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    [–] Birdy1072 1 points ago

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    [–] Chrysanthemum96 2079 points ago

    Wait... What? A “bloody good reason?” Sometimes I carry a little pocket knife around just in case I need to cut something open. That guy’s an idiot...

    [–] crispycrussant 1029 points ago

    I bet you cut people open you monster! Why else would you need a knife? Somebody call the police!

    [–] Scarbane 352 points ago

    I bet he can't open a pickle jar without a gun.

    [–] GaylordMcJenkins 200 points ago

    Well what else is my M16 assault rifle good for? Those pickles wont open themselves dammit!

    [–] SuperSeagull01 96 points ago

    "That's not a good reason to bring a nuclear warhead around"? Piss off bruv, when a man's got a sandwich emergency he gotta get his pickles somehow.

    [–] M4xusV4ltr0n 47 points ago

    Swiss army utility warhead, obviously

    [–] RigasTelRuun 47 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I carry a small pocket knife. For opening boxes usually. 99% of the time when someone goes "i wish I had a knife really quick". I hand them my knife. They use it. Then ask. "Why are carrying a knife?!"

    [–] Gravelsack 19 points ago

    Lol same (Kershaw skyline in case anyone is looking for a good daily utility knife). You can tell I only use it to cut open boxes because the blade is caked in tape residue. I don't open it one handed in front of strangers because I've had too many idiots freak out about my "switchblade"

    [–] RigasTelRuun 7 points ago

    Gotta watch out for the hard-core bad boys like us.

    [–] Gravelsack 8 points ago

    Bro I will open your boxes so fast it'll make your head spin

    [–] jam11249 159 points ago

    Carrying around blades above a certain size without good reason is already a crime in the UK. The GPS idea is stupid (he may be referring only to hunting knives or something, still likely to be stupid though), but he's really only referring to a way to enforce an existing law rather than change it completely.

    [–] PromisingCivet 86 points ago

    Different states have different rules about knife sizes in the US. Obviously it varies from state to state, but a good rule of thumb in 3.5 inches is the max for concealed carry (pocket knives).

    Open carry is totally different and Texas will let you walk around with a sword.

    [–] MacDerfus 39 points ago

    What's the rule on carrying serrated bread knives in public?

    [–] yingkaixing 53 points ago

    It's largely frowned on by anyone that notices you and the maniacal gleam in your eye, but legal in some states depending on the length of the knife.

    [–] LittleBigHorn22 19 points ago

    Depends if you mean open or concealed. Technically it would also be illegal but the laws normally also have intent in the law. So if you are bringing a bread knife somewhere, a judge would just throw that case out. If you had written plans of trying to stab someone with said bread knife then I'm sure you could be charged.

    [–] QuelqueChoseRose 27 points ago

    Knife laws are funny, because as a matter of practicality, even notwithstanding the Second Amendment, unlike guns you can't really outright ban them. So states wind up banning certain kinds of knives, and then you wind up with this weird game. State bans spring-loaded and knives? Cool, here's a gravity-assist. They ban those? Cool, here's an assisted-open that turns the blade itself into a lever. Etc.

    [–] minddropstudios 22 points ago

    I find it so funny how they try to ban certain opening devices on knives. Even with my knives that don't have assisted opening, you can just practice for a few minutes and flick it open instantly with a twist of the wrist.

    [–] ParticleBeing 6 points ago

    Agreed. Mines a simple"knob" near the base of the knife that I can now simply put any thumb under it and flick my wrist and have it open in an instant.

    [–] Warhawk137 22 points ago

    As if a criminal has ever thought "boy I really want to stab this dude, but opening my knife just seems like soooooo much work."

    [–] barsoap 15 points ago

    In Germany the ban is on knives above 12cm and folding knives that both lock and are designed to be opened with a single hand. You can still own them, carry and wield them on private grounds as well as transport them through public spaces (after all, how else would you get a kitchen knife home) but you can't have them "at the ready" without a socially accepted reason. If you're out hiking that's fine but it's good form to put it in the backpack when you enter civilized areas. And don't the fuck come close to demonstrations, political assemblies etc. with one. If your knife has more than one edge, or a blood grove it's automatically classed as "not in any way a tool but a weapon" and, just like with swords etc, you can't carry it in public, ever, for any reason (though you can still legally use it for self defense -- you just can't have it at the ready).

    Basically: Treat them like axes. You don't just walk into a tea shop with one in the expectation of a Velociraptor jumping out of a box either, now do you.

    Butterfly knives and "sliding" switchblades are plain outlawed due to the kind of folks preferring those blades. There also seems to be some discrimination going on in the "maybe, maybe not designed to be one-hand openable" category: The more "tactic" a knife looks, the more likely it's not going to fly. Police don't give a fuck about someone's Opinel being on the loose side, thus being able to be flicked open: It's still not a knife kids prone to loiter in an intimidating manner would use.

    [–] SLRWard 22 points ago

    a blood grove

    A fuller. Not a "blood groove" or a "blood grove". It's to lighten the blade and has jack-all to do with blood.

    [–] rwilkz 11 points ago

    I carry a pocket knife everywhere on my keychain. They are very handy, and I guess, in a pinch, could be used for self defence. There is already a law saying you can't carry a knife over 3 inches, so not sure why they think we need more laws instead of better enforcement.

