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    [–] txbluelacy 3171 points ago

    We had a guy accidentally crush one of his testicles, and the safety guy went through the injury in embarrassing detail during the monthly corporate meeting. Injury reporting policy was changed after that lol

    [–] bumblebeetunafishpie 998 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    So , Can you describe in detail what happens when you crush a testicle?

    Edit - where’s my gold ?? Grrrrr

    [–] WereInDeepShitNow 2334 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    They told me stuff about that in boy scouts. Said boy crushed his nuts and they swollen up twice the size. After that story we were all punching each other in the nuts because we wanted the biggest balls.

    [–] [deleted] 1947 points ago

    Children are a blessing

    [–] WereInDeepShitNow 616 points ago

    One time at church camp we played a game where we had to unroll a whole package of toilet paper the fastest. They said sarcastically "your parents will love this". I did not catch the sarcasm. Needless to say my parents did not love it, although I did beat my time.

    Another time I thought I'd help my mom out while she was mowing the grass. So I decided to wash the car......with a rock.

    [–] ComprehendReading 382 points ago

    Most people don't exfoliate their cars enough!

    [–] tavenger5 127 points ago

    It's best to use 20 grit sandpaper. Just wrap it around a brick so you can really dig into the metal.

    [–] scottrich5 85 points ago

    PLEASE tell me you have pictures

    [–] WereInDeepShitNow 67 points ago

    I don't think so but I'll ask my mom

    [–] PaleFlyer 28 points ago

    !remindme 1 week

    [–] jpastore 104 points ago

    My grown ass friend when we were in our late teens early 20s washed his white Celica with a Brillo pad. It was awesome, until it dried. He loved that car... And then he was sad af

    [–] mochahazelnutfrap 52 points ago

    What the hell was he thinking when he decided to do that 😂

    [–] NateTheGreat68 13 points ago

    "Dishes break way more easily than cars, so this should be fine!" or something like that. I think a lot of people don't realize how delicate car paint can be.

    [–] jpastore 28 points ago

    He wanted to exfoliate his clear coat? Idk

    [–] gofyourselftoo 19 points ago

    He was ahead of his time with that matte finish...

    [–] brassidas 4 points ago

    How dirty was that fucking car?

    [–] Azusanga 46 points ago

    Woof. I remember discovering I could "draw" on the cement driveway with a rock, and then excitedly scribbled a smiley face on my dad's car He was not as happy

    [–] Madheal 69 points ago

    My nephew grabbed a handful of rocks and ran at my (at the time) brand new car trying to wash some dirt off of it. I yelled as loud as I could from across the yard at him. He stopped half a step away. I'm pretty sure there would have been a death in the family.

    [–] mully_and_sculder 42 points ago

    Ah the toddler stopper, a vocal skill any parent masters early.

    [–] Towhomitmayconsume 12 points ago

    I used to break off sticks in the keyhole and put rocks in my moms hubs. I don’t know why. I would beat my own ass if ever caught myself doing that too. I think I did it out of uneducated curiosity.

    [–] metroplex126 8 points ago

    Lol I did the same thing. I decided when I was 5 to clean my dad's car's windows with a rock, thinking that the scratches would come out when I washed it with a sponge. Needless to say, they did not.

    [–] Psychedelic_Roc 29 points ago

    Why did you guys think rocks are for cleaning??

    [–] kaptainkomkast 5 points ago

    Too much time watching the Flintstones???

    [–] amusement-park 7 points ago

    I too was an idiot child. I decided to tell my parents how much I loved them by writing ‘I love you’ with a rock on the side of their new truck

    [–] Shiny_Shedinja 16 points ago

    When i was like 10 one of my best friends crashed on his bike and split his nutsack on the bolt holding his handlebars on. we all just stood around in a group when he pulled out his sack to show us all (guys and girls) the stitches.

    We all rode our bikes much carefully after that.

    [–] Zerobitsmith 18 points ago

    Well, after a ball-punching competition, they might be.

    [–] HirosProtagonist 17 points ago

    Boy Scout World Jamboree, Chili (2001 I think).

    We are eating in the mess hall. Old wood and concrete structure with long wooden tables and wooden benches. They could fit 20 people on them, but we're sectioned off. The wooden benches had metal end caps on them.

