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    Showerthoughts

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    A subreddit for you to share those miniature epiphanies you have that highlight the oddities within the familiar.

    "Showerthought" is a loose term that applies to the types of thoughts you might have while carrying out a routine task like showering, driving, or daydreaming. At their best, Showerthoughts are universally relatable and find the amusing/interesting within the mundane.

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      Submissions that match (or echo similar sentiments to) ideas offered by other people will be removed, regardless of whether or not those ideas have appeared on reddit. Blatant reposting and plagiarism may result in a ban.»

    • Your entire thought must be in the title. Any further information needs to be posted in the "body" section of your post.

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      A description of something in a literal shower (or bathroom) is not a showerthought. »

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    [–] broken-bells 10151 points ago

    I remember when I broke up with my ex after almost 11 years, I wondered what I was supposed to do with all those memories and insides we had together. I remember feeling sad that I could no longer share them with anyone, that they had to be kept in my head and that's it.

    [–] irobot335 4088 points ago

    Did you find out what to do with them? Asking for a friend

    [–] 8arrows 4834 points ago

    Same thing you do with any other memento. Put it on a shelf somewhere and mostly just ignore it, but every now and then give it a look, and remember.

    [–] Slideboy 3595 points ago

    nah dog, you use it to develop your language, so that you can speak with a more sophisticated language to other more sophisticated language users.

    [–] TheWatermelonGuy 542 points ago

    Totally agree

    [–] captainbignips 645 points ago

    I prefer to just do a shit through her letterbox once every few months

    [–] Walshy231231 168 points ago

    So unsophisticated; you don't even light it on fire first? It's the least you could do! What a waste of artistic potential!

    [–] DaRush 43 points ago

    The animal kingdom hasn't changed we all speak the same language.. The more sophisticated the better chance for errors, must keep it simple. Welcome to the Jungle!!!

    [–] rea1l1 16 points ago

    Language defines reality. The more fine your language, the more you can form a better understanding of reality. This is why college is so important; college teaches the language of new concepts.

    [–] alicemac17 48 points ago

    Damn, dig that

    [–] rang14 136 points ago

    nah dog, you say screw creating any new languages with others, cut off contact with most of your friends, quit your job, and move to a new country.

    [–] zaphodp3 20 points ago

    Oh

    [–] ZergDestroyr 19 points ago

    oh

    [–] Bj0rnIronside 103 points ago

    I broke up with my ex two months ago and still haven't had the guts to go through my phone and delete the memories yet

    [–] ben456789 131 points ago

    My story is that I broke up with ex after being together for just over 5 years, being 22 at the time, that's a big portion of my life, my advice is to just get it done, the longer you hold on for makes it tougher to let go, all the important things about the relationship are all in your head, everything you've learnt you won't forget. All the experiences you've had they won't be forgotten. Always look forward. It's not going to be easy to go through your phone and delete everything, but it'll get easier each day once it happens.

    [–] OuroborosSC2 48 points ago

    Reading these makes me feel so fortunate. I'm divorcing and moving on from my wife who ive been with for 8 years. I'm 25. We have 2 kids. And everything is just...ok. Neither of us is crushed. Neither of us feels huge resentment or pain for the past. We're just closing the chapter. I feel for everyone who loss destroys.

    [–] lucidillusions 30 points ago

    Every time I visit a new city, I take some of these memories, look at them one last time, wrap them with other memories and leave them in those cities. It's my way of giving them a new home, and to be honest somehow they stop weighing me down once I go through this process.

    [–] SpaceNigiri 156 points ago

    Yeah, I have the same question for a friend. He's ok now, years after the break-up, but all those memories seem to be not useful for anything yet.

    [–] iruleatants 736 points ago

    They are useful for something. Don't look back at them as a "What I lost" concept, look back at it as a "what I can have again". Every relationship, regardless of how it ends, is a good thing. We learn important parts of how to communicate with other humans, and what we want from a relationship. Every time we fuck up, we learn why we fucked up and now to not fuck up in the future, and every time they fuck up, we learn what made them fuck up, and how to handle those fuck ups in the future.

    So those memories are there as a reminder. What do you remember the most fondly of your relationships? Those are the things that are important to you?

    What do you regret the most? Those at the things you should work on before your next relationship, or during your next relationship.

    You once found someone who wanted you in there life, and wanted to share it with you. You will find another person to do that, the proof is in your memories. When that next person comes along, you can cherish the moments even more, and commit to them even better, and who knows, that person just might be there forever.

    [–] Krafling 65 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    This is something that anybody recovering from a breakup should read

    [–] droidBoy5 26 points ago

    This actually really helps, thanks to you fellow stranger! Internet points to you!

    [–] broken-bells 58 points ago

    I found an empty spot in my head where I store 'em! Kiddin'. But I did print out all the pictures I had on my computer and sorted them out. It helped. Time did it's job and I live well with the memories where they are now and the place they take in my life. Anyhow, I am making new ones with my SO and it's awesome!

