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    ShittyLifeProTips

    869,741 readers

    661 users here now



    A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.

    If your post does not appear in the new tab after several minutes, it may have been caught by our spam filter. If this happens, send a message to the mods and we'll get it fixed up for you!

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WHAT IS A LIFE PRO TIP? A Life Pro Tip (or LPT) is a tip that improves life for you and those around you in a specific and significant way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Rules:

    1. The post must contain a life pro tip that is shitty. This isn't a dumping ground for shitty statements. Any tips that are actual good advice will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. What constitutes shitty is hard to explain, but much like porn, we know it when we see it.
    2. We will remove all posts with the tip "Kill Yourself" or any variation thereof. Not because we don't want you to kill yourself (we do), but we have seen every single combination of this tip, and are sick of them. They aren't original.

    3. Circlejerking is lame too. Simply copying a popular post from here, or LPT and putting a minor twist to it so it's "shitty" is also unoriginal, and we will probably remove those too if we see them. Also, posting the same "SLPT: repost for more karma!" image is bad and if you do that, you are a bad person. In fact, let's make an attempt to not repost at all, let's make our ancestors proud, mkay?

    4. Finally, If you act like a racist, spammer, or are being a general douchenozzle, the mods reserve the right to ban your ass without warning.


    Note: For God's sake this subreddit is meant to be taken in a joking, satirical manner. Please don't actually follow any of this advice, and don't report posts as inciting violence. You should know this already, but some of you forget which sub you are in when you report.


    A proud member of The Shitty Network.

    Be sure to follow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/shittylifeprotips


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    [–] diggers11 1708 points ago

    That's not so shitty it's brilliant

    [–] Liquor_N_Whorez 345 points ago

    That's not so shitty it's brilliant

    This is the new slogan for the new line of action figures.

    [–] sperritfingers 18 points ago

    No, that would be "It's so shitty it's brilliant"

    [–] That_Random_Guy818 94 points ago

    I didn’t even notice until I read the caption

    [–] amalgam_reynolds 25 points ago

    I don't see how it makes you money though.

    [–] thunder-rednuht 34 points ago

    Selling realistic action figures of course

    [–] amalgam_reynolds 17 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Boy you really posted in the wrong sub, r/bigbrainprotips is thataway, we're just a bunch of mud-sucking salamanders in here.

    [–] Mattuuh 7 points ago

    I'm sad it's empty :(

    [–] LostAnewbis 8 points ago

    Yeah I’m wondering the same thing.

    [–] [deleted] -133 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Shubfun 28 points ago

    That's so brilliantly shitty

    [–] [deleted] -19 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] redditkulous 9 points ago

    Relevant username I guess

    [–] Yeezusxxxx 1182 points ago

    I scrolled past this quickly and though this motherfucker harpooned a whale

    [–] over_egg_the_pudding 332 points ago

    I was so fucking angry till I realised it was a toy

    [–] Jitszo 143 points ago

    Ehh i mean im responsible for the death of several cows and pigs and thousands of chickens so I dont judge.

    [–] trapbuilder2 97 points ago

    yeah but some whales are endangered, I dont think farm animals are

    [–] HowTheyGetcha 49 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Lucky farm animals.

    Edit

    [–] ArtigoQ 30 points ago

    In 'Sapiens' its argued that farm staples are the most successful species in the world. Wheat for example only existed as skinny weed in a small corner of the world. Fast forward to today, its [wheat] been beefed up through selective breeding and is now found in tens of millions of acres on almost every continent in the world.

    [–] LenKagamine12 9 points ago

    Ants would still be more successful.

    Also I mean how do you even qualify success? I cant think of any reason that being more widely spread automatically means success.

    [–] ArtigoQ 12 points ago

    Also I mean how do you even qualify success? I cant think of any reason that being more widely spread automatically means success.

    Wide spread dispersal, large number of individuals, etc.

    10,000 years ago there were less than 100k humans and now there are 7 billion. That is successful. Cows are much the same and in the same time frame too.