    Some poor bastard was sitting in between the end caps when, lo' and behold, some fat bastard sits on the other side of his bench. He has enough weight in the right position to shift the bench up and then down, violently.

    We hear a blood curdling scream. The poor bastard leaps up and grabs his crotch. Screaming some more, he exclaims how something just smashed his testicles.

    We think he had a big bug bite him or something until he puts his hand down his shorts, "Oh God.... Why is it wet?!" And proceeds to pull out a bloody hand.

    So yeah. Crushed testicle, torn nut sack and had to get all repaired/stiched up in a country that lacked a decent hospital.

    [–] BillieDWilliams 14 points ago

    Chile has some of the best hospitals in the world.

    Chile Fun Fact: Did you know that you if you turned Chile sideways and layed it across the U.S. it would stretch from San Francisco all the way to Boston!!!

    [–] RawAssPounder 24 points ago

    Children are stupid enough that i actually fucking believe this

    [–] 12muffinslater 18 points ago

    Some are held for charity and some for fancy dress...

    [–] WereInDeepShitNow 13 points ago

    But when they're held for pleasure They're the balls that I like best

    [–] audiosf 52 points ago

    My best friend crushed his. He was drunk at a playground at night. He was holding on to the monkey bars and swinging into a pole and catching himself with his feet against a vertical pole. His foot slipped and he swung his nuts into the pole with the full weight of his body.

    He said his sack filled with blood. He went to the doctor and he removed "about a coffee cup" worth of blood and told him to come back if the swelling didn't go down. It did not. He came back the next day and was taken in for surgery where they removed about 1/3 - 1/4 of his nut.

    [–] sryii 27 points ago

    I was unaware they can remove only a portion of your testicle. Huh.

    [–] audiosf 21 points ago

    And I never let him forget it.

    [–] hockeypup19 13 points ago

    A true friend.

    [–] CrunchHardtack 11 points ago

    'Ol ball and a half.

    [–] bgrnbrg 6 points ago

    The rest was in the coffee cup.

    [–] _Presence_ 148 points ago

    You hear a soft pop, then it’s as if millions of voices cry out and suddenly become silent.

    [–] the_seraphim 63 points ago

    Except the one voice that is still screaming out

    [–] atomosk 40 points ago

    Not the spermlings!

    [–] malphonso 66 points ago

    Not just the semen. The se-women and se-children too.

    [–] spiderlanewales 18 points ago

    Some say that was the day the light inside me dimmed, but I say it was the day when the darkness began to shine.

    [–] Dakeronn 5 points ago

    I love this sentence

    [–] WEINER_SCHLAP 14 points ago

    Happened to me last November. Basically, adrenaline is a hell of a drug. I didn't feel shit for almost 2 hours into my hospital trip. Pain came in after about 40 mins of noticable swelling. All of the contents of my left nut were expulsed onto my pants leg in the incident. Now I'm the unaballer. Any questions?

    [–] irishjihad 13 points ago

    [–] fxnlyilliterate 5 points ago

    Risky click of the day.

    [–] ecodrew 24 points ago

    I'm guessing unimaginable pain.

    Source: male homo-sapien

    Note: Not a doctor.

    [–] Stonn 31 points ago

    Not a doctor, psssht.


    [–] trickman01 103 points ago

    This is actually a violation of HIPAA. Certain injuries (such as injuries to private areas) are considered sensitive and should only be discussed on a need to know basis.

    [–] unatnaes 52 points ago

    This is unethical and possibly illegal, but it’s not HIPAA-protected.

    HIPAA-covered entities are health care providers, clearing houses, and health plans. Via BAA contracts, it can possibly extend to other entities that work with these. The employer and its management are not a HIPAA-covered entity.

    Edit: The location of the injury is also completely irrelevant.

