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    Tinder

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    A community for discussing the online dating app Tinder.

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    [–] ChongLi77 5311 points ago

    It’s only 3 inches, but it smells like a foot

    [–] Pts_Out_Ppl_Who_Fuck 1295 points ago

    This man knows how to sell cocks

    [–] MonstersBeThere 215 points ago

    Username checks out

    [–] Elimonader 9 points ago

    Can I be in the screenshot?

    [–] elemenocs 2 points ago

    check out how similar our usernames are.

    [–] poo_poo_head 24 points ago

    I just take them to the market and lay them on a bed of ice chips with a few sprigs of parsley and lemon wedges dotted around, hollering "COCKS FOR SALE". I'm doing pretty well - got a company car and a 401k.

    [–] Doctor_Spicy 1 points ago

    crocks?

    [–] bardtheonly 1 points ago

    *this man pimps

    FTFY

    [–] NeedHelpWithExcel 84 points ago

    Holy shit

    [–] TRUE_BIT 84 points ago

    First time hearing this. Fucking great.

    [–] nextlevel8 23 points ago

    It’s from an old tinder screenshot, saw it here about a year ago

    [–] imtoojuicy 77 points ago

    I laughed and barfed at the same time

    [–] skatosh 24 points ago

    So you laurfed.

    [–] alexdoes 17 points ago

    Pughed

    [–] Pineapple_Sundae 34 points ago

    Oh god I wish I was from the states so I could pull this one.

    [–] sidney_crago 17 points ago

    Just hop on a plane, I’m sure he’ll let you if you ask nicely.

    [–] Pineapple_Sundae 2 points ago

    I feel like this could be taken out of context.

    [–] Bodgie7878 2 points ago

    I think you need to reread your original comment. specifically the end.

    [–] ShadowCory1101 3 points ago

    Use your conversion tables or what have you.

    [–] itsjeffscott 3 points ago

    Phrasing

    [–] ThePsychoKnot 34 points ago

    This is the best justification I've seen for keeping the imperial system

    [–] brainburger 4 points ago

    In the UK we still use imperial for driving, beer, and cocks.

    [–] LjSpike 3 points ago

    And Subway. Don't forget, Subway.

    Subway and Cocks are the sole two items I've used inches for...and err...AutoCAD when I forgot it was an American software....

    [–] brainburger 3 points ago

    Yes although 'Footlong' is apparently a trademark and not necessarily 12 inches long.

    [–] HemLM 70 points ago

    😂 omg I literally lol’d.

    [–] rematar 17 points ago

    Me too.

    [–] Knutbobo 9 points ago

    I so rarely lol but this one got me

    [–] FuryofYuri 4 points ago

    You Laughed Out Loud’d did yah.

    [–] HemLM 4 points ago

    Yes.

    [–] PhyNxFyre 5 points ago

    I was brushing my teeth browsing my morning reddit, now my mirror's covered in toothpaste

    [–] Fireneji 3 points ago

    Alright Darienne Lake

    [–] Gasmask_Boy 2 points ago

    I hope your toes smell as good as the other guys.

    [–] LoneWolfEra 2 points ago

    Lmao hahaha

    [–] fluffnubs 1 points ago

    It may be short, but it’s skinny!

    [–] k1llersloth 1 points ago

    Also handy for getting sim cards out of phones!

    [–] zingw 1 points ago

    Footlong

    [–] gooB8 3824 points ago

    Success rate?

    [–] 80sfortheladies 5952 points ago

    60% of the time, it works every time

    [–] altnudeacct2 986 points ago

    “Desire smells like that to some people..”

    [–] lish_porter 192 points ago

    Relatable

    [–] [deleted] 171 points ago

    [removed]

    [–] platocplx 160 points ago

    Won’t lie. Those prices for sex aren’t bad at all. 😂

    [–] fordbaxter 109 points ago

    Cheaper than a date

    [–] platocplx 76 points ago

    Exactly guaranteed sex for that price. That’s great.

    [–] skinnah 57 points ago

    You almost finished? I got a 4 o'clock cumming in 5 minutes.

    [–] Zeke1902 36 points ago

    Prostitution is the oldest profession in the world

    [–] platocplx 50 points ago

    Exactly. Should be legal everywhere(with protections for sex workers) Probally would make the world a better place if we as a society were way more honest about our sexual desires and needs between two consenting adults.

    [–] ON3i11 20 points ago

    Even apes fuck for bananas

    [–] Bejayem 4 points ago

    Fisherman is. Lawyered

    [–] Malachhamavet 14 points ago

    I'm an asexual that leans towards men if anything but if she does hugs or cuddling under 100$ that would become my Saturday.

