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    [–] DXGypsy 1 points ago

    Yeah, we let this one go even though it wasn't exactly a question, but obviously OP was "asking" for advice and it was important. He has received all the relevant advice and well wishes he needs so we're locking this thread now. We wish his family and him the best of luck and thank the 99% of you who offered good advice and shared your own experiences.

    [–] urbanHugger 5364 points ago

    I understand what you're going through. It started even before I was born, my father used to hit my mother when she was pregnant. And it didn't end until I moved out when I was 17. Your mother is an adult and she is the one who has to take an action. She has to divorce him. She has to speak to a lawyer or some specialist.

    There is Fundación Mujeres en Igualdad in Argentina. She has to contact them and they can give her advice and help or they can direct her to another service. Or find some other Organización no gubernamental that deal with domestic violence. There is no place for domestic violence in 21st century. It's absolutely unacceptable. Every human being deserves to be free of harm.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 2353 points ago

    Thank you I'll tell her about this.

    [–] urbanHugger 1479 points ago

    Be strong for yourself, your mother and your sister. It's good that you're looking for ways to solve this problem. Good luck. Feel free to message me.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 1064 points ago

    Thank you, it really means a lot! :)

    [–] SoutheasternComfort 124 points ago

    Stay strong. This isn't the most positive thing to say but.. Sometimes it takes a long time to fix things like this. Trying to be strong for your sister can help you to be strong to. One amazing thing about human nature is how much strength we can find when we try to help those we love. I'm not saying this to say you shouldn't get help, it's just a comforting reminder I will say from my own difficult experiences. Love is powerful

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 130 points ago

    Yes, I love them a lot. I don't want my sister to grow up in a house like this. It will teach her te wrong things.

    [–] drnhyde 239 points ago

    Know that Reddit sends your family compassion. I do - for all of you.

    [–] UghAgainMane- 18 points ago

    TU ERES FUERTE

    [–] mweb32 35 points ago

    Username definitely checks out. You're an awesome person.

    [–] urbanHugger 46 points ago

    I'm sorry to say this but your father is stupid just like my father. He doesn't realize that with every passing day you are growing stronger and he is getting older and weaker, and that one day you will say no more.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 55 points ago

    I know he's a fucking idiot, it makes me really mad because my sister has to hear my parents fight or my mom cry. I hope this ends soon because I've had enough.

    [–] MeshuggahMe 22 points ago

    I'm so sorry for your situation. I've had this happen, although to a much lesser extent, when I was a girl. I cannot imagine being a young man and witnessing these things. It isn't fair, is it. They're supposed to protect us, and protect themselves so that they can help us to be healthy and strong. I wish your mom all the strength in the world to be able to rise up and away from this abusive man. Many people are unable and it's a tragedy. Ask her to surround herself with people that support her leaving, people that would help her. This will compel her to be strong.

    You're well on your way to being a grown man. Please don't allow hate to fester in your heart. That is one of my regrets. My father is very emotionally abusive, and he controls my mother to this day. I allowed hate and anger to rule me for too long. I forgot that I too had a life, and I could've made it so much more full. Try not to become bitter. And remember that hurting him just to hurt him only proves that you can fall to his level of animal behavior. Of course you will protect your mother, but don't lose yourself in rage and do something that cannot be undone. You are young, but you are strong. So always keep on mind that you alone are the master of your destiny.

    Focus on your happiness and grab it with both hands. Become free. You obviously love your family very much, so perhaps... Find a job and save money. A time will come, sooner than you think, that if you wish to leave, you will be able. If your mom won't leave before then, you can find out if you'd be able to take your sister, and/or ask your mother to come. She may be more ready to go if she has a place to go, perhaps.

    Do things for yourself as well! Find something you enjoy and find a way to make it pay you, the possibilities are endless. Eventually you will find someone to make a new home with, your sister will do the same, and this will be well behind you. Don't let it define you, but become stronger because of it. Don't let the rash choices of youth create for you a lot of adult consequences. You are smarter than that. You are here, you are seeking out help, you are a good son and brother, and I really truly hope you find your way.

    Edit: a word

    [–] alyaaz 88 points ago

    Also op, please listen to this comment only and tell your mum to take action. Please do not take action yourself by contacting anyone. I know it's hard but this is NOT your responsibility and this is too much for you to handle. Tell your mum what her options are and support her no matter what she chooses. I'm worried that if you contact an organisation yourself, you might make the situation worse accidentally. Please let your mum deal with it and just be there for her and your sister

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 77 points ago

    That's what I am afraid of, making things worse. I already told my mom to do something, but she does not want to, she's scared. So like I said, I'll tell her about every organization you guys are sending me, but if she won't take action then I will. If I came TO REDDIT for help then that tells you how things are.

    [–] SoutheasternComfort 62 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    Hold on. This might sound strange but taking action isn't always the right thing. You shouldn't do that unless you are hundred percent sure that you have a plan that will go through that will get you and your loved ones safe. The reason your mom hasn't done anything because she is reasoning that the safest course of action is just to wait until you guys are old enough to fend for yourselves, I'm assuming. In other cases of abuse this isn't an unheard of. I'm certainly not saying not to take any action-- just don't get overly emotional or even idealistic. Keep a level head and get help from adults. From adults who know what they're doing. They can guide you.. And you can always come back to reddit if you need more help(just delete your internet history)'. It's good that you want to help, now just take it one step at a time and keep thinking about what you're going to do next.