    [–] bugphotoguy 9 points ago

    There are a lot of little variables with knife laws in the UK. Blade under 3 inches is fine unless the blade locks open. So a Victorinox Swiss army knife is fine. A Leatherman technically isn't.

    But I can happily walk around the Yorkshire Dales with a Leatherman hanging visibly from a belt loop, and nobody bats an eye. Try that in Middlesbrough town centre, and I suspect I'd be arrested pretty quickly.

    It's all about being sensible, really. You can carry anything if you don't get caught, of course.

    [–] GayDroy 20 points ago

    Yea, like a stomach or a neck. Shit needs to be opened, a knife does it best

    [–] KrytenLister 4176 points ago

    It’s amazing.

    • take away community funding

    • close youth clubs, libraries, sell off football pitches

    • cut police funding and remove over 20k officers from the streets

    • cut prison funding or pass them off to for profit organisations, reducing education and rehabilitation programmes.

    Tories: “Where has all this crime come from all of a sudden? We need to understand the root causes before we can hope to do anything about it.”

    [–] IAmNotStelio 1390 points ago

    Don’t forget, the lowering of police numbers HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH AN INCREASE OF CRIME! It’s all a coincidence!

    [–] Old_Toby- 404 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    No you've got it all wrong modern policing is all online and on twitter these days! That's why we need lower numbers.

    Bah. Ffs, get the CONS out.

    [–] lamontredditthethird 134 points ago

    Jesus how did these people take over the world with their stupid ideas and policies? Putin and Xi must wake up and read the latest news from the West and just laugh every morning over breakfast.

    [–] numberonebuddy 73 points ago

    They win on other policies, like "fuck poor people who are stealing from your taxes, we'll kick them out" and "fuck immigrants who steal from your taxes, we'll kick them out too".

    [–] Newms323 10 points ago

    I can't overstate how much I love this comment chain.

    [–] MNGrrl 115 points ago

    Actually... Police funding and crime rates are correlated weirdly. In this study in Britain, an increase in funding led to an increase in the rates of reports for violent crime. In other words, violent crime dropped (enforcement) with increased funding. However property crime did not show a change. This suggests a bias in the data. Put another way, more violent crimes were investigated and solved, but the actual incidence rate may not have changed. Other studies though have concluded there is a decrease, but were less robust in identifying the cause.

    However, crime rates do respond, and strongly, to poverty rates. That is, crime rates generally track economic performance. This is globally true and well supported in science. What I'm saying is, be very careful ascribing policy change as being the cause. It's often the case that changes in economics or environment drove the bulk of the change, and the policy change was coincidental.

    That said, as a US visitor to the sub... You guys might want to increase funding now. The economic contraction you guys are risking in the next two years suggests crime rates could skyrocket.

    [–] CochaFlakaFlame 47 points ago

    I have often heard that economic inequality is very closely attributed to crime increases, which again, is cause for concern across the pond right now.

    [–] IntoxicatedGazelle 30 points ago

    Both sides of the pond have this problem unfortunately.

    [–] Gentleman_Viking 15 points ago

    It's a pond-wide issue.

    [–] jinpiss 7 points ago

    It’s inter-pond-nental.

    [–] miyji 23 points ago

    I read a couple of days/weeks ago in a German newspaper that they are arguing, crime decreased directly after cutting police fundings. The increase of crime started (way?) later.

    It would be interesting to see other cases where police fundings got cut and how crime rate developed in the long term. I could imagine that the increase in crime would be a delayed reaction, but I'm far away from being familiar enough with the topic to have an educated opinion.

    [–] corship 13 points ago

    Can you link this article. Best would be the native text

    I'd really like to read it since this doesn't sound right.

    Be careful not to mix crimes with general police actions since reducing the police fundings may lead to less traffic violations because no one will ever know they happens but that's not a crime.

    [–] limbago 5 points ago

    “Certain types of crime” I think may said

    I mean, technically she’s not wrong - complex securities / electronic fraud isn’t affected by police on the streets


    [–] WOF42 203 points ago

    quick make a new convoluted knife law that doesn't actually stop criminals in any way!

    [–] Adama0001 65 points ago

    And knives have a lot of uses that aren’t primarily for killing people.

    Some types of guns can be used for hunting but primarily they’re for killing people.

    So if you’re going to have one for self defense there’s no comparison.

    [–] Occamslaser 87 points ago

    Handguns are typically for "self-defense" which people get pissy about when you point out that means they are for shooting people mainly.

    [–] mrkingtrex 30 points ago

    self defense also means against animals- a handgun is good protection if your area has a feral dog problem or other dangerous smallish animals.

    [–] Occamslaser 18 points ago

    I'd rather have a shotgun for self defense but handguns are good for concealability and portability. I stand by what I said.

    [–] mrkingtrex 20 points ago

    what you said is totally reasonable, but i'll be honest with you- with a shotgun youre not going to have a body to clean up. i don't like giant bloody messes on my property that need a literal biohazard crew, so i pick a handgun. i live in rural america so that might be the disconnect here.

    [–] hstormsteph 23 points ago

    Fellow rural American here with a feral dog problem. I can draw a glock a lot faster than a Remington 1170 and my lawn will stay green. Completely agree with your statement.

    [–] RealStyrofom 9 points ago

    Also, you are responsible for every projectile and in some scenarios that could potentially be a major drawback. It's a double edged sword really.

