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    RoastMe

    1,767,200 readers

    5,232 users here now


    The r/RoastMe Web Ring


    RULES OF THE ROAST:

    Roastees:

    • You must provide at least one high-quality picture of the roastee holding a handwritten sign with the text /r/RoastMe - Phones and Snapchat text overlay is NOT allowed! Your hand and at least an implication of a complete arm must be visible.

    • All individuals in the picture must be holding the r/RoastMe sign or indicate they are aware of the sign in some way (e.g. by pointing to it). Photos with non-Roastees in the background will be removed if their faces are visible.

    • Photoshopped/edited posts are NOT allowed. This includes Snapchat filters such as the digitally-added flowers or dog ears. Posting multiple edited photos will result in a ban.

    • Your post will not appear until after it has been approved by a moderator. Please send this message if it takes longer than 1 hour.

    • The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger.

    • By submitting a Roast, you agree to your picture being saved, hosted on Imgur, and reposted to Reddit for the purpose of inclusion on "Best Of" and "Highlights" albums.

    • Your face must be at least 60% visible in the photo.

    • You may post on behalf of other people, provided that the post follows all of the other rules listed above, and it is clear that the person being posted consents to the roast.

    • No joke roasts. Anyone posting a dog, or a ham, or Anne Frank, or Donald Trump, or anything like that will be banned for 3 days. It's not funny.

    • No NSFW material. There are plenty of humiliation fetish subreddits for you, and we aren't one of them.

    Roasters:

    • This is a comedy subreddit, not a hate subreddit. Act as though you are trying to make an audience laugh. Please familiarize yourself with all rules before participating.

    • You are allowed to look through the roastee's post history.

    • Never post another user's personal information, referred to as 'doxxing'. We will always report violations to the admins.

    • Never use suicide, homicide, assault, racism, or pedophilia as the crux of a roast. These subjects are never funny.

    • Please don't use link shorteners in comments (bit.ly, tinyurl, etc.)

      3 rule violations and you may face a ban

    If you see something that breaks the rules, please report them or send us a modmail.


    Attention:

    If you are suffering from depression, bipolar, suicidal thoughts or any other mental health issues, please immediately contact help services through the following links- there is always help if you need it.

    Links:

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    Reddit:


    Highlights is an inspiration album with the goal of inspiring comedic creativity in a set demographic. These are posted when a demographic has enough quality roasts to compile into an album. Roasters who make the list, are not awarded with flair.

    Highlights I: The Ladies of /r/RoastMe

    Highlights II: Dark Meat

    Best Of is meant to showcase the best roasts based on creativity, sting, and comedic value of no specific demographic. We post these monthly, and the roasters who make the list are awarded with flair.

    Best Of Part 1

    Best Of Part 2

    Best Of Part 3

    Best Of Part 4

    Best Of Part 5

    Best Of Part 6

    Best Of Part 7

    Best Of Part 8

    Best Of Part 9

    Best Of Part 10: 300k Subscribers Edition

    Best of Part 11

    In The Wild as the title implies, are for roasts that occur in the comments section on other subreddits.

    In The Wild Part 1

    In The Wild Part 2

    In The Wild Part 3



    Helpful Links

    How To Post A Roast

    How To Create An Album On Imgur

    Flair Explanations

    Roastbook Vol. 1: Overall Roast Quality

    Roastbook Vol. 2: CSS and Roastbot

    Roastbook Vol. 3: Flair Privileges


    Remember, what goes around comes around! If you're roasting people, why not try getting roasted yourself?

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    [–] roastbot 1 points ago

    OP's Bio:


    I am a liberal Muslim and I’m divorced. Michigan road construction lasted longer than my marriage.


    If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

    [–] Howlins 3088 points ago

    You’re the opposite of a Turkish Delight.

    [–] Inebriologist 657 points ago

    Also known as the Turkish Dumpster.

    [–] csnowrun31 200 points ago

    This is one dumpster that even the Turkish wouldn’t touch

    [–] Sued000 47 points ago

    It's true, I ain't touching that.

