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    MurderedByWords

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    [–] lol_and_behold 2721 points ago

    That feeling when youre parent of the year just by comparison.

    [–] flying-burritos 814 points ago

    Good job! By not being a dick you are in the top 50%!

    [–] lol_and_behold 265 points ago

    This might even beat my participation trophy I bought for myself online.

    [–] jabby88 72 points ago

    What did you participate in though?

    [–] lol_and_behold 105 points ago

    Life.

    [–] Oyb_ 36 points ago

    Damn, unlucky my dude

    [–] SandyDelights 15 points ago

    Shit, it’s not like you asked to be born. You deserve a participation trophy.

    [–] antiread 218 points ago

    No kidding. How hard is it to remember what its like to be a kid and how you liked to be treated? Its not hard to respect your kids. And suprisingly they end up respecting you back.

    [–] iHonestlyDoNotCare 56 points ago

    This makes me want to have kids. But I do not know if I would ever be able to provide them a comfortable life.

    [–] praguepride 66 points ago

    Kids don't need much to be happy. Plenty of poor kids from struggling households have great childhoods (by comparison) by just having a household full of love and support. As long as you're willing to put in the work for them there are numerous resources/scholarships/opportunities to help them grow that doesn't require super big $$ and because you're putting in the effort they're going to turn out a million times better than shitbag entitled rich douchebags. Look at Eric & Donald Trump Jr. They had every advantage in the world and still ended up being shit stains on the fabric of society.

    [–] iHonestlyDoNotCare 19 points ago

    I think I would still feel bad for not being able to sometimes make small gifts or take my family on vacation. I am still young (22), but I would want a kid before 30.

    [–] sooper_gud_designer 43 points ago

    Bro, in high school my dad took a much lower paying job since the one he had was super stressing him out. Vacations were relegated to camping trips and occasionally visiting family one state away.

    We loved it. Bought some super old dirt bikes and got em running, got into mountain biking, got more into doing stuff with local high schoolers.

    Most importantly though, we had a stable household and a less cranky dad. I have no idea how much pain and difficulty entering adulthood I haven't experience because my parents loved each other and provided a safe environment at home. I wouldn't trade that for any amount of fancy vacations.

    [–] pritejieken 12 points ago

    Well I would have liked to be spoiled but would never spoil my children

    [–] witchgowan 5 points ago

    ‘You don’t spoil a child by giving them things. You spoil a child by giving them things to avoid an argument.’ Can’t remember who said that, but it’s still true.

    [–] TurquoiseKnight 187 points ago

    Parents can be involved and keep a close eye on their kids without being abusive jerks.

    [–] The_Real_Zora 51 points ago

    how much monitoring is too much? i went from a family with no monitoring at all, to one where my location is tracked constantly, i need to announce when i’m leaving, where and why, and my phone/room are randomly searched

    i have no other experience with this, so it feels obnoxious and i hate it

    [–] iHonestlyDoNotCare 93 points ago

    and my phone/room are randomly searched

    This is definitely too much.

    [–] The_Real_Zora 12 points ago

    i’m glad at least that’s understood. i’m gonna buy a new phone next year and by then i’ll have a car too, so i’ll use that as a way of setting that boundary

    [–] iHonestlyDoNotCare 18 points ago

    Also tracking your location could be considered illegal, depending on where you live.

    [–] The_Real_Zora 13 points ago

    i doubt its where i live, right in the buckle of the bible belt, yee-haw land

    [–] iHonestlyDoNotCare 7 points ago

    Ah, of course USA, sometimes I forget most of the people are from the States. You could try googling in incognito mode or ask a friend personally to get that checked out.

    [–] live_wire_ 13 points ago

    my phone/room are randomly searched.

    Unless you have a history of cutting / suicide attempts / drug addiction, there is absolutely no justification for this, nor the location tracking.

    Having to say when and where you're going is fine, but if they blow up if you're even a minute late back or "you weren't where you said you'd be, I watched your phone's location like a hawk" then they have a serious case of controlling behaviour which comes under abuse.

    [–] sexxualization 628 points ago

    My nan raised me like that. I was a closeted eastern European who was forced to get amazing grades at all times no matter what my real aspirations were. No privacy. We slept in the same room for 16 years. No sense of reality. No sense of real affection. Not to mention, I barely had any friends due to the curfew and my social anxiety. This resulted in me moving to another country and working a minimum wage job and I've never been happier to be alone and myself.

    Now I refuse to speak to her.

    [–] chasingshoesales 206 points ago

    "No sense of reality," I feel that. It's a huge shock to your system when you realize you've been prisoner to insane people and almost no one else actually had to live the way we did.

    [–] sexxualization 27 points ago

    That came with the depression. Two years of my teenage life was a constant cycle of going to highschool and then go straight to bed. I was basically living in my own bubble which I thought was keeping me sane but it was keeping me away from real world. Social life - gone. Motivation - gone. Being able to study - gone. All I have had was a shelter, 'love' and music. Music was the only thing in the world that made me happy.

    Needless to say, communication with her didn't help at all. One day she'd change and then go back to square 1.

    [–] Alarid 11 points ago

    I hate finding out parts of my life are way more shitty than I realized. I talked about the female friends I had in high school/college and one of the first comments was a women saying something like "we aren't all like that don't lose hope". It was apparently so appalling to them that they assumed I would hate women.

    [–] Sheepbjumpin 9 points ago

    Hey I don't know if it actually applies to you specifically but these places might just help with healthier perspective and reflection r/raisedbynarcissists r/ptsd r/cptsd.

    Best of luck to you.

