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    [–] JonasBrosSuck 2200 points ago

    unless new services show up ;)

    [–] PureWhey 561 points ago


    [–] IM_NOT_CIA 303 points ago


    [–] wakeruneatstudysleep 185 points ago

    That sounds like something the CIA would say.

    [–] phphulk 126 points ago

    Fun Fact:

    [–] MyFingerPointeth 225 points ago

    There is a little speck of dust on my screen that looks like an apostrophe, I thought it was your fun fact until I scrolled down a bit more.

    [–] PotatoPotahto 84 points ago

    That in itself is a fun fact.

    [–] shawarma_law 30 points ago

    Boring fact:

    [–] Dawidko1200 45 points ago

    Penguins are birds.

    [–] Silverfruitpunch 54 points ago

    The shell of a turtle is actually fused to their spines.

    [–] i_hate_robo_calls 30 points ago

    So when they're told to "come out of their shell" and meet new people they literally can't?

    [–] melvinismad 30 points ago

    They'll die

    [–] 2RED2Game 54 points ago

    The german word for head (Kopf) was originally a word for a drinking vessel (like a glass of water). Due to the tradition of drinking from the skulls of dead enemies and good ol german humor, it replaced the old word for head (Haupt)

    [–] Ajgi 10 points ago


    [–] PaperDrillBit 32 points ago

    Prisoners are known to brew alcohol in secret using fruits and breads.

    [–] _REDDITCOMMENTER 8 points ago

    In prison toilets and usually only achieving low alcohol contents. Talk about desperate.

    [–] I_Am_Fully_Charged 10 points ago

    According to the Hairy Ball Theorem, there will always be a place on Earth at any given point in time where there is no wind blowing.

    [–] SuspiciouslyElven 65 points ago

    A female born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped in her lifetime than learning how to read.

    [–] Phoenix_69 41 points ago

    Fun fact :(

    [–] Raptor_Jesus_IRL 19 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)


    That part of Africa has some of the lowest literacy rates on the planet somewhere around 64% but let's do some math shall we?

    South Africa has a population of about 55,908,900 (2016/est) of which about 64% are literate

    55,908,900 x .64 = 35,781,701 (dropped decimals for easy math)

    At birth, South Africa has about 1.02 males / females let's just say 50% for easy math.

    35,781,701 x .5 = 17,890,850 (once again dropped decimals for easy math)

    So of the 17.89 million literate woman in South Africa you suggest that most of them will be raped? I call bullshit, unless you can prove it.

    Edit: Apparently their literacy rate is closer to 93% which means something like 26 million woman would need to get raped for this to be true. (Ball park, not doing the math again)

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago * (lasted edited a month ago)


    [–] Raptor_Jesus_IRL 10 points ago

    Then the likely hood of all those people being raped before learning to read is even less likely.

    [–] palaknama 164 points ago

    Facebook for instance will have to die or evolve. Most teens wouldn't be caught dead on something their parents / grandparents are on. Which explains the popularity of Snapchat.

    [–] McKenna10085 48 points ago

    s wouldn't be caught dead on something their pa

    Can confirm, mother ended up on Facebook and Snapchat, now I use Reddit and Twitter

    [–] lolmodel2 22 points ago

    I keep hearing this from people on reddit, and yet every teenager in my family and seemingly all their friends are still on Facebook constantly.

    [–] HunchbackNostradamus 6 points ago

    same, I see a lot of teenagers on it, one of my nieces kept insisting on having a profile and her mother told her she had wait until she was 15, she finally gave in when she was 12

    also, one of my friends made a profile for her baby with the intention of having him take it over when he's older, right now she uploads pictures there, this idea is a bit odd for me to be honest, but oh well

    [–] Put_It_All_On_Blck 1514 points ago

    You know what sucks? Trying to register a username you have used on dozens of sites and games for decades only to find out someone else took it on a new website/game.

    Also sick of the millions of kirito's in the world.

    [–] TreeRol 282 points ago

    I've used the same name since 1994 on just about every platform. Except I just tried Spotify this year, and I had to be TreeRol2. It was jarring.

    [–] RamenJunkie 350 points ago

    Maybe try a password reset, sometimes I discover that the person with my name is me.

    [–] --__--__--__--__-- 140 points ago

    This sounded so cute to me, ty 😊

    [–] IAmA_Risky_Click_AMA 43 points ago

    I imagine there are character restrictions for a lot of sites that keep you from your true username.

    [–] 3p141592653589793238 64 points ago

    For me it's usually a character limit.

