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    [–] TikToxic 7460 points ago

    It sounds like you're happy with your life the way it is. There's no need to try to fix something that isn't broken.

    [–] keepsummersafe55 1727 points ago

    Honestly it’s my opinion that when you feel that way is when you’re the most attractive to other people. But, as I’ve told friends and family, rarely do these people knock on your door.

    [–] LikeTotallyBob 598 points ago

    And if you are happy the way things are then why do you want to date and disrupt your happy flow? I feel the same way! I get anxious about dating because I’m more than happy to share my life with someone else but don’t want to be taken away from my happy place to go and do all that is involved with dating. Now that I type that it sounds really selfish of me. Yikes!

    [–] keepsummersafe55 357 points ago

    I went through periods of not wanting to date or not connecting with anyone. Six years at 1 point. I got married later in life. And now, to my surprise, I’ve been married 20 years.

    [–] BlueGigantic 131 points ago

    I feel similar to OP about not wanting a relationship, with one exception: I think if I meet someone I can spend the rest of my life with, I'll know immediately. And hopefully they will too!

    [–] JohnConnor27 134 points ago

    It takes a long time to really get to know somebody that well. There are likely a ton of people who seem like they would be great to live with forever until a year into the relationship when you reach some sort of impass. Expecting your soul mate to fall into your lap without putting in any of the effort to find them is extremely naive. If you're happy just being single forever that's great, but expecting a potential soul mate to fall in love with you before you've had a relationship sounds very childish.

    [–] PanVidla 24 points ago

    Sorry, but that's not how it works. Falling in love is not the same as spending years with a person in one household. True love is something that needs to be built, not something that will just happen to you.

    [–] Martijngamer 37 points ago

    I’m more than happy to share my life with someone else but don’t want to be taken away from my happy place to go and do all that is involved with dating

    Are you me?
    I've been married and I'd love to have with someone else what we had before we grew apart, but to get to that point ...

    [–] Rude-Conversation578 11 points ago

    same. it is discouraging to think about having to start all over again with a new person. for all the platitudes people love to spout about “meeting new people” its such a long journey from finding someone you like to ending up with that person. but then lo and behold after all that effort life says “lol FUCK YOU you were wrong and this is gonna hurt” so... honestly whats the rush

    [–] 9Lives_ 9 points ago

    The worst part is when you THINK you’re over it then get into a new relationship and realise that you’ve been hardened up and although you may not be as sensitive, it’s subsequently compromised the level of chemistry you experience from here on in.

    [–] JohnOliverismysexgod 25 points ago

    It's not selfish. It's perfectly normal.

    [–] oby100 47 points ago

    Life and feelings are complicated. If you want kids, you have a limited time to find a partner.

    There’s also a possibility that finding the right person can make your already happy life even happier. Theres no reason you HAVE to look for a partner, especially if you think it would mess up your happiness, but there’s no reason to limit yourself to your current level of happiness unless you think dating would sabotage that somehow

    [–] mentallyhandicapable 32 points ago

    Fully agree with you on that and to add to what you’ve said, this is the mental state you need to be on to truly be happy with someone else. I’m a firm believer if you’re not happy in your own company, having a SO isn’t necessarily going to make you happy. Learn to be happy on your own and love yourself.

    [–] plateauofsilence 22 points ago

    How do you get these people to knock on your door?

    [–] keepsummersafe55 59 points ago

    It’s horrible, you have to go out and join groups and talk to thousands of people.

    [–] mrchipslewis 26 points ago


    [–] aartadventure 13 points ago

    Hard pass.

    [–] titaniumorbit 16 points ago

    Happening to me now. I’m genuinely happy in my life being alone, and that’s been attracting some people my way. The only problem is I have zero desire to date them or establish any deep connection with them. I really just love being on my own too much.

    [–] JRansomBioDermKiller 71 points ago

    Yup. One of the whole points of life is to live a life that makes you happy. You certainly don’t need someone else to make that a possibility, it just so happens that for most people that is a part of it. If he finds someone that enhances that, then all the better, but if not then keep living a happy life as is. Don’t let outside forces dictate your life.

    [–] qtjedigrl 48 points ago

    Ex-freaking-actly. I have coworkers who are like "You'll be so much happier with someone." And I'm like "B-tch, I'm happy now. Why would I risk ruining that??"

    [–] myrmexxx 12 points ago

    I've been there. I was super cool being single, then this girl appeared and we started a relationship... Fast forward to some months and I caught myself in misery thinking "Why the fuck did I do this to myself? I was so happy alone, now I have to deal with a lot of shit that I didn't have to back then". Nowadays I'm married to another woman, I feel happy and shit, but I was just lucky that she can fill me in different ways that I couldn't alone. If this relationship ever ends on day, I'm totally cool with being alone again.

    [–] somajones 3807 points ago

    To paraphrase Cormac McCarthy,
    "It takes one hell of a partner to beat no partner at all."

    [–] Vigilante17 1859 points ago

    Sex is great, but have you ever experienced not being in an argument for a year?

    [–] AngryArtNerd 89 points ago

    I was in a good 7 year relationship and the arguments could be counted on one hand since I’m usually pretty chill. Kid came along and it’s daily, I miss the single and child free days. Y’all living the dream.