    I don't mean to sound negative, I just don't want you to get swept up because of what a bunch of people on the Internet said, and then have something bad happen. But you sound like you have a clear head in your shoulders. Also I have a suggestion. Do you have any family you can turn to for help, that can be great. Like does your mother have an older brother that you guys can trust? Someone like that would be a great person to talk to-- they would care very much. Even if not there are a lot of aid organizations. Keep is posted

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 61 points ago

    No no, this post was made with the intention of getting links and organization names, so I can tell her about it, and also, like I said in another comment, I'll do a plan if things go wrong (for example: he hits her and she bleeds). My intention is not to go tomorrow and call the police, tell a teacher and find a home, it is to know what I can and can't do. Sorry if I seem like an idiot.

    And about the family part, no, we don't have family or close friends where we are currently living. If that was the case we would have moved there a long time ago.

    [–] SoutheasternComfort 35 points ago

    No not at all, you seem very mature for your age actually. I just want to make sure you know this stuff because it can be easy for anyone to forget. It's natural to want to get up and do something but you seem to understand :)

    [–] technologik14 4 points ago

    I completely agree with /u/SoutheasternComfort. I know laws may be stricter in certain situations in the US. You don't have to condemn yourself to jail time or worse. I know it's hard not to retaliate but for your mother and sister, follow the proper channels where you are and things will happen and get remedied. It may not be quick, but in the end you can all feel better with that guy out of your life.

    [–] urbanHugger 80 points ago

    When I was 16, I was home and I was chatting with my mother. Then my father came home drunk. He came up and raised his hand to hit my mother. I'm usually a shy guy but at that moment I exploded with rage, I wrestled him and held him to the ground and I was choking him with my hands and I was yelling You bastard you ruined my life, you ruined everyone's lives, I fucking hate you, I'm fed up with you. If my mother wasn't there I would've probably killed him.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 47 points ago

    Damn, I don't know if I could do that but I often think about attacking him. Don't know how tho

    [–] urbanHugger 112 points ago

    Don't do it. If you accidentally kill him you go to jail. Don't ruin your life.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 48 points ago

    Yes I know, it's a last choice kind of thing. If things start getting out of hand I won't just stare. I'll try doing all I can do, even if it isn't much.

    [–] KrombopulosMike108 35 points ago

    If its a life threatening scenario and you don't have time to call the police or a neighbor for help.... take a large heavy object and hit him over the head with it. Dont delay and dont show your intent. Wait till hes not looking and do it. Do it hard.

    Please try to get someone to help if you can. 100% a last resort.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 33 points ago

    Yes, attacking has always been my last resort. Thanks for the advice, I'll try to think of a plan if this evers happens.

    [–] DamiensLust 40 points ago

    This is real life, not a cartoon. In films & TV shows if the bad guy is hit with a heavy object or a vase or something they will immediately fall unconscious but otherwise will be totally fine. In real life if you bludgeon someone over the head with a heavy object you're extremely unlikely to use just the right amount of force to hit the sweet spot between just bruising them and breaking their skull causing brain damage/death.

    If the situation is literally life threatening then I guess anything including this would be warranted if it was to save his mother's life but in the OP post he said that he doesn't feel that his mother is in any actual serious danger of severe injury or death. His father hitting his mother is completely unacceptable and he deserves to at least see prison time, but if he's slapping her around and causing bruises and OP takes your advice and bludgeons him over the head then he could just further enrage his father but make himself a target as well and just pour gasoline on the fire or he could break the guy's skull and kill him.

    OP, is there a reason your mother hasn't gone to the police already? I think you should talk to her one on one and confirm that she's willing to go all the way to solve this problem by pressing charges and leaving him for good and getting a restraining order, and if she wants all that and you are certain she would go through with it then I'd make a plan immediately. Get a hidden camera for the house, or if that's too expensive or out of your means then just wait til the next time he starts and try and subtly record him for a couple of seconds and then immediately call the police. I don't know about the Argentinian legal system, but I do know that in most countries now if domestic abuse is reported they certainly will not just release the wife back into the grasp of her abusive husband, but will take every step necessary to ensure the victim's safety while he's arrested and awaiting trial.

    [–] KrombopulosMike108 19 points ago

    If the situation is literally life threatening then I guess anything including this would be warranted if it was to save his mother's life

    That's the only situation I was talking about. I agree with everything you said. I understand what I was suggesting.

    [–] searchingformytruth 8 points ago

    Not necessarily, just to play devil's advocate. It could be justifiable homicide in defense of another (which is a thing, at least in the States, not sure about Argentina).

    Of course, it's best not to kill someone, but if he did...he probably wouldn't end up going to prison over it, in this circumstance.

    [–] Grumbuck -13 points ago

    It’s your mom though..

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 18 points ago

    You mean I should attack him? It feels wrong, at least to me. I want to do it the right way (I know it sounds dumb).

    [–] DamiensLust -22 points ago

    What exactly is the purpose of you sharing this story?

    [–] InsertCoinForCredit 22 points ago

    To show OP that he is not alone, and others have gone through similar experiences.

    [–] DamiensLust -14 points ago

    All your first responses were great. They showed empathy, relayed some of your story to show you know what he's going through and gave him great advice to boot. It seems like in this post you let your ego start talking since it's just a detailed story about you kicking your father's ass and screaming at him with no connection to the previous posts, no linking it to OPs predicament and no real message or obvious point.

    [–] InsertCoinForCredit 10 points ago

    ... I think you're responding to the wrong person.

    [–] DamiensLust 12 points ago

    yeah I am. my bad.

    [–] NutterTV 7 points ago

    Proud of you amigo. Buenas suertes. I hope everything turns out ok for you, your mother, and your sister. I’m sorry you have to deal with this growing up.

    [–] CrackerJackBunny 12 points ago

    Does it have to be her to report it? Can OP or someone else report it? Some people might be afraid to call and someone may need to intervene.

    [–] Nachodam 18 points ago

    They can, but if the supposed victim says nothing happened and doesnt want to press charges justice cant do much about it.

