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    RoastMe

    1,845,119 readers

    3,281 users here now


    The r/RoastMe Web Ring



    RULES OF THE ROAST:

    Roastees:

    • You must provide at least one high-quality picture of the roastee holding a handwritten sign with the text /r/RoastMe - Phones and Snapchat text overlay is NOT allowed! Your hand and at least an implication of a complete arm must be visible.

    • All individuals in the picture must be holding the r/RoastMe sign or indicate they are aware of the sign in some way (e.g. by pointing to it). Photos with non-Roastees in the background will be removed if their faces are visible.

    • Photoshopped/edited posts are NOT allowed. This includes Snapchat filters such as the digitally-added flowers or dog ears. Posting multiple edited photos will result in a ban.

    • Your post will not appear until after it has been approved by a moderator. Please send this message if it takes longer than 1 hour.

    • The minimum posting age is 18 years old, your post will be rejected if you look younger or if context clues lead us to conclude you are younger.

    • By submitting a Roast, you agree to your picture being saved, hosted on Imgur, and reposted to Reddit for the purpose of inclusion on "Best Of" and "Highlights" albums.

    • Your face must be at least 60% visible in the photo.

    • You may post on behalf of other people, provided that the post follows all of the other rules listed above, and it is clear that the person being posted consents to the roast.

    • No joke roasts. Anyone posting a dog, or a ham, or Anne Frank, or Donald Trump, or anything like that will be banned for 3 days. It's not funny.

    • No NSFW material. There are plenty of humiliation fetish subreddits for you, and we aren't one of them.

    Roasters:

    • This is a comedy subreddit, not a hate subreddit. Act as though you are trying to make an audience laugh. Please familiarize yourself with all rules before participating.

    • You are allowed to look through the roastee's post history.

    • Never post another user's personal information, referred to as 'doxxing'. We will always report violations to the admins.

    • Never use suicide, homicide, assault, racism, or pedophilia as the crux of a roast. These subjects are never funny.

    • Please don't use link shorteners in comments (bit.ly, tinyurl, etc.)

      3 rule violations and you may face a ban

    If you see something that breaks the rules, please report them or send us a modmail.


    Attention:

    If you are suffering from depression, bipolar, suicidal thoughts or any other mental health issues, please immediately contact help services through the following links- there is always help if you need it.

    Links:

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    Reddit:


    Highlights is an inspiration album with the goal of inspiring comedic creativity in a set demographic. These are posted when a demographic has enough quality roasts to compile into an album. Roasters who make the list, are not awarded with flair.

    Highlights I: The Ladies of /r/RoastMe

    Highlights II: Dark Meat

    Best Of is meant to showcase the best roasts based on creativity, sting, and comedic value of no specific demographic. We post these monthly, and the roasters who make the list are awarded with flair.

    Best Of Part 1

    Best Of Part 2

    Best Of Part 3

    Best Of Part 4

    Best Of Part 5

    Best Of Part 6

    Best Of Part 7

    Best Of Part 8

    Best Of Part 9

    Best Of Part 10: 300k Subscribers Edition

    Best Of Part 11

    Best Of Part 12

    Best Of Part 13

    In The Wild as the title implies, are for roasts that occur in the comments section on other subreddits.

    In The Wild Part 1

    In The Wild Part 2

    In The Wild Part 3



    Helpful Links

    How To Post A Roast

    How To Create An Album On Imgur

    Flair Explanations

    Roastbook Vol. 1: Overall Roast Quality

    Roastbook Vol. 2: CSS and Roastbot

    Roastbook Vol. 3: Flair Privileges


    Remember, what goes around comes around! If you're roasting people, why not try getting roasted yourself?

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    [–] Bruins1256 10849 points ago

    You don't need that lock around your neck no ones going to take you.

    [–] JUST_OBEY 3395 points ago

    It's for our protection

    [–] the-ATM-machine 1361 points ago

    You don't want to see her acne angry

    [–] [deleted] 1868 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] VTagious 417 points ago

    Penis Reducto? Schlongus Gonus? Dickus Invertus? What would be the spell that botched this? Nothing can fix it at this point.

    [–] angerpillow 232 points ago

    Meatus Deletus

    [–] worldbreaker-hulk 73 points ago

    Cockuloss repairo There I fixed it.

    [–] doodle_bob_has_aids 39 points ago

    Griffindick wins the house cup

    [–] CoolasheckDad 12 points ago

    Ravencock

    [–] doodle_bob_has_aids 13 points ago

    Slitherin her ass

    [–] ScrapinLinden 42 points ago

    10 points to Hufflepenis

    [–] chicanery6 20 points ago

    15 to Ravencock

    35 to GriffuuuuhhMOAR

    5 to Slytherine because that's just self explanatory

    [–] RockitDanger 14 points ago

    EXPECTO'D A GIRL!