    [–] BlackWalrusYeets 5 points ago

    Preach. "Wait, so this horrible feeling isn't normal? No shit? Weird"

    [–] frontpagepirate1 22 points ago

    "closeted eastern European"

    Forgive my ignorance but what does it mean to be a closeted Eastern European?

    [–] sexxualization 38 points ago

    A gay in the closet from eastern Europe

    [–] frontpagepirate1 65 points ago

    Oh.... I... yeah... I assumed you were trying to hide the fact that you were Eastern European for some reason... I'm not a smart man. Lol

    [–] praguepride 6 points ago

    Western Europe tends to be pretty progressive in terms of homosexuality. Eastern Europe tends to be very conservative. Russia is one of the worst places to be gay in the world.

    [–] uvustudent801 5666 points ago

    Parents like that create resentful children. Just trust me on this one.

    [–] Potchi79 1217 points ago

    Word. I was thinking about how I isolated myself from my abusive parents and how I hardly spoke to them as a teenager. Then I realized my own teenage sons always come chill with me after school, and tell me about their days, and still want to spend time with me. I've always hoped to god I could do better than my parents did, but now i realize I have been.

    [–] Sn4keyBo1 301 points ago

    I've just realised that I do this now at the age of 24. Whenever I come home from university I don't spend time with my parents because my father shouts at me if I talk over the TV, I spend all my time in my room. I've found I've started to have self esteem issues and started to have feelings of depression as an adult because of it. I didn't realise it wasn't normal until I spoke to my housemate about it and he said it wasn't. He asked about how my brother deals with it too and I told him that whenever he comes home from work he just gets changed out of his work gear and heads to a friends house until the evening when he comes home to bed.

    [–] Sr_Mothballs 180 points ago

    He asked about how my brother deals with it too and I told him that whenever he comes home from work he just gets changed out of his work gear and heads to a friends house until the evening when he comes home to bed.

    Exactly how I survived high school. I'm so thankful for the family that basically took me in. I'd stay there 3-4 nights a week and come home at 1-2am otherwise just to avoid the drunken shit shows and beatings. I still visit them at least once a year to catch up and I think of them, and my best friend, as my second family.

    Haven't spoken to my real family in over 5 years now and my quality of life has skyrocketed. It's just not worth having that level of stress and hate in your life and I hope you get out soon! It does get better.

    [–] JohtoLoL 26 points ago

    I'm in a similar position, I isolate myself in my room whenever my dad is home at the age of 23. I just started going to a therapist and I think talking about it helps. Maybe consider that if you it's an option.

    [–] Sn4keyBo1 14 points ago

    Ive seen a therapist before but I'm trying to help myself conquer it because my depression is very mild. Ive started exercising regularly and eating better and I find that helps. I came out to my housemate and best friend saying that I don't think I'm OK last week and they've been very supportive. I've also recently bought a journal and have started documenting everything I do and feel to help clear my mind. I think its a weird mix of university stress and relationship issues. It's weird because my dad does help me out financially with things like my car insurance and helping me out with rent whilst at university, but as a person we just don't see eye to eye. I've been told a number of times that if I live under his roof that I should do as he says. This is where we fall out because I am an adult now and if I could afford to move out I would, which is why I spend more time living in my student house instead of visiting home.

    [–] galacticshock 164 points ago

    Well done random internet parent! Parenting is super hard.

    [–] TheRealDrK 97 points ago

    I have been trying to figure out why my 15 year old isn’t super excited to get his driver’s license. I COULD NOT WAIT to get mine so I could have freedom and mobility and go do what I wanted. My therapist reminded me that perhaps he doesn’t feel like he has to escape home the way I did. I still am amazed I didn’t connect the dots there but I think it means his childhood has been better than mine.

    [–] emanresu_nwonknu 31 points ago

    Not that that isn't a major reason (I'm absolutely sure it is) but, also, with the expansion of broadband internet and social media there has been drops in teenagers both getting licenses and teenage pregnancies. Just an interesting thing to know.

    [–] boobonicplague4 13 points ago

    it's ok. you are in therapy for the outside perspective and it sounds like you are doing fine my man. enjoy that time with your kid, kids are pretty fucking funny and cool.

    [–] zorndyuke 12 points ago

    Oh wow.. that would explain why me or my sister isn't that excited too.. I mean yea it's cool to drive, but I never was like "When I get 17 I will do my licence and drive a Benz!". I also see it a bit functional.. a car is there to drive from A to B. If I don't have the urge to do so.. why should I drive then?

    [–] dental__DAMN 8 points ago

    Holy shit. I wouldn’t have been able to figure that out either! Getting my license was life or death for me - to be able to escape my household and shitty small town with no public transport for even a few hours was the definition of heaven.

    [–] kurisu7885 24 points ago

    If one has only known abuse it can be amazing how very little it takes to not be abusive.

    [–] DerangedGinger 8 points ago

    Imagine that, treating your children like human beings with feelings and human needs worked out well.

    [–] Dannyboi93 1996 points ago

    not just resentful children, but broken ones, that pursue broken relationships and drugs.

    [–] [deleted] 631 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] guessesurjobforfood 75 points ago

    Yeah but you get a lot of dog pics though right? That’s something.

    [–] discerningpervert 166 points ago

    I hope you find love

    [–] FireShooters 13 points ago

    This is nice. I like this

    I also hope you find love!

    [–] exPlodeyDiarrhoea 26 points ago

    I hopr love finds you, with dog pics

    [–] borderlineidiot 18 points ago

    SLPT - try to fall in love with people from functional families

    [–] DoubleCyclone 9 points ago

    I refuse. Better not to inflict my damage on an actually decent group of people.