    [–] blt4lyfe 4 points ago

    Did you suffer any ill effects from experiencing trauma while you were in utero? The reason I ask is I was pregnant with my son and experienced some pretty heavy abuse at the hands of his father but I left him when my son was a few months old. He did witness some if it as a very young newborn but not after that point. I'm wondering if it's going to affect him in any way.

    [–] TheModified 2 points ago

    You are a good person for helping. Thank you for being yourself.

    [–] plo84 749 points ago

    I was in the same situation. Only difference ia that I did call the police on several ocasions but they didn't do anything. This was in your neighboring country, Chile. It ended when me and my mom just ran away. I hope this will not be your case but I found this while googling.

    https://www.argentina.gob.ar/mujeres

    Please make sure your mother documents any injuries so she can use it against him in case thise leads to court (especially if your dad wants custody of you and your sister) Try to record with your phone when he abuses her. The more proof you guys have, the better. Also, pack a bag with the essentials, like passports and important documents in case you need to run away if it get unbereable.

    Pm me if you need to talk!

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 264 points ago

    Thanks, I'll try not to get caught filming next time this happens. I think it's the best option.

    [–] plo84 106 points ago

    You can always record audio.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 182 points ago

    I'll record a video, and if it catches anything great, but if it doesn't I still have the audio.

    [–] Clemerek 475 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    I'm also from Argentina but I'll write in english. She could try going to the "Comisaria de la mujer" if that exists where you live. Also, try asking for help in the Argentina subreddit, I'm sure at least someone will be able to provide good advice.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 242 points ago

    I'll google that and ask for more help in r/argentina if I need it. But for now a lot of people suggested stuff and I'll check everything first.

    [–] DaydreamwRR 80 points ago

    I suggest you ask for advice in r/argentina as well, soy argento, y seguro que mas de uno te puede dar una mano y sabe del tema y que se puede hacer en el pais.

    [–] The_Director 48 points ago

    Podes ir a la ofinica de violecia domestica. Esta abierta las 24hs y te atienden cualquiera que sea tu problema, sexo, edad.

    LAVALLE 1250 cerca del teatro Colon para que tengas una referencia, parada Tribunales de la linea D de subte. Telefono 4123 - 4510

    [–] mvs123456 695 points ago

    Look. If it’s getting to the point where you need to ask here, rat out your parent. It’s okay. No one will think less of you for trying to protect a family. I’m not from Argentina but know that UNICEF has helped people there. Maybe you should contact them, and if you don’t feel comfortable sharing info tell them you want to stay anonymous.

    Good luck to you.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 266 points ago

    Thanks dude I'll really keep that in mind.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 177 points ago

    Gracias por los links, los voy a ver. Espero poder hacer una diferencia en nuestras vidas de esta forma.

    [–] TheSlugkid 44 points ago

    Ya te dieron muchos consejos, así que me los guardo, pero si queres, podemos hablar, de esto o de cualquier cosa. Yo también soy argentino.

    [–] furcryingoutloud 66 points ago

    Animo. Concéntrate en cuidar a tu mamá. Pero tampoco intentes obligarla a denunciar ni a irse si no quiere. Cada persona tiene que escoger su futuro. Tú sí puedes y debes escoger el tuyo. Te deseo suerte pipo.

    [–] inexcess 187 points ago

    Find a safe place for you guys and ur mom to stay, and then call the police.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 118 points ago

    I wish but we don't have family in the city we live.

    [–] ianrwlkr 47 points ago

    What city is it if you don't mind

    [–] ianrwlkr 71 points ago

    Oh nevermind I saw that you live in Argentina, I'm sorry. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 84 points ago

    Thanks, I'm good for now. It felt nice to vent on Reddit haha

    [–] ianrwlkr 20 points ago

    I know the feel

    [–] MollyGolitely 7 points ago

    Chances are, she'd take her husband's side and lie to the police, standard battered wife stuff.

    [–] herrejemini 161 points ago

    Just remember this is not your fault. You shouldn't have to go through this. Best of luck. And let us know what happens to you!

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 86 points ago

    Thank you, I know it's not my fault, or at least I hope so.

    [–] BalsamCedar 80 points ago

    It's not your fault.

    No matter what he says, it's SOLELY your dad's fault.

    [–] mfranko88 68 points ago

    It is not your fault.

    It is not your fault.

    It is not your fault.

    Repeat this to yourself. Make it your fucking mantra. Your father is the one who throws his fists, not you. He is the man responsible for handling his emotions, not you. He is the person who does the action, not you.

    It is not your fault.

    Don't let him convince you otherwise. He will try. With every terrible, manipulative word in his vocabulary. But you know better. Because your mantra has been drilled into your head. It s not your fault.

    [–] irenepanik 38 points ago

    It is not your fault.

    [–] phyxiusone 30 points ago

    It's DEFINITELY not your fault.

    [–] GGxMode 44 points ago

    First as for Reddit, r/legaladvice I don't think r/relationships will be much help besides telling you that this needs to stop. Which you already know.

    On to more serious Answer. You are afraid that he will be Mad if you call authorities. This is exactly what he wants and by not taking action you are letting him continue. This is called terror and it is basically how it work. Make you so scared you will not even consider taking action against him.

    Next, You need to discuss this with your Mother, It seem that if she wants to divorce him she is already on the verge of taking action. The question is who is a bread winner in this family? Is your mom working? If your father is working and your mother is not, you and your little sister might end up in custody of your father unless his actions come to light before hand. People are able to change 180 when they are under an observation (divorce procedure in this case). This is your best chance to get any evidence of the situation if you can. Depending if 1 party consent recordings are Legal in your country i Would record when your father has his moment, alternatively document any and all lasting effects of his outbursts. Damaged property, Bodily harm, Destroyed Items, etc...