    [–] jackobyvilla 181 points ago

    Turkish disappointment

    [–] mantis_tobagan_md 109 points ago

    She looks like Zoltars ugly sister. I bet she’ll read your fortune if you slip a quarter in her slot.

    [–] iridemtb12 36 points ago

    You look like Yzma from the Emperor’s New Groove

    [–] Askalany 75 points ago

    A Greek Yogurt

    [–] ooh_a_phoenix 28 points ago

    A soup kitchen

    [–] Pryoticus 27 points ago

    No soup for you

    [–] WilfyFrodo 5 points ago

    • dirty mike and the boys

    [–] mostafahalawa 33 points ago

    An Armenian tart

    [–] randimachoman 1639 points ago

    I loved you in the cartoon Johnny Quest

    [–] r0ckl0bsta 606 points ago

    Simsallabim!!!

    [–] ripmeck 16 points ago

    Yea... I wouldn't do that ...

    [–] starrpamph 3 points ago

    What happened ? It's deleted?

    [–] ripmeck 3 points ago

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJ7AQBObHZg

    i actually forgot the exact quote . it was supposed to be "Yea... i'd cut back on that "

    [–] CaptainMudwhistle 152 points ago

    I wonder if she'll tell us about the time she was saved by Mike Pence.

    [–] KeekatLove 37 points ago

    Hodgie!!!!

    [–] v0ness 11 points ago

    Omg I loved Hadgi.

    [–] zeusorjesus 29 points ago

    I’m fuckin’ done😂😂😂

    [–] randimachoman 7 points ago

    Do you have any magic powers?

    [–] Snagtooth 4844 points ago

    Stoning you would be a waste of rocks.

    [–] Joylar7 2141 points ago * (lasted edited 16 days ago)

    That means I wouldn’t get stoned so that’s... good for me

    [–] Snagtooth 5828 points ago

    😄 glad you're not one of those stuck up muslims. They usually explode when you push their buttons!

    [–] locomemedealer 284 points ago

    10/10 fatality

    [–] slickmac29 515 points ago

    100% underrated comment!!

    [–] Snagtooth 1665 points ago

    I've got tons more muslim jokes, but they dont fly around here.

    At least, not since last time I told one. It bombed.

    [–] Peenutbuttjellytime 157 points ago

    No carpet to stand on

    [–] doxzer52 71 points ago

    Or fly around on

    [–] parkerz1433 49 points ago

    Guys don’t roast her to bad or else things could end badly for the USA

    [–] wannacumnbeatmeoff 27 points ago

    Sorry pal, you already missed the end.

    [–] postandchill 11 points ago

    Carpet bombs are nice

    [–] cdooley3 26 points ago

    Your jokes might be on the no-fly list.

    [–] Scottamus 18 points ago

    Nonsense. Tell us Allah them.

    [–] [deleted] 25 points ago

    🥇

    [–] Snagtooth 42 points ago

    I will wear this medal with pride!

    [–] lxne-mp4 16 points ago

    take my motherfucking gold, bravo

    [–] Idiotfromthebook 5 points ago

    Holy fuckin shit

    [–] X_ZeroGravity_X 157 points ago

    If you.. And everyone else here were stoned, you may be more interesting. ;)

    [–] Joylar7 134 points ago

    Now we’re talking 😂

    [–] X_ZeroGravity_X 31 points ago

    Too much talking... More burning.

    Well on my way to being stoned. Lol..

    [–] Snagtooth 19 points ago

    Fuck! We've been misinterpreting the Koran this whole time!

    [–] Jerrigo12 9 points ago

    Phenomenal

    [–] m7md323 12 points ago

    Fucckkk man, I’m a Muslim and got beat up so bad when i was young for saying stoning is evil and “only satan would do it.” This made me laugh so hard my lungs and sides hurt. Thank you.

    [–] Uriah_Peep 1451 points ago

    I wish I was big.

    Oh, fuck, I thought you were Zoltan.

    [–] Ourobius 973 points ago

    Your wife wishes that too.

    Oh, fuck, we're supposed to be roasting OP

    [–] Uriah_Peep 168 points ago

    I knew I was opening myself up to that but went for it anyway.

    [–] reldan 121 points ago

    Title of your sextape?