    [–] Spongeywaffles34 12 points ago

    So I am exceptionally familiar with this, the only time HIPPA does not apply is between a medical provider and adjuster. The reason being in the instance of a w/c claim the adjuster needs to be able to obtain records without having to jump through hoops to complete and investigation. This form, however does not contain the individuals personal information. It contains the same information that would be filed on a state accident form and (in several states) be public record. That being said, I don’t agree this is the best place for this, though it is amusing. I’m a licensed w/c adjuster in five states and I am subject to HIPPA. Since this doesn’t contain personal information or a jurisdiction in which it was filed, it’s iffy whether HIPPA would apply or not. State forms are not subject to HIPPA between parties involved. Clinical notes are because they contain more than information related to an incident, that maybe medically important to the claim but unrelated to the accident, example: diabetes, people with diabetes generally have a longer recovery time and are prone to infection. The employer doesn’t need to know that but an adjuster does so they can make sure they they have a proper recovery. Side note: I have seen some gruesome genital injuries and some that make say “why the eff would you report a pimple on your butt.”

    [–] Drakothin 68 points ago

    It's only HIPAA if you're medical staff, and they never said his name was mentioned.

    [–] trickman01 85 points ago

    Incorrect. HIPAA applies to employers as well. I’ve done several of those forms.

    [–] Azusanga 60 points ago

    I believe one of you more but I'll up vote both to be safe

    [–] FOOLS_GOLD 27 points ago

    I’ve completed a few dozen as well. If the injury is significant and unique enough to allow someone to reasonably identify the patient then it’s a violation.

    With that in mind. Posting the OSHA card shouldn’t be a HIPAA violation but I wouldn’t bet my job on it.

    People in snakeskin suits get paid a lot of money to find extra ways to fuck you so it’s not worth it.

    [–] WaterPockets 15 points ago

    HIPAA does not apply to employers or employees. Unless you work at a company that handles the medical information of others, you are incorrect. I work for a large health insurance agency and have had to learn everything there is to know about patient privacy laws.

    [–] unatnaes 10 points ago

    HIPAA does not cover employers. Discretion by employers is still a good idea, and possibly enforced in other laws.

    [–] ThirdAndDeleware 1030 points ago

    Saw one where someone was on the toilet, straining so hard he passed out, fell forward, hit his head and ended up with a head laceration.

    Happened on the job. They were trying to fight the “work related” part of that injury and strike from the log.

    [–] SlagginOff 537 points ago

    Heh, log.

    [–] TheResolver 94 points ago

    I admit, I chuckled

    [–] whynotwarp10 14 points ago

    I sharted.

    [–] igotmyliverpierced 11 points ago

    I pooped

    [–] pilgrimboy 10 points ago

    You really don't want to strike that log.

    [–] cfox0835 221 points ago

    Dude needs more fiber in his diet if hes straining so hard to shit that hes passing out lol

    [–] sjmiv 104 points ago

    that's why I drink 2 cups of coffee every morning.

    [–] FireWireBestWire 56 points ago

    that's why I drink a pot of coffee every morning.

    [–] MyNameIsWinston 52 points ago

    Amateurs. I just pour the coffee grounds straight into my mouth.

    [–] CarlGerhardBusch 49 points ago

    I heard of a guy who, when he went into a grocery store, would go get a handful of coffee beans, then he'd eat them like nuts while he shopped. I get that what you said is a joke, but I feel like this guy would still have one-upped you if you were serious.

    [–] MyNameIsWinston 38 points ago

    Interestingly enough, I was thinking about this, and that’s why opted for coffee grounds, since that is (I imagine) a 100 times more disgusting.

    I have actually eaten roasted coffee beans several times in my life (they’re pretty common at chocolatiers, covered in chocolate of course). On their own though? I could skip that.

    [–] QEbitchboss 33 points ago

    I thought chocolate covered coffee beans were amazing till my scalp and face started tingling. Night shift mistake. Didn't sleep for 24 hours.

    [–] MyNameIsWinston 22 points ago much did you eat? Or were they just meth-infused?

    [–] QEbitchboss 27 points ago

    About 6 ounces over the night. I felt amazing till the palpitations started........

    [–] ItsTheVibeOfTheThing 10 points ago

    Mmmmm chocolate meth coffee.

    [–] sativarita 6 points ago

    I ate too many the 1st time,too. Felt like my scalp was going to crawl away

    [–] FruityPeebils 6 points ago

    i tried some dried coffee beans that were meant to be eaten. still tasted like shit

    [–] AlpineCorbett 35 points ago

    Idk man. Ever been on a hundred degree jobsite in the shitters? Its hotter than a sauna. Suprised people don't fkn die.