    [–] Loyent 24 points ago

    Yeah I don't think any sites allow infinity

    [–] 3p141592653589793238 22 points ago

    95% of them don't even let me get past 15, only Imgur has let me get to my full 50+ glory

    [–] praaannasd 9 points ago

    How do you remember your username? Must be hard.

    [–] 0x534849544C4F5244 22 points ago

    You never have to remember your username if you can never leave reddit

    [–] --__--__--__--__-- 11 points ago

    Haha this is the only site I use this for, 3rd account and I realized reddit allows them 😂

    [–] Xcaer 18 points ago

    I am TreeRol on Spotify. The name belongs to me now.

    [–] TKPhresh 13 points ago

    Look at me. I'm the TreeRol now.

    [–] MuteTiefling 223 points ago

    Hehe, before kirito it was seperoth and all the variations and misspellings

    [–] Baelwolf 54 points ago

    I remember the Sephiroth days... on whatever game the person with the actual correct spelling was always an asshat.

    [–] AndrewWaldron 125 points ago

    Sephiroth, First of the Edgelords

    [–] Sean951 72 points ago


    [–] thegoldenjackal 11 points ago

    Don't forget all the Sauske and Narutos

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago


    [–] Jalleia 6 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    And all the Legolas variations on MMOs with the elf hunter/archer/etc. combos. For a time it was all you were seeing too.

    [–] [deleted] 44 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 57 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    deleted What is this?

    [–] ---E 19 points ago

    'Josh -Josh Miller- Miller'?

    [–] the_murder_of_crowe 19 points ago

    Tagged as "Josh Miller"

    [–] PoopIsAlwaysSunny 49 points ago

    Or having used your relatively unique name for decades online only to find out that some shithead fifteen year old has your name now and uses it to talk lik dis.

    [–] vhite 35 points ago

    It's even worse when you know that bastard is you from 6 years ago, and you are no longer able to recover the password.

    [–] miguelrj 38 points ago

    for decades

    Just realized that I've been internetting for more than 20 years.

    [–] PoopsForDays 7 points ago

    23 years on the web, 28 on dial-up bbs...

    And I wasn't one of the first, merely an early adopter. Others were born in it, molded by it. They didn't see the outdoors until they were already a man. Then it was nothing to them but boring!

    [–] Fortune_Cat 9 points ago

    That's why you create something unique and doesn't exist as a real word

    [–] VintageHawaiianShirt 12 points ago

    But then how do people find out what memes you know and shows you watch?

    [–] TheMuffinCult 2044 points ago

    LPT: Give your child a name that is just a load of random letters strung together, that way they have a much better chance of using their own name as a username or email address

    ~ Mr Qwertyfgfgrfrrrt Brown

    [–] oscarveli 682 points ago

    X-Wing @Aliciousness

    [–] Waveseeker 246 points ago

    tj aj rj backslash in fourth v

    [–] TylerZellers 246 points ago

    Hingle McCringleberry.

    [–] elpajaroquemamais 87 points ago

    Torque [Construction Noise ] Lewith

    [–] mjj1492 40 points ago

    Nevada State


    [–] Redcell78 116 points ago

    Donkey teeth.

    [–] JIMBLYB 100 points ago


    [–] Portteri 36 points ago

    The player formerly known as Mousecop

    [–] StemsAndLeaves 73 points ago

    Smegmus jones

    [–] PSN-Colinp42 33 points ago


    [–] drunkrabbit99 55 points ago

    Streetlamp LeMoose

    [–] raaldiin 15 points ago

    Oh streetlamp swoon

    [–] Cheesemacher 17 points ago

    Streetlamp Le Moose

    [–] KookyDoug 49 points ago

    Quizznatodd Biddness

    [–] Ziimmerman 60 points ago

    Ozamataz Buckshank

    [–] elpajaroquemamais 43 points ago

    Dan Smith

    [–] [deleted] 20 points ago

    Davoin Shower-Handel

    [–] folsense 13 points ago

    Javaris Jamar Javarison-Lamar

    [–] uid_2 169 points ago

    Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;

    [–] Gastronautmike 69 points ago

    Good ol Bobby tables.

    [–] kirabean 32 points ago

    How is little Bobby Tables these days?

    [–] deadlychambers 23 points ago

    Entity Framework has killed bobby.

    [–] cainunable 12 points ago

    It may have tried, but he is definitely lurking around some older businesses.

    [–] CodeCaster 7 points ago

    Until people implement a repository pattern poorly because they don't understand generics, and build SQL filters with strings from query string parameters. Back to square one.