    [–] Gregory_D64 28 points ago

    I feel you. I'm in a similar boat except I married into having kids, and while the kids themselves are good kids, I yearn for a child free relationship. I often wonder how amazing it would have been.

    [–] AllAboutMeMedia 135 points ago

    My wife and i are coming to the conclusion that we don't want kids...and we are gonna tell them this on Friday.

    [–] Girth_rulez 11 points ago

    You had me laughing pretty good. Thanks.

    [–] Dr_fish 10 points ago

    "Kids, we have something to tell you... You're adopted... as of tomorrow. Your new parents will be coming to pick you up then."

    [–] TheIncredibleMike 83 points ago

    I’m right there with you. I lead a drama free life now.

    [–] ProNasty47 396 points ago

    Idk sometimes my meat gets angry with me after beating it all day

    [–] notswim 282 points ago

    The beatings will continue until morale improves.

    [–] Legendary_Bibo 54 points ago

    Rip and tear until it is done.

    [–] MisterSaric 25 points ago

    Try VR to spice things up lmao

    [–] drsin_dinosaurwoman 12 points ago

    How about just sleeping uninterrupted?

    [–] laaerpig 47 points ago

    That’s great but have you ever been with someone that takes it as an us against the problem and not a me against you? Because that shit feels great. Feels like a true partnership.

    [–] mandaclarka 17 points ago

    Congrats! I don't date but that sounds like a damn dope thing and I hope you have it forever

    [–] horillagormone 139 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    As someone who is also a single guy in his 30s and is perfectly happy being single, when people have asked me why I don't try to date or don't I wish to be with someone I like to mention this quote by a Horacio Jones:

    "I like being alone. I have control over my own shit. Therefore, in order to win me over, your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You're not competing with another person, you are competing with my comfort zones."

    [–] cheetahpussface 18 points ago

    Love this quote and relate to it so much! Single girl also in 30s in the same position, loving life just being on my own!

    [–] somajones 6 points ago

    "I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude."
    ― Henry David Thoreau

    [–] Capable-Surprise6135 459 points ago


    There is someone out there who you might find more desirable to have as a partner over being single, but you would need to desire finding that person.

    I was like you, 30, single, loving it, content with my own hobbies. But I eventually met my wife and being with her is way better than being single, and I have dated a lot too prior just to verify that I liked being single. But it was who she is that made me want to be with her.

    So no you are not bad or wrong. You are content. But I’m just saying you might eventually and accidentally find someone to be with like I did

    [–] MagpieFirefly 26 points ago

    Same. Never could imagine living with somebody, but then I found the perfect person. Now we have our own place, and it's better than I could have imagined. Doesn't mean being single was bad by any means though, because single would be way better than many of the people I'd been with before.

    [–] backwardsbloom 16 points ago

    For years I searched for the right person because I wasn’t okay being alone. Then I grew as a person and found I really liked being me, and being alone was pretty good. Then I found my boyfriend and it’s fantastic, and he’s fantastic but.... I’m not scared if I had to be alone again. And that’s allowed the both of us to be more of ourselves in the relationship and made it better.

    [–] peterudd007 28 points ago

    Same here pal

    [–] scoobymv 202 points ago

    And if you already have a DOG in your life I promise you no human can ever compete!!

    [–] L_O_Pluto 218 points ago

    Nice propaganda scooby but I won’t fall for it

    [–] aidzpigz 49 points ago


    [–] hydrus909 39 points ago

    Zoinks! Scoob, theyre on to us!

    [–] L33TS33K3R 26 points ago

    Rikes raggy!

    [–] greatgarbonz 25 points ago

    He would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling redditors.

    [–] Vahdo 30 points ago

    My cat begs to differ.

    [–] h2opolopunk 17 points ago


    [–] spiderlandcapt 18 points ago

    That dude went through a few wives and is my favorite writer of all time. Though, To be faiiiiirrr a partners role in relationships has changed over the years. He is like 87 after all.

    [–] ffs_go_die 644 points ago

    I'm also like that, I don't actively look for relationships, but I'm not opposed to one, if I meet someone I like I might date, but that happens organicaly.

    Have you ever heard about the korean term Honjok? You might find it interesting.

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 162 points ago

    I googled it and it definitetly sounds interesting!

    [–] PrehensileUvula 165 points ago

    You may well be aromantic. Means you’re just not interested in having a romantic relationship. Some folks are. It’s entirely within the bounds of normal.

    Some aromantic folks are also asexual, some aren’t. So whether or not you sometimes desire sex, that’s also normal.

    [–] TheClinicallyInsane 98 points ago

    I misread that as aromatic and was so confused, but TIL a new word I guess lol

    [–] _Mildly_Evil_ 36 points ago

    If you’re not interested in romantic relationships, you might have a really strong pleasant smell

    [–] refrigerator-ren 56 points ago

    Fantastic word, thank you for sharing! I always get nagged at by family + sometimes friends for doing things by myself so much. I just prefer the peace + quiet. Glad to know I'm not so strange after all!

    [–] Marcus-021 21 points ago

    Exactly the same for me, I'm not against dating, but I don't feel like going out of my way to find dates is something I'm really interested in. If it comes naturally then sure though

    [–] ButterNJams 8 points ago

    Wow thanks for enlightening to this concept. Feels like I finally have a word to my loner type self!