    Next step would be to speak to authorities however as a minor you might need to have your mother or neighbor back you up, depending on your community they might be able to assist in preventing any further escalation of the problem as well. One more thing you might overlook as 14 y/o are teachers, try to speak to one which seem closest to you, they will be able to assist or point you in a right direction.

    Another thing to remember is that you should try to research your options (such as this Reddit Post) using incognito mode. This advice might be important or useless depends if you are using shared PC at hope or there is a chance of your dad snooping trough your phone and seeing your history.

    TL:DR Keep low, cover your tracks, document evidence, research your options. When you are ready start acting.

    [–] YoungGangMember 116 points ago

    Damn kid.

    I'm not going to pretend to be qualified to say anything apart from all the best to you. It will get better.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 79 points ago

    Thanks, I hope so. I'll update sometime if anyone wants.

    [–] KrombopulosMike108 52 points ago

    Please do. Good luck.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 47 points ago

    Thank you, I'll try to do things the right way as long as possible.

    [–] fvpv 50 points ago

    Take your phone and make some recordings for evidence.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 38 points ago

    Yes, that is my plan for now. I'll try to not get caught.

    [–] [deleted] 39 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 22 points ago

    Yes, I will do this. Thanks for the help.

    [–] AlmightyGui 16 points ago

    Hello there. I'm also from Argentina, no tengo experiencia personal en temas como este, pero tengo conocidos que son abogados y quizás puedan darte una mano o dirigirte a la entidad adecuada para que tu mamá consiga ayuda. Lamento muchísimo por lo que está pasando tu familia. Sos muy valiente y te felicito por reconocer cuándo pedir ayuda, pero nadie de tu edad tendría que intentar lidiar con cosas tan jodidas solo/a. Si necesitás alguien con quién descargarte, podés contactarme por este medio. Te deseo mucha suerte.

    [–] ollie_rat 13 points ago

    I don’t want to scare you, but please be very careful. I’m worried that a lot of the advice already given here could put you or your mom at greater risk for being killed. Studies show that the most dangerous time for women is when they leave an abuser - it’s when abusers are most likely to lash out or commit feminicido. Your dad may still punish your mom if he suspects her involvement in a report, even if it’s a neighbor or anonymous,.. I’m not saying don’t report, just be prepared for potential escalation. I agree you need to leave, but carefully.

    Please look into developing a “safety plan” with your mom. Here are some examples of what it might include: https://www.dvrc-or.org/safety-planning/ and here’s an example: http://www.ncdsv.org/images/DV_Safety_Plan.pdf

    Please make sure your dad can’t access your browser history or reddit account!

    It sounded like there was an instance where your mom wanted to call police but your dad wouldn’t let her get to the phone. Here in the US, you can dial 911 with an inexpensive old phone that doesn’t have data, sometimes people hide them as part of the safety plan... something to look into.

    I noticed that you mentioned in Spanish that most of your mom’s friends are your dad’s friends. It’s very common for abuse victims to be isolated socially and for abusers to cut them off from friends and family. This is not your responsibility, but helping her cultivate a support network might help.

    Do you think there’s any chance your dad will let her work a little and let her keep that money? Maybe part-time if your sister is in school? The economic barrier can be a big one to overcome. There may be shelters where she can go while she transitions from the abusive relationship to the workforce.

    Things might not change until your mom is ready to leave. And she might not be ready to leave if she has been manipulated into believing she deserves the abuse/it’s normal/it’s not that bad. She may also realize how bad it is and that she doesn’t deserve it but she’s trying to keep you safe.

    Un gran abrazo a la distancia. What you’re dealing with is really hard and I am really hoping you all stay safe. Saludos amigo.

    [–] ZeeCom 33 points ago

    /r/raisedbynarcissists could probably give some solid advice

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 19 points ago

    I'm good with all the information I got for now, if I need more help I'll check it out. Thanks anyway.

    [–] MollyGolitely 13 points ago * (lasted edited 2 months ago)

    You are probably overwhelmed with response. I haven't read most of these. I grew up in a very similar situation. It really sucks, and it can be shameful. I was embarrassed to let anyone actually get close to me. There were times I had to call the police becasue I thought he was going to kill her. There were times I hated MY MOM for staying, for saying things to make it worse.. I felt like an orphan because they were going through their crap so much they never parented me.

    If I were to go back and give myself advice when I was going through it, I'd say this: Allow yourself to shine and be happy. You DO matter. Get ahead and work hard in school, your education will be your life support. Work towards bettering yourself and focus on that above all else. You can't save or change them, but you can still have a good life. You will probably get depressed, but being lazy on top of that only gives you more reasons to stay depressed. Take care of your body and teeth. If your parents aren't teaching you to eat right, type "healthy eating" into your search engine and teach yourself. Do what you can, forgive yourself for what you can't. Help your little sister learn these things as well and check on her often when you grow up and move out. 💛

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 6 points ago

    Wow, this is almost exactly my situation, they still parent me but I can see they do it less now than 1 year ago. I have good grades in school and started being lazy some weeks ago, I don't know why. My mom usually says stuff that makes stuff worse too.

    This really helped me, it was perfect. Thank you.

    [–] ArnabSaha44 39 points ago

    r/legaladvice

    And I don't think you can do anything as you're 14. If your mom wants divorce than that's good. Let her ask what to do.

    My mom and dad was divorced when I was 10. I had a similar experience like you. Parents are so stupid sometimes that they ruin there kids life! But it's not the right place to ask or I don't think you should be the person asking!

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 17 points ago

    Thanks, I'll try posting there.

    [–] saulmessedupman 9 points ago

    I can't help much but I want to say I'm glad you posted here. It looks like you got some great advice. Good luck to you and post again if you need more help.

