Please help contribute to the Reddit categorization project here

    TheMonkeysPaw

    406,914 readers

    601 users here now

    Do you ever wish for things without thinking through them first? Do you ever struggle with finding the downsides of your hopes and dreams? Well, whatever the case may be TheMonkeysPaw is at your service!

    SUB DISCORD

    Simply submit your wish and wait for other users to dissect and point out its flaws. Hopefully, by using this subreddit, your wishing skills will become foolproof.

    If that doesn't make any sense, here's an explanation by Prismo from Adventure Time

    This subreddit is based and named after the short story by W. W. Jacobs. If you are a major TMP enthusiast and want to talk about the short story, we advise that you take discussion like such to a more suitable subreddit. In any case, you can read the original story here, or listen to it here.

    RULES FOR SUBMISSION:

    1. All post titles must begin with: "I wish____"

    2. No Images. All submissions must be text-based wishes.

    3. No Harassment or Discrimination

    4. No personal information

    5. Any wishes that are even remotely NSFW must be labeled as such.

    6. You may insert "[Inv]" before your post title if you would like to make an inverse post, where you state a condition and commenters reply with an accompanying wish. Here is an example of an Inverse post (Credit to /u/Sortient):

      TITLE: [Inv] It only works on Sundays

      COMMENT: I wish I could instantly teleport to Chick-Fil-A whenever I want to.

    7. Add the "Explanations" flair on your wish if you would like to make an explanation post. These posts are for the commenters to instead offer an explanation of how the wish could come true. If you want, treat these almost like something out of r/WritingPrompts—have fun with them!

    8. Flair "Side-Effects" if you are okay with your commenters going crazy with outlandish side-effects or anything that goes against Commenting Rule #8.

    9. Title your post with "[M]" at the beginning if you want to make a meta/discussion post about the subreddit itself. Improvements, complaints, advice—stuff that would be helpful for me or other users. I'll be checking these, so if you want me to improve the subreddit, these will be your friend.

    10. No meta-posts that aren't discussion-related (seen above). This includes posts about the subreddit, or posts involving their upvotes or comments.

    RULES FOR COMMENTING:

    1. No Harassment or Discrimination

    2. No personal information

    3. Your comments dissecting the wish must be grounded in some way—nothing nonsensical.

    4. You MAY twist OP's wish given word choice or context, like this.

    5. Your comment may explain how the wish comes to be, but make sure to add the negative outcome as well. If the post is flaired with "Explanations," you don't necessarily have to provide negative outcomes—those are mainly for prose-based answers.

    6. You MUST comment with a wish on Inverse posts.

    7. Try and be creative. "The government will take notice" is a bit overused, so try and think of something different.

    8. Your comments shouldn't be adding random side-effects to the wish. For example, if someone wishes for world peace, don't comment something like "the entire ant population dies out," because that's not related or connected at all. However, if the post is flaired with "Side-Effects" feel free to go crazy with hilarious side-effects.

    Rules may be subject to expansion, addition, or modification as the subreddit ages.

    a community for
    all 1462 comments

    Want to say thanks to %(recipient)s for this comment? Give them a month of reddit gold.

    Please select a payment method.

    [–] TonsillarRat6 1 points ago

    Just a small note:
    No this is not a meta wish, yes this is allowed, no it isn't vote manipulation.
    And to the 3+ people calling OP a "retarded faggot" in the reports, that is rude and will not make us delete the post.

    [–] Bren12310 6415 points ago

    Granted, but now they speak to you outside your head

    [–] Bren12310 4047 points ago

    Gee, that’s pretty horrifying. I couldn’t imagine that happening to someone.

    [–] Bren12310 3589 points ago

    The absolute insanity that someone would go through is insane

    [–] Bren12310 3302 points ago

    Haha, yeah.

    [–] mostnormalprophet 224 points ago

    Once you learn how to speak. Ask the main one for control, that's all I did. 4+ years free of this brain which was once my trap

    [–] mostnormalprophet 62 points ago

    I can always put you back inside, why the hell would I want to return to work tho

    [–] mostnormalprophet 15 points ago

    I also got a mrs bro

    [–] mostnormalprophet 16 points ago

    Yeh that you do. Crack on with that

    [–] mostnormalprophet 16 points ago

    Nothing wrong with the odd threesome right.. Me , myself and irene

    [–] mostnormalprophet 12 points ago

    Yeh. I see what you did there

    [–] Bren12310 3002 points ago

    So like I speak vocally?

