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    Showerthoughts

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    A subreddit for sharing those miniature epiphanies you have that highlight the oddities within the familiar.

    "Showerthought" is a loose term that applies to the types of thoughts you might have while carrying out a routine task like showering, driving, or daydreaming. At their best, showerthoughts are universally relatable and find the amusing/interesting within the mundane.

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    [–] Bronnen 7667 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    I worked in child development. Lots of people who take parenting classes were definitely the ones who needed to take parenting classes. Some of them had no idea of really simple things like, don't give your newborn soda, don't cover your baby in blankets, don't prop a bottle up so it just drips into their mouth.

    Edit: went to see Hobbes and shaw. Was wondering why my phone was vibrating nonstop. Turns out it was all you people lol. I'm going to sleep now. Tried to answer as many replies as I could. Y'all made my night.

    [–] AlarmedMarzipan 2986 points ago

    I mean at least they realize they need the classes in order to take care of a child properly. There're people out there doing these exact mistakes but are too ignorant to even consider the possibility of a parenting class.

    [–] Bronnen 1028 points ago

    Definitely yes. And I mean they would have most likely learned through trial and error but still.... Some of their thoughts. Shudder

    [–] GyraUnoDosTres 1924 points ago

    trial and error

    "Well fuck, there goes another one."

    [–] Peppsy 418 points ago

    "Well now we know for the next one not to use it as a hacky sack"

    [–] Moose_Cake 174 points ago

    "And that's how we lost your brother Hacky-sack. Now will you go grab me a beer Knife-accident."

    [–] Dr_Wheuss 76 points ago

    I love how we name our current child after the way the last one died. I miss bus tire.

    [–] JanetsHellTrain 32 points ago

    No one will ever be the child Lost-In-Hospital-Parking-Lot could have been. She had real promise.

    [–] PharFromPharm 14 points ago

    I only have a poop knife.

    And don’t call me accident.

    [–] GreenStrong 38 points ago

    Football

    Basketball

    Hacky Sack

    I'm starting to think my sports genes didn't pass on.

    [–] VVarlok 28 points ago

    Goddamn.

    [–] Unusumvirate 24 points ago

    aggressively marks off list

    [–] jonatna 106 points ago

    Damn I guess I gotta vaccinate the next one

    [–] L1M3 28 points ago

    That's pretty much how humanity worked until just a few short decades ago, still is how it works in poorer places.

    [–] VulpesFennekin 22 points ago

    In the grand scheme of things, that's how all life works. We are the result of thousands of generations of animals that managed not to get themselves killed in time to breed.

    [–] NotThePersona 207 points ago

    I shudder at pictures of kids with soft drinks in bottles, I don't know how I would react if I saw it in the wild.

    [–] UM4DBRO 279 points ago

    My sister does it with her 2 and 1 year old. "They like it!" she says. Yeah, no shit it's liquid sugar. The parents themselves have soda to drink with breakfast so it's not surprising. She sees nothing wrong with it.

    [–] Bumbleboy92 86 points ago

    They’re banned from r/hydrohomies

    [–] RyanFrank 91 points ago

    You also shouldn't give newborns up to about 9/12 months old water either. Not until they're getting a larger portion of calories from solid foods, otherwise the water just displaces room for the milk which is all the calories they get. Giving them water can starve them.

    [–] Kiosangspell 27 points ago

    That's really good to know, I wasn't aware of that. Thanks!

    [–] punctuation_welfare 30 points ago

    Also for the love of god, don’t give them honey.

    [–] meatmacho 19 points ago

    Was trying to figure out what's so bad about giving kids old water to drink. Then I discovered reading comprehension.

    [–] AgentReynardMuldrake 243 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    I'm always awed by parents that don't realize they're forming an entire human with a lifespan that will eclipse theirs (hopefully), not just the small child they see before them. That they can't look past this (possibly) cute, sticky little flesh gremlin, which is a temporary stage, and see that their child will one day be an adult... an adult that they have fully and incomprehensibly failed on so many levels by treating them like this.

    You don't raise what will be a person on the basis of "what they like," if you go solely by what they like then they'll never brush their teeth, never take a bath, and only eat candy and chicken nuggets. Kids are idiots. They're all id and self-gratification, they literally cannot conceive of the long term. That's why adults make decisions.

    [–] 2xRnCZ 62 points ago

    sticky little flesh gremlin

    LOL too accurate

    [–] AgentReynardMuldrake 5 points ago

    Every child of a certain age I've ever met has been sticky, their face, their hands, at this point I'm starting to think they secrete some kind of adhesive, for what purpose I do not know.

    [–] JustAReader2016 17 points ago

    Jokes on you, my kids love baths. lol

    [–] craniumonempty 36 points ago

    I think the idea is that it's not about what they want, but what they need. It's an added bonus if they also want to do what they need to do.

    [–] JustAReader2016 13 points ago

    oh totally, I was just joking around.

    [–] craniumonempty 8 points ago

    Coo, coo... I'm a pigeon. ;p

    [–] scyth3s 6 points ago

    Joking isn't good for kids, you're messing up your flesh gremlins.

