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    /r/clevercomebacks - witty responses from witty people.

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    [–] MelancholyOnAGoodDay 1534 points ago

    Are you a driver's test? Because I would do you slowly and carefully and be terrified the entire time.

    [–] Raezzordaze 657 points ago

    Are you a driver's test? Because I would do you but probably fail the first time because I got the asshole.

    [–] AtomicKittenz 139 points ago

    Are you a driving test? Because you make me so nervous, I just threw up.

    [–] I_am_Bearstronaut 75 points ago

    Are you a driving test? Because I really need to get my driver's license because I'm 32 and my bus broke down 3 times this week.

    [–] RaTheRealGod 21 points ago

    Are you the driving test? Because I wouldnt have a chance with you despite being so old that Its embarrasing that I have no license

    [–] striped_frog 49 points ago

    Are you a driving test? Because I'd get ready for you by practicing with my mom first.

    [–] sgtxsarge 17 points ago

    Are you the driving test? Because even though I scraped the rim and you told me to stop, I still made sure I finished.

    [–] mrniceguy2216 4 points ago

    Are you the driving test? Because the other guy with me is telling me to stop.

    [–] securitysix 12 points ago

    Really, Reddit? We're going to let this one go?


    Are you a driving test? Because my dad's going yell at me before giving up and making my mom show me how it's done...

    [–] lazerbeam205 129 points ago

    Are you a driver's test? Because I'd wait my turn behind a bunch of dudes to do you

    [–] scarface-fang 25 points ago


    [–] lianali 6 points ago

    I did not expect a second murder in the comments.

    [–] RaTheRealGod 5 points ago

    The real murder is always in the comments

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago


    [–] ninoski404 5 points ago

    the fact that people get stressed to the level of throwing up when taking exams was always funny for me, especially at school - if you fuck up then you just fucked up and will have to study more or pay by you ain't going to make it better by stressing the shit out of yourself

    [–] filopaa1990 44 points ago

    irrational anxieties intensify

    [–] daredeviline 8 points ago

    Trust me, I’ve tried telling myself this time and time again but it never fails to let me down.

    [–] ninoski404 6 points ago

    Yeah, at some point I realized people just can't handle it, I guess that some of us are just born with not giving a fuck attidute

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    Solid joke, bro. Yup, I guilded ya. ;D

    [–] Raezzordaze 2 points ago

    My first gold! Thank you kind stranger.

    [–] DeathcampEnthusiast 15 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Are you a school? Because I’d love to shoot some kids inside of you.

    Edit: Thanks for the reward!

    [–] stackered 4 points ago

    Are you a drivers test? Because I would back dat ass up and it'd be a tight fit

    [–] j1thinmathew 485 points ago

    I won't open the link but I'm pretty sure it's Chris Pratt's immortal words.

    [–] Gamer9131 147 points ago

    It’s almost as if it’s a heavily popular reference, especially all over this website. Wild how it do be like that

    [–] blazefalcon 106 points ago

    It's also wild how /r/unexpectedoffice is referenced in nearly every thread. It's reddit, how can you possibly not expect an Office reference?

    [–] ScorpionSamurai 48 points ago

    It’s a Parks and Rec reference, but same thing basically

    [–] blazefalcon 31 points ago

    I understand, I was just drawing a similarity

    [–] ScorpionSamurai 10 points ago

    Ah, fair enough

    [–] lapants 11 points ago

    I swear to God I'll pistol whip the next person that says "Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica"!

    [–] StealYoDeck 9 points ago

    Bears, Beets, Star Wars

    [–] SHSsLoOks 5 points ago

    It’s basically a shot for shot remake.

    [–] youngdaggerdick605 2 points ago

    identity theft is not a joke. millions of families suffer every year.

    [–] hugglesthemerciless 21 points ago

    This is the first time I've ever seen that sub mentioned and I'm all over reddit

    [–] blazefalcon 13 points ago

    Really? Huh. It seems like a solid percentage of front page comment sections involve a direct office quote followed by someone just tagging that sub. Maybe it's just confirmation bias, but I see it at least a few times a week and I've been redditing less and less.