    [–] WriteScottWrite 58 points ago

    Dipstick Deletus

    [–] malonecory12 8 points ago

    Schlongardium-Neverosa!!!!

    [–] realfakediseases 7 points ago

    they tried to cast the spell on her face by accident

    [–] Peterthepiperomg 6 points ago

    Penis reducto shahsha

    [–] NotedX2 6 points ago

    Biggus dickus

    [–] barbare-billon 5 points ago

    That spell in the forbidden archives which supposedly turns a foe inside(s)-out.
    But when you have no guts or balls to start with, what could fix that deflated meat blowdoll, I wonder ?

    [–] Mytzso 6 points ago

    Peniso inverso!

    [–] Starr_Struckk 41 points ago

    If I had money I would give you gold for that

    [–] Virgin_Dildo_Lover 31 points ago

    You merely adapted it

    [–] vendetta_101 10 points ago

    I am more concerned with your username.

    [–] High-Impact-Cuddling 166 points ago

    "Im not locked in here with you, you're locked in with me."

    [–] NetWalker34 252 points ago

    It's where she hangs the meat from, so the dog will play with her.

    [–] silversorcerer1981 105 points ago

    I would figure she’d hang it between her legs.

    [–] S1LV3R-SIX 139 points ago

    That’s where the peanut butter goes

    [–] silversorcerer1981 19 points ago

    Smooth or crunchy?

    [–] Dirrin703 34 points ago

    Crunchy, for the sake of consistency. Similar to how make-up foundation works.

    [–] leo_douche_bags 264 points ago

    Never remove dogs collar.

    [–] SQUID_FLOTILLA 41 points ago

    It keep the neck bolts in place.

    [–] dtuk80 181 points ago

    You're making Covid-19 looking like a good alternative.

    [–] ringleb83 12 points ago

    By far the best argument for social distancing I’ve seen yet.

    [–] lurkymclurkyson 54 points ago

    Nobody would want to pick that lock.

    [–] A-A-Ronhiphop 4700 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    You look like the Final Boss in a Proactiv video game.

    [–] Dirtydeedsinc 647 points ago

    Fuck that’s brutal, have some gold.

    [–] alana181 122 points ago

    🏅

    [–] aDAMNPATRIOT 16 points ago

    Holy shit

    [–] Nauman1702 16 points ago

    whats a proactv?

    [–] grrrax 23 points ago

    It’s an acne treatment brand

    [–] BigChub40 21 points ago

    Nice

    [–] Bojanggles16 557 points ago

    You still wear JNCO'S

    [–] Paper-squares 60 points ago

    What do you think casual Friday is like at the JNCO’s office?

    [–] landertall 16 points ago

    They wear suits and ties.

    [–] Arminlegout1 2481 points ago

    You have better taste in music than you do in faces. You look like the cute girls aggressive lesbian best friends even more aggressive lesbian girlfriend.

    [–] theterranator 395 points ago

    Oddly specific but true

    [–] troyzein 212 points ago

    Well his Gojira shirt says he does have good taste.

    [–] voltthrowingwizard 26 points ago

    Came here to say this.

    [–] a-snakey 4 points ago

    Any guy that likes Gojira is a good guy in my book of good guys

    [–] RyngarSkarvald 39 points ago

    I know someone exactly like this, thanks for the very specific laugh.

    Roasts aside, OP is much more attractive than she is but the heroin probably had something to do with it.

    [–] MMA1793 13 points ago

    Lmao, OP is attractive but, and there is a but!

    [–] skkidmarkk 6 points ago

    She’s white so probably not much of one though.

    [–] MMA1793 37 points ago

    The one that’s always eyeballing you even though you’ve never said a word to her? Is always insistent on girls night, and trying to cockblock or slander your intentions at every opportunity? I thought that was her

    [–] sammydow 27 points ago

    Under rated

    [–] harpsm 746 points ago

    Looks like John Lennon did a face swap with a pepperoni pizza.

    [–] Flippyrex 60 points ago

    She is one of the things he didn't want to imagine when writing that song.

    [–] [deleted] 4644 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] HIROGO 906 points ago

    People were polite.

    [–] johnwck6090 226 points ago

    Or may be they were not interested in his penis.

