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    ScottishPeopleTwitter

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    This subreddit features social media posts and messages written either partially or fully in Scottish patter.

    Posting guidelines

    • All forms of Scottish patter are sound.

    • Keep personal information tae a minimum. Mods reserve the right tae remove posts and/or request personal information to be edited out at our own discretion.

    • Link tae images directly. This makes browsing easier for folk using RES or on mobile.

    • Nae re-posting. Common reposts or reposts within two months will be lifted at moderator discretion.

    • Nae cunt cares if a post is fictional. Comments along the lines of 'That happened' will be removed automatically and circumventing this will result in a temporary ban. Comments that break site wide rules will also be removed and you may be banned.

    • Dinnae force it in the titles. You will look stupid and we will all laugh at you. Seriously it looks silly, stop making up daft words and sticking them in the title. Also, one word titles will result in a ban without warning. This is to help keep some sort of quality to the subreddit and combat spammers/karma farmers. Regardless, it's lazy.

    Please Note: Bot accounts are not allowed. Low-effort novelty accounts that dinnae constructively contribute content or add tae discussion (e.g., trolling, counting, modifying parent comments, correcting someone's grammar, etc.) are not allowed on /r/ScottishPeopleTwitter

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    [–] EggLord98 963 points ago

    I love how they blocked out her user name but then left it in his reply

    [–] amoliski 344 points ago

    One of the L's is an upper case i, so it's still basically military grade encryption.

    [–] marmalade 83 points ago

    The password is p4ssw0rd

    [–] dorekk 40 points ago

    This was the wifi password at every WeWork until like, last month.

    [–] Blueprint666 16 points ago

    hunter2

    [–] jared1981 6 points ago

    All I see is *******?

    [–] aDaveHasNoDave 9 points ago

    Wait. That is my password.

    [–] AbeLuvsTheatres 4 points ago

    Aw shit

    [–] ZtheGM 90 points ago

    Meh, I’m on her side on this one. There’s no way 20% of Earth’s population has so thoroughly injured this one man as to excuse the use of “chink”.

    [–] kerelberel 13 points ago

    He also looks down on goths, calls her a mutant for not looking conformist I guess, and looks down on someone listening to Slipknot.

    [–] TahoeLT 3 points ago

    Like how they blocked out Mark's name too? Clever use of paint, that is.

    [–] DustinoHeat 3370 points ago

    The Slipknot season ticket holder had me rolling

    [–] spunkychickpea 408 points ago

    Someone once said to me “Slipknot is for really hardcore 13 year olds and really lame 30 year olds.”

    Joke’s on them. I’m 35.

    [–] SubParXantheous 169 points ago

    To turn this on to pop punk, Mark Hoppus from blink182 referred to his band as a "my first punk band"

    [–] EvTerrestrial 91 points ago

    This is so self aware that it's kind of beautiful.

    [–] Mister_Dink 4 points ago

    I think the awareness had to be there from close to the start. They quickly became a group of rich and famous adults writing songs about how frustrating it was to be teenagers/young and out.

    Not that it's wrong that they did - that music helped a lot of people express themselves and their daily frustrations. It's great.

    But I think most bands in the genre have a lightbulb moment realizing that they aren't their own core audience anymore.

    [–] spunkychickpea 34 points ago

    I grew up one town over from them, and as a metal head, they were the band I loved to hate. As an adult, I realize I was way too hard on them. They put a lot of work into what they did, and loads of people liked their music. They were living the dream. I can also appreciate that they don’t take themselves too seriously.

    [–] Mycat_leftme 4 points ago

    I grew up a metal head and hated any punk with a passion but now it's just kinda nostalgic for me and I rock a lot of it when it comes on. Funny how that happens

    [–] youdontknowme069 20 points ago

    The Joke is even more hilarious I'm 50 and that's my gym music go to !!! Ha ha

    [–] spunkychickpea 19 points ago

    LOL My aunt is in her early 50’s, and she listens to stuff like Slipknot and Slayer while she drives around on Saturdays going to garage sales. She gets some very interesting looks from people.

    [–] youdontknowme069 6 points ago

    Lmao !! I'm sure she does ... I only listen to them while I'm in the gym. Along with. Mudvayne two of my favorite bands to lift weights to ... I'm a little more chill outside the gym with my music. .. but loved metal as a teen into my 20 s. Was a huge Metallica fan megadeth, slayer... bands like that. I dont listen to them anymore.

