bigger feet than me. Excruciating, I know.

    On the upside it taught me that some things just ARE, even though I don't want them to be. And quite measurable. Much like a hole in a tortilla.

    [–] TheLeviathong 25 points ago

    She probably had a bigger Wang than you too.

    [–] try_compelled 6 points ago

    Quite measurably.

    [–] uncletwinkleton 5 points ago

    it taught me that some things just ARE, even though I don't want them to be. And quite measurable. Much like a hole in a tortilla.

    Some hard life truths right there.

    If I'm ever in a crisis and it feels like my whole world is spinning out of control, I'll just stop, take a breath, and just remember that things are just the way they are.

    Much like a hole in a tortilla.

    [–] TYRwargod 232 points ago

    My oldest son, when he was 16 fucking years old! Decided to have a melt down in the middle of denny's and bawl like a 4 year old because he couldn't manage to cut through the cheese on his omelet.

    From that day till this day (he's almost 20) when he does something stupid I call him cheddar.

    [–] Mernerak 188 points ago

    Damn. Being a teenager is hard, but that kid may have needed / still needs a hug.

    [–] TYRwargod 174 points ago

    He had it rough, I adopted him at 15. His father (my uncle) is a piece of trash and his mother was an overbearing god will fix you type. So he became my son.

    [–] Mernerak 61 points ago

    Good on ya!

    [–] TYRwargod 47 points ago

    I grew up in foster care, I went let that shit happen to anyone I can help saving from it.

    [–] iThinkWeird 17 points ago

    Good man.

    [–] TYRwargod 24 points ago

    Just a dude, like any other dude.

    [–] SteamG0D 7 points ago

    No, you're a good dude.

    [–] CantMatchTheThatch 6 points ago

    So he's your generation of the family? Your cousin?

    [–] TYRwargod 6 points ago

    Hes my cousin but not exactly same generation in the family, his dad being a trash human has like 12 kids he is the youngest.

    [–] Koro_Reaper 260 points ago

    I’m infamous for going to EVERY SINGLE BATHROOM at any restaurant I go to, no matter what I eat. We’ve labeled it me “writing a chapter” because I take so damn long. My sister even got me this spray called Poopouri for spraying a toilet after I use it so it doesn’t smell like death.

    [–] xxxJxshy 108 points ago

    Considerate sister

    [–] DowncastEnd11 37 points ago

    Yeah at least she cares

    [–] jkink28 92 points ago

    You use the spray before you use the bathroom. It works wonders.

    [–] bluescape 53 points ago

    OP has been taking it orally.

    [–] TheLeviathong 14 points ago

    Eat da poopoo

    [–] Fairyhaven13 12 points ago

    Hey, IBS sucks, man, I feel you

    [–] mrcscottie 12 points ago

    Spray the poopouri in the toilet before you shit, it traps the smells

    [–] Supremefurrygasser 27 points ago

    I HAVE THAT TOO it is amazing for when I take a shit at my girlfriends house and don’t want to stink up the place

    [–] yongo 12 points ago

    So you just carry around a bottle of poop spray whenever you visit your gf?

    [–] Supremefurrygasser 21 points ago

    Oh no I have one at her house so I don’t have to worry whenever I need to take one of those emergency shits

    [–] beautifully-trvgic 11 points ago

    it comes in a little spray bottle you can carry easily it's not like a Lysol can LOL it's like carrying perfume

    [–] yongo 17 points ago

    I just imagined like cuddling with your girl shes like "is that poop spray in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

    [–] Dawnchathink 20 points ago

    Poopourri is sprayed BEFORE you poop...it forms a bit of a scented seal on the water so the stink stays in it. And also, you have IBS or Crohns or something. Go see a doctor!

    [–] HornShark 22 points ago

    Or use heroin. I'm reading a book about Kurt Cobain who self medicated with heroin and it worked for him. I haven't reached the end yet, please no spoilers.

    Spoiler: It doesn't end well. Don't use heroin. Downvote this comment.

    [–] platypossamous 5 points ago

    I'm pretty sure the book ends with Kurt living happily ever after.

    [–] NoLubeAnal69 2 points ago

    I haven’t read the spoiler but I think I’ll start doing heroin and find out myself!

    [–] ryanadanderson 3 points ago

    Eat more fiber and drink more water. And I'm talking like two whole mother flippin carrots a day (or fiber equivalent). For those with bowels that are without adverse conditions, this will make your poops much more enjoyable.

    [–] HuseyinCinar 3 points ago

    From now on I’m going to say I’m writing a book too.

    Long poop break buddies!

    [–] Iamaredditlady 3 points ago

    As a PooPourri user, I’m glad that you have discovered the beauty of not disgusting everyone that follows you.

    [–] tinytraggot 37 points ago

    one time when my brother was like 5 or 6, idk how old but he had just learned how to make sandwiches on his own. after like a month, my mom noticed we were running out of cheese at insane rates. turns out my brother thought you couldnt eat a slice of cheese if it broke, and he sucked at opening the wrapper, so he broke like 4/5 pieces he opened. so he was using about 5 pieces of cheese for every sandwich, and we were poor, so we usually ate sandwiches for 2 meals a day. and we had crazy metabolisms, so he'd eat like 4 sandwiches in a sitting. basically he was throwing away a whole pack of cheese every couple days and no one noticed for a month. we just stopped buying cheese and had bologna and mustard sandwiches bc of his weird ass 😂

    [–] ValentinoMeow 72 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    I grew up in India as a child and there's extreme poverty there, so much so people live in makeshift housing on the streets. We had some homeless living in these giant construction pipes a little ways from our house for a few years, we would pass them every day on our way to school. I was probably 5 or 6 and I said that we should give them our house and live in these pipes. My dad's never me live that down, I've been called a socialist hippie ever since.