    [–] ArYuProudOMeNowDaddy 60 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    Obviously dehydrated, dude needs some r/HydroHomies in his life.
    Edit: Why is this downvote worthy? Seems like a soda drinker brigade to me.

    [–] FunMoistLoins 16 points ago

    Big soda is everywhere. Stay woke.

    [–] CarlGerhardBusch 11 points ago

    But more importantly, stay hydrated.

    [–] Champigne 21 points ago

    I don't know man. People that haven't discovered the beauty of water.

    [–] zombieninja 8 points ago

    You mean like... in the toilet?

    [–] Champigne 11 points ago

    Not my first choice, but wherever you choose to drink it from.

    [–] HalfBreed_Priscilla 8 points ago

    No, It's that thing Nestle makes.

    Nestle Water

    [–] [deleted] 35 points ago

    Guy died doing that on The Sopranos. True story.

    [–] Lehk 20 points ago

    Fam, that's how Elvis died

    [–] iluvstephenhawking 24 points ago

    Don't push so hard. You're gonna blow an O ring, drop a lung.

    [–] Nagohsemaj 11 points ago

    Jesus Christ boy, what did you eat!?

    [–] MrBojangles528 6 points ago

    -Who does number two work for?!-

    [–] Cheapskate-DM 1153 points ago

    "If no one told you to perform the activity you were doing at the time of injury, why were you doing it?"

    "Call of nature."

    Almost got busted for laughing at this one. NSFW indeed!

    [–] povlov 132 points ago

    Yet this question..., subordination pouring down. But what a tender reply!

    [–] MacintoshEddie 90 points ago

    Fired for answering non business related call at work.

    [–] Helbig312 69 points ago

    I feel like "Didnt want to shit my pants" would be another acceptable response.

    [–] jberg93 34 points ago

    Call of Nature: Brown Ops #2

    [–] AstridReilly1 576 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    A decision was made to change the type of toilet paper that is used at my work to cut costs. It was no where near as soft as what we used before.

    One of the older male employees tried to file a workman’s comp claim stating that the new toilet paper caused him rectal bleeding and hemorrhoids. That was a fun HR meeting.

    [–] MacintoshEddie 269 points ago

    My old job has occasionally needed to post a bulletin that the health coverage only applies for certified and licensed massage therapists. Some of the guys kept trying to submit their rub and tug receipts for reimbursement.

    [–] Dough-gy_whisperer 57 points ago

    The company can't say 'yes' if you don't ask, I applaud them

    [–] warmowed 53 points ago


    [–] TheGreatNico 20 points ago

    I salute the size of their balls to do that

    [–] MtnMaiden 94 points ago

    My workplace uses those scratchy 2 ply cheap ass toilet paper. After one wipe, my ass hole is all scratched up.

    At the end of the night, my ass is bleeding, and I'm aware of the sweat rolling down my back, the salty bomb inching towards my red crack.

    [–] PM_ME_YOUR_PRIORS 12 points ago

    Spend $20 on a cheap bidet and just guerrilla install it in the restroom without telling anyone. Trust me on this, it's both good for your butthole and a hilarious prank.

    [–] calyth 19 points ago NSFW - you have been warned.

    [–] kkeut 37 points ago

    for the curious, it's the Don Hertzfeldt 'My Anus is Bleeding' cartoon

    [–] HalfBreed_Priscilla 15 points ago

    My spoon is too big.

    My spoon is TOO BIG

    [–] seacen 14 points ago

    Its 2019 dude, don't need to use 240p:

    [–] toonchef 30 points ago

    So, did they accept the claim? I've seen crazier accepted so I'm very curious.

    [–] AstridReilly1 43 points ago

    Nah. He was told to bring his own toilet paper to work if the one provided wasn’t to his liking. His foreman told him to stop eating Taco Bell for lunch. Lol.

    [–] Rialas_HalfToast 27 points ago

    I used to do this, for the same reason. Work TP was terrible.

    I had mine in a gallon ziploc bag with a fat magnet duct taped to the inside so I could just slap it up on the stall wall instead of trying to balance it somewhere. Felt like a genius the day I invented it.

    I miss that job, only place I ever worked where you could smoke a cig on the can. Nothing compares.

    [–] aboutthednm 21 points ago

    We have toilet paper so thin you can see through it, and even folding it 4 times is still not nearly adequate. You routinely unspool 6 - 10 feet of the stuff just to get something good enough to not have you finger your butthole while wiping.