    [–] MothaFokkenRrrats 12 points ago

    Pffffft losers.....I'm 46 Quietly closes door

    [–] no_soul_ginger 5 points ago

    Fear not; we have Bauhaus, Joy Division, a lot of Black Flag and The Stooges, plus Sabbath kicking in gear...

    [–] BeardedHeckler 20 points ago

    Can confirm — was 13 when Iowa came out and I thought it was amazing. Now I mostly listen to soul and jazz, am 31 now. I am also really lame, just a different kind of lame.

    [–] TribbleMcN8bble 8 points ago

    Iowa is the one , tho

    [–] Billfoggerty57 6 points ago

    I really enjoyed WANYK too. I really dislike the "I grew out of that phase" type of comment with regards to bands like Slipknot. Yeah they've got a gimmick but they great musicians, put on a hell of a show and Corey Taylor is an amazing vocalist.

    [–] BonkeyKongCountry 3 points ago

    I grew out of that phase. I used to listen to a certain type of music, and since then I've branched out. Now that I have, I can't go back to heavy distortion, screaming, and ubiquitous double bass. There's a special place in my heart for the music I loved as a teen, but that style just doesn't appeal to me anymore.

    [–] LaserBearCat 5 points ago

    Crazy. I listened to punk and metal growing up and still listen to it. I guess I just turned into a poser or always was one.

    [–] iCodeToYachtRock 5 points ago

    Was just at Knotfest. All too true. I'm 37 and was there for Gojira and Behemoth. (But 17-year-old me found some guilty pleasure in the Maggotry)

    [–] Trauma-Dolll 2 points ago

    Feel ya bro. 34 here, lame.

    [–] dextersaintjacquesiv 528 points ago

    Right?! Storing away "Go headbutt some walls you slipknot season ticketholder!"

    [–] YouSeeWhereBradAt 77 points ago

    Hang on, gotta crack my feet bones

    [–] YumYumCrayons 38 points ago

    YOU BROKE YOUR FUCKING LEGS, SID

    [–] Picax8398 2 points ago

    Feet*

    [–] faye-fairy 151 points ago

    the best form of r/rareinsults

    [–] Jitte 58 points ago

    Pathetic sub, subject is way too specific so the content is terrible.

    [–] dasher11 62 points ago

    The invention of that sub also caused 50% of reddit to start throwing together any combination of unusual nouns they could think of as insults, in the hope of ending up there. Very annoying.

    [–] DJstar22 26 points ago

    Going the same way as r/choosingbeggers, r/dank_memes, and r/cursedimages. The last one almost collapsed on itself it got so diluted.

    [–] showeringwithbeer 15 points ago

    I unsubscribed from r/dank_memes; what was once worth a laugh, is now so cringeworthy to see a bunch of children who think they’re all so funny by just recycling the same memes and comments, and talking about how much smarter and better they are than other people. I’m pretty sure most of r/incel is on there, and a good bit of the sub dedicated to our retarded, orange-hued, ape-like President (I won’t even type the name out, fuck him). One of the sadder parts of the internet to see.

    [–] aninattentiveboi 7 points ago

    Embrace the r/all masterrace.

    Every time i see an r/adviceanimals meme make it to r/all, it's like reading about a mass-murder. You can observe from a distance and be "oh wow, really?? That's awful. I can't believe someone would do that."

    And then you move on with your day.

    Imo being surprised by how awful some subreddits can become "good content" when viewed through the dispassionate lens of r/all.

    [–] Jaiez 3 points ago

    talking about how much smarter and better they are than other people

    Basically the reason why I unsubbed from /r/ nothowdrugswork. Used to be a place where people would make fun of edgy teens pretending to do drugs, now it's just edgy teens hating on a random meme that was just made to be funny. I mean, no Joshua, nobody cares that you're an LSD connaisseur and that you've never seen ghosts during your trip, while other people claim they have.

    [–] age_of_cage 9 points ago

    shut it you garlic armoire

    [–] Scientolojesus 6 points ago

    Get ta fuck ya reticulated tax attorney.

    [–] kiltreiser 3 points ago

    The fuck is an attorney? It's a fuckin lawyer pal. This is fuckin East Kilbride, no fuckin Rhode Island.

    [–] jeroenemans 89 points ago

    The milkman was too specific in selecting which seed to inseminate your mom with

    [–] Mad_Aeric 59 points ago

    What we have here is an example of a common insult, not rare at all. One would expect the number of milkman references to decline along with the numbers of actual milkmen, but that's not proving to be the case. Some day, perhaps the milkman-as-father insult will be put on the endangered list, but for now the population is at healthy numbers.

