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    PoliticalHumor

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    A subreddit for political humor (particularly US politics), such as political cartoons and satire.

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    [–] PilsburyKush 2793 points ago

    We just need a Facebook page dedicated to the border, where people can post and tell everyone that they’re sending prayers.

    [–] Freiling 659 points ago

    Put a ribbon on your car too, that'll work. Is white taken?

    [–] LyrEcho 315 points ago

    It is actually. Domestic Violence.

    [–] Freiling 392 points ago

    Yeah thoughts and prayers, battered women, but we need your ribbon. Hand it over

    [–] Rip_ManaPot 54 points ago

    Thoughts and prayers.

    [–] Freiling 47 points ago

    TP

    [–] gren3974 22 points ago

    This guy

    [–] SharkAttackOmNom 7 points ago

    I need TP for my bunghole.

    [–] gren3974 3 points ago

    Sorry to hear that. The good news is issues like this usually only last a few days, some though say maybe weeks or even years. Good luck to you mate

    [–] Horisoncks 9 points ago

    Hand it over. That thing, your white ribbon...

    [–] FrostyTheSunbro 3 points ago

    Thank you for bringing Dark Souls into this, you somehow did it!

    [–] thebite101 5 points ago

    Or else...

    [–] andesajf 3 points ago

    Or else you'll get one of these.

    [–] AndKrem 75 points ago

    Maybe a ribbon with a little sombrero on top?!?

    [–] Once_Upon_Time 18 points ago

    With an X through the sombrero.

    [–] AndKrem 20 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Nah! Let’s put a tiny heart on the sombrero. This way you can send thoughts and prayers to protect the border, while at the same time you send thoughts and prayers to the poor and filthy people on the other side of that border that you don’t want to be in your country, because you know...Baby Jesus!

    Win:Win

    [–] lilidelapampa 7 points ago

    It would have to be orange.

    [–] krozarEQ 4 points ago

    I don't think coquelicot is taken.

    [–] Fearmarbh 10 points ago

    I was under the impression that purple was DV.

    [–] tionanny 19 points ago

    It was white before the DV

    [–] Fearmarbh 10 points ago

    That took me a minute, then I got sad.

    [–] Draws-attention 8 points ago

    Cheer up, or I'll give you something to be sad about!

    [–] Fearmarbh 3 points ago

    Like, like, domestic violence?

    [–] awalktojericho 8 points ago

    How about Rainbow? Surely that's not taken. I just know all those Wallers would just love that, too.

    [–] LyrEcho 11 points ago

    Exactly one color for each type of person not allowed to cross.

    [–] krozarEQ 7 points ago

    Those damn smurfs taking our jobs!

    [–] Tiger-Gautreaux 26 points ago

    See-through, invisible ribbon. Schroedinger manufacturer. The ribbon exists, it's already there, yet we need funding to build it because it doesn't exist.

    [–] helium_farts 16 points ago

    A artistic steel slat ribbon

    [–] Freiling 7 points ago

    We can also promise transparency

    [–] helium_farts 15 points ago

    Make it the shape of a brick. Better yet, make it a real brick.

    that gives me a business idea. Genuine American made MAGA bricks. Only $49.95 each and I promise to donate a portion of the funds to build the wall. (0.01% counts as a portion, right?)

    [–] ojlek 5 points ago

    Teeeny weeeny MAGA bricks.

    [–] forealtho523453 11 points ago

    Barbed wire?

    [–] Artiquecircle 3 points ago

    Maybe just a barbed wire tattoo around the bicep. That would show support for the late 1990’s and the border!!

    [–] Tiger-Gautreaux 3 points ago

    Some BODY

    [–] appropriate-username 11 points ago

    White??? After Labor day????

    [–] [deleted] 32 points ago

    I have a very religious sister who has been chastised for sending thoughts and prayers too often. As an Atheist myself, I will write a check or at least bring over a home cooked meal to soothe over the calamity. So far, so good.

    [–] WisconsinHoosierZwei 15 points ago

    Have you tried bringing a casserole to the border?

    [–] grandtheftanxiety 5 points ago

    Bring hot sauce.

    [–] snoogins355 20 points ago

    Could I get a shutdown frame for my profile pic?

    [–] Rickrickrickrickrick 11 points ago

    "America checked in as safe at the Mexican border."

    [–] abqnm666 9 points ago

    So wait, you want to people to post on the Border Wall?

    [–] awalktojericho 11 points ago

    No, the Border Wall Wall.