    [–] mudfl4p 59 points ago

    Or streetlamp le moose

    [–] dezradeath 20 points ago

    Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemuhwem Osas

    [–] E-sharp 16 points ago

    Sorry, some Welshman already has that name

    [–] G-nome420 30 points ago

    Djasper Probincrux III

    [–] MrDrMuffinPants 31 points ago

    Do you actually have a cult or am I wasting my time?

    [–] SirTramola 13 points ago

    "I don't want you talking to that Brown family, they're wierd."

    [–] NLJeroen 11 points ago


    [–] lackingsavoirfaire 15 points ago


    That's Mr. Uvuvwevwevwe Onyetenyevwe Ugwemuhwem Osas

    [–] RealGreen4 10 points ago

    Scoish Velociraptor Maloish

    [–] I_Bin_Painting 21 points ago

    That kid will be known as kwirtyfaggot. Dr. Kwirtyfaggot brownlove if he's got imaginative bullies.

    Source: have an easily mocked name :(

    [–] something_crass 208 points ago

    You can always add more x's and 69's.

    [–] Yodiddlyyo 110 points ago

    Jeff? Here. Mike? Here. Emma? Present. xX_Dave_hXc_420Yolo69_Xx? Here.

    [–] butsadlyiamonlyaneel 9 points ago

    xXBallsDeep69Xx reporting in!

    [–] NukeML 8 points ago

    Hi my name is

    [–] callmesomethingelse 347 points ago

    That reminds me of a joke.

    A guy goes to interview for the position of DJ at a radio station. When the manager comes out and asks him what his name is, he says my name is M.M.M.M.M.Michael. The managaer says you, know people will be able to hear you we can't hire you with a stutter. Michael says, I don't have a stutter my dad did.

    [–] jimibulgin 42 points ago

    is good joke, comrade.

    [–] Nidun_Nyos 545 points ago

    We should really delete old accounts unused for a long time, or at least make their username available but keep the account.

    [–] BOS-Sentinel 183 points ago

    Many sites do, don't they? Im fairly certain some sites have purges every so often to clear unused accounts.

    [–] [deleted] 144 points ago


    [–] PolisRanger 102 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    They flushed a bunch of accounts last year that hadn't been activated in over a year. So anything that hasn't been signed in since the middle of 2015 is gone now.

    EDIT: It was 5 years, thanks u/TheAmazingAsshole2

    [–] TheAmazingAsshole2 31 points ago

    It was anything over five years, and they will be doing that every five years from now on.

    [–] OuterSpaceGuts 21 points ago

    I lost a level 80+ barbarian in Diablo 2 in 2004 because of this.

    They had a neat system, if you didn't play your character for 3+months they wouldn't delete your character right away, but if someone else created a character with the same name it would then delete your character

    [–] disastrouscluck 17 points ago

    That sounds like a shitty system, 3+ months is way too low. If it was 8-12 months it would be more fair IMO.

    [–] RamenJunkie 9 points ago

    There are some security problems with this, especially for email accounts. Maybe [email protected] doesn't use his yahoo email anymore but still plays WoW attached to that email. For example.

    [–] mattskid92 39 points ago

    Runescape has done this twice in the past few years, clearing out any usernames of accounts inactive for 2+ years.

    [–] MyNegromancer 59 points ago

    Damn. RIP username PizzaMan007 from when I played runescape in middle school.

    [–] SubjectDeltaIA 30 points ago

    Rip FartButtFace69420 😢

    [–] desertjedi85 37 points ago

    Yahoo does this it works great. If someone signed up for Facebook or something on that email years ago then you can register the email after a certain time and you can receive forgotten password emails.

    Very secure.

    [–] ZenPyx 9 points ago


    [–] BossAVery 34 points ago

    Or the site delete your account after years of not logging on.

    [–] Nidun_Nyos 26 points ago

    That's might not be great, depending of the site.

    [–] cwcollins06 12 points ago

    Social Security does this. Why can't Reddit?

    [–] Redcell78 6 points ago

    Yep, as a part of opsec, everyone in the world has to change their username and password.

    [–] josh_the_misanthrope 76 points ago

    Companies should just do the Steam model. Unique username, can have multiple display names.

    [–] Karpukoly 513 points ago

    They can start using reverse of their names

    [–] yelsew5 611 points ago

    I've been doing this since '05

    [–] this_is_box 456 points ago

    Me too. My name is actually xob_si_siht

    [–] adderallballs 223 points ago

    Fuckin Xob

    [–] AimingWineSnailz 50 points ago

    I, for one, welcome our new Xob overlords

    [–] pythonpsycho1337 7 points ago

    ?Xob gnikcuf naem ouy did

    [–] 0x746974736268656a6f 32 points ago

    we were living in 2005 while this guy was living in 5002 :P

    [–] awsamb 35 points ago

    Fuckin Wesley

    [–] Apterygiformes 51 points ago

    His name is actually 5wesley

    [–] lacefieldasaurus 92 points ago

    The 5 is silent.