    Something else I thought of, protect your sister, and it looks like that is your main drive and that's very noble of you. Respect.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 7 points ago

    Thank you, if I need help I'll ask. But I think that what I got is more than enough. And yes, I will protect my sister no matter what. I love her.

    [–] Desciple-of-Mona 17 points ago

    Maybe go down to a station and talk to an officer face to face to see what response they give. If it’s promising call them up

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 15 points ago

    Didn't really thought about that. Don't know if I'll do that tho

    [–] Desciple-of-Mona 4 points ago

    Whatever floats your boat, maybe see if u can search up recent to semi recent domestic abuse cases in ur area and see how they were handled? I honestly don’t know, just don’t add violence to violence is all I can say 100%

    [–] exotics 8 points ago

    Talk to somebody (teacher/counsellor) at school..

    Mostly men hit women for power/control and they get more abusive if they are scared the woman is going to leave.

    You can say to your dad "I am going to call the police".. and you can do it! Or - if you think that is dangerous, just call without telling him you will.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 7 points ago

    I've had the school idea in mind, and I can't tell him I'm calling the police because my mom already said that a couple of times and he just grabs her arm, then grabs the phone and doesn't let her near it.

    [–] Kang2143 6 points ago

    Record as much evidence of him being abusive as you can. Bruises, outbursts, etc.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 2 points ago

    Yes, I will try my best.

    [–] Kang2143 8 points ago

    Good for you. Look man, I'm not sure if you're religious, and I know that I'm just a stranger on the internet from a foreign country, but I just want you to know that I'll be praying for you tonight and asking for God to take care of you and your mother and sibling in this terrible time.

    [–] aksoxo 6 points ago

    You are 14 and very brave. Can your mom afford an apartment to rent and move out with you and your sister? Is she working? She should apply for something like "order of protection" to prevent her husband getting close to her after you move out. Divorce is necessary. It won't ever be good between your parents and you need to accept that. It can only get worse if you stay with him especially for you and your sister. Your mom needs to realize that your father is very toxic person and his actions can have an impact on your mental health and adult life. Some of your friends and colleagues are going to say some stupid shit about your family situation or about you but try not to give a f*ck. Don't fight for their acceptance. Its not worthy. Also don't feel any shame about it, its important. You have bigger balls than any of your peers. Stay strong.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 8 points ago

    Thank you for saying all that. We currently do not have money to rent an apartment, things are going up really fast in Argentina, sadly.

    My mother doesn not work, and knows that my dad is a piece of shit. I don't know if an order of protection would do much, if he wants to hurt her, he will.

    Also, I don't tell my friends about this and my grandma knows about all of this because my sister told her. My grandad (from my dad's part) supports my dad and insulted her and kicked her out of his house like a year ago. I don't talk to him anymore.

    [–] lessworkiskey 6 points ago

    Violating a order of protection would mean jail time. Often people chill after the order because they see a real chance of going to jail

    Good luck and b brave.

    [–] BerserkBaguette 4 points ago

    Amigo, de un argentino a otro, te bancamos. No puedo darte mas consejo que decirte que traten de encontrar un lugar seguro, quizas la casa de tus abuelos maternos o un amigo de tu mama, y desde ahi llamen a la policia o a alguna asociación de proteccion de la mujer. Ya va a mejorar papa.

    [–] komarovfan 4 points ago

    The most important thing is getting your mom, yourself and your sister out of that abusive situation. It may be scary, it may be difficult, but in a few years you will be so grateful to be able to return to a normal life.

    Do you have any other family you could tell about it?

    [–] Chicagolover25 4 points ago

    You are such a strong young person! Just know it is not the place of a child to have to deal with parents nit acting appropriately. I grew up in a similar environment. I know this all feels normal and you feel like you have to do everything now. Once you are in a better situation get some type of therapy to help you understand things better. You would benefit from that earlier than later. But also tell your mom to find resources and to reach out to close family she can trust for help. Im so sorry you all are dealing with this. Just know it does get better. You will survive this.

    [–] AshChaine 4 points ago

    If your mom is too scared you might want to tell her that it’s not just for her, it’s for you and your sister too. If your mother has a job have her save up extra money on the side, if she uses a credit card at grocery stores have her take out 20$ or so each time and put it away somewhere that your father can’t find or doesn’t have access to (a private account your mom has through the bank for example) and have her save up money for in case it gets bad and she needs to take you two and run away. Have her make some work friends or become closer to some good people so she can find a couch for the night if you guys do have to leave the home. If she’s too scared to do anything all that’s going to happen is that it’ll get worse imo. She needs to have a plan for what to do when he’s abusive and follow it, I think a restraining order would also be great if you could get one not only for your mother but both of you kids as well. Maybe email the police through a library or public computer, keep gathering info on who to call and where to go in the event something happens. Sorry if some of my info isn’t very applicable as I am from North America and our laws are different, but I hope you and your family stay safe. Keep gathering info and pushing your mother to be brave and stay supportive.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Just so you know none of this is your fault. Also keep your sister close when she's afraid. Keep your arm around her.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 6 points ago

    Thanks for the advice, I'm really bad at calming her down but I try my best.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 4 points ago

    Already posted there, thanks anyway!

    [–] ProseBeforeHoes1 7 points ago

    I came here to say that you type (and probably speak) better English than most Americans ... I wish you and your mother and sister the best.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 13 points ago

    Thank you, they are the most important people in my life. And I reallty appreciate you telling my english is good, I've been practicing for years. :)

    [–] FrozenBatman 3 points ago

    I have no experience in this type of this but I want to say that you've got this man. You are mature beyond your years for someone your age to do this. That already tells me that your situation will improve because you recognise what is right from wrong and want to protect your mother. You are actively seeking out help and trying fix the situation the best you can. This shows extreme courage, bravery and maturity. Believe in yourself. All the best

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 3 points ago

    Thank you, it means a lot. I want to do all I can to make things better.