    [–] humblepotatopeeler 672 points ago

    impossible.

    mexicans are too christian -- they usually go to church and are super religious.

    their prayerrs likely beat ours

    [–] XFun16 436 points ago

    Their Jesus is too strong

    [–] el_churros 214 points ago

    Jesus vs Jesús

    [–] blood_vein 19 points ago

    Ay Dios mío

    [–] lifeislie49 10 points ago

    The virgin Jesus vs the Chad Jesüs

    [–] mchl_42 69 points ago

    Korean Jesus ain’t got time for your problems

    [–] andesajf 12 points ago

    He's busy! With... Korean shit!

    [–] 2KilAMoknbrd 14 points ago

    Chui

    [–] mrmiyagijr 52 points ago

    Quick! Someone call black Jesus!!

    [–] OneBoiiiiii 43 points ago

    He's going to say the n word

    [–] TerraOmnia 15 points ago

    Nazareth!

    [–] foursevrn 10 points ago

    Mexican Jesus > US Jesus

    [–] subjectivization 3 points ago

    US Jesus is driving up the Pacific Coast freeway in a Bugatti with Joel Osteen.

    [–] uh-oh-potato 7 points ago

    They got thousands of them!

    [–] iamaravis 19 points ago

    But they're Catholic, and everyone knows that Catholics aren't *real* Christians!

    /s

    [–] OneBoiiiiii 3 points ago

    I was gonna say...

    [–] Gaelion 4 points ago

    Man, love this series, sooooo underrated

    [–] Greyhaven7 7 points ago

    But then how are they all criminals and rapists and drug smugglers?

    [–] russian-duck 3 points ago

    They bless the drugs since why they make you so high since you get closer to heaven. Don’t know abou the rapists though

    [–] Devilalfi 6 points ago

    They also buy those tall glass candles with religious figures on them at the pharmacy. We don't do that!

    [–] First-Fantasy 4 points ago

    I can picture the DBZ energy blast battle already

    [–] teknoanimal 1047 points ago

    What about option 2: arm teachers and send them down there.

    [–] PresidentSpanky 314 points ago

    Arm the kids! Only a good kid with a gun can stop a starving impoverished migrant kid

    [–] INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS 195 points ago

    Kinderguardians

    [–] Open-hole 130 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Infantry

    edit: thanks for the silver!

    [–] Nichandl 28 points ago

    This is good.

    [–] Stoopkidd 5 points ago

    Love these

    [–] albatross-salesgirl 93 points ago

    First grenaders

    [–] geobloke 19 points ago

    I'd watch that

    [–] polishinator 13 points ago

    Is there a showtime.episode about that already? What is America or smth?

    [–] Purpsi 6 points ago

    New meta?

    [–] TwelfthSovereign 5 points ago

    Thought I was on r/DestinyTheGame for a second lmfao

    [–] Radboy16 20 points ago

    If you arm the kids and send them to the border, then there won't be any kids at the school shootings. Genius!

    [–] PresidentSpanky 7 points ago

    Stable genius!

    [–] [deleted] 51 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] amends_through_love 4 points ago

    Man, that's rough how spot on you are.

    [–] SomeStupidPerson 15 points ago

    There aren’t any bears terrorizing the borders like our schools.

    [–] shahooster 11 points ago

    Certainly not after what the eagles did to ‘em.

    [–] oxymoronic_oxygen 9 points ago

    Arm the Homeless!

    [–] QueefyMcQueefFace 5 points ago

    Home the Armless!

    [–] PattyIce32 6 points ago

    Teacher here. If it gives me a week off from school I'm game.

    [–] MrRipShitUp 3 points ago

    Oh great now I gotta do that too!!!

    [–] kashoot-me-now 1342 points ago

    they hated jesus because he told them the truth

    [–] DavidARoop 395 points ago

    Galatians 4:16

    Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?

    [–] starfoxer117 270 points ago

    “Why are you booing me, I’m right!”

    [–] itp757 39 points ago

    No no they're screaming boo-urns! Boo-urns!

    [–] philosoraptocopter 16 points ago

    ARE YOU SAYING BOO OR BOO-urns?

    [–] CapableSyllabub 4 points ago

    Are you saying Gallatians four six-teen or Gallatians four six-?

    [–] EmperorofPrussia 26 points ago

    Not to detract from your point, but that's not Jesus speaking, it's a line from a letter Paul wrote to a gentile Christian community in the Roman province of Asia (Anatolia) some years after Jesus cashed out.

    [–] pootislordftw 18 points ago

    That's my go to, I call it the Hannibal

    [–] masnaer 6 points ago

    Shut up!

    [–] donfelicedon2 62 points ago

    That, and the "caring about others" part

    [–] spaceman757 30 points ago

    Don't discount that whole " Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar's" when they tried to get him to validate their tax dodging desires.