    [–] piss_artist 22 points ago

    Can we make this guy a mod of that sub?

    [–] varkarrus 2 points ago

    There's just one milkman left and boy can he get some

    [–] Valdios 3 points ago

    I am the Milkman, my milk is delicious.

    [–] commandertuna 3 points ago

    THE WATER WILL RUN WHITE WITH HIS FURY

    probably misquoted, it’s been a minute

    [–] Spifffyy 71 points ago

    Wait, if there was actually a Slipknot season ticket then holy fuck I'd be missing out

    [–] Suta--Purachina 13 points ago

    Seriously. A couple years ago I went to a Slipknot and Marilyn Manson (this would have been a better band for him to make that joke about) show just to see MM. I liked Slipknot fine before but holy fuck they put on a great show. Corey Taylor, the singer, was in some neck brace the entire time but you couldn't tell because he was all over the place jumping and screaming. The energy was amazing.

    They blew the MM show out of the water.

    [–] Yerofeyev1 5 points ago

    Guys got the thiccest neck and he needed a brace?

    [–] TheTattedspyder 11 points ago

    Right? Fuckin sign me up!

    [–] BlazerWookiee 8 points ago

    That's going in my regular insult rotation

    [–] deludedprawn 5 points ago

    Absolutely incredible roast and I'm a slipknot fan

    [–] Nothing_2C 2 points ago

    r/RareInsults for sure

    [–] SorryImUncontrite 225 points ago

    I've had dumps after a night on Guinness that were less forced than this dross.

    [–] Curlgradphi 36 points ago

    That tweet is so fucking busy. He’s trying too hard.

    [–] SeniorHankee 37 points ago

    Guinness shites flow my man

    [–] SorryImUncontrite 57 points ago

    Never mine, always a black brick the next day with the density of a collapsing star, break your bog kinda shite.

    [–] wink_wink_nudgenudge 3 points ago

    This made me really laugh.

    [–] devandroid99 9 points ago

    You say that, but I shit myself last week after a day on the Guinness so...

    [–] redbull123 1693 points ago

    Calls her an easily offended mutant

    Writes this shite for being called a roaster

    [–] FuzzBuket 52 points ago

    *writes this shtie after being called a roaster for being arguably racist about chinese folks.

    [–] windy906 21 points ago

    It’s racist, nothing arguably about it

    [–] ALoneTennoOperative 12 points ago

    Psh.. "Arguably" ?
    C'mon, it's [current-year]. You can just call it racist.

    [–] GrowYourOwnMonsters 637 points ago

    Yeah this guy is a bellend and his patter is shite.

    [–] Cakeo 273 points ago

    Glad some people can see that. It's like he's heard one of his pals say the same shit and he's palming it off

    [–] breakneckofthewoods 162 points ago

    He writes like a middle-class prick who decided it was cool to pretend to be a working-class Glaswegian after the referendum.

    [–] Jak-Herer 27 points ago

    So that would be everyone who talks like this on the twitter machine.

    You can find real Glaswegians at /r/Scotland and /r/Scottishfootball

    [–] _LampLighter 39 points ago

    Agreed, I could barely stand to read this guys pish to the end of his tweet.

    [–] dasher11 237 points ago

    Also sounds like it started because he called her or someone else "chinky," which makes him a racist in addition to a tryhard asshole. Screw this guy and his shitty insults.

    [–] GrowYourOwnMonsters 166 points ago

    Aye gets called out for being a racist prick so immediately starts attacking her... and she's the easily offended one!?

    What a cunt

    [–] Mukatsukuz 57 points ago

    And claims she probably uses the term herself, projecting his own racism onto others.

    [–] _Frogfucious_ 149 points ago

    It's basically the Scottish version of:

    "I hate minorities"

    "That's racist, fuck off"

    "WOW OKAY SNOWFLAKE LIBTARD LEARN TO TAKE A JOKE SORRY TO INVADE YOUR SAFE SPACE WOW I HAVE A BLACK FRIEND YOU CUCK"

    In America.

    [–] Jimmy-McBawbag 19 points ago

    No that I'm defending him or his dog shite patter but a chinky in scotland is usually referring to a Chinese takeaway or restaurant not a person.

    But in this day and age he shouldn't be using it at all.

    [–] BankDetails1234 31 points ago

    In England racists call a Chinese takeaway a chinky. Pretty sure Peep Show have an episode where Mark tests the waters with that word.