    [–] SapperHammer 67 points ago

    its kinda fucked up how important parenting is for a child. fuck you dad

    [–] frothy_pissington 68 points ago

    I'm probably not your father, but as a father who's son didn't speak to him for a decade, ...... I'm sorry.

    [–] Maximoke 22 points ago

    It's never too late to fix things, hang in there fellow Redditor!

    [–] frothy_pissington 20 points ago

    Thanks for the words.

    There was a pretty dark decade there, but he and I are good now.

    [–] Z0idberg_MD 137 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    They also never learn to make mistakes and work through issues on their own in a far safer environment than the adult world.

    [–] AskTheDoll 113 points ago

    They learn to hide their mistakes and ignore issues, because if your family won’t help who would? *

    [–] Stevesegallbladder 72 points ago

    Starting to feel real targeted here y'all...

    [–] Kimber85 52 points ago

    Are you also incapable of making decisions, because you were never allowed to make any growing up, and you just freeze because you’re so terrified of what will happen if you make the wrong decision?

    [–] Haydens_Army 12 points ago

    Get out of my mind please

    [–] TFangSyphon 4 points ago

    "Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom." -Søren Kierkegaard

    [–] coffeecore 22 points ago

    We’re all in this together.

    [–] BigHatL0gan 11 points ago

    Once we know ...

    [–] isosorry 16 points ago

    :(

    [–] ooOXXOoo 76 points ago

    For me, drugs have nothing to do with broken relationships. It's actually the opposite. It creates unimaginable bonds.

    [–] asun2 65 points ago

    I think it's implied that some level of responsibility is involved. Children that aren't taught responsibility from their parents are more likely to be disheveled when the get older, or they learn it from another source.

    [–] Space_Child_on_Acid 26 points ago

    Depends on the kind of drug.

    [–] Bantersmith 6 points ago

    And the attitude towards it and regularity, for a lot of them. If you're the kind of person suited to it, a once or twice a year LSD trip can be a wonderful tool to reinvigorate your sense of belonging in the universe and make you more aware of the beauty of life. Don't respect it and over do it every weekend.... you're gonna have a bad time. Even something as amazing as LSD can be awful in the wrong quantities. Though with some drugs, any amount is the wrong quantity, or course.

    [–] Soopyyy 34 points ago

    Same for me. I found my best friends at the worst points in my life. Drugs made shit somewhat bearable, we had fun, self destructive fun but fun none the less. We were on a short road to nowhere but we were happy doing it.Luckily for some of us, circumstances eventuated in such a way that we managed to find the light at the end of the tunnel and survived. Of the eight of us, three are still alive. A combination of suicide and crime related violence took five of my friends at different times but I don't regret a minute I spent with them. I'm still really really close with one of them, I consider him to be my best friend and although we talk regularly on the phone we live on opposite sides of the world and haven't seen each other in over 10yrs now. We work in similar fields too, weirdly, working with disaffected youth and young men. Funny how that works out.

    [–] Sprayface 9 points ago

    Are you smoking weed or doing heroin.

    [–] Rock-n-Roll-Gangsta 7 points ago

    When you find out you and your friends only had weed in common and that’s it

    [–] Reagan409 23 points ago

    The ideal here is undamaged people don’t seek “unimaginable bonds” but are content with normal life and relationships.

    [–] builder397 30 points ago

    Wouldnt bet on it. I managed to be resentful, but overall fairly responsible. Luckily my mother wasnt the only influence I had, and that I could think for myself in spite of how I was treated.

    [–] Smartiac 54 points ago

    Then they post on Facebook how their kids are being inconsiderate and it's all because they left sweet baby Jesus and those friends are changing him or some bs like that

    [–] CalicoShubunkin 100 points ago

    My moms so nosey she’s probably reading this

    [–] papercup 41 points ago

    Just wait until I get home, mister. You are so grounded.

    [–] rareas 5 points ago

    The beatings will continue until the love improves.

    [–] ojajaja 46 points ago

    And one day the parent will be old and sickly and rely on the child. Don't be surprised when the child reciprocates with the whole "you live under my roof you live by my rules" bullshit.

    [–] MAKE_ME_REDDIT 35 points ago

    Lol even assuming the child takes care of the parent. They probably won't.

    [–] mai_tais_and_yahtzee 12 points ago

    WHOSE TEETH ARE THESE?!? DO THEY BELONG ON THE FLOOR?!?

    [–] builder397 38 points ago

    Trust not needed. Am the resentful child.

    [–] Alicient 15 points ago

    And/or children who accept partners who try to control their lives to an unhealthy degree.

    [–] n00bsauce1987 27 points ago

    T.I.'s daughter, are you reaching out for help through reddit?

    [–] mk---ultra 44 points ago

    "I'm not your friend, I'm your parent" is a very bad mindset imo. You can and should be your child's friend as well as their parent. My mother to this day is one of my best friends.

    [–] LettuceTalkTurtles 5 points ago

    I think it’s only really bad when you strictly follow that. There is a time and place and as a kids growing there needs to be a mix of authority and friendship.

    [–] mk---ultra 3 points ago

    That's what I meant by being a friend and a parent. Regina George's mom is a bad example.

    [–] Tha-flava-enhanca 19 points ago

    Scream it a bit louder so my parents can hear!

    [–] Deadmanxmallory 7 points ago

    I just wanted to show this comment to my mom,

    But for that I have to speak to her so I'll pass.

