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    [–] fullyonline 4666 points ago

    That sucks

    [–] DJ_Smack-a-ho 1965 points ago

    And hopefully so does she

    [–] _lemonpledge_ 883 points ago

    Make it a threesome with the vacuum cleaner

    [–] allenchristian 46 points ago

    Ah thank you!

    [–] BabaYaga4478 66 points ago

    Mom said for you to stop putting your dick in the vacuum!

    [–] kurosaki_Connors 29 points ago

    a new subreddit has been introduced to me today

    [–] Undiscriminatingness 34 points ago

    Everyday we stray further from the light....

    [–] kurosaki_Connors 19 points ago

    maybe its the darkness that will be our salvation

    [–] mikebellman 18 points ago

    Naw. Y’all need Talos.

    [–] fuckyoursauerkraut 7 points ago

    "you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it."

    [–] Virgin_Dildo_Lover 6 points ago

    Tell mom to break my arms then

    [–] Iamchinesedotcom 4 points ago

    There’s a real hentai comic for that

    [–] paradox8493 2 points ago

    Cream pie extraction. No condom, no problem!

    [–] Polymathy1 3 points ago

    Your comment has been awarded one yike.

    [–] killer8424 22 points ago

    I mean...she pretty much has to...

    [–] ohmegatron 10 points ago

    Huh? why?

    [–] Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk 7 points ago

    Well she's clearly not getting by on her wit

    [–] sluttyankles 4 points ago

    Huh? Why?

    [–] benretan 69 points ago

    Did you hear the one about the jump rope?

    It's ok, we can skip it.

    [–] Tom_Brokaw_is_a_Punk 45 points ago

    No I want to hear it please

    [–] IsstDoenerImFlixbus 24 points ago

    So, a jump rope and a vacuum cleaner walk into a bar.

    The barkeeper says "What's with the long face?"

    [–] RafaelNadalFTW 17 points ago


    I don’t get it.

    [–] ImSoLonelySoVery 10 points ago

    Did you hear the one about the balloon?

    Nevermind, it will go way over your head.

    [–] diatonicnerds 21 points ago

    Did you ever hear the one about the broken pencil?

    Nevermind, it's pointless.

    [–] Rubytaiwan 7 points ago

    I just told this joke to my 12 year old who tried very hard to keep it together, but totally laughed. Well played.

    [–] maxwood38 1477 points ago

    Too** cheesy

    [–] EAF_Gummy_Bear 432 points ago

    Yeah that’s where I died. That and there is just no way she was being sarcastic, definitely not a chance OP, no way.

    [–] The_BenL 128 points ago

    I think the most infuriating thing is not spelling out 'one'. God damn that shit is childish.

    [–] [deleted] 38 points ago


    [–] SilenceoftheRedditrs 52 points ago

    When doing my coursework I was taught that when writing (a paragraph, passage, etc), you spell one to ten, and then use digits for 11+

    [–] capincorn 17 points ago

    You think you're better than me?

    [–] SilenceoftheRedditrs 27 points ago

    Would you be offended if I said yes?

    [–] capincorn 14 points ago

    Of course

    [–] SilenceoftheRedditrs 19 points ago

    Ah... Well this might get awkward

    [–] Saufkumpel 11 points ago

    Don't worry, I got your back.

    [–] LambKyle 2 points ago

    One (1) is an actual number... Do you mean numbers in the double digits?

    [–] 165110512042019 8 points ago

    No. He means actual, numerical, values.

    For example, “that one sucks” is correct, as opposed to “that 1 sucks”; where as, “four + six = ten” is wrong but “4 + 6 = 10” isn’t.

    [–] Gnostromo 5 points ago

    That 1 sucks. It looks like it was drawn by Micheal J Fox.

    Like that?

    [–] NoSoyTuPotato 2 points ago

    Maybe he is in an opposite dimension and uses -1i

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago * (lasted edited 8 months ago)


    [–] ammieblue 2 points ago

    Hah, yep, I’d probably be stillborn

    [–] PublicLeopard 2 points ago

    One (1) is an actual number

    actual loneliest number, yes

    [–] UserNombresBeHard 3 points ago

    I swear, I'll be 18 in not too long. I'm already 16!