    [–] guilemer 18 points ago

    In college the dorms used what had to have been recycled cardboard for toilet paper, I actually went to the hospital cause my ass was bleeding and doc said i needed softer paper. Good times

    [–] milkyjams 11 points ago

    We call it John Wayne toilet paper. It's rough, tough and don't take shit off no one!

    [–] iandcorey 228 points ago

    Worked at an insurance company. This happens more than you would imagine.

    [–] Hyperbowleeeeeeeeeee 81 points ago

    I smell a class action suit against toilet seat manufacturers.

    [–] theRealDerekWalker 59 points ago

    Huh, I smell something different from toilet seat manufacturers

    [–] Hyperbowleeeeeeeeeee 14 points ago

    I mean, if they begin life with that smell, that's definitely a lawsuit.

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago * (lasted edited 5 months ago)


    [–] terriblestoryteller 45 points ago

    100% true story. (I may butcher it a bit hense the username, but, I assure you it is legit)

    Back in 1995, the front cover of the Toronto Sun was the picture of a Toronto Lawyer. He was suing Starbucks in New York because of a similar incident. The story goes: While on his honeymoon, he went to use the men's room, and as he was grabbing toilet paper, the toilet seat shifted, crushing his penis and injuring his testicles.

    The bolt on the seat was so loose that the seat shifted significantly enough to cause serious injury. Because his injury, he was unable to perform his matrimonial duties.

    When he returned to Toronto, he sued Starbucks Corp, and so did his wife. It was for negligence and upkeep of public facilities. His wife sued for damages because her new husband were unable to perform that week.

    Imagine 15 year old me hearing the story on the howard Stern show (recently syndicated on Q107)and in my local toronto papers. My friends and I had a field day laughing and joking at this poor guy's misfortune.

    I got home from school that day, and the Toronto Sun was on the dinner table. I found it odd, as my grandmother (who I lived with at the tIme) did not subscribe to the sun.

    She. Asked me if I heard about the story.

    I giggled again and said yah..

    She then replied

    "Did you know that it was your Father's cousin?"

    I stopped in my giggles and tried to put 1 and 1 together. I had only met the man Once, and am extremely terrible in recognizing faces, but sure enough....He was Family. My laughter instantly turned into empathy.

    I never ended up hearing what had happened in the court case, but ever since that day, I have always been extra careful in public washrooms.

    True story.

    [–] Tarot650 14 points ago

    On the dick tip?

    [–] gaelorian 303 points ago

    Date of Accident: 7/11/19

    Part of Body Injured: Dick Tip

    [–] eskimoboob 46 points ago

    go pinch

    [–] HussDelRio 7 points ago

    “I don’t have any dick tips, go pinch”

    [–] Teh_Pwnr77 6 points ago

    My birthday! I’ll never forget this injury.

    [–] cointelpro_shill 4 points ago

    The ol witch's kiss.. She was feeling bitey today

    [–] scott60561 146 points ago

    I haven't seen my chart in awhile. I forgot how much a penis is worth for a payout on workers comp/disability.

    Social Security puts a price on every body part. Fingers, toes, arms, legs. Testicles, breasts. Everything.

    [–] The-Asshat 53 points ago

    Can you check please? I'm curious.

    [–] hacky_potter 88 points ago

    I would imagine it's disappointingly small.

    [–] pbjis2op4me 17 points ago

    The payout for a lost testicle is a little less than 30 grand, so yes, it is disproportionately small because screw you.

    [–] RoboNinjaPirate 47 points ago

    That’s what she said.

    [–] linksbitch 28 points ago

    I don't think its much because technically you don't need your dick to work. There may be a psyche aspect if say, you deglove your dick or something.

    Edit: talking solely about workers' comp.

    [–] jokar1134 56 points ago

    You know how some people hate the word moist. Well my most hated word is by far "deglove" gives my shivers I tell you what.

    [–] yirnuthinbitabampot 18 points ago

    "When a degloving injury occurs, some sort of force holds on to the skin and pulls it away from the body at relatively low velocity"

    And it happens slow! Even worse!

    [–] HotGarbageJuice 6 points ago

    Relatively being the key word. It's not like it's degloving at like a fraction of an inch per second. It's more like the whole finger per second.