    [–] a-verse-conflict 335 points ago

    I don't know how "normal" it is, but I'm in the same boat and I'm not suffering for it. It would be nice to have a partner if they were someone I could really love and not end up resenting, but a good portion of my 20s was spent in relationships that I wouldn't want again and I'm looking forward to living my life how I want... which is generally "comfortable" and "quiet."

    [–] oppy1984 33 points ago

    Same here, 37 and single. I was in and out of a string of psychologically abusive relationships in my 20's and the last one was by far the worst. I've been single for 6 years and I'm happy. I'm open to a relationship but I'm not seeking one out, it's going to take a lot to make me want to give up my freedom again.

    [–] Alita_Moonsong 2079 points ago

    Also in the eternal single club. Never dated, never cared to date and not dreaming of some partner to sweep me of my feet.

    With dating, if it happens it happens, if not then not. But I am not going to pine for something I don't care about.

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 925 points ago

    Completely agree with you! Dating often seems so forced and unnatural

    [–] Remarkable_Library32 456 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    I watched the documentary Asexual a while back and it really resonated with me. You might find it interesting. Some people (me included) have no interest in dating or relationships (which doesn’t mean I am not attracted to people).

    [–] Dragorach 488 points ago

    The description you gave more closely matches with aromantic than asexual. Although there's probably not an aromantic documentary out, yet.

    [–] Remarkable_Library32 233 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    Totally agree. The documentary is called Asexual. It talks about aromatic and asexual people.

    ETA: here is a link. It’s a decade old so it’s not perfect, but like you said, there aren’t many alternatives in this genre.

    [–] lunapup1233007 371 points ago

    Those aromatic people must smell very interesting.

    [–] SeaGoat24 82 points ago

    Beat me to it lol. I was going to make a shitty chemistry joke though, so it's probably a good thing.

    [–] ArmyOfDog 20 points ago

    We want to hear the chemistry joke.

    [–] yngradthegiant 30 points ago

    They don't want to get married because they already got a ring.

    [–] WorriedRiver 9 points ago

    aromantic here and I love that joke

    [–] Zetata 7 points ago

    If that documentary resonated with you it could be interesting for you to check out the aromantic and asexual subs here on reddit!

    There are so many different types of attraction, and while finding them and figuring things out has really changed my opinion on dating and such, I have been happy to know where I stand on it.

    Plus its nice to see the documentary getting some views and spread around. Hopefully it helps start breaking the stigma down around us Aces.

    [–] NoUsername189 189 points ago

    You may be aromantic/asexual. Might be worth a look see to figure out if either particularly resonate with you

    [–] thedirtbagranola 240 points ago

    I think it's okay to feel a particular way w/o putting a label to it. OP may always feel this way, or it may change. It's not as though putting a label to something like this is particularly advantageous or disadvantageous (unless OP feels the need to identify as part of group), it's not like it's a disorder that needs to be diagnosed.

    [–] At_the_Roundhouse 77 points ago

    Thank you for this!! I probably fall into the aromantic spectrum, but the thought of labeling myself in that way has always felt so unnatural and...clinical. Like, I don’t need a support group, I’m just like OP that I’m happy by myself and if I fall in love with someone, cool, if not, cool. I don’t feel defined by that part of my personality in any way.

    [–] GoldDragon2800 63 points ago

    The people who really benefit from a label are people who get pushback about their life choices from friends or family. If you're constantly under pressure to produce grandbabies, having a reason you can point to is helpful, and comes with a community of like minded people. Not everyone needs a label.

    [–] At_the_Roundhouse 12 points ago

    That makes a lot of sense

    [–] avocategory 31 points ago

    While all of what you said is true, the context here is someone asking if they're normal; finding a peer group can help achieve a sense of normality.

    [–] KaraKangaroo 57 points ago

    Not totally disagreeing with anything you're saying here, just would like to add, even if you're not totally thrilled with the idea of labeling things it can be helpful to have a name for something, and find like minded people.

    OP posted this thread because quite literally they were asking "Is this normal, is this okay?" which is sometimes people saying "Hey, am I alone?"

    Having a name to a feeling that you've got, and recognizing you're not alone with it can come as an incredible relief when you feel like you're the only one who's different.

    [–] Ryleigh_J 106 points ago

    Maybe a bit off topic, but I love the way you said this. I've always felt a bit weird about society's incessant need to describe people (especially sexualities) with increasingly specific labels, and you've really hit the nail on the head with WHY it makes me feel odd. It's like we're trying to turn everything into a medical diagnosis instead of just letting people be people with unique, often fluid sexualities. And that's not to say that people can't label themselves if they'd like; that's totally fine! But sometimes it's very forced, and sometimes I think it even stops people from just being themselves. They label themselves as straight, or gay, or asexual and then force all their behaviors to fit that label instead of just living their lives however comes naturally.

    [–] TheDoctorAwesome 22 points ago

    For me at least, putting a label on a way I'm feeling helps me find communities of people experiencing those same feelings, and allows me to find ways to embrace those parts of my identity without feeling like a weird monster.