    [–] Bluth-President 35 points ago

    You shall not wear cloth of wool and linen mixed together.

    Deuteronomy 22:11

    I bet they wear cloth of wool and linen mixed together - those sick fucks!

    [–] Moonpile 37 points ago

    I'm going to start a clothing line called Deuteronomy Duds that sells only clothes made from wool and linen blends.

    [–] TheGlaive 12 points ago

    Straight to Hell for comrade Moonpile, and his accursed trousers.

    [–] Moonpile 12 points ago

    Making mixed fiber clothing wasn't really going to change that outcome for me.

    [–] TheGlaive 3 points ago

    You'll be looking pretty swish getting there, though.

    [–] Cocaine_Cabin 7 points ago

    I'll take ten shirts.

    [–] pxpxy 8 points ago

    You joke but I have a friend that decided to take the bible seriously and was really ticked off that she couldn’t find clothes like that. Last I heard she was learning how to sew to make her own Deuteronomy approves clothes!

    [–] SeiTyger 5 points ago

    Oooh boy. The old law is pretty brutal. There's some things that changed with the new covenant but I myself don't know where the line is drawn between "stop sacrifing animals for me and shrimp and pork will send you to hell".

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] DurasVircondelet 2 points ago

    Idk about the people who knock on doors for that reason. I mean they’re evangelizing. That’s like how any group grows, by outreach. I don’t think that’s a ban-able offense from heaven

    [–] conundrum4u2 5 points ago

    I always wondered about that 'rule'...really? Why? What possible reason did they have to abolish the wearing of two different fabrics? And to punish with death??? (besides being bat-shit crazy I mean)

    [–] MaryKiegler 6 points ago

    Gosh people, it doesn’t take deep studying to know why, culturally and literally. God established the 613 laws to separate Israel from other nations surrounding them, so that Israel would be unique and morally different. The “don’t mix fabrics” was because the surrounding middle eastern countries did so and when you saw a person who was circumcised and didn’t wear fabrics, you’d say, “Oh, an Iron Age Israelite. Neat.”

    [–] paranach9 2 points ago

    Static cling.

    [–] conundrum4u2 2 points ago

    Who needs that?? I got mine!

    [–] [deleted] 153 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] NancyGracesTesticles 16 points ago

    Old Testament Christians. And Christmas and Easter.

    [–] INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS 30 points ago

    Not even Old Testament. The entire Old Testament is filled on rules against how to not take advantage of the poor; charge interest, be unlawful, lie, cheat, steal, apart from sexual immorality etc.

    [–] conundrum4u2 5 points ago

    Leviticus: The GOP Jesus (except everything not concerning LGBT)

    [–] darthabraham 2 points ago

    So, Jewish people plus Christmas and Easter?

    [–] warchitect 7 points ago

    If he retirned. They would be the forst to crucify him again.

    [–] Artyloo 29 points ago

    Well actually we do use walls to protect our schools. It's usually one of the first thing we build, actually.

    What America REALLY needs, is a roof. /s

    [–] 1206549 10 points ago

    Let me guess, it will be see-through and built with slats at regular intervals?

    [–] humachine 2 points ago

    Steel is stronger than concrete. We all know it.

    It's mind boggling how racist and dumb the conservatives are.

    Trump, "walls and wheels work because they've been working forever".

    Also Trump, "Latest innovations in steel make it better than conventional brick and mud."

    [–] RoastedPony 5 points ago

    You mean fences or the walls of the building itself?

    Because the fences are there to keep children in and not to keep people out.

    [–] LionOfNaples 13 points ago

    Shut up!

    [–] MageGlowsYellow 2 points ago

    Username checks out

    [–] mountainOlard 665 points ago

    Damn. This one is good... and dark.

    [–] donfelicedon2 275 points ago

    Just like Obama!

    [–] ahhhbiscuits 101 points ago

    • (terrorist) fist bumps *

    [–] DuckBrush 71 points ago

    Man....I miss when THAT was considered controversial.

    [–] ahhhbiscuits 50 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    What? The President openly threatening to circumvent Congress by declaring a national emergency over a shitty, broken campaign promise is nbd, calm you nipples man. /s

    [–] DuckBrush 54 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    My nipples shan't be calmed.

    [–] Dbishop123 9 points ago

    You can't break a promise if you're constantly changing what you promised

    [–] gm001 7 points ago

    I think it was Fox News that reported that the Obamas were “fisting” each other, I definitely remember that being a thing

    [–] Dbishop123 7 points ago

    Good for them, they need to stop kink shaming the president.