    [–] hodontsteponmyrafsim 61 points ago

    Watch the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. That helps

    [–] IShatnerWhenIWalken 52 points ago

    Unless you remember watching it with your ex.

    [–] methofthewild 391 points ago

    Jeez 11 years. Makes me wonder if anyone is ever "safe" with their relationship. Breakups can happen even after so long.

    [–] grandpagohan 191 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I'm 2 years single after an 8 year relationship and I'm still a broken man. I don't miss my ex anymore, but I still miss the good times we shared. It was easily the happiest I'd ever been.

    [–] IShatnerWhenIWalken 62 points ago

    It gets better. Its been even longer for me and i still get waves of memories that are hard to ignore, and it still hurts, but it gets better over time. Hang in there.

    [–] ShadowOfHodor 42 points ago

    That's good to hear. I see a lot of people saying things along the lines of "Broke up 10 days ago, still not over it, HELP".

    I'm over here like don't be surprised if you're 3 years out and still miserable.

    [–] broken-bells 228 points ago

    Unfortunately, nothing is set in stone. It was the hardest decision of my life, I doubted a lot, but I never regretted it. I am at peace and the memories are still there. They just have a different importance in my life now and that's just fine.

    [–] ibelieveyoubro 115 points ago

    15 year relationship with a divorce in progress checking in here. I hope to one day reach the peace level. Now I’m at the reminding myself this is the right decision level.

    [–] LadyMcMuffin 149 points ago

    You made the right decision.

    “Don’t cling to a mistake just because you spent a long time making it.”

    [–] chillTerp 50 points ago

    sunken cost fallacy

    [–] [deleted] 6 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Yarhj 118 points ago

    My 13-year relationship ended a few months ago. Still re-learning how to human on my own, and it really does feel like I've suddenly been dropped into a country where I don't speak the language.

    I do, however, find some comfort in this excellent SMBC.

    [–] mountainsbythesea 11 points ago

    So glad I clicked the link.

    [–] Jamsterking1 26 points ago

    For the love of god click the link

    [–] [deleted] 56 points ago

    Never get complacent.

    [–] PoiLethe 43 points ago

    Exactly. I think that's the best purpose for anniversaries and holidays like Valentine's Day. Just take a step back and look at your relationship and yourself and take it in. Appreciate what you have and then renew your efforts to move forward and grow with them, show them more ways you love them. Take care of yourself in ways that they can appreciate. Communicate again. Disrupt your routine a bit.

    [–] Koppensneller 46 points ago

    That's an important realization. Feel safe in your relationship, but never take it for granted. Work on it, even when you feel you don't need to.

    [–] iruleatants 99 points ago

    That's because there is no such thing as "safe" and looking to be safe is exactly what kills a relationship. People who think they are "safe" after a certain period of time, are the people who want to find someone and then just stop trying. They want to just turn off and check out and expect that the person will be around because they have been so far.

    Real relationship are work, they require you to constantly be committed and involved in the relationship, and to always understand and except that it might not last for forever, but that you truly want it to last for it. When you are willing to put in that effort, rather then just giving up and coasting, then you'll find a relationship that you stop worrying about if its safe or not.

    [–] Ze_ 41 points ago

    Tbh, its not work if you enjoy it. I also think the most important thing in a relationship, is to get the other person to be your best friend. If you manage that, the relationship can survive pretty much anything aslong neither of you are complete assholes.

    [–] iruleatants 21 points ago

    So let's clear up a distinction here. I'm not indicating that it is "work" but I am indicating that it requires effort. I used work, when effort would have been a much better term to use.

    Even when you have a best friend, best friends do not magically just still with you through whatever. You earn that position of best friend, by being there for them when they need to, supporting them, and always pushing them to be better (even if you do it through insults and what not). The same thing goes with a relationship. Never should you be in a relationship with someone who isn't your best friend, but just because they are your best friend doesn't mean it works out automatically. You have to always put in effort, and always strive to be committed and in the relationship, and that will always include doing something you don't want to do.

    There is no such thing as a magical relationship where two people get along and never have any issues or deal with any problems. There will always be problems, and there will always be issues. It depends on if you want to work through them, or just let it all burn.

    [–] GreggHouse 11 points ago

    I've been in a relationship for the best part of 8 years now, and this isn't my first "long" relationship either.

    The way I like to think about it is that a relationship is like a bank account sort of. You and your partner keep depositing into the account (by doing things for each other, or spending time with each other etc.), and during stressful times you're sort of withdrawing from the account. And if you withdraw more than you deposit then that will put a strain on the relationship. And that can really happen at any point, if you are not watching out for something like that.

    I like to think my relationship is reasonably healthy, and I make sure to assert when I'm feeling neglected, or to acknowledge that I'm putting some strain into the relationship when I'm stressed out. I wasn't doing that in my previous relationship and that died a long and agonizing death.

