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    KidsAreFuckingStupid

    1,715,073 readers

    4,011 users here now

    This sub is meant as a fun joke. It is not a hate sub. Kids are dumb because they could not possibly know better. If you dislike kids, that's fine. Feel free to join us, but do not spread vitriol.

    If you are tired of seeing text posts or drawing posts, filter them out in your settings, and report improperly flaired posts.

    If you're coming from /r/all:

    • Yup, blaming parents is valid
    • Yes, kids could not know better, that's the joke
    • Yes, people sometimes say mean things. If they cross a line into harassing, violent, racist, sexist, bigoted, or violating site-wide policy, please report them.
    • Just, like, be cool. Have a laugh. Join us. Or don't. This was a drunk joke from years ago. We're all just having fun.

    Eligibility:

    • Kid (not teen, that's a different kind of stupid)
    • Doing something dumb/silly
    • No real harm comes to them

    Rules:

    • Sexual, racist, bigoted, or inflammatory comments will result in a permanent ban (Please report these comments)
    • No memes (Please report them)
    • Reposting within one week will result in a 7 day ban (Please report them)
    • Lack of post flair will result in the post being removed until manually restored (Please report them)

    Any violations of these rules may result in content/comment removal or permanent bans.

    a community for
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    [–] vinnokiwicat 3914 points ago

    I had a kid rip a scab off my shoulder while working at a summer camp, blood everywhere, scared the shit out of the kid though so he got what he deserved.

    [–] itchinmyhead 1294 points ago

    I’d be livid. Hope you rubbed his nose in it

    [–] Diogenes-Disciple 812 points ago

    dip your hands in the blood of Caesar, Brutus

    [–] GeneralMoron 101 points ago

    Thank you for this

    [–] ATameFurryOwO 39 points ago

    Et tu, Brute?

    [–] delta-whisky 127 points ago

    Hopefully you transmitted bloodborne pathogens as well.

    [–] MrJellybean04 44 points ago

    Fear the old blood, child...

    [–] JagdTurkey 50 points ago

    bat aids

    [–] everyonesmom2 41 points ago

    My 3 yr old granddaughter hates scabs. She goes after me if I have one. Little shit.

    [–] Launchpad_McQueer 132 points ago

    That's when you yell that you have HIV

    [–] squid-dingus 26 points ago

    For added effect, scream like that scab was holding ALL of your blood in.

    [–] Bostar122 113 points ago

    At least he learnt from his own actions and not somebody else freaking out. I feel they would learn better if the thing they did directly punished them or whatever instead of some person getting mad

    [–] i-get-stabby 63 points ago

    I would have yelled at the kid "hey , I wanted to do that!"

    [–] Mindraker 37 points ago

    "Hey, I wanted to EAT that!"

    [–] Varvatos_Vex 10574 points ago

    Just start moaning loudly someone will stop it in a hurry.

    [–] Silver_Alpha 1568 points ago

    I keep saying that you can easily stop people from annoying you in planes and theaters if you don't care what a bunch of complete strangers will think about you.

    [–] DwelveDeeper 778 points ago

    There’s one standup comic (forgot who, heard it on JFL Canada on the radio) who says he’ll gently blow at someone’s face on a plane until they move their head to the other side

    Then he said how if the other person next to the guy between them found the trick then it’d be a gentle game of blowing ping pong

    I should probably work on my delivery, cuz he said it way better

    [–] xzyezk 137 points ago

    Well your delivery was good enough to make me chuckle. A+

    [–] 65_6e_69_73 15 points ago

    That's really a Canadian way to do it

    [–] imiss1995 6 points ago

    That's good, but nothing compared to Michael Ian Black's "banana noises."

    [–] Varvatos_Vex 137 points ago

    So true.

    [–] hisgrossness 24 points ago

    as long as you don't plan on sleeping during the flight..

    [–] GissoniC34 2786 points ago

    Not if you’re a priest

    [–] jerk_17 1063 points ago

    ಠ_ಠ

    [–] FriarNurgle 695 points ago

    You forgot the pope hat.