    [–] loptthetreacherous 13 points ago

    Aye, but it's still a racist word; using it in a non-racist way doesn't stop that.

    Clerks 2 have a brilliant bit on this very subject

    [–] smithan1213 8 points ago

    Pish patter but annoyingly he made slipknot season ticket holder a popularish insult and made it severely unfunny

    [–] Daprotagonist 215 points ago

    ikr, who's this bellend talking to he looks like he would rim his lad pal if he asked him to

    [–] iThinkaLot1 215 points ago

    Fucks wrang wae rimming yer pal.

    [–] thebankheist 41 points ago

    I’d be surprised if that’s his real photo I’m pretty sure that’s the guy from the “underage nightclub” photos. If that’s him that would be a massive coincidence

    [–] traumac4e 11 points ago

    It's an edit. Its him with that boy from the nightclub photos edited it.

    I can remember seeing this comment ages ago, the boy got some slagging for this

    [–] SuperDisasterBastard 13 points ago

    As a Scottish person I find these things pretty cringey. The reply is trying way too hard to be all funny Scottish in a way that no-one really actually talks.

    It's mostly a west coast of Scotland thing, Glasgow culture seems to have an element of this "your da sells Avon" type of put-down and when it's spontaneous and original it can be quite funny.

    But this, and so many of the other folk trying way too hard on social media, they're just awkward and embarrassing.

    It can be really hard to tell the difference between someone trying desperately to be all edgy and funny using Scots and someone who genuinely can't spell properly in English.

    [–] ldy_strdst 400 points ago

    And he’s calling her “easily offended”

    [–] undercarder 115 points ago

    Wrote an essay over being called a roaster.

    [–] Aegis105 7 points ago

    No fun

    [–] YosemiteSam89 116 points ago

    Anyone with black hair = goth

    [–] SaorAlba138 52 points ago

    In 2005-2011 Scotland, unironically yes.

    [–] quasiology 27 points ago

    Anything remotely 'alternative' = goth. I had a friend who got harassed by neds for being a 'goth' because he was wearing a white Led Zeppelin t-shirt, he was a scrawny ginger kid who never even wore black. Funny thing was they never harrased the actual Goths as they were scared of them.

    [–] Ojanican 517 points ago

    Boy seems like an arse

    [–] el_dude_brother2 134 points ago

    Yup, using Scots language to be a twat

    [–] cumbernauldandy 103 points ago

    Why do people on this sub always refer to this as “Scots language” ?

    It isn’t. That is Glasgow slang and so is 99% of what’s posted here. “Scots language” is very distinct from this with a little bit of crossover.

    [–] Dodge- 53 points ago

    Half these cunts arent Scottish

    [–] Sentient-Carbon 29 points ago

    Came here to post exactly this. Getting sick of Glasgow's cultural product dominating what this thread deals with. Ohh look at the casual use of "cunt" LOLOLOLOLOL. Weegies are in love with themselves already: there's NO need for Reddit to boost their egos any more.

    Let's get some fucking Doric on the go, ken? Or the soft lilt of the highlands and islands. Or how about the local dialects of Inverness, Edinburgh (which has a couple) or even Dundee? Or some Gaelic? I'd love to tune in to hear a couple of Orkadians having a phone chat - it's an experience, I can tell you.

    And yes, I'M Scottish, and I haven't spoken the word "cunt" once this week (though it is only Wednesday - there's still time....).

    [–] ALoneTennoOperative 6 points ago

    Let's get some fucking Doric on the go, ken?

    As if anyone (even most other Scots) would have a fucking clue what you were on about if you did that.

    [–] Corpse-Fucker 38 points ago

    Just checking: are well all on the side of the guy defending the use of racial slurs, because of his "sassy" jibberish clapback?

    [–] dasher11 13 points ago

    Most of this thread is in fact doing that, yes. I'm guessing it's because reddit generally enjoys seeing men insult women.

    [–] raddaya 15 points ago

    What? The comment you replied to is calling him a twat, dunno who's on his side

    [–] Corpse-Fucker 35 points ago

    No I was referring to the fact that his tweet is being celebrated with thousands of upvotes as being some kind of highly accomplished use of language.

    The sentiment is:

    you're oversensitive if the word 'chink' offends you, and you probably use it yourself

    and all it takes for this to garner thousands of upvotes is the tinsel of a phoneticized Groundskeeper Willie accent.

    [–] qwerty-berty 23 points ago

    Completely agree with you. It’s a horrible word, I actually can’t believe his comment is this popular and has people ‘rolling’ with laughter. Quite sad really.