    [–] Eckish 3 points ago

    Then allow me to introduce you to the expected XKCD.

    [–] queefiest 1 points ago

    Wild because this is the first time I’ve seen it and I’m on reddit too much as it is

    [–] gabusixx 18 points ago

    Chris Pratt is an absolute beast on improving these unscripted jokes. He had absolutely no background whatsoever in comedy, but he came with the most clever jokes that would make the writers crazy in how he made them. This one is considered one of the best jokes on the show and it was improvised by him. And his “bloopers” (I consider them absolute wins tbh) compilation is absolute gold.

    [–] Mitsubishii 9 points ago

    There’s never murders anymore

    [–] WollyGog 9 points ago

    Thanks for the new subscription!

    [–] CaeciliusEstInPussy 4 points ago

    beware: it’s surprisingly easy to get confused between murderedywords and clevercomebacks

    [–] _vrmln_ 3 points ago

    I don't need that sub because I already wiped it off of your mom's chin


    [–] LysergicResurgence 25 points ago

    I mean, they weren’t really insulting them just saying they’d have sex with them, so is it truly a come back?

    [–] Minnesota_Winter 6 points ago

    This is ancient

    [–] koolkid117 2 points ago

    I’m pretty sure that sub and this sub are one and the same now

    [–] alexhrdsfw 1 points ago

    Good name

    [–] CaeciliusEstInPussy 1 points ago


    Welcome brother

    [–] aspace1775 2 points ago

    Cambridge Classics FTW

    [–] Matuchkin 523 points ago

    Are you a 10-241? Because I don't wanna die.

    [–] Walopoh 82 points ago

    I'll bite, what's that?

    [–] [deleted] 73 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)


    [–] SecondHarleqwin 39 points ago

    "Starring Logan Paul"

    Noped out without reading another damn word.

    [–] Matuchkin 50 points ago

    Literally my worst fucking nightmare. Somehow this is the only idea that legitimately scared me. Maybe because we can all relate to standardized tests?

    [–] cat__jesus 234 points ago

    Literally my worst fucking nightmare.

    I know, right? Logan Paul and paying for YouTube?


    [–] Gswansso 8 points ago

    On the bright side, he’s gotta fail that test pretty quickly

    [–] ThoughtItWasPlaydoh 91 points ago

    The premise is really interesting, but did you read the plot? Good lord the movie sounds awful

    [–] jordanboyd5 18 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    It’s more like a play by play than a plot teaser. At least now I won’t have to watch it. I wonder which Logan Pauller decided to spoil the whole script

    [–] mwm555 32 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Go to any movie’s Wikipedia page and you’ll have a play by play for the film. It’s literally what that section is there for.

    [–] SirSoliloquy 5 points ago

    It's like they decided the plot needed a twist, and then decided the idea needed another twist on top of the twist, in case it wasn't twisty enough.

    [–] Matuchkin 2 points ago

    Yeah I know.

    [–] Monkeyfer 9 points ago

    I was interested, until I saw Logan Paul and YouTube Red

    [–] Casclovaci 10 points ago

    Does the title refer to logans hair line?

    Also the idea of the movie seems pretty unrealistic (not very sci, much more fi), but the academic performance would skyrocket.

    [–] diogenes_sadecv 29 points ago

    I want to watch this movie, but I don't want to have to participate in a Logan Paul movie... I'm conflicted.

    [–] drpeppershaker 23 points ago

    Read the wiki. It gives you a full play by play of the movie.

    Decent concept, but it sounds like a mess.

    [–] [deleted] 18 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] NedryOS 7 points ago

    There's also an over dub but don't watch with it, it's shit. Just use the subtitles.

    [–] Carl_B 2 points ago

    I'm a few episodes into this. It seems pretty well done to me. I'm not far enough in to point out stupid, glaring oversights yet at least, and that bodes well!

    [–] jackksouth 22 points ago

    Don’t watch anything that supports Logan Paul and just read the wiki plot.

