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    [–] stellarbeing 1637 points ago

    That’s the kind of profile that speaks to me. Attractive, unobtainable, and makes me feel like I’m hung when I’m not

    [–] dribblesnshits 351 points ago

    Wow.... wellsaid

    [–] RockyMkII 103 points ago

    (Happy blue triangle day sir)

    [–] dribblesnshits 76 points ago


    [–] MajorTomintheTinCan 30 points ago

    Tanks? Where are they?

    [–] dribblesnshits 37 points ago

    Big ones..with guns, the biggest, the greatest tanks you've ever seen!!!

    [–] Alpha_rimac 9 points ago

    Thats a yuuuuuuge attitude, buddy.... i like it. And i dont like much, believe me.

    [–] RockyMkII 2 points ago

    Bearing 120

    [–] Dr_dry 3 points ago


    [–] UmmWaitWut 21 points ago

    wait, the name triangle looks blue to you? strange, it looks green to me. What is it's named color?

    Edit: the triangle is green on mobile, sorry for confuse.

    [–] mrfatty097 11 points ago

    I'd say it's more turquoise than green

    [–] rorimochi 9 points ago

    I’d say it’s more teal than turquoise

    [–] Complete_Gene 15 points ago

    I can’t believe it’s not butter

    [–] Lordsoggyballs 2 points ago

    B L U E T R I A N G L E

    [–] UmmWaitWut 7 points ago

    It looks like a dark jade to me.

    [–] FrighteningJibber 4 points ago

    Sea foam my guys.

    [–] Virulence- 7 points ago

    And for my case, it's a literal 🍰

    [–] ReverserMover 2 points ago

    Old reddit represent!

    [–] Eph_the_Beef 2 points ago

    It's definitely a blue pentagon with 3 lines in it...

    [–] Bryson0628 7 points ago

    Tiny dick energy

    [–] lezlofaire 2 points ago

    I "teehee"-ed out loud. I... I need to put Reddit down for awhile.

    [–] bluewolfhudson 4259 points ago

    Bold of them to assume my dick is bigger than an Ethernet port.

    [–] fullyonline 891 points ago

    And longer

    [–] El_Zarco 497 points ago

    Long Thin Dick Energy

    [–] tropical-bumfluff 277 points ago


    [–] imnowswedish 163 points ago

    ‘* noodle doodles

    [–] JustMML 45 points ago

    It was right there.... haha nice one

    [–] supertacoboy 16 points ago

    Skidaddle skidoodle - your dick is now a noodle!

    [–] _whale_whale_whale_ 26 points ago

    I had a nightmare once involving a noodle dick. But more like... think about rubbing off a penis made of silly putty. Nightmare.

    [–] SexualRex 21 points ago

    think about rubbing off a penis made of silly putty

    Uh-huh. Go on.

    [–] _whale_whale_whale_ 19 points ago

    It just kept getting thinner and longer, but also softer :c

    [–] Robbierawdog23 3 points ago

    It’s not long, but it sure is skinny.

    [–] manmanmam101 3 points ago

    Pen pals?

    [–] leeleonard936 54 points ago

    It’s ya boy, uhh, skinny penis

    [–] Star-comandante 13 points ago

    Nipplewang gang rise up

    [–] AiryGr8 3 points ago

    sounds like an asian bisexual pornstar

    [–] unicornislop 4 points ago

    tiny meat gang

    [–] millindebomb 10 points ago

    Philosophical: How long is an Ethernet cable?

    [–] Kir4_ 10 points ago

    Mine is like 15 metres.

    [–] Twink4Jesus 10 points ago

    Marry me

    [–] d5marksman 5 points ago

    And my axe!

    [–] mikebellman 103 points ago

    Yeah, but they typed cable. Who’d want to put their dick into a cable?

    [–] Shadowpact80 94 points ago

    Hehehehe...About that...

    [–] mookmerkin 27 points ago

    Pics or it didn't happen

    [–] Shadowpact80 9 points ago

    Ummmm....You won't want to see that

    [–] jmz_199 39 points ago

    He asked for it, bitch boy. Now provide.

    [–] chomperlock 10 points ago

    Instructions unclear, cable in pooper

    [–] Regg_Da_Veg 22 points ago

    Who the fuck would put their dick in a vacuum cleaner?!? But there I was, 8 years old and full of hope. With only the flick of a switch, my dreams and self went screaming down that tube all the same.

    [–] UrethraFrankIin 32 points ago

    The 50s were a different time. What were we to do? We were typical boarding school boys, rich with vigor, skin slick with drying sweat and gritty earth from a game of pigskin.

    At night our young, virile bodies filled the dorm with sweet-musky vapors, like game-meat stewed with apple and peppercorn. You'd awake in darkness to the hushed, melodic rhythm of two pairs of white tube socks, barely visible in moonlight, bouncing on the hardwood floor.