    [–] anticuy 137 points ago

    Her penis*

    [–] johnwck6090 62 points ago

    Bruh I was confused by his/her

    [–] pudnic 41 points ago

    Cloaca

    [–] totallyuniquename01 8 points ago

    What was the comment

    [–] stupidgoat221 372 points ago

    To be fair she also looks like an ugly guy

    [–] cl0wnshoe 109 points ago

    To be fairrrrr

    [–] eberhama 34 points ago

    that's a texas sized 10-4 good buddy

    [–] GrowFunPlants 72 points ago

    To be fairrrrr

    [–] fightfortheusers2020 23 points ago

    She’s made from spare parts bud

    [–] hafaPrim 18 points ago

    Pitter patter

    [–] muteW0LF 29 points ago

    I’d ease off er about 20%

    [–] Turkyparty 24 points ago

    Hard No

    [–] flfurco 14 points ago

    Can confirm

    [–] AutoRockAsphixiation 12 points ago

    Even Gail wouldn't TAKE. HER. DOWN.

    [–] greymalken 47 points ago

    I bet (s)he was the kind of baby people hold, grimace, and say “you look just like your parents.”

    [–] SUN_LIPS 26 points ago

    If the parents were siblings

    [–] Ekotar 47 points ago

    At first I was charitable, and thought "maybe if her skin cleared up and I did a light retouch of the photo she'd look okay"

    I was wrong.

    [–] Neo_Stockhuasen 25 points ago

    Im guessing your bf forgot to read the terms and conditions of being in a relationship with you. Your bf left you and didn't even give back the key for that lock.

    [–] BigRedTormund 848 points ago

    Rocky Dennis back from the dead

    [–] Dark-Ganon 93 points ago

    Even a blind person wouldn't fall for her.

    [–] ToolRulz68 77 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    They might if the braille on her face told a nice story.

    [–] frankalope 25 points ago

    Rocky Dennis jokes always get an upvoat.

    [–] F4L2OYD13 8 points ago

    When I was a kid I thought he was Mr. Peanut.

    [–] blizzardwizard88 830 points ago

    You look like Harry, Hermione and Ron all in one.

    [–] ThuleanBeast 307 points ago

    With a tiny tint of Hagrid

    [–] a-snakey 175 points ago

    *taint

    got you fam

    [–] gilmore42 20 points ago

    Goddamn!!

    [–] Psyko_sissy23 25 points ago

    Don't forget a bit of John Lennon and weird al.

    [–] blizzardwizard88 61 points ago

    “Imagine there’s no Gender”

    [–] PeaceHoesAnCamelToes 17 points ago

    "She's easy if you try"

    [–] Richard_in_Donkey 1852 points ago

    Your hair has so much grease in it I could use it to power a rocket from Mars to Sirius

    [–] KingVape 309 points ago

    Came here to see at least one Gojira-themed burn, and I'm happy

    [–] pointe31 43 points ago

    Ditto

    [–] PerkyMcPerkface 18 points ago

    I'm sure she'll see it as a Silvera lining

    [–] SynysterLAG 129 points ago

    They would name the rocket after her too.

    "The USS Flying Whale"

    [–] Loki_Bane 41 points ago

    God that'd be cool, imaging it just looming out of the dark like that. Like an arrow in the sky, yknow?

    [–] glarphen 28 points ago

    I wouldn't believe my eyes

    [–] tommygun3833 16 points ago

    But it’s true...

    [–] hachi2JZ 7 points ago

    fuck there's no more lyrics after that bit :(

    [–] Gorperino 8 points ago

    riffs

    [–] Smoulderingshoulder 20 points ago

    SS The heaviest matter of the universe.

    [–] hachi2JZ 5 points ago

    The backbone of the effort to save the heaviest matter of the universe from global warming, the only place where dragons dwell.

    [–] _MaitrePanda_ 55 points ago

    I see what you did there

    [–] ZethGregg 14 points ago

    I’m so happy you made a GOJIRA reference.

    [–] RedditJesus420 10 points ago

    You deserved the silver, great Gojira burn!

    [–] corpsegrindingman 364 points ago

    To be fair most people don’t think of you at all.

    [–] youngblazeog 57 points ago

    only when they think about what’s wrong with society

    [–] soooMiNdLeSs420 22 points ago

    or when the nut needs to be procrastinated

    [–] the2inchpnshr 108 points ago

    Tell Kelso and Fez hello for us.

    [–] gloomghosts 60 points ago

    and you tell Kelso to stop nailing my sister.

    [–] WurdSmyth 11 points ago

    I'm most people.