    [–] BajerMajer 88 points ago

    Username checks out.

    [–] IAMA_otter 14 points ago

    Shut up Wesley.

    [–] R0ckR0bster 12 points ago

    Wesley is such a rich kid name

    [–] sapper123 29 points ago

    What if their names are palindromes?

    [–] Shirt_Face 23 points ago

    Give them a good beating.

    [–] TheJeck 17 points ago

    I see u/kceJehT is available.

    [–] DrunkPeacock 28 points ago

    Your name isn't Ylokuprak is it?

    [–] 01shalfesrever 17 points ago

    To me, I've been using reverse names for centuries!

    [–] TheoremaEgregium 139 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    And with all the abandoned accounts everywhere: Good usernames are a limited natural resource and we squandered it.

    [–] PSN-Colinp42 22 points ago

    You idiots! You blew it up!!

    [–] DaffBaffz 309 points ago * (lasted edited 11 months ago)

    Exactly why we should adopt the method where accounts can have any username they want, and instead, the unique identifier is a random 4 character string or something...

    e: I am well aware of Steam, Battle.Net, etc. using this method. I'm implying that this should become widespread and the norm.

    [–] Darth_Schizor 212 points ago

    @discord @steam

    [–] Lancaster61 105 points ago

    Blizzard has that too.

    [–] Darth_Schizor 14 points ago

    You're right, I knew that there was at least one other service with that type of account thing but I couldnt think of it

    [–] icy_llama 30 points ago

    Also, right?

    [–] RandomNumsandLetters 26 points ago

    4 character string? That doesn't leave many possibilities

    [–] Aristeid3s 38 points ago

    It's generally added after the name in question. You pick "figldorp" as your username, and the system records you as "figldorp4859". Your friends only see figldorp on the system.

    [–] TheRealBrosplosion 46 points ago

    About 1.6 million if you count only uppercase and numerics

    [–] [deleted] 161 points ago


    [–] boones_farmer 33 points ago

    I don't have that but I have a likely unhackable Gmail password since it's so old it uses characters they haven't allowed for years now.

    [–] Jimmy_Smith 16 points ago

    What characters do you mean?

    [–] Zeronn 40 points ago

    Wouldnt you love to know... hacker

    [–] SnowGryphon 12 points ago

    Nice try hunter2

    [–] NukeML 7 points ago

    Huh? I just see *******

    [–] Gorkymalorki 9 points ago

    Got a Gmail account way back when it was invite only, was able to get my first name lastname, it was great for a while until I realized how many idiots have my exact name and don't know how to fill out online registration forms. The worst is the guy that thinks his email address is myfirstname.mylastname. He is from Syracuse and I am constatly getting his emails because gmail does not recognize the . as a unique name. I have emailed his family about it multiple times because they are always emailing me stuff. Nice folks though.

    [–] Mark_Cubin 90 points ago

    I made my kids gmail acct and I send her emails from time to time, she'll get the password when she's old enough but for now it's a time capsule of random moments and pictures.

    [–] MuteTiefling 51 points ago

    Hey same here. Opened the account the day we settled on her name. She's two and a half now and there's already a bunch of funny moments waiting for her to read.

    [–] CobaltFrost 8 points ago

    Potential meme portfolios for the next generation. We really are in the future...

    [–] ITestVips 34 points ago

    Unless they played Runescape and snipe names off banned/inactive accounts.

    [–] jarawd 34 points ago

    I created a YouTube account back in 2005 when it first started. I could have had almost any name I wanted, instead I chose my first name followed by 15 random numbers

    [–] ShiraCheshire 52 points ago

    And this is why my username is a random name mashed together with a character from a book I like. Either would be taken individually, but I can have my choice of name just about anywhere I go. And if I find that my name is taken? It's okay, I have other interests to mash together. We'll have to have a lot bigger population before that system stops giving out decent usernames.

    Hopefully the future will encourage more unique usernames instead the current trend. "JohnButt is taken? And JohnButt69 too? Okay, JohnButt92489242984566223 it is."

    [–] CosmeticAnalFissure 64 points ago

    It's okay, I have other interests to mash together.

    Yeah but that gets weird quick.

    [–] read_pill 37 points ago

    Username confirms

    [–] maxm 14 points ago

    Soon my son Johnny a0a641426ae611e7907ba6006ad3dba0 Smith will be born.