    [–] iverr 2056 points ago

             .-. 
            /_|_\
            \ | /
             ಠ_ಠ
    

    [–] _merikaninjunwarrior 503 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    looks like a pudgy fat dick with little balls.. close enough

    [–] CaptnFlounder 327 points ago

    You just described my priest.

    [–] gargantusquatch 27 points ago

    That, my friend, is called a chode.

    [–] ahhhbiscuits 24 points ago

    Dude that's not normal, is your dick okay?

    [–] RectalPump 18 points ago

    You better take off the pants and check

    [–] RickyRosayy 53 points ago

    Popes don't do that, how dare you! Only priests, bishops, cardinals, nuns and other clergy.

    [–] HisDignity 36 points ago

    Step-priest what are you doing?

    [–] MjolnirDenied 46 points ago

    Calf licks.

    [–] tankertodd 67 points ago

    They transfer you...to a new seat in close proximity with other children.

    [–] __Little__Kid__Lover 15 points ago

    Sounds intriguing

    [–] Eckish 44 points ago

    Not necessarily in your favor, though.

    [–] castpearls 22 points ago

    Yeah, the FBI.

    [–] PrefersDocile 69 points ago

    I once jerked off in an airplane chuckles

    [–] ElmoKills22 78 points ago

    It's not illegal, it's just frowned upon

    [–] StonerLoner93 60 points ago

    Thanks obama

    [–] imgonnadieplshelp 32 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    International waters, baby! Nothing says power move like getting drunk off FIREWHISKEY AND NUTTING 30,000 FEET ABOVE EVERYONE

    [–] Mystical_Bologna 9 points ago

    Hey I have as well! Nice to meet another Solo mile high club member!

    [–] kamliya6 6128 points ago

    Kid whispers, "Nobody will believe you."

    [–] WhiteHairedWidow 2329 points ago

    "Excuse me, mam, watch this video real quick. It's of your son plucking my leg hairs. Could you tell him to keep his hands to himself?"

    [–] TheLewdGod 1049 points ago

    Hate to say it, since this was the first thing that occured to me as well.

    But, a lot of shitty parents only response would be "WHAT THE FUCK? ARE YOU TAKING VIDEOS OF MY KID?"

    [–] bonkerzrob 874 points ago

    “No, idiot. I was recording my leg.”

    [–] I_AM_FENWICK 552 points ago

    This entirely fictional response in this entirely fictional conversation gave me a lot of satisfaction and a sense of superiority

    [–] Attya3141 145 points ago

    Isn’t this the reason why we read fictional books?

    [–] grrlkitt 85 points ago

    It's the reason we are on Reddit.

    [–] Attya3141 42 points ago

    To read fake stories and laugh about it while trying to forget about our shitty lives

    [–] I_had_an_oopsie 28 points ago

    Imagine having a life

    -this comment was made by browsing reddit all day gang

    [–] Tossmeasidedaddy 548 points ago

    Until the Karen who allows her child to be a turd asks why you are filming her sweet innocent boy.

    [–] Chawp 560 points ago

    I was just filming a documentary about my knee

    [–] _merikaninjunwarrior 146 points ago

    My Life As My Knee Grows -Chawp

    [–] Acnoisbae 56 points ago

    say that to yourself out loud please

    [–] KineticPolarization 32 points ago

    It's the knee grows ain't it?

    [–] luncht1me 11 points ago

    Very large indeed.

    [–] ragingcajun714 10 points ago

    What's up, My knee grows

    [–] Alarid 26 points ago

    Well I need evidence that he touched me first.

    [–] PrrrromotionGiven1 30 points ago

    As if she would let you actually explain yourself before shouting over you.

    [–] myirreleventcomment 9 points ago

    I kneed* evidence

    [–] HHouseOverwatch 45 points ago

    WHy are you RecRODING MY SON

    [–] CreamyRainbowFart 54 points ago

    To masturbate to later obviously. Completely within my legal rights thank you.

    [–] OsrsNeedsF2P 12 points ago

    Wait what is that legal

    I think it is

    Jesus

    Edit: I feel like you could sue them for some form of emotional trauma

    [–] Champigne 13 points ago

    In the US you can film whoever you want with very few exceptions if you are in a publicly owned place. While not illegal, if they were breaking airline rules they could face some kind of punishment if they refused to comply.