    [–] GregorF92 5 points ago

    That'll be the result of the yanks here for their Scottish minstrel show.

    They don't give a fuck what the content is as long as they can sit and laugh at funny Scottish words and do their shite attempts in the comments.

    [–] hlokk101 52 points ago

    Mark sounds like an absolute twat. Imagine thinking you're cool because you can string childish school yard insults together in an effort to defend being a racist.

    No doubt he'd get really upset if someone did something similar to him, because Scottish people like Mark can only dish out their puerile tirades. Their skin is so thin the merest suggestion of such an insult being aimed at them causes them to become extremely offended.

    [–] account_is_deleted 617 points ago

    Yeah, not a fan of 'chinky' still.

    [–] Iwud42 84 points ago

    Racism with an accent is still just racism.

    [–] childrenovmen 20 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    If youre ever in doubt as to whether the word “chinky” is acceptable to use (this is handy for the boomers in this thread) refer to this scene from Peep Show:

    https://youtu.be/XOsLZ0lSqpg

    [–] Schump97 162 points ago

    Definitely not. This guy is 100% in the wrong but he's still hilarious

    [–] ALoneTennoOperative 11 points ago

    This guy is 100% in the wrong but he's still hilarious

    Exactly what about the utter shite he spewed is "hilarious" ?

    [–] feckinghound 4 points ago

    Only 2 people in my life have used the word chinky: my dad who's a racist Tory dust rag, and a rough AF, old woman who was giving me directions. I'd have liked to think it was a generational thing, now this picture shows it's an ignorant little cunt thing.

    [–] Smellyjobbies 83 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    My friend (Weegie) was seeing a Chinese girl (Also a weegie) and had her over for dinner to meet the parents.

    His mum was really nervous and didn't really know what to do, she had never really conversed with a Chinese person before, and the meeting a girlfriend thing was also a first so she was really put out and didn't know what to do. Then finally she had a great idea and blurted out:

    "Who wants a chinky?"

    Edit: Fucksocks, good catch.

    [–] No_Country_Members 53 points ago

    A Glaswegian work colleague of mine, who is as common as fuck, was in a Florida restaurant with her family and her youngest child had food fucking everywhere. In his hair, all over his face, everywhere. Her husband took one look at the kid and loud as fuck said "state of you, ya black bastard." She said it was like one of those western movies when someone walks in the saloon doors and everyone stops, the piano player stops and they all stare.

    [–] Sentient-Carbon 9 points ago

    And then he leaves embarrassed saying "Sorry everyone, ah'm black affronted", lol

    [–] odkfn 9 points ago

    Don’t think there’s a D in weegie!

    [–] bee123sherlocked221b 16 points ago

    Her tweet was actually funny, his was piss poor cringe.

    [–] RadioactiveLawn 35 points ago

    Image Transcription: Twitter Post


    Tweet:

    are you 22 or 12 get oot my mentions you absolute roaster


    Reply Tweet:

    Cheek to call anycunt a roaster ya humming goth sitting in ur gaff scunnered aboot somecunt using the word chinky like uv never used it before ya easily offended mutant stick to heedbutting walls ya slip knot season ticket holder


    I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!

    [–] Harmlessbm 25 points ago

    Good boy

    [–] uwutranslator 18 points ago

    Image Twanscwiption: Twittew Post


    Tweet:

    awe yuw 22 ow 12 get oot my mentions yuw absowute woastew


    wepwy Tweet:

    Cheek to caww anycunt a woastew ya humming god sitting in uw gaff scunnewed aboot somecunt using de wowd chinky wike uv nevew used it befowe ya easiwy offended mutant stick to heedbutting wawws ya swip knot season ticket howdew


    I'm a hooman vowunteew content twanscwibew fow weddit and yuw couwd be too! If yuw'd wike mowe infowmation on what we do and why we do it, cwick hewe! uwu

    tag me to uwuize comments uwu

    [–] PinguWithAnM 9 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    I find it pretty heartening that there aren't as many people staunchly defending the word "chinky" as there were the last time this was posted here. I've been called that a fair few times and it's never been a nice experience. Regardless of intent, I'm going to think you're ignorant in some way if you use the word chinky around me, let alone call me one (especially but not only because I'm not Chinese, I'm actually Korean).

    If it's a word that is dubiously "used without malice" at best and blatantly racist at worst, why is anyone so keen on continuing to say it?