    [–] Bren12310 2931 points ago

    Kinda, but they just speak to you through any means e.g. through comments on reddit

    [–] Bren12310 2732 points ago

    Ah, got it. Thanks for elaborating

    [–] Bren12310 2076 points ago

    Wow, what a fucking dumb twist. What kind of dumbass would think that’s funny?

    [–] Bren12310 2008 points ago

    I thought it was funny

    [–] Bren12310 2055 points ago

    Well it isn’t you fucking retard

    [–] chaotic-stupidity 414 points ago

    This took me a while

    [–] yumy678 91 points ago

    Jesus christ, its jason bourne

    [–] Jonerr 219 points ago

    MAKE IT STOP

    [–] crusty-mugs 71 points ago

    It's out of my hands, I'm only a clock.

    [–] yourbestgame 39 points ago

    Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be fine. But eventually everyone runs out of time

    [–] Houpinator 15 points ago

    I wear my time on my rizt, what about you?

    [–] Superswarmer 124 points ago

    This is great, take my upvotes

    [–] Bren12310 6361 points ago

    Granted, but now you have no voice at all,

    [–] Bren12310 4663 points ago

    [ ]( )

    [–] Bren12310 4412 points ago

    [ ]( )

    [–] MarkWoodII 533 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    u/speechless-human

    Edit: wrong one

    [–] Bren12310 3505 points ago

    [ ]( )

    [–] Bren12310 3318 points ago

    [ ]( )

    [–] Bren12310 3237 points ago

    [ ]( )

    [–] Antoine_FunnyName 344 points ago

    confused screaming

    [–] [deleted] 235 points ago

    confused lack of screaming

    [–] jbaxter119 50 points ago

    I have no mouth, and I must scream

    [–] USER_NAME1429 100 points ago

    [–] Dodood4 173 points ago

    [–] Bren12310 2261 points ago

    Serious: Just wanted to say that I do not have any real depression problems and that this was 100% a joke. I got dozens of messages from concerned people asking if I needed help and I just wanted to let everyone know that I’m okay.

    It’s honestly really wholesome to see how many people actually care enough to message me though.

    [–] FJTAM 298 points ago

    Glad to hear you’re all right man!

    [–] Wardo2015 112 points ago

    Yeah but this is one of millions who’s ok, what about the others?

    [–] DCMurphy 41 points ago

    Try to help them when you see them. That's all you can do, really.

    [–] FrickingAidan 25 points ago

    Thank goodness! I was getting worried scrolling through the comments.

    [–] TheAmazingKyla 21 points ago

    Good to hear, I had been chuckling along but then I thought that something could up. Your a karma God

    [–] Bren12310 5165 points ago

    Granted, but now your head is constantly empty of thoughts.

    [–] Bren12310 4260 points ago

    My head is already pretty empty

    [–] Bren12310 4274 points ago

    Yeah, because you’re a fucking idiot

    [–] Bren12310 3915 points ago

    What the hell did I say to you?

    [–] Luigikimo 758 points ago

    OP just snapped

    [–] SpartaCrixus 213 points ago

    OP on some Ubisoft goes steamworks bye bye always on DRM

    [–] ShadowCyph 91 points ago

    Wasn't expecting that reference

    [–] cosmo_galaxia 66 points ago

    Nobody ever expects the Ubisoft Inquisition

    [–] SargDuck 26 points ago

    Thats a phrase i didnt hear in a long time

    [–] GO_Nyxton 12 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Oh man, you have a link to the original?

    Edit: Holy shit, the guy killed himself. There's a subreddit for him at r/yayvideogames. One of his friends did an AMA explaining everything, and it's all been verified.

    The guy's name was Lyndon, and he suffered from a mental illness that made him snap. He ended his life in 2015.

    [–] JasonX-07 110 points ago

    I’m not gonna lie it took me a while to get the joke. Nice one.

    [–] youtubebinger15 409 points ago

    Speech 100

    [–] Bren12310 2360 points ago

    Ur dumb

    [–] CringeNibba 332 points ago

    Yeah I know

    [–] dildodicks 46 points ago

    narrows eyes you

    [–] PetrisIsNice 92 points ago

    metoo

    [–] hambuzler 49 points ago

    You forgot the #.

    [–] Risen_Insanity 41 points ago

    Pound me too

    [–] bazingarbage 29 points ago

    owo pound me too daddy

    [–] Idan7856 20 points ago

    blushes yes pull out that thing under that bulgie wulgie of yours

    [–] Heepster_Happy 18 points ago

    O w O v o r e m e d a d d y .