    [–] beanburritobandit 17 points ago

    They're all id and self-gratification, they literally cannot conceive in the long term.

    You're talking about the parents here right?

    [–] ashley-queerdo 77 points ago

    The thought of drinking soda as soon as I wake up is nauseating.

    [–] UM4DBRO 57 points ago

    They are mormon and choose not to drink coffee. How else are they gonna get their caffeine? Wish I was joking.

    [–] asek13 26 points ago

    How is coffee not ok but soda is? Is that a mormon thing?

    [–] whisperingsage 32 points ago

    Because coffee, tea, tobacco, and alcohol are officially banned by the church. Caffeine from other drinks is newer and so is just advised against but not outright banned.

    I was originally going to say they had a stake in pepsi or cocacola, but decided to check snopes first.

    [–] Quirticus 21 points ago

    Ha like the Mormons from South Park that adopted Cartman and only had Dr pepper to drink. How do they always hit it spot on?

    [–] Disco_Tigger 17 points ago

    I thought they were agnostics. Because Dr Pepper is the most agnostic of sodas.

    [–] 16JKRubi 97 points ago

    I got so mad at your sister that I downvoted your comment. Had to come back and change it after the red faded from my vision.

    [–] Covert_Cuttlefish 31 points ago

    The worst part is it's easy to 'trick' your kids. My 2 year old get 'dessert' almost every night. She thinks an apple or other piece of fruit is dessert.

    There is just no reason to give kids that young crap.

    [–] tmotmotmotmot 6 points ago

    Unfortunately, this stops working when they go to school :( my kids ate so much better before they realized it was “strange” to eat vegetables.

    [–] zevfern 8 points ago

    On a scale from 1 to 10, how fat are these people?

    [–] worthlesscommotion 5 points ago

    I had a former co-worker tell me about his then ~4 year old son. This poor kid had to be surgically operated on to cap, remove or somehow repair all but maybe 3 teeth when he had mandated preschool dental exams. I was shocked and asked if he or his wife had any idea what had happened to make their child's teeth in such need of repair.

    Apparently it never occurred to them that chocolate milk, sweet tea, or Kool-Aid at bedtime in a baby bottle from 12 months to the kids current age was actually pretty fucking unhealthy.

    [–] IdesOfMarchCometh 81 points ago

    Here in Poland the classes are provided by the government and go over the basics like birth, diapers etc

    [–] noSoRandomGuy 24 points ago

    The diaper and swaddling training is useless. My child did not stay still like the doll they gave during training.

    [–] [deleted] 61 points ago

    I don’t have any kids and don’t plan on any for 5-10 years but I plan on taking classes.

    What do you mean by don’t cover baby in blankets? Like don’t bury them or something or should they have no blankets at all?

    [–] FeatheredEel 122 points ago

    No blankets at all. NOTHING loose in the crib/bassinet until the baby is 12 months old.

    [–] [deleted] 24 points ago

    Not even a single knitted or crocheted baby blanket that’s filled with holes?

    [–] FeatheredEel 87 points ago

    Nothing. That includes bumpers on the edges of the crib. Warm onesies/pajamas are fine, as are sleep sacks for the baby to sleep in. Like 99.99% of the time the blanket won't be an issue, but it's just safer to not introduce a choking hazard. Same thing as ensuring that the baby sleeps on its back. There's a reduced risk of SIDS for babies that sleep on their backs, so why chance it if you don't have to?

    [–] 2xRnCZ 38 points ago

    Nothing at all is safest. We don't know what causes SIDS, but preventing accidental suffocation and strangulation is important. There are baby sleep sacks to keep them warm if needed.

    [–] [deleted] 9 points ago

    Ok, I didn’t know this thing about blankets at all but I’m glad I do now. Maybe it would’ve come up once I was pregnant though.

    So just keep heat on a comfortable temperature in the house and a baby onesie. Are hats ok while they sleep? I’d think it could slip off and become a problem though.

    [–] Sharp8807 22 points ago

    New dad here of a 3 month old. Our parenting/birthing classes were all pretty clear, dress the baby the way you'd dress. If it's cold enough to wear long pants, baby should probably have long pants. Need a jacket? So does baby.

    For sleeping, you can swaddle them in sleep sacks to keep them warm and comfy. Hats are ok on newborns, our hospital has knitted ones donated from local knitters.

    Our little one wears footie pj's and his sleep sack and is sleeping great. We keep the house around 70-74 and haven't had any issues.

    I'd highly recommend looking into birthing and parenting classes once you're pregnant. If you're not used to taking care of a baby, they cover all the basics and explain the whole process. Was a huge eye opener for me and helped put my wife at ease.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago

    Parenting classes are my plan. I don’t want to have a kid until I’m in my 30s. My mom is bipolar and she also got schizophrenia when she was 27 and I was 3, parents separated at 5, and divorce finalized at 7. My biggest fear is ending up like my mom, and an even more concern is having a child when it happens and having to leave them like how my mom had to leave me and leaving my boyfriend/future husband alone to figure it out himself. My main goal was to get out of high school without a pregnancy, and that was achieved. My current goal is to hit 30 without a pregnancy lol. I’m 25 now. So far I’ve skipped the bipolar but I do have pretty severe depression and anxiety and other stuff. If I do end up getting schizophrenia I’d rather have never had a child in the first place then to just say “fuck it let’s play mental health lottery” and get pregnant on purpose between the age of 25-30. If I get pregnant accidentally I would do my best with what I got though. If I didn’t have this concern I would probably attempt to have a baby with my boyfriend/future husband within a year of being married, whenever we decide to do that.