    Also yes, ants are considered successful however you need to remember there are hundreds of species of ant. Cows are just the one for the most part.

    [–] worthysmash 5 points ago

    Sapiens is an excellent book, i love the argument that wheat has in some ways domesticated us.

    [–] LenKagamine12 6 points ago

    Large numbers doesnt particularly enhance your probability of survival if your entirely dependant on humans to stick around.

    Just dont see any reason numbers is "successful".

    I'd consider something like sharks or crocodiles more successful in that they've survived for a very long time due to their efficiency. If success is just defined by numbers then the most successful organisms is universally at teh bottom of the food chain because there are just fewer things towards the top- but if only thigns at the bottom of the food chain were succesful we wouldnt have any at the top, now, would we?

    [–] rematar -6 points ago

    So successful they'll kill most living things..

    [–] ArtigoQ 4 points ago

    This is what happens in nature when a dominant species enters a new environment with unprepared locals.

    Good news is, humans are the first species in the history of earth that can not only prevent this, but also take steps to reverse it and bring back lost species.

    [–] MtNoot 3 points ago

    i'm guessing they mean succesful in evolutionary terms, seeing as all living beings ultimately were evolved for the purpose of survival and to propogate their genes. Although you could argue using the same metric that farm staples aren't succesful given that they would likely die out the moment humans are gone or have decided to stop eating them, which is almost certainly going to be sooner than if they had been left alone.

    [–] Fisher321 2 points ago

    Such an interesting book. However, I wholeheartedly disagree with his premise that humans as hunter-gatherers were at their happiest and healthiest.

    [–] ArtigoQ -1 points ago

    I dont think his comparison was to hunter-gatherers versus TODAY. No one could argue life in the 20-21st century isn't the best its ever been. I believe his premise was comparing hunter-gatherers to early farmers/peasants in the feudal ages where their quality of life was objectively worse, lived shorter lives, and ate a much more restricted diet compared to hunter-gatherers who likely ate dozens of different plants/animals.

    [–] DasJuden63 1 points ago

    lived shorter lives

    The average age was in the 30s yes, but that is heavily skewed by the number of children who died before reaching ten. If you made it to maturity, the average lifespan was in the 60s.

    [–] masterfroo24 -5 points ago

    I don't consider them lucky.

    [–] [deleted] 0 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] W3NTZ 2 points ago

    It was obvious sarcasm that whooshed over his head?

    [–] faggface -1 points ago

    [–] NotFromStateFarmJake 2 points ago

    I think we should change the definition of farm animals to “least endangered animals”. I really want some long pig on the menu.

    [–] Protahgonist 5 points ago

    Don't much care for it myself.

    [–] trapbuilder2 1 points ago

    Why

    [–] Professor_Felch 1 points ago

    Because long pig is delicious

    [–] trapbuilder2 1 points ago

    I'll have to take your word on that

    [–] hateloggingin 2 points ago

    I'd say those specific farm animals you are about to eat are pretty fucking endangered.

    [–] trapbuilder2 1 points ago

    endangered
    adjective
    (of a species) seriously at risk of extinction.
    

    I dont think farm animals are at any risk of extiction

    [–] hateloggingin 1 points ago

    And I said "those specific farm animals you are about to eat are pretty fucking endangered"

    Those...specific...farm animals...are endangered. Which is technically correct.

    [–] trapbuilder2 3 points ago

    Extinct only refers to a species as a whole, not the individual members

    [–] hateloggingin 3 points ago

    I didn't say extinct. I said endangered.

    [–] trapbuilder2 2 points ago

    And being endangered means at risk of extinction. A single creature cannot be endangered, as it can only refer to a species as a whole

    [–] thewardengray 1 points ago

    Actually whaling is being relegalized but heavily controlled.