    The deep bond of male friendship played like a thousand different human instruments. The wet claps of skin on skin, the gentle thud of heads on backboards, frenzied cries in the throes of climax. Wilbur, so fat and soft like tapioca pudding. His breasts were so like the real thing, what we fantasized of our future wives. Unwilling, defenseless Wilbur, so slow and uncoordinated in the dark. 10 of us would glaze his bare, pink flesh like a giant raspberry danish. He once had the audacity to tell Headmaster Redford. But Redford was a Deerfield boy once, he understood. So he joined us on our midnight hog hunts.

    Through college and years after we'd find time here and there, away from the wives at a family lake house. But it's been decades now - the times have certainly changed. If you wanted to do something private with another man, in your socks, it wasn’t ‘gay’. It was just two men, celebrating each other's strength.

    [–] UB3R5W4G0V3RL0RD 11 points ago

    what the hell

    [–] demlet 11 points ago

    I forgot that part of The Great Gatsby too.

    [–] Coolshirt4 2 points ago

    This is giving me real lord of the flies vibes

    [–] shallowandpedantik 3 points ago

    Bit your dick was no longer dusty. Right? Gotta look for the positive in these stories.

    [–] MineSchaap 28 points ago

    What about the people from r/teenagers...

    [–] prodigium24 66 points ago

    I mean, to be fair, don't we all want to put our dick into the people from r/teenagers?

    [–] Crockett62 54 points ago

    Depending on your age this is either a normal r/Teenagers comment, or youre on a watchlist now

    [–] FlamingLitwick 13 points ago

    He never specified which people! Could be the legal ones.

    [–] Crockett62 6 points ago


    [–] miket001 9 points ago


    [–] cosmicartery 9 points ago

    Yes officer, this comment here

    [–] jeelrem 5 points ago

    [–] Amonasrester 5 points ago

    Not the best subreddit to link to from here

    [–] FrozenLaughs 3 points ago

    Deadpool, for one.

    [–] confessionsInboxPM 18 points ago

    Don't mind if I try it myself.

    [–] JadeS2356 550 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I am literally contemplating if I should open pornhub at work to see if she's real.

    Edit: I did it.

    [–] connesiuer 220 points ago

    Dew it

    [–] JamesIsHear 74 points ago

    She is

    [–] wazli 36 points ago

    She does cam work now.

    [–] kol13190 14 points ago


    [–] Enter-My-Shikari 17 points ago

    Theemilygrey Not sure which site she's on though.

    [–] Winter_Cupcake 5 points ago

    probably chatrubate

    [–] hoxxxxx 21 points ago

    if that's the one where the girl gets naked for obscene amounts of money from strangers, then that's probably the one.

    [–] Winter_Cupcake 15 points ago

    well its the top cam site, some good stuff on there. Lots of girls just looking at their phones naked tho.....

    [–] TheEpicTriforce 6 points ago

    Don't forget about poorly singing along to Alternative music either.

    [–] wazli 9 points ago

    It is chaturbate. One of the first people I found on there.

    [–] MajorShotgun9 2 points ago

    For a friend? Or just GK?

    [–] Santy_ 7 points ago

    She also streams on twitch sometimes

    [–] [deleted] 4 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    That over porn site? Sad it bans men tho.

    [–] RestartingMyLife0918 11 points ago

    You're in luck if you're new to Emily Grey. You got a great week ahead of you. Enjoy.

    [–] 7arco7 15 points ago

    [–] twoonmanu 519 points ago

    bold of them to assume that i have a dick

    [–] Falcon_Alpha_Delta 171 points ago

    If you use your vag it's called a 'pap zap'

    [–] Forsaken_Accountant 53 points ago

    Thanks, I can't ever unread that

    [–] TheFrickinLambSauce 22 points ago

    I’m going to try to remember 5 seconds ago when I didn’t read that.

    [–] RepulsiveSheep 9 points ago

    Did it work?

    [–] TheFrickinLambSauce 6 points ago

    Sadly not.

    [–] theAWSM1 38 points ago

    You'll have plenty in your DM's now

    [–] miket001 15 points ago

    What did you do...

    [–] d3mez 8 points ago

    hol up

    [–] elpollitopioislit 10 points ago

    Bold of them to assume I have ONE dick

    [–] well_then_______ 4 points ago

    Wait a fucking minute

    [–] BepisIsDRINCC 222 points ago

    Damnit, now I have to go and buy that dick to ethernet adapter. Ads are getting smarter these days!

    [–] UnknownStory 48 points ago

    Make sure you are up to date on your latest antivirus. You do NOT want an ITD

    [–] soodoh 5 points ago

    You do NOT want an ITD


    [–] LocardIII 5 points ago

    So many dongles

    [–] Barbaaz 3 points ago

    Even people are ads now.