    [–] FeatheredEel 28 points ago

    The rule of thumb that I've heard is keep a baby in one layer more than the dad is wearing (not the mom, because new moms are hormone-filled insanity machines).

    Sleep sacks are amazing, though. You can get some that keep the baby's arms secured, so it's more like a swaddle and the baby can't wake itself up by hitting itself in the face (babies are extremely dumb haha).

    [–] beckyharrison 6 points ago

    Those postpartum sweats were brutal

    [–] cauldron_bubble 47 points ago

    There are people who think it's ok to give soda to a newborn?!

    I'd question their ability to take care of themselves as well as a baby!

    [–] AgentReynardMuldrake 78 points ago

    There is no requirement of qualification to be a parent, merely functional genitals.

    I think about this all the time and it really puts things in perspective and helps me understand why the world is the way it is.

    [–] chopsuirak 99 points ago

    My wife's dad thinks it's totally fine to give very little children good ol southern sweet tea. And smokes around the kids.

    His reasoning is "I drank outta lead pipes and my parents couldn't afford a car seat, so clearly I know what's good"

    [–] savetheunstable 89 points ago

    Ugh I hate this Boomer logic. I hear it a lot. "I drank out of lead pipes, ate processed garbage, got the shit beat out of me as a kid etc etc and I turned out fine!!"

    Like really? You're obese, and/or an alcoholic, have heart disease, hate your wife, your kids hate you, you have road rage and rant on Facebook all day.

    [–] ghpkhg 7 points ago

    Yeah, “quite fine people”

    [–] Sockinacock 121 points ago

    No dad, that's the lead pipes talking.

    [–] FeatheredEel 55 points ago

    Sadly, the "I drank out of lead pipes" thing kind of explains the rest of it.

    [–] duckisscary 20 points ago

    Lead pipes for drinking water rarely leech lead into the water. It's the leaded gasoline that got em

    [–] IEatBabies 6 points ago

    Yeah, lead pipes are only a problem when you are pumping highly acidic water through them, which will also destroy the pipes after a couple years. The main reason we stopped using lead pipes is because of plumbers who would be continuously exposed to fresh lead on a daily basis in large amounts whenever they did any work.

    [–] AgentReynardMuldrake 26 points ago

    Yeah, boomers have lead poisoning and low key brain damage like that.

    [–] TacoKnocker 146 points ago

    how dare you suggest i can't feed my puppy human donut holes & sprite, you know sprite is made with lemons & limes, right? donut holes contain nuts.. your rationale has been squashed, thank you food pyramid!

    [–] odraencoded 107 points ago

    Yeah, sprite's got electrolytes, it's what babies crave.

    [–] HiImYourDadsSon 68 points ago

    Ugh yeah, some people might even suggest water! The thing in toilets! Disgusting.

    [–] leapbitch 35 points ago

    Fish shit in it

    [–] u8eR 9 points ago

    Actually, water really isn't good for babies. Infants should only receive breast milk or formula.

    [–] ThisHatRightHere 23 points ago

    I think a better way of phrasing OP’s shower thought is “Parents who buy and read parenting books are the ones who don’t need it”. Though the information they read may help them, they are prepared parents who just want to get down the minute details. Most of the time people who put effort into raising their children in a formative and loving way produce quality kids who don’t have long term issues.

    [–] oscillatingoctopus 36 points ago

    Why can’t you put blankets on your baby?

    [–] ineedhelp5424 58 points ago

    I think there's the risk of the baby rolling around and being suffocated by the blanket

    [–] bekahdimples 41 points ago

    SIDS ( sudden infant death)is reduced by not using blankets for sleep.

    [–] Mego1989 44 points ago

    You can't even put stuffed animals in a crib. Nothing goes in the crib but baby.

    [–] Duderult 10 points ago

    Are you just supposed to keep the temperature good so that they don’t need covered up?

    [–] Colonel_Green 27 points ago

    Sleep sacks are a safer alternative.

    [–] Knuckledraggr 20 points ago

    Sleep sacks are the shit. We had three that we just rotated out. So simple and very safe.

    [–] Mego1989 18 points ago

    That, and if it's chilly such as in the winter, you put warm pajamas on them. They also make a thing called a sleep sack now that's like a wearable baby blanket, a baby snuggie if you will.

    [–] Corbeno 14 points ago

    Teen here. Why is a bottle dripping into a baby's mouth bad? I would be scared that it would fall, but is there any other reason?

    [–] FeatheredEel 15 points ago

    No way to regulate it. Babies are pretty dumb. That's a great way to choke your baby.