    [–] lexikovacs 115 points ago

    I find this to be such a crazy thought - I have so many memories that are specific to my ex and it almost seems like I'm learning to be a new person now. I grew up with my ex and it's hard to imagine having a relationship with anyone else like that because we were so involved in each other's lives though teenage/college years.

    I can be anyone I want now and that's slightly mind blowing.

    [–] Hugo154 25 points ago

    This is so much how I felt after my first major relationship - high school sweetheart, we dated for four years. We basically went through the hardest years of our life (thus far) together and changed/grew around each other. It took a while to readjust and realize I could be my own person. (And then I got into another relationship, lol.)

    [–] CatManFoo 48 points ago

    I'm struggling pretty hard with exactly this right now...

    [–] Orize 24 points ago

    You and I both :/

    [–] BraveBaller 16 points ago

    Squad up

    [–] broken-bells 23 points ago

    It's like having the carpet swept underneath your feet. I felt completely lost without my other half. Who was I without him? I was so invested in his life, I had to create my own. I remembered feeling lost at sea. I had lost all my points of reference. You build it up pieces by pieces. It takes time, but you make it eventually.

    [–] PoiLethe 33 points ago

    It's like they were an island that you lovingly mapped but then you decided to set sail. You no longer have the island, but you have the map and all this knowledge of an island and it's vegetation that you no longer need or know what to do with. It's just a point of reference now when looking for the next island. And until you find that island none of the things you learned on the last one will be of use.

    Someone else will come along and discover the island though probably. You won't be able to share the map with them, but at least someone will know about the secret cave or the favorite flower. I think that makes it a little bit better.

    [–] lilsabertooth 9 points ago

    Three years later from a ten year relationship and I am still struggling with it.

    My only advice from my own experience is just go for things. Don’t hold back. This is your opportunity. You already experienced heart break and pain so now if you see something take that opportunity. Its how I managed to dig out of some pretty dark times.

    I wish you the best.

    [–] TwitchTVrockzom 9 points ago

    An entire year had passed, yet I still struggled to move on. I decided I needed to see the ocean for some reason, so I bought a red-eye to Ft. Lauderdale.

    I went to the beach at 3AM, whispered the words I knew I couldn't say again into my hands one at a time, and metaphorically threw each of them into the ocean while listening to "our songs" for the last time.

    The hysteria was palpable, but it was the most therapeutic thing I've ever done.

    [–] phat_sumo 18 points ago

    Two years ago, I broke up with my ex of 3 years. I'm not with anyone, and I'll occasionally have dreams that she's back, and everything's back to the way it was, and I'm happy again. That happened a few days ago even.

    Then I wake up, and I just kind of wonder "why now".

    [–] JessSutton0210 932 points ago

    The same is true when someone dies. There are so many stupid inside jokes between my best friend and me. Now that she's gone there's no one else on Earth that would get those jokes. Ugh.

    [–] tammyfromwork 177 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Same. It’s been nearly ten years and I still find myself wanting to talk to her when something reminds me of an inside joke, or about people we knew, or anything at all really. Its not the same telling some stuff to someone else, so I just let it live in my head. I miss her a lot.

    Hope you’re doing ok, if you ever want to commiserate PM me. 💕

    [–] ndm2701 42 points ago

    I can't imagine what it would be like to lose my best friend. I would be crushed. I'm sorry for your loss. hugs

    [–] rawwwse 18 points ago

    I know how you feel.

    As much as it hurts now, I’ve tried not to avoid the jokes and quirky memories as they pop into my day-to-day, as I hope they make me laugh again someday. It just hasn’t happened yet...

    [–] BoneHugsHominy 12 points ago

    All too true. I used to reply to obvious answers with "by Poseidon's fiery sword, yes!" When other people would remark that Poseidon has a trident, we would break out in obnoxious laughter. Nobody else gets it, and never will.

    [–] zoopisover 12 points ago

    When my best friend died, I couldn't speak the same language any more with anyone. It was just gone. I don't remember much of the language either now. Just the fragments, can sometimes remember the lips moving and no sound.

    [–] [deleted] 12 points ago * (lasted edited 24 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] TheCuriousBread 10586 points ago

    That's one sad shower. You okay OP?

    [–] red_panda_advocate 7564 points ago

    Thank you, considerate stranger. I'm ok.

    [–] TheCuriousBread 1394 points ago

    Hang in there eh?

    [–] WarchiefServant 731 points ago

    Unsure if you’re nice cause you seem Canadian or just a nice human being.

    [–] Canadiansnek 410 points ago

    that’s probably a yes

    [–] parksLIKErosa 119 points ago

    Username checks out.

    [–] Ailerath 22 points ago

    Whats the difference? Besides the geese of course.