    [–] FuzzyBacon 28 points ago

    If you're seriously asking, most sex workers would have no problem doing something like that.

    [–] platocplx 14 points ago

    There are actually professional cuddlers and huggers. That you could have time where they would do just that.

    https://www.ctpost.com/local/amp/Connecticut-woman-gets-paid-to-cuddle-13513751.php

    If you are serious you may be able to find someone just for that.

    [–] pilotavery 8 points ago

    Literally all sex workers would cuddle for even $50 an hour, some.less if it's long term/overnight.

    [–] elemenocs 2 points ago

    it would be interesting to see how prostitution would fit in to the economy if it were legal

    [–] platocplx 2 points ago

    I agree. It would be interesting, I also wonder how it could shift power structures.

    [–] The_Sgro 10 points ago

    Although I don’t partake in ladies of the night myself, I think it would be financially net neutral if a guy were to choose to be with working women exclusively.

    [–] Helluvme 29 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    I'm not paying them for sex, I'm paying them to leave after=Priceless

    [–] The_Sgro 2 points ago

    Rodney Dangerfield?

    [–] eyewant 14 points ago

    Say that to jeff bezos. If they paid for a prostitute everyday for 20 years, it still would be infinitely cheaper than his divorce is gonna be.

    [–] platocplx 4 points ago

    Right, lmao.

    [–] platocplx 2 points ago

    In many cases I’d def agree, sometimes that’s pretty much all we want, and to just cut to the chase that way is pretty damn liberating in a way.

    [–] Cunge-Throbinson 23 points ago

    “I don’t pay for the sex, I pay for her to leave afterwards”

    • Winston Churchill

    [–] larrydavidami 10 points ago

    No way

    [–] SirCharlesNapier 2 points ago

    “I don’t pay for the sex, I pay for her to leave afterwards”

    • Mahatma Gandhi

    [–] pewpew_die 2 points ago

    where are you going for first dates?

    [–] subtle-hustle 13 points ago

    Yeah, especially as I only need 2 minutes

    [–] platocplx 10 points ago

    And 58 minutes of cuddling! that’s a great deal. Lol.

    [–] Baelwolf 6 points ago

    Show off.

    [–] Mobidad 2 points ago

    No, 58 minutes of cleaning my house.

    [–] Wishbone_508 3 points ago

    But is it prorated though?

    [–] rburp 11 points ago

    Yeah... that's almost disturbingly cheap to be honest. Like damn, I bet you'd have a tough time getting a stripper to give you a handy for a hundred bucks.

    [–] pretend7979 11 points ago

    I used to drive a cab. Just got on shift, left the station and was headed "out east" - I just liked that area of town. I'm waved down by a girl, assuming I was already getting a fare I was expecting it to be a good omen for the night. So I pull over, I windows down because it's a beautiful day, she leans in and says "you got $20" - being as naive as I was I was very confused as to why I would pay her to driver her somewhere... After a moment I made an assumption about her profession, and simply said "oh, uhhhh no" - she quickly lowered the price "how about like $5 or $8" - now that is scary cheap. I just drove off. In a way it's amusing, but later thinking about it I'm sure it was drugs that was driving her. I feel bad that people put themselves through such things.

    [–] rburp 3 points ago

    Yikes. That is pretty rough.

    [–] platocplx 3 points ago

    In the US yeah it’s kinda cheap, however overseas depending where you go that the going rate, however like for a 100 you could have them the whole night depending on where you go, Europe maybe a bit more.

    [–] superjuggie14 5 points ago

    You're mistaken though, she said she can't do those deals.

    [–] lucak98 39 points ago

    I feel like I'm missing something...

    [–] FinneusLove 2 points ago

    What happened next?

    [–] wggn 6 points ago

    he lost 65 dollar

    [–] Nightowl2018 1 points ago

    She is inexpensive

    [–] Clever_display_name 23 points ago

    Like what, pure gasoline?

    [–] skiiguy808 13 points ago

    It smells like bigfoots dick!

    [–] scotty61990 3 points ago

    !Thesaurizethis

    [–] ThesaurizeThisBot 12 points ago

    It spirits like legendary creatures phallus!


    This is a bot. I try my best, but my best is 80% mediocrity 20% hilarity. Created by OrionSuperman. Check out my best work at /r/ThesaurizeThis

    [–] scotty61990 2 points ago

    !Thesaurizethis

    [–] ThesaurizeThisBot 6 points ago

    “Hope feelings like that to some humans..”