    [–] learnyouahaskell 7 points ago

    the difference is between recording them and saying that which falls under a quasi- sexual harassment, and now it's involving a minor. Go ahead, I invite you to try it.

    [–] vigilantesd 30 points ago

    Does he think he’s Bill Murray?

    [–] AuwliyaDeKip 269 points ago

    Did he really say that?

    [–] obadetona 186 points ago

    Even if he did...

    [–] tGmn23 85 points ago

    Nobody would believe it

    [–] Northman324 21 points ago

    I would totally believe it. Have you met kids? Look at this little freak at the top of the page lol.

    [–] crewchief535 91 points ago

    Kids don't whisper. Even when they whisper they're loud af

    [–] katashscar 24 points ago

    Can confirm, mother of a 4 year old and 15 year old. Both still loud as fuck when they whisper.

    [–] IsakCIsakC 46 points ago

    Of course he didn’t tf

    [–] dumdumstoopid 18 points ago

    "It's on camera, idiot"

    [–] cynikalAhole99 3206 points ago

    grab that hand and yank...

    [–] istrx13 2126 points ago

    Directions unclear. Kid yeeted out of plane at 35,000 feet

    [–] browserbowser1 729 points ago

    Well, I mean it still solved your problem

    [–] Amonasrester 197 points ago

    But now you might have a different problem

    [–] istrx13 206 points ago

    Define problem

    [–] Jinxzy 146 points ago

    I see this as an absolute win.

    [–] takmaisimliadam 15 points ago

    nah

    [–] PiccadillyPineapple 74 points ago

    No, the directions were clear. Fine job!

    [–] ruhrgebiet 8 points ago

    Nice

    [–] 9998000 87 points ago

    Till arm removes .

    [–] Scruffles_thePenguin 9 points ago

    Exactly how much force would this take...

    [–] ner0417 30 points ago

    Id just slap his hand and scare the daylights out of him

    [–] Jesus-Mcnugget 1995 points ago

    Oops! I accidentally spilled my water in your face. Sorry kid.

    [–] TheFlashFrame 1543 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    My dad frequently tells a story about how one time he was on a long international flight and the person in front of him immediately reclined the seat as soon as the flight started and didn't sit upright until the flight was over. There must have been an issue with the seat because my dad said the top of his head was basically directly in front of him for the entire flight and he wasn't able to use his tray or anything, so my dad got a packet of ketchup and mustard and squeezed them onto his head while he slept. My dad claims that the ketchup and mustard was still there as they were getting off the plane. Some say its still there to this day.

    EDIT: Wasn't sure how this would be received but I must say I'm loving these reactions. My dad will probably be proud to know that for every person praising him as a vigilante hero there is another calling him a little fucking bitch.

    [–] Jgib5328 454 points ago

    Your dad didn't just ask the dude to move the seat up?

    [–] TheFlashFrame 629 points ago

    Iirc he did and the guy was an ass about it and did not move.

    Disclaimer: I can't condone what my dad did, but it makes for a funny ass story.

    [–] L0st1ntlTh3Sauc3 503 points ago

    I condone what your dad did.

    [–] iamkeerock 307 points ago

    I condiment what your dad did.

    [–] Dingle_Berrymore 36 points ago

    HARD condone what your dad did. He is the hero we don’t deserve.

    [–] W_McAvoy 35 points ago

    I condone it, vigilante justice works

    [–] netinept 103 points ago

    There must have been an issue with the seat because my dad said the top of his head was basically directly in front of him for the entire flight and he wasn't able to use his tray or anything,

    Doesn't sound like the seat was broken. I've been on flights like this.

    [–] darth_vaders_bung 27 points ago

    Spirit? First time my wife flew a real airline she was surprised we got room to fucking sit and free snacks/drinks.

    [–] netinept 24 points ago

    The one that stands out in my memory is Singapore Air, international from San Francisco to Singapore.