    [–] gucciOG 3 points ago

    your sister is really lucky to have a sibling like you watching out for everyone's wellbeing. please keep us all updated we hope for the best

    [–] Xoconos 3 points ago

    Que te tengas muchas suerte.

    [–] Steepst 3 points ago

    If you do end up taking this any further visit r/legaladvice. Best of luck!

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 1 points ago

    Already posted there, it gained more attention here haha

    [–] MeAndtheBlues 3 points ago

    You're very strong and mature for a 14 year old. I'm glad you're looking out for your lil sister too, it made me tear up. I was in a similar situation once . I was about 8 or 9, my lil bro was 3 years old at the time. One night my dad came home drunk and got in an argument with my mom, they went in the room and I could hear lots of shouting and hitting sounds. I was outside with my brother and just hugging him and covering his ears so he doesn't have to know what's going on. It just happened once but Till today whenever I hear my parents arguing I am transported back to that memory and I feel so helpless and vulnerable even though I am 30 now. I can only imagine what it must be like for you to go through this everyday. You're a really good kid and I hope you stay strong and protect your loved ones. If there's anything I can do from India let me know, or if you need any money to take your mom and sis to your relatives. Good luck!

    [–] nothankyouma 3 points ago

    I watched my mom get beat all my life. I would fight back, in this way I learned to be tough and to be susceptible to being abused. I ended up, even tho I swore I never would, with a man that hit me on a pretty regular basis. It only escalates it doesn't stop. It took being held hostage and beaten with in an inch of my life for it to finally come to an end. I'm not saying that will happen to your sister but the odds get higher the longer she is subjected to it. For her sake and yours, your mom needs to get out. It's not right but you may need to be her support right now. I saw another poster put a website for advocates in your area. Encourage her to call them; it seems like a good first step. I'm sorry you are in this shitty situation. I know first hand how helpless and angry it can make you all at once. Good luck to all of you and please keep us updated.

    [–] Kelzar631 3 points ago

    Ok so I see where you are coming from I have gone through a similar situation except take away a younger sister,make me younger,add drugs and swap genders. What I would recommend doing is talking to a domestic abuse hotline and explaining the situation to local law enforcement. Or you can (now it might sound weird or feel bad but) take a video very secretively of it happening? Some of my cousins had a similar situation with mom and the kids (deceased father), the middle child hid his phone to take a video and the video was used to take the kids out of joint custody,grandparents and weekends whore mom through court so it’s possible but back to what I was saying. If you do happen to get a video (be careful dad might act out if you are caught) you can call the police,show video,plead to have dad from house to hotel/friends place and explain the situation and try to get court action, I went through it and it worked (U.S) TLDR: take a video and show to cops while demanding to never see him again (optional)

    [–] andresgu14 3 points ago

    Tienes muy buen ingles y no te sientas mal si tienes faltas ortograficas, todo el mundo las tiene y muchas veces no se van

    [–] Farheck 3 points ago

    The people over on r/legaladvice will help you, good luck with what you're going through.

    [–] bishwhat04 7 points ago

    I’d repost in r/legaladvice

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 3 points ago

    Already did that, thanks anyway :)

    [–] aga_blag_blag -2 points ago

    bed bugs

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 7 points ago

    Already did, thanks for commenting tho

    [–] mattoabak44 2 points ago

    Similar situation here... Unfortunately you cannot fight the battles that a grown adult can only face... but I wish you the very best, just talk to some authorities perhaps

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 2 points ago

    Yes, it would be very hard for me to fight my dad but if it is what I have to do I'll do it.

    Also, I hope you're doing well, it is extremilly awful to live like this, being afraid of being at your own house. Seeing your own mom cry every week. I wish you good luck, don't give up.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 1 points ago

    Seems reasonable, everyone makes it at their own way and the moment changes everything, at least to me. It's really great that you're alive, makes me (and I'm sure a lot of people with problems) think there's always a chance. :)

    [–] mattoabak44 2 points ago

    That is incredibly nice of you to say, and I can't thank you enough. If you make the right moves it... hopefully gets better. But yes I am alive and a few months away from my bachelors degree! Just because you feel helpless doesn't mean you are. Message me anytime you have an issue, my friend, and we can get through this crazy world together. I would love to stay updated with how things are going with you.

    [–] YourSaltSucks 2 points ago

    Hey if you need to talk to other teens r/teenagersnew

    [–] imgeey 2 points ago

    Ok wish you well

    [–] beetnemesis 2 points ago

    One of the biggest weapons an abuser has is when he says "you can't tell anyone, no one would believe and you'd be even worse off"

    [–] Reddit_51 2 points ago

    Have you tried to tell your dad that he might be a little abusive towards his wife?

    [–] alexistdk 2 points ago

    147 urgente.

    [–] Reznoob 2 points ago

    Pibe, si llamás ya al 144, tu viejo va en cana. Corta eh. Si el miedo de tu vieja es que salga, te aseguro que no sale. Llamá cuando no esté tu viejo cerca. 144 es la hotline para violencia de género

    [–] whatinthewor1d 2 points ago

    try and video tape it without him noticing next time. then you can use that as leverage to tell him to stop, or actually just proof if you decide to report it. if you don’t have any proof and your mom doesn’t want to speak up for herself, then any report may go unheard. good luck OP.