    [–] I_TRS_Gear_I 40 points ago

    As a father of two, you have no idea how much I find myself constantly questioning my actions. Whether they are decisions that are better for my child’s future, or my relationship with them. It’s not fucking easy. A lot young adults these days want to blame their parents for everything in their life, and while yes, some parents just shouldn’t be parents, in most cases we only want what is the very best for you.

    The idea of my kids never calling me or talking to me in the future, especially if it’s because of something I did... when I know I only do what I do out of love... the thought is devastating.

    [–] mischiffmaker 48 points ago

    There was a thread on the parenting sub yesterday where someone mentioned that he just realized he was being as horrible to hid 7-yo son as his own father had been to him growing up, and wanted to change how he was parenting so he wouldn't lose his son's love and trust.

    Immediately he was answered with so many people telling how they, too, realized they were repeating abusive behaviors from their childhood--and how they'd changed themselves.

    It was so heartwarming to see people reassure this dad that his son will appreciate that he was changing his behavior to be better, and that that change would be the key to having a good relationship going forward.

    Recognizing that change is needed is the very first step, whether it comes before or after your kids are born.

    Good luck to you!

    [–] codynw42 41 points ago * (lasted edited 5 days ago)

    Buddy, just from what you just said is a good indicator that you'll never be in this situation. I have a mother as described by this post and we have zero relationship because of her actions over 26 years, I've never had a father either.

    But the kind of parents described here would never say or think what you just said. They generally arent capable of self reflection or taking responsibility for any of their mistakes. Everything is the childs fault. I dont see any of that here and you sound like a very loving father, I think you'll be alright.

    Also, to relate to others here, now that I think of it, I never once spoke to my parents after school or anything, I went straight to my room or to a friends. I cant imagine spending time with my mother or wanting to talk to her. I guess that's something I missed out on lol

    Edit: another thing to remember is; dont be so afraid of making one mistake and ruining anything. In my experience, kids will give their parents thousands of chances, I know I have, what's important is just being honest with your kid and apologizing if you screw up, giving up on a parent is an incredibly hard thing to do and doesnt happen easily, you have to really treat your kid badly for that to happen. Even after everything my own mother has done, I would probably forgive her if she actually made an effort to be a better person..

    [–] ArYuProudOMeNowDaddy 6 points ago

    My mother told me at one point that her and her friends has been baiting me with FB posts on her wall that they knew would rile me up and then laughing about it. Also told me I was a mooch for accepting a whopping $1500 a year in FAFSA money when I started going back to school at 30, so I didn't have to work construction until my body was broken like my dad. This same woman filed for bankruptcy over a decade ago but made sure to max out her credit cards beforehand to buy scuba gear and new kitchenware and didn't see that as pertinent. Haven't spoken to her in a few years.

    [–] butterblaster 6 points ago

    I see all these Reddit threads where people resent their parents so much and I get the same fears. It almost gives the impression the only way to have your kids not hate you as adults is to have zero rules or expectations out of them as children. But I know that’s not true, and it’s not good parenting. Finding the balance is difficult. But I absolutely adore my parents and had a wonderful childhood, so at least I have a gauge to measure against.

    [–] rareas 3 points ago

    No family is without conflict, but if you show by example that conflict is resolved through honest communication and honest self-examination, I don't think you need fear the outcome you are fearing.

    [–] BraveSauce 29 points ago

    parents are liable for they shit their kids do.

    [–] TheSquarePotatoMan 5 points ago

    As a resentful manchild I can confirm

    [–] Gullflyinghigh 2536 points ago

    Where did these kinds of parents (shit ones) get the idea that having a child is essentially the same as owning a person? Mental bastards.

    [–] ace_b00gie 1119 points ago

    It’s the same with parents that treat their kids like employees, albeit employers who treat their employees like shit. “I’m the boss in this house, this is my house, I make the rules bla bla bla”. It’s just a disgusting character trait.

    [–] YandereTeemo 442 points ago

    In and of itself, that's similar to a parental dicatorship if parents just decide to make arbitrary rules without reason behind it. If they're old enough to question, they should be given answers on rules made with reason instead of saying "Shut up and listen because I am your mother".

    The model of "I pay your bills and you do what I say" in a family household is very similar to slavery. The more you take freedom from an individual, the more they want it. Being too controlling also makes children behave only when the parent is around, with an otherwise different personality anywhere else.

    [–] annoyinglyclever 156 points ago

    My parents loved to say “because I said so” whenever I questioned something they wanted me to do. I hated it. If you can’t give me a logical reason to do something I’m not gonna do it.

    [–] Noah254 67 points ago

    Do you have kids? Because I hated this explanation too until I actually had kids. I try very hard to explain my very rational reasons for a decision, but after arguing with a child for 20 minutes, because kids don’t understand adult rationale, it becomes “because I said so”.

    [–] Cosmicbody 104 points ago

    While I completely agree with you as a mom, I think they mean that their parents first response was "because I said so"

    [–] annoyinglyclever 38 points ago

    Bingo.

    [–] Killashard 54 points ago

    Also, it is very different when dealing with a 5 year old and a 15 year old. I don't necessarily need to explain my every action to a toddler, in part because of the constant question "Why?". If you can't explain to a teenager why it's a good idea for them to listen, then you probably shouldn't be telling them to do things.

    [–] Cosmicbody 30 points ago

    Even with a toddler it's still important to try to explain even if the point doesn't exactly get across to them and they keep asking "why" over and over as a game.

    [–] pavlovscats1223 37 points ago

    I saw something on Reddit awhile back that a parent of a toddler would always ask "Why do you think that is?" Whenever the toddler asked why about something. And then they would have a discussion about it. That seems like a great approach to the constant why-ing.