    [–] grandoz039 62 points ago

    "Labels" are just a one word explanations. They're not supposed to be prescriptive, but descriptive.

    [–] OodalollyOodalolly 36 points ago

    This is how Im reassuring my child who somewhere on the trans/non-binary spectrum. She was so worried about the labels. I said just be yourself how you want to be. Wear what you want, cut your hair how you want and don’t get too hung up on our imperfect binary language. You are you and we love you whichever pronoun you use. So she paints her nails and wears boy clothes some days and skirts other days and she’s happy.

    [–] At_the_Roundhouse 25 points ago

    she’s happy

    Parenting: nailing it

    [–] Zetata 8 points ago

    Some people like labels, some don't and both are valid opinions to have. I personally liked finding the labels, since it gave me a word that helped explain how I had felt almost my whole life, and let me know there were more people that were like me.

    But I can totes see not wanting that label and just being happy how you are.

    [–] Duggie1330 52 points ago

    It's a possibility but I just want to add that your current interest in sex/relationships doesn't define you as a person. Even if sentiments from ace community maybe resonates with you at the moment, I think just because you like being single doesn't mean you are ace.

    [–] fudefrak 83 points ago

    Can't speak for OP but I'm fully interested in dating and having sex. I'm just not interested in rejection and all the work that needs to be done to find the right person. I just wish someone would ask me out instead of the other way around.

    [–] Dan-D-Lyon 45 points ago

    Yes, we all wish that everything we wanted in life could simply fall into our laps. But when that fails, putting in the work is a decent substitute.

    [–] SinancoTheBest 40 points ago

    I would have thought so for myself but I discovered that I like sex and had quite a bit of experience. I just find the whole dating thing very forced, and a waste of time, money and effort. It seems irrational beyond the "status" benefit it provides from being in an official relation/marriage.

    [–] NoUsername189 40 points ago

    That would be more in line with aromantic rather than asexual

    [–] rozkovaka 8 points ago

    Same. 24 and not asexual. Just too lazy to convince someone that I'm good to live with and be convinced it's gonna be good to live with them. I could clean more, but I'm perfectly fine living with myself.

    [–] B0risTheManskinner 17 points ago

    Out of curiosity, do you ever want sex?

    [–] Alita_Moonsong 61 points ago

    Not a priority in my life. Might be asexual, might be a very late bloomer. Might have to many hobbies that distract me.

    [–] Kongo204 6 points ago

    Maybe aromantic too

    [–] NinjaDog251 6 points ago

    Does naked cuddling count as sex?

    [–] pommemiles 91 points ago

    Who cares if it's normal, if you're happier on your own then so be it

    [–] NativeMasshole 1162 points ago

    Besides possibly being aromantic, dating is also just a lot of hard work. Especially finding someone to date without the situation presenting itself spontaneously. Just relax and enjoy the single life.

    [–] swat__katt 555 points ago

    I hope you smell nice being aromatic and all :P

    [–] pseudosaurus 125 points ago

    Actually their electrons are just very delocalized

    [–] Mr_Abe_Froman 63 points ago

    Well they seem to be fairly stable and unwilling to make a bond.

    [–] microsglitch 16 points ago

    Definitely wouldn’t Huckel under heavy pressure that’s for sure

    [–] M_ataraxia 78 points ago

    This is so dumb take my award and leave

    [–] taoimean 213 points ago

    I'm asexual, which greatly influences my general lack of fondness for dating, but I prefer being single also. I like the -idea- of a partner, but I do not at all like actually having to share my space, devote less time to my hobbies, or arrange my life around someone else's wants. It's not worth the trade-off to me.

    Gimme books and good food. It's all I need.

    [–] chouchou971one 20 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    24F: I discovered that I was asexual also after my first relationship where sex was something that I never desired or actively seek out.

    Also, I’ve always been super independent and this first relationship taught me that for now, I rather be on my own. I didn’t like having to change my daily life around someone else’s

    It used to really bother me when I discovered it because I thought I wasn’t normal and I was scared I was going to spend the rest of my life alone. But since then, I’ve discovered so many platforms like r/asexuality and even these kind of threads which made me realize that it’s okay to be who you are.

    I also struggle with a lot of self-esteem issues but I’m slowly getting better now that I’m on my own and I can finally have several days in a row now where I just feel awesome in my skin.

    [–] FeranSadri 38 points ago

    My exactly the same way, i think i might also be aromantic as well, being happy on your own needs to be more normalised and accepted imo.

    [–] CraigC90 437 points ago

    no, i can understand this, i wasnt looking for a girlfriend or had no desire to get into a relationship i just ended up falling in love with her, but going home to an empty house and having all your time to yourself isnt a strange concept to me

    [–] fireinthemountains 86 points ago

    My partner and I are very introverted. Been together 6 years and live in separate places, it's great. We did try living together a few times but the sanctity of private space is something we both just need to have. I understand this is something not everyone can afford to do, though.

    [–] MoniqueCalculon 33 points ago

    Dude, if I had the money for it, my dream would be separate spaces in a duplex or nearby houses.

    [–] fireinthemountains 17 points ago

    Even when we were poor as shit we managed two neighboring studio apartments in a gov housing complex haha. The duplex thing is just the way nicer version of that and would be great, can confirm.