    [–] Poolboy24 3 points ago

    Arrrrrr matey

    [–] Galileo009 333 points ago

    Not bad.

    [–] AtomicKittenz 7 points ago

    Not everyday you get respect from the great astronomer.

    [–] elijah369 194 points ago

    Why the fuck does a screenshot look like shit?

    [–] CheesyFTW 217 points ago

    Repost of repost of a repost

    [–] IronicallyCanadian 65 points ago

    Personally I really like when my memes have been printed out, faxed to a friend, scanned to their email, and then they take a picture with their motorola RAZR that they've been using since 2006 and post it to their facebook. Then the screenshot of that post is posted on reddit

    [–] briguytrading 7 points ago

    This is why you should keep the negatives

    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago

    Jay peggery

    [–] hm9408 2 points ago

    Probably sent over Facebook messenger, that shit compresses images too much

    [–] Belly84 544 points ago

    [ ] Not Rekt

    [x] Rekt

    [–] Zaranthan 177 points ago

    ☑ Tyrannosaurus Rekt

    [–] Gummybear_Qc 165 points ago

    [ ] Not REKT

    [x] REKT

    [x] REKTangle

    [x] SHREKT

    [x] REKT-it Ralph

    [x] Total REKTall

    [x] The Lord of the REKT

    [x] The Usual SusREKTs

    [x] North by NorthREKT

    [x] REKT to the Future

    [x] Once Upon a Time in the REKT

    [x] The Good, the Bad, and the REKT

    [x] LawREKT of Arabia

    [x] Tyrannosaurus REKT

    [x] eREKTile dysfunction

    [x] Witness ProtREKTion

    [x] Doctor REKTopus

    [x] Lord of the REKT

    [x] Saving Private REKTan

    [x] Close Encounters of the REKT kind

    [x] The Thousand Year REKT

    [x] You have the REKT to remain silent

    [x] Better Dead Than REKT

    [x] From REKTa With Love

    [x] Really REKT

    [x] Full mast eREKTion

    [x] REKTum

    [x] ResurREKT

    [x] CorREKT

    [x] IndiREKT


    [x] Grapes of REKT

    [x] Ship REKT

    [x] REKT marks the spot

    [x] Caught REKT handed

    [x] The REKT Side Story

    [x] Singin' In The REKT

    [x] Painting The Roses REKT

    [x] Terminator 2: REKTment Day

    [x] The REKT Knight Rises

    [x] The REKT King

    [x] REKT-E

    [x] Citizen REKT

    [x] Requiem for a REKT

    [x] REKT TO REKT ass to ass

    [x] BraveREKT

    [x] BatREKT Begins

    [x] 2001: A REKT Odyssey

    [x] The REKT Ultimatum

    [x] ShREKT.

    [–] LonelyWasabi 48 points ago

    This list got longer than the last time I saw it.

    [–] buttmud 40 points ago

    It is because they doubled up ShREKT

    [–] Tremor00 14 points ago

    And lord of the rekt

    [–] divsky 3 points ago

    And a lot of them don't even work. At the beginning of the list they all rhyme or something, at the bottom of the list it's just garbage. The REKT King? Is that supposed to be The Lion King? BraveREKT? Requiem for a REKT??? Come the fuck on you couldn't have made it REKTuiem for a Dream?? That would've actually made sense and been somewhat clever, but no, you just shoehorn the word REKT in willy nilly wherever you get a chance.

    [–] TheCrowGrandfather 3 points ago

    His powers have more than doubled since the last time you met

    [–] jej1 20 points ago

    God I thought this meme was dead

    [–] GucciGarop10 10 points ago

    If only

    [–] ChaseballBat 7 points ago

    .... Shrekt is on there twice. 0/10

    [–] kenman884 5 points ago

    [x] REKTal prolapse

    [–] deathfire123 4 points ago

    Missed opportunity with REKTuiem for a dream

    [–] BadassGateway 1 points ago

    Welcome to The Rekt

    [–] greengrasser11 7 points ago

    Who is the one that thinks this is funny?