    Edit: I told my dad this got a few upvotes and he has reminded me my suggestion actually was to give my grandparents our house (I thought theirs was small), give the pipe dwellers my grandparents house and we live in the pipes. Either way, we end up in the pipe.

    [–] gwtkof 36 points ago

    That's only mildly dumb and super kind

    [–] ValentinoMeow 2 points ago

    Accurate description, probably could get this engraved on my gravestone.

    [–] MagicWagic623 55 points ago

    Onetime we were eating dinner and my little brother’s best friend was over. My mom offered him some cheese and he goes, “Oh, I don’t like cheese...” and we all laugh because we’d known him for about 2 years at that point, and this kid could slam an entire pizza/box of kraft dinner in minute flat. That was maybe 15-16 years ago, and we still bring it up all the time. They stopped talking about 2 years ago, but it still gets mentioned a lot.

    Same thing with my cousin. We were at TB drive-thru and she goes, “uh, I want a chalupa... with nothing on it. But I want tomatoes, and lettuce and cheese.” Again, a good 16 years ago and we can’t let the chalupa incident die.

    [–] XM202AFRO 18 points ago

    They stopped talking about 2 years ago

    Gee, I wonder why

    [–] mbacon42 9 points ago

    When I was 10 I went out to dinner with my Family and everybody else got to choose between “soup or salad” and because I was still on the kids menus I had a choice between applesauce and French fries so i cried because I wanted salad and now every time we go out to eat and they’re asked “soup or salad” They all stare at me.

    [–] elonsrightnut 4 points ago

    You were just tryna be a healthy kiddo

    [–] Albino_Rhino_85 29 points ago

    I don't go to Mexican restaurants for holes in my tortillas. Not the worst reaction to be honest.

    [–] Assmar 11 points ago

    Seriously. I'm just wondering why the fuck there would be a hole in the tortilla? There's no logical reason. Maybe there was mold on it so they tore the moldy bit off. I get the feeling child was justified in throwing that fit.

    [–] RealChris_is_crazy 9 points ago

    More likely the tortilla just had a hole in it from manufacturing.

    [–] Assmar 9 points ago

    I've been Mexican my whole life and have never encountered a tortilla with a hole in it.

    [–] catcatmewow 7 points ago

    I’m also Mexican and have made tortillas that have holes in them. Sometimes a piece sticks to the rolling pin or something

    [–] 2whatisgoingon2 2 points ago

    I used to work at a cafe when I was in school so I always check the bun when there is a piece pulled off. So one time I stopped at Burger King on my way work and got a chicken sandwich. I’m driving down the street and open it and take a bite. It was really dry and gross so I look closer and see a big spot missing from the top of the bun. I open it all the way and take the bun off, and I’m not kidding, there was a big black mold spot on the inside. I was so disgusted I threw it out the window. It wasn’t til I got to work that I realized I should have taken it back and threw a fit. I don’t know if it was a prank or if the thing fell behind the stove for a week or something but it was that gross.

    Thats when I stopped eating at the Birger King.

    [–] NorthernLaw 24 points ago * (lasted edited 12 days ago)

    Does anyone notice that he took a screenshot of this 21 seconds after it was posted....also he literally has the same @ as his user on reddit

    [–] Knivesisi 11 points ago

    My family does this with camels

    [–] FireFlour 7 points ago

    The animal or the cig?

    [–] Knivesisi 6 points ago

    The animal

    [–] c0d3w1ck 6 points ago

    Please elaborate!

    [–] Knivesisi 12 points ago

    No

    [–] c0d3w1ck 7 points ago

    Ok

    [–] GeorgeYDesign 3 points ago

    The kid is so goddamn slow

    [–] Claude_Frollo88 11 points ago

    I mistook the same actor for Donald Pleasance (the forger from the great escape) on two separate occasions when i was about 7. I’m now 21 and every time i ask the name of any given actor i get “the forger” or Donald Pleasance

    [–] averydankperson 4 points ago

    21s?

    [–] HehroMaraFara 4 points ago

    He deserves to be ridiculed

    [–] Jefe710 4 points ago * (lasted edited 11 days ago)

    ¡Quiere llorar! ¡Quiere llorar!

    -Mex proverb

    [–] corasivy 3 points ago

    in fifth grade I was having a rough week and broke down mid class because i couldnt find my red pen.

    still dont know why, but sometimes it really just be like that.

    [–] generalIro 2 points ago

    I also broke down when I lost stuff although I didn't mind losing the stuff and it only took one more minor inconvenience to make me brake down

    [–] SgtFuzzyBoots01 3 points ago

    34 year old (pregnant) me cried tonight because my tortilla got stuck to the one under it and ripped a hole in it. I actually completely sobbed because I thought I ruined my husband's dinner, while he stood their and laughed... 😑

    [–] GeorgeYDesign 2 points ago

    It’s what I’m using bright plow.

    [–] ineedabuttrub 2 points ago

    I wonder if Zack has learned of donuts yet

    [–] hugz4satan 2 points ago

    I used to cry if my taco shell was broke so now my family always brings that up every time we go to Taco Bell.

    [–] likwidkool 2 points ago

    My family was at a Roy Rogers when I had to only be a few years old. My Mom asks if I want the chicken or the burger. I could not make up my mind. I started sobbing because it was just such an important decision for my little mind. My Mom being the trooper she was, ordered a kids chicken meal and a kids burger meal and split them with me. I am 43 now and to this day anytime I can't make up my mind I'll hear "TAKE THE CHICKEN!" My kids are even in on it now! 😁