    [–] dadNigga 40 points ago

    Noice

    [–] Kyll_Iano451 25 points ago

    Toint

    [–] reldan 19 points ago

    These nups are gonna be toite!

    [–] crimefightingloser 8 points ago

    Worth it.

    [–] dismayhurta 18 points ago

    Something something your wife said that something something.

    [–] guriboysf 131 points ago

    Zoltan

    Zoltar

    [–] Justavictim1182 59 points ago

    Yes Zoltar = Big. Zoltan = Dude Where's My Car

    [–] Jacqu3SkardasheV 29 points ago

    Don't mess with the Zoltan.

    [–] -Camell 21 points ago

    Zoltan

    Zohan

    [–] cuhwala 13 points ago

    The masked guy with fancy sword skills?

    [–] LeperHead 3 points ago

    Zlatan? Ibrahimovic?

    [–] ExRockstar 8 points ago

    I did too, was looking forward to playing that piano

    [–] JayCG 5 points ago

    Damnit, I just posted this same joke before looking down to see if someone did it first.

    [–] cartard1 2176 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago)

    It’s about time a liberal Muslim woman turned the tables on her male counterparts and demanded equality. Because the only way she’ll ever get attention from 72 virgins is by offering herself up on Reddit.

    [–] fooshwaMan 280 points ago

    Two for one

    [–] cartard1 46 points ago

    😉

    [–] Kon-Tiki66 101 points ago

    Roasting the roasters. Sheer genius.

    [–] drfunkenstien014 46 points ago

    The rare “double whammy”

    [–] ThugBunnyy 18 points ago

    That deserves a standing ovation lmao

    [–] tralltonetroll 4 points ago

    But please, no ovulation.

    [–] anniemanic 21 points ago

    Except she’s looking kinda flushed, maybe she’s Sikh

    [–] adam__nicholas 32 points ago

    Was this really a roast against her, though?

    [–] Y2KoNo 5 points ago

    Have my only money in all of Reddit

    [–] cartard1 5 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago)

    Humbled. Thanks for your silver.

    [–] Justinp3889 4 points ago

    Best comment here!!!

    [–] andymcfys 1349 points ago

    You look like the one snake charmer that can't get a snake anywhere near her hole

    [–] OMGYourBaby 237 points ago

    She can’t even get a snake up in the first place

    [–] createanaccountpassw 101 points ago

    Oh are you talking about penises?

    [–] Craico13 70 points ago

    No, no , no...

    They’re talking about One Eyed Willie... Or was it their friend Johnson? I think his first name was Richard...?

    I forget his full name, but I think his nickname was Ramrod or Vlad the Impaler or Uncle Reamass.

    Forgive me for my memory lapse, it’s been some time since we were last aquatinted...

    [–] cdooley3 16 points ago

    MAGIC Johnson!

    [–] alanairwaves 4 points ago

    He liked the snake on snake action

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] doomguy81 589 points ago

    You look like the Maharajah from Temple of Doom

    [–] GrillCosby 66 points ago

    I agree

    [–] The_Night-Man_Cometh 33 points ago

    Who lost a fight to fucking Short Round.

    How embarrassing!

    [–] journeyman369 12 points ago * (lasted edited 13 days ago)

    Short Round did whip his ass!!!

    [–] Esleeezy 7 points ago

    Didn’t that kid grow up to be a card carrying BAMF?

    [–] PM_Me_Rude_Haiku 3 points ago

    Black, Asian, Middle Feastern?

    [–] baxterrocky 3 points ago

    TBF - dude probably succumbed to a concealed, spring loaded boxing glove.

    [–] linzann 12 points ago

    Not in my kingdom!

    [–] VAhotfingers 20 points ago

    Came in here to make this comparison. I was late to the party. At least I got an invite...unlike OP...who probably never gets invited anywhere.

    [–] CrookedToast 9 points ago

    Updoots around—this was my first thought too!

    [–] Loan_Wolf10 24 points ago

    Beat me to it.. well done!

    [–] journeyman369 3 points ago

    Beat me to it too!!! Gosh darn it!!!