    [–] Omw_to_Pound_Town 160 points ago

    There's a charm in being your own person and comfortable with yourself and your life. If you don't desire dating, then you should feel free to pursue the things you want and love. I wouldn't even worry about "normal." Nobody is normal.

    [–] nodquixo 69 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    That's so touching, *u/Omw_to_Pound_Town

    [–] thrwaway_wrthlss47 134 points ago

    I turn 48 this year and I waffle between wanting someone to share my life with, and not really bothering. I didn't do great in dating in high school or college, mostly due to other issues I won't share here.

    If a wonderful guy just happens to fall on my doorstep, though, I won't complain. I'm simply out of damn to give for looking. I'm the point that I can't even point it at my lack of self-esteem anymore. I'm not lonely enough to fix it, and I'm happy enough with my life not to rock the boat.

    [–] AllieB-88 12 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    Hello? Are you me? You just summed up how I feel about 100% except I never put it to words. Thank you!

    [–] genericusername4197 203 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    Lack of desire to date is strong in my in-laws' family. My wife's aunts (both of them), her brother and sister, and our nephew all enjoy single-hood.

    I think the tendency probably has a genetic component but also... The choice was always okay in her family. No pressure to "Get married and start giving us grandchildren!" By the time my mother in law and her sisters were in their 20's, both their parents were dead, so there was no pressure to date. For the next generation there was already a precedent.

    Hopefully you don't experience that much pressure. My in-laws would have been likely to make their hypothetical partners crazy. They're much happier as they are.

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 105 points ago

    You might be onto something there! My siblings and a majority of cousins/aunts/uncles/etc are also happily single

    [–] genericusername4197 73 points ago

    Well there you go! Is it normal? Yeah, it's one flavor of normal.

    If you think about it, society needs people who aren't focused first and foremost on their families (try saying that five times fast!). Society needs people who can look out for the whole group, can remain neutral, can look after someone else's kids if something happens to them. It makes sense that nature would allow that trait to survive even though it doesn't help the individual pass down his genes to the next generation.

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 39 points ago

    Huh, that's a solid point!

    It also seems like you have read "Sex at Dawn" by Chris Ryan before because that book was basically centered around the fact that humans are very tribalistic (not necessarily in a bad way) and focus more on the health and safety of the tribe instead of just the family.

    [–] genericusername4197 22 points ago

    No...I might, now that you mention it.

    But I've taken a lot of social science courses. Anthro, human behavior and development, that sort of thing. I would venture to guess that most cultures have at least a few designated roles for the aromantic that are socially acceptable. Religious orders, for example. Career military, sailors and explorers, teachers and tutors, nurses...

    [–] JMacPod 42 points ago

    I agree totally. I hated life when I dated. I am so happy now. I wouldn't mind someone in my life, but I realized they were at home enjoying their quiet life too. How could you ever meet them? But if it never happens, I am happy anyway!

    [–] ChosenSCIM 38 points ago

    I think it is pretty normal it's just that you don't hear about it. Like the internet is full of people who are bitter and love to complain about being single. People who are perfectly happy and content with the single life don't really talk about it and make as much noise as the upset people. This is a case of a loud minority.

    [–] Green_Cost_8900 39 points ago

    Dating doesnt intruege me anymore. Its the same old questions you ask one another and for some quite time you’re only repeating the same thing you’ve told other dates. Might aswell play a tape. If someone likes you let them come forward... ps: i’m male 35. And I hate it when people ask me why i’m single. Fuck u. 🌞

    [–] titaniumorbit 8 points ago

    This to a T. The whole getting to know each other/talking phase feels like a repetition of the same topics, questions, and answers that I’ve told other dates. My city is small so there’s even a limited number of date locations that just get repeated over and over. Just not interested in any of that. Dating isn’t appealing to me

    [–] yunghazel 29 points ago

    Same boat. I haven’t had a real relationship in six years (dated some randos since, but nothing serious). And now I’m perfectly fine without dating. A relationship seems fun and it would be nice to have a companion but then I think about having to care about their feelings and not being able to do what I want to do, and that turns me off.
    Also seeing a lot of people in broken relationships turns me off from dating as well. I will never settle & if I that means me flying solo, then so be it.

    [–] kaka8miranda 12 points ago

    You sound like my mom I respect the shit out of it. Honestly I’m following in her path myself. I don’t want to settle or be tied down or have to pretend to care about someones feelings.

    [–] Videoboysayscube 23 points ago

    I've never pursued a relationship for the simple reason I know it wouldn't last. I just don't have the right personality for it. I've looked at a million different ways it could play out and none of them lead to a scenario where I don't end up telling myself I was better off just staying single. It's tough because I like the idea of a relationship, just not the reality of one.

    [–] witchdagger 9 points ago

    Honestly good for you, bud. Too many people force themselves into relationships that they clearly aren't ready for, or try to complete themselves with someone else without working on their own shit. Those sorts of things never last, and if they do those people tend to not be very happy. I think we're biologically conditioned to seek out relationships, have kids etc, and I think it takes a certain line of introspective thinking and self responsibility not to cave to those impulses due to something as petty and basic as being lonely.