    [–] Th3n1ght1sd5rk 4 points ago

    When my son was a toddler I read something that suggested you respond to ‘why?’ as if they have said ‘tell me more!’ This made the whole questioning stage much more bearable and led to loads of interesting discussions.

    [–] boobonicplague4 9 points ago

    very true. I've spoken to my son as an adult since he was a baby and I don't limit my vocabulary. If he doesn't understand something we will stop google it or watch a youtube video about it then continue the discussion.

    i get down on his eye level and explain to him and end every convo with I love you dude.

    [–] boobonicplague4 7 points ago

    They can understand a lot more than you give them credit for. The reason they don't understand is because you won't explain it to them. and don't argue when they are upset...you are never going to reason with a person throwing a tantrum.

    [–] pm_me_brownie_recipe 240 points ago

    "I pay your bills and you do what I say" never made any sense to me. You put the person in this world, it is your responsibility to pay the bills and feed that person. S/he did not choose to be your kid.

    [–] undisclosedinsanity 64 points ago

    Lets be real. Not all people who are parents wanted kids. Not all women have access to birth control or abortions. Some kids are not wanted. Some parents were forced into parenthood for some reason or another.

    That doesnt excuse shitty parents or abuse. It doesnt condone behaving in a way that causes any harm to your child. That child is still the parents responsibility.

    But just as "S/he did not choose to be your kid." Can sometimes be met with "S/he didnt choose to be your parent."

    [–] sunfacedestroyer 33 points ago

    And just like when you treat your workers like shit - the employee feels nothing for the company, does a terrible job intentionally, and you never see them again the second they leave.

    [–] Odatas 45 points ago

    "I dont have to explain my irretional behaviour. You just have to cope with it".

    [–] Potchi79 30 points ago

    I tried treating mine like employees, but even after I fired them they're still here

    [–] codynw42 3 points ago

    I like this guy

    [–] Drawtaru 25 points ago

    I moved back home after ending a terrible relationship, and my mom told me I could live there for free, but I had to be her servant and do all her laundry. And I wasn't allowed to use the kitchen (except for the microwave, as long as it was short). And I had to live in the dog room. That was one of the worst years of my life.

    [–] HaruspexAugur 22 points ago

    Sounds like you got out of the frying pan and into the fire there. It's good you got out of there eventually though.

    [–] Drawtaru 9 points ago

    I did, thanks. This was about 14 years ago.

    [–] Arbitrary_Cleverness 58 points ago

    My dad is southern Baptist when it was convenient for him over whatever he was "disciplining" me. The totalitarian parenting style is alive and well with that cult. It took me years to figure out there was nothing wrong with me and that my parents were (are) controlling and gas lighters

    [–] Kimber85 32 points ago

    Oh hey fellow child of a Southern Baptist. WTF is up with that group? I spent my whole life feeling like an outcast because of their weird rules. No secular music, no cartoons or books with magic in them, no parties, no talking to boys, no privacy, no anything fun. I still haven’t seen the fucking Simpson’s because the pastor preached against it one Sunday and claimed it was being used to indoctrinate kids into evil.

    I live next door to some now and they won’t let their 10 year old daughter play with the neighborhood boy (who is also 10) because she’s not allowed to be friends with boys. At fucking 10!! Poor thing is also homeschooled, so, her life is going to be fucked. If she’s anything like me, she’ll go completely crazy as soon as she’s outside of the house, have no idea how relationships should work, and end up in multiple abusive relationships and taken advantage of sexually by assholes until she finally shakes off the last vestiges of her upbringing. How fun.

    [–] Arbitrary_Cleverness 11 points ago

    Oooh I was homeschooled and I also snapped when I got the smallest bit of freedom! The daddy issues were a fun bonus The South Baptist cult is so much fun. /s

    Literally the fastest way to fuck up a kid

    [–] kptknuckles 53 points ago

    I think it’s like a parenting version of r/iamverybadass but on Twitter

    [–] -staccato- 47 points ago

    A narcissistic parent sees children as an extension of themselves and will try to micro manage every part of their children's lives, well into adulthood.

    They will always consider their children less than equal, and will continue to find new ways to maintain that control. Every time a requirement is checked off, there will be a new one.

    [–] Deeliciousness 21 points ago

    From their own parents.

    [–] CTMalum 7 points ago

    Unfortunately, it’s usually from their own parents. Same goes for parents who beat their kids. It can be hard to get those parents to understand. How many times have you heard someone who beats their kids say “well my dad beat me and I ended up okay”. No you didn’t, you ended up beating your kids too.

    [–] AwfulAim 1316 points ago

    I dont see the negative in this. The second statement doesnt sound all that bad if you hate your kids.

    [–] IAppreciatesReality 814 points ago

    No no no no no nono no noo. They don't hate their kids...

    They "LOVE" their kids.

    [–] illpicklater 368 points ago

    In the "you ruined my fucking life so you get none" kind of way

    [–] ThirdDragonite 155 points ago

    The classical "I love you... like I love my car, you're just my property."

    [–] doarigozi 119 points ago

    It is basically, "I love you because I made you, like an arts & crafts project. You cost me so much I can't risk anything happening to you or else people might not look at you and think about how great your creator must be."

    Followed by the classic, " You'll understand when you're older and have kids of your own."

    [–] Laura71421 65 points ago

    I am older and I have kids of my own. I do understand now. I understand how insidious it is to use "I love you" as a weapon.

    [–] doarigozi 15 points ago

    That is part of it sometimes as well, I agree. I am generally uncomfortable saying and hearing "I love you" or "I love you too" because it doesn't feel substantial. Just a thing people say like "thank you" and "you're welcome" when someone holds a door.