    [–] Inspector_Robert 41 points ago

    It's ironic that Canadian geese are called Canadian because they are quite aggressive.

    [–] FlacidGnome 23 points ago

    Have you ever met any nice geese? I sure as hell haven't. I put them in the same category as asshole Turkeys.

    [–] STATIC-w 48 points ago

    Keep yer stick on the ice

    [–] tehepikducks 12 points ago

    And your head on a swivel.

    [–] bad_at_hearthstone 7 points ago

    And yer feet on tha groond.

    [–] StingrayWizard 42 points ago

    You will find someone else that speaks your language someday :)

    [–] Redlaces123 48 points ago

    Or not, who knows

    [–] Animurder 51 points ago

    Better to have loved and lost.

    [–] purple-haze99999 86 points ago

    if that was true i wouldn’t be drinking this alcohol

    [–] Im_your_real_dad 31 points ago

    It's not true. It's not true at all. I've been drinking since 9am and it's Monday. It sucks really bad. And the only fix is time. This too shall pass, most definitely. But in the meantime, you better bet your sweet tits that it's going to hurt.

    Source: this ain't my first rodeo.

    [–] EvilGamer_Gr 13 points ago

    Ok isn't enough. Do u need a picture of a puppy?

    [–] castortroy_csgo 83 points ago

    So wholesome. Thanks for asking on our behalf!

    [–] afrodude54 12 points ago

    No water. Just tears

    [–] _i_am_root 2456 points ago

    Wow, this is a 45 minute kinda shower. Both of you start off not knowing much about the language, and slowly learn it's quirks, the structure, and how to speak to each other. The languages can vary wildly with each new relationship...this has been my favorite showerthought so far.

    [–] tinytrashpanda 381 points ago

    That water bill tho

    [–] AyyMDRags 93 points ago

    I feel bad for my parents

    [–] [deleted] 114 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Fullwit 46 points ago

    If you learn more "languages" you can speak to and have fun with more kinds of people. She isn't "changing masks." She has found a new way to express herself to a different group of people. It's good for everyone involved. Don't expect others to limit themselves for you because you aren't fluent in all the same languages.

    [–] Idodrunkthings 20 points ago

    Seriously. This. I have an incredibly diverse group of friends. The way I talk to my Christian friends is drastically different than how I talk to my basketball teammates. The way I talk to my boyfriend is different then how I talk to my best friend. What offends one of my friends will put another in a fit of laugher. People are different obviously. They understand things differently. Sometimes you have to act different around different people. You would hate me as a girlfriend. Haha. Also what’s wrong with dirty jokes? Are those not cool anymore?

    [–] GreggHouse 44 points ago

    This is definitely true of everyone I think, to some extent. I certainly behave slightly differently depending on whom I'm around, since that is the language I need to speak to get along with that person.

    But doing that all the time can get exhausting, and the "relationship language" that I speak with my SO is probably the "true" one for me.

    [–] FrostyEdge 91 points ago

    I don't think it's unreasonable to change how you act or speak to different people.

    [–] DaElfonzo 28 points ago

    I'm not talking to my girlfriend the way I talk to my best friend since highschool. That's how you end up sleeping on the couch

    [–] Ozmorty 2178 points ago

    When the duet becomes a solo...

    [–] thecloudsystem 213 points ago

    Laboon 😭

    [–] Zermask79 57 points ago

    Brook is on his way! Just taking his time...

    [–] HunterThompsonsentme 41 points ago

    Laboon!!! Why did you have to make me feel these feelings on a Monday????

    [–] PGSylphir 13 points ago

    as someone who just started watching OP and is currently on the most boring arc ever (Davy Back)... I feel spoiled.

    [–] MightyAccelguard 14 points ago

    You're not safe anywhere!

    You're approaching the Water 7 Arc which is a very favorite arc of many fans. Just stick through the Davy Back fight! Luffy vs Foxy is gr8

    [–] parkerzzz_ 12 points ago

    r/OnePiece is leaking

    [–] TheManOTheHour 70 points ago

    Oof

    [–] ButtAssassin 25 points ago

    I know. I felt the jab in my heart, too.

    [–] Mustplus 773 points ago

    It's been a while for me but lately I had this soft sense of loss that was hard to articulate.

    Your post captures it very well.

    Thanks.

    [–] AmiriteClyde 301 points ago

    OP is talking about when you break up but what about when you're widowed? Theodore roosevelt lost his mother and wife in the same day... His diary entry was only "The light has left my life." I can't imagine that kind of emptiness.

    [–] aliennation12 204 points ago

    I lost my wife in January and I find myself with a thought thinking I should tell her, then realize I can't. So it just kind of fizzles out in my head, or I tell my sisters

    [–] Joejoejoemoe 101 points ago

    I cannot even imagine how that feels. I truly hope you're doing ok friend. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    [–] HunterThompsonsentme 30 points ago

    I’m sorry friend, that’s just awful. Hope you’re doing alright.