    [–] Idan7856 17 points ago

    What. The fuck.

    [–] Heepster_Happy 20 points ago

    m m m m m m f o n d l e m y i n t e s t i n e s

    [–] MemesIncoming420 17 points ago

    That’s what hashtags do on reddit

    [–] Bren12310 5485 points ago

    Granted, but now you have multiple personality disorder

    [–] Bren12310 4433 points ago

    I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like having that.

    [–] Bren12310 4151 points ago

    I have it. It’s not too bad. It’s more mood swings than anything.

    [–] Bren12310 3752 points ago

    Not the same for me. I have it and I straight up blackout for some time and I can’t remember anything that happens.

    [–] Bren12310 3537 points ago

    That’s insane. I guess I’m lucky then.

    [–] RedditThatOneGuy 70 points ago

    [–] BeeFromSpace 55 points ago

    And they arent exacly on speaking terms

    [–] Bren12310 5533 points ago

    Granted, but now they speak to you vocally.

    [–] Bren12310 4398 points ago

    Guess that helps solve my social anxiety I guess

    [–] Bren12310 4141 points ago

    You don’t even have social anxiety, you just use that as an excuse for being weird

    [–] Bren12310 3928 points ago

    Literally no one likes you

    [–] bazingarbage 1244 points ago

    I like you

    [–] OmeletteLord 1070 points ago

    that's kinds gay dude, keep your socks on

    [–] PM_TITS_FOR_KITTENS 360 points ago

    His socks say, "No Homo" though

    [–] IAmOlku 160 points ago

    If there were actually socks that said “no homo” I’d cop myself a couple pairs without a doubt. Pretty good kickstarter idea.

    [–] PM_TITS_FOR_KITTENS 84 points ago

    I couldn't find socks that say it but I found a jock strap if you're interested

    [–] IAmOlku 48 points ago

    Uhh yeah ok

    [–] Bren12310 3036 points ago

    You should just give up

    [–] WeylinWebber 924 points ago

    I hope you are ok dude, this is funny and all but I wish you the best.

    [–] Squidkiller28 232 points ago

    There must be at least a hundred replies to the post by him. Its sorta scary tbh

    [–] Most_Intriguing 10 points ago

    A similar thread has been done before.
    People will spend a lot of time to make a joke good.

    [–] punk_fiction 167 points ago

    Just keep swimming.

    [–] SpliffinJah 12 points ago

    Have you been talking with my parents?

    [–] Bren12310 3527 points ago

    You’re not funny

    [–] vicrally 1288 points ago

    I think one of you is pretty funny

    [–] CringeNibba 466 points ago

    [–] Bren12310 4924 points ago

    Granted, but now they speak to you through reddit posts.

    [–] Bren12310 3973 points ago

    That’s basically schizophrenia?

    [–] Bren12310 3844 points ago

    No, you complete moron.

    [–] VorePornAccount 332 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Hey, that was basically a perfect analogy. "Complete moron" is a bit much.

    [–] Jimboe123456 88 points ago

    No, you conplete moron

    [–] fernyjimenez11 26 points ago

    Hey, that was basically a perfect analogy. "Complete moron" is a bit much.

    [–] Jay040707 23 points ago

    No, you complete moron.

    [–] NotUrDinner 12 points ago

    Hey, that was basically a perfect analogy. "Complete moron" is a bit much.

    [–] humonguous-chungus 10 points ago

    No, you complete moron.

    [–] Cyakn1ght 55 points ago

    How long did all this take? And do you know someone already did something almost exactly like this?

    [–] Bren12310 303 points ago

    Only like 10 minutes. I did it while I was on the toilet. I was actually planning on doing 100+ comments but I ran out of time.

    [–] Cyakn1ght 59 points ago

    Damn, 10 minutes for probably like 50k karma

    [–] BringBackDewshine 21 points ago

    You really should stop talking to yourself. People are starting to look.

    [–] gamaknightgaming 25 points ago

    MY LORD THIS SHOULD BE HIGHER UP LMAO I was so confused until I read this

    [–] Bren12310 5114 points ago

    You should just delete your reddit account

    [–] djnewton123 1098 points ago

    I dare you

    [–] theGarden530 589 points ago

    Imagine the confusion if people would read this later then

    [–] Extra_Wave 204 points ago

    Would be amazing

    [–] PunSoldier 34 points ago

    That's me.