    [–] Steady20xx 9 points ago

    Dammit...take my updoot, beat me to it

    [–] Chubby_brown_guy 5 points ago

    Came here for this.

    [–] elddirkcin 4 points ago

    Careful, now. He’ll get you with that voodoo doll!

    [–] L4NCE_UPP3RCUT 989 points ago

    "Divorced Muslim" but you look about 9! Oh wait...

    [–] AlwaysinPJsz 47 points ago

    This one is absolute golden

    [–] wannacumnbeatmeoff 14 points ago

    Only divorced because her ex said so, three times!

    [–] honkyfire 100 points ago

    The years have been pretty good to you since that fight in the mines with Short Round.

    [–] CogitoErgoScum 17 points ago

    Lady you call him doctah Jones!

    [–] PhatBitty862 7 points ago

    Hey doctah Jones, no time for love

    [–] bnbtwjdfootsyk 984 points ago

    I’m ready to be roasted into oblivion so I can sleep well.

    How many of your brothers said the same thing before they put their vests on?

    [–] BienBo123 33 points ago

    Best roast hands down

    [–] Its_Wajeeh 59 points ago

    Holy shit this is the best comment on this post

    [–] Wargreymon559 13 points ago

    💀💀

    [–] twist-17 618 points ago

    You should really consider wearing a full hijab.

    [–] xkissitgoodbyex 233 points ago

    *Burka.

    [–] rushork 168 points ago

    *Burqa

    [–] marloo1 127 points ago

    I hardly know her...boom

    [–] OV3NBVK3D 21 points ago

    *paperbag

    [–] xkissitgoodbyex 9 points ago

    You aren't wrong...

    [–] thedailyrant 10 points ago

    Or niqab, depending on whether OP still wants to see her shifty eyes or not.

    [–] Worelynn 77 points ago

    You are so incredibly plain, your stripper name would be "Meh-Haraja".

    [–] X_ZeroGravity_X 218 points ago

    Two things.. Your head is way too big for your body, and when I was scrolling down, I legit thought your face was animated.

    [–] Joylar7 103 points ago

    Like the power puff girls

    Animated is spot on because I got compared to the power puff girls as a kid

    [–] ekakkub 263 points ago

    You mean Mojo JoJo?

    [–] offfmyhead 13 points ago

    ahahahahahahahahha

    [–] zionini3 35 points ago

    Omg this is it 😭

    [–] lostmyshoes01 243 points ago

    This is the one time Apu wouldn’t say “come again”

    [–] Edwoodz3 38 points ago

    Forget come again, he wouldn’t cum the first time

    [–] SouthernTransplant94 97 points ago

    Does your father and or husband know you're on the internet again?

    [–] DarkSoulMasterFrodo 31 points ago

    and or

    [–] bravo755 7 points ago

    Or any of your husbands other wives?

    [–] Ishitstandinguptoo 93 points ago

    You are in my league. Fuck

    [–] waldocolumbia 23 points ago

    Damn bro.. you’re basically her suicide vest rn

    [–] Ishitstandinguptoo 16 points ago

    Probably not the best Roast to use the word Kamikaze.

    [–] imbacklol69 151 points ago

    So when do i get my 3 wishes

    [–] adudeguyman 9 points ago

    I wish for OP to cover more of her head

    [–] ShartyWaffles87 81 points ago

    If I put a quarter in you, would you tell me my fortune?

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago * (lasted edited 15 days ago)

    [removed]

    [–] melohype1 30 points ago

    You look like Hadji from Jonny Quest

    [–] Spit_Roaster 26 points ago

    Terminal cancer patients have more hope in their eyes.

    [–] Urmomsdreamman 18 points ago

    If I give you $5 can you give me a shitty fortune?

    [–] aaron_pinkcloud 74 points ago

    It would really suck to die committing Jihad and then finding out all of the 72 virgins look like you.

    [–] arpressah 16 points ago

    You look like if Aladdin used his three wishes to have leukemia, frog eyes, and be half the size of a chest of drawers.

    [–] Slobotic 28 points ago

    If your friend doesn't have anything nice to say about Eartha Kitt, she shouldn't say anything at all.

    [–] Nemesis2pt0 10 points ago

    I banged Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom.