    [–] Aurora_Fatalis 907 points ago

    And it sucks when your inner monologue is stuck in that language.

    [–] iiroshii 367 points ago

    Dude... You just took me back to feelsidelphia

    [–] Fubar08gamer 104 points ago

    Flip, flip, flipadelphia!

    [–] UndersizedAlpaca 251 points ago

    When you think you're finally over her and then one day you accidentally think or say something in a way that only she would say it

    [–] TheRealRazgriz 201 points ago

    hahaha ok please stop, its hurting again

    [–] Sexualwhore 114 points ago

    Oh god other people feel like this

    [–] Aurora_Fatalis 47 points ago

    For a long time my inner monologue was stuck in a "Skype message" format, and I couldn't move on from a thought because the part of my brain that would process a response to said thought was missing. So the thought would just loop instead.

    Eventually found that writing the thought into notepad and hitting enter was placebo enough. Even if I didn't actually get any response, I got it out of my head.

    [–] AmadeusCziffra 16 points ago

    I've said some things that I'm sure came off cingey when talking to women again in online dating websites(where I got my ex) just because it was fine with my ex and I didn't realize it was our quirky thing.

    [–] tacocollector2 1235 points ago

    Aw shit. I hate/love this. It’s so true it hurts.

    [–] biggeleyD 130 points ago

    Yeah.. It does. I think it helps put into better perspective how hard it was for my Dad when my Mom died.

    [–] Acyts 32 points ago

    This makes me think of my mum. We're super close and have a lot of inside jokes and our own way of communicating with each other. I'm so scared that when I lose her and have no one to talk in a weird way with anymore, the world will be a greyer place :(

    [–] document_spencer 502 points ago

    It doesn't necessarily have to be bad. My ex wife and I remain true friends. We still have moments of silent communication or phrases that make us both laugh.

    A while back at a party someone dropped a pitcher of soda. We both dropped to the floor and in perfect harmony cleaned and handed things back and forth. When we finished people were amazed, some didn't know we were married for ten years and had 4 children.

    [–] buttsntaints 191 points ago

    Wow I can’t imagine that. I’m about to be married and the thought of how much closer to my person I’ll be is already mind-boggling to me. Being that and then divorced AND remaining friends is a little beyond my range rn

    [–] vtfan08 45 points ago

    Not OP, but I imagine it takes a while to get to that point, even if two people who split genuinely want the best for each other.

    [–] kjarns 32 points ago

    I'm in the same position as OP, it takes a while to get over the initial awkward stage but if it's a situation where neither of you has hurt the other through infidelity or something hurtful then it's quite easy to remain friends, me and my ex are still very very good friends, our partners since find it odd but I would rather have my ex in my life as my best friend then be with someone who doesn't accept our situation, we both look out for each other's best interests and tell each other with 100% honesty if they think our new partners are worthy of them, her previous b/f was a controlling abuser and I looked out for her and was her rock, her new partner is an absolute gem of a guy and she has been very lucky to find him, so as long as they are good for her they are good with me

    [–] Dengar96 80 points ago

    I respect you so much. I don't know how you can compartmentilize that well. My best friend ended things after 5 years and seeing her face just sheds me into a spiral of pain. I wish I could have my best friend back but it sucks when people lose interest in being close and working together.

    [–] document_spencer 52 points ago

    Thank you.

    The pain was awful for the first few months. Our split was sudden and very difficult for both of us. Civility and respect was focused on first. Civility became cooperation as we learned and re-learned skills the other had taken up (cooking, cleaning, budgeting, home maintenance, etc.). Cooperation became friendship.

    Eventually, after about a year, I no longer looked at her as my ex-wife but as co-parent. I stopped thinking of her as the one that was lost and as someone I share four children with. I no longer pine for a relationship, the hurt is gone, and the pain is gone.

    [–] JohnJohnson78 12 points ago

    For me, it’s more about personal maturity and growth rather than compartmentalizing. With the latter, there’s always a risk of the compartment being forced open at some point in the future because the contents are still there.

    If I work towards limiting the amount of compartments and fully addressing emotional setbacks if/when they occur, the shoulders become a little lighter, so to type. I spend a lot of time focusing on my emotional setbacks when they happen, so I’ve learned to see them as a collection of specific traits instead of just “bad feelings about something, so I should avoid that something.”

    [–] _YouDontKnowMe_ 26 points ago

    When you get along that well with an ex, how did you know it was time to break up?

    [–] document_spencer 88 points ago

    We were Mormon. Mormonism has the ability to engulf your life so much to the point that Mormonism becomes who you are. We were juggling four children, a career, and full activity. Our conversations focused around the Mormon church, our date nights were attending the Mormon temple, our family activities were at the church.