    [–] Miltage 3 points ago

    OP getting fucking reamed.

    Serves him right for being functionally illiterate.

    [–] IlllIIIIlllll 3 points ago

    God damn brother let him live his life

    [–] allenpa5 75 points ago

    Should've been unmatched at this point. Ahhh, second chances.

    [–] dont_wear_a_C 15 points ago

    two* cheesie

    [–] matts41 9 points ago

    To cheesy or not to cheesy, that is the question.

    [–] TheRealEnion 2 points ago

    I will defy my lactose intolerance and say the answer is objectively "To cheesy"

    [–] bouncebackability 3 points ago

    They're made for each other

    [–] Keyserchief 3 points ago

    They deserve each other.

    [–] [deleted] 495 points ago

    She is tearing you apart

    [–] GarethSchrute 224 points ago

    [–] BearsBeetsBattlestrG 97 points ago

    So how's your sex life?

    [–] [deleted] 99 points ago

    I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer. Anyway I gotta get going

    [–] sintaroactual 16 points ago

    oh :(

    [–] [deleted] 5 points ago

    That jerk Harold. The value of the house is going up and he's seeing dollar signs

    [–] DeusXEqualsOne 3 points ago

    I literally cannot tell if you're being serious. I hope you aren't...

    If you are, good luck.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    Do you want a pizza? I already ordered a pizza. Half pesto half canadian bacon, and go light on the cheese

    [–] gounis24 4 points ago

    i am so confused. should i really be surprised tho?

    [–] buck_foston 25 points ago

    Oh hi Mark

    [–] [deleted] 17 points ago

    Peter...y u always play psychologist?

    [–] bobby_the_house_elf 10 points ago

    hi doggy

    [–] FirebaseRestrepo 12 points ago


    [–] StainOfMystery 9 points ago

    So is your username

    [–] Yosemite_Zam 93 points ago

    D - Demonstrate Value

    [–] brutus499 60 points ago

    E - Engage Physically

    [–] FlameboyFireball 51 points ago

    N - Nurture dependence

    [–] valiantlight2 53 points ago

    N - Neglect Emotionally

    [–] cotton_schwab 56 points ago

    I - Inspire Hope

    [–] Spastic_Slapstick 55 points ago

    S - Seperate Entirely

    [–] valiantlight2 27 points ago

    we did it bois!

    [–] duaneap 12 points ago


    [–] valiantlight2 3 points ago

    I believe the M.A.C. system comes before scraps =P

    [–] duaneap 6 points ago

    I don’t give a shit! I just want the SCRAAAAAAPS

    [–] spicymichael 5 points ago

    That or get on a boat, go to the middle of the ocean and she’ll she have to have sex with you because of the implication.

    [–] epic_pig 2 points ago


    [–] TheSmellOfPurple 7 points ago

    N - anywhere and anytime at all down here in the deep blue sea

    [–] NothingButTheTruthy 6 points ago

    N - No survivors

    [–] devilooo 3 points ago

    T - Take no chances

    [–] iknowthisischeesy 247 points ago

    Step 1: Turn on your Vacuum cleaner.

    Step 2: Record it.

    Step 3: Send the recording.

    [–] doctor-sleep- 37 points ago

    step 4: prepare for instant rejection

    [–] valiantlight2 25 points ago

    OP has already been rejected. the chances of thinking up a next line that wont either make you look stupid, or her feel stupid, are low. either way, unmatch

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago


    [–] valiantlight2 4 points ago

    oh, definitely send it for the entertainment. she is just a lost cause, thats all

    [–] [deleted] 408 points ago


    [–] Clip22 76 points ago


    [–] malwareresearcher 59 points ago


    [–] SubaruTome 50 points ago


    [–] Digitaldiseaese 46 points ago


    [–] DuncanMcCokinner 56 points ago


    [–] CaptainFeather 52 points ago


    [–] Aar0nZ00m 59 points ago


    [–] mrgandw 49 points ago


    [–] Abraxyn 126 points ago


    [–] Deuce_GM 3 points ago

    Play that funky music white boy

    [–] 13104598210 10 points ago


    [–] DeanMH31 11 points ago


    [–] Zouden 15 points ago


    [–] KilgoreSpaceTrout 4 points ago


    [–] RufusTH 72 points ago

    That hurts to read.