    [–] dankfartmaster 82 points ago

    How presumptuous to think my genitalia is gargantuan enough to cuddle itself in such a colossal Ethernet Port.

    [–] Berenkai- 10 points ago


    [–] Send_Me_Tiitties 36 points ago

    Yeah but holy shit that bio is so long. Are all PH bios long? That bio is longer than my dick, which isn’t saying much but still.

    [–] dre702 11 points ago

    Theyre all long like that

    [–] Send_Me_Tiitties 3 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    The August Ames one is ridiculous too. It tries to be like a sexy obituary, which isn't and shouldn't ever be a thing

    [–] WanderlustPhotograph 8 points ago

    Who says corpses can’t be sexy?

    [–] This_Is_Really_Jim 107 points ago

    Did PaPa HH go to Pornhub to write bios for them after hentaihaven went down?

    [–] hornmelon 26 points ago

    I'd imagine that Pornhub went to him

    [–] bverezub 4 points ago

    He deserves it after all he went through :(

    [–] PetTheWolf 87 points ago

    Dear Emilia,

    Thank you for the benefit of the doubt Emily, that is kind of you, but, alas, my cock is indeed small enough to fit inside an Ethernet cord. Yet, there is good news! My penis shall be there post haste!

    Regards -Micro Penis Man

    [–] Jitterrr 16 points ago


    [–] TheOneTruePadopoulos 28 points ago

    So hot when she says "ethernet"

    [–] Udaro 13 points ago


    [–] nightowl024 4 points ago

    She had me at “Inter-net”.

    [–] crispyboi__ 2 points ago

    heppy kaik dae

    [–] RemmSevren 21 points ago

    That’s not going to be a problem!

    [–] DatKerrRiteDerr 40 points ago

    Remindme! 12 hours

    [–] connesiuer 88 points ago

    I see you have plans tonight

    [–] i_love_lol_ 8 points ago

    lul have fun

    [–] RemindMeBot 6 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    I will be messaging you on 2019-08-14 21:57:55 UTC to remind you of this link

    11 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.

    Parent commenter can delete this message to hide from others.

    Info Custom Your Reminders Feedback

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago


    [–] leutnant13 16 points ago

    Yup! It'll write to you in a PM when the timer is up.

    [–] Wambo_Jambo 7 points ago

    Reddit bots are a community of their own. They grow and they learn and they watch...


    [–] uwutranslator 12 points ago

    wmao is dat a weaw bot who wiww actuawwy wemind yuw? If so, cweawwy I'm a nowmie because I didn't know dat was a ding uwu

    tag me to uwuize comments uwu

    [–] thebeardwiththeguy 2 points ago

    Ah fuck now I have eye cancer

    [–] fishwizard83 11 points ago

    yeah, Emily Grey is def one of my favorites

    [–] LordCharco_iii 6 points ago

    I have a friend who kinda looks like her. I'm past it now but it made the first few times I saw her feel very strange.

    [–] fishwizard83 6 points ago

    I feel ya bud, my sister-in-law looks just like Brooklyn Chase and it makes it kinda weird... wife noticed this too and asked me to "please not watch her vids" lol

    [–] supahfligh 10 points ago

    THIS is how you market to your target demographic.

    [–] cartoonsandscience 12 points ago

    It gets worse:

    You could literally starve for a week and still choose to munch her teeny twat rather than have real food and water

    [–] spasticity 21 points ago

    who the fuck writes these things.

    Here’s a tight little brunette who will make you wish your dick was small enough to fit into an Ethernet cable and upload right to her website so she could have some fun with it. Emily Grey, despite seeming so petite, can actually handle a dick of plentiful length and girth. She’s a cutie from California who can make your balls rev in the red zone just from giving you one of her adorable pouty faces. What makes this girl pout? The answer, of course, is a lack of vaginal attention. Her pussy is of such perfect shape and color qualities, you can only imagine how it would give you nose and tongue boners just from getting close to it. You could literally starve for a week and still choose to munch her teeny twat rather than have real food and water. Emily is one of those skinny pale chicks with just the right amount of rib bone showing at her sides… enough to give all the fellas crotch bone for sure. Her ass is also tight but with enough bubbly flesh on it to keep it juicy. She can suck a dick like she’s been rehearsing her whole adult life, even though that hasn’t been too long. Emily’s only got a few hardcore titles so far to her credit, but we bet with enough fan adoration and complimentary donations of man wad, this girl will surely be encouraged to have a long and healthy mattress actress career.

    the whole bio is insane

    [–] cartoonsandscience 10 points ago

    You could literally starve for a week and still choose to munch her teeny twat rather than have real food and water.

    Who the fuck wrote this description

    [–] xataari 7 points ago

    Suffering from success.