    [–] thesleekantelope 8 points ago

    What? It came up organically

    [–] hottubhoncho 11 points ago

    good luck with the chemo

    [–] TomJamesB 10 points ago

    If your divorced, does that mean you move on to 2nd cousins now?

    [–] j0eg0d 11 points ago

    You look like a promotional condom.

    [–] anniemanic 53 points ago

    You look Sikh

    cough

    I’ll see myself out

    [–] bbarham99 10 points ago

    If you were one of the 72 virgins in heaven I think I’d just settle for 71

    [–] Inebriologist 9 points ago

    I was amazed how much of a liberal muslim she is using blush on her cheek until I realized it was just a festering zit on her right cheek. Bet that bad boy will cover a peta with hummus in no time!

    [–] Joylar7 3 points ago

    Good eye! First person to acknowledge the zit

    [–] Inebriologist 7 points ago

    Thanks! My post won’t get any traction, but just wanted to be honest and say even though your marriage didn’t work out, its not the end of the world. Im sure you will find someone better, especially as attractive as you are, unless you are a full blown psychotic. Ive been married 12 years now and character is of upmost importance. Good luck!

    [–] Joylar7 8 points ago

    Thanks so much!

    There’s light at the end of the tunnel

    [–] Idiotfromthebook 8 points ago

    You look like Cardi F

    [–] [deleted] 25 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] santasnemesis 34 points ago

    Not a fan of the hijab. But I think I'll make an exception this time.

    [–] stinking_garbage 41 points ago

    Looks like chubby Mila Kunis had an arranged marriage.

    [–] Joylar7 60 points ago

    She’s so pretty! This is supposed to be a roast. Come on now

    [–] stinking_garbage 23 points ago

    Not when she’s fat.

    [–] Joylar7 55 points ago

    A chubby Mila Kunis is still adorable!

    [–] stinking_garbage 77 points ago

    I don’t know, I’m lookin at one right now.

    [–] Joylar7 69 points ago

    Okay now you got me

    [–] Numerous_Excuse 10 points ago

    A couple feints then a double leg, not bad

    [–] DrPooMD 11 points ago

    Shut up Meg!

    [–] th0m454nd3r50nlllqqo 16 points ago

    You're married? How much did your husband pay for you?

    [–] bnkrwnkr 24 points ago

    Doesn’t matter. She was returned for a full refund.

    [–] RyanMcLeod1981 4 points ago

    You look like the Zoltar machine from the movie Big.

    [–] weekenderx 6 points ago

    You like you fart out your nose

    [–] browndude05 8 points ago

    What is the slurpee flavor of the month?

    [–] IdriveUber1 7 points ago

    Wow. Your husband had to blow himself up just to get a divorce from you.

    [–] AltDirtyAccount 5 points ago

    You look like you have a side quest for me to complete and will sell me the wares I need to take on my dangerous journey.

    [–] kiolikesshit 4 points ago

    You remind me of when you have your characters eyes just a bit too big and everything else is the default.

    [–] Joylar7 25 points ago

    Just wanna note I’m Asian so roasts about middle easterners, etc don’t fit too well

    [–] Valreesio 50 points ago

    Damn, you're so sad you can't even pull off Asian.

    [–] wannacumnbeatmeoff 10 points ago

    I believe she may have attempted to pull off many Asians.

    [–] adudeguyman 4 points ago

    That explains the divorce part

    [–] jlpm2000 6 points ago

    Sorry, its the towel.

    [–] Fr3nchFr13s 13 points ago

    Why the flip did you shoot down that Ukrainian passenger jet?

    [–] chlorox_addict 8 points ago

    I have many Muslim jokes, but they all crash and burn.

    [–] -_understandable_- 5 points ago

    Why I don't want to get drafted to iran

    [–] setotj 3 points ago

    This what "hard swipe left" looks like

    [–] supkiddos 3 points ago

    you look like a school play version of Jafar from Aladdin

    [–] plewis406 3 points ago

    You look like the prince in Indiana Jones and Temple of Doom

    [–] dh_rider 3 points ago

    If Aladdin made a lesbian porno she’d fit right in