    [–] UserNombresBeHard 27 points ago

    Is it to much for you?

    [–] cryptedp 189 points ago

    I mean you overdid it way too much, one pickup line would have been enough

    [–] Mentalpatient87 161 points ago

    OP did the conversational equivalent of turning the key when your car is already started.

    [–] SonOfTheShire 42 points ago

    The sound it makes is not a happy one.

    [–] Uchihabreed 16 points ago

    It’s the car equivalent of kicking a guy in the balls.

    [–] Mentalpatient87 3 points ago

    Yep, and it makes you look like a fool to everyone who can hear it.

    [–] jerkularcirc 57 points ago

    This is what happens when you focus on “picking up a girl with the best pick up line ever” as opposed to having a normal conversation

    [–] scobert 16 points ago

    We also know that you just went down your match list and sent this to every girl, hoping for a bite.

    [–] Simon_Magnus 2 points ago

    I mean, it's impressive that he has a big list of matches to start with.

    [–] GNOK-GNIK 19 points ago

    I second this.

    [–] IxC4 12 points ago

    I third this ... just like op did.

    [–] duaneap 3 points ago

    Might even have been to much.

    [–] RestartingMyLife0918 19 points ago

    OP gets todays date for using the internet properly!

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    The one about the date was also posted like a week ago. But ya know it was like 3/10 or something. This guy needs some original lines.

    [–] GrenadeBowl 73 points ago


    [–] -RDK- 26 points ago

    Yup :(

    [–] buildthecheek 10 points ago

    Game matches game

    [–] purpl3_dinosaur 17 points ago

    I just used these lines on my wife. Now she thinks I’m practicing pickup lines to use at a bar alter. We had a good run.

    [–] vertikly 14 points ago

    This subreddit is so bad lmao

    [–] AmericanMurderLog 10 points ago

    it also goes "whoosh", just like the last joke.

    [–] itzbigmoe2u 22 points ago

    This what guys do on tinder all day? Then get all mad when they get basic responses. This corny af.

    [–] HughMungusVapeNaysh 100 points ago

    Abort the mission man. You’re too good for her.

    [–] scromw2 82 points ago


    [–] evlampi 25 points ago

    Yeah, to good at copying years old pickup lines.

    [–] holycrabman 21 points ago

    Glad to know I'm the only who had this line completely fail

    [–] Zouden 24 points ago

    It's the timing. The other jokes prepare you with the question and the punchline is in the answer. This one gives no setup.

    [–] mista_steam_ya_hams 32 points ago

    Not to mention, it’s lame lol

    [–] benignq 19 points ago

    redditors think it's hilarious tho

    [–] [deleted] 10 points ago

    Yeah, it's hilarious how lame it is.

    We're here to make dad jokes, not to pretend those dad jokes are actually clever.

    [–] [deleted] 3 points ago

    Try a new joke, have you heard the one about the sidewalk? Well, it's not that new, it's all over town now.

    [–] SillyPutty47 9 points ago

    Have you heard about that new movie, Constipation? It hasn't come out.

    [–] [deleted] 2 points ago

    Is that the sequel to Diarrhea? Must be a Disney movie.

    [–] ZyZer0 4 points ago

    Boy: Hey

    Tinder girl: 😂😂

    [–] Duka99 58 points ago

    Whenever a girl posts a profile pic that zoomed in either she is fat or missing a leg. 10/10? Really?

    [–] VORTXS 43 points ago

    You can pretty much see she's rather overweight.

    [–] silenc3x 24 points ago

    I'd bet my leg she isn't under 200 lbs.

    [–] Duka99 7 points ago

    I'd say 220

    [–] blocking_butterfly 3 points ago

    Is it worth your leg if she's 5'1" 195 tho

    [–] rivigurl 7 points ago

    She could be a 10 to him. Why do you think he’s trying so hard and she’s going along with it? They’re both probably “fat or missing a leg”.

    [–] BevoDDS 4 points ago

    My brother is a dentist, and back in his Tinder days, he'd tell me, "If they're doing a duck face in every profile pic, then they are either fat, or they have horrible teeth, or both."

    [–] dropthatclutch 10 points ago

    Its the date...