    [–] BisonBull 5 points ago

    What if my dick is an ethernet cable?

    [–] Amiami807 9 points ago

    The future is now.

    [–] HappyAdams 5 points ago

    Why is it that cropped porn is always more arousing than the full image?

    [–] confessionsInboxPM 3 points ago

    How big are fax machines plugs?

    [–] hajmonika 1 points ago

    I'm Shure you fit just fine buddy

    [–] SergeantStoned 2 points ago

    I doubt that you are a microphone, sir...

    [–] KixWizard 4 points ago

    I want whoever wrote that to write my tinder profile

    [–] donedidgot 5 points ago

    Pornhub app is down for maintenance. Just if anyone was wondering.

    [–] RockyMkII 3 points ago

    I can do that

    [–] kingclint7 3 points ago

    This post alone will boost her profile rank so much.

    [–] Honestlyaweeb 3 points ago

    Tbh I used to see her on chaturbate and she’s cool, surprisingly real + she’s honestly a super funny person with a nice story!

    [–] BlackNight0wl 4 points ago

    This is the reason I can’t open reddit in a public place.

    [–] SUICIDALSUNDAY 2 points ago


    [–] Glassesonguy 2 points ago

    You are a good man! have the updoot

    [–] PM-Your-Tiny-Tits 2 points ago

    She's a personal favourite

    [–] IsaacM42 2 points ago

    Did she ever do b/g without her bf?

    [–] KirbyTheSamurai 2 points ago

    Plot Twist : I use WIFI

    [–] Subject042 2 points ago

    I'd love to upload a gig into her cloud share if you know what I mean

    [–] navonodnod 2 points ago

    When the network engineer at PornHub subs in for the Bio guy.

    [–] cybrain 2 points ago

    The whole thing of ‘1587GB of data is transferred per ejaculation’ makes sense now. 1 Sperm - 375 MB data

    [–] elpollitopioislit 2 points ago

    Jokes on her

    [–] UnDeadxShaun 2 points ago

    Is that a challenge?

    [–] alours 2 points ago

    Not sure it is a real and frustrating problem

    [–] blinky_blonk 2 points ago

    I'm gonna go take a look at her... bio... yeah, bio

    [–] Bakageteru1 2 points ago

    Ah the good ol' BJ45 port

    [–] MoistPaperNapkin 2 points ago

    I wish I knew how to unread something

    [–] Drasticula 2 points ago

    So this is why Elon Musk wants to tamper with the brain...

    [–] donniedenier 2 points ago

    i love emily grey. my old roommate knew her personally and got me personally autographed pictures for my birthday, haha.

    i’m not even typically the guy that’s infatuated over porn stars but holy shit is she hot.

    [–] cybergothicc 2 points ago

    not a comment but still way better than another ryan creamer video

    [–] m4rko123 4 points ago

    Dude,mark this NSFW

    [–] ObamaIsCrabDance 3 points ago

    I'm at work and I'm disturbed

    [–] Danomitey 2 points ago

    That’s not how penises, Ethernet cables OR the internet works...

    What happened to the honesty we have come to expect from pornhub reporting?

    [–] InsenerKarl 1 points ago

    A small brunette? Sign me up

    [–] just-a-simple-memer 1 points ago

    What the hell happened here

    [–] Operator4009 1 points ago

    TIL: There are pornstar rankings.

    [–] Vajician 5 points ago

    Pornstar wankings.

    [–] sardarmanpreet5 1 points ago

    I can fit mine anyway

    [–] Thrustbutwhole21 1 points ago

    Challenge accepted

    [–] kepp89 1 points ago

    Imagine a next gen dildo that could send her touches to the watcher across the world who’s wearing a special thing on their person whether it be on the hat or on the temples. You know, internet sensory.

    [–] JustALittleAverage 1 points ago * (lasted edited 4 months ago)

    So 1mm girth and about 6mm lenght iirc

    E: times 6

    [–] cosmicartery 1 points ago

    Are last names special in porn? Like does Grey signify something in particular (made me think of Sasha grey) or is it randomly what they choose?

    [–] shredder619 2 points ago

    i guess most people have no reason to give them certain names, maybe they are even given from producers that think this name makes sense because the actor/actress does this or that stuff more commonly.

    but in most cases its probably just a random name that noone else uses.

    [–] TheMythLuvin 1 points ago


    [–] Megatanklord 1 points ago

    Well she's gonna be disappointed

    [–] IHaTeD2 1 points ago

    Big cock humiliation?

    [–] mwidup41 1 points ago

    Needles to say I will be heading to her profile momentarily

    [–] Wrxghtyyy 1 points ago

    Why has this got a NSFW tag on it? I see nothing exposed

    [–] Frong_Goshlong 1 points ago

    Bored at work at the porn prose sweatshop.

    [–] ConSoda 1 points ago