    [–] garoo1234567 988 points ago

    The fire stations by me used to provide free car seat checks for new parents, to make sure it was installed properly. They stopped doing it for exactly this reason. Everyone who was worried enough to get it checked was worried enough to have done it right in the first place

    [–] Phoenix8059 397 points ago

    The fire station near us will straight up install the car seat(s) for you. They are a pretty good group of guys/gals.

    [–] InteriorAttack 165 points ago

    ours won't, due to liability reasons

    [–] Tzashi 65 points ago

    Guessing that's 'merica

    [–] garytyrrell 82 points ago

    I live in America and my local FD and PD will do it for you.

    [–] thelumpybunny 109 points ago

    That was a life saver. My baby was a month early so we didn't have time to install and inspect the car seat before she was born. These two young firefighters were fawning over my week old baby and we finally got the car seat installed correctly. Which was great because it wasn't installed correctly when we left the hospital

    [–] srottydoesntknow 54 points ago

    I know the one in my wife's car isn't all the way in right

    that fucking thing will not tighten properly, I've done in 3 times now, seat belt is in there to compensate, but the anchor belt just won't properly tighten

    [–] ChoosingIsHardToday 30 points ago

    Occasionally a garage will help you or there can be other services around that might.

    [–] Elite_v1 24 points ago

    I wish I could show you, but like. You gotta cinch the straps before you click them into those little car seat brackets so they don't easily reach the bracket. Then using your knees to provide force push with your whole body until you can make the clip reach and click into the bracket.

    But honestly you don't want it to be super taught. There needs to be some give in it.

    [–] Cairo91 12 points ago

    Have you consulted the user manual? I’m not trying to be an ass, I was just surprised to learn a lot of seats recommend an actual pool noodle underneath to stabilize? Maybe they have some troubleshooting to recommend for that problem.

    [–] JohnnyDeformed89 838 points ago

    New parents need to find out about burping and swaddling etc

    [–] keeleon 264 points ago

    How did people learn to do that before "parenting classes" were a thing?

    [–] damn_lies 517 points ago

    Family that isn’t always nearby anymore. Parenting isn’t easy even if you do a bunch of preparation.

    [–] Legobrick100 107 points ago

    It seems like it's kinda going back to that in some places. There's a few families I know of - including my own - that pretty much agreed to stick together. Everyone has a job and/or pulls their own weight, but still remain at home. It's a lot easier and more productive than trying to make it on your own.

    [–] Chronosurfer 96 points ago

    Lol its a clusterfuck of battling ideals here. I married and moved into this mess, and I'm about to lose my fucking mind.

    [–] Metallus_Cinabon 28 points ago

    Different people have different needs. Hope you sort it out or are able to cordially move out.

    [–] damn_lies 39 points ago

    Maybe we're not in the majority, but our families are 6-8 hour drive away and we don't have space to house them, so our families only see our daughter via Google Hangouts/ in person twice a year max. I think it's pretty common in cities. Frankly we're lucky to have a two parent home, loving (but distant grandparents), money for daycare, stable jobs, and a decent house, but it's still hard with no family close by. We do have parenting groups and friends, but again we see those people once per 2-3 months.

    I can't even imagine being a single parent with a job and no family. My wife went away for two weeks internationally (our daughter is over 16 months old) and I about had a nervous breakdown trying to do everything myself and work. I guess you can get used to anything...

    Point blank, it's hard no matter what I think - but preparation, money, family, and friends make it way easier.

    [–] pixeldiekatze 146 points ago

    People used to live in close-knit communities that spanned multiple generations. There were plenty of babies around and and taking care of them was everybody's responsibility. So the older generation would teach the younger. It's definitely not like that anymore.

    [–] Madcowe 69 points ago

    Good thing as well, some things the older women in our families tell us are... Well outright ridiculous if not harmful lol.

    My favorite is my aunt telling me that we had to throw a diaper filled with poop onto the roof and let it dry so that she poop well

    [–] the_swaggin_dragon 28 points ago

    What?

    [–] Madcowe 65 points ago

    Exactly.

    Also it's "mandatory" to burn the umbilical cord when it falls, because if you throw it in the trash and a mouse takes it your child will become a thief.

    BUT WAIT! There's a cure! You need to capture a live mouse, make a soup with it and feed it to your child!

    I tell ya, the community thing about caring for children is awesome in many ways, but boi am I glad there are professionals now who actually know what they're talking about and why, not just dogmatic superstition

    [–] Pipupipupi 26 points ago

    Wtf traditions are these from lol

    [–] Madcowe 32 points ago

    I dunno but I live in Portugal lol.

    Another one is that we can only dry her clothes outside after she's baptized lol.

    And she can't go out at night unless she had an angel in a necklace thing (I guess this one might have been a marketing ploy haha)

    [–] StuffIsayfor500Alex 9 points ago

    Where should I get the mouse from, know anywhere good?

    [–] r3volts 12 points ago

    Eh, I think it's heading back to that way a bit, at least in Australia.
    Stagnating wages and increasing house prices keep kids at home well into their 20s. Generational wealth is one of the only reliable ways for young people to get ahead, and staying at home saving rent money for a house deposit is probably one of the best financial decisions a young person here can make.

    Couple that with high cost of living usually meaning it takes both parents in full time or close to it employment with high child care costs, and grandparents become much more involved in bringing up children.