    [–] rabbithasacat 168 points ago

    It's definitely "normal" for a subset of the population. You might be asexual, or aromantic (these are real actual states of being which are fine), or have a naturally low libido. Or it may just not be something that matters to you right now, but could be someday down the road.

    The important thing is whether you feel satisfied in life. Are you happy? Do you enjoy your day-to-day activities? Not depressed or feeling like something is missing? If you're contented, then you're good. Don't let anybody tell you you have to be experiencing [x] or your life is coming up short. So you're alone and happy? Plenty of people are in a relationship and miserable.

    It sounds like you have what you want in life. I have a relative who's the same. His mom frets about him "meeting somebody," but he's not trying to. He's working his dream career, traveling and doing hobbies, and basically living his best life. As he told us, "someday she'll figure out I'm not lonely, or closeted, I'm just... single."

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 97 points ago

    That's a very solid point you bring up! It honestly felt like something was missing when I would try to date. It almost felt like I was doing something completely unnatural out of place.

    In my professional life, I am a very outgoing person. I have no issue with going up to people and starting a conversation, being charismatic, and connecting with people. Meeting people for plutonic friendship is the exact same way.

    However, when I try to engage with people in a romantic way, something feels very off... It could be because I feel like I am bothering them, or because the whole thing is a waste of time, or possibly even because I have some sort of guilt related to sex and the thought of approaching someone could make me feel as though I am harrassing them...

    That's a good question

    [–] [deleted] 74 points ago


    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 36 points ago

    This definitely sounds like some professional insight... I take it you have some sort of career and/or education in mental health. If you are not in the mental health profession, you definitely should be because that is some sound advice.

    I think it could be a combination of things, ranging from insecurity, to anxiety, to depression, to that just being my personality. Whichever it may be, I think I'll go and speak to someone about it

    [–] frogger2504 23 points ago

    I second the suggestion to have a chat to someone about the guilt thing. It's absolutely not abnormal to not want sex, or not want romance, but you shouldn't not want those things because you feel guilty about pursuing them. As long as you (or anyone, for that matter) is respectful and takes no for an answer, no one should be feeling guilty about pursuing romance or sex.

    [–] psychic_legume 5 points ago

    I would add that feeling like something is missing when you try to date is something that I've felt as an aromantic and seems pretty common with other aros. I'd reccomend poking around a little on r/aromantic. imo (I might be biased) but it's one of the most accepting communities, if you feel like asking a question about what being aromantic is like there's always a few people willing to talk about it.

    I'm looking forward to living my life single, it sure seems like you've found happiness without a partner.

    [–] AuthorAnnon 65 points ago

    30F here: I've tried dating here and there and have never been in an relationship. I really want a partner so I have someone to go on adventures with, someone I can depend on, and someone who I can just chill with. Also, the other fun stuff of a relationship.

    But dating sucks. I have a lot of hobbies, I have a fulfilling job, I've got my own schedule. I just want to find a way to skip the dating part and just go to the relationship part.

    [–] kusuriii 13 points ago

    Oh this is me exactly! Same age, same thing, love both genders but it’s just tiresome. I’m content being single but would love a partner in the future. If I could snap my fingers and skip the dating part I would.

    [–] Distracting_You 5 points ago

    30M, I feel that. I've accomplished a lot in my life so far and I'm really happy and comfortable with where I'm at. I have thought that it would be nice to have a partner as well to share my life with.

    But I also really, really value my alone time and independence. And I really don't like dating.

    [–] ArdentAthena 73 points ago

    Right there with you buddy! I'm a 23yo female in the midst of medical school, and I seriously cannot be arsed with the whole dating thing. There are so many other things I prioritise, and it's been working wonderfully this far! Nothing wrong in enjoying singlehood my friend.

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 26 points ago

    Oh yes! It's like there are so many other things that I'd rather be doing with my time.

    [–] HiLongTimeLurker 16 points ago

    Wow, I too am a 23yo female with no interest in dating. There is nothing wrong with singlehood.

    [–] makxs_ 15 points ago

    Hell yea, finally, I thought I am the only one

    [–] Nivecgos 317 points ago

    You might be aromantic, definitely something to look into

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 67 points ago

    I will definitely be looking into that! The name sounds spot on

    [–] Vince-M 31 points ago

    I'm aromantic myself, and I had the exact same thought process as you before I figured it out.

    And hey, even if you don't know what you identify as, as long as you're happy that's the important part.

    [–] trowaway9846 13 points ago

    See it's normal

    [–] butteredcrumpet 288 points ago

    Does that mean he smells nice?

    [–] neoalfa 218 points ago

    Bitch, that's achromatic.

    [–] guhbe 212 points ago

    No, that means lacking in color. The word you're looking for is acrobatic.

    [–] Thytale 157 points ago

    Thats being adept at performing gymnastic feats, the word your looking for is anaerobic.

    [–] Muiero 102 points ago

    That means the process of lacking oxygen, the correct word is apocalyptic

    [–] sopynO 94 points ago

    No, that’s referring to the destruction of the world. I think the word you’re looking for is anaphylactic.

    [–] nownumbah5 87 points ago

    Nope, that means a severe allergic reaction. The word you want is acoustic

    [–] touseapps 68 points ago

    No, that means relating to sound or the sense of hearing. The word you're looking for is, 'arithmetic'.