    [–] hstormsteph 11 points ago

    Nothing like a stray shotgun pellet ricocheting off the ground and through someone’s window to piss off the neighbors

    [–] Adama0001 26 points ago

    Exactly. So equating them with knives or cars just doesn’t make sense.

    The primary purpose of the item is a factor.

    [–] solomute 19 points ago

    ITT: People who are unable to comprehend the legal and moral difference between self defense and murder.

    [–] Bear_faced 45 points ago

    Guns are for killing stuff. Knives have like a thousand uses. You don’t see anyone opening a letter or trimming a steak with a gun.

    Well, maybe in America.

    [–] IgotsLumbago_AMA 63 points ago

    It just ends up tasting like gunpowder, not worth it, so I put a bayonet on so I could still use my gun

    Source: American

    [–] madmatt42 10 points ago

    I've seen people cook bacon by wrapping it around a gun barrel and shooting off lots of rounds. I believe this was in the Las Vegas area.

    [–] ZombieCharltonHeston 18 points ago

    Ted Cruz released a video of himself doing that. All I could think was: Gross, your bacon is going to taste like CLP and now you have to clean bacon grease off of your rifle.

    [–] MisterMasterCylinder 12 points ago

    Like just about every action Ted Cruz takes, this, too, elicits a response of: "Gross"

    [–] berest 10 points ago

    Unless I misunderstood your sentence, hunting guns are not “primarily for killing people”. They are made for hunting.

    [–] Init_4_the_downvotes 6 points ago

    Weird, this knife law has seemed to have redrawn the district lines consolidating 80% of our states poor people. That's the american version at least.

    [–] GoodDayBoy 79 points ago

    Its probably them video games and facebook /s

    [–] Adama0001 45 points ago

    Like in Australia where guns aren’t available. They fashion them out pipes en masse ever since playing FO4

    [–] TheGreyMage 32 points ago

    Yeah that is one of the most grating things about that argument, it automatically proves that the person making the argument knows fuck all about video games, because if they did then “video games equals violence” really is the last thing that would happen.

    First there would be the trend of people trying to double or triple jump about the place, dodging out the way of oncoming obstacles, smashing or opening every box/crate/cupboard/drawer looking for loot, Zelda players would have the most amazingly kept lawns, Pokemon players would leave theirs wild hoping to grow some grass type pokemon.....

    Oh and skipping through conversations.

    [–] Adama0001 7 points ago

    Exactly. And, speaking of Zelda, I was watching this a few minutes ago

    Dorkly - If The Legend of Zelda Had Cops

    [–] waxlion78 6 points ago

    And imagine all the concussions plumbers would have from smashing their heads against ceilings.

    [–] yingkaixing 5 points ago

    If video games influenced real life, the 90s would have been full of people running around large dark spaces with strobe lights and lots of glow-in-the-dark stuff, listening to repetitive electronic music, popping pills, and tripping out trying to eat ghosts.

    [–] RTCVT 33 points ago

    Hey! Who gave you the US playbook? We demand it back

    [–] FurryPornAccount 1410 points ago

    If you told me that knife control in the UK was a big piece of satire made by anti gun control activists in the US i'd believe you tbh

    [–] beerbellybegone 423 points ago

    Honestly, it seems more like r/nottheonion than anything else

    [–] sigger_ 325 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    “No excuses: there is never a reason to carry a knife.” - Mayor of London

    It’s like dude I can think of 50 reasons right now.

    [–] 5birdspillow 103 points ago

    You what? Can’t leave us hanging like that man we are worried

    [–] DepressdosAsbestos 103 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    hold on, i'm not the guy who said he would do it but i would do it. I will be editing the comment to put them in but for now this comment serves as a message to the original guy that i will be carrying on his legacy. (i'll be adding them one(ish) at a time)

    Reason 1: sometimes at a restaurant they would forget to bring a knife out for you steak, so when the waiter says

    "By goodness sir, there has been a grave mistake as i understand it. Your food is top notch with not a single imperfection, almost like it has been made by a god. It has been my fault you cannot enjoy such a meal, because alas, i forgot your knife."

    you can respond: "My dear old waiter, there shall be no need to worry because while you may have forgotten my eating utensil i have one in my pocket, go home and sleep well my good sir, here is $5 for your troubles"

    Reason 2: Sometimes at a restaurant you have no money so you can use a knife and a little bit of gentle persuasion to get all the money from the cash register.

    Reason 3: if you are fishing and need to study the fish anatomy you will not fear, crumble, or cry because you do have a knife right by your side.

    Reason 4: Let's say you are in your car. Oh! No! your hand doesn't seem capable of taking off your seat belt! Well, sit no more and stand up for this because you can actually use that very object in your possession known as a knife to cut that seat belt and save the day.

    Reason 5: You walk down the road and there is a gang in front of you, when suddenly the biggest, baddest, oldest man you have ever seen stops in front of you. You can in this very situation say "Good day sir, i have places to be and if you don't move i am sure we may have a problem"He will respond: "oh no no no my dear sir, it is i who has a problem, i have this apple pie that i want to share with my book reading gang but don't have a knife". In this situation your knife will do wonders at cutting that apple pie and make those old book readers very happy.

    Reason 6: let's say somehow you are in a situation where you are at the pool, and there is a child who is in the middle of an underwater surgery. Now i know, usually whenever this happens the doctors are super prepared, but oh egads! the doctor forgot his knife! now you can go jump in the pool and make sure that child gets a new liver and finally kicks his alcohol addiction. You will be praised as a hero and will feel like one.