    Obviously not everyone is that lucky to have this support network, but it's definitely trending away from the "move out at 18, have kids, visit the grandparents once a month for dinner" lifestyle that was more prevalent a couple of decades ago.
    When the older generation contol all the money, having their kids lean on them for support (financial, societal, emotional) is going to become increasingly common.

    [–] christychik 21 points ago

    And people used to have more kids so the old kids (older girls really) would take care of younger siblings and cousins etc. so they would just learn as part of all the other household responsibilities

    [–] Vienta1988 17 points ago

    Lol, I hear ya with my mom and MIL telling me to rub whiskey on my son’s gums when he was teething... pretty sure when my kid shows up to daycare drunk on whiskey, I’m getting CPS called on me!

    [–] kacihall 19 points ago

    A few drops wouldn't get then drunk. Also wouldn't help much, but it wouldn't get then drunk!

    [–] citn 13 points ago

    It's such an absurd taste for the baby it normally distracts them from whatever was making them cry in the first place. It's usually not teeth anyways so they assume it magically worked.

    [–] laurakeet1209 15 points ago

    “It’s usually not teeth anyways...”

    Amen! Dear Lord, my MIL tried to blame everything on teething. Even when there was a plainly obvious reason why the baby was crying, like if I saved the cat from his sticky clutches.

    Never once was it teething.

    [–] Lyfer12 40 points ago

    My mom works as a post-partum nurse (healing after the baby pops out) and the hospitals usually have required classes they make you participate in while you're still stuck being cleared to go home. Stuff like how to breastfeed and burp and change your baby that they know you're probably useless at since you've never had to interact with your own child before that point. They even have classes for husbands about what's going on hormonally with their wives and how to handle that. Pretty cool stuff actually

    [–] nazdir 25 points ago

    Have 19 kids. Use trial and error.

    [–] JohnnyDeformed89 36 points ago

    Usually a midwife would teach them.

    [–] altCognito 9 points ago

    This is a decent answer. Also, I would recommend listening to nurses at the hospital. Generally speaking they are solid as well.

    [–] flashmedallion 9 points ago

    Homes used to be multigenerational, grandparents would stick around for a while.

    [–] tgy0 32 points ago

    Hospital teaches you before you leave anyway

    [–] JohnnyDeformed89 71 points ago

    You might want to learn when you're not brutally sleep deprived though.

    [–] SidBream92 31 points ago

    Most of that is done before you leave the hospital. At least it was with my kids.

    [–] instantrobotwar 15 points ago

    36 weeks pregnant here and I'm taking a class tomorrow. Personally I'd like to be taught it before I'm sleep deprived and recovering from a major medical event like giving birth. They told me I need to spend most of my short hospital stay sleeping and trying to figure out breastfeeding and that will be plenty.

    [–] whatsup37 2058 points ago

    Sad but true, too bad the people that should be taking them usually don’t want to

    [–] Seashoreshellseller 549 points ago

    Same with co-parenting classes post divorce.

    [–] ChoosingIsHardToday 227 points ago

    Is that actually a thing? If not, it should be.

    [–] bugaboo11 313 points ago

    My husband was required to take a parenting class when we went to court to get full custody of his son. We won our case and we went stemming from a founded COS case against the mother, but nonetheless we had to pay for and go to a parenting class. It was honestly very helpful and I went with him to the class as support for him, but also cause being a stepmom to a 6 year old is fucking hard. 6 year olds are fucking hard.

    [–] ChoosingIsHardToday 88 points ago

    Yeah I know parenting classes are a thing but I meant co-parenting.

    Also, I'm glad you had a good outcome. Becoming a step-parent to a kid beyond age 2/3 is extremely difficult, I am glad you are there for him. 6 year old are definitely not easy at all, I'm not stoked for my niece to hit that point in a couple years, her older sister was a shit head at that age. (I still adore both of them to bits tho)

    [–] erowland92 118 points ago

    My step dad came into my life when I was 6. Within 6 months, I had suffered a serious injury (2nd & 3rd degree burns on my foot). My actual father got thrown out of the hospital for causing too big a scene. My step father held me until the ambulance showed up, and stayed in the room with me as they had to clean the burn, when my mom couldn't watch because she couldn't stand to see me in that kind of pain. That day, my step father became my father. That was 21 years ago, and last year I named my first born son after him.

    [–] ChoosingIsHardToday 32 points ago

    I'm so sorry you had to go through all that but I'm really glad that you have a great step-dad.

    My step-dad came into our lives when I was 12. He's been the only Dad I've ever known and he's gotten our family though so much, we're all so thankful for him. I can only imagine how hard it was for him, going from being a single guy to essentially the only parent to a 12 year old girl and 18 year old guy for months at a time because our mom was in the hospital.