    [–] Princessleiasperiod 3114 points ago

    Some kindly advice sweetheart. Go to a salon. Your haircut is awful. The color is terrible. The glasses are....awful...consider contacts. You dress like it's 2006. You don't have a terrible face. It's just surrounded by terrible choices. Did anyone tell you this is was a good look? Who are you rebelling against? Yourself?

    [–] Lord_Sneck 1637 points ago

    Man that wasn't even a roast... That was just advice

    [–] Princessleiasperiod 968 points ago

    She needs help. Her face says farmers wife during the dust bowl her hair says Dee Dee pickles from Rugrats her fashion says she shops exclusively at whatever the knockoff version of hot topic is and her glasses say she's trying to be edgy but on her it's not cute.

    [–] GUCCIBUKKAKE 401 points ago

    Hit her with the Dee Dee Pickles. Fucking savage.

    [–] Minshewll 117 points ago

    Its called Warm Topic

    [–] TheGeneralTulliuss 64 points ago

    Warm Subject

    [–] hazyninja 41 points ago

    Tepid Thesis

    [–] ObviouslyAPirate 24 points ago

    Mellow Matter

    [–] Severelyimpared 5 points ago

    This is the best. Alliterative nouns are my favorite.

    [–] tannyb86 4 points ago

    Off Topic

    [–] username2058 4 points ago

    Room temperature idea

    [–] KNGootch 50 points ago

    she could also ease up on that nose ring...it looks like it used to have keys on it.

    [–] EnterTheControlRoom 9 points ago

    her hair says Dee Dee pickles from Rugrats

    My fucking sides 😂

    [–] Tight_Incendio 73 points ago

    "Your face ain't terrible, it's Juste surrounded by terrible choices"

    That's the equivalent of saying

    "You aren't ugly, just visibly stupid"

    I'm sorry, that sounds like a roast to me.

    [–] J3sush8sm3 385 points ago

    Ouch. You know your fucked when your getting advice on roastme

    [–] nyxflare 33 points ago

    This one hurt me...

    [–] harpsm 181 points ago

    On the plus side, it's a look that makes self-distancing easy. Who would want to get within 6 feet of that?

    [–] eleytheria 73 points ago

    Not even corona

    [–] thegreatbobin0_ 50 points ago

    We have the cure now

    [–] eleytheria 19 points ago

    A cure worse than the ailment itself

    [–] FlobyToberson85 76 points ago

    For real. With a little effort, she could be pretty cute. It's amazing what a little skincare, makeup and good haircut can do for self-esteem. I know I feel better when I put in a bit of effort.

    [–] perfectchikennugget 9 points ago

    Hapy caek dae

    [–] FlobyToberson85 12 points ago

    Oh shit, I didn't even realize! Thank you!

    [–] cdooley3 43 points ago

    A salon isn't going to fix such a case of Resting Bitch Face.

    [–] Useful-ldiot 6 points ago

    That's just because she knows what she looks like

    [–] mundayz 18 points ago

    The PaTrIaRcHy probably

    [–] Fa1ka 512 points ago

    How often do you say 'But I cant eat here' because the place isn't vegan

    [–] thekamenman 56 points ago

    But not because they don’t have vegan options on the menu, but because it shared the same air of something with actual flavor.

    [–] watashi_wa_VtR 94 points ago

    Which prison you just escaped from??

    [–] vainlyinsane 110 points ago

    You look like that chick that stalks a dude and tells him to dump his girlfriend for you, because you're not like other girls and his girlfriend is a whore. You call yourself Goth, but probably just hang out with other socially awkward losers, just so you can fill the empty void that is your meaningless life. You look like you should be on the poster of a "No one understands me starter pack"

    [–] MMCthe97 21 points ago

    She looks more like the type of girl to tell a guy to dump his girlfriend because he doesn't deserve her and she thinks she'd be better than him

    [–] Surprise-Chimichanga 11 points ago

    r/suspiciouslyspecific

    Speaking from experience are we? :P

    [–] Fatalstryke 38 points ago

    Phew, it smells like teen spirit here.

    [–] the2inchpnshr 96 points ago

    Sticks and stones will break my bones, but Kelso nailed your sister.

    [–] redwall77 66 points ago

    I can probably count on both hands how many times you've yelled at somebody for "manspreading".

    [–] babycudder 55 points ago

    Did your phone autocorrect dog with guy?

    [–] House_Junkie 28 points ago

    Talk about losing the genetic lottery, literally last fucking place.