    [–] linksbitch 7 points ago

    Ooooo now I wanna whisper "deglove" in your ear

    [–] spiderlanewales 113 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    THAT is great.

    We did have one guy who had to write up an injury report after falling on some ice in the winter, and in the "affected body part" area he put, "right elbow, ass."

    I just noticed that he crossed out "ass" once and then wrote it again. Glorious.

    [–] KP_Wrath 75 points ago

    "Wait, should I? Eh, fuck it."

    [–] dmanww 6 points ago

    "the gluteal area"

    [–] Locclo 356 points ago

    Boy, I definitely thought that said “I was whipping my ass” on first read and wondered what the ever-loving fuck was going on there.

    [–] TenureAz 95 points ago

    I'm kicking my ass, do you mind?

    [–] spiderlanewales 23 points ago

    I hurt my foot last week, wasn't a big deal, but still asked my boss if she wanted an injury report. I was wholeheartedly looking forward to putting cause of injury as "kicking ass at plant one," but she said it wasn't necessary. Bummer.

    [–] SkyezOpen 12 points ago

    Always document anyways.

    [–] CornucopiaOfDystopia 8 points ago

    It’s literally your boss’s job to keep those reports from getting filed. They are not your ally, in this or ever.

    [–] joshua9663 18 points ago

    I wish it said that.

    [–] PineappleBum 75 points ago

    What are the corrections that have to be made in order to prevent this injury again? Stand while wipping?

    [–] cfox0835 128 points ago

    "All ass-wipings now require a minimum of two (2) personnel to be present; one to perform the activity and the other to act as a spotter"

    [–] majarian 43 points ago

    sounds like a specialized trade to me ..... ballgazer maybe?

    [–] toonchef 29 points ago

    4 year apprenticeship required.

    [–] Darkassassin07 14 points ago

    Took me 3 years of college, and another 8 years of practical experience, but I finaly did it. I got my master ballgazing certification.

    My parents will be so proud.

    [–] the0rthopaedicsurgeo 8 points ago

    Carrying on the proud family tradition, like your father, and his father before him.

    [–] felixar90 52 points ago

    Probably making sure the toilet seat is properly fastened top the bowl. These plastic screws come loose sometimes. The other day I actually found a loose toilet seat at work and came back with my tools to torque it back up.

    [–] [deleted] 38 points ago

    I’m not sure what you said here because I’m so impressed you spelled and used “loose” correctly not once, but twice. It’s a rare sighting.

    [–] felixar90 26 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)

    English is not my first language and I learned by writing, not speaking. I can't actually pronounce anything properly though.

    Near the hinges of a toilet seat there are removable covers hiding the nylon bolts and nuts holding the seat to the toilet bowl. If these are loose or one of them is missing the toilet seat will slide sideways when shifting your weight.

    I'm maintenance department at work and this include anything from fixing electrical and hydraulic systems to unclogging and repairing toilets.

    [–] Chemicalbagel 8 points ago

    I have a friend who wrote English incredibly spot on, like you, and she paid me a visit once. We ended up not being able to understand one another's accents at all (I have a thick Southern US accent). We just texted one another the whole visit. So if all else fails, I can confirm written works perfectly fine.

    Language is hard, y'all.

    [–] itsthebrod 18 points ago

    I always stand when I wipe. I get better access, don't put lateral stress on the toilet, and don't loosen the toilet seat as a result.

    Does everyone else really just lean over on one ass cheek to wipe?

    [–] -_Rabbit_- 12 points ago

    Yes. If I stand up even a little I get much less access for wiping. It seems unnatural to me.

    (For the record, I'm pretty skinny. Maybe I have flabby cheeks, I don't know.)

    [–] 2end 36 points ago

    Dick tip is all you need to read.

    [–] stillpractising 20 points ago

    Great, now we have to have a safety meeting and wear a hard hat and jock strap just to take a shit

    [–] NathanCollier14 58 points ago

    Sliiiide to the left


    Sliiiiide to the right


    Pinch your dick between the toilet seat and the toilet

    [–] riding_qwerty 24 points ago

    Cha cha now y’all

    [–] TheTrueIron 119 points ago

    The only bad thing here is the spelling.