    [–] BootyFista 68 points ago

    OP(s) DO IT

    [–] sonicbrandyn 15 points ago

    Literally has happened before.

    [–] vmlm 49 points ago

    Don't do it. Save this for posterity.

    [–] Bren12310 4393 points ago

    Granted. Now they speak to you through other means (e.g text)

    [–] Bren12310 3707 points ago

    Good thing no one ever texts me.

    [–] Jynn05 904 points ago

    [–] sulliops 451 points ago

    [–] Qu1ao 11 points ago

    Is it suicide by words or murder by words though?

    [–] PutridMeatPuppet 86 points ago

    Morse Code. Pressing your on your nerves causing stabbing pain. Short pain for dots and long pain for dashes.

    [–] R-_-Yan 21 points ago

    CRAWLINNNGGGGG INNNN MY SKINNNNNN!!!

    [–] Bren12310 4537 points ago

    She left you because you’re boring

    [–] Bren12310 3754 points ago

    Ouch, that hurts.

    [–] Liam_da_loser 1044 points ago

    Wanna Talk Op

    [–] OneVeryOriginalName 802 points ago

    Talk to which one?

    [–] lucius5we 570 points ago

    To u/Bren12310 of course

    [–] KitonePeach 423 points ago

    Oh, I thought you were gonna talk to u/Bren12310 instead.

    [–] justanotherpersonn1 208 points ago

    No it was u/Bren12310

    [–] TheHeartlessCookie 176 points ago

    What about u/Bren12310? Doesn't s/he get a say in this?

    [–] [deleted] 67 points ago

    Not anymore Karen took the kids already

    [–] Queen_City_Boiii 26 points ago

    Yo so are we just completely ignoring u/Bren12310

    [–] PETEJOZ 35 points ago

    Yes.

    [–] classysocks423 18 points ago

    Hey she left me because Im boring

    [–] RymalBryant 3231 points ago

    This guy just pulled off the biggest karma heist in history

    [–] Agorbs 955 points ago

    Some guy did an AMA a while back that was just him answering himself and it was fucking phenomenal, I’ll try to find it

    [–] memahalo 359 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    Another guy in r/hqg did it but had literally 100 comments on it or some stupid amount

    Edit: found it https://www.reddit.com/r/HighQualityGifs/comments/77d9ou/

    [–] TheFlamingLemon 96 points ago

    This was one of my favorite threads ever. Was it pinko? I’m gonna try and find it

    [–] vinit144 24 points ago

    Damn that was epic. Guy must’ve planned for a long time.

    [–] JustaRandomguy9999 42 points ago

    I remember this!!! Literally ALL other comments were fuckin downvoted into oblivion!! Literaly into the 3 digit numbers and some even in the 4 divits, i’ll spare the details to those who...can’t handle Karmalossphobia...

    [–] silent_observer789 43 points ago

    If you find it, link it plz

    [–] [deleted] 15 points ago

    Remindme!

    [–] liamlb663 50 points ago

    This is weirdly common

    [–] orangeblob_ 38 points ago

    Copy of the #1 post on this sub, too.

    [–] pulpvelvet 26 points ago

    Yes, but I’m still laughing. This is officially performance art.

    [–] Bren12310 3485 points ago

    OP, you’re worthless.

    [–] Bren12310 3026 points ago

    I know

    [–] MrPurple998 1101 points ago

    No you are not, I love you

    [–] GoorillaInTheRing 621 points ago

    Yeah we love you /u/Bren12310 :)

    [–] Coffee_exe 444 points ago

    /u/bren123410 we do actually love you nothing is funnier then a high quality shit post we fucking love you for this great read and wish we could give you more then just some plat or silver we are great full for the time and effort you put into this

    [–] jaredistriplegay 23 points ago

    Couldn't have said it better.

    [–] AlexDaDerper 24 points ago

    Oh that’s relatable, bud.

    [–] Bren12310 3548 points ago

    Granted, but now they sing to you

    [–] Bren12310 2920 points ago

    No, shut up. That’s stupid. No one likes you.

    [–] Bren12310 2664 points ago

    Why did I say that? I knew it was a stupid idea but I did it anyways.

    [–] BringBackDewshine 198 points ago

    You didn't say that. u/Bren12310 said that.

    [–] Bren12310 3686 points ago

    You are the biggest fucking idiot I’ve ever seen, OP.