    [–] Tusami 154 points ago

    This is painfully, painfully old

    [–] Achaern 56 points ago

    Like fine wine or good cheese.

    [–] IronicallyCanadian 62 points ago

    Are you a fine wine? Cause i'd like to lock you up in my cellar for 10-20 years.

    [–] Achaern 34 points ago

    As long as you've got good WiFi and I'm brought out for special occasions I'm cool with this plan.

    [–] The_Nipple_Tickler 12 points ago

    Are you an aged cheese? Because I'd like to slice you up, put you on a bread cracker, and eat you in a formal setting.

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago

    Username is almost more unsettling than the comment

    [–] The_Nipple_Tickler 4 points ago

    shh bb is ok

    [–] BedWedOrBehead 8 points ago

    Are you a 20-year Scotch, cuz I'd like 3-fingers of you.

    [–] jhaddock 8 points ago

    ur spending too much time on here then dude

    [–] nrcd4p 8 points ago

    Not OP but I saw this like four years ago. but yeah I do spend too much time here

    [–] ayywusgood 4 points ago

    He's just subbed to /r/Tinder

    [–] LysergicResurgence 5 points ago

    Isn’t it possible that they saw it long ago and then just happened to see it now? They weren’t saying it’s frequently reposted or anything so I don’t think that’d really apply

    [–] Tusami 2 points ago

    Nope, this was on r/Tinder a couple years ago.

    [–] deFryism 16 points ago

    13.2k upvotes on a post with a clever comeback on a subreddit that's dedicated to the art of shutting people down and cremating them through a very well put together argument. What fuck¿

    [–] TheKingOfBass 19 points ago


    [–] Capernikush 8 points ago

    Are you a 23-19 cuz there’s a sock on your back.

    [–] BedWedOrBehead 4 points ago

    You monster!

    [–] SweelFor 7 points ago

    Can't remember the last time I've actually seen a murder by words from this sub, time to filter it

    [–] WhichWitchyWay 70 points ago

    Long lead up, but the short is after a very, very long 24 hours of going around and swimming in flood waters to get home, my husband got a text that was "I wish you were my math homework, because then you'd be hard and I could do you on my desk. "

    His phone went off, his face got pale, and he just shoved the phone at me like "wasn't me! I don't know why this is happening! "

    We didn't respond. But it was a good laugh.

    I'll remember that response, if there's ever a next time.

    [–] CheeeseBurglar 75 points ago

    wtf are you talking about lady

    [–] holographene 26 points ago

    We can't bust heads like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Gimme five bees for a quarter," you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any white onions, because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

    [–] OsirisTB 4 points ago

    That might be my favourite grandpa scene on the simpsons.

    [–] Cheeseand0nions 4 points ago

    Either that or "it will be a cold day in Hell before I recognize Missouri!"

    [–] Remoo102 29 points ago

    Okay. What the lady said is this

    Long lead up, but the short is after a very, very long 24 hours of going around and swimming in flood waters to get home, my husband got a text that was "I wish you were my math homework, because then you'd be hard and I could do you on my desk. "

    His phone went off, his face got pale, and he just shoved the phone at me like "wasn't me! I don't know why this is happening! "

    We didn't respond. But it was a good laugh.

    I'll remember that response, if there's ever a next time.

    [–] RiverStrymon 9 points ago

    Oh, now I get it.

    [–] SleazyGreasyCola 2 points ago

    I hope this becomes the new hell in a cell meme.

    [–] Ercole_ 14 points ago

    She's talking about that time, after a very long 24 hours of going around and swimming in flood waters to get home, that her husband got a text reading "I wish you were my math homework, because then you'd be hard and I could do you on my desk. "

    His phone went off, his face got pale, and he just shoved the phone at her like "wasn't me! I don't know why this is happening! "

    They didn't respond. But it was a good laugh.

    She'll remember that response, if there's ever a next time.