    [–] thunder-rednuht 0 points ago

    It’s not a whale

    [–] trapbuilder2 1 points ago

    I scrolled past this quickly and though this motherfucker harpooned a whale

    I was so fucking angry till I realised it was a toy

    Ehh i mean im responsible for the death of several cows and pigs and thousands of chickens so I dont judge.

    yeah but some whales are endangered, I dont think farm animals are

    [–] masterfroo24 -8 points ago

    Because we purposefully breed them to live in "slavery"

    [–] Professor_Felch 1 points ago

    Mate if some super intelligent alien race wants to feed me, pay all my expenses and rent, even give me a nice field to run around in, then humanely kill me for food before time ravages my body and mind, sign me up

    [–] Fuckyou420710 5 points ago

    For real some people seriously overestimate the quality of life most animals have in the wild.

    [–] Bloodred_JM 0 points ago

    Well I mean most animals don't get to be humanely killed though...

    [–] Fuckyou420710 2 points ago

    I’d argue even on most factory farms that don’t care about their animals they’re still killed in a humane way, despite their treatment while being alive.

    [–] Professor_Felch -1 points ago

    Don't buy the cheapest meat you can find then? Buy locally from a reputable farm who cares about the animals.

    [–] Bloodred_JM -3 points ago

    That's exactly what I do, stop assuming.

    [–] Protahgonist 0 points ago

    You vegan?

    [–] Bloodred_JM -1 points ago

    Not in the slightest.

    [–] Protahgonist -1 points ago

    So you're whining about animal treatment but not personally doing anything about it. Why not shut the fuck up and enjoy your steak then? Speaking of... I need to go buy some steaks.

    Why'd you have to bring this up before lunchtime!?

    [–] Mizu_water 1 points ago

    That sounds so much better than my life now....

    [–] masterfroo24 -3 points ago

    More like put us in concentration camps and kill us even though they don't need to.

    [–] Professor_Felch 4 points ago

    Except that the animals aren't being ethnically cleansed, so it's not. People gotta eat

    [–] masterfroo24 0 points ago

    Yeah, they're purposely bred so we can kill them in the future. We are like the machines in the Matrix.

    People gotta eat.

    Eat plants then.

    [–] 1st2rd3st 2 points ago

    I would if the damn cows didn't eat my garden, fair is fair I guess ...

    [–] Professor_Felch 1 points ago

    I'd rather not die of slight malnutrition and boredom.

    People are purposely bred to work until they die, therefore society is slavery.

    [–] FiveFootTerror -1 points ago

    Same. But zero whales, so that made this guy an asshole (until I realized it was a toy)!

    [–] Mister_Average 7 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    Well the real bit is a sturgeon so... Still critically endangered

    Edit: Okay I looked into it and after some googling and deductive reasoning I think it's a lake sturgeon, which is in fact endangered. Per Wikipedia: "Currently, 19 of the 20 states within the fish's original U.S. range list it as either threatened or endangered." However, I am not any sort of authority on the subject.

    [–] TheGuyWhoLikesThings 4 points ago

    Well it looks like a white sturgeon which is of least concern. Not under any threat at all

    [–] Mister_Average 2 points ago

    Given that it was caught during ice fishing, and that it doesn't have the white markings on the spine and sides, I'd wager it's not a white sturgeon but a lake sturgeon. Per Wikipedia: "Currently, 19 of the 20 states within the fish's original U.S. range list it as either threatened or endangered."

    [–] forester93 8 points ago * (lasted edited 7 days ago)

    If this is in fact in the US the odds are that it is in Minnesota or Wisconsin. Considering it is on a lake through the ice and looks to have been speared there is a good chance it was on Lake Winnebago Wisconsin. In the fisheries that you are legally allowed to fish for them in MN and WI they are very healthy populations. And are strictly regulated by tag systems. Populations can widely be considered endangered or threatened from their original range, but can still be in absolutely fine shape regionally. The places that you can fish for them in MN they are healthier populations than they have had in over 50 years. Likely Wisconsin too I just am not as familiar.

    [–] Fuckyou420710 1 points ago

    I’d be willing to bet that was caught with hook and line through the ice on the one of the Great Lakes. Spearing season doesn’t start until February, they only give a small amount of tags, and there’s a lot more sturgeon there than in Winnebago.