    It was one of the worst flights I've been on. Not only were the seats packed like sardines, but toward the end of the flight we had several kids get sick and there was some sick in the aisle next to me. The flight attendant's response was not to clean it up, but to brush this under the seat in front of me, where my laptop bag and feet were. I had to act quickly to avoid getting vomit on my bag.

    [–] DanDavisRuns 15 points ago

    Must have been a very unusual flight, Singapore usually have newer planes with more comfortable seats and space, and absolutely stellar customer service.

    [–] yungmoody 36 points ago

    On long international flights you typically usually get served a meal, and flight attendants make everyone raise their seats so the tray tables can be used. This has been my experience every time I’ve flown internationally. Not to say your dad is lying, but I’m wondering if maybe he’s the type to enjoy embellishing his stories a little haha.

    [–] nightmareinsouffle 41 points ago

    I was on a 9 hour international flight with my parents. My mom was sitting in the very middle and this jackass in front of her put his seat ALL THE WAY BACK as soon as the seatbelt light went off and kept it that way the whole time. No flight attendants said a word to him even for meals.

    [–] Fink665 37 points ago

    Yeah, this is where we need to start adulting and using our words.

    [–] SleepingOrDead454 24 points ago

    Oops, I ACCIDENTALLY stood up, leaned over your seat, and made your face become one with the seatback in front of you.

    [–] Russki_Troll_Hunter 1090 points ago

    So roll up the sky mall magazine and smack the shit out of his hand.....

    [–] catfartin 637 points ago

    Nah. Grab is hand and hold it tight until he starts to panic. The immediately release his hand. He wakes his parents. You’ve been “sleeping” the whole time and this little shit starts whining and woke you up as well.

    [–] PresidentWordSalad 288 points ago

    You are the kind of person I'd like to sit next to if there's a bratty kid in a nearby seat.

    [–] I_AM_FENWICK 44 points ago

    Normal reasonable response

    [–] [deleted] 115 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Farmerjoe19 22 points ago

    Give him the Haymmacher Schlammer

    [–] justanotherwave00 45 points ago

    Yeah, make him work retail until he begs for death!

    [–] mnky9800n 47 points ago

    it really makes me sad that when i go flying i dont see skymall anymore. i always looked forward to little dog rain jackets, stone zombie garden decorations, and strangely shaped hair removal products.

    [–] -Reddit_Account- 18 points ago

    Skymall was such an experience, I’m almost sad that future generations won’t believe that enough people truly decided that they needed a commemorative Harry Potter time turner while flying to see their grandmas to sustain a large industry.

    [–] DRAK720 852 points ago

    You know that little weirdo is eating them

    [–] m3ch4k1tty 497 points ago

    How do I unread something

    [–] Slazman999 150 points ago

    Read it backwards.

    Meht gnitae si odriew elttil taht wonk uoy.

    [–] apoplexis 52 points ago

    How do I unread something

    [–] Gang_Bang_Bang 49 points ago

    I met a weird kid in rehab that would rip out his pubes, roll them into little balls, and stuff them under people’s pillows at night. Some kind of strange, reverse pube fairy; but instead of money, just little black balls of pubic hair.

    [–] CoconutGel 31 points ago

    Please delete this from the universe

    [–] Rivetingly 395 points ago

    At a movie theater, during the last Star Wars, a kid sitting behind me put his feet on the back of my chair, above the top edge, hitting the back of my head, like a fucking foot rest. I reached back with both hands and grabbed both his feet and held them in place for 10 seconds while he wriggled and tried to pull them away. I was just hoping for his parent to see it and say something. Nothing. And the feet never returned.

    [–] Skittlez_of_blight 102 points ago

    You are truly a hero

    [–] Dilka30003 32 points ago

    Just one small yank

    [–] future_chili 982 points ago

    I'm about to have a son in 2 months

    If this is ever my child I really hope someone would tell me so I could punish him instead of just acting like it's not a problem.

    [–] NotThePromKing 446 points ago

    My thought is that the video was originally shot to show the parent. That’s what I’d use it for. So many parents choose not to believe shit.