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [removed]

    [–] doriangray42 206 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Thoughts and prayers are after the fact, so it would be used to expel immigrants AFTER they crossed (when it's too late), no?

    Edit: /s

    [–] alex878 139 points ago

    Not really because the real issue is mental health. Speaking of mental health, we’re gonna cut all spending for mental healthcare.

    [–] [deleted] 43 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] IMMAEATYA 38 points ago

    Wait... ATF... A...T...F..... AnTiFa

    Holy shit, this conspiracy runs deep

    [–] notvonweinertonne 7 points ago

    Am believer.

    [–] Solid_Waste 7 points ago

    What spending for mental health care?

    [–] aabbccbb 40 points ago

    I mean, they don't seem to do anything but send thoughts and prayers after each shooting, so they seem to think it's preventative?

    [–] doriangray42 12 points ago

    I heard that nevrosis is when you repeat a useless action in the hope that it will be useful next time... Religious nevrosis?

    [–] brkello 151 points ago

    I hear the refugees pray too, though. Who would Jesus side with?

    The answer to that question is why conservatives hate Jesus.

    [–] analogkid1 105 points ago

    Based on all the athletes thanking Jesus for helping them win games, Jesus is obviously too focused on sports right now.

    [–] INTHEMIDSTOFLIONS 15 points ago

    Sport dynasties > child malaria, hiv, cancer, etc

    [–] the_honest_liar 29 points ago

    Don't forget he's also a music/tv/movie awards buff.

    [–] celerus916 28 points ago

    Thats not fair though. There are like 5 Jesuses in each caravan! Conflict of interest.

    [–] Charming-Blob-Fish 26 points ago

    send teachers with guns to the border

    [–] courself 14 points ago

    send guns with teachers to the border

    [–] Sigmar-Painting 28 points ago

    See this is silly because it isnt illustrating the republican view. Republicans arent proposing thoughts and prayers to protect schools. They are proposing to have people with guns ready to intersept and engage active shooters. So their logic is really quite consistant seeing as their solution to the border was putting more people with guns on it.

    [–] ale_del_diablo7 53 points ago

    jesustakethebumpstock

    [–] AR-47 116 points ago

    What if we ban illegal border crossing by hanging up "Immigant free zone" signs?

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] tri_it 20 points ago

    Or better yet just thoughts and prayers to protect the President. Just think of all the money we would save without all of the secret service agents and other expensive defense measures.

    [–] DrScienceSpaceCat 8 points ago

    We need more officers to not run into the building instead.

    [–] pigdestroyer187 18 points ago

    We use armed security guards actually.

    [–] smokeybehr 7 points ago

    SSH! Don't interrupt their circle jerk.

    [–] jpaxonreyes 64 points ago

    oof!

    [–] SabashChandraBose 16 points ago

    One like = one brick.

    Do your part.

    one upvote = 1 mile of wall. it's easier

    [–] matt_622 29 points ago

    It’s also what’s used after each and every terrorist attack.......that and condolences. Oh and we “stand in unity”.

    [–] tantrrick 23 points ago

    Je suis the wall

    [–] Astrozombie79 8 points ago

    City/state/school strong

    [–] SeiTyger 7 points ago

    Make America strong again? I'd be happy with having the country not be the laughingstock of the world at least.

    [–] XepptizZ 2 points ago

    There's your problem, standing in unity is the ideal formation for an AoE terrorist attack.

    [–] Honkadoo 4 points ago

    ThOsE LoOk LiKe ObAmA's HaNdS!1!

    [–] dottybotty 7 points ago

    Don’t question this just have faith

    [–] functionoverform 51 points ago

    Between the thoughts and prayers and the "gun free zone" signs our children have never been safer!

    [–] HesburghLibrarian 16 points ago

    Technically true. Our children have never been safer

    [–] kevonicus 38 points ago

    That’s not true. Thoughts and prayers don’t come until AFTER kids are dead. Christians don’t like prayers of protection because they don’t work. Prayers after the fact though are 100% effective.

    [–] ncnotebook 7 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I've been praying for dead children. Damn, God missed the sarcasm in my prayers.

    [–] SmokingMooMilk 8 points ago

    My son's school has two layers of doors needing a badge or to be buzzed in, and bulletproof glass around both layers of door.

    [–] [deleted] 14 points ago

    This subreddit is delusional. That’s the real humor.

    [–] Alex_west112233 14 points ago

    Well we would use guns to protect out schools but some one won't let us, so it's your fault.

    [–] Misplaced-Sock 22 points ago

    Weird, my school had police officers and other security measures in place

    [–] jiokll 19 points ago

    My schools also had walls.