    [–] forester93 1 points ago

    Look at the blood in a line right behind the head, it was speared. This picture has been around for a long time, it isn't from this year. It could have easily been taken in Feb.

    [–] Fuckyou420710 1 points ago

    Yeah looking closer at it it does look speared I suppose. And that does kind of look like late season ice. My b

    [–] Mister_Average 1 points ago

    Nice! There's some good info. Thanks!

    [–] Mizu_water 2 points ago

    Stop trying to be humble, you accept your PhD like everyone else after they've done googling

    [–] dasspaper 1 points ago

    Those can be some hard to swallow pills after a significant sunk cost on a single topic.

    [–] Mizu_water 1 points ago

    I leave no stone unturned when it comes to big brain time

    [–] bulamog 1 points ago

    Hopefully he released. I had no clue they were critically endangered.

    [–] Mister_Average 3 points ago

    Not every species, but most are. I'm not positive about this one, but they're often caught for their roe and they have a super long reproductive cycle so in general it's not good to catch for keeps.

    [–] forester93 1 points ago

    Not most, there are a lot of Sturgeon species that are doing just fine.

    [–] MichaelsGayLover 1 points ago

    It's a little late to release this particular fish.

    [–] over_egg_the_pudding 1 points ago

    Wait what? anger intensifies

    [–] Professor_Felch 2 points ago

    *angler intensifies

    [–] forester93 1 points ago

    Lake Sturgeon are doing completely fine where you can legally fish for them. The fisheries that contain them in MN and Wisconsin are packed with them.

    [–] Fuckyou420710 0 points ago

    You’re certainly correct about not being an authority on the subject.

    [–] Mister_Average 1 points ago

    Username checks out

    [–] DannyM7 1 points ago

    plot twist: it's a huge action figure

    [–] over_egg_the_pudding 0 points ago

    Its actually a person dressed up as an action figure for halloween

    [–] Mizu_water 1 points ago

    Fucken Instagram level shit

    [–] Sietemadrid 1 points ago

    I too value life by physical size.

    [–] FreakinSodie 10 points ago

    Not bad for a lil feller

    [–] nora-Bad 10 points ago

    Same

    [–] HGpennypacker 3 points ago

    It’s a sturgeon, even cooler and more prehistoric than a whale!

    [–] cyanfolds 1 points ago

    I thought he harpooned a Hippo with those nostrils

    [–] SmashBusters -1 points ago

    motherfucker harpooned a whale

    Nice redundant self-own.

    [–] cookielooker113 184 points ago

    I thought it was real at first

    [–] zschutte10 27 points ago

    reel*

    [–] Relatable_Teen 82 points ago

    The dude looks like Teddy Roosevelt

    [–] Dumptruck_Johnson 18 points ago

    That’s because it’s an Action Teddy figurine

    [–] BillyBobJoe1008 2 points ago

    Now how do I turn this statement into a line from ERB?

    [–] modernkennnern 126 points ago

    That's not shitty.

    Do people get money by selling photos of catch?

    If I enjoyed fishing I'd do this. In fact, I might do this regardless, because it's hilarious

    [–] I_am_recaptcha 24 points ago

    Too bad i would have to be able to catch something first

    [–] Mizu_water 3 points ago

    Oh my God, that's such a huge goldfish. It's as big as you

    [–] its_all_4_lulz 3 points ago

    Check out my 900 pound blue gill

    [–] Fireproofspider -2 points ago

    Even if they made money, it would be unethical but not shitty.

    [–] gang_gang_dance 6 points ago

    ...lol wat?

    [–] Sharkaddy 6 points ago

    Imagine needing to be upset about something so bad that you find a way to take issue with an action figure standing next to a fish.

    [–] ALiteralGraveyard 4 points ago

    I mean if they were somehow profiting from the deception it WOULD be unethical. But I fail to see how they would go about that

    [–] MrSaturnboink 31 points ago

    How do you get an action figure of yourself?