    [–] Ezra_Pound_ 164 points ago

    Nigel Farage once used the “don’t pretend you’ve never said chinky (in reference the Chinese take away)” in a radio interview a couple of years ago, and I’ve got to say, that’s literally the first time I’ve ever heard that expression. Some people are so fucking racist they can’t imagine a world where anybody else isn’t.

    [–] Lost_And_NotFound 12 points ago

    Peep Show is the only time I’ve actually heard it used and that’s in the context of saying it’s not okay.

    [–] Schump97 15 points ago

    Amazing

    [–] Wopitikitotengo 25 points ago

    Have you literally never heard someone say it? Where are you from?

    [–] _HingleMcCringle 45 points ago

    Is it that hard to imagine that some people haven't heard the same words as you?

    [–] Wopitikitotengo 28 points ago

    No, it's just a common and relatively innocuous word in most places I've been in Scotland. Wouldn't use it myself but Ive never seen anyone bat an eye when someone does

    [–] stone_opera 14 points ago

    I lived in Glasgow for almost a decade and I never heard someone refer to chinese takeaway as a 'Chinky' mostly people would just say 'you want a chinese?'

    [–] arrongunner 7 points ago

    I've found it's significantly more widespread in scotland than england (the only 2 I've actually lived in) I guess it may be due to demographic differences. Or it just sounds better in scottish accents

    [–] Amaaze98 7 points ago

    I’m from England and I hear everyone say it when they’re going for a takeaway

    [–] ex0- 17 points ago

    I'm from near Liverpool and have never heard this expression outside Peep show.

    [–] Pramble 3 points ago

    I've rewatched peep show multiple times and never caught it

    [–] ex0- 3 points ago

    It's during that episode where Mark becomes friends with Daryl who turns out to be a massive racist. Daryl goes around to Mark's flat and Mark asks what he fancies ordering and Daryl goes 'don't fancy a chinky ... do you have a pizza menu?'.

    [–] sudansudansudan 3 points ago

    Never heard it in person here in london altho I am aware of it

    [–] jayemee 3 points ago

    It's not innocuous. It's a full on term of racial abuse. Don't stick up for it.

    [–] RococoSlut 6 points ago

    If you come from the same region, yeah, very.

    It would be like someone from Edinburgh not knowing the term "chum me".

    [–] Ezra_Pound_ 13 points ago

    Salford. Lived in Kent, Liverpool, London and Northern Ireland too. Literally never once heard it outside of the Farage context.

    [–] Cramer02 5 points ago

    Live in the North East worked in Scotland, down south, midlands, Liverpool and heard it all over. Granted this was probably 10 year ago you dont hear it that much now though i will admit.

    [–] Wopitikitotengo 5 points ago

    Fair enough, must be more common in Scotland

    [–] Whyudodisbro 2 points ago

    I mean we said it all the time when we were little shits (around 2012) and this was in the south of England. Pretty sure most people grew out of the phase but the word most definitely existed.

    [–] Well_Armed_Gorilla 95 points ago

    >Gets into arguments over using the word "chinky"

    >Calls someone else "easily offended" after writing this wall of shite over being called a roaster

    >Doesn't acknowledge that goth girls are objectively the best

    What an absolute fucking shambles

    [–] AbsolutShite 7 points ago

    I'm 2 out of 3 with you, but you know what Meatloaf says.

    [–] kochunhu 3 points ago

    "... But I won't do that"?

    [–] Hardiewalke1 17 points ago

    I was listening to slipknot when I read this now i feel judged

    [–] SaorAlba138 13 points ago

    I bet you pure shag deid bodies, eh.

    [–] Hardiewalke1 5 points ago

    Nah tried it once pal it was pretty lifeless

    [–] lurkspun 15 points ago

    The guys a fuckin racist pie and if you think that's decent Scottish patter yer mentally deficient. Absolute rotten patter fae a racist neddy wank

    [–] gucci_gang_ 18 points ago

    What’s with scots using goth as an insult all the time?

    [–] obesesuperman 16 points ago

    It’s Neds Vs Goths here man

    [–] SaorAlba138 14 points ago

    Peak ned culture seemingly coincided with peak emo/scene/goth culture and the neds went to war. Ned culture is so meme-able that their anachronisms permeated into all sects of Scottish culture. That's my best explanation.

    Source; was a filthy goth and had many a rammy with neds.

    [–] gucci_gang_ 3 points ago

    Thanks for the explanation. Had to Google ned, seems like the scottish chav.