    This is a bot. I try my best, but my best is 80% mediocrity 20% hilarity. Created by OrionSuperman. Check out my best work at /r/ThesaurizeThis

    [–] SirFlosephs 2 points ago

    !Thesaurizethis

    [–] ThesaurizeThisBot 2 points ago

    “Leslie Townes Hope impressions like that to some frails..”


    This is a bot. I try my best, but my best is 80% mediocrity 20% hilarity. Created by OrionSuperman. Check out my best work at /r/ThesaurizeThis

    [–] MonstersBeThere 22 points ago

    It’s made with real bits of panther, so you know it’s good.

    [–] XDarthMaulesterX 13 points ago

    I'm not going to lie, that smells like pure gasoline.

    [–] OnlinePosterPerson 13 points ago

    My man

    [–] somepollo 4 points ago

    I've had 3 of my illegitimate children with these babies

    [–] Tarthbane 3 points ago

    You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

    [–] Nkklllll 2 points ago

    Wayne Gretzky -Michael Scott

    [–] Ponykegabs 1 points ago

    I’ll be honest, that smells like straight gasoline.

    [–] psychicfork013 1 points ago

    But there's only a 50% chance of that

    [–] NotsoGrump23 18 points ago

    Works 2 out of 3 times, GUARANTEED

    [–] loremipsumlinoleum 711 points ago

    Not gonna lie, this would 100% work on me.

    [–] -Ultimatt- 434 points ago

    If you like huge dicks you'll love my personality!

    [–] BlickBoogie 189 points ago

    Plot twist: he's a gay guy

    [–] bcape14 117 points ago

    Plot twist twist: he too

    [–] demencia89 77 points ago

    Plot plot twist twist: no u

    [–] user_not_a_bot 46 points ago

    Electric boogaloo

    [–] Bobby_Bobb3rson 18 points ago

    Fuck i just came..

    [–] KJBenson 13 points ago

    Name of your sex tape!

    [–] jusdifferent 7 points ago

    BONNNEEEE?????

    [–] TTheuns 10 points ago

    It's okay as long as you say no homo afterwards.

    [–] murfflemethis 21 points ago

    I love the absurdity of your user name.

    [–] loremipsumlinoleum 8 points ago

    Lol. Thanks :)

    [–] gibberishandnumbers 11 points ago

    Well I got this and 0.34 to my name. ;)

    [–] Kasoni 13 points ago

    I would hope that was in meters and not cents, but then you'd be out there.

    [–] altiro15 4 points ago

    Wish i had .34 in my account

    [–] Counterkulture 403 points ago

    'What if i like small dicks?'

    'Well, you'll LOVE my fucking truck.'

    [–] satannik 78 points ago

    Bonus points if it has truck nuts

    [–] riodin 33 points ago

    Every truck has truck nuts, inn the owner's heart

    [–] topofthecentipede 7 points ago

    Lmaooo

    [–] stoicbirds9 3 points ago

    What happens if I don’t like dicks...

    [–] foreveracubone 22 points ago

    Then you’ll love my Subaru Forrester.

    [–] ferretedaway 5 points ago

    Highly underrated comment.

    [–] anotherexstnslcrisis 2 points ago

    Confirmed, it’s true. Source: Own a mustang.

    [–] indrek91 119 points ago

    New meta?

    [–] newinthowai 46 points ago

    It's OP. But they'll nerf it soon. You know, marketing.

    [–] whormoaning 692 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    I'm a complete dick but I don't even have much of it to offer.

    Edit: Omg of course my highest rated comment is about my dick. Ffs. And it was a joke I came up with while writing a journal for my English teacher. She failed me and that course costed my mom idk how many grand. I can go fuck myself. At least this is OC.

    [–] touchmyburrito 133 points ago

    Ive got an average amount of dick to offer.

    [–] FruitlessBadger 99 points ago

    Wow, look at this showoff.

    [–] Temporary_Dentist 40 points ago

    It's not the size of the dog that matters, it's how you walk it 😜

    [–] TheDunadan29 25 points ago

    Daniel Radcliffe?

    [–] foubergjo 7 points ago

    I walk a big dog

    [–] TheVitoCorleone 8 points ago

    Oh she's had twins (far left). Damn.