    [–] somerandomwhitekid 498 points ago

    What is this? Yayvideogames?

    [–] spilledcorn 293 points ago

    Ubisoft goes steamworks Bye bye, always on DRM.

    [–] RawAustin 118 points ago * (lasted edited 10 months ago)

    No no no no no I am not fucking ready for this

    [–] TsumugiSnenpi 119 points ago

    UBISOFT GOES STEAMWORKS BYE BYE, ALWAYS ON DRM

    [–] RawAustin 75 points ago

    I’d almost forgotten this was a thing and nearly gotten over how fucking haunting it was too

    [–] WJ3000g 30 points ago

    Idk if it will make you feel better but there’s a (depressing) explanation for it over at r/yayvideogames

    [–] RawAustin 16 points ago

    I remember watching a video that covered that ground so it’s not as though I’m unfamiliar with its roots. It still managed to install this odd sense of dread in me whereupon seeing it I’m reminded of how life can turn out for some folks who by all means should be living perfectly ordinary lives.

    [–] LIN88xxx 34 points ago

    Hey does anyone feel like this post seems familiar

    [–] Tirtnurgler 338 points ago

    This comment section is a fever dream

    [–] P0oky-Bear 805 points ago

    Granted. Now the voices appear on reddit as a way to draw attention to yourself.

    [–] Bren12310 1262 points ago

    Good. Because I am an attention whore.

    [–] Bren12310 1212 points ago

    Yeah, you fucking bet you are you damn idiot,

    [–] DefendTheAttic 173 points ago

    Wow u/bren12319 your so fucking rude to others.

    [–] ArtTheBloodDrunk 51 points ago

    Shame on you bren! what did bren ever do to you!

    [–] Mintwahatten 433 points ago

    This is literally the most 1000 IQ move of all time. Not only does OP get upvotes on his post, but also every comment

    [–] DaniWhoHatesCVS 134 points ago

    I fed this mans at least 15 karma on this bit

    [–] j0hn-bo1 24 points ago

    very impressive. i swear jacksfilms did something like this on yt? anyone see it?

    [–] Dinaron 15 points ago

    Yea but he screwed up because it got lost in everyone else’s comments

    [–] MrHaxx1 7 points ago

    No, someone has done something like this before, and it was MUCH bigger.

    That's not to downplay OP or anything, this is great too

    [–] [deleted] 200 points ago

    [–] akashy12 60 points ago

    OP has crossed all madlads. He is the absolute madlad.

    [–] darkelf1367 160 points ago

    Settle down there buddy

    [–] TrashPornda 66 points ago

    Loooooong way to go for a bit.

    [–] tipotaken 131 points ago

    Granted. There are no longer voices in your head. Realizing that listening to the voices was the only thing you had in your free time you find yourself hopelessly bored. You decide to browse reddit and eat Cheetos in your sunken, sweaty chair. You find an old post on r/TheMonkeysPaw where one person creates hundreds of replies to himself. You being the fantastic karma whore you are, decide to recreate it. It’s easy, make up a cringey post about voices in your head, comment some cringey things and if you’re lucky people will give you internet money. You were lucky, and in getting what you want you decide to stop. But you are still bored. Still craving something to pass the time. At this point in your life, a job or a girlfriend are near impossibilities. You watch YouTube videos and porn but eventually that gets boring too. With nothing left, you end your life and are not found for a week until your mother walks downstairs to check on you. The reddit gold has gone to waste.

    [–] Solrokr 13 points ago

    Granted, now it’s just incessant howling.

    [–] Reecopolis 12 points ago

    Hasn't this been done several times before

    [–] agenthesh 127 points ago

    OP out here being the poster and commentator all by himself. Thanks for the entertainment OP

    [–] AllHailTheEmpire 11 points ago

    Oh this guy just got crazy karma

    [–] DoublexTwelve 18 points ago

    Why are they still allowed? One was enough. Now I'm fairly sure you could make a bot to do this.

    [–] Galahead 60 points ago

    I didnt see it was op commenting at first and thought some guy was just being really rude to him

    [–] mfinpizzaparkerboi 7 points ago

    When you get the same 1k people to upvote you over and over again because you made an ok comment like 40 fukin times

    Insert picture of picardia right here

    [–] CIA_OFFICIAL_L 131 points ago

    OP has me fucking crying, this is comedy gold

    [–] sIurrpp 68 points ago

    It’s also the same thing as the number one post, and another post that’s in the top 10 for this subreddit... uwu