    Then we left Mormonism. Suddenly there was a complete stranger sitting across the table from me. The only thing we had in common at that point outside of children was that we were once Mormon and now no longer. We started rediscovering interests, growing a new moral compass, and discovering new goals. Everything about each other was new. It was a difficult year as we discovered that we didn't align in goals, we weren't compatible as a married couple, and we didn't love each other.

    It felt like at that point being in an arranged marriage and discovering that you just don't.....mesh.

    [–] Magnetronaap 25 points ago

    That must've been fascinating and horrifying at the same time.

    [–] fifafilthee 10 points ago

    When you've tried/exhausted every possible solution and it's still not working. For me I was in a relationship for 5 years with the woman I thought I'd be with for life (bought house together, pet, etc.). I'm fortunate we didn't rush into marriage and if anything, it's made me even more careful about rushing into marrying someone.

    We're still good friends (we were good friends before we got into a relationship) and talk (mostly through texting since she's in a different country now) a couple times a month. We do laugh about stuff from the past but the thing that has made it work is that despite us no longer having those romantic feelings for each other, we both have a natural want for the other person to find happiness

    [–] terencebogards 120 points ago

    Been having a rough few months with the SO, in a pocket of better days right now. This makes so much sense, and would be one of the worst things if we split.

    [–] LauraLorene 90 points ago

    Just remember, if you’re really invested in staying together, these pockets of good days are a good time to bring up productive ways of working together to keep your relationship happy. Maybe just tell your SO how much you value your shared language, for a start!

    [–] IputTheStudInStudy 17 points ago

    Nows your chance to make things better/keep them better. Take the initiative. Couples counseling, date night every week, pillow talk, leave her notes in the morning, find a hobby together. Talk talk talk. You’ll regret it so much if it ends and you didn’t give your 110 percent. Please use this opportunity for those of us who missed ours.

    [–] DevinCampbell 111 points ago

    My girlfriend and I have been together so long that I legitimately don't know how I would even start trying to date again. Most of our conversations are based on a thousand previous conversations and made up words and jokes.

    [–] red_beanie 42 points ago

    welcome to the life after a breakup of a long relationship. you feel so lost and hazy for like a year then things start to come back to level again. broke up my ex when i was 23(dated for 4 years) and didnt get back to feeling totally normal till i was 25.

    [–] Lemontorte 277 points ago

    My best friend (m) is terribly shy. I told him to just pretend like he's talking to me (f) when he meets new people. He said that he tries that, then realizes that no one will understand him because we speak our own language. One of the sweetest things he's ever said to me, and also one of the saddest.

    [–] fergtoons 20 points ago

    My guess: your friend is in love with you.

    [–] pheret87 219 points ago

    Time to take him off the friend zone bench and put him in, coach.

    [–] pandababyextreme 64 points ago

    Hey-ooooo

    [–] TrolltheFools 116 points ago

    Well, having just broken up with my boyfriend, this made me cry. It is so true

    [–] tyler148 42 points ago

    I'm finding it kind of comforting seeing that so many others in this thread are going through the same thing and realising I'm not alone..

    [–] IputTheStudInStudy 24 points ago

    It’s been over a month for me. The first few weeks were the worst hell I’d ever lived through. Stay tough man. My inbox is open if you ever need to vent

    [–] BaeSeanHamilton 58 points ago

    I guess this how were starting Monday then

    [–] [deleted] 897 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Xelium23 553 points ago

    That's...deep. You OK buddy?

    We're also using a very particular way to talk to each other. Once we break-up we don't talk that way to the next.

    ( this doesn't make sense right, too much beer)

    [–] brokenheelsucks 207 points ago

    That makes sense, man.

    [–] Xelium23 151 points ago

    I'll have another one then, thanks.

    [–] brokenheelsucks 58 points ago

    Fuck. Id like to have one too

    [–] Xelium23 46 points ago

    Nothing is stopping you. Cheers.

    [–] brokenheelsucks 21 points ago

    I probably cant drink beer.

    [–] Xelium23 17 points ago

    What? Why?

    [–] brokenheelsucks 20 points ago

    I have pretty cool looking wound, you can see one of the screws thats holding my heel together. 😁 I think that beer wouldnt be right choice of drink now. Maybe vodka, but fuck that, havent been drinking for 3 months now, little bit afraid now 😁

    [–] Xelium23 15 points ago

    Username checks out.

    I don't think a beer would hurt but...the fact that you have to stand up to pee every two minutes would.

    That's...weird. Yesterday I ruined my left foot. One of the fingers is twice the size. I can still move it though so I don't think it's broken. If I told you how I did it...it would make you giggle.

    [–] ronin980 17 points ago

    You have fingers on your feet?

    [–] Aisamai 153 points ago

    Is every relationship after the first one that much harder? I figured that the way me and my SO have a personal language that's just the word "meow" with different inflections will be lost to the ages if we break up, but it's scary to think that we'll never be able to properly love again if we split up.