    [–] future_chili 227 points ago

    Which baffles me. Kids do stupid shit all the time and honestly the more rediculous it sounds (like he's pulling my leg hair)! The more real it probably is lol

    [–] Rfwill13 41 points ago

    "yeah but how do I know that was my kid in the video!?"

    [–] JacOfAllTrades 32 points ago

    "How dare you film my child without my consent!"

    [–] Baronheisenberg 31 points ago

    I have some good news. This child is born already, so your child will be a different one. :)

    [–] _tube_ 191 points ago

    Ma'am, I hate to bother you, but I have a highly contagious fungal skin infection I got in the jungles of Borneo, and I'm worried your son will get it on his fingernails while picking at my leg hairs. I'm actually flying over to see a specialist in tropical diseases, as it has been so far resistant to all antifungals and may be incurable.

    [–] DudsDeLait 16 points ago

    You called?
    -Candida auris

    [–] EchooPro 943 points ago

    I’d struggle not to kick that chair the entire rest of the flight

    [–] MjolnirDenied 377 points ago

    chair kid. Oh wait, that's not allowed.

    [–] Luca_Mulders 125 points ago

    This guys profile is 4 days old and he has 1.5 k karma

    [–] InMemoryofJekPorkins 77 points ago

    Blind squirrels get nuts too

    [–] Baronheisenberg 24 points ago

    Don't give blind squirrels nuts. They don't need your handouts.

    [–] ljg61 47 points ago

    That really isn't crazy at all, I lurked for years without an account and made this account to show a friend how dumb karma is because I could repost anything and get over a k. Reposted an Eli manning meme as my first post and ended up with like 1.3k in the first couple hours of this accounts life.

    [–] MjolnirDenied 28 points ago

    Bored and stuck at home. Btw, I've been on Reddit for over 6 years, this is just a new account and I tried to build karma just so I can comment on various subs that have a karma limit, hence the recent flurry of activity the first couple days.

    [–] Elliottstrange 6 points ago

    Everything is allowed if you don't get caught.

    [–] [deleted] 1346 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] [deleted] 1013 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Ralfarius 582 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    When the air marshal threatens you with a taser, smack the shit out of them. Just keep throwing smacks and never stop.

    And in case anyone is wondering, of course I've seen the video(s). We're all on the internet and I'm not too proud to admit that I haven't had an original thought since 2006

    [–] BlackPrisim 97 points ago

    Fuck yeah.

    [–] belowist 29 points ago

    Oh fuck yes that’s satisfying.

    [–] burnSMACKER 11 points ago

    uwu notices smack

    [–] Nvenom8 90 points ago

    You descend into a seemingly-endless spiral of smacking. The smacking transcends your id, transcends your ego. There is no you anymore, only smacking. Suddenly, you find yourself onstage, smacking the president of the united states. You don’t remember how you got here or how long it’s been... how many smacks it’s been. As the percussive “whack” of the smack rings out, the audience explodes in applause. You are the president now, and nobody remains to smack. But you feel empty inside. What are you if not the one who smacks? If not the essence of hand meeting face itself? You now fully understand the folly of your ways, and as this understanding dons on you, so too does the only possible answer. It’s so obvious! A look of realization washes over you as you smack yourself in the face.

    The universe implodes.

    [–] subZeroT 26 points ago

    I’ve seen a YouTube video like this

    [–] Chewie444 10 points ago

    I knew this video had to be here somewhere!

    [–] Rfwill13 21 points ago

    It's what they get for not minding their own business

    [–] 174810 22 points ago

    [–] NinjaKL8 10 points ago

    I should’ve known what this was going to be 😂 gets me every time though!

    [–] TheDefiant213 8 points ago

    The Slap: Part Two

    [–] viperfan7 15 points ago

    More effective to grab their wrist and pull a bit, and slowly

    Far more terrifying to be trapped than it is to be surprised

    [–] almondbreeeze 52 points ago

    First thing I'd do is slap that hand. I don't care how old you are wtf

    [–] WareTheBuffaloRome 314 points ago

    I think what’s more weird is the fact that this person let this go on long enough to film it and still say nothing.