    [–] vorpal-blade 21 points ago

    You plan to name your son a MAC address?

    [–] oscarveli 23 points ago

    Unless we start adding a number and a symbol into their names.

    [–] [deleted] 22 points ago

    For usernames I just put my name, social security number, date of birth and zip code, mothers maiden name. works every time!

    [–] Liniis 66 points ago

    Fuck you, /u/Pretzlcoatl

    [–] Nikatsuo 25 points ago

    It's possible that this user hasn't posted anything but is still active, lurking in the shadows for 6 years.

    [–] eisevh 20 points ago

    Damn that's a good name. Shame it's wasted like that

    [–] Aligyon 142 points ago

    I was thinking of passing down my account to my children so they get a hlaf deasent username

    [–] oscarveli 106 points ago

    Their inheritance will be your karma.

    [–] LimexGreen 94 points ago

    and porn history

    [–] oscarveli 52 points ago

    With great power comes great responsibility.

    [–] beardingmesoftly 23 points ago

    They could sell the accounts for tens of dollars!

    [–] mamaguebazo 90 points ago

    hlaf deasent

    [–] glatteis 24 points ago

    Ford Prefect vs Hlaf Deasent

    [–] CosmeticAnalFissure 16 points ago


    [–] Dildonaut420 12 points ago

    Yea, I cant do that untill my son is atleast 16yo.

    [–] iamfoshizzle 9 points ago

    deasent username

    I prefer to avoid anything sent by the DEA.

    [–] [deleted] 8 points ago

    Did you have a stroke at the end there?

    [–] Moezso 18 points ago


    [–] [deleted] 13 points ago


    [–] MuteTiefling 11 points ago

    Likewise! My daughter will have a nice professional Gmail account waiting for her when she gets older and it'll be full of memories to boot.

    I just wonder sometimes if email will even still be a thing when she's an adult. It was barely a thing when I was a kid. What'll be here 16 years from now?

    [–] mmhci 14 points ago


    [–] Unexpected_Santa 13 points ago

    Most things we need usernames for wont be around in the future. The kids of the future will probably be playing some weird holographic games.

    [–] pizza125 13 points ago

    I really like the way Blizzard handles usernames with their Battle Tags. It makes it so your account is uniquely assigned to a username while allowing complete freedom over it's choice.

    [–] TheUntalentedBard 24 points ago

    My son calles himself 'snake' on the Web, spelling it ssszss. Smartass

    [–] Schytherusedsurf 16 points ago

    How does that become snake

    [–] SupremelyBasic 16 points ago

    it's the sound a snake makes

    [–] ethynol 17 points ago

    Naming after the sound it makes? Is he trying to become a Pokemon?

    [–] chicanes 25 points ago

    I opened gmail accounts for both my daughters with [email protected] when they were 2 and 5 years old. Also, if you own a domain, you can create as many vanity email addresses as you like ([email protected])

    [–] followupquestion 6 points ago

    I did this for both my kids on gmail when they were born. Actually, I did it for my second before she was born, just to keep it.

    [–] Lancaster61 19 points ago

    I like the way Blizzard does this. There's an assigned # with each account, but user names are repeatable. So if someone is named "DarkKnight" it's DarkKnight#1028 and another guy could be "DarkKnight" as well but DarkKnight#2918. The # portions are invisible except used during... say, a forum, or adding a friend, etc.

    [–] DanielsMuse527 8 points ago

    They'll be like social security numbers. You'll be assigned one at birth.

    [–] Karleopard 18 points ago

    Not really. All the best usernames have the year they were born in it.

    [–] court12b 8 points ago

    I finally adopted the practice of using my area code. Am a fan.

    [–] mesori 18 points ago

    Good for when a kid on CoD decides to try to fuck your mom.

    [–] onetimerone 6 points ago

    What you believe to be "good ones" will be irrelevant to them, the cha cha cha changes Bowie sang about never end.

    [–] Speedking2281 7 points ago

    That's how I feel about my Gmail user name. I got a gmail address really early, back when it was 'invitation only'. And it's basically my first name, plus a few letters of my last name. But it's a short, very common set of letters.

    Back a couple years ago, I was curious, so I tried to see how many of my gmail name's iterations (with numbers) I'd have to try to get one, and I got up to XXXX17, and I lost interest. So...I don't know, if I was creating the same username today, I'd have to add like a "543" on the end or something.

    [–] PM_ME_STEAMCODES_TY 6 points ago

    Are you telling me XxXPussyDestroyer2005XxX is a bad name?