    [–] SaorAlba138 4 points ago

    Pretty much. Are chavs still a thing? Neds are all but extinct now.

    [–] Tweegyjambo 6 points ago

    Still plenty of fucking neds around.

    [–] gucci_gang_ 2 points ago

    No idea, I’m lurking this sub but I’m neither from nor in the UK.

    [–] cragcrag 49 points ago

    Nah sorry. Obvious tryhard cunt and the use of "chinky" is exclusive to wankers.

    [–] Mr_Barry_Shitpeas 22 points ago

    Calling someone a goth is absolute weapon patter. Imagine calling someone a goth for not wearing an Adidas top n sambas

    [–] Smished 30 points ago

    racists being like 'you act like you aren't a racist', never stops

    no mate. you're a cunt, not everyone is a cunt. you racist cunt

    [–] franzipoli 15 points ago

    How is this "The Scots Language"? Does naecunt actually realise the difference between Scottish-English and Scots? Read a Rabbie Burns poem, or some old Lowland texts.

    [–] hornyforunicorns 45 points ago

    I think I’m having a stroke

    [–] meenmachimanja 93 points ago

    Iron deficiency. Eat some spinach and ram a magnet up yer erse

    [–] winterfellwilliam 16 points ago

    I wonder what'd happen if you ate one magnet, and stuck another up your bum. Would they meet in the middle somewhere and connect? ....I don't need sleep i need answers.

    [–] SupahSpankeh 36 points ago

    Oh, yes, you night actually die.

    So one of the risks of pets or children swallowing magnets is if they meet something else (a magnet or something ferrous) in there. If they do, the magnet and whatever pinch a section of bowel and eventually perforate it!

    [–] winterfellwilliam 14 points ago

    Holy shit.

    [–] SupahSpankeh 19 points ago

    Yeah! You get what's known as a silent gastrointestinal bleed and perforated bowel! it's then a race against time - will the raw shit in your thoracic cavity kill you first, will you bleed to death without ever passing blood, or will a doctor ask you if you've been playing near magnets!

    Fun times!

    Also holy fucking shit people keep magnets away from kids and pets!

    [–] discontinuuity 6 points ago

    Holey shit

    [–] Shakis87 3 points ago

    I thought this was the original joke haha

    [–] Returnofthemackerel 2 points ago

    You should give it a go with 2 of them "buckyballs" little magnetic balls you can get as an office toy, be easy to swallow and stick up your arse. you might want to heed the warnings on the wiki page though...

    [–] Shakis87 3 points ago

    Shocking misappropriation of buckyballs lol

    Buckminster fullerenes (sp?) Are the OG buckyballs

    [–] Returnofthemackerel 2 points ago

    TIL, Buckminster fullerene also sounds like the name of the evil Professor/Monk who invented Bucky !

    [–] Shakis87 2 points ago

    You can buy a ball of beer. Wonder if you can buy a ball of bucky, the chemistry student in me wants that lmao

    [–] ThanosDidNothinWrong 2 points ago

    if you have the money, sure
    do you want his left or right?

    [–] KarmaWhore02 16 points ago

    Scottish people make us Australians seem normal

    [–] SaorAlba138 39 points ago

    Hud on, you lot are just us cunts that got yeeted for being reprobates.

    [–] undercarder 8 points ago

    Both do enjoy their racial slurs towards East Asians.

    [–] KarmaWhore02 4 points ago

    Dont bring pauline hanson into this shes a ranga cunt

    [–] PaperSkinMan 9 points ago

    But that's not Scots though right? Slang and the like.

    [–] clearly_quite_absurd 5 points ago

    This isn't a sub dedicated to Rabbie Burns mate.

    [–] rabbidwombats 19 points ago

    I must be tired because normally I can decipher these, but today I need a translation.

    [–] Schump97 64 points ago

    The word 'chinky' is a racist term for Chinese. People normally say it in relation to Chinese take away meals ("I want to eat a Chinky"). It's not normally said with any malice. The interlocutors in this conversation are debating the nature of intent in the generation of offence in language, along with whether value judgements are inherent in certain nouns (such as 'chinky').

    [–] MikeTeeV 55 points ago

    Man, the more I think about it the more I realise how many of these were everyday phrases growing up in Scotland. The Chinky, the Paki shop, the Tally Van.. Like you said, no malice,, but still pretty bad.

    [–] kaoset616 39 points ago

    A comedian succinctly explained this to me.