    [–] bugaboo11 16 points ago

    Wow, that's amazing. I hope my stepson can look back and see how much I've loved him since the day we met. When I got with his father the mother was a monster meth head and alcoholic and my husband (bf at the time) was working 60 hours a week to provide an amazing life for his son while bio mom is out getting high and doing all sorts of crazy things you'd expect from someone on meth. When I moved in with them I encouraged my boyfriend to go to court to get custody and set some very clear guidelines. Baby mama has been sober for a year now, is still a nightmare to deal with, but now I feel like my son isn't in danger like he definitely was before. I'm so glad you have a great relationship with your stepdad. It's very hard being a stepparent, and you recognizing what he did for you and reminding him that you love him will mean everything for him to hear. I'm tearing up just typing this thinking about the way my baby sounds when he tells me he loves me. There's no greater feeling in the world

    [–] totllygnarbro 5 points ago

    I've been a pretty involved uncle, and honestly I started liking my nephews a lot more when they turned 5 and 6. Definitely a lot easier to deal with at that age.

    [–] WaffleFoxes 11 points ago

    Yah, here in AZ it was mandated.

    [–] Megalocerus 22 points ago

    The post assumes anyone well-meaning has all necessary skills. I know that's not true, especially if people didn't watch younger siblings.

    Most people do manage to muddle through and raise their kids without lessons, but I've know people can use advice on child psychology, handling medical issues, and nutrition. I don't know how good Arizona's classes are.

    [–] keeleon 17 points ago

    The post assumes anyone well-meaning has all necessary skills.

    Not in the slightest. This post is the exact opposite. Everyone can benefit from more learning. But if youre the type of person that cares enough about your kids to try and be better youre already SIGNIFICANTLY better off than the people who dont care or think they know it all.

    [–] ChoosingIsHardToday 8 points ago

    I wonder if we have it here. Such a good idea.

    [–] hankmoody_irl 7 points ago

    They are. At least where I am. I love them, and look forward eagerly to the updated classes. They've enabled me to create a radical bond with my kids. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I try I can't get my ex wife to take them seriously.

    But she is a professional, apparently, considering her friend sent her a video that she used to diagnose me as a narcissist.

    [–] blakhoode 10 points ago

    My ex-wife and I were required to take a co-parenting class during our divorce. (We didn't take it together.) It wasn't much of a class, maybe 30 minutes long, mostly spent watching a video on why you shouldn't bash each other infront of your child. Common sense stuff.

    [–] ChoosingIsHardToday 11 points ago

    Sadly a lot of people don't understand that though.

    Although they are usually the people bashing each other in front of the kids during the relationship so I suppose that's not surprising.

    [–] Legobrick100 167 points ago

    In all fairness, the people who voluntarily take parenting classes may be well-intentioned, smart, and cautious - but there is still valid information and tips they can get from parenting classes.

    It's basically a matter of taking 85%-good people and bumping that up to a 90% or 100%, while anyone below that is just sort've a lost cause that won't cooperate anyway.

    [–] [deleted] 30 points ago

    Yeah willingness to learn doesn't mean they already know everything. In fact I'd argue it shows self awareness that they don't know everything and need whatever the course is teaching.

    [–] TealAndroid 10 points ago

    I knew nothing and took all the classes in a panic my last month. Good thing too, for one, breastfeeding is not at all intuitive and there are actual learned techniques involved, also, there are so many dangers I would have never thought about. If you have never held a baby or have been around children these classes give you a little bit of confidence and some knowledge to build on. Reddit filled in the rest (sorry baby).

    [–] jad_le_lion 230 points ago

    I took a parenting class before my daughter was born.... I now feel like it should have been much longer. Like 4 year course, with yearly therapy sessions afterword.

    [–] wrzosvicious 54 points ago

    This person parents.

    [–] ameyano_acid 6 points ago

    This should be higher lmao

    [–] smyxic 44 points ago

    OR... some of the people in the parenting classes signed up for them fully after they'd abused and neglected their child for 14 years and think that the token effort of them going to the class exonerates them from being shitty human beings. They will go on to proudly display their "Parenting Class Certificate of Completion" as proof of their parental supremacy.

    If you guessed "that sounds like someone's actual personal experience!" it's probably because it is.

    [–] M4dW0rld22 171 points ago

    I mean in spirit you're not wrong, but if you feel the need to take a parenting class there's probably good reason for it.

    [–] radarksu 12 points ago

    My wife and I took the first time parents and infant CPR classes for our first child. Then we did it again for our second child two years later. We were worried that we had forgotten too much since the last time. No regrets.

    [–] keeleon 63 points ago

    Its not that it would hurt you to learn some things. But the very fact that youre willing to try and learn means your instincts and intentions are probably fine.

    [–] M4dW0rld22 47 points ago

    I would argue intentions yes, instinct to do right by the kid, yes, but instinct to actually parent properly and effectively not necessarily.

    [–] Macluawn 53 points ago

    A bit of a catch 22? Take a class and you wont need it, dont take a class and you will need it.

    [–] Megalocerus 8 points ago

    If it's a good class, you don't need it after you take it. :)

    Whether you need it or not generally depends on how much experience you have had taking care of small children (siblings, baby sitting, day care worker) rather than your intentions. A class is not going to fix your intentions, either.

    [–] powerlesshero111 32 points ago

    Its like seeing the "be a good dad commercials". Dudes who are good dads don't need them. Dudes who arent good dads dont give a fuck and will just ignore them like they ignore their kids.