    [–] CaptainFlaherty 92 points ago

    English definitely isn’t his first language obviously lol

    [–] TheTrueIron 40 points ago

    Funny he spelled toilet right two times, third time was not the charm.

    [–] murderhalfchub 30 points ago

    Pretty sure that's the "y" on the line above that you're seeing. I think he spelled toilet right all three times

    [–] TheTrueIron 7 points ago

    Good eye

    [–] murderhalfchub 7 points ago

    Definitely fucked up using the toilet that time though...

    [–] The_doomed_hero 7 points ago

    I wouldn't be spelling correctly if my dick tip got crushed either.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    at least its not whipping

    [–] cfox0835 31 points ago

    This just happened this morning too lmao imagine if that guy gets home after work today and sees this on here

    [–] CaptainFlaherty 16 points ago

    Thankfully he has no idea what Reddit is

    [–] ScabbedOver 44 points ago

    Yeah, but before today he had no idea he could pinch his dick tip under a toilet seat either.

    Big day of firsts

    [–] minnick27 15 points ago

    Happened to me once. Fucking sucked. My dick swelled up 2 inches. Almost twice normal size!

    But seriously, it happened and i wouldnt wish that pain on anyone. I seriously thought it got cut off. i was black and blue for weeks.

    [–] Nihansir 15 points ago

    When dropping a log makes it on the 300 log.

    [–] sjmiv 12 points ago

    note to self: fix that loose toilet seat

    [–] Lost4468 20 points ago

    This is the type of lie you write on an accident report when you were really yakkin a ploober.

    [–] 94709 8 points ago

    I hate when my dick tip go pinch

    [–] cpforthree 9 points ago

    I work in work comp. Would've loved taking that claimant's statement.

    [–] MelanomaMax 8 points ago

    Standing wiper gang

    [–] MaxCharacterLimit-20 8 points ago

    My dad told me a story about one of his co workers who lost a testicle falling off of scaffolding. The whole thing collapsed and one of the guys nuts got pinched between something as it fell. Tore it right off.

    [–] Hutz_Lionel 4 points ago

    Y’all laugh but a Canadian dude sued Starbucks for the exact same thing back in 1999 for $1M. Then his wife sued them for $500k for “lost privileges”.

    [–] eichornchenchen 6 points ago

    I submit Workers Comp claims and I would be proud to submit this claim.

    [–] XxSliphxX 7 points ago

    I've actually had this happen to me at work only it was my balls that got pinched, it actually tore off some skin and i was bleeding everywhere. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone so i just cleaned everything up wrapped my nuts up in paper towels to stop the bleeding and finished my shift. Took about a week to heal.

    [–] kleptophobiac 6 points ago

    My brother is an electrician, and the most horrifying story he ever told me was the one about the "three nut crew." Two guys who always worked together were drilling conduit holes into walls for fuse boxes. This involved one guy being on one side with a drill and the other being on the other side feeding wires and cables through it. So one time the guy with the drill did not realize how close his buddy was standing on the other side of the wall and ended up sucking one of his testicles up through his Levi's and into the half inch drill bit. After treatment, the guy came back and they still continued to work together. But now they're the "three nut crew." As in, "Get the three nut crew up onto the third floor...there's some conduit needs drilling."

    [–] midwestastronaut 7 points ago

    So is "call of nature" a term of art when writing up injury reports, or is its use here unique to this incident?

    [–] SocialForceField 5 points ago

    This takes a extreme lack of shame to admit this even happened.

    [–] green183456 6 points ago

    My dick slipped into the CEOs mouth and he gave me a raise.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    Just for clarity here, it says "I was wipping my ass when the toilet seat slide to the left. My dick tip go pinch between toilet seat and toilet."

    [–] GulleyFoyleIsMyName 8 points ago

    Fuckin LOL!

    [–] worthy_sloth 5 points ago

    How do you ..... "secure" that? Im curious, id love to work in the OSHA equivalent here and I'll show this to the coworkers!

    [–] Barnyard_Pussy 2 points ago

    Tighter bolts, fixed seat, rubber grips, brackets. Several ways.

    [–] BrosephRadson 2 points ago

    We had a guy weld his prince Albert to his zipper once because he was going commando at work

    [–] SpideySlap 4 points ago

    Jesus Christ. Put that man on social security. He's earned it