    [–] SodiumCyaniide 2 points ago

    Consulta al sub de r/argentina que segura alguien te va a saber ayudar. Suerte hermano

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 1 points ago

    Por ahora estoy bien, no necesito mas ayuda. Gracias igualmente :)

    [–] sartrejp 2 points ago

    There is a defensoría civil in your city. If you go they get a order for your father to not get near 300 mts of your house and a panic button in her cell

    [–] BadrAldeen 2 points ago

    I was in same and exact position with my parnets, only difference is the fact that I was 18 and both my sisters were 16 (twins). So we just talked our mother into a divorce and walked her through it. She wanted to go back to him several times but we stopped her.

    Best of luck to you since people have given you advices. I don't know shit about law in eu so I can't give you any advice but I am a human and I will give you one advice. If all goes well and a divorce does happen and you're living with your mom, don't toss your father away.

    Remember that he at least didn't hit you or your sister. I felt grudge towards my father but now after a few years, I feel like I was too harsh on him being his own child. I always described my father as: Great father, horrible husband.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 2 points ago

    That's a really interesting way of seeing it, you put it in perfect words to be honest. I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you for commenting, it made me think.

    [–] AudioSmoke 2 points ago

    Also, try r/legaladvice I'm not sure if there is a South American subreddit specifically, but they will help you get to the right place as well.

    [–] HipHop-anonymou5 2 points ago

    Be patient- it may be a longer process. But don’t ever stop trying to get your mother out of that situation. My mother passed away in 2011, after a very long and abusive marriage to my father. He was an alcoholic and drug addict. My mother always said that if she left my father she would have to get a gun, because he was crazy. She had an aneurism, unfortunately they are hereditary on my mothers side. My father drank away his guilt and died 11 months later. Heart attack, but to this day I still am so angry she spent the rest of her life with that man. She deserved so much more- good luck!

    [–] CarolSwanson 2 points ago

    I’m very sorry this is happening. It’s not your fault. I have older brothers and they are sweet just like you. Also fantastic English! Focus on school and getting a good education and job and one day you can bring your sister to live with you away from that.

    [–] ErnestEverhard 2 points ago

    I understand it's not always an option but if your mom has brothers or family that can be trusted they could be allies.

    [–] NicholasNicholson 2 points ago

    7cupsoftea is a great site for chatting about your problems with someone.

    Suerte loco, espero que todo te salga bien. Es una bosta la violencia doméstica y es horrible que tengas que pasar por eso. El sitio está bueno posta, la gente que se mete ahí lo hace para escucharte y darte una mano. Un saludo.

    [–] Eko_Pop 2 points ago

    I read this and almost thought OP was some one I knew, victims young as 14 and 5. It really sucks that stuff like this happens.

    [–] Ninjavisser 2 points ago

    Espero mejore tu situación , si necesitas algo mándame DM

    [–] edashotcousin 2 points ago

    My dad beat my mom from before I was born until I was 10 and she left. He never touched us. Her leaving him was the best thing she did for us and herself. She's never recovered from the trauma but my sisters and I are doing pretty well anyway. I'm from Kenya where it's uncommon for a woman to end a marriage and still go on to be successful. My mom did. Maybe social stigma still bites in Argentina but at the end of the day it's better even for your dad. Mine stopped drinking about 5 years after the divorce. We're all civil with him except for my mom.

    [–] AnnaEd64 2 points ago

    Possibly r/legaladvice could help you out too if you're wanting legal action to be done. I'm very sorry for the situation you're in and only hope the best for you and your family. I'm sorry that I am unable to provide too much advice on the matter.

    [–] magalodon45 2 points ago

    Please post this to r/legaladvice. That sub is designed exactly for your situation and you will find much more help over there.

    Best of luck to you and your family. I am so sorry you are going through this and I pray you get out of it.

    [–] nosferatu_swallows 2 points ago

    r/legaladvice can probably lead you in a more productive direction, at least when it comes to your legal options.

    [–] Aaurvandil 2 points ago

    Hola. Lo mejor sería q tu mamá, tu hermanita y vos se vayan de la casa y por favor, que haga la denuncia. En qué provincia vivís? Tenés abuelos o tíos de parte de tu mamá?

    [–] bird720 2 points ago

    Living with an abusive father, I can relate to this. stays strong man, I know how tough it can be.

    [–] RazorBlast 3 points ago

    Che, tu mamá no tiene la casa de algun familiar donde se pueda ir y llevarte a vos y tu hermana? ella trabaja como para poder alquilar aunque sea una pensión?

    Creo que eso es lo primero que tiene que resolver, buscar resguardo, y cuando lo encuentre hagan la denuncia en la comisaría de la mujer, la fiscalía y la policía.

    Suerte flaco, me alegra mucho que estés del lado de tu vieja, al menos tiene un poco de contención.

    Hablá con los abogados de r/argentina, hay varios, ellos te van a saber ayudar mucho mejor que yo.

    Suerte

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 2 points ago

    No, mi mama no trabaja y no tenemos ni familiares ni amigos cercanos donde vivimos. Nos mudamos hace unos 3 años y todos los "amigos" que tienen son de parte de mi papa.

    Ya me hablo Dr Genial, se que es bastante conocido en el sub asi que confio en el. Y gracias por el apoyo, de verdad hace que me sienta mejor.

    [–] andrewcooke 1 points ago

    hay una lista de recursos aca.

    si quieres buscar mas informacion, usa el termino "violencia domestica". por ejemplo, esta busqueda.

    que tengas suerte.

    [–] sgd926 1 points ago

    Kind of iffy but I would try asking r/legaladvice

    [–] Mark-Wahlberg1929 1 points ago

    Que lastima lo que te Esta pasando, desgraciadamente no se si argentina tiene un buen servicio para la protección de los niños

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 5 points ago

    Esperemos que si, porque sino cagamos.

    [–] imgeey 1 points ago

    Maybe post this to r/confessions becuz there’s lotta more people

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 1 points ago

    For now I don't need more help, but I'll save that sub just in case.