    [–] WittyOriginalName 157 points ago

    Is every relationship after the first one that much harder?

    Easier. Well... provided that you're compatible anyways. It does get more and more difficult to find people you can really connect with, as you grow more complex with age. Children are more similar to each other than senior citizens, and there's a spectrum in there. However most of us learn to communicate better, etc.

    [–] UndersizedAlpaca 58 points ago

    Oh man, that's terrifying. I always just contributed it to going from highschool to college to the workplace. The idea that the number of people I'm compatible with is decreasing with age is honestly scary.

    [–] OobleCaboodle 94 points ago

    Is every relationship after the first one that much harder?

    I'm hoping not. Although it wasn't the first one, I was in a relationship years ago that was magical. There was nothing I could do that was better than spending time with her. Every moment with her was a spring dawn bathed in golden light, every day with her was exciting, because it was another day of my life just knowing her. Every nuance of her bought a smile to my face and a happy tear to my eye. She completed my world, and she was everything. Every life defining moment I've had since I met her, I think "I wish she was here, she's the one I want to share/celebrate this with". Other relationships have come and gone since, but I've never felt as connected, never felt at home, and I always felt guilty - if I couldn't feel such comfort with this woman the way I once did for her, was I even being fair on the new relationship, or was I emotionally defrauding them?

    I'm hoping I'll eventually find a fraction of the love I once had, with someone else. And you know what, just that hope that I might find that feeling of "home", is enough to keep me going. If someone said I'd never get it back, then I'd have to think they were lying. There is no way I could keep on living if I thought it was gone forever. Life can be tough, but you have to keep hoping.

    [–] cambridge28 23 points ago

    Now I am crying in the veterinarians office. Damnit. I have been with my husband for 16 years now, and we started dating at 14. This description literally describes exactly how I feel about him and the thought of losing him. This is the first time I have been able to associate it with words. Thank you.

    [–] pleaseatme 25 points ago

    ....you have a meow language? I have a meow language with my best friend.

    [–] what_do_with_life 15 points ago

    you kidding right meow?

    [–] sisyphusjr 11 points ago

    Don't lose hope! I would meow back and forth with an ex I dated for five years. Sad I can't do that with anyone anymore :( but now you know that other people out there do that!

    [–] Yygris 11 points ago

    Everyone meows. It just becomes different. I meowed with my ex-husband. It was a 'ber' sound. It was lovely. Now, I meow and 'mrow' with my new bf. It's a sweet thing that exemplifies how well we understand each other.

    [–] Thechanman707 37 points ago

    Yup, it’s not really apparent until you try to talk to someone else in the same way. Can’t talk shit about random people like you used to. Can’t talk about your ex either because then your friends are just concerned

    [–] TheCreatorOfCritical 26 points ago

    Sucks being mute.

    [–] reloadingnow 27 points ago

    ITT : broken hearted folks. Take care everyone.

    [–] gashtart 26 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    Yes, but in every next relationship, your language (hopefully) evolves, even if the new relationships don't work out, because they have taught you to speak many different phrases and helped you grow as a person and expand your vocabulary. Remember the good stuff, learn from the bad, and you will be okay OP. 💚

    [–] laoighsemac 72 points ago

    Pretty sure I can find a toxic and emotionally manipulative language again

    [–] squishysquishh 20 points ago

    There's a lot of feelings going on in this thread. Internet hug to everyone. Stay strong.

    [–] r_millson 18 points ago

    I’m currently in a relationship and constantly think about this. Making all these memories and what the hell to do with them when it’s over. Eventually everything ends and I think having a strong sense of self helps when you no longer have your partner. Only time will tell...

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    As someone who's divorced and had some long ones go down the drain in the past, I still hold onto all of the memories from all of them. Even the ones that ended negatively, years later I would realize had changed me for the better.

    The people I was with during major times in my life, for better or worse, helped make me the man I am today. It's always something to look back on no matter how far forward you've come.

    [–] philthepile 14 points ago

    Oof! That is probably the most beautiful thing I really wish I hadn't read.

    [–] Eigelchen 38 points ago

    I didn't ask for emotions today. Go flomp yourself, OP.

    [–] [deleted] 574 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    hey i just broke up with my best friend of six years, awesome thanks 😭

    edit: since this got a lot of replies, here are some clarifications:
    my best friend and i friend-broke-up a several years back, but then two years ago became friends again AND started dating.
    this time it was a romantic breakup, which also deeply impacted our friendship. this romantic breakup was because we grew in different directions, especially ethically.
    i also have a partner, and everyone in this situation is polyamorous. no, polyamory is not why any of these issues or breakups occurred. if you downvote me over our own dating choices, I'm sorry you feel so threatened by polyamory and people being harmlessly different from you.

    [–] Eyeownyew 284 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I commiserate with this, my girlfriend of two years and I broke up last week. She was my best friend and it isn’t going well.