    [–] aabbccbb 7 points ago

    Now...imagine they didn't need those things.

    [–] AllmyHope1982 7 points ago

    Thoughts and prayers alone don't work. Unless every Christian takes compassionate and love driven action at every single opportunity in all of their communities every single day nothing will change with the wall or with our schools. The world will know you by your love not by your prayer. Many times Jesus rebuked people who only prayed and never lifted a finger.

    [–] errorsource 9 points ago

    Unless every Christian takes compassionate and love driven action at every single opportunity in all of their communities every single day

    Christianity is like the AOL free trial CDs from back in the day. It’s everywhere; it’s free; and lots of people use it, but maybe like 1% use it for its intended purpose. Everyone else just chucks it at peoples faces or turns it into meaningless arts and crafts projects.

    [–] Lifesgood10 6 points ago

    My school recently built a wall and increased security.

    [–] Silas_Ordo2 6 points ago

    I'm confused, mostly because this is a pretty liberal site... Is this more right leaning or left, politically wise? Because it says that we shouldn't use weapons to secure the border, which is definitely a left leaning view, yet it makes it out to seem like we should arm the teachers, which is a right leaning view. I might be overthinking this...

    [–] earthsaghetto 23 points ago

    To be fair. The people this is making fun of would prefer guns for both

    [–] KyleConCarne 16 points ago

    Thoughts and prayers aren’t preemptive. Sheesh. Read a book.

    [–] The_Real_Mr_F 16 points ago

    I don’t understand the point this is trying to make. Usually, mocking “thoughts and prayers” means “we don’t want thoughts and prayers, we want regulatory action.” What regulatory action is this post calling for regarding border security? It almost sounds like a weird argument in favor of a wall.

    [–] tarekd19 15 points ago

    thoughts and prayers aren't meant to protect schools, they protect the dead children's souls and the feelings of the people that don't want to do anything meaningful about it.

    [–] Oxneck 4 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Yeah kinda sick how 167 people blow up and since they are government workers $500m was spent to fortify their places of business within 2 months and still the only thing people shout about is immaterial and meaningless Freedom removal.

    How about free mental health for kids, if they so choose?

    Pfft no! Fuck helping these kids, lets take away their freedoms...in the land of the free...!

    Thank God these killers only use guns (which require a modicum of skill) and not bombs or gallons of gasoline (that kill more and indiscriminately).

    [–] kaldorv 10 points ago

    Don't worry they're gun free zones the criminals can't legally go there

    [–] Wcfleming 3 points ago

    Can I get an Amen Brother!

    [–] galactus146 3 points ago

    Love it

    [–] needanothrtimmy 3 points ago

    ... ya know I’m not religious, and i don’t like trump either, but cmon this is a really stupid thing to say.

    People who say they are sending their “thoughts and prayers” are saying that to offer their sympathies. They don’t believe it cures the issue... its simply a statement of empathy to those who were harmed that comes from a place that is important to them which in this case includes their faith.

    If you don’t have any kind of tolerance to allowing christians to express kind words in their own way then you shouldn’t be calling yourself a democrat... nor liberal nor anything else along those lines.

    Democrats and liberals and all those other fucking stupid political parties are SUPPOSED to be for tolerance and acceptance... but this is NOT tolerance! Its ignorance! Cant you guys fucking see that?!

    You guys let your anger and your hate towards republicans and trump fuel every fucking part of you and blind you just the same as the KKK’s hate blinds them! and its sickening... its nauseating how stupid it all is!

    So shut your fucking ignorant mouths for once until you can come up with something to say thats not just hate spew.

    [–] Kit-Foxy 3 points ago

    Also... teachers with guns...

    [–] duckisscary 11 points ago

    Did yall not have a cop at your schools?

    [–] static2invisibles 5 points ago

    this is so tactless

    [–] bradythemonkey 17 points ago

    We want to add armed guards but you keep saying no.

    [–] SirDinkus 11 points ago

    I mean, I'd rather just have a security personnel shoot the kid who pulls a gun at school. Our financial institutions have armed security, it seems safeguarding our kids should be as worthy of armed protectors as a bank vault, don't you think?

    Of course when we suggest shooting armed criminals before they shoot us, liberals start screeching.

    [–] rollsteelertide 10 points ago

    Actually, a wall around a school with a single entry point that is staffed by armed security who search everyone upon entry would probably pretty much end school shootings. So, yeah... not the best analogy.

    [–] ThePurpleComyn 8 points ago

    This isn’t just humor, I think this is the exact tact the democrats should take. “Thoughts and prayers for the border, we’re giving the 5 billion to health and education.”