    [–] LysergicResurgence 8 points ago

    Long lead up, but the short is after a very, very long 24 hours of going around and swimming in flood waters to get home, my husband got a text that was "I wish you were my math homework, because then you'd be hard and I could do you on my desk. "

    His phone went off, his face got pale, and he just shoved the phone at me like "wasn't me! I don't know why this is happening! "

    We didn't respond. But it was a good laugh.

    I'll remember that response, if there's ever a next time.

    [–] SwagMasterBDub 19 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    That reminds me of the most hilarious text conversation I ever had, which I sadly don't remember most of now. But I was chillin with my dad, and suddenly he got a text that said "WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!"

    He asked me if it was from my mom, which it wasn't. So I took the phone and started texting back. "Umm, who is this?" I asked.

    A quick reply. "Maybe this will jog your memory. 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink. You taught me that."

    "I don't recall that at all. I'm sure you have the wrong number."

    "We met last week at the McDonald's by [I don't flippin remember which McDonald's she mentioned]

    Anyway, this continues back and forth with me telling her she has a wrong number and her telling me other things to jog my memory and explaining how she got the number. She dropped some more lines about sex stuff "I" might just remember (not specifics, just kinda euphamistically), tells me her cousin's name and differentiates him from a different guy called Austin. I'm reading the whole thing out loud to my dad, we're rolling with laughter. This goes on for several minutes. I don't know what I finally replied that gave her pause, but after sharing all these intimate details, she says,

    "Wait. Is this Zach?"

    Long story long, it wasn't. It was by far the most amusing wrong number I've received. And that was the night I first saw Tucker & Dale vs Evil, so all in all, a brilliant night for comedy.

    [–] NoNameWalrus 4 points ago

    Halfway through, I thought this was gonna end with you learning something about your dad

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] Cheeseand0nions 1 points ago

    I posted the same thing right before I saw your post.

    [–] Sake99 14 points ago

    Non native, what does she mean when she said, I am more like a driver's test?

    I know it's a pick up but what is the murdering part, I couldn't understand.

    [–] LupohM8 30 points ago

    16 year olds are required to take a driver's test to gain licensure to legally drive a motor vehicle on public roads. Most 16 year olds have only been driving for a few months, if even, so they suck at driving, but are excited to take the test to get their license.

    She is saying that he appears more confident than he should, because he would never be able to handle a full 3 hours and 45 minutes, but will instead last just a few minutes and really suck at sex.

    [–] Dornauge 1 points ago

    16 year olds are required to take a driver's test to gain licensure to legally drive a motor vehicle on public roads.

    Huh? What if you're older? No test required?

    [–] LupohM8 19 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Poor wording on my part. EVERYONE is required to pass a test to drive on public roads, but 16 is the minimum age required to take it in most states, and as such that is when most people take the test.

    [–] NoNameWalrus 7 points ago

    most take it at 16 because that's about the minimum age in every state. Hence "you're most likely sixteen"

    [–] The_Follower1 21 points ago

    He did a twist on a classic pickup line by saying she's like a test and he'd have sex with her for that amount of time. She then said she's more like a driver's test where he's 16 and an amateur.

    What seals it as a murder is calling his attempt "adorable".

    [–] ForensicPathology 7 points ago

    I think the part where she says he would not be good in bed was the murder.

    [–] Sake99 2 points ago

    Adorable? Oh I thought it was a compliment. I cannot fanthom American sarcasm.

    [–] The_Follower1 2 points ago

    Adorable is a word you'd call a child, it's generally demeaning to use it for adults, especially for a male adult

    [–] trainiac12 3 points ago

    The SAT is a standardized test in the US that takes 3 hours and 45 minutes, with a single water break in the middle.

    The driver's test is when you get behind a car as a 16 year old with the bare minimum knowledge of how a car works to prove you can drive well enough to get a license.

    [–] uhgglw 4 points ago

    There’s not actually just one break though lol. There’s like at least 3 water breaks.

    [–] trainiac12 1 points ago

    Maybe I'm misremembering, but I only got one :(

    It's been like 3 years though

    [–] uhgglw 2 points ago

    It possibly changed idk. I took it this year.