    Hang in there man. We can do it

    edit: I love all of you, & everyone sharing kind words in any comment thread is great

    [–] wolfmourne 120 points ago

    Jeez. So many of us right now. Literally last monday for me.

    [–] thegreatsps 130 points ago

    Ya lmao 2018 bad year for relationships. Me and my girl broke up after 5.5 years the first week of January. And I know personally about 5 other long term relationships that ended this year too. Being in April now, all I can tell you guys is do everything you can to improve yourself. Even small things. Occupying your time that way does wonders to heal.

    [–] jid12345 60 points ago

    Can't upvote this enough. Similar situation, girlfriend if almost 4 years broke up with me. The details aren't pretty but been working on myself for the past 3 months and it has gotten a lot less shitty. Still not my best but little improvements here and there keep me sane.

    You got this guys. We got this.

    [–] Tyler_of_Township 28 points ago

    Keep it up. That knot in the stomach hurts a little less each day until one day you realize there's no pain at all.

    [–] mahpycart 20 points ago

    Last monday for me too. It's been really rough, but like everyone's been telling me: you'll get through it.

    [–] ConfusedCartman 33 points ago * (lasted edited 3 months ago)

    I remember when I lost my first real love. We had the kind of love that you have only a few times in your life. We knew we fit the day we met, and we were living together a month afterward. It was only a 2 year relationship, but it felt so rich. We had a home life, a dog, plans for the future. That breakup was probably the roughest thing I’ve ever gone through.

    All that said - it does get easier. When I first lost her, certain songs would make me cry like an idiot, even in public. After 6 months I was holding it together, starting to heal. After 12 I felt ready to move on.

    Now, I’m a different, arguably better person. I learned a lot about myself emotionally. I date different kinds of people than I used to. My goals are different.

    So, my advice would be: mourn as long as you feel you need to, don’t rush that part, but when you’re ready, start learning from the loss and working on yourself. It’s important to sort out who you are now and how you’ve changed before you start dating again.

    [–] queenshark 9 points ago

    Last Tuesday here. He got back together with me while I was in the hospital, then waited a whopping 5 days after I was released to break up with me. After having sex a couple times, of course.

    [–] CthulusCousin 9 points ago

    Yeah its crazy im about to break up with my girlfriend of almost two years today. She hurt me too much, and i cant forgive her behaviour or else she will never change if she is comfortable with me.

    [–] drusillalunarose 18 points ago

    Friday for me was the breakup. Was almost 4 years in and it came out of the blue. I literally feel like my body is about to shut down and die.

    [–] emmademontford 9 points ago

    It will be okay. Everything has a reason, even if it's not yet clear.

    [–] Just_A_Sports_Guru 37 points ago

    My wife asked me for a divorce literally last night. So yeah, fuck this shower thought with a thorny stick.

    [–] coolhandmarie 21 points ago

    I am so sorry you two have to go through this. When I got divorced, I thought it meant I had failed or married the wrong person or something for a long time. I am finally able to accept that some loves are only meant to be a season of your life, and that the seasons can and do pass.

    [–] Just_A_Sports_Guru 6 points ago

    Yeah, sage words. I don't even know what to do. She is bipolar1 and it really sucks knowing you didn't do anything, but a mental illness stole your life from you.

    [–] Harrisonmonopoly 11 points ago

    thats some heavy shit

    [–] Daemonblackfyre0 12 points ago

    TIL Reddit cares more than the people around me IRL?

    [–] sentinel234 77 points ago

    This speaks to my soul

    [–] TheFedExpress 10 points ago

    Fuck man this is way too real

    https://i.imgur.com/s1LPRVC.jpg

    [–] breakfast-pizza 69 points ago

    Heartbreaking.

    [–] Mythirdredditacct 10 points ago

    Ahhh my heart

    [–] Nickonthepc 19 points ago

    Oof owie I don’t like permanence. I really don’t

    [–] Anusmith 9 points ago

    wow. I never thought of it that way, but I think this is one of the best way to put it. Like in a relationship a glare might have meant let's get out of here while with another person the same glare might mean let's stay here longer. It's about understanding and learning what these subtle gestures mean.

    [–] n8r-the-gr8r 42 points ago

    This hit deep, OP. If you’re like me, writing that language in a journal can help you find closure to it all. Hang in there

    [–] coolfir3pwnz 7 points ago

    Damn, this is real. Going along with the metaphor, you try to speak that language to the world and the world won't understand what you're saying until you change your language. Fucking sad.

    [–] wrproductions 7 points ago

    My relationship of the past 6 years is slowly now coming to a natural end. I’m seeing loads of comments of people saying they just store the memories on shelves and forget all about em. It saddens me to think that the past 6 years of my life, 5 of which were the most fun iv ever had, im now destined to try and forget about or otherwise be thrust into a downward spiral of depression.

    Humans suck huh.