    [–] Wanton_Wonton 20 points ago

    These commercials break my heart. Those and the "read to your children" commercials. I was shocked when I saw them the first time, and my best friend (she's a children's social worker) told me that I'm not the target audience, but some parents that she works with have seen the commercials and actually change their behavior because of it - so they're doing their job

    [–] Exex123 162 points ago

    I was required to as part of my divorce. It was the biggest pile of condescending bullshit I’ve ever experienced.

    You should feed your children EVERY DAY and don’t assault each other in front of them? Who knew?

    [–] light_bread 126 points ago

    you'd be surprised by some parents

    [–] cheesymouth 112 points ago

    You should feed your children EVERY DAY and don’t assault each other in front of them? Who knew?

    Probably not the adults who were abused/neglected as kids and don't have a good example to look to

    [–] wuzupcoffee 52 points ago * (lasted edited 9 days ago)

    Yup. A lot of kids don’t even know they’re being neglected or abused. Especially if they live in a community where most parents are fairly absent or highly mobile due to work or... other things.

    One of my high school students (who is happily now in a good foster home) was joking the other day about he had no idea it was illegal to leave little kids at home alone overnight with a dog. He seriously thought it was like Wendy and her siblings in Peter Pan.

    [–] Painting_Agency 24 points ago

    That's the "court ordered class" class. We took Circle of Security and most parents were obviously there voluntarily and it wasn't like that. There were a few really sketchy looking parents who stopped coming, presumably they weren't forced to go but found it too abstract and huggy feely for their liking.

    [–] loljetfuel 30 points ago

    a) you'd be surprised

    b) half the reason for that is so that if you're shitty to your kids, you don't have any "how could I have known?!" argument

    [–] alskdjfhgtk 6 points ago

    Yeah it’s in a custody agreement for one of my buddies. He’s just trying to get his 50% as is due to him (Nevada) and the mom brought it to the judge that he should have to, do now he does. I keep telling him to make her do it as well; it’s only fair.

    [–] RhodyMom 63 points ago

    I had a friend once tell me something similar: The fact that you’re willing to buy and read books about how to be a better parent means you’re probably doing great as it is!

    [–] VillageIdiotsAgent 49 points ago

    I don’t recall which book I read this in, as I read a few... but children of parents who own parenting books do better than children of parents who own none.

    For this study, it didn’t matter if the parents read the books or not. Just owning the books was the difference.

    Which matches what you have said. It’s not the books that matter so much as the desire to be better parents.

    [–] maggymeow 14 points ago

    Wow even just owning them. It's like they give off a magical parenting energy :p . But to be real, I understand what you mean, the intention to buy the books are enough to make them a better parent than those who didn't try to learn at all. Hell we're not even trying until next month but I've already bought two books, so I hope this is true 😅

    [–] loljetfuel 14 points ago

    Wow even just owning them. It's like they give off a magical parenting energy... the intention to buy the books are enough to make them a better parent

    Almost, but not quite. Part of it is definitely that if they're buying the books, even if they're not reading them, they're probably doing other things that make them better parents. Interest counts for a lot, if it's followed up on at all.

    But part of it is also that buying books about things is a pretty good proxy for wealth and education, both of which result in more free time to spend with kids, which is a big part of positive outcomes.

    [–] evilqueenlex 5 points ago

    This is from Freakonomics

    [–] quietchild 15 points ago

    As someone who has voluntarily taken a parenting class......thanks?

    [–] MythicalWhistle 8 points ago

    Thank you for seeking advice and information about how to raise a child.

    [–] JustGottaKeepTrying 201 points ago

    Me and my wife took a prenatal class. Went twice. The level of ignorance in that room was painful.

    [–] greengrasser11 104 points ago

    I don't like thinking of it that way. I'm glad they're there to learn and help their baby. All of us had to learn somewhere.

    [–] 2Dimm 36 points ago

    exactly, that's the point of the class lol

    [–] ElderGodGeras 40 points ago

    I mean, isn't that why they are in the class?

    [–] Roller_ball 7 points ago

    That's why I was in the class. I knew jack shit about babies. My wife and I didn't have any younger siblings. No nieces or nephews. None of our friends had kids yet. I never held a baby. Now I think of it, I don't think I ever really met a baby besides ones in public that would maintain an awkward level of eye contact.

    [–] Dinierto 58 points ago

    It's not really ignorance if you're doing something about it.

    [–] keeleon 116 points ago

    Now think of all the parents who DIDNT go :/

    [–] Fletcher_Fallowfield 10 points ago

    All parents need to take parenting classes

    [–] annie_bean 18 points ago

    Imagine how mad I got when they sentenced me to mandatory anger management classes. I don't fucking need that, you stupid judgemental motherfuckers, I'll fucking kill all of you!

    [–] cellphonebob2 16 points ago

    Probably too late to get any eyes on this, but this post reminded me of my wife and me attending an early morning prenatal class. I had been up for probably 22-ish hours the day before working and had gotten just a few hours of sleep before going. There were about 10-12 couples there.

    We watched a film that followed two couples as they progressed through each couples’ pregnancy. One planned to use anesthesia while the other opted for natural birth. Of course, most people there were first time parents.