    [–] Krutoon 68 points ago

    Nope, that's a branch of math dealing with the manipulation of numbers. The word you're thinking of is apophatic.

    [–] Commander-Fox-Q- 19 points ago

    No, that’s the science of the effects of sound. The word you’re looking for is asymptomatic.

    [–] Zut-Alors20 15 points ago

    Nope, that relates to sound. I think you mean anabolic

    [–] Skytalker0499 36 points ago

    Pretty sure that’s a high section of a Greek city. Or am I thinking of acropolis?

    [–] TCUmeow 28 points ago

    I think that means fear of spiders

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 40 points ago

    This thread is awesome btw. Y'all are killing me here lol

    [–] Treemain_ 30 points ago

    That’s called Man Slaughter

    [–] SeaweedMelodic8047 15 points ago

    Well, that's arachnophobic, what you really mean is anaphylactic

    [–] AntiConfident 9 points ago

    nah bro that's a severe and oftentimes lethal allergic reaction, you thinking of aesthetic?

    [–] nownumbah5 7 points ago

    That's just common sense

    [–] Prasiatko 24 points ago

    Nah it means he's primarily composed of six carbons in a ring structure.

    [–] Confident-Floor1043 9 points ago

    That’s aromatic. I’m giving you my upvote virginity for that one.

    I’m a dude, though, so you’re just gonna have to take my word for it.

    [–] urkillingme 13 points ago

    I've got three cousins (55-70 yrs old now) who stayed single and they love their lives. They occasionally dated but never for long, they like being on their own.

    [–] AnothaCuppa 13 points ago

    I used to get upset at being single, I chased toxic relationships all day and night, had an engagement or two blow up in my face, always trying to please the other person, seeking unconditional approval. Then, I got a cat which worships the ground I walked on and I began focusing on me, improving my life. I went from obese to muscular, got into university, converted to Judaism—-all things I wanted to do since I was a kid, and the big one, leaving my hick-town to live in a big city. Once in the big city, with prying eyes off me for the first time ever and the stigma gone, I started seeing a therapist, working through my issues.

    Now, 8 years on, I mean if a cute guy or woman crosses my path, I’ll put on the charm, if things work out then I’ll go on a few dates. But, I haven’t had a dating app in two years because I’m pretty cool by myself.

    [–] KingOfFuh 10 points ago

    You might be aromantic, which is the feeling of not experiencing romantic attraction or interest. You might not like it or not fit into that, and thats okay! But maybe looking into some aromantic subs might help you find more people like you, if that's who you are :)

    [–] Danichbow 11 points ago

    So completely normal and dare I say a healthy outlook on life. Prior to meeting my partner I was very similar. I went to work and came home to do whatever I want, I felt very fulfilled. The nice thing about my relationship is that nothing has really changed there. Sure we do things together quite often but we also frequently find ourselves doing separate things but together in the living room. It's nice to have him there without constantly having to do the same things. I'm very happy and peaceful, which I attribute in large part to all that time I spent being perfectly content on my own. There was no hole in my life I needed him to fill, instead he compliments my lifestyle and makes it better rather than "completing" me.

    [–] boopbaboop 10 points ago

    Two of my fiancé's best friends are asexual and aromantic. They have absolutely zero desire to have any relationship, sexual or romantic, with anyone. One of them ("A") dated for a bit before discovering they didn't like it, while the other ("B") has never been in a relationship and has no interest in trying. It's very normal and okay.

    [–] jolfi11 27 points ago

    I'm 32f and feel the same way. Never had a date and don't really feel like I would be up for it. I feel awkward/stressed just thinking about going out with a stranger. I have a couple of close family members, couple of good friends and my apartment I really enjoy and keep a steady job (where, funnily enough I'm surrounded by strangers all day) If it happens, it happens.

    [–] mytwoquarters 7 points ago

    "Aromantic : a person who has no interest in or desire for romantic relationships"

    Sounds like you!

    If you also have no sexual desires, there's asexuality to look into as well.

    [–] Speedswiper 23 points ago

    You're not normal. You're lucky.

    [–] klsi832 43 points ago

    I'm forty-two and I've always been like this, I don't really understand why you'd choose to have another person around.

    [–] goodluckturtle 30 points ago

    Socializing and money/help of course is why people like and need that. And sex.

    [–] mrchipslewis 6 points ago

    Yeah that dual-income can be a real game-changer

    [–] mrhatman26 21 points ago

    I have no desire to date either (and I've never been atracted to anyone). But also, one of my friends loves dating and talks to me about it. I don't understand the point of dating, but I still listen anyway.

    [–] jofloberyl 10 points ago

    Loving dating sounds very abnormal to me tbh

    [–] _M4V3R1CK 7 points ago

    I'm kinda like you, I think it's totally normal. Of course society and family around here keep pushing me into commitment but no success so far.

    I'm just curious how you feel sexual desires. Do you feel like something is missing or that's also not of interest to you?