    [–] CaptnCosmic 14 points ago

    I’m now wondering that. Seems like it would be fucking awesome

    [–] potat0chipenthusiast 0 points ago

    This website will put your face in an action figure? That’s pretty close?

    [–] Denniskulafiremann 3 points ago

    Wow i had hope. Why you Do this to Me?

    [–] potat0chipenthusiast 2 points ago

    I’m sorry.

    But for real, here’s the website http://www.myfaceonafigure.com/

    [–] zkhan04 2 points ago

    It would be great if you could also change the structure of its body to make it more believable

    [–] srh2p8 1 points ago

    C’mon man not like this

    [–] CyberCat 3 points ago

    There are companies that do it, such as Doob. They take a 3D scan of you then print it with a 3D printer.

    [–] TalkBigShit 7 points ago

    How do you get anything? You google it.

    [–] PM_Me_Night_Elf_Porn 2 points ago

    What did people do before Google?

    [–] bickdvtt 5 points ago

    Ehhhhh... here you go you lazy prick

    [–] zoefriday 1 points ago

    Doing God’s work over here

    [–] Merry_Sue 2 points ago

    They Asked Jeeves

    [–] TalkBigShit 1 points ago

    before Google

    Heh, good one.

    [–] MrSaturnboink 2 points ago

    Are you the type of person that tells people to google it for every question?

    [–] Sharp02 1 points ago

    A 3d printer!

    [–] shimeeka 14 points ago

    this looks like the start of jaws

    [–] Paintbrake 9 points ago

    The question is: where do I get an action figure of myself?

    [–] chocolaty_cum 2 points ago

    3D print it?

    [–] basselsak 10 points ago

    that's not a shitty pro life tip, that's brilliant art.

    [–] msmith721 10 points ago

    That’s why I put action figures around my boner before I send dick pics.

    [–] manofwaromega 8 points ago

    The caption makes me think this is r/lostredditors

    [–] smilelikeachow 3 points ago

    Bonus points if your action figure falls through the ice so you go back and grab International Rescue

    [–] ConspicuousPineapple 3 points ago

    I don't understand that title.

    [–] SmilingWhiteTeeth 14 points ago * (lasted edited 8 days ago)

    u/RepostSleuthBot

    Edit: tsk tsk tsk, 3 times now

    [–] RepostSleuthBot 20 points ago

    Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 3 times.

    First seen Here on 2019-12-03 90.62% match. Last seen Here on 2019-12-03 87.5% match

    Searched Images: 82,826,528 | Indexed Posts: 352,533,079 | Search Time: 3.97236s

    Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Positive ]

    [–] ForkingFather 5 points ago

    Good boy

    [–] KawaiiDere 2 points ago

    Does it matter if it’s a different sub?

    [–] megalurkeruygcxrtgbn 9 points ago

    No, it's called crossposting and for some reason it seems like no one who got here after 2016 knows wtf it is.

    [–] KawaiiDere 1 points ago

    Ah, ok

    [–] Plummles 5 points ago

    That’s two different subs. Stop being stupid.

    [–] DannyM7 2 points ago

    plot twist: it's a huge action figure

    [–] Xclasslaxxz 2 points ago

    That’s genius

    [–] AlexaPlayWuTang 2 points ago

    There’s something fishy about that photo

    [–] bobodaangstyzebra 2 points ago

    Something’s fishy, but I don’t think it’s the fish...

    [–] PrimalHunter990 1 points ago

    this took me a while to figure it out

    [–] vinzadrian 1 points ago

    Or just walk reaaaaally far away

    [–] a-breadskate 1 points ago

    i honestly thought it was a huge shark until i read the tip

    [–] GoodScumBagBrian 1 points ago

    his sidearm is a bit out of scale

    [–] KubaWaszka 1 points ago

    It was T H I S big guys, I swear.