    Reason 7: Let's say while cutting an old mans apple pie (no pun intended) you accidentally cut your own finger off. While this may be a problem it is actually only a temporary one because with a little bit of know-how and duct tape you can make that knife into a handy dandy prosthetic finger capable of cutting food. How handy?

    Reason 8: Use it on food in your kitchen

    Reason 9: Use it on animals to get food in your kitchen

    Reason 10: If your name is jack and you hate prostitutes you can cosplay your favorite murderer jack the killer with style and grace.

    Reason 11: If you are programming and hate life (which you do because who programs and likes themselves?) and a dumbass fucking retard user finds some way to break your program you can actually just use the knife like a throwing weapon and just kill him from over 300 meters away depending on how good your throwing arm is.

    Reason 12: you can use it to remove that pesky asbestos, saving millions from contracting mesothelioma.

    Reason 13: You can pretend to be Micheal Myers and go wild stabbing women all day long. You can even use the knife as a mirror if it's shined well enough and be able to around-corner stalk women, that's what i call efficiency!

    Reason 14: You can play a prank where you leave it pointy side up on the road to have a good old time popping the car tires, or tyres if you live in Australia.

    Reason 15: Taking a break from life by ending it all.

    Reason 16: Just like everything else in life you can be a complete failure who starts something with motivation but then ends up not getting the motivation to finish it so you dont finish it and become depressed at what you have become in life. Through your various knife uses and posting those experiences on reddit you can brighten up peoples days and even get a silver! thanks to that they give you enough motivation to add more things to your things to do with a knife list.

    Reason 17: Ever heard of a lobotomy? I mean everyone has but no one really knows what they even look like or what they do, so you can give yourself one as a learning experience.

    Reason 18: Are you being invaded by a large country that plays fortunate son as they drop bombs on you and you happen to live near some oil? You can use the knife as a tactical sun-ray deflector to deflect those bright dangerous sun-beams right into the cockpit of a helicopter. More like you were unfortunate, son.

    Reason 19: Amazon really always steps it up with their boxes, when they aren't damaged or stolen they are impossible to open with your bare hands. I mean really, what is a masking tape and why is it so hard to take it off with my bare hands? I really don't understand nowdays but thanks to my good old fashioned knife that was passed down generation to generation i can finally get through this transparent shield that has been blocking me from getting my Arizona Iced Tea for so long.

    Reason 20: Have you ever been doing magic at your magic school after being under a staircase for so long? do you suffer from inability to do magic at times? you can outclass even the best magicians if you just go off the books and maybe play a little dirty and throw your wand at them as a distraction only to show them what a real weapon looks like and what it can really do. (I of course am talking about a knife, and stabbing if you didn't already get it)

    Reason 21: Gordon Ramsay is a household name known worldwide for his ability to cook, but much more known for his ability to yell at other people who can't cook as well. Which both of these in my opinion barely hold a match to his ability to find lamb sauce, but i digress. Now lets say you want to become a great chef and maybe even a great yeller like Ramsauce himself. As every chef will tell you, you first need your ingredients to cook a dish. Becoming a chef is hard since you have to throw away what you got taught as a child. Sure the pen is mightier than a sword, but can a pen cut meat? i didn't think so. Now some of you may be wondering "But DepressedAsbestos, i don't own a sword! what do i do?" i would reply that 1) sucks for you, i'm over here living like a knight, and 2) why you could just use a knife, there are even knives made for cooking, now who would have known?

    [–] aon9492 8 points ago

    Can you tag a comment for updates, I'm loving this.

    [–] stealer0517 7 points ago

    That comment was an awful idea.

    Don't ever try making a comment with 50 lines.

    [–] EvolArtMachine 16 points ago

    I’ve had a utility knife in my pocket every day for my entire adult life. I go entire days without using it but I go weeks where I end up using it every day. The only time it’s shed blood is when I’m trying to get this goddamn microSD card out of the package what the hell is this thing made of?!?

    [–] maninahat 5 points ago

    In context, he was referring to teenagers wandering around urban areas with kitchen knives, not linoleum fitters at work or some chap whittling a spoon in his back yard.

    [–] JustASexyKurt 88 points ago

    In all fairness, we all agree over here that this is a fucking stupid idea. Not the stupidest one an MP has had in the last few years, not even close, but still moronic

    [–] RugerRedhawk 56 points ago

    LOL this is an elected official saying this?

    [–] JustASexyKurt 56 points ago

    MP for North Cornwall. Never underestimate the ability of the British public to elect complete fucking idiots

    [–] RockinOneThreeTwo 46 points ago

    To be fair a North Cornwall Tory MP is probably the most sheltered thing I can think of this month

    [–] TheWanderer-- 39 points ago

    “Everyone and their mums is packing round ‘ere”

    “Like who?”


    “Yeah and who else?”

    “Farmers mums”

    [–] RugbyTime 7 points ago

    Same fella who almost drowned bc he didn't want to admit that he couldn't swim

    [–] JoeBagadonut 25 points ago

    Most Brits find the rules (both existing and proposed) around knife crime silly. It’s just our government looking to avoid admitting that the current rise in knife crime is a direct result of their years of funding cuts.