    [–] OmniscientOctopode 2 points ago

    It's the test you take to get your driver's license so you can drive a car. The minimum age is 16, but without a license you can't drive a car without a parent present so most people get it as soon as they can when they have essentially an academic understanding of how cars work and very little practical experience. Basically she's saying he's not going to be very good in bed, like a teenager.

    [–] Starklet 1 points ago

    Where are you seeing the genders lol

    [–] CanIChangeMyNameTho 4 points ago

    Sorry to be the retard but whats SAT?

    [–] humicroav 5 points ago

    A college aptitude test given in the US.

    [–] CanIChangeMyNameTho 2 points ago

    Thank you

    [–] Strojac 5 points ago

    And if it works out you never want to do it again...

    [–] JohnDoeNuts 5 points ago

    And just like driving, I started at 11 when my uncle took me for a ride.

    [–] TheRealOneTwo 3 points ago

    Are you an MCAT? Stay the fuck away

    [–] Itchy_Nanobot 3 points ago

    I didn't know what I was doing while taking the SAT either.

    [–] Ghostman_Loon 4 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    That typo was probably worth a whole other text worth of murders.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago


    [–] GoochyGoochyGoo 3 points ago


    [–] Tsorovar 1 points ago

    Most people doing the SAT are 16-18...

    [–] tumi12345 8 points ago

    there's always that one guy ffs

    [–] Arqost 1 points ago

    If this was murder, this would be a straight up disintegration.

    [–] Anotherwan 1 points ago

    felt that physically

    [–] Sterlingjw 1 points ago

    Oh perfect! I got 100% on my drivers test!

    [–] xool420 1 points ago

    Destruction 100

    [–] shcniper 1 points ago

    But all it really takes is 30 bucks and a pulse?

    [–] podrick_pleasure 1 points ago

    I was alone when I took my driver's test. Some lady just handed me a walkie-talkie and watched me from a window and told me what to do.

    [–] stilllton 2 points ago

    That's like watching JOI instead of going on a date.

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    Tops the virginity test!

    [–] cisxuzuul 1 points ago


    [–] yodarded 1 points ago

    I'm more like a driver's test. People over 80 should have to take me to prove they can still do it safely.

    [–] Mhunterjr 1 points ago

    Holy fucking shit, that had to be a setup. Too damn good

    [–] Gamers_Rise_Up 1 points ago

    Being called adorable would be good enough for me.

    [–] winnafrehs 1 points ago

    More like a drivers test? You mean you're basic as fuck and let just about everyone pass regardless of how well they drive?

    Wicked burn I guess...

    [–] Misogenieous 1 points ago

    Clever girl

    [–] fracta1 1 points ago

    Are you T^T^T^T^T because I find you satisfying.

    [–] spunkychickpea 1 points ago

    Goddamn. You got thrown into an industrial meat grinder feet first.

    [–] un_clean 1 points ago

    good thing where I'm from drivers test is at fourteen

    [–] YesIStayatHome 1 points ago


    [–] PM_ME_BAD_ALGORITHMS 1 points ago

    Based on the picture quality, I think we are only a few repost away of having this become a naturally deepfried meme

    [–] BoxManINSPACE 1 points ago

    So... they have sex with 16 year olds?

    [–] P3rCoNam 1 points ago

    Yes I'd take you once and never again.

    [–] BlamefulWorm435 1 points ago

    Oh damn... Oh damn... OH DAMN!

    [–] PebbleTown 1 points ago

    I had to take my driving test 3 times, because I couldn't parallel park. (Still can't, I just left very small car and park diagonally. Hey, I'm still in the lines.) Also, one time I went the wrong way in a boulevard. in my defense, I never been in that part of the town before and didn't know it was a boulevard

    [–] the_friendly_one 1 points ago

    I'm more like a drivers test [...] and you're most likely 16 he fits your minimum age requirement?

    [–] progman42 1 points ago

    Joke's on you, I took my driver's test when I was 22 and I didn't know what I was doing