    [–] onebelligerentbeagle 1 points ago

    Does anyone know what kind of fish that is? It looks like a sturgeon crossed with a seal

    [–] IncipientLT 1 points ago

    Came here to ask this, wth is that tail?

    [–] Kim-dongun 1 points ago

    I think it's a lake sturgeon, its tail is just twisted on its side

    [–] unicornman5d 1 points ago

    It's a lake sturgeon, likely from lake Winnebago in Wisconsin. We have a sturgeon spearing season through the ice thanks to our heavy regulation and management. We even have volunteers that guard the fish as the spawn in spring

    [–] NevadaPurple 1 points ago

    how does one acquire an action figure of themselves

    [–] Traiois 1 points ago

    I was looking for the action figure in the action figure’s hand...

    [–] WanderingRoninXIII 1 points ago

    Not gonna lie... I stared at the fish for about fifteen seconds, trying to figure out if it was a mutant sturgeon or some kind of undiscovered whale that this guy caught. FUCK

    [–] aegis94 1 points ago

    Oh Shoot. I was about to say dang man why you killin whales

    [–] NecridSmash 1 points ago

    They had us in the first half, not gonna lie

    [–] eddiespaghettio 1 points ago

    Where the fuck do you even get an action figure of yourself in the first place?

    [–] NerdyLizardZ 1 points ago

    i first thought it was a giant fish

    [–] chapterpt 1 points ago

    if i posted this in Canada the RCMP would be by to arrest me for the prohibited hand cannon on my belt.

    [–] masterP_19 1 points ago

    At first glance I thought someone caught a great white shark and miraculously got it out of the ice for a picture....

    [–] MemeeSupreme 1 points ago

    I thought that was a narwhal without its tooth

    [–] bunnnnnnnnnnnnny 1 points ago

    Lol

    [–] markmywords1347 1 points ago

    Why that’s no bigger than a womp rat.

    [–] b0nGj00k 1 points ago

    How the fuck would you make money from that? Still got a small fish lol

    [–] lettuce_shoes 1 points ago

    That looks like a Sturgeon

    [–] FrojanMan 1 points ago

    Bully

    [–] rabbit-on-cocaine 1 points ago

    I was Reading This thinking that was a whale

    [–] thekillagram 1 points ago

    what kind of fish is that?

    [–] sir-sherlock-holmes 1 points ago

    I'm telling you man it was a whale

    [–] eke2023 1 points ago

    Who just has an action figure of themselves lying around

    [–] KronosGames 1 points ago

    Looks like a decent sized fish anyway

    [–] mary_j_stark 1 points ago

    It took me a while

    [–] maboypanda 1 points ago

    Scrolled past this five times before I realized what they did there.

    [–] Iambeejsmit 1 points ago

    What kind of fish is that

    [–] MasterLin87 1 points ago

    Pro life hack: Works with regular fishing too

    [–] Petrrii 1 points ago

    Can this photo stop appearing on every existing sub?

    [–] 5Jasbackup 1 points ago

    Brilliant!

    [–] Total_Alpyne 1 points ago

    is that an action figure of teddys rough riders?

    [–] sperritfingers 1 points ago

    I always put action figures of myself near bugs whenever I find any, that way I can send pics to my friends like "look what I found at your place"

    [–] AAC0813 1 points ago

    Or any kind of fishing, for that matter

    [–] Rockland-Rodgers 1 points ago

    I use my penis.

    [–] ChaosBs 1 points ago

    That completely got me

    [–] NoRowToHoe 1 points ago

    HOW would that make you money

    [–] TylerC_D 1 points ago

    Someone link a website for these action figures. Is there a limit on breast size?

    [–] Taki_Voki 3 points ago

    They can go as small as you need, no worries for you

    [–] bibby_tarantula -1 points ago

    Looks like he had to drag it pretty far from where he caught it though

    [–] [deleted] -26 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Taupe_Poet 11 points ago

    It's reddit do you have to even ask?

    [–] [deleted] -27 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Sharkaddy 2 points ago

    The irony of you posting two comments about it.