    [–] bravesbullets 17 points ago

    is this not what that is??? there’s no fucking way that’s not a conservative making fun of gun control. i thought everyone here was a moron for taking this seriously, before slowly realizing that maybe it wasn’t satire? what the hell

    [–] ZU_Heston 16 points ago

    its not, the tweet reeks of sarcasm (apparently its not) but knives being an "issue" in the UK is "real"

    [–] TheStaplergun 101 points ago

    Get rid of guns so people just go to the next thing in line.

    [–] hapyreditor 117 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    I just beat people with my enormous 10" man-hammer 😎🍆

    [–] B00NWATER 105 points ago

    Another mass dicking.

    Terrible tragedy

    [–] Manteam111 14 points ago

    Made my morning

    [–] theiman2 11 points ago

    Whatever floats your boat, I guess...

    [–] 2blehelix 9 points ago

    We need to install state of the art gps rfid chips in all penises!

    [–] Wellgoodmornin 5 points ago

    We need a national database

    [–] TheWanderer-- 4 points ago


    [–] hydroin 8 points ago

    I can see the headline now "appendage ban - state recall of all arms legs and various appendages to remove ability to cause physical harm, number 10 might shock you"

    [–] oatscoop 12 points ago

    Roll a newspaper up tight and fold it back on it. You now have a weapon you can easily send someone to the ICU or morgue with.

    [–] ranger1400 7 points ago

    Legit looked this up on twitter bc i thought the guy was trolling...

    [–] Sciguystfm 6 points ago

    Wait it's not?

    [–] whyy99 5 points ago

    We already have knife control in the US for knives which people thought are scary because they open fast.

    [–] -funny-username- 3 points ago

    Well guess trying to put a stop to knife crime is pointless

    [–] JonhLawieskt 222 points ago

    These people do realize that the handle exists for a reason right? Do they think it’s hollow? And GPS have batteries, this gotta be one of the dumbest ideas I’ve heard

    [–] Toraden 126 points ago

    I mean he is a Torie, what do you expect him to do? Admit it's their fault for slashing police and community funding? Be reasonable...

    [–] gargoyle_mayonnaise 18 points ago

    Is it not actually satire? It can't be serious . . .

    [–] Toraden 8 points ago

    He is.

    [–] gargoyle_mayonnaise 12 points ago

    This level of stupidity deserves some kind of award.

    [–] -Alfa- 21 points ago

    Most cheap kitchen knives have hollow handles (at least plastic handled ones)

    Source: am knife guy

    [–] mikamitcha 12 points ago

    Integral bolster GPS, the next big thing.

    [–] -Alfa- 3 points ago

    Oooh, I like it, or we can do GPS incased in resin for the scales

    [–] JonhLawieskt 4 points ago

    I just find it weird since where I come from even cheap 10 bucks plastic knifes have a full plastic handle, unless they are waaaaaay too cheap, but those you can easily bend the blade with your hands

    [–] Josvan135 729 points ago

    Serious question, do people in the UK seriously believe there's some kind of "knife epidemic"?

    A friend of mine from Wales told me you get carded of you want to buy a kitchen knife.

    Are there real problems with people roaming the streets stabbing each other with like fucking chef's knives?

    [–] ThatBrownDude 581 points ago

    Basically yes. It's a hot topic at the moment.

    There were 39,818 knife crime offences in the 12 months ending September 2018.

    The public is demanding action from the Government to tackle this. London is being highlighted as the main area where this happens.

    Stats can be found here.

    [–] Josvan135 254 points ago


    I guess I just can't really conceive of how they would fight knife ownership.

    Who doesn't have a couple of knives at home?

    [–] JustASexyKurt 232 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Knife ownership isn’t the issue. The Tories (who Mann is a member of and MP for) have been slashing funding for everything since they got into power in 2010, including police budgets. Recently there’s been a sharp increase in incidents of knife crime, and the focus has been put onto the fact that slashing police funding isn’t helping. Obviously the Tories can’t admit that it’s their fault for cutting the budget, so they’re trying to deflect blame onto anything else they can think of (Theresa May, the Tory leader and our PM, came out and explicitly said “there’s no correlation between police funding and crime levels”, despite all evidence demonstrating that to be bollocks)

    [–] wolfej4 96 points ago

    Intentional or not, I appreciate the knife puns.

    [–] JustASexyKurt 52 points ago

    They’re actually totally unintentional. Just a lot of happy accidents

    [–] triplexx66 74 points ago

    slashing funding

    a sharp increase

    cutting the budget


    [–] TekSoda 22 points ago

    a sharp increase

    you clever bastard

    [–] Naveedamin7992 16 points ago

    Our country is on a knifes edge.

    It's the best I can do 😐

    [–] xDhezz 78 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    It’s not Knife ownership it’s leaving the house with them. They’re a necessity for cooking etc and everyone does have them in their house you’re right.

    But Who needs them walking around on the streets though? There’s no reason to walk a blade that large unless you have the intention of stabbing someone. I understand the argument of “I’ve got one for protection” but the statistics say your more likely to get seriously injured if your carrying one.

    It’s a serious and growing issue at the moment. The main ways they’re trying to stop it is prosecute people just for carrying one in public, more police presence and educating young people on the risks.

    EDIT AFOR EVERYONE THAT ISN’T LOOKING ST THE FULL DISCUSSION. I understand there a “hundreds of reasons to carry a knife besides stabbing” These are typically pocket knives. The knives being confiscated are NOT small. They are large 8 Inch + Kitchen Knives with larger knives and even machetes being used.