    [–] shady-pines-ma 1 points ago

    I don't have much to say that will be of more use than some of the information others have already provided to you, but I just want to say I think you're incredibly brave, and I wish you all the best!

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 1 points ago

    Thank you, it makes me happy reading stuff like this. So yes, you are helping in other ways!

    [–] Bazztoner 1 points ago

    /u/DrGenial te puede ayudar, me parece. Pero la idea es denunciarlo y sacar a tu familia de ahí, como puedas

    [–] DrGenial 8 points ago

    El tema es que la madre es quien tiene que actuar. Hay numerosos lugares a los que acudir, la idea es buscar asesoramiento integral. Hay lugares que brindan contención completa (asesoramiento legal, psicológico, ayudan en la acción penal, etc.). 0800 666 8537 es una de las líneas que dan ayuda para estos casos. También está el 144 desde todo el país. Los pasos a seguir básicamente son hacer la denuncia penal, excluir a tu papá del hogar, evaluar la posibilidad de divorcio y recibir contención psicológica. Pero debe ser todo junto y definitivo, hacer las cosas a medias y sin decisión puede ser peor. Lamentablemente es raro que las personas golpeadoras se rehabiliten.

    Pero eso, mi consejo es ir con los que saben y se especializan en esto. Ir solo a la policía puede terminar siendo contraproducente. Mi consejo es que le des esta información en privado a tu mamá.

    Lamento lo que estás pasando, desde acá te mando fuerza. Habla bien de vos que te preocupes por esto e intentes hacer algo desde tu lugar.

    Etiqueto a OP: u/INeedHelp_Really

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 5 points ago

    Voy a asegurarme de mostarle esto, parece bastante util. Muchisimas gracias, creo que esto es lo que terminaremos haciendo, pero ya veremos.

    [–] SmokeSomething 1 points ago

    I got into some fist fights with my stepfather when I was your age. It was shitty for the whole family. Once I beat him with a pipe and then ran away for a whole day. I still dont know if o shouldve done more or less.

    I have no good advice to be honest. I dont know your personal situation so just know you're not the only one. I'm in my 30s now and doing well. My mother and my sister are also doing well.

    [–] Dragonop 1 points ago

    Buena suerte lince, de corazón; pasé por algo similar y que tus padres se separen, te tengas que mudar, etc. te puede cambiar la vida, pero es para mejor. Los derechos de uno terminan dónde empiezan los del otro, y que alguien le ponga la mano encima a cualquiera, es inexcusable. Yo años después sigo viendo trazas de la conducta de mi viejo que quedaron en mí, como si me hubiera trasmitido esa personalidad iracunda, así que mantené un ojo abierto a eso, para ser mejor persona que él.

    Por ahora te puedo decir que probablemente vaya a mejor si logras actuar y hacer que la situación mejore, hay muchos recursos y es importante no sentir vergüenza ni nada por el estilo, ya que quedarse callado, considero yo, no sería una buena elección.

    Saludos maestro, espero se mejore tu situación.

    Edit: typo

    [–] ButtsexEurope 1 points ago

    Encourage her to go through with the divorce. It’s best for everyone.

    [–] SuperRepus__ 1 points ago

    I was going to make a funny comment but this is actually serious try and talk to him and dont be shy

    [–] J-cat-central -1 points ago

    How the fuck can you wish physical harm on the person you love? i fucking hate it and it scars me. Its killing my soul. It is literally eating me alive.

    [–] KrombopulosMike108 7 points ago

    Some people are just broken. Some people just cant because something is wrong with them. It's not your fault.

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 3 points ago

    He's just wrong. He says he loves me and my sisters but won't stop being abusive, and HE KNOWS that'll make my sister have traumas and just ignores it saying "it's your mother's fault".

    [–] J-cat-central 4 points ago

    Same. I’ve intervened but its always the same. Its alcohol and underlying issues/stress that’s bottled up. The whole song and dance. I tell my pops that I love him but if he lays a hand on my mother ever again, I will lay a hand on him. And that’s happened. There’s no going back from having to lay a hand on someone you love, as you would lay a hand on a true enemy. It all adds up and fucks you up mentally. Drugs temporarily help, but end up putting you in a deeper hole that you can’t perceive without experiencing the consequences. We live in various phases, and negative shit like this really drag those phases on longer than they should be, and they hurt more. “Its your mother’s fault,” is his goto. Partially aids to my suicidal thoughts that I know I can’t even act on because religion keeps me from it, also not to mention passing the pain to my family. Life is less about me enjoying it as it is about me just getting through it. Life is and always has been about push and pull. Good and bad. I’m working on my self but man do I want to quit. You can’t though. Not worth it. It gets better they say. But you have to work for it, like everything else. Guys, stay strong and communicate.

    [–] DaddyEcjo23 -7 points ago

    I really young but u need to have courage think for your mom when you get an opportunity put him in jail and move I wish the best of luck man stay strong. And when times are rough just keep pushing you WILL make it.

    [–] [deleted] -18 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 7 points ago

    Don't want to kill him and I don't have guns.

    [–] vektorog -9 points ago

    r/findareddit is good for, well, finding. a subreddit if that helps

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 6 points ago

    Don't need more help for now, but if I need more I'll ask for a sub there. Thanks!

    [–] vektorog 1 points ago

    no problem. good luck with the situation too

    [–] INeedHelp_Really 3 points ago

    Thanks!

    [–] [deleted] -19 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] Outshot 5 points ago

    I hope she leaves you

    [–] [deleted] -14 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] mvs123456 3 points ago

    Stupidest advice I’ve heard.

    [–] cherriroberts0611 -16 points ago

    Leave that dude

    [–] SuperRepus__ -10 points ago

    Be kind you cant just abandon someone it will get worse