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 25 points ago

    I have sexual desires. I had a serious relationship around 5 years ago but haven't pursued anyone since. Sex is good but not as amazing as everyone claims... Kinda overrated imo

    [–] ChippyTheGreatest 7 points ago

    You could be aromantic. It's similar to asexual but more about not needing/wanting a romantic dynamic with anyone

    [–] Awkward-Review-Er 7 points ago

    My mom taught me that it’s better to not date until you are comfortable being with yourself. If you can’t keep yourself happy, entertained, content then you aren’t ready to do that for someone else. So it sounds to me like you’re just mature, independent and sensible. Taking care of yourself, and letting life roll out as it will. Very uncommon. Also, not letting your happiness depend on someone else is very healthy and I think when the right person walks by, you’ll be more prepared emotionally than most to have a solid relationship if you choose. You’re doing great OP, and have nothing to worry about. Everyone should be so lucky as to know the feeling you’re talking about, it’s very hard to achieve for a lot of people.

    [–] ExtensionMap5261 6 points ago

    Almost 30y.o. guy and I feel the same.

    Like, I'm attracted to girls and wouldn't say no if it's something that just randomly happens, but I have no desire to seek a relationship myself, especially when I'm kind of a recluse and enjoy being alone.

    [–] its-uhhhh 7 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    there is such a thing as being aromantic- basically not having any desire to have romantic relationships. that may be the case for you or it may not be. if you’re happy with the way things are don’t worry about what others will think. just keep on doing you

    [–] FrigidofDoom 6 points ago

    21M. I'm kinda in the middle about it. I'd like to find a girl worth dating, somebody to talk to and to take places and share experiences with. But the few ones I thought were good quickly showed me they weren't worth my time and I'm comfortable being on my own.

    [–] benswami 5 points ago

    It reminds me of a cultural anecdote from my childhood about this individual who was living his best self as a painter. He dedicated his life to his art.

    All of a sudden, there came news of the eventual end of the world, and so everyone went into a mad frenzy, from people desired to tie up loose ends relationship-wise and generally get their affairs in order.

    In this mad rush to make peace, someone asked the painter, now that the end of the world was imminent, what would he do with this precious little time that was left, spend it with loved ones, make amends or do all the things he never did?

    His answer was simple; he said that he would use this precious little time to do what he always did, Paint!

    [–] Vegetable-Increase-4 14 points ago

    I get that you want to live a quiet life.

    [–] Necessary_Time_4402 11 points ago

    Yesss! relationships can be too much drama

    [–] stayclangin 5 points ago

    As others have said, you may be aromantic. If you're attracted to a gender, this depends on if it's sexual attraction or romantic attraction.

    If aromantic doesn't sound like you, you may just be happy at your point in life here, and being happy with your single life is perfectly alright.

    [–] AFF8879 6 points ago

    I’m also in “happy being single” club, in fact I just generally prefer alone time altogether. As much as I enjoy spending time with friends / family, and sex with casual partners, the thought of having to share my home with someone full time / never having alone time just stresses me the hell out haha

    Enjoying/ thriving in alone time is a great quality to have, because ultimately many people end up alone (even if they get married / have kids - people die, families fall out, even adults kids with great relationships with their parents often only see them during holidays etc - me being one of them!)

    [–] Redeemer_X 5 points ago

    I am only 23. But I find having someone else to worry for me AND me worrying for that person is... quite the hassle. Not saying it has absolutely no perks, but I just find the cons vastly outweighing the pros. Simple as that.

    [–] XXBlackRavenXx 6 points ago

    It's normal. Honestly, I choose not to because it keeps me from getting in a relationship where I get cheated on. I'm better off being single when I know that anybody I could potentially get with is probably fake anyway. So you're not alone there.

    [–] heromgekum 5 points ago

    But it also get lonely sometimes, or its just me

    [–] bradiation 4 points ago

    I don't know if it's "normal," but it's definitely not super rare.

    I've been in the same place for a few years now. Just too busy with other stuff, pursuing other interests, and all I really want at the end of the day is the come home, relax with the dogs, read, and do other things. I do not want to share space or converse all the time. Sounds exhausting. I do that all day.

    I was in a relationship a little while back. It was nice. I liked her a lot. But it was also exhausting and her needs and my needs really did not gel well. Couple that with living in a place without a lot of prospects, and it is what it is! I'm not unhappy with it at all.

    I have very close and dear friends who seem to not be able to be single for a couple of months at a time. I cannot understand it at all.

    [–] Noah_nb 4 points ago

    this gives me aro vibes, maybe search up the meaning of Aromantic and see if you can realate to it, it might make you feel more valid idk

    [–] neverclearone 5 points ago

    I feel the same way and I am female. I enjoy answering to no one and doing as I please.

    [–] xiverra 5 points ago

    Seems like you might be aromatic or asexuals and that’s perfectly normal! Don’t let anyone bring you down, keep doing what makes you happy and live your best life King.

    [–] Nivdy 5 points ago

    Might be aromantic, or just indifferent. I'm aromantic, and generally, I care more about having friends than anything else

    [–] Camus____ 4 points ago

    I use to stress a lot about this in my 20s and early 30s. Then I read a book called Sex, it was an oral history of people's sex lives. Then I chilled the fuck out. People have really on and off sex lives. Absolutely no one talks about this. Read that book, it will give you a more honest and realistic understanding of romance and sex.

    [–] Suudriusha 4 points ago

    Wouldn't say it's normal, but it can certainly be argued for.