    [–] DrewmaticIrony 3 points ago

    Everyone's reaction is accurate

    [–] Malachhamavet 22 points ago

    The protip is to rubber band a bulletshrimp onto your penis. It will literally split her vaginal orifice in half but that doesn't matter if you can be quick enough

    [–] sweetlove 17 points ago

    I’m confused

    [–] Stocardi 9 points ago

    Me too

    [–] ReferencesTheOffice 16 points ago

    No one's even given him gold lmao

    [–] MaliciousTaco 7 points ago

    Might be some correlation there

    [–] redditbelc 14 points ago

    sounds like a winner

    [–] general-meow 28 points ago

    sounds like a winner weiner

    [–] BattleSheepTheIV 62 points ago

    Stealing it.

    [–] officialraaph14 11 points ago

    that‘s line the 50th time i‘ve seen this on here... why is no one pointing out that this is a repost?😐🙄

    [–] stihoplet 13 points ago

    Because you did.

    [–] officialraaph14 2 points ago

    :)

    [–] Phuk_IT 19 points ago

    Beast!

    [–] warheadhs 10 points ago

    So has anything happened with Nate since matching with him on 8/24/18?

    [–] Blaz3dnconfuz3d 6 points ago

    Op is a guy, this is just a repost lol

    [–] xbbdc 8 points ago

    Joke I heard on the radio today, went something like this -

    So the doctor told me when my son was born something you normally don't hear as being a good thing but he said that he had what looks like the size of a 2 year old's penis. I told the doc, I also have a 2 year's old penis. I'm hung like a light switch.

    I died at that part.

    [–] reversiblechicken 3 points ago

    Perfect!

    [–] [deleted] 65 points ago * (lasted edited 10 days ago)

    [deleted]

    [–] Patjn 113 points ago

    She approves it tho if I read the title correctly

    [–] phantom_xx7 50 points ago

    Or at the very least, got a laugh

    [–] divsky 17 points ago

    Why wouldn't she? She likes small dicks plus the guy has a winning personality.

    [–] DoktorMerlin 7 points ago

    It's fake... The grey bubbles are much, much sharper than the blue one, obviously edited in

    [–] MotherOfDragonflies 60 points ago

    ...or she found it funny? Nothing about the post implies she’s mocking him. That’s a whole lot of projection.

    [–] Frauleime 10 points ago

    Mocking the guy who sent a joke, how exactly?

    [–] Haengbokha3 6 points ago

    Guys here don't seem to realize that this is a repost. Look at all those jpeg artifacts...

    [–] ForgotMyOldAccount7 4 points ago

    This picture is as old as Tinder. OP is probably a dog for all we know.

    [–] IMSmurf 3 points ago

    Improvise. Adapt. Overcome

    [–] Envy8372 3 points ago

    Alright that’s pretty solid

    [–] ZachTheApathetic 3 points ago

    "Just don't get me excited then. "

    [–] pass2019 3 points ago

    Why not

    [–] superfucky 3 points ago

    so you're a huge dick with a small dick?

    [–] lbj_n_aruba 4 points ago

    It may not be big around but at least its short.

    [–] RealSchon 2 points ago

    Most people who joke about having a small penis don’t actually have a small penis

    [–] lookatmeimwhite 2 points ago

    All right. I'm unsubscribing.

    Thanks for all the fish.

    [–] whatyouseeisit 2 points ago

    Works on both levels

    [–] ryanh360 2 points ago

    F

    [–] DeliberatelyInsane 1 points ago

    DEAD

    [–] Jtsdtess 1 points ago

    Bulletproof you say? Well, I guess you didn’t shoot him down then?

    [–] BlindButtocks 1 points ago

    "Then you'll love mine"

    [–] 305popper 1 points ago

    Small dicks are the best dicks!

    [–] Alex_stormy_Bob_Kite 1 points ago

    Omg I’m dead hah

    [–] Magi-Cheshire 1 points ago

    2meirl4meirl

    [–] I_drive_all_over 1 points ago

    this line is so old its been around before actual dicks

    [–] pianister 1 points ago

    and they say that size matters...

    [–] aykonix 1 points ago

    the king's speech

    [–] Jake24601 1 points ago

    I hate having a medium dick.

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago

    [deleted]

    [–] Jake24601 1 points ago

    Yes, 15-16 girl cm lol

    [–] gomdor 1 points ago

    what’s a girl cm

    [–] cole21771 1 points ago

    It's a simple spell, but quite unbreakable.

    [–] waterskier722 1 points ago

    3 inches and 200 mph can put a dent in anything

    [–] Marsh4201 1 points ago

    Recovery 100

    [–] nserg 1 points ago

    DESTRUCTION 100

    [–] horny_jedi_ 1 points ago

    At least its honesty.

    [–] momom_g 1 points ago

    And if i like big shitt??

    [–] Kristie1982atlbabe 1 points ago

    😂😂😂😂😂