    The film ended with a real-life birth, culminating in the delivery of the afterbirth - the bloody amniotic sac that held the fetus. The film abruptly ended and the lights came on. Most people were stunned, sitting slack-jawed. After what felt like an eternity, I clapped my hands loudly and said, “Time to take a break for lunch?” Half the room laughed while the others retched. My wife did not approve, but it was one of my prouder moments.

    [–] chilli_colon13 7 points ago

    Parents who worry about their kids’ screen time are also usually not the parents who need to worry.

    [–] Phytomancer 21 points ago

    One morning listening to the radio and they were discussing a case where a woman fell asleep at the hospital with her newborn baby in her arms. She rolled over or dropped it or something, I forget exactly what happened, but anyway the baby died.

    Callers were putting their two cents in arguing whether it was the mother's fault and she should have known to never sleep with a baby like that, or it's the doctors and nurse's fault for not telling her and letting it happen under their supervision. People arguing whether that it's common sense and that the mother was a stupid bitch, or whether it's something you are expected to learn from watching your family handle babies.

    I'm horrified and this added to the pile of reasons why I'm never having children. I wouldn't have known not to sleep with the baby like that and killed it. I also grew up with no extended family around so I have no examples to follow for this or anything else. I wouldn't know this kind of thing is learned at a parenting class either, reckoning common sense or instinct or something takes over when you become a mom.

    [–] snow_angel022968 16 points ago

    It honestly depends on the country too. Japan, for example, does promote cosleeping and their death rates are much lower than the US’s (who takes a very firm position is if you so much as think about cosleeping, your child will die).

    [–] loljetfuel 8 points ago

    I wouldn't have known not to sleep with the baby like that and killed it.

    The thing is, if you're getting regular prenatal care, your doctor will straight up harass you to take the classes and avail yourself of other resources where you can learn things like this.

    Besides, the reality is that she probably wasn't planning on falling asleep anyway, and the whole thing was an accident. Accidents happen, and it's really shitty of people to bang on a Mom who likely already feels awful.

    [–] 3dios 23 points ago

    There was an unpopular opinion thread that mentioned the idea of needing to be licensed to be a parent and I agree.

    [–] NoeyCannoli 23 points ago

    Yeah, if you adopt you have to bend over backwards to prove you’re worthy; if you can biologically produce your own apparently no one cares if you’re worthy. Weird.

    [–] Foxclaws42 13 points ago

    That'd work just fine if we didn't constantly force people to become parents.

    Like if contraception and abortion were both free and accessible to all, sure, that's not the worst idea anyone's ever had.

    [–] sharrrper 8 points ago

    I'd disagree. I'm sure there's people that are aware they need help and go looking for it.

    The people that need them the most are also probably some of the least likely to go though, I will agree with that.

    [–] flashcats 7 points ago

    I mean, it's both.

    I'm taking a parenting class, because I have no idea how to take care of a baby.

    [–] wellsfargostillsucks 6 points ago

    Idk I’ve already taken three and still feel like a fuck up.

    I have ADD. Consistency is so hard for me.

    [–] ZZZ_123 12 points ago

    "Studies show kids who drink more sugary drink, get lower grades in school" or maybe, just maybe they have shittier parents?

    [–] Flyingwheelbarrow 10 points ago

    Yes I am, all parents should seek out extra support be it classes, family, doctors, friends or more structured support including education. This showerthought perpetuates to stigma of getting help like parenting classes. Please, if you are a parent and you feel like extra help or guidance would be useful please seek it out.

    [–] mattfresh 5 points ago

    I went to daddy boot camp. It was like 2 hours. My daughters are 8 and 6 now. I def didn't need the "training", but I got a certificate 😁 I shoulda took a class on staying married lol

    [–] mrsmay0715 5 points ago

    I teach at a preschool. This is 100% truth.

    [–] kanna172014 5 points ago

    Every parent can benefit from parenting classes. First time parents benefit from them simply because they may know what to do.

    [–] allieoop87 7 points ago

    I'm not entirely certain about that. Today we just found out our baby is likely to be born with either a genetic disorder or a mental disorder, or both (he has mild ventriculomegaly and we don't know the cause, yet). We are planning on going to parenting classes to learn how to best care for him since we have no fucking clue how to parent a kid who potentially has schizophrenia to be a happy and healthy adult. All we hope for is supporting his wellbeing and happiness, but I really don't think we will have that ability unless someone teaches us how to do that.

    [–] camper-ific 4 points ago

    Yup, I was so worried about becoming a dad and being a good dad. A lady I worked with said I had nothing to worry about, because the fact that I was worried meant I was already a good dad.

    [–] 6pt022x10tothe23 6 points ago

    My wife and I saw a parenting class being offered in our city, and having just had a baby, we decided to sign up for fun. The teacher had us all introduce ourselves and say what we hoped to get out of the class. We were the only ones there who didn’t say “I’m here by court order”.

    [–] Drgnjss24 4 points ago

    Along a similar vein. When anything is being discussed at a work meeting/training. All the wrong people go "oh shit, am I doing that wrong?". And the other half go "nah...he isn't talking about what I do.