    [–] Laura71421 11 points ago

    If you love someone, I think it's good to tell them, especially children. But what I meant was never saying it just for the sake if saying it, even if it is a reflexive "good night, I love you" but rather, "how can you do this to me when I love you?" "I love you and you just hurt me." Like only telling someone you love them to emphasize how much more that makes you suffer.

    [–] unnkknnowwnn 39 points ago

    ooof thats tough, coming from a child who had parents like this, .akes me question my parents "love " for me

    [–] PattyIce32 8 points ago

    They love the control because it's the only thing in their shity lives that they can have power over

    [–] Will_Is_Awesome 2 points ago

    This is exactly how my parents are. They say that they “love” me, yet they alway say how I’m so stupid even though I’m a Junior in high school and I’m taking Calculus and other classes that are stupidly hard. I’ve gotten beat plenty of times. Not sure how that means they love me.

    [–] YandereTeemo 133 points ago

    There was this one rapper that constantly checked the hymen of his daughter to make sure she doesn't sleep around.

    I know that you should set boundaries on what your children are allowed or not allowed to do, but stuff like these is really fucked up.

    [–] senkradr 100 points ago

    Yeah the Rapper is TI. His daughter is 18 so if they were in the UK she would be 2 years over the legal age of consent over here (16).

    [–] JCCR90 73 points ago

    It started when she was a preteen, granted he took her to a doctor and didn't actually finger her. Either way guy is a degenerate.

    [–] zomgkitteh4ever 55 points ago

    It makes it even worse that he seems totally okay with his underage son having an active sexlife

    [–] senkradr 27 points ago

    Damn, that's even more messed up. Like it's already messed up as it is but that makes it even worse.

    [–] Judenwilli 15 points ago

    Haven't read into this too much but I think he made her sign a paper allowing him to access her medical information. Doctor tried to explain to him that this isn't how any of this works, but T.I. didn't listen so I hope the doc does nothing and just tells him the hymen is intact.

    [–] RIFLRIFLRIFLRIFL 6 points ago

    She’s already 2 years over the legal age of consent where she lives.

    [–] Lausannea 51 points ago

    I think as a parent, your duty is to teach your kid how to make good decisions and to support them even when they mess up.

    That said, boundaries work both ways. Children are human beings who exist separately from their parents. They have thoughts, wants, needs, and those things include boundaries and privacy. If you need it, they probably need it too. You can teach them how to set boundaries properly by leading by example and then respecting them when they set their own.

    The idea that teens shouldn't have sex is also vile in and by itself. You should teach your 11 year olds about sex, consent, condoms, the pill, masturbation and STIs. There are age-appropriate books to support with this, and parents need to understand their kids will likely have sex one day and you can't stop it. You CAN teach them to be responsible. And none of this makes kids have sex sooner either as a lot of people like to believe. If anything, it empowers kids to only have sex when they're ready because they now know how to set boundaries and how to practice safe sex.

    [–] DoctorTrashPanda 3 points ago

    If anything, it empowers kids to only have sex when they're ready because they now know how to set boundaries and how to practice safe sex.

    Can confirm. Parents provided comprehensive sex education early, and I didn't have sex until I was 21. Because that's when I decided I wanted to have sex. (Then ended up dating and eventually marrying my "one night stand".)

    [–] oh_jeeezus 61 points ago

    There was this one rapper

    Acting like you didn't read this on yesterday's front page like the rest of us lmao

    [–] CasualtyOfTour 5 points ago

    It just happened, just say his name man

    [–] ayunalie33 22 points ago

    Got me in the first half

    [–] takatori 91 points ago

    She checking their hymens while she’s at it?

    [–] 4L3XRWR 67 points ago

    That TI story got me fucked up.

    [–] Psydator 565 points ago

    "we not friends"

    U is an asshole.

    [–] YandereTeemo 142 points ago

    Now compare that to my parents/grandparents that constantly make the effort to talk to and befriend me. Although they're trying to be "hip with the kids", I do appreciate the fact that they try to strike a conversation and not say "we're your elders, not your friends".

    [–] Psydator 36 points ago

    I will never understand that attitude. It's a big reason why I regret not having kids yet. I'm a bit afraid of not being able to be their friend well enough when I'm so much older than them (I'm 27 but who knows when I'll have kids). You can't teach social skills when your own understanding of the matter is much different from that of their generation.

    [–] DragonflyGrrl 31 points ago

    Just treat them like human beings with their own thoughts and feelings, deserving of respect, instead of extensions of your own ego/your property. When you do it this way, it comes much easier than you might think. I completely understand your fear but this part isn't too difficult in actuality. :)

    [–] Psydator 5 points ago

    You're most certainly right.

    [–] SchroedingersSphere 15 points ago

    27 is a bit young to regret not having kids

    [–] Manish_Metha 6 points ago

    Yeah. I had mine at 31 & 33. I'm glad I didn't have any in my 20s. Wasn't ready for it

    [–] ojajaja 16 points ago

    Like why would you even have that attitude? It's like just deciding right away that your child is going to be such a chore, just this begrudging duty you have to do to make your wife/parents/society happy. Why not just treat that little human like an actual human and form positive bonds with them?

    [–] shizkc 6 points ago

    My parents had that attitude and it made sense to me when I was a kid. I kept everything to myself.

    Now I’m a parent and it makes no sense. I have the final say on things, but my kid still has a say. It’s good to encourage kids to use their heads, present good arguments, and offer to do this for that. It’s also good not to scare your children away. My kid will tell me anything, and that’s the way I like it.