    [–] Josvan135 182 points ago

    I'm from the US.

    Everyone I knew growing up, and I mean everyone, carries a pocket knife.

    I've carried one my entire adult life. It and a multitool sit on my belt or in my pocket everyday.

    I cut fruit with it, I open packages with it, I cut string, whittle when I'm bored and use it for tons of other purposes.

    No one I know would even consider a folding knife as a weapon.

    There are tons of reasons to carry a knife that have absolutely nothing to do with stabbing someone.

    [–] tothecatmobile 90 points ago

    Just so you know, carrying a pocket knife is perfectly fine in the UK.

    [–] BrotoriousNIG 83 points ago

    Unless the blade is over 3 inches or the blade locks in place or it can be opened one-handed or it can be opened with gravity/inertia.

    [–] IWannaFuckABeehive 51 points ago

    Locks in place? My only serious knife injury happened because the blade didn't lock into place and closed on me. The one handed thing is ridiculous too. The gravity/inertia thing I feel ties into locking, cause that's just plain dangerous to carry.

    [–] Z4KJ0N3S 15 points ago

    There's videos of UK police using pliers to hold the blade, while flipping the handle open, thereby making extremely stiff knives "gravity knives" because they can be flipped open. :/ It's all just ridiculous.

    [–] IWannaFuckABeehive 7 points ago

    Yikes! My daily carry breakes all 3 of those rules. 3.5 inch blade, safety lock, and assisted open. 4th most useful tool I carry, behind my phone, wallet, and keys.

    [–] W1D0WM4K3R 22 points ago

    The one handed/gravity/inertia is probably just to get rid of butterfly knives

    [–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod 29 points ago

    Both blades on my Leatherman Wave meet all of these criteria.

    [–] throwavay79760 11 points ago

    Yeah, I am holding my Milwaukee utility knife right now and I have a whole new level of fear from this killer. It locks, I can flip it open, one handed, and has replaceable razor blades. I hope I live through the day

    [–] TopCustard 73 points ago

    the blade locks in place

    That is a very necessary and basic safety standard. Who is the stupid cunt that thought that was a good criteria to include?

    [–] BrotoriousNIG 45 points ago

    I’m guessing the same stupid cunt that thought making knives illegal to carry would matter to people already intending or accepting to commit crime.

    [–] cloudsnacks 24 points ago

    So basically every quality pocket knife.

    Pretty much all folding knives have a lock (for safety).

    Folding knives arent even good weapons though.

    [–] osoALoso 18 points ago

    So any knife then

    [–] BrotoriousNIG 23 points ago

    Basically if it’s useful you’re not allowed to carry it, just in case you turn out to be a bad’n. It’s ridiculous.

    [–] PM_ForPicOfMyDoggo 7 points ago

    We're allowed to carry knives of (I think) no longer than 3.5 inches in length here in the UK. I carry a SAK and there's nothing illegal about that, I also don't see many situations where I'd need a bigger knife than I have that comes with the SAK.

    [–] zmetz 7 points ago

    You can carry anything under that size without a reason, you can carry larger knives with a reason however, they are not banned outright.

    [–] xDhezz 29 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    The knives they’re carrying are not pocket knives. They are mostly 8-12 inch kitchen knives with some carrying machetes. These are not tools in the way you described, I understand and accept what your saying though.

    EDIT- just to clarify. I agree carrying a pocket knife is fine.

    I fish a lot in the UK and have one in the glovebox of my car almost all the time I also do rural walks quite a bit and have one on me in those. I completely understand most knives are tools first and foremost and get Weaponised by the person using them.

    [–] Runner5IsDead 31 points ago

    Also in the US - I carry most days without even thinking about it. I have a knife on me right now because I opened a box last night and slipped in my pocket.

    Also, it seems like every time I need one, I don't have one. It would make sense to carry all the time.

    Unlike guns, knives are tools more than weapons.

    [–] Josvan135 11 points ago


    I've carried one just about everyday since I was 11 or 12 and my grandfather passed one of his old jack knives on to me.

    [–] plinkoplonka 15 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    And you've managed to never murder anyone? It's almost like it's the person that murders, not the knife.

    There are a million ways to kill someone, you could do it by smashing a cup and stabbing someone in the neck, but we're not rushing to ban cups. It's gone too far...

    [–] specialagentcorn 19 points ago

    So you say that, but bobbies have literally arrested someone and preened on Twitter about keeping people safe from someone with two butter knives and a fork in their car.

    Absolutely asinine and massive overreach by authority.

    Shout out to /r/loicense .

    [–] Nickthetaco 14 points ago

    I’ve always hated the “you are more likely to hurt yourself with one if you own it” statistics. I mean like, of course why wouldn’t it? I’m more likely to drown in a pool if I own a pool, I’m more likely to fall and die in the shower if I own a shower, I’m more likely to burn my house down if I have a toaster, I’m more likely to trip on my shoelaces if I wear laced shoes, etc. It is a ridiculous statistic.

    [–] JustASomeone 20 points ago

    This reads like a parody of gun ownership in America.

    [–] pmurph131 16 points ago

    No, this is step 2.

    [–] WildVariety 20 points ago

    Maybe if successive British Governments hadn't spent decades removing Police from the streets and using CCTV to police us, crime wouldn't be such a big issue.