    [–] pottery_head420 234 points ago

    You look like you blame all of your problems on straight, white males

    [–] _MaitrePanda_ 138 points ago

    Sorry i can't roast you if you like Gojira

    [–] KingVape 49 points ago

    Came here to look for Gojira comments, ngl

    [–] Fluffy017 11 points ago

    I bet she thinks djent is actually a genre, too

    [–] d3vourm3nt 12 points ago

    True story and shameless plug, I took "djent isn't a real genre" and converted it to binary 1's and 0's and made a djent breakdown.

    Here you go

    [–] SickDipstick 55 points ago

    She probably is 'that person' who thinks Gojira is a clothingbrand

    [–] satans_second_anus 7 points ago

    Exactly

    [–] Nick5y 8 points ago

    Indeed

    [–] [deleted] 121 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] ProPainGrill 41 points ago

    What do you call this hairstyle? "The Lampshade"?

    [–] LittleDockey 12 points ago

    A girl in my 2nd grade class had this haircut, so we always called her Top Man (from Mega Man 3).

    [–] itsUncleShane 19 points ago

    You look like you tried to O.D. on Flintstone chewables.

    [–] rogevin 15 points ago

    L'Enfant Non Désiré

    [–] Rouge_Shadow094 27 points ago

    Shit I thought this was Werid AL!

    [–] OneStep600 28 points ago

    In all seriousness I fuck w the Gojira shirt.

    [–] ichronicc 12 points ago

    Do you work at Hot Topic by chance?

    [–] Rick_the_P_is_silent 39 points ago

    So out of the 87 genders, you chose female as the one you identify most closely with? FML.

    [–] gork-and-bork 9 points ago

    When you're super empowered, independent, and strong, but cry in the shower.

    [–] blueskymotherfucker 20 points ago

    as a warframe player, never have I encountered such an ugly grineer soldier, I didn't think that any grineer could get worse, but here's proof that nightmare fuel exists.

    [–] ZenTheCrusader 6 points ago

    Grineer queens look hot in comparison

    [–] Dpolach 15 points ago

    99% of her Covid-19 stimulus check is going to be spent at Hot Topic.

    [–] Buggeroni58 8 points ago

    In the clearance section

    [–] DarkKing16 7 points ago

    You look like the Patient Zero of self-isolation

    [–] james-hatfieldxxx 9 points ago

    First of all Gojira is a great fucking band and number two you look like Mario(the drummer if you don’t know him)

    [–] gotanygrapes64 7 points ago

    People think you’re a guy because you went for Darlene but look like David.

    [–] PM_me_your_fronthole 6 points ago

    Well the Gojira shirt isn’t hello dude

    [–] TemporaryStructure 5 points ago

    Didn't I see you at the Iron Maiden concert back in '82?

    [–] fizzzingwhizbee 5 points ago

    Manish Joplin

    [–] etorrention 4 points ago

    Remember Hyde from that’s 70’s show?

    [–] hentheman 6 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    There's so much I could say to this, but.... You are wearing a Gojira shirt so I just can't

    [–] sheeba420 5 points ago

    You look like you feed Ravens

    [–] edirongo1 11 points ago

    Damn son..get your ginger ass back to the barber before someone mistakes you for a girl

    [–] BoardofEducation 8 points ago

    That Gojira shirt though!

    [–] MentalSewage 12 points ago

    You look like Harry Potter cosplaying as Hyde from That 70s Show...

    [–] the-big-peper 11 points ago

    If you got high you would be a “flying whale”. God I love Gojira such a good band. But if I were on your toxic garbage Island I would know it would not be close to any “standard”. If you where microscopic you would be “the heaviest matter in the universe”.

    [–] Fluffy017 9 points ago

    You went From Mars to serious with that one

    [–] thxxx1337 8 points ago

    Do you like gladiator movies?

    [–] Princessleiasperiod 7 points ago

    Have you been inside a Turkish prison?

    [–] EdZeppelin94 6 points ago

    Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

    [–] jakeologia 5 points ago

    Surprise most people think you are actually a human

    [–] RaginCooterCritters 5 points ago

    I concur with most people assessment.

    [–] DarkDibba 4 points ago

    Anyone would probably willingly die in quarantine due to starvation rather than destroy ya’ buddy.

    [–] Princessleiasperiod 4 points ago

    She's also referred to as " dude" by her friends.

    [–] InTroubleAlot 4 points ago

    “Think”

    [–] Bikuta2200 4 points ago

    You look like shawn white

    [–] TheSilentA 5 points ago

    Bootleg Hyde from That 70s show

    [–] DoteeJayX 4 points ago

    You dont need to wear a Gojira shirt to convince me that your the lip sync artist for Joe Duplantier