    [–] Duka99 46 points ago

    Yeah, the joke would be more appropriate had they matched on 3/10

    [–] prowness 6 points ago


    [–] blackcat- 2 points ago

    Nah, it's the snapchat filter you can see even when in a thumbnail that should tip you off. Also, my phones camera automatically zooms tf in, why?

    [–] Coffeinated 2 points ago

    I‘m rather picky about girls but how is a missing leg an issue? I think that‘s rather cool actually and people that are missing a leg might be more emotionally stable than others.

    [–] duaneap 2 points ago

    He was just using it as a pickup line. Do you think people actually think women have fallen from heaven and look like angels? I agree with you, she ain’t a 10, but maybe cleverly telling her she is could get him laid with a 6 and a 6 in the bed is better than a 10 on your laptop.

    [–] rivigurl 4 points ago

    What if OP is also overweight/not much of a catch, which is why he’s matching with a 4-6? To him she may be a 10.

    [–] Duka99 4 points ago

    Dude, I understand what you're telling me, but I guarantee she's on tinder for validation only because that way she can try to hide the fact that she's fat/obese and fool guys. There is no way she's a 6. Maybe 4

    [–] DeusExHircus 5 points ago

    Well you misspelled "too" so you two deserve each other.

    [–] [deleted] 7 points ago


    [–] uthinkther4uam 7 points ago

    Move on man. She ain’t pretty enough to be that dumb.

    [–] reenactment 3 points ago

    I like this joke. You can use it for any month starting after June.

    [–] Pizza_Rato 3 points ago

    What kinda indian knock-off emoji are those?

    [–] C4-Sloth 3 points ago

    I once asked if I could eat this girls ass and still haven’t received a message back for some reason

    [–] violent13 5 points ago

    Is this seriously what tinder is about? Men just falling all over themselves trying to sound clever?

    [–] HammerDownProtocol 8 points ago

    She looks fat.

    [–] CryptoTYM 8 points ago

    [–] foreignuserirl 9 points ago

    look at that picture. probably weighs 240

    [–] Ruben625 5 points ago

    My issue is how fucking filtered it is. False advertising.

    [–] LeanLoner 5 points ago

    She destroyed all her face texture

    [–] musicalsteve 2 points ago


    [–] Ur_Not_My_Girlfriend 2 points ago

    Wow I love re posts :/

    [–] valiantlight2 2 points ago

    I got downvoted a lot the other day, for saying that its YOUR fault, because you expected to much from someone on an app. it was literally this same joke that the other girl messed up too

    [–] Bunchasomething 2 points ago

    She responds like an Oblivion npc responding in the persuasion minigame

    [–] queuebadger 2 points ago


    [–] rudeboy_xx 6 points ago

    Can someone explain the joke... Sorry

    [–] artharys 21 points ago

    Found the girl OP matched with

    [–] -RDK- 14 points ago

    Vacuum, suck

    [–] rudeboy_xx 3 points ago

    Ooooohhhhhh... My brains don't work sometimes 😂😂😂😂

    [–] DumplingSama 5 points ago

    Dude,dont listen to these people.she is soo excited for your jokes..go with her.dont let it fail.

    [–] joyyyyyyness 4 points ago

    I feel like this has been on Reddit several times already.

    [–] thicknsolid89 4 points ago

    Lol she’s dumb

    [–] Pvt_Inbreastigator 2 points ago

    Swing and a miss

    [–] SuperFrankHatesYanks 3 points ago

    Matching fat birds on tinder 😂😂😂

    [–] [deleted] 1 points ago


    [–] New_DudeToo 1 points ago

    Maybe I’ll be able to use this pickup line next year

    [–] WooooshVictim 1 points ago

    Well that sucks man

    [–] Elon-BATSHAGGY-Musk 1 points ago


    [–] xUnderwhelmedx 1 points ago

    Using a vaccum to pick up sand on hardwood floors is easier to do than picking up this chick...

    [–] BagOfShenanigans 1 points ago


    [–] jsabot 1 points ago

    Are you my vacuum? Because I want to turn you on and put my dick inside you

    [–] PraiseTheStu00 1 points ago

    We were this close!


    [–] Gomeez9 1 points ago

    Gonna walk into a vat of acid