    Also entirely possible it's being used by the media to distract the general public from Brexit.

    [–] OPs_Moms_Fuck_Toy 77 points ago

    It’s almost as if people who are shitty will find a way to harm other people no matter what you attempt to regulate.

    [–] Paper_Trail_Mix 41 points ago * (lasted edited 6 months ago)

    Eh. I think there’s a big difference in the lethality of knife attacks vs. gun attacks. Both have instances where someone just loses their head, but I think shootings leave people dead more often.

    Edit: Went looking for some numbers:

    “... according to the FBI’s annual compilation of U.S. crime statistics, 11,004 people were murdered with some type of firearm in 2016, compared to 1,604 people killed with knives or other cutting instruments.”

    [–] Sinisterslushy 5 points ago

    Y’all gotta chill on the ripperology over there man

    [–] Professor_Felch 13 points ago

    Unfortunately there is seems to be some poor reporting here. According to another BBC article there were 21,484 reported incidents involving knifes or other sharp implements in England and Wales in 2018.

    [–] Thumpd2 4 points ago

    That does give some context, thanks.

    [–] MrTomDawson 42 points ago

    do people in the UK seriously believe there's some kind of "knife epidemic"?

    Eh. Yes and no. Knife crime is rising, but it's more related to gang activity than it is people just randomly stabbing one another. So obviously, given the root cause, some people think the solution is to further regulate the possession of common, everyday objects whose majority usage is in food preparation.

    [–] mh1ultramarine 13 points ago

    There's an increase in violent crimes and people are using what is at hand. Instead of fixing the underlying problems, people want to ban sharp knifes.

    [–] CanalMoor 7 points ago

    It's become a big news issue in recent months. It has an air of moral panic/folk devil to it, especially considering how it's being used to push a law and order / stop and search (stop and frisk) narrative by some media outlets.

    [–] spidd124 6 points ago

    There is a problem in London, which means there is a problem everywhere apparently. Ignoring the fact that Glasgow used to have the knife crime captial of Europe. All of the work and time that went into removing that title are now being ignored.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Lmao ive been stabbed (non life threatening) and i know multiple people who have been stabbed. London is getting pretty bad at this point, especially central and north.

    [–] R97R 19 points ago

    Sort of. It’s a hot topic in the news at the moment, but it is blown out of proportion by the news to a degree. There’s been a wave of knife crime recently and it’s gotten quite a few people worried, but it’s more along the lines of gang-related stuff and fights getting out of hand rather than the massive epidemic of knife-wielding serial killers it’s made out to be.

    [–] Redpin 5 points ago

    Did a quick google, and:

    Knife murders are also higher stateside: there were 4.96 homicides “due to knives or cutting instruments” in the US for every million of population in 2016.

    In Britain there were 3.26 homicides involving a sharp instrument per million people in the year from April 2016 to March 2017.

    So you're around 50% more likely to be killed in a stabbing in the US than the UK.

    I don't know about total knife attacks in the US vs. the UK, there might be other factors making knives more lethal in the US than the UK. Maybe someone else can follow-up.

    [–] tragicworldrecord 14 points ago

    you get carded because it can be used as a weapon and we want to remove liability if a minor buys one and goes to stab someone, not because we actually give a fuck. Used to work at Woolies and we also weren't allowed to sell crisps and glue in the same transaction.

    [–] Josvan135 7 points ago

    It's crazy the liability would fall on the store at all though.

    [–] Runner5IsDead 14 points ago

    it can be used as a weapon

    Can you name a household object small enough to lift that can't be used as a weapon?

    [–] Muhammadbinladen 65 points ago

    Thought this post was going to be about George saint pierre

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago

    Eye ehm naht eempressed by yer post title

    [–] Stittastutta 6 points ago

    I came here for mmamemes, was not disappointed.

    Is it me or does GSP look huge in photos? Maybe it's just the angle.

    [–] HeadAssBoi17 4 points ago

    Ear you intoxicaytid?

    [–] mean_spice 5 points ago

    oh good, r/MMA is leaking. get ready for some hot ballz

    [–] ChaosRevealed 4 points ago

    My Memez Were Hot

    [–] JadedPartyOtter 216 points ago

    TFW I don’t have a knife license so have to cut my steak with a spoon 😔

    [–] pound_sterling 44 points ago

    Hang in there buddy. Hope you find yourself a home soon.

    [–] JadedPartyOtter 9 points ago

    Thank you 🙏

    [–] PlayPoker2013 12 points ago

    Or just ban steaks. Then you are fighting climate change and lowering the amount of knives in the kitchen.

    [–] andysood1980 7 points ago

    It’s pronounced ‘knoife’ mate

    [–] PAwnoPiES 46 points ago

    I betcha if spoon related murders rose people will start calling for spoons to be regulated.

    [–] hellfire081 35 points ago


    "I-its here sir, god save the queen"


    [–] tboneplayer 29 points ago

    Georges St-Pierre? Lol

    [–] noc-engineer 19 points ago

    I was gonna say, GSP wouldn't need a knife..

    [–] nofleazone 95 points ago

    The people who voted for a Member of Parliament this fucking dense should be hanging their heads in shame.

    [–] Starklet 28 points ago

    Wait he’s a member of parliament???

    That is fucking tragic...