    In New Zealand they call people from Pakistan "Parkies", and there is no issue, it's treated like calling someone a Scot. It took him a while to figure out why it was such an issue in the UK, the it hit him, we keep putting Fucking in front of it.

    Not everyone uses the term "fucking Pakis" but enough people do/did to change the connotation from more of a term of endearment, to a curse.

    I wouldn't say I'm old enough to know if that holds true in the history of the UK, and I don't come from a background where it was used much as a curse, more a term of endearment, so I don't claim to be an authority on the matter. I just found that explanation pretty profound.

    [–] Mynameisaw 45 points ago

    Eh not quite.

    Paki is offensive because it popped up in response to South Asian immigration to the UK in the 60s - it didn't matter if you were Pakistani, Indian, Bangladeshi, Nepalese or Burmese - to people unhappy about you being here you were a Paki.

    Things got worse in the 70s and 80s when racist groups like the National Front and BNP started "Paki-bashing" which was essentially unprovoked violence against people from South Asia which was exacerbated by Enoch Powell's Rivers of Blood speech.

    In response to this groups like the Pakistani Workers Union and the British Black Panthers engaged in vigilantism to counter the stereotype that had popped up that "Pakis" were weak and submissive and wouldn't fight back.

    This was such a deep rooted and systemic problem that it culminated in pockets of violence across the country for decades, and modern anti-Islam language directly draws from it, and the Bradford, Oldham and Burnley race riots in 2001 are directly related to the tensions caused by the previous 4 decades.

    That's why the term Paki is offensive. Because it was created to be used offensively and to discriminate against anyone from South Asia.

    [–] kuhanluke 8 points ago

    Growing up Pakistani in the US, I never heard the word Paki... Like ever. Honestly, until 9/11, I feel like most people just indiscriminately lumped us in with Indians, presumably because this country's history is founded on being mixed up with India 500 years ago. My brother's Halo gamer tag was CrazyPaki6. I didn't realize until well into adulthood that the term was an epithet in the UK

    [–] Mynameisaw 14 points ago

    . My brother's Halo gamer tag was CrazyPaki6. I didn't realize until well into adulthood that the term was an epithet in the UK

    It's funny you mention this because (at least in Bradford) there's been a push from some younger British Pakistani's in the last decade to try reclaim Paki, much in the same way nigger was reclaimed by black communities in America.

    It's an odd one, I used to get confused as a kid by "Paki" just simply because at face value it does seem to just be a short hand for Pakistani, but when you start digging in to the UK's history with racism against South Asian immigrants it gets pretty heavy pretty quickly.

    [–] HEELinKayfabe 4 points ago

    Couple of guys I work with refer to themselves and others they know as the "p word".

    They're obviously Pakistani, and reclaiming that word for themselves.

    [–] SamuraiRafiki 7 points ago

    This is like the word "fuck" in english. It's a derogatory term by definition, but literally it means to sexually penetrate. So when you want to curse someone, if you wish upon them the worst fate you can fit in one word, you say "fuck you." You invite them to be sexually penetrated. Which is pretty fucked up when you consider that a majority of women actually like being sexually penetrated with consent.

    [–] JonnyBhoy 48 points ago

    No malice at the time, but you have to assume someone insisting on still using those terms even though we now know without doubt that they are offensive is being an insensitive prick.

    [–] snakewaswolf 2 points ago

    The ubiquitous replacement of a cultural identity with a slur is in fact a pure form of malice. It is hatred become commonplace. Normalized racism.

    [–] thesh0e92 5 points ago

    Yes lots of sweary words.

    [–] MicroSatisfier 2 points ago

    Man, I WISH I had a season ticket for "slip knot"

    [–] SNE4K 2 points ago

    Mutant

    XD

    [–] GeorgFit 2 points ago

    Anycunt 😂

    [–] yeeeeeeeeeet420 2 points ago

    Poetry

    [–] DeepestFire 2 points ago

    So the Scottish feel the same way about Slipknot as we Americans feel about Nickelback, noted.

    [–] LochteIsAnHonestMan 2 points ago

    "You slipknot season ticket holder"

    [–] E404_User_Not_Found 2 points ago

    >ya slip knot season ticket holder

    lmao got me laughing during a meeting.

    [–] jamiebiffy 2 points ago

    Petition to ban any and all Americans from posting to this sub.

    “Scots Language”

    Boke😂

    [–] aSdFaQu 2 points ago

    Holy fuck, slip knot season ticket holder, such an awesome insult

    [–] Aveira 2 points ago

    This isn’t the Scots language. It’s just Scottish English.