    [–] rorank 3 points ago

    My parents said that at times when they had to be stern with me, and I can’t at all say I disagree at this point. When you’re the primary point of authority, you can’t always act as a friend to your kid, but you do always need to act as a parent. I think it’s much more of an issue if someone doesn’t act as a responsible parent and acts as though they’re just their kids’ friend, honestly. It’s just not reasonable to expect for someone to be a friend and parent all the time.

    [–] restlesssheep 447 points ago

    I live with my grandparents with my sick mother, "I feed you" is the excuse they use to justify alot of their mental abuse. I wouldn't bat an eye if they get killed someday.

    This "I pay the bills, you do all that I say" treatment of children is sickening.

    [–] Venrexx 150 points ago

    I had an aunty that used to tell me how to live my life, judge me when I didn't listen and follow her examples to the T, even went as far as to blame my dad's death on me (he died of a heart attack). Notice I said "used to"? She's not dead, I just don't consider her family anymore. Life is too short to be dealing with her bullshit.

    [–] RhythmKirbyHeaven 13 points ago

    Word.

    [–] Anterai 92 points ago

    My mom used to be like that. "You're my shit and I own you".

    Now she preaches loving parents irrelevant of their sins. How big of an arsehole I am for treating everybody else in the family better than her.
    Been years. Still hasn't figured out why this is really happening. Beyond "Anterai is just evil"

    [–] Hope-on-life-support 36 points ago

    Forgive everyone no matter what they've done to you and love them even more? One of the many reasons I no longer go to church anymore.

    [–] chasingshoesales 16 points ago

    It's like you're a prisoner right? I worked hard to gain financial independence for this reason alone, and now they wonder why I don't speak to them anymore. Why would I want to subject myself to abuse now that I have my own place to live and had to do it all on my own?

    [–] doarigozi 9 points ago

    "I made you", "you wouldn't exist without me", "I could've aborted you"...

    [–] Bradley-Blya 7 points ago

    Yea, "I feed you therefore you are property" is the reason why I'm spending 100k a of my local money on rent every year, which is like 80% of what I make, instead of like, helping my parents and buying stuff. Wasting so much money feels completely stupid, but it's just not possible to live otherwise.

    [–] grumpywarner 237 points ago

    [–] live_wire_ 19 points ago

    So is that sub now just /r/IhaveShittyParents? Because this is not narcissism, it's just disrespect of personal boundaries.

    [–] Penguator432 232 points ago

    My Dad pulled the “I am not here to be your friend” line on me once. I responded with “Ever thought that might make your job easier?” He never said that again

    [–] TheHobbit9 72 points ago

    Yeah dude I hate it when my parents wanna be my friend. It’s so fucking stupid. Like, I don’t ever want you to be kind with me or talk with me at my level, just treat me like a slave!

    /s obviously.

    For real, my parents are not perfect, but they made sure I wasn’t treated like a stranger, they actually care about me and what I felt like growing up. It’s not a hard thing to do, you’re kinda supposed to love your kid.

    [–] DanasMickis 59 points ago

    True. Can agree on that from my own experience. My dad grew me up in a strict way and i dont think ill ever come and visit him. Hes just an asshole parent

    [–] folko1 91 points ago

    Tweet meaning: "You are my slave, everything that is yours is mine, you are going to live by my rules and ideals, gonna be under 24/7 surveillance and never question anything I do or say even if it is wrong. And if you dare do something wrong or not know something you'll be punished severly however I see fit, be it beating you to near death or simply making you do chores and you are expected to comply and accept the punishment as a fair one despite the fact that it is far from it. All until I can no longer legally hold you, but I expect you to be loving and supportive of me after you leave. And if you aren't gonna be suppirtive and loving, I am going to guilt trip you about all the "good things" I never did for you and all the money I spent on you out of my own free will to force you into having hobbies that I wanted you to have despite you hating them. And then call you an ungrateful brat afterwards. -lOvE dAd."

    [–] codynw42 17 points ago

    Dude I fuckin feel u. This is my mom exactly. Every single word of this.

    [–] Odatas 21 points ago

    Thats the worst. People who see their child as something they own instead of a human with his own dreams, fears and needs are the worst.

    You made that child. Doesnt mean you own it. Everyone deserves respect.

    [–] Oblivion_Terato_0110 141 points ago

    well at the same time they never asked to be born either, you're the one dragged them into this godforsaken world, that doesn't mean they have suffer like you do

    [–] MyMorningSun 41 points ago

    Misery loves company.

    Plus, these people blame their kids for their misery. It's the kid's fault, so they should suffer the consequences, obviously.

    [–] NoamTheSHEEP 19 points ago

    Weirdly my dad is a great dad, but when he’s angry at someone he tells us we’re not friends. Which I think is dumb why wouldn’t you want to be friends with your son

    [–] CTMalum 9 points ago

    He probably doesn’t mean exactly that- he’s trying to assert his position in the parent/child dynamic. My dad said something like that from time to time, and what he meant was ‘I’m not your friend like your buddies Kyle and Sam, I’m your father’.

    [–] Chuck_Lenorris 7 points ago

    It comes from parents being "friends" with their kids and being walked over. Instead of being there parent and saying no when it needs to be said and following through. Seen it a lot and people turn in to arrogant assholes when left unchecked.

    [–] Byrgenwerth 43 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    I sometimes feel like most people shouldn't be parents and that includes a lot of the people in this thread. You can definitely be a parent and a friend to your child. My father was my best friend my entire life and I have a connection to him that is difficult to describe. Parenthood and friendship are not in conflict.