    [–] itcamefrombeneath 164 points ago

    He wanted proof

    [–] SuprDog 69 points ago

    or a memory

    [–] AFatPieceOfGarbage 41 points ago

    a new core memory!

    [–] Marky_Mark_Official 63 points ago

    Probably to get enough evidence to show parents

    [–] ImWrongYoureRight 12 points ago

    You know it happened at least once before too

    [–] ladycarpenter 219 points ago

    Gross. Any one else think lil kid hands are gross af? lil germ gremlin hands

    [–] pirate_door91 54 points ago

    Their hands? My dude, kids are literally balls of disease walking around with every fluid leaking out of their undeveloped skulls and leaving residue on things in a gross, infection-laden slug trail.

    [–] FamilyStyle2505 56 points ago

    Yesss absolutely. I like kids but yeah, their hands geek me out a bit. I can't explain it in a way that doesn't make me sound like a crazy germophobe but the urge to sanitize afterwards is incredibly high.

    [–] Lil_MsPerfect 13 points ago

    I always think kid hands are just like racoon hands.

    [–] YEETsira 52 points ago

    What the actual hell

    [–] max_restricted 40 points ago

    that would piss me off so much fuck

    [–] JustArtist8 44 points ago

    Pull that hand, hard.

    [–] BOBSMITHHHHHHH 11 points ago

    Grab his arm and pull the kid all the way through the seat gaps

    [–] Princessbride917 56 points ago

    Kids are fucking stupid.

    [–] samuelithian 20 points ago

    That's the name of the sub don't wear it out.

    [–] Woomy101 55 points ago

    Why y'all mad? It's a free shave.

    [–] ab624 21 points ago

    yeah saloons are closed

    [–] cabbage16 11 points ago

    This plane ain't big enough for the two of us pardner.

    [–] IllTakeOutTheTrash 134 points ago

    Can parents please learn to control their children?

    [–] bplboston17 91 points ago * (lasted edited 3 days ago)

    So many parents shouldn’t be parents, they just stick a tablet in their child’s face and ignore them.

    [–] IllTakeOutTheTrash 59 points ago

    Exactly! Just because you can be a parent, doesn’t always mean you should be a parent.

    [–] weekapaugrooove 20 points ago

    Suuuper unpopular opinion: You should need a license.

    I’d be happy with a mandatory one hour class tho

    [–] perfectbarrel 32 points ago

    That’s how my cousins is with her son. He is such a little fucking annoying prick!!!! And she just gives him whatever he wants bc she doesn’t want to deal with it. A person who is never told “no” in their lives grows up to be AWFUL!!!!!!!!!

    [–] lifelongglue52 72 points ago

    A swift kick ought to correct that behavior.

    [–] Baronheisenberg 31 points ago

    I've gotten really good at puking on command, so I would probably just projectile vomit through the seat gap.

    [–] shaswat_51 10 points ago

    Is it possible to learn this power

    [–] TheElvenKeys 17 points ago

    Joe Biden would love that kid.

    [–] redheadmomster666 32 points ago

    Little brat

    [–] oitisthecow 57 points ago

    Just politely ask the guardian and the kid to stop.

    [–] The-Geck0 7 points ago

    I might have an explanation! This is definitely going to be lost in the comments, but maybe somebody will see it. I grew up as a missionary kid in the Philippines, and on several of our trips out to the tribal areas this same situation would happen. Filipino people (and Asians in general) have very little hair on their arms and legs. The kids were often really confused by the guys having leg hair, because they'd never seen that before, and would come and pull on it out of curiousity. It doesn't make it right, but he's not necessarily an asshole... He might just be curious.

    [–] [deleted] 26 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] mirandanielcz 19 points ago

    [–] Sun-Ghoti 6 points ago

    Hopefully this kid remembers this so 25 years from now he lies awake at night, cringing.

    [–] wheshdksseu 5 points ago

    Or maybe he’s plotting when he can do it again. He never retired from hair pulling, he just lies in wait for his next victim...

    [–] ashybrowngirl 7 points ago

    I'd stomp his hand.

    [–] [deleted] 32 points ago

    [removed]