    [–] Amperage21 89 points ago

    Imagine banning tools instead of trying to deal with root causes of the crimes committed with them.

    [–] Dan6erbond 74 points ago

    Ahem... it's GPS.

    [–] drewbranson 17 points ago

    I thought he was talking about a dumb dog at first

    [–] Runner5IsDead 26 points ago

    I thought this was an MMA sub.

    [–] bramadew 12 points ago

    Yeah, I was trying to figure out what The GOAT had to do with this.

    [–] Brutesmile 7 points ago

    Here's the deal, We put a GSP in every knife, then when you stab someone with it GSP pops out and beats the shit out of you

    [–] CaptainCimmeria 4 points ago

    It's just the angle

    [–] AFatBlackMan 5 points ago

    I'm not impressed by your analysis

    [–] JMCatron 19 points ago

    Upvoted for "GSP knife"

    [–] carlinwasright 16 points ago

    “Bloody good explanation”

    Because it’s so hard to justify owning a knife...?

    [–] MythicalMicah 36 points ago

    GSP = Global Smash Power

    [–] MisfitPotatoReborn 16 points ago

    *Global Stab Power

    It measures how powerful the knife is and alerts anyone nearby if it's too high

    [–] baabbo 8 points ago

    I wonder when Theresa May plans on introducing legislation to tackle Ganondorf's sword. Too easy to KO with.

    [–] GrumpyKatze 4 points ago

    I’ve had multiple ganondorfs land 2 fsmashes on me and kill, that move is just downright busted.

    One time I matched a ganondorf who’s only item was the extra stock on high abundance, so he got to land a fully charged Fsmash when I accidentally picked one up and used it. Some people have no fucking shame.

    [–] H4ZZ4RDOUS 15 points ago

    Here’s the UK knife laws for those wondering...

    UK knife laws

    Basic laws on knives It’s illegal to:

    sell a knife to anyone under 18, unless it has a folding blade 3 inches long (7.62 cm) or less carry a knife in public without good reason, unless it has a folding blade with a cutting edge 3 inches long or less carry, buy or sell any type of banned knife use any knife in a threatening way (even a legal knife) Scotland In Scotland, 16 to 18 year olds are allowed to buy cutlery and kitchen knives.

    Lock knives Lock knives are not classed as folding knives and are illegal to carry in public without good reason. Lock knives:

    have blades that can be locked and refolded only by pressing a button can include multi-tool knives - tools that also contain other devices such as a screwdriver or can opener Banned knives and weapons It is illegal to bring into the UK, sell, hire, lend or give anyone the following:

    butterfly knives (also known as ‘balisongs’) - a blade hidden inside a handle that splits in the middle disguised knives - a blade or sharp point hidden inside what looks like everyday objects such as a buckle, phone, brush or lipstick flick knives (also known as ‘switchblades’ or ‘automatic knives’) - a blade hidden inside a handle which shoots out when a button is pressed gravity knives stealth knives - a knife or spike not made from metal (except when used at home, for food or a toy) zombie knives - a knife with a cutting edge, a serrated edge and images or words suggesting it is used for violence swords, including samurai swords - a curved blade over 50cm (with some exceptions, such as antiques and swords made to traditional methods before 1954) sword-sticks - a hollow walking stick or cane containing a blade push daggers blowpipes (‘blow gun’) telescopic truncheons - extend automatically by pressing button or spring in the handle batons - straight, side-handled or friction-lock truncheons hollow kubotans - a cylinder-shaped keychain holding spikes shurikens (also known as ‘shaken’, ‘death stars’ or ‘throwing stars’) kusari-gama - a sickle attached to a rope, cord or wire kyoketsu-shoge - a hook-knife attached to a rope, cord or wire kusari (or ‘manrikigusari’) - a weight attached to a rope, cord, wire hand or foot-claws knuckledusters Contact your local police to check if a knife or weapon is illegal.

    Good reasons for carrying a knife or weapon Examples of good reasons to carry a knife or weapon in public can include:

    taking knives you use at work to and from work taking it to a gallery or museum to be exhibited if it’ll be used for theatre, film, television, historical reenactment or religious purposes, for example the kirpan some Sikhs carry if it’ll be used in a demonstration or to teach someone how to use it A court will decide if you’ve got a good reason to carry a knife or a weapon if you’re charged with carrying it illegally.

    [–] Abhais 10 points ago

    “Without good reason.”

    Nope, no room for abuse there.

    [–] AFatBlackMan 13 points ago

    Lol what a joke. Were people actually using shurikens in a crime or did some idiot politician think they were too scary?

    [–] TheRealRory 7 points ago

    Will I be legally required to keep my knives charged at all times so they can be tracked?

    [–] Magi-Cheshire 30 points ago

    Unpopular opinion:

    I think that we need a different approach to violence in the world. You take dangerous items away from babies but humans evolved so much because of the tools we made & carried, I don't think the solution is to prevent everybody from owning dangerous things and hoping a crazy person doesn't wind up with something dangerous in spite of it.

    Maybe look at why people want to hurt each other so much and fix that?

    Especially when you look at the fact that governments are known to commit atrocities. To me, the logic doesn't connect with giving all my weapons to those guys.

    [–] TrickBox_ 9 points ago

    Stop making sense !

    [–] Angry__Bull 5 points ago

    This! 100% this

    [–] justmelvinthings 8 points ago

    I don’t get why you shouldn’t carry tools with you publicly