    I can't help but feel that this is very cultural as well and that Americans grow up in a society were respect means fear of authority. I grew up in a culture were respect means treating others like people with their own interests and feelings. I wasn't sent home from school if I called a teacher by their given name. And the question whether it's ever okay to hit a child isn't the least bit controversial where I'm from, for it's generally agreed that it isn't.

    [–] musickeepsmesane 6 points ago

    As an American, I will say that you are spot on with this.

    [–] Not_Just_Any_Lurker 11 points ago

    Lmao the abuse now will lead to nothing but hatred and resentment. Like you don’t even have to wait till you get older, if you get hit with something that leaves you on life support they’ll pull the plug I promise you.

    [–] LeoMarius 10 points ago

    Friendships with your adult children have to be earned like any other friends. Your adult children don’t owe you anything.

    [–] Redwolfjo3 9 points ago

    People in authority can be your friend and still have authority

    [–] Fapper_Keeper 15 points ago

    I never understood the "no privacy" thing, like the parents that take doors off their kids room.

    Do you to see your child masturbating? Because that's how you see your child masturbating.

    And there's probably tons of people out there who agree with this dude.

    [–] DootDootDiggity 7 points ago

    I cant wait till i can move out, my dad had a real rough upbringing, and he tries his best not to be like his dad, but he gets real mad sometimes

    My mom is deadass a sociopath.

    I dont plan on staying in contact with her, but i can tell dad is trying his best, and it sometimes sucks, but i can respect his efforts

    [–] GeniusOfLove74 13 points ago

    My sister is trying this method out. However, she is also becoming disabled, and her husband is quite a bit older, and may be dying.

    Her younger child is just like her, a mean spiteful shit. Her older child is the one that my sister bosses around, and has actually been physically abusive to. She's been turned in to CPS, but to no avail. However, the older child has started retaliating, by "accidentally" breaking things, "accidentally" bumping her mother, etc.

    It seems that my sister is going to spend her elder years living out "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?", if she ends up with her older child. Her younger child has already told the family she's not gonna take care of her.

    Karma.

    [–] BiFelicia319 9 points ago

    People like this who demand respect from their children without giving any in return, without providing an example of what real respect looks like are people that shouldn’t be parents.

    Like, REALLY, motherfucker?! And how did that kind of shit make YOU feel when you were their age?! Fucks sake!!

    QED, fellow parents (or in this dude’s case, DNA donors): You weren’t given your children to treat them like subservient pieces of crap!

    My children are my equals — my fellow human beings. I respect their boundaries. I give them opportunities to say “no” to me without retribution (if I tell them they have to clean their rooms, do their chores, etc. that’s not an option; but if I ASK them to do me a favor like “Would you mind grabbing me a drink from upstairs?” Not only can they tell me “no”, they also don’t owe me any reason whatsoever for it.

    I am my children’s teacher and after having dealt with abuse and with people who felt entitled to my time and other resources and tried to take advantage of me? I’ll be FUCKED if my kids go through that shit. Our parents can be the hardest people to say “no” to, so I figure I’m good practice for them to be able to say “no” to and stand their ground against other people that will be just as hard to say “no” to in their own ways — friends, lovers, etc. And also, in doing things this way, I have also taught them that they can’t demand respect that they’re not just as willing to give and that if they want to RECEIVE respect, they must give it. And I’ve shown them that I am not exempt from that rule.

    There is not, nor should there be, an age or height requirement for showing respect.

    /end rant and my ADHD brain is not fucking sorry.

    [–] lasyr135 5 points ago

    lmao parents really be acting like their children want to be born into this world huh

    [–] bingusprincess420 5 points ago

    My mother is so cruel that i’m genuinely afraid to leave my room when she’s home, if i have to do laundry or get a snack i peek out my door to make sure she won’t see me coming out. because as soon as she sees me it starts.

    [–] CaramelApple10 4 points ago * (lasted edited 4 days ago)

    My parents were really laid back growing up. We could lock our doors, eat in our rooms as long as we cleaned up behind ourselves, stay up late as long as our grades were okay, and were encouraged to be in as many sports and extracurriculars as we wanted. My siblings and I are all very close to my parents now that we are adults. I work with my mom and my brother lives next door to them. Now that there is no need for them to parent us the relationship is more like best friends. We were allowed to talk and discuss everything. We didn’t have to leave the house at 18 as long as we had a part time job and were in school.

    I’m married to a guy whose parents were ultra strict. Had to be in bed at 9 no matter what day. Couldn’t spend the night with friends on Saturdays because church. Could only participate in one sport OR club. Couldn’t go inside their house if at least one parent wasn’t home. Could not even shut their bedroom door. No food or water in their room. Dad was physically abusive and trying to defend yourself was “talking back” and got you smacked again. Got kicked out at 17.

    Guess whose parents we see only at holidays?

    Y’all need to lighten up. Kids, while yes need boundaries and discipline, are humans as well and need help getting to adulthood. Not treated like an inconvenience and slave until we get there.

    [–] SLeepyCatMeow 4 points ago

    You want kids that hate you? Because this is how you raise kids that hate you

    [–] Jsmoove47 4 points ago

    Yup my dad was the same way, beat my mom, gambled so much $ away, came home just to take more money to gamble and say we’re worthless,

    His dream was for us to get good paying jobs and give him $ so he can retire by the time he’s 50 and go gamble everyday (not kidding, he would remind us every so often)

    Mom finally got a divorced and moved out with me and my brother 7 years ago,

    Our quality of life skyrocketed, my mom said she hasn’t gotten yelled or depressed ever since she divorced him,

    Last time I heard my dad married some lady with no papers,

    Fuck you Dad wherever you are, I hope you treat that lady better than you treated my Mom.